#still don't have enough energy to do things that help with the anxiety

[scribefindegil]

hey The Curse I don't mind being tired actually will you turn the anxiety back off?

[peachesofteal]

Hello! Been enjoying your Through Me series, thanks for sharing it. Curious how Simon reacts to Mama having morning sickness and/or when the baby bump starts showing.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Through Me (The Flood) - Simon Riley/female reader

"I'm pregnant, not dying."

Simon's lips twist, trying to swallow a smile as he plucks Orion from your arms. "I know, mama. Still, he's huge. You don't need to be picking him up if you can't help it." You throw your hands in the air and your shirt rises, highlighting where your belly has started to change. He can't help but stare at it, warming with pride, with obsession, lust. You turn him into a madman. The bump has pushed him farther into the irrational, possessive, caveman part of his mind, more than he ever thought possible. You're his, all his, carrying his baby again, and it does wild things to him.

"What am I going to do when you're not here?" He frowns, and you place your palm on his hip, patting reassuringly. "Simon, I love you, but you're going to have to let go a little bit."

"I'm going to let go plenty when I leave for work." He huffs, reaching out to spread his hand across your belly. The swell is hardly pronounced, but still there, and it does a weird thing to his heart every time he touches it. You, and the baby. It clangs around in his chest like a wild drum.

He's sick at the idea of leaving you, and you read it on him. "We're going to be okay, Si. I promise." You can't promise that, just he can't promise anything either, but he'll hold tight to the hope.

"I know." Still, he doesn't let go. He leaves his hand sitting there, thumb rubbing circles into your belly, watching your eyes. You're tired. You've been sick, more sick than you were with Orion, and it's wearing you down, whittling your energy away. "You should rest." You glance at Orion reluctantly, and he kisses your temple. "I've got the rest of the night. Go lay down."

Simon snaps the last button closed on Orion's pajamas as he starts peeking around the room.

"Mamamamama-" Ry babbles, looking left and right for you. He always wants you before bed, wants to at least see you if you're not the one putting him down. Simon doesn't blame him. They're kindred spirits in that way.

"Alright little man, let's go say goodnight to mama." You're asleep on your side, a pillow wrapped up in your arms, and he carefully settles onto the bed, tilting forward so Orion can give you a kiss.

"Mama mama." He calls, and your lashes flutter, barely rousing to say goodnight with sleepy sweet smile.

"Hi baby." You reach, bringing him close. "Daddy tucking you in?"

"Had to say goodnight." He soothes a hand over your hip and down to your belly, gravitating towards it like always now. You're in no better shape than you were earlier, and worry twists in his gut. You've promised its normal, but it doesn't sit right with him.

"Okay, love you." You kiss Orion's cheek, holding the back of his head before letting go, looking up at Simon. "Coming to bed after?"

"Gonna clean up the kitchen and then I'll be in. Go back to sleep." He tries not to focus on the anxiety, trying to stay in these moments, these short moments that he'll need to hold onto for as long as possible.

At the door, he turns, watching you slip back under the waves of sleep. His baby in his arms, another one growing inside you, the entirety of the stars shining in the sky around their moon. You.

He makes it to bed an hour later. You're out like a light, sleeping like the dead, snoring, rolled onto your back now, arms and legs out like a starfish, and he tucks himself around you, shifting carefully to avoid waking you while still getting as close as he possibly can. He finds the bump again, flexing his fingers into soft flesh, breath fanning across your collarbone.

"She says you can hear us, you know. Not clearly I guess, but enough to know our voices. That's why she's always talkin' to ya. So you know who she is." He takes a deep breath. "She wants another boy but I think you're gonna be a girl. Have a feeling." You twitch with a small noise, and he kisses your neck to settle you. "Have to even out the odds around here, and you'll have a big brother to look out for you. Protect you, when you need it." He pushes Tommy from his mind as soon as he appears, burying the ghosts back to where they belong. Wounds heal, but scars can still hurt.

"You talking to him?" You murmur, and he holds you tighter.

"Her, yes. I'm talking to her."

"Mhmm." Your burrow your face in his neck and sigh. "Love you."

"Love you too mama."

[biscuitdolly]

୨ৎ absolute necessities .ᐟ

if you're trying to glow up, get healthier, etc, these are the very basics that you absolutely NEED to follow!

01, WATER .ᐟ

Staying hydrated is crucial for your health and wellbeing. While the recommended daily intake is 8 cups of water, you can gradually increase your consumption over a few weeks if that seems too overwhelming. Drinking enough water provides numerous benefits, from clearing skin and flushing out waste, to boosting exercise performance and supporting weight loss. Despite being the very essence that sustains life, water is often underappreciated.

02, FOOD .ᐟ

I used to skip breakfast, thinking it would help me lose weight. However, studies show that those who eat breakfast tend to lose more weight and keep it off longer. The truth is, food is incredibly important. It's best to regulate your eating habits by consuming at least 3 meals per day, even if they're only small portions. Some food is better than no food. If you want to go on a diet, that's fine! but make sure you research healthy dieting methods. At a minimum, eat one serving of fruits and vegetables daily, and try to increase that to five servings per day if possible. Proper nutrition is key for your overall health.

03, HOBBIES .ᐟ

i have this previous post regarding hobbies you could try! It's so important to find fun activities that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to doing. Hobbies add fun to your life and pose as a nice break from technology and the stress of work and school. They also greatly improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. You could do some physical activity, such as a sport you like, or something more calm and creative, like painting or writing.

04, SLEEP .ᐟ

a lot of people struggle to fall asleep at a decent time. Try getting ready for bed early. Personally, I tend to take off my make up and do my skincare immediately after i come home for school/work so i don't have to worry about it before bed.

Technology is probably your sleeping schedule's worst enemy, as the blue light from the screen keeps your brain awake, so try to pause screen-related activities at least an hour before bed. Also, try not to snack 2 - 4 hours before you go to sleep. This is because lying down makes it harder for your body to digest food, which can result in sleeplessness.

Forcing yourself to go to bed super early isn't helpful either. Like I've mentioned in my other points, take things slow and gradual!

05, SOCIALIZATION .ᐟ

Engaging in simple social interactions, such as conversing with family, seeing friends, or greeting people on the street, is incredibly important. Isolating yourself in your room all day accomplishes nothing.

There was a time when I dreaded spending time with friends, convinced I lacked the energy or mood. However, once I forced myself to make plans, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed their company. Other people are what make life truly worthwhile. So why not reach out to a friend right now and invite them to hang out tomorrow?

06, ACTIVITY .ᐟ

you don't need an exercise routine if you don't want one, but simple physical activity is still a daily necessity! At least 30 minutes is recommended. Personally, i most enjoy plugging in my headphones and going on a walk around my neighbourhood for an hour or two.

07, SELF TALK .ᐟ

Arguably one of my most important points, quit the self-deprecating talk. You never realize how much it affects you until you quit it. Yes, you can absolutely get that assessment done. Yes, you are a likable and amazing person. Just keep affirming and reminding yourself that you are worthy, and you will attract so many good things. Trust me, it will help you so much in the long run.

[greenandsorrow]

the price for misbehaving (ii)

post rut Alastor x gn!reader

WARNINGS; the aftermath of a very horny fic, mentions of deer mating season, friends to lovers, deer/doe!demon!reader, reader with self worth doubts, a sprinkle of angst, curly-haired!Alastor, undertones of Alastor being a momma's boy, mentions of his past, making out, fluff (literally), plot

Dividers by; @saradika-graphics & @cafekitsune

Please do not repost or directly copy my work and don't use it on AI platforms either ❤️

From a smutty oneshot to a multi chap fic. Nothing can compare to the chunkiness of the 1st chapter, but I'm satisfied with this one as well. Enjoy you lovely beings and thanks for being patient with me!!! The art above is by @kalico-of-doom.

~masterpost~

The only time Alastor isn't smiling is when he's sleeping you have come to realize. You can't help but notice how tired he looks as you lay motionless beside him. You start petting his ears and he groans softly, nuzzling deeper into your touch without even bothering to open his eyes. A small smile forms on his mouth, a real one. Is this really the same man that has been fucking you until your legs stop working?

In the morning you wake up in his bed, a daily occurrence at this point. However, you weren't expecting him to be staring deeply into your contemned soul.

"A- Al?"

Your voice is hoarse from sleep. You scratch your deer ears, flop on your back and stretch. Alastor keeps staring, studying you and every micro expression you make.

You can feel fear creeping into your gut. Is this the end? Is the rutting season gone? Does he want to kill you and eat you now? Will he kick you out? One thing is certain.

He doesn't need you anymore.

After all, you were just a friend helping him go through a difficult time. Nothing more. Still, you would be lying to yourself if you said that you haven't caught any feelings. From his forceful claiming that hid a great deal of desperation to his tender claiming last night, Alastor has left more than just his mark on you. One could say that he owns you in the most primal and raw of ways, but if he chooses to deny that... that's all it takes really, then you were nothing but a fucktoy.

"Um... I- I'm gonna take a shower"

Is that you doing the walk of shame? Alastor is a gentleman, why isn't he saying anything?! Not a single thing that could make you feel less terrible about the whole situation!

Now that his hormones have died down and you are far from aroused as well, getting out of bed and standing completely naked in front of him... It makes you feel exposed, vulnerable, small and inferior to him.

This new emotion, the deep embarrassment that has your face feeling hot and your stomach to churn with anxiety makes you dress up and leave "your friend's" room in the speed of light.

You lock yourself in your much smaller room, preparing a bubble bath for your spent and tired body. You smile to yourself a little, remembering how Charlie had made sure you'd have your own bathtub so that you can read your books while soaking in the warm water.

Sinking in the water, having it envelope you, cleanse your energy and take his scent off of you feels nice. You let your eyes droop until they close lazily, you allow your shoulders to relax, your jaw to unclench. A long and audible sigh. Your hands around your frame.

You start crying.

If another deer demon resided in the hotel, he might as well had spent his breeding season with them. You weren't special. The mere thought of such a thing is killing you. You were just another victim of the radio demon's manipulation.

Still, it's your fault as well. For believing this was more than what it appeared to be? Maybe. You are getting more and more confused by the minute.

But oh the way he had been repeating your name like a prayer... It must mean something to him, you being there for him that is. You didn't even judge the way he had spilled tears of sexual frustration when handjobs weren't enough to relieve the ache in his loins.

Who else has seen Alastor Hartfelt of pride under this light? No one. You are the only exception. He wouldn't have allowed you to get so close to him if he didn't trust you.

As your thoughts keep overlapping and fighting with each other and you continue to cry softly, you peak up the all too familiar sound of static.

Another unfair thing! He can melt into shadow and go anywhere he pleases... The sound intensifies as he approaches... you? Is he really thinking of invading your space like that? You can't even cry and be miserable at peace! Not like you're in Hell.

"Bonjou! Konmen s'apé kouri? Huh?"

Not only are you not in the mood to ask him to translate what he just said, but Alastor literally spawned in your bathroom and he's now acting like this is okay to do. The way he's readjusting his lapels and smiles smugly like he wasn't a grunting mess last night infuriates you even further.

"Can you please get the fuck out of here?"

"Mh?" he just stands there in his usual apathy. He's even holding his cane.

"Can you at least stop smiling for a second?"

"Oh ho! I'm afraid I can't do that my dear!"

"But you can definitely get your ass out of my room! I-" The sound of your voice carries to your ears like a child whining. There's a lump in your throat that you're beginning to fear you won't be able to keep down for much longer. If your face and hair weren't already wet from the bath, then it would be crystal clear that you were weeping like an idiot before he suit himself in.

Alastor is quick to gauge your body language. You're hugging your knees, shielding your naked body from him. Sometimes you swear he can tell your emotional state by sniffing the air around you. It's like your scent is enough for him to piece together the puzzle you are. The radio demon scranches his nose.

"What's there to be so sad over y/n? Today is a beautiful day!"

Is he playing stupid?! Because if he's doing this on purpose... Well, there's not much you can do now that he doesn't need you anymore.

Your lower lip trembles at this terrible thought and the lump in your throat escapes your notice, resulting in a broken and weak sob to come out of you.

Tilting his head to the side way more than necessary and squinting his eyes, Alastor asks "Are you pregnant?"

You freeze and widen your eyes. "I- Is that even... even fuckin' possible in the afterlife?"

The fucker chuckles!

"Oh I don't think so, at least not for lowly demons such as yourself!" The worst part is that he wasn't trying to insult you by saying that, but rather calm you down.

"Go to Hell."

"Ironic."

You can't help it now. You break down in tears. Your chest feels tight as the sobs ripple through your body and make your frame retreat to itself. In addition to your general misery, the water has gone cold, causing you to shiver.

The overlord places his cane against the tiles of the wall and crouches down so he is eye-level with you. He won't let it show just yet, but Alastor is very worried. There's a guilt eating him from the inside.

While he was in heat, in breeding mode, or whatever you wanna call it, he wasn't fully aware of his actions. Alastor's mind was blurred from the desire to mate and basically reproduce. Now that he's back to his senses, he has come to the unpleasant realisation that he might have caused you harm in the process of letting out his passion.

And this simply won't do! This deer demon has done cruel and vile things that he doesn't particularly feel bad about, but hurting you... He would never be able to forgive himself.

You were there for him and showed him a great deal of love and understanding.

So, that's the reason you left so hurriedly from his quarters... He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. HE DID IT TO YOU.

Alastor's permanent grin fades just slightly. It is replaced by concern, evident in the way he looks at your trembling body in the water. He reaches out to gently touch your skin, checking for any signs of pain or discomfort. Your friend's voice softens, it's now filled with genuine worry and regret.

"I'm so sorry darling... I didn't know I caused you... pain."

It's true that you have many bruises and hickeys decorating various places on your body, but that's not the reason behind your breakdown.

"I- It's not th-" you just look down. You can't even explain yourself.

The radio demon's worry deepens after your vague response and he quickly takes action to be by your side, pulling you out of the bathtub and into a tight hug. Alastor whispers reassurances in your ear, his voice filled with remorse.

"I'm so sorry... We should have stopped when it got too much."

No one has heard Alastor apologize before, not even God, for all that's worth.

His expression softens even further as he sees your tears that just keep coming. He carefully brushes them away, worry etched into every line of his handsome face.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. You must know that."

"I'm not in pain... Just sad."

You do look rather devastated.

Alastor is almost frozen in place from all the guilt since he can now see the bruises forming on your skin. The water camouflaged them, but now they are exposed for him to observe and take in.

He swallows hard, his voice shaking with emotion like never before. "Y/n... I didn't mean to do that. I didn't. None of it."

"None of it?"

Your voice is muffled due to how you have hid your face in his chest. At least he's warm.

"My intention wasn't to cause you injury or physical pain."

You look up at him, finally making eye contact. He's looking at you as well, eyes shining with regret, guilt and what appears to be shame.

What really surprises you though, is the pleading tone of his voice. It's one thing to be vulnerable because he's hungry for sexual contact and another because he genuinely cares for you.

"Can you ever forgive me for this? I promise, it was never my true intention. I just... I got carried away. And now... It's not an excuse..."

"You really meant none of it to happen between us?"

"Now now little deer! Someone's getting ahead of themselves! That's not what I implied at all."

You sigh and settle in his lap.

"Oh mon cher, did you really think I regret our... stimulating times?"

Alastor's long arms press you against him, his clothes absorbing the water on your still bare skin. He then peaks you up bridal style and carries you to your bed. It's not king sized like his but he doesn't seem to care for such detail right now.

"Now let me see you."

"I said I'm fine!"

"The artist will be the evaluator of his work."

"No Al! Artists get critics to evaluate their work."

"Hmmm, did you say something dear? Cause I didn't hear you!"

It's a common tactic of his to hide his real feelings by being chatty and pleasant. You of course know that, but in your current state it's very validating to have him take care of you.

So he did care. And he still does after having stopped necessarily needing you.

Alastor isn't joking around. He's searching your body, subconsciously writing down every scratch, every bruise and hickey, every bite mark.

Ears alert on top of his head, eyes wide open. He can even make out the shape of his fingertips on your hips... He turns you on your stomach only to discover his whole palms are imprinted on your buttocks. Meanwhile, you just allow him to inspect your body for as long as he wishes. All the crying has left you drained but also tranquil and calm.

"I'm fine Al. Really."

"Shhh, I'm not done evaluating the damage."

"It's just a bite or two."

"I drew so much blood..."

"Yes and?"

He just keeps observing, keeps rolling you this way and that. The scratches and the bruises are the most triggering to him. They remind Alastor of unhappy memories, in the days when he still hadn't taken good care of his father. As long as he hasn't permanently marked you it should be fine.

"I'll ask Niffty for some ice."

"N- no... Can we just... sit here? Like... cuddle?"

"You were my solace."

"What-"

He gently presses a finger on your lips to shush you.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to say that. It's not like I helped you with a flat tire or something."

"I don't do cuddling."

"Nor touching for that matter. But... It's not that bad, huh? Just let me put something on first."

You stand up and go to your closet to pick something to put on. Your hair is still wet and your legs still feel sore from all of your intense moments, but it was a relief to know he still wants you in his life after the rut has ended.

Alastor's behaviour makes you wonder. He's contradictory. From fucking your throat in his radio station, to bending you over various objects in the hotel, taking you in missionary, against walls, windows and doors, he still seems pretty reluctant to give himself to intimacy. Unlike those times, his mind is now clear, no overwhelming heat involved. Intimacy -to him- equals vulnerability and vulnerability equals pain. The inevitable way in which things had worked out in his life.

"But we did sleep together until yesterday."

The radio demon cannot deny you. He's already sat at the edge of your bed, taking off his coat, shoes and anything else that could make the experience any less enjoyable.

"I wish I could say you'll take this to your grave."

You grin brightly and chuckle at his silly, little remark. Your confidence has been restored to an extent after he made it clear that he does concern himself with your wellbeing.

"But why do you not like being touched? Physical contact is a form of affection."

"Or a form of punishment, of intimidation, domination and... many other vile things my dear..." His voice is too low for your liking as he says that. You don't know what burdens Alastor's shoulders, but it can't be good. And I'm not even referring to his own cruelty and the pain he has inflicted on others. Maybe his opinion of physical contact is connected to the endless scars on his body.

"Oh well whatevs Al. I just want my cuddles."

The way his ears are pulled back and he looks at you almost like he's a shy and innocent boy makes your heart bit faster. At least there's no velvet rubbing off his antlers this time.

Alastor is extremely gentle and cautious in the way he handles you now. He lays down on his back and you use his chest as a pillow. It's a cozy place. His chest. He has some fluff there, just like Angel Dust, but unlike the former he hides it under layers of clothing and keeps it unstyled. Still, it's undoubtedly soft and fuzzy and you like to sink your hand in it or swirl the soft hairs around your fingertips. The radio demon isn't complaining as one might expect, it's soothing to have someone touch his body in a non-hostile manner. It's refreshing to have someone appreciate his body as it is.

Would you also appreciate it if you saw him as he once was?

His father hadn't. He could handle the child of a mixed marriage, but Alastor wasn't just mixed, but also looked the part and according to the racist beliefs of his father in the 1900's that was a bad thing.

As you're nuzzling against his long and elegant neck, your friend's mind wanders. You lived during the 90's. What would it have been like if he had also lived during that period? Everything would have been different. The town he grew up in, his relationship with his parents, his career as a radio host and a serial killer.

"Did you know that my hair is naturally curly?"

Your ears perk up at that and Alastor gently takes hold of them and pulls at them from the root, just slightly.

"That feels nice..."

"Oh I know."

"What were you saying?"

"Oh yes, my hair's curly! Since I was nothing but a tiny, adorable baby boy! ...my mother... she..." His hand lets go of your ears and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long sigh.

There's a melancholy about him now and you feel the need to comfort him. He's opening up to you by being genuine and vulnerable. Alastor is sharing a part of who he used to be and the least you can do is listen. You resume your activities on his fluff, almost massaging the area. He seems to like it, for a moment closing his eyes and letting a sound like purring.

"Can you keep this up?"

"Sure Al."

"Merci. What was I saying...? Oh yes of course! Mama and my curly mop."

The radio effect of his voice and his arms around you make you feel like you're a kid being told a bedtime story. It's a good thing the other residents have gotten used to you and Alastor disappearing together for long periods of time. His soft chest fluff under the pads of your fingers only intensifies the feeling of being told a story while tucked in bed, warm and safe from the outside world.

"It's truly amazing how much power is given to hair in certain cultures. In my culture, dear y/n, hair texture served as an indicator of social status. My family -a wedding between a white man and a creole woman of colour... oh ho dear! It was something else back then...-

As a kid, I was always the one teased for having “weird hair”, as if it didn’t match my other facial features. When school began, my sweet mama, she... she would put my hair in locs to protect the curls. Apparently they didn't like that at school! So my father... he radio static intensifies he made my mother shave it. He claimed that if my mother and I wore our hair differently then no one would take us seriously."

You take a moment to digest this new piece information. It's true that locs enclose the natural hair and help it stay intact. It's also true that Alastor grew up in a time when it was very difficult to be of a cultural background which was different to the majority's. You choose to not comment on anything, that's not your job.

You swirl some more of his fluff around your fingertips before moving your hand to his hair.

"Well, it's not curly in the afterlife."

You feel the vibration of his chuckle through your check that is resting on his chest.

"But it is!"

Alastor lets out a satisfied sound as he presses you even tighter against him and begins rumbling about his hair care routine. He uses anti frizz oils, heat protection oils and then blow dries it. Truth is, that's just the steps you managed to actually register in your brain, because a sleepiness started overtaking you as you stayed laying in his embrace.

You're now fading between consciousness and unconsciousness. It almost feels like you're floating. Is this what Heaven is like?

Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But you did manage to find your little oasis in Hell. And so did he.

Alastor looks down at your much smaller frame curled up against him. Your breath has slowed down and your eyes are closing. Why does it feel so warm and soft to have you close to him like this? He knows he shouldn't be letting his guard down, but he can't help it when it comes to you. The radio demon is enamoured with you.

Wanting to make the experience even cozier and dreamier for his favourite sinner, Alastor starts singing quietly. His sense of rhythm is immaculate and his jazzy tunes make you fall sound asleep in no time whatsoever.

When you wake up an hour or so later, he still hasn't moved, but he acknowledges that you're awake with a small hum.

"Oh wakey wakey my darling y/n!" had been his usual response to you waking up while he was in the rut. However, right now he appears to be much more unguarded and raw than his usual persona. You haven't even completely woken up and you're already wondering about this new side of him.

"Al? Is everything okay?"

"Oh why yes it is, but there's this thought occupying my brilliant mind..."

"Care to share it with my not so brilliant one?"

You expected him to laugh or even chuckle but Alastor goes straight to the point. "All this... making love and we still haven't kissed. Not really."

Kissing him would mean that you actually view him romantically and that whatever "friends with benefits" situation you had going on will get destroyed. That's not a bad thing though. Despite your initial fears of your fellow deer demon being too emotionally unavailable and only needing you to calm down the torment of his lust, a kiss wouldn't hurt. Kisses are good.

"We can change that y'know."

You make the first step by leaning towards him, basically giving him the green light that you're consenting to this. Alastor notices it and loses no time, pressing his lips against yours while wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close into another embrace. He smiles widely as you kiss, his head tilting slightly as he runs his fingers through your hair. After a few seconds pass, he pulls his head back, slowly breaking the kiss as he looks into your eyes with a broad smile on his face.

"Aren't you delightful?!" and he dives back in.

Alastor's second kiss with you is firm and passionate, but not overly aggressive. His lips are very warm and he seems to enjoy the intimacy of taking his time to explore your mouth. As the kiss progresses, he gradually increases the pressure of his lips on yours. His arms wrap around your waist and his tongue slowly wanders further into the welcoming heat of your mouth.

Once again -just like when it came to sex- you have come to the conclusion that Alastor isn't that experienced, but some raw power, an instinct if you will, provides him with the ability to do all the right moves at the right time.

And then you just break character. You burst into laughter. His large and pointed ears twitch at that change of pace.

"When I thought I was doing a good job-"

"Oh no, that's not it at all. I'm just happy." You're giddy and so is he.

Maybe not needing you but actually wanting you isn't the worst case scenario.

To be continued.

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[st4rr-girrl]

Saviors

summary; When you have nowhere to stay- and you're falling tired- you turn to the Crescent Hotel to sleep. You roomed next to four people, and they help you when something traumatic happens in your hotel room.

warnings: Cussing, hella paranormal activity, major? injuries, anxiety attack. (i changed a few things from the video tho)

(a/n this post is kind of ass and yall keep liking it so ilysm but this is so shitty lmaoo i promise my writing had a glow-up)

pairing: colby brock x fem reader

Now playing; see how I circle / labyrinth

Up next; oblivion -grimes

Genesis-grimes

The sky started to darken, mirroring my negative mood. I sighed, feeling fatigue slowly start to take over my body.

Turning my black car's driving wheel, I drove into the 'Crescent Hotel" parking lot. I sighed, stepping out of the car and opening the trunk.

I grabbed an outfit, and shoved it into a bag before grabbing my purse and locking the car up.

I glanced up at the balcony of a room, seeing a dark figure stare at me intensely. My eyes widened and I felt goosebumps form on my skin.

The night was dark and cold, forcing a shiver make its way up my spine. I crossed my arms over my chest, as I shivered in my white dress. I approached the hotel doors, and quickly made my way inside, protecting myself from the cold misty air that surrounded me.

I walked in, feeling a heavy amount of energy fall onto my shoulders. I frowned deeply, before spotting an adorable black cat seated on the couch. I walked up to it and pet its soft fur, feeling my heart become warm. A smile grew on my face as I temporarily forgot about the dark, sad and longing feeling that lingered in the air, before walking up to the front desk.

"Hi, can I get a room for one night, please?" I offered a kind smile to the lady seated behind the counter. She returned the smile, and handed me a room key. 'Room 201'

"You'll be staying at room 201. That'll be 130$." My eyes widened at the price, but I was desperate for sleep. I opened my purse and grabbed my wallet, pulling out 150$.

"Keep the change." I smiled, collecting my stuff before heading up the spiraled stairs.

I was walking down a hallway, when I heard a faint "Damn baby! Back it up on over here, if ya will." In an accent. I turned around, fear gripping onto my chest. There was nobody there. I was completely alone. I frowned deeply, before rushing back to the stairs.

It took me a while, but I finally made it to my hotel room. I sighed happily, despite the feeling of sadness surrounding me.

I noticed a brunette boy leaving hotel room 202 and I smiled kindly at him. He returned the smile, as my eyes wandered to the camera located in his left hand. I tilted my head and raised a brow a little bit.

"Oh. I'm sorry." He laughed. "I'm a youtuber. Me and my friends are recording a video."

I was still confused. "What's so special about this place?" I looked around. I acknowledged the negative and sad energy around me, but shrugged it off.

"You don't know?" He asked me curiously.

"Know what?" I was a lot more confused now.

"This hotel is haunted." My eyes widened. it makes sense now. The figure on the balcony and the sad energy around here. No wonder.

"That makes sense." I shrugged, rubbing my hands up and down my arms.

"Why? Did you see something?" He asked me, concern swirling behind his blue eyes.

"Yeah I saw a figure on a balcony, but i just thought it was a person. Though it was creepy enough to give me goosebumps. It also feels sad. And angry here. Like there some sort of longing feeling. I also got catcalled by something that wasn't there. " I explained, giggling a bit at the end.

"Do you mind if i record you explaining that? If not that's alright. But it would be great to let the fans know."

"Sure, Mr. Popular." I smirked teasingly. He rolled his eyes playfully and turned on the camera and angled it at me.

"Okay so tell us what happened again...?" He trailed, searching for something.

"Y/n." I smiled.

"Okay so tell us what happened, Y/n."

"Soo, when I arrived here, I had no clue it was haunted until this handsome stranger told me." I smiled and winked jokingly. "But before I came in here, I saw a figure standing on a balcony and it was just.... staring at me. It gave me goosebumps. And after that, the second I stepped foot into the hotel the energy surrounding me felt, sad. Like previous people here were longing for something. And a bit of anger was hidden beneath the longing and sadness. I also got catcalled, but when I turned around I was alone. Whatever happened here must've been pretty bad." I explained for a second time but in more detail. "I still don't know what happened here, I just know that it's haunted."

I smiled at the boy behind the camera. "I'm colby, by the way." He mirrored my smile.

"Thanks for letting me know what I was getting myself into, Colby." I giggled as he put the camera down.

"Yeah, Sure." He laughed, his deep voice sending butterflies to my stomach. Heat rises to my cheek before he continued. "If you need anything me and my friend, Sam, will be in here. And maybe our other two friends. You're also welcome to join us, we're gonna be ghost hunting."

"Yeah, I'll consider it." I smiled kindly once more. "Thanks, Colby."

"No problem." he waved, returning the smile before walking down the hall. I opened my hotel room, rushing in and throwing my bag on my bed.

I sighed happily, finally being able to sleep. I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, and I shivered a bit before trying to push the thought to the back of my mind.

I changed out of my white dress, and replaced it for pajama bottoms and a long sleeve shirt with holes for my thumbs.

I put fresh socks on before turning out the light and quickly hopping into the big bed.

I saw something in the corner, just before fatigue took over my body.

--

'Wake up' A females voice whispered in my ear.

I shot out of bed quickly, my eyes wide. Sweat dripped down the side of my head as I looked around my room. "Hello??" I said out loud. No response.

I shrugged it off as my imagination, and tried to fall back asleep.

—

I rubbed my eyes, tiredly sitting up.

“Why do I keep waking up.” I whispered to myself, picking up a clock that rested on a nightstand to the left of me.

“3:33.” I read out loud. “Isn’t that an Angel number?”

I shrugged it off, before I heard a mumbling. My head shot up and stared into the darkness that lie before me.

I squinted, trying to see into the black fog. I saw a figure. Staring at me. Menacingly. My eyes widened as I froze in fear.

A faint “What do you want?” Tore from my parted lips.

It didn’t respond, to nobody’s surprise, yet still stood there.

I sat in the king sized bed, slowly building up to courage to make a run for it.

When the courage was built, I leapt out of bed and ran for the door, only to be flung away from it.

I hit the wall, with a loud ‘thud,’ before landing on the floor.

Tears welled up in my eyes after I groaned in pain. My back was definitely gonna be bruised.

I crawled for the door as fast as I could, but got violently dragged by an invisible force. I dragged my nails against the carpet.

Once it let me go I quickly rushed to stand up but got aggressively pushed against the wall. The side of my face slammed into the wall, as an unbearable pain shot through my cheek at the violent contact. A Bible flew through the air and hit me in the face. Blood dripped down my nose as I cried in pain. I heard loud knocking on my door and my eyes widened.

“Y/n!? Are you okay?!” A familiar voice shouted.

I tried to get to the door but cried out when a sharp, stinging pain shot through my back.

I sobbed, feeling myself get dragged once more before the entity let go. I jumped up and ran to the door, flinging it open. I was met with four concerned faces, three of them being un-familiar.

I sobbed into my hands, as the traumatic event played over and over in my head.

“What the fuck happened?!” Colby asked.

“Are you okay?!” The blonde boy next to him asked.

“Th-there was something in there!!” I cried out as a blonde girl rubbed my back comfortingly.

“Come to our room for a second. We’ll help you and you can tell us everything.” A black haired girl said, her brows furrowed in worry.

I nodded, following the two girls as the two boys checked my hotel room for anyone.

We entered their hotel room and I sat down on the red sofa.

The blonde girl brought back a tissue and a cold water bottle.

I used the tissue for my nose, after giving a small thanks. I placed the water bottle on the huge bruise on my cheek.

“I’m kris.”

“Celina. And the other boys are Sam and Colby.” Celina said.

“Th-thank you guys.. so much.” You smiled gratefully.

“What happened?” Sam asked.

“I-I don’t know… there was this thing and it-it threw me around like I was a fucking rag doll.” I joked a bit, before wincing from the pain radiating on my back.

“I-I think it scratched my back.” I added. Colby came over to me and asked if he could raise my shirt. I nodded and turned around while he lifted it up.

Though I couldn’t see, they all had wide eyes and opened mouths.

“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed. “Y/n do you mind if I record this?” He asked kindly, okay with either answer.

“You can, I don’t mind, it just hurts really bad.” I said in a pained voice. “Colby can you take a picture of it and show me?” I asked softly.

He said yes before snapping a picture of it. I stared at the picture in shock, a giant bruise on my side and three, long, bloody scratch marks starting from my upper back and ending right before the waistband of my shorts.

“Holy shit” i mimicked sam just as he started recording my injuries. I turned around and showed the rest.

“Do you wanna stay in our room for the rest of the night?” Colby offered.

“Yes please.” I said, a pleading look lingered in my eyes. “I don’t wanna go back into that room.” Tears welled up in my eyes as Celina and Kris both side-hugged me.

“It’s ok, Y/n you don’t have to.” Kris said, her brows furrowed.

“You’re safe with us. Especially the boys cause they’re a lot stronger than us.” Celina joked, attempting to lighten the mood. I laughed a long, wiping my tears.

“Thanks guys.” I said gratefully.

“Anytime.” The group postponed further exploration of the building so they could make sure I was alright.

Celina and Kris called it a night, heading to their own room to sleep or try to contact anything.

I started to get sleepy while Colby was treating my wounds. “I’m tired.” I admitted.

“I’m almost done, just try to stay up for one more minute.” He applied ointment to the scratches and ice to the bruises.

I was definitely gonna tell the hotel about this in the morning. Even though some people wouldn’t believe me, it was worth a shot.

Once Colby was done in informed me of it and I crawled under the sheets and lied in the middle of the bed.

Sam and Colby lied on either side of me, and yet I still unconsciously cuddled closer to Colby.

“Goodnight.” I sighed, feeling safe with the two boys I had only just met.

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

—

The end.

[sashiavi]

Bear Shane sleepy sex but the roles are reversed. Shane noticing you can't get to sleep, maybe you still have some pent up energy, mind going a million miles an hour. Bear Shane is a lazy lover but he's still a lover. Mumbles something to himself before situating himself in-between your legs to fuck you to sleep.

I'm being fed and nourished with all these BearHybrid!Shane ideas ahh ♡ this turned into a fic.. whoops?

Ooo new divider oo~

Warnings : 18+ Smut | BearHybrid!Shane | fucking you to sleep ♡ | brief anxiety/comfort | afab reader | praise - good girl, doll |

Word Count : 1.7k

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It was one of those nights. Feeling fidgety and tense, mind racing away with anything it could grab on to. Deep breaths and mindfulness had proven useless, the moment your brain calmed another thought pops up and the cycle begins again.

You don't even know the time, and truthfully you're too afraid to check, knowing that seeing that little 'am' symbol on the clock will perpetuate the whole thing.

Toss, turn, toss, turn.

It was only a matter of time before a low, grumbly sigh resonates from beside you. There's a sniffle, a thick swallow leading into a clicky breath before a thick arm wraps over your side. You're easily pulled into his front, scooched across the mattress in an easy squish, a scratchy stubble chin grazing the supple curve of your neck to shoulder. His palm lays flat in between the valley of your breasts, fingers splayed out, gently squishing into the supple swell of your chest.

The budding little nip of anxiety swirling around in your tummy quells with the embrace, for at least a moment. Warm and soft was the feeling, whether its Shane himself or the nature of the hug, you're not entirely sure.

His smooth, slow breaths help a little, the rising and falling of his bare chest and tummy, grounding, sleepy huffs dancing across the back of your neck.

Still. Your mind doesn't stop, thinking of all the things you've done, things you have to do- people, places, trying to remember that one conversation while dreading another that hasn't even happened. Your head was starting to hurt with the swirl of thoughts.

Maybe he sensed it, or maybe it was the twitchy wiggle of your foot bouncing under the covers- regardless, the bear of a man inhales sharply with his newfound awaken state.

"Wh.. whas' wrong.." The man tiredly slurs, smacking his lips together as he slowly wakes.

"Nothing.. Go back to sleep, Love..." Your hand reaches back to pet his hair, fingers grazing over his temple, carefully threading your fingers up to scratch at his fluffy bear ears.

You feel his nose scrunch against your neck, a low groan born out of half annoyance and half tiredness vibrating from his lips. Not even soft ear pats deter the man and lull him back to sleep, you were now his priority for the night.

"Yer' brain's thinkin again..?" It's always a wonder- How Shane just knows. Picking up signs he knows all too well himself, empathising on a level you're sure he's familiar with. You only give a nod, humming a mild noise of agreeance, one note and short lived but it's more than enough for him. Shane rumbles back, a noise you can't quite call a hum, truthfully.

"..'S okay. I'll take care f'ya."

Take care of you he does.

The Bear of a man abuses his strength, wrapping your body up in his arms, properly caging you to his chest. The arm snaked under you sets its hand on your chest, lovingly fondling the swell of your tits, fingers pinching to roll your nipples between them. His other hand settles itself between the plush of your thighs, forearm resting in the curve of your waist, fingers flat and circling your pantie clad clit.

It's slow. So, so slow and tender too, gentle circling rubs of your sensitive little bud, fingers dipping down further to press and tease against the sticky-wet fabric covering your hole. He rests his lips against the curve of your neck, stubble grazing your skin as his broad noses nuzzles into you. He peppers kisses, quick to slow, spiky with his growing facial hair, and yet so soft with the plump of his lips.

Your moans come off of your lips more like breaths, barely tainted with the rumble of your voice, soft and supple with the treatment he gifts you. Still, you have to fight to concentrate, focus hard on the budding ache in your cunt as he pinches and rolls your nipples, remind yourself that his thick fingers were rubbing over your twitchy clit. You're in a daze again, tension blanketing over your body, nearly stressing yourself at your attempts to focus, at the need to calm down- You'd kept Shane up long enough now, ruined his sleep, you know he'll be tired tomorrow, maybe even grumpy-

Before you can even think to finish the thought, you jump.

Shane smacks a soft slap against your clit, wet fabric sticking with your arousal. His thick canines dig into your neck with a bruisy kiss, suckling a spot into your skin. It certainly brings you back, makes you mewl out a keening whimper, head tilting back, leaning into the teeth filled kisses he gifts your neck.

He pops off of your skin with a rough suckle, fingers rougher, hand practically grabbing the swell of your pussy, roughly pressing the soaked up fabric of your panties against your hole.

"Do I gotta' fuck ya' t'sleep- Hmm?" He sounds tough, grumbly, but there's a small underlying tone, something softer, born out of genuine concern. "Fuck my sweet Doll all brainless? Yeah? Make it so ya' can't think no more?" His tone manages to rise, coddling and sweet despite the filthy choice of words.

That's how you find yourself pressed to the mattress, one leg thrown over Shane's shoulder while his cock dives into your cunt.

His hands wander and roam, up the expanse of your torso, palms kissing into the flesh of your bouncing tits, cupping your face, wrapping around your throat- an overwhelming touch. Clothes were gone, thrown Yoba knows where, skin to skin all tacky from touch and sweat. Shane's throat rumbles a low growl, molars clenched while his hips piston and fuck against your folds.

He plants two hands by either side of your head, using the mattress as leverage to take your cunt with his girthy cock. He leans over, bending that leg over his shoulder with him, spreading you deliciously. Your other leg wraps around his hip, pulling him in, following the roll of his hips. You lay pretty, eyes closed and brow scrunched with focus, teeth biting into the swell of your bottom lip.

"Look at me. Eyes on me, Doll." The Bear orders, low and grumbled, thick brows tight on his own face, illuminated by the bright moon flooding through the window. You follow his instruction, trying to focus on his gaze, desperately flicking between each of his eyes with a frowny whimper on your lips. "That's it.. Thaaat's it, Good Girl." He roughly praises, pressing a sloppy kiss to your forehead before he pulls back, searching your own eyes while his hips snap.

It takes everything in him to not latch to your mouth and lap up your slick saliva, fall into those bear instincts and occupy his mouth with your honey-sweet taste- His bear ears twitch with the thought.

You on the other hand? Hiccupy and whimpery, doing your best to focus on his handsome face, desperately searching for his gaze, holding it with a glazed over wash of arousal on your features. His pelvis rolls with a hump each time he fucks himself onto you, his soft tummy grazing your own with each thrust, while he uses those strong arms as leverage. You still feel that lingering little pinch of guilt- and you're sure he sees it too.

"Rub your clit f'me. Make yourself feel good- gonna fu.. ughhh- gonna Fuck. You. Brainless." He punctuates those last words with a heavy clap of his hips, mashing his pudgy tip into your supple cervix, jolting a sweet achy sting in your gut.

Your hand comes down between you, feeling the mash of his hips on your knuckles, rolling and rubbing at your stingy little clit just like he told you to.

"That's it.. Keep yer' eyes on me an' rub that clit- Keep makin' yourself feel good." It was probably a little mean of him, but you needed something to focus on, right?

Besides, now he can truly fuck up your pussy with his girthy cock, growl and grit his teeth while your gushy hole kisses and flutters on him. Clap, clap, clap goes his hips snapping hard into you. The bear of a man practically mounts you, fucking down into you, stabbing the depths of your cunt with the pudge of his tip.

Your eyes roll, struggling to stay nice and focused, lulling with hot pleasure- That's what he wanted. What you needed.

Head empty, any and all thoughts pushed right out of the way in favour of feeling the tight clench of your tummy, threatening to snap with your climax. He keeps up those dirty praises; "Good Girl. Sweet Girl. Takin' me so good- Fucked dumb on that cock yeah? Yeahhh." His ears move with his own nods, voice rough like gravel.

"I.. I'm- S-Shane-!" Your frown, lips parted and eyes teary, a blink and those fat bubbles roll down your cheeks.

"Cum, Baby. Let go, cum on my cock, Doll. That's it, c'mon." He urges, teeth grit, bouncing you with the mattress, back on his length again and again while your little fingers desperately rub your wet clit.

You barely manage a strangled warning, body tensing, eyes snapping shut, letting those watery drops leak down your face. Your lips part with a whine, fingers halting on your clit as you cream and gush over his length.

He milks it out of you, fucking you through it with a hard roll of his hips and a pepper of kisses all over your face. He lets you wrap your arms around his neck, sinks in closer to hump his hips through your high, skin to skin all sticky and tacky, the brush of hairs over his chest sweat-stuck and moist. His belly presses into your own, a comfy weight while his hips continue that crane.

Your throat dares to wobble out a little "Love you.." cracked as if you were going to choke. The Bear breathes out a chuckle, returning the loving comment, happily resting the thick swell of his hard cock in your cunt, nice and gushy, warm and still kissing with little clenches from your orgasm.

What follows are wet kisses, soft caresses and the sweet sound of your breathing coming to a slow rhythm. Shane looks after you, gets you nice and comfy, cosy in a wrap of blankets and his arms (and maybe even a little kiss of his cock), nosing at your neck, nuzzled and soft

You can always rely on Bear Shane to help you fall asleep on tricky nights like these.

[drdemonprince]

the porn addiction anon made me think to ask, do you have an opinion on viewing self-harm behaviors as an addiction?

i personally have found it to be a helpful way of looking at my relationship with it and fairly accurate to my experience with urges and tolerances etc, and i don't personally care whether it's ever officially considered an addiction or not, but i am curious about the conversation about it and your opinion if you have one.

thank you for reading this and if you respond, thank you for your response!

I think that the 'addiction' frame for self-harm can make the most sense if you're personally on board with a goal of abstinence -- but I would still caution against it somewhat, as research generallly suggests that when a person views a behavior pattern as being caused by an 'addiction' they are less likely to feel that they have agency over it, and are more likely to experience shame when they experience relapses.

What I find most appealing and helpful in understanding self-harm, both for myself and others, is to appreciate the multiple needs that the self-harm typically satisfies. This can be things like providing an endorphin rush, distracting from a disturbing situation, a physical outlet for emotional pain, a means of conveying to others that you are suffering, a source of stimulation, a means of grounding oneself within one's body, an intense enough sensation to shock you out of dissociation, a way to burn off excess energy, an acceptable outlet for one's anger, a way to take control over one's own body, a means of accessing privacy, a means of expressing a meltdown or any number of other things.

When we can see that self-harm is beneficial and sensible in several key ways, it's easier to view it as just one option among many for meeting a person's needs -- and sometimes it might be the best option! Appreciating what self-harm meaningfully does for us allows us to make clearer decisions about what is lacking or painful for us in life at the moment, and minimizing the unwanted damage caused by it. This framing also centers the self-harming person as having the authority to determine what is best for their own life, even while honoring that they might require support getting their needs satisfied.

For example, I used to look down on my excessive exercise habit as solely an eating disorder symptom, one that I was "addicted" to and shamefully couldn't shake. But any time I tried to force myself to not exercise the way I wanted to, I felt cranky, pent up, resentful, stressed, and was actually prone to more damaging forms of self-harm.

It was only after reading more about harm reductionist approaches to eating disorders that I figured out that the long walks I love to go on are not *only* a means of purging, though that is how they began -- they also provide me a needed energy valve, a space to meditate and daydream, an excuse to get away from people when I'm feeling trapped, and a daily obligation that for many years prevented me from overworking, because it consumed up so much time in my day.

I was most prone to long, long, longgg walks that bordered on physically damaging when I was trapped in a house that was not emotionally safe to me, completely overwhelmed with stress due to school and work, and unaware of the sensory and energy-expenditure needs related to my neurodivergence. Now that I'm in a better situation, I still need to exercise almost every day to keep my anxiety and rage even somewhat at bay, but I don't need to do it for *hours*, and I'm making my body stronger rather than weakening myself. I have other ways of addressing my sensory needs, seeking privacy, finding stimulation, and so on. Compared to others I can still seem a bit compulsively physical, exercising even when I am sick, and when I can't work exercise into my daily schedule I do get fucking irate -- but really, what's the problem? It doesn't really qualify as self-harm anymore.

The same logic works on most of the other forms of self-harm I have exhibited, too, from seeking out abusive relationships to reading transphobic hate forums. I did those things because I was completely emotionally blunted, depressed, isolated, and craving stimuli that reinforced my existing self-hatred. And those forms of self-harm intellectually engaged me, filled me with excitement, and shocked my system in ways both good and bad. I'm glad I don't do that shit anymore mostly, but it didn't get better because I realized I was "addicted" to self-harming or anything like that. I had to work on addressing the unmet need.

I hope that others who view self-harming differently will sound off in the notes, because I do think the forms my self-harm has taken are significantly different from things like cutting, burning, etc, and what works for me won't work for everybody else. For the most part I have only physically struck myself when I'm in the midst of a meltdown, so that form of self-injury hardly even ranks as "self harm" to me because it's not really intentional.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Just a reminder that everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side, so don't hesitate to read the feminine version of this pick a card too.

Paid Readings | Botanica | Tip Jar

Pile One 👢

BEYONCÉ- RIIVERDANCE

Someone could be feeling really entitled to your energy. They could be asking a lot from you, where one demand is contradictory to the other demand, which can be very draining for you. Then on top of that, they could be trying to tell you to change certain aspects of your personality that interfere with their gall to have excessive control over you. They could be naturally intimidated by you and use microaggressive verbiage to get you to submit to them. Like if they’re being passive aggressive with you, your tendency to be direct, would make them label you as aggressive. Or if you’re not even the type to use your voice a lot because of anxiety, they could ask you to communicate instead of being avoidant, and then when you do speak up it’s still a problem. Your masculine side is trying to get you to see that this double-edged sword is not an excuse to continue letting others walk all over you and stagnate your life and comfort. You’re in a situation where boundaries simply aren’t enough for this relationship to be balanced, it’s time to cut ties. You must take that control over your own life back and stop placing so much value on what other people say that they want you to do because the thing about people pleasing, is that whether you’re doing it or trying to recover from it, people will never be satisfied or happy with what you do and how you do it. You're always going to piss someone off or be labeled in some way as “not doing enough” of something, and that’s the other message, which is to learn what’s in your control and what’s not for you to control. If you’re dealing with someone who’s exhausting you that you aren’t biologically responsible for, I’m hearing “do it. It’s ok to do it”. Deprive that person of the resources that you’ve given them to remind them of what they really didn’t deserve in the first place, not as a punishment, but as a way to remind yourself that you are the source of your own power and to stop keeping people around who are pulling you down because they convinced you that you need them.

Pile Two 👢

BEYONCÉ- AMEN

Give your body a break. Give away this idea that you need to be fighting all of the time to get what you want and need or that you have to sacrifice yourself to provide for others. That message is mostly for those in my collective who are the eldest child and have to bear the brunt of responsibility. Something needs to be done differently, but it all starts with putting your foot down. Call out what’s being done that’s unfair to you. If there's a double standard with your gender, say that, because you’re not crazy. It’s not the coconut oil to all of your problems but changing your mindset does allow for some shifts and changes to your situation to happen. Acknowledge that you’d rather invest your hard work into something else, like getting your own place or making moves towards something that harmonizes with your ambition, because no matter how difficult it may be to accomplish those goals, keeping your focus on that target is what will help make getting to that goal or goals a lot faster without you feeling a loss of motivation on the way. For others in this pile, you need to allow others to help you. When you’re going through a mental crisis or an addiction, it is heavily underestimated how healing socializing can be. You don’t need to be ashamed or feel less than because you need assistance, having a community is so important because there can be times where your own mind can be your enemy and the way to combat it, is having a friend or in general someone, who cares, to help pull you out of that. Imposter syndrome and intrusive thoughts could be something that’s being struggled with and just know that you are worthy and able to get help with it, but remember, even on your worst days, that you are enough and you can do whatever your mind is trying to create doubt around.

Pile Three 👢

BEYONCÉ - LEVII'S JEAN

If you feel like your love life is nonexistent because it has to do with the way that you look, the answer is both yes and no. You think it’s because people don’t find you attractive, but people find you to be extremely hot, but you know what’s also hot? Your aura, and people don’t want to be burned whether they deserve it or not. Even if you don’t have big expectations in love, you look like you do, or you’re not aware of how you sound when you talk about the things that you like or want. I even have this feeling that if the majority of people who secretly admire you approached you, you would not be impressed with them and that’s ok. Your standards and expectations, even if you don’t think that they are high, are what protect you. Don’t let your curiosity of stepping outside of what you want, be your temptation for something that you could potentially regret. One day you will find that love that you’re looking for and some of you have actually already found it, but you’re not seeing yourself as someone they could have feelings for. You need to start seeing yourself in a better light and having more confidence over your divinely given features, both physical and internal, because it’s so easy to miss out on opportunities in love and your career because you don’t see how gifted you are.

[cowgurrrl]

darlin’ i’d wait for you

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (plus platonic Ellie Williams x fem!reader)

Author’s note: Inspired by my real life love for my godchildren. Mis almas, no hay nadie que ame más que tú. Gracias por elegirme.

Summary: “Ten fingers. Ten toes. And even if you had none of them, you’d still be the grandest thing I’ve ever seen.” - Emily Henry, Beach Read aka you and Joel have a baby [3.0k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, descriptions of labor and delivery (nothing graphic), swearing, lots of emotions, fluff

"You need to be resting!" Maria says as you pace the living room with your hands on your hips. Ellie is watching you move from her space in the kitchen, her knee bouncing with anxiety as she sits there. 

"You need to find Joel!"

"Tommy's getting him right now. Please, just lay down."

"I'm fine," another contraction ripples through your body, and you grip the back of the couch. "Fuck! I can't believe Joel convinced me to do this again!" You yell. The pain tightens in your lower abdomen, and you drop your head to the cushions, unable to focus on anything else. Strong hands press against the small of your back, applying the perfect counter pressure to your contraction. The tension releases just enough for you to pick your head up and find Maria standing over your shoulder, a knowing look in her eyes. No words need to be exchanged for her to know how grateful you are for her presence.

The contractions have been coming and going since late last night, but you didn't think much of it. They were sporadic and not painful enough to make you think you were in labor. You had false contractions with Jane and expected the same thing with this one, except that these contractions became very real very fast. Joel was already out on patrol when you had Ellie run to Tommy and Maria's for additional help because they were getting so bad. This baby is coming soon. 

"Do you have a bag ready to go?" Maria asks as the contraction ends, and you nod, pushing yourself up. 

"In our bedroom closet, but it's missing some stuff." 

"Okay, tell me what you need, and I'll pack it."

"I can do it."

"Honey, if you walk up those stairs, there's no way you'll make it back down." She says, and you sigh. Reluctantly, you list some last-minute things that need to get thrown in the bag and where they'll be. Maria turns on her heels and sprints up the stairs, ever a woman on a mission. Ellie walks over to you as Maria's figure disappears, standing awkwardly near you as you hold your belly. 

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to scare you." You say, wrapping her in a hug or as much of a hug as you can manage with the baby in between you. She relaxes and lets out a big breath as you rub her back.

"I feel like I should be the one comforting you." 

"I've done this before. I know what I'm doing."

"Yeah, but that was before," the fear in her voice rattles you to your core, and you pull away to look at her. Her bottom lip is cracked and bleeding from her teeth worrying at it all morning, and she looks like the scared kid you met in Boston. "You really should be on the way to the hospital." 

"As soon as Joel gets here, I'll go, okay?" You say, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She shakes her head, and you open your mouth to say something more, but the vice grip returns, and you grip her shoulders. Your head bows under the weight of the pain, and you clutch Ellie like a lifeline.

"Okay, they're getting closer together. Maria!" Ellie yells as she holds you upright. You vaguely register Maria rushing down the stairs and telling Ellie something, but you don't have enough energy to listen. Time could've stopped right there, and you would've had no way of knowing. No stab wound, gunshot, or punch even comes close to this pain level. Your breathing is uneven, and you can feel yourself sweating bullets despite the cool August air. You thought you were ready. You thought you knew what to expect after Jane, but this is different. You wonder why you thought you could have another baby as the contraction fades. Maria says your name, and you pick your head up from Ellie's shoulder.

"We need to get you to the hospital right now. Joel will meet us there." She says, but you shake your head, the lump of panic in your throat tightening. Memories of begging your mom, Jane's dad, friends, or anyone to come to the hospital so you wouldn't be alone replay in your head. You were alone and scared and sixteen fucking years old when you had Jane on a stormy Tuesday morning. The nurses looked at you like a kicked puppy and mumbled, "a baby having a baby," under their breaths when they left you to cry alone while holding your newborn. 

"No, no, no. Joel's not here yet. I'm not going without him."

"I promise that Tommy will bring him to you. I'm sure they're on their way back now." 

"I'm not going by myself!" The harshness in your tone makes everybody in the room pause. "I've already done this alone once, and I'm not fucking doing it again. So, we are going to wait for Joel even if I have this baby on the fucking floor! Do you understand me?" 

"Hey," Ellie says softly. "Hey, you're not alone. At all. We're all here because we love you and want you to be safe. Nobody is going to leave, okay?" She says, rubbing your back as tears fill your eyes. 

"I can't do this." without her, you want to add, but you don't. Ellie pushes the sweaty hair out of your eyes and holds your face so you can look at her. Your breath is shaky, and you feel like you could shatter into a million pieces, but her brown eyes are looking into yours so intently that you have no choice but to look back.

"You can. You can do this. You're doing so good. You're going to have this baby, and it'll probably be the cutest fucking baby ever. And we'll all make stupid faces at it and love it even though I don't even think I like most babies, and you'll be okay. Both of you," her eyes don't move from yours as she speaks, even when you start crying. "You're not alone, but I can tell you're in pain, and we need to get to the hospital before it gets worse, okay?" She asks, and you take a shaky breath before nodding. Ellie and Maria seem to let out sighs of relief at the same time, and they start ushering you to the door when it opens.

"I'm here! I'm here! I'm sorry I'm late," Joel yells as he and Tommy run in. He smiles and runs over and kisses you. You have half a mind to smack him for looking so giddy when you're in so much pain, but let him kiss you anyway. "You ready to have a baby?" He asks as another contraction tightens in your stomach, making you squeeze him tightly. You don't get to see your family scrambling to get out the door, but you feel it. Bags and coats find owners as your entourage helps support you down the steps of your home and on the path to the hospital. 

Four contractions come and go on the way to the hospital doors, where Maria, Tommy, and Ellie cheer and promise to wait there until you're ready for them. "Almost there, baby. We're gonna get you all the good drugs, okay?" Joel tells you quietly as he flags down a nurse and a wheelchair for you. The nurse asks rapid-fire questions as she rushes you into a delivery room, and Joel does his best to answer them. You curl into yourself the second your body hits the hospital bed, yet another contraction hitting you, but this time with a familiar splitting pain. You're not going to have time for the good drugs.

The rest is a blur of doctors, nurses, questions, and Joel whispering praises into your temple. Your vision struggles to focus on anything as pain radiates from your hips to your back and up your spine. It's excruciating and dizzying, and you think you'd throw up if you weren't so focused on getting this fucking kid out. "One more, baby. One more push, and then it's over." Joel tells you. You don't respond. You can't. All the blood rushes through your ears, and you squeeze his hand hard. For a moment, the whole world stops, and tears fall down Joel's face as the tiny baby is placed on your chest. You gasp and hold them close as they screech, announcing their arrival loudly.

"It's a girl!" Someone announces, and you laugh weakly, struggling to catch your breath. You look down at your daughter and kiss her head as she continues to cry.

"You're okay. I've got you. We're okay, sweetheart. You're safe," you tell her, rubbing her back. Joel reaches out to trace the apple of her cheek and grabs her tiny hand. You and Joel join her crying, everything besides your family becoming obsolete. Joel presses a chaste kiss to your lips and smiles when you laugh against him. "I told you so." You say, and he laughs. 

"You were right," he says. "I'm so proud of you." He kisses you again as your daughter cries beautifully on your chest. Jane didn't cry at first when she was born, effectively scaring the shit out of you and everyone else in the room, but when she finally did, it was like you were breathing for the first time, too. You think this may be the first time since her death that you've felt that much peace. 

Joel cuts the cord, and the room devolves into a controlled madness with nurses and doctors calling things back and forth to each other. You don't care. The little girl on your chest has settled down and tucked her head under your chin, listening to your rapid heartbeat and recognizing the pattern. "We're right here, baby girl. We're not going anywhere, okay?" You whisper to her, kissing her over and over again. She smiles, and you immediately recognize Joel's crooked smile— nine months of carrying her and a record-breakingly fast delivery for her to be his twin. 

"Mama, we're gonna take her to get cleaned up and get her measurements, okay? The doctor's working on getting you fixed up, too." A nurse says, and you nod. 

"Just be careful, please. I made her from scratch, and it took a really fucking long time." You say as you pass her to the nurse. Everyone, including Joel, laughs even though you're serious. Joel leaves your side only to follow the nurse to the other side of the room, watching her every movement meticulously. You keep eyes on both of them. She starts fussing as the nurse cleans her up, and Joel reaches out to smooth her hair. He says something to her that you can't hear and watch him start crying again. She settles down again, but Joel is a mess. The nurse offers him a tissue, and you laugh to yourself but don't do anything to get his attention.

Let them have their secret conversation. You have a feeling it will be the first of many.

She's asleep, but you can't stop looking at her. Joel is lying in the hospital bed with you as she rests in his arms, your chin hooked over his shoulder so you can stare at her. The little girl who gave you enough excitement for a lifetime is bundled up in a white blanket with a striped hat covering her dark hair. Her legs are long and skinny, but she's strong, grasping anything within reach.

She has his nose and lips, but your eyes match. Her little chest rises and falls steadily, and little sighs come from her occasionally as she sleeps. Her hand somehow escaped the swaddle, and her fingers flex around the blanket's fabric like she's trying to decide whether she likes it. Joel reaches for her tiny hand and tries to tuck it away again, but she resists, making an angry face until he lets go. You laugh and melt simultaneously at her actions.

"She's perfect," you whisper as you kiss Joel's shoulder. He hums and turns to kiss your temple. "How did we get so lucky?"

"I've no idea," he whispers back. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Her. This. Making me a dad again." His voice is so tender and raw that your eyes mist up again. You sniffle and wipe your eyes.

"Anytime, cowboy," you rest your hand on her chest to feel the little heartbeat you made from nothing but stardust and blood. Her face scrunches up in her sleep before her little fingers find yours. "Well, maybe not anytime, but you know what I meant."

"Oh, 'm ready for another one right now."

"Never in a million fucking years could you convince me to do that again."

"You did great." He says, and you smile. You're both exhausted and should be sleeping, but you can't stop looking at the life you created together. She's not even a day old, and you know you would tear the world into a thousand pieces if she asked you to. You would do anything for her.

"D'you still like the name we picked?" You ask, and he nods.

"Do you?"

"I think it's perfect for her."

"Hey, guys," a nurse peeks her head in the door. "Are we ready for some visitors?" She asks. You nod, and Joel adjusts baby girl in his arms. Her little arm reaches up in a stretch, and she fusses when she loses the grip on your hand. You tell her you're not far, and Joel bounces her. 

"Hey," Ellie says softly as she enters the room. You smile and sit up, ignoring the jarring pain in your hips at the movement. "Oh, my God. How are you feeling?" She asks as she hugs you like she's afraid she'll break you if she holds you too tight. You rub her back and kiss her head.

"I'm okay. I delivered pretty much the second they could get me to lay down."

"I knew we should've gone to the hospital sooner!" Ellie says, and Joel shushes her. She makes an eek face as she looks at him.

"A baby's tryin' to sleep here."

"Holy shit," she breathes, taking in the bundle in Joel's arms for the first time. "Girl or boy?"

"I'm pretty sure the Millers are only capable of having girls at this point," you say, and Ellie smiles. "Do you wanna hold her?" 

"Can I?" She asks as Joel stands. She's unsure what to do but copies Joel's position and puts a hand under her back.

"Support her head," Joel instructs quietly as he carefully transitions your daughter into Ellie's arms.

"I got it. I got it," she says. Instinctively, she starts swaying back and forth and patting the baby's back. Joel stays nearby, watching as Ellie gets comfortable holding her. Your heart could explode seeing the three of them together. "Who are you?" She asks quietly, pulling the blanket under the baby's chin so she can see her. 

"This is Charlotte Elaine Miller," you say. "Charlie, for short." 

"Hey there, Charlie girl. My name's Ellie."

"She's your big sister." Joel adds. Even though he's talking to Charlie, he's looking at Ellie. She takes a shaky breath as she processes his words. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her forehead. 

"I'm one of your big sisters," she says. The pregnancy hormones and the day's emotions catch up with you, and you couldn’t stop the tears even if you wanted to. Something about seeing Ellie with Charlie hits you hard. "I've got so much to teach you and tell you about when you're a little bigger, though. There's not much I can do with you right now except, well, this," She shrugs as if to make her point to the sleeping baby, and you laugh. Charlie stretches again, probably getting used to having so much room now that she's out of you, and yawns. "Oh, big yawn. Good job." Ellie praises.

"You're a natural," Joel says, making her smile.

"I dunno about that, but she does like me. Right, Charlie girl?" she asks, and the Charlie girl in question chuffs. "Oh, we're gonna have so much fun together." She says sincerely. Joel meets your eyes, sending you a knowing look and a crooked smile, and you smile back a little sadly. He works at his jaw, and his Adam's apple bobs as his eyes sparkle with tears again. No words need to be exchanged. You know. You may be one of the only people who know. Ellie rambles to Charlie, ever the present audience, and you remember, silent and pious in your devotion. 

You think you'll spend your whole life remembering, a constant scramble for pieces of memories that bring her closer. You think you'll find bits of her in music, the summer sun, and your girls' eyes. You think you'll tell Charlie of her big sisters, who were loved and cherished beyond belief, and their shared adoration of Patti Smith. You think you'll be able to find a way to talk about her that doesn't feel like your soul is desperately ripping away from you. For Sarah, Jane, Ellie, and now Charlie, you think you would do anything.

Even after so much loss, destruction, and nights spent hopelessly staring at the wall like it would be enough to start Jane's heart again, you think you would do it all again. The world can be a really shitty place, and you've seen firsthand how horrible people can be to each other. You and Joel have been a million different versions of awful people, and you can never escape that. But you have Ellie and Charlie. And each other. And for a moment, in this horribly lit hospital room, every minute of that misery has meaning.

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taglist: @evyiione @nyotamalfoy @abbyhaslongshorts​

[scientia-rex]

Hi Dr. Kristophine, do you have any advice on what kind of information doctors need for medical issues that are more nebulous than "my knees hurt"? I've been feeling Weird and Bad in a way that has me concerned, but I'm afraid to make an appointment because I don't know what to say that will get the Weird and Bad feeling across in an actionable way. Going to the doctor takes SO much energy that I don't have to waste and I don't want them to just take a blood test and say everything's fine go home (again).

The best thing you can do with medical information you're trying to prepare for your medical provider, as a lay person, is be as specific as possible.

-Location: Is it one place in particular, or everywhere? Does it stay in one place, or move around?

-Timing: When did it start? Did it come on suddenly or slowly? Does it happen continuously? Does it come and go? Is it always there to some extent, but it gets better and worse? On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being fine and 10 being the worst you can imagine, how bad is it at its best, and how bad is it at its worst? How much time does it spend really bad vs only kind of bad?

-Quality: If it's pain, is it aching, burning, stabbing, dull, electrical zap, etc.? If it's not pain, what is it? Is it discomfort? Is it weakness--i.e., you can't do that thing? Is it fatigue--like maybe you can still push through doing the thing but it feels like you're trying to wade through mud to do it? Is it a racing heart, sweating, pressure?

-Triggers: Does something in particular set it off? A time of day, a food, an action, a medication, a thought? A surprisingly common trigger for migraines is sitting still with your neck in one position. (New research suggests that necks are critical to migraine formation, to which I yelled out loud at the paper, no duh!) There may be triggers you haven't noticed; try keeping a symptom diary, where you note down when you have episodes and what you were doing beforehand, what you ate that day, menstrual phase, etc. Any detail that you can remember, whether or not it seems relevant at the time.

I cannot tell you how many times I've dug deeper into a chronic issue only to discover that the patient can, in fact, tell me what the trigger is, but because it's something important to them, they simply haven't noticed. May subconsciously even avoided noticing. Do you get migraines every time you DM? Do you need to work a stretch break into your D&D session?

There can also absolutely be multiple triggers--I know I'll get migraines if I don't sleep, if I'm sick, if I sit still for too long, if I have dental work, etc.

So bring in all the info you can. Write it down if you're afraid you'll forget. Don't hand it to the MA, too many doctors will go "oh my GOD they brought a LIST how high-maintenance" and tune out. Hang on to it but tell them about everything.

I don't expect patients to be able to tell me "I believe I've had a left radial styloid fracture" but I do expect them to tell me "I fell and tried to catch myself with my left hand and now my wrist hurts," and that's good enough. The rest of it is my job. When it's something more vague, like "I started feeling different and bad about six months ago," any other information helps. Did you start a new med around then? Are you going through menopause? Do you struggle with anxiety? Do you have first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, or child) with genetic disorders, autoimmune disorders, etc.? Do you have a history of anemia? Are you vegan? Have you started having night sweats and unexplained weight loss? Did you recently travel internationally? This can go a lot more different directions than a hurty wrist, so bring in all the info you can.

And keep in mind that modern medicine is very limited--much more so than most people think. There is an excellent chance that medicine will not be able to diagnose your condition. It may still be able to offer treatment. It may fall on your shoulders to manage it as best you can, knowing that doctors don't have answers. Nobody can tell me why I have chronic pain, and I don't mean as in "I've asked doctors and they don't know," I mean "I've personally scoured the literature and had the relevant and appropriate tests and no one can know at this phase of medical knowledge." So I deal with it, I've stopped trying to push myself past my reserves because people who can't admit to ignorance tell me to, I keep my painful body moving because that helps, I do PT, I take a multivitamin occasionally because I know my diet sucks. I manage.

There are not always right or wrong answers--I don't take gabapentin, because I don't want the sedation and kidney exposure, but patients with my exact symptoms might find it helpful and may find the risks and costs worth the benefits. My mother, who has whatever it is that I have, right down to the tricky stomach, from whom I presumably inherited it, has taken medication at different points in her life, depending on how much pain she was in and what other responsibilities she has, and that is perfectly reasonable. Autonomy matters. People have to be able to make these choices for themselves, with assistance but not paternalism from their medical professionals, because the math is different for everyone.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

How would the skeletons react to a selective mute S/O?

Main 10 plz

Undertale Sans - He doesn't mind at all. He's not great at talking either, he's really fine just signing with you if you want to. Sans is a fast learner and he likes to think of it like a special language you both have that no one else can understand. Well, except for some other people, like Frisk he realized after the kid ran to tell Toriel and Papyrus that Sans is in love lmao.

Undertale Papyrus - He's very patient and gives you time to focus on your words when he sees you really want to say something to him. Other than that, he's fine signing with you. He's good at reading people's so most of the time you don't even have to sign for him to understand what you want. He's covering you up when you're outside. Don't worry, he can talk for the two of you, he's fine at that.

Underswap Sans - Honey was a selectively mute child so he's used to it. It amazes you how fast he adapted to you. Blue is a very comforting guy to start with and makes sure you feel safe around him so you can talk if you want. He can be mad easily if people are mocking you as well. He struggled his entire childhood with Honey and failed to protect him from all of this, but not anymore. It feels like a second chance.

Underswap Papyrus - Oh he understands it very well. Honey was selectively mute as a child, and he still is in some situations, even though he worked a lot on this growing up. He could never blame you for not having enough strength to talk as he knows how much strength it takes to talk to people. You're actually trying to help the other with their anxiety, and you try to get better with it. You're quite the pair.

Underfell Sans - It will take a little time to adapt and Red accidentally being a jerk to you a few times for him finally getting how you work. He still messes up from time to time, but now that you're in a relationship, you know he's not doing it on purpose. He's just really bad at socializing, a bit like you, but on another level. Red doesn't know why you're so nice to him and forgiving him every time, but at least, he's learning and tries to be better. Being a natural chatterbox, he's protecting you from unwanted interactions, usually by insulting people until they leave. He feels useful like this, so you don't have the heart to tell him to stop.

Underfell Papyrus - He bought you a notepad and a special hoodie with answers to common questions so you can just point the answer to you when he's talking. Edge adapts really fast, he's good at it, and he tries to find original ways to help you communicate. He could give the whole world to his S/O, being selective mute is not a problem at all.

Horrortale Sans - He's not a big talker himself because talking takes him a lot of energy. He didn't know selective mutism was a thing, and now he's kinda mimicking you, learning how to sign and not forcing himself to talk anymore if he doesn't want to. You actually opened his eyes to a lot of things and he feels a little more confident now that he has other ways to communicate.

Horrortale Papyrus - He used to do this with his brother and the people in the retirement home so it's no big deal. Who knows, maybe he can pretend to a world record if he keeps doing that. Willow is naturally kind and empathetic, and he doesn't have high self-esteem himself, so he can perfectly understand being scared of the people around him, as not all of them are nice and patient. He still hopes you can feel safe enough to talk freely around him someday.

Swapfell Sans - A part of his job is to adapt to people so he's adapting pretty fine. He knows sign language and he's very observant so it's not difficult to understand when you need his attention. Nox is very careful and always makes sure you're comfortable with things before proceeding. He usually divert people's attention on him when it's clear you don't want to interact and he doesn't hesitate to bring you home in the middle of a social event if he notices you're too overwhelmed.

Swapfell Papyrus - It's a bit complicated for him as respecting boundaries is not his biggest quality. Rus is going to need a few try and errors to test the limit of what he can and can't do with you. It doesn't help he doesn't really know how to apologize to you. That's going to be a complex first few months, but he's learning, more or less!

Fellswap Gold Sans - He's still adjusting. Wine is very vocal and dramatic, so he's still a bit unsure how to act around you since you're not expressing much. He's not the nicest person around and can sometimes make you a bit uncomfortable with his spicy side. However, since Coffee is a selective mute as well, he knows when he goes too far and tries to adjust his behavior to not make you distressed. He's as protective with you as he is with Coffee though, which can be suffocating.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He never thought humans could be like he is and it's so disturbing it's stressing him out the first few weeks. After that, he calms down and you two start to find your own ways to communicate. You even created your own sign language and love language so you both can retreat if it gets too overwhelming.

[403tarot]

⫬ ⫬ ⊹ . . . SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE — WHAT DO YOU NEED NOW?

hello! today i offer a post about a very important subject: spirituality. take what resonates with you and leave the rest. close your eyes and take a deep breath to choose the pic that calls you the most. feedbacks make duckie really happy <3

PICK A POCHACCO!

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 1 ...

Your personality today is the result of a mix of unique experiences. Life hasn't always been kind to you, and that has directly influenced how you perceive the world and interact with people around you, which may have caused some important aspects of your character to retreat. Nevertheless, lately, you've been actively seeking to rediscover yourself and recover from the damages of your past.

Ah, the past. When you were going through such a delicate moment and felt your heart burdened with sadness, perhaps no one extended a hand to help you stand up. Although it was painful, you can't let those wounds keep bleeding and staining your path going forward. It's time to put a stop to that.

Your subconscious is actively working to help you find emotional balance in your life again. Problems, fears, and anxieties can't prevent the blessings destined for you from coming your way. You have a strong spiritual protection that never leaves you alone, and it calls for your success and peace.

Prioritizing yourself is essential in this new stage of your life. Know that not everyone will understand your actions — they might call you selfish, distance themselves from you, or say that you've changed. But you must stay strong; taking care of yourself is not a selfish act, but an altruistic one: by tending to your needs and reaching your goals, you become a better person and an inspiration for others to pursue their own happiness.

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE:

ROSEMARY — PURITY, HEAL, REMEMBER

When rosemary comes into your reading, it's time to cleanse and purify. Don't hold onto things or people that aren't beneficial to you or your path. Let go and rid yourself of unnecessary energies. Be wise and take note of what you are purifying and why. This insight can help you continue to grow. Repeat to yourself:

" I remember, I cleanse and I heal"

cards pulled: the high priestess & the empress | ace of cups & 5 of pents | 6 of pents & knight of swords | 5 of wands, the moon & queen of swords | rosemary

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 2 ...

What is draining your energy and willingness to move forward? The burden on your shoulders has always been heavy, but still, you persisted and remained strong. The stones on your path, no matter how heavy they may seem, cannot gain enough strength to prevent you from reaching what you desire. It's time to look back, see the entire journey you've already traveled, and allow yourself to be proud of things you achieved til now.

Your peace has been disturbed. It seems you can never stay stable for long, and just when you think things will improve, something appears to trap you in anxieties again. You wonder, "If there really is something or someone divine regulating all things, why does the scale of justice never seem to tip in my favor?"

I know you've been trying hard and would like an immediate return, but unfortunately, that's not how things work. Your heart needs to calm down and accept that not everything will always be rosy because life is built on ups and downs. It's necessary to see things from another angle and distance yourself from negative energies as soon as possible, as they will only drag you down further.

Everything you want and desire will be within your reach because nothing beneath the sky is impossible. You have everything to achieve happiness, even though you often forget that. Confront your negative emotions and free yourself from what troubles you. Scream into your pillow, cry, release it all. You are always so kind and understanding with other people's problems... why aren't you the same with your own problems too?

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE:

SPILLED SALT — RELEASE, CONFRONT

If spilled salt shows up in your reading, it's telling you to be aware of the evils that maybe trying to creep in your life. Take time to confront this issue or person. Don't allow yourself to be held down to people or things that are not beneficial to you. Take control, confront and release these energies from your life. Make a wise wish and repeat to yourself:

"Blessed be"

cards pulled: strength, 10 of swords & knight of wands | 2 of wands, 4 of wands & justice | the hanged man, 10 of cups & 6 of wands | the devil, the magician & queen of cups | spilled salt

IF YOU CHOSE POCHACCO 3 ...

You are insatiable with your goals. Your desire to grow, evolve, and achieve shows that you have been striving to present a better version of yourself. However, excessive self-demand and perfectionism may be disturbing your mind too much and, worse, hindering your climb to the top.

You often lament, "I could have done things differently," "I didn't do enough," "I wish I could go back in time to start over and try harder," ignoring the fact that everything you've achieved today is the result of your own merit. You did exactly what you should have done and undoubtedly gave your best within what was possible at that moment. Keep moving forward. Strive to make the future better. Don't wait until next Monday... start taking action now.

Accept and understand that you are the one responsible for the good things in your life. Treat yourself and what you have with more kindness! Instead of always thinking about what you can achieve in the future, look at what you have now. Don't become obsessed with what the next days, months, or years hold for you. Live in the present. What is meant for you will never escape you and will come at the right time.

You have been dedicated to being on the right path, and that way, you have a bright future. Nevertheless, it's necessary for you to still celebrate the little things happening in your life today. They might not be as grand as what you aspire for your future, but they are still important and part of who you are. When was the last time you took some time for yourself? When was the last time you wore your favorite pajamas, ate popcorn, and watched your favorite series without worrying about the anxiety that thinking about the future brings? Reconnect with your inner child who was delighted with a simple bag of candies (even if they were mostly bad). Sometimes, all we need is a bit of simplicity.

DIRECT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE

EARTH ELEMENT — GROUNDING, SURVIVAL

The element of earth invites you to slow down. With earth comes bring stability and growth. Earth can also bring light to your current work and money energy. When this card shows up in a reading, ground yourself, connect with Mother Nature and take into consideration the material aspects of your life. Connect with her nurturing energy. Earth is here to support you in all that you do. It's time to grow. Repeat to yourself:

"I grow with the earth"

cards pulled: 8 of wands, 9 of cups & knight of swords | 10 of pents, 3 of swords & temperance | 4 of cups, knight of cups & the devil | king of wands, 3 of wands & page of cups | earth element

deck used: rider waite-smith & inner witch oracle

you can book a reading with me!

• twin flame / soulmate - $18 • future spouse (+18) - $25

• spiritual advice - $15 • one question - $3.50

dm me if you're interested or want to know more of my methods <3

check my pinned to find out more of my free PAC readings!

[lxvsiick]

CAMPING HORRORS: EPISODE ONE | BOYNEXTDOOR

PAIRING: college students! BOYNEXTDOOR! members x college student! fem! reader

SUMMARY: finishing their exams for the year, they thought a camping trip would help them reconnect with nature and get away from the busy student life -- after arriving to the camp grounds, strange things start happening and the weird feeling in their stomachs starts to grow ,, how did this camping trip go so wrong?

GENRE: horror, thriller, imagine

WARNINGS: mentions of killing, deaths, blood, gore(ish), etc.

WORDCOUNT: 2.7k

A/N: i was supposed to post this yesterday but i actually hibernated... enjoy!

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

It was early, and the air had a crispness to it that hinted at the adventure to come. Y/n stood by her car, loading the last of the camping gear into the trunk. Woonhak had already claimed the front seat, bouncing with excitement, his face pressed against the window.

"Is that everything?" Y/n asked, glancing over at Leehan, who was hoisting a cooler into the back of the car with ease.

"Yup, we're all set," Leehan smiled, his laid-back attitude a sharp contrast to her own anxiety about making sure nothing was forgotten.

From the other side of the car, Taesan leaned against the hood, arms crossed, watching with a look of clear disdain. His lips curled into a smirk as he eyed Leehan, who had offered to help her without even needing to be asked. Taesan rolled his eyes, pretending not to care but clearly annoyed by the whole situation.

"Can we leave already?" Taesan muttered under his breath, loud enough for her to hear but still avoiding direct eye contact.

Jaehyun, along with Sungho and Riwoo, finished packing up the second car. After a brief head count and gear check, everyone piled into their respective vehicles. Y/n took the driver's seat, Woonhak already buckled in beside her. Leehan climbed into the back behind her, and after a dramatic sigh, Taesan took the last spot, pulling on his headphones and immediately tuning everyone out.

As the cars pulled out of the driveway, Woonhak gleefully scrolled through the music playlist. Soon, the familiar beats of their favorite road trip songs filled the car, and he was singing along, loud and off-key, but full of energy.

"Are you really gonna do this the whole way?" Taesan grumbled from the backseat, not bothering to lift his head or remove his headphones.

Y/n chuckled. "He’s excited. Let him have his fun."

In the rearview mirror, she glanced at Leehan, who had already leaned back in his seat, eyes closed, fast asleep. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she took in the peaceful look on his face. It was rare to see him this relaxed, and the sight made her heart flutter.

But just as she thought no one noticed, a sharp voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Don't get too carried away staring at him," Taesan snarked from the backseat, his eyes still glued to the window. His tone was dripping with mockery, and though he hadn’t looked directly at her, she could feel the heat of his judgment.

She shot him a look through the mirror. "I wasn't staring," she said quickly, though her face flushed, betraying her embarrassment.

"Sure, you weren’t." He pulled one earbud out just enough to hear her response, his smirk widening. "But don’t worry, your little secret crush is safe with me." The sarcasm in his voice was impossible to miss.

Woonhak glanced between them, oblivious to the underlying tension. "Are you guys talking about Leehan hyung?" he asked innocently, his eyes wide with curiosity.

Y/n sighed, trying to brush it off, her hands tightening on the steering wheel. "No, we're not," she said firmly, turning up the music to drown out any further comments from her brother.

Taesan laughed softly, satisfied with the slight discomfort he’d caused, and returned to his music, but not without throwing one more glance toward Leehan sleeping in the backseat. "Must be nice to sleep through all this drama," he muttered under his breath.

Y/n just shook her head, focusing on the road ahead. The trip had barely started, and she could already tell it was going to be a long ride.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

The cars slowed to a stop at the edge of the woods, and the group piled out, stretching their legs and taking in their surroundings. The campgrounds were deep in the forest, with towering trees casting dark shadows over the area despite the sun sitting high in the sky. Jaehyun glanced around, his face scrunched in unease.

"This place looks kind of... creepy," he muttered, shifting his backpack nervously.

The others groaned in unison.

"Already?" Taesan rolled his eyes, grabbing a cooler from the trunk. "We just got here, and you’re already freaked out?"

"I’m not freaked out, I just—" Jaehyun trailed off, eyeing the dense forest that seemed to swallow all sound. "I have a weird feeling about this place."

"Yeah, yeah," Sungho chuckled, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "That’s what you said about the last camping trip, and we survived that."

The group laughed as they grabbed their bags, tents, and coolers, beginning the walk down the narrow, winding trail. The tall trees loomed overhead, their branches intertwining like claws, creating a canopy that dimmed the light. Their footsteps crunched over dry leaves, and birds chirped distantly, the only noise in the stillness of the forest.

"Where is everyone?" Leehan asked, peering down the empty trails that branched off into the woods. "I thought these campgrounds were supposed to be popular?"

Riwoo whipped out a camcorder and pointed it at the group, capturing their journey as they made their way deeper into the woods. "Guess we’re getting the VIP treatment," he said, laughing lightly. "Private campground, no distractions."

Jaehyun wasn’t convinced. "I still have a weird feeling," he said again, his eyes darting around as if expecting someone—or something—to jump out at any moment.

The others waved him off, continuing down the path until they finally arrived at their campsite. A clearing in the trees revealed a flat patch of ground, perfect for setting up their tents. They began unloading their gear, chatting as they worked, when a strange sound broke through the rustle of leaves and snapping of branches.

It was a dull thud, like something heavy hitting the ground.

Y/n and Taesan froze, their heads whipping toward the source of the sound. The rest of the group fell silent, following their gaze down the trail.

"Did anyone else hear that?" Y/n asked, her eyes scanning the treeline.

Jaehyun, now visibly tense, edged closer to Woonhak, gripping his arm. "What was that?"

Before anyone could answer, the faint shuffle of footsteps drew their attention. Emerging from the trees was an old woman, hunched over, gripping a cane as she made her way toward them. Her skin was wrinkled and her movements slow, but something about her presence sent a chill down their spines.

The group exchanged uncertain glances but politely bowed as she approached.

"Are you young folks here to camp?" the old woman asked, her voice raspy and thin.

"Yes, ma’am," Leehan answered, forcing a smile. "Just arrived."

She nodded slowly, her eyes scanning their setup. "This campground is old. Very old. Been here for 127 years," she said, her voice cracking on the word old.

"Is that so?" Y/n replied politely, though the tightness in her smile hinted at her unease.

Sungho cleared his throat, trying to keep things casual. "We didn’t see any other campers on the way here... Is it usually this quiet?"

The old woman hesitated, her bony fingers tightening around her cane. "The grounds are big," she said slowly. "Campers are... spread out."

A suspicious tension gripped the group, but they nodded, not wanting to press her.

The old woman gave a faint smile, but there was something unsettling in her eyes. "Make sure to keep your lamps and lights on at all times," she warned. "The forest gets... dark."

With that ominous advice, she turned and shuffled down the trail, disappearing into the trees before anyone could say anything more.

"That was... weird," Riwoo muttered, his brow furrowed as he watched her go through the screen of his camcorder.

"She was creepy," Taesan added bluntly, crossing his arms.

"Hey, watch your words," Y/n whispered, glancing nervously back at the trail. "She could hear you."

But when they looked back, the old woman was nowhere to be seen. It was as if she had vanished into thin air.

"Wow, she sure does walk fast." Sungho joked, trying to lighten the mood. A nervous chuckle rippled through the group, though the tension remained palpable.

The group finished setting up their tents, the eerie feeling from their encounter with the old woman still lingering in the air. With the sun still bright above, they decided to rest for a bit before planning the rest of their day, though none of them could shake the unsettling feeling that had taken hold since the old woman’s visit.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

Laughter filled the air as the group finally finished their lunch, which had taken nearly two hours longer than expected thanks to the guys' constant horsing around. Y/n wiped her hands, trying to suppress a smile at their antics, but inwardly she was growing restless.

“Anyone want to check out the campgrounds?” she asked, eager to explore.

Sungho leaned back, arms crossed. “Someone should stay behind to watch the campsite. You never know.”

Before anyone else could respond, Leehan stood up, stretching. “I’ll go with you,” he said casually, though his eyes held a softness that made Y/n’s heart race.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant as her nerves buzzed inside.

The rest of the group waved them off, too full from lunch to move much, and soon, it was just the two of them walking the dirt path. Tall trees towered above, casting deep shadows, and every once in a while a cool breeze would rustle the leaves, making the woods feel even more isolated.

“So, how’s everything going? You seem a bit quiet today,” Leehan asked, glancing sideways at her.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Y/n replied quickly, cursing herself for sounding so awkward. Inside, her stomach twisted with nerves, but she forced a smile. “I’m just enjoying the walk.

"Uh, who's watching your fishes?" Y/n asks, nervously fidgeting her fingers.

"I asked my parents to." Leehan replied, a smile on his face at the mention of his beloved fishes.

They fell into a comfortable conversation, but she couldn't shake the butterflies. Every time he spoke, her pulse quickened. She was so distracted by her thoughts, she almost didn’t notice when they approached something unusual.

“What is that?” Leehan pointed ahead.

In the distance, nestled between the trees, was a small, rundown house. Its walls were covered in vines, and the roof sagged under the weight of age. The windows were dark, and the whole place looked as though it hadn't been touched in years.

A breeze swept through the trees, carrying with it a chill that made both of them shiver. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself as an unsettling feeling crept in.

“This place is... creepy,” she murmured, unable to take her eyes off the house.

A sudden snap of twigs behind them made them both jump. They whipped around just in time to see a tall bush near the path rustling wildly.

Before either of them could react, Taesan popped out of the bush, covered in leaves and twigs, muttering as he swatted away the foliage.

“Seriously?” Leehan breathed, letting out a laugh.

Y/n clutched her chest. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she scolded, though the adrenaline in her voice betrayed her.

Taesan raised an eyebrow, looking between them with a sly grin. “What’s going on? Did I interrupt something?” He gave them a knowing smirk, eyes flicking between Y/n and Leehan.

“Nothing,” Leehan said quickly, though his voice held a playful edge. He pointed toward the dilapidated house with a smile. “We were just checking that out. You up for exploring it?”

Taesan blinked in disbelief, then glanced at the house in the distance. “You’re crazy,” he said flatly, eyeing the old, worn-down structure as if it might come alive at any second.

Y/n let out a nervous laugh, her hands already pushing at their shoulders. “Yeah, no thanks. I’m not about to end up in some horror movie.” She ushered them both back to the trail, eager to put as much distance between them and the eerie house as possible.

As they made their way back, the uneasy feeling lingered in her gut. Leehan chuckled beside her, but Y/n kept glancing back over her shoulder, the tension refusing to fade.

They didn’t see the door to the house slowly creak open as they walked away, the heavy, wooden door moving just enough to cast a shadow on the ground.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

The forest was unusually quiet as Y/n, Leehan, and Taesan continued to walk down the narrow trail. The towering trees arched overhead, blocking out most of the sunlight, casting long shadows across their path. They were trying to see if they could find any other campers or hikers, but so far, the trail remained eerily empty.

Taesan walked off to the side, hands in his pockets, casting side glances at Y/n and her crush as they chatted ahead of him. His eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance every time he caught them exchanging a laugh or a smile, but he said nothing.

Suddenly, a faint sound of footsteps broke the stillness of the forest.

All three of them stopped in their tracks, the laughter dying in their throats. They looked around, eyes scanning the dense trees and shadows, but there was no one in sight. The footsteps continued, slow and deliberate, getting closer.

"Did you hear that?" Y/n whispered, her heart beginning to race.

Leehan nodded, his eyes wide as he looked around. "Yeah... but where’s it coming from?"

The footsteps grew louder, the sound of crunching leaves and snapping twigs filling the air. They turned in circles, trying to spot whoever—or whatever—was approaching them, but the trees were too thick to see through.

Y/n turned to Taesan, her voice sharp. "Is this you? Are you messing with us? Did any of the other guys follow us?"

Taesan scowled, crossing his arms defensively. "What? No. It’s just me. I wouldn’t waste my time freaking you out—"

Before he could finish, the footsteps turned into running. The sound of something—or someone—sprinting toward them echoed through the trees, pounding footsteps getting closer and faster.

Leehan didn’t wait to find out what it was. "Run!" he shouted, and without hesitation, he took off down the trail, his face pale with fear.

Without thinking, Taesan grabbed Y/n's hand and yanked her forward. "Come on!" he urged, pulling her with him as they both ran after Leehan.

Their footsteps thundered along the trail, matching the speed of the unseen figure that was still running behind them. Y/n’s heart pounded in her chest, adrenaline coursing through her veins as she tried to keep up, her breath coming in short, panicked bursts.

They tore through the trees, branches whipping past them, the campsite finally coming into view. As they neared the clearing, they stumbled into their group. Woonhak and the others looked up, alarmed at the sight of them running breathlessly back.

"Whoa, what’s going on? Noona? Hyungs?" Woonhak asked, standing up from the log he was sitting on.

Panting, Taesan bent over, hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. "Something... or someone... was running at us," he managed to get out, his voice trembling with adrenaline.

Leehan, who had collapsed onto the ground, nodded in agreement. "We didn’t see them, but they were close. Too close."

The group exchanged uneasy glances. Jaehyun, already looking nervous, clung to Woonhak, his eyes wide. "What... what do you mean someone was running at you? Was it... a person?"

Sungho stepped forward. "I’ll check it out," he said, grabbing a flashlight as he walked back toward the trail. The rest of them watched in tense silence as he disappeared around the corner.

Several minutes passed before he returned, shaking his head. "There’s no one there," he said, though his tone was far from reassuring. "Trail’s empty."

"Maybe it was just a deer or a fox," Riwoo said, trying to sound casual, though the nervous waver in his voice betrayed him. "It’s probably nothing."

But the heavy, uneasy feeling that had settled over the group remained. Y/n glanced back at the trail, the trees now swaying gently in the breeze. She couldn’t shake the sense that something was watching them, just beyond the tree line, waiting.

The group sat down again, though the air felt colder now, and none of them spoke for a while. The forest was still quiet, but the silence was no longer comforting—it felt like it was pressing in on them, thick and oppressive.

Even though the sun was still up, casting dappled light through the trees, none of them felt safe anymore.

And so it begins.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

THE HAUNTING HOURS MASTERLIST | BOYNEXTDOOR MASTERLIST

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024

[hermetiqa]

What's your message for today?

Daily Message: 12.08.24

Reminder: it doesn't matter if you saw this reading a day or a week or a month or a year after posting this. My readings are timeless. You'll see this when you're meant to see this and receive your message.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS | TIP JAR | FEEDBACK

HOW TO HELP HERMETIQA | MASTERLIST

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my asks about the reading! I would highly appreciate it. Also, my apologies for not doing any daily message readings for days. I focused on the mini readings first!

Pile 1

Hello, Pile 1! This is such a good reading and honestly, you don't have to hear much. I can see that you've been having some conflicts with yourself. You're in a state of me vs. me lately and that's a good thing, but not in a way that you lower your self-esteem and put yourself down. You should be in a state of me vs. me when it comes to your growth. Outgrow yourself and be the better version of yourself as much as you can. Be content with what you have because I feel like when it comes to your achievements in life, nothing seems to be enough. Take a pause and appreciate them. This is the perfect time to be grateful of what you have become and what you have achieved. Be grateful of the people around you. Allow things to end and welcome new beginnings in your life.

Pile 2

Hi, Pile 2! How have you been? I'm seeing that you're not doing well lately but you're still doing your best. Has anyone told you that they appreciate you? Well, if not, let me say this: I appreciate you. You've been working hard a lot lately but no one seems to be recognizing your efforts that you put into the real world. Everyone seems to be asking you to do more and more, without acknowledging the fact that you've always been doing more. This is taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally now, so it's time to take a step back and breathe. Connect with your emotions. Meditate. Take nature walks or at least have some picnic in a place where you'll feel connected with nature. I'm getting some anxiety here and you're scared that you might fail. You're scared to disappoint people around you and you might be pleasing people all your life. You could have a masculine energy, but a calm one. You always understand people. You understand why they do what they do and it came to the point that you're making excuses for them to yourself. This isn't healthy anymore. It's time to set your boundaries and make them clear. Stop pleasing them because they don't have any relevance in your life anyway. In the end, you only have yourself and at this point, you're losing yourself because of them. Leave the environment where you and your efforts not appreciated and acknowledged. You don't deserve that.

Pile 3

Hello, Pile 3! I see that you've been trying to heal well lately and you truly want to heal. You're hopeful that you'll heal soon and I believe that you will. But you need to be reminded that healing takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. It's alright to feel stuck right now and not know what to do. Sometimes, we really don't know what to do and that's okay. You simply need to take some time to figure things out. Allow yourself to accept help and let other people help you. If they offer a shoulder to cry on, let them, don't just turn them down simply because you don't want to be seen vulnerable by other people. Allow yourself to cry and feel your emotions. Let yourself be vulnerable, whether in front of others or not. This is your reminder that showing vulnerability to other people is what bravery really is. Let yourself feel all the emotions that are deemed to be negative. Whether that's disappointment, sadness, upset, anger, etc. Listen to your emotions and feel them, because that's your inner self telling you that something's simply not right and someone crossed your boundaries and hurt you.

[nymph-ette111]

pls write Simon henriksson headcanons I’m gnawing at the walls of my enclosure 👩‍🦲

WARNINGS; SUBSTANCE ABUSE (SMOKING/DRUGS) MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS (DEPRESSION/ANXIETY) MENTIONS OF INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY, UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS (SELF-HARM)

AUTHOR'S NOTE; FIRST CRY OF FEAR REQUEST LET'S FUCKING GOOOO !1!1!1!1!1!!1!! kind of short, still new to the fandom so my headcanons of the characters might change overtime.

-it was confirmed that Simon is a fan of heavy metal and DSBM :3 personally I am not an avid listener of this genre, I think it's pretty cool. I'd like to headcanon specific bands that I think are suiting for Simon but I barely know anything so I don't really have a say on this.

-probably has some sort of internalized misogyny. he grew up all alone, his mother being quite overprotective didn't help with that at all and seeing no mentions of his father in the game makes me think his parents were divorced quite early in Simon's life. being exposed to such settings at a young age might have messed with his perception of love and healthy romantic relationships. despite that, he doesn't care much about gender norms now that he's older. left that mindset long ago.

-picked up on his coping mechanisms in his early teens. he was a bit scared at first of trying something like self-harm, it took him him a lot of time and internal conflict but then decided to just fuck it, he had nothing to lose. felt guilty at first, dropped it for a bit and then picked up on it again. he knows it isn't a healthy way to deal and cope with his negative thoughts but he couldn't care less at that point.

-isn't unfamiliar with drugs but not that crazy about it. not as much as cigarettes, although he does it occasionally, he could still smoke like a pack in one sitting if the situation really called for it. usually just sticks to 2-3 cigs, thinks it's a good enough amount.

^ can you tell I have no idea what I'm talking about.

-you'll never get that crusty ass grey hoodie of his off of him. it's like a cartoon where the character's never change outfit throughout the entire show. besides the fact that it's a literal video game, even in his daily life he almost never switches things up. not necessarily dirty, just worn out and stained with stuff that doesn't want to come off no matter how many times he washes it.

-has a mini fridge full of energy drinks in his room. and by full I mean like two cans because the rest have been consumed and thrown somewhere onto the ground.

-cannot save money for the life of him. as soon as he gets his hands on some cash, it's immediately spent on either a pack of cigarettes or some useless shit. he doesn't even remember what he spends it on, it's just gone.

-hadn't picked up his camera in quite a while, he's slowly loosing grip on his interests. not necessarily because he is starting to dislike them, just doesn't have the motivation.

-but it's usually full of recordings of him on the train, lonely streets of Stockholm or some stray cat that has grown a liking to Simon for some odd reason.

-one time Sophie took his camera without telling him and recorded a small video of herself, just doing something simple like a peace sign or showing off a little doodle she drew in her notebook. despite trying his best to move on, he watches that video from time to time.

[aceofstars16]

Here we go! I finished the cover the same day I finished the rough draft of the fic, and now I edited the next chapter and posted it!

You can read the whole thing on AO3!

But I will also include the next chapter under the cut here in case you don't want to use AO3 (though I don't have the energy to find the previous chapters on here, there are links to the tumblr posts on AO3 though!)

Chapter 8 - Old Food and Old Friends

Tensions rise as Ford realizes he may need help in fixing the time machine.

Darkness. It was everywhere, sticking to everything. Ford could feel it, clinging to him, trying to suffocate him, to pull him under. And it was succeeding. Laughter echoed around him, laughter that he had heard for weeks on end, mocking him for his stupidity.

“Just leave me alone for one minute!” He screamed, knowing it wouldn’t do anything, but unable to face the suffocating darkness anymore.

“Fine. I can make it on my own! I don't need you! I don't need anyone!”

The darkness vanished in the blink of an eye, replaced by the light of a lamp, sitting on a desk that Ford hadn’t seen in ages. Tires screeched outside of the closed curtains. Curtains he had closed only a few moments ago, or at least – that’s what his mind told him. In reality, it had been years ago, but dreams had a way of making everything seem real again.

Glancing down at the pamphlet in his hands, Ford let out a sigh, desperately wanting to throw it in the corner of the room for all the good it did him. That dream was gone, ruined by a brother who couldn’t let go of a childish fantasy that hadn’t been a possibility for ages.

Ruining lives, that’s what Stan did.

The thought came out of nowhere. It was almost in line with his own feelings, his own thoughts and emotions. But something about it wasn’t quite right.

Stan only cares about his own dreams; he never wanted you to succeed.

Anger rushed through Ford at the thought, but he couldn’t figure out if he was mad at himself for thinking it, or at Stan or…at something else. That unsettling feeling. He knew it, but his brain seemed to be failing him, as if something was stopping him from identifying it.

You can’t trust Stan. You can’t trust anyone.

Fiddleford leaving, townsfolk starring at him. Something about their eyes sent a chill down his spine.

You are the only one you can rely on, everyone else will fail you.

Right…that’s what he had learned. If he ever wanted to succeed, he could only trust himself. He had to do it himself, had to fix it. No matter how hard it was, not matter how lonely…

That’s right. Besides, you don’t need anyone. You are strong enough on your own.

“You are going to change the world one day.”

Pa was looking at him. It was the last time Ford had ever seen him, at some celebration that must not have been very important because every inch of the background was blurry.

“I…”

“You’ll make me proud. You’ll be someone. You’ll change the world.”

A shiver ran down Ford’s back. He didn’t know why, but something felt…wrong.

Then it was gone and Pa nodded and walked away.

One blink, and he was back in reality, staring at the ceiling of his cabin in Gravity Falls. He was shivering, and his head was throbbing, he didn’t feel sick, just…off.

Coffee, that’s what he needed. Caffeine always helped clear his head. Did he have any coffee left? Only one way to find out.

Sit up, swing his legs over the edge of the bed. That’s what he told himself to do, but his limbs didn’t respond, not because of exhaustion, but because something was keeping him there.

Panic overcame him and he started pulling, trying to yank his hands free. His muddled brain was still half in the dream, still feeling like something was there, just out of sight.

Bill.

The thought washed over him and his brain slowly recalled the last time he had been conscious, and the agreement he had come to with Stan. Tie him up. Right. But now he was stuck, and despite rationalizing that he must not have done anything since he was still tied up, the anxiety that had sparked a moment ago grew at the inability to move.

Turning his head as much as he could, another flash of anxiety hit him when he didn’t see Stan anywhere?

“Stanley?”

No response.

Oh gosh, what if Bill had taken over…what if…

“Stanley?!?”

“Huh, what?”

A second later, Stan was stumbling to his feet, looking around quickly, as if ready for a fight.

“Were…were you sleeping???” Ford stared at Stan with his uncovered eye, his worry being replaced by annoyance. After everything Ford had said, Stan had slept?

“Uh, just closed my eyes for a bit that’s all,” Stand said, his shoulders relaxing a little as he looked at Ford, but he almost immediately looked away again.

“You were supposed to be keeping an eye out on things!” Ford couldn’t help the outburst. He had trusted Stan and what did he go and do? Sleep.

“I was! And nothing happened, okay?”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. You haven’t moved an inch.” Anger flashed in Stan’s eyes for a moment, but almost immediately fizzled out. “Now if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go check on the kids even though nothing happened to them because you didn’t move.”

“Wait.”

“What? I told you-”

“I’m still tied up…” Ford said, trying to move his hand as if to prove that he was stuck and needed some help if he wanted to do anything.

“Oh…right.”

It only took a few minutes - minutes of complete silence aside from Stan mumbling under his breath as he struggled with one of the knots - but soon, Ford was able to move freely again.

Rubbing his wrists, which were slightly scuffed up from the ropes, he let out a breath, knowing he should thank Stan, but when he looked up, his brother had already left. Okay then…guess no thank you was needed. Or Stan just really didn’t want to be around Ford.

The back of Ford’s neck prickled as his dream came back to him. It was Bill, that was the only explanation. He was messing with him. But glancing at the ropes, he felt doubt creeping into his mind. Stan had come, he had tied Ford up, but he also didn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation. Of Bill and his plans. Not that Ford had been able to explain too much but deep down, he couldn’t help but wonder…could he really trust his brother?

------

Stan shut the door, not fazed by the loud banging it created. Who cared if Ford got mad? Stan hadn’t done anything wrong; nothing had happened. But the words that his brother – or really the creature controlling him – had spoken rang in his mind. Why had Ford sent him the post card?

Shaking his head, Stan pushed the thought away. Considering Ford’s reaction upon waking, he didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk to Stan. And Stan wasn’t in the mood to talk to him either. He’d rather talk to his other family members. Which, to be honest, he was still trying to wrap his head around, but it did make some sense seeing as Mabel had been so keen to stay with him and trust him so quickly.

As he walked into the living room, he saw the kids. They were talking quietly and Stan ignored the memories that popped into his mind of him and Ford as kids. They had shared everything with each other back then, back when they trusted each other. But not anymore. Those kids were long gone.

“Stan!”

Mabel grinned at him and Stan couldn’t hold back a smile. “Hey, kiddo.” He glanced at Dipper - the brother that she had tried so hard to find again - and ignored the pang of hurt that came with knowing Ford had never searched for him like Mabel had for her brother.

“How’s Ford?” Dipper asked.

“I’m fine.”

Stan opened his mouth, only to be cut off when his brother walked into the room. Despite not wanting to, Stan found himself glancing at him, but Ford didn’t return the gaze, he just walked to the table where they had left the time machine, plopping down some tools before fiddling around with it. He still looked tired, but at least he wasn’t a second away from collapsing anymore.

Letting out a breath, Stan caught sight of Mabel looking at him questioningly, but he just smiled. “How’d you sleep, kiddo?”

Mabel glanced at Dipper, who was watching Ford cautiously. “Good.”

“Glad to have your brother back, huh?”

“Yeah…how are you and Ford-” She started, but Stan cut her off before she could finish her question.

“Hey, you know what, I’m kind of hungry. Want to help me rummage up some food?” Stan grinned and started heading out of the room.

A moment later, Mabel was next to him, grabbing his hand to lead him despite him knowing where the kitchen was - though he supposed she didn't know he had been there last night. “It’s this way, but there isn’t much food. Me and Dipper could only find some crackers last night.”

“I’m sure we can find something.” Stan said, hoping it was true. At this point, he was starving - the handful of crackers he ate last night had barely been a snack, let alone a filling meal. And while sleep had helped a little with his exhaustion, he knew food would help even more.

They rummaged around in the kitchen for a while, but Mabel was right, there wasn’t any food left, at least not anything edible. Why didn’t Ford have any food? Sure, he definitely wasn’t in his right mind, but it was still concerning.

“Ew.” Mabel made a face as she sniffed a pack of cheese in the fridge.

Stan chuckled, more to cover over his unease than out of amusement. “Yeah…I’m thinking a trip to the store is in order.”

“What about the snow?”

Frowning, Stan walked to the window. Snow was covering most of the sill, but he could see outside. “I think it’s calmed down some. It should be safe enough to drive.”

“Maybe we can all go to the store! A family outing!”

This time, the laugh that escaped Stan’s mouth was genuine. Mabel sure had a way of bringing excitement and joy to any situation, even one as…confusing as theirs. And Stan was grateful for it. “Yeah, maybe so.”

------

Dipper was vaguely aware of Mabel and Stan leaving the room, but he didn’t follow. Sure, Ford said he was fine and he did seem a little more coherent than before but after the encounter with Bill…

Shaking his head, Dipper focused on what Ford was doing. He was using some small tools to try to fit the time machine back together. If anyone could fix it, the author could…well, at least if he was at the top of his game.

“Ford?”

For a moment, Dipper thought he hadn’t heard him, but then Ford sighed, though he didn’t look away from his project. “Yes?”

“You look uh…”

Ford glanced at him for a second, and Dipper suddenly felt embarrassed, but he was curious about what had happened last night.

“It looks like you slept, but you told me that when you did, Bill would…”

Waving with his hand, Ford focused back on the measuring tape. “He didn’t. Stan tied me up, so Bill didn’t do anything.” For a moment, Ford’s eyes narrowed and he muttered under his breath, but Dipper still heard it. “At least I don’t think he did.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Dipper scooted slightly away from Ford and unfortunately Ford looked up right as he did. For a split second, Dipper saw guilt cross his face, but then it vanished.

“Apparently Stan fell asleep at some point too.” Ford’s gaze hardened as he returned focus on his work before muttering to himself again. “But I suppose if something had happened, I wouldn’t have still been tied up when I awoke.”

Dipper frowned. Ford and Stan’s relationship seemed…strained, to say the least. And sure, Stan from the future wasn’t always the most trustworthy guy, but…he didn’t seem too bad. And this 80s Stan seemed fine too. So why was Ford so cold towards him? Sure, he had been brash with Dipper at first but Stan was his brother, not only that but his twin.

“Ford?”

Ford didn’t look up from his work. “I need to focus, if I want to fix this.” His voice had an edge to it, which immediately set off Dipper’s anxiety.

 “Oh…right…” Dipper fiddled with his hands, not wanting to anger Ford further. But after a few moments, curiosity got the better of him. “Are you mad at Stan?”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Ford took a deep breath, then opened them again before continuing his work. Despite expecting it, Dipper was still disappointed. He had so many questions about what had happened to create the future he knew, but if he didn’t know anything about the past, he wouldn’t be able to answer them.

“Yes.”

Dipper sat up straight at the word. Ford still wasn’t looking at him, but the frustration on his face was evident.

“Why?”

“It’s a long story.” Ford muttered.

“But he’s here. Wait, why is he here?” Dipper was hit with the realization that he didn’t know how Stan had even known how to get to Gravity Falls. Unless he lived here too, but from Ford’s interactions with him, that seemed unlikely.

“Because I asked him to come… Gah!”

Dipper jumped as Ford threw his screwdriver on the table. “Wh-”

“This blasted thing doesn’t make sense. If I had some blueprints, I might be able to figure it out. But this machinery is too complex even for me.” Ford glared at the time machine.

Dread grew in the pit of Dipper’s stomach. “You…you can’t fix it?”

For a moment, Ford was quiet, his brow furrowed in thought. Then he straightened up, only to deflate again. “I…don’t think I can…but…I might know someone who…could help.”

“Really?” For a moment, Dipper was confused, then he remembered the journal and he straightened up. “Wait, your assistant? He’s good with machines, right?”

Ford glanced at him and sighed. “Yes, I just…have to find him.”

“You don’t know where he is?” The hope that had grown in Dipper’s chest deflated.

“I…have a few ideas...I just hope he’ll actually talk to me this time.”

------

“Absolutely not.” Ford frowned at Mabel and Stan, who had just asked about going into town together to get food.

Mabel felt disappointment worming its way into her chest, but she pushed it back. “Why not? It’ll be fun!”

Ford stared at her for a moment, as if she was some kind of puzzle. “It’s too dangerous. I’m not going to leave the por-my house without supervision.”

“What, you don’t have a lock?” Stan grumbled.

The glare that Ford shot at Stan was painful to look at, despite it not even being directed at her. “I’m not leaving my work for anyth-one to mess with.”

“You mean the big thing in the basement?” Mabel asked, which she regretted as Ford shot her a suspicious look.

“How do you-?”

“Dipper told me.”

Ford glanced at Dipper who looked at him sheepishly. Sighing, Ford shook his head. “Like I said, I don’t want to leave the house unsupervised.”

“Okay, fine, then I can just go with the kids and-” Stan started but Ford quickly held up his hand.

“Unfortunately, I need to go into town myself.”

“Why? Don’t trust us to get the right food?” Stan countered.

For a moment, Ford just glared at Stan, and Mabel hated how icy his look was.

“No, I have to find someone if we want a chance at fixing the time machine and I’m the only one who knows him. And where to find him.” 

Stan made a dismissive sound, but before he could say anything, Mabel piped in, not wanting Stan to get even more annoyed. “How about we split up!”

Everyone turned to look at her and Mabel gave her biggest grin. “Me and Dipper can go with Ford and Stan can stay to watch things.”

Mabel tried her best not to be disappointed when she saw the deep frown that grew on Ford’s face.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I should just go into town myself and-”

“Oh yeah, it’s not like you’re seriously sleep deprived or anything,” Stan muttered.

“Well, if you-”

“Hold up!” Dipper raised his voice, and Mabel had a feeling that he wasn’t a huge fan of the brothers arguing either. “Why can’t me and Mabel go with Ford while Stan stays here to watch the house?”

A grin grew on Mabel’s face and she gave Dipper a thumbs up at his support of her plan. As much as she hated the idea of leaving Stan, she couldn’t help but feel excited to have some quality time with Dipper and maybe figure out what was going on between Stan and Ford.

“I suppose it could work but...I’m still not a fan of it…” Ford glanced at Stan for a moment, and unfortunately Stan saw it.

“What, you don’t think I can sit in a house?” Stan deadpanned.

Clutching his hands behind his back, Ford’s gaze flickered away from Stan. “No, it’s not that it’s just…there are things that you don’t understand, and if anything went wrong…”

“You don’t trust me.” It was an accusation, but Mabel didn’t miss the hurt that crossed Stan’s face.

“I didn’t…look we’re wasting time. I’ll just go into town.” Ford glanced at Mabel. “You can come if you’d like, but Dipper has more experience with supernatural occurrences so he should stay here in case anything…happens.”

Stan opened his mouth, probably about to argue some point, but Mabel quickly jumped in. “Sounds good to me!” In reality, she would rather Dipper go with her or she stay with Stan, but she was tired of the arguing and it wasn’t the worst solution.

“Are you sure, Mabel?” Stan asked, glancing at his brother with uncertainty.  

Dipper was looking at her in concern too, but she just grinned and looked at Ford. “Yup! It’ll be fun!”

For a moment, Ford just stared at her, then sighed. “Alright then, we should get going.” He held out his hand towards Stan.

For a moment, Stan looked confused, then understanding crossed his face and he sighed, reluctantly pulling out his keys. “You better not crash her Ford; I know your luck with cars. And with that eyepatch you’re bound to be even worse.”

Grabbing the keys, Ford let out a huff. “I still know how to drive, Stanley. And I can still see. Come along, Mabel.”

Mabel gave her brother and grunkle a smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him. We’ll be back soon!” Then she headed after the author. Sure, she didn’t really know him, and he did seem a little…cold, but it would totally be fine! It was just an opportunity to get to know Ford. And maybe, just maybe, she could get him to tell her what was going on between him and Stan so she could help fix it.