#and btw some of you WERE cheering like weirdos

[homielander]

every once in a while i remember that nobody in season 3, not even annie or MM, ever bothered to bring up the very valid point that maybe the boys shouldn't be hunting and killing supes who haven't actually done anything wrong (at least to their knowledge), and i am filled with rage all over again

[cas-writes-stuff-ig]

Cheering Her Up

f!/nb! reader x regina george (you love to make Regina feel better)

She calls you "duck" (ITS FUNNY/CUTE I PROMISE)

closeted bi Regina, and openly enby/lesbian reader

reader binds their chest with transtape/kt tape

secret relationship

cheering her up

Regina is taller than you

CONTENT: SO SO SO SORRY I KNOW IM WEIRD

Word Count: 1853

(Originally supposed to be a one shot)

kind of alludes to sex but not explicitly

Regina lets you write your own diss in her Burn Book, so Gretchen and Karen don't get suspicious as to why you're not in it. (a bit of transphobia and homophobia, t-slur/d-slur)

Past bullying and some self-deprication

Reader is a weirdo but Regina likes it

Reader likes classic rock and old hits, Regina pretends to despise it

She lashes out at you but its all good in the end :)

Reader likes to sing

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

a/n: this is a huge self-insert for me, I was really vibing to Bob Seger earlier (btw this is the second thing ive written in like 5 years spare me)

ALSO feel free to message or comment any feedback is appreciated 🙏

——————————————————————————————

Before the sophomore year, you were sure Regina totally despised you. She openly criticized any gay person she came across. Sophomore year, you were seated next to her in math and history, and you felt like you were going to be destroyed.

But when you came over to her house for a project, she asked "You have your first kiss yet?"

It caught you off guard. "Uh, no. Why?" your voice squeaked, although you knew she was a bitch. You were attracted to her.

She got close to your face and smirked, you could feel her breath on yours. "No reason," She grabbed the back of your head and kissed you. You didn't kiss back out of shock and Regina pulled away and went red, she opened her mouth to say something to excuse her actions, but you leaned in and kissed her again. That moment opened a whole new door for both of you.

After that, you and Regina got really close. Outside of the school halls, and in the comfort of Regina's mansion, you were secretly her best friend but also her friend with benefits. She isn't out yet either, she still has too much pride to be seen with a loser, but you don't mind waiting for her.

She was slightly nicer to you than others at school. She was actually pretty kind to you behind closed doors. She cared about you even if she never said it out loud. So about a month after you started hooking up, you were at her house and she handed you her Burn Book which was open to a blank page with only your picture on it. "I don't want Karen and Gretchen to get suspicious as to why you're not in it."

You could deal with the insults and the taunts, it never bothered you that much, so you wrote something that used to bother you 'Y/N L/N is a tranny dyke'.

The thing that did get to you was in 8th grade when you confessed to a girl, and she told everyone in your PE class that you watched girls change in the locker room. Everyone shunned you after that, but you grew thick skin. In freshman year you found your place amongst the loners and the nerds. You were content with it.

"Are you sure you want that in there?" Regina asked, what you wrote about yourself was harsh.

You nodded "Regina, I'm out of the closet already. It's a secret everybody already knows" You closed the book and handed it back to Regina and she tucked it away. "If I walk like a duck, swim like a duck, and quack like a duck, I'm probably a duck" She laughed at your joke, and you corrected yourself smiling "I mean dyke"

"You're so stupid" Regina replied, but it wasn't mean or full of scorn, she just shoved your shoulder. She changed your name to "Duck" in her contacts.

A week later you found out what your contact name was, you laughed at her a little and she got defensive "I'll change it then" and you quickly stopped laughing and took her phone.

"No no, keep it, please Regina it's cute" You yanked her phone out of her hand and tried to keep it away from her. You laughed again and ran around her room holding her phone, but she cornered you, pushing your chest, then your back hit the wall. You were breathless from running and grinned, though her face was stern. "I'm sorry, Gina. Please keep it, it's fine really"

The look on her face made you lose your confidence and you backed down, and handed her phone back, "Thanks loser" She tucked it back in her pocket, and she had a smug smile. "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood today" and tilted your chin up and kissed your lips.

After that day, it became one of your inside jokes, and "Duck" became one of your nicknames.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That summer she invited you over to swim at her pool for the first time. "Hey loser, hurry up" she opened the door and led you to her pool.

You brought your only swim trunks and taped your breasts back to go swimming. She was in a tight bikini and she slipped in the pool, you took your shirt off, and she was staring at your body.

You weren't sporty, but you went to the gym, it's not like you had rock-hard abs, but you were toned and Regina hadn't seen you like that in the sunlight before, you beamed as you basked in the warm sun.

"Hey Duck, get in here" she beckoned you, you seized an opportunity to make a joke.

You bent your knees and flapped your arms a little walking back and forth at the edge of the pool "Quack quack" You giggled out. Regina cracked out a smile that evolved into laughter, her laugh warmed you more than the sunlight.

When you slipped into the pool, she was still laughing at you. "You're such a dumbass"

She splashed water at you when you tried to come and hug her in the pool. "Hey!" you yelped as the water got in your face and you splashed back.

After you just relaxed in the pool, you floated on your back, eyes closed, and sun-kissed skin. You didn't notice how Regina looked at you, but you heard water swish as she walked toward your floating body. You cracked an eye open, the sun was behind her making her look ethereal. Regina's blonde hair glowed, she looked like an angel, not the bitchy Queen Bee at school.

"Hey," you tried opening your eyes but just squinted.

She leaned down and said "Hey" back in her sweet voice and kissed you gently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The summer pushed you closer together, of course, she had her fair share of parties she went to with the Plastics. You were there at parties too, but you both only shot each other glances. The days she hung out with the Plastics, you missed her company.

You got your license over the summer and when you got the message that she was back home, you hopped in your Mini Cooper and drove to her house and picked her up. Though she usually drove you around in her Jeep.

"Where we heading today?" you asked as she hopped in the car

She ignored your question and her attention was on your music "Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September'? Really?" she criticized your music taste.

She buckled in and you said, "What's wrong with my music taste Regina?"

"God you really are a loser" she insulted, you could tell she was in a mood today. You were a little hurt but tried not to take it personally. "7-11 can you grab me a Diet Coke?" you nodded and started driving.

You skipped to the next song and what played was Bee Gee's "More Than A Woman" You smiled and sang along to it. Hoping Regina would get the hint you were singing it to her.

"Suddenly you're in my life, A part of everything I do. You got me workin' day and night. Just tryin' to keep a hold on you..." Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel and you moved your shoulders to the beat of the song.

She just groaned and pressed her temples, you thought she really hated it but from the corner of your eye, you saw a corner of her lip lift slightly. After seeing that you sang your heart out a little more at a red light you turned to her momentarily "More than a woman. More than a woman to me" and grinned wide.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road!" she pushed your head to look back at the road.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

At school when Junior year started, Regina and you acted like you two were nothing, you both devised a facade as to why you interacted at all. It was a half-truth, everyone at school thought Regina paid y/n to do their math homework. But you only did that sometimes, and usually just helped her.

Today when you met at her house she was upset about something. "Regina, what's wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"Nothing, stay out of it" she snapped at you and she stomped up the stairs to her room.

You followed her "Regina come on," she turned on her heel and looked at you angrily and lashed out.

"Why are you even here? You're not dating me, stop acting like it" She yelled at you.

You paused and your heart faltered "Regina..." you said quietly. She turned back around and she slammed her bedroom door. Regina crawled in the sheets and just went to sleep. You didn't follow her in. But you walked downstairs to her kitchen and opened her fridge.

When Regina woke up she smelled some kind of pastry downstairs and light music. She opened her door and crept down the stairs, as she approached the kitchen, she heard your humming.

The next song started to play, your back was turned and you were using her mom's apron and mittens, pulling out a batch of brownies from the oven. When you sang alone, you were cheesier and poured your heart into each song, then you placed the brownies onto a cooling rack on the island counter and pretended to hold a mic.

"Still like that old-time rock and roll. That kind of music just soothes the soul" You closed your eyes and turned around still pretending to hold a microphone "I reminisce about the days of old, with that old-time rock and roll" Regina just smiled stifling laughter.

But when you started playing air guitar, at the part with no lyrics. You heard her giggle and your eyes shot open, face reddening "Regina! You're up!" she just laughed at your incredible dorkiness and walked up to you, this was the highlight of her day.

You brushed off your embarrassment from getting caught when you saw how happy it made her. And you walked closer to her and continued to mouth the song and dance around her. Still wearing her mom's frilly apron. You took her hand and spun her around and she still laughed at your silliness.

You stopped and walked back to the counter where she followed, "Brownies?" you smiled.

"Yeah, sure" She sat down at the table and you cut two pieces out.

When you handed her a plate, she looked up at you and spoke softly "Sorry about earlier..."

You smiled softly and took her hand as you sat next to her "Its okay, don't worry about it" You let go of her hand and then asked, "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, thanks duck" She leaned towards you and kissed your lips. "You're so fucking corny" Regina pulled away.

You smirked "You secretly love it"

"I do" She responded, you almost choked on your own spit at her admission. She reveled in your panic and took a bite of the brownie you made her.

Only you could make her smile like this, and laugh like this, you knew that, and you had your silent victory.

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

[jojotichakorn]

archer rewatches nlmg: episode 5

[episode 4]

🏆 achievement unlocked: wish you could kill a parent (2x)

��� error: achievement detected for almost every other media watched

‼️🏆 rare achievement unlocked: praise a parent

your CHILD was ATTACKED, is BRUISED, BEATEN, and HAS A BROKEN ARM, and THIS is what you ask? i'm gonna kill this man. i'm gonna fucking kill him.

YESSS GO OFF BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw idk if we've ever talked about this, but chanon is a very classic case of "i'm taking out my hatred for my ex spouse on my child"

he's asking it like it's an afterthought, like it's some annoying obligation. literally please jump off a roof.

buddy, could you locate the words "i'm sorry" in your surely extensive vocabulary?

oh! go fuck yourself, ben :)

i hope to gods this is a new personal signature, nueng

their evil rich people horse riding vs my pure good cultural horse riding

i love her 🥹

my boy is not pulling any punches this episode and i for one think it's iconic!!

DEEPLY unprofessional to invite one student without their guardian, while the other has one present. do you not fucking see the clear issue that will arise there?

your dad died so now you're a homosexual. famously, that is how people become gay. if your father is alive but you are gay, please contact your mother and discuss the possibility of her cheating urgently.

go OFF, babyboy!!!!

SHE knows that? why the fuck would the principle know your son's sexuality, you fucking weirdo?

now this is just a bad argument. we all know the likelihood of a class or dare i say school president being gay is extremely high.

palm is truly the sweetest boy on earth

yay! everyone cheered!

they were insane for this btw. both of them but especially palm.

this is when we should have known there is no turning back for this boy. he's down bad.

not gonna lie, this conversation is almost a masterclass on how to do this correctly. she explicitly says that her child's happiness is more important than the family business and reputation. all she wants from him is to live a life that will make him happy, even if it doesn't fit with what she imagined his life would be like. she does something, which many parents fail at, which is telling him that he is an adult who now makes his own decisions and whose first thought shouldn't be what his mother wants, that he needs to centre what he wants in his life. she says that she is ok with anything and anyone he likes and that she is proud of him no matter what. really, my only minor complaint is her saying that she is disappointed in herself because he didn't feel like he could tell her, because it briefly centres the conversation around her, but even there i'm already being nitpicky, just because everything else is so 🤌 11/10.

trust me, it's going to be very easy to multitask dating and taking care of nueng in his case

the brief but constant shots of their hands. jojo knows his audience.

[episode 6]

[soubiapologist]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm more of my loveless ocs giggles *explodes into a cloud of blood*

THE MCDONALDS SIBLINGGGGGGGSSSSSS i gave them names at last. blue boy is aren and the other two are ryouma and miwa.

aren is the sacrifice of team pointless and ryouma is the fighter, natch. ummmmmm i'm kind of embarrassed to type out their tragic little backstories but omg basically aren and ryouma meet at seven voices and ryouma is like a genki weirdo who wants to be an idol and aren is like a shyboy.......... ryouma is about a year and a half older than aren..... he basically wants to be an idol to cheer up miwa after their parents die (their dad dies of a heart condition and their mom was his fighter so. well. she """disappears""" iykyk #LOVELESS). this is despite the fact that he has almost zero natural talent for singing or dancing and everyone finds his happy-go-lucky attitude extremely grating so he has no friends wghSGKDJFHKJDHG also miwa doesn't even like idols gsfHGKHDGJHG and he like gets depressed and stops calling her basically so they haven't talked in like a year and she hasn't actually seen him in like. at least 5 years i think by the time aren's story starts they're a mess omg............

anyway yeah ryouma finds out he has a heart condition and needs to stop like. fucking around and being physically active and so he offs himself sORRY I SGUIDHFGHD sorry i don't have time to build up and explain all the drama he just like feels like his life and all his dreams and effort have been for literally nothing cuz he basically abandoned miwa for this shit and he's like a failure like he can't be an idol he can't be a fighter like it's so #pointless ANYWAY. the story revolves around miwa coming to seven voices and finding out she's a blank and demanding aren claim her as the fighter of pointless and aren's like um no absolutely not and this shit is #pointless anyway but she like desperately wants to like. relive her bond with ryouma by doing things he did because she could never really understand him especially as they drifted apart, she's kind of intent on "becoming" him almost, but aren is like obviously really uncomfortable with this and also insists to her for a while that ryouma died of his heart condition because ryouma left a note for him basically telling him to keep that his death was a suicide a secret from miwa because he's really um. stupid but anyway thye're just like pissing each other off constantly but aren feels protective over her because like of course, she's his ryouma's little sister (they were in cute baby love and gonna get married btw #gaypeople #happinessmustbepunished) and eventually is like okay no this seven voices blank branding thing is creeping me out we need to like leave right now immediately and takes the money ryouma was saving to take them on vacation to some famous cliffs and runs away with miwa who is still insistent on becoming his fighter. he's planning on sending miwa back home via taxi once they get there and then throwing himself off the cliffs because he's #CRAZY but he doesn't do it and then they like start a fucking band together or something i don't know fuck you 🖕🏻🫠🖕🏻

[nythowl]

Movement

Pairing: drummer x girl! OC

Note: Okay, it's basically some draft about a girl having a crush on a drummer.

It's not really finished, it's messy, but this is driving me fucking crazy, i have to get it out of my system and have some feedback/reaction, so please let me know!

(btw English isn't my first language, sorry in advance for any mistakes)

TW: age gap (22-37), alcohol, smoking, a bit of cursing? and that's probably it, tell me if you find one i haven't mentioned.

Word accounts: 2K

Charlie was moving to the blasting music under blue lights, before the track playing was cut short, making the crowd complain. At the same time, some people in the front started cheering for a band climbing on stage.

She frowned a bit, looking at the hour. It was around 1AM, usually live sets stopped at 11pm. Plus, the bar announced a DJ set, they were just supposed to play rock’n’roll that night. She peered again at the band. There were three men, probably around their forties, looking pretty basic for rock musicians, a style revolving around jeans, band tee-shirts and flannel shirts. They made her think of some of her dad's friends.

Someone on her right elbowed her, so she would turn around.

-”Hey I got a phone call, the 2000’s want their hairstyle back!” Lucie said while pointing at the drummer with her chin.

She snorted at the comment, looking at the drummer, effectively wearing his hair like Justin Bieber when he was sixteen. That didn’t stop him from looking kind of nice, maybe a bit too nerdy, but nice. Abigail and Lucie were debating getting drinks while the band was getting ready.

-”Do you want something to drink Charlie ?”

-”No no I’m fine, thank you!”

-”Common girl, let us repay you for coming with us tonight!” insisted Abigail.

She wasn’t supposed to do anything this friday night, she actually arranged herself to have her whole week-end to finish her work and chill a bit. She did plan to see Abigail and Lucie for a drink around 5pm, and she ended up at the bar, half willingly.

She didn’t even had the time to go back to her place, she was still wearing her old jeans that used to belong to her dad, hanging low on her hips and covered in paint, worn especially today in the foresight of her classes. 

-”Okay okay, get me something cheap and sugary.” she finally said.

The two girls left while Charlie searched for a nice spot to watch the concert, not too far from the stage. She settled next to a pillar, on the right of the stage, so they wouldn’t be too pushed by the crowd forming. The musicians were apparently ready, as they were looking at each other, nodding their heads in synchronicity with the rhythm the drummer just started, annunciating the beginning of a song.

The crowd cheered loudly as everyone recognized a cover from Maneskin, immediately jumping around and singing.

Charlie finally saw her friends after three songs, alternating between covers and original songs. As they were walking towards her, Abigail was talking to a man following them, definitely trying to get something from her. Lucie hurried forward while the conversation with the man was heating up.

-”What’s happening?” worried Charlie.

-”It’s fine, it’s just, this guy’s been trying to get me a drink, and he was touchy and too pushy even though i said “no” multiple times”

Charlie pretended to puke while Abigail pushed some people to get to them, looking pretty scary and screaming.

-”What a fucking asshole!”

-”Yeah, if he ever gets close to you, I’ll rip his head off” spat Charlie while putting her arm over Lucie’s shoulder, sending a dirty look to said guy.

He smiled and waved, and leaned towards the man next to him to whisper in his ear. She was utterly disgusted, and promised herself to keep an eye on that weirdo and her friends. 

She grabbed the bright pink drink Abigail was handing her and turned her attention to the band.

The middle-aged basic men on stage had turned into some kind of rockstar, born to die on stage. The energy had totally shifted, just as if electricity was running in the air.

And if she thought the drummer looked nice earlier, he was ten times hotter on stage. Lucie and Abigail seemed to agree as they fanned themselves in an exaggerated manner.

-”The drummer’s fucking hot!”

As if on cue, the band ended their song as Abigail was screaming this. Some other girls whistled as the band chuckled.

-”I don’t know who said that, but thanks” chuckled the concerned man.

Abigail was totally mortified, and Lucie was howling with laughter, supporting herself with the wall.

Charlie’s mouth felt slightly agape as the drummer took off his jacket and rolled the sleeve of his tee-shirt, revealing his arms. He grabbed his drumsticks and kicked off with another song, the effort emphasizing his muscles. And now he was singing, and fucking hell his voice was so hot, a bit raspy but not low, almost whining. 

Well everything about him was so hot that it brought Charlie back to earth in a split second. For fuck’s sake the man was hardly younger than her dad, he probably had a wife and a kid. She immediately checked out his left hand, and relieved to find nothing on his ring finger, she indulged herself with a bit of study, spending a hard minute fixed on those long and slender fingers, bones poking out a bit and veins forming around his wrist.

She cursed herself, this was getting out of hand, quite literally. Her friends had noticed, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

-”Well well well, that’s interesting. Isn’t our little Charlie finally getting a crush?” teased Lucie.

-”And a grown man at that! Be careful girl, your daddy issues are showing.”

Charlie rolled her eyes as Abigail elbowed her, glad to have something to piss her off about.

-”At least I’m not playing the mom for immature little boys, miss cougar” shooted back Charlie.

Lucie booed Abigail as she acted offended. She raised her hands in the air in an act of surrender.

-”Touché. But you do have a crush on that man. I have to admit, he’s pretty cute. A bit old for me, but cute”

-”What do you mean, cute?! That guy is reeking of sexual tension, he’s so fucking hot I feel the heat waves coming from him!” Lucie hollered in her ear.

-”Comon Lucie, leave the old man for Charlie, she does look pretty desperate” Abigail winked at her.

-”Okay, okay, I’ll admit, I have a fucking crush on him. But he’s at least forty, so I’ll just content myself of drooling a bit over him, that’s it”

-”Whatever you say!”

As it was getting later, it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on anything else other than the drummer. He was now completely disheveled, his arms coated in sweat, little drops rolling off his wet hair from when he emptied a bottle of water on his head earlier. He had that devil grin, a manic and insane glaze over his eyes.

Charlie herself was getting hot, mainly because the venue was so crowded and badly ventilated. But hey, let’s be honest, it wasn’t the only reason. She had peeled away the little jacket she had over her top, earning some double takes from horny teenagers.

The drummer was playing as if he was in a trance, head falling back and mouth open, frowning slightly, his Adam’s apple jolting. The second after, he was back to singing, eyes frantically looking around until, until … He stopped. Looking right at her, still singing. 

“And i want it now, 

I want it now,

Give me your heart and your soul”

His arms were still moving, hitting tirelessly the drums, but his gaze was glued on her, it couldn’t be a mistake. His smile grew wider and wider, looking like a madman, like a wolf, and she felt for a brief instant that he would jump off stage to her. 

Charlie’s heart skipped a beat before doubling its speed. He looked away and the adrenaline rushed through her. At the same time, the music changed to another one, and she realized she had stopped dancing. 

Eyes blinking fast, she went back to the same time zone as her friends, and for good measure, she downed her drink. 

The next hour was a bit of blur, Lucie was plastered, and clinging to Charlie, dancing together. Abigail was hyping them up, screaming lyrics at the top of her lungs, and yeah, they were having a pretty good time. 

Charlie met his eyes a few times, and she felt him glancing at her, like she was glancing at him when he was looking elsewhere. 

Now the space was filled with smoke and totally bonded. She’d gone to the smoker area at the end of the concert, while the girls went to the bathroom. She didn’t wait for them to pull a cigarette from her pack. As she was looking for her lighter, she felt some fresh air on her face, signaling that the door of the smoking room was open, and people cheered for someone. She didn’t see what was happening from her spot against the wall and behind the heads of people, but she felt the crowd moving and parting. Someone bumped into her, crashing her a bit against the wall. The man was preventing himself from falling further onto her with a hand on the wall, trapping her. Behind, smokers were still moving, making way for the two guitarists from the band.

Shit, that meant-

-”Oh, hello you.”

The soft spoken word sent a chill down her spine. Sure enough, it was the drummer slightly bent over her. The commotion had stopped, and so he straightened, still standing in front of her.

-”Sorry for shoving you, wasn’t my intention” he spoke again.

-”That’s quite okay, no harm done”

Charlie was surprised to find her voice clear and steady, she was not that panicked. It was more some sort of excitement and easiness that came over her. She hopped on her chance.

-”You wouldn’t happen to have a lighter by any chance? To excuse yourself for crushing me against a wall?” she asked innocently.

-”Sure thing, let me find that for you”

As he was rummaging through his pockets, she examined him. He was calmer, though his presence was still very intense. His eyes were back to a normal state, his moves way less erratic. His voice was so intriguing, slower than earlier, not that deep, but still vibrating.

Finally he pulled out a box of matches. She scoffed a bit. He raised an eyebrow, and the corner of his lips.

-”What, are my matches not cool enough for you?”

-”No, no, I actually think they’re pretty cool.” She looked up at him “I just didn’t know you were that old”

-”O-oh, okay, if that’s a problem for you” he insisted on those words and their meanings, his gaze a bit more serious, “ I’ll keep my matches for myself”

She smirked, pleased with how the conversation was going, pleased to notice that on top of his good looks, he was charming and respectful. If she could, she would kick her feets in the air and giggle a bit.

-”I was only teasing. Please, enlighten me'' she said. 

He looked at her while she brought the cigarette to her mouth and got closer. He lighted a match and put it at the end of her fag. He hovered a hand over the fire while she inhaled deeply, the light casting a warm glow on her features. 

She stepped back and smocked away. They stood there in silence for a second, as she smoked and he put away his box. His eyes weren’t leaving her, and he had that sly yet quiet smile.

Despite his intimidating presence, she felt the urge to speak.

-”By the way, I really liked your music, the concert was amazing!”

-”Oh I guessed so, thank you. I saw you dancing, you clearly were enjoying yourself.”

His tone was stripped from any weird connotation, and when she checked his face, so was his expression. He was now leaning on the wall with his shoulder, calmly and patiently observing her. 

She couldn’t help but catch her breath, as some heat was rising in her cheeks. Fortunately, she already had a nice red patch across her nose and cheeks, due to the ambient warmth. Nonetheless, she gave herself some composure by putting her hair up, to get some heat off her neck. 

-”Can I?”

She looked up, mid ponytail, hands busy as he pointed the stick hanging from her mouth. She nodded, and he brought his fingers to her lips, slightly brushing them as he collected the cigarette. He put his lips where her lipstick was, watching her intently while she finished tying her hair up.

(Sorry for cutting it short, hope you enjoyed it anyway, the rest will probably come soon)

[ultimate-cinephile]

Can I PLEASE request some Viktor Licht fluff!! I'm completely obsessed with this little weirdo and cannot get enough 💕 I loved your kissing headcanon's btw

You 100% can! I've been wanting someone to request for a month now. Tysm Nonnie!!

And I'm glad you enjoyed them! Also, I had no idea what to do for a plot, so I decided to do this again seeing as how I had a lot of fun with Joker's.

VIKTOR LICHT FLUFF ALPHABET

A- Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

He definitely admires that you don't judge him for anything. You completely understand that he's devoted to his mission (and you of course, but you didn't hear that from me) and you understand why he does what he does, and he absolutely adores it.

B- Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

In truth, I don't think he thinks about having a family much. He most definitely wouldn't mind having one in the long run (especially with you), but you'd have to be the one to bring it up.

C- Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Viktor loves spooning. By the time he goes to bed, you're usually asleep, so he crashes into bed next to you and pulls your back to his chest and he just sort of curling you because he's that tall. It's quite comfortable for the both of you.

D- Dates (What are dates with them like?)

It takes Viktor awhile to get used to the idea of dates. His idea of a date was just two people spending time together. So for awhile, you two just sat in his office while he worked. Then he did some research (watched some romance movies with maki and iris; he r e a l l y liked The Proposal) and decided to take you out on a proper date.

This being said, dates with Viktor are usually a spur of the moment thing and happen when you both have time, but they almost always open you up to a new experience and they're always fun. Sometimes you do something crazy like going to a casino for no reason and sometimes you do something peaceful like just walking around the city and sight-seeing and window shopping and all that cool jazz.

E- Everything (You are my ___; e.g. my life, my world)

"You are my reason for everything. You remind me everyday why I do what I do. Thank you."

F- Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

It was just after Company 8 finished an Infernal. You had slipped away from the rest of the group and Viktor, being the curious boi he is, went after you. He found you comforting a crying child.

It turns out that the kid's parent had been the one to turn Infernal, and you refused to leave their side until they we laughing and smiling again.

Something about that made his heart melt.

He had no idea what was going on and later googled his symptoms (after consulting any sort of reliable medical book/website he could find) and nearly had a heart attack when he found out what it was.

G- Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how so?)

Viktor isn't really a rough man. It's just his nature (I want to make fun of him for being a pacifist, but I can't because I'm one D:<).

Anyways, he isn't overly gentle with you either. He knows that you're more than capable of handling certain things by yourself and he's happy to let you do those things, but if he sees you struggling, he won't hesitate to help you out.

H- Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He's very fond of linking pinkies. He's not a fan of PDA, but that doesn't make him uncomfortable and he likes holding you in some way. Though if he gets jealous, he wraps an arm around your waist (more on that later though).

I- Impression (What was their first impression?)

Well, since you are a part of the Fire Force (sorry to just assign you a role like this) he naturally thought you were a bit reckless, running into fires like that, but he can't really judge since he kinda did the same thing.

J- Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Oh, he does. He's much better at hiding it than Joker. Licht is very rarely intimidating, and the man cannot glare to save his life. A telltale sign that he's jealous is that he gets more affectionate in front of others. He'll wrap his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest while resting his chin on the top of your head.

K- Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Even though they're an expression of friendship, he adores eskimo kisses (when he can bend down to your height) or he likes gently kissing the top of your forehead.

Even though kisses with Licht are usually short-lived, they always communicate how much you mean to him and the words that he so often can't find to say himself.

You 100% had to initiate the first kiss. He was staying up late to work on something and you had to go to sleep or else you'd pass out on the floor so in your tired stupor you gave him a quick good-night peck to the lips.

He did not get any work done the rest of the night.

L- Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Surprisingly??? Viktor.

Just before he goes to the Haijima lab with Shinra (i'm waiting on the dub, but i sWEAR IF THEY KILL HIM-), you run up to him and kiss him.

"I swear to Sol, Licht, if you die there, I'm gonna kill you. I love you too much to loose you."

Shinra probably had to slap him cause Viktor.exe had crashed.

M- Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

You and him were watching the Sound of Music, and you, being a dork, pulled him to his feet and started dancing around the room with him. Both of you fell back on your bed, laughing like a couple of idiots.

N- Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Sometimes. He buys you stuff a lot, and sometimes if he's out in town and he sees something he knows that you'd like, he'll 100% get it for you. He loves seeing you happy and he's more than willing to spare a dollar or two to see you smile.

O- Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Red. The first time you two had a proper conversation, you had accidentally cut your finger while cutting up something for dinner. He offered to help you after he saw you cursing yourself and wrapping your injured finger in a bandage.

P- Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

I feel like Viktor isn't big on pet names but he sometimes calls you 'love'.

Q- Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

Okay so, this is gonna sound weird, but he has a genuine fountain pen that belonged to some famous writer. He's quite proud of it.

R- Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He loves to work on rainy days. He loves it if you sit there and watch him or if you sit in his lap. If you manage to drag him away, he'll do anything with you. Sometimes, just for the heck of it, he takes you outside and you two just walk around with an umbrella shielding you from becoming drenched.

S- Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Viktor just stirs his problems into coffee. He has no idea how to solve his own problems, so he has no idea what he's doing if he comforts you. He usually just lets you cry and rant and scream until you feel better. He'll hold you in his lap if you want. He has no idea what to do, please help him.

T- Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Viktor will gladly talk about his research or if you manage to get him to watch something with you, he'll geek out about that with you. It's so cute watching him freak out about the ending to Rogue One, it isn't even funny.

U- Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

A nice, hot cup of coffee or tea and you

V- Vaunt (What do they like to show off?)

His fountain pen, you, sometimes his research

W- Wedding (Where, when, and how do they propose?)

It takes him awhile to even consider marriage. Honestly? It takes him long enough that you propose!

It was on a leap day, since that's traditionally the day a woman can propose, you had a nice ring in your back pocket. You tried seven times in one day to propose, but every time you got ready to pop the question, something would come along and you had to wait a minute.

Eventually you just got fed up with going through reports so you asked Licht then. He thought you were kidding when he said yes, but then you chucked a box and his head and he'd never been more happy for a mix-up in his life.

X- Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I know it doesn't ask for a relationship song, but the only song coming to mind right now is The Reason by Hoobastank.

Y- Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

As I said before, he doesn't really think about it until after you get engaged. After that though, he admires the ring with a smile as he counts down the days until you're married.

Z- Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Well, animals are uncommon, but once Vulcan showed him a picture of a gerbil. He has no idea what it is, but he wants one.

okay! that's it! i hope you enjoy it Nonnie!

[harpersplay]

4x14 Thoughts

I touched on this before, but context fucking matters. Even though it erased Annie's class & Ruby's race while using Beth's momness and whiteness as a shield, the speech in 1x02 works because it's life and death. It works because these women have just been thrown into this scary world and Beth makes a desperate but savvy (she picks up on Rio being more than just a gangbanger and appeals to his business side) plea. She uses what she can (Annie has never brought orange slices to any game ever, let's be real) and saves the day. And yet we see how terrified she was even after it worked. IT WAS AN UNREAL SITUATION THAT FELT REAL. Beth's recent "boss bitch" moments do not work because it's just her fully leaning into the smug entitled white lady role. I feel like too many fans ignore 2x13-3x02. The threat of Rio (and the FBI) was GONE as far as Beth knew. But she decided to do crime. Ruby was stealing from her workplace. Beth was putting Dorothy and Lucy at legal risk by using her store and her work, respectively, to commit crimes without telling them. That's who Beth is. So reframing her actions in S3 & S4 as simply reactions to evil Rio trying to ruin her life not only removes Beth's agency. It is also hollow. Because Beth has zero problem with crime—stealing Gayle's business, bribing a city official, hiring a hitman, setting up an innocent man to be a murderer, making Dean "sell" a hot tub to Mick, selling counterfeit purses, blackmailing men into buying those purses. Beth has a problem with not getting her way. And that's not enjoyable to watch. This is not me saying Beth has to be likeable as in a "good" person. But she has to be likeable to watch. Mary Pat is a total weirdo with very questionable morality, but she's enjoyable to watch. Vance is fucking creepy as shit, but he's enjoyable to watch. And while the show gave both those characters some dimension, it never portrayed them as characters we should unabashedly cheer for. That's not how they write Beth. They still—four fucking seasons in—want us to see her as a mom just trying to survive. But that's not the story plotwise that they have chosen to write. And the fact that Beth's "wins" are almost always at the expense of other women or POC is an added gross factor.

The show needs to make up it's mind about the monetary situation. Either things are dire and they are saving every penny to "escape" to Nevada. Or they have enough money to refurbish Sweet P's and buy Kenny an iPad.

Detroit city council is by district. Why do they keep referencing Ward 5?

Nice of the show to have Dave & Phoebe literally walk thru the situation. Super FUN! that the women who have been in this for years (per date revealed in 4x13) still don't understand how it works. The only way I like this scene is if it is a meta commentary about how the majority of the show stans have never understood how any of the crime aspects work 🧐 And I see that the show is yet again ignoring Turner's whiteboard and everything else implied about Rio's business dealings in S1.

Phoebe's no Turner, but I've never disliked her. She was really good in this episode, but the Phoebe/Beth stuff from stans is annoying. Why are people so into ships where Beth is awful to the other person and yet the other person is willing to risk things for Beth? Wait...I think I answered my own question.

So much wasted time on these MRA guys. I guess they don't need to be ~mysterious~ and I love (I don't) the casual misogyny in all their scenes. Preemptive GTFOH: I know—believe me, more than I want to—that men like this exist. I know it is realistic. But, again, as I mentioned before, the show is more than happy to ignore all types of realism to make the story they want to tell work. So don't tell me that this is simply a reflection of society. Jenna & Co are choosing to write this storyline in this way and she thinks it is fun and comedic.

The show is about the 3 women and anyone asking for more screen time for Rio is a misogynist. One minute spent on Annie's new shitty white male love interest popping her pimple = crickets.

The show is about the 3 women and anyone asking for more screen time for Rio is a misogynist. Dean having the reasonable response to Beth running for city council while she dismisses his legitimate concerns = crickets.

And, btw, Denise doesn't need secret insider information. Even if Dean's police records are sealed—why tho?—the two extremely visible daytime raids on the family businesses would have been on the news. And—gag!—Beth's visit to Denise was hella stupid. Denise is not a criminal, like the girls were in S1, so she has no narrative reason not to call the cops on Beth & her "thug." It was a shallow parallel and just another example of Beth needing a man to handle things for her.

I mentioned in my 4x13 thoughts about how the Sweet P's "fun and empowering...unlikely feminist statement" is bullshit. The girls, specifically Ruby, spent a lot of time judging the dancers. Beth straight up mocked Krystal's voice. They didn't care about implicating them in crime or costing them their jobs when they set up Gene to take the fall for the money laundering. They only "care" now because they need them.

Annie & Nancy's scene would have been nicer if Annie didn't imply that Greg(g)'s cheating was Nancy's failure. Again, they could have had them talk about the cheating and difficulty that Nancy went through as an example of a hardship she overcame. But they CHOSE to have Nancy explicitly frame the business disaster as a personal failing. So having Annie respond with the infidelity doesn't come across as tough love. It comes across as needlessly callous and victim-blaming.

This is long already, so I'm not even going to get into the Beth & Rio conversation at Sweet P's.

Ugh, Rio & Nick. So fucking dumb. Where was Nick before all of this? Why is he flexing his muscle now? With what we've gotten of his characterisation & attitude, are we to believe that this is the first time in 20 years that Rio & Nick have clashed? I would think that he would have been very concerned and involved when Rio drew the attention of the FBI. But Nick was nowhere to be found. (Because these writers don't understand the difference between retconning and world expansion.) Although I did get a chuckle when Nick said, "You think you'd have any of this?" while gesturing to Rio's usually empty bar.

Yet again, no cameras in an area that would most likely have cameras. And white woman Beth implicating gangs (which to cops = Black & brown youth) with her "broken windows theory" scare tactic is disgusting.

Caribbean flair and Mahalo. I'm so goddamn exhausted at this point.

Hello, Random Bitch Wife. FUN!

Hey, speaking of context matters....that entire last scene Beth is actively working with Phoebe & Dave to send Rio to prison. Romance!!!

[zairapvrker]

So I was thinking about Cals girlfriend being a fan of the band for a long time and she has a 5sos tattoo, maybe the tally mark and fans are rude to her because of it but one day Cal posts a pic of her maybe in some merch, showing off the tattoo and he writes „my number one fan“ and it’s all fluff 💓 I love your writing btw

thank you so much for requesting! i’m so glad you like my work🥺💖

masterlist

At first you didn’t want Calum to find out, not necesarrily. You’d told him you knew who he was when you first met and you admitted to liking his music very very much. When you went on your first date, you remember how you’d tugged at the sleeve of your sweater to make sure it was covering the little tally tattoo on your wrist - a reminder of your favourite band that you treasured very much. He didn’t need to know yet.

When he first came to your house after having finished a small promo tour, just the day when you hit the mark of a month of dating, you’d been lounging around in a short sleeved shirt despite the chilly weather and completely forgot about the tattoo. However, it took Calum a little while to notice. “Hey, what’s that?” he asked as you passed him the salt over the table. You immediately glanced down at your wrist, your eyes a slightly wide in shock. Fuck.

“A tattoo...” you said, almost sounding like a question.

“I can see that” he chuckled sweetly, taking the salt from your hand and putting it on the table, before taking your hand in his and observing the mark that adorned your wrist. You thought you could faint. “Is that our tally?” he asked with a ghost of a smile.

“Yes” you nodded, heart drumming in your chest. What if he thought you were some sort of weirdo? What if he would want to stop seeing you? What if-

“I like it” he stated, interrupting your spiral of thoughts. You looked at him surprised. “I like you” he smiled again, intertwining his fingers with yours. You felt the blush take over your cheeks as you looked away from his warm eyes.

“I like you too” you admitted in a whisper, making him chuckle.

After dinner, as you were laying on the couch, he’d asked you why you got a tattoo for his band. He sounded genuinely interested, because he was. Although a little sheepishly, you weren’t embarrassed to tell him the story behind the tattoo. Truth was, you’d liked the band for a long time and their music had accompained you through some of the shittiest times and cheered you along through the happiest. He was so happy to hear that, he couldn’t help the smile opening up on his face. When you stopped talking and looked up at him with a shy smile Calum had let the words slip out of his mouth, not sure he could contain them anymore. “Be my girlfriend” he whispered, and the rest was history.

As the two of you became more comfortable with sharing your relationship, months after he’d asked you to be his girlfriend, the comments of the fans on your tattoo weren’t lacking. Some loved it and admired you for “living the dream”, most of them called you pathetic. It hurt you to see those last ones because you didn’t think people that loved the band as much as you did, and were fans as you were, would go to that length to tear you down. Calum knew and he didn’t understand as well.

At least, it comforted you that neither Calum nor the band cared for it. They would always joke around and call you the fifth member since you had it as well as them. It warmed your heart. Calum loved it especially.

He was so happy that the girl he loved had supported him and his brothers even before he had the chance to meet her.

So when the latest merch items were to drop he decided to step in and try and put an end to the endless rudeness directed your way. That day he came home with some shirts and hoodies to have you decide your favourite.

“Cal! You didn’t have to” you exclaimed as soon as he showed you the clothes, laying them out on the bed next to you.

“But I wanted to” he cheekily replied. You laughed, observing the items.

“I like this one” you mumbled picking up one of the shirts.

“Well then, put it on” he smiled, you rolled your eyes not questioning the antics of your boyfriend anymore. As soon as you were done he grabbed you by the hand, walking you to the white wall in the hallway.

“What are we doing?” you asked as he stepped back and took out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans.

“A little photoshoot” he smirked as you sighed.

“I’m not that photogenic” you rolled your eyes. “I don’t even have that much make up on! Hold on” but before you could make your way to the make up in the bathroom he stopped you.

“You look stunning just as you are” he brought you close, leaving a sweet kiss on your forehead. Nodding, you went back where he had positioned you earlier.

It wasn’t so bad as you thought it was going to be, you had a lot of fun trying to be serious, laughing along to Calum’s jokes to make you smile and being guided by him. The pictures came out good and you even convinced Calum to let you take a few shots of him in the merch. “Love you, thanks for doin’ this” he pecked your lips softly after you were done. “No problem” you kissed him again. “Love you too”

Unbeknownst to you that night, as you were slowly dozing off to sleep while the movie played on, Calum had taken it upon himself to post his favourite picture of you that he’d taken earlier that day, and choosing between the shots had proven difficult since he loved all of them. At the end he chose one where your tattoo was showing more than in others and your smile was so bright the sun could only envy it.

He smiled while writing the caption.

My number one fan.

[fanmoose12]

Hello. I really appreciate your fanfic works and would it be alright to request a tragedy/angst “Hotarubi no Mori e” AU of Levi (taking the place of Hotaru) and Hange (taking the place of Gin) if you’ve happen to watch it? :))

so i’ve never watched this movie, decided to watch it after your prompt and??? this was so damn heartbreaking, i’ve loved it and cried for like half an hour after watching it???

so thanks for your prompt and for recomending this movie!!! i hope my story isn’t so sad btw

anyways, enjoy!!!!

Levi cursed when he realized that he walked by the same tree for the fourth time. He lifted his head and sighed deeply, screaming internally.

Stupid Kenny!

This whole idiotic situation was completely Kenny’s fault. If he was a good uncle or at least a responsible adult, he’d come and pick his nephew from the train station.

But no, he was too busy to do that, and Levi had to walk through the dense forest to get to his uncle’s house.

And now he was lost!

Levi growled and kicked the nearest tree, imagining it was Kenny. Stupid Kenny, and stupid forest, and stupid him for getting lost.

Levi kicked the tree again, harder this time. He raised his leg to do it one more time, when suddenly he heard a voice from up above.

“Oi, what did that tree do to you?”

Levi lifted his head to look for the source of the voice and found… somebody, or maybe something, he wasn’t really sure. It looked like a person, talked like a person, but instead of a face there was some weird mask.

“Go away.” Levi grumbled, crossing hands on his chest and glaring at the person on a tree. He was already pissed off, and he wouldn’t let some masked weirdo bother him.

In the meanwhile, the strange figure jumped off a tree and landed in front of Levi, crouching beside him.

“Are you lost?” the person asked, and Levi fleetingly thought that voice resembled a girl’s. Although it was much deeper than the voices of girls Levi knew.

“Do you know the way out?”

The girl laughed. “I do!” she said way too cheerfully. “C’mon, follow me, and I’ll lead you out.”

Levi nodded, deciding that he really needed help. Even if that help came from a weirdo in a mask. Still, a help from some weirdo was much better than roaming the woods until he starves to death.

“Thank you.” Levi muttered awkwardly and quietly.

The girl smiled down at him, getting to her feet. And Levi realized that she was probably much older than him, as she was almost twice Levi’s height.

“Before we start,” the girl began, as she was looking for something in her pocket. “I’ve got to warn you: you can’t touch me, under no circumstances. Alright?”

Levi huffed. “As if I was going to.”

“I just needed to warn you,” the girl shrugged and then took a long white cloth out of her pocket. She passed one end of it to Levi. “Wrap it around your wrist,” she instructed, doing the same on her own hand. “So we won’t get separated.”

Levi found her request a little weird, but, well, the girl was very weird, and he really wanted to get out of this forest, so he complied, wrapping the cloth tightly around his hand.

The girl looked down on their hands, joined by a white fabric, and started to giggle.

“We look just like a couple on a date!”

Levi raised his eyebrow. “Aren’t you a little old for me?”

“Or maybe it’s you who are too young for me,” the girl chuckled.

And then they started walking, the girl leading the way slowly, but confidently.

She hummed quietly as they made their way through the thick forest, but surprisingly it didn’t irritate Levi at all. On the contrary, he felt relaxed and soothed by her singing.

As they walked side by side, Levi couldn’t help but wonder just who his mysterious savior was. Was she just a girl, who liked to hang out in the woods and wear stupid masks? Or was she living there? Suddenly, Kenny’s tales about ghosts and spirits, which inhabited this forest, came to Levi’s mind.

Kenny told him this story a thousand times, a story of how he accidentally happened upon supernatural festivities, but he did not realize it, because all spirits looked like real people.

Levi shook his head, trying to get rid of such foolish thoughts. Obliviously, she was just a girl and not some supernatural creature. Levi felt ashamed of even thinking about such nonsense.

Maybe he was a rather impressionable child, but he wasn’t a little boy anymore. This winter he would turn nine years old and it was time for him to grow up.

So deeply engrossed in his thoughts, Levi didn’t even notice when the girl led him out to the clearing.

When he finally came to his senses, Levi’s eyes widened slightly, as he took in the scenery around him.

From on top of the hill they’ve been standing on, he could see the whole town below, and if he squinted, he could even see his uncle’s house.

“Thank you,” Levi said again, turning to face the girl.

“It’s nothing,” she waved him off. “But I do want something in return.”

Levi tensed and narrowed his eyes at her. “And what is it?”                   `

“Your name.”

Levi scoffed, but decided to obey her request. She kind of saved his life, after all. “It’s Levi.”

“Nice to meet you, Levi!” the girl giggled. “I’m Hange.”

“I don’t care,” he answered, but before he could turn away and go home, Levi wanted to ask her another thing. “Aren’t you going down with me?”

“What for?” Hange asked, honestly surprised. “I live here, in the forest.”

Levi widened his eyes. Was she actually serious? He looked closely at her, but he could see nothing behind her mask. However, her voice was devoid of the mirth, which was there before. So was she really living in the forest?

“Well, I need to go,” Hange started to turn around. “You can return this thing to me some other time.” She said, pointing to the cloth, still wrapped around Levi’s wrist.

Damnit, he didn’t even see her taking it off.

“What makes you think I will ever step a foot in this stupid forest?” Levi called after her.

“Ah, then leave it as a souvenir, I guess. From your mysterious forest friend. See you, Levi!” Hange finished and started walking away.

Levi watched her until her figure disappeared between the trees.

Then he scoffed, turning around and going his way.

What a damn weirdo he had met today.

                                                                  ***

The next day, Levi woke up to the sounds of his uncle’s friends making some kind of a ruckus downstairs. Sighing and getting dressed, he decided to go for a walk.

Levi hated those disgusting pigs Kenny called friends. They were loud, they were dirty and stinky and they usually came to Kenny with one goal – to get drunk.

As he walked through the town, Levi couldn’t help but remember yesterday’s encounter. And as he thought about the strange girl in a mask named Hange and wondered what she did in that forest, his legs involuntarily carried him on top of a hill.

Levi cursed himself, when he realized he was standing right in front of an entrance to the forest.

“I knew you would come!” Levi heard the cheerful voice, and soon Hange emerged from between the trees.

Levi huffed, turning his face away to hide his embarrassment. “It was unintentional.”

“Well whatever the case,” Hange eagerly clasped her hands together. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

Levi studied her masked face for a while, contemplating his answer. There wasn’t really a choice – it was rather enter the forest with a weird, but probably innocent and friendly girl, or spend his day, cooped up in his room, trying to ignore the vulgar jokes and boisterous laughter from Kenny and his friends.

“Only if you show me a way back here.” Levi said finally.

“That’s a deal then!”

Hange turned around and started leading the way, Levi following after her.

“So you live here with your parents?” Levi asked as they entered the forest.

“Huh? Well, I do have a family, but that’s probably not what you expect.”

Levi stared at her in confusion. She gave him a rather cryptic reply. “And just what do you mean by that?”

Hange turned around to face him. Levi wished he could see what expression she made behind that mask.

“Levi, you know what I am, right?” Hange asked carefully.

Levi looked at Hange’s strange mask and then remembered her words about not touching her.

“You are not just a girl?”

Hange laughed softly, shaking her head. “I am not. I am a spirit, who lives in this forest.”

“So when you said that I couldn’t touch you…”

“I will die, if a human ever touches me. Well, die is probably a wrong word for it, because technically I’ve been dead for a very long time and-“

“Hange.” Levi stopped her. “I got it, stop rambling.”

“Oh, alright,” Hange scratched her head, cocking her head to the side and studying Levi. “Aren’t you scared?”

“Why should I? You don’t look like you’re going to hurt me.”

“That’s right, I’m not.” Hange confirmed rather seriously.

They continued to stroll through the forest quietly after that, the silence around them interrupted only by Hange’s voice as she pointed something interesting to Levi every now and then.

Soon they came to a small bridge, and Levi stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a creature that was standing on the other side of it.

It was obviously some kind of spirit or a ghost, but it looked very different from Hange. Hange looked just like a human, while that thing resembled some kind of a black, slimy cloud. It had no eyes, but Levi felt that it was watching him. He felt a shiver down his spine, and Levi involuntarily took a step back, hiding behind Hange.

“Oi, you’re scaring him!” Hange shouted to that thing. “It’s Levi, he’s my new friend. He’s under my protection, so don’t hurt him!”

“Alright,” the creature said, and Levi closed his eyes at the sound of its voice. It was a horrible sound, which didn’t resemble a normal human voice. Instead the thing bellowed, his voice deep and gravy.

Levi would have pressed himself to Hange, but he remembered that he couldn’t touch her. So gathering all of his courage, Levi opened his eyes and stared at the scene in front of him.

“I won’t hurt him, but tell him he can’t touch you. You can’t do that, human boy,” the creature looked him straight in the eyes.

“I won’t.” Levi promised, willing his voice not to shake.

“Well, we’ll get going,” Hange waved at the creature, gesturing Levi to follow her.

“Don’t worry,” Hange told him, when they were a safe distance from that thing. “He won’t really hurt you, he just worries about me.”

“What was that creature? It looked nothing like you.”

“He is also a forest spirit. I looked like a human, because I’ve been born as one.” Hange looked straight ahead, and her voice lost its mirth and cheerfulness, becoming quiet and neutral. “When I was a child, I was abandoned by my parents. I would have died, if the forest spirits hadn’t saved me. That’s why they are so protective of me.” Hange chuckled at her last words.

Levi just nodded, not really knowing what to say. He had a lot of things to come to grips with after Hange’s story. For example, the fact that spirits and ghosts actually existed, and were not made up by his drunkard of an uncle, who just tried to scare his nephew.

However, the part of Hange’s story, where she was abandoned by her parents, didn’t surprise Levi. His father did the same to him, after all.

                                                              ***

Hange and Levi spend the whole day, exploring the forest, and only when the rays of sunshine were starting to fade, did Hange tell him that he needed to go home.

The forest at night was a dangerous place for a human, she said. And his parents were probably worried about him.

Levi wanted to scoff at the last part. His uncle probably didn’t even notice that he was gone. But his mother could call and ask about him, and she would get worried if Levi wasn’t at home. And Levi hated making his mother worried. She had enough on her hands as it was.

So Levi nodded, and Hange started to lead him to the clearing.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Levi said when they were standing on top of the already familiar hill. He purposefully hid his face away from Hange, embarrassed by his own desire to see her again. “If that’s alright with you, of course.”

“Sure!” Hange exclaimed, cheerful as always. “I’ll be waiting for your return.”

“A-alright then,” Levi replied, feeling even more awkward now. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And then he went home, and the next day he was again standing at the entrance of the forest, and Hange was once again waiting for him in the shadow of a big tree.

And that’s how Levi became friends with a forest spirit named Hange. He spent his every day in the woods, coming in the early morning and going back home when the sun was already setting behind the horizon.

It was never boring with Hange, she always came up with new ways to entertain Levi – they explored the forest, they picked berries, they fished in the forest lake, they climbed the highest trees or they just sat in a shadow, hiding from the sun and talking about everything and nothing. Well, usually Hange was the one, who talked, but she didn’t mind Levi’s silence.

Being friends with Hange was easy, even though Levi had never had friends before. Other kids found him weird, they thought his always scowling face was scary and they didn’t like that he almost never smiled or laughed.

But with Hange, everything was different. She talked for the both of them, and she didn’t need to see his smile or hear his laugh to know that he was enjoying himself and her company.

                                                              ***

Levi was nearly devastated, when at the end of summer his mother came to take him back home. He asked her to wait for half an hour and then rushed to the forest, desperate to see Hange one last time.

He found her at the entrance of the forest, as always. She greeted him with a wave of her hand, as always.

However, she tensed when she saw the troubled expression on Levi’s face.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, unusually serious.

“I’m going home,” Levi breathed out. “I… I wouldn’t be able to come here anymore.”

“So this is a goodbye?”

“No.” Levi replied fiercely. “I’ll come back. Next summer, I’ll return.”

“Alright,” Hange said, but Levi heard that her voice was still sad. She didn’t believe him.

“I will return.” Levi pressed. “And then you’ll show me a million different things. Okay?”

Hange chuckled, her hand coming to scratch her head awkwardly. “Okay.”

“I… I need to go right now. But you’ll wait for me?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Levi,” Hange said in a gentle voice. “Just go already.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going. But I will be back,” he replied, just to reassure Hange one more time. “See you next summer, Hange.”

“See you, Levi!” Hange said, and Levi let out a small smile, upon hearing that her usual cheerfulness has returned.

                                                                ***

Returning to his hometown and coming back to school, Levi felt utterly bored. He couldn’t wait for summer to come, so he could visit Hange again. He missed her voice, he missed her laugh, he even missed her stupid and weird mask.

Levi wondered if he always felt like that before he met Hange. Was everything so meaningless and pointless before or did he start to feel like this only after Hange showed him what a true life felt like?

Every time Levi wasn’t busy studying or helping his mother, his thoughts wondered to Hange. He wanted to know what she was doing right now, what interesting thing she managed to find that day, was the weather in the forest warm or cold, did she think of him and did she miss him just like he did?

And sometimes, while lying in his bed, unable to fall asleep, Levi wondered what Hange looked like. She had never taken off her mask in front of him, and Levi wanted to know what her face looked like. Did she look like any other girl, or was her face unhuman-like, showing her true nature?

Despite his desire to see what Hange was hiding behind that mask, Levi couldn’t bring himself to ask her about that. It felt too intrusive, too personal of a question to just outright ask her. But Levi was determined to see Hange’s face, when he would return to the forest next summer.

                                                              ***

Levi felt incredibly happy, when his mother announced that he will be visiting his uncle Kenny this summer as well.

Noticing Levi’s small smile and the unusually pleased expression on his face, his mother softly ruffled his inky curls.

“I see that you and uncle Kenny finally started to get along?”

Levi barely resisted from making a gaging sound at his mother’s words.

“Something like that,” he muttered, not wanting to upset his mother. “Mom, I’ll begin packing my things, yeah?”

“Of course, honey,” his mother smiled softly.

                                                               ***

After his train arrived at the needed station, Levi practically ran out of it and immediately rushed to the forest. He wanted to see Hange so badly!

However, he slowed his pace near the forest and tried to return his breathing back to normal. After all, he couldn’t let Hange know he missed her that much.

To Levi’s disappointment, Hange wasn’t waiting for him at their usual meeting place.

“Hange!” Levi shouted, hopping she would be able to hear him.

In the next second, Hange emerged from the forest. Since their last meeting, she didn’t change at all.

“Levi!” she shouted. “You came back!”

“Of course,” Levi scowled, crossing his hands on his chest. Did she really doubt him? “I promised I would.”

“And I’m so happy you did!” Hange clasped her hands. Then she cocked her head to the side, and Levi knew her eyes were studying him intently behind that mask. “Did you miss me?”

Levi felt his cheeks redden under Hange’s inquisitive stare. He turned his face away and scoffed. “I did not.”

“Oh my! You missed me so much! Levi, that’s so cute!”

“Shut it, Hange,” Levi growled, embarrassment making him feel like a fool. How Hange managed to read him so easily all the time? Was it her superpower as a forest spirit?

“I missed you, too,” Hange said, chuckling softly. She took a step towards Levi, her hand raised in an inviting gesture. “Shall we?”

“Let’s go already,” Levi muttered, coming to stand by her side.

They entered the forest together, and Levi hadn’t felt so happy ever since he said goodbye to Hange last summer.  

                                                              ***

And just like that, Hange was back in Levi’s life. It felt so easy and natural, as though Levi wasn’t absent for almost a year. They got along so well, as though they weren’t from two very different worlds.

But still, one thought lingered at the back of Levi’s mind. He wanted to see Hange’s face, but he couldn’t find enough courage to ask her.

And so, one sunny day, as they lay side by side on the warm and soft grass, close enough but not actually touching, Levi got an idea.

Hange seemed so relaxed, her breathing regular, and Levi concluded that she must have fallen asleep. He quietly and carefully rose and outstretched his hand towards Hange’s mask. He knew he couldn’t touch Hange, but she said nothing about her mask, right?

Levi’s hands slightly trembled while he was lifting the mask. However he successfully took it off and Hange didn’t seem to disappear in front of his eyes. Levi breathed out a sigh of relief, and then his eyes focused on Hange’s face.

And to his surprise… she looked completely normal. He expected to see something weird, but Hange’s eyes, nose and mouth looked just like any other girl’s. She wasn’t pretty like some girls in Levi’s school - her lips weren’t full, and her nose was too long, but Levi liked her face. It was Hange’s face, and Hange was his friend, his best and only friend, and to Levi her face looked more beautiful than the face of the prettiest girl in his school.

“Like what you see?” he suddenly heard Hange’s teasing voice, and Levi jumped back in surprise.

“I thought you were asleep!” Levi said accusingly.

“I was just resting my eyes,” Hange defended herself. She opened her eyes and sat, stretching her hands above her head.

Levi was lost the moment he looked into her eyes. They were brown, and warm, and so, so deep. Small creases appeared around them as Hange grinned at him.

Hange noticed his state, and she cocked her head to the side, looking at him curiously. Her brows furrowed in confusion, and she narrowed her eyes slightly. “Is everything alright?”

“Why do you wear that mask?” Levi asked instead.

Hange chuckled, as she scratched the back of her head. “I’m a forest spirit, but I look like a human, so I wear the mask to cover it.”

“You’re such a weirdo, Hange.” Levi deadpanned, making Hange laugh.

He watched with a small smile at the expression Hange made while laughing. She threw her head back, her eyes were closed, and her mouth was set in a grin.

Levi couldn’t look away.

Suddenly he remembered Hange could be withered away by a single human touch. A chill ran through Levi’s spine at the thought.

“Don’t touch me.” He blurted out. He didn’t mean to, but seeing Hange’s eyes at him, he looked back at her, staring deep into her beautiful eyes. “Don’t you ever touch me, Hange,” Levi pressed.

“A-alright!” Hange replied shakily, still staring at Levi in confusion.

“Do you promise me?”

“Levi, I don’t underst-“

“Promise me!” Levi raised his voice. His hands tightened into fists, and he squeezed them so hard, they began to tremble.

“Okay, okay!” Hange raised her hands into a placating gesture. “I promise that I will never touch you. Just calm down already.”

“I’m perfectly calm,” Levi argued.

“Alright, no touches, I got it.” Hange rose to her feet, putting her mask back on. “C’mon, I’ll show you a fox’s nest I found some time ago.”

And Levi followed after Hange, already missing the sight of her face.

                                                             ***

Summer came and went, and then came another one, and another. Levi grew and matured, and Hange remained the only constant in his life.

Every summer he would visit her, and no matter how much he changed, Hange still was his best friend.

Spending time with her was still his favorite thing in the world, and Levi still missed her every time he went home.

And in all those long years Levi had known her, Hange didn’t change a bit. She was the same as the day he had met her, when he got lost in the woods all those years ago.  

And even though, Levi had already grown up, and even though he already celebrated his sixteenth birthday, he was still shorter than Hange.

And that, of course, was an endless source of mischief and teasing for her.

But there was another consequence to Levi’s maturing.

In the school, seeing his pears dating, holding hands and kissing made Levi understand that he wanted the same thing. He wanted to find someone, who would hold his hand, hug his shoulders and softly kiss him on a cheek.

And as Levi was once returning home from school, one of the girls from his class decided to accompany him.

She had long blond hair and big green eyes with long eyelashes. Her lips were full and pink, her smile soft and gentle.

She was pretty, Levi thought. Very pretty.

But looking at her, he felt absolutely nothing.

Maybe, her hair was long and shiny, but Levi liked wild and messy brown curls. Maybe, her eyes were a beautiful shade of green that matched the leaves on a tree, but Levi preferred deep brown eyes, that were constantly shining with mischief and amusement. Maybe, her smile was pretty and delicate, but Levi enjoyed looking at the wide and slightly crazy grin.

As they walked home together, trudging through the snow, the girl came closer to him, taking his hand in hers.

And as she touched him, all Levi could think of was how it would feel to hold Hange’s hand. How it would feel to put his hands on her cheeks, while staring deeply in her eyes and admiring her smile.

Levi wanted to touch Hange’s hair to test if it really was as soft as it looked. And he wanted, desperately, to put his lips against hers and taste her gentle smile.

He wanted to see her so much, and he wondered, not for the first time this day, what was Hange up to right now. Was it also snowing in the forest? Was it just as cold there? Was Hange wearing the scarf, Levi had given her last summer? Was she feeling just as cold without Levi, as he was right now?

Levi thought that if Hange would ever put her hands around him, if she would touch him at least once, then he would never be cold again.

His heart started to beat faster, as Levi realized the truth. He was in love with Hange, and had probably been in love with her for a very long time. Maybe, he fell in love with her the moment he set his eyes on Hange, back when he was just a nine year old boy, who got lost in the woods.

Suddenly, the girl tugged slightly on his hand, and only then Levi remembered that she was still holding it in hers.

He untangled himself gently, but firmly, looking at the girl apologetically.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled, staring at his feet. “But I don’t feel the same way you do.”

And then he turned around and headed home, his mind still reeling from the sudden revelation.

                                                           ***

When it was time to visit his uncle again, Levi felt uncharacteristically anxious. He didn’t know how to behave around Hange anymore: should he tell her about his feelings, or should he keep it a secret from her?

Whatever he decided to do, Levi knew his wish would never come to life. He would never get to kiss Hange, or hold her in his arms, or even touch her hand. The smallest of his touch would kill Hange, and Levi couldn’t, wouldn’t, let it happen.

When Levi arrived at the train station and headed to the forest, his heart was beating loudly in his chest and his hands were getting clammy.

He fixed his hair for the tenth time today, and then looked down on his clothes, making sure there was not a speck of dirt on it.

For the first time in years, he was actually worried to see Hange, afraid that his feelings would ruin the friendship they had.

However, all of his fears disappeared the moment he laid his eyes on Hange.

As always, she was waiting for him, and when she finally noticed his approach, she began waving her hands happily. And Levi didn’t need to see her face to know she was grinning at him.

He felt his own lips curve into a smile, as his heart was finally at peace, now that he was beside Hange once again.

                                                             ***

“Levi?” Hange called, while they were sitting on a tree branch, their legs swinging back and forth. “Are you busy tonight?”

Beside her, Levi scoffed. “Of course not, what I would be busy with? Why do you ask, though?”

“Well,” Hange faltered, fidgeting with her hands. “Tonight is the night of the forest festival. And I thought… maybe you would like to come? With me, I mean.”

“A forest festival?” Levi wondered aloud. He suddenly remembered the stories, his uncle used to tell him. So it was the truth, and not hallucinations of a drunkard? “Is it a festival for… spirits?”

“Yeah,” Hange nodded. “But it’s a special night. All spirits and ghosts are pretending to be human. They won’t even notice that you are not one of them. And even if they do, I will protect you. You don’t have to worry.”

“I do not worry,” Levi huffed. “I was just asking. Alright, I’ll sneak from the house tonight and come to this stupid festival.”

“Yay!” Hange threw her hands in the air. Levi wished he could see her smile right now, but Hange’s face was obscured by a mask. “I’ll be waiting for you on our usual spot?”

“Of course.”

                                                                ***

In the evening Levi came to their meeting spot. He was surprised to see Hange already waiting for him. She held a lantern in her hand and she was dressed in a bright yellow yukata.

“Oi, you look so handsome today,” Hange noted, smiling and nodding at his dark blue yukata.

Levi felt his cheek burn in embarrassment. “You look good too,” he muttered quietly.

Hange’s laughed delightfully at his awkward compliment.

Before they entered the forest, Levi took a white cloth out of his pocket. He outstretched one end of it to Hange, and he wrapped another one around his wrist.

“So we won’t be separated,” he told her.

“You kept it all those years?” Hange asked with wonder in her voice.

“Of course. It’s a souvenir from my mysterious forest friend.”

Hange said nothing, but Levi saw her looking at their joined hands. He wished he could see what her face looked right now, but Hange was wearing a mask, as always.

They entered the forest, walking side by side.

The quiet and calm atmosphere of the summer night was interrupted by Hange’s sudden fit of giggles.

“We look like a couple on a date!”

“We do.” Levi replied simply, making Hange gasp. She stopped and stared at him in bewilderment.

“When did you learn how to be so suave?” Hange asked, as she caught up with Levi.

Levi shrugged. “I grew up. It’s you who always stays the same.”

“I do.” Hange nodded, and Levi was surprised to hear some sadness in her voice. He wanted to ask her about it, but soon they reached the clearing, and Levi’s eyes widened as he took in all the bright colors and different sounds of the festival.

All around him were shining lanterns and people in colorful yukatas, Levi was surrounded by the sound of music and laughter. It all looked so normal, he saw not a spirit in sight. Everyone looked just like ordinary people - Levi saw children running around, adults, walking in pairs and holding hands, and elderly, sitting down and enjoying their tea as they wore warm smiles, watching the festivities.

“Come on!” Hange tugged on his arm, breaking Levi out of his daze. “There is so much we have to do!”

And Levi let himself be dragged, dutifully following after Hange as she jumped from one fun activity to another. They went goldfish scooping, gun-shooting, ring-tossing and senbonbiki, and Hange tasted a dozen of different dishes from the food stalls.

Levi was barely able to keep up with her, but still he enjoyed his evening, as Hange’s delighted laugh and her squeals of joy made him incredibly happy.

When Hange finally tired out, she offered to walk Levi home.

She was humming softly, while they were walking side by side through the dark forest. Strolling with Hange like that Levi was reminded of their first meeting.

A smile graced his lips, as he thought of how lucky he was to get lost that day.

Suddenly Hange stopped. She took off her mask and put it on Levi’s face. Before he could react in any way, Hange took a step closer to him and pressed her lips to the mask. She lingered there for a moment, and Levi’s hands trembled with desire to touch her, to cup her face in his palms and truly kiss her, with no obstacles in their way.  

“Keep it,” Hange nodded to the mask. She winked, grinning mischievously, before continuing. “It will be another souvenir from your forest friend.”

Levi froze, looking at Hange with helpless eyes. In that moment he knew that it was his last meeting with Hange. Somewhere deep in his soul Levi felt that he would never get to see his best friend or hear her laugh or listen to her stupid jokes.

He extended his hand, reaching for her. “Hange…” he called softly.

But before Levi could say anything else, a couple of kids ran past them. One of them stumbled and Hange caught him with her hand.

“Be careful!” she called after him, as the boy giggled and continued running after his friend.

And Levi watched with wide eyes as Hange’s hand, the hand that just touched the boy’s shoulder, began to disappear in a bright green light.

“That boy was probably not a spirit,” Hange laughed awkwardly.

And Levi still watched, unable to look away and shocked to do anything else. His heart beat wildly in his chest and Levi felt how tears slowly started to gather in the corners of his eyes.

“Levi, come here!” Hange urged him, widening her arms.

And Levi ran to her, almost knocking her down. He closed his hands around Hange, pressing her as close to him as he could.

“I love you, Hange,” he whispered frantically in her shoulder. He could feel Hange disappearing beneath his fingertips, but Levi held on tight, trying to memorize the feel of Hange’s soft skin and inhaling her faint scent.

“I love you, too,” Hange replied, laughing giddily. “I’m so happy that I can finally touch you!”

“I will always remember you,” Levi promised.

Hange nodded, the brilliant smile on her lips, and in the next moment she disappeared completely.

Levi continued to stare at the spot, where Hange stood. The tears flew freely from his eyes, and Levi’s heart was broken, shuttered in a million pieces, his soul already missing Hange.

But still, a smile began to appear on his face, as he recalled Hange’s last moments.

He was right after all, Hange’s touch did make him feel incredibly warm inside.

And staring at the night sky and the millions stars, that shone brightly, but weren’t nearly as blinding as Hange’s smile, Levi knew that even though he would always miss Hange, even though his heart would always belong to her, now that he had finally touched her, he would never feel cold again.

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[levinneheart]

Never loved you

Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader (College AU)

Warning/s: Characters are 20+; slight IzuOcha ship; Fluff; Angst; implied Depression; may or may not been based on experience

And yes, the title is a Song by Evie Clair. You’re quirk is smth to do w/ Empath and it’s not hero material by norms.

You never expect to encounter him. Out of all the people you could’ve met, you didn’t believe you that you could met him online out of all the places.

It started when you became friends with a group of talented singers and musicians as you also joined into the fun – abeit not as talented as them, you tried your best and put your all into it. Not long after that, you began knowing the group which consists of all the previous students of Class 1-A and some other students of UA and soon, Mina invited you to join their group as an “honorary member” as you lived in another country which you gladly accepted.

Sometimes, you would join the voice call and be overwhelmed by the amount of voices blasting in your earphone. Sometimes, you would listen silently as everyone talked over each other while Bakugou screamed and make small explosions that literally makes everyone deaf. Rip earphone users. You loved and treasured these moments with them, although you didn’t know what they looked like.

It wasn’t until he joined that made you the happiest. You were currently teasing Midoriya and Uraraka, saying they were cute crushing on each other, much to Uraraka’s denial and Midoriya’s stuttering. Chuckling, you continue with your impromptu storytelling of their love blossoming until both of them are beyond speechless. You decided to stop when Bakugou joined the conversation.

“Yo, Mina invited other damn extra!” he informed in his usual loud voice.

“Kaachan, you shouldn’t talk to Shinsou like that! He’s listening you know!” Midoriya scolded softly.

You checked and someone was listening in, they had a cat picture as a profile pic and you couldn’t helped but smack yourself in embarrassment as you didn’t noticed earlier while Bakugou and Midoriya beefed it out in the voice chat. You muted them, not wanting to hear they’re yelling of being the no. 1 hero.

“I agree with you btw.” chatted the one with cat pic. “It’s so obvious, it makes me roll my eyes that they remain oblivious to each other’s feelings.”

“IKR!” You typed back, forgetting your embarrassment.

“You’re not from UA, are you?”

“No. Actually, I’m just an honorary member as Mina says since I live miles away haha.”

“I see. I’m Shinsou, Shinsou Hitoshi btw.”

“(l/n) (f/n)! Nice to meet’cha!”

You didn’t know how it happened but you felt an instant connection to him and you two hitted it off from then. You two would always chat in your private message and it quickly became unnoticed by the others, they even started to ship is and make an official name for the ship. You played oblivious as did he, although both of you already know about it.

After two weeks, he called you bb and you couldn’t helped but blush before awkwardly telling him: you really really liked him. At first, he didn’t say anything so you were half-expecting him to reject you and that’ll be it. But surprised, he told you: he liked you back. However you both decided that it’s too early for a relationship so you two now have a peace of mind that at least the other feels the same way.

It was fun, interacting with him, sending him uwus and heart memes, etc. You learned that he’s working as a pro hero while you studied in university. You learned he’s a gamer who sings, plays the guitar and ukulele ngl i can honesty see this as canon. And he plays basketball and soccer just pretend sksksksksk.

You two would schedule voice calls as you both were busy, it would always play out as – you would come home late and wait for him to get out of work as you two chatted away before actually getting in the call once he’s home. You would usually ask about he’s day and about his job and he’d reply with his usual deep tired voice that you’ve grown to love curses my deep voice kink.

This went for two months. Until one night while you were staying up late studying, he chatted your name. This was the first time he called you by your real name, usually he would call you by your username or “bb” as usual so this sudden change set butterflies in your stomach.

“Yes, Toshi?” you replied before teasingly sent, “This is the 1st time you called me by my name haha.”

“I wanted to tell you something important so I thought it’d catch your attention.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I love you.”

Without thinking you typed, “I love you too.” and sent it before realizing what he meant. “Do you meant that as a friend?” You immediately sent.

“Do you want me to say that?”

You blushed hard, you can imagine him chuckling at your stupid question. “Uhhh no??? Idk??? You’re not joking, right??”

“I wouldn’t have said it, if I didn’t mean it.”

“Really?” You couldn’t believe it so you just had to ask.

“Yes.”

“Tell it to me again plz 🥺👉👈.”

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Toshi.”

“In advance, I’m so sorry for being a weirdo.”

“But you’re my weirdo.”

Cue squealing. But after that, it went spiraling down. A month and a week went by without communication from him; no updates, no greetings, no nothing. You decided to confront him about your concerns. You understand that he’s busy at work and you were always supportive and understanding at his job were his top priority.

But couldn’t he at least spare you a few minutes of his free time, maybe when he woke up or during his breaks. You didn’t ask for more so you were slightly disappointed with him as it worried you that he worked 6am-2am everday without holiday breaks besides Nov.1-2.

You voiced those concerns to him, he apologized and you forgave him. But this behavior of his continued on and this made you sad, other would say you’re depressed but you were too occupied with thoughts of him; his voice; the feeling he gave you, etc.

For another month and three days, you confront him again but this time he left your pm and blocked you. You panicked as negative thoughts flooding your mind.

Did you do anything wrong? You weren’t too clingy, right? Your chat wasn’t too honest, right?

You somehow managed to calm your mind after a couple of minutes and through logical evaluation and elimination, you concluded that you didn’t do anything wrong. But the questions remain: Why did he leave? Why did he blocked you?

For the longest time, you couldn’t answer that. You spend your time drifting off from reality and to your memories with Toshi while day-by-by you lessen your interactions with your online friends, seemingly just vanishing from thin air.

You felt empty, a void of loneliness filled you as you went your way through your own life, not knowing what to do with yourself or even feel. Why did it come to this? Everything went fine, you two were happy so why? Why did he suddenly leave you all alone like that?

———————————————————————

Today was the reunion of UA batch [number]. Shinsou stood in the far corner of the Gym Gamma, his back leaning against the wall as he observed everyone and everything. He noticed an unfamiliar yet familiar (h/c) locks, he watch as you talked with Sero, Tokoyami, Shouji, and Ojirou. You were especially close to Ojirou, you practically by his side with your arm linked with his.

He didn’t know why he was growing irritated and angry at sight of you being in someone else’s arms when he damn well know that you deserve to move on after what he’d done to you after all those three years but still… He had hoped that you actually waited for him.

You were suddenly called by Kirishima as you leaned towards Ojirou and whispered a soft ‘see you’ before walking towards to him.

“(Y/n)-chan! I want you to meet someone!” He said as he dragged you towards where a lone lavender haired man stood before running away. You opened your mouth to objects but it was already too late, he was gone. You looked at the stranger and felt that same connection when you met him, you knew. Although not having to see his face, you just knew that it was him: Shinsou.

“(L/n) (f/n)! Nice to meet’cha!” You cheered brightly, just like when you first introduced yourself to him.

“I know.” he replied. “I’m Shinsou Hitoshi.” God, why I am so lame. He thought.

“Oh! Nice to finally and officially meet you, Shinsou-san!” You smiled as you raised your glass towards him.

Why did you have to call him like a stranger? And not the usual ‘Toshi’ you would always call him?

He clicked his glass with yours and took a sip as his eyes spotted a shiny accessory on your ring finger, making his heart froze. That’s why. You were engaged. Of course, why wouldn’t you be? You were ever so patient, understanding and supportive. It didn’t even surprise him.

When you finished you glass, you excused yourself as Jirou announces the last song for tonight that is written by the guess before she yelled out your name and you climbed up the stage.

“Love do you know?

We've been growing apart

And you should know

That for me that's hard

Darling I'm scared if I let you go, oh

This will be goodbye for good

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

‘I never loved you’

And I won't say

That I knew it from the start

So you can say

That we weren't torn apart

'Cause for me, oh it's easier to bleed, oh

When I know you can sleep so I keep telling myself

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

I feel numb when the drums slow down

Oh, leave me dumb so I can't tell myself

Myself, oh

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

I already know that it just isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

‘I never loved you’.”

Part 2, maybe???

[sareenademon]

Bi Fang and Havik create mischief together! fluffy/weird/concerning

(Btw Havik might be a lil OOC or he might not be bc he’s the biggest wildcard in the mk universe.)

Bi Fang is the son of Bi Han and Sareena: Info on him (btw Bi Fang is inspired from Richie Tozier from Stephen Kong’s It, he curses a lot)

Once Noob Saibot got redeemed and rejoined the Lin Kuei he cut ties with all of his evil associates. This included Havik. Well kinda.

They don’t consider each other enemies and Havik still considers Bi Han his bestfriend! And sometimes he’ll randomly insert himself back into his life to cause a bit of chaos. He’s more of an annoyance to Bi Han if anything.

(Bi Fang is 10 at this point. And this before he meets Satoshi and Liu Jerrod)

Years later, when Havik found out that Bi Han has a son he became curious.

So, he decided to pay the boy a visit and meet him!

For a day, he stalked Bi Fang from a far.

Havik realized how powerful Bi Fang could be. The boy shared the DNA of a cryomancer and a demon. His ice powers could be legendary. It could be powerful enough to one day kill that bastard Hotaru.

He also realized how different Bi Fang was from his father.

Unlike Bi Han, Fang has a great sense of humor! Havik finds the boy’s pranks on the other Lin Kuei members to be hilarious! But he also notices the boy’s loneliness. He sees how the other children of the Lin Kuei shunned him.

So Havik decides he should take the boy out for some good ol, chaotic fun!

He appears to him when the boy is alone hanging out in a forest.

Havik: Hello Bi Fang, I-

Bi Fang: -AHHH! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!

*Havik watches as he runs away towards the temple. He quickly teleports in front of him and grabs Bi Fang and puts a hand over his mouth to stop his screaming*

Havik: I am not here to harm you! I am here to fun with you!

Bi Fang: You do realize how fuckin creepy that sounds right?!

*Havik giggles and lets him go*

Bi Fang: Who the hell are you anyways?

Havik: I am the Cleric of Chaos! Me and your father worked together back in the day.

Bi Fang: Cleric of Chaos? You sound like a bad guy to me.

Havik: Well I wouldn’t say bad..It’s of no matter. I’m here to see if you’d like to come create some mischief with me!

Bi Fang: Why would I go anywhere with a fucking weirdo like you?!

Havik knew that the boy wouldn’t go with him this way, so he decided to use a bit of manipulation.

*Havik fakes a hurt expression, faces away from Bi Fang and starts sobbing*

Bi Fang: Hey, are you...crying?

Havik: *sniffles* I-i just hoped you’d be different is all.

Bi Fang: What do you mean?

Havik: Nobody wants to be my friend! They all think I am a freak! I thought you could understand what how it feels...to be rejected because you’re different...

*Bi Fang’s suspicious expression visibly softens*

Bi Fang: I do know how it feels...I don’t have many friends either, they all think I’m a freak too...hey I’ll be your friend, just don’t cry.

*Bi Fang hugs Havik*

Havik: Oh goodie! Now let us go have some fun!

Bi Fang: Where are we going?

Havik: Hehe, to create havoc of course!

So that’s exactly what they do. Havik teleports them to America, California where their disruption of the peace begins.

They run around pranking random people and they do every prank in the book.

They Teepee people’s houses, egg people’s cars, put a flaming bag of dog shit on someone’s front porch, put Whoopi cushions on the chairs of Starbucks, put bugs in people’s food, stink bombed stores, etc.

Havoc scares passerbys by taking his head off or breaking his knee caps or turning his torso 360 degrees. Bi Fang laughs his ass off at their freaked out people’s reactions.

They made this really buff big guy scream like a little girl and they laughed until it hurt.

Havoc was so delighted that he finally had a mini me. Bi Fang was way more fun than his killjoy father and uncle.

He would make a wonderful son and heir!

Of course, the cops were soon called on them and They soon found themselves surrounded by Stryker and Kabal, and a couple other cops.

Havik: Allow me to deal with these party poopers hehehehe.

(At this time Kabal and Stryker haven’t met Bi Fang yet and they don’t know he’s the Lin Kuei grandmaster’s son)

Bi Fang cheered him on as Havik made quick work of the squad of officers but when he went to finish off Kabal and Stryker. Bi Fang quickly intervened.

Bi Fang: Stop! You’re gonna kill them!

Havik: I know! It’s going to be so much fun to watch the life leave their eyes.

Bi Fang: ...You can’t kill them...it’s-it’s wrong!

Havik: Come now, Do not be so dull! Just think of the chaos it will cause in their loved one’s lives! Hehehe!

Bi Fang: Y-you’re starting to scare me...if you kill them...I-i won’t be your friend no more.

The chaos cleric glared at Bi fang for a couple of moments before he sighed and released the two beaten officers.

He didn’t want to run the boy off yet. He still had plans for him.

Havik: Very, well...say, all this mischief is making me hungry. Let’s go get something to eat.

*Havik takes the boy’s hand and starts pulling him away from the unconscious cops*

Bi Fang: Ya, I’m kinda hungry too, but where are we gonna eat? I don’t have any money.

Havik: Hehehe, who says we’re going to pay for the food?

So they go to a McDonald’s. All the employees look terrified of Havik and they don’t dare to stop him when he walks behind the counter and starts making a McFlurry.

Bi Fang decides to follow Havik’s suit and starts taking some chicken nuggets and fries. They run out of the McDonald’s before another group of cops can arrive.

It was getting late and Bi Fang was getting sleepy so the Chaosrealmer returned Bi Fang to his home. Before leaving Bi Fang asked if they could go have fun again tomorrow. To which Havik replied, anything for his best friend.

Once Havik disappeared, Bi Fang ran into his parents on his way to his bedroom.

Let’s just say, they weren’t too happy to learn who Bi Fang has spent the day with. Especially Bi Han, who was livid that Havik had the nerve to kidnap his child.

Bi Fang: He said you two knew each other.

Bi Han: That doesn’t mean he is someone good or trustworthy! You know you shouldn’t speak to anyone that isn’t Lin Kuei! You are to never speak to that freak again! Understand?!

Bi Fang: He’s not a freak! He’s my friend, and he likes hanging out with me! Not like you!

*Bi Han is about to scream at his son but Sareena steps in*

Sareena: Bi Fang, you do not realize how dangerous that man truly is. He is most likely trying to manipulate and use you.

*Bi Fang starts tearing up*

Bi Fang: N-no! You’re wrong! He’s like me-

Bi Han: -Enough! Go to your room! And do not come out until I say so!

Bi Fang runs to his room crying. Bi Han feels a bit regretful for upsetting him so much, but he has the Chaos Cleric to deal with first.

He, Kuai Liang, and Smoke go to the Chaosrealm and face Havik. Bi Han is on Havik’s ass before he could even greet them. Bi Han is strong enough to pin the Cleric to the ground and starts choking him.

Havik: Y-you...se-em upset...with m-me, Bi Han...

Bi Han: *growls* How dare you kidnap my son! I’ll rip out your heart!

Havik: W-as...not kidnap, h-he came willing-ACH

*Bi Han tightens his hold on Havik’s throat. Kuai steps in and pull Bi Han off of the cleric*

Kuai Liang: Why did you take him to America? What scheme are you plotting Havik? 

Havik: What schemes? I only wanted to show the boy some fun! Your child is a riot! He is the son I have always dreamed of! Hehehe!

*Bi Han lunges at Havik again but this time Havik evades him*

Bi Han: HE IS NOT YOUR SON! HE IS MINE!

Smoke: You expect us to believe you did this for fun?

Havik: ....Yes. Do you really expect me to make sense?

*The 3 Lin Kuei stare him for a couple moments and then look at each other*

Bi Han: I am warning you now Chaos Cleric. If you ever go near my son again I will rip apart limb from limb, and give your remains to demons and they will torture you for the rest of eternity...

Havik: Oh Bi Han, do not threaten me with a good time. Fine, I will leave your boy alone. You have my word.

*crosses his toes in his boot*

Havik was lying of course. But it was enough to get the Lin Kuei and Bi Han to return to Earthrealm.

Havik wasn’t going to give up on Bi Fang just yet. The potential of havoc that boy could unleash was amazing. Somehow, Bi Fang will become his son, and together they will plunge the realms into chaos.

(I’m gonna end it here bc it became longer than I meant it to be. Hope you enjoyed)

[pacificwanderer]

I’m starting to feel very nervous that there will be no romance between Ben and Rey. What if it’s just them reconciling and that’s it. Their relationship just evolves to them being friends at the end of IX or their relationship is so subtle and is left ambiguous...

Hey Nonnie,

Romance has always been an overt part of SW as a whole, so there’s no reason to believe that any romance between Rey and Ben would be subtle or ambiguous.

I’m going to be frank, but they were not so subtly eye-fucking each other on that elevator (my non-shipping spouse thought they were going to kiss, which is exactly what they wanted the audience to think).

She saw his tits.

They touched hands in a symbolic union across space and time.

And then there’s the whole throne room scene. I just, you know it’s not only the Reylos that see this shit, right?

Here’s a fun article from Vanity Fair: How The Last Jedi Became the Sexiest Star Wars Movie Yet that features such gems as: 

But having seen the film with a full audience three times, I can say no moment draws more audible gasps and applause than when Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren and Daisy Ridley’s Rey whirl around in brief slow-motion, stand back-to-back, and take on a room of their shared enemies together. It’s the sexiest moment in a franchise that already featured a young Han Solo answering Leia’s earnest “I love you” with a smoldering “I know.”

But I hate to break it to you: the Tumblr fans were right. With Rey’s non-Skywalker lineage confirmed, she and Kylo burn up the screen in the franchise’s most intense relationship we can’t help but root for—even though we know we shouldn’t.

It’s tempting, at first, to deny the existence of any sexual tones in The Last Jedi. This is, after all, a franchise for kids. But sex, love, and bad or off-limits romances have always been written into the D.N.A. of Star Wars—albeit a little less lustily.

And like this entire paragraph:

But for all the romantic picnics between Padmé and Anakin and passionate stolen kisses of Han and Leia, nothing in the Star Wars franchise has ever had quite the dangerous spark as the late-night Force Skype sessions between lonely, misunderstood misfits Rey and Kylo. “You’re not alone,” they urgently confess to each other as the movie pushes them closer. Nothing is sexier than a forbidden romance—and, like any overprotective father figure, Luke should have known that busting up their call would only drive Rey directly into Kylo’s arms. (Note the precise moment in the film where she switches from calling him Kylo to calling him “Ben.”) The fact that Kylo is unwittingly being used as some kind of sexy emo honeypot so Snoke can lure Rey into his clutches is beside the point. These kids think the connection they have is special because they are special. 

Okay, so read the entire article because it’s gold.

And then this article is just lol:

1. Kylo Ren takes his shirt offLike I wasn’t going to start with this? Adam Driver as Kylo Ren gamely serves up the most Star Wars beefcake since Luke went sleeveless on Dagobah, and even Rey is rattled. She forgot to force-knock before barging in on the dude, and here’s Kylo Ren alone in his room, stripped to the waist, boasting sweaty pecs that look like he sliced Alderaan in half and glued the remainders to his chest. It’s a lot! Finally, even people who don’t subscribe to HBO can wonder, “Shit, am I attracted to Adam Driver?”

2. Kylo and Rey’s whole thingMany weirdos shipped these two characters after The Force Awakens, and now I kinda get it. Kylo and Rey never make out, but they still share The Last Jedi’s sexiest scenes as well as a telepathic connection fostered by sinister voyeur Snoke, the galaxy’s mightiest cuck. And how about that moment where Kylo kills his mentor — it’s always hot when a space goth murders a lazy magician — and then flips sides with Rey to kill off a straggling crew of ruby-red stormtroopers? If watching seven seasons of Buffy has taught me anything, it’s that there is no sex sign more unequivocal than teaming up with your sworn enemy to throw stage punches.

And like, this is going to get a little ranty (not directed at you, nonnie, just in general because I have a lot of feelings about SW and Reylo lol), but I don’t know if I can properly convey just how big of a fucking deal it is that Ben killed Snoke for Rey. He killed his master for someone he’s known for, what? Three days? A girl who tried to kill him twice? And he’s not even mad about it! I think he’s impressed, and more than just a little bit in love with her.

But he killed off what everyone thought was going to be the big bad, because he wanted to keep her safe. He was thinking of this plan from when she arrived on Snoke’s Supremacy. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn’t sure until that lightsaber fell in front of him and everything clicked because there was no way he was going to let Snoke have her.

After everything he’s been through and everything that Snoke has done to him, he wasn’t willing to give her up.

He killed someone who has had a hold on him since BIRTH, basically an evil wizard that had a powerful spell over him for his entire life, and he killed him for her. I don’t know if people realize just how significant that is for Ben. Unless you’ve grown up in an extremely oppressive environment (think fundamentalist religions or even cults), it’s hard to properly convey just how much of a big fucking deal it is to turn on everything you’ve come to know.

Snoke isolated Ben so completely that they weren’t even allowed to utter his birth name in the FO. He tried to fashion him into a weapon that could be used to bring down Luke. But furthermore than that, the relationship was insidious and predatory in nature, but as is the case with those kinds of relationships, people are brainwashed into believing certain things. They condition people to have certain reactions (so, when Han questions Snoke’s loyalty to Ben and tells him that Snoke will use him and destroy him, Kylo basically replies with a ready response, “No, the supreme leader is wise.” LIKE FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. That’s a learned reaction, something that gets triggered by specific circumstances/conditioning and, in this case, that circumstance is someone questioning Snoke’s power).

So turning away from something that you’ve been indoctrinated into is hard and, in some cases, impossible because of the kind of conditioning that is used to control people accounts for that kind of thing (which also makes Fi//nn turning against the FO a huge fucking deal too, btw). But Ben overcomes that for her. This isn’t something you do for like some rando on the street. He did this because he wanted to keep her, and she wanted to keep him, but not as they are at that point. Both of them need to figure out some shit on their own before they’re able to come together and resolve their problems and get a HEA.

He made his first step towards the light for her, but now he has to find his own reasons for coming around. He has to want to change for himself, and not because Rey or anyone else wants him to, in order for there to be any kind of lasting change in his life (and of course it’s fine if he needs help to do that, but the main motivating factor has to be that he wants to change).

And I’m not so convinced that Rey is sold on the idea of the Resistance. Like it was always her intention to go back to Jakku until Kylo got her to see the truth about that. She’s been fighting to survive her entire life, like she doesn’t owe them anything. I think her story is going to be more Force driven than anything else (with the eventual resolution for it all at the end), but we’ll have to see.

Also. ALSO. She shipped herself to him, right smack into fucking enemy territory, risking torture and death, to get him back. She did that. SHE DID THAT. RIGHT IN THERE. Like how impulsive and awesome. She saw the good in him, saw that they shared something yet to come, and BOOM she’s in there to get him back. I admire that about her. It’s brave and such a fucking hero thing to do, and for the villain. MY GOD. FOR KYLO FUCKING REN. THE DUDE SHE JUST TRIED TO KILL TWICE. I JUST. *FLAILING*

BE STILL MY VILLAIN FUCKER HEART.

Anyfuckingways. Basically, LF knows how thirsty everyone is for more Reylo content, JJ knows how thirsty we all are for more Reylo content (his director’s commentary, what does he say when the story shifts back to Rey and Kylo? “Back to the story that everyone cares about?”). 

Just don’t worry. Honestly, it’s not worth it. And, honestly, this shit already isn’t subtle or subtext or any of it. It’s right the fuck out there. Obvious enough that other media comments on it and fanboys get riled up about it.

It’s real. And I have faith that they cast Adam Fucking Driver because they know what a god damn fabulous kisser he is, like they’re not going to let those “plush lips” go to waste. WHAT A CRIME THAT WOULD BE.

WHAT A WASTE.

Anyways, there’s a shitton of awesome Reylo meta out there that pretty much lays out why people thing it’s going to happen and if you’re still worried about it, maybe take a break from spoilers/the fandom for a bit because, at the end of it all, it’s supposed to be fun and not stressful.

Cheers and chin up, Nonnie!

[fourangers]

Perhaps, in the end, it’s fate

Summary:  With one different tilt of the destiny, many other paths can be unfolded. However between them, there would be always an automatic pull since they share an interchangeable fate.

It's ninjaverse AU, completely different timeline. Teacher!Naruto, father!Sasuke, lil!Sarada with a harmless crush on Nardo. No prior pairings with Sasuke (and Naruto btw) because babies can be created through power of SCIENCE! (or in this case, Orochimaru’s experiments).

Based on February prompt from Sun and Moon Challenge, check it out once you can! SNS, T-rated. Comedy and Romance.

AO3 link | FFnet link

⏤.⏤

Squinting his eyes, he swallowed dryly with fingers crossed. He hoped his future mentor would be wise and kind, his teammates nice and welcoming. If he could stretch a little bit more in this wishing department, maybe Sakura will be part of his team. Well, anything, anyone but Sasuke. It was already humiliating enough losing his first kiss to that bastard, going on missions with him would be. The. Worst.

Iruka cleared his throat, staring the list. "Well, Team 7 will be Haruno Sakura..."

Naruto inhaled sharply, tightening his fists.

"Uchiha Sasuke..." He could hear Sakura's jubilant scream all across the classroom, in midst of other feminine complaints and whining. Naruto groaned too.

"...and Hyuuga Neji."

Huh.

That was...sort of unexpected. Really unexpected.

Naruto frowned, wondering why it felt so out of place that he wouldn't be part of this team.

Iruka continued to recite. "That means that the last team will be Rock Lee, Tenten and Uzumaki Naruto."

He threw a tentative glance towards his future teammates, trying not to get freaked out towards the most humongous eyebrows he had ever met in his life. This boy was also wearing a spandex, a bowl cut haircut style and a goofy smile. His female teammate, on the other hand, simply smiled once she noticed him, waving her hand.

Naruto awkwardly waved back, butterflies squirming in his stomach. A brand new life lied ahead of him and he couldn’t wait to get into his first ninja mission.

His new teacher was a bigger weirdo named Maito Gai. He wore Lee’s same spandex and had even thicker brows, but every qualm was instant quelled once he showed impressive taijutsu skills. He was also unbelievably patient and kind with his protegées, taking notes of their strengths and deficiencies, even teaching basic ninjutsus skills to Naruto that he didn’t manage to learn back in ninja Academy.

Gai had auto-proclaimed rival to Team 7’s leader, some shady guy named Kakashi. They stumbled towards that team on a rather frequent basis while watching Gai’s bravados and weird contests with Kakashi laidback responses. That also meant that Naruto and Lee were busy wooing (or at least trying to) Sakura. Noticing Lee’s unsuccessful attempts to ask her out made him shift for another strategy; concentrating on the other rival ergo Uchiha Sasuke.

(though frankly, while sprawled on the bed after another grueling day of training, Naruto had to admit that what he wanted the most was to check if Sasuke, who is another orphan like him, was doing ok on his own)

Sasuke egged him on, honestly. Calling him a total dumbass, smirking while they bickered, it was refreshing someone acknowledge him aside his teammates.

Sakura was treating him better in comparison to the Academy days, much to his positive surprise. She muttered something about Sasuke giving her a blistering lecture, defending Naruto out, which broke his wall for a second.

Chuunin exams arrived, Lee and Tenten losing in the preliminaries, fueling Naruto to get a victory for the team. His fight against Hyuuga Neji ended with some broken bones, painful conversations, a promise and a new friend. He was looking forward to see Sasuke defeat Gaara to honor Konoha, however, as life was full of unexpected changes, that innocuous exam ended with the Sandaime Hokage murdered and the village being attacked.

The village council convinced Kakashi be a temporary Hokage, everyone gathering around to fix the destruction. Soon they returned to their old routine with the usual genin missions while they went back to train. Naruto kept helping Tenten to conjure better weapons as well as sparring with Lee. He had to admit that while Gai was a good teacher, he wished he could expand even further his skills to something other than taijutsu…

Before he could get back to the idyllic days, out of nowhere, Sasuke disappeared. Rumors spread seeing Sakura’s swollen eyes and Kakashi handling a mission to retrieve him. All genins he knew assembled a team with Shikamaru as the leader and Neji to talk him through.

The mission was a complete utter failure.

“He just didn’t listen to me. I even mentioned you Naruto-kun, how it’s possible for anyone to get out from our personal darkness and conquer fate but still…” Neji shook his head, swallowing a soldier pill to replenish his depleted chakra.

Words of disagreement lodged on his throat but he couldn’t voice it out. Naruto knew, somehow, that if it were him, instead of Neji, maybe…Maybe he’d be able to convince Sasuke, or…

After this incident, he noticed Sakura’s grim expression when she started her medic nin training, as well as Neji’s renewed determination to change the Hyuuga clan. Naruto questioned himself, why he wanted with almost the same intensity to bring Sasuke back to Konoha, despite wondering if he’d make a difference. He’s not even his teammate…

And yet he pondered; was this the reason why he accepted Jiraiya’s tutelage, when Gai mentioned about him when they went to retrieve Tsunade?

But as painful that experience was for everyone involved in, life moved on. Even shadows casting on Team 7’s eyes were blurring out, Sakura mentioning her ex-teammate with a somewhat nostalgia instead of bitterness, and Neji found a closer friendship with Naruto as years passed by.

Naruto questioned himself then, the irrational need to work to the bone 24/7, red iris plaguing his dreams sometimes. He was evolving, he was becoming a stronger ninja and yet he always felt that he didn’t reach his full potential. As if his body was waiting for a worthy rival to inspire him.

Team 7 and Team Gai were celebrating together for gaining their chuunin title, as well as Neji’s jounin promotion. Lee and Sakura used this opportunity to reveal that they were dating, shocking them all. They were a cute couple; Naruto figured, so he approached her to drop a quiet confession.

“You know, it’s funny but I used to have a crush on you.” He muttered, sipping his tea.

Sakura stared with wide eyes, before letting out a short chuckle.

“What!” Naruto yowled. “I mean, don’t sell yourself short, you are cute so a lot of boys liked you and I used to be one of them so⏤”

Sakura shook her head, giggling. "No, no, no, I mean...I thought you used to have a crush on Sasuke.”

His jaw dropped to the ground. “What?!”

“Yes, whenever our teams met, you were busier staring at him and trying to get him to fight you than trying to talk with me. So I thought maybe you were into him? Like the typical boy who pull the girl’s pigtails because he likes her. Well, though you two were boys. Was I wrong?”

Naruto was scarlet red to the tip of his hair, mouth still slack, unable to formulate any complete sentence. Sakura’s smile grew more mischievous so he settled to avoid looking at her, wolfing down his plate.

Sakura pursed her lips, sagging on her seat. “Sasuke huh...he’s coming back, you know.”

For a second, the world stood stock still. “What?”

She shrugged, fingers twirling strands of hair. “You heard that right. He wants to go back to Konoha, claiming that he saw the errors of his way. So he traded important information about Sound Village and Orochimaru to regain his citizenship and ninja status in Konoha.”

A silence fell between them as they both took their time to absorb this bout of information. Sakura cheered up once her boyfriend was back with fresh food, but Naruto was lost thinking about all possibilities.

Few days later, Sasuke arrived at the gates, battered and tired, cradling a cloth wrapping with his arms. He was already the main gossip of the town, then the whispers grew exponentially once they confirmed that he was, indeed, holding a little child.

At a tender age of 18, this young man was already a father.

Naruto hid in some corner of a store, glancing surreptitiously as Sasuke strolled through the streets, uncaring to people gawking and muttering around him. The toddler began shuffling, hiccuping. Those small noises soon turned to loud wails that made him stop at once, cradling her close as he made little bounces though this wasn’t enough to calm her down. People made annoyed faces and had quicken their paces, everyone refused to help him out.

Listening to the cries that increased in volume, he bit his lip, taking a deep breath. He emerged from his spot, walking closer to Sasuke who appeared a little frantic.

“Um.” Naruto scratched the back of his head when Sasuke turned to face him with a glare, hands busy while his daughter kept crying. “Maybe you can try putting her body resting over your upper arm, like a tiger resting on a branch.”

Sasuke stared skeptical, despite obeying his suggestion. Her short yowls decreased, breathing becoming more even till she slept in his arms. Needless to say, Sasuke was rather impressed.

“Uh yeah⏤Iruka-toosan sometimes asks me to help him out taking care of children in the daycare center. I got some of those tips.”

Sasuke grunted back, gazing upon his baby.

“So…” Naruto smacked his lips. “Welcome back? Uh, what’s her name?”

Sasuke huffed, placing her head on his left shoulder. “Sarada.”

Naruto held her tiny hand, smiling with a whisper. “Sarada-chan~welcome to Konoha. You’re gonna love living here, meeting auntie Sakura, uncle Neji, Kakashi, me...how old is she?”

Sasuke scrunched up his face, staring downwards. “9 months. I thought...I’d be fine on my own but in the end, we needed⏤” He thinned his lips. “I said too much.” Before Naruto would ask any further question, Sasuke said. “I should get going. Thank you, Naruto.”

Naruto nodded back, watching the brisk steps moving away from him.

Once Sasuke had settled in the old Uchiha compound, Sakura, Neji and Kakashi visited him. They were welcoming, but absent. After all, Sakura was busy in Konoha’s hospital, Kakashi was going to be officially appointed as Konoha’s Hokage, Neji was helping his cousin changing Hyuuga clan’s laws.

There was a significant chasm between Sasuke and other ninjas of his generation, since he was now a father between young adults, and left Konoha while the Rookie Nine nurtured their relationship over the years. He made no effort to draw the bridge too, cooped in his house taking care of his daughter most of the time. And even when the gang would reunite, he was always the last one to arrive, the first to go.

On some occasions Sakura would succeed in convincing him to bring his daughter whenever team Gai and team 7 would gather in her house. Sasuke however, maintained his distance with the crew, aside some quiet conversation with Neji.  

It was almost like living in an old film reel, rolling all over again. Watching Sasuke as a child from afar, craving to reach his hand and talk to him but never building enough courage to do so. They became mere acquaintances, the occasional nod of recognition when they crossed paths, making small talks while Sasuke was nursing Sarada. Soon Naruto became jounin when Sasuke managed the chuunin title, Lee mentioning he and Sakura took care of Sarada while he was doing the exams.

He stared down the porcelain mask while the townspeople cheered the end of Kakashi’s appointed ceremony. Gai stood next to him, and Naruto smiled from his teacher’s happiness emanating from afar. Long time ago, he remembered desiring conquering such coveted position, but nowadays he was content knowing that Kakashi would make a decent Hokage.

(why did he lose so easily his determination to follow his ambitions?)

Kakashi didn’t waste much time in celebration, throwing mission after mission on him, one longer than the other and in some faraway sketchy places. Most those times Naruto could only hear the faint echoes of their sprinting, casting long shadows on the cavernous walls. He was responsible exploding laboratories while Tenten gathered reports, weird shapes submerged in purpleish water.

How bizarre. Sometimes he could swear some of those shapes had some resemblance with Sasuke.

⏤.⏤

Iruka was like a father to him and he deserved this long vacation after years of tireless tutelage. But still.

Screams. Collisions. Little imps running around all over the place. Those squirmy little brats slithering out of his grasp and making a racket.

Naruto really needed to work in refusing Iruka’s requests, but the older nin was just this damn persuasive.

He spread his clones in every corner of the daycare center, however, it didn’t seem to be enough. The moment the kids understood that his bunshins could pop out with some harder shove, they made their newest game dispelling as many clones as possible.

Yet those kids were old enough to learn basics of ninja skills, so other teachers threw such responsibility on Naruto’s shoulders, considering he had a higher rank. He had a hard time tampering down his strength, why are children such squiggly delicate beings that cried with the littlest wound?

Naruto spent only one day with them and he was already wondering if he would leave this experience unscathed. Nevertheless he summoned every bit of his patience and taught the fundamentals of aiming, giving them the chance to train too.

He heard collective praises and some gasps coming from afar, approaching and noticing the dark haired girl concentrated on her task. Whoa...time surely flies by pretty damn fast. He had forgotten that Sarada was already 5 years old. Naruto snorted when he saw that most shurikens she threw hit the bullseye.

But that wasn’t enough to satisfy her, since she picked all the paper shurikens and threw with renewed zeal. The rest of the kids went away playing on their own, but Sarada remained in training. Heaving tired breaths, she flung another shuriken but this time it flew past the target.

She made a frustrated growl, running to dislodge the weapon that dug deep in the bark of a tree. Naruto heard a concealed hiccup, as Sarada rubbed her eyes with her arm.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I got this.” Naruto appeared in a blink, quirking a mollifying smile and removed the shuriken with ease. He offered to the young Uchiha, she accepted the weapon with contemplative eyes.

“You’re Lee-san’s friend right?” She realized.

“Sure am! I’m Uzumaki Naruto, it’s nice to see you again Sarada-chan.” Naruto patted her head. “You know, it’s really important to train your skills, but taking a break is also equally as important. Letting your body rest when it’s so tired, so it can grow stronger the next time.”

Sarada pouted, then muttered. “Auntie Sakura told me stories about back when my father was my age. He was a genius, always great with whatever he did, but I’m…”

“Ah yeah your dad...I also remember that he used to train all day and night over and over again. You’ll get as good as him in no time, don’t worry about it.”

“But…” Sarada bit her lower lip, shuffling her feet. “Father once talked to me about the Uchiha clan and how it used to be a very respectable clan and I have to follow their footsteps so⏤”

“Ugh, who cares!” Naruto rolled his eyes. “I think it’s too much that this bastard⏤”

She gasped. “You said a bad word!”

“S-sorry.” He scratched his head. “Anyways, I think it’s unfair to put such heavy duties on your shoulders. Your dad suffered back he was your age, I don’t want you to suffer the same. You should be only Sarada-chan after all right! You’ll make your father proud in your own pace.”  

“You think so?”

“I know so! After all, I’m already proud of you and I’m your teacher, right.” He messed her hair, patting on it.

Sarada stared down her shuriken, thumbs sliding over it. She peeked through her fringes, a rosy blush dusting her cheeks. “Thank you Uzumaki-sensei.”

“Oh, you can call me Naruto.” He grinned.

Her voice pumped with more excitement as she said. “Naruto-sensei!”

On the following days Naruto continued with his ninja classes, juggling between paying attention to all students, focusing on the rowdy ones, teaching those lessons and avoid any kind of catastrophe might ensue. He had found another mounting respect towards Iruka, those kids just can’t be real.

In every class Sarada was the first to complete it with pristine score, dashing next to him with eyes silently asking for his praise.

And praise he did, with words of encouragement and approval, injecting an impressed tone as he ruffled her hair. Every single time this gave her renewed motivation to improve herself. Naruto gazed fondly from afar as Sarada hopped between trees with ease. His entire childhood was consumed by hatred and neglect from adults until he met Iruka, he’d never subject any other kid to such trauma once again.

“Naruto-sensei!” Sarada exclaimed, hugging his arm with a tight grip.

Naruto beamed, patting her hair. He was starting to see the perks of this profession, was this the reason why Iruka continued to be a teacher despite having to take care of these little brats everyday?

A baritone voice chimed from behind. “Ah, I see. Expected nothing less I guess.”

They turned around, facing the familiar piercing dark eyes. Sasuke gazed back in fond amusement.

“So you’re really the Naruto-sensei my daughter kept gushing about all last week.”

Sarada pale cheeks reddened at once. “Father!”

“Alright little one, it’s time to go home.” Sasuke hushed by patting on her back. “Go grab our things ok.” After Sarada obeyed him with a pronounced pout, Sasuke muttered once she was out of the picture. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah…” Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. “You look well I guess.”

“Hn. When Lee told me you’re subbing for Iruka-sensei, I didn’t quite believe at first. I thought you’re a jounin?”

“I am, but Iruka-toosan made me promise that I’d take care of them while he’s on vacation. I thought, well, kids right. I took care of ‘em sometimes, one whole month would be nothing and⏤”

“It’s hell isn’t it?” Sasuke smirked.

Naruto dropped his shoulders at once, a long groan vibrating on his throat. “Totally. I was already dead on the first day.”

Sasuke nodded in agreement. “Sarada thankfully is more helpful than most children. But still, where do they get all this energy?”

“I know right??” Naruto laughed. “They look so small I thought they wouldn’t be much trouble but whoa, did I misjudge on this one.”

Sarada arrived with backpack ready. “I’m back father!”

“Good. Maybe we’ll go eat outside for a change.”

“Oh! You should eat Ichiraku Ramen then, it’s perfect for cold day like today!” Naruto said.

Sasuke shook his head. “You and your Ichiraku Ramen, I remember you used to drag Lee and Tenten to eat at that place.”

“Ichiraku Ramen is the greatest, I was just doing them a favor to acknowledge such fact. There’s no other restaurant that would have such delicious braised pork, a tender yet firm noodles coupled with the rich texture and savory miso broth. It’s the best.”

“If Naruto-sensei said so, maybe we should try it!” Sarada chirped. A lightbulb went off and she added. “Maybe he could go with us!”

Both young men crossed their eyes before deflecting in haste, Naruto cleared his throat as Sasuke thinned his lips. “Naruto-sensei looks pretty tired, maybe we shouldn’t bother him too much Sarada.”

“Oh, she’s not bothering me for sure.” Naruto retorted. “But maybe you want to have some quiet time together with your father, right, Sarada-chan?”

“Father wouldn’t mind if you tag along Naruto-sensei, right?” Sarada pulled out the most pitiful expression she could ever muster, jutting her lower lip. “Right?”

Glancing in between her frantic daughter and the bewildered blue eyes, Sasuke exhaled tiredly. He mumbled under his breath. “Is it ok for you to go with us Naruto?”

“Um, ok. Sure!” He messed with Sarada’s hair when she jumped in joy. “I’m going to ask my favorite Ramen flavor for you Sarada-chan, I’m sure you’re going to love it.”

Despite initial reservations, they maintained a cheerful conversation peppered with Naruto’s booming voice and Sarada’s exclaims while they were walking on the way to the restaurant. This time though, Sasuke appeared to be a more sociable mood, chatting back with occasional grunts, which Naruto didn’t mind with his easy-going nature.

Sasuke insisted paying the bill despite all his protests, explaining that this was a small gesture of gratitude for taking care of his daughter. After waving goodbyes, they went on separate ways, smile playing on both their lips.

“Naruto-sensei is like the sun right!”

Sasuke blinked, head tilted to one side to gawk at her. Sarada linked her fingers together, placing to one side of her cheek as she whispered with a dreamy voice.

“He’s so nice and friendly, full of energy and bright. And when he smiles you just feel happier too, it’s wide and sincere, he makes your mood so much better. I love his hair, it’s golden exactly like the sun and his eyes have such a beautiful shade of blue, I’d never get tired looking at his eyes and⏤” She stopped her diatribe once she noticed her father’s peering eyes. “What?”

Sasuke studied his daughter, before settling with a long sigh.

She wrinkled her nose. “Anyways, as I was saying…”

⏤.⏤

2nd chapter here

⏤.⏤

AN: at first I thought that it’d be a one-shot but it got too much material for only a one-shot. So...lol. It’s gonna be a two-shot.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

tfw hating life enough for a reeadmooore

‪yesterday afternoon i’d blocked out 3 pgs in my sketchbook & by that night i was thinking like well i’m so close to finished the sketchbook finally (ive been using it about a yr and a half by now) that i could just stop drawing when i hit the end there‬

but i’d mentioned the impending end of my sketchbook space a friend is already in the process of sending over some they havent ever used so that will at least mean if i stop drawing it’ll just have to be because i want to lol

like in this case it’s special b/c of course i’ve had periods where i’m like smh what if i just don’t draw anymore, but that’s tended to be about being frustrated w some element or other of it all. this time it was mostly just that every day of my life i have a tiny bit less motivation or energy or etc. yesterday i was thinking all day about offing myself, which i’d done the day before, and done today too

like, it’s nothing new, i’ve been hating being alive and wanting to kms and only moving in the direction of less disappointment to more disappointment and having to care less about things i previously cared about because for one reason or another things get to a point where it only adds frustration to my life anymore

but despite depression and wanting to die and life being miserble all being Not New, that doesn’t mean that it doesnt matter anymore, because after day after day after day after day after day of it for years and years, you’re in a worse place than you were a while back, even if you do feel the same. even a single day of wishing you were dead the whole time is shitty enough. feeling overall like even if you’re in a good mood now, you know your life is trash and you’re going to go back to feeling bad soon, is also shitty enough

like the thing that drawing had going for me is that, like reading and writing sometimes and even some other shit, it’s something i like to do. i do it for myself, really. but it helps that its the way i trick ppl into being here in the first place to see anything i’m talking about. i have really crap appeal. i mean i’m bad at being appealing thru shit i draw, but it’s still way more of something anybody wants vs like five yrs worth of my text posts. like...i have over 10x more followers than i did on a blog where i rarely drew anything ever

but anyways despite me drawing b/c i enjoy it, i enjoy enjoying things less. always in the middle of that “loss of interest in pleasure” life lol.......it doesn’t really matter how long i do or don’t keep drawing, b/c i mean, it doesn’t much matter to me whether i’m having fun or not. i can be enjoying drawing and still wanting to die, because that’s whats happening lol.....nothing that’s a personal factor of my life is all that important to me, because my personal existence is not that important to the person living it

also it sure hasnt helped that my sense of things like whether my life can get better or i’ll have the opportunity to pursue my nonexistent dreams or live an ideal version of my life that also doesn’t exist are all at all-time lows and only just getting lower day by week by month by year. the only way i can even look at cheering myself up is from a day-to-day perspective. and i can have a slightly more fun day than usual and then be extra down on the very next day b/c of how being a bit less numb means you’re crap-feeling emotions are now game too. and i’m very aware of how, if you’re not in a position that insulates you enough, if things get worse for you, that makes “things getting worse for you” more likely, and it’s an exponential drop that gets harder and harder to climb out of, and even if you move back up a notch out of good luck, you’re still just as likely to be knocked back down to where you were. the odds of me suddenly not only not fucking hating being alive but also having a life that doesnt fucking make me hate being alive? that’s a funny joke

‪also it’s frustrating that whether i feel good or miserable on any given day only really exists if i say something about it in a post like this lol... like i might feel awful one day but if i dont have it in me to spend ages writing about it, which is difficult also b/c putting feelings into words where ppl will only fully Get It if they’ve felt that way too, anyways if i dont write about how shitty i feel and post it then maybe later on when i’m feeling a little better or feeling a different kind of shitty, i also won’t be interested in being like “oh btw i felt awful the other day.” and if i don’t mention it, as far as everyone in the world knows, it was never a thing that happened, so it might as well not have. i mean, as a person i might as well not be happening, especially since i don’t want me to be happening lol‬

and like i was saying to someone the other day, its a lot harder via text to talk about shit b/c like, if you’re with a friend in person, you can talk abt boring or silly things and its easy and makes a good conversation. whereas talking via twitter means it would be clunky and time consuming to layout exactly had empty and depressing my existence is, and silly shit isn’t even worth the energy when you’re having a convo w lengthy gaps in it, so you can only really talk about the broadest, most interesting shit. which i don’t have much of, oh well

i do like talking and talking to people actually, it’s just rough when it’s all a few ppl online, even though i alsp extremely appreciate those people and enjoy the talking. it’s like, chatting to ppl online is like a piece of chocolate cake. it’s delicious and you love it, but it would be amazing if it was the extra bonus on top of getting solid meals every day, instead of it being the only thing you have to eat and you get it maybe once or twice a week and it’s still wonderful and is all the more valuable for it, but it isnt the same as getting enough to eat always, or Knowing you’ll keep getting enough to eat

anyways my social life is always its own special kind of depressing, even when i AM in the same place as friends. you’d have a hard time finding a situation where the concept of What I Have To Say seems interesting or even relevant to other ppl. and im not sure i’ve ever been in groups where i feel totally comfortable with everyone there and don’t feel out of place. so talking about the idea of knowing you always have access to someone to talk to or be with in person or having friends who you know you can hang out with and they actually like you and you still expect to have them a few yrs down the road—all that’s always been a “well, in theory i mean” or “at least, i imagine it would be like that” issue for me

tbh i generally feel the most comfortable enjoying myself when i do something alone; maybe it’s because i have more experience of ppl im around treating me really shittily than treating me well

ohhhhhh wellllllllllllllll what else do i have to talk about. hmmm the fact that feeling like i wanna die only seems to be regarded as an issue of “well are you gonna or not,” aka if you havent its a Victory and a happy situation instead of it being a matter of EVERY DAY I’M A CONSCIOUS ORGANISM I WISH I WAS DEAD AND MY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION FOR AT LEAST THE LAST HALF OF IT

like how heartwarming that i’ve been actively suicidal for how many years? 6? 8? but i havent yet!! i always want to but just never get around to it and so this time for sure lol no more fooling around!! oh dammit and there goes another birthday still alive. like this is some elusive new years resolution or novel i mean to write.

funny i mention it because there’s practically nothing anymore that i want to do. even if i THOUGHT my life would ever become okay, i want fuckall out of it. i only exist, baby............and it’s like i said earlier, whenever i try to come up with a sad amount of potential motivations NOT to die, i have to realize that none of the shit is actually for me, or directly about me, or centered on me. like, this shit lost its charm ages ago.

well anyways. i suppose thats all i can think to say now. and it doesn’t make a difference whether i talk about my shitass existence and how crap i feel or not. it just gives the chance for a bit of it to exist in the world via a few other ppl being aware of it for a few minutes maybe, because who DOESNT want to thoroughly read a shit essay by some random weirdo about how everything sucks. the end

[derryhawkins]

kisses all around

summary: Richie’s kissed all of the Losers at one point in time. Whether it be for a dare or figuring out his sexuality or because he’s dating one of them. Although, the Losers think Richie hasn’t kissed Eddie - it makes sense. They’re in a secret relationship. But, of course, Richie forgets that small detail.  warnings: boys kissing, swearing. pairings: reddie (richie/eddie) with a side of stenbrough (stan/bill), bichie (bill/richie) & platonic beverie (richie/beverly). a/n: Honestly, I hope you guys like this bc idk what I’m doing tbh. I’m basically winging this. Also I’ve never done a boyxboy fic so bare with me, pals. Oh & sorry if any of them are out of character, I’m need to get used to writing their personalities. (also please give this some attention if you like it).

Richie Tozier liked boys and girls.

He figured that out when he had to kiss Stan Uris in a game of spin the bottle at a party during their freshman year in high school. Of course, he was very much confused afterwards and went up to Beverly Marsh the weekend she decided to visit Derry, Maine. After smoking a cigarette or two with the redhead, he asked to kiss her. Although, Beverly wanted a reason why. She pushed and prodded at Richie until she got the answer.

He was just confused, simple as that.  She agreed right then and there, and proudly kissed Richie.  But somehow that made him even more confused, because what the fuck, I like both? Beverly came out to Richie then to make him feel better.  She liked both, too. Over the years they started talking about cute boys and girls together whenever they could.

A year later during their sophomore year, Richie was a proud bisexual but only out to a few people: Stan, Beverly, and somehow Mike Hanlon figured it out. Richie exactly wasn’t sure how, but he did. During their fall break, the Losers were playing a game of truth or dare at the Quarry. Bev had once again visited Derry, Maine, and they were all extremely happy.  It wasn’t the same without their redheaded girl.

The game was fun - it was there when Richie was dared to kiss Ben. He simply laughed and walked up to the boy. He grabbed Ben’s face and planted one right on his lips before walking away. The Losers who didn’t know of Richie’s sexuality didn’t really think anything of it. It was Richie, why would they?

A year down the road, in their junior year, the trashmouth ended up getting drunk at a party with Bill Denbrough and they made out in a closet until Ben found them. Ben just stared at them for a moment before walking away; though, Ben questioned them both the next day when they were all hungover, but sober. Neither boy talked about it much, surprisingly. They had tried dating but eventually figured out they worked better as best friends than anything. (Kind of because Richie liked someone else who was shorter than him, feisty, and a hypochondriac; and Bill liked a curly headed Jewish boy).

The day when Richie kissed Mike was a completely blank of mind and mostly an accident. It was out excitement.  Mike had gotten Richie a vinyl of his favorite band at the moment for his birthday, and Richie got so happy that he just smashed his lips on Mike’s before continuing his excited shouting. Mike wasn’t grossed out, though. He didn’t mind it; he had to reassure Richie that a couple days later when the glasses wearing boy realized what had happened.

Now, onto Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie Tozier first kissed the smaller boy not too soon after he and Bill tried to do the dating thing. Richie had gotten so fed up with pining after Eddie that on Valentine’s Day, he kissed him in an empty hallway, blurted that he had feelings for him, and walked off. But, then, Eddie ran to him and pulled the taller boy down by the collar of his shirt.  Eddie quickly kissed Richie, again, and stated that he liked him back.

That was a full year ago. Maybe a few days added. Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak have been dating an entire year, completely unknown to the other five Losers.  Well, mostly.  Bev had her suspicions and Bill caught on pretty quickly. The others just chimed it up to be Richie and Eddie hanging out or being the weirdos they are every once in a while.

That is, until Ben brought up Richie having kissed everyone. They were stuck inside Bill’s living room because of the pouring rain outside.  An abandoned game of Go Fish sat on the coffee table and another forgotten game of Monopoly sat near the TV. Bill was sat beside Stan on the two seated couch; Bev sat on the arm of the recliner where Ben sat; Mike was sprawled out on the couch while Richie was by the wall; Eddie had disappeared to grab a snack from the kitchen.

“So, Richie, you’ve kissed almost all of us. Why haven’t you kissed Eddie yet?” He asked, genuinely curious. Bill rolled his eyes, obviously knowing the truth, and Bev covered her growing smile and laughter.

Richie scoffed and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.  “Well, fuck, Benny Boy, why the hell wouldn’t I kiss Eds? It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything,” he sarcastically retaliated.  But he quickly realized his mistake and his half closed eyes widened behind the glasses, which caused his eyes to look even bigger.

“You and Eddie are dating?” Ben asked.

Eddie, who was walking in from the kitchen, dropped the family sized Doritos bag and stared equally wide-eyed at their group of friends. They were all staring back. Except Bev, she was trying not to laugh. And Bill, he was grabbing a couple of dollars from Stan, who was actually glaring at them.

“Richie!” Eddie yelled, voice high pitched as he turned to look at his now not so secret boyfriend.

Richie laughed, albeit nervously, and slung an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. “Obviously I’m joking, I haven’t kissed Eds ever! We’re not dating, why the fuck would-?”

“Cut it, Richie, you can’t fool us anymore,” Mike interrupted with a sly grin.

Eddie groaned and Richie rolled his eyes. Though, no one hated on them like Eddie thought would happen. It was why they kept it a secret. Richie didn’t want to push him into coming out and so he went along with keeping the relationship on the down low. At seeing none of them with disgusted expressions, Richie just grinned at Eddie. Eddie flipped his boyfriend off as he picked up the bag of chips.

“For outing us, I’m not kissing you for a whole day.”

“What?!”

Everyone laugh at Richie’s response. Eddie smirked and sat down by Mike’s feet on the couch. Richie grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms again as he leaned against the wall.

“Oh, cheer up, Richie,” Beverly laughed, “An entire day won’t be that bad.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck off, Marsh.”

a/n: okAY I hope you guys liked this, I thought of it half asleep this morning & decided “fuck it, I’m writing this” so here ya go, pals!! sorry for any spelling mistakes btw, I’ll fix it up later.