#sorry if this counts as a vent idk

[kaysdenofchaos]

hha lowkey not looking forward going back home from college anymore

regardless of how it turns out im kinda realizing that this election like. probably broke my last bit of hope i can keep a relationship w my trump supporting asshat of a brother

i just wanna feel safe man.

[toashesireturn]

absolutely insane take from the priest this past sunday but apparently he doesn't consider marriages only carried out at the courthouse and not through the church as real marriages so if you got married and didnt get a specifically catholic marriage then having sex is still a sin. absolutely baffling take along with the rest of the purity culture bs he was spouting

[so-i-macedup-abit]

apologies to the inbox on the fil ask blog and mine

[klmmcqueen]

so anyway i turn 32 next month

[allseeingharlequin]

One of my absolute favorite tropes with angst specifically is when one character doesn't want to look the other one in the eyes or show them thier face because the other character will be able to read their face ESPECIALLY when the other character knows why theyre not looking at them

[mel-loly]

Testing you guys to see what you think of me..🤔

[irequirealobotomy]

my mom is always bragging about how good she is working with autistic kids but the absolute minute my autism is disabling and i am unable to properly ask for the help i need shes upset. i know i am asking a lot but i expect you to be able to do anything except for get angry. please. i put up with your bullshit all the time. and im trying. im trying to help myself. but i need help.

i was already breaking down crying over this. i am as i type. i dont want to be broken and struggling or at least i want to be able to help myself. and im so sorry. im so sorry that i am.

but please treat me like im your kid and not some problem maker giving you another thing to deal with. if you dont want me to be your kid, give me to dad.

[cha1cedony]

Sigh. Tomorrow. I'll do more. tomorrow 🥲

[bambiraptorx]

sometimes i wish my brain had a fucking off switch

[corals-corner]

Uhhhh little rant about smth that happened today, feel free to ignore I just need to get this shit out before I bury it down

Ok, so I play basketball. I'm not great at it, I'm aware, but I'm not bad when I actually try. Today was ouR second game

By "our" I mean just the starters and like 2 other girls. The team consists of 14 players. 5 of them, I think more, are failing one or more of their classes, meaning they weren't allowed to play, some aren't allowed to play for 3 weeks because of that. The ones who are passing are mainly the ones who are on both JV and Varsity, like me and like a little less than half the V team.

Unfortunately the head coach doesn't care about the jv team. During practice she'll use as as practice dummies for her old team and starters. This means that we don't get the same opportunity to learn and practice the plays we're supposed to do.

Now, the reason I need to rant is because of what those girls who are failing said. We told them that they need to get their grades up. Then they said that we depend on them too much and that we should know the plays because we have the same practices.

NO DUMBASS WE DONT. WE DONT KNOW THE PLAYS AND WE DONT KNOW THE WEIRD ASS POSITIONS. YOU ASSHOLES GET PRIORITY IN THE COACHES EYES AND WE GET SHIT. WERE TRAINING DUMBIES FOR YOU SO WE DONT GET THE SAME AMOUMT OF PRACTICE YOU GET FOR ANYTHING. YOUR ALL FUCKING FAILING SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUDGING US?

I literly got less than 30 seconds of playing time at the very end because the coach didn't want to get in trouble and I was confused as all hell bc I had been sitting on the bend the entire game. They fucking used me to full up the players water bottles when they began to get emptied. I'm sorry, but I didn't see this last year in jv when we literly only had 5 girls on the team playing the whole time with the only breaks being the time outs and half time. Someone to fill waterbottles would have been great for us then.

Istg I didn't even want to join basketball this year because I do not like the coaches. One doesn't even play basketball, and somehow she's been more help than the actual coach when it comes to actual moves. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this bc while the game was going on, me and another girl who got about a minute were talking about this. Like miss, we don't know how to trap well, we don't know where you want us to go when the play falls apart, and we don't know what you want us to do when no one is open and we can't dribble.

I know where gonna get in trouble when we go back to school on monday, but I better not have to do anything because I played for less than 30 seconds. I love basketball, it's really fun for me, but the coach pisses me off and I feel like the girls who weren't in jv last year don't see how they get a better coach than everyone else. Idk why I even go to the ga,es if I don't get to play. The first game I didn't play at all and I was still expected to show up in full gear. I know it's probably normal and this happens in every school, but it just passes me off that I and a bunch of other girls are being held to the same standards as the girls who get much more practice than us.

The jv team is larger than last year which I'm thankful for, but most of the girls in jv are in Varsity too, so the practices are merged. I thought this mean that we'd get more practice but apparently not.

This shouldn't piss me off this much but oh well, I just needed to get this out, please ignore

[cobul]

It has been a long time since I posted something personal, but I need to vent a little.

My christian family (mainly father’s sides, him included) KNOWS that I don’t believe in anything, yet given the minimal opportunity, they will try to convince me to “talk with god” just in case I ever miraculously gain faith. They say things like this:

“Oh, cobul, so you are stressed with college exams? why don’t you try talk to god? You will feel release!”

“So you’re worried about [insert ANY topic]? I know you don’t believe in anything but please! Pray for god! Or at least do it for me”

Like, if it was just a few times? No problem, I understand it is their set of beliefs or whatever. But because of the frequency of it happening in this last year, it’s becoming really off putting, honestly. I swear, one of these days I’m going to snap and tell them to fuck off. If they wanted me to believe in god, maybe, just maybe, they shouldn’t have sent me to a laic school where we studied history of religions (a class where we were taught about the biggest religions worldwide in the most aseptic way).

It’s kinda funny, they me gave free will and didn’t make me join a catechism group while I was younger because they thought that I would somehow choose Christianity when I became an adult. These were my fathers words, a few years ago:

“A kid cannot fully understand what a religion is and what it compels, and should not be indoctrinated in one. Believing in god should be a conscious decision, not something coming from a compulsory habit”-.

Taking in account that my father and his siblings were brought up in a traditional christian family, it’s to be expected that they think of Christianity as the default and the best, despite them being more liberal than my grandparents, I think they failed to realize that giving me freedom of choice could also mean that there was a chance of me not becoming christian. That or they overestimated their persuasion or faith power to convert someone. As a more tongue-in-cheek comment, maybe they thought that at least I would believe in something, which would be easier to work with for them, probably.

All in all, at least they’re not TOO homophobic and my father accepts my homosexuality way better than my lack of faith.

Sorry for the long post, I know it’s an oddly specific situation what Im talking about, but thanks for reading, in case this reaches anyone. (Also sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I’m not a native speaker, so feel free to correct me).

[silverior968]

So, as I mentioned in the last post, I’ll be undergoing brain surgery the day after tomorrow. 

I have a condition called type 1 Chiari Malformation, which basically means that my skull isn’t big enough for my whole cerebellum, the part of the brain which is in charge of fine-tuning movements among other things. It has caused me problems with coordination, balancing and also a constant headache. Recently it was also noticed that my cerebellum had caused my brainstem to visibly bend, which could be bad if it progresses. 

That’s why I’m going to undergo Chiari decompression, a type of brain surgery. You can find information about it online, but the gist is that they’re replacing a piece of my skull to make it bigger. It should help with my headaches or at least stop the bending of the brainstem. For a brain surgery it is a relatively safe procedure, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying to me. For over a year I have known that it was coming, and I’ve spent that entire time being afraid of it. Not all of the time, but at least once a day I have though about it. It has been very difficult, but I am hopeful and I trust my surgeon.

So what now? Well, for some time you might not hear from me. I don’t know what condition I will be in but for at least a day afterwards I will not be able to write any posts or do anything, really. I’ll just be in the ICU, hopefully totally unaware of everything. 3 days is my expected hospital stay, and after that I have 2 weeks of not being able to do most things myself. I don’t know when I’ll be able to draw again, but I hope it’s really soon. I’ll try to update you when I’m able to.

Thank you for reading, and if you have any questions, whether it be about Chiari, the operation or just anything in general, I’ll answer to the best of my abilities.

[onionishere]

My anxiety is taking over my life and i need to do something about it ASAP i feel so awkward about all interacting with friends i had today it was EMBARRASSING

[aidoruninaritai]

Imagine giving the LoveLive series a game

[mermaid-lesbian]

why isn't masculinization a popular kink in fanfiction???? like i know femslash is rare in general but god dammit i'm a nonbinary lesbian and i want my girlfriend to call my clit a dick is that so bad. :p

[neon-danger]

I miss your posts friend 💜

I’m gonna be so real I’ve been reading starcrossed the last few nights