#sounding in my mind now
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Another one for The Case of the Lighthouse Leapers
So we've seen multiple times that Edwin's not moving a muscle whenever he's threatened (the damsel in distress waiting for his knight with the shining cricket bat as mentioned in some posts... or a freeze response leftover from his time in hell: if they can't see or hear you, they can't hurt you) and I saw something about Edwin's motivations being based on him wanting to be safe.
When the Night Nurse threatens him directly he's still frozen...
But then Charles starts swinging at her, and Edwin and the girls are shocked, but Edwin quickly goes from shock to concern and fear for Charles (oh the way he gasps out Charles' name here :3).
He unfreezes and follows Charles... and that's something I really like. His emotions are all over the place and his best friend is taunting someone very dangerous, yet he follows... (do you also see his despair and helplessness in those few steps?)
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#the night nurse#The Case of the Lighthouse Leapers#hmm also#why are the lyrics#wait for me I'm coming with you#sounding in my mind now#and what would Edwin have done?#grabbed Charles and tried to flee?#come in between him and the Night Nurse?#taken his own shot at her?#one thing's for certain#he would have given it his all for them not to be separated
119 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
466 notes
·
View notes
Text
Have a Sun, Moon, and a StarrSpice!
I’ve been super busy with work and other stuff in my life so I haven’t had the time energy or motivation to really draw all that much, but with things settling down a bit I decided to stretch my drawing muscles and dive back in
And who better to do that with than sun and Moon? The most drawable boys ever
Very self indulgent but very much needed with the chaos in my life lately
It feels good to be back
#I’m a firm believer that they have the dorkiest laughs imaginable#like when they really truly gut busting laugh it’s the silliest sounding thing in the world#and none of you can change my mind#i played around a bit with how I draw moon and I’m really liking the half face thing#it’s been so long#sun and moon my beloved#fnaf sb#moondrop#sundrop#my art#fnaf sun#fnaf security breach#fnaf moon#fanart#self insert#self indulgent#it me!#Starrspice#my hair is turning gray#I’m only 23#my brother was 12 when his started graying#he’s 26 now and his hair has very little brown left#I’m rapidly aging before your very eyes#I really like drawing them like this#maybe it’s time to jump back into my aus with this new art style#we shall see#fnaf dca#dca fandom#fnaf daycare attendant#the daycare attendant
788 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some sketches I did to try to get a feel for what I want my Rook to look like 🤔
#I'll probably have to change the hair tbh#I haven't seen hair quite like this in the cc videos#the one dreadlocks+half bun hairstyle I saw wasn't quite the right vibe?? too short tbh#and lacking some shape#I just hope someone mods bg3 hairstyles into the game......... I had this one specific bg3 hair mod in mind while I was drawing her#but I'd settle for any long dreadlocks hairstyle tbh 😔#ironically I think I'll end up going for the short one in game 🫠 I feel like the shape of it fits the vibe I'm going for with her#which is like. kind of edgy fjdjjfjf very angular#can you tell I'm eyeing the antivan crow background for my 1rst playthrough........#sketch tag#dragon age#datv#sleepyscribble#I love her face. I definitely want to keep her face exactly like this#I'm only unsure about the scar and the makeup#I was thinking something like a lightning scar on the side of her face#which I could use to come up with something for her backstory later(trauma <3)#story wise I have a general idea of where I want to go with her but it's very like. just vibes rn#I'm thinking of going for angst with 'taken into the crows as a kid + being a crow is a huge part of who she is'#and 'being a crow is something she might want to stop being. but she can't. because she doesn't know how to be anything else'#I started thinking abt that while reading through the backgrounds and I thought yeowch. I have to go with crow now#but other than that I'm also looking forward to playing mostly purple rook so nfncnncncm she'll be an absolute disaster#also in my head her name is renata and her voice sounds a bit like josephine's
383 notes
·
View notes
Text
CHAPPELL ROAN THE LATE SHOW [2.15.24]
#chappell roan#chappell roan edit#chappell roan gifs#red wine supernova#the rise and fall of a midwest princess#the late show#the late show with stephen colbert#sam edits#LOOK AT HER GOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!#she always brings her all to everything like. GOD. this really is how she sounds live!!! she's just THAT good!!!!!!!#my mind has been reeling since winning tickets & seeing her in october literally life changing#its so cool getting to see her do stuff like this now :') my pink pony girl has come so faaaaar
957 notes
·
View notes
Text
We know what it wasn't a big secret to the cult of Bhaal what their Chosen (Durge) is a lil (a lot) obsessed with the Chosen of Bane.
Orin def told everyone who would listen about it, as Balthazar's note on "Prayer for Forgiveness" might imply.
But have we thought about the other side of this?
How many of Bane's servants present at Gortash's coronation saw Durge and went "Ugh, not them again. ANYONE but them. Dark Lord Bane, we serve you well and do not deserve this".
How many of banites had to watch their Chosen act like a lovesick fool at his own coronation and tried very hard not to cringe?
Like bhaalists were not pleased with their Chosen's affections, but I bet Gortash was INSUFFERABLE with Durge by his side.
#dark urge#dark urge x gortash#enver gortash#bg3 spoilers#random banist: didn't they die. i heard they died#other banist: ugh i hoped they did. unfortunately they're back. now our lord gortash is going to be insufferable#a new banist: what...is he doing? why is he looking at this stranger like that?#an experienced banist: my dear naive child. you're about to expirience the horrors what are being around when lord gortash loses his mind#over some murder hobo at that#young banist: I've never seen him make such an expression before#older banist: and i hoped i never would have again. who's guarding lord's personal chambers tonight?#older banist: because it definetely won't be me#nwm baneit sounds much better than banist but I'm not retyping all these tags
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
day 6: burn
#my art#smallishbeans fanart#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#trafficblr#double life smp#<— supposed to be#DO YOU EVER GET THAT FEELING THAT what youve just drawn is like. a complete copy of something you’ve seen before#but you cant for the life of you remember what the fuck it was so youre not sure if thats true or not#because im getting that right nowand its SO BAD FOR MY ANXIETY RAAGDRGH#i literally had no idea what to do for this prompt i just did whatever came to mind first that didnt sound too hard for my tired brain#i procrastinated so i stayed up a little later finishing this so now its like. Bad hours of the night you know#maybe thats why my anxiety / paranoia is kicking in yikers im going to sleep now
161 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know, after watching day 3 of the democratic national convention, i need to say something, especially to other muslims like me.
most of the muslim communities that i'm a part of have chosen to vote uncommitted, or independent, or sometimes, even trump. they refuse to give their vote to kamala harris and tim walz, because of the way the us has handled the war in gaza, and how they have been careless with acknowledging palestinian lives lost, how it was american bombs and american tax money that went towards funding this genocide. it's fucked up, and it's wrong, and there shouldn't be any debate on that.
and i am 100% in support of that anger. i am 100% in support of forcing america to stop funding this genocide. no one wants to keep seeing palestinian lives suffer. no one is free until we're all free, and i believe that to my very core.
my only concern is that where this anger is being placed, from 1 year to 11 weeks before the presidential election, is so scary. because the reality of the situation is that america has a bipartisan outlook. whoever gets the presidency is either democrat or republican. and every vote that doesn't go towards democracy (i.e. voting for kamala harris) inadvertently goes towards trump's big plan of project 2025, which is basically dictatorship. Even voting uncommitted, even voting independent. we cannot afford to elect trump for a second term, and voting anything other than democrat draws that line way too close, especially in swing states like michigan, pennsylvania, wisconsin, georgia.
yes, there are many issues that we wish joe biden would handle better. there are many ways that the democratic party has fucked up beyond repair. there are many ways the democratic party has refused to acknowledge the pain of people affected by their military people throughout the years, and we've been seeing it for years. this is not a new thing. this did not start on october 7th. we see it during pretty much every administration.
however, voting for your candidate should never be based on a singular issue. no political candidate is ever going to check every single box. and its so unfortunate that we have to always take the "lesser of two evils" approach when nominating our president, but that's the reality of the situation at this very moment. there are many other rights to be considered that are at stake this election, all of which trump is trying to remove. abortion bans, women's rights, healthcare, social security, climate change, to name a few.
(and, somehow, there's a belief that trump will lead to a ceasefire deal where biden-harris didn't? let me tell you that is never going to happen.)
does this mean we just stop protesting or pressuring? absolutely not. you NEVER stop, because if our votes are the ones that put the candidate in their position of power, then we expect results. we expect them to work towards what they promised. and we can't let up on reaching out to our local county offices and our state governors and escalating these issues further until someone takes notice and does something about them. we don't elect them and just leave them to do what they want. we keep them accountable. use that anger i was talking about.
but it also means not having tunnel vision. the election in november could very well mean the end of democracy if kamala harris doesn't win. this post is not me all giggly-happy over the democratic party, because trust me, i have my fair share of issues with them as well. this post isn't to tell you what to do, because i can't force you to vote blue. i can't force the community i'm in to change their minds about toss-up votes. but what i can do is put down plainly what's at stake this election. and that is, very simply, our right to choose everything.
so if you are eligible to vote and haven't registered, please do. if you haven't voted before because "what's the point", please see above what the point is. a handful of votes is enough to flip the outcome of an election, especially with the electoral college.
and if you're still on the fence on whether to vote for kamala or trump, hopefully this post gives a little bit more perspective in the most streamlined way i could manage without bogging you down with statistics and numbers.
the choice is yours.
#zee rambles#as a muslim person of color who is going to practice medicine in this country there is just so much at stake#us politics#politics#vote democrat#democracy#2024 elections#elections#us elections#this post got a little long. but hopefully it inspires some of you#and for those of us who are in communities where people are teetering between harris and trump#it boggles my mind sometimes#tumblr has been so silent about politics and i get it but also there needs to be more encouragement to go out and vote#if you're protesting right now that's completely okay#it's just that ballot in november is so so important for the future of this country#so we have at least a chance towards a world we want versus losing everything we know altogether if trump gets re-elected#ty chey for looking this over and making sure i didn't sound like an idiot <3 mwah ly
251 notes
·
View notes
Text
there's something incredibly beautiful about tyler saying that navigating is his least favourite track from the album and then playing it live and smiling like crazy when the crowd was screaming the lyrics at him
#i think he probably changed his mind about the song because he knows how much we all love it#also it sounds so fucking good live omg#hope he loves it now#i was so right for picking this url#pardon my delay indeed#twenty one pilots#clancy tour#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
169 notes
·
View notes
Text
#rereading trc while simultaneously falling back into aftg stuff by virtue of reading tsc and thereby transporting myself back to when i#was sixteen but it's fine it's totally fine like it's whatever 😁👍#r.txt#anyway. me when – me when i – me when i'm trying to tell my best friend that i'm gay but i'm also trying to tell him i can take stuff from#my dreams and i took my now pet raven from my dreams like from my head i'm a dreamer but also that's kind of the same thing but also it's#really not but also it is bc it's an allegory but also that's not the only thing the dreaming is an allegory for and also i'm scared to tel#him like i'm terrified actually and i don't want to tell him but also i need to tell him but also he already knows but i don't know that he#knows and also i was goinggggg to tellllllll himmmmmm arghhhhhhh#this scene is soooooooooo like. like AOUGH. ARGH OUGH AGH AOUGHHHHHH#<- sounds of a guy taking minus xp damage with every word read of this stupid scene. he literally was going to tell gansey 😕.........#trc#ronsey#like i need 2 lay down. he came out there to tell him......the timbre of his voice being described as strange&initially unrecognizable....#i read this part like. 2 weeks ago idk. smth of the sort. and i'm STILL thinking abt it....you came out for something.....when you'd made u#ur mind to confess but ur mouth betrayed you in the end......associated with secrets and guilt......MAN.....
227 notes
·
View notes
Text
rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)
(but it did inspire me)
on another note
finally!!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#kurogiri#I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static#it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah#I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all#after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters#anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun#it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends#and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume#I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd#and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring#it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201#and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too#since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time#because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them#but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them#and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume#they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18
217 notes
·
View notes
Note
What kind of nu metal music fits Les's band?
First of all I gotta clarify that I sent this ask myself because I accidentally lost the original through constant editing and drafting. I realize I could just make a regular text post but I'm quirky like that, and a question is a nice little attention grabber for those who are interested.
Anyway...
It's hard to point at one song and say this is their sound, because A: I'm picky, B: the band's style changes over time, and C: I don't know what I'm doing lmao
This answer is very long uhh I don't seem to be able to form short responses, mi scusi 😅
Back at home the brothers' music and then also the first year on the road with Flea the band sounds like the albums Music and especially Grassroots by 311. (Grassroots is such a banger of an album, I listen to it all the time, really recommend.)
Hed's the main influence on the band's sound because he's the main vocalist, songwriter and overall the most invested in the band succeeding (Les's main concern is making ends meet, and Flea is just enjoying the ride lol). At the start Hed and Les have had basically no contact with Rock Trolls so even though they're both more metal/punk than regular rock, their "rock side" is softer at this point. Hed also grew up with hip hop because of his peers so there's a lot of rapping in his lyrics. And he also incorporates reggae into his style a lot because of his favorite uncle, Kymani (one of the guys who live with Ish) who is a Reggae Troll. Hed is pretty much a sponge when it comes to music, much like Floyd. The closest I can come to describing his genre is a fusion of Rap Metal and Reggae Rock which are both already fusion genres jskksdjsk
(The band 311 has two singers and oddly they both sound like Hed and Les to me. SA Martinez (the higher of the two voices) sounds 100%, exactly like how I've imagined Hed's voice in my head. For Les I have a different voice claim because Les's personal style of music is much different from the band, but Nick Hexum (the lead vocalist here) is still in the second place when it comes to voice alone. Imagine my enthusiastic surprise finding voices for both brothers in the same band 😄)
examples from the two albums:
youtube
youtube
youtube
...
While driving around and performing small gigs they come in contact with the alternative and nu metal scene and meet a lot of Rock Trolls (mostly various Metal Trolls) and other mixed trolls, and in the following couple of years their sound gradually becomes heavier (Hed rediscovers screamo lol) and they go from rock to metal.
A year into their "touring" is also around the time Hed meets and starts dating Liv and gets her to join the band. Liv's genre has the heaviest sound of all of them (Industrial/EBM), which influences Hed and the band too. And with Liv on the drums, Hed takes over DJ-ing and is also able to put more focus on the vocals, which also makes Les step down and only sing backing vocals with the rest of the band if needed.
The band in this era sounds like the album Revolution by Insolence and to some degree Introduction to Mayhem by Primer 55.
examples from the albums:
youtube
youtube
youtube
...
Two years into the bands existence is when Floyd runs into them. At first he's more just standing there, observing their practices and performances warily, because he's had bad experiences with Rock Trolls in his one year alone and metal music still kinda freaks him out at this point. But he soon starts joining in in melodic parts and then it progresses into him singing longer and longer segments because he has the strongest vocals of everyone. And once he saves enough of his earnings for a guitar he starts playing the rhythm guitar too. (The guitar he took with him when he left the Troll Tree got stolen before he met the band.)
I guess I should clarify: Flea is the lead guitarist, Les is the bassist, and Liv and Hed switch on the drums and DJ-ing depending on the track. At one point they also get a keyboard.
It's also not that long before Hed and Floyd start actively writing songs together, sharing each others notes, and they start to split the singing parts more evenly. Hed even teaches Floyd screamo techniques, because he thinks Floyd has a great voice for them (He is correct, Floyd has a mean scream 😁).
During this time the band still pretty much sounds like Revolution by Insolence but with more melodic singing parts from Floyd (and screaming/shouting lmao). I think Verge of Umbra is another good band to compare, it sounds more clean and Floydy but still Hedy. (Man, I should write scientific research papers skjdkjf)
youtube
↑↑↑ song with the lyrics from the drawing at the top
youtube
youtube
youtube
From here on out I'm a bit unsure how the band's sound develops, but I'm pretty sure Floyd would unintentionally infect them with a mild case of radio friendliness (Pop trolls can't help their in your face nature lmao 😞). So for now I'm stopping here...
This took me days of searching and writing so I would appreciate to hear any thoughts you have if you've come this far and given some of the songs a listen. :)
#i spent way too much time on this rip#but i'm happy i did all the research bc now i have an album to point to that sounds a lot like what i had in my mind for the band#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls floyd#trolls oc#ex bandmates#hed#les#liv#flea#answered#my art#long post#music#nu metal#alternative metal#insolence#insolence band#primer 55#verge of umbra#311#311 band
193 notes
·
View notes
Text
fantasy laughingstock mawwiage but make it potc3 Flavor-
#theyre supposed to be holding hands but i couldnt draw it for the life of me so#half assed it is!!!!#or.... no assed it is!!!#in my mind this is a job gone Phenomenally wrong. like horribly wrong#the group is outnumbered and cornered and-#its fine in the end tho#and howdy & barnaby are left standing there like 'so we didnt die. looks like we're husbands now! lets go find some neat rings'#in the meantime wally and julie braid them rings out of grass & flowers#actually wait omg#imagining there's a spell that can freeze the flower rings so that they wont break/decompose#all of barnaby's normal metal rings and then there's one made of plants... of Life... OUUUGHHHHHHHH#< thats the sound of me dying so dramatically. im talking nimona-as-ambrosius level of dramatic death#scribble salad#laughingstock#wh fantasy au#wait omggggg#im imagining once theyre all safe and it sinks in that the Are Indeed Safe#everyone is like 'omg!!! we made it!!! hugging each other! wait wheres barnaby and howdy - ohhhhh theyre making out off to the side cool'#theyre just. laying in the grass smoochin the hell outta each other#yeah theyre both bleeding and bruised but who isnt!#and then they stay right there and take a nap <3#and wake up w/ the rest of the neighborhood piled on/around them <3#GODDDDDDDD FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM IM SO NORMAL IM-#SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THEM AGH RAGH ASDHASJFCBALFNLD#sorry sorry. the insanity is kicking in#alsoooooo imagining them having that epic potc3 mid-battle kiss after barbosa - sorry - Sally pronounces them married
443 notes
·
View notes
Text
Spoilers
Ok now that the initial shock has faded and I'm much more grounded. This chapter is good actually. Everyone knew Sukuna was going to die and to some extent I knew his death was going to be anything but glorious. It's jjk people rarely get good and respectful death let alone a grand and glorious one but yeah Gege took me out again with how he closed Sukuna's arc. Was it underwhelming? Yes. In jjk if you don't adapt, don't change you're doomed to fail and Sukuna no matter how much physically strong he was always emotionally fragile and in the end his own lack of self awareness became his cause of demise. Kenjaku the biggest villian of the series (for me, the heinous acts he has done is way more than mass murder) got a pretty satisfying end for him because he was open to see and connect with Takaba. Sukuna never did that and died a lump of flesh. And honestly it's not humiliating or pathetic. At first glance it did seem like with him becoming a slime but he didn't die begging for his life rather still being the no 1 hater and his pride mostly intact (he did looked overwhelmed but when after 1000 years you actually lose it's given) also as hypocritcal as ever (mocking Yuji and others for fearing death but he himself felt that too) His death was neither like a glorious warrior nor truly pathetic like Mahito's. For me he just...had a simple and quick death. Though Yuji holding his remains and finally telling him something that he always unconsciously craved for was very bittersweet maybe this is what Yuji had told him on their stroll time things could've been...better? His 'you're me' moved me honestly. They both are the different sides of a coin. It was sad how Sukuna (the man who never cared for any identification or title) for the first time out of everything chose to identify as a...curse really showed how hollow his sense of self was actually. But no matter how much Sukuna denied it he was still...a human not a god not a curse and he died as such and with the only family he ever had at that (maybe if you see he died in the hands of the only family he ever had) and though a direct parallel to Mahito it wasn't hate that Yuji felt and I think neither pity but empathy genuine empathy. Wishing a place where Sukuna could get someone like he had his grandfather, Gojo had Geto and Megumi had Him....
Rip Ryomen Sukuna very few other characters had me itch my brain with their duality.
#i don't know what am i yapping but i need to get all this off my mind.#his death for me was first as everyone what the hell!? but now its... bittersweet#i hate how gege make me react two different extreme emotions in span of hours.#my only complaint it would've been better to get some last thoughts from Sukuna too maybe next chapter Sukuna airport scene🤔#also me being a Sukuna stan and my competition is Uraume🙇♀️🙇♀️ can never win against them#i have so many thoughts and i fear i sound like 6 year old again#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna#jjk#ryomen sukuna#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 268
127 notes
·
View notes
Text
One thing I really like about I Saw the TV Glow that I don't see people talking about is the specific tone that "there is still time" takes on in it. Lots of people talking about that line ofc, but I see everyone talking about it as though it's unambiguously and only a message of hope.
The obvious thing to take away from "there is still time" is of course that you can still save yourself. As long as you haven't died yet, you still have a chance. You don't have to die like this. You can still live your life. And that's not not the point of the line ofc, but I'd argue it's missing something, and that's that you haven't left yet.
This is the movie about the fear of the known, the horror of there being no monsters, the fear of waiting. And in that context, a message of reassurance that I can afford to wait a little longer is awful! I don't want to wait any longer! I know I'm going to wait for as long as I can, but I want out! Obviously it's better than not having any time at all, but only because that would be the train hitting me. "There is still time" means I'm standing on the tracks like a deer in the headlights, and the train might be miles away but I can see it and I can feel in my bones that I can't move yet - or that I won't - and a voice tells me that I'll be fine, I can afford to stay on the tracks a little longer, it'll be fine, I'm not dying yet, it's fine, there is still time, but every second I still have time is a second I still can't breathe.
I've lived my entire life haunted by deadlines and the lack thereof, and to me the phrase "there is still time" contains just as much dread as the rest of the movie. If there weren't any time, then I could just, I dunno, power through it. I've written enough essays the night before, it's not fun, I hate it actually, but as long as I still have time I know from experience that I'm not going to do it yet. If I were on my deathbed then I could just make my dying words "I was a girl the whole time" and I wouldn't have to deal with any of the consequences because I'd be dead. In a way, that's the easy way out. Which, y'know, is the whole point! If I wait until I don't have any time left to start living, then I almost may as well have not done anything! That's what the movie is scared of.
I do actually have time, it is genuinely fine if I don't do anything right this second, or tonight, or this month, but how many years do I want to let that add up? I don't want to spend another year like this, much less ten! The scary thing isn't the idea of "dying like this" - how I am at the moment of my death is almost immaterial compared to how I am in all the years I'll have before then! The scary thing is every day I spend being like this, and none of them individually are all that scary but all of them is terrifying! I can't believe that I don't have time because it's not true and because then I'd be so paralyzed with fear and despair I wouldn't do anything, but if I actually fully believed that I did have time, I'd do what Owen did!
The more I think about it the more odd it seems that people are latching onto the phrase "there is still time" as a message of hope. It is pretty objectively a true statement in this context and it's even pretty inarguably hopeful, but it's also kinda obviously a phrase that can only be meant to encourage inaction. The point of it is that you don't have to do anything (yet). In a movie that we can all see is clearly about how you need to do something! It's created a fascinating environment where people say "There is still time, so go on hrt today!" seemingly without spotting any contradiction! If there's still time, I may as well start tomorrow, right?
Yes, if you don't believe you have time, if you believe your life is already over, then you're probably not going to do anything to improve it, but equally as much, who would ever take a risk to improve their life now if they think they have all the time in the world?
#mine#i saw the tv glow#turning out pt. iii by ajr#Oh my god what a crazy mind/it'll be fine quick let's get married/man I wish we were 85/the rest of our life wouldn't sound so scary#oh I'm spiraling now/let's get kids and a house/though I'm riddled with doubts/is this how we turn out?
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sitting here at 11pm researching lockpicking so I might sound as though I know what I'm talking about in my Astarion fanfiction.
#I'm in the flow man#my body says sleep but my mind says write#so now here we are#at 11pm#in a lockpicking rabbit hole#having fun writing a sound hypothesis part two#astarion fanfiction#astarion x reader
67 notes
·
View notes