#sorry to all the normal people who followed me i like thinking about women with problems

[sunhowler-art]

so peculiar, so beloved

[tragicomedys]

the moment you get just a tiny bit gender nonconforming in literally any tiny way my brother gets soooooo annoying

[shy-writer-999]

Slow Burn (Part 1): Sexually frustrated Zoro touches himself at night while thinking about you.

Warnings: MDNI AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT. THIS IS NSFW CONTENT.

Summary: Zoro only lets himself fantasize about you at night. CW: Afab reader, gendered pet names ("good girl"), P in V.

Slow Burn, pt. 1: Sexually frustrated Zoro touches himself at night while thinking about you.

Zoro couldn't help how much attention he paid to you. He tried to shrug it off and talk himself out of what was quickly becoming a problem for him—his growing crush on you. He couldn't help but notice how you giggled the loudest when Sanji called him mosshead, how you would go out of your way to spend a few moments chatting and smiling with him every day, and how your peculiarly intense gaze seemed to linger just a second too long when you locked eyes. No matter how much he tried to deny it or rationalize it away, those split seconds of eye contact made his stomach flip, in other words, you gave him butterflies. He would tell himself that inter-crew romance was wrong, that he shouldn't waste his time pining after women, that the only reason he was feeling these things was because he hadn't been with someone in ages. He told himself that he only felt this way because he was basically forced to be around you and that it was only natural for a man like him to find you attractive, therefore he could ignore those butterflies and write the feelings off as a harmless fancy, unimportant and meaningless.

But the issue was that no matter how much rationalizing he attempted, his feelings for you had far surpassed these natural impulses and made-up excuses. That's just what he had—feelings. Complicated feelings that made themselves apparent when he watched you, out of the corner of his eye, put your hair up in a ponytail. He would notice the feminine and soft curve of your neck, the wisps of hair that you gathered up with your pretty fingers, and a thought would jump out at him: I bet the back of her neck smells good. Then he would pause and self-reprimand: Where the fuck did that come from? Get a grip man. And he would shift his eyes away.

One day you brushed arms. The hallways of the ship got crowded if more than a couple people were trying pass through, and in this instance, you were exiting the kitchen after dinner when Luffy barreled past you with Zoro close behind him. Luffy practically shoved you out of the way, shouting something about meat, and his shove past you pushed you towards Zoro. Your skin met for maybe a second or less as you bumped into each other. He muttered out a "sorry about that" and then immediately he walked away, shouting at Luffy to pay more attention to where he was going.

Zoro tried to be nonchalant and play it off to himself that he was not feeling any sort of way about touching your skin (even if it was only your arm). But he was lying to himself. His stomach flipped and as he followed Luffy into the kitchen all he could think about was your skin and how warm and soft it was. His mind trailed off… would other parts of your body feel like that too?  He shook his head attempting to get the thoughts out. If you're going to think about it, at least save it for later dumbass, he said to himself.

He knew he was screwed when he started musing about you yourself, not your body, but who you actually are. It was as basic as him wondering what is her favorite food? What is her favorite sort of music? and yet these musings could get as complicated as What does she dream about at night? What does she want from her life? and most importantly, What does she think of me?

He would only let himself get this deep in thought as he settled in for bed. These were nighttime thoughts and became completely irrelevant during the day (or so he told himself). He also told himself it was just normal to wonder these things about his shipmates—after all, you were all close friends and spent lots of time together. But at his core he knew this wasn't the case. How he felt towards you was different. Little did you know, but he was actually in agony any time you were around. He started inadvertently blushing, hyper-vigilantly watching you from his peripherals, and he even would go so far as to smile at you with a bit more sweetness than was normal for him. No one else could tell that he smiled at you different, but he knew it and so did you. You could see it in the way his lips curled ever so slightly more, and you could see a special softness in his eyes that you had quickly learned to recognize. Little did he know, you felt the same way.

The night you brushed arms he was so pent up he had to get out of bed and spend some time alone in the bathroom. This was becoming a habit for him. When he indulged in his fantasies and finally let that part of him run wild, he imagined the dirtiest scenarios. So dirty that he felt guilty about them the next day. It started out pretty tame, though. First, he thought about how he wanted to fuck you everywhere on the ship. Missionary in the crow's nest, doggy style in the galley with you bent over the counter, reverse cowgirl on the deck in the middle of the day, you straddling him in the tub—you name it.

He would start his sessions in the bathroom by breathing deeply and palming his painfully hard cock in his boxer briefs, running his other hand over his taught chest and arm muscles. He would grind his cock harder and harder with his palm, thinking about how you would look straddling him, pulling your top off and leaning over him so your hair cascaded down on his face and your eyes and lips were centimeters apart. He imagined how it would feel to take handfuls of your breasts, massaging and sucking on them, how you would let out a little whine when he played with your nipples, how you would yelp when he smacked your ass so hard it would leave a bruise.

At this point he would fully take his cock out of his briefs and start shamelessly stroking himself, trying to contain the groans and grunts that slipped from his lips. The precum leaked out when he imagined how good you would feel grinding his cock inside of you, how he would grip the soft skin on your hips so roughly, how you would use him to get off. That's one of the thoughts that got him riled up the most—the idea of you feeling good with his cock. Even more, he loved the idea of you feeling so good that you would cream on his cock, your walls constricting as you let out your own moans of pleasure. And of course, he loved the idea of cumming inside you, too. He would imagine the sight of his cum leaking out of you, and if he wasn't lucky enough to cum inside you, he would be happy to cum anywhere you'd let him, like your pretty mouth. He would start to moan your name as quietly as he could, throwing his head back and shaking with pleasure.

The really dirty thoughts happened when he got closer to orgasm. As he got more desperate and more feral at the thought of you, touch starved and drunk off of the pleasure of fisting his own cock furiously, he would start to think of pulling your hair, sloppily spitting in your mouth, finger fucking you almost to completion then making you beg for it, he would even think of calling you names like "pretty girl" or "good girl," depending on the day. On really thirsty days he would imagine you calling him daddy, telling him to stop (role play, of course, with a safe word), he would imagine calling you "bad girl" or "nasty girl" and he would spank you then top it all off by fucking you in the ass as "punishment". Some days he would imagine you calling him a “good boy” and giving him praise, or the opposite. The nastier and, honestly, weirder it got, he stroked himself harder and faster. "Fuck," he would hiss out between his teeth, shaking. He would moan as quietly as he could, mouthing your name, finally cumming hot white ropes all over his hand. He would let out a deep sigh, clean himself up, and go to bed finally. The next day he would go about his business like nothing happened, and indeed, he would be fine without his nightly bathroom session as long as he stayed away from you.

During the day, Zoro would get back to rationalizing and compartmentalizing his feelings about you, anything to stop falling for you. He simply ignored the guilt he felt inside from thinking such nasty sexual thoughts about you. But Zoro got to a point where that just wasn't possible anymore. Between his almost-nightly bathroom sessions, feeling depraved and crazy, and your lingering smiles and occasional bouts of intense eye contact, he could feel himself crumbling. But of course, Zoro was prideful to a fault and even more than that, he was shy. No one would expect it from the swordsman, but he really was awkward, sensitive, and shy under all those layers of strength and stoicism. So he could never bring himself to confess to you, and he kept navigating life on the ship in close proximity to you, balancing your friendship and company with how insanely horny and needy he was for no one else but you. Zoro could only keep up this balancing act for so long. He would reach a breaking point eventually. His self-control was being exerted to the absolute maximum, and he spent so much time pining after you that it was actually starting to get in the way of his training. But he told himself it would be fine, that these thoughts would settle down eventually, and that he had to pay them no mind. He started to think of new ways to handle all his pent-up energy, and he landed on the idea of simply distancing himself from you ever so slightly. Less time in your presence would mean less time that his brain would be disposed to go wild with fantasies. He decided that that was his only option, and slowly started shifting how he moved near you. It was initially a minuscule change, but you noticed immediately that something was off.

Part 2: Zoro's been acting pretty weird and rude. What's his problem?

Part 3: More smut!

See my masterlist if you're interested.

[inthe-dark-tonight]

Falling Into My Sins

chapter six: i wanna be the one

dbf!joel x fem!reader series - loosely inspired by the song skin by soccer mommy

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5

summary: joel tries to keep you off his mind while he has the house to himself on a friday night, until tommy shows up after your second date.

word count: 3.8k

series rating: E (18+ mdni)

warnings: joel’s pov, alcohol consumption, joel jerks it, mentions of blood/cleaning a wound, jealous!joel, tommy boasting a little bit

notes: well…… long time no see…. sorry for the extremely long wait on this chapter, life has been insane :,) special thanks to my tumblr mom @pr0ximamidnight for reading this chapter for me, ilysm you have no idea <3 i also hit a new follower milestone a little bit ago so thank you to everyone who follows & reads/interacts with any of my fics it means the world to me, truly 🤍 enjoy and let me know what you think of this chapter!!

It’s ten of eight and Tommy will be here any minute to pick you up. You spent all day wondering where he was planning to take you, and when you asked all he told you was to wear something nice. You check your bag one last time before leaving your room, glancing at your messages to see if Tommy texted you but all you see is an unread message from Joel this morning that reads Hey, I’ll be home tonight if you wanna stop by, i’d still really like to talk.

After staring at it for a moment, you shove your phone into your bag, closing your bedroom door behind you and heading down the stairs. Your dads not home tonight, which meant you thankfully wouldn’t be questioned about your date. When you get to the bottom of the stairs, you decide to wait on the porch for Tommy to get here. As you reach for the door knob and tug the door open, a gust of cool air pushes the door towards you, revealing a surprised Tommy standing there with his hand raised like he was about to knock on the door.

“Oh,” he says in a surprised tone. “Was just about to knock.” He lets out a small laugh.

Your cheeks heat up a little in embarrassment. “Sorry.” You let out a small laugh as well, smiling up at him.

As you step out, pulling the door shut behind you, Tommy’s eyes are glued to you. He clears his throat. “You look great.” he pauses for a moment. “I mean you always look great but-” he cuts himself off with a nervous laugh as he waits for your response.

Your cheeks warm up slightly at his words. “Thank you.” your eyes fall to the ground as you step off your front porch and start towards Tommy's truck.

Tommy walks beside you, hand lightly resting on your lower back to guide you as the two of you near the car. He moves his hand from your back as he reaches out to grab the door and you smile at him as he watches you step in and gently closes the door. You watch him, a small smile still on your face as you watch him round the front of the car and step in before taking off towards downtown.

Joel has the house to himself for once, which is quite rare for a Friday night. Sarah is staying over at a friend's house and normally Tommy would stop by for a beer or two, but he hasn't tonight, leaving Joel to finish a six pack on his own as his mind wanders. When he's working or around people, usually other women, he does a pretty good job at suppressing any thoughts of you, but when he's on his own there's no stopping his mind from drifting to thoughts of you.

Since even before the last time Joel saw you he had told himself he would stop seeing other women, he hadn't slept with any of them, only taken them out to try and keep his mind off you. But now he knew there was no use in trying to stop the way he was feeling, he needed to talk to you and tell you all of this, but you're impossible to get a hold of. He knows it's because of the way he's been acting, and rightfully so. The way he lied, telling you it was noting more than a fuck, showing up on dates with other women in front of you, it was all in an attempt to try and ignore the attraction he felt towards you.

Joel takes one last swig of beer, finishing the bottle off before setting it on the wooden coffee table in front of him and looking at the time, nine twenty. He lets out a sigh, standing up from his place on the couch and grabbing the cardboard pack full of empty bottles from the table. Once he starts walking towards the kitchen to discard the bottles his head feels a bit fuzzy, the effects of the alcohol finally setting in.

He walks slowly towards the stairs, holding onto the railing the whole way up and walking immediately towards his bathroom, leaving the door open a crack before turning on the shower. As the water warms up and steam slowly starts to fill the room, he unbuttons his jeans quickly removing them before placing a hand on the counter for support as his head continues to spin, flashes of you appearing when he closes his eyes. The way you looked the night the two of you first met, skin glistening and glowing under the colorful lights in the club as you swayed your hips enticingly. He can still remember so clearly the way that the heat of your body felt pressed up against him, how warm your skin was as he let his hands wander, the way your soft plush lips moved so naturally with his own.

Before Joel can stop it, he begins to feel a heat creeping up his chest and a stiffness growing in his boxers. A low grunt leaves his mouth as he looks down at himself. Damnit. He looks back at his reflection in the foggy mirror, broad shoulders slumped over and tired eyes staring back at himself as he lifts his hand to swipe over the condensation on the mirror. How much longer can he keep doing this? Jerking off to the thought of you at least once a week. How much longer can he go without touching your skin with his own hands? His imagination can only keep his desires at bay for so long.

“Fuck.” he exhales. This isn't helping.

Joel pushes himself off the counter and grabs the back of his shirt, pulling it up over his head in one swift motion and discarding it on the floor before carefully slipping out of his boxers. He groans as he pulls the fabric over his now fully hard cock and lets them fall to the floor. As he steps out of where they are pooled around his feet and towards the hot shower, he lets out a deep sigh before pulling back the shower and stepping into the thick steam.

He sucks in a breath through his teeth as the hot water beats down onto his throbbing cock before turning his back towards the running water. For a moment he stands there, eyes closed as he takes a few deep breaths trying to rid the thoughts running through his mind, head still spinning from the six pack he polished off. When he opens his eyes, they fall back down to where is cock is springing up towards the sparse hairs trailing to his belly button. He swallows thickly before reaching down to wrap his large hand around the thick base of his cock, closing his eyes and letting out a groan as he lightly squeezes. For a moment he stays still, trying to collect himself before he goes any further.

“God, this is so fuckin’ pathetic.” he grumbles to himself as he throws his head back.

He takes a deep breath, planting his free hand on the shower wall to brace himself as he looks back down at where his hand is wrapped around his painfully stiff cock. A shaky breath leaves his lips as he closes his eyes, images of you immediately appearing behind his closed lids. His hand moves slowly up his shaft, the warm water acting as a lubricant as he begins to lazily pump his fist. Your lips, your eyes, your skin, he thinks about when he bumped into you at the restaurant the other night, how soft your skin was under his rough hands when he stopped you from crashing into him. The scent of you has been lingering around him ever since that night, unable to clear it from his senses.

He starts to pick up his pace, giving a slight squeeze with each pump of his fist. The heat in his stomach is starting to build as he now imagines you on your knees in front of him, the way your soft lips would look wrapped around him as you take every inch. His mouth falls open and a low whine escapes him, he squeezes his eyes shut as the vision of how you would look peering up at him with your pretty eyes as he stuffs his cock into your mouth plays in his head. Your voice replays in his head, saying his name over and over so smoothly as his climax grows closer.

To tell the truth, he would do anything to have you actually here with him now. He would quit all this teasing and messing around once and for all if it meant he could finally taste you, and oh how he's been dying to taste you. Dreaming about it, fantasizing about how sweet your pretty pussy must taste, dying to sink into it. He swears he can hear the pretty moans leaving your mouth, feel your soft skin under the palms of his hands as he imagines them roaming your body. The image of you lying on his bed, back arched, moaning his name as you buck your hips into his mouth sends him over the edge.

A deep groan leaves Joel's mouth, eyes squeezing shut as he paints the shower wall. He stays still for a moment, breathing deeply as he stands up straight and begins to gather himself. His head falls back and he lets out a sigh as he opens his eyes to stare at the ceiling, thoughts still racing. As he turns to face the shower head, he wonders what you're up to tonight. A knot begins to form in his stomach at the possibilities, but he shakes it off, ducking to put his head under the shower stream and running his hands over his face.

He stays standing under the water for a minute or two, giving himself a moment to come down from the high of his orgasm before washing his hair and cleaning himself up. After shutting off the water he pulls back the shower curtain and reaches out to grab his towel, stepping out of the shower. He lets out a content sigh as he dries himself off, wrapping the towel around his waist and pushing back his still dripping wet hair from his forehead. Quickly picking up his dirty clothing from the floor, he heads back into his room tossing them in his hamper before digging through his dresser for sweats and a t-shirt.

Just as he finishes changing, he hears his front door open. “Joel!” Tommy yells out.

Joel rolls his eyes at the sound of Tommy’s voice. “Well that didn’t last long.” He grumbles to himself as he slowly opens his bedroom door and walks towards the stairs.

“Joel! You home?” Tommy calls out again.

Joel lets out a sigh. “Yeah!” He finally answers as he quickly goes down the stairs, walking into the kitchen to see Tommy leaning on the kitchen counter.

“Got the place to yourself tonight, huh?” Tommy asks as Joel walks past him into the kitchen, heading towards the sink. He raises his eyebrows in annoyance once his back is to Tommy.

“Yup.” Until you showed up, he thinks to himself.

“Surprised you don’t have a girl over, or a date planned for that matter.” Joel tries not to let Tommy’s comment get to him as he turns on the sink, allowing the water a few seconds to warm up before he does the dishes.

Tommy laughs and Joel lets out a sigh, thoughts of you entering his mind again. He picks up a sponge, covering it in a small dollop of soap before grabbing a dirty plate from the sink. You’ve seen him the past couple of times he was on a date with someone and he wonders how you feel about it. Were you upset afterwards? He knew you were angry the night you saw him at the diner after a date, but how much did it really bother you? He needs to know. Joel hears Tommy's voice and snaps out of his thoughts.

“Speaking of dates,” Tommy clears his throat, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table and sitting down before he continues on. “I just got back from one.”

Joel’s not so interested in hearing about another one of Tommy's flings at this moment, but he’s too tired to tell him so. “Oh yeah? Who’s the lucky lady this time?” A small smirk grows on Joel's face as he prepares to hear his brother go on about his new girl.

Joel freezes, heart sinking down into his stomach when he hears your name leave Tommy’s mouth, not wanting to believe it. The two of them sit silent for a few moments, only the sound of the running water from the sink filling the room. His blood starts to boil, muscles tensing up as his hands still, a glass in one, sponge in the other. A low ringing starts to play through Joel's ears and he tries to gather himself.

Tommy finally breaks the silence. “Actually just dropped her off before heading over here.”

“Hm.” Joel nods his head as he tries to think of more to say. “Where did you two go?” Joel tries to keep his voice steady as he speaks, visions of you out with his brother, sitting in his passenger seat racing through his brain as he continues to scrub away at the dish in his hands. He doesn't really want to know the answer, but he needs to know. How serious could this thing really be?

“Just a little place downtown, had dinner and a few drinks then went for a walk.” As Tommy speaks, Joel's imagining the scene in his head.

What did you wear? Did you laugh at his jokes, throwing your head back as your eyes fall shut, lips turning up to reveal your beautiful smile. He doesn't want to imagine you with anyone else, let alone his little brother.

“Mmm.” Joel hums in response, not sure what else he can say or if he can even keep himself calm enough to come up with something.

“I think I’m really into her,” Tommy lets out a small laugh, shaking his head back and forth slightly. “Which hasn't happened in awhile.” Joel feels sick at the words that just left his brother's mouth.

Joel rinses the dish he was scrubbing and sets it into the drying rack next to the sink before picking up another dirty dish. He grabs the dish soap and notices his hand is shaking slightly as he goes to squeeze the bottle. Fuck. What seems like half the bottle comes flying out when he squeezes. This can't be happening, he thinks to himself.

“I know she's a little young but, there's something there.” Even with his back to him, Joel can hear the smile in Tommy's voice. “Our second kiss just, it felt like this could really be something.”

Joel drops the soapy wet plate into the sink, causing him to flinch and Tommy rises from his chair. He thinks his heart could stop right this second at the image of you kissing his brother, again. As if once wasn't bad enough.

“You okay?” Tommy says, walking towards Joel.

“Yeah, yeah just,” Joel’s voice breaks and he clears his throat. “Pretty tired, it's been a long day.” He picks up the plate from the bottom of the sink, rinsing it off and setting it next to the others on the drying rack.

“Well, I'm gonna get going. I’ll call you tomorrow?” Joel can hear Tommy’s footsteps as he backs out of the kitchen, but he doesn’t turn around to look at his brother.

“Sounds good.” he nods his head, continuing his task.

Joel listens to the sound of Tommy walking towards the front door, opening and closing it behind him. Then it's silent. Just Joel and his thoughts. He zones out, staring out the window over the sink into the pitch black, still feeling a bit fuzzy from the drinks he had earlier. His eyes focus for just a second on his reflection in the glass.

You and his little brother. He knew you two had gone out together once, he was with you two at the bar, not thinking it was actually anything serious. And he did see you kiss his brother that same night, but Joel just assumed it was to get under his skin, which worked. Now though, this was more than just something casual. He needs to find a way to talk to you, soon. Before it's too late.

He can't shake the images of the two of you from his head. Imagining the way you would’ve looked under the moonlight as you strolled the streets after dinner, breeze gently blowing as you walked hand in hand. He imagines himself there with you instead of his brother. Driving you home, stealing glances at you as you sit beside him in the passenger seat looking out the window as music plays softly through the radio. Walking you up the steps to your front door, pulling you into him and placing a gentle kiss on your lips before watching you go inside and walking to his car.

Except it wasn’t him. It was his fucking brother walking hand in hand with you and kissing you as he dropped you off at the end of the night.

“God damnit!” Joel yells out, the glass in his hand shattering.

His heart is racing as he looks down at his hand, a few small cuts scattering across his palm. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize he was squeezing it that tightly. For a moment he stands there, staring down at his palm and the red covered broken glass lying in the sink. The water is still running and he moves his hand to run beneath it, rinsing the blood from his hand and covering the sink in a red tint. His breathing starts to slow as he fully snaps back into reality, the sting of the cuts starts to sink in and he sucks in a breath, quickly pulling his hand away from the running water.

“Great.” he mumbles to himself, shutting the water off and walking towards the drawer in the kitchen where he keeps a few bandaids and gauze.

He grabs the roll of gauze with his good hand and walks back upstairs towards his bathroom. He’ll deal with the broken glass tomorrow morning before Sarah gets home, right now all he wants to do is sleep. When he gets back upstairs, he rummages around the cabinet under his sink, looking for the bottle of rubbing alcohol that's somewhere down there, grabbing some cotton balls while he's at it.

Before sitting down on his toilet seat to wrap his hand, he takes a look at it under the vanity light, making sure there's no glass in the cuts. There's a large gash running from the base of his thumb towards the center of his palm, and two small puncture spots beneath his ring finger where the glass just barely cut him. He runs his hand under cold water one last time, then soaks a cotton ball in rubbing alcohol, pressing lightly along the cuts.

He winces as it soaks into the cuts, stinging once again. As he goes to sit down, he tosses the cotton balls into the small trash in the corner of his bathroom, grunting when he finally sits down. He stares down at his hand, examining the wound one last time before starting to unravel the gauze and wrap it around his hand and tucking the end in to keep it in place as much as possible. The stinging hasn't stopped quite yet, his hand feels warm where the cut is but all he can do is hope it’s slightly better in the morning.

Joel lets out a deep sigh as he stands up, walking out of the bathroom and towards his bed. Sleep will fix everything, at least he hopes. He knows it won't lessen the pain of what he's learned tonight, but at least he'll get a break from imagining you with…

He can't even finish the thought, won't finish it. He pulls back his comforter and slips into his bed, reaching to flick off his bedside light before turning onto his side. He’ll deal with it all in the morning.

It’s been about an hour since your date with Tommy ended, now you’re laying in bed on top of your covers, just staring at the ceiling as you go over the events of tonight. The date was alright, you think. You could tell he had put a lot of effort into it, dressing nicer than usual and taking you to a nice spot for dinner. He ordered wine at dinner, which was more shocking than impressive.

The two of you talked about anything and everything, laughing and having a good time, only when Joel wasn’t slipping into your mind. You tried your best to surprise your thoughts, especially since you were on a date with his younger brother, but every time Tommy did something you couldn’t help but think about what Joel would’ve done if you were there with him.

Would he be telling jokes the way Tommy was? Would he have ordered wine instead of his usual in a lame attempt to impress you? He probably wouldn’t have taken you to a place this nice, but you think you would’ve preferred that.

After dinner, Tommy had taken you on a walk around town. The weather was beautiful as the sun was setting, a small breeze picking up as you walked under the street lights. It would’ve been even better if you weren’t distracted the whole time wishing that you were with Joel instead. You felt guilty, absolutely terrible, even now thinking about it makes your stomach twist into a knot. The truth of the matter is, you need to end things with Tommy, sooner than later.

You finally sit up and climb off your bed, walking over to your dresser and grabbing something to sleep in, quickly peeling your outfit from tonight off and slipping into your pajamas. As you toss you things into your hamper, you catch a glimpse of yourself in your mirror, staring back at yourself for a moment.

“What am I going to do.” You let out a deep sigh, walking over to flick your bedroom light off before crawling into bed.

thank you for reading <3

tags: @pedropascalfan221 @mellymbee @kaybee181520 @joeldjarin @akah565 @chefchy4 @untamedheart81 @merz-8 @fellinfromthetop @znerac @hiddenbabynyc

i think i won’t be doing a tag list from now on…. sorry don’t hate me!! i also post all chapters on my ao3 pale_m00nlight :)

[hana-no-seiiki]

WHY DON’T YOU GIVE ME A SMILE? (ACT 1)

YANDERE! BATFAM x JINX (ARCANE/LEAGUE)-ESQUE! READER

A lil’ platonic yanderes harley and joker in the mix too hehe

gender neutral reader.

cw/tw: mentally ill reader. reader has schizophrenia. reader has a massive fear of abandonment. harley and joker only feed to that. a r s o n among other crimes. gaslighting. manipulation. implied r*pe (by reader im so sorry you guys) reader is interested in all genders.

summary: meet jinx, gotham’s loudest, most explosive villain. no one knows who they really are, or if jinx is really even their name. but one thing’s for sure — they’ve got a lot of people chasing after them and their reasons aren’t so noble.

status: unedited

[ ACT TWO OUT NOW ]

Considering Jinx was inspired by Harley Quinn. You’re probably her protégé. Her darling little child with Joker.

YOUR ORIGINS:

She saw you in the aftermath of the explosion. Cold and alone. Fire roaring behind you despite the heavens pouring its heart out, as if it was desperately trying to wash your tears and pain away.

She saw your bruises and a girl a little older than you walk away.

Her heart ached for you. No child deserved to be put in that kind of position, so she stepped in and made herself known.

“ I . . . I only wanted to help . . . Don’t leave me . . . Don’t . . .

You muttered.

Joker, who came here to marvel at the chaos such an explosion would present smiles maniacally.

You. You were the one that did this.

This beautiful wreckage and an equally beautiful child.

You were practically begging to be moulded into a weapon.

You charged at them both as they got closer, and while Harley was ready to defend her man - even hurt you if she has to - they did not expect what came next.

You just, held unto Joker’s right leg.

“ She’s not my sister . . . No . . . if she was she wouldn’t leave me . . . “

You were far too emotional for his liking. But nonetheless. A boon can always be found in a curse. That is, your desire for revenge.

He takes one look at Harley before picking your small body into his arms.

“ Who cares about fools like them, little one? They don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

His smile never stopped widening, yet even as a kid you never saw it as creepy or unnerving. In fact, it only reminded you of the smiles you used to draw on your nail bombs.

“All we ever truly have is ourselves. “

“So, smile. Don’t let your tears bring you down.”

Moulding you into the perfect weapon was easy.

Having a psychiatrist as a partner did help a lot in your development.

All it took was a few reminders of that fateful day before you began obediently following their rules and instructions.

You were a genius and since Harley kept protesting against it. You weren’t baptized into a vat of acid like the couple was.

Now, Harley and Joker are the worst possible parents you can ask for. So unlike Arcane’s Jinx. You are way way more unhinged. Not to mention, horny and materialistic.

As you grew up, you began to take interest in intentionally hurting people just for the sake of it. Stealing things was just a normal Tuesday for you. Being successful in your endeavors for once, and having bigger stacks of cash felt exhilarating.

The women and men were amazing. Your pseudo parents being who they were, didn’t really care if you were a sexual deviant or a pervert. When your hormones started kicking in they let you do whatever you want. Even giving you some of the people he held hostage as a toy to play with. If you have the capability of getting someone pregnant/or getting pregnant yourself they wouldn’t really care about the baby but you knew them well enough to know they’d use the kid as a way to manipulate you so you were careful in that aspect anyhow.

Harley noticed that when laying with women you’d often call out your sister’s name or call them sis by itself.

Sick. Disgusting. Is what a normal mother would think after finding out such a fact.

But to her you were just growing up so quickly. She had convinced Joker to go ahead and kill your sibling a long time ago behind your back and was growing anxious with the thought of you hating her and ruining this happy family dynamic (she had in her head)!

So she starts bringing you to more heists in disguise. Always keeping a close eye on you so that if any of those stupid heroes and vigilantes get any close, and you too far. She’d know as soon as possible.

It’s safe to say you grew up pretty spoiled, but even then you were hungry for more.

You see, even if they (Harley and Joker) weren’t careful with their “parenting” approach. They were careful with keeping you hidden from the Dark Knight himself.

Not that they were scared you’d get hurt. They could always nurse you back up again. Harley actually enjoyed the times you’d gotten in the cross fire. More time to take care of you in her arms.

They were mostly scared of the Dark Knight stealing you. Afraid that he’ll take you away and turn you into a goody-two-shoes they wouldn’t recognize anymore.

So as much as you were more involved it still felt like they were babying you.

It was your situation with you family all over again

But this time, this time you’ll show them…

You weren’t weak. And it’ll do them good to remember that.

YOUR RIVALRIES:

You made your debut at around the time Tim was still Robin.

You were his very own Joker. A menace to deal with. A person that only cared for the thrill that came with hurting and killing masses.

You were terrible. Evil. A demon he had to exorcise from this world.

A demon he fell hopelessly in love with.

He didn’t know how his feelings came to be. It may have been the amount of stress and pressure he was facing coupled with having to deal with your ass every damn day whether directly or indirectly. But he found himself yearning to see you at times. Getting warm when he thought of you. He felt solace knowing that no matter how many times he’d attempt to tear you down completely, you’d still come back to face him once again.

He was so guilty of his feelings. How could he fall for someone as heinous as you? You were the worst of the worst. But somehow that made things so much more better.

You were a taboo. A vice he couldn’t have. The thought of entering such a forbidden relationship excited him just cause it was just that — forbidden , a temptation that should always stay like that.

He somehow manages to gain the self control to stay away from you for a while.

But then came Damian and he was set to replaced. Just like that.

“Wow there Timmy Boy. You look like shit.”

“J-Jinx?! Why are you here? How do you know my name?!” He asked as if he didn’t know every single detail about you himself.

“I have to know my little birdie well don’t I?”

“What kind of archnemesis would Jinx be to their little Robin if they didn’t do a lil’ research?” You spoke in a higher, cutesy voice as if you were your handgun that you’ve affectionally named Zapper.

“Right you are Zapper! I would be a terrible rival. That wouldn’t do for a hero as great as Timmy!”

He thought that all his work was all for naught. All the hours he spent trying to prove himself was gone so fast.

But you reminded him of his place in this world. Of his position as a hero. Your rival.

The warmth in your eyes when you looked at him sealed the deal. There was no coming from this. He was yours as you were his.

“Only I can hurt you like this, toots. Don’t forget that.”

Little did you know that Tim took those words to heart and never let anyone else hurt him (and stay alive).

“Big Bat can replace you but you’ll always be the Robin in my heart !” You winked at him, signaling with one of your manicured fingers for him to smile. Which ended up almost scratching your cheeks.

Tim was confused (incredibly flustered, not to mention har—), why were you so kind to him all of a sudden. He knew you were the playful type but you were usually ruthless when it came to battle. You weren’t one to play with food for too long. For you to excuse him, much less help him in such a state.

Who were you and what did you do to his Jinx?

“OW hEy! I swear if you put that there Pow-Pow— I’ll—“ Tim heard you screeching out of view.

Scratch his doubts. Yep, you were definitely still his Jinx.

The Dark Knight knew who you were from the beginning.

He had his suspicions even before you came into the scene. With your knack to tag everything with neon spray-paints.

At first he thought you were a simple thug that Joker and Harley picked up. But the way they were sheltering you made it seem otherwise.

The regret he felt knowing that you were basically a child in their filthy hands and was now far too gone to save was immense.

If only he knew. You wouldn’t be in this situation.

While he was “dead” he found himself looking into you more. About the death of your biological parents and the way your sister abandoned you to Harley and Joker.

He felt pity for your childhood and a sense of kinship. Sure the incident may have been your fault but you were a child. How could you have known your actions would have such terrifying consequences.

If only you knew him when you were younger.

If only.

He was sure you’d be one of the greatest vigilantes alive.

“I knew you were alive.”

You looked down at Batman, staring while both of you were being doused by the rain. Thunder accompanying the sound of conversation.

He takes a defensive stance.

“I’m not going to fight ya, that’s Joker’s thing. And I know he’ll grill my ass if I stole his archnemesis.”

“What a loser!”

“Hey! He took us in. We should be more grateful!”

Bruce looked at you as you talked with a new, rather large, shark shaped gun. He had memorized the names of all your “companions” by now and was oddly excited and slightly unnerved by the new one.

“So, why’d you leave? Was it . . . was it on purpose?”

“No.”

“Then come back.”

He almost dropped all his plans with the way you told him that.

“Tim needs you . . . and your other sons too or whatever.”

“Come with me.”

“You crazy, old bat? Why would I—“

“I know what it feels like to have no family. Harley doesn’t love you. Joker doesn’t love anyone.”

“Do you?”

“I do.”

“Well tough luck man. I don’t give a shit about love.”

You dropped down to his level. A thud resounds, loud enough to cut through the rainfall and thunder.

“Cause love never gave a shit about me.”

“We’ll have to refuse. Just get back to your sons, hero!”

“I’m sorry, perhaps I didn’t make it clear enough—

— I don’t think you have a choice in this matter, [Y/N].”

You like my writing? Follow my blog and maybe take a look at the fic linked below!

WHAT’S UP DANGER : Yandere Batfam x Miles Morales! Reader

[qprstobin]

Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)

(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)

Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.

Which leaves him in a conundrum.

He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.

However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.

... Not that he thought women were horses.

He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.

Anyway.

That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?

His solution ended up coming from an odd place.

Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.

She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.

The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.

(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)

They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.

He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.

They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.

The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.

He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.

Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.

So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.

"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.

"Why is that your first assumption?!"

"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.

"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."

"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."

"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"

That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?

"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.

"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."

"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"

"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.

Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.

Robin relaxes a little at that.

"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"

"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."

"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."

That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.

But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.

"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."

"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"

"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."

Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Killing Wanda Pt 3

Summary: You couldn’t figure out what to do, you’d gone from seducing Wanda to basically bullying her and leaving her with a confused Yelena, you couldn’t think straight and just wanted to forget things, why did you have to be attracted to some hot redhead that you had to kill? It really puts a dent into trying to bed hot women and kill people in between.

Words: 3,000 (or so, probably more)

Warnings: 18+ only Minors DNI, sexual innuendos On Carols part because she’s desperate in this (sorry 😬) angst and upset Wanda and confused Y/n

A/n: Oh you thought I forgot about killing Wanda? Never! I’ve re written this about 4 times so that’s why it took so long sorry 😬 I need to post it, it’s good I like it but I keep putting it off but here it is! As usual any mistakes are my own and I’m gonna stop making my chapters so long because honestly I lose track of what I’ve said 😂

Forget what you said about walking in the dark, you hated it, hated the noisy animals, hated the wind in the trees, stupid trees, again you reached your destination at another door, why were you walking so much now? And why was your side hurting??. Oh right you got shot, anyway not the point

You banged on the door waiting for Maria to open it, when she finally did you stormed past the poor woman and fetched some whisky from the liquor cabinet. But before you could drink it it was snatched out of your hands by Natasha “didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”

You scoffed “wouldn’t know Natty never knew my mother, just a man and woman who moulded me into an assassin then made me move in with two Russian women with anger issues”

You tried grabbing the bottle but a pair of hands grabbed you and pulled you down onto the chair making you shout in pain from your side “fuck off Maria why’d you do that??!”

You tried wriggling away but the woman wouldn’t let up “why do you have dried blood all over your shirt?”

She finally let you go and your curled up on your side trying to ease the pain that was returning “didn’t Yelena tell you guys? She normally does”

Nat rolled her eyes giving Maria the bottle to put away and looked back to you “she did tell us, she also sent a text recently saying you told her to take Wanda to the safe house and not to speak to her at all until you got back”

“Oh good I don’t have to recap everything then” Maria returned with a syringe full of something and you jumped up backing off “what’s in there? Are you gonna sedate me? You can’t do that without my permission you know”

Nat wrapped her arm around your neck from behind surprising you and holding you in place while Maria lifted your shirt and injected the area around your wound, after a couple of minutes the pain stopped and you relaxed feeling pain free again

“Feel better?” Natasha relaxed her hold on you and kissed your cheek you didn’t respond so she just dropped you letting you stand on your own

“Yel also texted about Wanda crying her eyes out” you paused sighing and holding your head in your hands “want to explain that?”

“Why do I need to? She’s a target like you said, targets don’t get sympathy” turning around you went to the front room slumping down onto the couch and closing your eyes

Natasha followed close holding her phone reading the text message from Yelena out loud

“Bozhe moy Sestra I don’t know what Y/n said to this girl but she’s crying her eyes out in my car I just got my seats cleaned!

She said Y/n told her the threat for her life wasn’t real and the shooter was planned and that Y/n owns Wanda and she needs to stay at the safe house for her own protection against Y/n because she’s pissed off, silly if you ask me, Y/n was basically writing love letter to the woman”

Natasha rattled off the messages while Maria tried comforting you sitting next to you rubbing your shoulders “come on bunny tell your mommy what’s wrong, daddy and I are here to listen”

You held back the vomit in your throat when you lifted your head glaring at the woman “never and I mean never speak like that again, I don’t like your sweet and soft innocent act it’s so fucking strange”

She laughed “yeah sure okay, I was just trying to make you smile, so tell us why you’ve done a complete 180 about this woman”

You sat up sighing “I’d gotten shot, but the position the shooter was in and where they shot from it should’ve been for Wanda, if she was standing it would’ve gone straight through her forehead, Maria it was for Wanda and I know it’s from the people who want her dead and I’m taking too long, that’s why I switched up on her and I needed her to think I was lying about the whole thing so it didn’t stress her out more”

“Okay” Maria said holding your hands “I need to tell you that with all the love in the world you’re an absolute idiot”

Natasha laughed out loud and covered her mouth holding in anymore laughs while you blushed in embarrassment “what? Why am I an idiot??”

“You scared the poor woman, plus according to those text messages you also threatened her pretty harshly apparently”

You scoffed jumping up from the couch and barging into Nat who wouldn’t let you past “I don’t think so Y/n”

You pushed back against her “what the hell do you care?! You pushed a knife into her throat nearly killing her!”

You jabbed her in the chest with your finger and Nat grabbed it bending it back making you yell out “yes I did I also had you behind me with a pistol in the back of my head and you were so close to pulling the trigger I felt it, I felt all the emotion you had holding the gun, so don’t you dare try and tell us you don’t care about Wanda”

She let go of your finger watching you hold it gently and bending it back into place “so? Are you gonna say anything?”

“I’m going to get drunk, you two are boring”

You pushed past the woman ignoring Maria trying to shout for you and took off into the city “I swear to god I need better friends”

*********************************************************

“Lady Y/n! Here to waste your life away again?” The man behind the bar called Thor hadn’t seen you for weeks and obviously he missed you “yeah whatever hi Thor, give me my usual”

“Of course! Anything for my favourite murderer!” He was so much larger than life with no indoor voice “Thor! Will you shut the fuck up about things like that, you’re gonna get me jailed”

You slid onto a bar stool at the end of the bar accepting the whiskey given to you, how cliche of you, a depressed assassin drinking whisky in a dingy bar “don’t look now Y/n but your fling just walked into the bar” the man gestured behind you but you didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was, her strong frilly perfume invaded your nose well before she entered to bar

“Hey kitten” she hovered over you from behind purring into your ear her greeting “I’ve missed you, my toys don’t satisfy me like you do, how about you come home with me” you shrugged the woman off and turned around in the chair “Sharon you’re so desperate it’s embarrassing, no I don’t want to fuck you, you’ve probably slept with everything that has a pulse like the whore you are, so fuck off and leave me alone”

You knew she didn’t listen, she likes being degraded, a bit deranged actually if you thought about it

“You’re so hot when you’re angry, I’ve missed it” she started kissing your neck and wrapping her arms around your waist as you finished off your whiskey trying to ignore her kisses getting heavier “you’re like a damn dog in heat it’s so embarrassing”

“Come on baby please? I’ll do whatever you I’ve just missed your body so much, you’re the only one who uses knives too”

“I use knives because it shuts you up and lets me finish without your annoying voice”

“I promise I won’t say a word, you can tape my mouth shut for all I care I promise I won’t make a sound”

You rolled your eyes glancing up at Thor looking disappointed in Sharon’s desperation and that made you laugh actually “fine Sharon, I’ve had a rough day though so you better keep your promise about keeping shut”

You stood up from the bar stool but Sharon gave you no chance for much else when she jumped into your arms wrapping her legs and arms around you kissing your face all over “I promise I promise I’ll be quiet, I’ll even ask permission to cum because I know you like that”

You groaned holding onto the woman so she didn’t fall and made your way out of the bar throwing Thor money for the drink “enjoy your night lady Y/n!”

******************************************************

Wanda hadn’t said much since she and Yelena arrived at the safe house, she only thanked Yelena for the dinner of macaroni and cheese then sat on the couch just staring at the wall, sometimes she would cry for a while then go quiet and Yelena wasn’t too sure of what to do

“Hey Wanda, did you know the human body is mostly water? That’s cool right?”

Wanda shrugged “maybe if I keep crying then I’ll eventually run out of water and die”

Yelena was shocked, that was a little dramatic, even for an assassin to hear, at least she was talking though that was something she guessed “sure sure that’s something to say I guess, soooo what-

“Is there someone after me?” She cut Yelena off which she thought was very rude but she guessed after everything she’d been through she’d give Wanda some leeway

“Why do you ask?”

“Just tell me?” She simply asked

“Whatever Y/n told you is the truth, she says she lied then she lied obviously, I don’t know anything” her reply was cold but she didn’t want to give away much and cause trouble

“Cut the bullshit Yelena you tell me the truth right now!” Yelena opened and closed her mouth a couple of times trying to rack her brain for something to say when a shot rang out and she found herself clutching her shoulder “I hate being shot at!” She jumped behind a wall and watched for Wanda who didn’t move

“Are you stupid Wanda?! Get down!” She tried reaching out for the woman to pull her down but Wanda just moved closer to where the bullets were coming from “what’s the point Yelena? If the threats fake they won’t hit me and if they’re real they will, either way I’ll find out the truth!”

Yelena couldn’t believe it, what the fuck was going on?? God she’s gonna have to save the suicidal idiot

“Fine!” Yelena jumped back up earning another shot in her side to push Wanda behind the couch hiding them both unfortunately she wasn’t as quick as she thought hearing Wanda yell out as she tackled her to the floor

“Did they get you in the arm?” Wanda nodded “yeah but I’m okay”

Yelena rolled her eyes “you won’t be if you keep ignoring me, now stay down or I swear to satan himself I’ll kill you slowly and painfully”

Wanda nodded keeping her mouth shut and closing her eyes to wait out the shots firing through the house.

*********************************************************

“That was amazing, you’re so good” Sharon’s mumbling went unanswered as you put your clothes back and picked up your things to leave, but you weren’t a man so you did go back to Sharon and kissed her softly, tucking her into bed and getting her a glass of water “well done for being quiet, sleep well princess” you left with a final kiss to her lips, she’s good to be around when she doesn’t talk much

You left the house locking the door with the spare key and posted it back through the letterbox, you fished your phone from your pocket seeing missed calls and messages from Yelena

“Y/n I swear to whatever god is out there answer your damn phone, where r u??????”

“She’s feisty, she wants to see you and not in good way either!! She is mad at you for lying!”

“How does she know ur lying you ask?? She’s been shot at again and hit in the shoulder! Nat here now and cussing you out so get here!?!?!!”

You couldn’t finish reading instead running straight to the safe house, getting there you saw the doors open and Maria coming out with blooded bandages and your heart sank “Wanda?” You were out of breath and tired but you wouldn’t be able to take it if all that blood was hers

Maria saw your panicked face “no Y/n it’s okay she’s fine, this is mostly Yelena’s, her shoulder and side took a beating”

You hoped she was okay but you were so relieved Wanda wasn’t the most injured, you ran into the house seeing Nat attending to Yelena and Wanda in the other corner drinking a glass of water “Wanda, Wanda are you okay?? Is your arm okay??

Wanda didn’t look at you instead just looked straight on “you lied to me” she whispered

“What?”

“You lied to me Y/n” her voice didn’t waver “all you’ve done is lie, convincing me that there’s no one after me then Yelena gets shot in the shoulder, someone is out to get me and I don’t know why you tried to gaslight me and scare me like that”

You accepted what was happening and moved in front of Wanda making sure she looked at you “Wanda I’m sorry these last 24 hours have been very difficult, I just didn’t want the shooter to actually get you, he would’ve done Wanda if I wasn’t there”

“Doesn’t explain it Y/n we’ve never had a good relationship but I seriously can’t do this anymore, I’m going to the police and getting them to figure out who’s after me” she stood up removing the towel from her shoulders and walking off not bothering to look at you

Maria slapped you on the shoulder “go after her! If she goes to the police they’ll get you too, I’m pretty sure an assassin doesn’t get caught”

You weren’t even thinking about the police finding you, you just couldn’t believe you were losing Wanda “oh shit!” You ran after the woman leaving Maria to laugh “she’s an idiot”

*****************************************************

“Wanda! Wanda wait!” You yelled after the woman in the streets like a creep, god if someone were to come up and punch you in the face for following someone at night you wouldn’t blame them honestly

“Wanda come on please!” She finally stopped and you nearly crashed into her but steadied yourself “what do you want?”

You took in a breath, god why were you out of breath? Maybe the hole in your side but you couldn’t be sure of course “you can’t go to the police”

“Oh yeah? Why not? Nervous that you won’t get your payment for killing me?” You were gobsmacked, you didn’t want to kill her that was the whole point! You’ve literally been trying to prevent that this whole time!

“Wanda if you go to the police and they start digging around they’ll find me and then I’ll get thrown in jail or given the electric chair” you took a hold of her hands and kissed them in your own “please let me take you somewhere away from here, I’ll keep you safe”

Wanda snatched her hands away and you knew you’d said something bad and instantly regretted it “keep me safe? You made me fear for my life! Both when you told me you’d been paid to kill me and when you claimed me as your own like a predator and their prey!”

You noticed a couple of people gathering near you guys and you just smiled at them “it’s okay everyone she’s a little drunk that’s all I promise we’re okay” you offered people your fakest smile and some accepted while others stayed watching

“Come on Wanda we’ll need to go home now okay?” You subtly grabbed Wanda and brought her into a hug kissing her forehead “she’s a lightweight” you laughed off dragging her away forcing a kiss to keep her quiet

When you both got further enough away your grip loosened on Wanda and she was quick to push you away and walk in front of you “Wanda I need you to listen”

“Get fucked Y/n”

“By you? Absolutely! But it’s not the time please just listen to me”

Wanda stomped to a stop and turned around crossing her arms at you “what”

You sighed “I’m sorry I lied we’ve been through this I know, it’s a stupid fucking excuse but I was trying to protect you and you know if you don’t want to talk to me? Fine! But you need to go to our bosses safe house its safer than Fort Knox”

Wanda didn’t move, didn’t even look or acknowledge you in any way so you dug around in your pocket for your bosses business cards and held out your hand for her to take the card “take it” she didn’t move

“Fucking take it Wanda and I’ll turn around right now and never see you again, just take it”

She gently reached her hand out and took the card carefully not to take your hand with it

“Good, goodbye Wanda” you turned around on your heel and walked off in the opposite direction, you did hear a weak attempt at your name but you refused to turn and kept walking, you’d go to the people who wanted her dead by your hands and use your hands to kill them, they’d regret the day they asked for your help.

[exhaslo]

Hi!! I was wondering if you can write about Miguel x spider women. she was there in the beginning when spider society first started. They was together but something happened and they end up breaking up. She went back to her world and haven’t had no connect with him since. Few years have pass and a anomaly ends up popping up her world she gets reunited with Miguel, and they rekindle their love. Thank you ! 😊

Ohhhhhhh this sounds nice!! I can see this happening fr fr.

Warning: Fluff, mentions of sex

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Let's go back, just one more time. It felt like years, but in reality, it was only just two years ago. You were one of the first people who got created by Miguel O'Hara for the Spider Society. You became close to the futurist Spider, a little too close. You were not ashamed to admit it, you had fell in love with Miguel.

The two of you were a couple for a few months. Life was good. The two of you were happy. Hell, the sex was amazing. It was a shame that the two of you broke off. It was a hard time for the two of you. You and Miguel had a disagreement that led to a huge argument, which led to you breaking up with him.

You cried for days and refused to return to the Spider Society. The worst part about the breakup was that both of you were stubborn as hell and refused to apologize. Inside, you remained in your world and stayed away from everyone.

You had hoped that maybe one day, just maybe, you could reunite with Miguel and apologize. The only problem was that you were afraid. It had been so long. Would Miguel even remember you? Would he even accept your apology?

You didn't know.

---------

Present Day.

You were sitting on top of the Empire State Building, watching the city below you. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you thought about your past. You had just gotten invited to one of your friend's wedding and they had asked you to bring a date. If not, they were going to try and set you up.

"I haven't dated anyone since..."

You frowned at the thought, thinking about Miguel. Hitting your head gently, you tried to think of something else. You could ask a favor from another friend, probably.

"All units, Mystero sighted in Center Park. All units keep guard, he's not normal."

Your ears perked as you heard your walkie go off. You turned towards Central Park and gasped at the stroke of lights. This was not your Mystero. A shudder ran down your spine, knowing that other Spiders will appear soon. It had been so long, but you could not ignore this. You were Spider-Woman. You had a job to do.

As you swung towards Central Park, you started to calm down. Swinging always helped. Besides, now that you thought about it, Miguel wouldn't show up for a small anomaly like Mystero. He would send others.

"Ah! Can you not shoot your filthy webs towards me! I am TRYING to perform some magic!" Mystero cried out dramatically.

"Do it in your world," Miguel spat, using a device to trap Mystero.

"Miguel?" You whispered in shock.

Upon hearing your voice, Miguel froze. The two of your stared at each other for what felt like hours.

"So, am I just going to lay here all night or-"

"Shut up." Miguel hissed as he tossed Mystero into his dimensional portal. You watched Miguel face the portal and felt your breathing halt,

"Miguel, wait-" You reached out for him. Miguel tensed up,

"(Y/N)"

"I'm sorry," The two of you said in unison.

Your eyes widen as your grip soften against Miguel's wrist. The portal closed and Miguel finally faced you. He was much larger than before. Miguel had seriously worked out since the last time you saw him. It wasn't a bad thing, but you could sense something lingering within him.

"Want to talk while swinging around?" You offered. Miguel nodded and followed your lead,

"You've gotten thinner."

"And you've gotten buffer,"

"How have you been?" Miguel asked, breaking the moment of silence. You faced him as you swung,

"Day to day...You?" Miguel stopped on top of a nearby building, "Miguel?"

"(Y/N), I messed up, a few times. I shouldn't have blamed you for what happened that day. I realized that I can't replace what we had, I just make things worse," Miguel sighed heavily. You could hear the hurt in his tone,

"And I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. You were just trying to keep me safe. I...I'm really sorry with how we ending things. I wanted to go back...but...but I was-" You started to cry, finally breaking down.

Miguel stood in front of you, unsure if a hug was allowed. He did not deserve to hold you anymore. You were not his. Watching you cry hurt. Deactivating his mask, Miguel slowly approached you. He brought his hand to your cheek, wiping a tear away.

"I'm sorry!" You cried as you tackled him in a tight hug. Miguel's eyes soften as he wrapped his arms around you,

"I'm sorry too," Miguel whispered and held your head, "You know, after you left, no one was able to kick some sense into my stubborn head. At least not until recently." He muttered the last part. You sniffed,

"I could barely do that," You said with a low chuckle, "Hey, do you think we can...be friends again? I missed you...and the others." You asked.

Miguel smiled as he withdrew his arms from you. He fixed your hair and your mask, causing you to smile.

"Friends is a good start."

----------

"Sorry I had to drag you to this, but I didn't have anyone else to ask," You apologized again to Miguel. Miguel, who had to fix his suit, just hummed in response,

"It's fine. At least you didn't come up with a lame excuse like I did at the last wedding I went to."

"Oh, I have to hear that."

Miguel rolled his eyes towards you as the two of you took your seats. It had been three months since you and Miguel had became 'friends' again. It was a nice and slow start to rebuilding what you had. Every not and then one of the two of you would flirt, but it would lead to nowhere.

As the wedding continued, you found yourself dozing off. You had a long night patrolling the city. You wanted to make sure your friend had a crime free wedding. Leaning against Miguel, you slowly felt your eyes drift. Miguel wrapped his arm around your waist, keeping you up.

"I told you not to stay up late," Miguel whispered in your ear. You flinched awake,

"C-Crime doesn't sleep!" You huffed back.

The two of you playfully bickered with each other until hearing everyone clap around you. Joining in, both you and Miguel resisted a laugh. You followed the crowd towards the reception, ready to eat some food and hopefully leave.

"Just a few drinks and we can do. I want to avoid my friend questioning us."

--------

"(Y/N)! I'm so glad you came!!! And with a date!!!" You friend squealed happily.

You just joined in on the joy, a few too many drinks in your system. Miguel was keeping a close eye on you since you rarely had fun. It was cute. You had told him not to drink too much and there you were. He just loved how cute you were.

"Sooooo, tell me about your date!" You friend begged. You laughed and sat on Miguel's lap, hugging his neck,

"Dis is Miggy~ We dated...It vas great, bestest man ever!" You slurred, nuzzling your head into his neck, "Smells so nice~"

"And she's done for the night," Miguel sighed, carrying you in place, "It was a pleasure meeting you. Perhaps next time it will be under...better circumstances."

Miguel grunted an embarrassed sigh as he carried you out of the party. You kept whining in his ear, nuzzling your head against his neck. Miguel felt his face burn as he resisted his yearn for you. You brought out his neediness.

"(Y/N), I'm taking you home, okay?" He said, looking around before opening a portal. You whined softly,

"Staaaay, I miss you Miggy. Please stay with me~"

"(Y/N)" Miguel groaned lowly as he placed you on the bed, taking your shoes off, "You wanted to stay friends...right?"

"At firsssssst," You crawled over to him, bringing your face close to his, "Can you gimme another chance? Pwease?"

Miguel looked into your eyes, seeing the want. He sighed softly, kissing your head before tucking you in. He sat against your bed, stroking you head as you started to fall asleep,

"When you wake up, we can start again. It's funny, I was going to ask you to give me another chance," Miguel chuckled lowly.

Hearing you snore, Miguel smiled softly. He laid beside you, pulling you into his embrace, missing your warmth. Miguel just missed you. He closed his eyes as his head rested against your shoulder.

"I still love you, (Y/N). I never stopped."

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Hope you enjoyed!

[erospandemos]

I just can't help it

Yandere Chaewon x Reader

Part 1

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met. 

My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.

I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did. 

It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could. 

The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing. 

If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.

I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme. 

When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.

That evening, when I came home, I  took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary. 

I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same. 

I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.

But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin. 

I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin. 

I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.

I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.

Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.

She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated. 

She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.

The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.

My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.

Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back. 

In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.

During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.

Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.

One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.

They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records. 

When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.

So I stayed silent.

The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.

Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.

I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?

After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.

Part 2

It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.

The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.

You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.

“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.

“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.

“Then, can I seat here?”

“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? You fart a lot?”

I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”

“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.

The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.

Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.

At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.

“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.

“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.

“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”

“An internship? This early?”

“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”

“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”

Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.

I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.

“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.

But you didn’t judge me.

“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”

“Do- do you think I can do it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”

“But is it a possible dream?”

“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”

When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.

Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.

“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.

“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.

“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.

“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”

He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”

“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”

Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.

I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.

“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.

We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.

Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.

Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.

“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”

“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.

“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.

You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”

“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”

“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”

When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.

“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”

I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.

You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.

After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.

“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.

I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.

When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.

“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.

“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”

“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.

When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.

I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!

I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.

I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…

Crack

I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.

I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.

It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.

You made me like this.

Completely insane.

“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.

To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.

“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.

“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.

“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”

“Then how did it get all over your palm?”

“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”

“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”

“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.

I continued to stare at my hand.

I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…

What if they scarred you?

What if they bullied you?

What if girls broke your heart?

What if you were friends with the wrong people?

I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.

I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.

I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.

After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.

You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.

“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.

“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”

“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”

Part 3

The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.

One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."

"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.

"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."

"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.

We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.

Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.

"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.

"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.

"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."

They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."

"Once more."

"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"

"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"

"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."

"That's it, goodbye," they said.

"Thank you!" the girls answered together.

BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.

"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."

The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."

When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.

They noticed me.

"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.

"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.

"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.

"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."

She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."

She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.

I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.

"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.

The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.

"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.

At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.

"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.

"But it was only this time," I said.

"And the other four before."

"Kind of."

"Being there by 11:30 should be good."

"But you should sleep."

"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.

You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.

I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.

There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.

It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…

They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.

The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.

Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.

That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.

You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.

“What happened?!”

“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?

“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.

“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”

“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.

“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.

When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.

“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”

“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.

“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”

You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.

Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.

That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.

The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.

You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.

When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.

You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.

You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”

“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.

“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”

“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.

“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”

Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.

I always think of you.

“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”

“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”

“What day will it be?”

“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”

“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.

I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.

You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.

Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.

Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.

The test went terribly wrong.

You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.

“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.

“Chae?”

“Chaewon?”

You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.

“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”

“What are you talking about?” you asked back.

“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.

“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.

I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.

“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”

“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.

“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”

“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”

“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”

“But—”

“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”

I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.

This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.

Don’t think about anything else. Focus.

I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.

I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.

I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.

I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.

When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?

Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.

I couldn’t stop crying, you know?

To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.

What if you’d never wake up again?

What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?

What if you died?

It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.

The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”

“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.

“Is he okay…?” I asked.

“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.

“Can I see him?”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”

He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.

I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.

I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.

I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…

Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.

Chae be careful the bullies might be after you

Don’t go in the shortcut at the

Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.

I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.

I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.

I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.

They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.

The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.

I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.

But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.

I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.

Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.

When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.

I finally avenged you.

Part 4

Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.

Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.

I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.

I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.

Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.

The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.

Chaewon, you’re a monster.

I can’t be friends with a murderer.

I can’t love a killer.

I hate you.

I wish you died.

I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.

“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.

It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.

On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.

They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.

After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.

Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.

I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.

Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.

I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.

I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.

I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.

They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.

“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”

“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.

“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.

“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”

“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”

“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…

“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.

“It’s because… I… I love you.”

I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.

“W-what? What are you saying?”

“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”

“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”

“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”

That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.

Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.

You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.

“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.

“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”

“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”

“What are you saying, darling?”

“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.

You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.

I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.

I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.

But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.

You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.

Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.

I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.

“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”

“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”

“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”

“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”

“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”

“No, Chae—”

“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”

“Yes, but you took their lives.”

“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”

“Chae, please—”

“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”

I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.

“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”

“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”

“A-a deal? Really?”

“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”

“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”

“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.

“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”

I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.

I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.

“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”

“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”

“Thank you…”

“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”

“Uhm…”

“Do you accept?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”

Part 5

You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:

NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.

NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.

NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.

RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.

TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.

I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.

It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.

We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.

Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.

I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.

You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.

Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.

THE END

Written, 7 June - 27 June 2023

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Vi, Caitlyn, Jinx & Ekko having a crush

Requested by RaineRin13 on wattpad- Can you do one on how they react with us after they found out they like us (like if they act normal or get flustered since they like us)?

VI

Vi didn’t really have a moment where she “found out” she liked you, per say

The feeling was just kind of always there

You both had known each other for a while

Vi and you were always pretty close, some people would say a bit two close

Zaun wasn’t a really place where anything was out of the ordinary, everything was normal

I think the moment Vi realized that you and her weren’t normal friends was when Vi saw two women in a relationship

Either it be in a TV show Vi saw passing by a shop, or in the streets or in the bar

Vi noticed how they acted around each other

And that got the gears turning and Vi realized you both sorta acted like that

Vi knew those women were in a relationship, but you two were not

So Vi started thinking about it, did she wanna be in a relationship with you?

And Vi realized she did, so she didn’t think of you just as a friend

She liked you

And Vi didn’t really know how to feel about it

Vi didn’t know if you liked her back or anything

She didn’t wanna mess anything up

But this is not a if

She was always flirty, even when you two were younger

Girl was always saying something a friend shouldn’t say to another friend

You follow?

She didn’t really know how to say it

Does she just go “Hey! I know you’ve been my friend for like years and all but I like you. You like me back or nah?”

No. She does not.

So she relied on her actions to tell you she liked you

Please pick up on it

Or this is gonna go along for years

(It in fact did go along for years.)

CAITLYN

Caitlyn has always been a sorta loving woman

But it was always different with other people and you

When Caitlyn started having feelings for you she immediately noticed

She didn’t know how to really deal with them

She never had been in a relationship

And Cait was a sorta hopeless romantic, if that's what they’re called

She was terrified of rejection

So she kinda got awkward around you

Then realized she was being awkward and fixed that

Not a lot though

She was mixed with awkward, anxious, flirty and loving all at once

She acted always different around you after she had those feelings surface

And in the early stages when she realized and you did anything for her?

Or to her, like hug her, smile at her, even fucking say her name

I’m sorry but this amazing woman doesn’t know what to do and is sorta frozen

She is kinda flustered a lot around you

Hopefully this will end when y’all get together

Hopefully soon because she doesn’t know how much longer she’ll last

JINX

Jinx was very affectionate, a sorta clingy person mixed with a lot of fucking issues

So she had some friends, some crushes along through the years but she was never really that into them

Most lasting a week or two before running off

But when you came along? 

Jinx didn’t know she liked you

She didn’t like a lot of people

She knew she cared for you

She hung around you, you thought she acted normal but her normal wasn’t very “normal” 

I don’t know how to describe it really

Jinx doesn’t get flustered a lot but she does when she does anything really affectionate with you

Or y’know when those people in movies are hanging out and laughing and one sorta stops and just stares at the other?

The staring one is Jinx when she realizes slowly she cares for you a lot more than others

She kicks up the affection

She acts normal around you for the most part

She did more things for you thats for sure

She was protective alot but it just got more and more over time

Get a new friend? 

“Who are they? When’d you meet ‘em? How did you meet ‘em? Can I meet them? Why not? Do they know about me?”

God forbid you find someone that likes you

Jinx shuts that shit down so quick

I mean, she’s Jinx. The mention of her or a mere thought or her presence scares the shit out of anyone

So she uses it to her advantage

She sticks around you 25/8

Never lets you go

When she likes you, she likes you

No way out of it

EKKO

Ekko knew what it means to like someone or be in love with them

He saw a lot of his friends in the firelights in love

He never experienced it for himself though

He wanted to though

And then you came along

Ekko wasn’t really familiar with the feelings he felt when you were around

He just knew he looked at you differently than the others

Scar had told him that

He didn’t even notice till his friend pointed it out to him

Ekko didn’t really know how to deal with his feelings or why he felt that way about you

He just knew he did, and he liked feeling happy when he saw you

For the most part, he acted normal with you

He just smiled more, laughed more and hanged around you a lot more

He was also more close to you

He hugged you a lot, Ekko liked putting his arm around your shoulder or around your waist

He liked doing things for you

He also liked making things for you

But if you ever reciprocate or be the first to give him something or give affection yourself when he doesn’t expect it?

He gets a little flustered and a bit blushy

He doesn’t know what to do truly

But he hopes his feelings lead to somewhere with you

And he didn’t know that they would 

Soon enough

[pablitogavii]

could you write smth where at like an event, people are saying that the reader isn’t rich enough or good enough to be dating pablo and she doesn’t tell him but he finds out and gets mad but the ending is sweet and cute <3

True Treasure

You attended one of the Barça events with Pablo after you finally went public about your relationship after five months of being together in secret.

Most of his fans were very kind to you especially since you weren't trying to use his fame for yourself but lived a normal life even when everyone found out you were his girlfriend.

You were very nervous about the event as it is because you get anxious in large crowds of people you don't know. And to make things worse some haters online really got you self conscious on your way there.

y.n.bebe

Barcelona, Spain

Ready for the dinner. Gracias amor por un foto <;3 @pablogavi

comments:

pablogavi: que guapa <3

hater123: that dress is literally so cheap!!

hatersclub: she looks so simple :/

besthater: nahh gavi buy her some clothes cause she poor!!

You were glad that Pablo put his phone on silent when he drove so that he didn't read any of those comments cause he would go crazy if he knew.

You didn't really care much abut branded clothes or shiny jewelry but when you arrived to the party, that's all you saw.

All the guys were in expensive suits, just like Pablo was and it looked so freaking good on him! All the women were either wearing Dior, Channel, Versace or some other brand I didn't even know about.

"You okay?" he asked snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you close and you just nodded faking a smile not wanting him to worry about this.

You were next to take photos and you never felt more uncomfortable. Everybody was looking at you smiling but all you thought was that they thought your dress was cheap and that you didn't belong here.

"Um..I'm sorry Pablo..I need some air" you said after the photos walking out to get some fresh air suddenly the whole room feeling stuffy and heavy. Pablo of course followed after you worried what happened.

"You feeling anxious princesa??" he said kissing your head and you just nodded your head looking at how beautiful Barcelona looked a t night from the balcony you were at.

"I'm sorry Pablo.." you said tears spilling down your cheek obviously not because you were anxious but because you felt like you didn't deserve him, like you were embarrassing him.

"Amor..que pasa? Tell your Pablito what's wrong please?" he pulled you in closer raising your chin and drying a tear from your face.

"I..don't belong here. I'm not rich enough..and I shouldn't have came" you said unable to keep quiet any longer really wanting to go home right now.

"Amor..where is this coming from huh? Of course you belong here! You're my girl and the most beautiful woman tonight" he spoke kissing your lips afterwards and you sniffled.

"But..but I'm not wearing expensive clothes like everyone here" you said and Pablo giggled pulling you closer into him and kissing the top of your head.

"And why do you think I chose you? Out of all those influencers flashing Versace in my face wanting me just because they want to be Barcelona Wags... I chose you because even in a simple white dress, you look breathtaking to me princesa.." Pablo spoke with his hands on your hips and you smiled blushing a little.

"R..really??" you say looking up and he smiled nodding his head and holding your face and kissing your lips lovingly.

"Mhm..now come with me and let's enjoy the party princesa!" he said and you nodded walking back inside spending truly a magical night together.

pablogavi

Love isn't about expensive clothes and jewelry...love is about connection, laughs, silly arguments and LOTS of cuddles! I can't believe there are people who can hate on such an angel who makes me so happy every day. My favorite thing she wears is my hoodie <3 Te amo princesa!! @y.n.bebe

comments:

gavifan: I read the comments underneath her latest post. some people are so hateful that it's unimaginable! just because somebody's not rich doesn't mean they are worthless. this girl is such a sweet soul and deserves all love that Pablo knows how to give <3

gavirafanclub: i love y.n because she is not one of those fake plastic influencers trying to get famous by being with gavi! she is the real one!!

y.n.fangirl: made me so angry to see them comment how her dress is "cheap" when it looked absolutely stunning on her! she's an 18 year olf girl and is dressing according to her age!

gavi_y.n_lovestory: this picture is soo cute!! she's so precious pablo! protect her at all cost <33

Pablo's post really meant a lot to you and it inspired all of your friends to stand in your corner as well which wasn't what you expected at all to happen.

mikkykiemeney story: people hating on this angel is unacceptable! true value is in your heart! <3 love you hermanita mia!

pedri story: amiga mia! you are more than amazing and we all love you very much! stop hating on good people!!

aurorapaezg story: hermanita mia preciosa! I love you so much and don't let any haters get you down! you're the best thing that happened to my hermano and we love you so much!!! <33

siramartinez story: I'm in complete disbelief that this girl is receiving hate! she's the sweetest human and always there to support her boyfriend! ps. pls let me borrow that dress cause it's bomb girl!!!

[trans-androgyne]

tbh i agree with you about the hate against the word transandrophobia rly just being people not wanting to admit that they might have been acting kinda of shitty when they bullied and excluded and gaslit us about our oppression (tbh i think with some chronically online transfems it's just an I Am Upset When Is Not About Me situation. but i also think they have that pov after being legitimately traumatized and jaded by the transmisogyny that *is* rampant in queer and feminist spaces so there's nuance or whatever ig) but at this point ive had to just start ignoring it when people i follow start ranting against the word as long as its just the word they have issues with 😭😭 like the bar is so low ive had to set it at "anyone who accepts that we might suffer from sexism and systemic misogyny like women do" because otherwise it's like the only trans people i can follow are those who are *specifically* transandrophobia bloggers or those who just never post about community issues- which is often a breath of fresh air, except half the time i end up having to unfollow those people after they start reblogging posts like "trans men need to admit they have male privilege and really yknow what they can pass so easily they basically have cis privilege too and clearly they're all skinny and white and able-bodied so actually they're just The Enemy but also they're all lame and cringe and The Reason Cis People Hate Us because they're so lame and cringe and they should all just detransition and be good normal quiet pretty cis girls tbh." (:

quietly praying contrapoints or jessiegender (heard contra explicitly say that terfs and society at large oppress us in a unique way that can be just as harmful as transmisogyny on a podcast, and jessie has explicitly talked about transandrophobia and used the word on her second channel) does even the slightest gesture of support towards us in a more public-facing way so that maybe the delusional idea that patriarchy respects our gender enough to give us more than the flimsiest, conditional male privilege stops being quite so dominant.

I’m so sorry you’ve had to settle for interacting with people who don’t respect you or recognize your oppression. I get what you mean, I’ve been willing to settle for people who use tme/tma and think transmascs see privileged above transfems, I’m just so desperate for people who discuss trans issues but understand that transmascs experience gendered oppression. I hope popular non-transmascs discussing our issues will help increase acceptance of our discussions.

[betelgo0ze]

People seemed to really like my fanon v canon rant so here’s another rant about the concept of Cybertronian gender and language 

Pronouns aren’t limited to he/she/they, and I’m not just talking about Neo and non-mainstream pronouns. Words like “you” and “our” are also pronouns, so the next time you hear someone say “i dOnT uSe pRoNoUnS” yes you do. Literally yes you do(excluding people who are referred to only by name, I’m talking specifically about homophobes and bigots but I digress)

The English language, along with most earth languages, have unique words that can only apply to that language. Of course you can translate as close as possible, but some words are exclusive to that language and you can’t accurately translate them. I speak English and Spanish(specifically Argentinian) and there are many words that I can’t translate into English. My father’s from Argentina so he taught me, and even he can’t translate a few words because they simply aren’t words in the English dictionary.

Now when we talk about Cybertronian, it is a fictional language that directly translates into English. Each letter has a symbol that represents that letter so people can directly translate it. It doesn’t have its own structure or grammar, it is just a silly easter egg. 

(Also there’s two main versions of cybertronian I could find but they both follow the same format of what is basically a decoding game) 

It’s obvious they have their own language, but it’s presented to us in a format we can understand, but if we’re thinking of cybertronions as a real species than it would not directly translate and just like any other earth language.

Quick but important detail: cybertronions don’t reproduce. They call us organic for a reason. They can’t do the squinty and dirty because they don’t have things to do it with, therefore don’t have a true concept of gender identity or sexual orientation. The only reason they’re referred to as “he,” “she,” or “they” in media is because it’s translated into English, the same way languages don’t always translate accurately.

There are transgender characters but they are for the viewer if anything, and Cybertronian gender is so much more complex if anything at all. A good theory is that humans introduced the concept of gender, but I don’t think that’s the case. Some people might like slimmer frames which just happen to be a characteristic of women. Some want bulkier bodys and to not be as slim, like a stereotypical male. Words like “he” and “she” are translated into words that refer to physical characteristics rather than mental. There’s also instances of this not happening like when Swerve mistakes Nautica for a man despite her having colored lips and a slim body(traits which normally apply to AFAB people)

At the end of the day, Cybertronions are something to dissect with their culture being so vague due to language barriers and Rodimus being British apparently(different areas have different accents, Rodimus is just compared to having a British accent. Don’t think too deep into it)

also if your curious here’s the two languages sorry that ones transparent lmao

Oke thanks for coming to my ted talk I love you drink wawa and eat please I beg of you

[lavenderxskys]

i dont believe in love at first sight... but god-damn - part one

pairing: buck barnes x reader

summary: its not normal for bucky to instantly feel something for a women. but you're just too good to ignore...

includes: strangers to lovers, inferred female reader (pronouns, descriptions, etc), implied smut?, alcohol intoxication, drinking, steve rogers ofc, story doesnt really follow any movie plots so no spoliers!, all characters are of drinking age, pet names?: sweetheart, doll

the night has barely even started and you're already halfway drunk, laughing over the loud music with your friend at the bar. your best friend, steve, orders another round and turns to you.

"are we just gonna sit here all night or are you finally gonna find someone to go home with?" steve cocks his head playfully and smiles, his obvious playful demeanor poking right through.

you roll your eyes, taking a sip of your drink, "psh. you really think anyone here wants me? plus we're in the bad part of town, i'd probably get murdered."

"not necessarily, i know plenty of good people that go here often. and you know, actually, i think today's the day that my friend bucky comes and grabs a couple drinks."

you smile, "ahh the infamous bucky, i would love to meet him, he's all you used to talk about after all."

steve agrees with you that if bucky shows up he'll introduce you, so you lay back on the drinks just in case you like the guy.

an hour or so pass with you a steve laughing about god knows what and getting excited when one of you twos favorite songs play. you almost forget you might be meeting bucky when steves face lights up towards the door and waves.

"hey bucky! over here!" steve motions for bucky to join the two of you.

you turn around and your heart pounds, the man walking over is gorgeous, even the way he walks over to the two of you sends heat to your face.

buckys not so quick to notice you, more focussed on asking his friend why he's here. but when he finally notices you, his sentence falters. his eyes travel to all parts of you, your hair framing your face perfectly, and the way your outfit showed off the features of your body had him almost drooling. he looks away quickly though, finishing his sentence.

steve smiles and nudges you with his shoulder, "y/n and i like to go here sometimes after work, gets the nerves to settle ya' know?"

bucky nods, turning his head to make eye contact with you, "y/n, huh? never heard of her, are you two..."

steve nervously laughs, "no,no. just friends. she is looking, though."

you roll your eyes, embarrassed. meanwhile, bucky is looking you over again, his own mind confused on why he's feeling this way.

steve exchanges a glance between the two of you, sipping his drink, "buttt i do know that buck is very 'hard to get' in that area so sorry y/n, he's probably not interested."

you gasp and shoot him a look, "i never said anything about being into him," you glance at bucky, "no offense."

"none taken sweetheart." your heart basically stops at the nickname, but you power through and take a sip of your drink while steve laughs.

"okay okay, sorry. how about we order some more drinks? gotta catch you up to speed james." steve smiles and orders more drinks for the three of you.

the drinks continue, so many rounds that you stopped counting after steve both you and bucky to the dance floor. the three of you danced pitifully, laughing whenever a new song played and the style of dance was altered.

after about twenty minutes of this, you left steve and bucky and sat down at a nearby booth, laying your head agasint the table, this hangover was gonna suck.

"tired already?" buckys deep voice sent shivers down your spine.

you lifted your head and groaned, "don't pay me any mind, i'm sure steve needs a dance partner." i look over to steve who's still going at it for whatever reason.

bucky scoffs a little, "you know hes not even drunk right? the sss makes it so he can't."

"of course i know, i think he has the placebo effect though, whatever makes him happy i guess." you smile, glad at least someone can have fun without the repercussions the next morning.

there's a moment of silence between the two of you. bucky looks down at you, wearing a subtle smirk that you can't decipher if it's a drunken one or something more than that.

bucky knows he feels something for you, but he's trying so hard to fight it.

james buchanan barnes does not believe in love at first sight.

but there you were, you're unmistakably stunning, every thing about you make bucky want more. all he knew was your name, and he still wanted you.

he clears his throat, using it as a way to clear his thoughts, "so you and steve, you guys aren't a thing? that's a surprise actually, the way he looks at you and all." there's a slight hint of jealously in his voice, even though he has no reason to be jealous.

you raise your eyebrow, baffled that someone would even think that, there's no way there's anything between the two of you, "we definitely are not a thing, steve's like my brother."

bucky nods and moves to sit down across from you, the intoxication beginning to mess with his head.

you giggle, "you and steve aren't a thing either?" you smile playfully.

"haha. you're funny." bucky says sarcastically, "no, we just go way back." he returns your smile, making your heart speed up.

you both can hear steve pleading the two of you to come back and dance. bucky makes eye contact with you then bursts out laughing, "i guess we should go and dance with him." he says between chuckles while he gets up and walks back to the dance floor. you sigh and follow him, a headache starting to form in your temples.

for whatever reason, captian america himself has amazing dance skills when it comes down to it. you and bucky cheer him on, joining in with him every so often. but it comes to the points where you're drunkenly swaying to the music, right against buckys front side.

you don't essentially realize how close you two are until you turn around and you're inches from his face.

you both pause for a beat, your breaths fanning out onto each others faces. bucky face is hot, whatever you did with your hips has his pants growing tighter by the second. but he holds himself together and hovers his hands above your waist.

"may i?"

you pause, but then nod, figuring it was harmless. he places his hands on your waist, surprisingly gentle, and sways to the music with you.

steve laughs, "jeez that didn't take long, thank god." he winks and walks over to a group of girls that has just walked in.

before you know it, you and bucky are stumbling out of the bar, leaving steve behind. your lips are crashing together as the both of you try to make it to buckys car.

you're desperate at this point, the alchol making you want to commit all types of unholy. you hold on the the collar of his shirt, kissing him deeply.

"now hold on doll, this is a public parking lot, let's go somewhere more private." you reach the car and bucky unlocks it, opening the car door for you.

you slide in and he closes the door, walking over the the other side and getting in.

bucky starts the car and starts to drive off, not worried about his drunken state. his right hand leaves the steering wheel and finds your thigh.

inching higher. and higher.

at this point you've lost your breath, biting your lip as your senses light up, little fireworks going off in your body.

finally, bucky pulls off onto a back road and stops the car, his hands moving further up onto your waist, pulling you over to his side and pulling you into another deep kiss.

his hands find your thighs again and your heart pounds, grinding down on his lap.

bucky chuckles, "needy are we? let me help you out then, sweetheart."

a/n: there is gonna be a part twooo so stay tuned for that

im not very good at writing the slow shit so i apologize if this is really boring but i think i'll improve in the next part because it is my area of expertise...

also dont drink and drive folks

[hotteststar]

okay so mine is not normally a political blog, but for today i will make an exception. i am not even american, i live in italy, but i follow world politics actively (also the usa elections influence all the other nations) and i feel like saying this: i am deeply disgusted, and i am ashamed to breathe the same air of people who voted and elected a rapist, bigot, racist, misogynist, homophobe and a thousand other things.

i am losing more and more faith in humanity, it is more and more a war against women, against freedom; freedom of speech, freedom to feel safe, freedom to do what you want with your body. It disgusts me to think of those who are satisfied with these elections, and I feel sorry for all the young people, for all the women, who once again have lost a battle (but not the war, never the war, remember this my sisters).

I hope that in the next election, people will have opened their eyes, seen and understood the true power of women, and changed their minds about who they want to lead their nation. Until then, I hope that all those who did not vote for the current President Trump, are safe and don't lose their hope, because women will have their revange, if not today, then, it will be tomorrow.

[angrybell]

An Israeli author was supposed to appear and give a talk about her books at the Pushkin House, part of the University of London. It was due to occur on . With the date approaching the people at Pushkin House sent the following to Ms. Rubina.

Good afternoon, Dina

The Pushkin House advertised our upcoming discussion on social media and immediately received critical messages regarding your position on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. They would like to understand your position on this issue before reacting in any way.

Could you formulate your position and send it to me as soon as possible?”

Natalia! “

Ms. Rubina responded with the following open letter.

An OPEN LETTER

from Dina Rubina

“Dear Natalia!

You have written beautifully about my novels; I am very sorry for the time you have wasted. But it seems we’ll have to cancel our meeting. The University of Warsaw and the University of Torun have just cancelled lectures by the remarkable Israeli Russian-speaking writer Yakov Shechter on the life of Jews in Galicia in the 17th and 19th centuries – “to avoid aggravating the situation”. I suspected that this would also happen to me, because now the academic environment is the main nursery of the most disgusting and rabid anti-Semitism, hiding behind the so-called “criticism of Israel”. I was expecting something like this, and even sat down three times to write you a letter on the subject… but I decided to wait, and so I have waited.

That’s what I want to say to all those who expect from me a quick and obsequious account of my position on my beloved country, which now (and always) lives in a circle of ardent enemies who seek its destruction; on my country, which is now waging a just patriotic war against a violent, ruthless, deceitful and sophisticated enemy:

The last time in my life I apologised in the headmaster’s office, in the ninth grade. Since then, I have done what I think is right, listening only to my conscience and expressing only my understanding of the world order and human laws of justice.

And so on.

I’m really sorry, Natalia, for your efforts and the hope that you could “cook something with me” – something that everyone will like.

Therefore, I ask you personally to send my reply to all those who are interested:

On Saturday 7 October, the Jewish holiday of Simchat Torah, the ruthless, well-trained, carefully prepared and perfectly equipped with Iranian weapons Hamas terrorist regime ruling the Gaza enclave (which Israel left some 20 years ago) attacked dozens of peaceful kibbutzim and simultaneously pelted the territory of my country with tens of thousands of rockets. Atrocities that even the Bible cannot describe, atrocities and horrors that make the crimes of Sodom and Gomorrah pale in comparison (captured, by the way, by the frontal and chest cameras of the murderers themselves and boastfully sent by them in real time to the Internet), can shock any normal person. For several hours, thousands of gleeful, blood-drunk animals raped women, children and men, shot their victims in the crotch and in the head, cut off women’s breasts and played football with them, cut babies out of the bellies of pregnant women and immediately beheaded them, tied up small children and burned them. There were so many charred and completely burnt bodies that for many weeks the pathologists could not cope with the enormous burden of identifying individuals.

My friend, who worked in a New York hospital waiting room for 20 years and then spent another 15 years in Israel identifying remains, was one of the first to arrive in the burned and blood-soaked kibbutzim with a group of rescuers and medics… She still can’t sleep. A medic used to cutting up bodies – she fainted from what she saw and then vomited all the way back to the car. What these people have seen is beyond words.

Together with the Hamas fighters, the “civilian population” rushed into the holes in the fence, joined the pogroms on an unprecedented scale, robbed, killed and dragged whatever they could get their hands on into Gaza. Among these “peaceful Palestinians” were 450 members of the UN’s UNRWA scum. Everyone was there, and judging by the stormy total joy of the population (also captured in these inconvenient times by hundreds of mobile cameras) – there were a lot of people – Hamas supports and approves, at least before the real fighting starts, of almost the entire population of Gaza… The main problem: our residents were dragged into the beast’s lair, more than two hundred of them, including women, children, the elderly and non-essential foreign workers. About a hundred of them are now rotting and dying in the Hamas dungeons. Needless to say, these harassed victims are of little concern to the “academic community”.

But that’s not what I’m talking about. I am not writing this to make anyone sympathise with the tragedy of my people.

For all these years, when the world community has literally poured hundreds of millions of dollars into this piece of land (the Gaza Strip) – and the annual budget of the UNRWA organisation alone is a BILLION dollars! – All these years, Hamas has used this money to build an empire of the most complex underground tunnel system, to stockpile weapons, to teach primary school children how to dismantle and reassemble a Kalashnikov assault rifle, to print textbooks in which the hatred of Israel defies description, in which even the maths problems go like this: “There were ten Jews, Shahid killed four, how many are left?” – with every word calling for the murder of Jews.

And now that Israel, shocked at last by the monstrous crime of these bastards, is waging a war to destroy the Hamas terrorists, who have prepared this war so carefully, planting thousands of shells in all the hospitals, schools, kindergartens… – here the academic world of the whole world has risen up, worried about the “genocide of the Palestinian people”, based, of course, on data provided by… who? That’s right, by the same Hamas, by the same UNRWA… The academic community, which was not concerned about the massacres in Syria, the massacre in Somalia, the mockery of the Uighurs or the millions of Kurds persecuted for decades by the Turkish regime – this very concerned public, wearing “Arafat” around their necks, the trademark of the murderers, rallies under the banners “Free Palestine from the river to the sea! – which means the total destruction of Israel (yes, many of these “academics”, as surveys show, have no idea where this river is, what it is called, where some borders are…). – Now this very public asks me to “take a clear position on this issue”.

Are you serious?! Are you serious?!!

You see, I’m a writer by profession. All my life, for more than fifty years, I have been folding words. My novels have been translated into 40 languages, including Albanian, Turkish, Chinese, Esperanto… and many others.

Now, with great pleasure, without using too many expressions, I sincerely and with all the strength of my soul send all the brainless “intellectuals” interested in my position to the ASS. In fact, very soon you will all be there without me”.

Dina Rubina