#spoilers for all books prior to The Last Hope

[kamaluhkhan]

GUILTY AS SIN?

GLUTTONY — part vi of we'll write sins not tragedies

pairing: luke castellan x nemesis! reader (afab) word count: 3k summary: after a mission gone wrong, you unknowingly take the fall for a friend; you get drunk with the enemy; and you start to think that, if they’re going to crucify you anyway, you might as well indulge in a few fatal fantasies. warnings: set during the last olympian so spoilers for the entire pjo book series; luke + reader get drunk; mention of death + war + reader has some survivor's guilt; smut (unprotected p in v, oral f receiving, kinda sub!luke, brief allusion to knife kink — 18 + MDNI) + angst author's note: not sure how i feel ab this one but i've been workshopping it for weeks so i think her time has come !! also maybe got a bit too deep into book lore oops. also also ive been listening to this song an outrageous amount and i hope i did it justice ANYWAYS lmk what y'all think, thanks sm for reading ♥

♪ "guilty as sin?" by taylor swift

you’re well aware of how suspicious this looks, rendezvousing with the enemy at a sleazy dive bar in the heart of the city. 

he walks in, and your heart starts to beat faster in anticipation. his familiar deep brown eyes are now striking gold, and a streak of gray is woven through his signature dark curls — evidence of the battles you've fought, on opposite sides, and an ominous reminder of a war that has yet to be over. 

as he casually orders himself a drink and one for you, you keep a hand on your concealed dagger. it’s become an instinct of yours, whenever he’s around.

“i didn’t come here to fight.” he assures, catching the glint of your blade. 

“and what about…..” you gesture broadly at him. 

“we’re not entirely synched yet, so it gives him a break whenever i’m in full control,” he explains as though reciting from a textbook (something like how to betray your loved ones and overthrow the olympians 101). “it’s only me tonight. i swear on the river styx.”

a shiver passes through you.

about a year ago, luke tracked you down in new york. apparently, kronos was pushing him to do something extreme, and luke felt conflicted. 

you thought it had to be some sort of cruel joke, because you could not think of anything more extreme than what luke had already done in facilitating a war between gods and titans. you had no patience for his crocodile tears, not after he played you so well the first time. 

you told him as much, then told him to fuck off. 

to be fair, you didn’t know that would lead to him bathing in the river styx and becoming a vessel for the titan lord himself.

luke wears the curse of achilles well: all strong muscles and sharp angles, his tan skin glowing ever-so slightly, and his body devoid of any fresh cuts or bruises despite surviving an explosion just a few days prior. 

“so….what? you’re the pilot whenever kronos needs to take a really long nap?” 

“i’d say timeshare is the closest way to describe it.” 

“50/50 ownership?”

“more like 90/10.”

you scoff. “sounds like a scam.”

the corner of his mouth quirks up in amusement. it reminds you so much of old times, his boyish charm peeking through whenever a camper would try to pull a prank on him, and then complain when he’d beat them to the punch. 

“it’s just me,” he repeats, but you didn’t need any more confirmation.

you know deep in your gut, from that mischievous smirk alone: it’s not the lord of time, but luke castellan next to you.

the bar is surprisingly busy for a weeknight. there’s a game being shown on TV, and people wearing sports jerseys occasionally groan or cheer or come to the counter to order another pint for their table while keeping their eyes glued to the screen. the jukebox in the corner plays music from the 70s and 80s as a group of friends starts to dance, tipsy after a deadly combination of jello shots and sangria.

for the first few drinks, you and luke are silent, letting these sounds of regular human existence fill the space between you. you half-expect him to ask about law school admissions, or the new tattoo you got on your upper thigh, or your band’s latest show — all fragments of your own mundane mortal life used to distract yourself from demigod realities. 

he doesn’t, though. luke just stares at the hockey game, one you know for a fact he doesn’t care about because the rangers aren’t playing, as he sips his old-fashioned like he has all the time in the world. 

“did you wanna meet so we could just sit here in silence or….”

when you had agreed to this meeting, you had a clear goal in mind: find out who the spy is and clear your name.

it might be too much rum or the crushing weight of recent events, but you no longer have the energy nor the drive to be strategic or even cautious around luke. now, you’re looking for a cure to your bone deep boredom and heartache.

"no. i’m here because….” he falters and runs a hand through his hair. “look, i heard about what happened at camp. and, with beck —” 

“dying?” you finish, taking one last gulp of your drink. all the rage, resentment and grief you’ve been feeling has been lodged in your throat. you’d hope each sip of your dark and stormy would burn through it, but instead it comes tumbling from your lips. 

“honestly, beck would probably still be alive if you didn’t join the dark side. i guess you’re kinda leading the dark side now, aren’t you luke? what’s that like?” 

luke polishes off his drink, too, his cheeks flushed. he gestures at the bartender for a third round of drinks. or is it fourth? 

“don’t be a dick,” luke sighs once a replenished glass is placed in front of him. “i obviously never wanted to hurt you — any of you.”

if you were of sober mind, maybe you’d point out that it’s too late; that luke already hurt all of you the minute he decided to side with kronos.

“i know i did, though,” he adds after swallowing a mouthful of his drink. 

you know that if luke was of sober mind, he would never have admitted that. he seems to know better than to apologize though, hopefully recognizing that the damage has already been done. 

it’s not like your hands aren’t bloody, too. 

“it was supposed to be me, you know?” you let out a watery laugh. “i was supposed to go with percy on the mission, but beck offered to go instead because he thought — he knew — that it would….it would be hard for me to see…. you.”

luke pauses and turns away from you. “you couldn’t have known what would happen.” his voice wavers, too. “beckendorf was looking out for you — it’s what he does. did.”

“i couldn’t even go to the funeral,” you continue. “i feel like i didn’t really get to say goodbye, you know?”

 “yeah,” luke hums sorrowfully. “mourning someone who fought for the gods isn’t really allowed where i am.”

again, you could point out the irony in what he’s saying. given everything he’s done, luke dug his own grave and clearly some for his friends, too. 

tears sting your eyes, but you blink them away. the reality is that one of your best friends died because you couldn’t handle an encounter with your ex-boyfriend, the one you’re currently sitting beside. 

you might not have done what they accused you of, but you’re nowhere near innocent. who were you to give yourself permission to cry?

in the dim neon light, you notice a tear slide down luke’s cheek before he wipes it away just as fast.

he clears his throat. “to charles beckendorf: a hero by any other name.”

you tap your glass against luke’s, and you both drink in honor of your lost friend. you drink to everyone and everything you’ve lost, too. 

beckendorf is dead; chris has lost his mind; clarisse might start her own war with the apollo cabin over a flying chariot; and ever since the princess andromeda mission went terribly wrong, silena can’t go one minute without bursting into tears. 

it was too easy for everything to fall apart, as though this was always what the fates had in store for you — the next generation of greek tragedies. 

thankfully, there always comes a break in the tragedy, and it seems to be now: you and luke, getting drunk off whiskey and rum and old memories. 

you remember countless times sneaking out to the beach after curfew, mixing store-brand soda with cheap alcohol smuggled into camp by luke’s half-brothers; hot summer nights spent fantasizing about existence outside of camp and returning to your head counselor duties in the morning with chiron and mr. d none the wiser. once you started dating, it became routine for the two of you to wander away from the group for some privacy, somewhere far enough away so that no one could hear you scream luke’s name.

those memories still make your skin flush, even as you’re here drinking cocktails at a bar in the city, with one friend gone to elysium and everyone else calling you a traitor.

“i can’t believe you don’t remember that night! mr. d caught a few senior campers getting drunk in his office? they stole a super expensive bottle of wine, threw up all over the carpet, and had to spend the rest of the night cleaning it?” 

you continue shaking your head. you tip your glass back to capture the last drops of amber liquid before confessing:  

“what i remember is spending the whole night jealous of malcolm pace because he got to slow dance with you.”

luke lets out something between a scoff and a laugh, then he’s silent for a few moments.

“i love this song,” luke muses, words blurring together. “i haven’t heard it in a while.” he finishes his drink and sets the glass down, holding his hand out to you. 

your brain is a bit foggy from all the alcohol, so it takes you a few seconds to realize what he’s asking. 

“you wanna dance?”

“yeah,” he answers. “make up for lost time.”

it’s not until you feel luke’s chest pressed against yours, his hands firmly on your waist, that you register what song is currently playing.

“downtown lights” by the blue nile — luke had spent so long trying to find the right song for your first time together. 

you told him not to worry, teased him a bit for planning every detail so meticulously, but deep down, your heart swelled with how much he cared.

the empty hermes cabin during capture-the-flag, both of you pretending to be too injured from sparring practice to play. luke’s sweaty hands fumbling with the condom, you having to step in and rip the wrapper with your teeth. clothes being haphazardly thrown on so you could run back to the infirmary before anyone noticed. silent vows to do it again, and again, and again. 

the more time spent exploring and experimenting, the more you got the rhythm of each other’s bodies, knew how to make the other squirm and throw their head back in pleasure — and that didn’t just go away when luke joined kronos’ army. 

even when your loyalties were more clear, your consciousness was plagued with visions of you and luke together, ones that left your sheets burning, more than the blazing summer heat. you confided in silena about these once, and she assured you that there is no such thing as bad thoughts. 

she did warn you, though: it’s when you indulge in these fantasies that they risk becoming fatal.

now, thinking back and forth between memories with luke and the events of this past very shitty week, you realize that maybe that’s why you’re here.

despite everything you’ve done, you supposedly betrayed people you consistently fight beside, fight for; you were thrown out of a place you once considered home and told never to come back. 

you were doomed from the start — a daughter of nemesis, assumed to be wicked and revenge-seeking since birth. 

well, if they’re going to crucify you anyway…..

once the song ends, you ask:

“you wanna go outside for a smoke?”

your hands start playing with the curls at the base of luke’s neck, hinting at what you were hoping comes next.

luke licks his lips, gold eyes darker than before. 

“guess you’re itching to put that celestial bronze to good use,” he says lowly.

“only if you ask nicely,” you drawl. 

luke blushes. 

you pull away from him, start walking towards the back exit, and pray that he follows you. 

—

this is why meeting with you was dangerous: there’s no one else in the world – god, titan, or otherwise – luke castellan would get on his knees for, let alone in the filthy alley behind a bar.  

technically, kronos sent luke here to recruit you. 

the scythe charm — the one used to communicate with silena — sits heavy in his pocket. it’s part of the reason why you were exiled from camp, why your friends don’t look at you the same way. why you can’t ever go back home, not really. 

luke imagines you might resent those who threw you out of camp, but you would never betray them. he knew that you weren’t likely to join kronos’ army.

he’s thankful that, at the very least, you still have a penchant for breaking some rules. 

the two of you are a tangled mess of teeth and tongue. luke tastes the spiciness of ginger beer and rum, mixed with sweetness from the clove cigarette you just smoked. you lock one leg around luke’s hip, and the brief glimpse of your lacy black underwear has him throbbing. one of your hands slips underneath his shirt to trace the contours of his abdomen. luke’s breath hitches when your hand reaches down even further. 

“wait –” you pause your actions to let luke finish his sentence, and already he regrets voicing his hollow concern. “i….i probably should not be doing this.”

“me neither,” you concede, breathing steadily.“but, they already think i’m guilty.”  with your other hand, your thumb dances over his kiss-swollen lips and luke feels something ignite in the pit of his stomach. “maybe i am, with how much i think about you.”

luke knows what’s at stake for him, if anyone finds out, but in a booze-soaked haze and with you looking at him like that, he can’t seem to care. 

it’s coming back to him now: that endless cycle of waking up sticky and drenched in sweat over dreams of screaming your name and going about his day like it wasn’t a paradox to be leading kronos’ army and still wanting someone aligned with the enemy to devour him. 

when he agreed, however reluctantly, to be a vessel for kronos, luke had to lock those desires inside a vault deep inside his mind. 

this might very well be luke’s last chance to satisfy his cravings, once and for all. tonight, he’s in full control of his body and mind. 

he’ll happily yield his power to you. 

soon enough, your teeth gnaw on his top lip as luke messily thrusts into you, your underwear hastily pushed to the side. he tries to savor every part of this, of you — the heel of your combat boot digging into his back; the sting of your nails where you grip him; the familiar scent of your skin, sickly sweet cherries and burnt vanilla; the hoarseness of your voice, encouraging him to go faster, harder. following your orders, luke wraps both of your legs around his waist and digs his fingers further into your hips to keep them secure.

it’s a religious experience, watching you throw your head back against the brick wall as your orgasm crashes through you. luke follows a few seconds later, pulling out just in time to paint the inside of your thighs with his cum.

luke grins as he watches you come down from your high, eyes closed, chest heaving, neck engraved with the outline of his teeth.

“sorry, didn’t mean to give you a concussion.”

you open your eyes just to roll them at luke, who’s tucking himself back into his jeans.

“you’re such an asshole,” you jest through labored breaths, registering his shit-eating grin. you fix the hem of your leather skirt and pout dramatically. “and you had to leave a mess behind, didn’t you?”

without another word, luke kneels in front of you. 

he leans his head back to admire how your lips curl into a bemused smile at his antics. your fingers press into his pulse point, no doubt feeling how reckless his heartbeat becomes underneath you. once more, your thumb prods at his lips; this time luke grants access, the cold metal of your ring burning on his tongue. 

“is this how you pledged loyalty to your titan king?” you taunt. 

luke shakes his head, still sucking your digit. 

he did have to bow, but not like this. the only entity he’d worship this desperately is you. 

“i’m honored,” you coo. luke bites back a whimper when you remove your thumb from his mouth, instead tracing the scar on his face, up his cheekbone. “i have to say though: i miss your brown eyes, pretty boy.”

his whole body is on fire with how you touch him, but your passing observation feels like a knife to the gut. wanting to be good for you, to prove he’s still your pretty boy, luke pushes up the bottom of your skirt so it bunches around your waist. 

“luke!” you attempt to scold, concealing a moan when his teeth graze your clit through the damp fabric of your underwear. “someone might see.”

“it’ll be fine, baby,” he assures. “is this new?” luke is mesmerized by the fresh ink on your thigh, fingers trailing over swirling black lines. 

you hum, a goddess gazing down on her disciple. “do you like it?”

luke nods. he replaces his fingers with his tongue, journeying across your skin, tasting salty sweat mixed with his cum drying between your legs. he hears your whimpers for more. he complies and plunges two fingers beneath the lace until you reach your peak. luke places one last kiss to your core, before getting up again.

you crash your lips onto his, and you’re kissing him the way you did back when you really loved him, chaotic and feverish. your fingers snake through his curls, and you tug on them just enough to make luke’s head spin. 

you’re somehow more intoxicating than however many drinks he downed earlier.

he sees something simmering behind your eyes, when you ask if he wants to come back to your apartment. you both know you shouldn’t, but honestly — in the grand scheme of things, what’s one more sin?as the two of you are tangled beneath your bedsheets, you decide to frame it differently, as a mutual vow: maybe just one more time will satisfy this hunger.

[felassan]

hello! you probably already got a question like this. I'm going back to Dragon Age after 10 years, I played inquisition + dlcs but I'm completely lost in the plot after that point. Do you have any useful links or recommendations? 🙏

hello! ◕‿◕ welcome back!! we're now at around 9:52 Dragon (roughly, maybe). :D

Additional official DA media that’s available for free

A rough chronological/timeline order of all canon DA media

'Books and comics etc' which are set after Dragon Age: Inquisition (includes the relevant short stories from that period too - see paragraph at end of post which starts "The DA:TV-focused/streamlined answer")

'DA:TV Summer prep watch-list' (quickly lists all previous video promotional material for DA:TV, up until last month, before its name change was announced and prior to the character reveal trailer came out)

from the Wizards and Warriors YouTube channel: Dragon Age world lore documentary playlist (animated fantasy documentary video series on the lore of the world of Dragon Age, it covers past historical history of Thedas)

The Dragon Age fandom wiki (community wiki)

Ghil Dirthalen YouTube videos, for example: 'DA 101: The Basics of Thedas {No Spoilers}', 'DA 201: The Basics of Thedas {All Spoilers}', 'A Brief-Complete History of Thedas {Lore. - Minor Spoilers}', Lore playlist

Dragon Age: World of Thedas Volume 1 and Dragon Age: World of Thedas Volume 2

The Codex entries for each game as pdf files (Reddit post by user Kirzana)

I hope something in here helps? ^^

[yuri-is-online]

Love and Deepspace Timeline: Xavier

This is all speculation and should not be taken as fact, I have made a previous post about Zayne, but as stated there I do not have the necessary cards to make one for Rafayel and will direct you to this post by u/joonmin on the love and deepspace subreddit. This post is being made before I have managed to complete the Myths date (as soon as I hit level 55 it is over for you hos) and will be updated at some point once I have finished it, but I think I have enough information to explain Xav's overall timeline and hopefully clear up a few things for people missing his cards.

I have included a TL;DR at the end of the post for people who don't want to get lost in the weeds of theorizing.

Some information from that post about Zayne will be re-hashed here to help provide context about the game's setting. SPOILERS FOR ALL IN GAME CONTENT UP TO CHAPTER 8, VARIOUS MOMENTS, AND ANECDOTES, PROCEED WITH CARE.

Current Timeline

The current timeline where the main story of LAD takes place is set in the year 2048 in a place called Linkon City. We are told that the Deepspace Tunnel opened 14 years prior and that is when wanderers started invading earth. There is a lack of understanding about why this has happened, and it has sparked an interest in space exploration in the hopes of finding a solution.

The Hunters Association is sort of like an adventurers guild? It's supervised by the government, and is sort of split between Hunters like MC and researchers attempting to understand what makes the wanderers tick.

This includes researching protocores, currently the only thing the hunter's association knows for sure is that they contain a great deal of energy, and that they can cause disease in humans based off of which category the protocore falls into. This is confirmed the be what is wrong with MC, and appears to be a problem all versions of her share.

The events immediately following the opening of the Deepspace Tunnel are referred to as the Catastrophe due to the amount of destruction caused by the influx of wanderers. This is what birthed the N109 Zone. According to the in game Spacepedia, it is surrounded by various other "no-hunt" zones, which it further clarifies as being places with "a chaotic Protofield and frequent Wanderer appearances," i.e. really dangerous places for people to live let alone go to. Civilians are outright banned and hunters need special permission to enter because of just how dangerous these places are considered to be.

Unlike Zayne and Rafayel, Xavier does not have an alternate self yet. The versions of him in his myths card and all of his anecdotes are all the same person, just at various points in his long life. The technicality of this is addressed in one of the shareable posts: Immortality No Longer A Dream! The article goes into detail about how a new biotech company using protocores to regenerate the heart. You can share this article with each of the three boys, who have different types of reactions, but Xavier's is not one of surprise or skepticism, but of acceptance. The article itself talks about immortality as something everyone will one day be able to accomplish, but Xavier disagrees.

Xavier's first two anecdotes, A Special Vacation and Passing By, both establish how exactly he has been living his life on earth since his arrival. We learn that he has been doing his best to keep a low profile by moving between various jobs and tries to avoid making friends. As mentioned by @exactlycleverpirate in the replies of this post (who has made their own timeline you can check out here) "Xavier says he has been on Earth for 214 years, and that this will be his last. That means he arrived in 1834. We also see in one of his Tender Moments, that he rented a book from the library 30 years ago. So he has definitely been on Earth longer than the Deepspace tunnel has been around." Chapter 8 ends tells us that soon Earth and Philos will be in alignment for the first time in billions of years, which is likely why Xavier says this year will be his last, but I am unclear about what exactly that will cause.

We learn that there are other immortals from the same place as Xavier living in Linkon City, and that some of the see him as a traitor. We can assume that many of these immortals are involved with Onychinus due to Xavier's knowledge of and interest in their organization.

It's not clear how or when Xavier chose to start working as a Deepspace Hunter, but the other jobs he's taken all seem to be related to the military/evol combat. He is also very keen on fighting wanderers, so being a hunter is a good way for him to hide in plain sight. Which is what he has been trying to do.

His Precious Bonfire date suggests he has been a hunter longer than MC and has a reputation of not participating in team events. He has the highest level of access to the Hunters Association database and seems to have a good working relationship with Jenna, who seems content to let him do his own thing. She also attempted to assign MC as his partner, in part seemingly because she wants to protect MC's evol.

There is of course also the concept of Lumiere, a legendary hunter who appears during the catastrophe caused by the Deepspace Tunnel and wreaked any wanderer he came across. He has a light evol, a giant bounty on his head, and looks exactly like Xavier when we see his wanted poster in Chapter 8. While MC might have her doubts, since we the reader know Xavier is immortal, it's not much of a jump to say these two hunters are the same person.

Chapter 8 gives us more detailed look at the exact dynamics these immortals have with each other, but I think it makes sense to talk about Xavier's origins first so we know where he is coming from.

Philos Timeline

As I said on my other post, all of the Myths cards take place on the planet of Philos. In the present timeline, Philos is no longer a planet, just a lonely core floating in deepspace at the other end of the deepspace tunnel. In Xavier's third anecdote, When Shooting Stars Fall, we finally learn what Philos is: it's Earth. An Earth that has been reborn by substituting the planet's old core with an artificial one and with a different name.

Now this anecdote takes place in the year 214, which is explained to us as meaning 214 years has passed since Earth was destroyed and reborn as Philos. How does that make sense if we are currently on a very much alive earth with a very dead Philos on the other end of the Deepspace Tunnel? No clue, but I think that's going to be one of the main focuses of the story. Something had to happen to Earth to make it become Philos, and then something happened to Philos to make it uninhabitable. Given what we know, both are likely related to wanderers.

I also want to briefly mention that in Rafayel's myths card, it is mentioned that the sea is missing so the Lemurians have no home. Based off of MC's description of the weather and how "fragmented landmasses" are being held together, I wonder if the re-birth of Earth as Philos is what caused the seas to dry up? And if so what role did MC have in the creation of Philos if any?

This anecdote is from the pov of MC who is studying at a school she simply refers to as "The Academy." It is unclear if this is the same school as she and Xavier are attending in his Lightseeker cards, but based off the uniform he wears and the sword he carries I think this is likely meant to be a highschool of some sort, and the Astria Knyght Academy is a form of military school equivalent to a college.

Xavier's words about immortality being a privilege come into play here as we learn something about MC: she always seems to have heart problems, specifically she always seems to have Protocore Syndrome, the exact same disease she currently has. In this anecdote she explains it as being a birth defect that has only one cure, a special protocore. One that supposedly can cure any illness.

Protocore disease prevents the patient from living forever, something Xavier finds very hard to accept. He abandons MC for a month without telling her where he is going to try and find this Protocore that she needs to live, but comes back too late. By the time he finds her, the core can't save her and he holds her as she dies. She asks if he thinks they will meet in her next life and he promises to always wait for her.

We know current timeline MC has shards of an Aether core in her heart, and that her heart is currently stable. While the anecdote does not outright say that the cure to Protocore Syndrome is an Aether core, Xavier's knowledge of them and his emotions when MC brings them up to him makes me think it probably is. Currently we do not know how an Aether core can be obtained, other than (assuming that is what he brought MC) Xavier was injured getting one. The MC here says she is unable to live for more that a century, something that has changed in her next re-incarnation but we don't know why.

When MC re-incarnates she is brought under the tutelage of the Grandis Knight, the personal knight and retainer to the King of Philos. Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, and is also studying under swordplay under the Grandis Knight. She has no memories of Xaveir, who does not tell her about their shared past despite holding on to the gift she made for him: a star sword tassel. This doesn't seem to bother him as much as you might expect, he mostly just seems happy to have her alive again.

She is stupid jealous of that tassel because Xavier openly admits to being in love with the girl who gave it to him. But he also speaks about her and the MC in the same sentence if that makes any sense? He sees both versions of her as her, and just as he promised he intends to wait for her so they can be together.

Xavier is an interesting character (to me anyway) because he has a pretty clear arc to his attitude towards his relationship with MC as he ages. He starts off as being shy in the third anecdote, then he moves to being openly teasing and affectionate (outright asking to elope and saying things that make it sounds like they might have been betrothed) in his lightseeker cards, to how he is at the end of his myths date and currently with MC: restrained in his interactions with her but unable to completely keep himself away. Why he has become restrained, why he thinks he needs to distance himself from MC is unclear. What is clear is that he has no interest in taking the throne from his father, a man he actively hates and does not seem to see eye to eye with. While their relationship seems to have always been tense, the breaking point is during Xavier's Gladius Ceremony.

The Gladius Ceremony is a sort of coming of age ceremony where the heir proves their ability to ascend the throne by killing a wanderer with nothing but their lightblade. Something happened during that trial that Xavier does not want to talk about and MC mentions he has "changed" since then. Like he left part of himself behind????

As an interesting note this trial takes place in a forest, a sentient forest much like No-Hunt Zone 7 in chapter three.

Xavier says he cannot be the man his father wants. What his father wants is not clear, but I personally think it has something to do with what wanderers are as Xavier seems to have a degree of sympathy towards them if they show a degree of sentience. It also might have something to do with how Philos was made, as both MC and Xavier acknowledge that the planet is dying.

The MC mentions that Xavier leaves her a lot but always comes back within a specified time frame. He goes on expeditions into Deepspace, but never tells MC what he is looking for and we as a reader do not learn. He does, however, mention finding a newborn planet filled with flowers and offers to take MC there if she will give up on being a knight. She is confused, as her entire life's purpose has been to be his knight, and doesn't fully comprehend a world where Xavier isn't going to be king.

But the card story starts with MC being crowned Queen, with Xavier as her Grandis knight, so we know that's what will happen. So neither of them got what they wanted in the end.

The "Lightseeker" title of Xavier's card refers to a unit of knights that are commanded by the Crown Prince and answer only to the royal family. Their duty is to keep Philos safe from Wanderers, much like the modern day Hunter's Association. Both the MC and Xavier are training to become Lightseekers, and have a sort of rivalry for the spot. MC keeps beating Xavier when they spar but he seems to have the stronger Evol so they're quite equally matched. It's stupid cute how everyone but Jeremiah thinks they hate each other, speaking of which:

Jeremiah is a friend of MC's in the same class as her. He's also her wingman who keeps trying to help set her and Xavier up, something Xav doesn't seem fully aware of. He's stupid jealous of their friendship which Jeremiah seems to find really funny (he's the only one who knows how delulu they are for each other and seems to find a lot of enjoyment in teasing them.)

Jeremiah also ends up being a knight under MC's command after they graduate the academy. Xavier however... goes missing after a meeting with his father and does not reappear even after he dies. He is missing for a period of 200 years until MC finds him again in the same forest that his Galdius Ceremony took place in. He saves her from... something. An illusion? A cosmic vortex? Whatever it was Xavier has discovered something that affects the health of people's hearts. And he seems determined to not get close to MC or let MC get close to him because of it.

I think it might just be because she is about to die from her disease, which she doesn't seem aware she has but always does, and Xavier doesn't want to have to watch her die again. But I haven't finished the card yet so I don't know.

He also seems to be under the impression the whole world is going to end now, and not just Philos.

The last thing we need to take from all of this information about Philos is the existence of a group called the Backtrackers. Xavier was with them once, but he isn't anymore. MC was seemingly under their care and, according to his Passing By anecdote, traveled through the Deepspace Tunnel with them but was lost. I'll explain more about what I think about them now that we're ready to return to the present timeline, but just know that the Backtrackers are A) from the Philos timeline and B) likely immortal just like Xavier is.

Back to the Present

In Chapter 8 you are either introduced or re-introduced to Jeremiah, who now owns a flower shop called Philo, likely named after his home planet of Philos. He is a friend of Xavier's and they both share the same current goals, which includes protecting the MC. Jer's job in this chapter is to provide MC with a fake identity to use in the N109 zone, but he does provide us with some information to try and tie up some loose ends with Xavier's timeline.

While the Nonintervention principal he refers to probably does have something to do with MC, it also likely just refers the fact that since both Xavier and Jeremiah are from Philos and therefore the future they are trying not to interfere with the timeline too much. Something that whoever blew up MC's house does not care about anymore, implying that if that was indeed Onychinus then we can assume they likely are also immortals from Philos who want MC and her Aether core for something.

When MC finds Xavier again after his 200 year disappearing act he is leading a squad of Lightseekers from various units. I think these are probably the Backtrackers, and that there was a split in the group after the MC and the Aether core went missing during their journey into the Deepspace Tunnel. We know that at least Xavier has been here longer than the Deepspace Tunnel has been, but there is room for speculation around Jeremiah and the others. As Pirate again pointed out in the comments, whatever disaster during the travel the Backtrackers took into the Deepspace Tunnel likely caused them to arrive at a bunch of different points in time.

While this confirms that Xavier and Jeremiah are not from this timeline it raises a lot of questions about MC. Her memory is constantly spotty, and I had wondered if that had something to do with the Aether core... but now.

With the way Xavier tries to limit his interactions with her and says he's the last person who should be trying to get close to her I wonder if Xavier is worried MC is being erased from time? Or if she belongs to this timeline so while he loves her, while he wants to be the one she chooses, he subconsciously knows he's from a doomed timeline and therefore unable to stay with her. This also raises questions about the other two love interests; we know MC has forgotten things about Rafayel and I theorized she has forgotten something about Zayne. Is this because they also don't belong? Does MC not belong? Or is it something related to the trauma MC experienced from being experimented on?

TL;DR

This was all pretty complicated so I thought I would sum up the basic points because I felt a bit incoherent.

Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, a future version of Earth that was created by replacing Earth's core with a fake one.

This fake core allowed the citizens of Philos to live forever unless they had the rare heart condition know as Protocore Syndrome, something the MC always has no matter how many times she is reborn.

The cure to Protocore Syndrome is a rare Protocore that Xavier tries to get for her but gets back with too late. He watches her die and while he was already shown dislike seeing her injured, this seems to turn it into a genuine trauma of his. He is shown to be deeply distraught seeing her gravely injured or sick in multiple moments/dates and is determined to take care of her. In a rare decision by the writers, this does not appear to manifest itself as a desire to not see her engage in combat as he trusts her ability to take care of herself, just maybe not her willingness.

MC is reborn and begins military training with Xavier intending to become his knight, but Xavier refuses to take the throne of Philos for reasons he does not share with MC. He also begins disappearing for long periods of time on journeys into space. On one of these journeys he finds a young planet filled with flowers and attempts to convince MC to elope with him and abandon her dreams of being a knight. He seems uncertain if MC's desire to be with him is just because she has been told she is to be his knight or if it is because she genuinely loves him; Xavier knows which one he wants it to be though.

After talking with his father he disappears for 200 years and founds a group of knights investigating a forest with an unstable Protofeild where killed Wanderers simply don't stay dead. It is my theory that these are the Backtrackers mentioned by past MC, Jeremiah, and Xavier.

Xavier arrives in this current timeline in year 1834. Other immortals from Philos begin to arrive in the current timeline at different points and agree upon something they call the Nonintervention Principal, likely to keep from destroying the spacetime continuum too much. What they are refusing to intervene in is unclear.

The Backtrackers made a journey through the Deepspace Tunnel with future past MC and an Aether core, but something goes wrong and she disappears. Xavier has been waiting to see her again ever since he got here, and intends to wait forever.

There are more immortals than just Xavier and Jeremiah living in Current Timeline Linkon City, some of which are very likely allied with Onychinus and searching for the MC. Why is related to the Aether core in her heart, but might also have something to do with her Evol.

It is my personal belief that many of these citizens of Philos used to be in the Backtrackers, but even if they didn't they see Xavier as a traitor to his people and more importantly to them. Why is unclear, but I imagine it might be because of their goals for the MC and her Aether core. In a broader sense it might be because they intend to do something to current earth to save their home, and Xavier disagrees with that but the two things do not seem mutually exclusive.

Earth and Philos are about to be in very close alignment, and both Xavier and Jeremiah expect something bad to happen around that time.

Final Thoughts

I would be interested in knowing the direct Chinese translation of these particular lines from precious bonfire to see if there is any difference to them... but honestly this is one of the things that sold me on him. She dies and he follows the traces of her light until he finds her again, and he tries to keep her alive but he fails and so he follows her again.

I saw at least one post wondering of Xavier will betray MC and rip the Aether core out of her heart, and I want to clear that up here. I understand why people might think this if they haven't read any of his anecdotes but no, that's not going to happen unless it's the only way to save MC's life. Xavier very much wants to keep MC alive, his efforts to distance himself and withhold information from her are always done to serve that goal.

Rafayel is the one who has a pretty good reason to want to cut out MC's heart, not Xavier. And I do mean good reason I don't really hate him for it and am not trying to imply he's a bad character or a bad romance option for it.

One of Xavier's immortal friends is name Noah. There is always a chance that this is a coincidence, but there's a part of me that wonders if he shares the same name as Dr Noah because they are the same person. The anecdote he appears in involves Xavier getting him a new identity so I don't think they're likely to be related.

I actually really like MC , Xavier, and Jeremiah's friendship and sort of hope it gets some focus in some small way in the future. Jer and Xav had to have bonded over losing MC, not to mention Jeremiah spent 200 years fighting Wanderers with MC under her command. She talks about him as being her best friend!!! I want to see more of him!!! (if he doesn't have a partner and if I can't have Tara x Jenna I should be allowed Tara x Jeremiah)

I'm worried there might be a plot point that involves Xavier dying in the future and then maybe we get to meet a different timeline version of him and end up on the opposite side of the "can't tell this ghost wearing your face how I really feel" spectrum.

Speaking of which I like how Xav seems to respect MC's current life and doesn't expect her to be a carbon copy of her past selves. It's nice (stares at critically acclaimed mmorpg villain Emet Selch)

Anyway that's it. I'll update the post when I finish the Myths card, which I fully expect to make me cry like a baby. If anything confused you my askbox is open, just because I write for twst doesn't mean I am not open to talking about this if I made mistakes or if you feel like any of this was unclear.

[hargitays]

potential spoilers for s2 of HOTD (leaks)

after a day of thinking about it, i'm actually okay with a potential alicole sex scene. i just really am not looking forward to memes making fun of alicent ("she just needed an orgasm"), calling her a hypocrite, etc.

i honestly think this major change alicent has gone through of having a lot of power politically as the queen to now just being the dowager queen could make her go through an identity crisis. she's just the king's mother now. she worked so hard for this, and it sucks. she's (in her head) done everything by the books, she's morally just, she's devoted her life to serving the king & the realm, she's done her duty, and now there's going to be war.

even if you headcanon alicent as a lesbian, she does not know that about herself. and, even if she did, she wouldn't believe it or do anything about it. she has always been sexually repressed because from what we have seen, she has NEVER had a consensual sexual relationship with someone in her entire life. if she wants to experiment sexually in search of identity, i honestly think that is a good and interesting direction for her character this season. and maybe it will even help the general audience like her more, since she's choosing for herself liberation sexually (but this is just wishful thinking). the main complaint about alicent last season was just a lack of autonomy and perpetual victimhood. while i disagree with that, i feel like this entire arc might help her find herself more & gain some autonomy back. but i just don't really see why she'd be experimenting sexually in the midst of all this turmoil unfolding.

major actual spoilers:

fabien said in a recent interview that criston feels very guilty because he was with alicent (in her chambers, i'm assuming) DURING BLOOD & CHEESE 😭. i really hope i'm misunderstanding but it sounds pretty clear in the video that that is what happens. so maybe the one time that alicent decides to have sex upon her own volition her grandchildren and daughter are attacked and one is murdered??? i just know now that is why she seems so depressed and guilty in every clip we've seen so far. probably why she tries to drown herself in the bathtub. both her and criston are just going to be completely guilt ridden and i guess i don't know how to feel about it until we really see it, i just hope the writing is good. that's all that i need to be on board. i need the sex scene to make sense, time & place, and i hope there is some buildup prior to it etc.

[mirandasidefics]

But Home is Nowhere- Chapter 4

Pairing(s): Lucien x Plus Size Reader, Azriel x Plus Size Reader, and Ruhn Danaan x Plus Size Reader

Chapter 4 Summary: Feyre arrives at the Moonstone Palace. Reader meets those from Midgard. (I suck at summaries).

Word Count: 3.7K

Warning(s): Mentions of minor violence.

A/N: It's another short chapter, sorry. I read HOFAS and moved into a new apartment at the same time so I was a bit busy the past two weeks. There will be some minor spoilers from HOFAS in this and later chapters, but a large majority of it will diverge from canon. This is primarily an ACOTAR fic with a minor part of the main storyline requiring the characters from Crescent City.

Series Masterlist

Previous: Chapter 3

You woke up to the feeling of sunlight on your face. The windows high along the tops of the walls of your bedroom allowed the light to pour in, cascading down the sheer fabric that draped alongside the bedposts. A breeze from the open-air bathing chamber flitted in and ruffled your matted hair. Last night’s dream had been intense and different from the images that haunted you most nights. Instead of simply reliving your week of intense interrogation by Azriel, last night you bore witness to…

‘Damn it, why can’t I remember now.’ Flashes of images leaked from your memory, only the essence of fear and longing remained. You brought your hand up to rub at your temples, a headache beginning to take root. When your hand placed itself back on your hip it didn’t find it. No, it found itself on top of another hand that was larger than yours. As your brain focused through the fog of the sleep tonic you realized something was pressed against your frame. Not something, someone. That wasn’t an outside breeze that brushed past you, but the warm breath of another person. You craned your neck around, careful not to jostle the body curling around yours. Your eyes caught sight of the shining red strands and you relaxed just a bit to see that it was Lucien in the bed with you. You relaxed even further when you noticed he lay on top of the covers while you were underneath. You weren’t sure how you would have reacted had there been less of a barrier between you two. Reflexively his hold moved from your hips, his arm wrapping around your waist and tightened, pulling you closer. You were surprised that his arm fit around you; his fingers curling in when they couldn’t find space on your opposite side with your body pressed against the mattress. Still you shifted slightly so that the flab of your stomach didn’t spread too far out in front of you. Or at least that was what you hoped.

It had been a long time since another person slept next to you. You had been too embarrassed and ashamed of your body to really let anyone else see or touch you. Logically you knew that you had a healthy body overall, but that didn’t stop the comparisons your mind made when you looked at celebrities or your friends. You always were the largest in your friend group, and sometimes-most times- the knowledge of that drained your self-esteem. You exercised and ate…well your eating habits could probably do with some improvement if you were honest. Your job kept you running around town for various meetings with clients or on phone call conferences all day, and your nights were spent pouring over books and online articles for your dissertation research. Quick and fast meals had become your go to over the past year prior to your arrival in Prythian. And more pounds than you would care to admit accompanied.  

A soft sleep filled hum from the male next to you brought your lingering thoughts to a standstill. You didn’t remember much from the night before, only being awake long enough for the bath. The sleeping tonic had worked incredibly fast. You had drunk the ounce as if it was a damn shot of alcohol, not bothering to dilute it with water as Lucien instructed. You felt bad that Lucien had to watch over you due to your nightmares, and you couldn’t help but wonder when he decided that lying next to you was the solution.

‘Then again, he could just be tired of sleeping on the couch.’ But, you couldn’t deny that you felt more at peace being held by him. His breath tickled your skin, his inhales evenly measured in a steady beat. You lay beside him for a few minutes longer, not really wanting to leave the comfort of the bed. Sadly, your body couldn’t allow itself to remain still for too long once it was awake. You found yourself having to stop the subconscious wiggling of your toes before the energy expanded to your entire foot. The jostling surely would wake the male and you wanted to allow him to sleep as much as possible. So, you decided you would just get ready for the day.

The sun was surprisingly high in the sky, marking the first day that you had slept in since your arrival to this new reality. You maneuvered yourself out of Lucien’s hold, careful not to wake him, before softly walking over to the bathroom. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and were horrified at the image that reflected back. Craning your face close to the mirror-your glasses left on the night stand next to the bed-your appearance came into better focus. You looked at your red rimmed eyes as they sat sunken in above dark blue half circles. Sleep crusted in their corners before giving way to the dried-up streams of your tears. Your disheveled hair still clung to your face, the shorter parts sticking up at odd angles. Your eyes roamed over the long scratch marks that littered your neck and clavicle, even going as far down as your cleavage. The darkness of the thin pajama top brightening each of the red lines. Dread pooled into your stomach. What happened in your dream to merit such an attack on yourself? Which was something that you had never done before. Your fingers reached up to trace alongside what effectively looked like claw marks, and you winced at the tenderness of the skin.

A whip made of flames striking at your chest flashed before your eyes and you jumped back from the mirror. A shocking pain speared through your back at the sudden movement and you crumpled towards the floor. Another flash and barbed wire pressed against your throat. A blinding white hand reached towards your face, followed by piercing blue-violet eyes filled with a mix of emotion only described as loathing, sadness, and pain. Breathing ragged, your hand grasped the edge of the stone sink. Slowly rising back to your feet, you braced your body against the cool marble, allowing it to ground you in the present. You instantly knew the images were from your dream. Each image so vivid that they bordered on feeling more like memories, for they held no trace of the usual misty appearance that was typical of your dreams. You glanced at your throat again, making sure that the wire was gone. You noted a few crescent shaped marks along the outer sides of your throat, likely from your own finger nails digging in to your skin attempting to pry the imaginary wire away. With shaking hands, you turned on the cold water and splashed your face several times. You heard movement from the bedroom and turned to see Lucien standing at the archway.

“Morning,” You mumbled. Your hand rubbed along your chest at the base of your neck while the other wrapped around your torso. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me. Are you alright?” He took a few steps towards you, his golden eye whirring as it looked you over. You felt a pang in your chest as his arms pulled you into an embrace. It was only when he held you tighter did you realize you had been violently shaking. Your throat tightened as tears brimmed your eyes and you wrapped your own arms around him. You were getting tired of this. Tired of constantly crying and feeling weak…a broken thing. What would it take for the nightmares to end?

“No,” You admitted, releasing your hold on the male. “There was something…different about the dreams last night. They…they felt too real.” Your hand brushed against your neck again as you moved passed him on your way back to the bedroom. You pulled out a navy V-neck sweater and black form fitting pants. You heard the tap of the sink in the bathroom turn on and quickly got dressed while Lucien kept himself occupied in the bathroom. It wasn’t long before the two of you headed out in search of food before settling back into your normal routine.

You and Lucien made your way to the patio, hopeful that you hadn’t missed the opportunity to eat before you dove back into your daily research. When you arrived though, an envelope placed underneath a rock was in the center of the table. Lucien picked it up and read over the contents.

“We’re wanted in the main dining hall,” He folded the letter and stuffed it in his pocket.

“Where’s that?” You wrapped your arms across your middle, a slight chill filled the air.

“Follow me,” He stated simply.

“What about the wards?” Your head swiveled as he brushed past you.

“Apparently they have been taken down. You’re free to move about the Moonstone Palace,” You tried to avoid the slight stumbling of your feet as you followed Lucien. He navigated the hallways as if he had been born inside them. There was no falter in his step as you both approached a set of intricately carved stone doors. The near opalescent shine caught the midday rays of golden sun light, causing flashes of blue, green, and peach to scatter across the surface as the doors opened on silent hinges.

Beyond the doors the room opened into a vast dining hall made up of the same stone. A long and intricately carved pinewood table sat at the center with several people already sat around it. Two chairs had been left vacant on the side closest to the doors you walked through. Your eyes swept over the faces of those gathered, only one of which you recognized as Nesta. She sat just to the right of another young female with the same piercing blue-grey eyes and coppery brown hair that sat at the head of the table. You paused as the female held an infant in her arms. Even from this distance you could make out the vibrancy of his violet eyes and the wings on his back. Down along the side of the table, spaced a seat away from Nesta was another female with deep crimson hair. She held a striking resemblance to Lucien, if not a tad shade paler than the male beside you. Two males sat next to her, the one closest to her with dark hair and eyes, a tattooed crown of black thorns peaked out from above his brow. The vivid bright blue irises of the male on the end met yours and you gasped. Your knees threatened to buckle from underneath you, the memory of your dream hitting you full force.

Running. Running through darkened hallways. Breaths ragged as your lungs strained to inflate. Three males, one with wings carried a third. The red of Cassian’s siphons glinting in the sun. The wind whipped through your hair as a metal gate crashed down. The sound of a machine gun firing coming to an abrupt halt. Running. Your joints ached and muscles burned with effort. The ground beneath your feet crumbled as you barreled towards a cliff’s edge. Shouts and chaos erupted around you. Gunfire. Running. Running. The cliff was so close. Pressure ripped through your back, the feeling of blood trickled down your chest. Falling. Followed by slamming into the earth. The cliff edge just a hairs breath away. Darkness. In the distance you heard the shouting of male. A blindingly bright hand reached towards you. True pain unlike any other ripped through you. Your throat burned from the scream it unleashed. Another shout. Darkness.

“(Y/N)!” Lucien stood in front of you, his mismatched eyes wide and face pale. His grip on your biceps was tight enough to bruise. You blinked rapidly, the dining hall coming back into focus. The female from the head of the table now stood to Lucien’s left. Her worried gaze studied your face.

“My dream,” Your voice sounded so far away in your ears. “They’re from my dream.” You stepped around the male to peer at the ones at the table. The male on the end was standing, staring at you with his own wide eyes. His hair was buzzed along one side; the other side a curtain of long black hair swaying in the breeze that came from the open archways along the far side of the room.

“What?” Lucien followed your gaze.

“No, it’s nothing, never mind,” You shook your head, the images fading back into the recesses of your mind. There was no way…You decided that while you may not have magic, it was best to keep the contents of this particular dream to yourself.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked, worry laced in his tone as he brushed a strand of your hair back. The caring gesture making you self-conscious in front of your audience. While you were certain that his actions were strictly platonic, you didn’t want his mate’s sisters to get the wrong idea and cast you in a not so favorable light.

“I’m fine Lucien,” You ducked around his arm, breezing past him and who you assumed was Feyre. Nesta continued to sit in her chair, the infant almost toddler now in her arms. His legs stretched out in a standing position on her lap. The sight immediately conjured up old memories of your own nephew when he had been that age. As you approached the chair opposite Nesta, her eyes slightly widened.

“What the hell happened to you?” The child in her arms twisted his head, following and tracking your every movement. You held up your hands, curling your fingers as if they had become claws.

“Apparently I turn into a cat and thought my own neck was a scratching post,” You flexed your fingers for emphasis. You felt Lucien’s irritated gaze bore a hole on the side of your head, but you continued to ignore him.

“Don’t fret though, I’ve since declawed myself,” It was Nesta’s turn to show displeasure, however the child in her lap giggled. “Good to know at least someone thinks I’m funny.” You glance to your right and notice that the male at the end of the table is still standing, staring directly at you. The expression on his face was unreadable, and he had an uncanny resemblance to Rhysand.

“Her nightmare was particularly bad last night,” Lucien supplied the eldest sister with the information. You scoffed and sat down in your chair across from her. As if your nightmare was something to easily explain everything. You also found yourself not appreciating him telling your personal issues to anyone apart from him and yourself.

“You did that to yourself?” The blue-eyed male spoke up. Your gaze fell to him, his stern expression made you shift in your seat. In fact, the expressions of everyone else in the room made you uneasy. You had no control over what images your mind conjured in the middle of the night. So why did you feel that it was your fault and you did something wrong. The male’s companions both whipped their heads towards him, surprise on their faces. The red-haired female looked back to you.

“So, you can talk, and that’s the first thing you decide to say?” Her question was met with silence as the male sat back down in his own spot. “And back to silence.”

“Bryce…” The other male seated next to her sighed. Something in you sparked.

“Oh, so you’re Bryce,” You tilted your head as you examined her. The two males stiffed at your tone, but you didn’t care. Yes, they both looked like they would kill you if you said the wrong thing, but your mood was starting to become too sour for you to really care.

“(Y/N),” Lucien’s warning tone was foreign to your ears. You felt like a child being scolded and it only fanned the flames of your embarrassment at feeling so weak and…human. It had suddenly dawned on you that you were the only human in the room. Of course, they would look down on you and find your attitude to be at fault. The overly emotional human. Though the small voice in the back of your mind was also telling you to calm the fuck down before someone did decide to actually end your life.

“What Lucien?” You snapped. “I was nearly murdered and then tortured for a week because I didn’t know who she was. So, forgive me if I’m a bit salty.” You didn’t acknowledge the confused looks you got for your use of slang.

“What do you mean by nearly murdered?” Feyre asked. You turned to face her, the fire of your irritation in you not balking at her steely gaze.

“When your husband found me the first thing he asked was if I knew a Ms. Bryce Quinlan. I told him that I didn’t know any Bryce…I then found myself locked inside my own body. I couldn’t move, could barely even breath. I felt claws gripping my skull, felt them tear at the flesh on my temples. Which doesn’t make sense because his hands were in his pockets…then he brought to a cell in the Hewn City where Az-” Your throat closed up around his name. You felt the irritation in you sputter and die out. You had to press your lips in a thin line to prevent the lower one from trembling. Feyre’s expression softened by a fraction. You turned your head away, not wanting to see the pitying look she gave you. You didn’t want to be pitied for being so weak.

“I’d like to apologize on behalf of my mate and his brother,” She said, “I know that they both feel bad for how things with you were handled. Azriel is especially distraught-.” You scoffed again and looked up at the ceiling. Golden chandeliers slightly swung in the breeze. Your anger wouldn’t let you believe that Azriel felt bad.

“Its true,” Nesta added. You looked at the female, the child in her lap smiled brightly having no clue to the growing tension in the room. To your ever growing embarrassment and shame you had in what happened to you.

“He wants to make up for what happened (Y/N),” Lucien’s hand was warm against your thigh, his thumb rubbing gently against it. No doubt an attempt to comfort you. “He brought you the sleeping tonic last night and-” You went still and you could feel the color drain from your face. You remembered hearing Lucien speak to someone as you bathed last night, but you had no clue it was Azriel.

“He…he was…in t-the room last night,” Your breath came out as a mere whisper. You felt your limbs start to tremble, but you couldn’t tell if that was from fear or rage. Lucien had allowed the male that tortured you to enter the only space that you felt somewhat safe inside. Now it was tainted. You felt anger simmer under your skin. Lucien had allowed Azriel to see you in such a vulnerable state, half naked and crying from the absolute terror that flooded your veins due to the nightmare. However, you knew this wasn’t the time to have this conversation with Lucien, given the three complete strangers sitting at the table. Your ire would have to wait as you didn’t want to air your dirty laundry out in front of them. The male beside you seemed to read your thoughts when he spoke in a low voice.

“We’ll discuss this later,” He lifted his hand from your thigh and you immediately felt the cold air. A cold sting hit your chest. You fixed your eyes on the table in front of you and bit your tongue. You knew that things had gotten way off track, your emotions getting the best of you. You lifted your head and looked to the new faces around you.

“I have to apologize,” You sighed, “I don’t really sleep well and my moods can be a bit fickle as a result. Let’s start over. I’m (Y/N) (L/N).” You held out your hand Bryce over the expanse of the table. Bryce glanced at your hand, an eyebrow raised.

“You shake it,” Nesta whispered to the female, “Or at least that what she says they do in her world.” Bryce smiled.

“I know what a hand shake is Nesta,” Bryce held your gaze and shook your hand. You let out an involuntary sigh of relief.

“You’re not from here?” The male next to Bryce eyed you curiously.

“No, I’m not,” You held out your hand to him in greeting, “We call the planet I’m from Earth. I don’t think we have specific name for our solar system, but it’s within the Milky Way galaxy. Again, our term. I realize that other places could call it something else…if they are even aware of its existence. And… I’m rambling again…”

“I’m Hunt,” He smiled as he shook your hand in return. “We come from a planet we call Midgard.”

“It’s nice to meet you Hunt,” You rose from your seat, and walked around to Lucien’s opposite side to extend your hand to the last male. “And you…” His blue eyes bore into your (e/c) ones. He glanced at your hand, as if touching it would somehow burn him. You withdrew your hand and straighten to stand. You tried to not let the hurt that his demeanor caused show on your face. But it didn’t stop you from studying him a bit longer than you likely should have. Still you forced a smile to your lips.

“That rude asshole is my brother, Ruhn,” Bryce informed. You dipped your chin to Ruhn in acknowledgment. He remained silent; however, his eyes never left you as you returned and sat in your seat across from Nesta. As soon as you sat back down, Lucien’s hand was back on your thigh. Had you not known any better, you would have mistaken it as a territorial gesture. But Lucien had a mate. He was likely just wanting to reassure you that he wasn’t as mad as he may have sounded a few moments ago. You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes to gage his features all the same. He was staring daggers at Ruhn, who was still staring at you. Ruhn only looked away when your eyes met his. Lucien’s hand remained on you and his thumb resumed its unconscious stroking. You noted the action and would have to ask him about it later. You then settled you gaze upon Feyre at the head of the table.

“Well, now that introductions are out of the way,” She leaned forward on her elbows, “We should discuss your potential move to Velaris.”

Next: Chapter 5

Tag List: @jenniferpendragon @impossibelle @sweet-chai-amore @myheartfollower @iimichie @fightmedraco @nikkitch0703 @eerievixen @ang-taylorsversion @randomness-it-is @thehighlordishere @rachelnicolee

[nalyra-dreaming]

IWTV s2... an (emotional) recap

Between the spoilers dropping before the last three episodes and the content of the episodes themselves we really have gone through the emotional wringer.

I think I have rewritten this three times over, because my feelings kept changing.

I had hoped for more, I got more than I wished for, I wanted something else, they hit the nerve precisely...

And now with the season 3 announcement:))))

Maximum emotional carnage - indeed.

Everything ... up to that NOLA visit in episode 8 and the actual ending... is not the truth. Let that sink in.

The trial: scripted (and Lestat breaking out of it for the important bits)

Claudia's turning: So much... more raw.

Claudia's death: brutal. That final look between her and Lestat was one of the most painful things to witness.

Her diaries (pages): mostly unused. I am a bit unnerved bc of that wasted Merrick reveal and aftermath implementation tbh. Louis is not freed up after it, but... he should have been, imho. Though, that said, with Dubai likely a stand-in for Trinity Gate... maybe the arc fits after all - BUT I still think they could have done more with her diaries. I get why they wanted to escape the “white savior trap“ but this way Louis did not get that power-up that will ultimately bring him to where it frees him. But who knows... maybe they will implement a version of it all still.

The broadcasting and Loustat's relationship in general: Armand putting a fantasy retelling into Louis' brain. Holy shit.

Flashbacks to 1790: Self-indulgent fanfiction.

Dubai: Stepford Wives via mind gift. 💀

Daniel: Supposedly(*) turned out of spite. I absolutely get why DM fans are besides themselves with this and the comments after.

The story itself: More or less ending exactly where the first book puts us. I do NOT know why they kept that title a secret, it's not hinting at anything other than that simple fact, imho. :)

So.

You know, them using the movie "Gaslight" for the poster reference makes more and more sense now, because that is how I feel a bit at least: gaslit. Just a little bit.

Because... Nice reunion that you had there... too bad it will turn out to be the contested NOLA one, I would bet real money on it. 😅

......

Sarcasm aside, this is a brilliant show. But I am NOT looking forward to another two years of bullshit accusations (by some) because they were mostly/only spelled things out in the episode insiders, and only broke things up in the last episode. Or of people confusing the meta and social commentary level with the in-universe one.

Which, by the way, I'm happy that they went there. And I am relieved that they spelled things out in the episode insiders. Truly. But as experience has shown after season ONE... implied manipulations, episode insiders and interviews, and cast/crew/writer statements don't mean jack shit to some people.

So yeah, where does this leave us?

This was a dark season. I think I'm not totally wrong when I say that most of us did not get what we wanted from it, neither DM, nor Loumand, nor Loustat. Or Claudeleine.

"Locked together in hatred" comes to mind, though "hatred" is obviously (way) too strong a word. (But that quote fits so nicely 😏🤓)

We DID get some of what we wanted. But for a show which built so heavily on other books... to follow the first book then so closely?? I don't know, it leaves me a bit unsatisfied(**). It feels as if they just shut the book, to be done with it, you know?

I still enjoyed the season, there were brilliant parts in it. But it feels... bloodless. Sexless. Empty of affection. Harrowing. Which is, of course, the point.

This... is a depressing, hinting at suicide-through-vampires note.

Which won't happen, of course.

Because here we get to (**), which is of course ™️ them announcing s3 just prior to the last episode;))) And thereby making some things clear by that fact alone :)) 🙌🙌🙌

I said it before, I expect them to revisit... again. Given that this will be in what, 1,5 to 2 years from now? Well. Hopefully still in 2025. And I hope the arc they spun over these three seasons will be done then. And we can move forward.

I do hope this show will get 10 seasons. But for the first time since it aired I wished we'd already be ahead, in season 4 or something. 😅 Because this heap of loose endings is... taxing^^. Though definitely coming very softened as a blow now with the s3 renewal that’s for sure^^

Can't wait to hear your thoughts, if you want to share them. But these are mine. For now.

I'm sure there will be a lot of details, and analysis and meta to follow, and I'm looking forward to it. 🥰🙌

S1 and s2 were a tale... I mean we knew. But I would have preferred a bit more... truth.^^

Because that Magnus‘ tower scene?! No way. The metaphorical push off the tower??? No way, sorry Rolin but if they let that stay… that’s not giving agency that’s removing Lestat‘s suffering for their weird “toxic masculinity arc“ that Sam hinted at and which was - IN THE BOOK!!! - a misjudgment of Akasha.

AND it is removing Lestat‘s suffering to give more nuance to other characters. -.-

Given Hannah‘s episode 5 comments I hope they do not make a misjudgment of his character there. The red flags are there though, especially after the recent interviews, have been ever since that DV drop, and I have people come to me via DMs now to tell me they’re leaving the fandom bc they’re scared of another GoT…. which I get.

I… still have some faith. I know Rolin tends to put his foot into his mouth at times, he is a troll, and for all her takes on ep5 Hannah also wrote other brilliant scenes.

And we have Sam and Jacob as trump cards.

I‘m determined to enjoy this - this is what we‘ll get. I waited 30 years. I won’t go anywhere. I will enjoy what they give us.

I won‘t like all their decisions. That I am aware of.

BUT I will enjoy it, going in open-eyed, nonetheless.

(*) okay that is obviously bullshit, Armand would not turn him out of spite. Which is another hint I guess. But I talked about that in asks^^ At length 😅

[picnic-at-dreaming-rock]

tw for theories focusing on hallucination/unreality and brief mention of potential suicide and spoiler warning for tbosas novel and movie

------

okay, so apologies for my disjointed writing but I just finished the tbosas movie and my theory for Lucy Gray's fate is that I think she survived and booked it after leaving the scarf/snake trap. In fact, I don't think Snow actually shot her at all.

The snake Lucy Gray hid under the scarf seems to be a milk snake (which is native to the eastern U.S. where District 12 is) which is a non-venomous snake which indicates that she didn't intend to kill him, just to create a diversion to buy herself more time to escape and we know, particularly from the book, that she has very strong self-preservation instincts and the movie very clearly shows that she was very anxious to get as far away from Snow as possible. Therefore, it wouldn't make much sense for her to hang around to stick around like she seems to have done to taunt him with a song when she could have just bolted*.

It was also clear that at this point, Snow was clearly Losing It and he was already in a paranoid/anxious state which might have been made worse by the snake bite as he didn't know if it was venomous or not, he was also making some irrational/impulsive decisions (such as wasting all of his bullets on birds rather than saving them to 'finish off the job') that indicate that perhaps he isn't in a particularly productive headspace. I think this plus the fact that anxiety/stress CAN cause hallucinations indicates that we shouldn't entirely trust Snow's perception at that moment.

When we 'see' Lucy Gray running through the trees, it's brief and only for a moment until she's shot and then her body disappears, just like in the poem, which Snow had heard only a few days prior. There isn't really any indication of how she could have escaped provided that she was shot apart from some kind of fantastical/supernatural intervention which wouldn't track as THG is more or less an exaggeration of our own society and doesn't seem to have any other 'mystical' elements in it.

Ultimately, I think Snow hallucinated about shooting Lucy Gray/her disappearing footprints/her singing The Hanging Tree. I believe Lucy Gray did survive him, but I don't think she would have returned to 12 (at least not immediately nor permanently as she wouldn't have risked the life of the Covey like that) or elsewhere in Panem (including 13). I think it's also likely that she could have wandered until she a) found another society, whether it be fixed or another traveling group similar to the Covey (the optimist in me hopes she finds Covey survivors she was unaware of), b) died from the elements or c) took her own life.

--

*Someone else on here mentioned that Lucy Gray singing as the snakes climbed on her in the arena was her doing what she loved most in what she believed was her last moment, which could also apply here provided she was actually shot and believed she couldn't run away in her condition and wanted to sing one last time/also make one last stand against someone that wronged her, like the Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird in her interview with Lucky. I really like this idea so I wanted to include it here.

[alexanderwales]

Book Review: Time to Orbit: Unknown

My habit of putting colons in my review titles bites me for the first but probably not last time.

Spoilers for the whole thing follow, and I think you should take that seriously, because this is largely a mystery. I'm going to assume that you read it.

Time to Orbit: Unknown is a scifi web serial by Derin Edala. The meme pitch is that this is a Very Normal Spaceship where Nothing Goes Wrong. The more conventional pitch is that our protagonist Aspen Greaves wakes up from chronostasis on a damaged colony ship with no crew in sight and has to figure things out from there.

I read TTOU basically straight through, binging rather than getting weekly installments, and some of this review will probably reflect that. Pacing is a difficult thing to start with, but it's way more difficult when you're trying to pace for two different audiences who are receiving the text in very different ways. As a binge reader, I thought the pacing was mostly fine, though did suffer a little from being formatted for serial chapters, particularly the implied cliffhanger ending to most chapters e.g. "I could only hope that everything would be fine ...". There's also a little bit of reiteration, where characters are going over what the open questions and issues are, which felt to me like it was in service of the weekly reader. As a binge reader, it was often just going over things I had read half an hour ago.

TTOU starts as a mystery. Why was Aspen woken up with no one to help them with chronostasis? Why is there no crew? Why have they been chosen to become captain in spite of their nearly complete lack of qualifications? Why are the crew dead? Where are the dead bodies?

As a mystery, the starts off really well, with a nice sequence of reveals and further questions. Aspen talks to the ship's AI, goes on some adventures around the ship, gets answers and more questions, and we gradually learn just how many weird problems this ship has.

Eventually though, the story starts running into a problem, which is that too many pressing problems get solved, and the ticking clock stops ticking. This isn't great for the pacing, and the sense of momentum temporarily leaves the story, especially because these big questions have been what's propelling it forward. As soon as it feels like we're not unraveling those, my interest started to wane. This was particularly true when characters would say "well, that's actually not a problem right now, guess we'll figure it out later".

Aspen doesn't stay alone for terribly long, and soon starts reviving other people from chronostasis, which is where we get the rest of our cast of characters from. I enjoyed these additions, though this is also the part where the serial gets very talky. There are, of course, some mysteries associated with the new crew, and I think here is where I need to talk about how TTOU handles mysteries.

To my mind, mysteries are at their best when there's a singular moment when everything snaps into focus. I like epiphanies, not necessarily from the characters, but from myself. The pieces have been presented to me, and in theory I could have solved it early on my own, but instead I get to solve it concurrently with the final piece being pushed into place. A good mystery author dangles the mystery in front of you, feeds you pieces, and then gets you to share the epiphany or at least feel smart when the protagonist rips off the villain's mask or whatever.

TTOU sometimes does this in exactly that way. There were a handful of times when I thought to myself "ah ha!" right at exactly the correct moment, which is just prior to the reveal after I had been led there by the nose.

There are other times when the reveal doesn't feel like things are snapping into place, it comes with caveats and bumps and occasionally, an admission that this was not actually a mystery at all. I might be projecting here, but writing a web serial is hard, and sometimes I would get a whiff of either course correction or bailing out. I'm tempted to go through everything I would label a "mystery" and then go through resolutions one by one, but I think that would require a partial reread of the story, would possibly not be illuminating, and might just be a matter of my own personal preferences and experience of reading. I'll give two examples though:

There's an enduring mystery of what killed off the crew of that gets locked at the front of the ship. This is one of the first mysteries in the book, and it doesn't get its resolution until very far in: they got pneumonia and don't have the medicine to treat it. While their deaths do feel like they're treated as a mystery, the reveal is not treated as much of a reveal, in spite of how longstanding the mystery was. It makes sense, but nags at me, like there was a mystery there that turned out to be a red herring. (This is probably a matter of signaling, though I'm not entirely sure.)

The captain went through and killed a bunch of sleeping colonists with an ax. His initial motivation for doing this is explained as just psychosis, and later, explained as him fighting the AI, which has been taking over the brains of colonists for use in compute. We get some additional context that his husband has been secretly put on the ship, and if the AI continued, it was going to kill him (or possibly, he was already dead). This ... still kind of doesn't work for me, as it sort of makes sense, but it doesn't feel like my understanding snapped into place. It's like someone told me the answer to the riddle and I said "eh, I guess" rather than "ah, right, that was it all along". Partly the captain is crazed, acting on emotion more than with a plan. It makes the resolution of his motivations hit a lot less hard. (I think this is at least partly an issue of how the resolution is delivered, or how it all unfolds. Maybe I would have wanted to get in the captain's head more. There are decent beats in that plot, but as a mystery it felt a little meh.)

The titular unknown time to orbit is caused by an engine problem, and this felt like a mystery, until quite late in the story someone said "oh yeah, I looked at the engine and I guess it just failed or something". It looked like a mystery, and felt like it was treated as a mystery, but it turned out to just be nothing, which made all the fuss made about it retroactively feel pointless. (Technically this is tied into future issues, but it's still essentially just an accident that no one actually intended, and felt really arbitrary and pointless to me, especially given it's one of the first mysteries we learn of.)

Overall, the various mysteries are hit and miss for me, and became more miss than hit toward the middle of the book (or what feels like the middle of the book, I'm not going to go through and get word counts).

The problems start with the revival of new crew members, particularly Captain Sands, who becomes captain due to his ranking within the AI systems. He immediately becomes a soft antagonist, and Aspen immediately takes a back seat in terms of agency. More people get revived, and they have their own stories, and then there's a hard pivot into a murder mystery, and ... this is where I sat and thought for a bit about whether I wanted to continue reading.

I think there was some good character work in the murder mystery arc, but it felt like there were too many characters, and I cared about too few of them, and our protagonist wasn't doing all that much proactive about anything. I didn't care about the victims, and the only reason I found the question of their murder compelling was the idea that this tied into some larger plot, that it would reveal some of the outstanding questions about the ship.

The resolution to what I'll call that middle chunk of the book seemed to me to be a soft reset, and I found it very welcome. The "new crew" were all dead, some old plots got somewhat messy wrapups, and we were very clearly off to new horizons. I don't have any idea if that's how it was written, but it came off as "alright, let's go back to what works".

And the good news for me was that there were more mysteries, this time as the crew reached the planet they'd been aimed at. From then on, I liked basically everything again. There's a big ask that happens in the middle, and conventional wisdom is that your scifi is Like Earth Unless Noted and that you should put your notes at the start ... but I was interested enough that I didn't mind it in this particular case.

The new planet is already settled, you see, and the how and why of that is fun to explore, as well as sort of making sense of a few earlier things that were pointed out. And the settlers have their own weird societies with their own mores and quirks, and there are culture clashes, and mysteries, and ...

For the most part, I found the sociology stuff more interesting than the mysteries. I wanted to know how these weird new people worked, how they organized their settlement, what their tax policy was like, how they made their houses and what they did in their leisure time. Thankfully, the book seemed as interested in this as I was, and while there are places that I think some readers might have found it to be "slow", I really did enjoy all the time and effort spent on describing these people and how they operated given their circumstances.

I don't know how well this all works in terms of resolutions. At least some of the outside threat is treated almost like a joke, and while there was some tension, it wasn't the sort of tension/release dynamic that I like in my stories, just tension followed by things going right in spite of that tension, with not much feeling of climax. I didn't particularly mind that though. And in the end the ship gets retrofitted, and Aspen becomes the new AI, and it all felt to me like it fit, even if there's quite a bit of fridge logic about why they couldn't just stay on the planet, and what a slow death as a generation ship might look like.

So all in all, I think I enjoyed the story, if less than I hoped I would. The beginning was a banger, made retroactively a little weaker by some of the resolutions to the mysteries. The middle was a slump, but after the soft reset, I was much more enamored with the story, and glad that I didn't actually put it down. I liked it better when it wasn't trying to be a mystery, when it was about the characters and the engineering, the vibes and an interesting future.

(It probably suffers a little bit from me comparing it to the last "woke up on a spaceship with dead people and no idea what's going on" book I read, Project Hail Mary, which was not written under the constraints of webfic.)

[thedreamlessnights]

Accismus - pt. 6

{previous chapter} || {next chapter upcoming}

Geralt of Rivia x gn!reader (Eventual NSFW)

Synopsis: On the journey, you and Ciri bond, and she and Geralt give you some training. A series of unexpected things occur. The road goes ever on.

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of major injuries and death, mentions of vomit, mentions of personal injuries. Intense scenes of fighting, multiple mentions of blood, graphic description of a monster death, moderately graphic descriptions of a corpse. Spoilers for The Last Wish (in particular, The Lesser Evil story). While prior knowledge of that book and story is not needed, I highly recommend it - it's a masterclass of writing and exposition.

Word Count: 8.4k

A/N: I am very, very excited for you all to see this chapter. I feel as though we're finally reaching the heart of the story - the scenes I've wanted to write since the very beginning, when I first had the idea for Accismus. I hope you'll all enjoy this segment (though many of you may also hate me afterward). Comments are incredibly encouraged and appreciated! Without further ado...

Leaving Novigrad is nothing but chaos. It’s sheer, overwhelming, and somehow endearing, but nonetheless chaos. 

As soon as the three of you are on your feet, there’s a desperate rush of teasing, goodbyes, and demands of letters, as if it’s just now sunk in that you’re actually going. There are calls for a final round of drinks, goblets of honeyed mead being shoved into open hands, wishes of luck murmured over the rims of glasses. 

Dandelion starts chattering as fast as he can about the djinn, too fast to give you any room to speak. He squeezes your shoulder and promises the ballad will be his best one yet, then assures you that you’re welcome to return at any time you’d like - which is so kind you don’t even know how to respond. Luckily, he doesn’t give you the chance. He’s off to chat with Zoltan about something.

You, Ciri, and Geralt try your best to lug your things to your horses in the midst of everything, but the two of them keep getting pulled away. Just as you’re thinking you’ll get out unscathed, Priscilla pulls you into her arms for a hug, and you nearly drop your bag in shock.

“I wanted to ask if you’d join us for Yule,” she says, giving your shoulders a tight, comforting squeeze before she pulls away. “Only if you’re interested, of course,” she adds quickly. “You’ve been such lovely company! I know we’ll all miss you just as soon as you’re gone. If you could manage it, we’d love to have you. There’ll be no ballads, I swear it.”

Your throat feels tight. “Thank you,” you tell her, forcing a smile. “I’d love to.”

As soon as you’ve said it, you know that you’ll have to be there. If not to see them all again, then to avoid disappointing her. Was it really just a few days ago that you and Geralt were in that cave, hiding out from the rain? When you had been telling yourself to shut him out, to not tell him a thing more about yourself? It seems years away now - as if the train of thought had been washed away the moment you’d stepped inside the Chameleon. 

At your answer, Priscilla beams at you, and with a final squeeze of your shoulder, escorts you out the door. “Stay safe, all of you,” she says.

Then, Dandelion is shouting out something else about the ballad, Eskel and Lambert are snickering over something about Geralt and a broken leg, and the three of you are finally, truly off. 

For the first time, you have something to look forward to after you and Geralt find the djinn. If only your hands would stop shaking.

From the very beginning, the journey out of the city is different than the one coming into it. Your days do not pass away in lengths of unbearable heat or blistering palms. Not that the heat is not there, of course, but it’s more manageable in fair company, when you feel less of a burden and more of a friend. 

If Yennefer’s presence had been a shard of ice, then Ciri’s is a warm glass of mead, filling you up from the inside out. Geralt clearly cares tremendously for her, and it’s not long before you do, too. And how could you not, coming to know her? 

Everything comes and goes in a blur of sun and moon - strengthening hands on the reins and calluses being built, Ciri’s witty, snippish remarks, and Geralt laughing, laughing, at her tales of being a witcheress. Somewhere in between, you’re being roped into talking about yourself. 

Geralt may not push about your past - or who you are at all, really - but Ciri wraps her inquiries in innocent questions that have you talking much longer than you’ve realized. Then, with your throat raw and hoarse, you’ll finally notice her tricks and - with no small sense of betrayal - drop off in the middle of a sentence. 

“What?” she’ll laugh. “Go on!”

And then you’ll be talking again.

You can’t stand to speak about certain parts of your past, so you talk about everything else - tales of your rambunctious childhood, memories of your parents that aren’t painful enough to silence you.

You tell them about your father raising horses, and how the first gift you can remember was a mare named Mead - the same one you’ve named your current horse after. You tell them about being five, imagining you were the village’s doctor, going from door to door with a piece of wood and noting down ‘illnesses.’

You’d even pretended to treat your father’s case of ‘measles’ - which was nothing more than a scrape on his arm - with a mysterious plant which had turned out to be poison ivy. It had given you both a horrible rash for a week. 

Your mother had tried to be stern then, but couldn’t hide her shaking shoulders from you as she rubbed soothing creams over your arms, concocted from the herbs in the gardens in front of your home. Nor could she hide the fond smile she gave you afterward, gently brushing her thumb over your cheek.

From then on, you’d been banned from touching mysterious plants - which led you to reading books instead. Your parents had been educated, and they’d taught you how to read, too. You’d gone around, begging neighbors for any spare works they could spare. It had been before the war, and times had been different - the people, too. More willing to share, even in Velen, where need bled into the very soil.

Every chance you’d gotten, you’d read and reread books about gardening, history, healing, and anything else you could get your hands on. When you were old enough, you worked any odd job you could, because you wanted to become a doctor. Cleaning, gardening, finding lost items. Mending torn clothes, fetching something from the next town over, catching a fish someone needed for a meal. You’d done it all. Everything you could.

“Busy as a bee, weren’t you?” Ciri muses with a smile. “Buzzing around from place to place.”

You can’t say her description is inaccurate. In those times, you hadn’t been still for a moment. Becoming a doctor had been your lifeblood, the reason behind every action you made. It was planted in you, a root that would not come out.

And, for the first time since you left The Chameleon, your words choke in your mouth, and you can’t speak - not about that. You leave the story there, and Ciri doesn’t question it.

 But you feel Geralt’s eyes on you, those warm, inspecting eyes that never seem to leave you. You wonder what he’s thinking. You’d give anything to know. 

Just a few days after you’ve set off, Geralt and Ciri take to training you. Even with two witchers, they explain, it’ll be good for you to learn. A real sword is too advanced to start with, and neither of them have practice ones, so Ciri shows you basic defensive actions, dodges, and escapes, and has you repeat them until they’re instinctive. Then she has you practice them in more depth, in various scenarios. 

“That’s it,” she says. “Keep spinning. Buzz around! Just like a bee!” 

Eventually, that shortens down into a two-worded application of the phrase. “Shift left! Faster! Buzz - bee!”

Any time you’re paired with her, you do alright. Not perfect, but enough to draw a look of pride when you successfully disarm her or escape her grip. She’ll give you a tip or two, then have you do it again. 

“How was that?” you ask afterward, panting.

She grins at you, a twinkle in her eye. “Perfect. Just like a bee.”

With Geralt, it’s a different story. 

Every time you’re paired with him, even before you’ve started, you freeze up. Your mind goes completely blank, as if the sight of him wipes your memory clean, wipes every instinct away. It’s even worse when he touches you. All you can seem to think about is the warmth of his body pressed against you, and even though you try with all your might to remember what to do, your movements always end up jarred and clumsy. 

“Try again,” he says softly, over and over. “One more time.” It’s never unkind, but he’s strict, drilling the moves into you with an intensity that you can only describe as fear. He’s worried about you. 

“Gotta use more force,” he says. “C’mon, faster. No, the other arm. Remember what Ciri said?”

You do. Buzz around like a bee. But if you’re a bee with him, you’re certainly a dead one. Your body just will not move the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try. This sort of thing goes on until you’re both exhausted, and you turn in for the night. And, naturally, when Ciri practices the same moves with you the next morning, they come naturally. 

“Well done, busy bee,” she says.

And there are Geralt’s eyes again, fixed on you. Golden. Piercing. Almost teasing, as he raises his brows. And you know he knows. 

For the fleeting moment when your gaze meets his, you regret not kissing him when you’d had the chance. More often than not, you’ve caught yourself ruminating on the softness of his lips, on how they might feel pressed against yours. On his hands, warm and sure, tracing a path down the small of your back. 

Then your mind rushes back to you, and you remember why you hadn’t. Your reasoning seems less and less sound when he’s looking at you like that.

Most nights of the journey are spent outside, but there’s the occasional inn that you come across, and none of you can resist the chance of a warm bed. You and Geralt share a room as you had before, and Ciri takes her own. That’s the only moment of awkwardness you can feel, when the three of you bid each other good night - but it’s brief and fleeting, and there aren’t any moments of tension with you and Geralt like before. Even if you might wish for it.

The inns are rare, and the farce you’ve put up for yourself is bearable. Usually, the three of you sleep in shifts, and the two of them drill it into you to wake them if you hear or see anything. 

You never do, not in those nights under the stars, keeping alert in the progressively cooling air. There’s never anything but the three of you and open air, the soft sounds of Geralt and Ciri breathing. It’s the one time you seem to get for yourself, and you come to look forward to it. Being able to think, without Geralt or Ciri watching you, you can almost pretend that the djinn isn’t real. 

Almost.

As time goes on, something between you and Geralt slowly shifts. Ciri is a buffer, too clever for anything to slip by her, and Geralt would never do anything while she’s here - not even if she’s ten minutes away, gathering some food for the journey. 

There seems to be a silent agreement that settles in. You don’t know what it will be like, in those days after she’s gone, but you do know with an absolute certainty that nothing is going to happen while she’s with you. And, with the lessening number of inns that show on the journey, it makes for very little room between you and Geralt. Not enough room for romance, that’s to be sure.

Thoughts of kissing him fade. Your eyes still linger - on his sure hands, strapping up food to Roach, on the scars of his arms, soft and pink - but you’re quick to catch them. The message there is clear. Not now, it says. It’s not the time. 

Maybe not ever, you think, a deep pit in your stomach.

Eventually, with this sort of emotional blockade put up, solidifying, you’re able to do the defensive moves even with Geralt. They collectively decide that you’re ready to move on to something else. The further on you go, the more dangerous the roads are.

Initially, Ciri tries to give you a dagger. Unfortunately, as soon as she hands it to you, your hands start sweating so much that you can barely grip it. It might be helpful if you didn’t feel like throwing up every time you look at it - much less holding it. Geralt finally notices the way you’re trembling and takes the thing away.

Which means you must resort to other methods of protection. As soon as the three of you come across a town with a blacksmith, you’re set up with your own crossbow, equipped with bolts. Thankfully, this turns out to be a success. You’ve worked with a bow before, after all, and Geralt and Ciri make you take turns shooting it while riding on Mead, hitting random targets until you’re very pleased at your aim.

And, of course, Ciri can use a crossbow bolt to hit a piece of wood mid-air. Like father, like daughter, it seems.

When the three of you cross over the border of Kaedwen, the mood changes. You’re not sure why. There’s something deeper, something veiled in the air. You spend your nights tense. Your dreams turn feverish, plagued not only by visions of a dagger in your hand, but by the cave you’d seen that night in Novigrad.

The deep, dark pit seldom leaves your mind. You grow so weary of it that your eyes turn desperately to your surroundings as the three of you ride, pleading for something else to attach to. Rain falls heavily and fog chokes the pathways, making it hard to see.

And, for the first time, the three of you come across some danger. 

For a first event, it’s not much. It could be much worse, really. Just a few ghouls, eating a decaying corpse. No bandits. No giant centipedes bursting out of the ground, or swarms of nekkers ready to claw you apart. 

Or at least, that’s what you tell yourself. It doesn’t stop your immense sense of discomfort, the sweat pilling up on your palms, trickling down the back of your neck as you mindlessly put an arrow toward your bow.

You hate monsters, but there’s something in particular you hate about necrophages. Something… unsettling about the way they crave rotting flesh. Only one thing lies between them eating you, and it’s your loss of life. Not exactly an encouraging thought.

As the three of you ride in closer, your stomach starts churning at the smell in the air. Death. You’d give anything to never smell it again.

Being at the front of the line, Ciri leaps off her horse and kills three of the ghouls in a quick, clean motion. Then she looks at you. “Just one left,” she says, motioning to one that’s a little further down the road. “Go on, Bee, give it a shot!”

“Ciri,” Geralt says, hand tightening a little on his sword. Hesitation brims his tone. “Gotta be careful.”

She simply shoots him a look, eyes twinkling. “Aren’t I always?” she asks.

You know the answer to that, and you don’t like it. You also do not want to do what she’s asking. You can barely stand to look at the remaining ghoul for a second longer, much less target and kill it. Then again, you really should know how to defend yourself. And if you can’t kill a ghoul, you’re almost hopeless with anything else.

“I’ll do it,” you tell them.

Mead is shifting uneasily under you, so, with your heart pounding like a drum, you swing off the saddle and tighten your grip on your crossbow. You can’t seem to remember how to breathe. Geralt’s silence and his gaze on your back aren’t helping.

It’s the ghoul dashing near you that rouses you. Your heart starts thrumming even faster, as if your mind has finally comprehended the fact that there’s not only disgust but danger here, and you grab the bow and attempt to do what you know.

In, out. In, out. You notch an arrow and take aim. These are natural movements, ones you’ve repeated, and they should come with ease - but this situation is anything but natural. The thing keeps running in circles, distracted by Ciri, who evades its attacks with clean, fluid movements. 

She’s clever, steering clear enough to give you a good aim, letting you predict its movements without worrying about hitting her. She’s putting herself in danger for this, and waiting for you, and you need to shoot. 

So you do. You line up the ghoul in your sights, take one more deep breath, and your hands shake like a leaf as you finally pull the trigger. A split-second later, there’s a horrific, sick sort of noise, a terrible splatter that you can’t bear to watch. You keep your eyes on the ground and tremble in silence.

“Well done!” Ciri says. “Excellent shot!” 

When you look up, the ghoul is dead. You'd actually hit it - something you didn’t think you could do - and on your first try, at that. You give a weak smile at Ciri’s enthusiasm, but can’t turn away from the ghoul’s body. 

Blood is spilling onto the ground like dark wine, sickly metallic in the air. The uncannily humanoid face is twisted up in agony, frozen in death. And, worst of all, it’s laying a few feet from the corpse it’d been eating. This close, your gaze takes in every terrible detail. Your throat goes tight.

These are scraps of someone, someone who was like you, now laying in the dirt. Someone who lived, breathed, loved, someone now unidentifiable, rotting and alone. What a terrible way to remain in this world - nothing but a bloody, stinking mass of bones on the roadway. And, for the life of you, you can’t look away. The image burns deep into your mind even as you shut your eyes.

It’s become hard to breathe. The scent of death is burning through your nostrils, choking through your senses. You’re shaking worse than ever. Geralt is saying something, but you can’t hear him - your heart is thundering in your ears, and your stomach is turning again, and all at once, you bend over and vomit up your breakfast.

Geralt swings off Roach and is instantly at your side, gently patting your back. “Hey,” he says soothingly, softly. “You alright?”

You can’t manage an answer. Your knees don’t feel steady. You have to fight the urge to reach out and grab onto him, choosing to plant your hands on your knees as you retch instead. 

Ciri is quick to join the two of you, sheathing her sword. “Not to worry,” she says, her tone bright as ever. “That’s the adrenaline, Bee. You’ll adapt over time.”

You spit the acrid taste out of your mouth and wipe your face with your sleeve, tearing your eyes away from the corpse with all the strength you have. You’re still trembling.

What you want is a hug. You really, really just… want to be wrapped up in a warm pair of arms and held. Squeezed tight, like Priscilla had squeezed you. But neither Geralt nor Ciri can read your mind, neither of them have really hugged you before, and you’ve just been vomiting up your breakfast - so of course they don’t hug you. 

“What - what were you saying?” you ask Geralt, voice as shaky as you feel. “Before? I didn’t hear you.”

“Told you that was a good shot,” Geralt says. “Gotta aim higher, though. Hit it a little low.” He’s taken to rubbing your back instead of patting, and the action feels so nice that you’re half tempted to lay down in the dirt with your exhaustion and let him keep doing that. 

But the smell of death is still in the air, and if you don’t get away from here soon, you’re sure you’ll throw up again. 

“Thank you,” you shakily tell Geralt, attempting to straighten up.

He watches you closely, tensing - as if he’s waiting to catch you. “Could take a break, if you need,” he says. 

You quickly shake your head, starting shakily back toward Mead. “Not here.”

He must understand - he can smell it too, after all. Stronger than you can. Much, much stronger. How does he stand it? But, from the look on his face, maybe he doesn’t stand it at all. Maybe he simply survives it, because he must.

Geralt gives a nod, helping you up onto the saddle with a firm hold that seems to sear into your skin. “C’mon, Ciri,” he says. “Let’s get out of here.”

It’s not much longer before Ciri’s time with you comes to an end. 

You can hardly believe it, when she pulls to a halt and announces that this is where you must part. She hasn’t said it, but the fact that she’s parting with you instead of going all the way to the caves, it’s clear - this is urgent business. 

Gods, are you going to miss her. It seems as though just yesterday you’d been at Dandelion’s inn, sipping on honeyed mead, saying your goodbyes. Yet, here you are, and you’ve arrived at Ard Carraigh, and she’s going. Can this be real? Had those days - a little over a month, if you’re counting correctly - slipped under your fingers so quickly, unnoticed? 

Yes, they must have, because there’s a numb, aching loss in your chest that only could have come from coming to know her. Worst of all, there’s a terrible feeling that you’ll never see her again - one that pulls deeply at your gut. You can’t stand it. You’re so tired of regrets that you pull her close without thinking and hug her, and she hugs you back tightly.

“Thank you for letting me travel with you, Bee,” she says. “I hope we’ll meet again one day.”

“We will,” you stubbornly tell her. “I’m sure we will.”

She pulls away and gives you a smile, and you watch fondly as she steps over and hugs Geralt. 

“Take care of yourself,” he says softly.

“Always,” she replies, grinning at him. She steps back, grabbing the reins of her horse, Kelpie, then swiftly mounts up onto the saddle. “Good luck, you two!” she calls, waving. “I’m sure you’ll sort everything out, and Dandelion will have a lovely ballad to sing!”

You wave goodbye and watch as she rides off, leaving you and Geralt behind. And, in her absence, there’s a large, gaping hole.

You and Geralt do your best to fill it, but you can tell it’s still there. Furthermore, you can tell Geralt is constantly tense - and that does nothing to soothe your addled nerves. You two still have a ways ahead of you, and despite your newly formed skill with the crossbow, your unease remains.

Mostly, you spend the days quiet, and struggle to sleep at night. Geralt does the same. You miss Ciri’s chatter, her warmth, her ease of getting you to speak. Without her, everything is strange and much too silent, much too eerie.

During your night shifts, you keep alert, rubbing warmth into stiff hands. With clouds covering the stars, you often turn your eyes to Geralt - murmuring things in his sleep, brow creased. Sometimes, you’ll catch a few words, a repeated whisper as soft as the wind. Ciri. Yen. And, only once, another name - Visenna. 

When he jerks awake, hand automatically reaching for his sword, you scoot back from him - not afraid, but a little space won’t hurt. After a long moment of staring at you, realizing there’s no danger, Geralt relaxes and takes over the shift from you. And you don’t sleep any better than he does.

Three days after Ciri has gone, the two of you come upon more danger. It’s in a small town, one reeking of trouble, and you’d be tempted to shy away from it - if the growling in your stomach wasn’t so prominent. The two of you are riding through when you see him - a boy, no more than eighteen, laid on the ground. He’s surrounded by a small crowd, face red and pained, blood soaking his tunic. 

And, for reasons neither you nor the gods can explain, you don’t think for a second before you jump off your horse and dash toward him. Thankfully, Geralt is right behind you. 

“What is it? What happened to him?” you ask breathlessly. 

“Bandits, likely,” someone replies, voice hushed. “Been worse than usual, of late. The lad came riding up, yelling something about being attacked. Slumped over. Fell straight off his horse into the dirt.”

As you push further in, the crowd starts to separate, people fleeing back into their homes for safety. But you can’t leave this boy here. You can’t. There’s a voice at the back of your mind, shouting out something you should remember, but you can’t hear it past the rush of blood in your ears.

When you lift up the boy’s tunic, you find a great deal of bruising, surrounded by a deep, seeping wound in the abdomen. Without hesitation, you scramble for the bandages in your pack and press them against the wound, applying pressure. 

The boy yelps in agony, hands clawing at yours hard enough to draw blood, tears coursing lines in the dust on his face. “Stop,” he groans, “stop it! Gods, it hurts - stop!”

He’s thrashing about with so much force that you can barely keep the bandages on him, much less apply the pressure you need. Blood is pouring out of him, staining the grass under him.

“Geralt,” you pant. “Help me - hold him down!”

But Geralt doesn’t. He simply stares at you, unmoving, an indiscernible look on his face. 

“Help me!” you cry, attempting to press harder. “He’ll bleed out!”

When he finally kneels next to you, you sigh in relief, watching as he grips the boy’s shoulders and holds him still. Finally able to apply the pressure you need to, your mind spins, trying to remember if you have a needle with you. A wound like that… it’ll need to be cauterized, too. Stitched up as quickly as possible.

But the boy’s face has gone blue now, and he’s started gasping. Too much blood loss - no, no, no, please. His body shakes with spasms, breathing going ragged. You desperately try to staunch the bleeding, to keep what blood he has left in him from spilling out. “Stay with me,” you tell him, muscles wound so tense you can barely breathe. 

But after another horrible round of jerking, the boy’s breathing falters, and he goes still. And then… then, there’s silence. Only silence. Not even the call of a bird, or the stir of the wind. Just… nothing.

The unbearable quiet is interrupted by the soft sound of Geralt saying your name. Slowly. Cautiously, as if he’s testing the waters of your reaction. Then he releases the boy’s shoulders and rises to his feet.

“No,” you say numbly, refusing to look at him. You keep your eyes only on the boy. “You can’t go - I won’t let you!”

Fiercely blinking back tears, you start a series of resuscitation compressions, pushing strong, even movements into the boy’s chest. “Stay with me,” you say helplessly, panting out the words. “You can’t go!”

You work methodically, desperately, waiting for the boy to revive, praying for it. But the body stays motionless under your hands, lifeless, still warm. Your arms are searing from the effort and tears are streaming down your cheeks, blurring your vision. 

You can’t fix this, your mind is telling you. There’s no chance.

But you can’t stop. You can’t.

Suddenly, there’s a pair of arms behind you, pulling you off the body. You start clawing, lashing out like a wild animal, screaming and kicking with all your might. “Let me go!” you shriek, wriggling around, beating your fists out until they make an impact on something. “Let me go, you - you bastard!”

“He’s gone, Bee,” Geralt says calmly, his voice soft in your ear. “A wound like that? Nothing anyone could do. C’mon. Gotta get you cleaned up.”

But his soothing tone only makes you more wild, more feral. You scream and kick and claw some more. He gently sets you in a sobbing pile onto the ground, and by the time you come into contact with the soft, fragrant earth, his words have set in. The truth of them, that deep down you already knew. You pull your knees toward your chest and weep.

Kneeling down next to you, Geralt places a hand on your back, rubbing slowly - the way he had after the event with the ghoul. You’ve realized what your mind was screaming at you, now. You wish you’d listened. 

“There’s - there’s something wrong with me,” you sob softly. The words are bitter in your mouth, acrid. Tears are choking in your chest, slow to die out, leaving you wracking painfully. “Everything I touch… That’s why I can’t go back to Oxenfurt. I just make things worse.”

Geralt’s touch pauses for a moment at your words, but only briefly. He goes back to rubbing your back. “Did all you could,” he says gently. “Didn’t make it worse. He would have died anyway.”

You shake your head. “I hurt him. He needed comfort, and I hurt him because I wouldn’t stop. And it wasn’t only him,” you choke. “It’s everyone, Geralt. I try to help, but it hurts people. I should just stay out of it. I try to, I really do, but it still just… happens.”

“People getting hurt like that, dying - that isn’t your fault,” Geralt says. 

“And how can you know?” you ask. The words are bitter, spitting from your tongue like venom. You regret them, but the anger doesn’t die away.

Geralt sighs, letting his hand go still on his back. “Know it because I used to think like you,” he murmurs. “Never got involved, if I could help it. Thought I made things worse. Maybe I do. Don’t know, sometimes.” He pauses for a moment, contemplating his words, inhaling sharply. “Couldn’t stay away, though,” he says. “Figured it was better to try.”

His words shock you into complete silence. They carry such an intense vulnerability that it numbs you down, every nerve, every sensation. You lay on the ground, stiff as a board, taking it in. He’s never talked to you like this, so openly. Your sobs shudder to a halt and you close your eyes, breathing heavily. 

He knows, then. He knows what it’s like. Not everything, of course. Only you could ever know that. But the sickly, squirming pit of guilt in your stomach - Geralt knows what that’s like. And he’s somehow lived with it for decades.

“C’mon, Bee,” he says. “Gotta get you cleaned up. Ought to bury the body, too, before the necrophages smell it.”

Oh. Bee. He’d called you that several times now, hadn’t he? In the midst of everything? You hadn’t quite processed it then, but now that your brain is working… it’s always been Ciri, calling you that. Geralt has never called you Bee before today. 

You give a nod at his words, feeling a little calmer, intending to sit up. Your muscles are slow and aching, and you’re still trembling. Geralt shifts and reaches toward you, and you reach back, thinking he’s offering you a hand up. What you’re not expecting is for Geralt to lift you into his arms and carry you. But that’s what he does. 

He picks you up like you don’t weigh an ounce and carries you to the nearby inn. His arms are strong and sure, and you lean your face into his chest, too weak to resist the temptation.

“Need a room,” he tells the innkeeper.

They don’t argue with him.

You don’t take in much of what happens right after that. You know you’re set on a bed, and the innkeeper comes and goes a few times before Geralt kneels in front of you, dabbing a clean cloth into a bowl of water. 

He keeps searching your face, looking for something. You only start registering what’s happened when he finally starts speaking.

“What you said before…” He pauses, hesitating. “At Blaviken. I felt like you do, afterward. Kept thinking - should have stayed out of it. Tried to, before that. Tried for a long time after, too. Guess, in the end, I couldn’t.”

He takes your hand in his, gently scrubbing away some of the dried blood. “I was passing through, on the way to Yspaden,” he starts. You sit unmoving, afraid you’ll break the spell of his words. 

“Stopped at Blaviken on the way,” he continues. “Brought in a kikimora, hoping there’d be a reward. There wasn’t. But the alderman told me to bring it to the wizard - Stregobor. I’d met him before. He didn’t pay me for the kikimora, but he invited me in. Wanted to ask for my help. Wasn’t exactly on friendly terms with him, but I listened.”

He sighs heavily, looking up at you. “Ever heard of the Curse of the Black Sun?” he asks.

You blink in surprise. “I… I have,” you reply, swallowing hard. “I read about it. It was a prophecy, wasn’t it? During an eclipse, sixty girls would be born, made servants of the goddess Lilit, and bring the end of the world?”

He nods. “Yeah. That’s the one.” His face tightens with anger - just a flash, but enough to jar you. There are so many situations where he’s been completely composed even in the face of chaos, of pure frustration. What on earth could have made him so angry?

“These girls,” he slowly goes on, “people were convinced they were demons. Stregobor talked about mutations, insane tendencies… changes in the internal organs, unidentifiable tissue, cruel and aggressive behavior. People who believed the prophecy used it as a justification for murder. They did autopsies, studying the corpses, claiming it was for the greater good. One of them… they vivisectioned her.”

Your reaction is instantaneous. You jolt as though you’ve been slapped. Vivisection? What the hell were they thinking? They’d murdered and tortured these girls just because of the day they were born? Frankly, you couldn’t care less about their internal organs or behaviors. That doesn’t sit well with you.

“Gods…” you say faintly.

Geralt’s jaw clenches. “The girls - they weren’t easy to pick off. After a time, they started locking them in towers, instead. Isolating them. But some would escape. Others died.” He stalls, lost in thought for a moment. “Stregobor had once been sent to supervise one of these girls - a princess of Creyden. Renfri.” 

Pain flashes over his eyes at the name, as if it wounds him to say it. Perhaps it does. Even so, he continues.

“Her stepmother, Aridea, had been told by one of Nehalania’s Mirrors that Renfri would kill her and a number of others. They sent a huntsman to kill her. She escaped. Tried to kill her multiple times after that, too. Poisoned apples. Assassins. They failed. 

“When Renfri came across Stregobor again, she recognized him - knew what he’d done. So she pursued him, wanting revenge. Tracked him down to Blaviken, where he’d locked himself in a tower at the edge of town, used a spell to keep anyone out unless he wanted them to get in. He asked me to kill her. I refused.”

As if he’s just remembered what he was doing, he goes back to cleaning the blood off of you - but it’s clear his mind is still far away. “I met her,” he says. “Renfri. The alderman couldn’t arrest her - she was protected by King Audoen. But she wanted to talk to me. Snuck into my attic later that night, told me what happened to her. Asked me to kill Stregobor. Told me it was the lesser evil.” 

He shakes his head. “Stregobor told me that, too - when he asked me to kill Renfri. But I told her that I wouldn’t kill Stregobor. And that I wouldn’t stand by, letting her slaughter innocent people to get to him. I asked her to leave Blaviken; to stop seeking revenge, because she wasn’t going to kill Stregobor. She gave in. Told me she would leave the next morning and never return.”

His expression has gone permanently pained now. His hand rests on your arm, frozen mid-action. “The next day, I told the alderman that Renfri and the gang she’d brought along with her were going. And he told me… told me one of her men had been at the massacre at Tridam, three years before. Hadn’t heard of it, but he told me what happened.

“A group of thieves were captured by the Baron of Tridam. The remnants of their men seized a ferry of innocents - demanded he set them free. When he refused, they killed hostages one by one until he finally released the prisoners. And… Renfri had mentioned that to me. ‘The Tridam ultimatum.’ I hadn’t known what it meant at the time, but… when I heard it, I realized what was going to happen. And I ran for the market.”

Geralt’s face has gone deathly white. “When I got there, Renfri’s men were waiting for me. All of them except her. She’d gone to the tower to talk with Stregobor. Left a message for me, though. ‘Choose. Either me, or a lesser.’”

He finally sets the cloth down, too distracted in his story to clean. His words sit in the air, tinged with a regret you can almost feel in the air, thick, and heavy. But why? you think. Surely it had been right of him to do? You listen to him go on, scarcely breathing.

 “I made my choice. I killed them. All of them…” he says. “After it was done, Renfri showed. Asked me if I was sure I made the right choice. I told her it wouldn’t be another Tridam. She told me that it wouldn’t have been. Stregobor had refused to come out. Even told her she could butcher Blaviken and the neighboring villages, but he still wouldn’t leave his tower… I told her to go. She wouldn’t. We fought…” 

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, unable to finish. You don’t need to hear it to know.

“People stoned me, afterward. The alderman stepped in. He asked if… if that was my idea of lesser evil. What was necessary. I told him it was… Didn’t know what else to say.”

He inhales sharply, looking out the window. “He told me to leave, to never return. And I did.”

His words fade into silence. Something in your chest aches so deeply that you can’t even speak. It throbs, pitching amidst the knots of guilt built into your ribs. The Butcher of Blaviken. That’s what they call him, now. Because of that. It haunts him, everywhere he goes.

“Geralt,” you finally whisper, resting a hand on his arm. He inhales sharply and stands, gently pulling from your touch.

“We should bury the body,” he says softly. You follow him without a word out to the grass. 

You’re still mostly covered in blood, and now you’ll be covered with dirt. The sun is brutal and the air is sticky, and you can still smell the iron on you, sharp and nauseating. The two of you find shovels and take to digging, your hands reddening from the effort, sweat dripping down your neck. Tears course down your cheeks. And you don’t stop digging until it’s done.

A makeshift grave, marked by a pile of rocks. You hadn’t even known his name. He’d been so young… The town members are still hiding in their homes. No doubt watching you, though.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur to the grave, hoping the boy can hear you wherever he is now. “What you sought in life, may you find it in death. Rest peacefully.”

After a long moment of silence, you and Geralt go back to the inn, this time to properly wash off the blood and dirt. The guilt cannot be scrubbed with it, but it pains you less. Maybe because it doesn’t pain you alone.

The next morning, the two of you are off again. There’s quiet between you, but not uncomfortable. Both of you are grieving. Your thoughts go over Blaviken again and again. Then, hesitantly, over your own past.

You’re going to have to tell him. You don’t know how, or when, but you will. Now that he’s told you about Blaviken, it’s as if something’s come loose. You can no longer keep it in, the way you’d once resolved to. You keep catching yourself opening your mouth - trying to find a way to speak. But the timing isn’t right. It just isn’t right.

The further into Kaedwen you get, the colder it is, and it’s especially brutal that night. It may be blistering hot in the days, but the nights turn icy as death, unnatural and unsettling. The chill bleeds into your bones. Makes you want to curl into a ball and never move again.

And, of course, there are no inns around. You set up your bedroll and try your best to keep warm, but even with the fire Geralt makes, shivering takes a hold of you. It’s not long before your teeth are chattering. You ache for the Chameleon, for the warm, soft feather bed you’d slept on. Your eyes grow heavy, but sleep won’t take you.

When Geralt rests a hand on your shoulder, you jump about ten feet into the air, startled.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m alright.” It comes out between chattering teeth. You don’t need to see his face to know he doesn’t believe you.

“Come here.”

You force yourself to sit up, giving him a look. He raises his brows, patting the bedroll next to him. Surely he doesn’t mean… no, that can’t be it. It’s closer to the fire, that’s all.

With frozen fingers, you pull your bedroll toward Geralt, laying it next to his. It’s a little better now. 

Geralt lays down next to you, tilting his head up to look at you. “Get over here,” he says. “Got me worried you’ll freeze to death.”

Your heart starts racing. Fuck. If only he couldn’t hear it. If only the warmth of his arms wasn’t so appealing. You crawl over, resting yourself at his side, and he automatically wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer, into his chest.

Gods, he’s warm. Heat practically radiates off of him. You can’t stop yourself from sighing in relief, tucking your face into his neck. This close, you can smell the smoke on his skin, the hints of wood and earth and sweet leaves, mingled with hints of his sweat.

It’s already overwhelming enough to have him holding you like this. You practically stop breathing when his hand goes to the back of your neck, wrapping it in more warmth, callused fingers that you truly believe could rival silk on your skin. His thumb rubs a slow, soothing motion in the space behind your ear, and you inhale sharply.

Him touching you like this - well, it’s making you cry. Tears start to spill onto your cheeks and you try hopelessly to stop them, terrified that he’ll pull away, stop what he’s doing. But, even though he must know, he doesn’t stop. He keeps touching you, the way you’ve so desperately needed to be touched, and you relax little by little. 

After a few minutes, your brain is barely there - melted, as though your body has become liquid. Your thoughts swirl into the heavy grip of sleep, and the world slowly fades away.

For once, you don’t have nightmares.

When you wake the next morning, you’re still in his arms. You can hear the crackling embers from the dying fire behind you, and you can feel Geralt’s breathing - even, steady. His hand still rests on your neck.

You never want to move. You know you’ll have to, but you don’t want to. For a while, you close your eyes and lie there in a meditative state, so content you’re practically purring. Then, Geralt jerks awake, and to your absolute dismay, he lets go of you and sits up, looking alarmed.

The explanation for that comes very quickly. There’s a group of men on horseback riding toward you. You can’t see them, but you hear them, crashing through the trees, clearly not caring if you know they’re coming.

“Geralt-”

“Grab your bow,” he says, pulling out your sword. His voice is low and firm. “Get behind me.”

You do as he asks. Your hands are shaking, but you force yourself to breathe slowly, readying an arrow. You try not to imagine what sound it will make, if you’re forced to kill.

As the men crash out of the woods, you can see that there are three of them. They circle around your camp, whooping and shouting before they come to a halt, grinning down at you with a smile that makes you want to recoil. You step closer to Geralt.

“Look at this, lads. A camp!” one of them says. “What’ve we got here?” He casually rests his hand on his sword, and you can see Geralt stiffen. The speaker is missing an eye, and he reeks so badly that you can smell him several feet away - sweat and whiskey and gods know what else.

You wait for Geralt to respond, but he says nothing - and what could you possibly say?

“Oy!” one of the others shouts. This one is wearing a red vest, stained with something that looks terribly like blood. “You fuckin’ deaf? We asked you a question!”

Still, Geralt says nothing, but his hand tightens on his sword.

“Won’t speak to us, eh?” the third asks. With the authoritative way he talks, he’s clearly the leader of the group. He leaps from his horse, bounding with nimble steps toward you and Geralt. His teeth are black and his hair is matted, and a jagged scar runs down his neck. “I’ll make you talk,” he says. “Could use some entertainment, couldn’t we, boys!”

“Aye, we could!” the man with one eye says, sliding off his horse to join the leader. “Been nothing but sniveling cowards, lately. I bet that grey one would put up a fight.”

And put up a fight, Geralt does. 

He slashes so fast you barely see the blade move. All at once, the one-eyed man is crumpling to his knees, blood pouring down his abdomen. The leader draws his sword and leaps back, snarling. 

“A lot of nerve, you have!” he says. “You’ll pay for that!”

And, suddenly, everything turns into chaos. The leader strikes, and instantly, the air rings with the sound of blades. The man with the red vest urges his horse on and gallops around, yelling out insults, slashing in your direction. You barely manage to dodge them.

Geralt is preoccupied, so - despite your shaking - you turn your bow toward the red vest and shoot. It hits his shoulder, and he cries out. His horse startles, bucking below him before it throws him off, vanishing into the woods. You’re hoping he’ll stay down, but he gets to his feet all too quickly, favoring his right leg and spitting insults.

You grab another arrow and try to load it up, but you’re too slow, too slow, why couldn’t you have just taken that dagger-

In a moment, he’s on you, shoving you to the ground and knocking the wind out of you. The djinn is tugging, tugging - Geralt’s dancing the line of acceptable distance - and you blindly scratch at the man’s face, gouging your nails into flesh until you hear a scream. His grip slackens, and you prop your feet up on the ground and force your hips up, throwing him off of you - one of the moves Ciri taught you. 

Gasping and stumbling to your feet, you dart in Geralt’s direction, but a hand catches your shirt and drags you back, momentarily choking you before he pins you to a tree.

Blood is streaming down his face. “I’m going to fucking kill you,” he says. “I’m going to tear you into pieces, you hear me? You’ll wish your mother never popped you out!”

In the midst of your panic, you have the sense to knee up into his bollocks. Pain radiates through your leg, and despite the howl he lets out, he doesn’t let go. More crashing comes from the woods - more bandits, presumably. The look on his face practically spells it out.

For a moment, he’s distracted, slightly tilting his face toward the woods and easing his grip. Taking your opportunity, you slam the base of your hand into his nose with as much force as you can possibly muster. His knees buckle and he stumbles back, cupping a hand over his face.

Limping away, you catch a glimpse of Geralt - standing over the now-dead leader, panting but seemingly unharmed. More men pour in from the trees and slink in, raising weapons, and he readies his sword - but you know there are too many, just too many, and as a hand snatches around your waist and pulls you away, the world begins to crumble.

Nausea sets in, a turbulent dizziness, the world crumbling apart - too far! He’s too far! Something cold slices your arm, and the smell of blood hits you. You throw your elbow backward and make contact with bone, stumbling away and vomiting, knees buckling as the djinn’s wish takes hold. Your palms hit the ground.

Geralt lets out a cry of pain - the kind that can only mean he was hit. You call his name and helplessly crawl forward, trying desperately to get closer. Then, just as the djinn’s symptoms stop, something strikes the back of your head. 

Blinding pain erupts through your skull, and Geralt shouts with you as you crumple to the ground. Everything has gone blurry - the voices around you are muffled, but you can see Geralt, laying on the ground and barely moving.

We’re going to die, you think, cheek pressing into the soft dirt under you. Colors spin before your drooping eyes and the urge to vomit again comes and goes. We’re going to die, and it’s my fault.

 A heaviness takes over you. The pain is lulling you away, taking you somewhere far from this place. In the last moments, as the world fades, you hear screaming - multiple men screaming - and noises that can only mean death. 

Then, everything turns to darkness.

tags: @henryownsme @madamemelancholysstuff @fullmoonshadowwrites @darkscrossfire @beforethepen @julijal @ailynyan @ivuravix @enrapturedbythemoon @angie2274

[storiesofsvu]

Okay I do live reactions for svu so I should do them for evolution too, right? Lol

TO the newcomers: my live watch thoughts are always rather disjointed, unhinged and might not make sense without context, my opinions/thoughts might change on a second glance/second watch through (which i'll do once it's on disney this weekend). anything in my askbox related to this i will wait a few days to reply to to avoid spoilers for others!

Starting off strong with the vic they dressed similar to jj to make us all panic, so that’s out of the way.

Kinda lowkey hate how this is a follow up from last season but starting with shit we have no major connection to HOWEVER, I do like that that’s how the og eps would start so that’s a step in the right direction, right?

“SSA emily prentiss”??!! has she been demoted or was that just an easier way to introduce herself?

OKAY, em not being at garcia’s bday makes a little more sense now if she’s off working a different case, she hasn’t been kidnapped …yet…

“we should eat some cake” tara being the realest here. Where’s my cake? I still haven’t gotten my birthday treat, this is a crime. Someone remind me to pick up cake on Friday before work.

“you’re hot”(screaming cause jj sees what we see) “a hot mess…” yup.. tara is still the realest. Also “mr or mrs right” confirmed pan queen

Jfc Emily looks SO FUCKING GOOD

OH FUCK ME the SMOKING IS IN THE FIRST EPISODE?! Fuck

BOTH OF THEM ARE SMOKING OHHHMY FUCKING GOODDD. It’s a crime that we didn’t get to see either of them actually smoking though, like they were half offscreen, we all know paget knows how to inhale LOL.

It’s voit she’s consulting with, right?

“good book I hope” LOL. Omg luke

And we have our first fuck of the season!

Voit showing off just exactly how good he is and how he would absolutely win over a jury is such a good play and im here for it.

Second fuck of the season.

Also like…yeah.. they’ve got zero concrete proof that voit was/is sicarius. That’s the thing with criminal minds, they NEVER follow past the point of arrest. 90% of their unsubs would end up in mental health facilities or be able to plead not guilty by reason of mental defect. That’s why the show worked so well prior to evolution, we didn’t deal with that much of the political side of it, the team went home and we all just imagined the unsubs went to prison (if they weren’t killed). There would be no way voit would end up charged with this shit unless they had a TON more of evidence.

LOVE rossi & prentiss’ little tiff that’s really just them watching out for each other and making sure they know the other person still has their back.

On the other side, I’m still not sure whether I’m leaning toward Rebecca or tara’s side. I love them both and will forever be made about the killing the gays trope holding up so we’ll see how the season goes..

I am loving how heavy prentiss of an ep this is

JFC. The two with the most heavy trauma lingering from the last season REALLY had to go through THAT???

OKAY THAT WAS JUST LAZY WRITING!!! I KNOW that Emily only said the “didn’t call 911, walked 3 miles…” thing to rossi earlier but to repeat it that quickly in the same episode is…ugh..

“HE” compromised an investigation… uh… that was half Penelope my guy

Ok but now that that whole investigation is no longer a thing and no longer a case whatsoever that was just the easy way of making it not a conflict of interest and now we’re stuck with this awkward love triangle that shouldn’t be a triangle, right? Like, last season it was a little off imo of Garcia, but we’re what? Halfway through episode one and I don’t EVER remember seeing Penelope like this, she keeps saying “I broke up with him” GURL, you WERE NEVER TOGETHER. You kissed twice, you helped him through a public drunk/hangover, you banged and Emily went “dude wtf call it off” and you ended it. She’s acting like a love drunk highschooler who’s been pining after this guy for months…

Rebecca is SO SMOL

Tyler green’s actor reminds me of ryan Reynolds… like… voice and mannerisms? He’s Canadian.. are they like, distantly related?

“he tried to kill me” “but he didn’t” wtf bruh

LOOOL the way rossi stepped in before Emily could end up all “yeah fuck authority, fuck this, fuck you, and fuck your mom. Here’s my badge”

YESSSS EMILY’S FIRST FUCK

Also can we talk about the fact that we’re into like.. day 3? I think and these babes have not slept…. (day 3 for at least em, tara & pen..)

“I’ll post it on youtube myself” dave… there is no way in hell you know how to use youtube…

Okay. Episode one down. Onto episode two.

 Goddammit there’s no subtitles on ep 2 lol

Tbh. I love clark Gregg, I think he’s a great addition to the cast.

I can’t stop thinking about the thirst tweets and Zach being all “you guys think serial killers are cute? Uwu” LOL

Penelope comparing her like, week long hook up with tyler to tara’s entire relationship?? (yeah I know we don’t know exactly how long they were together but if they were talking about moving it we can assume it was a decent amount of time?). I HATE what they’re doing to Penelope… like..i could turn a blind eye last season and say it was a fluke but not anymore.

FUCK Emily is so goddamn hot

I repeat my last statement oh my fucking god.

Rossi hallucinating is not okay, like…I know a lot of it is ptsd or whatever but like.. man needs to retire

I am REALLY liking getting to see this much prentiss and rossi in the first 2 eps, I saw a tweet or something bout how paget really got to shine in the first 2 eps and that’s so true. HOWEVER, that makes me stressed that she’s got a ton of screen time in the first couple of eps cause of whatever happens to her later on and her being kidnapped/going rogue or whatever happens that has her nearly blown up/injured in the promo shots we’ve seen.

Also okay, listen, Paget’s incredible. She’s been doing this same role for… let’s say 12 years, she’s stepped away to other jobs and come back to CM, the show’s been cancelled and then renewed and she’s still managing to play it perfectly, keep the character the same, her line delivery, her body language, she just slips right back into it and her acting never deviates (unlike some other actors in similar situations). Her talking to that kid was PURE Emily from earlier seasons.

Omg this entire ex gf bickering in front of tyler is HILARIOUS and I am tyler…like, get me out of the car PLEASE lol.

Okay wow… tara that was a little deep cut my girl.

A HOTCH REFERENCE?!?! Also yeesss Emily calling rossi out to say he’d never do it to him. It’s gotta be that awkward situation of being his boss when he’s older, he’s a man, he “should have been the UC before her”, maybe there was a time when he outranked her. trust me, as someone who’s had to navigate that kinda shit in a bar world, that’s awkward enough, props to em for calling him out. Please continue to call men on their crap.

  YES ANOTHER FUCK omg.

I wanna say thank you to whatever director had Rebecca behind the drivers seat and tara in the passenger seat and the camera angles filming them diagonally rather then Rebecca sitting in the middle for no reason other than angles.

Emily’s hair is going to get progressively more straight/unstyled as the season goes on cause she’s more unhinged/out of control/losing it, isn’t it?

The fact that they really listened and put Emily in blue and red in her first two eps…thank you .. lol

“it used to be hard to get someone to take a life. But now, it’s easy. All you’ve gotta do is go on the internet.. tell em a lie.. a big lie..” the TRUTH to that statement is actually fucking terrifying…

Hate voit calling jj “Jennifer” BUT I also know in previous seasons she’s been  all “my friends call me jj, you can call me Jennifer” it’s just weird to hear lol.

Okay,,, is em hyper fixating and she fucked up by mentioning gold star or are we meant to believe that rn? Like obvi she’s gonna be focused on that cause of bailey’s death and her denial of working with voit and wanting to solve that case but… still.. yup… no gold star.. not totally surprised. HOWEVER would NOT be surprised that the same trope comes out later in the season, that they’re working something else and Emily is second guessing herself/dave gives her a look and she’s all “yeah you’re right, I was wrong last time.” And doesn’t believe herself and BAM it actually is gold star and maybe that’s what draws her into the field on her own or whatever.

Okay… im assuming we weren’t supposed to hear what voit said to luke? Or am I just deaf without my subtitles LOL.

“who’s infected now?”  oooohh kay…. Way to end an episode.

Alright, there we are. ep 1 was better? I’ll likely rewatch when they drop on Disney plus tomorrow/Friday after work, but those are my thoughts so far.

[rosesradio]

Nico di Angelo in Ceaseless Eve: Let's Discuss

⚠️ The following contains spoilers for any & all of Ceaseless Eve ⚠️

How do you even begin to write a character like Nico?

He's a character who feels like a distant childhood friend (funnily enough, being a pjo fan since I was nine or so, all of the characters feel that way to me). There are so many interpretations of him that are close, yet slightly different. There is, of course, the new canon content being released about him--and that brings up an entirely new wave of opinions that I will not get into (lol).

I wrote as many chapters in his perspective as I did Leo's. Where Leo opened the story, Nico closed it, two sides of the same coin. And yet, I feel as though I have only scratched the surface of who he is.

To begin, I made Nico out to be a guide character--Leo's protector, his introduction to the world of mythology. I think this is a good place to start him off after the events of The Last Olympian, because it shows that he finds camp more stable, and he is less flighty. He found a friend in Piper, which I think Nico really needed--having a friend made outside of a quest shows that he really has opened up a little. I believe that despite not being the best at communication or hospitality, he wants to provide the incoming demigods with a safe home and good experience, ensuring no demigod feels abandoned by camp the way he did.

Another reason why I established Nico and Piper's friendship prior to the events of CE is due to my personal opinions on Blood of Olympus and the Heroes of Olympus series as a whole. I won't get too much into my opinions on canon and ships, because i know many CE readers are multishippers and quite like canon. However, I will say I was not a fan of how...quickly Will was introduced in the end, and how he is introduced as a friend, only to quickly be established as a boyfriend not long after. I would have liked to see their friendship grow and develop into a relationship over the course of several books like percabeth. I also think the friendships amoungst the seven & others were not developed much outside of the couples. That was why I had Piper and Nico be friends first--so Nico could have a friend before meeting Leo and developing a relationship with him. I mean, we all need a friend to talk about our crush with, right? ("But, Rose, you silly goofy genius, what about Nico's friendship with Jason in canon?" they are in love in canon, next question).

I believe that by the time they start the quest, Nico and Leo are on around even footing. Of course, they have been exchanging quips from chapter one, and Nico is always going to be more in-tune to the mythological aspect than Leo, but this is their first quest. As independant as they both are, Nico feels somewhat comfortable allowing Leo to help in times of trouble, and that feeling reaches a precipice at the Doors of Death when Leo comes up with their escape.

As for the romantic element of their relationship, I think that Nico secretly thought that Leo was cute from their first meeting (oh, wait, I wrote it--that's canon lol). It's not until just...all of chapter seven (which I'm still Normal about, btw) that Nico begins to question how he feels about Leo. The nature of the timeline of the fic makes this all develop a lot quicker than I thought would be realistic for the both of them, so I wanted to leave the end to be picked up in the next book. I think there I can delve more into their feelings for each other and how they really are opposite sides of the same coin.

A favorite thing that goes along with Nico's character: Bianca's Star

I love Bianca's star so much, I hope it's not too obvious that I came up with it on the spot while writing chapter 16 lol. It really does seem like something that should have been in canon. I thought it'd be a small way to honor Nico's relationship with his late sister while building up his future relationship with Hazel. And speaking of...

Bonus character!

Hazel Levesque: Let's Discuss

In writing the parts before the trio's decent into the Underworld, I wrote in their retrieval of Hazel as a "they might as well while they're down there" (lol, that sounds so mean :') )--but I was quick to realize that Hazel's character was way too important to be sidelined.

She is a particularly selfless character, which I think can be contributed to the circumstances of her revival. She wants to do what she can to help her new friends and the gods--even if she has a lot of mixed feelings about her situation and who she can consider a friend. Although she is a side character in this book, she will be taking up the main character mantle in the sequel. Hazel will definitely have more time in the spotlight to discover her abilities as a demigod as well as who she wants to be in her second life.

[saphofthehollow]

PEOPLE I'M ONCE AGAIN REELING!!!!

I just finished A Curse for True Love and if y'all DON'T WANT SPOILERS THEN LOOK AWAY!!!!

I'm not entirely sure where to begin. I've had a teensy tiny difficult time getting into this series. From the first book to the third and final one, I've always picked it up, read the first couple chapters or so, out it down and needed to just take a break for a little while before getting back to it. However, I do think that's moreso because I always get hung up on the book I finished prior to starting a new one so I probably just needed time to process everything from my last read before getting into a new one but I never learn my lesson, so I just end up picking up a new one and putting it down for a while.

I didn't really get into the vibes of the trilogy until I was halfway through the first book, Once Upon a Broken Heart. That one was also a 4 star read for me. The Ballad of Never After was a 5 star and I'm certain anyone who has read the book and liked it can understand why.

Coming back to A Curse for True Love, it was again a 4 star read for me. Evangeline as a character has definitely shown development throughout the trilogy. She's undoubtedly grown from her naivety shown in the first book to understanding and judging people better in the second and third books in my opinion. We also got to see Jacks's development throughout the trilogy from his damn care attitude to actually getting his brief insights on events from past books as well as how much he loves Evangeline and wishes to protect her even if it's from himself.

Now coming to Apollo, I believe a part of me gets his behavior. He was betrayed by his friend who made him fall for Evangeline, he is out in a suspended sleep and when he does finally wake up, he's under the Archer's curse and the mirror curse where he is trying to get to his wife but the first curse makes him want to kill her. A part of me is able to understand how it must've been for him to go through all of that only to come back and see not only did his wife choose the man who betrayed Apollo's trust but his entire kingdom only mourned him for a week at best. I can sympathize with him a little for that.

But yeah no I still hate Apollo's guts.

Alright now this following part is where I think people would agree with me on. At least I hope so because if not, what the fuck is wrong with you?

First of all, this book is about Evangeline and Jacks, right? Then why did we get so little with both of them together? We have Jacks watching over Eva and protecting her when her memories are lost. We have him teaching her a little bit of self-defense. We have him killing that assasin and that moment in the hallway. Then we have the time in the Cursed Forest and the inn. After that it was the almost kiss between them stopped by the cuff and Castor taking Eva away to the meeting place with LaLa. Then it's the Phoenix tree and the Tree of Souls bit. And it's done. Do correct me if I'm missing something. I just... It didn't feel enough enough, you get me? Where was the insurmountable passion? Where was the obsession? Where was the possessiveness we know that Fates are capable of? Don't get me wrong, I still loved every bit of the EvaJacks moments we got but I needed more!!!!

Also, where was Luc? Where was Marisol? Where was Tiberius? What happened to them? They were major parts of the plotline in the previous two books but we only got fleeting mentions of Luc and Tiberius and I'm not entirely sure I caught any mentions of Marisol.

Additionally, can we please talk about LaLa? LaLa only came in towards the end of the book and I feel like we didn't get much of her either. Oh and Castor! The tension between Castor and LaLa?! I feel like I need a book on those two and we only caught like one scene with those two together. I need to know what happened between LaLa and Dane and how, if at all, things would work between LaLa and Castor given her being the Unwed Bride and Castor being the brother of her true love.

There were quite a lot of the Magnificent North for us to still explore too. There was undoubtedly a variety of things that could've been delved into from the legends, the places, the various stories that were twisted by the story curse and whatnot. There could've been so much more added to the plotline.

You know what we did get a lot of? Apollo. He was here, he was there. He was EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE!!! I won't lie, I did like getting some insight into his thoughts and feelings but I would've loved more of Jacks and even more of our EvaJacks. And yet, at one point, it partly felt as if Apollo was the main character and Jacks was a side character with how much interaction there was between Eva and Apollo compared to Eva and Jacks.

Overall, however, I did quite like the book. Despite all of the points I've mentioned above, I still feel that Stephanie Garber has to an extent lived up to the hype that the third book got after people read The Ballad of Never After. For me, The Ballad of Never After would be the best book in the trilogy but I cannot help but admit that the author has done a remarkable job at giving us a final book that did give us a good plotline, great character development and a beautiful happily ever after especially given that, it's difficult to be able to live up to the hype your books have garnered from the audience and the fear of disappointing your readers. As such, this series would be one of the few I'll always recommend.

I loved this trilogy, loved the world and am absolutely head over heels in love with our Eva and Jacks.

Now to move onto a new journey with new characters and plots while I leave this trilogy behind hoping to come back to it again someday in the future with the same enthusiasm, love and affection as I did when I picked it up.

[sepublic]

            Finally watched The Last Voyage of the Demeter, and I gotta say this one is a keeper for those who want a story true to the spirit of the original novel! I’ll mention spoilers both for the film and the novel Dracula, so for Dracula Daily readers who are having their first go this year, beware!

         When I saw the previews and trailers for the film, I wondered about some of the additions to the cast the film made; A doctor and a stowaway, as well as a child and his dog. Granted, it’s an adaptation of a relatively brief part of the film, so expanding on the cast feels natural… But seeing everything in the actual context of the film itself, you really begin to appreciate these additions!

         What I’m saying is, it feels as if the makers behind this movie wanted to do a full adaptation of Dracula, but they couldn’t; So they instead focused on one part they really liked, and then pulled elements and themes from the rest of the book and put it there. A sort of sampler of Dracula, to satisfy both themselves and the audience, especially if we don’t get a sequel chronicling Clemens’ journey.

         Clemens is obviously a Seward archetype; He’s a doctor, he represents rationale and reason, science and modernity. There’s a brief allusion to steamships, and Clemens acknowledges that they’re a result of progress; All of these capture the themes of the novel, and the mention of steamships feels like a reference to the one Arthur buys to chase Dracula at the end of the book.

         Of course, the steamship breaks down and fails during the pursuit, as part of the recurring theme of modernity failing against the ancient forces of the supernatural, myths and legend, etc. Superstition is returning to power after being forgotten, and we see that tension thankfully emphasized in this movie. While Clemens initially works with the rationale of a rabies infection, he eventually has to work with what he sees in front of him and says so, just as in the novel.

         The blood transfusions are also a nice callback to the book, particularly the ones given to Lucy, which Seward and Van Helsing pull off. Anna is a fusion of Lucy and Mina; A woman victimized by Dracula, but like in the actual book, this is not romanticized whatsoever, nor does the movie insinuate in any way that she could’ve brought this on herself by being ‘promiscuous’ or whatever.

         Anna is a victim, essentially Dracula’s rations for the trip. As mentioned, the blood transfusions are meant to keep her alive, but it’s revealed that it’s merely delaying the inevitable, just as they did for Lucy in the book. Like in the book, Dracula and his vampirism is conflated with infection, with disease, though it’s one so potent even the rats are driven off by it. Anna’s weak breathing reminds me of Lucy’s, as do her dreams of helplessness. Anna is also a bit of Jonathan as well, as his first victim prior to the ship back in Romania, who manages to wound him back in vengeance and provides information from her experience.

         The film carries the connection between Anna and Dracula due to the feeding, just as it occurred between Mina and Dracula; And like Mina, we have the sentiment of dying as a human, despite the initial protests of the victim’s friends. For Mina and Anna, this is a moment of reclaiming agency against Dracula’s corruption, and even though Mina doesn’t have to carry this sacrifice through, I found it to be a nice tribute to that decision of hers.

         Similarly, Anna brings up the idea of respecting Toby’s wishes to Elliot, who considers bargaining with Dracula in the hopes of getting his grandson back. This reminded me a lot of how Seward and the other suitors hesitate to kill Lucy in her grave, until Van Helsing explains to them how death as a human is more true to their beloved than ‘life’ as a vampire. It’s what Lucy would want, and so they go through with the staking.

         Toby being infected and killed also reminds me of Dracula’s implied plan in the novel; To infect the children of England through someone else he corrupted. Olgaren tries to do this, but it’s up to Dracula to step in himself. I must say, I appreciate the film being bold enough to kill off the child… And not just kill him, either! They rub salt in the wound by having him come back to life as a vampire, only to burn to death as he grabs onto his wailing grandfather; YIKES.

         This also reminds me of his dog Huckleberry, obviously a reference to canines victimized by Dracula throughout the film; Not just the one he kills at Whitby, or the one he scares at the abbey. But there’s also the wolf Berserker that Dracula controls, and really the wolves in general back at his home. Alas, the movie did not go through with my speculation that it’d play with the audiences’ knowledge by having Dracula exit the Demeter in the shape of a black dog, mimicking Huckleberry. I think that would’ve been really neat; Not just as a nod to the same detail in the novel, but a sort of twisted disguise, pretending to be a slain victim to earn trust and sympathy.

         If there is a disappointment I had, it’s that the First Mate’s story in the novel is compelling because it’s implied he knows who Dracula is, and keeps quiet for fear it’ll minimize the damage if they don’t resist. Here, Wojchek is totally unaware. It’s a shame, but with the film being compelling enough as it is, especially as an adaptation of Dracula, it’s a change I’m willing to accept.

         I like how the movie emphasizes that the people who deliver the boxes to the Demeter aren’t villains; They’re victims just as terrified, the same townsfolk that had to bargain with Dracula to live. They hope for the survival of the Demeter’s crew, unlikely as it is. And this brings me to another point; The goodness of humanity.

         Many Dracula adaptations have been criticized for their nature as adaptations for portraying humanity as essentially the real monsters, Dracula as the misunderstood beast, etc. But this is not how it goes in the novel, which emphasizes plenty the kindness of humans coming together to finally triumph against this demonic evil. The film understands this, with sole survivor Clemens’ monologue at the end bringing this up; Yes, he has come across some of the worst evil the world has to offer, but he was reminded of its good as well, and that gives him greater incentive to keep living and fighting.

         I loved Clemens’ rant at the end, where he deconstructs Dracula and lays him bare; He’s a coward, only slightly less mortal than humans. The weaknesses of blood and sleep are laid out by Clemens, as he exposes Dracula to be just a scared human deep down, too. Again, another moment of good triumphing and fighting back against evil, and one of my favorites because it recognizes the character of Dracula at its core, better than some adaptations which bastardize Bram Stoker’s name as a posthumous seal of approval.

         The portrayal of Dracula is lovely; I can’t help but think that THIS is what Jonathan Harker had to deal with, not long before! This is a monster who feeds, but is also very intelligent. He’s animalistic onscreen, just as Vampires ultimately are in the book, but Anna does reassert that Dracula is a thinking creature. He clearly strategizes and plans, and takes sadistic glee off of tormenting his victims and being in control; All true to the novel. He is a beast disguised as human, and seeing Dracula actually blend in as an aristocrat at the end was a treat.

         When I heard the tapping in that tavern, I hoped it was from the wolf cane we saw earlier, and I was delighted it was! Similarly, Dracula’s box is a special one, with unique locking mechanisms and a dragon aesthetic –alluding to the etymology of his name, “Son of the Dragon”- that really sells it as his coffin. It’s no doubt THE sole surviving box of dirt that Dracula escapes back to Transylvania in, at the end of the novel (and I love Clemens’ jab at Dracula’s dirt-sleeping habit; Carrying the association of Vampires with uncleanliness from the book).

         The film plays itself straight, it gives us the boxes of dirt and their importance as Dracula’s way to sleep; Because again, he’s mortal. He still needs rest, he still needs a wink. This means one weakness is emphasized, sunlight; Though the novel portrays sunlight as merely robbing Dracula of his supernatural powers, here it’s shown like other adaptations and assumptions, burning Vampires on contact. But like with the First Mate, it’s a change I accept because of how artistically it’s done, with Olgaren’s death reminding me of immolation, of witches being burned at the stake, etc.

         However, Dracula’s aversion to crosses and running water seems absent, which did bother me a little; A cross is what protects Jonathan, and later crosses are used plenty by the protagonists to good effect. And the running water was a nice bit of real life Vampire lore, which seemed to suggest Dracula was also trapped on the Demeter too; However, this is not the case as Joseph’s death illustrates.

         I like how the film gave more rationale to the protagonists; They don’t wait until the very end to check the boxes of dirt, and to be fair, this is because they actually know they’re dealing with Dracula, thanks to Anna. They actually attempt to sink the ship to take Dracula down, and I liked the reference to the Captain’s death from the novel. It’s a shame we didn’t see an entire crowd at Whitby react to it, but the mocking way Dracula strings him up like Christ is impressive, as is his sole devotion to his duty. Likewise, Wojchek’s initial preservation of the ship being motivated by the legacy he feels responsible for was nice.

         There’s a lot of little details I like here or there; There’s a crewman more eager to volunteer for the Demeter than anyone else, undeterred by his own age… But as soon as he recognizes Dracula’s symbol, THAT’s when he caves, further selling just how much of a deterrent Dracula is to even the brave and determined. I appreciate the cane being fashioned after a wolf, since Dracula is also associated with them, as well as Elliot trying to make Toby feel like he’s doing something right after failing to protect Huckleberry, via the inconsequential task of looking after the telescope. The grief over a failed promise in Huckleberry’s death reminds me of the grief of the suitors in doing all they can to save Lucy, yet failing anyway.

         I honestly have hopes that this film’s success may prompt other films set in the same universe, telling the rest of the story we missed out; Castle Dracula, Lucy and Mina, Renfield and Seward, etc. We can see how Dracula operates as a speaking aristocrat to Jonathan, as well as Lucy struggling against vampirism. This of course makes me wonder about the role of Clemens…

         Will he take the role of Van Helsing? As a doctor who knows of Dracula? He mentioned going to Cambridge; I don’t recall if this was Seward’s college, but it could set up Clemens to be an old colleague of his. Or maybe they’ll just insert Clemens into the cast alongside Van Helsing, maybe reveal he was the classmate of Seward’s briefly alluded to. THAT would be poetic as a coincidence, just as Dracula going after the loved ones of Jonathan was; He messes with Clemens and soon crosses paths with Clemens’ old classmate and professor from Cambridge!

         The nature of prequels to stories where good triumphs against evil always gets me melancholy… We know the heroes of THIS story can’t win, not yet, because future ones need to. But seeing them retain the spirit, the drive, that their more famous and successful protagonists do, it threads a kinship they aren’t aware of, but one the audience can’t appreciate. Maybe the crew of the Demeter couldn’t succeed, but they can rest knowing that eventually, someone out there will, and will ensure their sacrifice does not go to waste. The viewers at least know these wonderful souls will be avenged. Maybe in another life, they could meet…

         …For real though. I was lowkey hoping for a Lucy and Mina cameo; Seeing Whitby’s coastline and knowing these two, as well as Mrs. Westenra and Mr. Swales, are watching, really gets to me. A prequel and sequel with the book protagonists, when?

         All in all, a good film! I dug the vibes and cinematography. I like the allusion to Theseus’ ship when Clemens explains how the Demeter can still live on; The spirit is still there even if the matter is different, and I can safely say this film carries the spirit, even if it may seem less of an adaptation, and more of a glimpse, compared to other Dracula films.

[showmey0urfangs]

Hello! I agree with your last anon, they have already started to turn the tables (Rolin said that his primary reason for doing the show was the possibility of bringing TVL to the screen) and judging from what we know from set and fans' "spoilers", Sam is shooting more scenes than Jacob. I agree about having faith and all that, but Lestat is the lead of the VC series and his fans are the majority of the audience, and I wouldn't be surprised if establishing his role as the main character is where they are already headed, even though it's not what happened in IWTV. I hope and pray that they stay true to their words about Louis being the co-lead cause he is the reason why I watch the show, but I know there is a big chance it won't be the case.

Hi Nonnie. Listen, I get your worry given the most recent bts pics but, there's a reason you don't see Jacob in any of the fan photos, chilling on set on his days off or hanging out around town and it's not because he is 'shooting fewer scenes' but quite the opposite.

Jacob has to be in the 2022 Dubai scenes with Eric and Assad (those are all interior shots btw), whatever 1973 scenes there are with Luke AND in the circa 1948 Europe scenes with Delaiyne which are the main storyline. He's still the main character and the lead of the show and he will still have the most screen time by a VAST margin.

And I don't know how accurate that stat is either that Lestat fans are the majority of the audience. They are the majority of book fans for sure, but most of the show's audience were not even familiar with the books prior to watching. They had maybe seen the 1994 film at the most but very few were hardcore Anne Rice fans because from what I gather, most Anne Rice fans have a visceral hatred for the show so... umm I really don't think they are the majority of the audience.

As you said, Jacob is the reason many people tuned into the show. Because he was already very well known and beloved from Game of Thrones and a black gay vampire living in the 1910 Jim crow south was a new and very intriguing concept.

Don't get me wrong, I love Sam Reid's Lestat to bits but Lestat is not really unique or groundbreaking as a character. Louis is what's special about this particular adaptation—Louis is what sets IWTV apart from all the million other shows and movies of the same genre. And the showrunners know this.

So don't let the Twitter echo chambers and the Tumblr discourse fool you. AMC will do what they can to keep Louis around. Maybe he will not be as front and centre in later seasons, but he will still be there in a significant manner because AMC knows that he is the drawing factor.

[serpentsapple]

(This post will contain mild spoilers for Yellowface. There will also be brief mentions of racism.)

Yellowface was a breath of fresh air!

Hello, welcome, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I honestly thought this blog would be abandoned to inactivity until now when I received renewed vigour to write for it. The cause is simple, really. I finally found another book I thought was worth talking about regarding its portrayal of women.

Now this may surprise you but we don’t particularly enjoy expelling negative energy on books. We started this blog out of a naïve hope that perhaps we would be put in touch with like minds and find books that speak to us. Fast-forward a few years on and that hope was dashed. My co-partner had grown busy with other pursuits and equally had few words to speak on anything literary, and we packed up this blog prepared never to update it again.

That is, until, my saving grace came in the form of a most unexpected source.

I had heard whispers of Yellowface prior to its publication but I admit after reading its premise and a few advanced reviews, it didn’t seem like anything I would be interested in. How it pleases me to be wrong in this instance! And to have taken a chance after having seen a few friends speak its praises. The premise to Yellowface is a simple one: set in a contemporary America, Juniper Hayward steals the manuscript of her deceased Asian female friend and passes it off as her own, and this callous act of self-serving ego rockets her to stardom.

Juniper Hayward is one of the best female protagonists I’ve read in quite a long time.

Before I continue, I want to make a few things clear: Juniper Hayward is no feminist icon. She is racist. She is egocentric, prideful, catty, self-interested. She is, in all respects, the villain of the story and the orchestrator of her own misery. And yet… and yet… she compelled me. She reflected an ugly side of being an artist I longed to see portrayed by a woman. While she is the furthest thing from an aspirational and awe-inspiring individual she was so startlingly human, so flawed, so hungry, that I couldn’t get enough of her. I devoured Yellowface in the span of two days and afterwards I was left utterly enthralled by Juniper and Athena both and their parasitic, competitive friendship. 

Deep down, I’ve always suspected Athena likes my company precisely because I can’t rival her. I understand her world, but I’m not a threat, and her achievements are so far out of my reach that she doesn’t feel bad squealing to my face about her wins. Don’t we all want a friend who won’t ever challenge our superiority, because they already know it’s a lost cause? Don’t we all need someone we can treat as a punching bag?

This is the sort of representation I was looking for! Women who are deeply driven by their own want and ambition, compelled to succeed until it takes them to unprecedented heights (or leads to an almighty fall). I truly commend Kuang for bringing these women to life, setting them in a book filled with equally dimensional and awful female side characters, with nary a prominent male presence to be found unless they serve the narrative. It was a genuine pleasure to read about Juniper and her desire to be recognised for her writing accomplishments, to create and leave something behind that was bigger than herself:

A musician needs to be heard; a writer needs to be read. I want to move people’s hearts. I want my books in stores all over the world. I couldn’t stand to be like Mom and Rory, living their little and self-contained lives, with no great projects or prospects to propel them from one chapter to the next. I want the world to wait with bated breath for what I will say next. I want my words to last forever. I want to be eternal, permanent; when I’m gone, I want to leave behind a mountain of pages that scream, Juniper Song was here, and she told us what was on her mind.

Juniper Hayward is a protagonist on par with Humbert Humbert. A loathsome figure full of pitiful self-excuses and delusional rationalisations for the wrongs they commit. You feel disgust with them, you feel for them, you yearn to understand them, but what you can never do is ignore them.

Plagiarism is an easy way out, the way you cheat when you can’t string words together on your own. But what I did was not easy. I did rewrite most of the book. Athena’s early drafts are chaotic, primordial, with half-finished sentences littered all over the place. Sometimes I couldn’t even tell where she was going with a paragraph, so I excised it completely. It’s not like I took a painting and passed it off as my own. I inherited a sketch, with colors added only in uneven patches, and finished it according to the style of the original. Imagine if Michelangelo left huge chunks of the Sistine Chapel unfinished. Imagine if Raphael had to step in and do the rest.

And what I love most is that, penned by an Asian woman like Kuang, there is no chance for Juniper to escape accountability for her vile misdeeds. The author holds her up in all her contemptible glory, with no veneer of justification to be found, and invites you to observe and cast your judgement. She tapped into the gnawing resentment that eats away at every writer in the publishing industry, each of us all clawing for the scraps of recognition those at the table see fit to toss our way until we all turn on each other. Why her? Why not me? Is it because I am not pretty enough? Not charismatic enough? Am I simply too blandly white and heterosexual? Am I simply too unpalatable for the masses? On and on it goes, the gears turning, powering the engine of jealousy until it churns out a monster like Juniper. 

The attacks on the publishing industry and how it commodifies and weaponises identity to serve capitalist interests were particularly salient and incisive from Kuang, I like how she tackled both sides of an argument, exposing both of their respective shortcomings, and left no one unscathed.

She’s done this in all her other novels. Her fans praise such tactics as brilliant and authentic—a diaspora writer’s necessary intervention against the whiteness of English. But it’s not good craft. It makes the prose frustrating and inaccessible. I am convinced it is all in service of making Athena, and her readers, feel smarter than they are.

But best of all, I loved how much the story was so singularly focused on Juniper’s ambitions. There was no looming romance in the background threatening to infringe on the narrative. Juniper never took the chance to lament her lack of a traditional lifestyle, if anything, she scorns it. 

I couldn’t stand to be like Mom and Rory, living their little and self-contained lives, with no great projects or prospects to propel them from one chapter to the next. I want the world to wait with bated breath for what I will say next.

However, like all books, there are shortcomings. I won’t detail them here as they are not relevant to the nature of this particular post and don’t detract enough from the positives to bear mentioning. All in all, Yellowface was a pleasant and welcome surprise and I heartily encourage people to pick it up if you’re interested in reading about women wallowing freely in their dark sides.

[kidspawn]

this isn’t meant to be mean or anything but. “tag pjo spoilers” the books have been out for 18 years??? obviously i know some people are only just getting introduced to pjo but if they look up pjo on ANY socmed platform, there’s going to be posts dating back years full of spoilers? i think it’s common sense not to look into the tags of show you don’t want spoiled.

When I refer to tagging PJO spoilers, I'm referring to common etiquette for new posts when an adaptation is being made. While the books have been out for years, the tv show has not. There are some spoilers that will genuinely ruin the experience for people watching the show for the first time - people who, for whatever reason they chose, may decide NOT to read the books. I'm referring to tagging relevant spoilers (which I'll list some examples below) not just... everything. I'm not saying go through all our old posts and tag everything, but I am saying to think about tagging newer content!

People will watch the show on its own. It is a piece of media that will stand alone. Some may decide to read the books and it's not fair for them to go into it with spoilers. If they want to dip into the tag to discuss a new episode, I'd hope they wouldn't be bombarded with spoilers from recent posts.

People going into fandom for the first time have every right to experience the story spoiler-free for the first time, and while lifelong fans like us have no obligation to, I'd hope we would all have the compassion to cultivate a positive experience for PJO newcomers! We have the ability to cultivate a safe and wonderful place to enjoy this world! Why should we not?

If they want to go into the Percy Jackson and the Olympians tag and talk about the episodes, where they think the plot will go - why should they not have that right? Why should book readers gatekeep the fandom and prevent them enjoying this show? If they don't want to blacklist tagged spoilers or willing engage in posts marked with spoilers, that's one thing, but it's common etiquette to acknowledge that, in this environment, we can take a simple step and tag spoilers. It doesn't really take very long.

Hopefully, if they feel this is an accepting and warm fanbase, they'll decide to read the books. If not, who cares? They still deserve to read the story. The idea of "the books have been out long enough!!" is, frankly, a little "holier-than-thou" and condescending. It implies that you're only a real fan if you've read the book prior - which just isn't true!

There are some elements of the story that we can tease online (Dr. Kane, Blackjack, any Nico or Bianca reference, etc.) but there's a lot that forms the fabric of the story Rick Riordan and the team behind this show is trying to tell.

Some examples of spoilers I mean when I say to censor/tag: (You'll notice this is just a list of spoilers that would ruin the story to know ahead of time)

Luke betraying Percy (this one is pretty obvious to tag)

Luke's ultimate fate (I've seen this one get spoilers)

Kronos being the final villain (that's a well-written mystery in the books, unless you're like me and obsessed with greek myth)

Ares being a villain fake-out

Hades being a villain fake-out

Tyson being a cyclops and Percy's brother

Bianca Di Angelo. Specifically, her decision to join the hunters and her literal death.

Zoë's death. Zoë's backstory.

Most things Nico related. His villain fake-out in the fourth book, especially. That was so well written in the books. I ADORE Nico, he's my first little guy. He's so cool, and I want to see people fall in love with his arc in the same way we all got to!

Hate to say it, Nico is a walking spoiler lol.

Thalia coming back!! That was such a fun twist!

Pretty much the entire plot of the last book. I hate to say it, but that book is so well-written. There's so much foreshadowing. So much care put into crafting the story to erupt into what is one of the BEST books in the riordanverse, imo.

Notice I'm not saying anything too obvious - like certain character relationships (Percabeth is fair game, its iconic!) or even letting people know where the book differs. I'm talking about major plot elements. Major plot spoilers. If your friend was reading the books for the first time, what would you refrain from telling them?

Of course, there's no obligation to tag or censor your spoilers. I'm not telling anyone to do that. It's a gentle suggestion. I'm going to tag spoilers. That's just my choice, and i hope other people do but I'm not going to enforce it or start fights about it.

I do understand that if people want to avoid spoilers completely, they should stay away from main fandom spaces, but there are certain aspects of fandom that should be safe - like, somewhere online to gush about the show between seasons!

To reiterate: I'm not upset when people aren't tagging spoilers, I just think it'd be nice! Percy Jackson is one of the best fandoms I've been involved in! I hope other people experience that warmth and joy! One way to do that is by helping craft a courteous and spoiler-free experience.