#still mad tho

[oh-no-its-bird]

Every time I try to reblog smthn with my own additions, tumblr eats it I'm actually so mad but at least this time I didn't write that much so I didn't lose anything too big like last time

[hisui-dreamer]

ok i've just decided to stop rolling for this banner because its rigged and wait for next year's halloween

[de4dlyniightshade]

every year for christmas my family asks what i want rather than buying something i might not like and this year i asked for new converse bcs my beloved ones are falling apart and when i got the new ones i was like??? why don't i recognise these whatsoever? they're like so similar to the ones i have but just slight different and i couldn't find them anywhere...THEYRE FUCKING KIDS SHOES. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS GOT ME KIDS SHOES. THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY.

i will admit that they fit like a glove but it's not the point!

[dragoncarrion]

eating sugar rn. slightly less insane

[charlieslowartsies]

i was supposed to work on Lies Within or Salience, work on a ych plan and do 3 loads of laundry.

ive done nothing and its 2:15pm which means its almost 5 which means the day is over

hate this shit

[deacf-coffee-is-a-sin]

the best thing abt public transportation is that u can do everything right and STILL have to wait 3 hours for the bus :]

[pathologising]

ok well im going to build a good future for myself whether i like it or not

[luxpenumbra]

fuming bc I went to see if farandolae was taken as a url bc I wanted it and it was taken and i went to the blog and it was empty and said "saved url"

now would I have done anything with the url had I obtained it? probably not but at least i would have given the blog a proper title & header & stuff >:(

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[swampndn]

You ever have dreams where you have what you've always wanted then wake up knowing you're not even remotely close to that? Like wtf that's mean, brain

[dogs2thesequel]

okay breakdown cancelled i found what i was looking for

[twinstxrs]

gorgug “i’m in hell right? thank god” “what’re we playin’ for” “do you have a fucking warrant?” “i think i hate you” thistlespring u will always be famous and you will ALWAYS be loved

[queerpanicking]

so…that was an interesting episode

[boggyboats]

Cant find the post- but same vibes of that one person giving Evelyn a seashell because she was rambling about how much she loved the sea as a child and would collect them, and then OP gave her a shell and she lost friendship point for it LMAO

universally hated gifts are the funniest stardew game mechanic. i've already made a post about qi fruit ("why is the farmer suddenly obsessed with growing fruit that looks like that weird guy, ew" -- this has since been deprecated and some villagers like it now, although it is still largely worthless despite being one of the hardest agricultural skills in real life). nobody likes treasure chests, presumably due to some kind of superstition, and nobody likes fossils, presumably because they are a memento mori. everybody hates snails except vincent (slightly realistic but i feel like demetrius and leah should like them). everybody hates uranium except maru. everybody hates poppies and they are all so fake for that. you would think somebody would at least like fairy dust. abigail should like monster musk, right? but she doesn't. nobody thinks the drum block is cool, which is presumably why sam's band has to go to zuzu city to even find a venue. pelican town will never become a hit arts and crafts location for ceramics because nobody likes clay. not even alex likes muscle remedy or energy tonic. and the mobile-only error bread from the saloon? gettoutaheah! everybody hates sugar

[rendevok]

“Take my hand” a comic for NaruMitsu Week 2023

day 1 - lies & secrets - 2 - 3 - 4

[violet-dragongirl]

I am an idiot i entirely forgot about Sound and Fury I'm sorry guys