#still want to do some more later btw
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treasure planet au: cabin boy duties
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#trolls au#treasure planet au#trolls branch#trolls john dory#trolls rhonda#rewatched āIām still hereā & wanted to redraw it!!!#thereās so many options!!#so decided to take it slow w/ the jacket drape bc ughuuuu itās so sweet#still want to do some more later btw#raaaahhh rhonda#missed drawing JD Silver#did not miss the cybernetics though ha#simplification to the rescue!!#honestly all there is to this au is a bunch of redraws lol#they're fun to make & learn a lot about shading and stuff#really rushed the bckgrnd haha#& in background i mean painting over the little bits where jim or silver peek out#trolls fanart#my art <3#excuse the messiness#late night posting but beating the buzzer let's goooo#the framing of some of these are meh to me lol but thats just what happens when messing w/ movie frames lol
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You know what? Shout out for Andorians for being one of the founder races of the Federation and despite this Star Trek never getting a main Andorian character in the cast, or anyone generally caring, or much said about them at all. This on the right is an Andorian script. I don't think anyone knows this because noone cares about them. Are the Andorians anyone's favourite race? Is there any Andorian fanfic? Truly Star Trek's forgotten middle chidren.
#btw yes i know they appear more in later shows#like disco and enterprise i think?#but i think my point still stands#that is very very late in the franchise#for us to get some exposition on a founder race!#like all of tos tng ds9 and you could forget they were even here#my theory is that its bc they dont want to have to do the makeup#i mean tjey do it on klingons but i think the antennaes suck to attach#and noone wants to do it everyday.#star trek tos#star trek#star trek andorians#andorians#star trek shitposting
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some more rye ingellvars! b/c I have fineagled. I have tweaked. we are getting ever closer every time I heave a big sigh and walk up to the mirror of transformation once more to put in my daily penance of moving the jawbone angle slider microscopically one way or the other
my boy... my son. the Most Profile Haver champion thirty-four years running <3
this one is mostly because lucanis standing there fully like the ben affleck smoking meme as big time necromancer drama goes down might be The funniest thing I've ever seen actually. PROS of falling in love with a Watcher: Bae :) CONS of falling in love with a Watcher: Bae's extended family feat. whatever the hell vorgoth is and megalomaniacal distant ex-aunts hellbent on world domination. well. to be fair I guess you also have to deal with illario so we're probably even
so determined so handsome so fierce and so "a decade plus on fantasy HRT and most people's go-to word to describe you would still be 'boyish'. but at least you wear it well" (rye is in their mid-thirties but is frequently mistaken for quite a bit younger on initial acquaintance. good genes absolutely no sun damage until recently and a certain youthfulness of mannerisms will do that to a motherfucker.)
he looks like a kid who's won a medal at some low-level sporting event and has been made to pose for a picture against his will and the photographer is taking a while <3 I would die for him
ah yes... ellaryen 'rye' ingellvar the tl;dr version (this conversation unexpectely fucked me up tho an emotional ambush I was not prepared for)
#it's actually half a lie that too much thinking isn't his problem.#he can ruminate with the best of them under the right conditions he isn't above that#it's more that in very specific high-impact moments#his brain skips past thinking into a gear called 'let's fucking go' and then he wakes up an hour later#having to explain everything to myrna and her inscrutable implacable calm#and it all seems a lot less self-evident and harder to explain from this angle of hindsight than it did while it was happening#it's straight up uncanny how attached I've become to rook so quickly rye feels like such a real character to me#he's literally some guy I know! and love#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#rook ingellvar#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#every so often the camera turns to show me rye in profile and every time I say yippie! yay! hurray! and other things of this nature#this hair is doing what I want it to a lot more after I did some adjustments to the scalp sliders!#it should still be more asymmetrical and cut differently but hey this'll do it gets the gists (and has the curliness)#rye and lucanis are pretty much the same height btw. which is very funny whenever they stand next to davrin or emmrich lol
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not to be a milennial butĀ harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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Ngl youtube videos suddenly got me slowly turning into a Justin Russo hater.
#like mainly later seasons him#early seasons him is fine#but like i guess plot wise you could argue he becomes more iffy because you know the competition will be soon#and justin does want to become the family wizard#as for some reason this show still never fully tackled the fucked up shit of the idea that wizard siblings have to grow up studying magic#only for one or two or whatever number siblings to lose it to one sibling in a competition#like stevie was the closest we got to that#but like it still dont make it less bad with how justin was#like the worst example i can name is him literally refusing to save alex whose his sister btw and shes always dropped shit to save him#because he wants to project onto her that she purposely fucked up his chances to get back into the competition via#pushing the students to take the test only for them to be failed because bad guy being bad guy in reality#and basically blames her for the failure and such as a result and acts like its all an act when she is mad on the students behalf and shit#and his students have to drag him kicking and screaming just to save her from the bad guy's shit#and there's also the competition itself where harper and zeke get grabbed by a creature during it#but alex has to convince her brothers to save the two and thats just cold already on justins end with zeke#but cause they took too long they all lose the competition and magic#and both brothers especially justin proceed to treat alex like shit even during work hours meaning#fucking over family business just to get at alex#and when the dad ultimately almost sells the place justin STILL blames alex#like she was the only one working fully max was being max and justin was being a little bitch to her#aka the infamous refusing to make her orders only max's and when he does he throws the sandwich at her#and cause she was holding drinks at the time and didnt see it coming the drinks went on a customer#and also throwing table trash into her already full bin shes carrying around while cleaning tables#and therefore messing it up for her like#and alex's logo...well from sounds of shit thats just justin again being a hateful bitch to his sister with zero consquiences#even one commenter pointing how he sadistically smiled while telling her all her friends hate her#like dear god if the show was doing this to make everyone root for alex its working i hate later season justin#gonna be interesting if hes matured or not as an adult
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waking up from.a frightening dream at 4am in which a scary book was central which in the dream (could sort of tell I was dreaming on one level) I thoroughly believed was a real book that had been brought up the other day irl & that my dreaming mind was riffing off of bc I had not read yet. but having woken up. I'm not entirely convinced this is the case. and now I'm kind of scared to look it up tbh bc what's worse that it doesn't exist but I've dreamed about it several different nights & it's broken down my dream/reality conscious barrier (& I might dream it again??? this does happen to me) or that it does & I have to live in a world where it exists & I could read it.
#seriously considering just not sleeping any more & just getting up now at 4am now lol. i don't want to go back to sleep#thoughts#tbc in the dream the book was just a horror type deal it wasn't actually like. powerful. beyond the way it warped my 'levels' of reality#which ngl has shaken me bc i can usually tell well enough if I'm dreaming even if I can't act on it#so some sort of scary narrative/reality breakdown here#<- sorry for the distracted rambling I'm still half asleep & twitching at weird sounds. i will feel better shortly though i usually do#the last time this happened i was in high school & having a dream i could tell i was dreaming in & then 'woke up' & rolled over to find a#perfect representation of my room except the lady from my dream was standing in the middle of it facing away from me oddly still. & then#when i woke up for real I couldn't make myself turn over for like an hour i was so distressed abt what I'd see but also more importantly#that i didn't know/couldn't reliably trll if i was dreaming or not. terrifying prospect tbh#also like i DO have dreams with sequrls/repeats/returns sometimes even years later & 'remember' the last one. nightmares included.#which i hate btw
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as a bona fide vaxleth lover i am more confused than ever about how they are portrayed on the animated series i'm not gonna lie š
#not that different is bad like it doesn't affect or 'ruin' the actual source material#i just legitimately do not understand some of their choices here#there's stuff i really like ofc but u know. i've written multiple long analyses about conflict in their relationship#and in previous seasons it seemed to me like they were just smoothing out those sharp edges which bummed me out ngl#(for one there was a line at the end of s1 where kiki directly contradicted her campaign self in favor of No Conflict that i was feeling#unsatisfied with. and s2 didn't contend with rq as a sticking point for keyleth really at all)#and like to be honest my distaste for that is biased by like fandom drama of years past and people shitting on them for that exact stuff#so for me it kinda felt like an updated and palatable version that appealed to the group of people that made me feel bad for liking them#which is again like a strong personal bias lol but u know it also is just. a really important story to me that i love#but this season it's like they went no no. they do actually need to fight that was a big thing. hmmmm what about#AH YES. let's reverse their povs about their relationship completely.#have not finished ep3 yet but 10 min in i'm just like HUH?#again this doesn't rly matter and the show remains an enjoyable adaptation it's just truly bizzare to me š how did this choice get made#it speaks#lovm spoilers#sorry I'm not done yet actually because the specific conflict about happiness in the present being or not being worth sorrow later#is the VERY CORE OF BOTH OF THOSE CHARACTERS and to switch which one feels which is way more than weird for the romance it's weird for like#what each of their whole individual deal is. that's why i'm so ??????????????#gah. i truly don't want to complain too badly#(and tbh the eps simply don't have enough runtime for vax to be as completely-falling-apart as he actually was and the role of#depression and trauma and self-loathing in that vs like. a more easily telegraphed supernatural boogeyman#-which if they slowed the pace down more might fit in but the scale of the story is so grand that they can't so like i begrudingly get it.#but still absolutely wild for the solution to be: do away with their actual arguments about divinity or keyleth's insecurity about#outliving all of vox machina. oh btw we are giving the vision she had of that to vax as a gift from rq or whatever#so he can be inscure about it instead. because he's fate touched or smthn. and that's too abstract for us to explore here so let's just#give him ominous visions.)#the more i have typed the saltier i have gotten i'm sorry it's just WILD TO MEEEE
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The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.
It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.
But! It's! Not! Working!
My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.
Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.
But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?
And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!
It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.
But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.
Any ideas?!
#It's so frustrating because the block is on my end it's less so an issue with the actual plot#I know people love crossover character reincarnations even in canon soulmates (my other fics have shown me that lol) but wangxian feels lik#Too much? Idk I don't. Want to try and create a relationship#If you don't know in ff7 wing colour is determined by their morality. As a kid sephiroth was symbolised with white feathers#But as he grew older and later snapped he got the iconic black wing. I see it more as a 'what do they perceive themselves as' which#Gets extra angst points for unreliable narration and blindly righteous vs self loathing vs healing vs denial#The wing probably shouldn't be in the fic it's from the j cells and a symptom of insanity but ehhh it's too cool and symbolic#Like there's so much you can do with seph!lwj. Burning nibelheim vs cr burning. Prodigy on a lonely pedestal. Strict gusu vs sterile shinra#Having a mother but being restricted from her and losing her anyway and nobody telling him anything because he's a little kid#Angel x demon aesthetic on the battlefield. Safer mode HAS to make an appearance I don't make the rules (it's way too underrated ToT)#Wwx would get horns and fangs and stuff to balance it out lol. Noncon bodmod from the energy coursing through you#I feel he'd relate. Lwj being utterly terrified of wwx mentally degrading from the resentment and being forced to watch him ruin himself#Lwj seeing the best of all the people he loved in wwx and seeing him be so genuinely relentlessly GOOD where they fell apart.#Him being terrified of his own overwhelming feelings hurting wwx like cloud. The possessiveness and simultaneous avoidance#Him being even less easily flustered XD. Wwx has a high bar to top some fans from his last life.#Bb lwj getting really stubborn over wanting a stupid big sword and then growing huge enough to use it lol#Sephiroth getting a 'proper' childhood and being so unused to it he can't tell it's still not a very good one. Being doted on by his big br#mdzs#mxtx mdzs#mdzs fanfiction#mdzs fic#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji#ff7#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#final fantasy 7#sephiroth#This is working on the idea sephiroth got controlled by jenova btw the other version is beyond hope#mdzs au
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Oh yeah! This march 3rd (tomorrow :D) I will be participating of the whole qsmp language day so I will be talking and posting here in portuguese again! (gosh, it's been like, what? Years since I've done that kjhgfrfgthuj). So, please! Feel free to send asks in your native language too! It can be about anything! Ask about headcanons, curiosities about one of my fanfics, your thoughts on a character, my wips or if you just want to ramble about something you like feel free as well!! I will be rebloging one or two Ask Games too, for more options.
It can get confusing since I rb a bunch of things but my current fandoms are:
Qsmp
Poppy Playtime 3
Sousou no Frieren
ATLA
BNHA
Mp100
Sanders Sides
PJO
I'm more active on the 3 first ones but I am always glad to ramble about the rest! Feel free to ask about any other you've seen here too.
Just for clarification: I won't be acepting any writing requests, both for fanfics or for making a list of tickle hcs about a certain character, but I am glad to talk about ideas for future fics, my fav hcs about x character and simple stuff like that, hope it doesn't sound too confusing!
#also! If you want to ask about Brazil and stuff feel free to. I love to ramble about my culture kjhgfdfghj just be respectful pls#I only know brazilian portuguese english and a bit of spanish but I can easily use google translate in case you speak another language#so no worries and pls forgive me if any translation misunderstanding happens <3 feel free to talk about ur culture too btw#tumblr tallk in your own language day is really fun but usually it happens while I am on college and this one fell on the#last day of my vacations so I will able to enjoy it more :D!#I was planning in posting some ptbr fanfics and translate later but the last fic really kicked me in the shins and I am still taking a brea#from writing because of it jhgfdsdfghuj#kanene being kanene#I was going to only do that on my other account but I thought why not doing this here as well ya know?
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Hey guys!! this is just my insane ramble on Still Waters Run Deep that's made by the lovely @un-local. I've had so so sooooo many thoughts about this fic and I decided to try and put it all coherently in a post :)
Probably not a lot of new insights, just many, many rambles
Magdalene analysis and her view on Rogier + some other stuff
Magdalene, at the start of the story, is aimless and refuses to follow any line of Grace, putting off whatever it leads to and going in the opposite direction. Yet Grace is fickle, and it all eventually converges, so she gives in. (aaaand a life-changing partnership ensues)
She wants out of the competition of becoming Elden Lord, and she wants nothing to do with it. Someone else to take lordship is what she wants. Magdalene, in her eyes, is not worthy to take the throne. But Rogier on the other handā¦
Rogier is, quite literally, built different. He thinks differently compared to Magdalene (a STR vs INT user difference lol). Heās able to pick out all the details that she would miss. Be able to extrapolate and examine it all and be able to learn from it. Magdalene can't do that.
It's basically:
Rogier: says some fun facts about the most random thing in the room, saying all the history behind it, and what the tiny details could mean Magdalene: yeah, that's a rock.
So instead, she becomes a tool for Rogier to be able to use, because that's the least she can do for him.
āShe can already feel the faint grin forming on her lips at the thought. She never wanted to be Elden Lord. Sheād finally picked up and followed grace to... to get away, with no idea what it called her to do. When Melina told her where it led her, she felt only dread. But Rogier... To save Those Who Live in Death... Two birds, one stone.Ā She meets his eyes, and doesnāt look away. In them, she doesnāt see pride, or avarice. She doesn't see a man who wants to rule the world. Not at all. The path forward is clear now.ā -Chapter 22
For once, she really sees a light from the dark future she sees. She's hopeful that she won't have to take the throne, that Rogier can burden it instead of her. He's worthy in her eyes and because of that, she devotes herself to him with all she can do. (Ah butā¦ I believe Rogier wants her to be Elden Lord? Not sure but her not wanting to be Elden Lord doesnāt quite fit with what he has planned)
Magdalene really holds onto Rogier, and his guidance (a comfort wizard, if you will). And so the idea that he wonāt make itā¦ that sheāll be left alone with Grace again, forced to join back into the competition for lordship... It's sickening to her. So she really clings to him, desperate to not be left alone with a destiny that she despises.
Magdalene is always pulled into different directions. Grace pulls her to one but she pulls herself to the opposite one. Fia and D are both on extreme sides of the spectrum on Rogier's survival, and Magdalene is caught right in the middle of it.
But for her, Rogier will survive, he has to survive otherwise... that light, that small hope she has will all fade into obscurity.
Ghosts from the past (Lorens and Ida)
I absolutely love how something, or rather, someone haunts both of them.
Lorens had been the catalyst of all of what Rogier does now. Why heās so desperate to save those who live in death. He's literally devoted his body and mind to Lorens just to see him alive (maybe Rogier's devoting all of himself to finding a solution to death because he wants it to come back to the old times when it was just him and Lorens in the Rise, or maybe not!! I'm just rambling lol).
Every thought of Lorens is painted with a sort of bittersweetness to it. From Rogier's perspective, at the very least (I'm super curious as to how Lorens would view Rogier but we'll probably never get it because... you know...). He's almost obsessed with him, and it's all pretty unhealthy lol.
Magdalene, whoās haunted by Ida who's probably a sort of lover that hadn't been fully brought to fruition. Different opinions on what they have had made Magdalene leave with (from what I have seen at least, we have scrapes of her, people! I can't wait to see more of Ida though)
Now with Ida... Magdalene absolutely shakes herself out of every thought she has about Ida. Spurning every single thought or imagination she has of that woman.
"Nausea comes in waves. Fever. She can feel delirium taking herāsheās convinced sheās submerged in the very waters of creation, for a while. She vividly feels herself sinking deeper and deeper into a current; cold and dark and inescapable. As it pulls her down, sheās overcome with the instinct to breathe it inā Against her temple she feels a hand, with gentle fingers dragging softly through her hair. Suddenly, every layer of the dream collapses in on itself, and she jolts awake with a gasp.Ā Here, in Liurnia, she hauls herself up, rubbing at her face. Even theĀ memoryĀ is a shock of cold water to her. Sheās a woman haunted." -Chapter 23
(I just really love this part- I can't help it)
I think it's also really interesting how Magdalene leaves Ida due to their differences in what they have (?) while Rogier just absolutely hangs onto Lorens no matter what, despite him being... er... him. Not so sure about his personality with the small flashbacks we get of him but heās probably not good for Rogier.
In short, Rogier venerates Lorens, while Magdalene absolutely rejects Ida. (Opposites!)
Rogierās overthinking
Also found it interesting that when Rogier thinks he really thinks. He's a professional overthinker, even in the past
"He thinks of the labyrinthian etiquette, the way heād triple-check every sentence for a double meaning. The secrets, the ruthless political schemes. It all felt like a spiderās web to him. Heād learned the game, and he played it well, but it had been nothing but paranoia and misery for him. Just like it was for everyone else." -Chapter 17
It's what's kept him alive (Ch. 17), and what's been able to pave the way for his findings Yet, itās also his curse. He tries to pick out every detail that he can and think of every possible reason or motivation. Every single outcome he just needs to know so that he won't get caught by surprise again. He needs to be in control of the situation, he needs to be the master of the chessboard.
Oh and once this guy spirals, he really spirals. He starts thinking and looking at details, rewinding every single thing, every interaction, and trying to label a reason for every little thing. Yet... something emotional seems to break the surface of the water.
I personally think that he was raised to overthink. He was a noble after all, and he dealt with politics. He truly needed to check, double check, triple check, every single sentence and word in case it would have a double meaning. "Heād learned the game, and he played it well" (Ch. 17) . Getting worse after Lorens' death, being fooled by "Only a cut." (Ch. 25) and seeing the aftermath of it.
He can't not do it because if he doesn't, and he gets surprised it would break him (or at the very least, freak him out).
ALSO!! Rogier hating on "saccharine conversations" (Ch. 17) good lord. This guy cannot be real with anyone. Rogier refuses to show vulnerability because:
1. He was raised like that (the whole attachment theory thing) 2. He will absolutely break if he does
Do you guys remember when Fia tells Magdalene that "dear Rogier began to weep as he spoke" (Ch.14)? Fia saw through Rogier's walls through the cracks and he just absolutely breaks down. (Get yourself a man who, after "embracing" tells you all about this thing he's obsessed about and then cries because of it)
It's a mortifying ordeal, that someone's able to see through the walls you've meticulously put up. It hits something deep within that heās tried to bury.
Despite the walls he puts up people other than Fia see through them. Magdalene (Ch.7) was able to see through the small cracks that have broken, and Roderika... hoo she really hit a nerve didnāt she? (But it also hit one of her nerves too, Rogier vs Roderika am I right?)
Chapter 17 analysis
Also, while weāre on the topic of Roderika, let's talk about chapter 17! Seems I have a lot to talk about.
I absolutely love this chapter so much, it gives us so much insight into Rogier's backstory and the way he thinks. His noble background really shines through here, with how he acts with Roderika who is a fellow ex-noble too.
"His grin is wide and carefree, but it rather feels like he's baring his teeth.Ā Thereās no room for your pity here." -Chapter 17
This guy cannot accept any sign of sympathy/compassion with anyone. It's all pity to him, and he absolutely hates pity. Once Roderika starts to console him too it sickens him and it makes him bare his teeth like an animal, his baser instinct showing just a little bit.
Heās probably bore his teeth to other nobles in the court, or whatever meetings they have with one another. Small threats that get the message across by a vicious smile, is something he is all too familiar with.
I also think that it's a little bit funny how he gives advice to Roderika but then is also a little bit of a hypocrite about it
āItās hard, to leave it behind. But the old world will keep its claws in you, if you let it.ā -Chapter 17
Rogier while it's not his past life that he's stuck but rather, he is stuck on Lorens. Even though Rogier is no longer Lorens' student, even though Lorens is dead, he still has his claws on Rogier. It's his entire motivation, why he's in a "pathetic" state now. He isn't letting those claws go, he lets them dig deeper within him, and they dig in deep.
āYou already have it within you," he says. "They were only trying to bury it.ā -Chapter 17
Rogier immediately buries his own emotions in this interaction when Roderika tries to console him lol. Just based off of him being an ex-noble and his whole family thing, it's well established that he is very much used to burying it all down his gullet. I mean, is it really Rogier without emotional suppression?
Also Rogier tends to close off all the matters that relate to what he feels in his dialogue both in game and in SWRD. This guy cannot let out just a slight moment of vulnerability
A Color Theory Thing on my read on Rogier's garb:
Rogier, with his background being grounded in nobility has suppressed his baser desires in exchange for meaningless political schemes that have only brought him misery. Yet after coming to these lands, he finds himself with Lorens.
He wears a Raya Lucarian Robe and it has red on it. It's a sign of baser instincts being shown for once. He has grown an infatuation with Lorens despite being his student.
Yet, Rogier is still mostly blue, and he still suppresses that baser desire that heās developed, that infatuation for Lorens. He never once builds up the courage to be able to tell Lorens what he feels. He would always bury those feelings down, and as a result he can't let go of it. It's far too deep to be buried back up.
But once Lorens has died, Rogier changes too.
He exchanges those garbs for yellow and turquoise (I think?). He's a mix of colors and beliefs.
He still has the blue in the turquoise, which symbolizes calm, intelligence, and emotional control (you canāt spell Rogier without emotional control) But turquoise isn't just blue, it also has green.
Green represents growth, life, and new beginnings. This is a new beginning for Rogier, who's set out for a new goal, to be able to save those who live in death (and perhaps give them life? Not so sure on that but in SWRD that seems to be the case with Lorens).
It's balanced by yellow. Creativity and originality, he's almost the only person we meet who wants to save TWLID. Not only that but yellow also symbolizes illness, which could be a foreshadowing of what happens to him later in his life.
It's not just sickness though, yellow also symbolizes deception. Rogier lies, but I necessarily think he's someone who is always deceptive. He's more like the type of guy who would lie so that an encounter would go well or not hurt someone else's feelings. I think he's like that from that whole ex-nobility thing he's got going on. Political schemes and lying through a smile is something that he's familiar with. (It also doesn't help that he keeps being emotionally suppressed too lol)
Cowardice is another. Rogier is scared to tell anyone about his emotions, to take that risk of being honest with someone. His background in nobility and his family definitely doesn't help either.
Rogier had been too scared to be true to Lorens and tell him his feelings, and because of that, he would never be able to. I feel like he's avoided it even more afterward. He refuses to take that jump of being honest with someone, whether it's about his emotions or his ideals, he doesn't let them go.
But when he does? With D, it completely breaks off everything they've had. Everything that they could have been.
"Beguiled fool. A rotten, sick bastard. Fouled by them. A wicked, two-faced user. Heartless. Loathsome parasite. How could he? Were they not supposed to set this crooked world straight? Profane. A perversion of honor. A madman." -Chapter 5
āGet out of my sight.ā āIām sorry.āĀ Heād said, and he was. But Darianās lips curled back, and he jerked his head away and locked his eyes on the horizon. His jaw twitched, in the moment he took to reply.Ā āDonāt talk to me.ā There was nothing he could do to fix this. To undo his mistakes, to spare Darian his intentions." -Chapter 5
It's all gone because he had been honest about his goals (presumably). This experience probably strengthened that emotional suppression so as to not be hurt/caught by surprise.
So when Magdalene, someone who wholeheartedly accepts his ideals and sees his side for once, he's cautious. He can't believe that someone can genuinely agree with him because all the times that he has been honest, he's been punished for it. (though, he reminds himself that she's not like that)
In short, this guy's a mixed bag. A mixed bag with problems
(basing this off of the Elden Ring color theory video, it was an absolute joy to watch)
[EDIT]: idk what to call this section but he seems to seek out some form of approval. Lets see how that ties in with his grief!
"He still doesnāt understand why. What did he do, specifically? Or was he just past his usefulness? Deemed unfit to rule? He never truly wanted to rule as Lord, but to be cast aside so indifferentlyāit had shaken him.Ā Every now and then he fumbles with this, again and again, but he knows. He does. He knows that grace has forsaken him for good reason. Heās a heretic. An apostate. He who does not obediently bow before a faltering, decrepit Order, so ill-equipped to handle the world as it is.Ā " -Chapter 5
"All these years. Couldnāt change a thing. Rather pathetic, Iād sayāwhat a fool, thinking that this crooked world could be made right by mortal hands. Sure, deathblight. Truly, a fitting end for a worthless, rotten bastard." -Chapter 12
Now, speaking from some personal experience, being raised in a family that's of nobility and expects so much out of you from a young age definitely breeds some kind of self-worth issues that really stick with you. Especially if you haven't had anyone to truly support you.
Because of that, I believe that Rogier, in a way, is trying to prove his worth. But not to the Order, I think that he's in some way trying to please Lorens. Even in death.
He puts everything into his studies of Death, searching and scouring for scraps of information just to give him a single lead on anything, and for what?
"Its fulfillment will be a selfish act of altruism. These crooked lands will set right, by his hands, for a reward of nothing at all. But make no mistake: he needs another day. And another after that, and another after that. He needs his questions answered with questions, he needs his notes corrected in an unreadable hand, he needs to hear one more āWellāā followed by the most opaque, convoluted tangle of sentences ever constructed. Thereās no reward he seeks, but the warm smile of cold gray eyes and a scoff about just what heās wearing nowadays.Ā " -Chapter 19
Rogier devotes himself to saving TWLID (saving Lorens, in reality), but it's not because it's all for selfless reasons, he seems to want things to go back to the way things used to be. Back at the Rise, with just him and Lorens once more.
I don't think Rogier ever accepted Lorens' death. He's determined to bring back Lorens, desperately trying to find a solution to bring him back no matter what.
And itās quite hypocritical isnt it? That Rogier wants to change the Order to be able to sort ofā¦ revive Lorens from Death. To go back to the old times that they both had had.
This guy refuses to grieve and is searching (desperately) for a solution for a dead man who's probably not even good for him. Get this man some therapy
This entire post's summary is just me going:
Anyway, that's all for my crazy rambles! I can't wait to see how SWRD will progress, and how everyone will intermingle and grow with one another (Rogier and Mags)!!!! :0)
Have some doodles + a WIP that I'll probably never finish as a treat for reading this! (Mag's torso was wayyy too long on the second one oops)
(bonus boggart because I love him)
#not gonna talk about d yet#I don't want to assume too much about him just yet#but d is really interesting and i absolutely love this take on him and his grief :0) (not that I've read any other d fics.)#Rogier is so damn complicated#like. he's got so many problems like. dude get a grip and get a therapist#mags reel him back in and send him to the therapy office while ur at it#sorry if u guys cant understand my insanity... it cannot be contained#or else ill explode into pink glitter and my blood splattered all across the room#hhhh maybe ill edit this later i have to do some stuff :(#oh also unlocal if u do see this no pressure at all!! I just needed a place to be able to go crazy over ur fic lol#theres like. probably a lot I've missed but I'll make another one if I get insane again#some of this is probably incorrect and is just me reaching for an answer that doesnt exist btw#swrd#rogier#magdalene#envelope rambles#i wrote this in like. two sittings#what is happenign to me#I STILL RAMBLE IN TAGS YOU CANNOT STOP ME#the mortifying ordeal of posting#AAAA#uou guys i keep noticing things and. i just keep on fuckign ADDING MORE THINGS IN#[EDIT]: Added in rogier's self esteem into this too :3
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read through all of neuvillette's stories on the wiki and. what do you MEAN people were right about him giving furina her vision
#personal stuff#delete later#KIND OF. sort of.#man i love getting vision and celestia lore like AUGH. gnaws on it forever#but yea really interesting to me. neuvillette has the power and authority that the hydro throne had#so he can portion off bits of his power and hand them out in the form of visions like the heavens did#the WORDING is really interesting to me though. like specifically talking about the Heavens and the Seven Archons#like this implies that the Thrones in celestia are responsible for handing out visions instead of the individual gods#which we already knew from ei's voiceline about electro visions not getting handed out. what was up with that btw#CANNOT wait for snezhnaya where we find out what the hell a gnosis actually is and does and why the fatui's collecting them#if they seemingly have no influence on an archon's authority or seat in celestia and only act as a connection to the heavens#like the hydro throne is gone. it's super gone. but the hydro gnosis is still. around. and apparently performing whatever task gnoses do#for arlecchino to still. want it.#also all of the archons being so flippant about their gnoses. do they know they're made from some dead guy's corpse do you think#venti didn't fight back when his was being taken zhongli and nahida traded theirs and ei literally just didn't care#god. REALLY interesting. also the line near the end of his ''vision'' story abt vision holders is so fucking ominous#''and when one so gifted completed their duty...the gift the gods would receive in return would be more abundant still''#HUH. EXCUSE ME.#like. allogenes as investments for elemental power? is that what we're getting at?#still wondering what the hell happened to vennessa. can we get some information on what ascending to celestia means. please
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#the wedding was lovely and i am so sad#managed to get most of the sad out of the way Friday and Sunday so i could be glad for them on the actual wedding day#but still. i'm going to miss her.#we always talked about living together and we never did and now we probably never will#i've got a model of married folk living together in community but i don't think they do and it has to be something you choose#her family are lovely and i was really glad to meet her friends and cousins that she talks about so often but they don't really get it#they get to have her!!! she's moving somewhere that's more convenient for literally everyone other than me! (this is not hard to do)#really good to get home and hug my dad and my little sister and have people who are my people around#was actually really good at the reception that there were a few other folk from my current town - i wasn't the only person who was#mixed joy and tears#i said something about us giving her over in my speech and they said yes that's exactly how we're feeling#but it wasn't till her husband responded to that in his speech that i started crying#everyone has been so kind to me but it has been SO good to get home#hoping i can get a bit more sleep as well. emotions are bigger when tired even though they're real still#(her cousins invited me to come stay any time and tbh i can see that living in Auckland could be actually really nice if you live where they#do. but i couldn't live where they do and do the work i want to do it is quite far away from the places in Auckland i could imagine working)#rowena adventures#btw no photos of me currently but probably some later??? not that we took many the groom had been sick the previous week and was#still pretty wiped so they got like two photos with the bridal party and ten with just them and that was it
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EIGHT HOURS OF GRINDING. TWO DALRIADA RUNS. TWO EXCELLENT DAWNTRAIL-READY YOUNG MEN WITH THEIR HOT NEW SHIRTS
#LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO#dalriada was really fun btw it's SO exciting that even years later there is still stuff i haven't done in this game.#and everyone was so nice!!!!#we said we were new to it and got some very nice explanations lol#i died only twice in my 2nd run too lets gooo āļø#might do a couple more sometime before dawntrail the aiming stuff is ADORABLE... and the shoes....#much to think about#d: sagra#btw if you're looking to grind bozja/zadnor: NOW is the time. it's FULL#absolutely insane instances happening right now#at least on crystal where i live#so if you want it get it while it's hot!!!#m: o'nehgi
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every once in a while i remember that nobody in season 3, not even annie or MM, ever bothered to bring up the very valid point that maybe the boys shouldn't be hunting and killing supes who haven't actually done anything wrong (at least to their knowledge), and i am filled with rage all over again
#when annie and mm at herogasm were like. 'u cant blow up the house! theres human s*x workers there!'#i THINK ur forgetting some people idk....#unless they had proof that each of these supes was a deplorable murderer i am not interested in hearing excuses#like did the tnt twins even do anything other than enjoy weird s*x parties?#and weirdly hughie's conscience kicked in for mindstorm but not the herogasm supes who were. as far as he knew. just as innocent#i guess atp ever non-7 supe is written like a cartoon villain and mindstorm was only needed to wake billy so y would the audience even care#also only used the * because i know the tumblr tags are funky and hide posts#the boys#also like idk. maybe all of s3 was a pov trap and later audiences will recognize the gruesome reality of what they were cheering for#and btw some of you WERE cheering like weirdos#'to stop the unstable supervillain they should work with the other unstable supervillain! the second of whom is actively blowing ppl up!' š¤Øšø#and i STILL think annie's resistance was dumb because they tied it around toxic masculinity for hughie 'benchpress me' campbell#and annie failed to bring up the much more devastating impacts of what he and butcher were doing#it's just as much as i want to think this is deliberate on the writers' part. why WOULDN'T they have their moral beacon raise#the most pressing issue at hand? not her being undermined or working with someone bad but lives being lost? idk.#especially considering annie's arc is not one of corruption or even overcoming corruption. she's just the total good guy#point is it just makes me worry for what's next#(also me complaining abt the boys s3... it feels like old times <3)
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i am actually involved in local community services and initiatives, i do donate to causes and i am protesting my ass off. yāall act like all leftists spend all our time picking fights on twitter instead of organizing our communities to fight against the genocide in Gaza, u.s. imperialism, and global capitalism, all while taking care of each other in a system designed to profit off the suffering of people of color and the working class. you know what āperformative mock activismā is? acting like voting for the next Town Destroyer is some moral imperative more important than liberation and radical care. instead of spending your time doing free PR work for cops and war criminals, you could shut the fuck up and donate to Palestinians in Gaza, organize a direct action, run jail support, get educated (feel free to ask me for book recs!), etc. in the meantime please keep this lib propaganda off my dash or im gonna have to start blocking people
āno one for presidentā you sound like such a fucking cringe edgelord and unless u plan on staging a massive revolution in a country of 300 million spanning 3.8 million square miles and overthrowing the government before November I would suggest voting for the candidate who DOESNT cater to white supremacy subcultures, getting involved in local community services & initiatives, donating to causes, or campaigning/protesting instead of this performative mock activism
#the amount of You Have To Vote For Dems bs on this website is insane#sorry for the rant#i do not usually do shit like this#but i am going Crazy#i come on tumblr to see some funny memes and fandom shit#and take a break from The Horrors#i do not want to be subjected to New York Crimes-style lib dumbfuckery#i get enough of that literally EVERYWHERE else#if u honestly feel that voting is super important thatās fine!#vote! phonebank! canvass ur damn heart out idc#but this moral high horse bullshit while dozens of Palestinians are being murdered every day?#truly disgusting and tone deaf#if ur gonna work for the DNC at least get paid!!#btw Town Destroyer is the Haudenosaunee term for the U.S. president going back to George Washington#who ordered a genocidal campaign against the Six Nations during the American Revolution#it is still EXTREMELY apt more than 200 years later#read Rehearsals for Living
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#pickle pontificates#i REALLY want to turn off asks for the first time since I started tumblr#I don't post donation posts or anything with a call to action really#i can think of one or two times where I've done it in the past and it was from people i knew#a) this blog is for archiving stuff I want to see later (whether that's memes or fandom stuff or references or art or my own thoughts)#and b) I have always been very strict about not reblogging guilt trippy stuff bc although I don't have a lot of followers#I refuse to put that kind of thing on them#I'm very good at refusing things when I need to and recognizing when I don't have the money or resources to help#but I still have to deal with the impulse to help or do something every time anyway#so I imagine it's much harder and feels much worse for people who are already in a worse place mentally#I do not have the ability or time to vet every one of these things that winds up in my inbox#and them saying they've been vetted by some other random tumblr i know nothing about means nothing to me#and even if I did so many of them have very intense wording#which would be reasonable for someone in a very intense and horrible situation#but is absolutely not something I will platform to my followers who are in situations I know nothing about#even more so because again. I can't vet anything#if someone has the time and money to help out with that then it is not difficult to find legitimate charities and campaigns#and I trust that they will do it#so anyway. I can keep deleting the asks just fine but it would be easier to close the ask box#I'm still living with the delusion that I'll get unhinged anons someday though and I don't want to cut them off#they would enrich my life#addendum: if I follow you and you reblog donation posts btw this is not an indictment of that#I'm curating my own experience but I think it's cool for people to vet and signal boost and help and all that
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