#i think he lives with a lot of regret as he matures!!! probably cringes at the embarrassing shit he did in middle school

[justoneday-namjoonii]

forgive me

anon request: “I really love the way you write angsty stuff so if u want, can u write a scene where jungkook is like involved in illegal stuff like drugs or maybe he's a hitman, Y/N and Jungkook have a conflict about that because she's not happy with what he does, he gets hurt a lot but he enjoys his job and doesn't wanna give it up cuz he loves the thrill. It can be an emotional scene where Y/N tells him that she's afraid of losing him because of what he does. Honestly come up with anything, I don't mind 😂”

prompt: Jungkook is a druglord, you’re a waitress at a shabby burger place. He loves what he does and even though you try to ignore it, it scares you. You fear you’ll lose him if he doesn’t quit and he’s all you have. Your so called family are full of lies and if it wasn’t for Jungkook, you don’t know where you’d be. You wonder every night if the sirens you hear are for him—you pray it’s not for him. Secretly, he feels the same about you.

pairing: Jungkook x reader

genre: angst, drabble, mental health issues, mentions of murder, mature subject matter

author’s note: For the anon who requested this, this is for you! I hope you enjoy~ did i watch Truth be Told and decide to make the OC a twin? yes, yes i did

When you opened your eyes, you started to feel around for your cellphone. When you couldn't feel for it, you rolled over and yawned, it's probably under the bed. That's where its gonna stay too. As soon as you got home from work, you fell face-first into your bed and taking a shower was the last thing on your mind. But now you're feeling the stale department store smell on your clothes. It takes about two minutes for you to roll out of bed and realize you that Jungkook should have been here by now. You grab your phone and see two missed calls and a text from 2 hours ago.

jungkook💖💫: im sorry ill be over a little later baby, something came up 

jungkook💖💫: i miss you angel

You smile, he always misses you. And you miss him too, but you know he's probably out there in the slums of the city, doing what he does. How you lucked out with him, you have no idea. One night you were trying to call an Uber to get home from a birthday party at the club. It was around midnight and you had to work so you couldn't hang with the hardcore crowd. You went outside to call for a ride but you were being watched. Some guy kept catcalling, just outright harassing you. It was the scariest night of your life. You were telling him to leave you alone but he was drunk or high, either way, he wasn't all there. He snatched your phone. Just when you thought he was going to grab you, a black sports car, one you would have had to work two lifetimes to afford, stopped at the light. And before you know it, the man trying to get you is being dragged into the alley where he probably would have taken you. You remember being frozen, all you could hear was cursing and blunt force. The mystery man, whose car is still in the middle of the road, emerges from the dark corner between the buildings.

You were completely taken. The smile, the hair, the tattoos, and dangling earrings, paired with a striking gaze—he was an angel. He was so beautiful and he was just looking at you stand there with your mouth open.

"If there's one thing I hate, oh here you go," He hands you your phone and you get a nice look at his hand tattoo, "it's motherfuckers who can't leave women the fuck alone. Sorry you had to deal with that, but he won't be bothering you or anyone else after tonight, or use his hands again," He sighs, fixing his clothes a bit and wiping the blood from the corner of his lip, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, thank you," You slip the phone in your bomber jacket pockets, "not a lot of people would stop a stupid guy from bothering a girl they don't even know."

"Yeah, I'm Jungkook by the way," He introduces himself with a smile, situating his nice clothes, "do you- Um, did you need a ride? I'm not a creep I swear," He holds his hands up in surrender when you furrow your brows at the suggesting—great, now she thinks I'm a pervert. 

"I didn't stop that guy as blackmail to get laid, I just-" He pauses to grapple for the right words, "I saw you just standing on the curb and I know it's not safe out here-"

"If it's not any trouble," You interrupt his rambling, "I live about 15 minutes away, I was gonna call a ride but if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it. My name is Y/n, by the way."

That night changed your life forever. It was the first time you had wanted to kiss a stranger, the first night you ever came close to a soulmate. He confesses to having seen you in the club, he was at the bar, refusing offers from every girl from the bartenders to cougars out on the town, at least that's what you always thought. In that little fifteen minutes, you got to know very little about him but you felt so comfortable sharing things about yourself when he asked. He dropped you off and said if you ever needed anything, to give him a call. 

You never got to use the number because you ended up seeing him again. He showed up to your job, but he wasn't there for you, he was there for one of your money laundering and pill-popping associates. You were taking a break and for some reason, the break room was eerily empty. After you heard gunshots and the whole store went into chaos. You remember trying to leave and suddenly being swept away and into an outside electrical room apart of the building. You calmed down enough to realize that it was him but you were baffled.

"What're the odds that you would work at the same place as that bastard," He fiddles with the gun, tucking it to his side and flipping on the safety and pulling off his mask with a toothy grin, "do you remember me?"

"You?... Jungkook, how did you- Why are you-..." You make a small step back and swallow, scrambling to think of something to say. "Have you been following me like some creep?!"

"No! this is just a run-in by fate, I swear I didn't plan it. I'm not even supposed to still be here but I couldn't just leave, not without saying something to you."

"Okay...What do you want to say? I have to get back on the clock." You look him up and down, his all-black clothes and heavy boots intimidating but alluring in many ways.

"Wanna grab a coffee?"

For some reason, you said yes to the familiar stranger.

"Sure- I mean no! No, I can't Jungkook, I have to get back to work-"

"Trust me, just come with me," He extends his hand for you to take and smiles, "you won't regret it."

You took his hand and never looked back.

* * *

Nights like this.

When it's too early to ruin his life and too late to pretend like he wouldn't care. So when he shows up to the lounge to enforce an unpaid debt from a client, he leaves with bruised knuckles, two grand, and a rush of adrenaline. He went a little hard on the guy, but can you blame him? He messed up his plans. Tonight is date night, also known as 'crash at your place' night. It worked out though, you had to work late so he wouldn't be too tardy. Judging by the fact that you haven't answered your phone, you must be knocked out.

He slips his hand into his pocket and fumbles with his keys until he finds the one to your apartment. When he walks inside he hears the sink on and smiles to himself, you must've just woken up. 

"Baby, it's me," He announces himself, "how was your day?"

"Fine," You step out in your work clothes, still trying to get your earrings out, "as fine as a day working for the devil could be." 

"That bad?" You take note of the silk black shirt that's rolled up to his elbows, letting you see his beautiful sleeve of tattoos. When he comes dressed like this, and smelling like smoke you know he's been out into high-end clubs. The way some of the women look at him makes you feel small and a little self-conscious. But he always reassures you that you're who he wants, not some woman who sees him as an experimental one-night stand. When he tells you to meet him in the restroom because he needs to tell you something, you're reminded that you're all he wants.

"She screwed the schedule. My only day off was taken because her favorite, Kasey, has to go out of town."

He unbuttons the buttons on his shirt with deliberate fingers. "You walked out on a job for me before, remember that?" He smiles, letting his shirt fall from his shoulders like a dream. A bruise on his upper arm catches your attention but you don't say anything. "If you're not happy, just leave. I can take care of you, you can be my sugar baby."

"Yeah, my step-mom would love that, I could see it now," You cringe at the thought, "Hey, just a heads up, I'm not working or married but I have a sugar daddy who pays all my bills and lets me use his money for free, oh, he's also a drug lord. She'd really think highly of me then." 

"Fuck Carol, she's a judgmental priss anyway," He comes up to you, hands finding your waist, "why do you care what she thinks about you?" 

"I don't care what she thinks, but if she finds out she'll tell my dad and I don't want to hear it from him. If he pretends to not be disappointed by the lesser-twin one more time, I'll actually cuss him out...He's such a liar, he lied to my mom and he lies to me.”

"Quit saying that," Jungkook grabs you under your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist so he can sit on the edge of your bed, "you're not the lesser-twin, you're the cute and sexy twin." You sit back on his thighs and you both laugh at his attempt to lighten your mood.

"Well, I'm not a successful surgeon and I'm broke as hell, but at least my boyfriend thinks I'm cute." His hands find their way to the hem of your shirt and pull it over your head, revealing a disappointing tank top.

"See, this is disappointing. Why are you wearing a tank top? It's a hundred degrees outside." He sighs, looking up at you like a pouting little kid.

"Because I want to," You grin, brushing his hair from his brows, revealing a scratch, "you're cut."

"Yeah, had a run-in with an old friend, we're obviously not friends anymore."

"You should take me with you on these deals and stuff, I'd make a great bodyguard for you," You joke, "if you showed me how to use a gun."

"You?" He giggles at the image of you secretly acting as a bodyguard, a dagger, and a gun in a garter under a skintight dress. "That's not a bad idea, they'd be too distracted looking at how fucking beautiful you are to see you as a threat."

"Yeah, I always saw as the Bonnie & Clyde type of couple," He leans up to kiss you and you smile through it before he pulls away, "eh, you need to shower, you smell like weed."

He furrows his brows, a snarky smile on his mouth. "And you smell like French fries, but I still kissed you.”

"Touche." You can't argue with that, the French fries smell gets to you too.

He picks you up, carrying you to the bathroom with a beaming smile.

"Let's shower then."

 * * *

A deal went bad, he got grazed by a bullet and spent a few hours at the emergency room.

When he pulled in to the driveway and saw your car, he sighed in relief—he was hoping you'd come. After work, you had come by earlier to clear your head and take a breather from your cramped apartment and rowdy neighbors. Ever since his 'new position' he was put up in this huge mansion, equipped with a full staff. Luckily, they were off tonight so no need to keep quiet.

It's getting late and you've been trying to watch a baking show to stay awake but it was getting difficult. He hadn't called or answered any of your calls or texts. When you hear the garage door open, your heavy lids lift and you yawn, trying to wake up so you can tell him how your day has been.

He opens the door with a deep sigh and he's glad you can't see the thick white bandage on his upper arm and tired shadows under his eyes because of the dim lights. "Jungkook, it's so late..." You mumble, sitting up. "what took you so long?"

"Yeah, baby, I just had a mix up with someone who owed the group a lot of money, they, uh- They opened fire and we had a lot to clean up." He offhandedly mentions that and goes to the bathroom to change and you just wait for him.

The painkiller is wearing off but he manages to brush his teeth and slip into some sweats and a t-shirt. After flicking the light switch off, he falls into bed with a heavy exhale. Glad to finally have him close so you can tell him about your terrible day, you turn to hug him, and instantly a wince of pain leaves his mouth. 

"Sorry," You giggled, thinking he was just kidding until you see the bandage on his arm, "Oh my gosh," You sit up, hand reaching for his bandage with concern in your brows, "what happened?"

"It's nothing baby, I was grazed by a bullet and had to go to the ER," He spares you a weak grin, hand rustling through his damp locks, "but it's nothing, I feel fine."

It's always nothing to him. You lean down and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, one he would normally place on you. Nights go by and you know he's out there risking his life, not thinking how devastated you would be if one night he doesn't come back.  

He caresses the apple of your cheek, lips parting when sits up to try to kiss you, but you pull away.

"Hey, I've had a long day I just want to kiss you," He sits up now, "talk to me." 

"Talk to yourself, I'm going to sleep."

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" He glares at you, tone firmer than before. "Y/n, cut the crap. What's the problem?"

"Jungkook, there's no problem I just worry about you."

"I don't mean to make you worry," He speaks softly, "but you know this is what I do, I can't stop now, even if I wanted to."

"I know," Sadly, "but you're all I have."

He tilts his head, a bit confused. "What happened?"

"My sister called when I got off of work. My dad isn't doing well, his liver is in terrible condition and he needs a transplant...He's on a wait-list now." 

Knowing the severed relationship you have with your family, he treads lightly when requesting this. "Do you want to go see him?-"

"No!" You snap. "Why would I want to see him? This is what he gets for killing my mother."

"Y/n, you don't mean that..." Jungkook gets uncomfortable when you enter that head-space, you become ruthless in your words and your eyes glaze over with something he has yet to understand.

"Why not? It's true. He was cheating on her, that's why he never came home and she thought something was wrong. So drove out in the middle of the night during a storm and ended up crashing into a tree, because of him. My sister has always defended him, but I think it's because she didn't like mom either...The two of them may have cried at the funeral but I know them, they were glad she left us. That's why I need you, Jungkook, I don't have them or want them..."

"Y/n, you have to learn to forgive them for whatever you think they did, it's going to drive you insane if you don't...Fuck them, spend your energy on us, okay?"

"I'm already insane, I'm with you, aren't I? You come close to being killed every week, and it bothers me to think you might not come home...But I'll go through that if it means I get to have you, I love you, I only love you..." You lay your head on his shoulder.

He’s your angel.

You aren’t sure what you are to him.

[theladyofdeath]

Alone in the Ashes {13}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click >  Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Enjoy the roller coaster.

Comment to tell me what you think, or to be tagged! x

“Hers was not a story of darkness. This would not be the story. She would fold it into herself, this place, this fear, but it would not be the whole story. It would not be her story.” ― Sarah J. Maas, Kingdom of Ash

“Why don’t you come in?”

Ferye shook her head, refusing to show fear or discomfort. Tamlin was leaning against his doorway, all too casual. He had no reason to be fearful, no reason to be uncomfortable. In his eyes, he had never done anything wrong. In his eyes, he was running the show. He was the manipulator, the ringmaster, the man in charge. 

“I’m fine out here,” Feyre said, voice steady. “And this is where I prefer you answer my question.”

Tamlin cocked his head to the side, studying her. His eyes narrowed as they swept over her body. “You look different.”

Feyre’s jaw set. “Happy, for once?”

A pause. “No,” he said, at last, shaking his head “No, that’s not it. Come in, Feyre. Please.”

“You left him on the side of the road,” she breathed, fists shaking at her sides, “unconscious, bleeding, with broken ribs. There’s not an inch of his body that’s not bruised and battered.” 

With a sigh, Tamlin raked a hand through his hair. “I’ve talked to Eris. He’s always had anger issues, unable to control himself. It was meant to be harmless fun. Accidents happen.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Feyre hissed. “I’m not stupid, Tamlin, I’m not a fucking idiot.”

Her ex shook his head. “I hate it when you swear. Doesn’t look right coming out of your mouth. Such foul language...such beautiful lips.”

Feyre felt sick. “Stay away from Rhys, Tamlin. I swear.”

“Or, what?” he said, lips quirked, eyes dark. “You’ll go to the police? I already made a point to show that I can handle the cops.”

Hating herself for tearing up, Feyre grunted out her earlier question, “Why?”

Tamlin looked at her for a long moment, stared at her until a tear finally fell down her cheek. He stepped forward and brushed it away with his thumb. His hand rested against her cheek. His touch made Feyre want to scream, want to cringe, want to hide. Those hands were the same ones that sent Rhysand, her love, to the hospital, and now they were touching her with such a monstrous gentleness that Feyre felt violated. 

And yet, she held her chin up high.

She would not show fear. 

“You know why,” Tamlin whispered. “I love you, Feyre, and he does not deserve you. He is a lowlife, an uneducated orphan who just so happened to be good at basketball in high school. Didn’t do him much good, did it? He’s a waiter, living in a crappy apartment, pathetically in love with a woman who is way out of his league.”

The need to slap Tamlin across the face was unbearable, but Feyre kept her hands, curled up, by her sides. 

“Come home, Feyre,” Tamlin whispered, lips brushing across her forehead. Chills were sent down Feyre’s spine. “Come home and we’ll pretend like none of this ever happened.” 

“You don’t get it, do you?” Feyre whispered, looking up into his arrogant, green eyes. “Why the hell would I ever want to come back to you? You were horrible to me when we were together, you nearly get Rhys killed, and you still think that I love you?” 

“Everything I do,” Tamlin said, fingers brushing back her hair, “I do for you. For us.”

Feyre shook her head, but when she tried to take a step back, his hands caught her waist and he pulled her forward. 

“Come back, Feyre,” he said, voice low. “You shouldn’t have left in the first place.”

“Let go of me,” she hissed, pushing on his chest, and when he didn’t budge, Feyre spat in his face, right between the eyes.

His hands freed her as his eyes closed, and he wiped her spit off with the back of his hand before opening them up. His eyes were coated with fury. 

“You’ll regret that,” he snapped.

“I regret every other moment we’ve spent together, so why not this one, too?” she shot back. “Stay away from Rhys, Tamlin, or you’ll be the one with regret.”

Tamlin had regained his composure, was watching her with that casual arrogance once more as she turned on her heels and walked away.

She hardly breathed until she was safely shut inside of her car. With shaking hands, she started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

Just make it home, she kept reminding herself, back to Rhys. 

The words replayed in her mind as she drove down the road, but Tamlin’s touch lingered against her skin, making her paranoid, unsettled. 

By the time she reached her apartment, she was doing better at pretending it hadn’t bothered her, at all.

The faux comfort didn’t last long.

Rhysand was standing in the kitchen when she got there, leaning against the island, arms crossed across his chest.

Feyre hesitated as she entered, closing the door tentatively behind her. “You okay? Why aren’t you in bed?”

His jaw hardened. “What did you get at the store?”

Feyre stilled.

She had completely forgotten once she left Tamlin’s. All she could think about was getting back home, away from him. 

Rhysand shook his head. “I would ask where you really were, but I already know.” He pulled his phone off the island and read, “Your girlfriend looks beautiful today. Feels the same as I remember, too, but tastes even sweeter.” 

The memory of the feeling of his mouth on her forehead made her nauseous, once again. 

“Rhys-”

“You went over there?” he asked, and he was pissed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Feyre?”

“Nothing happened-”

“I don’t care!” he yelled, and Feyre cringed at the rise in volume. “I don’t want you going over there!”

Feyre scoffed, shaking her head. “And now you get to tell me what to do? Nothing fucking happened! I went to talk to him. Yes, he put his hands on me, and his mouth, on my forehead, but I didn’t react! I pushed him away!”

Rhysand stopped, eyes wide. His voice was low when he whispered, “You seriously think that’s what this is about? You think….that I think you went over there to fuck him?”

“Why else would you act like a jackass the moment I walk through the door,” she snapped.

Rhysand shook his head, his breathing shallow.

Feyre’s anger halted as she took in Rhysand, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair, as he stared Feyre down. 

“Look at me!” Rhysand yelled, into the quiet apartment. Feyre jumped, not used to hearing him scream. “Look what he fucking did to me, Feyre! You lied and said you were at the store, but you went to see the guy that was capable of this!” He gestured to himself. “Alone! Without me knowing where you really were! And then I get this fucking text, and my first thought was, fuck! It wasn’t enough to get to me, now he’s got his hands all over-” His voice broke, and he slammed his phone down on the counter. “I’m over here thinking he fucking forced himself on you, and thank the Mother you walked in two minutes later, or I was going to hunt him down and, in the condition I’m in, probably end up in the fucking hospital again!” 

She noticed now that he was wearing shoes, had his keys and his wallet on the island behind him. He was in a massive amount of pain, on high painkillers...and he was going to go to Tamlin’s, for her, because he thought she was in danger. 

Knowing full well that he wouldn’t win in a fight, not in his condition. 

Rhysand rubbed his forehead. “Damn it, Feyre.”

Three words, so broken, so ruptured, that Feyre’s heart sank into the pit of her stomach. Eyes blurring over, she went to him in the kitchen and stopped just in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “Rhys, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry.”

He wasn't looking at her, was looking off to the side, out the window, his jaw hard. Her palm pressed gently against his stubbled cheek. 

“I went to tell him to fuck off, and I was reckless, and I’m sorry,” she said, voice quiet. 

Although he still wouldn’t look at her, some of the tension in his shoulders faded. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, again, and leaned her head into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist, careful of his ribs. 

A minute passed before his arms, strong and steady, wrapped around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead, resting his lips against her skin.

Unlike when Tamlin did it, the gesture brought her an overwhelming sense of peace.

“I’m still mad,” he murmured into her hair, once Feyre stopped crying. “But I’m sorry I made you cry.” 

“I’m sorry I lied.”

“You should be,” he muttered. “It was a dick move.”

Feyre chuckled, and pulled back to look at him. She leaned up on her toes and kissed him, softly. 

His eyes were still worried, still weary, but the anger had faded. 

“You should go back to bed,” she said, even though it was early in the afternoon. “Rest. I’ll make you some lunch.”

But Rhysand shook his head, slowly. “I want to go for a walk. And I told Azriel we’d be over for dinner tonight.”

Feyre nodded, slowly. “Then maybe I should take a shower first. I didn’t exactly get clean in my bath this morning.”

Rhysand chuckled, softly. “Okay. I’ll wait.”

But by the time she had gotten out of the shower, Rhysand was sound asleep on the couch, his shoes still on, his phone clutched in his hand. 

He looked like shit.

He felt like shit.

And even then, he was going to come fight for her.

~~~~~

Nesta liked the way he looked at her, even if it made her toes curl and her mind grow weary. She wasn’t used to men looking at her that way: like she wasn’t a complete bitch. Like there was something there worth staying around for.

He drove his truck, one hand on the wheel, one on the gear shift. She kept asking him where he was taking her and, just like the night before, he wouldn’t budge.

Although he told her to put on a swimsuit, which she did, and noticed he had done the same.

“Must I tell you, once again, that I hate surprises?” she muttered, staring out the window. They were away from the city, going down a back road along the Sidra. 

“You can,” he said, grinning, “but I love surprises, so I’m going to keep giving them to you.” 

She rolled her eyes and they rode in silence for another five minutes before Cassian pulled off the road. He parked along the trees before turning off his engine.

“You take me to creepy places,” she muttered, throwing open her door. 

“Only creepy on the outside,” he laughed. “Promise.”

After locking his car, he took Nesta’s hand and led her toward the treeline, where a narrow trail was. “I can’t believe you’ve never been here. We used to go here all the time in high school.”

Nesta chuckled. “Yeah, well, we didn’t exactly hang out with the same type of people in high school.” 

Nesta was a year older than he was, and hung out with a group of people that appalled her parents. Tomas Mandray being among them. 

“Then you’re in for a surprise,” he said, and when Nesta shot him a glare at the mention of a surprise, he laughed.

They walked down the trail, through the trees until the ground became more steep. 

“Watch your step,” he warned, then took the lead. He let go of her hand, so she could balance as they climbed over fallen trees and down rocks. She could see the Sidra coming into view down below. 

A minute later, she saw the waterfalls. 

They were beautiful. Water flooded off the rocks and into the river below. There were places to climb around and through them, rock formations placed in just the right spot to make such a lovely display. 

Cassian looked over his shoulder and grinned at her expression. “I think you’re starting to like my surprises, Archeron.”

He continued down the rocks, Nesta close behind. He offered his hand when the drops were far, and by the time they reached the bottom, they slipped off their shoes and their shirts. Nesta tossed her shorts aside, too.

“You can swim good, right?” Cassian asked. “The current isn’t too strong here, but it can still get you if you’re not careful.”

Nesta nodded, dipping her toe into the water and hissing.

It was fucking cold.

But Cassian didn’t seem to care because he had already jumped in, off the giant rock they were standing on. His head went under, and when he came back up, Nesta was gawking at him.

He grinned. “Come on! It’s not that bad.”

“It’s freezing!” she yelled, shaking her head. “No.”

His eyes trailed down her body, admiring her in her bikini.

That damned look, again. 

“Please?” he asked, brows raised.

With a sigh, Nesta lowered herself down on the edge of the rock and slowly started sliding her legs into the water.

It didn’t work, though, because Cassian was back in front of her, hands on her hips, pulling her down beneath the icy current.

She yelped, and hit him in the chest, but he only laughed as he pulled her under. And when they came back up, she was scowling, but her arms were wrapped around his shoulders. 

“I hate you,” she said.

“Good,” he winked.

She held onto his back as they swam across the channel, until they got to those rocks where the falls were raining down. Cassian helped Nesta onto the largest rock before he pulled himself up. 

Nesta walked through the waterfalls, and Cassian stayed close behind her, undoubtedly watching her every move.

He liked to watch her. 

It was stunning, unreal. Nesta didn’t get out of the city much, but she was starting to think she should. He was right - she did like his surprises, even though she would never admit it. 

Nesta went through a little waterfall, into a small alcove in the rocks, and waited for Cassian to meet her there.

She could see him moving on the other side of the water, his form blurred as he walked toward her. And when he came through with his body soaked, his hair dripping, Nesta’s heart started pounding against the inside of her chest. 

With a grin, he pushed back his hair before pulling Nesta close to him by her hips. She ran her fingers over the bruise on his cheek, and then he leaned down and kissed her, softly. 

“What are you thinking?” he asked, pulling back, staring into her eyes.

Nesta hesitated. “You ask me that, a lot.”

Cassian chuckled. “You can be hard to read.” 

That, she knew, and she preferred to keep it that way. “I think you like that about me, though. The never knowing. Keeps you on your toes.”

His laughter echoed off the rocks as he shook his head. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“You like that about me, too,” she said, feeling his wet skin with the tips of her fingers - his back, his abs, his chest. 

“I like a lot of things about you,” he said, hazel eyes bright. “I like you.”

Nesta’s lips pursed, and she nodded. 

“You can say it back, if you want to,” Cassian crooned.

“I could,” Nesta agreed, then dropped her hands from his body and stepped back. “But what fun would that be?”

He watched her, curiously, as she went back through the waterfall and down to the next rock. He stayed close behind, until Nesta dropped her body back down into the cold water of the Sidra. He joined her there, and before she could swim away, Cassian pulled her back to him by her arm. Nesta’s legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed her.

~~~~~

“Mila seems to like her a lot.”

Azriel looked through the sliding glass door where Mor, Feyre, Elain, and Mila were playing a board game. He smiled, fondly. “Yeah, she does.” 

“And do you?” Rhysand asked, sitting in a lawn chair with a cold beer.

Flipping the burgers over on the charcoal grill, Azriel shrugged. “Obviously.”

Rhysand huffed a laugh. “Alright. I’ll stop asking questions.”

“I should be asking you how you’re doing,” Azriel muttered.

“You already did,” Rhysand said, groaning. “And so did Mor and everyone else I’ve talked to today. I’m fine. Really. Looks worse than it is.”

Azriel didn’t believe him, but he let it go. He looked back inside of the apartment and caught Elain’s eye. She smiled, then quickly glanced down at her game piece. 

She had spent the entire day there, and was now wearing one of Azriel’s t-shirts. He liked her in his t-shirt.

Breaking him out of his romantic thought bubble, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out, stared at the number with his brows scrunched together, and answered.

“Hello?”

“An inmate is trying to reach you from the Velaris State Prison,” an automated recording said, in answer. “Press one to accept.”

Azriel hesitated.

“Can you watch these?” Azriel asked, gesturing to the food.

Rhysand nodded, looking concerned, as Azriel threw open the sliding door and hurried to his room.

He pressed 1. 

There was a few seconds of silence before her voice came through, “Azriel?”

Azriel closed his eyes. “Amarantha.”

“I’ve been here for a month, and you haven’t brought my daughter to visit me?” she asked, in way of greeting.

“How’s prison?” he asked. “Good food? Got yourself a wife yet?”

“Fuck you,” Amarantha spat. “How is she?”

“Good,” Azriel said, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Happy. Going to school now.”

Amarantha was silent for a moment before saying, “Good. Does she ask about me?”

Clearing his throat, Azriel shifted atop his mattress, thinking about just how honest he wanted to be with his adopted sister. “A couple times.”

“And what did you tell her?” she asked.

Azriel sighed, “Look, we’re kind of busy. What do you want?”

“Busy?” Amarantha said, barking a laugh. “I’m fucking stuck in prison, haven’t heard from you in a month, and you tell me you’re fucking busy? Fuck you, Azriel.”

“Alright, I’m hanging up,” he said, but she called out for him.

“Azriel, please.”

Azriel waited.

Amarantha sighed. “Look, just...bring her to visit me. Okay?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said. “She doesn’t need to see you in there. Doesn’t need to be in there.”

“I’m her fucking parent,” Amarantha said, “and you will do as I ask.”

“Or what?” Azriel said, voice hard. “You’re locked away for a fucking long time, in case you��ve forgotten.”

“Or, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s taken from you and given to someone who will bring her to visit me,” Amarantha hissed.

Azriel’s entire body went rigid.

When he said nothing, Amarantha said, pleasure in her tone, “That’s what I thought. Visitations are on Mondays, from ten to noon. I’ll see you then.”

She hung up the phone, leaving Azriel pissed off and in shock.

Mila couldn’t see Amarantha in jail.

She also couldn’t get taken away from him.

When faced with two evils, Azriel had never been good at choosing sides. Take her to Amarantha and watch her innocence slowly be stripped away. Or, keep her and have to fight a hell of a fight to keep her against her mother’s hateful wishes. 

Azriel shoved his phone back into his pocket.

For now, he would pretend like everything was fine.

For everyone’s sake.

Especially Mila’s. 

He went back out on the balcony, where Rhysand was flipping burgers.

“You okay?” he asked, brows still scrunched. “Who was it?”

Azriel shook his head. “Food about done?”

Rhysand hesitated, before nodding. “Yeah, if you wanna get everything else ready, I’d give these about two more minutes or so.”

Azriel nodded and went inside, taking out buns, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and chips out of the pantry. He gathered a stack of plates and napkins, too, before opening a can of beer and chugging half its contents.

Rhysand came in, then, a plate full of burgers. “Let’s eat!”

The girls came into the kitchen, Mila running straight for Azriel. He picked her up, and helped her make a plate before sitting her down at the table.

“Rhysie, are you okay?” she asked, as she had many times since he’d arrived.

“I’m awesome,” Rhysand answered, plopping down next to her at the table, with a plate full of food. “Even better now that I’m sitting next to you.”

Mila smiled brightly. 

“You okay?”

Azriel jumped, not even realizing Elain had come up behind him.

“Yeah,” he smiled, knowing fully well that he was an awful liar.

She nodded, just as Rhysand did, not believing him a bit. “Okay.”

He kissed her cheek before building his plate high with food and joining the others. Elain sat next to him a moment later, a hamburger patty and some pickles the only thing on her plate. 

They ate dinner as a family, laughing and making jokes and telling stories. Mila talked the most, as per usual, but she was good at that, keeping everyone entertained. 

Azriel tried to look like he was into it, tried to keep a smile on his face, tried to make it look like he was listening.

But he wasn’t.

All he could think about was Mila, about having to fight for her, about having her taken from him and tossed into a foster home.

And his heart broke as he realized the awful truth.

He would have to take her to see Amarantha.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

@throne-of-ashes-and-beauty  @starkovsnesta​   @redisriding​  @photofeesh

@mariamuses​   @tswaney17    @amaranthas-whore​   @awesomelena555

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@empress-ofbloodshed​  @starkovsnesta​

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Kiss Me Again - first reactions

Out of boredom, I started watching Kiss Me Again also because I've already watched Dark Blue Kiss. I saw many people saying both shows should be seen as two seperable things because some important details got lost on the way of making spin-off.

Let's see how much of a difference there actually is. From what I've heard, Pete is going to be very different. Anyway, here are my first reactions during the watching process:

Episode 1

Oh well, Pete is so different. He's a whole other person here. He's the typical cool guy who just wants to show off but at the same time, he's a bit socially awkward and I love it. This faked boredom and annoyment are only there because he doesn't know what to say when Kao is around and especially when they are alone because the atmosphere is just weird between them. Acting all annoyed is his way of socializing and I like it because I believve we all have weird tactics to try to lighten the mood or find a topic with peopl we don't know. Here, Pete is "annoyed" to look cool but I guess, he does this because he tries to find something they both can agree on and annoyment is the simpliest way. You can easily agree with people on negative emotions concearning a topic, so it's the easiest choice to pretend to be annoyed. What's funny here is that Kao is really not impressed by it and already knows Pete just wants to be cool. I think, Kao just doesn't like Pete in the beginning because he sees Pete is just pretending and is never true. I guess, that's why he will fall for him later, because they will probably have real talks and bonding moments.

Episode 2

Okay, Pete and Kao shared an awkward kiss and now things are even more weird. Here's one difference to the Pete I know from Dark Blue Kiss: he's not honest. Now, whenever Kao wants to address the kiss, Pete gets defensive and aggressive. Yes, it's probably because of his confusion but in Dark Blue Kiss, Pete always addresses everything - even the uncomfortable or negatively loaded topics - but not at this moment.

And also, I know, Pete is not the nicest person at this moment but he is really respectless. After the kiss, he stares into Kao's eyes in surprise, pulls away and then wipes his mouth in disgust more than once. As if Kao's lips and the taste of them are dirt on his lips and that's so disrespectful. Kao is obiously hurt by it and I would be too. Of course, you are allowed to not like a kiss but reacting so disgusted is very harsh.

Episode 3

And now, Pete is bullying Kao by isolating him from the group. He makes the others believe Kao doesn't like them, so he will end up being the king of the group since Kao is not the kind of person who talks about such things and just accepts the circumstances.

The scene between So and Sansuay in the parking lot was obviously not right bahavior on So's part because Sansuay was clearly uncomfortable being pressed against another car. She had no way out and I love the random dude walking by and just checking if she is okay. No romanticizing. Just a statement that this behavior is wrong.

Episode 4

Pete and Kao now claim to be "annoyed" of each other and all the other ones are still left wondering what the real problem is.

But at least, Pete confides to Sandee and confesses he only gets angry because of the kiss. I mean, we as the audience understand him better but I just find Sandee's frustration very amusing. Pete is obviously not realizing his feelings and is just helpless. Sandee is such a mood.

Until now, I really don't like R at all. He is pushing Sanwan around and invades her ersonal space all the time while saying he cares. Dude, if you care, don't force her, don't drag her into your car and especially don't kiss her when she doesn't want to.

Episode 5

Its just my speculation but I'm pretty sure Pete is bisexual because he has an ex-girlfriend (we know of) but seems to be attracted to both gender and he's not the kind of guy who falls for the personality or character of someone. The gender matters to him, I would say. But it's nice to see a bisexual character because mostly shows want to tell me that people are either homo- or heterosexual but there are obviously many other sexualities in between. Living in a gay relationship doesn't mean you define yourself as homosexual, real life doesn't work like that and I like they give us a character who is neither homo- or heterosexual.

What's going on with the men in that show? WHy are there so many red flags? Except for Kao, Mat and Sun, everybody pushes the women around and invades their personal space in a very uncomforting manner. Are they all going to "change"? I don't know if I will be able to believe them...

Episode 6

Mat's mother wants Sanson to "turn her son straight"? Okay, just gonna leave that there because I don't have words how wrong this thought is.

Oh, the scene which I saw many gifs of, happened. But I thought Pete and Kao would spend more time laying in the grass. I though this was a very romantic scene. But it's just a second long. But who cares, their relationship took a next step. They stop fighting and come to some sort of agreement (the agreement being that fighting is pointless). But somehow this scene feels like they broke the ice and finally found peace.

Episode 7

And again, a scene I've seen very often: the hospital. But it's really sweet they all went there because of Pete and wait all together until he can go home. That's real friendship and I think this show portrays their friend group really accurate because they are so natural with each other. They are a bunch of people thrown together who bond over weird fun talks at night and getting home drunk. Even though they are so different, they are loyal and trustworthy. It's heartwarming to see a group of friends be portrayed like this because mostly in shows, the protagonist has one really good friend and just a few people they know but are not very close to. but a group of friends is exactly this and it's rare on TV because showing a whole group bonding is difficult and also because they dynamic is totally different.

Episode 8

Kao (giving me the chills): Mint, even if he doesn't like you back, it doesn't mean you are not good enough. No matter how beautiful you are, no matter how good you try to be to him, if he's not into you, he's not the one for you.

I can't believe So gets away with stealing Sansuay's phone. She will never know it was him. I don't know what to think about him.

Epsiode 9

Sun flirting with Kao over coffee makes me cringe so much right now. This is uncomfortable and not as romantic as Sun may think it is. And then, Kao is scared Sun meant him, this is uncomforting to watch. Also, I really don't think Kao and Sun are a match. It doesn't fit at all and I hope it will be over soon.

What? Wayu wants to rape Sanwan? Did I miss something? How did we get here? I thought this was a warm show for teenagers. Now there's rape? I could deal with the sexual harassment even though that was not fine to watch, but rape? I'm confused how we got there? But of course, R saved her.

Not Mork casually cleaning his gun...

Episode 10

I love the fact Pete and Kao just quietly accept the fact they spend a night together. It happened and they can't change it. They don't even mention it and I'm relieved there's no "don't ever tell anybody" or something. It just happened and that's it. Nothing further to dicuss about it. Also, they made pretty clear already they have certain feelings for each other. The wuestio now is just how they are going to deal with this and if they will be in a relationship.

Kao: I will stop seeing other people when things between us become clearer.

Episode 11

I can't believe they actually address the bullying I mentioned before. Kao is very right when he says Pete needs to earn his trust because of the past. This is just right because you can't forget the past just because of romantic feelings. If you don't address the other person made you feel ad, you won't be able to move on from that and relationships are about trust, so I find this very mature and good for both of them. Pete needs to understand he hurt Kao in the past and can't just change his mind over night and Kao will say yes right away.

A planned engagement? Isn't that a bit old-fashioned? Sanwan and R don't know each other at all and why would their parents decide this for them. It doesn't look like it would be good for family's business or something. This seems so random.

And Wayu tries to rape Sanwan again? How? Why? And what is wrong with Sindee for initializing this? But of course, R saves her again.

Episode 12

Oh Mint. I always had mixed feelings about her and now i know for what reason. Is she fine? Making someone feel bad for leeting her go by threatening she would hurt herself is not healthy or normal or anything. That's a serious matter. No wonder, Pete feels like his life is messed up and is extremely stressed about it. And then, Mint woders why he's not comfortable at all and doens't see Pete just let her stay out of fear her threat might be the truth. Because he's a nice person. But Mint is just crazy and plays mind games.

I've never seen a drunk kiss be that cute and meaningful. They are just pure. Now, I really know why people love Pete and Kao so much. I already fell in love with their dynamic in Dark Blue Kiss but seeing the beginnings of their relationship tops that. This script is too good. They both know, the kiss meant a lot and I like they are way past the regretment state. Or at least, they don't regret the kiss. They regret they are not in a relationship which makes the atmosphere afterwards more sad and hurt. Again, they are so mature about this.

Mint took a picture? I can't with this woman.

Episode 13

Why did tehy not report Wayu? They are covering up a crime. And Sanwan doesn't seem to be traumatized which makes me wonder a lot. She is more than fine and I'm not buying Wanyu's apology at all.

And now Mint send the picture to Pete's dad. Does she have no shame? It's not her right to out Pete. That's a thing between Pete, his dad and Kao. Mint has and nothing to do with it and shouldn't have ever. She took Pete's power away by letting his dad now. Things were in Pete's hands and I hope Pete will tell mint very clearly she had no right to do that and her behavior is wrong.

Wow, Pat has guts. Telling your best friend you like them even though you know they don'yt like you is very brave. I love Mat being so cool with it because it's obviously a hard moment for Pat to outlive.

Episode 14

I love Pete's dad. They both were so scared but he doesn't say anything and I like what he says. He talks with them like they are adults (which they are) and doesn't talk to them like they are kids who don't know anything. They don't need to be lectured by their parents. They are adults already and make their own life decisions. I like very much he has this calm talk with them and then drops the topic.

Sanson being the first to confess fits very good because mAt is alway the wuieter one of them. This scene is so bittersweet and Sanson is so vulnerable, it hurts my heart. If it stays like this, then it would be a strong statement of the show because not everything works out in the end. You can try, you can ask, but in the end, maybe your efforts were all for nothing.

Finally, Pete calls Mint out. But he forgives her?... But at least, he doesn't want to be her friend any more.

Of corse we have happy endings all over the place.

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control, Chapter Five

An A Court of Mist and Fury College Swim Team AU

All characters belong to SJ Maas!

Feysand.

Warnings: mature content, cancer, cursing, alcohol use, etc, etc. 

Let me know if you want to be tagged:)

Please Enjoy, this one’s kind of long!! 

FIVE

The rest of the week passed in a blur. Everyone besides Rhys, me, and the few others who weren’t traveling was so busy preparing for the travel meet that I kind of shut myself down and ignored their excitement. I was treated to (or forced into, depending on the point of view) a few dinners with my ‘new group.’ Amren was a little intense but Cassian and Azriel were fun to be around. Mor was always there with something snarky to say to the boys and positive to me. And then there was Rhys. 

He appeared to embrace he whole broken-foot thing pretty quickly. He hadn’t hit that frighteningly somber mood since I’d picked him up early Monday afternoon. I hadn’t spent any time alone with him since then, either. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that his positivity was feigned for the sake of all his friends. Everyone was so excited to race the distant (quite good) team that it made it easy for him to take a backseat in the group discussions over dinner, or during weights, or after practice. He let them have their excitement, which showed the good in him. He never did a thing to take away from it. 

It was. . . easy to find my niche in the group. Something I’d never really had before. Tamlin and Ianthe had a tendency to bulldoze over those whom they spent time with. But despite the enormous personalities of my fledgling friends, I never felt forced to take the backseat and acquiesce to their whims. And I was reluctant to admit it, even to myself, but I was having fun spending time with them. It was nice to feel like I belonged somewhere. 

They had taken me in.

It was the only explanation for how quickly they started inviting me to their every gathering, every meal together. And a part of me was ashamed at needing the help, anxious over the fact that I hadn’t bounced into their group with the confidence of Mor and charmed them with my easygoing attitude. They’d taken the first few steps. But wasn’t that what teammates were supposed to do? Welcome anyone who needed a place to go?

That’s what they had done for me. 

The second the travel bus departed, though, I found myself alone with Rhys. It was up to me to escort him back to his place. And despite our week without any alone time, I couldn’t dispel the growing suspicion that Rhysand Night had a ‘crush’ on me. And it seemed as though he had been for a while. 

It made no sense, seeing as I’d joined the team and jumped into a relationship with Tamlin. I’d barely spoken to Rhys for the past year. And yet all his behavior over the past three weeks, the subtle hints I’d gleaned from Cassian and Azriel, Mor’s occasional pushes for us to spend time together, pointed to that being the truth. 

It had only been three weeks since Tamlin. I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. But it was flattering that someone else had feelings for me. Even if it made me twice as nervous to be spending virtually the entire weekend alone with Rhys. He’d need me to drive him everywhere, seeing as all of his other friends were gone until late Saturday night.

I followed him to my car a few minutes after the bus pulled out of the parking lot. He threw himself into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him. We rode in silence. I was too nervous to start a conversation and the tension he was exuding didn’t help my nerves. Finally, as I pulled into his driveway at Astrid Oaks, he spoke.

“Is this it for me?” 

“What?” I asked, startled, putting the car in park and opening the driver’s side door.

He followed suit and I walked around the front of the car to meet him. I could have just dropped him off but the urge to see him into his house in one piece was too strong. “Has my broken foot just royally fucked up my career? I’m a junior, Feyre. The rest of this year’s season is ruined, most likely. I’ve only got a year left after this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll be back in the water before Christmas training. People have recovered from worse injuries than this.”

“But what if I don’t?”

“Well I guess that’s your choice then. Whether you want to have a positive attitude or a negative one.”

He crutched past me up the short sidewalk to his front door. “Oh, just like you chose to give up these past few weeks and months and happily accept the fact that you didn’t make the travel team this weekend?”

He was mad and I knew it was because he had been deprived of something he was passionate about, passionate in the way most athletes should be about their sport. Going months without training could threaten a career, if not ruin it. And the drive for most athletes to keep training, keep pushing themselves to be the best they can be… It was strong. If something prevented an athlete from working toward their goals, it was felt like something akin to torture for that person. I knew. I’d torn my rotator cuff my freshman year of high school and I’d been like a caged tiger for the months it had taken to heal. But my understanding didn’t change the fact that he’d just lashed out at me for no reason.

What? “Whoa. Don’t make this about me.”

“Then don’t tell me that it’s ‘my choice’ then.”

“Hey, asshole, I’m just trying to help here. Sorry you have to deal with a setback for once.” I crossed my arms.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re always so damn confident!” I was shouting now, my hands thrown into the air at my sides. “I bet it sucks to have to deal with something that rattles your perfect, confident, sexy world!”

He smirked. I hated that smirk. “Sexy?” 

Oh fuck. 

“Nevermind that. You know what I mean! Welcome to my world. Shit happens. It sucks. You should have to deal with it for once in your life.”

“Let me tell you something, Feyre. I’ve been through some extremely difficult times so don’t act as though my life has been all rainbows and unicorns for the past twenty-one years. You don’t know me. And that’s a bullshit attitude to have and you know it. You just don’t want to have to deal with the fact that you wasted a year of your life on Tamlin Spring.” Even as the words left his mouth I could see that he regretted them. Nevertheless--

My mouth fell open. “Fuck you, Rhys.” 

He cringed. “Feyre, I’m so sorry. I didn’t--”

I held up my hands. “I’m leaving. I’ll pick you up tomorrow before practice. Don’t be late.” 

“Feyre--”

I slammed the car door behind me. How had I just messed this up? Not twenty minutes ago I’d been bidding Mor, Cassian, Az, and Amren farewell, overjoyed at the fact that they had welcomed me into their group. Now here I was shouting a bunch of bullshit that was really about myself at the person who had made joining that group possible in the first place.

I pulled my car up in front of my house and made a beeline for the door. Why’d I always have to go and mess things up? Everything Rhys had said was true, and everything I’d accused him of was true-- but not about him. About me. 

I’d be lucky if he forgave me. We’d only been friends for three weeks--probably not long enough to save our friendship.

Alone again. Couldn’t say I was surprised. 

-----------------------------

Rhys and I managed to go all day Friday without speaking. I picked him up, dropped him off, didn’t see him throughout practice since he was just there for moral support, then dropped him at his place at the end of the day. A few times, it looked like he was going to say something, anything, to me.

But he always seemed to think better of it. By Saturday afternoon, though, after a particularly nasty three hour morning practice, made worse by the fact that only about ten people were left behind from the travel meet, I was sick of not talking to anyone. I’d spent several weeks moping about Tamlin and my life and the few days I’d spent with Rhy’s friends had made me realize how much better life was with friends who weren’t masquerading as assholes. I was willing to forgive him for what he’d said to me. He’d been in a bad place mentally, had lashed out. Shouldn’t I, of all people, understand what being in a bad mental state can do to your social life? I was the poster child for internalizing everything. Shutting people out. 

So I grabbed the only alcohol I had left in my place--a bottle of wine--and traipsed over to Rhys’s. I rang the doorbell. Why was I so damn nervous? 

The door swung open and I was met with the surprising sight of the most disheveled Rhys I’d ever seen. Sweatpants hung low on his hips, a grey undershirt stretched across his extremely muscular chest. How did he make pajamas look so hot?

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.” He looked wary.

“I’m sick of having a. . . what did you call it? ‘Bullshit attitude’? Can we make up and drink already?” 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “If I could get on my knees right now, I would, Feyre. I am so, so sorry for everything I said. I wasn’t thinking. I was upset and took it out on you and that was wrong--I don’t have a valid excuse.”

“Everything you said was accurate. How can I be mad about that? You’re the first person to ever call me out on something I need to recognize about myself and work to change. So let’s forget about it. We’re both off the travel team this weekend--let’s commiserate.”

He grinned, and it might have been the cutest/hottest grin I’d ever see a male human being make. I followed him through the townhouse to his living room, where he provided me with a mug and we slumped down onto the couch together.  

“So. . . how are you doing, considering the broken foot and all?”

---

We finished the bottle in an hour and I was feeling relaxed, to say the least. 

“What are your plans for Thanksgiving Break?” I asked him. He was sitting on one side of the couch, legs on the floor. My own legs were thrown over the arm of the couch, my head on the couch cushion, almost close enough to touch his thigh. 

“No plans. Mor got an internship (she’s crazy, I know) for the week and is flying halfway across the country to be there. Cas and Az and I usually just get really drunk Thanksgiving Day. None of us really have. . . parents.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t say that for you to pity me.”

I swatted his thigh. “I wasn’t pitying you.

He sighed.

“You could...

“You could come home for Thanksgiving with me. Elain’s already left for home. Nesta’s flying in directly from her last job. I’ll have to take the road trip by myself once they release us from training on Tuesday morning. . .” 

What was I saying? I’d been friends with this guy for three weeks. And yet even though a voice of reason was telling me I shouldn’t be inviting him to my family Thanksgiving, after our short-lived friendship, I couldn’t, wouldn’t stop myself. No matter that my relationship with my dad was poor and Nesta didn’t deal well with strangers. I wanted him there. The past day and a half we’d spent apart after seeing him every day for a week had been unbearable. Not only had my guilt eaten me up about the things I’d said to him. No. I’d missed him. His comforting, playful presence. His ability to tease me or call me out when I was being too dramatic about my situation. I wanted that around me. 

Admitting those thoughts scared the shit out of me. And yet apparently the wine dulled that terror enough that I felt brave enough to ask him to come to my childhood home and dine with my mess of a family. 

“Are you serious? You want me to come home with you for Thanksgiving.”

“Don’t make me rethink my offer.” I did my best to sound playful, sarcastic.

He laughed for my benefit. “Um, okay.”

“Cool.”

I ended up sleeping in Mor’s bed that night. And when I woke up the next morning I didn’t feel any regret at spending time with someone who had treated me more kindly than I thought I’d ever deserve. Rhys didn’t expect or demand anything from me other than friendship. He’d gotten me out of danger several times now and had never made himself unavailable if I needed to talk. He’d forgiven me when I’d said some unwarranted, mean things to him instead of holding it over my head for weeks to make me feel guilty. He’d let me sleep over at his place when I’d been so tired from the wine and the day’s training that I didn’t want to walk home. 

So this was what a genuinely nice guy was like.

And in that moment I decided to stop comparing him, or any other male I came across, to Tamlin.

----------------

The next few days passed without event. Everyone returned from the dual meet after an enormous victory, so spirits were high throughout the three days of Thanksgiving Break training we had. I actually enjoyed the brutal practices while swimming in a lane with Cassian and Mor. No matter how much pain we were in, Mor was always one of the girls shouting encouragement across the pool and Cassian never failed to have some sort of joke prepared for the worst moment of the main set.  Tuesday morning after practice I said farewell to my new friends (Mor threatened to kill me if I didn’t text her over the break) and was left alone with Rhys, in my driveway. 

It was a four hour drive to my hometown. Shouldn't be too awful, right?  

Rhys took his spot in the passenger side, I took the driver’s seat, and we were off.

Almost immediately, we got into an argument about the music selection.

“I want classic rock,” he insisted.

“I’m the driver and I want to listen to my November playlist, thank you very much.” I batted his hand away from my phone, which he was trying to steal from my lap while I was driving. 

“Well I’m the one with the crippled leg so I should be the one picking the music. You get to drive.”

“First of all, you are not crippled. Your foot is broken because you and Cassian were too busy being idiots to lift weights properly. Second of all, that is so not how it works and you know--hey!” 

He’d stolen my phone from my lap, his fingers brushing my thighs ever so slightly. His touch surprised me so much that I stopped arguing. That and the fact that he’d chosen to take it right as I merged onto a four lane highway, full of Thanksgiving travelers. I couldn’t steal it back.

“You don’t know my password,” I said through gritted teeth. Whether they were gritted because of how his touch made me feel or anger at my stolen phone, I didn’t want to puzzle out.

“Please. It’s probably your birthday.”

“Well you don’t know my birthday.”

“Please,” he said again.

A moment later and Metallica music issued from my speakers. “Dammit, Rhys! How do you know my birthday?” 

“How do you not like Metallica.”

“I don’t listen to Metallica and I prefer other things. Don’t judge my taste in music. Everyone has a weird taste in music.”

He shrugged and reclined his chair. 

“Can I have my phone back, please?” I changed my tone. Flirty usually got me somewhere, with Rhys.

He took the bait. Boys. So predictable. “What will you give me for it?”

I glanced at him, traffic too busy for me to take my eyes off the road for long. He looked at me, his gaze unwavering. 

I couldn’t hear the music anymore. “What is it you want, Rhys?” I asked quietly. 

He sat up at that. “I’m the one asking the questions here. I have all the power, Feyre Archeron. I control the MUSIC.”

The sounds of his rock music came flooding back in. “You’re a drama queen.” Yes, easy flirting was much easier than discovering what his answer to my question might be.

“If I’m the queen, you’re the king. I bet you’re milking that broken foot for all it’s worth: time off practice, personal chauffeurs to drive you everywhere, a free invite to Elain’s amazing Thanksgiving dinner.” I clicked my tongue. “I should leave you on the side of the road right now.” 

He changed his tone pretty quickly at that. “No, no, please.” He whined. It was kind of adorable.  “I’m sick of Thanksgiving with Cass and Az. We get takeout and drink beer. It’s not the same.” 

“Alright. You may now alternate the genre of music we listen to.” 

“Thank you, O Queen of Drama.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re welcome, prick.” 

His returning grin was one to rival every grin of every decent looking male in the history of all males. And I was pretty sure I was grinning right back. 

Approximately three and a half hours later, a mere thirty minutes from my childhood home, my car started sputtering. 

The drive had been fun, had gone by faster than any of my previous trips home ever had. Rhys had kept up a constant stream of entertainment. We’d discussed politics, books, art, team drama (of which there was plenty), our families. I’d tentatively asked Rhys about his parents and sister after I’d found myself explaining all of my family drama--Elain’s nasty breakup with Greyson, Nesta’s ice-cold exterior, and my father’s initial business success, followed by a period of failure, which had lasted most of my childhood, and his newfound riches. It had taken me months to explain everything to Tamlin. With Rhys, though, it all came spilling out.

“My mom died when I was a kid. Car accident. Drunk driver. My dad lives halfway across the world, in Hybern. I haven’t seen him in years.”

I knew he’d had a sister. I waited, unwilling to press.

“My sister… was diagnosed with cancer when I was sixteen. She was only twelve.” 

I’d had no idea.

His voice quieted. “It went pretty quick, actually. She was diagnosed, went straight into treatments, and. . .” He shook his head. “That was the worst thing to watch her go through. I couldn’t do anything except be there for her as she got sicker and sicker. It only took about six months before she. . . she passed away. Only about three months before I left for college. That’s when my dad moved away. There wasn’t anything holding us together after she died.” 

Only the music of my playlist issued softly from the speakers. 

“Tell me about her,” I had said softly. 

He blew out a breath. And he had. He’d told me about her love for volleyball and how she was so impossibly kind to everyone she’d ever met, including the doctors and nurses who’d cared for her during the worst of her sickness. He’d told me about how he’d been the one to teach her to ride a bike, and taken her for Friday night ice cream runs ever since he’d gotten his license. 

He was actually smiling at her memory when my car started making noises akin to the sound a drowning cat might make. 

“Shit,” I muttered. 

“I’m no mechanic, but I feel like you should pull over. How old is this hunk of junk, anyways?” 

“Shut up, we can’t all drive a Mercedes.” He held up his hands and followed me out of the car, despite my insistence that he should stay off his foot. In the end, I gave up on protesting because I didn’t know the first thing about cars, either.

We stood next to each other in front of the open hood a moment later.  

“Do you think it’s bad?” I asked a bit stupidly.

“Typically, Feyre darling, when smoke is billowing out of your car, it’s bad.”

I whacked his arm. “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

He tugged on my ponytail. “You’re welcome, O Queen of the Stupid Question.” 

“I guess I’ll call Elain. Are you ready to meet my family?”

“I’m sure they’re less crazy than you. Can’t be that bad.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Elain told me she’d be there in thirty minutes and I ventured into the gas station to buy pretzels for the thirty minute wait. I found Rhys sitting on a bench in the shadows around a corner of the building. 

“Sorry this is happening,” I said, offering him the bag of pretzels. 

He took a few. “No need to apologize. This is already probably one of the best Thanksgiving breaks of my life.” 

I cocked an eyebrow. “Because you’re spending it with me, hmm?”

I’d expected an equally flirtatious answer. 

Instead, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Yes.”

I blinked. And blinked again.

“Can I have some more pretzels?” He asked as though he hadn’t just made the word “yes” sound more romantic than any declaration of love in any romantic comedy ever had.

A bit stunned, I brandished the bag of pretzels in his general direction. 

“Don’t go getting a big head, Feyre darling. Your company could become insufferable at any moment.”

I kept staring at him. That one word has surprised me so much, considering it didn’t mean much. Didn’t it? 

He reached up and brushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes. “I am serious, you know.”

Okay so he definitely liked me. That was the conclusion my brain had drawn. It had only been a month since Tamlin. . . But Rhys was. . . Amazingly kind. And funny. And fun to be around. And he’d been there for me. I wasn’t ready for anything. I couldn’t be. A month? I could hear the team whispering “slut” and “whore” and “cheater” if word got out that I’d jumped from Tamlin to Rhys in such a short period of time. Not to mention the added drama when Rhys and Tamlin’s rivalry factored into it. 

And despite the drama it could create, the fact remained that I did not want to shut Rhys down. 

So I nodded. And decided to be vague. Friends first, right? “Well I don’t know if I can say that to you. . . yet.” I hoped he’d understand my meaning. “But stick with me and I promise my presence won’t become insufferable any time soon.” 

His face was solemn even as he mustered up a weakly flirtatious tone. “If you say so,” he breathed. 

I nodded, unable to remove my gaze from his violet eyes. 

“I do,” I whispered. 

The sudden honk of a very high-pitched horn made me jump. 

“That’ll be Elain,” I said, still looking at him. 

“Okay.” He didn’t move. Only reached up to run a finger down my cheek.

“We should go,” I said, my voice barely audible.

“Okay.” 

Finally, Elain’s shout forced us to get up, throw the bag of pretzels away, and pile into the car. 

I was screwed. Immensely, impossibly, royally, screwed.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 141

141

Keith was tucked up in bed, saline IV drip in his arm. Lance had been jerking them off when Keith threw up across him. Orgasm, puke, panicked Keith. Moment ruined. Getting Keith up, showered, the bedding stripped and changed, his boyfriend was finally asleep. So much for coming back with a level head... Matt wasn’t Keith sitting ever again. Still, he was kind of cute when he was sleeping and sprouting nonsense. It wasn’t even funny nonsense. Their twins had been upgraded to cupcakes... so that was kind of funny, but Keith obviously not his limits both alcohol wise and mentally.

Heading into the living room, Rieva was back. He really wished they use the front door rather than balcony hoping

“How’s yours?”

“Had to put an IV line. Yours?”

“Tequila hit and he’d acquainting himself with the toilet”

“Did Matt say much?”

“Only that Keith was pretty much babbling by the third shot and obliterated by the 5th shot...”

“Surprised he made it that long... Am I... I did this, didn’t I?”

“Matt did. He wasn’t supposed to take Keith drinking while Keith was upset”

“Keith was upset because of me”

They’d got a lot done with Keith and Matt gone. He’d drafted his will, two copies, one in case Keith didn’t come back, which was now shredded, the other Rieva acted as his witness for. He didn’t have much, but if something happened he wanted Keith and the twins to be provided for. Everything but the coffee machine left to his boyfriend, which went to Pidge as a joke. Keith would decide how to split his assets and if there was something in particular their two best friends wanted Lance was confident Keith would let them take it. Shiro and Curtis to raise their twins if something happened. He hadn’t told Keith, because Keith didn’t want to think about things going wrong. He had a copy of his mother’s will, she’d tried to leave him things but he knew his siblings would contest it. The one thing he knew Luis would want would be Mami’s wedding and engagement ring set, to pass on. He’d slipped it off her finger before they flew back to America, then slid it back on at the service. Even if Luis wanted it, it was where it belonged. Where their Papi had slid it into place all those decades ago.

“Keith was upset because you’ve barely had time to talk about anything properly. Matt did mention you may wish to avoid the hotel lounge. Keith got a bit vocal about your sex life”

Lance groaned. Drunk Keith was a slut. Matt should have known better

“He’s lucky he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning... He’s also lucky Coran sent me back with extra medical supplies. Grab an IV bag if Matt needs one”

Rieva shrugged a shoulder

“He can suffer. I expected more maturity”

“I don’t know... Pidge turns to alcohol to solve all her problems”

“Yes, well. I only popped over to see how you were handling Keith. I can smell vomit in the air”

“Puked all over me. Gotta admit, as gross as it was, it was nice to not be the one throwing up all the time”

Not that Lance wanted to see Keith throwing up. He was pissed at Matt for letting Keith get into this state. Rieva was lucky he could see her and only smell Matt. His ego wanted to punch their friend in the face. Rieva screwed her nose up at his words

“At least mine made it to the bathroom. My plans for a swim are cancelled. Shall I pick you up something for dinner?”

“Yeah. That’d actually be great. Keith’s going to need food to soak up all the alcohol in his system. He still smells like a walking tequila bottle”

“He’ll be feeling it tomorrow. Alright, I’ll pop back soon. You should try rest too. You’re looking a little washed out”

“Try washing Keith when he’s crying, apologising, and groping me all at the same time”

“Nope. That’s a hard pass. I really am sorry for Matt’s actions”

“It’s fine. I totally owe you for today, so I’ll call it even”

“On the plus side, Coran’s fitting the drinks bill...”

He didn’t see that as a plus side. He’d have to pay something towards the room tab before they checked out. The rooms were something like $350 a night and he’d already been there twoish months... or was it three? He didn’t quite know where Keith got three months from. Maybe drunk Keith would tell him?

“... anyway, I’ll see you soon!”

Rieva was back out the window and across the next balcony before Lance could sigh. They were going to get busted for it. All it’d take was someone looking up and opening their big mouths over it. Just another reason why supernaturals shouldn’t be mixing with humans.

Heading back to Keith, his boyfriend was still in the same position Lance had left him in. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he placed his hand on Keith’s hair, letting the soft locks flop over his fingers. He didn’t know what Keith was thinking. Him taking the bite? What kind of crap was that? Keith would probably die before turning. If he turned, he’d have none of the benefits that came with turning young. He was trying to sign up for a life he knew wasn’t as glamorous as Hollywood made believe. He wasn’t going to take Keith’s warmth from him. He wasn’t going to curse him to their weird life. He loved his breathing happy human boyfriend. The feel of his strong heartbeat. The softness of Keith’s warmth as if cocooned around him. His scent. His smile. His ability to function without coffee. Humans were fragile, but he wouldn’t let Keith take the bite. One lifetime with Human Keith was as good as a million with vampire Keith who risked insanity and the troubles of ego. The constant risk of blood borne infection. Their egos might not even get along. Keith’s might outright reject the parts of him he’d liked as a human, and Lance might never recover from the guilt he knew would come if he turned him.

Stroking Keith’s hair, he wished they’d stay like this. Together. He shouldn’t have kept things from Keith, but Keith severely miscalculated how low Lance was. He’d barely started recovering when Mami passed. Yeah, he knew Keith hadn’t had a fun time, but... yeah. He’d fucked things up. The pat on the head and the reassurance he craved came from Rieva. She’d gone to get herself a glass of water from the kitchenette, seeing all the injections and stuff Coran had him taking on top of fresh blood, that he now definitely assumed had been cut off thanks to Keith coming, though feeding from Keith was dangerous. A full feed would leave him weak, his body not able to keep up with his desires to feed Lance as much as he needed. He supposed vampires would simply call in pets to entertain other breeders, that wasn’t what he wanted at all. Love was worth more than blood. Could a human not love a vampire? Or was Keith struggling with the idea of mortality?

Then there was what he’d said. Marriage. Um. Lance wasn’t in a rush. He didn’t feel he had to be married to be with Keith. It went against his romantic heart, but he also didn’t want an engagement ring out of duty. Things like marriage should wait. They hadn’t been together a year, rushing to sign up for the rest of their lives without ironing out the teething problems asked for trouble. Werewolves were different with their concept of marriage. Vampires different again. Vampires generally didn’t marry humans. Humans were generally only ever pets. Keith was not his pet. Did Keith not see them as partners? Did he really see Lance as out of reach permanently if he didn’t take the bite? He hated the thought. The thought he’d drifted so far away from being human in his boyfriend’s eyes. Why couldn’t what they’d had and would have be enough?

*

Falling asleep against Keith, Rieva woke him gently. Matt hanging back, looking like shit

“I’ve brought dinner up if you’d like to join us”

It was food time already? His nap schedule ruined, and his body making it’s dislike known. He’d barely had anything to drink either. One day back with Keith and he acting like a kid

“Yeah... smells good”

“Chicken and rice. Extra for Keith”

“Thanks. I’ll give you the money...”

“We already decided we’re even. I know I told you to nap, yet, I can’t say you seem too rested”

“I got too caught up in taking care of him that I might have forgotten to eat”

Rieva took him by the arm, pulling Lance off Keith who whined in his sleep, patting around for him. Leaning back, Lance kissed Keith’s cheek, his boyfriend’s breath hideous, but trying to brush Keith’s teeth didn’t exactly work when his boyfriend wanted to suck on the toothbrush

“Babe, you awake?”

“Ngggh...”

Nope. He needed sleep. The more sleep the better. He was going to be hung over as fuck

“You just sleep. I’ll be back soon”

“Unmg”

“I know. You regret your life choices. It’s okay, just sleep it off”

“Mhndssf”

“I love you, too”

The three of them left Keith sleeping, Matt throwing himself down on the sofa with such force Lance was worried it was about to break

“I’m amazed you speak drunken Keith. He stopped making sense to me”

Lance shook his head

“Thanks for that. I don’t, and I don’t appreciate you getting him drunk”

“Trust me, dude. No more tequila for him. no mas tequila”

Matt’s Spanish was like nails on a chalk board, making him cringe. He’d even thrown in a very bad Spanish accent trying to sell the three words

“Did he try hitting on you? He’s a slut when he’s drunk”

“No. That would have been easier to deal with. It was all “I love Lance!”. “Lance likes it when I hold hips down and fuck him!”. “Lance is perfection!”. “Lance is life!”. I want my cupcakes!””

Lance groaned. He’d never be able to face any of the hotel staff again

“You shouldn’t have taken him drinking...”

“I know! He just seemed like he needed to let loose”

There was any number of things Matt could have taken Keith off and done...

“Then take him for Karaoke. Give him like two shots and he’ll get up there... Do you have any idea what he’s been saying?”

“That he’s serious about being with you?”

“That the wants to be bitten”

“Ah. He’ll get over that”

Matt waved it off dismissively

“That doesn’t seem like something he’ll just get over, Matt”

Not when Keith had this idea of forever being unnaturally long

“He had something like 8 shots. He won’t remember”

“That’s beside the point because I remember. Couldn’t you have picked something else to talk about?”

“Trust me, I tried”

Rieva interrupted the pair of them

“Aaaaaanyway, Lance, you need to eat. One full blood bag and your food”

“I will”

“You’ll do it now or you’ll forget”

“I don’t forget. It’d be so much easier if I did”

“I don’t care for your excuses, eat, now”

He wasn’t trying to make excuses. He’d come out to eat with his... pack. He was just trying to learn about what Keith had said while drunk. Not putting off eating. This was why he had a hard time accepting the help of his friends because, despite wanting the best for him, he now felt slightly smothered.

Thanks to the feeling of being smothered, Lance was distant through dinner. Before he knew what happened he found his plate emptied. Matt and Rieva also having finished eating, with Matt looking too well after the greasy chicken

“If you’re going to puke, please try to make it to the bathroom”

The scent of Keith’s vomit was bad enough. He didn’t need Matt puking, he was liable to start vomiting at any moment as it was. The chicken looked good, tasted good, but the amount of oil coupled with the scent was definitely not good.

Matt nodded, chicken bone still his mouth

“I think I’m going to eat and run before you start sucking down that blood”

“Matthew!”

Matt shrugged

“He said to go if I’m feeling sick, I’m feeling sick, take care of meeee”

Eh. Close enough. He had Keith to nurse as it was

“I’m sorry, Lance. Matt’s banned from drinking until we get home”

Good luck with that one. Matt not drinking was like Keith not having coffee. If he wanted to drink, he would. That was just how Matt was

“What? Babe. Nooooo”

“You should have thought about that before you ruined our plans. You reap what you sow”

“Lance, please tell me we’re on the first plane out of here tomorrow”

He got it. He was interrupting their lives. Yep. He knew it. Rieva and Matt should be back in America. He’d lasted long enough on his own. He could manage

“You guys can go if you really want to, but I want to spend some more time here”

Rieva elbowed Matt

“Lance, we’re not leaving until you are ready”

Open wound. Pour in salt. Bam. Same feeling as what he felt at Rieva mothering him

“I’ll think about it some more. Thanks for the help earlier. It felt good to get things organised”

“You’re very welcome. Don’t stay up too late”

That meant no walk along the beach alone at night. Too bad for Rieva that he was going to. Lance supposed it was a bit weird, but to him it was like a treat for making it through the day. He could walk the beach, swim if he felt like it, breathe in the salt air and just let go

“Alright. Off you both go. I’ll take care of the clean up”

He’d said alright. Not that he’d promised to. It’d been far too long since he’d been swimming and he’d always loved the water. Going home meant returning to dry inland heat and not a pool in sight. Why couldn’t people just trust him to make the choices that made him happy and his head less busy? No one bothered him. He bothered no one. He always dressed warmly enough... He’d wake Keith up and let him know before he went. No one could be mad at him for that. This was why he’d been keeping so much to himself. Because he knew his mental health was being a little shit and his ego a flaring arsehole. He’d asked for time, not for love to be shoved down his throat at the first possible instance until it choked him.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

sprung spring | take you home; adam page [m]

Prompt Used:

  “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.” + comfort sex + drunk sloppy sex + “Oh my god you’re so much better than the last person I was with.” + A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond. + needy/clingy sex

Notes: 

Okay, so… I have literally… Never… used my given name in a work of fiction before and… ya girl found out it’s hard to write dirty things when the OC has your name. Pure self indulgent smut because fuckkit yolo, I needed this. Some of the dialogue prompted above was changed to reflect the situation these two were placed in, fyi. This is mature content, so nobody under 18+ up in these parts. Also, I owe a serious hug to @heelsamizayn​ & @wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​ because no matter how many times I whined and bitched and got all squirmy whilst writing this, they really kept me going and I love them for that.

Warnings: 

alcohol tw ( it’s the OC this time), clingy unprotected sex, sawwwft!Adam, lots of teasing (and hopefully tension, I was  really trying to play at heightening that here) and yeahhh.. It’s tame. I promise ya’ll… I’m going to write actual harder / filthier prompts, I just… had a mighty need. Anyway, that’s all the warnings.

Pairing: 

Adam Hangman Page x OFC, Ashley

Ashley narrowed her eyes at the bottle before glancing up at Shane and shaking her head. “I-I’m good.”

“Aw, c’mon hon. It’s just a little drink.” Shane was stepping closer, right in her space all over again. He’d been plying her with drinks and trying to get her to dance or talk to him -or the most annoying request he’d made so far, “Smile, darlin. Ya look prettier when ya do.” and it was starting to rub him the wrong way, the way she kept resisting. She could almost feel it radiating off of him.

Ashley was at that state of drunk where it was more annoying than endearing and now that it seemed to be irritating him that she wouldn’t just give in, it only gave her all the more reason to resist. It wasn’t as if it wasn’t almost cringe inducingly clear what the asshole thought he was doing and she just wasn’t having it.

At all.

Not even slightly.

Rather than even partially entertain his offer for another drink or to go dance with him, Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes in sheer boredom, taking the drink and taking a sip as she scrolled through her contacts list.

As usual, she hovered over Adam’s number in her phone and that loneliness crept in all over again. More pronounced. More tinged with regret.

She found herself missing him so much that before she even realized it, she’d pulled up the text bubble from their last text conversation and she found herself grimacing at the date.

Had they really not spoken at all in nearly 3 weeks?

And then Ashley found herself going back over the last time they had spoken face to face. Before she realized the true depths of her feelings and Adam drunkenly tried to kiss her and in a blind panic, she’d backed away.

Not because she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her, but because she’d been afraid of what might happen if he did kiss her.

And now, Ashley thought bitterly, hugging herself a little as the thought came, I’m lucky to get a Hi, how are you over text out of him..

With a sigh, she finished scanning their last brief text conversation and then, when Shane cleared his throat impatiently, she remembered that apparently, this guy expected her to pay all her attention to him and she put her phone down. Biting her lip, she settled warm brown eyes on the other man.

“I asked ya if you wanted to dance, darlin. They’re kinda playin our song.” Shane chuckled, holding out his hand. When she started to shake her head no, he gave her a sort of put off glare and muttered something to himself about tonight being a complete waste. All his buddies told him not to walk over and try talking to her; they all told him she was bound tighter than molasses from the knees down and every single night she’d come in this week so far, she’d managed to shoot down anyone who thought they might possibly stand a chance of takin her home. I clearly should’ve listened, Shane found himself thinking, because now I’m out fifty bucks and she looks more annoyed with me each second that passes and that real gorgeous chick I know I coulda won over left an hour ago with Greg.

“W-we don’t have a s-song?” Ashley’s brow quirked and she shook her head, holding up her glass. “I-i’m good, actually.” Ashley muttered as she took a long sip.

Moron, do you seriously think I want to dance to this song… with you? Because no. Ashley thought to herself as she glanced around the crowded bar, face falling when she remembered that Adam wasn’t in town right now, he was on the road. When Ashley realized what Shane had just muttered about the night being a total waste, she mildly shrugged. “I-i don’t r-recall askin y-you t-to come up n’ t-try pourin the booze to me, either. Play s-stupid games, w-win stupid p-prizes.”

As Shane grumbled “Fine, suit yourself, darlin. Don’t come lookin for me when it’s late and you can’t find a ride home.” and made his way onto his next target, Ashley let out a long and deep breath, blowing at dark bangs as they flopped right into her eyes, laughing off Shane’s words.

She went back to her phone, scrolling through her contacts.

“Maybe Shayna’s up.” Ashley mused to herself as she pulled up what she thought was a text conversation she’d been having with her friend earlier in the day while they were both stuck in their office working through lunch.

What she didn’t realize -and wouldn’t just yet, was that she hadn’t texted Shayna at all.

She’d texted Adam… The subject of the earlier conversation.

→ First of all, pretty sure I just completely eviscerated this one guy’s poor ego. *eye roll*. Guess whose NOT having the sex right now bc she gets mouthy when she drinks?

→ This bitch, that’s whomst. In my defense, he was the one who kept pouring the drinks to me. I just took ‘em. You know me, guy stood about as much a chance as… Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I chased him off. Like usual when we’re out at this bar.

→ But seriously though.. Maybe it’s the alcohol and the fact that I’m lonely and I’m salty because I’m not getting cuddles rn like youuuuu but…

→ Okay, u were right earlier.

→ It’s late and I’m drunk, otherwise I’d never say that. Maybe a little lonely too. Enjoy your shallow victory and the sex you’re probably getting rn, lmao. ILY Shayna!

→ I know ur probably busy with Samuel - sexy times and all that but… You win. You’re right.

→ I love him and god… I miss him so much it’s making me an even bigger bitch lately, so.. Sorry for that I guess. I wish I’d just… Kissed him back. Climbed him like an actual tree, giant he is… Shoved him against the wall, tangled my fingers in that hair and tugged his mouth against mine. Maybe even rubbed myself against him a lil bit too, just to see if that yummy cologne he wears all the time rubs off. At least then I’d… Well, I sure as shit wouldn’t be sitting here, shooting down pushy douchebag assholes and drinking alone.

→ Anyway, have your moment. I love Adam Page. I always have and it scares the living hell out of me. You were right. Now there’s only one problem… How do I make the big idiot answer my calls?!?

→ don’t answer that rn. Tomorrow… When drunk Ashley isn’t out and doing dumb shit and can think clearly.

→ Okay, no… answer meeee… I just… I need to know what to do here? Pls. I beg of you. If you don’t answer me, I swear to God, I’m gonna wind up drunk dialing.. >.>

–

The cell phone was going batshit crazy on the bathroom counter and Adam mostly ignored it in favor of soaking under a long hot shower. It had been a long drive; made longer by the fact that he was all beaten and banged up from the past few shows but trying to soldier through as usual. Parts of him admittedly ignored the phone because he thought it was most likely one of three people and none of them he wanted to talk to right now.

No, Adam thought to himself, the one I wanna talk to more than anything I can’t talk to now… He sighed as he thought about the way he got too drunk; out of control. He’d tried to kiss her that night and just the sheer look of panic in big brown eyes right before she bolted the hell away in a hurry had been more than enough to make him realize where he stood.

He couldn’t face her after that either, so he’d been keeping a low profile. Trying to distance from… his actions.

Just thinking about it had him both cringing and feeling that raw surge of pain he felt that night all over again, fresh as ever.

She hadn’t texted him or tried calling either, so that only further confirmed his suspicions. And now, Adam thought to himself as the phone buzzed one last time and he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist after drying off his face, you lost your best friend. The one you could talk to about anything. You messed that up. Being a jerk that night and coming on way too strong.

He picked up his cell phone only halfway glancing at it at first. But when he actually read all the messages, he wound up dropping the phone on the bathroom tiles with a quiet thud. Then he stood there, trying to get his head around everything he’d just read, all the texts from Ashley to what she apparently thought was her best friend Shayna.

About him.

He took several deep breaths and then got himself at least partially together before even attempting to answer the barrage of texts.

← Where are you?

← Are you drunk right now?

At re-reading that her shooting down men when she went out with Shayna was apparently a common thing, Adam let out a few shakier breaths and bit his lip, raising a hand to his head and dragging thick digits through damp hair as he let it sink in.

Blue eyes scanned the next message after hitting send.

← Nevermind, screw it.

← I’ll be there in 10.

← And me and  you? We’re gonna have ourselves a serious talk.

After throwing back on the jeans and tee shirt he’d had on before showering, he grabbed his keys and headed out. He knew the bar she always went to because they’d hung out there on more than one occasion.

“Bastard who was pourin the drinks to her better hope he’s long gone when I get there.” Adam muttered as protective urges reared their head and he found himself more than a little worried. Ashley wasn’t a drinker by any stretch of the imagination. And given the rambling in the texts she thought she’d sent to Shayna just now, it was.. A safe guess that she was at least two thirds of the way to being too drunk to function.

And it had him more than a little concerned because he knew how the guys at this particular bar got when they saw a pretty girl sitting there, drinking alone. His grip tightened on the wheel as he sped towards the bar in question.

When he was in the parking lot, he tried to call her cell phone but it went straight to voicemail. Without wasting any time, Adam killed the engine to his truck and got out, hurrying into the bar, blue eyes darting around all over as he tried to pick her out in the crowd.

Maybe she hadn’t left yet. God, he could only hope.

–

“I-i’m gonna stop you right there. Just because I-i’m a lil tipsy right now..” Ashley stared up at the man who’d taken the seat next to her at the bar after Shane vacated in a hurry earlier. “Don’t mean I want any part of y-you.”

“Aw, c’mon darlin. Pretty little thing like you shouldn’t be sittin here, drinkin all alone. C’mon.”

“I’d a-actually prefer it, if you w-want the honest G-god’s truth.” Ashley waved over the bartender, signalling for more bourbon in her glass. She fixed her eyes on the man and raised the glass to her lips. “Thanks f-for the drink though.”

Before the guy even got a chance to respond, a throat cleared loud; almost protectively, from behind the two. Ashley didn’t even have to turn around to know exactly who was standing behind her, but what she was having trouble grasping in her tipsy state, was what exactly Adam was doing here now.

“Just do yourself a favor and leave, buddy.” Adam stared down the man intently, arms folded over his chest, moving to step closer to Ashley’s stool, lightly pressing against her from behind.

“Adam? W-what the hell?” Ashley drawled, turning on her stool almost immediately, brown eyes locking on him with a questioning gaze. “I… y-you w-weren’t home.” she could feel herself starting to sober up just a little at his sudden appearance. She frowned a little, shook her head sadly.

Adam moved to step between her legs and he leaned in and down, brushing his lips against her own as he muttered quietly and firmly, “Kiss me.” catching her chin with his finger curled beneath it just when she went to look down. “My eyes and mouth are right here, darlin.” Adam coaxed, gazing at her mouth intently.

“K-kiss me, he s-says.” Ashley drawled, biting her lip, staring right back at his mouth just as intently as he stared at hers.

Her hand raised, resting across the back of his neck, fingers tangling in and tugging his hair free from the bun he’d thrown it into, threading through it once she had. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer and her other hand curled in the front of his tee shirt, tugging his mouth down to her level a little better. Once she’d done that, her lips trailed lazily over his mouth, tracing the shape of his lips, making him give a quiet groan and his eyes flutter open and closed. By the time her tongue was slipping past his teeth, his tongue was fighting against it for complete control of the kiss and he’d leaned into her so much that her back was right up against the edge of the bar. His teeth scraped at her lower lip as the kiss deepened, both of them panting for their next breath and dizzy from it.

His hands slid beneath her ass and he scooped her up, not bothering to break the kiss just yet or untangle her from his body. Her legs squeezed his waist harder and she rubbed against him more than a little. Once they were out in the parking lot again, Adam stopped, sitting her on the railing around an outdoor sitting area, pulling her into another deep and almost bruising kiss.

“I-I was just… about to l-leave. Walk.”

Adam chuckled and shook his head no, nodding to his truck. “I’d feel much better if you’d let me take you home, darlin.”

Ashley eyed him, hints of a pout on her lips. “Y-you s-stopped e-even t-talkin to m-me.” she sighed and shook her head sadly, muttering under her breath, “I-it is m-my fault.” and Adam tilted her chin to make her meet his gaze when she looked down, shaking his head. “It’s not, darlin. Not at all.”

“I-I fucking r-ran. S-seriously?” Ashley whined, her legs squeezing at his waist as she wrapped them around him all over again, staring at his chest for a few seconds, blowing out an exasperated breath, because the more she thought about her choice to run the night he finally kissed her, the more it did truly exasperate her. Of all the times to panic… It had to be then. The worst possible one.

Adam chuckled and leaned down, muttering softly against her mouth, “If it makes you feel any better, darlin.. You made up for it. And it drove me crazy, not talkin to ya.”

“G-good.” Ashley giggled and poked out her tongue as she looked at him. “B-because it m-made m-me really cranky. H-holy s-shit, so cranky.” she giggled again, making Adam laugh and scoop her up into his arms, making his way towards the truck. “I know.”

“H-how?” Ashley’s brow raised as she stared up at him, resting her head against his shoulder. “I-I literally o-only told Shayna…”

“You texted the wrong person, actually.” Adam teased as he unlocked his truck, sitting her into the passenger seat. Ashley’s mouth opened and closed and she palmed her face, groaning in sheer embarrassment while laughing softly.

Adam got into the truck, starting the engine and Ashley was raising the console, curling into his side as soon as she’d moved to the middle to sit, tucking her legs on the seat beside her. Adam chuckled, slipping his arm around her shoulders. “You’re awfully cuddly tonight, know that?”

“Mhm.” Ashley purred, her lips brushing against his neck, making him grip the wheel just a little tighter. By now, the embarrassment over what she’d done was melting away and her internal filter -the little she actually possessed to begin with, was at an all time low thanks to having drinks poured into her all night by random and far lesser appealing men. “Is that a b-bad thing?”

Adam bit back a groan and barely resisted bucking his hips as he felt her lips clumsily moving along the side of his neck as she nuzzled into him and chuckling quietly, he gave an answer. “Not at all, darlin. Except for the fact that you’re getting me all sorts of stirred up right now.” he muttered, the truck coasting to a stop beneath the red light a block away from his place. When he did, he turned to look at her, wasting no time in pulling her mouth up to his as his hand went from squeezing her thigh to slipping between them, rubbing her through her jeans as he swore quietly because he could feel how warm she was and it only made him think about how wet she might actually be.

“Maybe t-that’s what I’m trying to do.” came pouring out before she could stop herself from saying it. Not that she would have either way, but she was at least trying to show a little restraint, still partially shocked that he was there and that she’d somehow managed to confess everything to him under the guise of texting Shayna.

Maybe it was a good thing that happened, Ashley thought to herself as she slipped her hand down, trailing it along the inside of his thigh, then up… Sucking in a sharp breath when her hand settled palm down against the bulge already straining and growing, pushing against his jeans. Adam’s hips snapped and he locked eyes with her, biting his lip, the hand between her thighs starting to move a little harder and a lot faster. Ashley rocked her hips against his hand and sucked in a sharp breath as Adam leaned in, teeth tugging at her earlobe and catching as he muttered against it in a whisper, “If that’s so, darlin.. You’re in for it. Just wait.”

“What if I don’t w-wanna wait, hm?” Ashley muttered as her lips brushed against his neck again and Adam’s breath caught in his throat before making the remark aloud, “Got a lot to make up for, me and you.”

“Mhm.” Ashley could feel herself getting wetter and wetter with every single word he said. She knew he had to feel her thighs clenching tighter with each word he said because his hand was currently buried between them, palm down against her dripping and throbbing heat, rubbing through her jeans and by now she’d trapped his hand where it was. A shiver passed through her body as she continued to rock her hips against his hand, a quiet whimper of frustration coming when all that lead to was him, slowing down way too much for her liking at the moment. She pouted up at him and bit her lip as he leaned in, closer and closer, pulling her face towards his.

“Could take all night.” Adam was turning his head slightly, tugging her neck closer as he ghosted his lips along it, the pressure of his hand reaching an almost feverish frenzy as he growled against soft skin, “Maybe even tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Ashley’s eyes fluttered open and shut and she bit her lip, her hips rocking faster to meet his hand and the way it cupped and rubbed at her heat. Just enough to make a little friction, not by any means enough to give the amount of friction she actually craved.

He was teasing her.

Just the thought had her pouting in sheer frustration as she locked eyes with him. “Tease.”

“Ain’t exactly teasing if I know exactly what I’m gonna do to you when I get you home.” Adam pointed out, giving her a smirk. Ashley swallowed hard, breath catching in her throat at his words. Her mouth opened and closed and it had Adam chuckling quietly because this was one of very few times he’d truly seen her with a complete lack of something clever to say in response.

“Cat got your tongue, darlin?” he practically purred the words as his hand started to massage all over again and almost instantly, she started to rock against it more urgently.

“Adam… Fuck.” she gasped quietly, eyes fluttering open and closed as she started to palm at the way he was strained against his jeans.

The light went green and the careful and almost teasing movement of her hand in his lap felt so good that for about half a second, Adam didn’t realize it had.

“Light’s green, Adam.” Ashley’s voice was teasing, she gave a soft giggle as Adam took a few shaky breaths, nodding as he hurried from beneath the green light, turning down the next street. His house was in view, only a few seconds away and yet… It felt like a million miles away.

Almost the second he was parked at the curb in front of it, he was reaching out, pulling her over the console and into his lap, his hands and mouth all over her, mouth latching onto her neck and leaving a string of hickies down the side as he bucked himself into her from below and his hands disappeared up her shirt, slipping beneath her bra before finally getting frustrated at how in the way it was and unfastening it, gripping her breasts in his hands, palming and squeezing at them as he growled against her mouth when his mouth finally rose to meet and conquer her lips again.

He leaned into her so heavily that her back met the steering wheel and the horn in the center, making them both laugh only to have the sounds of their laughter swallowed by a deep and frenzied, needy kiss. The kiss broke and Ashley backed away slightly, biting her lip, wiggling around in his lap, bucking herself right against the prominent bulge strained and about to burst through his jeans. “I think that’s our sign to go inside, Adam.” she muttered the words as she felt her face burning hot and she bit her lip, squirming around in his lap just a little more, harder, desperate to keep the friction going. Adam nodded, killing the engine and getting out of the truck, carrying her up the steps, stopping to unlock his front door, with her body pinned between his body and the door as he did so. Twice he had to grip harder just because she started to trail her lips down his neck and chuckling quietly into the kiss he stole, he gave a triumphant and joking ‘Yee haw’ when he got the door unlocked at last. Ashley gave a soft whimper as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him and locking it. He sat her down on a sturdy console table that ran the length of the back of his sofa and stepped away to pull off his boots and Ashley took a few deep breaths, tried to pull herself together.

This was really happening.

Finally.

Adam met her gaze as he straightened to stand again and he stepped between her legs, devouring her mouth hungrily, his hands cupping her cheeks and caressing. “You’re sure, right? Because once we cross the line, darlin…”

Ashley gripped his jaw, guiding her mouth back down against his greedily as she whispered needily into the kiss, “Fuck me, Adam. I don’t wanna remember anyone else but you.”

Adam’s teeth clenched her lower lip; tugging. She was clinging to him and it was driving him crazy because there was… Still too much clothing in between them, keeping them apart. He scooped her up off the console table he’d sat her on to take off his boots and started to carry her down the hall, stopping halfway to put her back against the wall, tearing her shirt up over her head, tossing it onto the floor. Ashley tugged impatiently at his tee shirt, finally getting it up and over his head, tossing it onto the floor a few feet away from where her own shirt lie. Adam did away with the pesky bra next, letting it hit the floor softly, an almost primal growl bursting from his lips as he dipped his head low, dancing his mouth over the tops of her breasts, leaving behind beard burn and littering soft skin with bites with each time his mouth connected with her bare skin.

Ashley writhed around in his grasp, rocking herself into him, gripping his hips tighter with her legs, whimpering aloud, her head falling back and softly hitting the wall as her eyes fluttered open and shut. Her hand gripped his shoulder, fingertips digging into and dancing over his skin, sending a shiver through his body and making him groan as he glanced up at her, biting his lip. Ashley stared right back, both of them struggling to catch their breath but too caught up in the moment to bother putting a halt to the deep and biting and almost bruising kisses. She took his face in her hands, pulling his mouth deep against her own, her tongue trailing over the outline of his lips before parting them, her body rubbing against him even more frantically. Her hand raised to tangle in his hair and in the process, a photo clattered to the hallway floor noisily.

“Let’s take you to bed, hmm?” Adam’s breath against her skin as he mumbled the words into her neck quietly had Ashley whimpering and rocking against him even more frantically. Adam growled quietly as he bucked himself right back against her, starting the walk down the hall to his bedroom all over again. He kicked it open, a quiet creak of the frame echoing through the stillness as he stepped inside and shut it behind him, tossing her against the mattress as he stared down at her hungrily. Ashley went to raise up, reaching for the waistband of his jeans but Adam pushed her back against the mattress all over again, making her pout and give a frustrated whimper as he chuckled softly and leaned down, hands going down her bare skin, sending goosebumps to it’s surface as he lowered his mouth down, ghosting it slowly over her abdomen before raising to whisper next to her ear, “Uh uh darlin. Let me take care of you.” in a husky and firmer tone.

He started to lazily trail his mouth over bare skin all over again, the blunt of his teeth tugging at her nipples as his tongue circled them and he caught her eye, winking at her, his hands drifting down between them, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans, lingering to rub and squeeze her cunt before hooking in her waistband to tug her jeans and panties down all at once. Ashley tried to rock her hips upward, desperate to feel any kind of friction, frustrated beyond belief by all Adam’s teasing, but almost the instant she dared it, Adam was on his knees, kneeling in front of her, parting her legs with his hands and ghosting his mouth up the inside of her thigh slowly, occasionally placing a soft bite against her skin.

When her fingers tangled in his hair, he grunted against her skin, grazing his teeth against it, his tongue slowly making a lazy broad swipe upward. Ashley whimpered when she tried yet again to rock her hips against the way Adam had her pinned, just hoping to at least make an attempt to steer him where she needed him most, but he chuckled quietly, the shake of his head that he gave making soft hair brush against her skin and sending a shiver through her body. “I’m holdin you still for a reason, darlin. Now c’mon, be a good girl. Be still and let me take care of you.”

“Adam, please.” Ashley begged, trying again to rock her hips upward, only to pout when she realized just how determined Adam was to hold her in place and tease her relentlessly.

“Be patient, darlin. We got all night.” Adam’s tongue was trailing lazily over her folds as he said it, the taste of her on his tongue making him half growl his words as they left his mouth. He smirked a little to himself when he felt her not only try to rock her hips upward to meet his mouth but her hand curling in the comforter on top of his bed and in his hair, tugging as she whimpered and whined, her cries of frustrated pleasure echoing off the walls of his bedroom and shattering the silence around them.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his tongue make a long stripe over one side of her cunt. And then, straight across the middle, finally, another long stripe across the opposite side to which he lazily chuckled “A.” as he met her gaze with a teasing smirk. Ashley rose up slightly, staring down at him, biting her lip as a series of needy whimpers and loud whines left her mouth and her toes dug into the comforter. One long and broad stripe and then another curved stripe had her shivering and arching her back, fingers tangling in his hair as she tugged gently, “Fuck.”

“D.” Adam was at it again with the smirk, lowering his head almost a split second later to get back to what he was doing. His tongue trailed a familiar pattern over her folds and he muttered quietly against her cunt, “A”. and Ashley shivered even more because it hit her what he was doing, spelling out his name. “Adam, please… Need you, baby, please.” she begged almost frantically, desperate to ease some of the ache rapidly building because of all his teasing. Despite the urgent begging, Adam’s tongue rolled lazily, the one slanted stripe required to form one side of the M and then the two stripes required to form the middle of the M and finally, the last stripe. “M.” he groaned as his nose bumped right against her pelvic mound and he buried his tongue as deep in her pussy as he could, tilting her hips upward, pulling her closer to his mouth as he savored the taste of her as it started to fill his mouth. He could feel her body starting to tense up and another smirk came, pressing against her soaked warmth as he started to slow way down on the movements of his tongue. When he felt her fingers tugging at his hair again and noticed that she was digging her toes into the bed too, the smirk on his face grew.

Yeah, he was teasing. Taking his time with her, making this last. He’d waited so long already, now that it was happening, he was just… Really savoring the moment.

“Adam, please!” Ashley choked out, back arching away from the mattress slightly, eyes fluttering open and shut as she tried to keep frustrated tears at bay. When she felt him leaving a string of bite marks on the inside of her thighs, she whimpered and tried to rock her hips against his grip at them to no avail.

“Not yet, darlin. Just a little longer, I swear.” Adam breathed against her cunt as his tongue rolled lazily over the folds before slowly slipping in all over again, starting over with his little teasing torture. Ashley’s grip tightened in his hair and he paused, glancing up at her with lust blown eyes. “Pull as hard as you want while my head is buried between your thighs, darlin. C’mon. I like it.” his tone was firm, almost demanding.

And it only served to make her even wetter, she could feel the wetness coating her thighs, dripping. Adam growled quietly, tongue moving a little faster, flicking over her clit, lingering and trailing a lazy circle, grazing his teeth against the circular bundle of nerves as he chuckled against her, “What’s wrong, darlin?”

“You know what you’re…” Ashley writhed beneath the grip Adam had on her lower body, keeping her legs spread wide for him as his tongue slowly dove into and out of her soaked heat, “doing. Tease.”

“Oh, I’m not teasin at all, darlin.” Adam chucked again quietly, “Just said you better not dare cum yet.”

“Adam, it’s all I want to do! Fucking… ahh, hurts. I’m aching, baby, c’mon… Please?”

Adam continued to lick, adding two fingers and Ashley hissed sharp, her breath catching in her throat, her entire body tensing as she tried to do as she was told and resist the urge to cum. The more teasing she endured at his fingers and mouth, the harder that became.

He could feel her body tense up so tight, the way she was propped on her elbows to watch him had her arms shaking. He definitely felt her toes digging into the comforter by now too. Giving a soft nip to the inside of her right thigh as he stopped for a second or two, he muttered quietly, “Okay darlin. Now.” before raising her hips just a little, burying his tongue back deep inside her, rocking her hips against his face faster, his tongue swirling inside her cunt in a frenzy as he felt her shaking all over, heard her gasping for her next breath as she moaned out loud over and over, her cries of pleasure and his name filling the air and driving him over the edge, making him lick and suck harder, faster. He loosened his grip on her hips and she rocked them against his face almost shamelessly, he muttered quietly against her skin, “C’mon, darlin. Don’t stop.” breathing heavily.

Ashley’s hips started to slow and Adam lowered her legs, crawling up her body after dragging the back of his hand across his mouth, his eyes locked on her intently as he leaned down, pulling her into a deep kiss, breaking the kiss quickly to raise up, his hand lowering and wrapping around his thick length just to trace the tip right over and slightly between her folds, shivering himself in anticipation, growling quietly. His hips pinned her hips against the bed and she dug her nails into broad shoulders as he sank into her slowly, carefully, stopping to kiss her cheeks and mutter against her mouth, “You okay, darlin?”

“Yeah.” Ashley answered, trying to rock her hips against him once she was adjusted to the way he stretched her out and filled her up. Her nails trailed lightly across his shoulders, digging in slightly when he sank into her even deeper, his hips smacking against her hips softly and slowly, placing kisses all over her mouth and face, trailing them down her throat as he muttered lazily, “So sweet I could eat you up.” as he met her gaze and slowly licked his lips. Ashley wrapped her legs around his hips and the new angle had him groaning, his hips sporadically crashing against her own for a few seconds as she took his cock as deep inside her as he could go, buried to the hilt. Her hands moved over his face, raising, dragging through his hair after pulling his mouth against her own for a deep and slow and greedy kiss. The kiss broke and he gave a lazy peck at the corner of her mouth, driving deeper and slower into her as he did and muttering softly, “Gonna get way too used to this, I think.”

“I already am.” Ashley breathed out against his skin, making him shiver. He’d always had a weakness when it came to gentle touches against his neck. The fact that she seemed to be enjoying brushing her mouth against the spot, or gently nipping at it with her teeth only had him giving a quiet growl and slamming himself into her slower and with much longer strokes. When she tried to speed him up, he chuckled and his hands lowered, gripping her hips, holding them so that he controlled the pace as he muttered against the shell of her ear, “What’s your hurry, darlin? We’ve got all night.”

Bleak sunshine was starting to peek through the curtains by now and Ashley giggled softly against his neck as she clung to him and he continued to attempt slowly and deeply fucking her into the mattresses on his bed, “It’s morning, actually.” as her forehead softly bumped against his collarbone and he chuckled as soon as the realization hit him too. “Well then, smarty pants, we have the rest of the day. Either way,” Adam’s mouth trailed lazily over her skin, leaving an erratic trail of marks in it’s wake, “we’ve got nothin but time.”

“You make a good point.” Ashley’s breath caught in her throat as his cock bottomed out, brushing against a spot that felt almost magical with each time he did so. She clung to his body, her moans and whimpers only drowned out by his answering groans and the occasional growl.

“I’m so.. Fuck, I’m so close. Please?” her begging had him giving a soft and quiet laugh, capturing her mouth in a deep and breathtaking kiss as he muttered into it, “Me too, darlin.. C’mon, let go for me.”

He sped up his thrusts, almost frantically chasing his oncoming orgasm as she dug her legs into his sides and her nails into his shoulders, raking them down his back as he growled against her skin, feeling her clench tight around him, feeling her body start to spasm, feeling her biting at his skin gently as he fucked her through her orgasm and straight into his own. He tried to stop but every time he tried, she’d grab hold of his hips and rock against him, begging for more until finally, he was throbbing, emptying inside deep, filling her up as he pressed into her heavily, covering her face in kisses before lazily kissing her mouth and having her deepen it as she breathed against his lips, “ That was amazing.”

“Better than the last guy, right?” Adam was only half teasing, but her answer really went a long way to fully reassure him when as he sank back against the mattress, pulling her on top of him and wrapping his arms around her while staring up, she smiled and gave a soft giggle, nodding as she leaned down and mumbled into his mouth, “You were so much better than the last guy. Ten million times better, baby.” before deepening the kiss he gave…

[cartoonfangirl1218]

EoA ships fluff headcanons part 4

Who secretly melts inside when the other says their name? Eleteo: I feel like it’s equal melting on both their parts. For Elena, this sort of love is nothing like she’s felt before. Everything is just so *special* when Mateo says it. He makes her feel like the most important person in the world which is definitely saying something. He’s just so sincere and warm, and the way he says her name with love and adoration and respect makes her fall for him even more. Mateo makes for a lot of the same reasons. He’s not a “nobody” wizard hiding in his basement. She makes him feel like he can do anything, that he’s worth so much more to her and it makes him want to be more for her, and so it continues in an endless cycle. Gababel: Isabel does. Like I said before, it’s not hard to get her to blush whereas Gabe is concerned, and when Gabe says her name especially in the beginning of the relationship...just lots of red face. Part of it is from the disbelief she still has, as well as how it just feels like she is being singled out. She’s gotten kinda used to being Elena’s little sister, burgeoning scientist, it’s hard to believe she can step out of the shadow and be noticed especially by Gabe. But she is, and the way he says her name makes her feel safe, and respected and with such warmth...yes, she loves it, and him. Estenaomi: Esteban does. He is a secret softie and so he secretly melts when Naomi says his name. It is so often that her softer side is hidden under her sassy exterior so the times when she says his name with fondness that she gives no one else, it’s special to him. Especially whenever he feels like his abuelos are nagging him with how he can’t be more like Elena or be more mature, and then he knows, he has Naomi, who (almost) never says his name in a tone of deep disappointment and he hopes to never disappoint her ever. Estoma: Doña does. Since almost no one knows her real name, and Esteban rarely says it in public, so when he does it is in some deep or romantic talk which just makes it even more special. He says it like it is the most beautiful name in the world, it just like ❇️ It goes a long way to making her hate it a bit less. Who nose boops the other more often?

Eleteo: Elena does, she is affectionate like that and it makes Mateo a blushy mess. Gababel: Same as above. Isabel does it more often and it gets Gabe so flustered especially since she usually draws it. She goes on her tip goes and Gabe is expecting a kiss but gets a nose boop and smart remark or compliment. Estenaomi: I feel like it is even. Like Esteban can sometimes do it condescendingly like when he was teaching Naomi to dance but Naomi dishes it right back at him when she’s teasing him. Estoma: Doña usually in the middle of Esteban speaking. She says it’s like an automatic “shut up” button which he doesn’t appreciate.

Little habit that entertains the other? eleteo: Elena is always entertained by whenever Mateo imitates someone else since it is usually so exaggerated or when he gets annoyed. She is not entertained by his annoyance per say but his arms get so frenzied and he is all animated and not the usually calm and collected, it’s a bit funny like when Esteban “ate” his mom. Mateo is entertained when Elena gets all sassy and competitive like in the Scepter Training shorts. It’s always fun to hang out with Elena when she starts doing her hair flips, and sometimes he starts goading her competitiveness just a bit. Gababel: Gabe gets entertained when Isabel sees a scientific mistake in some sort of scientific journal where there isn’t suppose to be any artistic license or suspension of disbelief because it is supposed to cold hard facts and she goes in a long rant and Gabe just smiles. Isabel is always entertained by whenever Gabe incorporates his guard training into little things he does like throwing fruit or olaball or snowball fight because she finds it cute when he shows off and how proud he looks. Estoma: Doña is entertained whenever someone gives a speech Esteban wrote because you can always see Esteban in the background, mouthing all with the words with cringing and enthusiasm whenever the person gets it wrong or right. Sometimes Esteban accompanies Doña shopping and he is always a bit entertained with the way she has her assistant behind her carrying bags and taking the stuff while she points to it and says “Mine.” Not “I think I’ll buy that” or “Maybe this one?” Just, “Mine. Mine. Mine.”  He sometimes asks her if she even looks at what she’s buying or if it depends how shiny it is. Estenaomi: Like Elena, Esteban sometimes gets his entertainment from when Naomi is annoyed or freaking out because it’s usual the other way around when Naomi is telling him to calm down and not be dramatic or it’s not a big deal so yeah. The shoe is on the other foot. Naomi is entertained by Esteban’s constant feud with anyone who has not heard of or doesn’t agree hat Avaloran chocolate is the best. Because Esteban just gets so personally offended but she also can’t blame him because chocolate is worth fighting for.

Who overpacks?

Eleteo: Hmm I feel like Mateo would. Not with clothes but just with additional spellbooks for “light” reading whenever Elena is at her political meetings even though he ends up not reading half of them because he is spending time with Elena. Gababel: Isabel does. As in line with her overthinking nature, she packs everything they could possibly need in case of an emergency by sea or land though Gabe tells her not to worry  because he’s there, he’ll take care of any emergency😉 Estenaomi: Esteban does because he cannot *possibly* go to Paraíso without his black linen suit or his matching red bolero jacket or his Flores family heirloom dagger or his hairdryer or well, there’s more but you get the idea. 😋 Estoma: Again, it would be Esteban. But I feel like Doña would overpack in the return trip from all her shopping. Who moves in with the other, and who decorates?

Eleteo: Well technically we saw that already with Mateo moving into the palace and the wizard quarters were already decorated but when they officially move move in as a married couple it is still Elena who decorates the room with some of his books even though he says they can keep them in the workshop and bringing in some of the baby pictures Rafa gave Elena which again, is so her idea because she finds baby Mateo adorable. Gababel: Well obviously Gabe has to move into the palace since it is so spacious that there is room for everybody and it is technically Blanca who swoops in to decorate along with Isabel because though Gabe can be very neat in his guard quarters, he has no idea about aesthetic and neatness in his room. Plus Isabel likes to keep his things in line with her own system of organization so it’s just best to let her take over. Estenaomi: Well since the two are sailing around the world together, it is Esteban who moves in with Naomi and he decorates his part of the room with his own sense of flair with fancy drawings and clothes and of course, his moisturizing/hair stuff. Honestly his stuff takes up more of the bathroom then hers does. Estoma: Probably Doña moves in with Esteban after they get married since the palace is very big and I can’t see Esteban wanting to be separated from his family. And she decorates it. Though there are the usual disagreements of his stuff blocking hers, there is no need for that many vases in one room etc.

Who watches the other sleep? Eleteo: Undoubtedly Elena because Mateo has little catnaps around the palace or sometimes he studies so hard he falls asleep where he is sitting and that’s where Elena finds him still hours later, and she just smiles at him because he looks so peaceful when he’s asleep. Gababel: Gabe is the one who watches Isabel go to sleep, benefitting his stay up and guard work so Isabel doesn’t quite have the same stamina for staying up late unless she’s reading something really good. Gabe can’t help his heart swelling with love and disbelief that she is lying beside him and he just cuddles her closer. Estenaomi: Hmm I feel like it would be either of them. More likely Esteban would find her asleep standing up at the bow so he has to take over but Naomi has watched him fall asleep, and like Gabe can’t believe she’s spending her life with him. Estoma: Esteban since I picture him as the night owl so he’d stay awake longer and watch her with a small smile on his face.

Worst date ever? Eleteo: It was all going well when the whole staff came upon them along with the Grand Council with a list of things that needed to be done now and by done now I mean done that morning when Elena was kissing Mateo. It turns out in all her busyness, Elena forgot to cancel all her appointments and forgot to inform them of her date. They tried to salvage by continuing somewhat romantic activities in the few 1-2 minute intervals but it was hopeless. Estenaomi: It was a real disaster date. First, Naomi gets splashed with mud all over her new dress, then Esteban burns his tongue on the spice and accidentally spills his water on Naomi, they miss their carriage ride to the olaball game and ended up with a night back on the ship where they just rested. Well rested for like half an hour. Then they realized the food they had was a little suspect when the food poisoning hit them. Estoma: I imagine in the beginning, they kept their dating on the down low just to make sure it would work out and you know, not be a mistake they’d regret the rest of their lives. Well one night they go to the opera and surprise, it was also Francisco and Luisa’s date night. And since they assumed there was nothing going on between them, they invited themselves along to sit next to them and join them for dinner. Gababel: Another abuelos crashed date. But not exactly. Gabe and Isabel were pretty well established as a couple so obviously they were together for Christmas time. Just for their families to meet up and chat while they sneak out with some mistletoe. Well, Blanca, Roberto, Luisa and Francisco got to talking and all the baby stories came out. All of them. All the ones they hadn’t want the other to hear. Isabel was mortified when Luisa started to bring picture albums. And there was nothing they could do as the adults kept pulling them in to the conversation.

Favorite feature? Eleteo: Both love each other’s eyes. They are truly the window to the soul but Elena’s love for Mateo’s soft sweet smile and his curls come at a close second. Estenaomi: Esteban adores Naomi’s freckles, you knowing counting them. He finds them so uniquely her. Naomi likes Esteban’s swoopy hair which she should considering how much gel and time he spends on it. Gababel: Though it might be considered shallow Isabel likes Gabe’s arms. Not only because they are mascular but they just make her feel safe. Gabe likes Isabel’s mouth, anything that comes out of it so informative and special and sincere even when she is babbling, and then of course there is the kissing. Estoma: Doña likes Esteban’s face. I mean it is so expressive, at times incredibly sweet, hilarious and sinful all at once. Esteban likes her hands, she uses them a lot and are perfectly well manicured. What they did after they got married?

 Eleteo: Once they walked out the hall, just before the ceremony there was lots of swinging around and kissing and surprisingly, silence as they took each other and the moment in. They did it. After all the drama and dangers, they got a perfect happily ever moment and then they kissed. Which was promptly ruined by Luisa, Naomi and Isabel reminded Elena she had to get changed. But once they got on their honeymoon they got to kiss again. And again. And yet again.   Gababel: Once they left the crowd and crossed the threshold of their honeymoon suite, they actually did a kinda adorkable happy dance. They were married to their best friend and soul mate, and after that little dance, Gabe picked Isabel up again and they started to spend the rest of their lives together. Estenaomi: Well let’s say the day after they made their impulsive, not that sober marriage, they. Got over their hangovers and realized what happened. At first it was a bit awkward, saying they could always have it annulled but then it led to their talk that yes, they did see themselves heading for marriage, they actually weren’t so horrified by that they were currently married. I mean they did what to spend their lives together anyway. So they started a second celebration to their decision that they were going to stay married. Estoma: After the ceremony and before the rest of the party, they took a moment to repeat their vows in private because they were trying too hard not to cry in public and kinda missed it as it was being said. As you can imagine, it was much better the second time with their undivided attention and maybe some choked up moments. Most romantic kiss?

Eleteo: For Elena it has to be her first kiss with Mateo. Now, Elena is usually very confident but love...that’s a whole different ballgame. She wasn’t sure how he felt and moreover, the whole feeling was just so vulnerable and uncertain and yet she felt so right next to him. So when they first kissed, it was like a sign that everything between them was going to be perfect. They were perfect for each other. The kiss made Elena stop thinking and just be complete with Mateo.For Mateo, the moment after the priest said “You may now kiss the bride” during the ceremony. It was like fireworks went off. Everything was perfect. The world was safe. He had a whole new family and Elena, beautiful Elena and he were cementing their bond for eternity. Nothing could top the thrill he felt.  It felt like he was complete and he was at home. 

Estenaomi: The most romantic kiss for Naomi was the surprise first year anniversary date. Esteban had been so annoying with the way he kept the whole thing a secret. But the surprise was totally worth it when it was a gondola ride down the canal. Also frustrating was that he refused to kiss her till the ‘right’ moment which was also worth it because it was in the moonlight as they went under the bridge. Esteban’s most romantic kiss was his second one with Naomi. They had kissed once before but they thought it didn’t mean much, it was just drunken fun. But weeks later, Esteban being the impulsive boy he is decided to do some risky move during one of their adventures and nearly fall off a cliff and Naomi snapped kissing him alternating with yelling about how hurt he could have gotten. But Esteban knew at that moment how much she cared for him since Naomi rarely lets her emotions get the better of her.

Estoma: Like Elena, the most romantic kiss for Esteban was the first kiss they had. Sure, it wasn’t supposed to happen. They were fighting and the heat built up and exploded. But it was also amazing because it was the first time he had been kissed or any sort of affection in years. Plus that unique nervous thrill that yes, she actually might like him back. It was just wow. Doña’s was what started out as horrible trip to her village that Esteban mistakingly thought would be closure. But it was salvaged in the end when they took a walk through a grove of apple trees and blossoms, and as the sunset over the horizon, they kiss. And Esteban asks that this was what she wanted her first kiss to have been like? She’s shocked he remembers that she said and of course, it just made it more sweet and romantic.  Gababel: Isabel’s most romantic kiss came with one of the sweetest gestures Gabe ever did which was to surprise her in Satu for some big intellectual science award prize she was receiving. He hadn’t told her, no one was meant to come since they were busy with royal/baby duties but Gabe managed to get her entire family with homemade signs and after she got her prize she launched herself in his arms with a big kiss. Gabe’s most romantic kiss was the first time he came home from battle after starting his relationship ship with Isabel. He had been worried. Very worried because this was the first time he was going into battle knowing Isabel waiting for him on the other side and of course, that just made him more determined to live.  It had been a horrific battle, he almost lost his leg but he made it and he came home and there was Isabel and it was the best, sweetest kiss of his life. He was home, he was safe, and he was with her.

Showtune songs Esteban: I dreamed a dream (Les Miserables), Evermore (Beauty and the Beast), Waiting in the Wings (Tangled), Nobody needs to know (Last 5 Years), Learn to live without (If/Then), Wait for it (Hamilton), Once upon a December (Anastasia), Empty chairs at Empty Tables (Les Miserables) 

Doña: She used to be mine (Waitress), Learn to live without (If/Then), Money money (Caberet or Mamma Mia), Diamonds are a girl’s best friend (Moulin Rogue)

Estoma: Fine (No ordinary day), Anything you can do I can do better (Annie Get your gun), Elephant Love Medley (Moulin Rogue), Here goes (Rent), Take a break (Hamilton), Something that will last (First Date), Out of the darkness (Ever after)

Naomi: Legally Blonde (Legally Blonde), So much better (Legally Blonde), I can do better (Last Five Years), One day I’ll fly away (Moulin Rogue) Estenaomi: I’ll never tell (Buffy), First Impressions (First Date), No day but today (Rent), In his eyes (Jekyll and Hyde), I’ll cover you (Rent), Something to believe in (Newsies), It takes two (Into the Woods), Seventeen (Heathers), Bad idea (Waitress)

Gabe: History has his eyes on you (Hamilton), Empty chairs at Empty Tables (Les Miserables), One Song Glory (Rent), Sandy (Grease) 

Isabel: Once upon a December (Anastasia), Hopelessly Devoted to you (Grease), Moments in the Woods (Into the Woods), History of the wrong guys (Kinky Boots), When he sees me (Waitress)

Gababel: In a crowd of thousands (Anastasia), It takes two (Into the Woods) That would be Enough (Hamilton), Somewhere (West Side Story), There Once was a man (Pajama Game), As long as you’re mine (Wicked), All I ask for (Phantom), Most amazing thing (Little Woman), You matter to me (Waitress) Eleteo: Under your spell (Buffy), If I never knew you (Pocahontas), Come What May (Moulin Rogue) 

Eleteo: Under your spell (Buffy), If I never knew you (Pocahontas), Come What May (Moulin Rogue), Your Song (Moulin Rogue), Far longer than Forever (Swan Princess), Sunrise (In the heights), As long as you’re mine (Wicked), Next Ten Minutes (Last Five Years), Out of the Darkness (Ever after), Something to believe in (Newsies)   Mateo: Go the distance (Hercules), I’d give my life for you (Miss Saigon), How could I have known (Secret Garden), Something good (Sound Of Music) 

Elena: Empty chairs at Empty Tables (Les Miserables), Defying Gravity (Wicked), Just breath (In the heights), My shot (Hamilton)

Who gets drunk first?

Eleteo: Elena rarely gets drunk. You can’t let the crown princess/queen get drunk in public. But because of that lack of exposure, getting her drunk is really easy. Like three cups of wine easy. And that’s when her not so discreet Flores side comes out with a vengeance and with lack of balance. Mateo is pretty easy too but they decided never at the same time because one of them needs to be sober to drag the other out of the room. It’s like this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WSF9CKO8wIQ  Gababel: Isabel. Even as she grows, she is much smaller than Gabe making her a lightweight and as you said, the things she says when she is drunk. Lots of curses and no filter especially when it comes to talking about Gabe’s mountain range of abs. This most often happens at physicist parties. Crazy things go down with physicists trying to use experiments on alcohol levels. Estenaomi: Esteban gets drunk first. Once more, it is more of his trait that he can never refuse a dare, nor can he refuse a drinking contest. But even if he wasn’t in a drinking contest, he is used to sweet wine not strong hard beer and so he gets plastered one jug in and Naomi has to drag him before he gets into a fight or worse, starts describing their intimate life in way too great detail in front of people they know. Estoma: Doña. But it’s less than staggering drunk but more it makes her sleepy and amorous. She’s a lot more likely to start moving into Esteban’s lap and lying her head in the crook of his neck and saying she wants a foot rub or to go to bed. 

[let-it-raines]

Rising from the Ashes (9/?)

Summary: When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones. 

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be. 

Rating: Mature

A/N: I’d just like to thank @shady-swan-jones for sending me the prompt that inspired this story. I thought it was simply going to be a one shot, but I’m having too much fun exploring everything as a part of a bigger story! And I know that you guys are really enjoying me ripping your hearts out. lol. ❤️

Double “-/-” around the flashback. 

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @artistic-writer @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snowbellewells @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64 

“Momma, do you know where my red jacket is?”

“Is it not in your closet?”

“Nope.”

She sighs, leaning her head back against the wall with Christmas ornaments piled between her legs. She’s been adding back the hooks that fell off while they were all up in storage for the past year. It’s pretty much all of the ornaments, and since she’s tired of doing this every year, she bought the nice hooks that are supposed to stay on. It just means that she has to do them all.

God, she cannot wait to go back to work even if it does mean leaving Ada at nursery because she needs another kind of structure than this.

“Do you need it right now?”

“Yeah. Avery’s mom is going to take us ice skating tonight, and you said the blue one isn’t warm enough.”

“I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, I’ll go look for it later. Why don’t you go get your dad and ask him to come and help you to put all of these hooks on?”

“He’s napping.”

“Seriously?”

Henry shrugs. “Yeah, he said he was tired.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” she repeats to herself, running her hands through her hair. All she really wants is a nap as well, but she’s got Henry while Killian’s at the grocery store with Ada getting food for this afternoon while they decorate the tree. “Do you want to watch a movie while I go look for it?”

“Can I watch the Grinch?”

She smiles to herself before picking up all of the ornaments and placing them back in the container. “Yeah, I’ll set it up, and I promise I’ll be back to watch it with you as soon as I find your jacket for tonight? Do you also need your skates?”

“Yep.”

“Of course you do.”

She leans down to press a kiss into Henry’s hairline before setting the movie up for him. She’s got no idea where any of his stuff is, especially since they just went through the attic for all of their Christmas decorations, so she assumes it’s all simply somewhere in his closet.

So of course it’s not. His skates are, but she’s stupidly realized that they’re far too small. How did she not think about that? Probably because she’s had two straight days of hell that seem infinitely worse than everything else. She’s trying so damn hard to be positive, to remember all of David’s encouraging words, but it’s difficult when he’s not here reminding her of them in the hard times. And texting him isn’t exactly the same, especially when she’s not sure that she wants him to know absolutely everything that’s so messed up in her life.

It’s a lot.

She’d been so annoyed with Killian yesterday, everything he did rubbing her the wrong way, and she knows that it’s because she’d stayed up all night simply replaying conversations and memories and everything she should have left alone.

She was wallowing. She knows this, but recognizing something and stopping are two totally different things.

Then he’d come home from his dentist’s appointment with a smile on his face trying to talk to her like everything was as it should be, and she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t, so she snapped. It felt so good to let her anger out, but she knows that she only got part of it released before she pulled back and stepped away, not wanting to take things too far, not wanting to say things she’d truly regret. They’re so damaged right now, and as good as it felt to yell at him, she knows that they’re on the same team despite what she said. Even if they burn down in flames and are left as nothing but ashes, they’re always going to be on the same team because of their kids.

God, she hurts.

And then while they’d been at the Christmas tree farm Killian had pulled her to the side and told her what happened to Henry at school. She could see the hesitation in his eyes, could see how nervous he was scratching behind his ear, but he told her everything. She knows it couldn’t have been easy for him, could see the vein bulging in his forehead as he relayed the story between two duglas fir trees, and as pissed as she was at the fact that there are parents at Henry’s school calling her a whore (which is absolutely ridiculous and takes women back a solid fifty years), she was infinitely more upset that Henry was having to go through something so ridiculous. He’s eight. He shouldn’t have issues like having to deal with his classmates calling his mom a whore.

He’d seemed fine as they walked along the lot, a smile on his face as he talked about how big each tree was to all three of them, but Killian didn’t hold back in talking about how upset he’d been. The words “we need to talk about all of this some more” were on the tip of her tongue when Henry yelled her name as he pointed up at a tree. They’d gotten interrupted, and she hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Killian again as she carried Ada over to where Henry was.

She really needs to talk to Killian because she can’t live like this anymore. She can’t live with her life full of more questions than answers and uncertainties than certainties. She can’t live like this. They have to talk.

And not just about them either. About everything.

Walking out of Henry’s room and down the hall to hers, she heads to her closet and starts going through all of the shirts and jackets looking for Henry’s red jacket. She has no idea why it would be in here, but it always seems like this is the place where things go missing. Sure enough, she sees the box she just marked ‘winter jackets’ sitting on the top shelf on Killian’s side of the closet. She can’t reach up there on her own, so it takes some maneuvering to get a chair out of the bedroom into the closet so she can stand up to get the box. She still has to press up on her toes to get it, and she thinks she’s got it until she stumbles and knocks the box down, having to catch herself on the bar that hangs all of Killian’s suit jackets that she just knocked over, all of the clothes tumbling to the ground with a large thud.

The saying when it rains it pours really seems to be sticking around for her right now.

It’s just raining suit jackets. And Henry’s red puffer jacket that tumbled out of the box.

It takes awhile to get the chair moves back so she can pick everything up, especially in her attempt to make sure all of the jackets are in the order that Killian likes (sometimes he’s so weird about things like this). His old dress whites are the last thing she hangs up, and as she’s straightening out the wrinkles in it, she feels a hard box in the pocket that immediately stops her in her tracks.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

She can feel her heartbeat in her ears. It’s actually in her ears, and if she was breathing, she’s sure that would be irregular too. Her hands shake as she reaches into the pocket, pulling out a small blue velvet box, and she nearly vomits right then and there. She shouldn’t open this. She shouldn’t. It’s not her business. This really isn’t her business, but now that she’s seen it, she doesn’t think she’s going to be able to live not knowing what’s inside.

She knows that it’s a ring, but for some reason she needs to see the physical proof of it.

Her teeth clamp together and her eyes close before she’s snapping it open, opening one eye to look at the diamond that’s in her hands. It’s gorgeous, just a simple oval diamond with a gold band that shines under the light in the closet.

This is – Killian was going to propose to her, she realizes, and her legs shake beneath her until she’s sliding down the wall and curling herself into a ball while she continues to stare at the ring, disbelief that it’s real. They’d talked about getting married. It wouldn’t have been completely out of the blue, but she had no idea that he’d bought a ring, that he must have been holding onto it for months now.

Finding out like this feels wrong, dirty even.

It should have never been like this.

None of this should have ever been like this.

“Hey, Ems, what was that sound?” Neal asks from her bedroom, and she quickly stuffs the ring into her shirt and her bra before he comes into view, half of his face covered in pillow creases. “Why are you on the floor?”

“I, um,” she starts, reaching up to fidget with her necklace, “I accidentally knocked down Killian’s suits when I was trying to get a box off of the top shelf, and I guess I’m on the floor trying to finish the clean up.”

Neal quirks an eyebrow at her, and she has to force a smile onto her face while her heart still beats quickly. That was a bad lie, and even she knows it. “I’m glad it was just the suits. It woke me up from my nap.”

“Sorry,” she cringes, getting up from the ground and brushing down her jeans before she grabs Henry’s jacket and holds it over her chest. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m great. I’m just tired as all. It’s weird working a desk job again, especially because I stayed late yesterday to finish up some reports.”

“I cannot wait,” she laughs, nudging past him to walk out of the closet. “I love spending time with Ada, but I want to go back to work. Chilling at home isn’t really my thing.”

“Trust me, no one knows that more than me.”

Her steps stop at his words, but she shakes it off and keeps walking out of the room, hoping that Neal will follow her. Having him in her bedroom feels wrong, and all she can think about is the box pressing into the skin of her chest and a similar box that Neal gave her eleven years ago when he proposed under the cherry blossom trees in D.C. when they’d been out on a walk. She was so young then, so in love, and her mind can’t wrap itself around the difference in her life then and the difference in her life now.

“Yeah,” she chuckles awkwardly, twisting her head to make sure he’s following her as she stands in the hallway, boxes of Christmas decorations next to the stair railing that looks over the entrance to the house, waiting for them to come face to face with each other. “So, um, do you want to help out with some decorations? We tend to get really festive around here.”

“The giant tree in the living room tells me that.”

“We always get a big tree. It’s, like, this tradition now because I used to have this tiny fake tree when I lived in an apartment after you…after you died, and, well, um, Killian wasn’t having it. So now we have these giant real trees, and Henry gets to put this swan tree topper on it even though it looks ridiculous now.”

His lips curl up into a smile, his entire face crinkling, and she feels her own face do the same thing. “That’s wonderful. Do you guys do the whole Santa thing?”

“Yep. Santa comes to visit, and he leaves some smaller presents unwrapped on the couch while presents from us go wrapped under the tree. It’s Ada’s first Christmas, so I’m super excited about it. I guess it’s your first Christmas too. With Henry, I mean. So if you need help finding him a gift, I can go shopping with you.”

“He likes trains, doesn’t he? That’s what he said.”

“Yeah, but we have far too many trains in this house. Killian and I, I think, are going to get him a bike as his big gift, so I don’t know. You could get him something to go with that. Or maybe you could get him some more journals or crayons. Uh, books, he likes books. Or games for his Switch thing. We try to go minimal on the games, but he can get a couple. I’ll just have to tell you what games to get. Ooh, or – ”

“Emma,” Neal laughs, reaching over to put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing her sweater to get her to stop rambling, “you don’t have to list the entire toy catalog of toys. We can just go shopping or something. Though it’s not like we can go to Toys R Us anymore.”

“Look at you all up and current on the news,” she sighs, reaching up to quickly pat his shoulder before moving her hand back down to keep clutching Henry’s jacket to her chest.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to talk to my coworkers about shit when I don’t know anything that’s happened for years.”

“True. You want to go help set some decorations up now?”

“I’d like that. But, I, uh,” he mumbles, his feet staying put while he smiles with that crooked smile of his that she always found so charming, “I was wondering if you were okay, Ems. I know it’s been a lot of changes, but you’ve seemed a little frazzled over the past few weeks.”

“I’m fine,” she lies, pressing her lips together in what she hopes looks like a genuine smile. “You’re right that I’ve been a bit stressed, but we do have a lot going on.”

“And you and Jones, you’re fine too?”

“Yeah,” she spits out, knowing that she can’t start crying now. “We’re great. Like I said, even with how absolutely thrilled I am to have you back, it’s been a lot on me and Killian. I’m happy to do it, though.”

“I understand. It can’t be easy to have your husband living in your house with your boyfriend.”

Well shit. She knows he doesn’t mean anything by it, but she might as well tell him now. She’s going to start telling people how she feels today, and it might as well start with Neal. Maybe not everything, but she can start.

“We’ve divorced, Neal,” she mumbles, hoping that he can hear her as her eyes look at the light fixture just behind his head. Someone needs to dust that. “I don’t – I know that it’s not fair to you, but we are. I signed the papers last year to have you officially declared dead and us divorced. So technically we’re not married, and as much as I will always love you, I’m not sure that I see us ever getting back together or contesting the papers or whatever. I’m sorry.”

Her gaze falls back to his, and she can see a storm rage behind the brown of his eyes. They’re widened for a moment before he closes them, lashes landing against his cheeks while the corners of his lips curl up into a small smile that makes all of the lines on his face appear, the lines that she’s still getting used to.

She really did just blurt that out, didn’t she?

It feels damn good.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he begins, his voice as soft as she’s ever heard it, and she’s not sure if her heart breaks or heals as he opens his eyes again, water pooling in them that makes him look like Henry. “I mean, I kind of figured. I’ve been a little scared to talk about the legalities of it all, but I’ve pretty much known since you told me that you and Killian were together. You’ve been my wife in my mind for over a decade now, so I guess I’m still going to refer to you that way. I’ll try to work on it.”

“Neal, it’s fine,” she promises, stepping forward and wrapping him in a hug, hoping the Henry’s jacket will keep him from feeling the ring box. “It’s okay for you to need to adjust. You’ve been through hell, and you came back to an entirely new world. Henry and I, Killian too, we’re always going to love you.”

“I love you guys too,” he whispers as he buries his face in her hair.

For all of their problems, both past and present, she knows that nothing could ever change that she does love him in a way. He was her best friend for a long time, and he gave her Henry. For all the bad, there’s still good, and right now she can’t find it in her to dredge up all of the bad when having to tell Neal that she legally took him out of his own family.

But maybe that’s what she’ll work on next.

After they pull back from each other, they walk downstairs and turn to go back to the living room where Henry is still perched on the couch watching The Grinch, and she tosses him his jacket, listening to him murmur a “thank you” before she plops down next to him and pulls a box of ornaments toward she and Neal so he can help her thread all of them with the new hooks. It doesn’t take long with help, and they get everything done before the movie is over. Neal asks her if she wants to go ahead and start hanging the ornaments, but even with how upset she is with him right now, it doesn’t feel right without Killian. He should be here.

She wraps her arm around Henry’s shoulder and pulls him into her side, kissing his hair even if he protests a little bit. One day he’s going to be too cool to be affectionate with her, but today is not that day. He’s her little boy, and all she wants is for him to be happy. His day yesterday was so rough, and he doesn’t at all deserve anything that he’s had to go through because his parents’ lives are difficult and because other parents don’t know how to have private conversations. He deserves to get to watch Christmas movies and go ice skating with his best friend. He deserves for his parents not to be separated and moping despite how hard they’re trying not to seem upset.

She’s a mom. She’s been a mom for eight and a half years, whether she was ready for it or not, and life doesn’t stop for her no matter what’s going on. She has to keep going.

-/-

-/-

“Neal, I’m serious,” she groans, quickly twisting her hair into a braid so that her hair will stop falling in her face while she looks over her notes. “I don’t want to go out tonight.”

“Come on, babe,” he smiles, walking over to her and tucking her bangs behind her ear before she can pin them back, “it’ll be fun. You’ve been studying for days. It’ll be nice to get to go out.”

“I’ve been studying because I have finals coming up in two weeks, and I’ve got to keep my GPA up for my scholarship. It’s not like I’m going to make enough when I graduate to pay off loads of debt. Plus I still want to get my Masters and – ”

“Ems,” Neal whispers, leaning down to press a kiss on her cheek, “it’s okay. You work so hard, and I love you for that. But sometimes it’s good to take a break. Besides, when we get married, you can use my grant for your Masters. It won’t cost you any money.”

“Really? You’re sure that I can use it?”

“I’m positive. I looked into it and everything. I know your mom doesn’t have much money, but we’re going to be set.”

“I know you’re good at your job, but I don’t think it’s going to set us up for life.”

He shrugs before walking back to his dresser and pulling on a flannel shirt over his t-shirt. “I’ve got savings. I’m twenty-seven and have some leftover stuff that my mom left me when she died. It’s not like I’m just starting out. So we’ll be comfortable.”

She brings her bottom lip between her teeth, biting a bit while she weighs the pros and cons of going out tonight. It’d probably be fun. It’s been awhile since they’ve gone out.

“Okay, I’ll come with you, but I’m not going to drink tonight, okay? I’ve got to wake up early and go through my notes again since I only got to section three.”

“That sounds perfect.”

After she changes into jeans and a sweater, throwing her red jacket on to combat a bit of the cold, they go to Oceania, which is Neal’s favorite bar. She’s never seen the appeal of it, but it’s apparently where everyone here in the military goes on their nights off, no matter the branch. So she’s been here a few times, and it’s that fact that has her moving away from the bar and going to get a booth in the back. They’re much more comfortable, and she’s less likely to get hit on by random guys. She’s fine with it if only because she can take care of herself and it rarely goes too far, but when Neal has had a few beers, he doesn’t think the most rationally. She loves him, but sometimes when he pulls shit like that, she wants to tell him to fuck off.

It’s not often though. He’s a good guy, and she’s so happy that she’s found him. He’s probably the first person besides Ruth and David to really care for her, and he makes her feel like she’s found another home. A really good one. She spent most of her life alone, and while sometimes she still prefers it to be that way, it’s good to have a family.

She twists the ring on her finger, looking at the large diamond, and fiddles with it until she sees Neal coming back with their drinks. He’s just got a water for her, but she can see his almost empty glass of whiskey. She can also see that he’s bringing a group of people with him, guys following around him and talking to him, and she braces herself for the introductions. She’s always been so bad with names, and it doesn’t help that they always all look alike.

“Babe,” Neal greets, sliding into the booth next to her and giving her the glass of water, “I want you to meet a couple of guys. That’s Scarlett, Whale, and then you know that guy Jones I’m always talking about?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s him on the end there.”

She waves to all of them since she can’t reach over to them, and they all wave back. She’s never heard of Scarlett and Whale before, but she knows a bit about Jones. Killian. His first name is Killian even though Neal prefers last names. It’s a military thing, she guesses. Neal is always talking about him because they watch soccer together and sometimes train together outside of their units, but she doesn’t really know a lot about him. He’s not really how she pictured him either.

His hair is a little longer than a crew cut, his face not exactly clean shaven, and even in the dim lights of the bar she can see the blue of his eyes. He’s attractive. Anyone with eyes can see that, and the fact that he’s dressed in tight black jeans and a fitted t-shirt doesn’t hide the fact that he’s fit. But all of these guys are fit. It’s the nature of their jobs.

What she really doesn’t expect, however, is the accent.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, lass,” Killian greets, sliding into the booth across from her and flashing her a toothy grin. “Cassidy’s not one for talking too much about you, but I already know that you are far too good for him.”

“Undoubtedly,” she teases, laughing a bit at his joke while she pats Neal’s forearm. “But you can’t tell him that.”

“It’ll be between us, love.”

“I’m literally sitting right here.”

“I was enraptured by your fiancée’s beauty, mate,” Killian sighs, winking at her before looking at Neal. “Can you blame me?”

“A little bit yeah.”

“Hey,” she laughs, slapping his arm, “this is prime time where you say the same thing happens to you.”

Scarlett and Whale both whistle at that, and she turns to look at them still standing until they both squeeze into the booth next to Killian. She kind of forgot they were there.

“Cassidy, you’re supposed to compliment your lady.”

“Scarlett, you are the last person who should be giving me advice on this.”

“Hey, I dated Anna for years. I just fucked it all up.”

“Exactly,” Neal sighs, wrapping his arm around her shoulder while he chugs down the rest of his drink. “I’m not going to fuck this one up. Emma’s great, and she’s graduating from college soon, unlike every single one of us.”

“What are you studying, love?” Killian asks her, and everyone else at the table groans, much to her confusion. “Bloody hell, it’s not bad to ask someone what they’re studying. If you don’t want to hear about school, you can go sit someone else.”

“I know all about this, so I’m going to go get another drink,” Neal states before unwrapping his arm and getting up from the table. “Do you two want to come and join me?”

“Yep. It was nice to meet you, Emma,” Whale mumbles, smiling at her before getting out of the booth.

“Yeah, it was”, Scarlett adds. “I’m sure we’ll be back later. I want to talk to whoever is in charge of the music tonight.”

“It was nice to meet you guys too.” She watches them all walk away, their conversation fading the further they get and the louder the music playing over the speaker becomes. She’s never been great with small talk, so she’s a bit hesitant to be left with this stranger. He’s not really a stranger. She knows a little about him, but still. She wasn’t really prepared to be having a conversation with just him. “So, yeah,” she starts, focusing her eyes back on Killian as he taps his fingers on the table, “I’m getting my bachelor’s in psychology. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do, but I was always somewhere between social worker, therapist, and guidance counselor for high school kids. I’m leaning more toward counselor because I think I’ll enjoy it while also helping out. My counselor is the one who encouraged me to go to college when I didn’t think it was a possibility for me, so yeah.”

“That sounds brilliant,” he tells her, and she’s not sure why she feels relieved hearing it, but she does. “I never went to university, as you heard. I’d always wanted to, but after I was unexpectedly moved here when I was twelve, things were a bit crazy and money was tight. And by the time I’d turned eighteen, the Navy was my best option. And if I really wished to, I could always go back to school.”

“It’s not for everyone, but I definitely think it’s worth it. So you’re from – ”

“England,” he finishes for her. “I grew up south of London, and my brother has moved back there since he married a woman from home. But I like it here, have citizenship and all that, so I decided to stay. Though I do like to go back every now and then to make sure I don’t lose my accent. It makes people think I’m a hell of a lot smarter than I really am.”

“I was thinking it probably helped you get girls.”

He smirks at her, actually smirks, and she feels a shiver run down her spine. “That too, but I find that I actually have to be interesting to keep a girlfriend.”

She laughs at that, especially with the way that his brows move over his forehead. He’s funny, and even though she barely knows him, she has a gut feeling that he’s one of Neal’s better friends. They’re not all bad, but some of them are assholes.

“I mean, looks only get you so far, so I’m glad you realized that.”

Killian leans forward on the table and props his chin up in his hand. “So you think I’m attractive then?”

“That is not what I said,” she protests, blush rising on her cheeks.

“It’s what I heard. It’s fine, love. I know that life is unfair for other men when I’ve got the looks and the personality.”

“And you’re humble.”

“That I am,” he sighs, leaning back and wiping the smirk off of his face to show a soft smile. “But seriously, I’m most definitely kidding. It doesn’t hurt to be confident, but I don’t want you to think I’m some undeniable asshole.”

She hums, trying to think of what to say in response. She has a feeling that he’s quick on his toes and can turn any conversation on a dime. He’s kind of a mystery to her, but then again, he might be an open enough book for her to figure out. “Well, I just met you, so I’m thinking you’ll have to prove it over more time than just now. But, fair warning, I consider all people to be assholes until they prove themselves otherwise, so you have the tide working against you.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Yes.”

One side of his mouth ticks up before he reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “I like you, Swan. I have a feeling you and I are going to be good mates.”

“Really now?”

“Yep. Now tell me all of the weird things you can about Neal so that I can mess with him later.”

“You want me to help you mess with my fiancé?”

“I do indeed.”

“Okay, but only if I get to help. What is love if there’s not a little teasing involved?”

“Really damn boring.”

-/-

-/-

The front door opens, and she reaches forward to pause the movie, much to Henry’s dismay.

“Why are you pausing it?”

“We’ve got to go help Daddy bring in the groceries.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Henry groans and throws his head back against the couch before he’s scrambling up and walking out of the room with she and Neal following right behind him.

“Don’t look so excited to help,” Killian jokes as he watches Henry walk through the front door. “Hey, Swan. Ada has been a bit cranky, and I didn’t have a bottle so – ”

“So she needs me,” she sighs, stopping her steps toward the front door and turning to get Ada from her car seat on the floor. “Got it.”

“Thanks, love.”

She smiles tightly at him before she’s adjusting Ada on her hip and watching everyone else go outside to get the groceries. It won’t take all three of them, but they’ll learn that when one of them is coming back empty-handed. “Alright, bug,” she sighs, walking back into the living room and settling down in a recliner so she’ll be comfortable. “I’m sure you had a good time with your daddy, but you are fussy and need me, which is both reassuring and kind of annoying. Imagine what life would be like if Daddy could breastfeed.”

It’s a weird thought, but it’s a valid one nonetheless.

She moves to roll up her sweater and unsnap her bra when she’s suddenly reminded of the box she has hidden in there, the box that no one else can see right now.

Shit.

This day has been an absolute rollercoaster.

Quickly, she pulls the box out of her bra and stuffs it into the waistband of her leggings, the bulge obvious under the material, and gets Ada adjusted as much as she can, hoping that no one will pay her too much attention for the next few minutes before she can return the ring to Killian’s uniform jacket and stuff away all of her thoughts.

Or maybe not. Maybe she should talk to him. That’s what she’s been thinking all day. Now that she’s calmed a bit, she respects his choice of needing time, but she doesn’t respect his choice of not listening to her and her feelings, of not giving her an option. It’s selfish, but she can’t live in this sense of limbo. And it’s not like Killian hasn’t been selfish too. It’s too hard to act like she and Killian are okay when they’re not. It’s too hard to have to balance her crumbling relationship and her children and her ex-husband.

God, her chest feels lighter now that she’s not harboring that secret from Neal anymore.

She and Killian are going to talk. They have to. She has to take her life back because she has fought too damn hard for things to be okay for everything to fall apart because her kid got his dad back.

She’s going to get her life back if it kills her.

It’s going to kill her if she doesn’t, if she can’t. She has to get her life back.

She’s been so damn hurt by Killian, but honestly, all she wants is to be with him as long as they can work everything out.

“Mom,” Henry shouts as he runs into the room, “We’ve got cookies, but you guys can’t make them tonight because what if Ada eats them all while I’m with Avery?”

“Ada can’t eat cookies, kid.” “But what if you put them in the blender so she can?”

“We will not make the cookies without you, and Ada will not eat them. But, you know, when she’s older she can eat cookies, and you have to share.”

“I know. So you promise you won’t make the cookies without me?”

She sticks out her pinky, and Henry intertwines his with hers. “Promise.”

They spend their afternoon decorating the tree and the house, bright lights and ornaments adorning nearly every room. Killian puts Henry on his shoulders, and Henry puts the swan on top of the tree, completing everything in the house down to the wreath on the door that has a monogrammed “J” on it despite the fact that their household is made up of two Joneses, two Cassidies, and one Swan.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Or a swan in a Christmas tree.

She doesn’t know. She’s lost her mind.

But for a couple of hours things seem normal again, and she feels her face hurt from smiling. It’s been a long time since that’s happened, and as she sends Henry off to go ice skating with Avery, money in his pocket to rent some new skates, she lets herself revel in it for a moment before she deals with the box that’s still pressing into the skin of her hip.

Before she takes her life back.

Once she gets Ada down for her nap, she take a deep breath (and then a couple more) and walks back into the living room where Killian and Neal are watching TV. She doesn’t understand how he can spend time with Neal and not her. Why does he need a break from her but not from Neal? Why doesn’t any of this make sense?

“Hey, Killian,” she asks, and he twists his head to look at her as he taps his fingers across the back of the couch, “can I talk to you for a minute?”

His eyes slant for a moment before they open back up, and he presses his lips together before nodding his head and rising from the couch. “Tell me if they catch the guy, yeah?”

“Sure thing, man.”

Killian walks over to her, and the moment he opens his mouth to say something, she nods her head and moves around the corner to that she can walk up the stairs, knowing for sure that Killian is following behind her, his footsteps heavy on the wood as it creaks beneath his weight at the same time that the weight in her shoulders begins to increase, her body humming in anticipation of laying all of her cards out on the table. She’s been through too much shit to have to go through more of it.

“Okay,” she sighs as they both walk into the bedroom, Killian closing the door behind him.

“You said you wanted to talk,” he asks calmly, sitting down on the edge of the bed as his eyes glance over to the chair that’s sitting in the closet. “What’s up?”

Her stomach churns, but she pushes it down, shutting her eyes for a moment before she’s lifting her shirt and taking the ring box out of her waistband and placing it on the bed right next to Killian. She opens her eyes to watch him, but all he does is widen his eyes before his hand is reaching out and thumbing over the velvet, caring for it like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

Maybe it is to him.

Maybe to him it’s a physical representation of how their life should be.

“Emma – ”

“No,” she starts, straightening her back and crossing her arms over her chest, “I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen, okay? And then we can hash it out. We haven’t talked in months, and I’m sick of it. I can’t do it anymore. So you’re good to listen?”

He nods his head and presses his lips together again while his knuckles go white around the box.

“You are an idiot. Do you know that? You are an idiot, Killian. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts, and I thought that you felt the same way about me. I thought that you wanted a future with me, and finding that box today made me think that maybe you’ve changed your mind after all that we’ve been through. The damn break makes me think that too. I still want a future with you. I have never not wanted that. Do you understand me? Neal coming back is supposed to be a blessing. It’s not supposed to be something that’s going to tear us apart.”

“But what about him? What about your family? What about Henry?”

“You think that I want to be a man who accused me of having a drunken hookup with you and implied that that’s the only reason why I have my daughter? You think I want that? You think I want to be with a man who I don’t even know anymore? Who I barely knew then when I really think about it? Killian, I loved Neal a long time ago, still love him in a way now, but I was young. He was older. I thought he knew everything, that he could help me finally have the life I never got growing up.”

She shakes her head back and forth as the rage runs through her. She’s not even sure that it’s rage. It’s likely just the release of her emotions and of everything that’s been bottled up and festering below the surface.

“I was so bitter about my childhood still, about how no one wanted me for so long, and he did. He wanted me. You know all of this. You were there for a lot of it. But you weren’t there for the way that he would sometimes dismiss my feelings, for the way he would laugh at me when I got excited at things, for the way he wasn’t happy when I told him I was pregnant with Henry. I loved him, I thought the world of him, and I know that I’ve glossed over so much of that shit because I thought he had died and wanted Henry to think his dad was a hero. You thought he was a hero. And he is. But he is not the man I want to be with. So if you could get the stick out of your ass and just stop feeling guilty like I did and love me like you’re supposed to love me, I feel like we won’t have to play this stupid game anymore. I can’t...I can’t do it, Killian. I can’t hang on your string too.” By the time she’s finished talking, her chest is heaving, her shoulders moving up and down, and she can feel her heart beating between her ears. That’s not how anatomy works, but she can feel it. She can hear  it. It’s also what causes her to start laughing, for laughter to bubble up and rise through her chest before it escapes past her lips in a sound that she would describe as insanity in the form of laughter. There’s no other way. She’s lost her mind. She really has.

“Are you okay?”

“No, no,” she laughs, a hiccup escaping her as she tries to see Killian through the tears that are pooling in her eyes. “No, I’m not okay. I’m not okay. I’ve lost my mind, and I’ve lost my life. I’ve lost everything.”

The tears that stemmed from laughter suddenly sting hotly behind her eyes, and something shifts behind her as her legs become shaky and she moves to sit on the ground, her back resting against the dresser, a knob digging into her skin that might as well be cutting into her.

“You have not lost anything,” he murmurs, and she can see the blur of him as he squats down next to her and pulls her into an embrace that she doesn’t fight. She encourages it, wrapping her arms around his waist and sobbing into his shoulder as she can feel his hands moving up and down her back, tracing her spine. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I fucked up, that I didn’t listen to you, that I wouldn’t talk to you, that I thought that I knew best. I don’t, Emma. I don’t. I love you, and I was terrified to lose you. I am always  terrified to lose you, and I shouldn’t – I don’t know how to fix us when I’m the one who broke us.”

“I just want you to talk to me. I just want you to stop sleeping in the nursery and to come back in this room. I want you to stop feeling guilty. You are not keeping me from being from Neal. If I wanted to be with him, I would be. I love you, you insufferable jackass,” she sniffs, leaning back as much as she can with how their limbs are twisted so that she can look in his eyes, the blue cloudy enough to nearly look gray. “I love you,” she whispers, reaching up to caress his face, to feel his scruff against her fingertips, “and I want to have our family back. Isn’t that what you want? We were so happy. Don’t you want to go back to how we were?”

“More than anything.”

“Then stop being stubborn and talk to me so that we can be us again.”

He nods his head up and down before leaning forward and pressing his forehead against hers, the heat of his skin comfortable and familiar and wonderful. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

“We need to talk about what’s going on with Henry at school.”

“We need to talk about a lot of things.”

“Aye, it’s just – ”

“What?” she smiles, her fingers still tracing his face, running over the scar on his cheek that he got when a mirror shattered on his ship and cut his face. Her heartbeat has calmed, the regularity of it returning, but all of the sudden it starts up again. This time not in fear, but in anticipation.

“I just really, desperately need to kiss you for a minute before we talk some more about how much of a jackass that I am and all of that other stuff.”

She laughs again, but this time it’s not quite so insane. It’s watery, but it’s happy. And instead of talking, she slams her lips forward to capture Killian’s lips with hers, and the softness is exactly like coming home after searching her entire life.

The kiss lingers for longer than she expects, a gentle caress turning into a desperate slow dance. She thought it would be frantic. In all of the nights that she allowed herself to imagine them coming together again, she always thought it would be frantic, but she should have known better. Sometimes they can be rough and hurried, coming together so quickly and harshly that they’re both left with bruises, but usually it’s soft and slow.

It’s like this.

It’s not frantic, but there’s still an urgency, a need, and she revels in the way that Killian’s nose presses heavily into her cheek, into the way that his scruff burns her as much as the heat of his hands snaking up underneath her shirt while her hands cup his jaw, feeling each movement of his mouth on hers.

The weights that have been on her shoulders, the ones that are lessening and gaining and changing every day, disappear into a lightness that she can’t explain. It’s giddiness and desire and love all wrapped up in one. They have so much to talk about, so much to figure out, but they need this. She can’t speak for Killian, not really, but somehow she knows.

When you love someone, you know.

Clothes are shed as the stand, and for the briefest moment she remembers Ada sleeping in her crib in the nursery and Neal watching television downstairs, but she really doesn’t need to be thinking about Neal when Killian’s hands are fumbling with the clasp of her bra, releasing it and letting her feel free as the rough pads of his thumbs ghost of her nipples while heat simmers under her skin. Ada, well Ada will sleep for another hour, maybe two, and if she wakes, they have the monitor.

It’s all a blur. She wants to remember it all, wants to memorize things like she did the first time they slept together, but the awkward fumbling and uncertainty are replaced by sure hands and even surer movements as they both rile each other up, metaphorical flames flickering across her skin as Killian hovers above her, teasing her until he slides in and begins rocking against her, full and thick and…like home.

She wishes she could think of something else, some other way to consider it, but Killian has been home to her for a long time, even longer than they’ve been together. He’s a steady partner for her, the person who often keeps her from spiraling, and he understands her. Maybe it’s that they both have some not so stellar childhoods. Maybe it’s that they have both been through great loss. Maybe they simply work in a way that she doesn’t need to dissect.

“Emma,” he whispers, his thrusts coming to a sudden halt and making her whine out in frustration. “Emma, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” “Then why are you crying?”

He releases her hip to thumb away at the tears that have apparently fallen. Oh. She didn’t…she didn’t even know or realize, too caught up in the ecstasy and emotion of it all to notice that she’s crying.

She didn’t know.

“Do you not want to do this?” Killian asks her, the concern evident in his eyes, and she can feel him retreating until she moves her hands from his back and cups his cheeks, running her own thumbs over his cheeks, tracing the scar again.

“No, baby, no,” she promises, pushing back her frustration of having Killian still inside when he was just deliciously hitting all of the right places so that she can focus on what’s actually important right now. “I want to do this. I do. Don’t think otherwise. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I just – I love you so much, and I can’t…I don’t know how to express that with just my words. I think my body is letting out months of anxiety and sadness and relief over finally feeling like something in my life is right again.”

“For someone who claims not to be good with words, you were pretty good with them there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirms, slowly moving inside of her again, just a simple push and pull. He’s got this affection in his eyes, this life, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the way that he looks at her like she hung the moon and created the tides of the ocean. Her breath always catches when it happens, her heart swelling, and she never wants it to stop. “That was really good, Swan. I love you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing. Let’s just…you want to have this conversation a little later? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing?”

Killian chuckles, something deep and throaty, before his lips are consuming her and his hips are snapping into hers. She’ll take that as a yes.

There’s a heaviness to his body over hers, a meaning to each snap of his hips, but she can’t explain it. She can’t think about it too much. They’ve fought before, absolute blow outs, but it’s never been like these past few weeks. Joining together has never been quite like this. It’s not that the sex is better or worse or different. They’re both still just as skilled and as in tune with each other as they’ve been for years, but it’s different.

She’s been craving normalcy, but she’ll gladly take this different, gladly take getting her life back.

She’ll take having them back.

And as she violently trembles beneath him, everything becoming too much for her and the emotions spilling over once again, she knows that she’s got them.

[solangelover]

um id write this myself but im not a great writer... i NEED a fanfic where the nico bean is crying in his cabin because he got hurt during training and its a lot worse than he let on and then the will bean walks in and sees him crying and immediately goes into concerned doctor mode tm and could you please write this for me i cant survive without it

A/N: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. It took sometime to figure out because Nico is tough and doesn’t cry over small injuries.But here it is :)

Read on AO3 or FF.Net or Wattpad

Nico was learning to live at CampHalf-Blood. He was still getting used to waking up for breakfast, though hewould usually skip it if he really didn’t want to care that day. He was stilltrying to figure out why people enjoyed singing obnoxiously at the camp fireevery night.

The one thing he knew he’d always likewas training. Any kind of training made Nico feel good. He felt useful andactive, and he didn’t have to talk to anyone unnecessarily. Nico’s favoritesparring opponents, besides Jason and Percy, were the Ares kids. They had themost fire and trained just as much as he did. Those who were all talk and hadlittle skill Nico enjoyed putting down quickly, the only way to tell a child ofAres that tact and training was actually important.

Any of the older Ares campers usuallyliked to spar with Nico. They were mature enough to appreciate all that Nicodid in the wars and were only slightly afraid of him. Today, Nico was sparringwith Chase, a son of Ares that was bigger and stronger than Nico. Not that thatever stopped him before.

“Pretty good, Di Angelo,”Chase said while wiping sweat off his forehead. They had been going at it for abit, both enjoying the burn in their muscles.

“Same to you.” Nico wasprobably a bit more tired than Chase, seeing as he had to use his speed to movearound quickly. He couldn’t overpower Chase even if he tried, so dodging andjabbing had been his strategy. Unfortunately, that left him tired, and hissword arm had already been hurting before training, probably from avoidingtreatment in the infirmary. It was only to spite Will, who had beenparticularly overbearing that week. Or maybe Nico had just had a bad week andcouldn’t take the nagging. Hard to tell.

As Nico and Chase did their dance fora bit longer, Nico’s weariness began to slow him down and caused more and moreclose calls. At one point, Chase slashed down at Nico, an easy enough move toparry. Unfortunately, Nico couldn’t move fast enough to counter or dodge, sothe sword ended up making contact. He more saw the sword slice his arm thanfelt it as it cut into his skin. Dammit,was really all Nico could think in the moment.

Nico fell back onto the ground asblood gushed out of his wound. Chase almost seemed surprised that Nico fell,standing above him for a moment in shock.

“Oh shit,” is how Chasecleverly reacted. Then he noticed the wound. “Oh shit.”

“Nice battle, Chase.” Nicocringed at the tightness in his voice. He didn’t usually outwardly show hispain, and he had a high pain tolerance anyway, but his arm currently felt likeit was on fire. The moment he hit the ground, the wound began stinging andthrobbing and burning all at once. He’d had his fair share of sword training-relatedinjuries, but this one hurt the most by far for some reason. It had a lot ofblood coming out, but generally it looked pretty typical. Nothing out of theordinary in the training arena.

“Dude, are you okay? That’s a lotof blood there.” Chase looked slightly concerned, probably because hewasn’t used to winning against Nico di Angelo, let alone landing a hit.

“Uh, yeah, no, it’s fine. It’sjust a surface wound. Looks worse than it is.” Nico could barely pick uphis sword from where he dropped it and put it back in its sheath, but whatever.He struggled to stand for a second before Chase offered his hand, which Nicogratefully accepted. Once on his feet, a few black spots danced in his visionwith the amount of pain in his arm, but he managed to stay upright.

“You need help going to theinfirmary?” Funny how Chase assumed he’d be going there. Nico guessed anysensible person would. He probably should.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for thespar.” Nico stumbled over to a shadow and disappeared before anyone coulddo anything.

—

Nico landed with a thud on the floorof his cabin.

“Ugh,” Nico mumbled into hisfloor, “This isn’t the infirmary, Nico.”

In hindsight, he probably shouldn’thave shadow travelled. Now his head hurt and he felt even dizzier than he had atthe arena. He momentarily forgot about the injury and moved his arm to sit up.Unfortunately, he was painfully reminded as a new wave of blood began to flowfrom his wound, accompanied by a sharp sting shooting up his arm. It was sobad, Nico actually felt tears prick the back of his eyes.

He attempted to stand, but he was intoo much pain and his muscles were still tired from sparring.

After lying on the ground for minute,Nico readied himself to move. He carefully pushed himself up with his good armand crawled over to his bed. Using his bed frame, he pulled himself to his feetand stood there for another minute. His head was still spinning and his musclesstill burned, but he somehow made it to his bathroom. He was vaguely aware ofblood dripping down his arm onto the floor, but he didn’t have the mind to careat the moment.

When he looked up at himself in themirror, it wasn’t a pretty sight. He looked paler than usual, making the darkcircles under his eyes stand out. His black hair was sticking to his face fromsweat. And his arm. It looked horrible now. It had fresh red blood all over andsome yellowish liquid as well, which didn’t make Nico feel better. He couldn’tactually see the wound due to the blood, so he knew he had to wash it off.

Nico carefully moved his arm under hissink faucet, wincing as he did so. He slowly turned the water on, letting itrun over the part of his arm without the wound. He lightly rubbed off the bloodaround the cut, finally putting it under the water. He hissed, pain shooting uphis arm. Tears sprung from his eyes as he attempted to clean away the blood. Hewas surprised at how much it hurt since it really shouldn’t be this bad. He wasonly sparring after all.

When most of the blood was gone, Nicofinally saw the cut - it did not look good. It was an angry red color andswollen. Along with the redness, it looked yellowish white inside the wound.Really it just looked gross and Nico had no idea why.

Then he noticed the other marks aroundhis wound. His scars and stitches Will gave him for the scratches from Lycaonwere red and reopened. Which probably explained why it hurt so much.

Well. Will was going to kill him.

As if on cue, Nico’s cabin door burstopen and the son of Apollo marched right in. When he got to the bathroom, Nicolooked up and made eye contact with him. Will saw the tears spilling fromNico’s eyes right away and knew that this was more than a typical sparringinjury. Will’s expression change immediately from anger to concern. His eyeslanded on the wound and Doctor Mode™ activated.

“That wound is infected. It needs tobe treated right now.” Will’s stern doctor voice told Nico that the injury wasworse than he thought.

“I know, that’s what I’m doing,Solace.” Nico’s voice was shaky and not as strong as he had hoped it would be.He didn’t even know why he tried to pretend he was fine. His arm felt like itwas on fire and he was sweating profusely, not to mention his dizziness.

Will took two strides to reach Nico,his eyes never leaving the wound. “You need more than water, idiot. You needmedicine. You need to come to the infirmary. Now.” Then he looked up intoNico’s eyes. Nico could see that, behind the doctor concern, there was realconcern for Nico’s well-being. He suddenly regretted getting himself into thissituation and upsetting Will.

“I—“ Nico began to say something,though he wasn’t sure what, but got cut off.

“The infection is in your bloodstream. Your immune system can’t handle it without help.” Will reached forwardto put a hand on Nico’s forehead before Nico could even react. He didn’t seemto mind that it was wet with sweat. “You’re already running a fever. And I canfeel some darkness in you. You shadow-traveled here didn’t you?” Nico openedhis mouth to reply, but Will didn’t let him get a word in. “You’re gettingweaker every second. We need to go, now. Can you walk?”

Nico nodded, which made him dizzier,and took one step before swaying and almost falling over if not for Will’ssteady hand on his good arm.

“Never mind.” And with that, Willscooped Nico up in his arms, told Nico to hold his injured arm steady, andwalked quickly to the infirmary. Nico didn’t dare complain, one because Willwas in Doctor Mode™ and nothing would sway him, and two because he was weak andtired and this was nice.

When they got to the infirmary, Nicowould’ve immediately passed out on the bed, but Will said, “Nico, please stayawake for a bit longer. I know you want to sleep, but I need to make sureyou’re good before you rest.”

Will gently rubbed a salve on Nico’sarm that made it go numb. Then he set to work, doing things Nico didn’t care tokeep track of. He felt a dull pain, but he was so sleepy and feverish that hedidn’t care anymore. Nico vaguely remembered Will saying that he could sleepbefore his eyes were finally too heavy to keep open.

—

When Nico came to, he felt gross. Withhis eyes still closed, he could tell that his bed was a bit damp from all hissweat. He felt cold now, so the fever must’ve broke while he slept. That wasgood.

He reflexively moved his arms to shiftin bed and found that his injured arm felt okay. It wasn’t perfect, there wasstill dull pain, but nothing like what it was. He did feel something weird onhis arm though, so he finally cracked his eyes open.

It was probably afternoon time,meaning he slept for a while. That happened pretty often when he was sent tothe infirmary for legitimate reasons (Nico doesn’t consider Will’s littlecheck-ups legitimate). Nico looked down at his arm and found it had thisplastic thing on it, almost like a dog cone.

“What the…” Nico mumbled as he satmore upright. That’s when he noticed Will slumped in the chair by his bed. Hemust’ve stayed to make sure Nico woke up. It was both endearing and annoying toNico that Will put himself through these things for him.

At that moment, Will stirred, his eyesslowly opening. When he registered that Nico was up, he bolted up out of hisseat. “Nico! Oh gods, are you okay???” He looked Nico up and down, assessinghis health quickly. He put a hand on Nico’s forehead. “Oh good, your fever isgone. How do you feel? You’ve slept for like a day. Are you hungry? Does yourarm still sting? Does your head hurt?”

Nico was used to this little freak outthing Will did. As a doctor, he’s usually calm, but for some reason Nico alwaysgot frantic doctor-Will. Probably because he always had bad injuries. “Will,I’m fine. Thanks to you. But why do I have this thing on my arm?” He lifted hisarm slightly, glad that it didn’t hurt to move it.

“Oh, that. You were scratching yourarm in your sleep, so I had to cover it so you didn’t reopen the wound. Orshould I say, wounds.” As if Willsuddenly remembered why Nico was this injured in the first place, his demeanorchanged into the upset but caring friend that he was to Nico. Not Nico’sfavorite side.

Nico only smiled sheepishly, awaitingthe lecture he’d known was coming.

“Nicodi Angelo. First of all, you didn’t come to the infirmary yesterdaymorning, or the mornings before that, for your check up on your summerinjuries. I told you that they’re almost, butnot completely, done healing. This thing might not have been so infected ifyou had come in.” Will put his hands on his hips, his anger rising a bit as hereached the next part of the lecture. “Second, why in Hades didn’t you come straight here after the match?? I know thatyou know that you should have. A wound this bad must have hurt a lot prettyquickly.” Nico hated it when Will was right. “You wouldn’t have felt like shitif you’d come quickly. Or accepted Chase’s help in getting you here. Yeah,shadow-traveling when you’re not totally healed was a way better idea.” Will rarely swore, even mildly, and used sarcasmwith patients, so Nico knew he was in trouble. Will just looked at Nico,waiting for him to say something. Probably the wrong thing.

“In my defense,” Will quirked aneyebrow at him, “I had kinda meant to shadow-travel here. I just… missed.” Nicowasn’t trying to justify his actions. That was the only thing that came tomind.

“You’re an absolute idiot. Want toknow why it hurt so much?” Nico nodded. He was wondering about that. “It’sbecause you reopened the Lycaon scratches. Let me remind you that Lycaon is avery dangerous and powerful being, and fighting him could have easily killedyou. So, having reopened those with a dirty sword was not very good for yourhealth. The infection spread quickly, which is why you had a fever and weredizzy. And that’s adding on to the dizziness you already feel from shadow-traveling.”Will sat down after all that, sighing as he said, “I’m just glad you’re betternow. Chase had come to me and told me what happened right when you disappeared.He probably knew you weren’t coming here.”

When they made eye contact, Nico couldsee that Will’s sharp gaze had softened. He felt bad for causing such a fuss.He really had no good reason to, it was just his natural tendency to deal withhis own problems. Now, people actually cared and wanted to actively help him.It was still relatively new to Nico.

Nico looked away from Will. “Sorry. Ididn’t mean to worry you. I swear I wasn’t avoiding you or anything, I reallydon’t know why I didn’t come here… I just… I don’t know.” Nico was looking downat his hands in his lap. Will reached out and gently placed his hands overNico’s, causing Nico to look up at him. Will understood that Nico was stilllearning to trust others. Will gave him a small, understanding smile. Nicoreturned the gesture and continued. “But thanks for healing me. So, I’m goodnow?”

Will stretched and stood up. “Uh, no.You’re stuck here for three days, Death Boy. This is to take care of thatwound, which you will NOT be reopening ever again, and to punish you for youridiotic actions. I swear, I’m gonna have to start monitoring you at all timessoon enough.” Nico didn’t really think that last part sounded too bad, but hekept that too himself.

As Will walked away to get food, Nicosighed, settling back into his pillows. He was going to be here awhile. But, aslong as Will was there, he guessed it wouldn’t be too bad.

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICO!!! Also I don’t knowhow infections work *shrugs*

[parkjmini]

dangerous waters (m) | pkjm

fratboy!jimin smut a sleazy fratboy thinks he could get any girl he wants, until he meets you word count: 2774 genre: smut SMUT!! SMUT!! S MU T  warning: sleazy jimin, dom!jimin, explicit language, oral

[a/n]: you’ve been warned!!! this is mature content read at own risk !! this is my FIRST smut EVER !! i apologize in advance if its super bad and super cringe like i have no idea wtf i was doing, i just wrote and props to ppl who write smut bc that shit is hard 

You had a huge biochemistry lab the next morning, a calculus test right after, and a literature lecture after bunch. Instead of studying for your classes and sleeping early, you were at some random fraternity party that your friend, Hoseok, dragged you to.

Parties weren’t ever really your scene. You were, a lack for a better term, a goody two shoes. You enjoyed staying in and reading. Cafes, libraries, and parks were your favorite places. You were an overall excellent student, almost top of the class with outstanding remarks. You studied whenever you had the chance to, it was the only way you were able to keep up with classes.

You weren’t completely cookie cutter though. Occasionally, you went to parties when workload was minimal and you didn’t despise frats/sororities. Some of your friends were in sororities and you usually went to their parties, not anyone you were unfamiliar with.

However, Hoseok begged you to join him at the campus’ most popular fraternity’s party. That specific frat had the cutest, hottest boys. They maintained the highest number of hook ups in one night and parties in one week. You avoided them at all cost because even though they were attractive, they were all assholes. 

Their parties were usually majority guys and a sprinkle of girls. You were extremely hesitant, but Hoseok wouldn’t stop messing up your lecture notes until you gave in.

“Geez, Hoseok. There are literally no girls here.” You whispered as you made your way to the kitchen. His laugh was barely audible over the heavy music they were playing. 

“They’re probably all upstairs..” He paused and pointed to the closed rooms. “In the rooms.” 

“That’s so gross.” You rolled your eyes and poured yourself a drink. Their fruit punch was spiked and you almost puked at the first sip. “This is gross.”

“Your tongue becomes numb after a few more sips.” Hoseok’s head darted towards the door. A small group of girls from the sorority down the street had entered. “Enjoy yourself, (Y/N).” He smirked before heading towards them.

“Hoseok---” It was too late. You lost your only friend to the crowd. Glancing around, you noticed that people were either drinking, smoking, or dancing. You weren’t really into any of that. You were regretting your decision of showing up.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around your waist and spun you around. Your back was up against the side of the island in the kitchen. “Hey baby, I’ve never see you before. Is this your first time here?”

His brown eyes were eating you up as he scanned you from head to toe. You pulled the ends of your short dress down, trying to over up as much as your thighs as possible. “Yeah.” You mumbled.

He had a broad chest and his thighs were suffocating in his tight black pants. His arms were defined and bulged out of his white short sleeve. His hot body was pressed against yours and you tried to wiggle out of the tight space.

“I’m Jungkook.” He smiled. 

“And I’m leaving.” You lightly shoved him enough to get his body off of yours. 

“Oh, we’ll have fun. I promise.” His forearm trapped you to the island again. 

“You’re trying so hard, Kook.” Another boy laughed as he walked over and shoved Jungkook’s shoulder. He had fluffy black hair and soft cheeks. He was a little shorter than Jungkook, but shared the same thick thighs.

“Let’s see if you can get this one to budge, Jimin.” Jungkook chucked and walked off.

“How about you and I go somewhere quieter?” Jimin had the sexiest gaze. Something about him reeked of sex appeal. You had self control, however, and shook your head. “A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be alone at a party like this.”

“You’re right. I should go. I have a lot of studying to do.” You scoffed. At this point, you didn’t care that you sounded like a complete loser. You just wanted to stop all these thirsty boys from mentally undressing you.

“Oh, you’re one of Dorm J girls.” Jimin smirked. How did he know what dorm section you lived in? “You girls are always the hardest to crack.” 

“What?” You almost choked as he ran his hand through his hair.

“How did you find yourself here, baby? They’re rarely ever at one of our parties. Did you come with a friend or did you lose yourself on the way to the study hall?” He was slowly getting on your nerves.

You crossed your arms and tilted your head, adding a little sass to your movements. “I don’t know what stigma your frat or you have against us, but we aren’t just nerds who study all night.” That was ultimately a lie. You knew if you weren’t here, you would be studying.

“Did I offend you? You girls are usually very easily riled up. Did you not do well on a test today?” You weren’t sure what bothered you more, the horrible smirk on his face or the sarcasm in his words.

“You’re a no good frat boy who parties all night and probably got in to college because you have money. Sorry that I’m actually smart enough to get in without daddy’s money.” You rolled your eyes the hundredth time that night. Your heart sank as you saw a curious eyebrow raise. He smiled and nodded knowingly.

“I like the way daddy rolls off of your tongue. That was vulgar, Dorm J. You were really looking to hurt me, weren’t you? How many more vulgar words can I get you to say to me?” He chuckled menacingly. You gasped, not expecting his type of response. A light pink dance across your cheeks as you could no longer put up your front.

“I-I have a name.” You stuttered, your nervousness getting the best of you.

His face brightened up at how small your voice had become, “I do too and I’d love to hear you moan it all night.” 

You cleared your throat at his foul language. You weren’t having any of it. If he said one more thing to you, you’d get too weak in the knees to even stand correctly. You weren’t sure what made him so charming and alluring. It might’ve been the way he was staring at you with his lust filled eyes or how he licked his plumped lips after he sipped his drink.

“Red is a nice color on you, babygirl.” His voice turned raspy and low. He was teasing your natural blush and your hands immediately cupped your cheeks.

“I’m not your babygirl or your baby. You don’t get to refer to me as Dorm J because I fit the stereotype you’ve created. My name is (Y/N) and I’d appreciate it if you treated me like a decent human being rather than a piece of meat.” 

“(Y/N).” Jimin had to say it in the most seductive way. Your heart quicken at how much you loved hearing him say it. “What a pretty name. I’m Jimin. You’re really hot when you yell at me. Were you a part of a debate team?” You were.

“M-Maybe. Why?” Your eyebrows knitted.

“Because... so was the last girl I hooked up with from Dorm J.” He snickered. You crossed your arms and began walking away.

He grabbed onto your elbow and lightly pushed you back against the counter. “Oh, (Y/N), take a joke.” 

“It wasn’t funny.” You grumbled, melting at his touch. 

“You know what is though?” 

You blinked up at his gorgeous face, his plump lips twitched into his signature smirk, “what?”

“That you were still talking to me. You obviously have interest in me too, baby, or you would’ve pushed me off like how you did to Jungkook.”

You gulped. You didn’t think he was that observant. A huge part of you wanted to give up and kiss him already, but the small voice in your head knew he was dangerous waters.

“Why don’t you go talk to some other girls? I’m boring Dorm J and I’m being difficult anyways.” You thought maybe he’ll actually back off this time. You were talking him to his senses.

He merely shook his head, his hands gripped your waist and pulled you closer to his pelvis. “You don’t understand, do you? I like a challenge. I want you. I can tell by the way your eyes keep darting that you want me too, so go ahead, (Y/N). Just kiss me. Show me what a good girl can do.”

His words were so convincing and you can no longer hold in the heat at the pit of your stomach. You dove in, attacking his lips passionately. Your hands were holding his small face as you devoured him.

His hands were eagerly pulling your waist closer towards him, trying to find any friction. You placed your hand on his chest when you felt his tongue enter your mouth. Pulling away, you ducked your head out of embarrassment.

“Let’s go somewhere more private, okay?” He picked up your chin, lovingly. His eyes were incredibly thirsting over you. Jimin lead you upstairs to an empty room. He locked the door and walked towards you.

“I barely even know your name..” You were beginning to doubt yourself, trying to find the small voice to save you.

“You’ll be very familiar with my name by the end of tonight. I won’t let you forget it.” He gently pushed you against the door. Distracting you with a kiss, his hand traveled down to slid your dress up your thighs.

He pushed the tight fabric up until it rested on your hips. He rubbed you through your cotton panties, causing you to squeal a little. His kiss drank up your inaudible noises. Your hands held onto his wrist when you started to feel yourself get wet. You hated how easily your body reacted to his touch.

“Let’s see how wet you really are.” He smirked and kneel down in front of you. His face directly facing your panties. You bit your lip, driving him crazy as you watched him slide your underwear off your hips. 

You were soaked, a string of your lubrication detached from the cloth as he pulled them down. A low growl came from the back of Jimin’s throat as he saw your pussy aching to be touched. “Fuck, baby. If I knew you were this wet, I would’ve brought you up sooner.”

He waited though, trying to see how much longer he could drag the anticipation. Jimin placed your leg over his shoulder and his face came close to your exposed flower. His hot breath panted over your clit as you groaned for him to do something, anything.

“What’s my name?” He asked, innocently. His big eyes waiting for your answer. Jimin ruined you before he actually touched you. You were like pudding in his arms and his sensual expressions killed you.

You licked your lips, and barely made out, “Jimin.” 

He pulled your skin taunt toward your waist and you shuddered a little. “The music’s too loud, I don’t think I heard you. Come again?” He teased. Jimin saw how desperate you wanted him. Your cheeks were flushed and your mouth was slightly gaped open. You stared down at him with hooded eyes and your hand had to grip onto the door handle.

You looked so hot and bothered, it took a lot of self control for him not to shove his face into you. “Jimin.” You said louder.

“What a good girl.” He mocked you, but you didn’t have enough strength to argue back. His tongue licked your clit once. Your body shook and he had to use his free hand to push your waist into the door. He repeated his motion, licking and sucking at your sensitive bud. 

The sensations drove you insane. Your clit was more exposed due to the fact that Jimin was pulling your skin taunt --- a tighter feeling. Your hips fought against the pressure of his hand and slowly grind more into his face.

He was watching you unfold right under his tongue. He moaned at the feeling of your hips greedy for more of him. He started to insert two of his fingers, curling up into you instantly.

“Jimin!” You gasped, the feeling at the pit of your stomach building. You pushed his head up into you more and his fingers quicken, pounding and curling inside of you. 

The more he continued, the closer you were to your high. Your eyes were shut at this point, ready to release yourself. However, Jimin wasn’t going to let you cum that easily. 

He removed his fingers and got up. His chin was covered in your lubrication and he shoved his fingers into your mouth, making you taste yourself. “Don’t you taste good, babygirl? Much better than that fruit punch downstairs.”

Jimin pushed you onto the full sized bed that sat in the middle of the room. He forced your legs open with his knee and settled between your legs again.

“Please, Jimin. Just let me cum.” You whined. A spark shined in his dark eyes and he kissed your inner thighs.

“Maybe. I mean you were being very difficult with me earlier. I don’t know if you deserve it.” He pouted and he held your legs further apart. You whimpered at his actions. “I love your little sounds, baby. Why don’t you call my name louder, so Jungkook can hear you downstairs.”

His tongue slipped into your dripping hole. “Fuck! Jimin!” You moaned and arched your back into the mattress. Jimin knew how to catch you off guard. His warm tongue drove you hysterical, causing your nails to dig into the sheets.

He savagely ate you out, as if he was starving. Jimin was excellent with his tongue, he knew how to work it. The thing pushing you to your edge were his stares though. He never broke eye contact when his face was bury into your pussy.

His orbs were dark and sexy, silently observing how he got you all worked up. His groans mixed with your airy gasps and the room grew hotter with every passing minute. He licked you up and down, flicking quickly at your throbbing clit. 

Jimin’s fit his fingertips into your hole, only allowing you to feel just enough. He pulled them all the way out, then aggressively back in. He repeated this motion, along with his rapid licks. “Uh, shit. Babygirl, you’re so wet for me.”

“I’m so-- close.” You exhaled sharply, your body shuddering at your approaching climax. At your warning, Jimin’s arms hook under your thighs and pulled you closer to his face. His nose was pressed up against your skin as you felt every hard, desperate lick. His hooded eyes watched your crumbling figure in front of him --- a new scene he couldn’t get enough of. 

“Cum, baby, ride my face. Let me taste how good you are.” Jimin chanted on and your hips shamelessly grind against his warm muscle. 

“I’m cumming, Jimin! Oh my--!” A beam of white blurred your mind as the intense pleasure began to rip through you. 

Your eyes were beginning to flutter shut, but he wasn’t going to allow that. “Look at me when you cum.” 

“Oh fuck.” You looked down at him, his face being squeezed between your shaking thighs. The sensations of his moving tongue rippled up your system and his brown eyes made you cum hard. 

You pulsated against him, your heat unraveling from a tight ball in your abdomen. The feeling of ecstasy and release exploded throughout your body, making it practically unbearable. You’ve never felt an orgasm that intense.

Jimin helped you ride out your high, until you absolutely couldn’t take the sensitivity anymore. He grabbed a napkin and wiped you up gently, an act that fluttered your heart a bit.

“That was fucking hot, I’ll admit.” He chuckled beautifully as he handed you your panties. Your eyes landed on the obvious tent in his pants and you cleared your throat.

“I guess I’ll get going now. I’ve got a lot of studying to do, right?” You taunted and pulled down your dress. Jimin let out another chuckle at your ridiculous attempt to mock him. 

However, you wanted to see him again and hoped that this ploy will get him to want to see you again as well. The dominance shifted, the tables have turned. 

“You owe me big time, Dorm J.” He groaned, a little mixture of sexual frustration and confusion. You seductively waved goodbye before joining the rowdy party again, leaving a rather flustered, yet aroused Jimin untouched. 

[a/n]: ok but forreal tho that gif is just so fitting w this im dying i love that gif || 

next part --> power trip

[bacontodae]

Cheat |Pt.3|

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Angst

Length: 4.5k

|Pt.1|  |Pt.2|

You were pretty convinced that it would take a year at the most to get over a heart break; it was useless spending the next couple years of your life sulking about your ex. So it came as a surprise to you that four years on, you still thought about Baekhyun and everything you shared and experienced together.

 He was undeniably one of the biggest things that happened to you as you had never really bothered to care about love or any of that boring shit. All the “inspirational” quotes on Instagram were complete bullshit to you, you just needed to work and earn the money to get you to a financially stable position and maybe then, would you find a partner.

But thanks to Baekhyun, that wouldn’t be the case as he just stepped into your life, made you feel like a Queen and then proceeded to cheat, make your life a living hell and make you feel guilty for doing what anyone else would have done in that same situation. He deserved to be hated by you and you definitely knew that but it was hard. Unless you had experienced it yourself, you wouldn’t know the real pain and heart break that you would feel as your soul left your body to join other broken hearts.

Every day you would curse at yourself because you knew that what you were doing was damaging your mental state but that was what love did to you. It ate away at your brain, telling you to hold grudges and to remember all the pain he caused but then it would tell you to give him a second chance, to relive the good times again. You had an angel and a devil on each of your shoulders like the cartoons but little did anyone know how emotionally tiring those stupid miniature figures actually were.

Four years may seem like an eternity to some and to others a short while but to you, it was bang in the middle. It wasn’t too long where you could actually feel yourself going insane but it wasn’t too short where you had sat for a couple of hours one day wondering where all of your time went. Seeing Baekhyun and Taeyeon going on dates together and kissing in public all over Dispatch and other Korean news websites was what made the years long as they always looked so happy and like they didn’t give a damn about everyone else which was exactly what you wanted with Baekhyun. The people knew that you were a sweetheart and you were not here to cause any sort of trouble or harm to Baekhyun and the fans but it was the fact that people thought you were taking Taeyeon’s place.

You and Baekhyun were in love but there were always some salty fans that just had to rain on your parade and ruin everything. Dates were crashed by jealous fans and on countless occasions, certain fans had tried to assault you in attempts to scare you off away from their “oppa”. But none of this made you want to leave Baekhyun and this only made your anger build and build years later. The amount of times that you had sacrificed your happiness for him and your relationship was almost embarrassing considering the fact that he did a 180 turn from you to Taeyeon. 

When the word had got out, hundreds of people mocked you saying that he cheated because you were not good enough or up to his standards. All the harsh words were egging you on to leave everything behind and live another life in another place at another time. Despite your friends pleading, you had a plan and that plan was to end it all here. Your will was written and the decision was locked. It may of been a slightly dramatic thing to end your life just because of an ex boyfriend but the way that the couple seemed to mock you unknowingly through their public displays of affection was close to unbearable, like you couldn’t escape them not matter how hard you struggled to.

It was Chanyeol who basically lectured you and pushed the idea into your head that ending something so special because of something that could be changed and resolved was so stupid. When you would have late night chats with him about your feelings and how your day had went, he would always end the call with “Stay strong Y/N”. He may have been harsh with his technique of pushing the idea of suicide out of your mind and turning over a new leaf instead but it most definitely worked as you were now in another part of the city with a reasonable apartment that you shared with your dog. 

You could finally witness the light that had been missing from your life without really realising that you had done it. It was such a refreshing feeling and the gratitude you felt towards your friends (Chanyeol especially) was overwhelming. You no longer tortured yourself by checking the reporting websites for updates on Baekhyun but instead, you made the mature decision to congratulate the couple on their engagement. 

Yes, engagement. And the wedding was in two weeks. 

“Come on!” Chaewon exclaimed through the door of your bedroom. Somehow, that certain someone had managed to convince you to take a nice trip out with her to town to buy a new dress for their wedding. And yes, you were invited by the one and only Baekhyun and yes, you had also been persuaded to go by all of your friends as it would be “part of the healing process”. Whatever it was, you were sort of glad that you could confidently say yes to Baekhyun over the phone and his cheers of glee warmed your chest.

“Alright, calm your tits.” You mumbled but Chaewon still caught on and accused you through the wooden barrier that her tits were perfectly calm and stable. It was very obvious to you that when you had first met her, she was destined to be your best friend. After all, who has a conversation about shook tits?

Giving your hair once last shake, you walked out of the bedroom to see Chaewon pacing around, hands on her breasts. There was no point questioning her so you grabbed the car keys of your dining table and called for your confusing best friend to follow.

To your surprise, you ended up meeting a lot of your old (and new) friends at the dress shop in which you bought a lovely black and white dress. Apparently the wedding was going to be absolutely huge with basically everyone and their mothers going to it to watch the deep in love couple finally seal the deal. Of course it was slightly heart breaking whenever someone brought it up and gushed about how amazing the wedding will be as the feelings for Baekhyun still remained and would most likely never leave. You would try and blame yourself for everything such as not giving him a second chance but why would you give a cheater a second chance? 

 The dress was classy and accentuated all your curves as the white detailing outlined your body shape. It was slightly below mid thigh and you were close to not buying it and going for a longer flowy dress but with the persuasion of your law school graduate best friend, you ended buying it with a smile on your face. You decided on simple black heels that you made sure they wouldn’t kill your feet by the end of the night. After all, it was inevitable that everyone would have you dancing or probably running after someone the whole night.

The two of you made a pit stop at a rather aesthetic coffee shop that was decorated with rustic wood and bunches of classic flowers. It was small but cosy inside and it was tempting to hide in the storage room so you could spend the whole entire day and night here. The waiter took you to your table which had a small plant in a light grey pot and the smallest salt and pepper jars you had ever seen. The whole shop was very easy on the eyes.

“What are you going to get?” Chaewon asked whilst scouring through the drinks menu like a hawk. Everything on the menu sounded so good and like a bloody mission to try and decide on one thing to get. 

“Would it be greedy to get everything?” 

“Yes.” Chaewon deadpanned before bursting into a fit of laughter which was typical of her. You know, everyone had that friend that would do the most random things out of the blue and you would laugh because there was no other way that you could actually respond without being miserable or mean; she was one of those people.

Thankfully the waiter came to take your orders in time before Chaewon would actually end up buckling over and falling of her seat with tears in her eyes and her limbs flying about like leaves on a windy day.

You and Chaewon had finally (and safely despite having a near miss with another driver who was very obviously drunk) made it home and had invested yourselves in a warm cup of hot chocolate and a deep conversation about life. It started off with Chaewon talking and moaning about her co worker who would not leave her alone even though she would talk about him all the time because he was “really attractive and probably an A* in bed”; but then you ended up slipping into a discussion about how you were going to deal with having to face the bride and groom in two weeks. The thought alone made you cringe and want to curl up in a ball and forget about all of it.

The wedding was much too close to just cancel on them and besides, that would be horrible and would completely let down your friends, your family, yourself but more importantly, Baekhyun. Several years on from that messy situation and yet you still didn’t want to see him upset or hurt. Then again, he had cancelled on you that one time when you two had arranged to meet up in town to talk things over. He had said that it was due to nerves and that he wasn’t ready to tell everything to you just yet, and you believed him. He sounded so sincere and you knew exactly what his sincere voice sounded like.

“I honestly just think that you should turn up, make him so jealous by having some handsome ass man hanging on your arm and have him regretting everything.” Chaewon explained and the idea didn’t sound half bad. You could get Chanyeol to turn up with you and you could give a twinkling gaze towards Baekhyun whenever he looked at you. Sure, it was petty but it would give you that confidence that you were lacking.

“Maybe but that would just ruin his day and I can’t do that on his wedding day.” You got satisfaction from being petty and showing someone that you weren’t completely helpless but it would just be immoral of you to do that on a once in a life time experience.

“Wow, you’re boring me. Just do it and he’ll feel guilty; it’ll be great.” Chaewon rolled her eyes at you and took a sip at her warm beverage. 

“You’re a horrible person.” You said and she rolled her eyes at you again.

Someone humming the traditional wedding ceremony tune began to slowly wake you up from an uncomfortable sleep filled with anxiety, guilt and anticipation. You had barely caught any sleep that night as you were basically reciting the exact words you would say to Baekhyun and Taeyeon when you saw them later that day. 

The sweet humming got closer before you bedroom door was pushed open and a wide awake Chaewon started going through your drawers.

“What are you doing?” You asked her, silently cringing at the sudden whiff of your morning breath. It was always that worst feeling when you first smelt that horrible stench otherwise known as morning breath.

“Trying to find your expensive bra…” She mumbled almost incoherently. Her comment made you rise from your position in bed and shoot her a questioning look. She only raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders before trotting out of the room, your expensive bra in hand.

Once you were left alone once again in the naturally lit room that you essentially kept all your secrets in, the real realisation of what the day had in stored for you finally settled in. An unsettling bubbling feeling coursed throughout your veins and your heart thumped loudly in your ears. There was absolutely no reason to be this anxious about the wedding but you still seemed to be panicking and planning out different escape routes and strategies in case things got nasty. It was unlikely that anything terrible would happen but you weren’t too sure on how their friends and family would react towards you.

Would Baekhyun’s parents send cold glares your way for destroying their son’s happiness all those years ago? Or would Taeyeon herself turn on you that evening and completely break you apart until you fled the ceremony, shoes in hand and mascara running down your face uncontrollably. But, that was all very dramatic and (hopefully) unlikely.

On the more optimistic side, you could spend this day with your best friend as you both pampered yourselves ready for one of the biggest events you would ever attend. It had taken some convincing to let the nearly-wed couple allow Chaewon to come but when they had, it had felt like a few more bricks had been taken off of the almost toppling stack of your shoulders. It was rather easy though; all you had to do was remind them of the hurt and the agony you had suffered for years and then you were well on your way.

A familiar jingle filled up the empty space of your bedroom. Your phone displayed a few notifications from your various social medias on the lock screen and a text from Chanyeol.

From Chanyeol: I’ll pick you up at 1. Be ready

The winky face he included on the end of the message implied that he was clearly teasing you about this whole situation. Chanyeol had the ability to sense awkwardness in advance and he used that to his advantage as he would constantly tease you about awkward situations before they had even happened. You crossed your fingers and hoped that today wouldn’t be as disgustingly awkward as everyone was making it out to be; you just want to celebrate your friend’s new beginning.

The ceremony venue was absolutely breathtaking. Mahogany chairs decorated with white cushions in rows of six were lined up on either side of a pristine white carpet that was rolled out leading to the front. There were trios of white candles in an alternating pattern at the end of the last chair of a row; they were scented like roses and added to the flower theme of the ceremony. Cherry blossom plants were stood at the entrance where the bride would walk through and tiny pink blossoms lined the edge of the carpet. Great time and effort had been put into the setup of the wedding and despite all the hard feelings, you felt so much excitement and anticipation for the couple.

You spotted Chanyeol and the others just outside of the venue where everyone else was crowded, waiting to take their seats. You had arrived with Chaewon who was currently gawking at the special couple taking pictures against a rustic wall. They looked so perfect together as Taeyeon stood in the most beautiful white dress and as Baekhyun stared adoringly at her with the utmost love for her doing laps in his eyes. Obviously, the slightest bit of jealous coursed through your veins but the feeling of satisfaction and admiration overpowered it greatly.

The photographer continued to take pictures of the family and friends as you quietly stood at the side of the meadow outside as it was the polite thing to do regarding your situation. Chaewon had ran off somewhere probably making new friends leaving you alone but the scenery and atmosphere made you feel warm and content inside. You watched Baekhyun and Taeyeon laugh with Chanyeol and the others as huge grins took over their faces; it was so refreshing to see Baekhyun happy again all thanks to his friends and family.

It was almost time to go inside the beautifully decorated venue when Baekhyun caught your eye from across the field and beckoned you to come over. Your group of friends all looked in your direction as a wave of realisation (and guilt) washed over their faces. You allowed an amused chuckle to escape your lips and you struggled to walk over in the heels you were wearing.

“I’m so sorry Y/N!” Baekhyun exclaimed holding out his arm to allow you to slip in next to him for another round of photos with you. He looked unbelievably handsome in his black suit and tie, hair perfectly styled to perfection and a light smile constantly on his face.

“No it’s fine. I enjoyed watching you from over there.” You smiled back. Though is sounded a little creepy, it was true as nothing warmed your heart quite as much as watching your friends be happy. The photographer took multiple pictures of your group and it felt so right to be standing together once again. All those years back and everything had separated you all apart but the happiness of Baekhyun and Taeyeon managed to bring you all back to where you belong. Today could only get better and better if the beginning was the only thing to go by.

The organ echoed throughout the hall as the traditional music began to play despite the old lady at the organ looking like she was about to crash out on the keys. Everyone turned their heads towards the entrance where Taeyeon had begun to stride on in looking like a goddess but you kept your excitable gaze on Baekhyun. His eyes were becoming glossy and his hands were shaking uncontrollably; you just wanted to run up and tell him everything will be alright and that this will be the happiest day of his life.

The ceremony ran smoothly and just about everyone teared up when each partner said their vows. It was crystal clear how thankful each one of them were for each other and how in love they were when their adoring gazes poured into each other’s eyes.

This made you think about your own love life and how little there was of it. You were grateful for being single as it didn't restrict to anything but watching them together up there made you regret a few things. Perhaps you were too harsh on Baekhyun making him feel lost and almost like he had to date Taeyeon just so that he was happy. It was incredibly wrong for you to be pondering about such things at a certain time but it was out of your control for the most part.

As everyone was filing out of the beautifully decked out hall, you caught up to Jongdae who was laughing at something Minseok must’ve said. You tapped him on the shoulder and greeted both of them before expressing your happiness for the newlywed couple.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Baekhyun this happy in a while.” Minseok said shaking his head slightly with a soft smile upon his lips. You and Jongdae nodded in agreement.

“It’s definitely refreshing to see that bright smile of his.” You commented causing Jongdae to mumble something under his breath (probably about how his smile was bright too) but he was smiling nonetheless.

Whoever was hired to organise and decorate this wedding needed a promotion immediately. The décor was similar to the ceremony layout but the place had a more lively and energetic atmosphere to it. Several courses of amazing food were being served to each and every person and rounds of various alcoholic beverages were being served. You were sat at a table with Chaewon and the boys (excluding Chanyeol who was obviously the best man sitting at the table with the parents and the dreamy couple).

Poor Chanyeol’s speech was a stuttering mess but it had the whole room laughing hysterically at his adorableness so as a result, he didn’t really mind. Taeyeon’s speech was exactly what you would’ve expected from her- beautiful and graceful- she spoke with no hitches other than when she teared up when talking about how accepting everyone was. However, Baekhyun’s speech was the most hard hitting for you especially as he mentioned you on multiple occasions. He talked about how everyone deserves a best friend who is as accepting and encouraging as you. He expressed how none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for your “stubborn ass” and that he is unimaginably thankful to have you in his life. Obviously, the battle against the tears was once again lost but you smiled through it all.

The friendship between you two was an emotional rollercoaster within itself. You started off as his choreographer and then as his friend until he never gave up on his flirting techniques that would make anyone and their mothers cringe. You became lovers who were completely star struck by each other but all of that came crashing down like mountain of fragile playing cards when the reality of his careless actions hit you. It was then that you became complete strangers, never acknowledging each other no matter how hard it was to forget the good times. Then, something clicked; you realised how pathetic this whole situation was and how you had lost someone who meant so much to you that no words could ever express the gratitude and love you felt towards them. Would it be silly to refer to him as your guardian angel? Because that was what he was to you. To call him your best friend once again was perhaps the best feeling in the world and you promised to never let each other go again.

The crisp air nipped at your bare arms and legs as you watched the city lights glimmer in the pale moonlight. You would do this often- watch over the busy city and imagine what each person was doing or going through right then. You would get so invested in watching birds glide past or watching stray leaves float peacefully in the gusts of wind that any of your own problems would disappear with them. Some would call you crazy but it was all just a coping mechanism in the end. And it worked, so it didn’t matter what anyone thought, as long as you were calm and at peace.

The soft creaking of the balcony door brought you straight back into reality but you just assumed it was the wind colliding with the delicate door frame. That was until a gentle voice spoke up and a body came close to your side.

“You’re still doing this?” You registered the tranquil voice to be Baekhyun’s and you instantly relaxed again.

“What do you mean?” The question came out much more quietly than you had anticipated but Baekhyun heard you perfectly.

“Trying to imagine yourself as a bird or a leave.” He chuckled into the cold air and turned his head to you with the softest of smiles. You purely replied back with a gentle smile of your own and rested a hand on his forearm.

“I have told you once but I’ll tell you again, it’s the best way to forget all of your problems and to just focus on everything peaceful about the world.” Baekhyun’s nose crinkled as he knitted his brows together in false confusion.

“There is nothing peaceful about traffic or a busy city.”

You let out mere laugh.

“That is when you’re up here and not a part of it.”

Now it was his turn to laugh at your bluntness as it reminded him of all the unforgettable times you two shared together…as a couple. It was so wrong of him to think about such a topic at his wedding day with the love of his life but there was still something so enticing about you and your romantic feelings towards him. Even after all this time, he still likes to believe that you think about him romantically and you recall all of the major events in your relationship at least once a day. Perhaps that’s a little selfish and conceited of him to imagine but he couldn’t say he didn’t do that himself.

“I still think about you,” He shifted from one foot to the other to gain a better look at your concentrated face. “I miss you a lot actually.”

You averted your gaze towards him expecting to see his famous shit eating grin but instead you were greeted with a frown and unreadable eyes. He looked so upset but at the same time he looked angry, like he was ready to explode at any minute and break down.

“I miss you too Baekhyun.” You said barely above a whisper as you took a hold of his hand trying to ease whatever tension he was feeling. It was unclear of what he was going to do or how he was going to react but you had enough faith in him to assure yourself that he wasn’t going to try anything.

“No. I mean, yeah of course we miss each other but I really miss you. A lot of the time I just lay awake thinking about you and how much I regret…” He paused and looked away from your expecting gaze. “…doing what I did. I’m obviously glad we are best friends again as you honestly mean the fucking world to me.“

He took hold of both of your hands and started into your eyes with what you could barely make out being regret and sadness. “But I will never forget what I did to you and how much I destroyed your life. I will never forget the countless times I went to bed crying my eyes out because of how much I hated myself.”

Your eyes began to sting and your nose began to tingle as Baekhyun began to become more blurry as your eyes began to cloud up.

“I will never stop loving you even if it means I destroy myself in the process. You mean the absolute world to me.” He paused to let himself take in a huge breath and for you to allow warm tears roll down your cheeks and eventually evaporate on your arms.

“I never want to lose you again Y/N. I love you.” It was then that he wrapped you up in his arms and rested his tear stained cheek on the side of your head as you two sobbed into each other’s shoulders hoping that this special moment would never end.  

A/N: at last, i have graced your feed with pt3 which so many of you enjoy (i hope). i’m so sorry this took so long! i started school and just got uninterested in writing anything but im back and ready to write more.

though this is the final part so give it some love <3

[tigereye771]

New Year, New Beginnings (Part 9/?)

Title: New Year, New Beginnings

Part: 9/?

Pairing:  Jon/Sansa

Previous Parts: [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

A few minutes later, an eager hostess who recognized him had seated Jon and Sansa in a booth by a window that overlooked the city.  The winter sun had set long ago, but the night was lit up by the lights of the city providing a spectacular and festive view as holiday lights cut through the darkness providing them with a cheerful show.  Following Arianne’s suggestion, they both ordered the salmon.

“I’m usually doing the cooking, so this is a bit of treat,” Sansa said as she took a sip of water and settled back into the well-padded seat.

Jon smiled.  “Arya not much of a cook?”

“Oh God, no!” Sansa groaned. “The few times she’s tried, we’re lucky she didn’t burn down the kitchen.  We have a very good division of duties at the Stark House.  I do the grocery shopping and cooking. Arya does the yard work and maintaining of everything mechanical.  Bran does laundry and any tech stuff needed.  We split the cleaning duties. It works out very well.”

“You’ve got it down to a science,” Jon said admiringly.

“It wasn’t that way in the beginning,” Sansa sighed.  She paused as the waitress brought them their dinners. When she left, Sansa picked up her fork. “There was a lot of trial and error involved, and well, things were difficult that first year.  I think Arya and I fought more during that time than actually working together.”

“You two were always a bit like cats and dogs growing up,” Jon observed.  He took a bite of the salmon.  It was good, but he thought he preferred Sansa’s home cooking.

Sansa sighed again. “It was worse after the accident. And Bran was still in the hospital so he wasn’t even there as a buffer.  She wasn’t happy with any of the decisions I made and I had to practically drag her to Kings Landing, but we had nowhere else to go.”

Sansa remembered that argument well and some of the things they said each other still made her cringe.

“I’m not going!  First I lose my parents, my brothers and now you’re losing our home!” Arya screamed at her.

“There’s nothing I can do about it!” Sansa yelled back.  “We can’t pay for the mortgage!  We have no money!  All we have is that house in Kings Landing that Brynden left us.”

“It’s a lie!  It’s all a lie!  You’re just too stupid to find our money!  You never wanted to live here anyway, always going on about moving to Kings Landing and going South!  This is all you’ve ever wanted!”

“You’re blaming me? Look Arya, maybe you’re not old enough or mature enough to understand, but if there’s no money, we can’t keep a house that has a mortgage on it!”

“Stop talking to me like I’m stupid!  God, I wished you’d died instead!”

Sansa could see Arya regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth, but it was too late, the wound had been inflicted and Sansa’s own instinct was to strike back.

“Well, the only reason they’re dead is because they were going to see YOU play soccer. They wouldn’t have been on that damn road if it wasn’t for your game.”

That had been the worst argument they had ever had and they didn’t speak to each other for nearly a week. It was finally a visit to Bran, who was still recovering in the Wintertown Hospital, that got them back at least on talking terms.

“Kings Landing won’t be so bad,” Bran had said quietly.  “My doctor has been telling me they have some of the best therapists there.”

Sansa had patted his hand.  “We’ll get you the best help, Bran.  No matter what it takes.”

Arya had merely grunted, but knowing that the move would help her brother eased some of her objections.  That and even she had to admit that it was the only option available to them.  They had no money and only Brynden’s small inheritance of a rundown house and a small annuity to keep them afloat.

“We never really talked about that fight,” Sansa said quietly.  “We just didn’t mention it again.”

Jon wanted to reach out and pull Sansa into his arms. She looked so sad and vulnerable recounting that story that his own heart broke and his instinct was to comfort her.  But she was talking of the past and the time to comfort her was back then, five years ago when he wasn’t around.

“You and Arya seem to get along very well now,” Jon said instead in a hesitant voice.

Sansa quirked a smile at him.  “It was a bit rough going.  One thing we always agreed on was that Bran’s recovery was the most important thing. I think having that common goal helped us in a lot of ways.  Reduced the number of stupid arguments we probably would have had.”  Sansa sighed again.  “Once we stopped fighting, we actually found we could get a lot accomplished.  Oh, we still argue now and then and I cannot get her to clean under her fingernails properly.  But I’ll take her dirty fingernails over screaming at each other any day.”

Sansa glanced at her phone to check the time and motioned for the waitress to get their bill.  “My break is up so I need to get back to work.”

“Right, more shopping,” Jon said as he grabbed the check. “My treat remember?  Besides, I still need your help to finish up my shopping.”

Sansa looked curiously at him.  “Jon, you’ve bought practically a small store already.  Who else do you need to shop for?”

Jon let out a beleaguered sigh.  “According to Rhaegar, a Targaryen must always remember to be gracious and generous during the holidays.  It’s expected.  So I’ve got staff both at TI and at Rhaegar’s to consider as well as some friends I do want to give gifts for.”  He waved a hand as though overwhelmed and for a moment wondered if he was overselling his act.  “Really, there’s so much.  You’re doing me a huge favor, Sansa.  I’m not the best shopper.”

Jon watched as Sansa leveled her blue eyes at him in a thoughtful gaze, and a trickle of unease made him think he had over-acated.  Jon’s military training stopped him from squirming under her piercing look and he looked earnestly at her, praying she would not figure out his little shopping spree had been a ploy to ensure she had a healthy commission to help pay for a new car.

Finally, Sansa nodded. “Okay, well, we’d better get back to it then.”

They shopped until closing time.  With a promise from the store that all of his purchases would be delivered the following day, they were finally done and Sansa was able to clock out as well. With Arianne, they walked to their cars in the back corner of the parking lot that made Jon still uneasy to think it was Sansa’s regular parking spot.  After saying good night to the other women, Sansa slipped into Jon’s car and he drove her back home.  

“You must be exhausted,” Jon commented, noting it was after nine o’clock.

“The holidays are always a little more tiring, but that’s because of the Taylors job.  The extra money has always helped,” Sansa replied as she stretched a little in her seat.  “And with the car trouble this year, it’ll come in extra handy, especially since Bran wants to go to this fancy computer camp thing in the February.”

Jon looked inquiringly at Sansa and she explained about this young adult computer camp that would last two weeks and was held every year by some of the top IT companies in the world. Kids would get a chance to learn and work on special projects, and potentially be recruited as future employees by the company.

“It’s pretty selective so when Bran’s application was accepted, we knew we couldn’t pass up the opportunity,” Sansa continued.

“I wonder if TI is a part of it.  It’s got a pretty extensive tech arm and R&D arm,” Jon commented.

Sansa shrugged.  “You’ll have to ask Bran.  I can’t remember all of the companies involved.”

Jon pulled up to the little Stark house and turned to Sansa.  “Thank you for your help with the Christmas shopping, Sansa.”

She gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome.  I should be thanking you. You know, I get a commission for every sale I make.”

“Really?” Jon looked innocently at her.  “I didn’t know that.   Well, I guess it worked out for everyone.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.  Given how much money he had spent, Sansa had suspected Jon may have known about the commission side of her job, but she couldn’t figure out how he would know.  He seemed to be surprised that she would be receiving a commission for tonight’s purchases.

“So, what time should I come by tomorrow to take you guys car shopping?” Jon asked brightly.

“Hmmm, why don’t we say 10 am,” Sansa replied.  “It takes Arya and Bran a while to get moving on a Sunday.”

They said good night to each other and he made sure Sansa was safely indoors before he pulled away from the curb and drove home, a satisfied, smug smile on his face.

He was still in a self-congratulatory mood when he got back to Rhaegar’s and even when he was walking down the hallway, his feet automatically taking him to the spare room. The door to the room he had been sharing with Ygritte was flung open and she stood there glaring at him.

“It’s about time you got home!” she snarled.  “Where have you been?  We were supposed to have lunch together!”

Shit, Jon thought.  He had been out doing errands and completely forgot about his arrangement with Ygritte.  Instead, he wound up eating lunch at Sansa’s café.

“Ygritte, I’m sorry, I lost track of time,” Jon apologized as he stepped towards her.

“Doing what?” she asked suspiciously.  “Were you with those Stark kids again?  Look Jon, those brats aren’t your responsibility!”

Jon had been about to explain his whereabouts, but her unwarranted attack on the Starks put his back up.  “They’re not brats!  They’ve lost everything and I want to help them!”

“Oh, and of course it’s the perfect opportunity for them, a gravy train like you who has Rhaegar’s money.”

Jon flushed in anger. “It’s not that way.  They’re not that way, Ygritte.  Why can’t you understand that the Starks are family to me? I wasn’t there for them five years ago when they needed me, so I’m sure as hell going to be there for them now.”

“Oh boo hoo!” Ygritte sneered.  “Poor little rich kids having it tough!  They survived this long without you, Jon, and so have a lot of other people with no money. Look at me!  I managed to survive.  You don’t need to help out every orphan on the street.”

“They’re my family!”

“I’m your family! Pick one!”

Jon stilled and he stared coldly at her.  “Are you asking me to choose between you and the Starks?”

The tone of his voice seemed to penetrate through Ygritte’s haze of anger.  Jon could be a broody bastard, but one thing he was not was cold, or at least, she had never seen that side of him.  But right now, as he stared at her, waiting for her answer, she saw a different side of Jon, the determined, maybe even ruthless man he could be when angered enough.  A flicker of trepidation went through Ygritte and she realized it was perhaps best to retreat from what would have been a demand.

“Nnn-, no,” she stammered. She tried to smile and reached out to touch Jon’s arm, but he shifted slightly out of the way so her hand only touched air.  “I’m just saying, that I wish we could spend more time together, baby.”

Jon continued to regard her coolly, her placating words sounding false to his ears.  But he only nodded once, sharply and said in a frosty tone. “Good, because I’m not sure you would want to hear my answer, Ygritte.  I agree, we need to spend more time together, but know that the Starks are an important part of my life and I will not walk away from them.  I left them once, I’m not going to do that again.  Do you understand?” When she nodded, he turned on his heel and began to walk away towards the other room.  “I’m tired and I’m going to bed now.  Have a good night, Ygritte.”  He softly closed his bedroom door after him and she was left staring at its blank surface.

Ygritte’s face twisted into an ugly snarl and she whispered under her breath.  “Those damn kids.”

TBC

[smoldinopup]

SHINee World FIVE - Nagoya

A fan account that isn’t really one

I won’t write anything down in detail, and I also won’t tell you how blessed I feel or how beautiful every single one of them looks, because that’s something that everyone knows. It’s just a collection of snippets that stuck in my memory the most, and my humble, personal thoughts about my experience at a Japanese concert of SHINee.

It’s not even in a particular order, bear with me…since I wrote it down as I remembered it right after the concert.

Nagoya Day 1

I always knew that Japanese fans adore Taemin, but I wasn’t aware to what extent. He only needed to breathe and all surrounding panties dropped. You know how parents aren’t supposed to have a favorite child or if they have one to not show it so openly at least? Well, if Japanese fans were the parents and SHINee their children, it would be quite obvious who their favorite is.

Another short collection of worth mentioning moments when the audience squealed in delight:

A close up of Key’s lips and eyes after his first line in Dream Girl

Taemin’s ‘my girl’ during Downtown Baby, which resulted in a squeal from the crowd that could be heard in the neighboring city. I’m sure of it. Taemin was so embarrassed... :’)

Jonghyun’s embarrassed, cute hunching shoulders. When did it become his trademark? Did he read somewhere that fans go all ‘awwww’ when he’s doing it, so he continues doing it…because he wants to see us all in hell?

A close up of Jinki’s face while wearing glasses (he doesn’t wear that cute sweater anymore, though. I was a little disappointed, because I was so looking forward to seeing him in that sweater…maybe another ‘my Gucci burned somewhere’ accident?! They also might just have changed it to something more spring-like)

Every single time Minho’s smile was broadcasted onto the screen. Taemin might be everyone’s favorite child, but Minho is by far the most entertaining one out of the bunch. You want fan service? He serves it to you on a silvery plate decorated in flowers and a cherry on top.

There were some few accidental Jongtae moments. When Jonghyun helped Taemin to find his IEM (Key helped as well in the end, and took a look into Taemin’s shirt…obviously the fans were screaming) During sweet surprise (I think) the camera angle was a little wonky and it looked like Jonghyun was about to eat Taemin (wouldn’t be surprised if Jonghyun had thought about this at one point in his life)

During the beginning of Your Number Minho continued to yell ‘ame…ame…ame’ (rain) more than actually scripted, what everyone in the hall including their grandmother found extremely adorable…

Taemin talked probably the most after Key. Key who seems to be the main MC wherever he goes or whatever language is required. As mentioned above Japanese fans adore Taemin, and hang onto every word he says….it’s adorable. However, there are also a ton of Key stans in Japan. I saw so many Key badges and signs. I was pleasantly surprised. 

I stood next to a very loud Minho fan, and during one break when SHINee were gone, there was one fan who screamed Minho very loudly, so everyone started laughing.

The VCRs are golden, and I can’t wait to see them on DVD, especially the whole Lucifer mermen aesthetic in its full nakedness has to be savored in its completeness from the beginning to the end. There is just so much naked skin shown off in a very aesthetically pleasing way >_<

Minho is such an energetic bundle of pure joy, and his hips are no lie! Also, his voice during Mr. Right Guy is seriously no joke. No wonder that his throat hurts afterwards, but it gave me all sort of feels. Also that red suit he wears during this performance!? Well…thank you stylists for putting him into it! His legs look even more glorious in those red pants…

That ABOAB performance is really lit. I didn’t know that they also stand on swings! But then again, I refrained from watching too many fan cams, because I didn’t want to spoil the whole concert for me. Jonghyun looked quite relieved when he was able to get off the swings again, but Taemin seemed to enjoy himself a little too much. All in all this performance looks so dangerous, and I was gasping throughout while the boys climbed around the requisites like monkeys.

They all looked adorably surprised when the video for their 100th concert in Japan came on. Their faces were precious, especially Minho’s and Taemin’s…meme material right there.

They were so out of breath all the time. I mean it’s understandable with the way they perform, but it was hilarious to watch. Especially Key and Jinki seemed like two old men at times. :’)

Jinki messed up his part again in the acoustic set, and was very apologetic afterwards. Key continued to nag at him for failing so often, but then said something along the lines that this at least shows that it’s a live performance.

Taemin complained of having gained weight in North America, and that he’s fat now. I wonder if he gained that weight in his little toe, though.

Jonghyun was rather quiet in comparison. He still made jokes and was adorable as he can be, but he talked less. I don’t know if that has something to do with the Blue Night after feels, or if he just didn’t feel like talking that much, or maybe he did talk much…it just appeared to me that he talked less (because he could talk all day if it was up to me)

The Shawol ocean is no joke. The diamond lightstick is filled with magic. It gave the whole concert a complete different atmosphere. Tell me your name is such a jam, and the programming of the lightsticks during it was absolutely mesmerizing.

During the Your Number musical performance the crowd was rather quiet during most interactions between the members and their love interest. However, they went wild with cheers when it was Jonghyun’s turn. I still haven’t figured out why…maybe I will today. Possible explanation…the impression Japanese fans have of Jonghyun =/=  the impression many European/American fans have of him…but that’s just a very wild guess.

Most SHINee fans were clad in SHINee merch from head to toe, and love their SHINee bags.  Around 90% ran around with SHINee World FIVE, SHINee World V, DXDXD, or I’m your Boy bags. They also seem to enjoy these name tag thingies quite a lot. I’m personally not a fan of those, but most of the Japanese fans had at least one. I’ve seen one fan in a jeans jacket who had the name tag of every member pinned on the back of her jacket together with other SHINee badges. It looked like she was a member of a kawaii SHINee biker gang.

Everyone was quiet during the mnets. I thought that’s really respectful, and I loved that a lot. I hate it when people continue screaming when artists on stage talk *eyes everyone who does that*

When they celebrated their 100th concert, Jonghyun absentmindedly played around with two balloons (at least I think those were balloons), and the camera went onto him in a close up, and everyone went all awwwwwwwwwwwwww on him. He looked adorable when he realized he was shown on the big screen. :’)

They gave Minho silver balloon Mickey Mouse ears during the thanking speech…another aww moment. ^^ All in all...a concert with a lot of awwww moments!

Nagoya Day 2

Fun Fact: I stood on the North side of the Arena this time, and thought that the entrance would be a different one. So I got in line on the North side of the Arena…and waited…and waited...the line moved…and after 20 minutes I saw a sign that read “Fanclub じゃんけんぽん” and I was like…omg, did I just wait in line for over twenty minutes to play Rock-Paper-Scissors against SHINee? I was about to leave the line, but then thought…pfff If I’m already here I might as well play a round of Rock-Paper-Scissors against Jonghyun. The girl in front of me chose Taemin…of course…like probably 60% of all attendances. I chose rock, Jonghyun paper…and he wrapped me up (well, if that isn’t accurate) I got a Key postcard as a ‘booby price’. There was a whole throng of people standing around who wanted to change their cards against someone else’s. Anyway, it was fun…I will try my luck again in Saitama…maybe I should play against someone else and get Jonghyun’s card as a ‘booby price’??? Mmmhh…I don’t even know if you can play as often as you want to. I have to check the mail they sent out regarding the fanclub booth once again. I also still need to take an awkward photo with the SHINee photo frame they had set up next to the fan club booth...because why not!!!

First things first; Jonghyun twerked in an adorable, cringe-worthy way...it was hilarious. Taemin joined afterwards, and Minho left the stage with a little butt dance… Key looked like he regretted all his life choices once again. :’) I feel you, Key…your band members can be so embarrassing at times.

I was surrounded by the most amazing mix of people this time. :’) There was an elderly lady, probably in her 60’s already, and she had the purest fangirl heart. Most Japanese fans seem to be rather reserved in expressing their fangirl feels at concerts as far as I observed, but this woman was in full on fangirl mode…and I loved watching her so much. She was side-eyed quite badly by some of the attendances, but I loved her right away. She stood there with her lightstick and an Onew uchiwa and danced her heart out, screaming ONEW-SAN!!!!!!! around 9423409891239012 times…She was amazing and I wish her all the health and happiness in this world, and hope that she will be able to attend many more concerts, so she can scream Onew-san some more. I noticed that Jinki seems to be quite popular with the more mature ladies. There were two ladies in her 40s who went crazy over some Onew uchiwa…and most ONEW tags could be found on bags of ladies in their 40s + :’) 

There was also a boy (around 16-18) standing next to me who apparently accompanied his sister, a friend, his girlfriend…who knows. He seemed to not know what to do with himself. He had a lightstick in his hand, but didn’t use it…he just stood there for three hours and probably wondered why he was even there…him and the elderly lady built a beautiful contrast and showed perfectly how diverse the audience in Japan is; from elementary school students to university students, office ladies, house wives, pensioners, and the occasional males thrown into the mix…Fun side note; On my way to Nagoya there was a girl sitting next to me on the other side of the bus, having a fandom colored bag, nails and shoe laces, and owning all sorts of pineapple accessories. Well, for the first 3 hours I didn’t pay her any attention, because someone was sitting next to me, but then I wondered…what if she’s a SHINee fan, going to the concert as well? I tried to figure out if she had actual SHINee merch on her, because you can’t just ask people if they are SHINee fans based on aqua green nails and pineapples. :’) It was an easier time when one didn’t associate random fruits with Kpop idols...I couldn’t find anything and just let her be…However, when we arrived at Nagoya station she put her backpack on the empty seat next to hers…AND there were Onew, SHINee and Taemin badges all over…Oh well…. there was that.

Funny enough…while Taemin talked a lot during the first day, he said almost nothing during the second one. At one point I had to make sure that he was still physical present. Maybe he had already used up his word count for the day. 

But Onew talked a lot on the second day! He seemed to be in a splendid mood, being extra cutesy! I’m sure the elderly ladies were all very excited about that. :’D

At some point – I can’t remember which song – Jonghyun stumbled and suddenly stood in the middle of the lights at the edge of the stage. I was like *gasps* What are you doing, babe??? But instead of taking some steps back, he continued to dance dangerously close to the edge of the stage. Jonghyun, don’t hurt yourself, please!

1of1 was filled with Jongkey…those two were in full cutesy mode during this song…there was even a JongKey backhug! *sees all Jongkey stans raise from their ashes*

Did I already mention that Japanese fans love Taemin? They love him, and he knows it. I don’t mean it in a negative way, they should give him all their love. He deserves it! I just find it so endearing to hear those very high-pitched voices scream Taemin all the time… :’)

There should be more people talking about Become Undone! This song is just soooo good!

I was so happy to see Jonghyun perform to ABOAB and so glad he was on my side during the lifting himself up part! However, this performance has to be so exhausting for them.

Taemin with his cute little dances in between is so adorable! I just wanted to go up to him, tousle his hair and give him a cookie for being so precious! 

So, this was very random, but my mind was in a constant ‘jgmwjdiqwjdksmafk! This is really happening’ mode! It was great to finally see them perform as five even though my view wasn’t the best. I cross my fingers and hope I get better seats for the Saitama and Tokyo concert I’m going to attend. I’m still in the middle of uploading videos, and even though the concerts were just two and three days ago..it feels like weeks have passed already. :’)

[hellotvv]

I haven’t touched this website in so long, even though it was at a time a part of my daily life. I’m doing good, just some late night thoughts about regrets. I was watching a podcast and this guy who I respect talks about how he doesn’t really dwell on the past or what he could have done in the past, since it just means they’re unhappy with where they are in life. Also, by dwelling on something you can’t control (the past), you’re just gonna make yourself unhappy, and it’s not productive. I personally been doing that for a long time now, and I think I’ve really matured and became a idk more wise, emotionally stable, happy, confident, and better person overall nowadays. I no longer continuously strive to be some perfect guy. I definitely made enough progress that I’m content with myself for once. Obviously, I could always improve in some aspects, but who I am as a person, I’ve grown to love and be content with. I’m happy nowadays and 2018 probably one of the best years of my life. No complaints whatsoever, and 2019 is looking fine so far. It’ll be hard to top 2018, but we’ll see how 2019 goes haha. 2019 will probably bring forth lots of transitioning periods in my life, and we’ll see where life takes me. This was the first year where I had no New Years resolutions actually in a while. I felt like i accomplished whatever 2017 goals I had in 2018, and yeah... I’m just at a good place in life nowadays. I’ve kind of stopped using social media as much, or at least browsing it, since idk I think it can be pretty toxic. Comparing your life to other people, seeing what you’re missing out, or don’t have or just comparing in general isn’t the healthiest all the time. Like I think Instagram is fine for art, business, etc, but I feel like some other people use it to fill some void they have. I know I did when I used to actively shoot and shared my photos. But I don’t really have any voids to fill anymore. I have good friends, a good girlfriend, and life hasn’t given me too much to complain about lately. I’m just kinda trying to live my best life and enjoy it :) Anyways, this will prob be last blog post for who knows when. Hopefully tumblr will somehow still be around, so maybe I could leave a random blog post to make stuff kind of like a time capsule. I haven’t looked back at old posts, since they’re probably really cringe and sad, and I’ve definitely grown a lot since then. No more sad boy Theo lmao. I’ve been a pretty happy guy past two years, I’d say, and matured with age. I’m looking forward to how I continue to develop as a person throughout 2019, and hope 2019 will treat me well!