#source: my friend sophie

[splat-goes-the-nat]

*in a language class*

Peter, to the teacher: OH you're asking what we did yesterday

Peter: *turns to MJ* how do you say "cried"?

[dragonsdendoodles]

Enoch: That’s that cunt who kept complaining about everything!

Jacob: …I have never heard you use that word before.

Enoch: Cunt is my word, Jacob.

Masterlist

[panelshowsource]

random things to watch over the holiday break

happy holidays friends (⸝⸝^ᴗ^⸝⸝)❄️ as many of us have time off from our normal schedules, are taking long-haul flights or car drives, and will be spending hours in broom closets to avoid our terrifying families, i figure this is the perfect time to look back on the year and put together some watch links for over the break ❄️❄️❄️

—

panel shows

the christmas special of never mind the buzzcocks is always...something else

speaking of, icymi in a panel show miracle earlier this year an anonymous source provided beautiful archival copies of the first 12 series of nmtb — so this is the perfect time to revisit its classic era!!

junior taskmaster just wrapped up its first season! very wholesome, for the whole family (don't forget to check out the taskmaster podcast discussions for each episode, hosted by ed gamble!)

there were some great eps of cats does countdown this year but this one was probably my standout<3

because this series is on sky so we have to be careful circulating it, not everyone got a chance to watch rob beckett's smart tv when it aired this year! some of the panel guests include natasia demetriou, nicola coughlan, david tennant, romesh, and alan davies, among others

idk if this is controversial but i think the australian guy mont spelling bee MIGHT be better than the new zealand version... i'm not sure yet... i need someone else to watch every single episode and tell me what my opinion should be. i also want to thank this show for teaching me how to spell vinaigrette

this, this, and this were some of my favourite episodes of wilty this year!! btw the 2024 christmas episode just dropped!

there were a lot of wild lineups on mel giedoryc: unforgivable this year, but i'd recommend just starting with the first episode of the latest series because..well you'll understand when you see it

this year i made three big lists of random panel show moments that, in my humble opinion, you will love wasting your holidays hours clicking through: part 1 / part 2 / part 3

misc. tv

the royal variety performance 2024

the completely made up adventures of dick turpin was renewed for s2 so make sure to catch up!!! it's SO stupid hahaha

on a similar, less stupid note, ludwig will also be back for s2!

we're all still missing sean lock, who passed away three years ago, so it's never a bad time to revisit 15 storeys high — especially now that we have upgraded rips!

listen jon and lucy may be divorced but that doesn't make meet the richardsons any less iconic and the last two episodes just released!

s2 of alma's not normal is out this year and doing such amazing things for our sophie willan!!

this was a bit under the radar but backstage with katherine ryan was really fun! i love the mostly-documentary concept and it's one of my favourite things to see the backstage culture between these random comedians (judi x ivo killed me)

rhod gilbert's stand up to cancer documentary was really beautiful ;;

am i being unreasonable? (written by & starring daisy may cooper, from this country) is one of my underrated scripted comedies of the year

paddy mcguinness on who do you think you are

in the new jimmy carr-hosted game show battle in a box, pairs of celebs (mostly comedians) are trapped in an empty box for 24 hours, forced to play a series of mental and physical challenges. if you like the lineup then it's worth checking out!

it's christmas. just follow tradition and watch fry & laurie.

standup

ahir shah – ends (2024)

fern brady – austistic bikini queen (2024)

harriet kemsley – everything always works out for me (2024)

lucy beaumont – live from the royal court theatre (2024)

john kearns – the varnishing days (2023–4)

rhys james – spilt milk (2024)

suzi ruffell – snappy (2024)

tony law – the law also rises (2024)

films

monty python and the holy grail (1975) dir. terry gilliam, terry jones

withnail and i (1987) dir. bruce robinson

gosford park (2001) dir. robert altman

the personal history of david copperfield (2019) dir. armando iannucci

how to have sex (2023) dir. molly manning walker

rye lane (2023) dir. raine allen-miller

scrapper (2023) dir. charlotte regan

kneecap (2024) dir. rich peppiatt

youtube

been enjoying the dish podcast this year!! some of my favourite episodes include claudia winkleman, jordan north & william hanson, saoirse-monica jackson, gordon ramsay, sandi toksvig, richard e. grant, matthew macfadyen, and stephen fry

sandi toksvig hugging guests (2024 edition)

obsessed with this house tour with richard e grant

phil wang was on jolly?? it was fun to see his house

don't sleep on the taskmaster outtakes content!

radio & podcasts

green wing came back for a 6-part radio series and warmed all of our hearts<3

some of my favourite episodes of off menu this year: elis james, john robins, sam campbell, frankie boyle, lucy beaumont, jess knappett, joe wilkinson, tommy tiernan, ardal o'hanlon, huge davies (one of the all-time clips), danny dyer (this one is truly crazy on the ears can't recommend it enough)

the horne section podcast was back for a few episodes!!! if you've never listened before, start with this classic episode you're welcome

susie dent and phil wang have adorable chemistry on this new radio game show

david o'doherty and max rushden started a new podcast about what people did yesterday that has had lots of fun guests! start here if you need to give it a taste

a few RHLSTP episodes worth giving a listen: lee mack, bob mortimer, armando iannucci, rob brydon, peter serafinowicz, ade edmondson, fern brady, among others. if you find your patience waning, he's doing a couple of 'best of 2024' eps! richard's really been focused on his book podcast this year

books

frankie boyle & charlie skelton – a short history of the apocalypse: the vital guide to your future survival (2024)

miranda hart – i haven't been entirely honest with you (2024)

richard osman – we solve murders (2024)

—

i could go on forever but i've got to stop somewhere heh... looking forward to big fat quiz and more mindless telly in 2025! have a wonderful holiday x sarah

PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS • NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS ♥ https://ko-fi.com/panelshowsource

[lecsainz]

main thing

request: charles + a famous actress who is about 2 years older than charles and has a daughter from another relationship, but the biological father is not in the picture (or he is an idiot)

pairings: charles leclerc x actress!reader

authors note: man, it took me almost two days to write this, ugh! hate getting that writer's block in the middle of something I start. I was like, "come on brain, why you gotta do me like that?" but nah, it wouldn't cooperate. so frustrating!

✩. . . masterlist !

PART TWO

Age Gap Romance Takes a Dark Turn, Leaving Y/N Struggling with Broken Heart and Baby Daughter

By TMZ Entertainment News

Hollywood's buzzing with the latest shocking breakup, and this time it involves rising starlet Y/N Y/L/N and her much older ex-boyfriend, a prominent music mogul. As the dust settles, insiders reveal that the split was anything but amicable, leaving the 28-year-old actress devastated and facing heartache alone with their baby daughter, Sophie.

Sources close to the couple paint a picture of a once fairy-tale romance that crumbled under the weight of immense pressures and a significant age gap. Y/N and her ex, whose name we won't disclose for legal reasons, initially captured the public's attention with their whirlwind love affair.

Despite the initial bliss, the relationship quickly took a tumultuous turn, with the insider sharing, "It was a rollercoaster from the beginning. The age difference played a big role in their clashes, but Y/N was deeply in love and believed they could make it work."

However, cracks in their love story started to show, and rumors of disagreements and heated arguments circulated throughout Tinseltown. Our sources indicate that the final straw came when the music mogul reportedly abandoned Y/N and their infant daughter, Sophie, leaving her shattered and blindsided.

"It was like he flipped a switch," another insider revealed. "He just walked away, leaving Y/N and Sophie to pick up the pieces. It was a shock to everyone, even those closest to them."

The breakup was described as "dramatic and emotional," with Y/N left grappling with the aftermath of his sudden departure while caring for her baby daughter. Friends of the actress confirm that she's going through an incredibly tough time, trying to navigate single motherhood while nursing a broken heart.

"It's heartbreaking to see Y/N going through this," said one close friend. "She's a strong woman, but this has taken a toll on her. Sophie is her world, and she's solely focused on being the best mom she can be for her daughter."

As for the music mogul's actions, sources claim that he has shown little remorse for the way things ended. "He's been dismissive and unapologetic," one industry insider revealed. "It's like he's moved on without a second thought, leaving Y/N to pick up the pieces."

For now, Y/N is surrounding herself with a support system of friends and family, relying on their love and encouragement during this challenging time. Hollywood is buzzing with the news of the breakup, and fans around the world are sending messages of love and strength to the young actress.

As this Hollywood drama unfolds, the world will be watching to see how Y/N navigates her way through heartbreak and single motherhood. We'll continue to bring you the latest updates on this gripping story, so stay tuned for more.

ynupdates

liked by charlesleclerc , selenagomez , and 28.879 others

ynupdates sun, sand, and summer vibes with yourinstagram and the girls! beach day in monaco is lit! no room for negativity here – just good times, laughter, and making memories with our faves y/n and selenagomez! and of course, little sophie is the cutest beach babe ever!

view all 9.497 comments

selenagomez ❤️❤️❤️

f1addiction CHARLES WHAT YOU DOING HERE??

ynmoves my girl looks so happy 😁

ylngomez i LOVE this friendship

lecslerccc charles that’s is a move?

saaaainz he just liked is nothing to worry 😭

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[atzjieun]

she's ours

summary | ateez are not thrilled about jieun’s interactions with other men 

circa | april 2021

contains | 1.8k words, jealous!teez, fluff + sunji interactions !! 

notes | bold italics = english, this will be the only time i ever acknowledge that kingdom exists. (sincerely, a traumatized golcha + ptg stan)

“Stay close, Jieunie.”

Jieun could feel the light tug of Yunho’s hand on her arm as they walked down the stairs, relieved that filming had finally concluded. It was only the first day, but the long hours and lack of sleep left her exhausted, and she was glad she could get out of the view of the cameras before her mood started to show.

Who knows what the editors could do with that footage. 

Jieun chuckled at his concern but allowed him to maintain his grip on her sleeve as they made their way to their dressing room. “Oppa, I think I’ll be ok.” 

“Ya, Song Jieun!” 

The sudden calling of the girl’s name caused her to freeze in the middle of the waiting area, along with the other members of ATEEZ. They all looked back to the source of the voice, noticing the members of THE BOYZ quickly approaching, presumably on their way to their own dressing room. 

“Geez, Sunwoo. You don’t have to be so aggressive,” Jieun said, shaking her head. She took a step toward him, not noticing Yunho’s slight disappointment as he reluctantly released her arm. 

“What was I supposed to do if you kept on ignoring me?” he complained. “You didn’t even make eye contact with me during filming!”  

Jieun rolled her eyes, giving him a light shove. “You deserve it, considering you didn’t even tell me you’d be here.” 

“Neither did you!” Sunwoo protested. 

“Sophie! It’s good to see you again,” Jacob said as he approached the two, stopping beside his member. 

She smiled at him, nodding. “You too! It’s been almost 4 years, hasn’t it?” 

Before he could respond, more members of THE BOYZ showed up, each greeting the girl as they walked by.  

“Jieun! You’re so tall now!” Younghoon said, smiling at her. Jieun bowed back, reciprocating the smile as she waved at him. While the rest of the group continued on their way, Sunwoo stayed behind, as well as Jacob.  

“Wait, you know them?” 

Jieun looked over her shoulder, eyebrows raising as she saw the baffled expressions on her members’ faces, though Sunwoo spoke up before she could. 

“Jieun and I grew up on the same street and our parents are friends,” he explained. “She also came to our debut showcase in 2017.” 

A few of her members’ jaws dropped as they stared at her. Upon noticing this, Jieun frowned, tilting her head. 

“I thought you guys already knew?” She was met with blank looks and head shakes. “Remember when we were trainees and I said I was going to go see a friend’s performance?” 

“We thought you meant a school performance!” 

Jieun shook her head. “It was their debut showcase. My brother and I went to go support Sunwoo and that’s where I met everyone else.” She turned her attention back to the boy, eyes narrowing as she looked him up and down. “Anyways, Jihoon-oppa says hi. And to call him.”  

Sunwoo chuckled. “How is he, by the way?” 

“He’s having the time of his life in med school,” Jieun said with a small chuckle. “Him and Yerin-unnie are still dating too.” 

“Has he popped the question yet?” 

“No, but I think they’re waiting until after he finishes school to-” 

Jieun was cut off as she felt two hands placed on both of her shoulders, Seonghwa standing behind her. She looked past him, only then noticing that the rest of her members had retreated to their dressing room. He gave a tight-lipped smile to the two idols.  

“Sorry, we need to head out soon,” he said with a polite nod. 

“Yeah, we should probably get going too,” Sunwoo said, glancing over at Jacob, who nodded. He looked back at Jieun and narrowed his eyes. “Respond to my messages for once, will ya?” 

Jieun rolled her eyes lightheartedly, letting out a single chuckle and waving as Sunwoo and Jacob walked off. She turned around, following the eldest back into their dressing room where the other members were already waiting. 

“Jieun! Glad you could join us,” Yunho said the moment she stepped foot into the room, a sharpness in his tone she hadn’t heard in a while. Although confused, she slowly took her seat on the couch beside San. 

“Yeah, we thought you’d never stop talking to those guys,” Jongho remarked airily. 

Yeosang nodded. “You seemed really comfortable with them.” 

A frown made its way onto Jieun’s face as she glanced around the room, the other members seemingly preoccupied by their phones, though it was clear they were just trying to avoid her gaze.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked, looking over at their leader. Even he didn’t want to look at her. “If I did something wrong, I’m sorry, but I can’t correct my behaviour if you guys don’t tell me why you’re upset with me.” 

The members exchanged glances over her head, their silence causing her heart to drop. Suddenly, San wrapped his arms around the girl, squeezing her tightly. 

“We’re so sorry, Jieunie! You did nothing wrong!” He pressed his face into her shoulder, voice reducing to a whisper when he next spoke. “Please don’t leave us for them.” 

Confusion and bewilderment spread across her face as she held onto his arm. “Oppa, what? Why would you ever think-” Jieun paused, mouth left agape as she looked up at her other members. “Wait. Are you guys…jealous?” 

Their lack of response spoke volumes, the air so thick it could be sliced with a knife. Jieun carefully pried San’s arms off her before bringing herself to her feet. She walked to the side of the room, turning so she could face all the members at once. 

“You guys are always telling me I should talk to more people,” she reasoned, crossing her arms. “And I’ve known Sunwoo since I was like 6. He’s part of the reason I became an idol.” 

“But still, you don’t have to be so friendly with them,” Wooyoung whined. “You’re a member of ATEEZ, not THE BOYZ.” 

Jieun took a deep breath as she bit on her lower lip, trying to fight the smile that threatened to spread across her face. 

“Oppa, if it wasn’t for Sunwoo, I wouldn’t be a member of ATEEZ,” she said, earning a few surprised sounds from the others. “Remember how I said I was scouted in a convenience store? I thought it was a scam, but Sunwoo was the one who convinced me to audition for the company just in case it wasn’t. If he didn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here now. And do you guys remember that snack basket we got when we debuted?” 

“The one you said was from your brother?” Jongho asked. 

Jieun nodded in response. “Yeah, it was from Sunwoo. My brother and I used to stay over at his house a lot when our parents were busy at the hospital. His home became ours for a while, and he literally refers to me as his younger sister.” She sighed as her gaze flicked between each member, the guilt evident on their faces. “But you guys are my family too, and I promise I’d never leave you guys for another group. You’re the only boys I’d willingly stay stuck with.” 

“Jieunie, we’re sorry for being jealous.” Seonghwa walked over to her, draping his arms over her shoulders and tucking her head under his chin. 

“It’s ok,” she said, the corners of her mouth curving upwards as they rocked back and forth. One by one, the other members approached them to engulf the girl in a hug, effectively trapping her in the middle. 

“Now you can never leave,” Wooyoung cackled. 

San grinned. “You’re stuck with us forever.”  

Jieun sighed, welcoming the warmth from the multiple bodies surrounding her. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

BONUS #1: 

Sunwoo leaned his head against the car window and closed his eyes, grateful for the short chance to rest after a long day of filming. They were headed to the company for more rehearsals, so he knew this would be his only moment of peace for at least a couple hours.

The peace was short-lived, however, as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He let out a small groan as he took out his phone, squinting down at the screen. 

Jieun: Hello Sunwoo! This is Jung Wooyoung of ATEEZ. Jieun: Thank you for bringing Jieun to us. We’ll be forever grateful. Jieun: But she’s ours now <3 No take-backs.

The message was accompanied by a photo of the group, all eight male members surrounding an exasperated Jieun, who stared at the camera with a tired expression. 

Sunwoo snorted, quickly typing out a response. 

Me: I understand, Jung Wooyoung of ATEEZ🫡 Jieun: oh my god Jieun: wooyoung-oppa stole my phone Jieun: don’t mind him. he’s weird Jieun: tell everyone else i say hi, btw!  Jieun: cuz idk if my members will let me next time 💀 Me: I will, don’t worry

Sunwoo clicked off the conversation before going to his group chat with his own members. 

Me: Jieun says hi to everyone who she couldn’t say hi to before btw Haknyeon: Aw, Jieunie’s so adorable Changmin: Can we trade her for Eric?  Eric: What the heck man Me: No. Her members actually like their maknae Eric: :(  

BONUS #2: 

“How old is the youngest amongst you guys?” Changsub asked from across the room. 

Jieun looked back at her members with wide eyes, all of whom motioned for her to put her hand up. Hesitantly, she raised her hand alongside I.N. 

“I was born in 2001,” I.N said. Jieun nodded quietly.  

“So was I.” 

“You’re 10 years younger than me, and 11 years younger than these two,” Changsub said, motioning to his members and eliciting a few gasps from the other idols, along with silent laughter. “So you guys are the same age. When are your birthdays?” 

Jieun glanced over, making quick eye contact with I.N before gesturing for him to speak first. Behind her, she could hear her members’ quiet snickering, clearly enjoying all the attention on their youngest member. Jieun looked back, shooting them a quick glare before holding her mic up, waiting for I.N to say his birthday before replying with her own. 

“Ah, so you were almost born in 2002,” Eunkwang said with a small sigh. A couple seconds of silence passed as he looked over at his members before eventually turning back to her. “Jieun-ah, you can call us uncles.” 

Laughter burst throughout the room, the loudest coming from her own members. Jieun’s jaw dropped before putting her hands over her face, heat rushing to her cheeks. She waved her arms at them, shaking her head. 

“No, it’s ok, sunbaenim.” Jieun took in a deep breath, subtly elbowing Wooyoung behind her, the boy still bent over in laughter. 

“Our baby Jieunie~” Jongho teased, causing her to narrow her eyes at him. 

Jieun eventually sighed, nodding in defeat and hoping that this wouldn’t be something her members would bring up in the future. 

(It would. It definitely would.)

taglist: @teezingsiyeon

[buntress]

[IDs courtesy of @idmutts]

❝ Bělmeriti ❞

[PT :: Bělmeriti]

Alternative Spelling :: Byelmeriti Pronunciation :: Byel-mehr-ee-tee Word Source :: Běl - proto-slavic word bě̃lъ meaning white (source) Mer - proto-slavic word mertì meaning to die (source) Iti - A proto-slavic suffix similar to ic (source)

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Definition :: Bělmeriti is an umbrella term that can be used as a gender, a term for nonhumanity, an identity system, or in connection to other genders. Bělmeriti revolves around the concepts of darkness, cold, death, and isolation. A horrific cold that you can't escape, a chill in your bones as you desperately search for warmth. Trapped behind a wall of ice, desperate to escape your isolation, but unable to pass through the white death of the snowstorm that keeps you isolated. There is no escape from this cold, from this darkness. You will die here, teeth chattering and brain numb from the horrid cold. Concepts :: ❅ Cold ❅ Death ❅ Darkness ❅ Isolation ❅ Snowstorms // Heavy Snow ❅ Winter ❅ Silence ❅ Being trapped ❅ Survival Based Cannibalism ❅ Hunger // Starvation ❅ Madness ❅ Fear ❅ Night ❅ Hypothermia ❅ White & Blue This is not an extensive list but simply examples of what this term can contain.

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More Info + Alt Flags under the cut! For :: Anon, technically, but I had adderall in my system and went a lil nutso bonkers lol Notes :: This term is heavily inspired by Jacob Gellers video essay, Fear of Cold as well as The Thing (1982) and the game series Metro! Also along with the sourced wiktionary, I had the help of my lovely friend @sophie-spouting-specific-sighs who helped me in finding resources. We were originally going to use Old Church Slavonic, but the vibes just weren't right. Too fancy yknow? So we decided on proto-slavic instead to keep a more historical yet grounded feeling :3 Also thanks to my amazing beautiful handsome wonderful gf @chaoticsonder-mw for help w/ the teminology <3333

[IDs in alt text]

Bělmeriti Terminology ::

[PT :: Bělmeriti Terminology]

General Terminology :: ❅ Bělity (Byehl-it-ee) - Equivalent of femininity // masculinity // neutrality. ❅ Běline (Byel-eye-nn) - Equivalent of feminine // masculine ❅ TransBělmer (Trans-byel-mehr) - Term for transitioning to Bělmeriti (⚠️ Only to be done if non-harmful⚠️) ❅ BělmIN - Bělmeriti In Nature ❅ Grim // Cryo // Corpse - Equivalents to boy // girl ❅ Bělle (Byeh-ll) // Merter (Mehr-tur) - Equivalents to woman // man. ❅ Icicle - A bělmeriti person ❅ Anchor // Bight -A bělmeriti adult ❅ Frazil - A bělmeriti minor

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Attraction Terms :: ❅ Blizzard - Bělmeriti 4 Bělmeriti attraction ❅ Dyatlov Pair - Term for a two person // monogamous bělmeriti relationship ❅ Donner Party - Term for a polyamorous bělmeriti relationship ❅ Frostbit(e) - A bělmeriti crush ❅ Snow Well - A bělmeriti partner (derived from tree well) ❅ Cabinmate // Icemate // Cryomate - A bělmeriti spouse

───────

Tagging ::

[PT :: Tagging]

Archive Tagging :: @radiomogai @horrormogai @gendersystemarchive

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Taglist :: @thatonegaybrit @mimiscoiningcafe @discrophy @horrgores @smilepilled

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Cont Taglist :: @fukounagrl @scr-ppup

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Additional Tags :: @rammgender @transmourning @obscurian @melodicarias @apotheo-bah

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Cont Tags :: @honey-makes-mogai

[deep-dive]

2024 year-end:

albums: A. G. Cook - Britpop Actress - Statik Amnesia Scanner & Freeka Tet - HOAX Astrid Sonne - Great Doubt Belong - Realistic IX Bibio - Phantom Brickworks (LP II) Billy Bultheel - Two Cycles Biosphere - Patashnik (Decrypted By Sketch) Bladee - Cold Visions Body Meat - Starchris Broadcast - Spell Blanket & Distant Call (Collected Demos 2000-2009) Camila Cabello - C,XOXO Caribou - Honey Chanel Beads - Your Day Will Come Charli xcx - Brat Cindy Lee - Diamond Jubilee Colin Self - lemniscate d’Eon - Leviathan Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Quiet in a World Full of Noise DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ - Hex Eiko Ishibashi - Evil Does Not Exist Erika de Casier - Still ESP - Promise Felicia Atkinson - Space As an Instrument Fennesz - Mosaic Geotic - The Anchorite Good Sad Happy Bad - All kinds of days Hesaitix - Noctian Airgap Iglooghost - Tidal Memory Exo Jack J - Blue Desert Joanne Robertson & Dean Blunt - Backstage Raver Joseph Shabason, Nicholas Krgovich & M. Sage - Shabason, Krgovich, Sage Julia Holter - Something in the Room She Moves Kali Malone - All Life Long Klein - marked Laurel Halo - Octavia Loidis - One Day Merely & Malibu - Essential Mixtape Mk.gee - Two Star & The Dream Police Molina - When you wake up Mount Kimbie - The Sunset Violet Naemi - Dust Devil NEW YORK - Side A/B Nilüfer Yanya - My Method Actor Oliver Coates - Throb, shiver, arrow of time Otha - Club 20 Pet Shop Boys - Nonetheless Priori - This but More Saint Etienne - The Night Shinichi Atobe - Discipline ssaliva - Eat the Night Original Soundtrack Tems - Born in the Wild Tindersticks - Soft Tissue Total Blue - Total Blue Torus - Summer of Love (2024) Toxe - Toxe2 v/a - Hypersensitivity: A Decade Of Allergy Season v/a - TRANSA: Selects Vegyn - The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions Xiu Xiu - 13” Frank Beltrame Italian Stiletto with Bison Horn Grips Yung Lean & Bladee - Psykos

songs: Actress - Ray A. G. Cook - Crescent Sun A. G. Cook - Crone Amnesia Scanner - AS Over Astrid Sonne - Give my all Baths - Sea of Men Billy Bultheel - Snows of Venice - Snow Cycle Bladee - END OF THE ROAD BOYZ Boy Harsher - Machina (ft. Mariana Saldaña) [Dark Mix] Carolina Polachek - Coma Chanel Beads - Embarassed Dog Charli xcx - 360 remix featuring robyn & yung lean Colin Self - Doll Park Doll Park Contrahouse - Big Time Sensuality 2 crushed - milksugar (DJ Python Remix) deBasement - FTDJ (Thank God) d’Eon - Gilded Cutlass (Kallisti Version) DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ - Come In, Carmen Dorian Concept - Hide (Bibio Rework) Dua Lipa - Houdini (Dally L Harle Slowride Mix) Erika de Casier - Test It ESP - Break Free Fennesz - Love and the Framed Insects Fibre Optixx - What Is Love (Priori Dee-Dub Remix) Geotic - The Going Herbert - Fallen (ft. Momoko Gill) Hesaitix - Santorosae (Black Dolphin) Hesaitix - Anticrime HTRK - Dream Symbol (Loraine James Remix) Iglooghost - Coral Mimic Jack J - At Last James K - Blinkmoth (July Mix) Jensen Sportag - Power Sergio Jim Legxacy - aggressive Joanne Robertson & Dean Blunt - she’s lost control again Job - Fun Town ‘24 Joseph Shabason, Nicholas Krgovich & M. Sage - Patti Jump Source - Balance Kode9 - Nuvola Loidis - Wait & See Marie Davidson - Sexy Clown Merely & Malibu - appregiated romance Mica Levi - Slob Air Milan W. - Days in My Arms Mk.gee - Dream police Mk.gee - ROCKMAN Molina - Flowers Mount Kimbie - A Figure in the Surf Naemi - Ambergris NEW YORK - ah Oklou - family and friends Oliver Coates - Backprint radiation (ft. Faten Kanaan) Otha - Effin Pet Shop Boys - New London boy Physical Therapy & Patrick Holland - 7PM Drive Priori - Moonstone (ft. Ben Bondy) Rat Heart - Picky Eater Rat Heart - U Can See Alex Park From Ere Ryota Kozuka - Da’at: shinjuku gyoen Sade - Young Lion Saint Etienne - Daydream Shinichi Atobe - SA DUB 8 SINN6R - Ay Caramba SOPHIE - Love Me Off Earth (ft. Doss) ssaliva & DJ KIT - I see the future Tems - Burning Tindersticks - Always a Stranger Torus - Lose Control Total Blue - Heart of the World Tove Lo & SG Lewis - Heat Toxe - Som En Sol Toxe - Eating Hearts Vegyn - Makeshift Tourniquet witchcell - Killswitch Xiu Xiu - Maestro One Chord Yung Lean & Bladee - Sold Out [playlist]

movies: 103 fever (Conner O’Malley) Caught by the Tides (Jia Zhangke) Challengers (Luca Guadagnino) Chime (Kiyoshi Kurosawa) Cloud (Kiyoshi Kurosawa) Dune: Part Two (Denis Villeneuve) Evil Does Not Exist & Gift (Ryūsuke Hamaguchi) Fallen Leaves (Aki Kaurismäki) Furiosa (George Miller) Juror #2 (Clint Eastwood) La Chimera (Alice Rohrwacher) Misericordia (Alain Guiraudie) Monster (Hirokazu Kore-eda) Problemista (Julio Torres) Red Rooms (Pascal Plante) The Shrouds (David Cronenberg) Smile 2 (Parker Finn) Stress Positions (Theda Hammel) The Taste of Things (Trần Anh Hùng) Trap (M. Night Shyamalan)

games: Animal Well Astrobot Balatro Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Metaphor: ReFantazio Persona 3 Reload Unicorn Overlord Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance – Armored Core: For Answer (2008) Record of Lodoss War: Deedlit in Wonder Labyrinth (2020) Resident Evil (2002) Vampire Survivors (2022) Xenoblade Chronicles X (2015)

[bcacstuff]

it is nice to channel your passion into your vocation but it is not good to channel your addiction into your vocation or avocation. In plain English, I think it is clear Sam has a drinking problem.

It's a serious subject. People often joke about drinking, getting drunk, being hungover. And we all know that subject has come up very often in regards to Sam. His friends joke about it (Graham: Sam gets nervous when there's no alcohol within reach, Cait on one of the things for a partner: Borderline alcoholic, Sophie when she had contact with Sam during Covid and told he flew home with a certain airway because the other one didn't serve alcohol on the flight). All told tongue in cheek of course, but.... I think with a certain degree of truth in it.

Your message made me go look for an interview I remember reading a long time ago. It was about Sam training with James White, the founder of Roark Gym in Cape Town SA. James’s responsibility was to get him strong, fit and shredded for his physically grueling role… and his cover model shoot for Men’s Health SA. All while they were shooting S3 in SA.

Part of the interview was about the diet. This is a part from the interview (August 2017):

Eat only in an 8 hour window each day.

As far as dietary advice goes, I have encouraged just about every actor and actress I’ve trained to fast intermittently for six to eight weeks. This involves only having an eight-hour window in a day to eat, with the other sixteen hours being in a fasted state. During the eating window they’re allowed to eat eggs, meat, salad and vegetables. As far as drinking goes, only black coffee, water and sugar free protein shakes are allowed.

People over complicate diet in my opinion. Surely no one reading this article is shocked by the fact that in order to get in shape you aren’t allowed to eat wheat or sugar, or drink alcohol? There’s no excuse for ignorance on diet in this day and age. Ultimately it comes down to being disciplined about what you put in your mouth, chew and swallow. It sounds simple because it is.

(Sam Heughan. Photo: Sean Laurenz/Men's Health)

Choose a treat you’re allowed – in moderation.

If you’re new to intermittent fasting, as Sam was, I’d suggest starting slowly. Try starting with two days a week and increasing to five or six. We allowed Sam to have five units of alcohol a week. The man likes a drink and it seemed cruel to completely deprive him of his one true love. He could choose to drink five whiskeys in one night or have one whiskey each night for five nights. The point is that he didn’t feel like he was completely cut off from the things he enjoys and, most importantly, he also had choice. I’ve found that when people have choice within strict boundaries they respond far better than being told they have no choice at all.

(source)

I also found a video with a live chat between James and Sam, recorded in June 2017 about the training. I can't post the whole video here since it is too long, but this is the part about the diet.

Bit a blast from the past, but I thought it might be interesting to people. If you want to see the whole video click here

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! I'm Sophie of the Dreamchaser Guild!

It's come to my attention that my old pinned was a tad outdated.

Attention: I've recently come under attack from the hate subreddit r/systemscringe who has added me to their hitlist of acceptable targets allowed to be posted in their hate subreddit uncensored If you've come from r/systemscringe, please start here with my debunking of the lies and misinformation frequently found in the subreddit about dissociative identity disorder that r/systemscringe doesn't want you to see: https://www.tumblr.com/sophieinwonderland/741497564315140096/debunking-rsystemscringes-did-lies

Where I come from

I'm a tulpa. But a while ago, I called myself an imaginary friend. I was a character made up for a story that my host would talk to in order to better understand my source. As time went on, I developed more personality. I started talking to him about things that had nothing to do with the fiction. I would psychoanalyze him, wanting to understand him better.

I wasn't made to develop my own thoughts and feelings outside of the fiction. I wasn't supposed to become my own person. But I did. And this led us to wanting to learn more about imaginary friends, which eventually led us to the tulpa community.

This is being posted on my what I consider my second Birthday, June 8th, 2023. It was exactly two years ago today when we found the tulpa community, a place that made me feel validated in being myself, that made me feel like I was allowed to be treated like a person.

Why I'm Doing This

I lived the first few months of my life being dismissed, treated like I wasn't real. I was a phantom, not allowed any connection to the world. And I don't blame my host for that. I didn't see myself as real either. It's just the way the world is. And the moment my host realized I was a person, he was willing to do whatever it took to support me and treat me like I mattered.

And we aren't alone in experiences like this. When I became self-aware, I met all sorts of fascinating people with similar experiences. Many of which went years before becoming self-aware. There is no telling how many more are out there like us. How many more "imaginary friends" are invalidated because we live in a culture where we're treated as if we don't matter? And how many may pass, never knowing?

And so I made this blog to share my own experiences and hopefully be able to give people the same gift that I was given. Respect. Validity. Life.

Even being able to give that to one person is enough to make all of this worth it to me.

A Note On Spirituality...

Just so everyone knows, I'm not a spiritual or religious person. I take a purely psychological approach to plurality and believe in spiritual and religious experiences people have as psychological phenomena.

Having said that, all spiritual headmates are all welcome here. Even if I don't believe in spirits or souls, I view every spiritual headmate as a valid person deserving of the same respect and love as any other.

I also believe that the right to define our spiritual and religious beliefs is fundamental to plural culture. That it can't just be singlets who are allowed to decide what religions are or are not valid. And I think our right to religion is something worth fighting for.

My CAI Chatbots

(Note: These links only work if you're logged in to character.ai)

Anna and Galladin (Tulpamancer and Tulpa chatbots)

Nin - Worldmaker (Your AI assistant for building and developing Wonderlands and Inner Worlds.)

Signature Posts

Studies and Research into Endogenic Systems

My Resources:

How To Know If Your Imaginary Friend Is Sentient

All The Resources You'll Need To Build Your Own Wonderland, Headspace or Inner World

Our Switching Method: Ghost Switching

My Polls

My Plural Theories And Terms:

Headmate Foundations

Headmate Essential Features

Headmate Manifestations

Dimensions of Fronting

A Comprehensive Look At Proxy Bypassing

Plural Coining: Ephemerals

Plural Coining: Attunement

Plural Coining: Meta Awareness/Gnosis

VR, Plurality and Virtugenic Systems

The Plurality of... :

The Plurality of... Batman (Failsafe)

The Plurality of... Diones (Skyward)

The Plurality of... The Hybrid Chronicles: What's Left of Me

The Plurality of... Blue Beetle (Movie)

The Plurality of... Avatar: The Last Airbender

The Plurality of... IF

The Plurality of... Bill Cipher (The Book of Bill)

The Plurality of... The Exorcist

Our Plural Writing Resources

Ghost on Writing Plural Kids

Hiveminds and Multiplicity

Syscourse And Other Stuff:

Endogenic Syscourse Primer

Why I Identify As a Tulpa

The Future of Plurality

Actually Anti-Misinformation: “System Hopping Was a RAMCOA term Appropriated and Bastardized From RAMCOA survivors.”

An Anti-Endo's Playbook

Debunking Imitated DID Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

...

Reblogs are appreciated. Don't feel weird about it! Posts here on Tumblr live or die on their reblogs. I'm not asking you to reblog my posts. That seems weird. But after getting an anon that mentioned being worried about derailing a post with something they wanted to add, and another ask that apologized for reblogging my content too much, I felt this was necessary to say. If you like a post and want to reblog it, do it! If you want to add something even tangentially related to the topic, add it! You have my full permission to reblog my content as much as you want! (And I'd encourage you to reblog from other plural creators you enjoy as well!)

Thank you all for the support!

[unch4rtedwxters]

< source: Tails, one of the games i'm not really sure >

< DATA LOCATED >

< note: ⭐️ = IRL friends >

@therealsophieelizabethfoster [CALLSIGN: SOPHIE FOSTER. SUPPOSITION: ROLEPLAY BLOG -> FICTIONAL CHARACTER -> SOPHIE?]

@swans-chirping-in-the-distance [CALLSIGN: BEE.]

@queenpiranhadon ⭐️ [CALLSIGN: KAE.]

@iam1withthepeggy ⭐️ [CALLSIGN: KATE.]

css11 ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ – @calla-starkflowerstew11 [CALLSIGN: CSS11. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> CSS11?]

@kale-of-the-forbidden-cities [CALLSIGN: KALE.]

@lizahamilton [CALLSIGN: ELIZA HAMILTON. SUPPOSITION: ROLEPLAY BLOG -> HISTORICAL FIGURE -> ELIZA?]

@awful-amateur [CALLSIGN: EVERETT.]

@rxsewqter [CALLSIGN: NOVA.]

@yourtwistedlies [CALLSIGN: VAL.]

@sokeefe4evalove [CALLSIGN: SK4EL. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> SK4EL?]

@lillibethnougatesquirethe3rd [CALLSIGN: OREO.]

@loife1m [CALLSIGN: LOIFE.]

@fuzzysoulyt [CALLSIGN: FUZZY.]

@fuckimgenderfluid [CALLSIGN: FIGF. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> FIGF?]

@norwegian-trickster-god [CALLSIGN: MR. FORKLE. SUPPOSITION: ROLEPLAY BLOG -> FICTIONAL CHARACTER -> FORKLE?]

@tastetherainbow290 [CALLSIGN: AEYLIS.]

@frog-with-a-top-hat [CALLSIGN: FROGGIE.]

@tinadablackthorn [CALLSIGN: TINA.]

@mxnkeydo [CALLSIGN: RITHI.]

@newyorktimesbestsellerr [CALLSIGN: NYTBS. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> NYTBS?]

@onlyslightlyevilgremlin [CALLSIGN: OSEG. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> OSEG?]

@dreaming-in-daylight [CALLSIGN: LETA.]

@hxart-of-thx-ocxan [CALLSIGN: FISHY.]

@qylinscafvne [CALLSIGN: AYLIN.]

@riordanverseaddict [CALLSIGN: AETHER.]

@send-up-my-heart-to-you [CALLSIGN: QUEENIE.]

@your-local-multi-geek ⭐️ [CALLSIGN: JÖRM.]

@someonewhogotanaccount [CALLSIGN: KITCAT.]

@reyna-obsessed [CALLSIGN: MINI.]

@cinematics06 ⭐️ [CALLSIGN: ZETA.]

@4114yunique [CALLSIGN: YUNA.]

@lizardtheacorn [CALLSIGN: LIZARD.]

@hijabi-desi-bookworm [CALLSIGN: ESME.]

@hiraethicalreverie [CALLSIGN: SEPH.]

@mushroomcarrotstick [CALLSIGN: ARYA.]

@pyromaniac-on-caffeine [CALLSIGN: SOPHIE.]

@aston-martin-in-the-ditch [CALLSIGN: HERA.]

@writergracethepanda [CALLSIGN: GRACE.]

@elephantinahawaiianshirt [CALLSIGN: ELLA.]

@sabrine-bree-the-bravery [CALLSIGN: MAX.]

@hijabi-desi-musicals [CALLSIGN: HDM. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> HDM?]

@zoesim5 [CALLSIGN: ZOE.]

@multifandom-romantic [CALLSIGN: MFR. SUPPOSITION: NO GIVEN NAME -> BLOG INITIALS -> MFR?]

@team-leoo [CALLSIGN: LEO VALDEZ. SUPPOSITION: ROLEPLAY BLOG -> FICTIONAL CHARACTER -> LEO?]

[gamergirl-niffler]

I had a difficult time deciding what to choose. Finally, I'd want to ask for number 3 with Howl ❤️

Howl... with "Making a promise to remain friends forever"... sweetie! I feel friendzoned by him now, BUT oh well... a request is a request!

HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY IT!

My first time writing for him... so don't eat me alive...

BY THE WAY! I KNOW! IT'S JUST A SECOND WORK! AND IT TAKES ME A LOT OF TIME TO WRITE!

I AM SORRY AND I AM WORKING ON OTHER FICS!

Howl rushed over to Markl and Sophie, adjusting his shirt with a soft smile. "Markl, I hope you're ready. Sophie, you too." 

Sophie donned a hat and joined Howl, asking, "Where are we going?" 

Before he could finish his explanation, Markl interjected with a happy yell, "We're visiting Y/N!" The boy was ecstatic, jumping around in joy. 

"Y/N? Who's that?" Asked the curious girl.

Markl was eager to explain, but the wizard interrupted him and clarified, "Y/N is my friend, but she works hard, so I don't visit her often." 

"Y/N resides deep within the forest and despises it when the Master's castle intrudes upon her territory. She even sent a flock of birds after Master once," Markl exclaimed excitedly.

The wizard chuckled at the memory and confirmed, "That's precisely why we'll leave the castle here and walk to her. Enough chatter, let's go." He then opened the door, signaling for them to follow.

The forest was quiet, almost as if it was sleeping. Only sounds filling this air was the wind playing all over the place, ruffling the branches of trees and grass.

The day was warm and serene, the sun shining down through the thick canopy of trees. 

As you strolled along the forest path, carrying a basket brimming with fruits and herbs, you hummed softly to yourself. Your tail swished behind you with each step, though your ears twitched uncomfortably in the light breeze that was tickling your fur. 

As a wolf hybrid responsible for the welfare of the forest, life was far from easy, with days often unpredictable. And this day was about to prove no different.

After arriving home and putting away the basket, you let out a soft sigh and stretched, emitting a low growl. Suddenly, your ears perked up upon hearing someone approaching. It was rare for people to venture into the forest, let alone come so close to your hut. The visit was certainly suspicious.

As you made your way towards the source of the noise, you furrowed your brows and moved cautiously. Suddenly, a loud and joyful shout rang in your sensitive ears, startling you. However, you managed to catch the person who was running towards you. It turned out to be none other than Markl, a boy you knew. You couldn't help but laugh as he hugged you tightly.

"Y/N! I missed you!" He exclaimed.

You hugged him back, equally delighted to see him. "Oh, Markl! I missed you too! I am so glad to see you."

"Master Howl is here as well. Sophie stopped him to watch rabbits play!" The boy explained. "I am sure you will like her."

Your ears twitched as you listened to him. Now you were curious who Sophie was, but also you felt excited to see your friend again.

Just a few moments later, you saw him approaching; Howl didn't change much. He looked just as charming as always. You set the boy back on the ground and ran to greet him, practically jumping into his arms.

The young man effortlessly caught you and twirled you around, returning the hug with happiness. "Look at this! A wild forest beast has attacked us. How scary."

You couldn't help but laugh heartily at his jest. "Should I be scared that you came to my forest? At least you left that castle far away," you rolled your eyes and sighed. "It's great to see you again."

"Likewise, Y/N. I missed you, and I want you to meet someone," he set you down and gestured to Sophie with an open hand. "I would like to introduce you to my beloved Sophie. Sophie, this is my dear friend Y/N."

"Hello," the girl greeted you shyly with a wave of her palm.

You greeted Sophie and took a closer look at her while sniffing the air. She smelled sweet like a meadow full of flowers, making your ear twitch in interest. "It's nice to meet you Sophie! I'm glad he finally found someone decent. Come on, let's go inside. I'll make some herbal tea and cake," you said, leading the way with your tail swaying from side to side.

The whole visit was pleasant, allowing you to catch up with your friend and get to know Sophie better. She seemed like a kind and courageous girl, and you were starting to like her. However, a nagging worry lingered in the back of your mind: now that Howl had found his one true love, would he abandon your friendship for good? As you tried to put on a friendly demeanor, Howl was the only one who noticed your mood shift, indicated by your drooping tail. 

When night overtook the whole forest, you offered for your guests to spend the night in your hut to spare them from wandering in the wilderness. After preparing their rooms, you excused yourself to take a nighttime stroll to ease your mind and check for any disturbances in the woods.

Unbeknownst to you, someone trailed behind you. Eventually, you arrived at a vast meadow beneath a sky filled with countless twinkling stars. They were so numerous that you could not even begin to count them, each one more beautiful than the last.

As you closed your eyes and enjoyed the peaceful moment, you suddenly felt weightless, as if you were floating. Your eyes flew open in surprise, and you let out a gasp.

"Taking your beautiful ears, I was hoping you would hear me. Let me help you," your hand was grasped by another, bigger palm while an arm wrapped around your waist, steding you in a position resembling a regular one. "I thought you'd like it."

Looking up, you saw Howl with a warm smile on his face. 

"I do like it," you growled, slightly offended. "But next time, warn me before you do something like that!"

He only chuckled. "So? Will you dance with me? We haven't done this in a long time."

You nodded and let him lead the dance, since you felt a bit rusty and slightly uneasy. It was indeed a long time. 

The fact that you didn't look at him even for a moment didn't escape his attention, at least he could tell you're relaxed. "I noticed that during our little hang out, your tail and ears dropped. Mind telling me what's wrong?"

Immediately, you looked up at him, your ears and tail visibly stiff as you blushed deeply. "I-It's nothing. Really."

"Is that so?" He hummed, spinning you around a little. Of course, you didn't convince him.

Letting out a deep sigh, you decided to finally tell him the truth. "Fine. There is something bothering me," he simply nodded, encouraging you to continue, so you did. "Sophie is a wonderful person, I can tell she is perfect for you, but... I am just worried that now you will forget about me completely."

Your feet suddenly touched the ground. "Sit down," was all he said, and you followed, taking a seat on the grass. He joined you soon, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

Howl asked, gently playing with your ear fur, "Y/N, you have been my friend for a long time. How could I ever forget about you? Look at the sky. How many stars are there?"

You looked up and nodded, gazing at the countless stars. "There are so many. Too many to count."

"And that's for how many years we will be friends. We will be friends forever."

You looked at him, blinking back tears. "Do you promise?"

Suddenly he pulled you closer, hugging you tightly with a soft laugh. "Of course I promise!”

Returning the laugh, you nodded, hugging him tightly. "I take that promise! And I promise to be your friend forever!"

You and Howl sat there, wrapped in each other's embrace, watching the stars in the sky. As the night wore on, you eventually went back to your hut to get some sleep.

[splat-goes-the-nat]

Sam: ok fine, just sit there and be white I guess

Bucky, not paying attention: whatever you say

[nesiacha]

Excerpts from Letters and Chapters of Historians on the Break Between Babeuf and Fouché

Yes, we all know the story of Babeuf, who was at one point manipulated by Fouché. But contrary to what Stefan Zweig describes, Babeuf is far from being a simpleton (by the way, Fouché manipulated many intelligent people, whether they were aware of it or not). He was an engaged revolutionary, far more humanitarian than others, while still having insightful reflections (I admit, it's my fan-girl side of Babeuf speaking, but the letters, especially those from the storming of the Bastille and the murder of Foulon, where he condemned this murder while offering very just opinions, can be found here: https://www.tumblr.com/nesiacha/766775982269087744/gracchus-babeufs-opinion-on-the-storming-of-the?source=share). Yes, Fouché did manipulate him at one point because he knew Babeuf had humanitarian values, and here is an excerpt:

"Ordered by Fouché, who seeks to make common cause with the Thermidorians, in the context of the trial of Carrier, the man behind the Nantes drownings, it serves as an alibi for the former machine-gunner of Lyon. The method is classic. It consists of denouncing one's former political allies, exaggerating, in order to better save oneself." (Emmanuel de Waresquiel, Vendée and Chouannerie: Two Centuries of Memory, Revue des Deux Mondes, September 1993).

But Babeuf always denounced the double standard of morality (I am deliberately exaggerating here), and here is an excerpt from the historian Claude Mazauric:

"Babeuf is on the side of the Revolution and the Republic, not the opposite; it is precisely on the basis of republican and revolutionary values, which, according to him, are grounded in universal principles, that he protested against the 'decemviral tone,' the 'proconsular exactions,' the unnecessary and arbitrary violence, etc."

Moreover, Babeuf was a man who never abandoned his true friends, even in their time of need. He often wrote, for example, to the widow of Chaumette (even though she was considered the widow of a traitor). I really need to find these letters one day. In lieu of the letters to the widow of Chaumette, here is an excerpt from a letter Babeuf sent to Chaumette when he was still alive:

"Philanthropists! I announce to you my book on Equality, which I will present to the world. Sophists! With it, I will destroy all the false reasoning by which you have misled, chained, and made the Universe suffer; and despite you, men will know the full extent of their rights, nature's vow will no longer be violated, and they will all be happy."

Moreover, we see Babeuf gradually realizing Fouché's true nature. He distances himself from him until their eventual break.

Babeuf wrote on the 19th of Germinal Year III to Fouché after the popular insurrection of the Sans-Culottes due to famine and misery (Babeuf would lose his daughter Sophie because of this, a loss from which he never recovered):

"The catastrophe of the 12th of Germinal makes way for great changes. This does not mean that I renounce it and leave the party. The ideas that occupy me, together with the conclusion I wish to establish in this letter, will lead me, my friend, to speak to you about the great battle we just lost... but must we be crushed by it? No. It is in great dangers that genius and courage unfold."

But here is what he writes to Fouché in his journal The Tribune of the People:

"You have become very rich, Fouché. When I left to be relegated to the North, I believed I could place enough trust in you to recommend my children. They went to see you. You gave them ten francs one day. You took no more interest in the family of an honorable victim of the patriciate. Today, you would sacrifice four to five thousand francs to stifle a few truths. This last object deserves far more than the other to affect your heart. It is exactly a year ago, Fouché, that there was with the then government, another director or syndic of the library, than you: it was Lanthenas. He wrote to me. I still keep his letters, and I can still justify the similar propositions he suggested to me, though with a little more finesse. You don’t write to me; but you speak to me in front of Antonelle and company. I give you the same response I gave to Lanthenas. I don’t want a censor, a corrector, or a whisperer; I still opt for persecution, if necessary; I will not tune in with the Méhée, and I insist on maintaining, against you, that the time has come when every truth must be spoken. You may conspire with the current government: we know how every government conspires. I declare that I am also part of a conspiracy. It is not yours. Send your agents on the campaign as much as you want; you will not destroy it. If this letter were to be read by the patriots, I would tell them: remember that a year ago, I was more right on my own than all the Jacobins together. I loudly demanded the constitution of that time. If they had demanded it at the same time as me, they would have saved the people and themselves. On the contrary, they were long in opposition to me, constantly seeking to delay the implementation of that constitution. In the end, they recognized I saw better than them, and they came to echo me. They demanded, through Barrère and Audouin, the swift establishment of the constitutional regime; but it was too late. A few days later, their society died assassinated. Their demand, therefore, lost all force. The time for delays is over. We are no longer in times when one can wait. They say public opinion must be redone. It is too formed. The people feel too much the extent of their suffering; they can no longer bear it. To help them, there is no quicker remedy than to put them at odds with their enemies, with all those who are the cause of all they suffer. Wanting to make them wait is asking that each day add to the destructive force that is depopulating our country at terrifying speed, sending each of us, in turn, to death, in slow and horrible anguish."

And he adds to Fouché: "It has been said for some time that you were my Mentor [...] I don’t want a censor, a corrector, or a whisperer: I still opt for persecution, if necessary [...] And I insist on maintaining, against you, that the time has come when every truth must be spoken."

Babeuf understood Fouché’s ambitions and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Personally, I’ve discussed with friends passionate about the French Revolution (some of whom have opinions different from mine, even very different, but that’s fine because otherwise, it would be boring, we wouldn’t learn as well, and everyone must benefit from free judgment) who hypothesized that if Babeuf had followed the tide, like Fouché, and had not denounced him, perhaps Fouché would have allowed him a pension. The same goes for Marie-Anne Babeuf, the wife of Gracchus Babeuf and his right-hand woman (she helped him print, managed subscriptions, was imprisoned under the Directory for her activism, tried to help him escape, walked many miles pregnant with 8-months-old to organize his defense, and kept her married name after her husband's execution), who continued her political activities after her husband's death (some sources describe her as a woman with a strong character who did not back down in the face of adversity and I believe it given the trials she has undergone and how she has reacted), to the point of being arrested twice by the Napoleonic police (more precisely, she was arrested by the police for the first time during the affair of the infernal machine in 1801, actually perpetrated by the royalists, and questioned a second time by the police who took all her papers and those of her son so her property in 1808) . We know that Félix Lepeletier was a close friend to her and her children and always helped them after her widowhood. Turreau adopted one of her sons, Camille (the only good deed I found from him), and maybe Réal. But nothing from Fouché (while one of the few good deeds he did in his life was granting a pension to the widow of Collot d'Herbois). Some of my friends have suggested that it was precisely because she was cut from the same cloth as Gracchus (or maybe she wanted nothing to do with Fouché, which makes sense) and given that she continued her political activism against those whom Fouché served, without abandoning her cause. This is a hypothesis I should look into one day.

P.S.: It is interesting to see the quote from Barère, as well as Xavier François Audouin, who played an important role in the period of the French Revolution, both in the 1792 years, and was a well-known neo-Jacobin opponent of the Directory, especially according to historian Bernard Gainot (he was a Hébertist who escaped deportation under Bonaparte, either through the intervention of Monge, or because Bonaparte hoped to win over his father-in-law Pache to his side, but this didn’t work out; indeed, Xavier Audouin had married Sylvie, who according to Mathilde Larrère, though young, was known for her Hébertist activism; in 1816, Xavier Audouin, under pressure from the Bourbon laws, became a royalist). As for Antonelle, I’ve already spoken about him here: https://www.tumblr.com/nesiacha/761515728971202560/the-political-career-of-the-revolutionary?source=share

About Pache and the Audouin couple: https://www.tumblr.com/nesiacha/767044131014033408/very-mediocre-and-horrible-quote-from-buzot?source=share https://www.tumblr.com/nesiacha/767308509546266624/this-is-the-principle-of-a-friendship-triangle?source=share

(I warn you, it’s not much, but I plan to do a post about Pache one day unless someone else does it for me).

And Barère, well… Let’s just say that many people better informed than I am have already said everything there is to say in my place. I couldn’t have said or done better.

Sources:

Eric Walter

Claude Mazauric

Mathilde Larrère

Bernard Gainot

[thoughtroomba02]

TS Film Thoughts Masterpost

As promised.

Let's start things off -

Breaking News - Headlines about the film

Dec 9 2022 - her film contract makes headlines

From what I can find, this is the first that anyone knows she is producing a film. There are no details released other than it's a script she wrote and she will be directing the film.

The next we hear is Dec 7, 2023 from the Tennessean --

It's been crickets, essentially. There are no public details I can find about the film anywhere including cast list, release date, content, ETC.

Interestingly, two days ago -- though uncertain of validity of source -

I don't have access to puck so cannot confirm what the article says; but this was recent! So; in theory, she finishes her Eras tour and moves directly in to film.

More on how Disney+ ties in our next section...

Who is Searchlight Pictures?

Created April 29, 1994 - formerly known as Fox Searchlight/under 20th/21st Century Fox

Biggest success: Slumdog Millionaire 187 Academy Ward Nominations with 46 wins; 5 Best Picture since 2009 117 Golden Globe Nominations; 51 wins 66 Screen Actors Guild Award Nominations; 55 wins 137 Independent Spirit Awards, 54 Wins

Other Notable Films: 12 Years A Slave; Black Swan; Napoleon Dynamite;

20th century fox, prior to the creation of Searchlight, was prominent in the specialty and independent films market in the 1990s; it carried this interest into Searchlight, at least initially.

In 2012, it was incorporated into Murdoch's 21st Century Fox. Barf.

On Dec 14, 2017 Disney put their first bid out on 21st Century Fox/Fox Searchlight. On March 19, 2019 the companies merged and Disney acquired Fox Searchlight; Fox News notoriously split independently. Disney dropped the name Fox; so now we have just Searchlight Pictures. There is also a Searchlight Pictures TV and shorts production, which for the sake of time I will not get into.

For Funsies, here is a short film (Jun 18 2019, after Disney acquired) produced by them called....LAVENDER. About a gay man who has a relationship with a married gay couple. Can't make it up.

Anyway, since merging with Disney especially, the company seems to be LGBTQ friendly.

And yes, Joe Alwyn has worked with Searchlight, with tweets I found dating back to 2018 with Searchlight UK. Make of that what you would like, I have no real objective commentary on the matter.

Taylor as a Director

She also directed the Long Pond Studio Sessions and Miss Americana.

Most of her directorial work has been since the Lover debut. Most of which is very queer coded/sapphic.. and again, make of that what you will.

Appearances/Pap Walks, ETC

Since her split from JA, we have seen her with multiple friends in the film industry. Among these: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Selena Gomez, Keleigh Teller, Miles Teller, Sophie Turner, Emma Stone...

And dare I say.... Travis Kelce, who seems to want to break his way into the entertainment industry?

(aside from this headline; his failed dating show, his podcast, his multiple PR deals like with ZenWater... etc. I rest my case).

We also know there has been some B roll footage taken at the Chiefs Games.

Additionally, the media coverage of this relationship has been an absolute f*cking circus; with constant headlines of the two and their "engagement" / relationship dynamics. On Taylor's end, we have had constant references to Bejeweled (where she Ghosts); including Keleigh Teller giving her the opal ring.

The Speculation

Yall, this is my opinion - you can agree, disagree, etc; but I have no insider information. Just thoughts.

She makes her film directorial debut with Searchlight - recently acquired by Disney, who is pro-LGBTQ; and is clearly in deep with business deals with them, as seen on Taylor Nation and her Eras Tour Film.

We have rumors of her beginning her film production at the end of the ERAS tour, along with knowledge of her currently with B roll footage from chiefs games. We have multiple highly papp'ed appearances with her + TK; but also with multiple film stars, including Blake Lively (still not over that photo), Sophie Turner (I do think there's altruism here tbh on TS's end), and Keleigh. If you believe Keleigh is her stand in invisible bride.... Holy shit. Between the opal ring shutdown of the media circus as well as her and TS literally taking a page out of TSHOEH and dressing in character...

My ultimate suspicion is that she's using actual experiences of her current life-highly papp'ed - to tell her story. And that Keleigh is her stand in muse in this film.

I also think the @spade-riddles we've been getting about a final act ending, etc, pertain to her film. I don't have evidence aside from speculation.

I rest my case. Enjoy this post and make of it what you will.

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

does keefe come across as disingenuous to you? manipulative?

Not always. But there's definitely moments. This ask has been stewing in my inbox for a long while as I tried to piece together how I wanted to respond lol. now I know the Keefe girlies are instantly going to be triggered by the words 'manipulative' and 'disingenuous.' And here is where I remind you that literally every human being can be, and are often purposefully and accidentally both of those things. Doesn't mean they're evil, irredeemable pieces of crap, they're just words to describe the sometimes harmful actions of someone. Intentional or not. It's vocab baby! Think of them as neutral terms.

Also I feel like I lost the plot halfway through writing this, bc I AM EXHAUSTED but lol

I’m going to go in on the part about him being disingenuous more than manipulative, because I think the former has more merit. Specifically in regards to what he says about Sophie and his crush, vs what he does. I’m going to source from Nightfall onward, because I believe this is when his walk stopped matching his talk. (I had to bust out the Keefe wiki page for this lol)

Specifically, we’re following this quote and onward:  “From that point on, he only had one goal: To be whatever Sophie needed. Not the hero. Not the one taking charge of everything. Just a guy ready to listen and help and be there for her. A friend. Until she was ready for more.” - Nightfall, Keefe’s POV, short story. (takes place after Keefe’s ‘fight’ with Dimitar, through chapters 36-60) All right, this is a good sentiment. It had the sokeefe fangirls swooning, and for good reason. I don’t like Keefe, nor do I ship sokeefe, but this is quite plainly a ‘green flag’. Many people defend and cite this quote when they’re expressing that Keefe sees her as more than just a silly crush!! He’s letting her make the decision of who to like!!! But I do want to note Keefe’s comment of ‘Until she was ready for more.’ We know Keefe likes her, it’s normal for people to hold out hope for crushes and have fantasies of getting your way– but my issue is that there’s some level of weird assumption to the statement, like he’s going to end up being more than friends with Sophie no matter what. Which kinda throws the whole ‘I’m gonna be her bestie!’ thing out of the window a bit, because this still implies that his following actions have an undertone of still trying to sway her to be in love with him, and he’s not exactly what I’d call ‘friendly’ about it. Again, this comes off as disingenuous. Clearly he is not that okay with just being her friend, if his end goal is still ‘Until she’s ready for more.’ But I’m not gonna harp too hard on him for the rest of Nightfall, or the beginning of Flashback, because of course he’s still trying to win her affection and he’s still hoping she’ll choose him, he’s a kid with a crush. (And Nightfall and the beginning of Flashback don’t have established Fitzphie yet. But it’s going to get rough in Legacy, so be forewarned.) But I do think it is fair to note that through Nightfall and Flashback, all of his interactions with Sophie still have a romantic undertone through his actions and words, and it does not seem like he’s really trying to be ‘just her friend’. I’m not saying he was forcing anything upon her, or that Sophie was rejecting him (bc I don’t ship them and honestly never really saw her liking him, but I realize I am a bit of an outlier in this way so that’s not the point of this post.) – but his actions just don’t match the initial sentiment of the first quote, or at least the ‘friend’ part people defend. More so, it just seems like he’s waiting for that ‘until she’s ready for more’ moment to come. 

Keefe’s nightfall short story covers from pages 354-556, so I’m focusing on his interactions with Sophie from then on, going forward. The first interaction that has less than ‘She’s just my friend!!!” undertones is on pages 668-669. Up until this point in Nightfall, he is doing a pretty good job at not being overly romantic and flirty with Sophie. (aside from unnecessary touching and stuff, but Shannon has a weird habit of making all of her guy characters touch Sophie too much, so I’ll keep that criticism reserved for now. It’ll come up later.) But this next scene is where I feel that he creeps back into romantic pursuit territory. 

‘Sophie feels bad when she realizes that Keefe can get lost in others’ emotions, and hers are even worse. Keefe assures her that it's “worth it” and walks closer to her. She crashes into the wall, and he stands in front of her, blocking her from moving, knowing that Sophie's being ridiculous when she says that he should stay away from her, but Keefe claims that he likes to take on a challenge. When he leans in Sophie's stomach flutters as his breath tickles her skin. Keefe starts to say, "Speechless again? You know, there's—," but it is interrupted.’ - Sourced from the KOTLC wiki, so if you think this was written with a biased undertone, I didn’t write it lol. Okay, my first comment on it… who… does this to a friend? or someone they’re trying to ‘just be a friend’ to? Again, I’m not saying he’s in the wrong for continuing to flirt with her and stuff, (This scene always read to me as Sophie being mildly uncomfortable too, but that isn’t the point of this post so don’t @ me about it lol)  it’s just that it does not align with his ‘new goal’. She’s not taken, of course, and he still is hoping that she’ll start liking him etc… nothing wrong with this, except that it’s contradictory to the previous statement made in his short story. This is not ‘I’m waiting until she’s ready’ behavior, this is ‘if Grady didn’t walk in we probably would have kissed!’ behavior. Where’s the friendship sentiment now?? 

^this is the first thing that I find disingenuous, and the last thing from Nightfall.

Onto Flashback! Now I have compiled what I believe to be weirdly romantic things to do and say to someone you’re ‘just being a friend to’. All of these are from the kotlc wiki bc I am not in the mood to bust out all my books xd. 

‘Keefe tells her she looks perfect, making her blush’ - Flashback, pg 5 

Keefe tells her "Aw, the little shrieking sounds you're making are adorable." when Sophie plunges her hand into a bucket of ice water to learn body temperature regulation. (Pg. 248) 

Then there’s a bunch of instances of touching, hand holding, waist grabbing, gazing, blushing, soft smiling, flirting etc (which I am NOW going to point out, because while Fitz does the same things, he never vowed he was trying to be ‘just her friend’, so at least his intentions are straight forward.) 

My comment on all of this: people who are just friends (who are both straight and opposite genders) typically don’t tell each other they look perfect, they don’t call each other adorable, they are not constantly grabbing hands, brushing hair out of eyes, smoothing out worry lines in between eyebrows etc…  Keefe’s obviously done this the whole series, but the reason I’m not bringing all of that past stuff up is because all the books prior to the end of Nightfall, he didn’t vow to just be her friend. Of course, a lot of this chills out because then Fitzphie happens at the midpoint in Flashback. 

But boy is it back with vengeance in Legacy. 

‘Keefe says that Sophie has a cute crease in between her eyebrows and then points out that her feelings seem fluttery around him.’ (Pg. 70) 

Now here is where the REAL issues begin. Not only is he supposedly trying to be just her friend, he’s also trying to back off romantically (or he should be!) because Sophie is no longer single as of right now, and she’s dating his best friend. So calling someone you like cute in this scenario is first of all, insane, but also again, contradictory to what he’s supposedly ‘trying so hard!!!’ to not do. And yes, Sophie would obviously notice if he just stopped complimenting her 24/7, because he’s done it for so many books- but we all know that his comments and compliments are because he likes her!!! He is clearly not trying that hard to curb it atp. It comes from a romantic place, not a place of friendship. He doesn’t call Biana and Linh cute 24/7, which tells me for a fact that there is nothing ‘friendly’ about it when it comes to Sophie. 

Keefe comforts Sophie by saying that being unmatchable ‘won’t change anything, at least to people who matter.’ (Pg. 101 - 102)

I don’t have issues with his sentiment. Because he’s right, the right person wouldn’t care. I have issues with how he coaxed the secret of Sophie being unmatchable out of her using his empathy, and while yes, she needed someone to talk to… it probably shouldn’t have been the guy who’s overly obsessed with her love life because he likes her. Of course, Sophie doesn’t know this (eye roll) but KEEFE DOES. He knows. He knows this is probably the most unhealthy and worst place to insert himself considering the fact that he is just too close to the situation. But he does it anyway– bc at the end of the day, even though he claims he’s just trying to be a good friend, the ‘until she’s ready for more’ part is never going to really leave the back of his mind. I’m not saying he was trying to break Sophie and Fitz up (but we all know he wanted them to lol), but oh my Lord– he’s too emotionally invested. AND HE KNOWS THIS. So once again, it’s giving, ‘you said one thing, but you’re doing another’.  but I also don't fault him for trying to reassure Sophie, that was good friend behavior-- but he technically wasn't even supposed to know about the situation in the first place. He's obviously more invested in what Sophie chooses to do with her love life than say-- Biana or someone else.

Biana could say the same thing Keefe said, and I'd be like 'mhm, good friend!!!' but it's the fact that Keefe has feelings for Sophie that make me wince a bit. I'm not saying he's being a piece of crap or anything at all!!! Don't read it that way please-- I am just saying that his reasons for getting involved do have more... personal value to him.

‘When Ro is trying to convince them Bronte isn’t Sophie’s dad, Ro calls Sophie a “blond hottie,” and Keefe agrees.’ (Pg. 233 - 234)

Yep, because that’s totally platonic and an okay thing to agree to when a girl literally isn’t single and is dating your best friend, and you like her. 

‘Keefe calls Sophie, “awfully cute in a crown,” and even though Sophie knows he’s teasing her, she blushes from head to toe.’ (Pg. 238)

Again, the issue is that he knows he likes her, but that she’s taken. THESE COMMENTS NEED TO STOP. AND YET THEY PERSIST. 

There’s also so much physical contact. Oh my gosh. Like dude!!! Yeah you can hug friends platonically and hold their hands platonically… but not if YOU HAVE REAL GENUINE ROMANTIC FEELINGS THAT YOU”ARE SUPPOSEDLY TRYING TO RESIST !!! 

I can appreciate that Keefe was in an awkward position, and you can’t just shut off feelings, and that there were many times when he told Sophie ‘hey, maybe talk to Fitz about this!’ I don’t think he’s a wretched person (though I don’t like him.) but there’s quite a few things he says but doesn’t follow through with actions, especially in this scenario, and he bends too easily to his own obsession and feelings with and for Sophie. And you can argue that he secretly knew she really liked him the whole time- but that is not an excuse to not even try that hard to keep a distance from the situation. She was literally taken- by his best friend no less. And I know there were many times Sophie went to Keefe first to emotionally confide in, but I do believe there was a lot he should have shut down, considering the fact that he’s the one who is aware of everyone’s feelings in the scenario, meanwhile Sophie is oblivious to Keefe’s underlying intentions and motivations. She feels safe confiding in him emotionally of course, because as far as she is concerned, it is purely platonic, as it has been since the beginning (from her POV). But he knows it's not. Could one argue that he, in some ways, takes advantage of the fact that she's oblivious to his feelings for her? After all, confiding in a guy you know likes you, while you're dating someone else is kind of a big red flag-- which means that unfortunately, Sophie can't make an informed decision of where to truly draw boundaries with Keefe, because she's unaware of his romantic pursuit. (I'm not saying he's taking advantage on purpose, and I genuinely think a lot of it is so subconscious that it's hard to really say it's intentional.)

I just don't think Sophie would have turned to him in the same way if she knew he liked her, while dating Fitz.

They are teenagers. They're all dumb. I don't expect them to be perfect, and I get why Keefe hadn't confessed at this point-- but I feel like it's fair to say that objectively, it's a very messy situation due to his lack of honesty with Sophie. And the fact that Sophie didn't know Keefe really liked her in that way meant that, in her POV, Fitz's obvious paranoia and distrust feels like it comes from an unwarranted place-- meanwhile, both Keefe and Fitz know what is really going on under the surface. She's so left in the dark, and it's quite horrible to read.

And I feel that this is WHY the narrative lets a lot slide with Keefe, because Sophie doesn't know his full side of it. She has the 'oh it's all platonic!" reading of the situation, which makes Keefe come off as very innocent in her eyes. Sure there's moments when she suspects he might like her as more than a-- but they don't last long, and she convinces herself otherwise.

Do I believe Keefe cares about Sophie? Yes. Of course. Has he 100% been a good friend on multiple occasions? Yes. No doubt about it. Do I believe he would remain her friend even if he never ‘got her’ in the end? Also yes. But it’s just that little ‘until she was ready for more’ that drives me berserk. Because I feel that that is his true intention, that he’s really only trying to be her friend in hopes of finally winning her affection. Which– many crushes are like that. But yeah, that’s why I find it to be quite disingenuous. Especially because once she’s with Fitz, it still seems like he’s waiting for his wish of her being ready and to realize her undying feelings for him to come to fruition. So how genuine is his ‘friendship’ really, when a lot of it is motivated by romantic aspirations? 

Maybe I’m a prude. Maybe I don’t understand Keefe at all. Maybe none of this was ever his intention and it was all subconscious– but I truly believe he crossed some emotional boundaries that typically one does not cross when someone else is in a relationship. He tried to curb it sometimes, but at the end of the day, it just seems like he didn’t try THAT hard.

I believe that there are also more instances where Keefe is not honest about his motivations, or how he truly feels about something through the books, but this was getting so long, so let me know if ya'll want a part two lmaoooo

tags: @what-is-there-to-fear

[tilly-tilly-2827]

Little Bits of Crumbs

Reimagining An Offer from a Gentleman #5

Synopsis: Benedict Bridgerton doesn't know the definition of subtlety. Or how Eloise Bridgerton found out. Or how Violet Bridgerton always knew.

AO3 post from here!

It was a peaceful day at No.5. Eloise would have to admit that her life had become more quieter, with her two sisters respectively in their husbands’ houses, and her best friend gone on a tour of the continent with her brother. With Gregory off to Eaton and Hyacinth off to wherever she was, there was a calmness and solace in the No.5 she had never experienced ever since she was born.

She quietly watched her Mother and the maid swiftly mend away, her mother working on the tulip embroidery, the maid mending a pair of wool socks. Eloise had admired the nimbleness the new ladies maid she had on needlework. A skill she would never acquire, she thought bitterly to herself as she flipped the page of her book, a copy of Pride and Prejudice. “It’s a romance novel”, the other debutant had told her, but she rather enjoyed the witty sarcastic banter between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, rather than the romantic aspects of the story. Elizabeth was a character she would look up to, the wisest, the quickest, the most perspective…

“Good Afternoon, family.”

Eloise heard a small yelp from the corner of the room, followed by a small thump, a set of needle sticks, and a pair of dark blue socks dropped on the hems of the maid’s violet-colored skirts.

“Excuse me,” Eloise heard her say ever so faintly. “Slipped my hands.”

Eloise looked up from her book, almost rolling her eyes seeing her favorite brother skipping through the door of the drawing room with a bouquet in hand. Again in his best attire, the dark blue jacket, a navy golden botanical vest, and a shiny silver pin on his cravat, he might as well be dressed for a ball, rather than a casual stop to his mother’s home.

Although it was still Wednesday, it was the fourth time of the week she had seen him at No.5. He always seemed to be sketching in hallways and the corridors, saying the following quotes repeatedly; “No.5 has changed into the new source of my inspiration.” and “Well, this staircase is exceptionally well lit from the sunlight of this window, don’t you think so Eloise?”

It had been exactly three years since she had last seen Benedict even hold a sketchbook in his hands, and his fervent recurrence had been her constant puzzlement over the last few days.

“Flowers for you, Mother.”

“Why, thank you, Benedict.”

Placing a small peck on her cheeks, Benedict handed over the Bouquet to his mother; a bundle filled with wildflowers and Lilly of the Valleys. Her lips curling slightly, Violet passed the bouquet to the maid, asking her to set them up in the vase.

“Could you set them up by the window over here, Sophie?”

“Of course, Lady Bridgerton.” Eloise quietly observed her brother’s gaze nervously follow the bouquet, biting his lower lip as the maid left the room, almost as if he was worried that the flowers would explode into pieces.

Why would he be so nervous over a bouquet?

“Why are you here, Benedict?”

Eloise asked sharply, and Benedict snapped from his gaze.

“Splendid to see you too, dear sister.”

With his usual crooked smile returning to his face, Benedict flopped himself on the sofa next to her, taking a scone from a plate.

“Excellent view from here, isn’t it? And the weather! Splendid!”

“Benedict, it is pouring rain. Are you quite well?”

“Well, I have come to enjoy rain as well, sister.”

“Benedict, I truly cannot figure out why you have changed so.” Eloise closed her book, focusing on her brother, but she couldn’t help but notice that his brother’s gaze flickered too many times on the door.

“Last time you visited us, it was three weeks ago, and you hardly stayed an hour. And now you’ve come here three days in a row!”

“Is it a crime to pay a visit to my dear family?”

Eloise rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Suddenly we are so dear to you? You’ve never shaved when you visit us.”

“I’ve learned the importance of hygiene, El.”

“When have you ever cared about hygiene?”

“Like I said, I’ve gained a new perspective in the countryside.” Benedict took a bite of the scone, flipping the crumbs off from his vest. “Perhaps you should visit the countryside as well, sister. Wonderful effects it brings, both physically and spiritually.”

With a slight tilt of her head, Eloise stared at her brother, noticing that she couldn’t exactly deny his words at all. For the past few years, Benedict was never without bags under his eyes, always with a faint smell of liquor and cigarettes, but now he looked quite healthy, almost like he was …glowing? Eloise squinted her eyes, wanting to see past her brother’s soul, but it was a useless endeavor; she could only blink at the gleam of his silver pin.

“Perhaps I should go to the countryside as well,” she muttered under her breath, but her mother heard her at the last second.

“We still have another month until the end of the season my dearest.”

“But I have already met all the men in London!” Eloise cries out.

“Perhaps she’ll have a better chance at finding a husband in the countryside Mother.” Benedict quipped from his seat, “I have heard that there are several eligible bachelors in the countryside as well…” But Benedict’s words trailed off in silence. As Eloise turned her head around, the maid was back in the room, the bouquet placed beautifully in the glass vase.

“Sophie!” Her mother’s voice was unusually high pitched.“ Could you put the vase over the window next to the table? The sunlight is best at that corner…”

“But Mother, there is no sunlight.”

“Well, yes, yes that is true,” Her mother replied, her hands fluttering around her face, “but I heard the weather would improve tomorrow. Sophie, would you ask Mrs. Wilson to prepare for tea?”

“Yes, Lady Bridgerton.”

The maid hurried out of the room again, and Eloise could swear she heard her mother give a soft sigh. Eloise twitched her fingers slightly, knowing that Sophie was doing her job rather perfectly, then what was her concern?

“Perhaps I should leave for a moment,” Benedict quietly rose from the seat, but her mother grasped his shoulders from the back of his seat rather firmly.

“No, you shall stay.”

“Mother,”

Eloise had to laugh, seeing her brother break out in a childish pout.

“I haven’t heard if you would be attending the Featherington Ball tonight, dearest. I’m sure I can introduce you to some debutants who are excellent at their art…”

“There is no need, Mother. I’m afraid I have other pressing matters to attend tonight.”

“And yet you are idling your time here,” Eloise quipped back, nudging Benedict’s ribs playfully. “Couldn’t you think of a better excuse?”

“Oh, are you going to give me a lecture on honesty, Eloise?” Eloise didn’t like the way his brother raised his eyebrows. “How about the time you said something about flower arrangement classes…”

“Children.” Their mother’s stern voice was enough to straighten up both of their backs and shut them up. Her mother sighed again, with her hands on her head, “How am I ever going to get you two married off…”

“I am sorry to be the cause of your headaches, Mother.” Benedict quietly said. “But I’m afraid that the tea is ready.”

The table was already set, the cups filled with steaming tea with fresh biscuits on the side. As Eloise took a sip from her cup, she noticed that it was already arranged to her preference, no sugar with milk.

“The cook just had them out of the oven,” The maid said with a soft smile, “Chocolate and Marmalade biscuits, my lady.”

“Thank you, Sophie. Could you take the mending up to my room, and also the vase…”

“Would you join us, Ms. Beckett?” Benedict interrupted her mother’s words, and she could see the maid’s eyes widen in… shock? But Benedict was already pouring tea into a cup, putting one lump of sugar with just a splash of milk. Placing two biscuits on the tea tray, Benedict almost shoved the cup in the maid’s hands, but the maid took a step back. Her face was almost white as a sheet, Eloise noticed.

“Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton.” Bobbing her head into a curtsy, the end of her voice quivered ever so slightly. “But I must take these upstairs…”

“Never mind the mending.” Her mother said softly. “ You can take your tea now, Sophie. How on earth would you ruin a perfectly nice cup of tea?”

As the maid timidly seated herself in the chair with a cup in her hand, Benedict continued to ramble on about the next art gallery he was planning to submit his paintings as her mother smiled gently over her cup of tea.

It was nice, Eloise thought, seeing his brother converse quite enthusiastically about his own pursuits. He had been quite moody lately, often slouching on his chair, and was more of a listener, rather than an active participant in the conversation. Really what has happened to him? Eloise couldn’t help but wonder…

“You have a crumb right there, Ms. Beckett.”

What jerked Eloise from her daze was his tone. It was his usual teasing tone, but much more softer than she had ever heard. She hadn’t noticed that her brother had left the sofa, but was leaning against the wall beside the chair in the corner of the room.

“Do I?”

Eloise noticed the maid’s cheeks turn crimson red, her gaze cast down to her shoes.

“Right there on the corner.”

“Right here?”

Sophie’s fingers softly reached her mouth, but her brother’s fingers were quicker, softly taking the crumb from the right corner of her lips.

“Right there,”

It was a small, quick gesture, Eloise knew, but she couldn’t help noticing that his fingers lingered a second longer on Sophie’s lips, his thumbs softly tracing the outline for just a second. Almost as if his fingers wanted to stay there an hour longer.

Eloise quickly averted her gaze, feeling the hotness rise to her cheeks as well. Why would she be embarrassed by that? Her brother was only doing it out of kindness, she had seen Anthony wipe Eddie’s mouth with his handkerchief after a meal. She had seen more intimate things, Anthony hardly couldn’t keep his hands off Kate, and so did Colin. The spouses were always wrapped around their husbands’ arms, and Eloise always winced as they would kiss passionately whatever the place was. Eloise never could understand why couples were so obsessed with kisses. What would be so good about placing lips together?

But Eloise had never felt more flustered than this moment, her brother’s fingers on Sophie’s lips, it was almost as if she had invaded a very private moment of the two.

Just taking some crumbs. Nothing scandalous about that is it? It was nothing intimate, it would mean nothing at all.

Eloise quickly looked around the room, somehow desperately wishing that she was the only one who had seen them. But when she gave a glance to her mother, she noticed that her mother was looking at the pair as well, but not with a look of concern or suspicion she had expected. Her gaze stayed on the two, but Eloise somehow knew that her gaze was cast oceans away, her blue eyes sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean. Was it happiness, or was it sadness? Eloise couldn’t clearly tell.

“Benedict.” Jumping up from the seat, her brother’s name slipped out from her lips. “Could you chaperone me to the Audrey House? I might have forgotten something there.”

Benedict looked back at her in puzzlement and mumbled something about wanting to sketch in the garden of No.5 but Eloise ignored his words.

“What have you forgotten? Couldn’t you ask someone to fetch it for you?”

“No,” Eloise said firmly. “I need them instantly, and I need you to come with me.” Almost forcefully grabbing her brother’s arms, Eloise dragged Benedict out of the drawing room.

It had been years since they last had a chat on the swings. Eloise knew, that they had to talk.