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uselesseaweedbrain · 1 month ago

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Supercorptober - 14. Chill

Lena had knocked on Kara’s door, begging for help, and Kara had opened. Lena had stayed, and Kara had listened.

They had made a plan, to corner Lex and Leviathan - it would work, this time, and then maybe they could, too.

Lena had toiled in her hidden laboratory, away from Lex’s prying eyes, and she had built herself an armour - nano-bots, the swarm enveloping her in a full body-suit that rivalled (eclipsed) the Lexo-suit.

When Kara and the Super-friends confronted Lex, Lena was there, clad in her armour.

When Nia’s gun sputtered, Lena was there.

When the Kryptonite fell out of its chamber, and Kara’s veins filled with green, Lena was there.

Lena was there, too, as Alex stood, loaded it in her own gun, aimed, and fired at Lex.

Lena was there as her brother got hit and Kara got up, Kryptonite still pulsing in her veins.

Lena was there when Lex got up, unharmed but no longer immortal; and smirked.

Lex, who had been shot, and utterly beaten, was smirking, one arm hidden behind his back.

Lena knew her brother better than anyone. He was hiding something, another trick up his sleeve, something they hadn’t seen coming-

Lena didn’t blink.

Lena didn't blink, but somehow she missed it - the moment Kara stepped in front of her.

Supergirl was just there, suddenly, without warning, a shield and a buffer, between Lena and whatever Lex had planned.

But then again- hadn’t Kara always done that?

Oh.

Realisation hit Lena like a knife in the chest.

No. No, no, no-

"Goodbye, Supergirl.” Lex’s smile widened. “Good riddance!”

Lex pressed his thumb against the side of his latest toy.

Lena lifted her arm to fire.

Too late.

The Phantom Zone Projector whirred to life, Lena’s laser still captive in her suit.

Time slowed to a stop as the Projector cast an eerie azure light on them all, pointing directly at Kara, everyone else frozen still-

Lena wanted to scream, to move, to push Kara out of the way- but none of her members were responding, and all she could do was watch, in slow-motion, as the chill and the blue retreated and sucked Kara away with them.

Not Kara, not her, not Kara, please-

The superhero was already becoming translucent, intangible and out of reach, soon forever lost to the world, soon prisoner of her worst nightmare-

And Lena couldn’t move.

Not her, not again-

It should have been me.

“Kara!” Lena yelled; all that came out was a murmur, her vocal chords numb.

Still, Kara heard. Kara turned, her muscles struggling as she fought to resist the pull, a resolute smile painted across her lips-

I love you, she mouthed. The sound didn’t reach; the words did.

Assuredly, this wasn’t real- Time wouldn’t have stopped just for them, just for Lena, and Kara wouldn’t have fought just to say that, and, most importantly- Kara didn’t love her.

But if this was real-

Lena wasn’t taking any chances.

“Take me with you”, she demanded, because they couldn’t end like this, wouldn’t, when they hadn’t even started.

Lena could see Kara’s neck muscles, taut with tension, her jaw clenched and her tendons strained, yet Kara managed a slight shake of the head and the beginning of her signature smile before she turned back, visibly trembling from exhaustion-

“Kara!” Lena screamed. Her voice worked this time, golden tendrils in her throat and a pulsing light in her veins.

Lena reached out, and the gold stretched out as if to hold Kara back, wrapping around her hand like an intangible lifeline.

Too late, again.

Time had resumed, and the portal had closed, severing all ties between Kara and Earth forever - all of them, but the golden string still tied around Lena’s finger.

***********************************************************************************************

Ever since, Lena had worked relentlessly to bring Kara back, barely sleeping, stopping only on the verge of exhaustion.

The Super-friends thought it was her guilt, prompting her, and it assuredly played a part, but-

There was this stubborn pull on her index finger, this golden string that no one else could see-

And ever since Kara had been sucked through to the Phantom Zone, Lena could hear her in her head.

Hear her in snippets, hear her beg for mercy, hear her yell her name, and Alex’s, and others’, in a desperate cry.

Hear Kara talk to her directly, sometimes.

It should have been impossible. It was driving Lena crazy, crazier-

It's cold, Lena. So cold. I didn't think I would ever be back here.

And sometimes Lena would catch herself answering back, because- if she couldn't soothe Kara, the real one- maybe she could at least make do with the imaginary voice in her head.

You'll be okay, Kara. I promise. I'll bring you back, whatever it takes. I'll bring you back.

I believe you, imaginary Kara would say.

Why? Lena would ask, foolishly - wasn’t she just talking to herself?

I’ve always believed in you, Lena.

How could it be exactly Kara's voice? Exactly Supergirl's shade of hope?

Lena didn’t know, couldn’t explain it, but if every Luthor was destined to go mad, Lena decided - Kara’s voice damning her was a mercy.

***********************************************************************************************

There were dreams, too, or- nightmares.

Lena had had nightmares through the years, Lillian's cold smiles, Lionel's drunk tantrums, Lex going mad, Eve's betrayal, Adam's death, Kara wearing Lex's smile as she came clean, her mother dying-

She'd had nightmares through the years, but none like these. None where the emotions felt foreign but all the same familiar, none where she was extraordinarily affected yet not at all in control.

None where she watched herself die.

Lena feared many things - hubris, madness, abandonment -, but death wasn't one of them.

Yet there was a new voice in her head, and a new pull on her finger, and a newfound terror in her heart as she watched herself from the eyes of another, dying, over, and over, and over again.

Lena had never cared about her own safety before. This time, though, unexplainably, watching herself die was like being skewered through the heart-

She just wanted to make it stop.

She saw her own lifeless body on the floors of CatCo, saw herself be carried in strong arms, saw Alex try to revive her, felt her own (was it her own?) despair and fear as the-one-who-was-her-but-wasn’t blowed gently on her limp body to lower her temperature.

She saw herself again, be thrown against the ground by Metallo, felt green creep into her (not hers, but then why did she feel the burn so clearly?) veins, her helpless, agonising body too weak to move.

"Don't hurt her!”, she-who-wasn’t-she screamed - her voice foreign, yet all too familiar. Kara. Why do I have Kara’s voice?

Lena saw herself in situations that seemed invented, too- she gazed at herself in a Metallo suit, her heart beating green and her face expressionless as she - as Lena - blasted the-body-she-shared-with-dream-Kara with concentrated Kryptonite.

"I'm sorry", their body said in Kara’s voice again, still gazing at unforgiving green, but they didn't fight, didn't try to get up, relief and pain overwhelming them before unconsciousness took over.

She saw herself with blonde children with green eyes, high cheekbones, running on the shore of a planet that was decidedly not Earth, saw a statue of herself in a lab coat on the main plaza - Lena Luthor, saviour of Argo, the plaque read.

Saw the planet erupt into flames and their world dissolve into nothingness and heard Kara’s voice-

Not again, please, not again- Rao- not them- not Lena, not them-

And then Lena inescapably woke up with a gasp, a scream stuck in her throat and her heart beating into overdrive-

A voice in her head calling her name.

Lena? Lena! Lena, please tell me you’re alive, please tell me this wasn’t real, Lena-

I’m here, she’d inevitably answer. This wasn’t real, Kara. It was just a nightmare.

This wasn’t real. This was just a nightmare, Kara, I promise. And Lena would repeat these words like a mantra, on a loop, forever, if it meant imaginary Kara would believe them.

Eventually, imaginary Kara did, the ache in Lena’s chest subsiding - and the throbbing on her index finger fading away.

***********************************************************************************************

It took Lena a while to figure out that the dreams weren’t hers, the fears weren’t hers, the voice in her head wasn’t hers.

Regardless, the realisation hadn’t helped.

Lena didn’t understand and didn’t want to try, lest she discovered that there was nothing to understand but obsession, guilt, and her slow descent into madness.

So Lena doubled down on the science, working restlessly until she finalised the Q-wave detector and called Alex to her side.

“Alex. I think I found a way to bring her home.”

Hope filled Lena’s voice as she exposed her strategy to Alex, minutely explaining every detail with more enthusiasm than she’d shown in months. Her plan could work. It could work - it was the only tangible plan they’d had in weeks, and Lena was ecstatic.

“There’s just one thing,” she finished. “I am going to need a piece of Kara to bring her back. Something to trace her, to identify her, to calibrate the Q-wave detector.”

Wordlessly, Alex handed her the crystal she’d been toying with for weeks.

Lena gawked.

“This crystal contains Kara’s digital signature. I want you to use it to find her.”

Alex’s hand was still hanging in the air as Lena shook her head in disbelief.

“I’m hopeful I can find her, but, there are no guarantees, Alex, and, if I use it- you’ll lose the recording forever-“

Alex presses it into her palm, and Lena gapes at the certainty in the agent’s gaze.

“I trust you, Lena.”

Of course she does, Kara’s voice echoes. I did, too. Even if I was terrible at showing it.

***********************************************************************************************

Lena’s success had been short-lived, Alex tearing her heart - both their hearts - to shreds before Lena could even celebrate.

Because the city was in danger. Because “Kara would have picked others before herself“. Because Alex wouldn’t do that to her sister, letting thousands die to save her.

But Lena wasn’t Kara, Lena wasn’t Alex, Lena was selfish and she would-

The device flew out of her hand and into Alex’s, the agent’s guilty eyes her only apology.

I’m sorry, Kara, I’m so sorry, she took it, and now-

Lena’s despair must have seeped through the cracks because imaginary Kara’s elusive voice answered immediately.

It’s okay, Lena. It’s okay. You did the right thing, you both did the right thing.

But you- you’re still stuck there, Kara! While we’re saving thousands of people we’re letting you suffer in this horrible place-

I’ll be okay, Lena. Just- please, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.

Lena doesn’t have any idea how she could be leaving a voice in her head behind, but even if she could-

I wouldn’t dream of it.

***********************************************************************************************

Alex had saved the city, with Lena’s creation and Kara’s last hope.

“There’s always another way, Lena. Kara taught us that”, she’d lectured - Lena had scoffed at the empty reassurance and raged at the denial, resentment burning like acid in her throat at the utilitarian choice, because-

Lena had looked for seven weeks, and-

There was no other way.

***********************************************************************************************

Imaginary Kara had been almost silent since then, her voice growing weaker in Lena’s head, and it felt like she was giving up, but she couldn’t give up. Lena wouldn’t let her.

Except that Lena and Brainy, together, had not come up with anything new in days.

“It’s not working, Lena! It’s not working! We’ll never find a way to localise her, because science cannot make miracles, and we just burnt our last trace of Kara so we could save people who will never even be grateful to her! We don’t have anything- anything, you hear me, nothing linking us to her, and- it hurts, it hurts so much, Lena, I miss her, I miss her-”

Brainy’s tirade ended in a desperate cry, echoed by the tears on Lena’s cheeks and the agonising cramping of her lungs.

Lena didn’t believe in magic. She didn’t believe in magic, but Kara’s voice rung out in her head and Kara’s pain squeezed her heart in her chest and a golden string was wrapped around her finger-

You really don’t believe in magic? Imaginary Kara chose this precise moment to pipe up, curious and alert for the first time in days.

Lena’s relief was palpable, her reply instantaneous.

I believe in you.

Lena could feel imaginary Kara smile at her answer; in her head, from another dimension. Impossible. Crazy.

But in the end- what did Lena have to lose?

“Brainy, do you believe in magic?”

Brainy wiped away his tears, taking a moment to compose himself before answering.

“Do you think it might help?”

“I- You think it’s real?”

Brainy nodded. “It is. Magic has been referenced and studied and wielded by dozens of thousands of civilisations along the years. Humans seem to have unfortunately forgotten it, but it certainly exists. Magic permeates the very air around us - however, only a select few individuals are blessed with the ability to perceive it, and manipulate it at will. I believe Earthlings call them witches.”

“I think a link was created between Kara and I before the portal closed. And- if it’s real- do you think we could use it to find her?”

“What kind of link?”

Lena extended her right hand for observation. Brainy simply frowned.

“Why are you showing me your hand?”

“Around my pointer finger, there’s- never mind. It’s probably stupid.”

“Tell me, Lena.”

Lena took in a deep breath, her eyes lifting daringly to look straight at Brainy.

“There’s a golden string tied around my pointer finger. And I think it may lead to Kara."

Brainy cocked his head, a curious glint in his still wet eyes and the beginning of a smile on his lips.

“In that case- I have something that just might work.”

A few seconds later, Brainy was whipping out a leather-bound grimoire that looked like it had transcended millennia.

“Is this a magic book?”

Brainy smirked. “What better tool for a witch?”

***********************************************************************************************

It took a few hours for Lena to wrap her head around the notion of witches - the shock lessened by Kara’s voice in her head, providing trivia about the first line of witches on Krypton.

After, Lena had to dedicate a few days to complete her reading of the book, filled with various amounts of dramatic statements and warnings, interspersed with what seemed like truly valuable information.

Lena pointedly ignored the flowery language and the cautionary injunctions, focusing instead on the information the book held on magic control, magic manipulation, and the art of finding.

The first step was obvious, described unambiguously in the first pages of the book: Lena needed to learn to access her magic.

Clear as the process may be - whichever instructions Lena followed, whatever many hours of meditation she subjected herself to- nothing seemed to work.

I’m sorry, Kara. I’m so sorry, I’m stuck, and I can’t- it won’t come- I can’t control it.

You don’t have to. Just- have you tried trusting yourself? Letting it come to you?

I- But what if it blows up? What if I can’t control it? What if I go crazy and my powers go rogue?

You won’t. They won’t. These powers are part of you, Lena. They won’t betray you. I know I- An immaterial self-deprecating laugh. I know I did, but- you never deserved it. You deserved to be trusted and loved and cherished and I’m sorry, Lena, I am so sorry, but this was always my fault. My own fears, my own insecurities, my own shortcomings. Your powers are a part of you, and they are good, and kind, like you. I know I have no right to ask this of you anymore, but- trust yourself for me?

***********************************************************************************************

When golden smoke finally materialised and shimmered over Lena’s hands, she didn’t dare breathe for a handful of seconds, afraid the illusion would dissipate and take their delusional hope with it.

The smoke persisted.

“I did it”, Lena whispered, her voice tainted with disbelief.

I did it, Kara. I did it! I did it. I will bring you home.

“I did it!”, Lena yelled out loud, in relief and exhilaration, her own voice startling in the emptiness of the Tower.

She hadn’t noticed how late it had gotten, the hands of the clock ticking dangerously close to three A.M..

Alex had long given up on trying to coax her into going home at a decent hour.

As a matter of fact, Lena’s nightly stays had gotten so frequent that J’onn had set up an actual bed in the Tower for her after she’d fallen asleep at her desk one too many times, and woken up with agonising neck pain.

I did it, Kara, Lena repeated in her head.

Never doubted you, Kara’s voice answered, quietly, but with such conviction that Lena felt her chest grow a little fuller.

Lena didn’t know when she’d started believing that the voice in her head was really Kara (maybe she always had).

Lena didn’t know, either, when what she would have dismissed as empty reassurances had once again become her primary source of comfort.

***********************************************************************************************

The location spell, facilitated with the string still stubbornly tied to Lena’s pointer finger, only took her the better part of the night.

When the sun rose, waking Lena from her accidental slumber, and Alex came in, bearing coffee and her signature worried frown, she was met with a radiant smile and the mark of the leather’s carvings on Lena’s cheek.

“I did it, Alex. I found her.”

Alex quirked a sceptical brow, an incredulous look on her face. Lena just raised her hand in response, palm open.

There, inscribed in golden light, dancing on the inside on her palm, was a set of four unstable coordinates.

Alex traced them with her finger, a disbelieving smile painted across her lips. “You did it, Lena”, she murmured. “You really did it.”

***********************************************************************************************

Boarding J’onn’s ship and guiding it to Kara turned out a surprisingly easy task, the coordinates acting like a beacon, the golden thread like a compass.

The sunlight grenades that Lena had designed but never gotten to make - finished by Brainy a few days after the witch discovery - illuminated the ghastly plane in vibrant yellow as Kara regained the power of flight, and rose majestically to the space-ship.

Lena watched in amazement - her best friend returning to her - the thread around her finger thrumming as Kara got closer.

Alex was the first to be hugged, Kara’s head burying in her collarbone. Then came J’onn, his fatherly embrace drawing tears, then Brainy, oddly in tune with his emotions, then Nia, the long lost daughter, then-

Only Lena was left.

She hadn’t noticed she was crying until she felt wetness on her cheeks. Imaginary Kara was silent, the phantom pain in Lena’s chest soothed somewhat, and Kara- Kara was looking at her.

Lena felt the tug again - in her chest, this time - and she complied, putting one foot in front of the other until-

Kara must have felt the tug, too, but she remained still, only opening her arms. Lena’s choice. It was always Lena’s choice, with Kara. Maybe it would be with Supergirl, too.

Lena took the final step, Kara’s arms closed around her, and the tug relented, something ancient and powerful singing in Lena’s veins as she melted into Kara’s embrace.

She could feel her body light up at Kara’s contact, indescribable warmth coursing over her skin as she revelled at the presence of her best friend.

Kara had closed her eyes contentedly, Lena’s head buried in her collarbones, so none of them saw- but the others stared in amazement as impalpable gold swirled around them like a consecration.

Gold was still settling when Kara opened her eyes.

“Oh”, she said, and Lena reluctantly lifted her head from the crook of Kara’s neck, particles of light dancing and shimmering around her.

“Oh”, Lena echoed in turn.

Her cheeks burnt at the involuntary display, and Lena promptly hid her blush by dropping her head against Kara’s shoulder.

I was just happy to see you, I think.

A wet chuckle, then:

“It’s only because you’re on the team that I’m here.”

I was so happy to see you, too.

Lena sniffled, and tried to silence imaginary Kara - You’re not real, she thought. You’re not real, and Kara is back, so let me-

Real Kara broke their embrace, her hands finding Lena’s like opposite magnets, her tantalising gaze fixated on Lena-

You think I’m not real?

Well-

“Wow, talk about out-staging us, Lena.” Alex’s voice cut them — Lena and her lively imaginary friend — off; and Lena felt, more than saw, Kara’s hands slide out of hers at the interruption.

“The gold was a bit much, don’t you think?”, Alex teased, a knowing smirk on her lips.

For the second time in a handful of seconds, Lena felt blood rush to her face.

Luckily, Alex didn’t dwell on the subject, apologising to Kara instead for Kelly’s absence.

***********************************************************************************************

The rest of the afternoon passed in a whirlwind of emotional reunions and necessary catch-ups.

Lena assisted to most of it, electing to take the backseat as a silent observer.

Because the Super-friends were a family, to which Lena didn’t belong.

Kara had hugged her, sure, but they had so many unresolved tensions, so many grievances, so many wounds, that- Lena wasn’t sure she would ever be part of Kara’s family again (had she ever been part of it in the first place?).

It happened once, then twice, then a dozen times- Kara searching for Lena’s eyes across the room, the intensity of her gaze enough for the insistent tug on Lena’s finger to let up for a moment.

And then, as Lena was about to leave, making eye contact with Kara, who was in a deep discussion with Nia about her growth as Dreamer:

Meet me at my apartment, in an hour?

Kara hadn’t spoken but Lena had heard her, clear as day, Kara’s eyes bearing the silent question like an unspoken challenge.

Kara’s gaze is still on her, so Lena nods imperceptibly.

I’ll be there, she thinks, and she can swear that she sees real-Kara smile.

***********************************************************************************************

You’re just a figment of my imagination. You’re not real.

Lena is waiting in front of Kara’s apartment. She’s ten minutes in advance - not wanting to take chances with imaginary-Kara’s demands. Sue her.

You’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real-

“What if I am, Lena?”

It’s real-Kara’s voice, spoken out loud in the open air of the corridor, that startles Lena out of her thoughts.

“Kara! You scared me!”

Kara smiles slightly, brushing past Lena as she makes her way to her door, unlocks it, pushes it open.

“Sorry,” she shrugs sheepishly.

Only after the door closes behind them do Kara’s words finally reach Lena’s brain.

“Did you- Kara, what did you just say?”

What if I am real? Imaginary Kara answers, and Kara simply watches, silent, one expectant eyebrow raised.

“But you- you’re not- you can’t be-“

“I am. And I can hear you, too.”

Lena only notices her hands are shaking when Kara takes them into hers, her voice soft, so soft, as she inquires:

“Alex told me how you found me. How you crafted the spell. Don’t you have to believe in magic for your powers to work? Didn’t you have to believe that it was real for you to rescue me?”

“Yes, but then- all the dreams- the conversations-“

“They were real, for me. The nightmares- that’s what the Phantom Zone does to its prisoners. Torture them with their deepest fears, forever. But I was supposed to go through that alone, Lena, and somehow- I could feel you there with me. So. I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, too, because of me. Rao knows you didn’t deserve any of it.”

Neither did you.

Kara’s throat bobs and Lena steps closer, burrowing herself in Kara’s arms, her own arms sealing their hold on her ex-best friend as if she’s liable to disappear any second.

Did it help? Lena thinks. Being bound to me?

“Yes,” Kara whispers. “So much. I- I don’t think I would have survived without you. Not the second time around. Having your voice in my head, being able to hear it, it tethered me to reality, to you-”

Kara’s voice breaks.

You have no idea in how many ways you saved me.

“You saved me, first,” Lena murmurs, her nose pressed against Kara’s neck, her lips almost brushing Kara’s skin.

I love you, too, she thinks, too chicken to say it out loud; but if Kara’s smile against her collarbone is any indication, Kara heard. I’m sorry I didn’t say it back.

S’okay. I didn’t deserve it.

Lena has heard imaginary-Kara being self-deprecating before, but this is real-Kara, and-

Lena breaks the hug to look Kara in the eyes, tone serious and focused as she states:

“You did deserve it. You deserve the world, Kara, but I- didn’t see any of it until you were ripped away, and sent on your own to this God-awful place-”

I wasn’t on my own. I had you.

Lena’s breath is a shudder.

You always have me, Kara.

For how long?

However long you want me.

Lena thinks whatever spell ties them together must have suddenly stopped working. Seconds elapse like an unstoppable flow, yet Kara doesn’t answer, gives no indication that she’s heard besides the barely noticeable tremors of her shoulders against Lena’s - is Lena imagining them?

Lena’s hold tightens on Kara and Kara’s trembling must be real, because her voice is unsteady, and so small, when she says:

“I’ve always wanted you, Lena. I don’t think I could ever stop.”

“I’ve always wanted you, too.” Lena confesses in Kara’s ear, and Lena feels the dam break in her own chest as Kara’s tremors morph into sobs; big, ugly, irrepressible ones.

Lena is holding her, so Kara can break. After all- Lena has always been so good at putting the pieces of her back together.

************************************************************************

Edit:

NSFW ending here!!!!!!

Second edit:

Part 3 (a light, funny, fluffy spin-off) here!