#split personality disorder

[girl4music]

Speaking of Angel and the whole split-divide of his identity/personality. There is something said in Xena that I think is very relevant to the way Angel deals with his past and the insanely evil things he has done in it.

So in the episode ‘Who’s Gurkhan” a character called Eve who has lived a double life as Livia: The Bitch of Rome tells a story about how she once visited Gurkhan’s harem to sell women as slaves. As she’s telling the story, she doesn’t seem at all uncomfortable by it. She doesn’t recoil in disgust, she doesn’t fidget or try to avoid her emotions. She’s very calm and collected all the while telling the story of something really awful that she did in her past. And Gabrielle picks up on this and talks to Xena about it.

GABRIELLE: “Calm the way your daughter talks about her past.”

XENA: “She knows what I know. There’s nothing you can do to change the past. You can only work to make the future better.”

But you see… with the split-divide of identity/personality thing Angel has got going on with his evil alter ego Angelus… This doesn’t work. Not unless you think of Angel as Angelus disassociating from all his emotions for the sins of his past rather than embrace them. Remember, it’s Angelus cursed with a soul - a conscience. It’s not Angel cursed with a lack of conscience and impulse control. The evil person is what is cursed to become a good person. And Angel is the way for Angelus to do that. But if there’s no choice and no learning from it then there’s no point in it! The only way to think about it so the redemption story actually works is every time Angel talks about his actions as Angelus and specifically how calm and collected he is when doing so… he is narrating HIS actions. Not Angelus’. Not the actions of the demon that lives within him. HIM. His actions. And he has come to the same conclusion Xena and Eve have:

You can’t change what is done. Only what you do in working to make amends for what YOU have done. You can’t play identity/personality hot potato with it just because it suits the creative vision of the story. Especially when that story is showing you differently.

I hope… I HOPE… that this is what ‘Angel the Series’ is and not more rubbish about how he isn’t in control of his actions because that’s not the way Angel himself treats it. He treats everything Angelus has done as HIS FAULT. Not the fault of a demon. His fault as the individual HE is. Buffy and Co treat it very differently… “You’re not the demon.” Literally. They absolve the actions because they’re the actions of the demon - in which case Angelus has no reason to feel any guilt. Why would he? He is a villainous unremorseful demon separated from the tortured heroic remorseful Angel.

No, I’m sorry. But I can’t and I won’t do that with him. I will continue to “Angel/Angelus” the context. But I will not separate them based on their consciousness. I will treat it the same way I treat Willow/Dark Willow. Absolutely the same entity and the same individual. But dramatically changed in identity and personality. Angelus is not the person that he was anymore. He changed. But he is not separate and divided from Angelus indefinitely. I refuse to think of him that way because if I do, then his redemption story is pointless.

Angel/Angelus is either The Two Ships of Theseus or nothing. ‘Innocence’ is either rape or nothing. Angel narrating his past and feeling guilty about it and then when he loses his soul again is suddenly a homocidal maniac again is a split-personality disorder or nothing!

There is no damn demon in Angel. Angelus IS the evil doer and he has a forced nonconsensual growth spurt. This is Angel. This is what he represents. It might look like a possession, but it isn’t. And if that whole “the human dies and becomes possessed by a demon” shit carries on in Angel’s show… then it will be trashed immediately because you can’t tell a redemption story and absolve the person searching for redemption from their evil actions by claiming it’s just demonic possession at the exact same time they’re saying “I did this evil” and “This is MY fault”.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I will simply treat it as the ‘BtVS’ Gang are very wrong and clearly misinformed on the true nature of the vampire - otherwise Spike, Druscilla, Harmony, Darla, Holden and literally every other significant vampire we spend any time with in ‘Buffy’ and ‘Angel’ are the massive inconsistency in the lore instead. You have evil vampires in Buffy - of course you do. But that’s because the vampire chooses to be evil. It’s not because they inherently are evil. It’s just a choice of which is easier to make because of a lack of conscience and impulse control. Angel doesn’t choose to be evil every time his soul goes missing. He becomes evil because it IS missing. THAT is the inconsistency in the lore. And if the writing in ‘Angel the Series’ treats it as if it isn’t… Then I’m done with watching it before I even start it because it insults my intelligence and the love that I have for Spike for choosing to do the most difficult thing of all. For choosing to do good when his nature is to do evil.

[riley-phoenix]

So I'm Aromantic,

But, I have disassociative identity disorder

But, one of the split personalities is not Aromantic,

And, whilst in that particular personality state, I was compelled to write a love poem for a girl as a result of... ⚠️ romantic attraction⚠️

Help!

Also here's the poem if you wanna read it.

[met4lwhore]

yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate

yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate

yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate

yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid

yall are pro mental illness until they split

yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle

[feralkitten420]

"You need to relax"

Best I can do is dissociate

[athenas--ashes--777]

Where do i go if nowhere and no-one feels like home anymore

[nemosopenletters-blog]

I just want to be important, too.

[borderlesbian]

i don't want to heal i want them pay for what they did

[girl4music]

Yep. The Two Ships of Theseus is the best way to think about Angel/Angelus and what they do with his character. I don’t see these personas as two separate people. I can’t. I can however see them as two extremely different and evolved/regressed individuals. And that works for me because I have to hold Angel accountable and I have to feel pity for Angelus. I’ll use the two names in much the same way as I do Willow and Dark Willow. But no - I don’t see two different people. Just forced unconscious split personalities. It’s a learned coping mechanism to split themselves. And it’s a pattern that it happens so often with them because they go through far too much for them not to result to this method of avoiding feeling their trauma. I do kind of wish Willow had moments with Angel where she could be like “Dude, I totally get it now.” There’s wicked left over fruit there that was so ripe for Season 7 to present on a platter for us to devour.

Also… I know it’s not sex that makes Angel lose his soul. It’s happiness. But still - very similar to Willow who thinks she’s going to lose control of herself with Kennedy when Kennedy practically seduces her. She had her own “loss of soul” scenario to contend with.

Have the two characters talk. It’s only appropriate.

[deadbeatfox]

"What's wrong?" Everything. Everything is wrong.

[youwillleaveme]

they will replace me so easily and never remember who i even was

[borderlinesadgirl]

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

[clovelie]

i hate everyone and i wish i never made any connections to anyone

[thelastbitoffilm]

im so lonely. ill always be lonely no matter where i am. it hurts so bad, it feels like my stomach is tearing from the inside.

[saddevilsworld]

suic1de has been heavy on my heart lately

[x4ver1a]

no one can hate me as much as myself

[borderlesbian]

please don't be mean to me bc i can be meaner and i hate being mean