#spiritually + sexually awakened. wow

[lunasilvis]

My soul feels on fire (as in: positively energized 🌞🟨) with the life yet to be lived, and the increasing tangibility of it now

[tarotnoob]

PAC: What type of abundance is coming your way?

Please pick a pile and scroll for your messages.

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Pile 1

Okay, so a couple of things that come to mind are a sort of sensual self-exploration. Part of me wants to say it's actually kind of like a sexual awakening but I think it's more like that same type of euphoria but in a spiritual manner. Because, what I'm getting is a lot of feminine energy, a lot of sexual energy, a lot of nurturing and spiritually sensitive energy.

So, in terms of abundance, what I feel is like empowerment but not in a very strong and masculine sense of the word. It feels very much like a coming into your own, answers coming to you but in a way that is more spiritually satisfying.

I think you know what keeps me from saying it's completely sexual is the fact that there's also a lot of virginal high priestess energy. That's why I say I feel like this is more about some type of spiritual satisfaction. What that could possibly entail in terms of actual things happening to you that we could predict, I guess if you are a woman interested in other women, this would be a good time for you especially, because I see some exploration of that a little bit but I guess what I'm feeling is that if you are seeking any kind of answers, your solution seems to lie in meditating and searching yourself for the answers.

Because we have a lot of purples especially which is tied to the crown chakra, we have a lot of cups and that obviously speaks to our emotional side or are spiritual side.

So there is something coming to you and even if it's not physical, I guess it could come to you in terms of energy or people you meet come up but I definitely feel like you are setting off on some type of new spiritual phase in your life.

And I mean certainly for some of you it may be a sexual awakening or like a self-exploration kind of sexual awakening.

I'll just put it this way, what it kind of reminds me of is if you had never had sex before, and you were a virgin, which is what that means but I mean to paint a picture as if you were a young teen and through some type of more beautiful experience like out in the farmland and everything went right and then you wake up the next day and you're just like walking through this field of wheat or something and it's like oh wow that makes me feel like a whole new person.

I think it is also possible that there could be a romantic interest coming in. I would lean more toward someone who's interested in women because it almost feels like a female energy is coming in but if it's not romantic, you could receive some kind of good friend, female or a lot of feminine energy to them. Because in the three of Wands I actually see this as another person that you meet and somehow that sparks this journey maybe because you both have similar spiritual beliefs or you have somebody to talk to about these beliefs. And it kind of moves you. Like this person could move you in a very emotionally deep and spiritual way. I'm not saying this person is a Scorpio but it's that level of deep emotional connection, could also be cancer-energy.

Whether it's a friend or something else, I do wonder if there's an age difference. This could also have something to do with someone's relationship with a sister or an individual that is female or has a lot of feminine energy but you would be significantly close.

Enough that the two of you would spend time together chatting about deeper matters. You might even chat about dreams, talk about music, talk about art or poetry. But it still seems like a lot of what you talk about and share is very spiritual in nature.

For some of you I don't know that this is a new person, it could be somebody you recently met... Because there is a more new exploratory vibe to this.

I think that October is breast cancer awareness, and there is such strong feminine energy and there's even a breast on the maiden, so I would also suggest just out of a courtesy side note, that if you are of an age or susceptible to breast cancer, you might want to make sure that your exams are scheduled.

For me, there's a lot of emphasis on the shape of a circle or orbs in these cards. This could be related to the moon, I guess I would lean more toward a full moon. But again that also goes back to feminine energy and cycles. There's also a lot of emphasis on flowers and blooming like being at the height of blooming. So I just see a very strong peak of feminine energy, which is that energy where you want to just sit and wait and receive instead of trying to chase anything.

So that may be an indication of the best way to attract this kind of abundance where I mean it's not going to rain down money on you, this isn't that piles type of abundance. This is definitely a very strong spiritual and calming and healing energy that should be overtaking you. And also the addition of a closer type of relationship with someone else, probably a feminine energy, where there's something very healing about this relationship however temporary and that it somehow touches your heart on an emotional level. This could also be about reflecting upon a past relationship.

Like, if you have been thinking about a best friend from 10 years ago and you were really close or if you even had a friend with feminine energy who passed away, I would say that I feel like this person is hanging around or trying to help or wouldn't want you to be sad about that situation. Because there's something very reflective about this queen of cups. But, I feel like it's almost like this queen of cups has something to teach the other person, who may present as a night of cups. This could also be about expansion in terms of personal growth.

Where the queen of cups is looking back at how far she's come and acknowledging her emotional or spiritual evolution. Because like I said the night of cups and queen of cups could be the same person and then we have the two figures joined in three of Wands as if coming together.

Other notes, purple could be a strong color for you right now, it might help you tap into whatever this very calming, healing energy is. It definitely seems like a very chill and stay still energy, which could be nice if you've had a pretty rough last few months or something.

Mostly I feel pretty strongly that this has to do more with somebody coming to you and having some type of temporary deep emotional or spiritual connection or conversation with this person that kind of touches you in a way that feels purposeful. As in it's like this person is destined to bump into you but it still feels kind of short in a way. But it would be meaningful. Almost like in this one moment where you needed somebody to pat you on the back or do something nice for you, this person pops in and is a catalyst for putting you back on the right track.

If you were feeling a bit pessimistic, somehow the interaction with this person kind of ups your vibration almost as if somebody sends them and is like okay this person needs a refuel on their spiritual tank right now.

I would also say if you're interested, it might also come in the form of other people finding you really sensual or attractive right now. It could also be that you'll find a lot of people opening up to you about really personal things. Almost like they're reading you and feeling your energy and feeling like they're very safe and that you will listen to them or be sensitive and understanding.

I don't know what the kosher word for it is anymore but like there is somewhat of a gypsy energy here and I mean that in a positive way but I'm getting that strongly from the queen of cups so I definitely think this person has a very strong type of spiritual nomadic energy.

I know this is really random, but it's also possible that you could know this person from a past life. And I would probably go into specifics like maybe it's just for one person, I don't know but it's either that you could have known them and both been alive in the late 1800s to early 1900s or that this image is just to convey someone in this situation is I keep wanting to reference Zelda not the game but Zelda Fitzgerald, you know like the Great Gatsby writer's wife. Somebody very classy and aesthetic and stylish and interesting. Sophisticated.

It's a really high level of feminine energy, almost something you would expect from somebody very wise spiritually or a higher self type of energy or an older sister or an older aunt. It's not really like a mom energy. It feels more like an older female who would guide you but isn't that direct line like mom to daughter. It's either someone's self to their younger self, or two female friends that are slightly different in age, two sisters, yeah.

And also if you're interested in this, it might be an exceptionally fertile time. It could be a universally fertile time to get things started and growing of course or be tied to the moon and its phases but it could also generally be a fertile time for things physically or sexually or spiritually.

You know and even though I said it's not raining money, it's also possible at the time where you buy yourself nice things like clothes or get your hair done or acute hair band, but it's got that treat yourself type of vibe as well. So I would tell you maybe another message is even if your spiritual, it's okay to make yourself feel good in a materialistic way. Because that's important too, if something makes you feel good and it makes you feel pretty or sexy or appealing just on your own terms, that's a certain type of power as well, that type of confidence and willingness to treat yourself and get yourself things that you want and that make you feel good and pretty.

And not to get to Freud but the nipple imagery could just be about like nourishment on a spiritual level. Having connections and doing things that feed that type of energy. Now would also be a good time to take like a soaking bath with flowers or a bath bomb. Dress yourself up in a way that makes you feel good or attractive in your own terms. There is a lot of flowing dresses and natural hair and just very naturally beautiful images here but also very powerful. It kind of gives off that Taurus energy as well. Maybe a little bit of Libra too because I always think of aesthetic and Libra as going together. But to me mostly I'm getting a lot of cancer Libra Taurus and like a really light Scorpio. Not a dark Scorpio but like a Libra Sun with a Scorpio Mercury or something.

It might be a time to like I said where you're going to attract a lot of conversations that end up on a deeper level. Longer, deeper, more satisfying conversations. That would bring you closer to somebody else.

Yeah so good for you some type of spiritual sensual empowerment abundance.

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Pile 2

There's a lot going on here, which makes sense because a lot of cards came out. So, what I see here is something going on with the oracles that seems to have to do with someone feeling abandoned or isolated because we have the orphan and then we have acceptance and let go and get more information and the poet. So at least with the orphan let go and acceptance there's definitely this theme of some type of feeling that does feel like feeling alone or feeling abandoned, I don't necessarily feel that I was going to say somebody did something really hurtful and intentional but I mean if you feel this way, it probably was hurtful. But I guess what I also sense is like there's a bit of information missing as well. Like something hurtful could have happened but then it could also be a misunderstanding.

But anyway what do you think the get more information would probably more relate to is what's going on with your tarot, where we have two of Wands and a queen of swords. So it looks like there is something going on where you need to make some type of decision, but it looks like you need more information on whatever it is that's coming. And we know that something is coming because we have Ace of pentacles.

So there is some type of new offer or new message that's coming through, and it seems like you will have to make a decision on what to do with it. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is maybe you'll be offered an apology. And apology or explanation, from that you might be able to make a decision on what to do next.

It could also be another situation in which not letting go of something is actually blocking some type of abundance for you.

The poet card is interesting too because for one it feels like it's tied to these types of emotional feelings, we have the king of cups here as well, so there is some level of mental and emotional things that are going on with you. I know that's vague but it's easy to come up with situations where okay I'm feeling emotional about something and the mental part is kicking in because I'm feeling emotional about this but I need to make a decision on it. And I'm starting to like overthink it, you might not be following your heart or you want to follow your heart, but your brain is like I'm not really sure this is the right decision. Which would make sense because it looks like you just need to wait and have more information.

I'm also getting strong writing vibes. Like if you were writing poetry, it would be very melancholic or emotional or deep. You might have been drawn to the first pile as well because it had that similar emotional ties with something deep.

Yeah the more I look at the snake, the more I'm kind of thinking of seven of swords. So it definitely could be two separate situations where there was some type of recent betrayal. And it could be time to cut off certain relationships. It could be that you're not sure if you should do that.

Like you've been hurt by this person but you're like am I being over dramatic or is that really the right decision. Do I need to have more proof to be sure that this person did that. Do I need to have more information to find out if just for an example since we have the king of cups here and romantic stuff could come in, but is this person going to be committed. I mean it's weird because if you have an ace of pentacles, yeah you would expect it to be committed. But at the same time I'm just getting the sense that maybe you're uncertain about this person's feelings or intentions.

So there might be two groups here where one person or you know several of you need to let go of someone who has hurt you enough and made you feel abandoned and then there's this other group that is wondering if this is going to happen or is uncertain about the way another person is acting or feeling toward them, but I actually think you would need to give this person more time. If somebody has hurt you to the point that they made you feel bad, you're in the group that needs to get rid of this person. But if you just aren't sure about this person but you're interested in them but you can't like read them, I would say you're still in the phase of give it time and don't really do anything but just kind of observe and watch.

Personally, if I put the oracles away, I would think like it could be a one-sided situation because we have the queen of swords facing the king of cups but he has his back to her. So it could be that the queen of swords is interested in this guy, but he's like not even checking her out. He's not even looking her way. So for some of you like I said, it is unrequited. For some of you it's just new and maybe you need to give them more time. There's also a sense of being curious about the person. This doesn't have to be romantic.

It can just be that somebody knew has entered the picture or someone you haven't considered before. It doesn't have to be physical or sexual or whatever but like just somebody who's entered the picture that you're curious about or who has piqued your interest for some reason.

And okay let me break it down very specifically lol It's so one person could be an air sign or is just doing a lot of thinking okay. There seems to be something that's taken root with the queen of swords. Like this could be solidified interest in this other person or it could have been an offer. But, it's like the queen of swords either hasn't made any type of moves and is kind of waiting to see or gather more information. But there's something here that solid. It might not be the other person's feelings but it could just be one person's interest and curiosity.

Now the other person involved could be a water sign or have some type of heavy water placements. But they seem kind of aloof. I don't think they see this queen of swords because they either don't know each other or he or she or they don't know that the queen of swords exists or the queen of swords somehow is aware of this king of cups but like you know through mutual friends heard of them but the king of cups isn't aware of her.

Personally I kind of feel like the ball is in the queen of swords Court. I almost feel like the queen of swords has this impression that there's something about this king of cups. Like something significant like almost as if two people were to me and maybe they were soulmates. But the queen of swords feels it and then the King of cups seems to be oblivious. It's very strange. And when I look at the Queen of swords you know this queen is very detached and pragmatic, honest, so I guess she's just trying to assess the situation here.

And if it's not current and it's not that situation this could be somebody from the past that was a king of cups figure and the queen of swords seems to be dwelling on this situation and what could have been if different choices had been made. But personally in that situation it seems like the cards are pointing toward acceptance and let go.

So it just depends on what group you fall into. And I do feel like there is a sense of even though there is this kind of cold detached queen of swords, it almost feels like she's become this way because her heart's been broken because she used to be this poet. Which makes sense for the queen of swords as well because she's a master of words, but it's almost like a certain maybe romantic situations that didn't work out would be something that she would write about most. Write stories about love or longing.

But yeah a lot of it seems like some type of past relationship that didn't work out and dwelling on that or either a situation where there's some interest in another person or thinking that maybe this could work out but the other person just is like not putting as much into it.

In some cases, there could be like a strong obsession with this person. I mean I guess it's possible that this could be somebody's infatuation with somebody famous who has no idea that they're even alive and that the famous person might also be a creative type like a poet energy. So again there's that unrequited type of situation but it could also be more about this king of cups character.

I mean granted it's always possible this is one person's energy like somebody who's queen of swords and king of cups and I'll talk about that after I talk about this but let's talk about this king of cups character if they are somebody else. So, I would see this person as being creative and sensitive for sure, maybe even somebody who writes songs or writes poetry or speaks very poetically. And they might have kind of a sad background story. It could be that they were literally an orphan or have some type of tough upbringing story where one parent wasn't there and this person seems very preoccupied with some pain in the past.

Gosh I'm getting so much stuff it's weird it reminds me of this YouTubers who are like oh my gosh I'm getting this message now lol but like I don't really get messages I just look at the cards and find new interpretations. Because I guess it just depends on what situation it is but like maybe this queen of swords feel some type of sympathy for this person. Even if this person might have done them wrong or ignored them. It's like the queen of swords feels sorry for them or something. And maybe that's why they exceptions and let go messages are coming because it's like you did all you can do, you couldn't help that person. Or you know you think more about this person than they do of you.

This person if they are another person and not just you, it seems very wrapped up in their own feelings and experiences and let's just say is kind of like an emo main character. Basically Romeo. Romeo before he meets Juliet when he just whines the entire time to mercutio about Rosaline and 5 seconds later sees Juliet and was like wow she's banging let me hook up with that 13-year-old

So yeah this person is like a Romeo main character, you seem fascinated with them but they aren't really as fascinated with you.

Yeah I would feel comfortable saying that they basically don't know you exist. That or the other interpretation could be that this is well in the past and you haven't moved on but perhaps the other person has or signs are unclear here.

Because the only situations I see for this being two people would be unrequited or you unrequitedly being focused on a past interest or relationship or person that didn't work out or abandoned you or left you or whatever. You might have had a moment at one point but it's passed and it's time to move on.

Now like I promised I will talk about this if you don't relate to the relationship part and these court cards represent two aspects of yourself.

Sort of similar to when I started talking about the other person, this would definitely make me think of somebody who writes for sure. I get strong like literary vibes. But again it could be somebody who speaks in a very earnest and poetic way. Or somebody who thinks in a way that is artistic or creative. But I'm more strongly interested in the idea of words.

There is definitely a decision that needs to be made by this queen of swords. It's I'm guessing she is aware that she needs to make this decision because she's put on the armor and she knows that she has a choice to make okay. The choice might have to if we look going in the opposite direction whether or not to extend an offer to someone. Now I'm going back into the other person thing because I guess it just really reads like that lol but let me put my hand over this King of cups and pretend he's not there. This just would coincide with that poet and sensitive nature. In that case, if there are decisions, I actually feel like you want to turn your back on your heart and you probably want to go with logic and being rational in the situation.

It could even be a goal that you have your heart set on but it might be that it's blocked or you have to rethink how to get there and so you have to let go of your one particular way that you're seeing it and accept that that's not going to work, get more information, and try again. And that's what the queen of swords approach would probably be as opposed to a king of cups who might like be really upset that things aren't going his way. Or like he was like wow I really want this so if I just like put a lot of passion into it as opposed to you know there might be other things involved that have to take place that are logical.

But also as a person I guess I imagine somebody who's like an air sign but with some type of water placement so like they tend to be super overanalytical especially about emotional topics, like relationships or things that upset them. So that could be another part of it where I was like you're getting really upset about something, and getting yourself all worked up and that's why you're in the sword energy. In like you just need to hanged man it.

Also this just coming through lol It could be about more than that. This could also be a father figure. I don't know why that falls under abundance but maybe the cards were like screw your theme we're just going to do what we want which is pretty much what they always do

So I guess there could be an opportunity to forgive somebody like that or you don't have a chance to forgive them in real life because you don't know where they are or they've passed away, but there might be a decision you still have to make regarding that relationship. It could be something like okay they passed away and someone contacts you and they have some of their belongings, do you want to take those belongings. Because it does look like you're getting offered something, but you have to make some type of decision on whether or not you want to go forward on that path.

It does seem a little bit more likely that this is focused on something to do with the past because the court figures are all facing in that direction and side note it totally felt like somebody just touched the top of my head as I said that and I had to stop and be like oh my God did a bug just land on me but it was nothing

I will tell you that this apartment needs to be cleansed because there's either some funky energy in here in a negative sense or I don't know. Ironically given what I talked about in pile one, there's so many at work I've been talking to a lot about spiritual stuff and I have totally I did a reading for her like in the first week but I totally can tell that she has like a weird type of ancestral medium energy that she later said she had and I had brought up in her reading. But like the more I interact with her and I'm around her I'm like I almost feel like the things that come to her are like trying to follow me around thinking that I don't know like I'll be able to tell her stuff. But I don't work that way so I don't know

Shout out if you're reading this Mikaila

But anyway I don't know why that touched the top of my head but that tends to happen sometimes when I do readings It's creepy

And so what was I saying I wonder if that means that I was saying the wrong thing or the right thing

Okay so maybe that is definitely an indication that this has more to do with something related to your past. A past relationship with somebody and they just aren't there anymore. They wouldn't be somebody you can rely on. And maybe it is that you didn't get to say something to this person. You didn't get a chance. You wanted to tell them that you felt abandoned or you know it feels like there's so much that you have to say about the situation or person whether it was negative or positive. But it does seem like you probably had to let go and the more I look at the ace of pentacles now the more I think rather than to see that as something that you get it looks like the coin is being released from the hand so again there's this type of let go four of pentacles kind of energy coming through.

And I think more than anything it's almost like somebody holding on to guilt as well. Like it definitely feels as if you know what if I had done this What if I had done that What if I had whatever but the cards just say let go and acceptance.

And even if there was no betrayal involved they could just be that this orphan card is kind of representing being locked up in your own thoughts kind of like the devil energy. Kind of being stuck or obsessed with the situation or person and letting go of them or whatever. But I can tell you I just don't feel like the king of cups is interested or is there anymore.

And I think you have to make the decision to let go because it's like you see this person and you're like obsessed with this situation or person and there's a decision that has to be made and the decision is like letting go of this Ace of pentacles

Do I see any situation where it's like a solid offer, not really. I don't see anything in the oracles that indicate anything positive toward that and I don't see anything in the tarot based on just like looking at the images and the directions that they're going and what's happening in them. To me I would tell the queen of swords figure you know figure out what you need to figure out to make this decision but ultimately, it looks like it's something that the queen needs to decide to let go of but maybe she needs to do it in her own time because she's kind of like being very sentimental and out of character. It's like she has some sort of fantasy or vision of what this relationship was like making it better than it is. Or you know wanting it to be more

But I just depends on the circumstances here like if you're obsessed with some type of celebrity they don't know you exist and maybe you should accept that lol

Me talking to myself about Jimin

No I did not start singing lie

But let me try to snap back into that one person energy because as one person there's not really like an abundance message but let me try. One person I still feel like if it's one person it's somebody being a bit nostalgic or like okay thinking about the past. But that still is basically being sentimental and nostalgic. It's weird for a queen of swords but who knows why that's there. It could also just be that again thinking about the past and being nostalgic but like the thinking part is coming through strongly because there's a decision choice or path that needs to be made here about a past offer or message or connection.

I mean in some cases do I think maybe there was a connection sort of kind of because look at the way there is a link coming from this Ace of pentacles with the rainbows it's like there was a connection to the king and there is a connection It's blocked by this two of Wands and if I ever said two swords I apologize I mean two of Wands obviously. So it could be that like something disconnected these two people because of choice hasn't been made or a choice was made or I don't know but if there's a block it's in between the face of pentacles and the queen of swords. And what's in between that is a decision card so it could be that whatever is blocking from this person had to do with some type of decision that was or wasn't made. And I would lean more toward wasn't made because we have another card that says get more information

And again that just brings me back to somebody in the past who's moved on either in a physical sense like has died or has moved on because you broke up or you stopped being friends but they kind of like have already done their thing and moved on from it or I shouldn't say I know for sure they moved on It's just that their information isn't clear from the cards as we see them. Like this would just be about you I don't see anything about the other person so either it doesn't matter or the feelings don't exist or we just can't know

In certain cases is it still possible that there's interest but the queen of swords needs to make a move to turn the king of cups around, I don't know. I guess that's possible but like I said the king of cups seems to be preoccupied with his own main character story. And I guess the queen of swords can accept that and drop it or can make a move some type of decision or like solid offer maybe the king of cups is waiting for that type of solid offer but mostly I would think that the king of cups hasn't even considered it lol but if the queen of swords made this offer or said something, sure maybe there are scenarios out there where the king of cups would flip but right now he doesn't know you exist or he isn't in the picture

Sorry that was more message driven than anything about abundance but from an abundance perspective let's look at that. We would just ignore that there could be another person and look at this as one whole all for you.

In that case, I guess what you will receive is some type of information okay and this information will enable you to choose a certain path or make a decision. I just think that information is your abundance. Not very exciting but still important. And somehow whatever information you're going to receive is just going to have to let you or allow you to let go of something except something and move on.

I think it might be hard for you to let go or deal with this because either you know if you have to cut off a person maybe you don't have some type of fear of being alone or have a fear of abandoning them. Like if you have somebody who's pretty self-sabotaging as a friend and you try everything and like you feel guilty for leaving them to their own devices even though they are really problematic and destructive in relationships, you could still feel guilt about letting them hit rock bottom which some people have to do sometimes before they'll make a change

And again it's almost like there's some type of message you might need to give or some type of offer or what's that word, ultimatum to this person but you're kind of dragging your feet I suppose. I guess something about the poet card feels very ironic and I don't know why.

Or I mean because it's almost like being sarcastic about romance because it's like a pantomime of a romance. Which reminds me of Romeo and Juliet again.

And I want to give you like a creepy take on something as well which is almost like somebody trying to send you a message through ESP or something. Because it's like the queen of swords having some type of ESP powers and the Ace of pentacles is this message so that's trying to get through and I don't know maybe it's trying to be willed to this other person. So maybe you've been trying to send psychic or spiritual messages off to a person or you know like communicate in your mind in a spiritual way to somebody who isn't there trying to like call them.

Or it's just symbolic of how much energy you've focused and thrown out this person. Because you think about them so much or the situation.

Like I said I think things that aren't tangible can be represented by Ace of pentacles because the level of energy put into it. So if you think about something hard enough or if you have a belief that you feel so strongly about, it can turn into an ace of pentacles. So it's almost like the queen of swords is like drilling a hole into the back of this king of cups head with the amount of energy she's projecting onto this person

But whether or not it's getting through to this other person I mean it seems to be what's in the way is this two of Wands which is you know choose your path or your decision. And once that happens, maybe it could get through to this person but I've kind of already explained situations like that. Where the king of cups is just at least on a physical level not aware of what you're doing even if like you send somebody good energy maybe they could receive it or whatever but they aren't like aware of it on a conscious level I also just got a headache at this point which happens when I read as well but I will stop there because you get the idea so you're abundance is just in the form of some type of information. Whether it comes to you through someone else or it comes through thinking about it for a while but you will get the answer eventually and it comes as information for you. And information is any type of communication, something you can read online, something you can think for yourself it could even be this message coming to you about the situation.

And a final thing since I tried to share the things that come to me but the poet kind of looks like somebody leaning over and holding on to their head as if like in despair. So that matches up pretty well with that orphan and acceptance and let go energy so again it seems like grief or guilt or those types of feelings and decisions or messages or thoughts that are highly focused on that and what to do about it. But like I said I think the information will come because that's what's coming through as your abundance.

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Pile 3

You know what's funny is that for the first two piles like there was nothing super unusual about shuffling and then I get to this pile and like the cards kind of just flopped out like a dead fish. And then you look at the cards and there's a lot of mixed messages so to me plus we also have the moon here, it just makes me think there's a sense of confusion. This pile could be related to the previous one as a decision needed to be made there but I didn't really feel like there was a lot of confusion to be had. So it's probably just a standalone pile

So let's talk about the oracles first. We have asked your angels, wait, not the right time, it's up to you but then we have take action, the castle the fault line, the mask.

So I think the confusion for you kind of lies in what action to take. I guess it sort of resonates for the second pile because there is a sense of needing more information before you make a decision which is what was happening with that pile. But also like you know you are in control of your own destiny. We do have the it's up to you and take action cards which clearly mean like I mean it might not be the right time but you can do whatever you want because you have complete control. That's what the wheel of Fortune is about. Of course it also represents all of the fixed signs, or Sagittarius energy.

10 of cups is that ultimate emotional happiness and joy, relationships, family but there's just some type of cloudiness or confusion that seems to be hanging around This situation like some type of uncertainty. And I get that sense with the fault line in the mask. Even the castle because when you put the castle together with the fault line you know you would imagine the castle is having this perfect foundation or something but then you discover a crack in it. And the mask can also represent some type of deception of some sort or hiding something, which again could correspond to the moon.

So personally I kind of feel like there's something that you don't see about a situation or a person. Or maybe it's that you won't see this coming and there is change coming and it is for like the better and happiness but like it's just kind of like if you were walking through a completely foggy forest and you've been walking for a long time and then you had no idea that like maybe a half a mile away on the other side because he would never imagine it, there's like basically munchkin land after Dorothy comes out of the house and it was all black and white and then she walks out of the house and it's like this full color view

So there's like a sense of that. There's like this total confusion on what to do and what direction to go and maybe it's that this crack stuff not the drugs but the crack in the cards is like doubt or something like that doubt if this happiness is coming or this like whole full picture that you've been imagining like you're kind of back and forth about whether or not it's ever going to happen. Which I can totally relate to

So it's like I don't know maybe these are even messages that have come to you where it's like you know if you do this it's going to happen or if you wait it's going to happen or it's just not the right time it reminds me of all of the messages I've ever heard from YouTube Tarot people when I'm like okay but I'm 80 years old and I'm still waiting on my soulmate and you're like oh they're so close and then you die the next day lol

So I guess this is either thoughts going on in your head or messages coming from other people and everything feels quite mixed and confusing. So there could be some doubts coming through from you or there could be some unseen obstacles that will unmask themselves in regard to your plan or that it will actually take a long time for this ten of cups situation you're imagining to come to fruition.

But I will tell you I feel good about it because of the wheel of Fortune. Because it's like it will come but I guess I would say that part of the path to getting there is destiny but it's also like choose your own adventure because there is a sense for me that a lot of let's say you have or believe in the idea of a soul plan which is like your soul made some type of contractual whatever before you incarnated and you have a blueprint but like obviously when you incarnate you forget that you were of soul being and whatever the hell you were talking about before you incarnated.

And your soul was like I don't know I'm going to choose this path where I have a lot more freedom than normal to make my own decisions because I don't know you did it for s**** and giggles or it felt like a strategy game or you were bored I don't really know. But there's a sense of as a soul I'm going to let my person I become make a lot of choices on their own based on like whim or feelings or thoughts or whatever. And that's part of the reason it takes f****** forever to get to the ten of cups because like you screw up a lot and you don't know what the f*** you're doing and when you don't know what you're doing you tend to look to other people for information and those people tell you a million different things and so that never works out

So I guess that's just part of the fun experience in life is f****** around for a while and screwing up and then I don't know at the end I guess he figured it out

I don't know why but in this wheel of Fortune card at the top instead of seeing these falcons they looked like guns to me but I don't really know what that means but don't they look like guns when you look from far away but I don't really know how that would relate to a reading so we'll just let that one go

There is some sense of polar energy going on I don't know if this is soulmate stuff because if the ten of cups you have the two figures and then wheel of Fortune has the two different sphinxes and then we have the two wolves on the moon or I guess you would say one of the wolf and one is a dog

And it's like the two people at top of the moon are trying to bring these two together

So yes I do guess if I could pick anything it makes sense that this could be a relationship situation.

It could be also that there is some type of separation that comes at some point with these two people but of course you know you're separated until you meet or it's like a soul level thing where you've been together and past lives and you were separated until recently or I don't know who knows

We also have the sexuality card which is interesting because I brought this up and pile one and for some reason I felt compelled to leave it reversed so this could be related to some type of asexual or non-sexual situation like there's a physical separation happening it could also be some type of block in your sacral even though this card isn't orange but I associate sexuality with the sacral as well as like that passion drive creative energy type of thing but I think Red just represents passion I suppose but red makes me think of the root chakra and the root chakra would be something you would associate with stability and like I said when there's confusion and this card ended up reversed, there's like a lack of stability in that area and you know for some of you maybe you're having like sexual troubles on your own or sexual troubles in a relationship or it has nothing to do with troubles and might have to do with inhibiting some sexual part of yourself or I guess it could have to do with like alternate sexual lifestyle.

But for me this being reversed is probably associated with the fault line or the mask You know maybe there's something you're hiding or not disclosing or somebody else's in regard to sexuality like if somebody was closeted or if you weren't uncertain about your sexuality or wanting to come out to people. Because like certainly there's this instance of like okay on one side there is the ten of cups and the wheel of Fortune which are great things so it's like change and like happiness but then there's like something going on that's kind of like gosh I don't know about this thing that I'm going to decide or do or what's going to happen and so it's like blocking something to do with maybe sexuality or like I said it's just referring to their some feeling of instability because also with a fault line like you know it makes me think of earthquakes and like not being on steady ground

So again there's just like lots of confusion and mixed messaging happening here. So all I can say is I think despite that, you are on a path toward something that will lead you to 10 of cups and wheel of Fortune type experience I don't know when it's going to happen because for a lot of you I'm going to tell you that it feels like a really really really long road as opposed to me being like wow this stuff is coming really soon like no like you could be at the tail end of a journey maybe and that would make you close but still your journey was like 80 years to get there and it was also like really s***** to get there as well like nothing about it was easy

This could also be kind of like telling about like how long it's been since you've been in a relationship at all and like how long since you've gotten lucky. Or I guess it could be reading somebody who's kind of demisexual like can't feel much sexual attraction to somebody unless they feel a connection with someone or get to know them first

So yeah like this is mostly making me feel like it's calling somebody out for having a sexual or romantic dry spell but like I said I mean there's somebody coming It's going to take a while but they do seem to fall into that soulmate level I think even past lives and yeah I kind of feel like it's your other half but you either went through separation or have been separated for a really long time almost like you're on or have been like if a continent separated the line would have divided you so that you were on one part and the other person was on the other and then he meet later You're like if you were a South Korean then this person was North Korean and like only by a miracle do you end up meeting

But of my feeling is I hate to say it because it's annoying to hear but at least I told you that it would take forever, is that you meet them. I will give you some significant timing sort of I am feeling like the pearls make me think of June, they also make me think of like a wedding for some reason but you know pearls go with June. Or pearls might be significant

We also have fixed sign energy or Sagittarius energy and then the moon is cancer or Pisces. Or just the moon.

I mean technically high priestess should be moon I think and moon should be Pisces but I also kind of think Moon just stands alone

So also somebody's moon could be in Sagittarius or whenever the moon is in Sagittarius is a significant time for something. Even though the moon I'm saying is related to confusion but it could still be when you meet this person or the other person like I said has a Sagittarius moon

I also kind of pick up Gemini energy. Don't maybe you could be like Sagittarius and Gemini mixed or the other person is or whatever. And I still feel strongly that this destiny is fixed and that's why I keep putting the ten of cups in the wheel of Fortune together is like okay you don't no matter how many dots you have or whatever direction you go, like this is a fixed thing that you can't screw up you know no choices that you make are going to make this go away because it's been predetermined.

I also I hate to sound cliche but I do get the impression that this will be a surprise to you like you won't imagine who this person could be because the mask kind of makes me think like you know it's unknown or you won't see it coming or it'll be in a disguise.

That doing everything but like there's also something a little bit darker in here but I don't know what it is This could just be the amount of obstacles and darkness you have to go through to get to this moment like isn't just going through a lot of hardship and pain but I am scared to say that maybe there's also some things up ahead that also still suck which sucks to hear if you've already been through a lot of sucky s***

But it's almost like with the fault line and even the castle and the mask I get this sense of like something lurking I don't know if it's a negative energy or I mean like I said it could be the doubts in your head or the confusion or whatever but I don't know It gives me a weird feeling so you know just in case maybe do some protection spells or whatever makes you feel protected, take some cleansing baths or squirt yourself with some type of spiritual spray or meditate but I don't know it's almost like something is kind of watching you and gloomy from the shadows I don't know what that is though

So anyway in terms of abundance like I said I think the abundance has to be this 10 of cups in wheel of Fortune but to me it's coming through as probably a soulmate situation. Sure it could be platonic but I'm leaning more toward a romantic soulmate situation but it's like weirdly equal. But it's like

Things just aren't as they seem and I don't know why. I don't know if that's because the path is just filled with so many potholes to get there or there's still something waiting that will happen that isn't so great or like an unexpected separation does happen that you don't see coming because look even in the wheel of Fortune and the Moon even though these figures that I mentioned like the Sphinx and the wolves are so close they're still like something separating them. Like there's a path between the sphinxes there's this water between the wolves.

At least the 10 of cups characters are together but like they're also stuck on a rock with water around them. So it could just be that eventually you have the 10 of cups but like in the meantime you're going through some type of separation because you don't know each other yet cuz it takes that long to meet them or I don't really see it as you knew each other and separated I just feel like you've been separated up until the point that you meet like completely somewhere else and eventually destiny happens and you end up in the same place but it is going to take forever

And adjust don't know if you'll see that it's going to be this person. Maybe because it's not what you imagined or they display themselves as something else at first and throw you off or you don't feel it at first and there's like even when you do come together there's still some type of distance for whatever reason I don't really know. Maybe because they're presenting themselves as something or who knows and maybe that's why these other cards are like wait not the right time because this is the journey like you got to ask your angels for help and then you'll go through periods of time where you think that it's this but it's not actually that and then everybody gives up and they're like

I don't know it's up to you and then maybe when you do get to the point where you meet them and there's some type of distance between you for some reason like I mentioned with the second pile, you'll have to be the one who decides or takes action. But the other thing that it comes through strongly here is definitely some type of distance between the two of you whether it's physical or like just when you meet up even though you see each other finally there's still some type of thing that needs to be crossed before you can get together and maybe that's related to the reversed sexuality card who knows. Maybe there's not an immediate physical attraction on somebody's part or who knows that could be anything or maybe it was supposed to be upright and it'll be crazy times but not really because when I look at it it kind of reminds me of the three of swords because it looks like a heart with some swords going through it however it is reversed by the way so that would mean like you know getting over heartbreak which kind of again relates to pile two

Tell maybe I should have gone into something more that resembles pile two in the sense that this could be for people who something didn't work out but that doesn't really correspond other than you might have thought somebody else was the one and then that ended and then you meet this person after all of that and that's why it's kind of a person he didn't really expect because you didn't see it coming because you thought it was going to be somebody else so yeah so in conclusion I guess you're abundance will have to be some type of exciting romantic situation. But like I just don't feel like it's coming super soon unless like I said you're at the end of that very long journey and then like I said special days could be June or Sagittarius time or even a Sagittarius moon situation or I guess like June into July since I said the moon reminds me of cancer, or it could be related to the fourth house which makes sense for Castle because the fourth house is about home instability, especially with relationships or people you live in your home with

So yeah somebody's moon could be in the fourth house which is pretty common anyway but especially if you have a Sagittarius moon in the fourth house interesting. And that would kind of fit with the 10 of cups because the fourth house would be water-based and so you have this fire moon in a water house which I don't really know what that means I just that would be very specific

And yeah so the energy of the people could be Gemini or Sagittarius or shirt even cancer but I feel more Sagittarius Gemini potentially sure some fixed signs which I forget all of them Taurus and is it Scorpio and whatever You get the point

So yay Good for you before you die you should be able to meet someone!

[safesthaveninexistence]

The story that applies to me only gets more and more infinitely better and better. All I have to do is post the video it’s done for me. I trust they get me the same way I got Stan Lee. Thats insane I actually have a gazillion of dollars why do you think I’m actually a Zillionaire (chills). The fact I’m objectively a Zillionaire only staggeringly deepens and deepens. Only gets more and more staggeringly profound. It’s my awareness that holds power. The Universe itself is unrealistic. Of course I can manifest anything I just fucking dreamt of Laika. I just saw that PFP AND HIM PLAYING SPIDER-MAN like he HIT FOR ME LIKE SPIRITUALLY HIT FOR ME. Like dawg I can have anything. I naturally have anything I desire. I love how I speak it into existence then move it into existence. I trust my intuition. It’s all magic. I’m an Egyptian seductress. I got the magic of an Egyptian seductress and they’re known for Dark Magic.(chills) like dude black magic is to mean I got magical power. I remove the stigma off dark magic. Dark magic simply makes me seductive. It tangibly feels like delicious ass chocolate. And I’m black I’m delicious chocolate ass. I’m their favorite chocolate. They crave this chocolate. They ache for this chocolate. They pray for this chocolate. They hope for this chocolate. They agonizingly need this chocolate. They kill themselves if they don’t get this chocolate and it doesn’t faze me. I’m the fastest growing. I love knowing I dreamt of Laika. I love knowing Laika’s already dreaming of me. I created a whole new love story. I’m so grateful my self concepts superior. I got that Studio 54 vibe. They’re blessed to be experiencing me witnessing me and marvel at all the Magic I am along with me. My family only has good intentions for me. Omg it’s sexual control..but with that intention only. No way……I’m in love with my own story. I drown in my own story. I’m in lavish luxurious places with Laika. We trib by the pool. We trib in our indoor pool. Life is astoundingly Magical. All of those supreme times. Laika trib my ass in the pool. I’m one steamy ass success story. Laika knows I’m both Goddess and Dark Magic and they’re so in love with me for it. Laika stares at me with her piercing green eyes hungry and horny for me. Holding me so closely holding me tight. Our bodies close together our tits close together. Sexy as fuck. We’re just pasisionately making out and all of sudden we’re moving from the indoor all the way up to the our bedroom. We fuck in the gym on the way. The kitchen on the way. The floor on the way. My sex life with Laika is ASTOUNDING. NO WAY ITS COMING (chills). I’m super grateful a thought and belief has to be positive for it to even have psychic momentum. I ooze wild passionate sex all over the house type of sex. Me and Laika thankfully has it. No way Laika’s coming right now (chills) (I don’t have waiting rooms). This is insane dawg. My self trust is insane dawg it’s staggeringly deep yet it’s all in my favor. Like it’s working out fine. I did the right thing to the very unsurpassable utmostest extreme. And it paid off for me. It gives me bliss. Exhilaration. Power. Clarity. Undefeatedness. Happiness. Satisfying ass sex. Magic. I remove all stigmas from Magic. It’s not witches. We just simply believe in Magic like a CHILD. I naturally believe in Magic like a child. I look hot as hell riding Laika and Laika feels like the luckiest son of a gun and it turns me on knowing she feels like the staggeringly luckiest son of a gun. Spoiling me financially taking care of me taking care of me mentally spiritually energetically emotionally intellectually. Like I still feel free. Together we both feel free. Boundlessly free. I disconnect from technology and only connect with the within. That’s how I meditate. I psychically talk to Zoey it blissfully staggers her and awaken her puppy like wonder. For me meditating is also affirming. Laika’s on the way. Now I can do anything I’m this unhinged. Wow all of my desires come quickly as possible. All I know is….. ima be astounded when I see Laika. Like…..life is fucking joke

[your-astro-mami]

Can you tell me about vertex in synastry?

Vertex is a bit more complex to explain and personally, I believe it matters more in a Synastry chart than it does natally.

Vertex represents the unexpected, turn of events, lifechanging events or situations, something that can be like a "wow" moment. It can feel karmic in a way, because it can teach you a lot of lessons and feel like a plot twist in your life.

In synastry, the Vertex person is the one who "feels" the effects of the other person's planet or asteroid. I believe that conjunctions are the only ones that are truly felt and matter. Oppositions (meaning they conjunct your Anti-Vertex) are something I might explain in another post.

First, Vertex and the Houses in Synastry:

Vertex in the 1st House/Vx conjunct Ascendant. Vx person may feel more connected to themselves when meeting the house person, they may feel more self-aware, the relationship may feel like they were meant to meet and have the house person's presence in their life. Vertex in the 2nd house may show that through the relationship the Vx person will be provided with financial abundance, comfort, a physical relationship, confidence. Vertex in the 3rd House - communication, verbal connection they may have never expected to have with anyone, Vertex in the 4th house - the Vx person will be provided with an unepected home, family-like relationship, emotional security, Vertex in the 5th house is possibly one that shows a likely romantic connection as the Vx person will be provided with love, creativity through the relationship, a whirlwind romance, but also unexpected drama, they may question their ego and confidence due to the relationship, Vertex in the 6th house - the relationship may feel like an unexpected responsibility, it might be slightly draining, like the Vertex person has to care for the other person, Vertex in the 7th house/Vx conjunct Descendant can show that the relationship may bring an unexpected partnership between the two, but they can also be opponents, enemies, someone who will attack you surprisingly, Vertex in the 8th House can also be quite negative as it may show that the Vertex person may experience unexpected fears, worries, jealousy due to the relationship. It can also signify an unexpected sexual relationship or issues related with money experienced between the two people. Vertex in the 9th house - Vx person will be pushed into uncovering their true self, experiencing new events in their life with the help of the house person, you just grow in the ways you never thought you would in this relationship. Vertex in the 10th house can show an unexpected professional connection, you may help each other in your careers, Vx person may be provided with professional opportunities due to the house person, Vertex in the 11th house can show an unexpected friendship, a lot of support from someone you never thought would give it to you. The house person is the one that provides the Vx person with a lot of hope. Vertex in 12th house can also be quite negative. It can show an unexpected spiritual awakening for the Vx person due to the relationship, but it can also show self-doubt, fear, anxiety, you may feel pushed in the background due to this relationship.

Vertex and the planets in Synastry:

Vertex-Sun. Vx person will be provided with light, confidence, attention due to the relationship. They may feel like they are exchanging parts of themselves with the Sun person as in personality, likes/dislikes, charisma. The Sun person will have a lot of influence on the Vx person.

Vertex-Moon. Unexpected emotional connection and closeness. Vx person will be provided with emotional awareness, comfort, emotional security, nurture due to this relationship. But this may also bring some ups and downs due to the nature of the Moon.

Vertex-Mercury and Vertex-Jupiter. Both aspects may provide the Vx person with a lot of knowledge and information. Mercury person may provide the Vx person with a new mindset, new way of thinking, help them analyze their own self better. Jupiter person may provide the Vx person with confidence, wisdom, experience. The relationship will truly be something they will learn a lot from. Jupiter person will also provide them with the happiness they may not find anywhere else.

Vertex-Venus. This is one of the aspects that may signify a romantic connection. Venus person will provide Vx person with unexpected love, romantic attention, they will be the one who will love them, bring love into their life, it can be very sweet.

Vertex-Mars. Also a sign of a potential sexual relationship. It can be a connection that makes the Vx person find the strenght within themselves, helps them gain courage, take action. On the negative, Mars person may bring out unexpected chaos, tension, the relationship can be competitive and draining.

Vertex-Uranus. One of the biggest signs of a relationship filled with ups and downs, unexpected events, unusual circumstances. Vx person may feel like their life has changed when meeting the person, but it can be both positive and negative. It can be a relationship where there is no peace, there is always something happening, it can be unreliable, unstable.

Vertex-Neptune. Biggest indicator of a spiritual connection, spiritual awakening experienced by Vx person due to the relationship. But it can also feel unreliable, like you're living the relationship in a dream. Vertex-Pluto. Vx person may be influenced psychologically by the Pluto person. The relationship may help Vx person gain control of their life, but it can also be damaging, toxic, obsessive.

These aspects can be connected to unexpected romance, romance that was meant to be, etc. : Vertex-Juno conjunction, Vertex-Amor conjunction, Vertex-Valentine conjunction and as mentioned above, Vertex-Venus or Vertex-5th House/Vertex-7th House.

[alchemabotana]

St. Bahkita - by Antonina Whaples 2021

Mixed media painting

Medicine people are more apt to be holding and releasing large facets of consciousness in this time. The message has been clear: go easy on yourself, pace yourself, rest often, and communicate only as needed.

It’s felt for a while that the medicine world has been deep undercover, and there’s been some in-fighting amongst the spiritualists about facets and tenants of what should be allowed to proliferate, and what is ultimately harmful to us all. Those who are still in fear of punishment, but truly animated by Spirit are being initiated through their own personal Great Mystery in various dimensions of Spirit World and this time-based concurrent reality. Those who were unjustly punished will be granted many graces in this time. Those who unjustly punished them will have their graces stripped away. To every season, turn, turn, turn.

In the next 6 months, some study could be used towards the influence of Saturnian energy on the consciousness we inherently perceive and struggle with when it comes to the panic it induces to begin to accept reality as fuzzy-wuzzy until a new clarity is discovered. When reading astrological reports with Saturn in Aquarius, make sure to try to relate to any patriarchy messages coming down through the spirit sponge to a fun, positive archetype in your mind. As in: what if so-and-so were here at this moment to give me encouragement, how might that sound in my head? In other words, redefine the voices in your head to send you intel and self-talk that is, at the very least, highly amusing.

And it’s not just the medicine people “feeling it” - there is a great number of uninitiated psychics and healers of all nations who are undergoing a psychological and personal spiritual awakening. There are new nations of imagination being introduced to the grid. “Boys have become men” so to speak - whatever your relationship to gender or sexuality - your inner masculine has had to arm wrestle his way into the current condition, and he deserves an epic theme song.

The divine feminine is asking this timeline “are you living with art? Are you living with heart?”. It’s been the remembrance of the knowledge we’ve been tuned into our whole lives (and the ones in the past), coming forward in an epic sweep. If your waters, earth, or air was littered with shipwrecks, mine fields, and poison gas - you’ve been feeling the triggers in every element of your life.

Take a moment to consider the reality of your lived experience, the spirals that they take, and the ultimate return to yourself through it all. We are cyclical creatures, animals of a planet, who rise and fall with the sun and the moon, and steer our destinies in the field of ownership of our minds. Like never before the nations of this planet have been revealed to themselves through the eyes of others. It’s not a surprise to begin to discover who has been avoidant of mirrors (literally, and in the outside world). Be cautious of reading too much into the “whys” of the action (or lack thereof), and be more conscious of your personal power to co-create entirely new realities, and the dominion you’ve been given karmically to do so.

Many in the mojo have discovered that there are personal power rules to any craft, be it intrinsically practical or utterly magical. Deep awareness of the lessons of the past and present are becoming embarrassingly clear to the lot of us. When responsibility needs to be claimed, it is actually an act of courage to pick up what is yours and transform it into something useful. Those who have abused their power are being dosed out timely warnings and opportunities for recompense. Those with real healer hearts should remove themselves from scenarios where other’s energy sources are disruptive to the real work being done. Revelation of this personal removal is indeed a tricky communication from Spirit and your Guides. Be watchful of subtle cues from the universal communicators in your day to day, and make sure to acknowledge that just because it’s happening, doesn’t mean something is wrong.

It’s a big message from the Spirit World these days that spiritual activity is only on the rise. Apparently many nations have called in some very powerful healing requests, and this ancient technology supersedes the forward drive of whatever other power players there are. For those obsessed with the advancement of this timeline and the legacy that they will leave, this spiritual thumbprint will be difficult to navigate. If you find yourself cursing in traffic, using expletives to explain everything, or decide that everyone is evil, you’re probably just normal.

Universal Spiritual Law has been triggered on many levels for some time. Although to many it feels like the spiritual authority and power of those they pray to is waning in this timeline, the personal revelation of spiritual truth is a promised covenant of this era. We will all discover the unveiling of our personal identities to ourselves, and revel in the discovery and love of who we were created to be. Self love and the care of the Self is and will become a spiritual dawn of community care, with generations of young people focused on how to make environments feel safe, comfortable, and healing. As people further emerge from their dwellings and interact with the outside environment it will feel like we are rediscovering our world. Absence has made the heart grow fonder. This refreshment will quickly fuel the arts and further encourage entrepreneurial growth. Those in the art sectors of the economy will breathe a sigh of relief to discover that their exploits, struggles, and expressions are important, valid, and very valuable. Quality of creation across the board will be re-evaluated. Less focus will be paid to functionality of design or shows of artistic mastery, nor will it be another reductive view into the abstract. This new art coming from this era, and the one to come, will be focused on process and emotion, meditation, feeling, intuition,spirituality, and self love. Everything for quite a while will feel very “personal” and people as a whole will need the niche of creation in their day to day routines in order to feel grounded and supported. This will take many forms, but ultimately be incredibly expressive. This new expressive voice will sound quite different from the ones that came before, and new definitions reflective of our human experience will be written in our history books. One day we’ll look back and realize just how much we knew all along.

Shamanic Reading for the Next 6 Months:

July: Elk

August: Deer

September: Whale

October: Squirrel

November: Butterfly

December: Coyote & Possum

The animal medicine consulted for the next six months indicates that timing in the natural world is healthy and centered. The more focus we as animals pay to our cycles with the natural world around us, the more healed we will become. Our focus will shift from drive to trust as we learn the ebbs and flows of the world around us, and are able to remember it through generations of whole peoples.

It will be a gentle fall into the Autumnal season, and the equinox promises to bring balance and opportunity for healing, forgiveness, reconciliation, and internal restfulness. All empathic people will feel this gentle spiritual wave as they continue to tune into the larger frequencies of the changing season.

The thinning of the veil will be informed by the emotional work we do in September, with focuses on the deep waters of emotional consciousness. It will not be surprising if you are able to, without even realizing it, leave behind facets of yourself that no longer serve you. On a very literal note, I have gotten messages for several decades now that we need to be listening to the frequencies of the whales regularly in order to heal from the psychological trauma of the past, especially war and slavery. The Whales have kept an unbroken consciousness in the waters of this world, and they are trying to reconnect with us in order to help us heal. This is part of the cycle of how animal nations help and heal each other. Other animals are very clearly able to communicate complex matters to each other and we are being invited to the pow wow to listen, learn, and grow.

The Gathering energy of All Souls will be a much needed source of energy for the late Fall and Early Winter dynamics arriving at the end of the year. It will truly feel like it is time to begin to hibernate sooner than usual. It will not be because of bad weather, but because people are choosing transformative activity of the inner self over social interaction. Something about the high Yang energy of the beginning of this 6 month journey has worn us out, and we’re ready for the respite offered by our cocoons of choice.

December is notable for further explanation as it is two animals together: Coyote and Possum. In this case we can trust that these tricksters are up to some good, and there are safe passageways being opened this holiday season that may not have been available in the past iterations of the holiday cycle. Watch as things mysteriously go right, and try to lean into your trust of your intuition and spirit guides as they whisper to you all the right answers to the final exam.

[welcome2khaos]

Are you diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

awW wow, i haven’t heard that term in a long time hahaha. i made a post about mental health awareness on my insta years ago, when i was still figuring things out. when i was a teenager, i was truly put thru the mf ringer bro like damn fr !! after the passing of my friend in 8th grade, who took his life, i was dealing with feeling this immense loss, my conflicted feelings of sexuality & healing from this uproar in my life. this pain transformed my entire being, it consumed me until all i knew was hurt. all i let myself experience & fuel me. i became physically sick, dealing w intense spinal issues & spinal trauma. i had to switch to online school my freshmen year **graduated from online ** this rude awakening within my body, mind, heart & soul soon triggered my DEEP awakening. experiencing my “dark night of the soul,” w an intense kundalini awakening & connecting w soulmates. a complete, uprooting, divine intervention. after being in online school for a year, my bestfriend switched too & then he got cancer *gratefully recovered now* & then my parents got a divorce. so much fluctuation & heaviness. i fell into firey love & got burned, healed. i isolated myself, didn’t talk to anyone & i felt like i felt “too much,” that i was too much. my emotions would skyrocket & then plummet. i also was prescribed adderall at the time for my “ADD”, so i’d stay awake for days for school & then sleep. so the depressive episodes & manic, TRUTHFULLY, looking back. my life was a non stopping wave of transformation. i clinged to what the world told me i was bc i couldn’t make any sense out of the things i was feeling, i felt things so out of this world ** the beginning of these deep spiritual feelings, as i now am a channeler. reader. healer. very spiritual & free*** i deeply resonated w my labels so from feeling so, that’s all i experienced until i felt this deseperately uncomfortable need to change, like my soul crying to be more, bc deep down i felt my light thay everyone told me about. that was chaos & from finding that light, i was reborn. *!!! society wants to slap a label on anything & anyone in order for it to fit the logical understandings of why something is something or what not.!!!*���i do not resonate with any of those labels anymore✨ i am a divine being that has healed my past & any trauma. taking it day by day & believing in the power of transformation. i look back, i was kid in pain, hurting, heartbroken, finding her way. her way back “home,” to herself & the love within & out that saved her on one of her darkest nights. i am unconditional, transformative love. like the phoenix, from the ashes i rise. like the butterfly, from the cocoon i emerge & fly. bravely facing my future & becoming beauty from the chaos, my khaos, so welcome 2 khaos.

[wendyblanquelg-writes]

Women as priests? Not I.

The first time I went to church was when I was baptized, but I don’t really remember attending mass for the first few years. As toddlers, we may remember glimpses of our babyhood yet not until the age of about five or six is when we start to retain all of our memories. My earliest memory is waking up at the crack of dawn on the queen sized bed I shared with my mom and seeing she wasn’t next to me. I might’ve been about five or so, and the sky outside was a bit cloudy; I now assume it must’ve been near the end of summer and the beginning of fall when tiny me saw the world through a new lens. I had climbed out of the covers, jumped to the floor, and ran to my grandma’s room in fear of being alone and in almost utter darkness by myself. That’s all I remember about that day.

I’ll never forget the first time my mom took me to church with the intention of having me fall in love to committing to God. Oh, did I become enamored with the beautiful architecture, stained glass windows, gold chalices, chronologically placed images of Jesus being crucified, angelic ceiling paintings, the twinkling lights that scream Christmas, and the smiling people who made me feel welcomed and appreciated. My mom’s only wish was complete: God had me in his hand—hypnotized in the idea of having someone love and care for me unconditionally my whole life.

Before mass, my mom had been telling me for days about taking me to church where we can pray with others and not just each other before bed. She went on about who God is, Jesus being his son, and I, his new follower. Never was I told off the bat that sinning was a grand deal to God or the church, probably because I was innocent at the time. Going to mass sounded like the dream, a second home that wasn’t Mexico, a new part of my life that I was ready to venture on like so many Disney characters did in their heroic plots. 

That Sunday morning I woke up at 7am ready to get changed. Our church is a block over from us so we walked down to the alley and took the broken gravel road straight to the golden doors which were slightly cracked, being held open by an older man. My mom’s hand held mine tightly as we entered and she reached over to the wall where water was held. She dipped her finger in it, signed the cross on her forehead then did the same to me. It smelled funny but homely, I loved it. Every person I seemed to look at would look back at me happily as if they’d been expecting me my whole life. The lights dazzled me, the recurring kneeling, standing, and sitting movements wowed me, the united dialogue made everyone sound interconnected, and my first la paz, “peace be with you,” was my welcome home. After people shook my hand I couldn’t stop looking at it and felt the pain and love from everyone I had ever touched—truly magical. I was home.

You can expect my mom’s happiness over the years of my love for mass, learning my prayers, excelling in catechism school, and my good behavior from knowing I’d be punished by God if I were a bad child. By the age of 8, I knew what I wanted to be in life: a priest. In my heart I felt like God’s favorite, his teaching being my calling, his followers being my new family, our love being one. 

I was devoted, yet when I told my mom my dream, she smiled and said, 

“That’s great, but there are only male priests.” 

“But why?”

“That’s how it is,” was all she said. I was so confused.

I later brought it up to my grandpa and he said in Spanish,

“That’s outrageous, that’s crazy, you can’t be a priest. Priests are and SHOULD only be men.”

How is it that after my long three to four years of devotion and love to God was not enough for me to be a priest? I once asked a priest if I could one day hold his position. He looked uncomfortable with a tinge of anger when he said no, but that I could work in other parts of the church to help. I was unsatisfied with everyones answer and God especially, for not letting me be what I wanted to be. I didn’t fight them on their answers nor stopped loving church for a few years either. I still wanted to be the person everyone came to for confession, to alleviate them from their stress and sins, to read and lecture people on the word of God, to host fundraisers and events to help the poor, to continue studying until I was close to God himself. There simply wasn’t a door for me to enter into priesthood. Even the word ‘priest’ sounded specifically male to me after a while, like the sound of each syllable denied a woman to take hold of its title. The word became bitter in my mouth.

I started reading Dan Brown’s The DaVinci Code, Angels & Demons, and many other books that questioned religion. Did Jesus actually marry Mary Magdalene and have a secret child? Were the scripts lying and the men in the priesthood hiding the truth of our famously loved icons? Is God real? Are there really non-believers who do not go to Hell? I thought everyone believed in Him, was I his favorite who was supposed to question his authority and change the church’s establishment? No, instead, I started detaching myself from my second home after not being fully welcomed after all. I didn’t want to be a nun, or a receptionist, or the woman who went around during mass with a clipboard taking attendance; I wanted to be more, to help more. I tried to stop loving Him.

Throughout high school and college I’ve gained an interest in learning about Catholicism, I wasn’t sure why. From what I learned my sophomore year in a theology class, only men are ordained as priests because Jesus only chose men as his apostles. When I read that, it made sense to me only because at that time women were not allowed to hold any position of power. Women were still handed over to their husbands by their families, much less would society had taken them, or Jesus, seriously because gender equality was an outrageous concept to them. Was it possible that Jesus did not want to risk women being mistreated more than they already were, by being made an apostle? Men might’ve shrugged off Jesus’ teachings if they saw something out of the norm being used: women. We might never know. What I came to find, was that through all my research I only wanted to find the flaws in God’s word and written history, to find an answer that said, “I’m right, God’s right, but the church’s institution is wrong.” I became angry at being denied by humans who thought they could tell me I couldn’t help God, not God himself.

In an article by the National Catholic Reporter, Polish Roman Catholic priest and Theologian of the Papal Household, Wojciech Giertych, was asked why women cannot be priests. He said that no one can say why Jesus chose who he did to share his teachings, and that “The son of God became flesh, but became flesh not as sexless humanity but as a male,” and that since priests are to be the image of Christ, “[priests’] maleness is essential to that role.” He later says that some parts of being with the church call for having and loving the church in a “male way,” where men apparently “show concern about structures, about the buildings of the church, about the roof of the church which is leaking, about the bishops’ conference, about the concordat between the church and the state.” Anyone, really anyone, can admire the archaic structures of holy houses, just like I did. I fell in love with the church also because of the Roman Catholic church architecture, so it mustn’t be a “male way,” but a “in-tune with the world and details way” where one doesn’t just go into a building with no attention to what’s around, but takes in everything. That isn’t male, it’s human.

The theologian does mention that women’s mission in the church is “beautiful” nonetheless because they touch God and Jesus’s heart differently. They encounter Jesus with faith, charity, approaching, touching, and kissing Jesus’ feet. Luckily, Giertych did acknowledge that “a Catholic woman might sincerely believe she is called to the priesthood, said such a “subjective” belief does not indicate the objective existence of a vocation,” I suppose that’s me? I, who felt entitled and deserving of being a priest is a, I guess you can call, reasonable idea or thought, but simply can’t be because the position doesn’t exist. I see now.

Vogue published a piece in 2018 about seven women being ordained Catholic priests by two bishops on June 29, 2002. This act was looked down upon by the Church and the women, the “Danube Seven,” were excommunicated from the church after refusing to nullify their ordination. Many priests were upset, some of the women’s priest superiors told them “that their sin in being ordained was equal to a clergy member sexually abusing a child.” Despite these comments, many of the women claimed that they felt spiritually awakened and called to the church—just how I was many years ago—and continue their religious path with pride. 

Now there is an emerging movement and group that advocates, supports, and ordains women as Roman Catholic priests: the Roman Catholic Women Priests (RCWP). Their movement supporting women has gone international, reaching and ministering women in over 34 states, Canada, Europe, South & Central America, South Africa, the Philippines and Taiwan. Many men are also part of the movement to grow this new chapter in Catholic history. The first women ordained initiated this movement: Iris Müller, Ida Raming, Pia Bruner, Dagmar Celeste, Adeline Roitlinger, Gisela Forster and Christine Mayr-Lumetxberger; creating an opportunity for more women to partake in the Lord’s work.

Although I would not become a priest today, or in a few years when women priests are officially accepted by the church, I’m glad that the door has opened for others. I no longer am a strong believer in the church, if even a believer, after so many cases of rape behind sacred doors, abuse, and the neglect of women holding power. The fight for equality continues and may not cease, ever, and it is everyones job to ensure that doors we’ve known to be closed to our fellow women start cracking open—even if dust is thrown and moths come bugging. I might have lost my inspiration and dream, but I’m better off where I am now. Other young girls who also feel the need and love to share God’s teachings like I once did, now have a better chance and warm embrace of following their calling; may God be with them.

[talkingismylifewrites]

Wow! John Deacon’s bass lines. That’s it. That’s the ask.

Maybe it’s the five glasses of wine I’ve had but I feel like I have a spiritual and sexual awakening when I listen to JD fuck the bass line

God bless Veronica Tetzlaff what a goddess

[marvelousmrsmagic-blog]

You’re a Medium

I’m a bit of a baby psychic- things will go slowly I’ll see things before they happen if the conditions are right. Usually before someone reaches out. I struggled with the intense anxiety that someone was going to die by suicide and this went on for a year- when my sister died of a drug overdose the feeling passed. A strange coincidence or a premonition doesn’t really matter because the FEELING was loud and persistent. I know I’m not an expert yet, but I do wonder intensely about that incident. Because she wasn't using, had a job, was happy, was practicing her own spirituality in the metaphysical world when something or someone triggered her to an overdose- I know it’s not a suicide but I digress....

 My first awakening happened in Marquette. I was meditating with a guided meditation for pelvic pain and had taken a draw on my MMJ cartridge after a very long and painful 8 hour car ride. In my meditation I saw my face outlined in a yellow gold above my head in my closed eyes. I never thought about any extra sensory perception and believed Google would probably be the expert but “seeing my face above my face” wasn’t yielding great results. I followed a tiny crumb trail to... something.. which led me to something else. Over the past two years I’ve enjoyed learning about auras and energies, learned to love crystals, oils, and oracles and tarot. I’m currently into symbols and astrology and using them as guides. I tend to be of the school of thought that my information comes from angels and that they guide me to honing my gifts. I feel I can hear them and ask them questions and follow their answers. I’ve gotten incredible guidance and have learned to love strange coincidences that make no sense until something aligns later in the day or week or whenever! Last week I was tying my shoes and was feeling really confident, about to step out of the house when I hear “You’re a medium” to which I responded “Wow, thank you- I have been watching my weight.” I felt light and glowing! A day later it dawned on me “Oh!... medium..ship”. 

I had my confirmation at my next Reiki session- I was enjoying the healing spirits and knowing that I was safe and protected. That healing was traveling to parts of my mind and body that had not yet been touched by modern medicine when nearing the end of my session I hear “HELL” “GORE” and immediately start obsessing about what I did wrong. I left the session feeling horrible and walked to my favorite coffee shop in a pissed off funk. The more I walked and thought the more I cursed the session and longed for different spirituality. I text my Reiki practitioner with my feelings and to my delight she responded with “Congratulations! You’re a medium and an empath!” and told me of the 1800s Spirit who spies on her space believing her to be practicing witchcraft. Turns out she hadn't smudged that day and the little haunter came in to sway me the wrong way. Shifty bugger.

It did teach me how to feel for negative spirits- everything I do is by feeling, a sensation I have not yet learned to trust. It’s easier to see an aura and think “Yes, this is a thing I have seen and the person has confirmed their feeling in relation to that color and now I am right!” as opposed to feeling my hands get hot or an ear or my head start to tingle.

I question my sanity when I hear “give me my mouth back” while my father is cooking fried chicken and I feel the influence of a longing presence. Or when I get unwanted information about another’s sexuality. Even a gut feeling makes me feel “wrong”. I am sure it is a matter of practice and trust. The trust I need has to come from within and I haven’t learned how to trust the things I feel. I know this comes from trauma when I was very young but I wish I could trust the way being a good ESP-er should be, but everyone evolves at their own rate- including me and I need to accept that and trust that things will unfold at their own rate.

If you’re a struggling medium, psychic, animal whisperer- don’t feel bad, just because it comes naturally doesn't mean it isn’t hard work nearly all the time. Be open, be loving, be forgiving of yourself and others and watch the miraculous things that can happen around you at astounding rates.

-MarvelousMrsMagic

[safesthaveninexistence]

my jokes are astonishingly hardhitting. Like they can TANGIBLY FEEL I made a potent spiritual attack on a celebrity. Everytime I see signs that means it’s inevitably coming(chills). SHIIIIIIIIIT. I HEAR FANS SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! DAWG LAIKAS GON REAL AS FUCK OMG AND SHES GONNA BE PERFECT BECAUSE I AM PERFECT. PERFECTION EXISTS BECAUSE OF ME. Omg Laika’s gon be in my reality sooner than I think (chills).????? What the fuck…….@sooner than I think. Well damn. It’s terrifyingly real. AS FUCK. It’s STAGGERINGLY TERRIFYINGLY REAL AS FUCK. That’s crazy Laika’s coming (chills). Like Jesus Christ like I finally know how Stan Lee feels. Mindblown. Ima feel mindblown. Omg. I always access the future by visualizing seeing precisely what’s to come. I have visions of the future on command. wtf most viewed tedtalk(chills). I look stunning. Wow. Blue hair. Number one most viewed tedtalk about how I became a globally recognized zillionaire. Not a damn thing is out for reach for me (chills). I’m sexy I’m a sex vixen. Insaneeeee I’m getting chills Laika’s coming. I naturally walk into my desired reality. Like I’m so rigged to win on absolutely all the energy levels yo profoundly because I am the self validation. I succeed because I’m naturally in wish fulfillment energy. That’s INSANE THATS BATSHIT. Art imitated life. Movies imitated life. My very existence inherently oozes art imitated life and movies imitated life. Man that’s unhinged. I’m a leader pioneer and now I guide. I won’t be alone with all of the knowledge I know. The world needs my wisdom. So it’s crucial for me to be a Zillionaire Superstar. Like me fulfilling my destiny is profoundly needed. I feel mythical. I feel like a dream. My life feels mythical my life feels like a dream. Holy shit. Life is truly a dream. Got profound chills Laika was gon trib the shit of my pussy real good like dawg I can’t wait to come back to read this and be STAGGERINGLY ASTONISHED AND ASTOUNDED THIS ACTUALLY CAME TRUE(chills). In ALL aspects I make it happen. They feel my gravitational pull before I come. I naturally make it a reality. Yes it works on an energetic level too. I’m impressed with my own Godlike power damn. I blow them all away with my own Godlike power. I got the aura of The Ultimate Supreme God(Truman show type shi). They admire my level of consciousness. I admire my own level of consciousness. I admire the fact I am always effortlessly handed the perspectives that naturally leads me to the life I want to live. Not every single thought of mine come true. Only the ones that put my soul at ease do. :). I find it humorous whether I believe it or not I’m winning on both side of the coin. The timing is coming yeah I’ll talk to her. I’ll naturally talk to friends. I have a satisfying ass social life. Laika and I on FaceTime all the time. I dare to trust. I dare to believe. I’m rigged to win so my fears don’t matter. Each one of my desires come to me naturally. When I affirm it blissfully results in boundless of ways. Im at the top I’m the chillest everyone loves me by default since they all NPC. Basically. Conforming to my expectations and exceeding it. Fuck yes. Life’s abouta real perfect. It’s okay NPC have souls(chills). I was once NPC now I’m God. Escaped the matrix type shit. Laika and I our sexual tensions off the chart(chills). Fuck. I love connecting with her. Physically mentally psychically spiritually sexually romantically platonically. I naturally utilize both the physical and spiritual power. Okay. I don’t got shit to worry about I’m already doing everything right. I’m rigged to get my desires anyway. ^.^ the way I casually speak shows my astonishing intelligence. I beat the Matrix. We awakening on such a profound level of what this all shit really is. And there is a purpose. Even in the randomest lies a purpose. I get my desires at the most randomest of times and it’s always aligned with my current journey. It always get better.

[juneneysh]

this moment i just experienced > i’m not sure if it’s about a spiritual awakening or bad food for the body consequence or simply a challenge to handle myself accordingly when torn apart physically . but i must acknowledge how i craved comfort once again from a person who i sexually connect with . just to vent to them usually helps me calm mentally . this time it was just me and God . me praying, me taking deep breaths, me being fully aware studying myself times like this, me questioning pregnancy idea, me in realization how i should take care of my body better, me in wonders how people can deal w this in worst environment conditions . wow 💘

[fantasyideas1]

quotes almat

1. Dear ladies, if your friend advises you to walk, enjoy life, pursue a career, and not think about the feelings of the male? So, she wishes you happy loneliness in middle and old age. 2. Even in the worst, there is something funny. 3. We die exactly as much as the world ceases to be needed. 4. Humanity is drowning in its own shit. Author: Musin Almat Zhumabekovich

1. Cupid is a squint sniper 2. Imagination is diving into the bottomless depths of madness. 3. A person is not a person, but only another figure. Look at your prison number. These are not numbers on the shirt, but your name. 4. Sleep is a unique museum of our past, present, and future. In which there is a library that stores unique knowledge. 5. Civilization is when a wild wolf becomes an obedient dog of the system. 6. A person does not want to please people, he wants to tease them. 7. Laziness is an adverse reaction to the artificial system of society. 8. Many people have a love with late ignition. 9. Conclusions - these are human tests, that is, blood, urine and feces. They give out a piece of paper that shows which psychological diseases you are sick with. 10. The corpse of truth, is located somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. 11. Because of slang, jargon and swear words. Words will turn into sounds and letters. 12. No matter how much you read, it is important how much you understand. 13. The enemy rules you with your anger. 14. The gloom of loneliness will give either holiness or madness. 15. Love is the blues of sincere feelings. Awakening in reality something paranormal, something supernatural. 16. Madness is when garbage recycling in the head breaks down. 17. Never confuse truth with opinion. 18. Everyone is drunk by his own madness. 19. If people are directed at you: resentment, envy, causticity, sarcasm, anger, aggression, hatred, revenge, rage - know that all this is the sympathy of people, this does not mean that you are a bad person, just very attractive personality. 20. A love couple who is able to constantly forgive each other is doomed to become the happiest couple in the world. 21. Never listen, and never react to someone who does not know and does not understand you. 22. Author: Musin Almat Zhumabekovich

1. Art is a fusion of various dimensions, as if the cosmic exoticism of thinking. 2. Designated as a horse carousel, each has its own seating shape. 3. Loneliness is a very beautiful, romantic depression of reality. 4. The intuition of the subconscious is the mother of all arts - this is the navigator of the imagination leading to innovation. 5. All the romantics in the soul and mind are too mature. 6. Thought is the stage of the death of egoism and the transition to eternity of romance. Author: Musin Almat Zhumabekovich

Juicy goddess The juicy goddess. The wild cat of passion, the sultry lust of a lustful, lustful obsession, fries my libido like a juicy grilled beef steak. Juicy sexual color of dark skin in the head is only one word: Divine. My juicy, sweet, goddess. The figure is like a boom boom cool rap beat bass from which the glass breaks and twerk begins. The goddess of my most desirable passionate dreams, my God how divinely juicy her skin is, how marvelous and sweet. My echo wow pierces forever. Looking at you, I say for ages a lingering mmmmmm sound, like a mantra of pleasure. My soul is moaning from powerful orgasms looking at you. Your body forms are a whole poetry of love lust, an erotic adventure with a whole bunch of orgasms and groans in words in which true love for you is palpable. Each part of your body is a cool cool calling card of your personality, this is a poetic erotic compliment of the gods. With every second you are sweeter and sweeter in my eyes. Oh dear, how hot is too hot, how sweet is too sweet, your beauty is a spiritual aesthetic. You associate with me a burning passion and very hot sex. Hot sweetie, uhhh, how hot it is burning sexy. Immersion in your beauty immerses you in a fantastically beautiful super-reality, such a sweet and beautiful reality outside the temporary feeling of eternal love. My subconscious and conscious is saturated with love for you. Author: Musin Almat Zhumabekovich

[emilyjunk]

gf @aca-trash wanted me to write this chemily but it turned into something else and i might make it into something bigger but i thought i’d post it anyway... so heres some bechemilace-ish that might become a bigger fic lol

Emily hates boys.

Okay fine, not really. She’s totally bi, so sometimes she likes boys. Like at Worlds when she kissed Benji and it was totally awesome!

But Benji graduated and they decided not to do the long distance thing even though Emily really liked him. Benji was a rare nice and sweet boy.

She’s glad her freshman year of college ended with her kissing him.

However, Benji aside, Emily is not super fond of boys right now. Mostly because she’s been living with some of the Bellas over the summer while they look for jobs and she works as a research assistant in the Psych department for some extra credits and she’s just getting like, super fond of girls.

She’s totally feeling girls right now, if you know what she means.

And when this kid Michael asked her out after their shift in the lab and she said no because she’s kind of been looking at the Her app more than the Tinder app lately, he wouldn’t take no for an answer without like, an explanation, which was so annoying. And Emily didn’t owe him anything, but boys are totally persistent and she wanted to go home and watch Tiny House Hunters with Stacie so she just told the truth. She’s not really into boys at the moment.

And at first he was like, cool with it. Sort of. She guesses he was cool with it in that annoying boy way like he suddenly got a little cocky because at least it made sense why she was saying no to going out with him, as if the only reason she wouldn’t was because she was feeling more into girls recently and not because he didn’t shower enough (in Emily’s opinion).

But then he was all “so how many girls have you been with?” and she was like, “none yet” and the he was like “then how do you know you want to date girls” and then Emily was like “I have to go bye” because he’s stupid and she’s doubted her that very thing enough herself without stupid Michael pointing it out to her!

So yeah, Emily’s fuming a little bit about how much she hates boys when she gets home. She drops her backpack on the floor with a thud and flops onto the couch, burying her head into the throw pillow with a dramatic and prolonged groan.

“Um, everything okay?”

Emily shrieks in surprise and almost rolls off the couch, but she thankfully manages to catch herself in time and sits up instead. “Chloe! Oh my stars, you scared me. I didn’t know anyone was home.”

Chloe just raises an eyebrow and sips on the straw of her Jamba Juice. “Just me.” Then she frowns. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Emily pouts, sinking into the back of the couch again with a huff. “Boys are just stupid.”

“Mmm,” Chloe hums sympathetically and eases down next to her. She pulls her feet up under her until she’s cross-legged and turns to face Emily fully. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Emily shrugs. “I just got asked out by this guy in my lab.”

“Ooh,” Chloe coos. “Is he not nice?”

“He’s okay.”

Chloe scrunches her eyebrows thoughtfully. “Stupid?”

“No, he’s pretty smart.”

“Ugly?”

Emily slumps further into the couch. “Noooo he’s fine.” She pulls the throw pillow into her lap, her fingers fiddling with a loose string. “I just… I told him I was kind of looking to date a girl right now and he asked how I knew I was bi if I had never kissed a girl, and I don’t know. I know he’s dumb and that doesn’t matter, but also like, sometimes I can’t help but think he’s right.”

“Oh, honey.” Chloe sets her smoothie cup on the end table and grabs Emily’s hands, her face turning serious. “Em, you know how you feel and you know what you like. Don’t let some guy convince you otherwise. If you like girls, then you like girls.”

“I know, it’s just I’ve never kissed one even, so it still just feels… I don’t know.” She shrugs again. She knows her sexuality is valid and Chloe is right and all that stuff everyone is always saying when she makes Tumblr posts about this stuff and how supportive they are. She still just like, feels sad about it sometimes.

Chloe squeezes her hand. “Well, let’s do something about it then.”

“I’m trying,” Emily whines. “I go on the Her app and even went to the GSA meeting once. It’s just like, so hard to tell if a girl is also into girls and then if she does, like how do you know she likes you? GIRLS ARE SO CONFUSING!”

Chloe smiles at her, all soft and fond and tender. “I meant right now. With me.”

Emily’s stomach bottoms out. “W-what?”

“If you want to, of course. No pressure at all.” Chloe laughs. “I just thought, well, I like girls, and you like girls, and I love you, Em, and kisses are always better when the person you’re kissing loves you.”

Emily blinks, her mouth opening in surprise. “Oh. Oh like you and me kiss?”

“Yeah.”

“Like… now?”

“Mhmm,” Chloe scrunches her nose.

Emily’s brain feels like mush. “Oh. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Cool.” She clears her throat nervously. “Yeah.”

Chloe raises an eyebrow, her lips pulling up in a soft smile. “Are you sure? We don’t have to. Only if you want to.”

Emily nods frantically. “I want to.” She leans in a little, probably too over eager but like… !!!!!!!!!!

Chloe bites her lip around her grin and shifts her body closer. Emily closes her eyes as every last bit of air gets caught in her throat.

Chloe touches their lips together, slowly at first, then deepening the kiss when Emily doesn’t pull away. She tastes like strawberry smoothie and smells like her perfume, delicious and comforting and wonderful.

Emily loves it.

She whines a little when Chloe pulls away.

“How was that?”

“Yeah. Good. No! Sorry. Great. You’re great. Wow.” She traces her lips with her tongue as if she can still taste Chloe on them. She feels her eyes widening in awe. “Can we like, do that again?”

Chloe laughs, full and bright. “Totes.” Then they’re kissing again and Emily is in girl heaven.

“UMM excuse me?!”

Emily jumps and pulls away with a squeak, heat rushing into her face.

“YOU GUYS ARE HOOKING UP?!” Stacie stands there with her mouth open in shock and as Emily’s entire body probably sets on fire, Beca appears next to her, her eyes wide in confusion.

Chloe just pats Emily’s hand lightly. “Emily was just feeling like she wanted some validation about liking girls.”

“Ooooh,” Stacie grins. “The old kiss your friend thing. Love it.” Then she gasps. “Hey, I want to validate Emily too!”

Emily freezes. “You - what?”

Stacie’s long legs cross the room in three steps and then she’s in front of Emily leaning down. “Can I kiss you, too?”

“Oh,” Emily whispers, Stacie’s breath already on her lips. “S-sure.”

And then Emily like, ascends, because Stacie’s tongue is in her mouth!

Stacie giggles as she leans back, humming appreciatively. “What you think about that, Em?”

Emily like, seriously has no words, but Stacie and Chloe just smile at her knowingly, like some wise bisexual elders who have given her a spiritual awakening.

Emily would agree that’s pretty accurate.

“Your turn, Bec!” Stacie turns to Beca with a smirk and Emily glances over at her, still kind of in awe, to see Beca staring at them open-mouthed.

“What? My turn?” She snaps her mouth shut. “My turn to… to kiss… the legacy?”

Chloe and Stacie’s knowing smiles get more… knowing. Emily’s barely remembering to breathe.

“I mean, if you and Emily want to, of course,” Chloe says gently, like Beca is a fragile little mouse who might run away if Chloe says the wrong thing.

Emily wants to. She looks at Beca to find Beca staring at her.

“I mean… Emily… and, like… you guys? Me?” Beca’s mouth opens and closes a few times, no words coming out. “Er. Okay. For… for Emily’s sake, I guess. Pssh.” She clears her throat and shuffles over to the couch.

Emily’s mouth feels dry.

“Er. Are you sure you want me to?” Beca asks really quietly when she gets close enough, low so only Emily can hear.

Emily nods and leans up a little until her mouth is hovering over Beca’s. Then she presses their lips together.

Kissing Beca is different than kissing Chloe and Stacie, who kiss confidently and assuredly, playful and bright. Kissing Beca is like asking a question, a good one, one she wants to keep asking even if she never figures out the answer.

When they separate, Beca’s face is calm but pink, her eyes an electric blue that Emily wants to get lost in.

Then they’re all laughing and patting Emily on the shoulder and talking about dinner. And Emily can’t stop grinning, feeling on top of the world and happy as can be.

She literally isn’t sure how she got here, going from never kissing a girl to kissing three of the most beautiful amazing girls she’s ever met in the span of five minutes, but like.

Just wow.

Emily is hella freaking bi, and she knows it.

[depressingdivination]

My moldavite experience so far: I was already in the beginning stages of a spiritual awakening but I felt it was needing an extra little push sooo...I received my moldavite at the end of September. In this small amount of time I have lost friends I thought I'd have for the rest of my life, I'm getting a divorce, moving to another city, had an abundance of money come into my life, started therapy that is absolutely wonderful, have had an intense energy/attitude/mindset shift, experiencing the biggest sexual energy shift, came out as bi/pan, had fallen in love with someones and those someones have recently exited to the left of the stage, self-growth/awareness has been at an all time high, some of my old interests/hobbies have resurfaced (along with new ones), did I mention the intense energy/attitude/mindset shift?...and the tricks/changes just keep happening. At this point, I'm not sure if I should be happy, sad, angry, or scared. So I'm just gonna hold onto the lap bar (like the good little vampire I am) and enjoy the crazy ride.

okay, WOW. i thought my moldavite experience was wild but this is like. another level. i really hope this all turns out well for you!

[semi-imaginary-place]

I find it really funny how the hoods and helmets of this world have these little special make ear socks attached

also i finally found clothes

me laying of the floor thinking about how child labor is legal in uldah. (i mean... and slaves, but child labor hits hard given the current circumstances) like you got kids working in the mines...  there's also prostitution and implied sexual assault in the game. me too when the main quest giver started asking my character about how much dick she was getting, like no momodi I don't want to know about your sex life. they were sure pushing that T rating

So I met alphinaud and alisae ans on one hand what the hell are you 2 wearing, but on the other hand their character designs tickle my aesthetic sense i kinda like the designs. So I went and spoiled myself on google images and wow yeah all of alphinaud's designs are just my aesthetic. White, silver, and navy... did the designers look into my brain or something?? alphinaud totally stole my aesthetic! also love the song that plays when those two show up

How much time is passing in this game anyways. months? weeks?

I've become a lumberjack. Wewd

... the leather harness and subligar are back in ffxiv because I'm leveling up puglist. I keep dying...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taF4CVgx_rE

I found the song! Its called canticle! First time it played and the flute started everything ground to a halt it was that impactful.

what are the U tribe wearing. is that really the best thing to wear in a desert

Au Ra don't have external ears. they have no ear flaps. i just realized this. wait. every character can wear earrings, where to the aura's go?

there's also brain eating zombies in this game. that enjoy sitting around the campfire and snarking at me

ffxiv is making me do stealth missions to obtain the power of music honestly pretty surprised there isn't like a sniper job or something i mean arcanist has branching jobs why not archer. good thing im a level 45 miner. the teacher dude is like your classic hippie. realized he was working a dead end office job had a midlife crises and ran off into the woods where he had a spiritual awakening and now thinks everything is 5 levels deep. love him

uuuuuggg so they canonically wrote in a harem fantasy style patriachy and... I'm throwing that out the window. My worldbuilding now. My canon now. real disappointed in the writers

If there's such a focus of being nunh. You'd expect new clans to be popping up constantly especially after several hundreds of years. Like I'd be really chaotic with people constantly moving between clans. and yet new clan formation is supposedly rare? I don’t like this. my canon now. catgirl harems are OUT. interesting worldbuilding and societal implications IN.

i got a second chocobo. I named her chrysanthemum

an acceptable break from reality

wow ffxiv is on a very regular schedule. every 2 years like clockwork

... I jsut delievered somone’s used underwear...

I’m glad K’lyhia is living her best life but I was not expecting the arcanist quests to get that dark

so uhhhhh I tried to use resurrection of someone but they stayed at 0 hp. So I have to be a certain distance or what???? I clicked the name in the top left corner and then i clicked the res button, am I doing this wrong????

what is a macro???????

i still dont understand how swiftcast works

ahahaha my poor boy! that hat looks so stupid and its on 2 of his classes right now

dude. what does your teacher being a fraud have to do with smuggling deadly drugs

... just thinking about how noraxia knows about the concept of fancy embroidered underwear but not the concept of pants

so i still don’t know what I’m doing so i went and looked up with black mage rotation and now all i feel is fear.

[markoberposts]

The REAL Me (And My Cool Dream Last Night as well as the Show ‘Paradise Hotel’)

MY NEW GRAND AND PROFOUND SELF-HYPNOTIC SOCIAL EPIPHANY!

    WOW!  I just had one of the most significantly meaningful dream experiences of my life so far...what should prove to be an incredible learning experience for me in the long run, which is why I'm recording it as quickly as possible here and elsewhere so that I won't forget about it and can start using it within my remaining life ASAP!  But I first need to lay some foundation for it regarding a TV series that I'd just finished watching in its entirety.

    I had recorded all of the episodes of "Paradise Hotel" on Fox a couple of months ago just in case I'd want to see it, and at first I merely had a curiosity in it due to its advertised nature of being rather shocking in terms of what networks are now both allowing and even pushing for on TV, especially in terms of reality television between men and women.  So I'd watched the first 2 hour episode of it, finding afterword that I'd developed just enough interest in some of the contestants that I was willing to continue watching at least another episode, and it continued on like this until I'd finished watching all of them over the last week (with there having been 12 total hours worth of episodes altogether).  And what had kept me going with them was mostly the natures of the various female contestants.  I normally find pure dramas very boring, but these aren't actually pure dramas being that the nature of reality TV is such that real people are completely unpredictable and thereby carry elements of both vulnerability as well as complete surprise.  Therefore, to watch people being forced to deal with their raw emotions--even though it is essentially a drama (with other elements included)--does carry a certain degree of attraction both because of it not being scripted as well as it creating empathy from the observers in terms of it potentially being any of us out here who could also be there experiencing all of these same things with them.  But most significantly, it also does result in natural friendships to form between them that absolutely do come about if for no other reason than that the people are simply being forced to open up rather deeply to each other, which results in creating some genuine bonds between them, regardless of the nature or quality of those bonds either at the time or in the long run.

    So by watching this show I was reminded that I currently have no friends NOT because I'm hated by everyone, but more because I fail to open myself up emotionally to others, which is the key to forming friendships regardless of what the people are thinking of each other, especially during first impressions.  Of course, this is obviously known to be the case within our heads as we grow up learning about such things--as I'd learned in principle long ago--and yet getting past the emotional blockages is a major enemy to this principle; and such blockages unfortunately usually win out over us because of how powerful both these and our own emotions are at regulating each of us within our lives.  So this show had turned out to be quite impactful on me in terms of reminding me of this as well as going even beyond doing this for me.  I had seen the final episode of it just last night before I'd gone to bed rather late, which I'd done right after I'd first looked up the contestants online after the show and found a lot of them to now be both on Instagram and YouTube talking about their experience on the show in videos with almost all of the most interesting of them being on there and expressing themselves about it in a personal manner.  However--just as a kind of side-comment here--Kendall hasn't yet made a video about it, with her having been the absolute prettiest of them all.  In fact, she was the one that perhaps most people wanted to win (especially me) because of her seeming so innocent and beautiful and deserving of winning due to several factors.  But she couldn't win in the end because the mean producers of the show made it so that such people could be voted off of the show by the other contestants by simply seeming too capable of winning in the end via their potentially sticking together as a strong couple (her and David...who also had seemed to be one of the coolest and most trustworthy guys there and probably was, and with there having been a $250,000 prize going to the winning couple).  And it had seemed like they had really come to genuinely love each other during the show, but he--being still very nice to her after the show--reported just a few days ago in a non-hurt manner that she'd actually decided to focus back on her modeling career and such instead of remaining serious with him at this point, at least for now, although she would still keep him as a friend, even though they'd definitely seemed really rather strongly in-love during the show (with admitted actual concentual sex having happened between them while on the show after a good while).  And I had been rooting for her from the very beginning because of her extreme elegance, super strong beauty and attraction, and her highly soft-spoken nature.  And I had therefore thought that she had been genuinely there to form a true relationship with some guy as her biggest goal, but now instead I believe that she may have instead simply been very coy--perhaps the coyest of them all--being that she obviously in the end showed less interest in maintaining her love connection, which just became obvious because of her choosing her career as being more important to her than continuing her relationship with David at this point...which really feels sad although is probably nevertheless the wisest thing for her to do in order to take things slowly and carefully in reality.  And to be fair to her, she may not have even realized what her actual motives were for being there on the show until after the show was over, although who really knows for sure but her?  Yet, she is still nevertheless both a super-attractive model as well as a yoga instructor that I still find myself attracted to based mostly on how I'd seen her behave on the show, with her being the type of woman who's also attracted me the most in life. ( https://www.instagram.com/kendalllmariee/?hl=en  &  https://www.distractify.com/p/paradise-hotel-contestants ).  Also, the show's finale was truly rather shocking with the winning couple behaving the seeming opposite of how they'd both portrayed themselves to be like as people!  (And I won't reveal the winners here within this post just in case others either might be watching it or are going to watch the show for whatever reasons.)  But it really did kind of go somewhat over the edge in terms of it shacking together strangers of the opposite sex in order for them to instantly form relationships in order to win the prize at the end--with it obviously geared heavily toward being sexual with their having all been set up to sleep together as couples within the same beds as complete strangers, with it therefore basically being a show that pimps people together sexually for money in the end...both for the contestants and especially for the somewhat evil-minded (I say!...lol) producers of this show and others like it, particularly concerning all of the emotions that they intentionally put the contestants through with all of their dramatic "twists" that they continually threw at them in the show in order to cause the contestants great stress and emotional pains in order to make it interesting and make money from it as a result.  And although I'm not prudish, I'm nevertheless still somewhat shocked every time that I become aware of how normal it's become nowadays for people to be accepting of having casual sex and the pushing for it and portraying of it as though it were something almost at the same level as eating meals.  I don't understand exactly why this feels shocking to me, however, being that it doesn't really bother me personally to be aware of it.  So perhaps it's just that I grew up with it having such a stigma associated with it, especially with my having been raised rather religiously (although I am no longer a member of any religion with my nevertheless still being spiritual-minded as far as my feeling genuine love and compassion and forgiveness for all living things).

    So to now finally get back to my dream, my point here in describing the show was to simply lay out a foundation for the important dream that I've just awakened from, being that the two things are obviously related.  To start with, then, in my dream last night I was with a group of young adults similar to in this show who were involved in some type of a competition that had forced all of us to work together closely at the time, which probably was some type of a class in college where the students in the class are assigned to all work together on some project.  This group contained a number of very attractive women similar to those in this show, with the dream having actually been a very lengthy one where I had experienced plenty of time within it (seemingly) to get to know most of them quite well and what they were like as people.  And yet I was still my actual self within the dream, so I knew that none of them--as has been typical for me--would really feel very attracted to me.  So I went along with things and did what I was supposed to do until the project was finished, at which point we were then of course free to behave however we'd want to including choosing to no longer associate with whomever we'd no longer want to out of the group, which meant from past experiences that likely none of the women would want anything further to do with me based on their typical lack of any felt attraction toward me, and especially now with my having become older like I am, while they were all seemingly college-aged.

    And before anyone jumps on me for any of this, please understand about me that I've never been married yet nor had any kids and that my only serious relationship was around 10 years or so ago and had lasted for only about a year.  Beyond that, however, I have always been extremely shy all of my life so never did overcome my inhibitions enough early on to gain any other substantial relationships within my life.  Because of this, I've never matured in my mind beyond that of still being college-aged.  As a result, I still feel as much attraction toward beautiful women, even collage-aged ones, as I ever did, with such feelings not having simply disappeared as the result of age.  However, I have also found that--with age--I've been growing much more attracted now to women in their 30's through 40's compared to women younger than this, particularly in regard to emotional maturity.  Yet, such a fact has had no impact on completely "turning off" my naturally-continuing, still-felt attractions toward college-aged women as well, just to be completely open and honest about things.  It's simply there and perhaps always will be, which I can do nothing to turn off because it's a natural aspect of myself--of being a heterosexual human male who has a fairly strong sex drive--and I wouldn't therefore know how to, although on the other hand I've never had any difficulties controlling it as such, meaning that I've never felt any need to go out with young women for the sake of fulfilling sexual desires or anything of that sort.  And I've also never been the type of person who has either sought for nor had one-night-stands within my life, with my having no interest in them.  And I say all of this about myself merely to create an accurate picture about me, being that with the nature of my discussing these felt attractions toward college-aged women (as a small part of feeling this way toward ALL pretty women of ANY ADULT age), this shouldn't be construed as to mean that I'm actually seeking after them within my life, which I honestly am NOT, being that I'm simply too old now for them ever to really feel open to wanting a true relationship with me now in any intimate fashion.  And just to make sure that I'm completely understood here, when I say college-aged, I am NOT nor have I ever been open to having relationships with women under 18 years old!  It wouldn't matter at all how "mature" such girls might either appear or act, because I simply would never either break the law or do such a thing to them...EVER!!!  I am most definitely NOT the type to ever take such chances, NOR am I the type that would fail to care about the girl herself.  So with my knowing that she'd be too young to really know what she was doing in such situations and would therefore end up getting hurt by them in the long run on emotional levels, this is honestly enough--and would be even without the laws--to always keep me far away from girls so young, especially with such a great age-discrepancy as there would be now.  Plus, I honestly have been finding women in their 30's and 40's to appear MUCH more attractive to me than any other age group as I've gotten older and older in my life.  So I just need it to be clear that when I will discuss here about these things concerning college-aged women, it's simply because of this dream that I just experienced last night, along with how I would also, of course, be feeling if I were to suddenly find myself returning to college again.  I'm admittedly young at heart and always have been, with my ALWAYS still feeling college-aged as though I've never yet gotten any older.  So if I ever do return to college, I'd simply instead convert my natural attractions toward them into instead merely being their true and honest friends whenever they'd want such a thing--and nothing more.  I would simply never feel right in ever striving to make any of them fall in love with me--even if possible--because of the simple fact that such a thing would be robbing them of their happier life with someone their own age, which I really DO care about, being that I'm truly a very compassionate person and always have been.  But with women still in their 30's and 40's, and perhaps a few in their more-mature 20's who had left college long ago, I'd likely feel much more open toward trying to make them feel attracted to me, especially if they had gone through enough relationships to know exactly what they're open to and truly want in this regard.  So I am not a cradle-robbing-type and would never become one, regardless of these remaining felt attractions toward all pretty women including college-aged ones.  And on another note, none of this means that I'm "shallow" either, being that a woman's personality is by-far always the key factor in drawing my attraction toward them.  And if I don't like her personality, I find that I suddenly feel that she appears really quite unattractive to me sexually as well.  So I would think that this proves that I'm not a shallow type, especially with my never having been open to one-night-stands within my life.  There was exactly one small period of time where I was admittedly intentionally going against this aspect in myself, but that's for another story involving how I actually eventually overcame at least my sexual shyness enough to finally get at least one serious girlfriend in my life back then.

    Anyway, so now finally back to the dream once again.  In it at this point, we were all staying in different rooms in what appeared to be kind of a dormitory, with everyone seeming to live within the various rooms along this hall, including myself, and with the women being mixed onto this same hall along with all of the men...it therefore seeming to be like a coed dormitory.  And during the time leading up to this point, I had managed to be able to function around them by my having actually done something spectacular for me personally: I had began using a self-hypnosis-like procedure on myself.  To explain this, when I was an older teenager, I had taken some public classes in self-hypnosis and had learned how to do it somewhat...or at least what it felt like, with it being nothing but a stronger form of mental relaxation.  And for some reason for the first time in my life, I had thought to try to use this self-hypnosis on myself while having to interface with all of these pretty young women who were causing me to feel quite nervous around them, as has usually been the case for me most of my life (except to some degree while I was together for almost a year with my ex-girlfriend Mercy who had been my only serious relationship that I've ever been in so far, with this situation having  greatly raised my self-confidence at the time due simply to her having been a rather attractive and slightly younger Philippine woman).  And so I found myself using self-hypnosis on myself to keep myself much calmer than normal while working with them.  And I actually learned during this period that I could even kind of tell fibs to myself--in the form of strong ongoing suggestions--and that this was actually working to have a positive affect on me at the time.  In other words, I could strongly repeat to myself in my mind things such as: "I am not nervous" and "I don't really care that they don't find me appealing", and other similar types of things that I knew were not usually true but that nevertheless still WORKED on me!  I had therefore been finding that the power of suggestion--even done via myself and therefore being a form of self-hypnosis--was indeed working and having a very positive affect on me, helping me to manage these otherwise typically highly-stressful types of situations for me!  So at this point now in the dream with our project having come to an end, I saw the girls outside of my door walking around, yet I naturally resorted back into my typical negative thinking about them that they wouldn't even want to become aware of me again...and so I should therefore remain completely isolated within my room and hidden from them at the time.  And even though I had been working with them and remaining calm up until then successfully, I had nevertheless not really ever let them know exactly what type of a person I was truly like...my having kept everything on a fully business-like level in order to simply get the work done with as little nervousness as possible for me.

    But then suddenly something weird happened in the dream.  I found myself suddenly outside in the hall and briefly walking past one of these girls who I'd found attractive, with my then kind of simply acknowledging her very quickly and then looking away and going back into my room without saying anything significant to her, especially with her actually right then talking to other people that were further down the hall a bit at that exact moment.  And so I slipped quickly back into my room and hid as has usually been normal for me with any people who I have no actual relationship with of any type yet.  But then suddenly I found myself regretting how I'd just blown past this opportunity with her--as has virtually always been the case for me throughout my entire life in such situations.  And so I then regretfully found myself wishing that I hadn't done so.  But then, with this being merely a dream, suddenly she was amazingly (to me at the time) in there in the room with me, sitting on a chair over in the corner.  And for some odd reason, I then perceived myself as feeling like I was standing there merely bing in my underwear, which made me feel suddenly even more vulnerable and embarrassed.  So I basically tried to get behind something while nevertheless starting to talk with her a bit.  And she was doing something like brushing her hair there in the mirror while sitting there in front of it on a chair, facing sideways perpendicular to me, although she was nevertheless keeping track of me out of the sides of her eyes.  And admittedly things do get a bit fuzzy here as far as how the ensuing conversation went, especially due to this leading shortly into my starting to awaken at the time, although I do know that it amounted to her kind of effectively trying to take a better chance to get to know me, in order to see what she might think of me upon getting to know me a bit better.  I do know for certain that the idea of sexual attraction between us was no where in my mind at the time simply because I was way too nervous to even think about such a thing, although I have no idea what she might have been thinking in this regard, being that I do recall her as seeming the slightest-bit forward in terms of trying to suddenly get to know me, as if it had been her idea to magically suddenly appear there in my room with me.  Anyway, oddly at this point as my first inclination toward letting her get to know me better as a person, I began expressing to her how I'd discovered that my using self-hypnosis on myself during our project together had actually helped me quite a bit to overcome my nervousness around all of them...that this had been my personal technique at the time.  And it was at this point as I'd described about this, I believe, that I then gradually awakened, with nothing of any sort happening between us and my not having wanted anything really to happen beyond just getting to know each other better.  And my remaining impressions upon awakening at that point were that things had started to move in a positive direction concerning our perhaps eventually becoming friends with each other.  And then that was it for this interesting dream.

    And as I was then awakening at this point, I came to some further, even much more astounding realizations at this point concerning myself and how to actually help myself within my life in regard to my association with people and especially with women.  First off, let me just bring to attention that earlier yesterday I had encountered an unpleasant situation where a certain female (with several 'Likes' given to her from apparently-similar-minded females for her doing this) had called me "shallow minded" simply because I had done nothing more than to compliment actress/singer Katherine McPhee on Twitter for her looks within one of her posts where she had been focusing in on her own attractiveness in a photo where she was wearing a bikini (in connection with her new husband who was appearing to show a disinterest in her).  And my compliment had centered around stating that I would be very lucky to have a situation such as he's got now with her, with his actually being several years older than I am currently at 61 years old myself!).  And so this reaction from this woman who called me shallow concerning my honest compliment had set me into a bad mood most of the day yesterday, causing me to defend myself to this woman (and therefore also to Katherine McPhee as well via proxy because of her getting all of our Tweets about her).  I had defended myself due to my feeling--as has been typical for me throughout my entire life so far--very sensitive still to how other people both view and react to me.  So these feelings were also in the back of my mind both during and after this dream, which then, while awakening from it, made me realize that I not only can use this self-hypnosis on myself to make me feel less nervous around women and people in general, but I can ALSO use it to help condition myself away from having to always feel so sensitive to how people view me!  In other words, I can ALSO just as easily tell myself--via strong continual suggestion during such times of impact on my sensitivities and emotions--that such things don't really matter at all to me and therefore have will have no further significant influence upon me.  In fact, I can ESPECIALLY self-hypnotize myself during such times into no longer caring very much when I feel EMBARRASSED over various things--regardless of how vulnerable they might make me feel at the time!

    Admittedly, I had already done this earlier in my life without actually having realizing it regarding one certain odd thing...the act of going to nude beaches and having become okay with appearing fully naked in front of everyone.  And given the context of that former situation, I had become greatly successful at having fully turned off my embarrassment during such times, along with nothing bad having ever resulted from my having occasionally done so back then.  Of course, however, I would never actually feel comfortable with being naked like this in front of either good church members or any of my relatives; yet I think that a person feeling this way concerning this latter group of people is simply the case due merely to the nature of our relationships with them and how we are all used to associating with each other.  But my point in having brought this up is that I can do the exact same type of thing in these other areas of my life as well, my directly being able to use self-hypnosis to help me overcome even my sensitivities to how people view and react to me.  And I can especially use it to help me stop caring so much about such sensitivities, and in particular it can help me to stop always being so combative with people who end up saying bad things against me that I feel are unfair and untrue, which I've always let bother me and have fought against merely for the sake of self-defense!  And along these lines, while I was waking up, a great idea came to me of how to do this quite effectively.  In taking from the lessons of many martial arts fighting skills, I can instead softly absorb the attacks against me and gently deflect them rather than using up lots of my energy to counterattack against them!  In other words, I can accept what they say perhaps graciously even, and then I can simply offer them a counter-proposal, noting to them that they possibly could be right in certain respects--maybe--but that I was feeling there to be something different going on with me instead at the time.  For example, I can self-hypnotize myself immediately following a written or verbal attack upon my character to instead actually ACCEPT that what they've just said might be true to some degree, thereby literally discarding my sensitivities to it, softening its blow emotionally to me, and trying to actually "own" such a potential reality as best as I can just in case there might actually be even the slightest truth to it.  So I can state to them that they could be potentially correct to some degree, but that I'd felt there to be something else going on with me at the time, at which point I can then state how I had seen things from my point of view at the time, revealing such information in a completely non-combative and non-offensive manner by simply providing to them the better-sounding (and of course true) alternative explanation, just for if they might choose to eventually accept it concerning me.  And then that will be it, with my thereafter dropping the subject altogether and moving on to more positive things, with my working hard on myself to truly fully stop all forms of negatively obsessing or dwelling on the bad aspects of such experiences whenever they do happen to me, which in fact will unfortunately happen a lot more as I strive harder toward putting myself out there more and more through time due simply to the nature of people and how they often unfairly judge other people without really either fully knowing them nor knowing about the full circumstances of whatever things that they may have been  involved with.

    And so the key will be the great usefulness of the self-hypnosis, which I've just proven to be effective last night within this sleep-time dream of mine!  It will be of course a bit tougher doing this while my body is fully awake and subjected to all of the stress-related hormones and such, but it will nevertheless be the absolute answer and the only way to eventually achieve freedom from MYSELF and how my negative emotions have always worked against me by having almost always caused me to suffer from strongly-self-destructive types of behavior--on the emotional level--that have almost always ruined my chances of forming relationships with other people, especially whenever the other people are of any interest to me!  So I've definitely discovered the actual key now--thanks to this dream--toward my eventually effectively controlling my mind well enough to make truly good progress on a social level.  And what's most amazing about it, along with these other mentioned factors, is that it has a major positive side-effect in that by my using this technique, it will stop my mind from feeling concerns over things that might prevent good things from happening to me socially.  And at the same time I won't ever be pushing for anything but instead--via my simply letting life do however it wants to with me--this will thereby allow people to feel however they may want to toward me without my any futher letting this bother me nor with my ever expecting anything from anyone.  So, for example, if the situation mentioned in my dream at its end were to occur in true life, then I wouldn't let my mind race ahead worrying about any potentially-negative results any longer, but instead will from now on keep my thoughts from sabotaging me like this.  Particularly, I wouldn't let myself think of the fact that she's young and I'm old.  I'd simply keep this out of my mind as best as possible.  And yet, at the same time, while knowing that I'm so much older than she is, I equally would not be either pushing for nor hoping that she would form any type of a serious relationship with me...nor would I do such a thing concerning any women anymore at all for that matter.  And if she were to suddenly feel awkward toward me as though I were an old guy who was trying to  "hit on her"--with her of course wrongly judging me in this manner--then I'd react NOT by defending myself as has always been my habit concerning various other types of attacks of all types throughout my past, but I would instead from now on instantly take the high road by accepting that perhaps it might be true to some degree but that it wasn't what my intent was, with my also likely apologizing to her for my having given to her the mistaken impression about me.  And I will truly mean this at my deepest levels, even though I won't be able to HELP but still of course hope--at the deepest levels--that perhaps somehow and someday she might feel an attraction toward me of a deeper type, assuming that I'm feeling something deeper toward her, although I certainly wouldn't allow myself to ever pursue her in any fashion.  It would have to be ALL her at my age, and ONLY if it would eventually be fully her idea to do so, and ONLY if she would be mature enough to actually know what she would be doing, with her having already had serious relationships within her life.  So I would--as in certain martial arts--simply absorb such emotional blows against me as gently as possible in order to minimize their affects upon both of us, and without my ever "fighting back" on any levels whatsoever.  Whereas at the same time, however, I will be fighting to seriously keep myself from caring any longer about feeling embarrassed over anything...just like in this reality game show 'Paradise Hotel' where the contestants were so effectively able to do this very thing all of the time during the show.  They had put themselves really out there within it--making themselves continually vulnerable and at times doing highly embarrassing things--and yet they were seemingly all able to fully recover from these incidents and WITHOUT losing any of either their dignity, self-respect, or even their self-esteem (based on seeing some of their post-videos and such), which is a highly important thing to be able to somehow learn to do in life, but for which I'd simply never yet learned how to do.  And I think that by conditioning myself continually from now on with self-hypnosis, it will be the best and likely the ONLY way for me to achieve such a feat in the long run now, with this being the honest answer for exactly how I can overcome all of my problems that I've always felt concerning being unable to socially relate and communicate well with other people without my getting bogged down with strong sensitivities and painful emotions over things.

    And regarding the self-hypnosis that I've been referring to here, it is merely done by using the power of strong suggestion upon oneself while at the same time pushing to strongly relax and calm the nerves.  And usually--especially at first--it can also involve some "trick" such as closing your eyes and counting either up or down gradually between 10 to 0 while breathing slowly and fully and calmly.  And it's especially made the most effective by practicing it during times when it's NOT needed so that it can come to be an easy habit to reproduce and to feel very natural.  And additional things that can help even further with it, with my having studied quite a bit about hypnosis of all forms as a teenager, include also doing some tactile tricks as well such as pressing each of the fingers together gently one-by-one during the counting process.  And then at the end of each such count, while feeling much more relaxed (which means that you're actually in a state of self-hypnosis at the time), the key is to then repeat several times to yourself quietly but loudly within your mind (as though hearing yourself yell) those exact things that you want/need to make yourself feel or not feel, even with them running contrary to how you body and brain have been programmed and designed to feel up to that point.  So it simply becomes a gradually-effective way to "reprogram" both your body and brain in order to make them behave differently for you in a way that eventually becomes closer and closer to how you prefer yourself to be.

    And so this is all something greatly-positive that I've gained overnight from the combination of all three of these things at the same time: the TV series 'Paradise Hotel' with my having noticed carefully how the people had behaved within it and with my having even grown fond of some of them as a result, the incident with the woman calling me "shallow" yesterday online in response to my innocent and harmless compliment-type of Tweet to Katherine McPhee, and lastly this just-reported super dream that I had last night that had ended up as effectively gluing all of these 3 things together.  And this dream had shown me how to actually handle all of these things effectively and improve myself greatly via simply using strong self-hypnosis on myself from now on along with adhering to my new-found goals toward deflecting things by absorbing and owning them as best as possible rather than continuing to allow myself to always feel as though I need to defend myself during such attacks upon my character.  And it's also given me a way to stop feeling so embarrassed or odd when I've ended up inadvertently doing things that might cause some people to think somehow negatively toward me in some fashion.  So this self-hypnosis will truly be the absolute key through time from now on for me, especially once I have the time to start getting much more socially involved.  Indeed, as a result of this new insight, tool, and manner of thinking about everything, I will eventually get to the point that I will no longer be nearly as afraid of either embarrassing myself or inadvertently appearing offensive to other people, being that I will no longer fight them on their ideas about me, but will instead simply offer up what I feel had been the actual, better explanation each such time that they will be then free to either accept or reject however they may want to, and with my no longer allowing myself to care if and when they might choose to continue believing what they perceive to be the unappealing quality in me.  In fact, I believe that this change in me WILL eventually result in my collecting lots of friends in my remaining life as a result.  I won't let myself either predict nor care whether any specific person does or doesn't fall into liking me or not, however, with this personal rule being what will make it so effective for me because of my simply at the same time forcing myself to "put myself out there" from now on in order for others to simply finally get the chance to know the real me, and without my effectively caring any longer about my getting embarrassed over anything.  Doing this will literally create a whole new me, and this will only be possible due to my using the self-hypnosis in order to change myself in these regards, just as I had started to actually effectively realize within last night's dream.

    So I'm pretty excited about this new grand realization of mine here, and this is exactly why I've recorded this permanently in multiple places now so that I won't ever forget about it and will continually see it as my new life-style and goal from now on, while I still nevertheless maintain no true expectations from it regarding other people beyond my simply gaining the new freedom of being able to become and express "myself" much more fully around other people socially, just like the contestants do within those silly reality TV shows!  (LOL).  (And by the way, I'm now Following the three most interesting women from that show in Instagram--which links over to their YouTube accounts as well--just to keep aware of how things progress for them from now on, with my actually having gained a sincere interest in them and a concern to some degree for each of them almost as though they'd become my friends as well, thanks to how much of them it had shown them of them while truly being themselves within the show.  And also, just as a final note here, although Kendall was in fact the prettiest and most quietly elegant of them all, Rosanna was truly the most appealing as far as watching her actions went, with her seeming to me kind of like a cute and often-funny feisty dolphin in nature [my take!...lol]).  So NOW...at 61 years old...I'm finally ready to start letting my BETTER social life begin, although mostly--that is--after I've finished my still-needed computer programming work, after which the BIGGEST part of this change will be made by me as far as then starting to happen on the PHYSICAL social level for me as opposed to merely being online.  However,  I both can and will start working on this stuff, as just indicated, within my online communications immediately from this time forward!  So........YAY!!!  I finally have a real manner for now inducing significant positive social changes within my life, and I am feeling very excited about it!   :)