#sound carries is done!
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fastest way to piss me off is to try and add something to a task im in the middle of doing because 'youre already doing it so this shouldnt be extra work tee hee' THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS
#i have planned this out. meticulously. in my fucking head#i have mentally prepared myself for every step. i have decided how much energy i need#i have Locked In. and u have just fucked everything up#this felt like a bigger issue for energy when i was depressed#but it turns out its still an issue because im Just Like That (probably autistic)#anyway. this all sounds catastrophic but this was inspired by being in the middle#of physically carrying plates and needing to rinse them#which is nothing really but my god did my temper suddenly explode. i think it was also the manner it was said#like tee hee just sneaking it in there youre already doing it so =) if i had been outright asked#before i started moving. i wouldnt have gotten so pissed off#and thinking back on it i wouldnt also have tipped off to nuclear if the extra plates#WERENT PUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SINK WHERE THEYD BE A HUGE HINDRANCE#AND ID HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE THEM TO GET LITERALLY ANYTHING DONE#the simplest solution that absolves me of any assholery is to have said Hey.#next time tell me before i stand up instead of trying to sneak it in cos thats not cute.#unfortunately i was abruptly consumed by a haze of pissed off#tldr this all boils down to I had a plan i had allocated resources and everything was planned arnd it#and u threw a wrench in it. can u imagine what its like when bigger more substantial things#are interrupted. it involves drinking to avoid snapping at people
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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crashes ur board meeting n drags u out by the collar but its fine bc youre the one always saying shit like "im looking for people i can use" ok lol. get used idiot
#just tracing like. the sequence of events that had to take place in order for this to come to pass#1. natori and his shiki are skulking around homura stalking ban. possibly it's just his shiki and natori is elsewhere.#either way 2. natsume shows up and natori learns about it either bc he witnesses it or a shiki comes to tell him#3. natori gets in his little richard scarry apple car (this is my mental image for some reason) & fucking. BOOKS IT to the matoba compound#4. goes inside. presumably matoba lackeys try to stop him bc their boss is in an important meeting but somehow he gets past them#(possibilities here are v fun to think about. maybe natori does this all the time and they're used to it. maybe he's never done it before#but they're all on orders to let natori in if he ever shows up. maybe natori convinces them he's supposed to be IN the meeting#which is great because it sounds like some important clan thing so what is he in the clan now??)#5. interrupts matoba's meeting like 'i need you' and matoba's like 'bye everyone whatever this is is more important'#6. they get in natori's comical apple car (again the apple car is not canon don't worry about it)#& natori drives like a bat out of hell back to homura. (SOURCE: matoba is so scarred he refuses natori's offer for a ride later)#i wonder what they talk about on the way there? because they don't talk about why natori is stalking ban until much later#so they must be busy talking about something else. but what??#that or they're both too distracted by all the near-death experiences from natori's crazed driving lol#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#homura cats arc#horrible exorcists#my posts#sidenote i feel like that page at the end where both matoba and sensei refuse natori's offers of a ride is really funny because#sensei's reason is that it will take too long. but sensei did you know natori drives like a speed demon? think it thru...#also like. how long did it take him to decide to involve matoba? was that his backup plan all along?#also it's pretty lucky that he found matoba at all considering he could be anywhere...the matoba have like 15 houses...#he has matoba's schedule memorized lol#natori sparkling to the assorted clan members in the meeting: sorry ladies and gentlemen i just need to borrow this~#*throws matoba over his shoulder and fireman-carries him to the parking lot*
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eatacrackerandstop found dead in a ditch after hearing world burn (2024)
#THE END KILLED ME#MISS RAPP YOUVE DONE IT AGAIN#i want to hear the vocals with the original score#the only thing i will say is that the ensemble sounded kinda robotic#like we need the DRAMA the bloodshed#but reneé carried as expected#renee rapp#reneé rapp#mean girls 2024#mean girls musical#mean girls musical movie#mean girls
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there is this one VERY pretty very emo girl who sits two tables away from me in my health class and she has the prettiest hair that i want to touch and gorgeous makeup and always is listening to music and doesnt give two shits about me. im in love. i dont even know her name
#i should have a gayposting tag but I don’t even care#I need to talk to her. but we’re like halfway through the semester and I sit in the back with my obnoxious friend Owen From Band#pretty girls scare me like. what if im annoying her by talking??? does it sound douchey to ask what she’s listening to????#proud to report we have had two interactions: once when I complimented her outfit and she said thanks and I gave her an awkward thumbs up#and then ran away to get to class because I was late#and second when I complimented her hair. and she said thanks#thats it. uhhhh yeah#ok im done being gay on main now. carry on
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.... oh really now 🤨 ? .... show me 😼.
#prove it.#2gb hd heavenly sound quality video RIGHT now.#NOW!!!!!!!#i always thought jonas was hot#i mean after i learned he wasnt an athletic jonas brother who took his viking wifes lastname bcs he is a gentlefolk#i always did#even though he always took my 5'7 myplayers rebounds in mycareer#he carries the same majestic nature of a humble lumberjack wiping sweat from his brow with his torn off .plaid shirt sleeves#..idk why i keep thinking hes a lumberjack#idk why i keep thinking about lumberjacks actually#they evict squirrels#i should hate them#maybe i should study why i must romanticize The Enemy#jaren must be getting it so good when jonas is on break from carrying his team with the strength of an underappreciated underrated deity#when theyre done jonas talks about his favorite team winning the superbowl (again😑.) and jaren just nods without knowing anything#he thinks jonas is talking about soccer football#jaren: jonas i want something that will scent up our room [c:#jaren: let's get an air freshener !!! I will research.#jonas: OKAY :)#and then while scouraging the forest in a ripped sleeve open jacket with nothing underneath#he discovers a good smelling fruit from a tree & his MUST PLEASE WIFE synapses activate#'WIFE WANT GOOD SMELL. wife will be happy with MY good smell... GET SMELL FOR WIFE!!'#so he just rips the entire fruit tree and its roots out of the earth and replants it in their room with some of the branches out the window#jarens okay with it bcs somehow. the tree is still alive thanks to jonas's herculean strength#and also jonas promises to rake up its leaves everyday#jaren likes to trim the tree into aesthetically pleasing shapes as a form of working meditation#jaren
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You know, you don't think about until you're taking every thing out of the fridge/freezer, but there's actually a lot of pieces in there to clean
I have basically spent all day taking apart the interior of the fridge, cleaning it, and putting it back; i've been meaning to clean the fridge for a while now but thanks to the power outage I wanted to be extra thorough... which, I guess it's a good thing there's very little food to shuffle around from shelf to shelf while I deep clean?
*shrug*
of course the hard part about standing around cleaning for hours is... the standing
my legs hurt, I probably need to stand more every day :/
with all the food that went bad in there it seemed like a good idea to be extra thorough with my cleaning and while I'm sure it was the right choice to make, man to my legs and feet feel regret from pushing to get it all done in one day
#almost done with cleaning the fridge#like... it sounded like it would be a chore that would take a couple of hours tops#nope#all day#still have a few things to dry and put back (door shelves)#and then two shelves (half size shelves thankfully) to clean and put back#if i didn't have to carry it myself I'd be considering my foot soak tub right now#maybe tomorrow
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Drying Robin feet and wings as we speak 👍
#it’s very weird. my sisters bf is over and he walks in when I’m carrying wings around and then comes back when I’m w cleaning my knife. halp#well he should be used to it.. he’s seen my room LMFAO#I’ve only ever done larger birds so I’m gonna keep it in the cornmeal a month.. that sounds right. right. ??!
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me currently
#sky draws stuff#thunderfam#the university assessment period can go jump off a microwave#i’ve done three essays and a presentation in two weeks#doesn’t sound like a lot but when it’s like 3000 words each…#next is my dissertation :D#you’d think i’d learn by now#and start doing my assignments as soon as i get them#but nope#haven’t missed any deadlines yet either so guess i’m carrying on like this too#rant over
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Look i know its a rly dumb idea to try and set up a base in the middle of louisville buuuuuut i like being withing walking distance of things and i think it would be fun to try?
Now the question is... do i take my game where i have a nice base in muldraugh and try to move as much as i can over to lv or should i start a new game already there? Kinda wanna keep my things but also kinda wanna start new again...?
#i know i have too much shit and i cant possibly carry all of it over there#but also i hate leaving things behind and deciding what to take would be awful#then again i already put so much time into this game and i dont wanna waste it all!#mayyyybe i should try a separate game starting in lv to see how bad of an idea that rly is and then decide after?#hmmmmmmng#also where in lv do i wanna set up shop? cause i need access to some trees and if possible water but i dont want a huge base like#an entire apartment complex thats way too much#idk man#this is just what i do while i dont have much to work on rn... i think about my game and look up some locations and stuff#look muldraugh is technically big enough for me and everything but ive never been to lv and it sounds cool#i dont rly wanna live in the suburbs though cause thats just sad idk... although it is the sensible thing to do#ugh im almost done with work i cant wait to go home and play#mine#pz#ramble ramble
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That batman jukebox musical tik tok made me thing about how mama would be a great song for jason dying in the warehouse
#it is so perfect.#mama we all go to hell (because sheila betrayed him you know) im writing this letter and wishing you well (because he forgives him still)#<- all this while he is being beaten by the joker#and when you go dont return to me my love (sheila daying this bc well....)#and the alarms going off when joker leaves and jason notices de bomb. screaming mama over and over while he helps her go to the door#but the things that ive done with the smoke of a gun (sheila saying this while jason helps her)#were doomed after all. to fortune and fame we fall (they notice the door is locked) you'll return to the ashes. carry on carry on#(as in jason will be back) and then they scream while the song ends and the last laugh is the joker laughing.#it is literally perfect#<- its 4am but it makes sense right. it does.#talking tag#jason todd#fuck it main tag#now i wanna edit this but there is no video format of any of this and editing panels sounds like hell. goodbye
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#it’s kind of my read into bakugo when it comes to themes of regret and reconciliation (with many things)#bc it’s how i feel like i understand him the most#i think he lives with a lot of regret as he matures!!! probably cringes at the embarrassing shit he did in middle school#and how difficult it is for him to kind of correct things#esp bc i think he struggles a bit with expressing how he feels adequately#lowkey feel like theres lots of miscomm when it comes to what he means vs what comes out/how it sounds#and also i think theres always going to be a part of him that will never be satisfied making up for his wrongs#idt he’ll ever feel like it’s enough bc damage done is still damage done#and honestly u break up bc of that#in the middle of ur relationship i think that regret eats at him a lot and it carries over to his feelings w u#and i feel like in an effort to salvage / prevent damage from being done / prevent him from regretting anything in your relationship#he breaks it off#but honestly that’s the dumbest thing he can do bc he regrets it even more now haha#so the fic will touch on all those things!!#im anticipating it to be longer than 7k for sure! cos there’s a lot to unpack i feel#but yea ! pls let me know !#also the music that inspires me for this are:#1. will it ever feel the same (bazzi)#2. xx (the millennial club)#3. when it’s just you and i (the millennial club)#4. sunbleach (christian kuria) <- this one the most omfg#5. thinking bout you (rei brown & joji)#6. could i be somebody (rei brown)#7. waiting for you (rei brown)#not necessarily bc of the lyrics but more the ~~vibes of it THO some lyrics hit too#ANYWAY THATS ALL thank u for listening to me blabber#shotorus.process#will any of you even be interested in an ex bakugo fic#there are so many good ones out there alr 😭😭😭
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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!
i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"
why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)
ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!
this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!
why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.
#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc#but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them#AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING#that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too#perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well#that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less#i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever#but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends#what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one#this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#autistic friendship#friendship problems#loneliness#communication#cptsd#rsd#the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃
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life is really beautiful when you feel like a person again and not a living corpse. like you understand what it's like when people say they're happy to be alive. like i feel like the first time in so long i really feel close to really feeling that way. like even when my life sucks to know that i will be able to still be truly happy to be alive and know i will eventually be able to pick myself up. im sure i've felt it before but it's been so long it feels like for the first time in my entire life i'm truly happy to be alive and know what that means. and will this feeling go up and down of course. but it's like. to not feel like a painfully kept alive corpse and to actually feel like a person. is really nice. it's really really nice. and i want to hold onto the moments where i feel that so i can remind myself i have felt this way before and i will get to feel it again even when stuff is really bad. eventually I'll get to feel this way again. i really hold it close.
#im sure i sound crazy cuz it's been only two days of stuff and i havent even started treatment but like.#i really dont know how to express just how much stuff has changed for me just knowing i am going to get help.#and finally feeling able to tell others how much internal hurt i have carried.#and realizing it isn't burdensome to the people who love me. that they would rather i tell them my upset#than carry it all alone. and that while it will always be sad bc it is sad to hear someone you love hurts. that doesnt mean you cant say it#bc they want to be there with you to help.#i dont know. so much has changed so fast. and it is a lot. but it has done so much for me with just these small things alone.#im happy to be here.#static.soundz
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pop music taking inspiration from classical music by using orchestras or even sampling it has soooo much potential but basically every kpop song that does it makes it so dull and lazy
#they just wash it out yet rely on the sample to carry the song#the only one I find tolerable is feel my rhythm because the song’s main hook isn’t the sample#but I think it could’ve been better by using the same instrumentation but not sampling such a long section directly#the worst are shut down and nude#the vocal melody of nude doesn’t match the sample at all yet it’s played repetitively throughout the whole thing#nude is like 5% an original song 55% all other idle title tracks mashed into one 40% sample#if I’m going to be nice#I actually love pop music with orchestra in general#some kpop songs that do it kinda right are my song by on.f and don’t by pitigi#o.nf use a lot of real physical instrument sounds in their songs#I think my song is midi but don’t has#some real string instruments I think#ok I looked it up and with don’t that is the case#oh and golcha rtk that was an actual sample#and it sounded good bc it was just for one aspect of the rearrangement they didn’t make it carry the whole thing bc they were too lazy to#actually come up with something on their own#some more songs that use more classical music like arrangements that are Good would be like bitubi remember that. every Lucy song#but of course it’s the shit lazy sampled ones that somehow become representative of ~orchestraic and classical music inspired~ pop#while the ones tha actually do it well get ignored#ARGHHH once again just me being annoyed that there’s so much that could be done but people are just lazy#it’s a sound that I really enjoy but almost no one can be bothered to try properly
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finally going back to assassins creed valhalla........
#after Many Months i finally want to play it again#i sure hope this huge drive to play it carries on til the end bc ........im at 35 hours and im not even halfway done w the main story#not counting any side content along the way..........#im rly rly liking it though.............just. so cool#it did get on my nerves the amount of Creepy shit there is :/ that kinda soured the collectables for me#im forever salty that i dont get to play the other big norse game out atm....... especially bc that one is more focused on mythology#this one is growing on me though#depending on if i ever finish the game i might consider getting the dlcs bc they all sound extremely cool#+ yoohdytext
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