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How DARE Tolkien omit in the final draft the information that the traditional hobbit marriage custom is to have unspoken vibes for years and then disappear without explanation for an indeterminate length of time!?

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I work in a college library these days and I love dressing up for Halloween (unlike my coworkers) so I always go looking for library appropriate costumes to wear. While on my 23rd hour of research I found an old Reddit post that contained a photo of a school librarian who dressed up as a book reaper for Halloween and went and collected overdue books. I, of course, thought this was brilliant and wanted to recreate this for my own Halloween costume.

I decided to go a step further with my creativity however and call my book reaping self The Grim Reader and go with a traditional black cape and make my scythe out of a book, using the pages as the staff portion and the cover of the book as the actual pointy bit. I even designed cover art for my book as I am a graphic design artist for the library.

I went further and created an ID badge photo (since we have to wear our college IDs while on duty) and taped it over my photo. I wore a black cape over my normally all black attire and that is my costume! I'm gonna need some other librarians and library workers to bring this idea to life in other places. I feel the costume is too good to waste away to nothing on the internets

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“So Peaceful Her Sleep” - Photo taken by CTuPhotography (instagram.com/ctuphotography) 

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All three please

you: are you a hoodie, plaid, or leather jacket bisexual?

me, an intellectual:

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In the ruined post-apocalyptic landscape still decimated by the Great Water Wars of 2143, a lone saddled mammoth emerges from the radioactive dust…. its rider, wrapped in loose-fitting robes that hide his hideously deformed frame, unmounts. Digging through the burned and picked over rubble, a rusted street sign bearing the words “East Avenue” creaks ominously in a breeze so faint that it is otherwise unnoticeable. Skin sloughs off boney fingers as he meticulously picks past debris, discarded by previous generations of herdsman - hoping to find something they missed.

The mammoth stamps softly - out of impatience or fear. Night is descending quickly and being this alone, this far from the clan is foolish at best - a death sentence at worst. Suddenly the birds leap from the dunes in a noisy cacophony of fear - and The Rider feels it. It’s another round of Frack Tremors - and this one feels worse than the others.

Diving atop a long-ago-burned hibernation capsule (the closest thing to high-ground he could find on such short notice), he pulls his face scarf tight. The mammoth roars in surprise, breaks its lead (worn thin from exposure to the sun and arid air), and lopes off in the direction of the Cobb’s Hill blast crater, hoping to find some water, protection, or companionship in its depths. The Rider groans in dismay and curses his own foolish arrogance. “Surely this day cannot get any worse”, he thinks to himself. It was at that moment the universe proved yet again what cruel disdain it felt for this lowly and forgotten man - the tremor hit its height and a fissure burst open in the sand below. Methane Flames lick his hardened skin as the ground swallows his capsule - and with it his hopes.

Hurtling downward into the newly opened sand cavern, he lands with a rough thud. Lying motionless he takes stock of his new wounds. Slowly testing each limb - he is pleasantly surprised to find that they are all still working, more or less. Hopefully back at the village Teach Saydack has something in her Bo'k of Hea'th that will help her mend his finger’s sickening new bend. Dragging himself to his feet, he can hardly believe his eyes. FOOD. Hundreds and hundreds of feet of food. Most of it rusted and ruined by the ravages of time, but his eyes scan for it. The elixir. Surely there MUST be some here, in this vast place. THERE! THERE IT IS! He races as fast as his famine-weakened legs will allow. This is the find of the century! Jug after jug of sticky sweet currency. His clan will be rich beyond all imagination!

He grabs as many jugs as his sack will hold and races up the pile of debris for the dim-light of the small opening. If he can just obscure it from prying eyes and get back to the clan for reinforcements, all of this can be theirs and theirs alone. The Rider was so caught up in his dreams of new wealth and what this could mean for his family, he almost didn’t hear it. The clinking of chains, the low growl of a Coywolfbear, and the eerie cackle of its toothless owner.

Compared to the syrup he was holding, the Rider knew his life was worth little - and that for his family to survive, he’d have to be the one doing the killing. Gritting his teeth and reaching for his crossbow, he was about to give Rasmargin and his men a sweet surprise….

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Texts From Superheroes

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Things I Never Thought I Would Hear At The Table

“Heather, please don’t eat your husband’s ashes. That would be bad.” 

One sister speaking about the other one’s recently deceased husband and how the funeral director told her they were very toxic if consumed.

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Self Portrait

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My friend..."Burrito"

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You gotta be good to forge a note from God....

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The problem with being an AMBIVERT

I have no problem being on my own. I can rock my company all day long if I have to. I like me and I’m satisfied with hanging out with just me. 

But sometimes I miss being around people. Not like hundreds of concert goers who don’t care about you, but more like the 30 other people at a house party or the 12 strangers in Wal-Mart at midnight. 

Being an ambivert means I like being alone, but I enjoy being a social butterfly just as much. 

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People always be judging Satan on his choice of commute. 

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Truer words have never been spoken

the shitty thing about depression/anxiety is the fact that you live with it so long and so much that you forget how insidious it actually is. When you can’t do something and you think it’s because you’re lazy and unmotivated and then you have an up day and you get so much stuff done and you don’t think about how it’s because you’re having an up day. That this is literally how people without mental illness function

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The other day I was in a silly mood. I had just finished a full summer semester (got straight A’s btw) and I needed an adventure of a less stressful nature so two of my housemates and I decided to go to the mall and walk around. On our way I saw a line of bikers ahead in the road (I was driving), so I stuck my arm out of the window high up and frantically waved to the entire line of them. The first guy raised his arm and waved back while the rest of them did the “Biker Wave” which is holding your hand just off your handles and raising your fingers slightly, you know, all cool like. My house mate sitting up front facepalmed. She said “That is NOT how you wave to bikers!” I giggled, partly because I was in a good mood and I thought it was funny. I asked her “Well, how DO you wave at bikers?”. She said “Not like that!” and then proceeded to tell me about the biker wave. (Her dad is a biker so she probably knows...) But then I mentioned that the first biker had waved back like me and she said “That’s how you know he’s a nube! He’ll probably get made fun of later for it!” I thought that was funny so I then proceeded to voice out what I thought that interaction would be:

“After they park at headquarters Beefy the Biker Guy will probably call out ‘Hey Joe! Did you see that crazy chick in the soccer mom van waving like a maniac?’ and Joe will chuckle and say ‘Yeah, but did you see that Fred waved back?’ and then Beefy will laugh, shake his head and holler out ‘Oh Fred! You’re such a NUBE!!’” 

And with that last line I laughed myself silly. Since then instead of saying “Duh” or “Of Course!” I now call out “Oh Fred! You’re such a NUBE!” ....to which the three of us burst out laughing.

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My life’s motto is “You are who you CHOOSE to be!” thanks to this movie!! <3 Iron Giant!

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This is epic. Someone put this person in marketing, STAT!!