#sorry not sorry i’m so into it

[vampykween]

i’m sorry but i am a period sex truther‼️

simon wouldn’t even be phased just a “if it helps ya feel better why not” and you’re so giddy because you weren’t expecting him to be into it. in fact you were preparing yourself for him to brush you off and have to deal with the disappointment.

your boyfriend is so diligent laying down towels for you and suddenly you’re feeling shy at the thought of him seeing you like this. he’s seen you on your period of course and he’s seen you naked, but having him look at you with that hungry look in your eye during your time of the month feels a little daunting.

you’re broken out of your thoughts when simon runs his hands up your legs, caressing your thighs softly; his method of wordlessly soothing you and it works like a charm. you take a deep breath as you feel him line himself up with your entrance and you brace yourself for the familiar feeling of him filling you completely.

simon takes your hand and tangles your fingers together, he presses a kiss to the back of your hand and questions, “ya ready baby?” words fail you so you simply nod enthusiastically. in one fell swoop he pushes into the tight heat of you and you both moan in unison at the feeling. you feel more sensitive right now, your gummy walls clamping down on him with every thrust. it doesn’t take long before you feel your orgasm building, white hot heat simmering inside of you. your boyfriend has his head buried in the crook of your neck and is groaning loudly and whispering in your ear about how tight you are and how much he loves the feeling of your pussy gripping his cock.

“si- baby…oh my god. i’m-“

“i know love, ‘ve gotcha”

simon’s hand trails down and rubs fervently at your throbbing clit, the lewd wet sound of your blood and arousal fill your ears and you momentarily feel like you should be disgusted but can’t even bring yourself to be. in no time your back is arching, body bowing as you hurdle right over the edge.

your chest is heaving and you feel sort of cockdrunk that you barely even notice simon pulling out and cleaning you up. you must’ve dozed off because when you wake you’re being scooped up and settled into a hot, bubbly bath. before the blonde man can pull away you grab his face in your hands and kiss him passionately. he was so good to you, how did you manage to get so lucky?

“i’m the lucky one love” you hadn’t realize you said that out loud, but you’re not even embarrassed at your admission. simon deserved to know how much you adored him.

[churrotowns]

cockblocked 😔

[hamletthedane]

I just found the earliest email I ever sent from my email address, and it’s the funniest goddamn thing I can possibly imagine a fourth grader sending her teacher:

(Context - my fourth grade teacher was on maternity leave, and the class had conferenced at recess regarding the poor state of the classroom goldfish’s tank. We decided to inform our (24yo, new mother) former teacher of the dire situation, and I was selected as the duly appointed representative for this solemn communication.)

[catlaila]

justice for kabru. they put my man in the wrong genre. bro was meant to be playing psychological games with light yagami and instead he’s playing yaoi mind tennis with a blonde himbo

[allagashed]

whenever i say “screaming crying throwing up” this is what i mean

[jakemoogle]

This has to be the funniest and my favourite community note thus far on this stupid app

[minjimunji]

bi 4 bi percabeth,,,,, 👉👈

[daincrediblegg]

OK THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILL EVERYONE FUCKING REPEAT AFTER ME. THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL DO WHEN YOU WATCH MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL THIS YEAR:

You will navigate to the page on disney plus (and it has to be here. Unless someone has actually uploaded the REAL movie anywhere else you cannot get it elsewhere)

BUT YOU WILL NOT HIT PLAY. You won’t do it. Because it’s NOT THE REAL VERSION OF THE FILM AND DISNEY IS FUCKING LYING TO YOU AS IT ALWAYS DOES

You will scroll down HERE. To EXTRAS instead. You MUST GO HERE. This is non -negotiable

THEN YOU WILL SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE EXTRAS AND YOU WILL THEN HIT PLAY ON THIS BAD BOY: THE FULL LENGTH VERSION

And you will watch it. And you will thank me for having been so blind and led astray by that stupid fucking mouse. You’re welcome.

[kuno-chan]

Some of us really need to be doing “Finish That Fanfic We Haven’t Updated in a Year November” 💀

[artsymeeshee]

Don’t know why I wanted to draw this dumb, silly idea but here we are lol

[urmumhaha]

I wish butch n femme balls existed. Not to b a fucking sap n a massive dyke but wow. Ugh even. Just wanna wear a gown n stilettos n have my honey greet me w a bouquet before we leave n we wear matching or complimentary jewelry n spend hours on my hair and makeup to impress. N then when we get there my honey will spin me around the room for a brief dance before grabbing something to drink, wine for me n whiskey for her, as we chat w other dykes n celebrate butchfemmeness. Or whatever

[littlemsterious]

i was thinking about that post comparing Jessica Rabbit as an asexual to Barbie and an asexual and then i thought of the Neil Gaiman post (was it a post?) about Crowley and Aziraphale being asexual sexless and then this happened.

anyways. thoughts?

sorry it took so long I meant to do this a week ago but my brain is full of rocks.

[Image ID a three sided venn diagram. the big circles show Margot Robbie's Barbie sitting in front of a mirror, Jessica and Roger Rabbit from the poster of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens standing back to back. Between Barbie and Jessica Rabbit it says "sexualised by society". Between Jessica Rabbit and Aziraphale and Crowley it says "Knows what sex is". Between Aziraphale and Crowley and Barbie it says "no reproductive system(?)". the center is the asexual flag. End ID]

Also i haven't seen the Barbie movie as of this edit so at least please tag your spoilers.

[arctvros]

so these are our only two options? we’re cooked

[the-magnus-protocol]

Tma + tmagp art masterpost

[haveihitanerve]

How Bruce gets his kids ready to fight-

Bruce: alright everyone circle up

JL: ????

Batman: nightwing… do you want to do the honor

Nightwing: *tears up* yes.

Nightwing: *deep breath* you gotta, gotta, get your head in the game

Batkids: you gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game

Nightwing: you gotta, gotta, get your head in the game

Batkids: you gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game

Nightwing: YOU GOTTA, GOTTA GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME

Batkids: YOU GOTTA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME

JL: *concerned*

~

Batman: alright hands in, save the world on three. One two three,

Batkids: SAVE THE WORLD

JL: what the fu-

~

Batman: never back down never what?

Batkids: never give up!

Batman: NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT

Batkids: NEVER GIVE UP

JL: okay they’re seriously scaring us now-

[incandescent-mushroom]

House has definitely sent Wilson a dick pic or several but he sends them by email because they are both old men and the titles are things like ‘URGENT: please identify if lung cancer’ or ‘patient biopsy results - respond ASAP’ so that Wilson’s guilt complex makes him feel obligated to open each one just in case someone’s life is actually on the line