bpdrants

[bpdrants]

[bpdrants]

I want to Alt+F4 my life please

[bpdrants]

Step 1: Create a society that's so cruel that many people are traumatized.

Step 2: Make professional help for mental health ridiculously expensive and often ineffective.

Step 3: When people inevitably use drugs to cope with trauma because there's nothing else available, use that as a reason why they don't deserve food.

Step 4: Pretend that you're not a monster.

[bpdrants]

I cannot eat anymore

I cannot sleep anymore

I cannot speak anymore

I am dying invisibly

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I just feel like I dont belong here, and I don't want to be, either

[bpdrants]

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

I want to hurt myself.

I want to be skinny.

I want to die.

I still think and feel all of those things.

I'm the same mess I was when all of this started. And nothing ever changes.

Sometimes I think I'm recovering. But then I just go back to where I was at the beginning.

I'm not good enough for recovery. I'm just a horrible person, and I deserve all of this.

[bpdrants]

[bpdrants]

i dont care. about myself, about my future, about my health. i dont care what time i sleep, i dont care how i feel, i dont care if i havent eaten, i dont care if i forget something important. i just dont care. i want to, i really really do, but i dont. i cant. there is something that physically stops me from giving a shit and if i cared enough, i would want it gone. i would want it to stop. but i dont care about that either. 

[bpdrants]

[bpdrants]

I was raised from survival,

You were raised from love.

We are not the same

[bpdrants]

Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.

It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.

You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.

You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.

You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence

You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.

You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.

You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.

You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.

Tldr:

Faking is a conscious choice.

You cannot do it by accident.

If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.

[bpdrants]

Something people don’t understand about child abuse

One of the things that I really hate is that people don’t understand that survivors act differently and respond to their traumas in different ways.

I’m a survivor of csa and so is my friend. Her trauma made her extremely hypersexual while I could literally cry if someone even touched me.

My bf is a survivor of csa, I can talk for hours about my trauma if I felt safe enough while he NEVER brings it up.

A friend of mine is a survivor of emotional abuse and so am I. Her trauma made her angry while mine made me soft and defenseless.

My bf remembers every little detail about his trauma, while I repressed most of my childhood and traumas.

There’s no special “criteria” that you should fill in order to be a “valid” survivor, and there’s no specific way you should act if you were abused.

People respond to their traumas differently and it’s okay, your abuse is STILL valid no matter how you respond to it.

[bpdrants]

how to admit to yourself that you were abused

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