#bpdfeelings
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"You need to relax"
Best I can do is dissociate
#bpd problems#daddysbabybrat#bpd#bpdfeelings#bpd thoughts#dissociated#actually borderline#borderline splitting#borderline personality disorder#mentally fucked
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....yeah
“that’s ok i understand!!!!” but it actually made me sick to my stomach
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Yeah, I’ve got a bunch of aces up my sleeve, if by “ACEs” you mean Adverse Childhood Experiences.
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Look I know humans need to be individually strong and able to function independently etc and stuff but also humans evolved to be in groups too and I don't have a group, I've spent 95% of my life without a group, and I just so desperately want someone to be as attached to me as I am to them. I have spent my whole life lonely by myself on the outside looking in and I don't want to be here anymore. I've experienced what it felt like to be inside a group now and this loneliness feels even worse now that I know what it felt like to belong.
#im starting to miss my toxic and abusive relationship bc even though it had the lowest of lows and i got the most stitches ive ever got#it was still the only few years i felt happy to be alive. i had a community. a found family.#the lowest of lows brought the highest of highs and i would pay that price again to feel loved and cared about.#my therapist made me promise I'll stay alive til we meet again next week and its like oh. here we are again i guess.#if i hadnt just moved 1.5 hours away id probably hit up my ex and be like hey. im back. lets do this again.#this is why i moved though. to prevent going back to that life because i know deep down i want to.#the lowest of lows.... but also the only moments in 32 years i ever felt glad to be alive.#i need someone to pay a lot of attention to me and the person whos been able to partially do this is now pulling away#and my clingyness. my bpd. is like. i need someone new. but new people are scary. so why not my ex#why not the mother of my kid who ruins every life she touches. who ruined me mentally emotionally sexually.#when we werent fighting she made me feel so special and loved#when we were fighting i onc got 107 stitches in one arm#i cant go back. but. the only times ive ever felt good were the in-betweens of those lowest of lows.#im in a really bad place and my one irl friend cant give me what i need and so i just want to die#personal#cw suicide#cw cutting#actuallyborderline#actuallytraumatized#bpdfeels
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If your therapist is your only friend and you're barely functioning with the time change (US) inbox me! I need some mentally ill, but trying friends!
#depressing shit#mentally fucked#bpd feels#bpd poetry#deconstructing religion#writeblr#stabilizer#therapy#bpd#bpdfeels#self h@rm#self h@te
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I just wanna be with you 😔
missing someone who’s not alive is such pain
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Aren’t SOME things easy? Because I literally can’t imagine everyone living their life like this
#bpd#borderline#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd problems#actually borderline#bpd feels#bpd culture is#bpd life sucks#bpdfeels#i just want him to treat me right and love me
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Book of Thoughts
For more information, please visit www.bookofthoughts.info
#bpd#bpdawareness#borderline#borderlinepersonality#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#clusterb#bpdgirl#mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#mentalillness#mentalillnessawareness#stopthestigma#stopthesilence#bpdquotes#trauma#personal#bpdmood#bpdfeelings#bpdthoughts#bookof.thoughts#livingwithbpd
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Them: hey are you single?
Me: no I'm actually in an extremely dysfunctional relationship with my 5 other personalities
#bpd#bpdtag#bpdrants#actuallyborderline#actuallybpd#bpdfam#bpdfeelings#bpdproblems#bpdfeels#bpdthoughts
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Or it's all sexy until you split...and it's an "how care you act like that towards me"
bpd is romanticized until u cut off everyone who loves u and ur banging ur head against a wall, begging for god to make everything stop
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Weirdest part of having bpd is when I look back at my own posts I'm like "hmm, that person has some serious issues I wonder what's going through her mind.."
#actually bpd#bpd#borderline personality disorder#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#bpdfeelings#bpd feels#actually borderline
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You can hate me, I'm okay with it.
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what is so wrong with me that everyone always leaves..?
#bpd feels#im alone#dying alone#always alone#left alone#bpdfeelings#bpdthings#bpd#not enough#never enough#abandoned#no friends#nobody
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Scary thought of the day #101
I spent years being the person people wanted me to be, molding myself into someone they wouldn't leave, but they did anyway and I now don't know who I am
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sometimes my mind is so empty, you could open a Spirit Halloween inside of it.
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