#still don’t know how to tag my shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cyndrastic · 2 years ago

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making an au with like worldbuilding and stuff how do we all feel about t4t bunny content?

it has all sorts of mythical tiny creatures and drama and what i like to call the “miraculous ladybug love square effect” of there being way too many cases of mistaken identity between two people (+ creek who are thriving btw)

bonus: also includes dumbass fairy hunters who have no idea how many fairies, fae, etc they interact with on a daily basis

#bunny as in the ship #also since it’s t4t can be classified as kenjorine #i love them a lot #new au time #there’s already a criminal amount of worldbuilding #like half of the shit is so unimportant but it’s been thought out in great detail anyway #south park g/t #south park au #still don’t know how to tag my shit

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boobilby · 3 months ago

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Thinking about how Cole would be so used to physical affection and would probably hug people all the time and how Geo was probably hugged like twice in his whole life grrrrrr

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dykedvonte · 1 month ago

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Mini rant below and in the tags, the only time I’ll talk about this and my personal take on it.

The way people talk about hypothetical male Anya on Twitter and the idea of how Mouthwashing would play out if the genders were swapped makes me remember how people still don’t take sexual assault and rape with male victims with the same gravity, especially when the perpetrator is female.

#not even gonna tag this cause I don’t want to start discourse in the tags but you can absolutely still explore the concepts of patriarchy #toxic masculinity misogyny and rape culture if the genders where swapped #like those concepts don’t disappear just because Anya is a boy now cause you have to think of all the ways it applies to male victims and #I just don’t understand why people keep getting angry when people facilitate different discussion the game opens you up to #like yes I get the frustration with not seeing the conversations you want but start them go find them why complain on other posts when #people are bringing attention to similar issues and the ways they are overlooked dismissed or blame the victim #I for one think we should have more basic clarifying conversations of SA rape cultures and how toxic masculinity and sexism create scenarios #like the Tulpar and enable men like Jimmy but I also can understand and enjoy the topic being expanded upon to include other cases on a #flipped scale like yes how male centered the fandom is is annoying considering the topic but seeing comments saying that SA isn’t as harmful #to men cause they can’t get pregnant is a whole can of worms you really need to unpack cause holy shit #like in this scenario if Jimmy is pregnant and can’t get rid of the baby Anya is the father yes Jimmy is pregnant but that’s because in this #swap she assaulted a man lied to either say it was consensual he forced himself on her or like canon panicked and semi admitted to forcing #him either way he is afraid to do anything because men do get blamed for defending themselves against women in these situations not to #mention the shaming that occurs because he is a man and should step up for the kids sake and likely be told he should be proud a girl wanted #him that much like yes you have to explain it more but bodily autonomy in this scenario is just as nuanced and I can’t believe I have to #defend something being male centered in a game where the rape of a woman is the catalyst just because people are saying SA for men #is not as damaging or degrading or harmful to autonomy as it is to a woman like how can you want conversations on rape culture and shut down #people bringing up other nuances in the conversation #like people are gonna jump around with it I know but if you only want to talk about one thing stay in that sphere like I just don’t get #going to another space especially one that isn’t even being weird or toxic and starting shit cause you don’t like it like the amount of #unnecessary and mean comments on normal art of think pieces I’ve seen on Twitter is crazy like it’s stupid callout shit for the sake of just #not liking something like I’m seeing so much screen shotting and vague posting like just at the bitch and fight about it like it’s still a #relatively small fandom ur just asking for in fighting on like the few things we shouldn’t have to worry about #as a victim my self and who has been in other situations and being afab I just can’t understand the vitriol toward this sort of discussion #mouthwashing #actually I will tag this cause you can explore the themes in mouthwashing still stop being freaks and just block bitches ong

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toddtakefive · 7 months ago

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thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright #all things considered #it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit #both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away #but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part #and i find it so odd when people frame it as one #todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself #but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all #and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him #and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing #as far as todd’s concerned neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance #a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same #i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ +#‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN #todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isn’t really the case #and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person #he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree +#(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me #mad #neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything #and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety #come on guys #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson

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twinstxrs · 1 year ago

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there’s probably something deeply wrong with me because every time i see someone react to the pok gukgak interrogation scene it’s like “oh no oh my god is riz’s dad a bad guy?” when the first time i saw that scene my only thought was “oh my god is riz’s dad HOT??”

#i mean admittedly my instinct was that he was lying about what he was saying & he was a good guy (which i was right about) but #it truly was like pok: i don’t give a shit about my wife & kid i only care about this job / me: pok gukgak save me… save me pok gukgak #fantasy high #dimension 20 #pok gukgak #riz gukgak #in my defense i really love spies so watching someone convincingly act indifferent about the most important part of their life… CRAZYYY #but i still feel like i’m setting back feminism so many years but also. he got acid splashed on his face & didn’t even flinch… that’s hot #guy who would literally go through hell & back bc it’s for the greater good but would also if he had to do it for the people he loves #but like. the greater good always came before the people he loves. that was the job. he loved them so much but he also missed so much #how much WAS he willing to sacrifice for the sake of the job? work is a great form of love but it can’t be the only form #especially for a young kid. but yea idk i have complicated feelings #pok gukgak u r so fascinating to me #pok sklonda riz & work as a form of love or whatever #truly would not work as a campaign & would be better as a book but young pok young kalina young sklonda… i need to know EVERYTHINGGG #the shameful thirst post -> character rumination journey of these tags is truly Something but also par for the course w/ my brain

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ahalliance · 2 months ago

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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another

#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish #like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not #he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it #the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the #friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of #something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how #he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole #betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty #certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or #seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this #moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with #them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he #talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue #of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very #well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do #his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much #he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees #as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and #resistance that he cannot follow #that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS #god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters #anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you #i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles #qfrench.posting

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pilonciillo · 10 days ago

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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works #why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being #released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy #last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get #panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the #parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to #steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out #all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone #spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli #telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s #nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank #track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the #business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and #video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me #FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s #not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m #much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel #safe #OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she #got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like #that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s #crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull #shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to #mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told #me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check #key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS #allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no #consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way

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etchetceteraart · 4 months ago

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I haven’t been making art as much in the past few weeks, mostly because of ME/CFS fatigue, but yesterday I did finish up a gift for a friend! She’s obsessed with the eccentric actor Crispin Glover, and because she talks about him all the time I kind of assumed he was at least semi-famous…cue me sending this to various discord chats going “does this look like him??” and everyone replying “I have no idea who Crispin is so idk” 😂😂

Well, even if I’m still not sure I quite got the likeness, I am happier with this than I have been with any painted portrait I’ve done so far! I think the unrealistic palette helps with focusing on the underlying shapes.

#hello person who just followed me thank you for reminding me I do indeed have an art blog 💛#my art #traditional #acrylic #Crispin Glover #portrait painting #artists of tumblr #nearly 10 years on tumblr and I still don’t know how you’re supposed to tag shit lol #Willard

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no1ryomafan · 3 months ago

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I decide to change my pic to this fuck ass ryoma frame and I would say I have a new related ramble to accompany this but instead my brain has continuously wander back to the smallest detail of “how many fucking years was arma ryoma actually in jail” and I wish it didn’t because it’s so insignificant to the plot but my brain REFUSES to let it go.

#meg text #getter robo #I can’t make it a coherent post so text wall in tags awaaaaay #but seriously I’m in this weird spot where I’m at peace stuff in armas early eps were dropped and the show still good despite the flaws #we will never know what the FUCK was up with hayato and it’s best to not think too deeply about it #but then my brain goes back to “okay but HOW many years was ryoma in jail?” and I start going crazy #I assumed it was 3 years because they said the getter team project disband and Saotome was dead but- it could’ve been shorter #I mainly wonder this because Genki looks the same between that flashback and current #and obviously while everyone handles trauma differently it’s crazy how this child still barely talks in 3 years #ryoma and hayato also don’t look that different #I may need to rewatch arma even though I already did my yearly rewatch of it and I got other shit to do

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thyme-in-a-bubble · 8 months ago

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guys. guuuyyyyyss. i’m finally moving.

#AAAHHHH #ITS FINALLY HAPPENING #i’m still fucking crying my eyes out #holy shit #omg i don’t even know how to find the words because this is just something that i’ve wanted so badly for so long #and now it’s finally happening!#okay #deep breath #the world is amazing #the world is beautiful #i’m gonna go make myself some dinner now #wow....#lea speaks #lea’s summer 2024 moving chronicles #(lol idk if imma post that much more about it but the tag is cute in case i do ৎ୭)

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canisvesperus · 7 months ago

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Ben Solo is baby (honk honk), Daenerys Targaryen is the rightful queen of Westeros, Anders was right (bombing the Catholic Church is always morally correct), and Eridan has never done a single thing wrong thing in his life.

#ven talks #this fine 4 am I imagined how funny it would be to wrap up all of my most controversial character preferences into a single sentence #god. my vibes will seem so goddamn rancid after this one #idc though they’re all hot shit and yall can’t handle them cry about it #don’t take it too seriously some of these statements are hyperbolic because we got sick of nobody wanting to have a nuanced conversation #ONLY SOME WILL UNDERSTAND #If you are all four of these lets kiss #haha jk… unless?#I was going to include solas in this but I fucking gave up my ass is sleeby #I also have mtmte daddy megatron thoughts but alas #I envy people who like the straight up villains because this shit is complicated and far more cancellabe especially with my chosen blorbos #might delete later I DONT want this reaching the wrong people LMAO #homestuck #eridan ampora #got #game of thrones #asoiaf #daenerys targaryen #anders #dragon age #ben solo #Star Wars #still scared to tag as *** but real ones will know who what when where why how etc etc 🚬🐺#might delete

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area51-escapee · 7 months ago

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If you’re spreading “vote blue no matter who” shit in the Palestine tag I think you deserve to be beaten with a stick actually.

#there’s nothing like going to look for information and updates and helpful resources #only to see people using the tag to try and guilt people into voting blue #‘remember you still have to vote for Biden even if you don’t like it! don’t forget about project 2025!!!’#I don’t care about project 2025 I don’t care about trump I don’t fucking care #I don’t know how y’all can’t see that shit is already happening NOW and that Biden has not and will not keep us safe #just because he’s not as loud about his hatred doesn’t make him better. it doesn’t mean he’s not just passively allowing it to happen.#and I can’t put my personal comfort over the actual lives of real people.#I don’t care if you want to vote for Biden reluctantly or sadly or with a heavy heart I can’t tell you what to do #but don’t fucking try to downplay the harm he’s caused and wave away a genocide like it’s NOTHING #just because you’re scared of the orange man or whatever #current events

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nightshademyn · 4 months ago

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Posting this one now because I have an urgent need to share. About a year or so back in 2023, I started work on a Tinkaton Plushie, since at the time, there were none I could get my hands on, and full of hubris, I decided to try my hand at making one because "how hard could it be?"

Famous last words and all that because she was a fucking challenge to complete lmao. Turns out making a plushie on the philosophy of “fuck it we ball” with no actual pattern means a lot of struggling, not to mention my mini sewing machine refusing to cooperate so I had to sew a lot of stuff by hand. Between that and taking some months off to finish school, it took me an entire year to finish her. I do think I could've chosen my fabrics better because the fleece I landed on turned out to stretch a lot, which made things very difficult, but she's complete now and I love her. Anything for my favorite Pokémon of all time :)

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seventh-district · 8 months ago

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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

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missmouse43 · 11 days ago

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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..

🏝️🤙🏄🏾‍♀️🏄🏼‍♂️💔

#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc #I don’t even want to say their names #if you know you know #purging them from my life has been depressing as hell #I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships #this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw #I’ve genuinely been in mourning #I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me #it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true #my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick #it was awful #but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger #I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons #I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write #I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi #I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh #feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan #she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot #I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did #I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion #but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all #apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today #and I needed to unload a bit #I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly #I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times #take me back to the season 3 hype #THIS is the bad place #personal #laura says things

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 10 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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