#it’s just 97 things the band might have said to or about someone

[neon-danger]

I miss your posts friend 💜

I’m gonna be so real I’ve been reading starcrossed the last few nights

[buraisu9009]

Carrying on the Cowl Part 1, A Batman Story

(Authors Note)

Well would you look at that my very first fanfiction story so a little background information for all of you first of all if you're taking the time to read this thanks for dropping by secondly a little background information I had to think long and hard as what I wanted this story to be about now as you could probably guess from the title this is a bad man story but the direction I decided to take with it may surprise a lot of people.

I was born in 97 and growing up in the 2000s and 2010s I saw a lot of the earlier superhero movies I grew up with the Sam Rami Trilogy for Spider-Man and I also watched a lot of the Christopher Nolan Batman movies which is the universe in which this story takes place.

I decided for my bad man story I was going to be pulling from three specific storylines the first obviously to set up a lot of the shall we say background is the Christopher Nolan Batman then I'm going to be pulling some details and characters from both The Dark Knight Returns storyline and Telltales Batman for a character that's going to be showing up later on.

So with all that out of the way, let's begin

~

(Story)

Years have passed since the attack by Bane his army of criminals on Gotham and for the first time in a long while it seemed that at last the city could sleep somewhat peacefully the Batman had given his life to defend Gotham the very City in which he grew up in but the city lost to Champions not only did they lose their Dark Knight but they also lost one of the light as well. For Bruce Wayne had finally given up the cow deciding that the long last his fight was over the job the mission done away with it's been many years under that cow countless nights fighting criminals in Gotham streets but he was getting older if you hadn't giving it up when he did someone might have finally managed to kill him.

Despite the bats plea to his oldest friend Jim Gordon to celebrate those that had given their lives in the defense of the city the old commissioner wouldn't have it he would make sure the city knew what had happened that day what had really happened how the bat had given up everything to defend them.

Yet despite the example of Bruce said despite the sacrifice that Batman had given the unfortunate truth is that crime never sleeps at least not forever true Gotham was slowly rebuilding itself, the GCPD now under the leadership of commissioner John "robin" Blake, was doing a much better job at keeping the peace and overall things seem to be going well but the criminal underworld in Gotham and elsewhere outside the city limits was far too large to be extinguished in just a few years time because just like the forces of light Darkness too was Finding its way back to the surface.

A new Criminal gang known as the mutants was starting to spring up everywhere around Gotham and unlike the forces that were led by Bane or the miscreants led by the Joker the mutants were far different, they were well trained organized fanatical and they were everywhere and their numbers were swelling. Pretty soon every street corner every neighborhood has some sort of mutant presence. There were plenty of theories as to where the group had come from some simply blamed it on useful Rebellion how the new generation was doing its best to distinguish itself from the crowd. The police had other theories some believe that perhaps a few of the criminals that were that band had released into the city had disappeared into the underworld and began rebuilding Gathering followers of Their Own.

The third and possible unfortunate likely Theory is that the mutants were simply a response to Gotham itself the city had a tendency to bring out the worst in people at the worst of times and the mutants seemed to Simply Be the latest result of that. Unfortunately there was a problem the mutants continued to grow and soon streets that were rebuilding and even recovering from the onslaught of crime over the past few years suddenly found themselves in the middle of a gang war between the mutants and local police.

Everything eventually culminated with a broadcast going out Citywide of the mutant leader threatening the city. He claims that the mutants were the new Authority and Gotham that the peace that they had enjoyed had made the city weak and they take Gotham for themselves, the future, the city, all of it, belonged to the Mutants.

Commissioner Blake found himself sitting in his office contemplating what to do years ago he had discovered the bat's Greatest Secret the bad cave all the gear all the weapons all the knowledge that Bruce Wayne had left behind was had his fingertips but despite his best efforts John Blake was no Batman in fact he himself wondered if he ever could be could anyone truly replace such a person be as well trained and disciplined and live up to the legend that was Batman?

Blake didn't have the answer yet as the mutant situation grew worst day by day he began questioning himself perhaps he should go back try at least try to take up the mantle after all what's the worst thing that could happen he gets killed by a mutant Thug in the street but as he thought about it more he just couldn't do it Batman gave his life and he couldn't replace him no matter how hard he tried what he could do is protect the city that he left behind and while he couldn't be Batman he could at the very least maybe use some of the information and weapons that he had left behind to help protect the city or at least that was the plan.

For you see why all this was going on will mutants were running the streets the police frantically trying to maintain order and commissioner Blake was going back and forth with his conscience and rational thinking there was another person who was seeing all of this go down.

Carrie Kelly had lived in Gotham all her life the native through and through though like much of the citizenry she hadn't had the easiest of times. Carrie was loved at her school she was a straight A student a great gymnast, had a best friend by the name of Michelle, all in all School kind of served as her safe haven as ironic as that sounds. Where is her home life was chaotic. Both of Carrie's parents were drug abusers most of the time being so absent-minded they hardly paid carrie any mind, and there were even a few occasions where her father got overly violent. This home situation caused Carrie to become far more self-reliant she taught herself how to cook how to do her own laundry but also more practical skills. Well in gym class she also took some interest in martial arts and self defense. Using her Gym training as a baseline she was able to incorporate some martial arts movements along with her gymnastics which allowed her to develop her own fighting style.

On top of this Carrie was also able to use her smarts to really delve deep into research and one facet of research that was almost an obsession was her research of Batman.

My other young girls her age were thinking about boys or catching up with the latest fashion trends Batman was Carrie's Rock her hobby her thing. She wanted to know and learn anything and everything when it came to to The Dark Knight. But that always been that way but her Obsession hit a high point when Carrie saw Batman fly over the ocean, and the bomb that was meant for Gotham, exploded over the horizon. She had always dreamed of meeting him, now, he was gone, and now Gotham was left without its protector.

For a time it seemed things were beginning to get better though. Crime was down, people were friendlier, and the future was bright, then the mutants came and everything seemed to be set right back to zero.

Something had to change

So, one night, while carries parents were still stoned out of thier minds, Carrie snuck out of her home and into the night. She had a plan, it was desperate and stupid, but, it was a plan. For the past few weeks she had been trying to hack into different servers around the city, seeing if she could pull up video footage from any and all cameras and at last, she had found something, the footage was old, years old st the time she had laid eyes on it but, it showed the batmobile, or the Tumbler as some called it, driving into a nearby alley and disappearing. Carrie tried finding footage to see where it had gone but, nothing, suspicious so, she got the address and headed out.

When she arrived at the location there was nothing really special about the place a few barrels on fire smoke dumpsters you homeless people wondering around hell she even ran into a mutant on the way, but, it wasn't anything a good kick in the sack couldn't deal with. But she just couldn't put her finger on it if the Batmobile came in this direction it couldn't have just vanished so she started looking around and eventually she found something if you didn't know what to look for you wouldn't have noticed it but there was a slight crease in a nearby concrete wall with a dumpster in front of it and there was a draft which meant one thing a tunnel.

After a few moments she managed to find a button and the doorway opened, allowing her to slip inside. The tunnel was dark barely lit Kelly was only able to see you due to the flashlight on her phone she had no idea where this tunnel went or how far it was but she just started walking and walk she did for hours it felt like, she had no idea where she was going, she tired, hungry, the more she thought about it, the more this seemed like a stupid idea. Her phone was running out of batteries, soon she be in pitch black with no idea where she was.

That wasn't until she finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel which made her go into a full Sprint and what she saw at the end of that tunnel left her jaw on the floor, the tunnel gave way to a massive cave, the sound of water running in the distance, bats flying everywhere overhead, this was it, this is where Batman lived.

As she slowly ascended the walkways that were connected to the Cave opening if she saw it all the mass of computer or batman did his research most likely what was left of the batmobile of the bat cycle the bad jet was all here even if you trophies from old battles on the display case was the bat suit all seemingly untouched.

Carrie couldn't help her curiosity and she made her way over to the massive computer and dusted off the keyboard taking a seat on the surprisingly really comfortable chair. But of course with her luck there was no power luckily it was easy to reset once the computer came to life a message began playing.

It wasn't Batman or at least it wasn't him in the suit surprisingly it was Bruce Wayne saying that whoever found this and found the cave, and that they were welcome to it but, Bruce didn't speak to her, instead the message was for another, John Blake.

The commissioner? Carrie was a little surprised bad man had chosen John Blake as his successor or at least that seemed the case to her but the longer she thought about it the angry or she got if John was chosen to be the new Batman why wasn't he doing anything the mutants were running rampant and Gotham the streets were turning into a war zone it was like the day Bane invaded all over again just on a more reduced level but if things kept going the way they were it wasn't going to be like that for long.

Has she thought about it more and more her gaze turned to the bat suit and then the words Bruce had spoken were ringing in her head whoever found the cave was privy to it and everything within the weapons the vehicles but most importantly the knowledge. Carrie had studied, researched, and picked apart everything about Batman for years. How he fought, his tactics, the way he interacted with people. Could she truly replace Batman she didn't know maybe she was even foolish for even thinking she could but batman wasn't here anymore, she was, and Gotham needed a hero, and Carrie, she needed a purpose, and it seemed at last, within the caverns of this damp cave, she had found it.

Thus as the bats above circled around her head, her mind was made, and thus, she set to work, success or failure, sink or swim, and new bat rose that night, and soon, all of Gotham would know it.

[inari-zaheer]

Thank y’all so much on reaching 100 followers

So as a thank you I will be doing the 100 prompt’s thingy (as it will be hard to do more than that lol), so again thank you so much❤️

Ask Here//Rules//Masterlist//Fandoms

Dialogues

1.“I know what it looks like, but I wasn’t my fault!”

2.“What if we moved to_____?”

3.“Of course I’m right about it, when was I ever wrong?”

4.“I didn’t called you a liar, I just didn’t called you a truther”

5.“10 bucks for your thoughts”

6.“Of course I didn’t do it, but like, what if, I hypothetically did it?”

7.“Of course I did it, how else am I supposed to spend some time around you?”

8.“If I didn’t knew you that well I’d think you are in love with me”

9.“They are so good for each other, aren’t they?”

10.“Sometimes I ask if it was supposed to be like this”

11.“This isn’t exactly legal, but as long as the guards don’t show up we’re good”

12.“Are we going to plan a murder or just sit here and eat cookie dough?”

13.“Oh hell no, I’m not going to fight you”

14.“Is that a threat or are we flirting?”

15.“Well, we used to be “just friends” too!”

16.“Is somebody jealous?”

17.“Oh don’t worry, the blood isn’t mine”

18.“Want me to stab them?”

19.“What? I can’t send a message to the enemy?”

20.“Here’s some cookies, and some bad news!”

21.“Next problem…we might die”

22.“I can’t help that I’m curious!”

23.“The art of being an_____is extremely challenging for me”

24.“You look hot when you try to punch me”

25.“So, I suppose this is where we kiss?”

26.“You love me too much to do that”

27.“Oh fuck me!”

28.“Thank you, but what am I supposed to do with it?”

29.“Did you really had to take off your shirt?”

30.“We can definitely do that, but not when you’re that drunk”

31.“Sometimes I think you have a death wish”

32.“Sheesh, I was just kidding! Or maybe not”

33.“You two are the closest thing I have to a television”

34.“Touch yourself”

35.“What if someone sees us?”

36.“Pinky promise?”

37.“Come on baby, don’t hold back”

38.“Stop stealing all the blankets!”

39.“Never thought I’d say that, but fuck that’s hot”

40.“You look like you were ran by a bus”

41.“Fucking is a reward, but you haven’t been good, now have you?”

42.“You’re so cute when you blush”

43.“My hands are cold, can you warm them up?”

44.“It’s like watching a chihuahua provoke a rottweiler”

45.“What did you just called me?”

46.“Wait don’t pull away…not yet”

47.“Could you try and not bitch about it for like five minutes?”

48.“It's not lying, it's omitting!”

49.“Who said you could do that?”

50.“I didn’t said it was safe, I said it was fun!”

Situations

51.Beach day

52.Being sick

53.Playing a specific game

54.Playing 7 minutes in heaven

55.Studying

56.Doing each other’s makeup

57.Giving presents

58.Cooking

59.Having Nightmares

60.Confessing

61.Telling childhood stories

62.Doing matching tattoos

63.Playing fight

64.Cleaning the house

65.Public sex

66.Doing piercings

67.Buying furniture

68.First time

69.Doing grocery shopping

70.Going on a hike

71.Sparing

72.Going out for a drink

73.Spa day at home

74.Car travel

75.Visiting another country

76.Wearing glasses

77.Building/fixing something together

78.Seeing each other cry

79.Having stuffed animals

80.Family dinner

81.Getting into an argument

82.Destroying something together

83.Apologizing

84.Visiting family

85.Being chased

86.Teaching/learning how to play an instrument

87.Going camping

88.Dancing together

89.Adopting an animal

90.Stargazing

91.Being in a band

92.Being enemies to lovers

93.Treating injuries

94.Gettin wisdom teeth removed

95.Shower sex

96.After an argument

97.Playing hide and seek

98.Baking together

99.Breakup

100.Birthday celebration

[shameaboutthedilettantism]

Author Self Interview

Name: Shameaboutthedilettantism here, but Dilettantism on AO3 and FF.net (yeah, Dilettantism was already taken on Tumblr)

Fandoms: I've only written for ATLA but I also consider myself a pretty big fan/reader in Harry Potter & Buffy the Vampire Slayer, despite my complicated and mixed feelings about their creators.

Where do you post: here, FF.net, & AO3. I started writing last summer for kataang week because I had this idea that just wouldn't leave me alone. I posted it here and I don't think anyone read it, or possibly even saw it because I had opened my Tumblr account just before I posted the story. So I decided to post to FF.net because I did like my story a bit and was hoping someone else might. And then I got another idea and things just grew from there.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Definitely The Only Way to Hold On with 64 faves and 97 follows on FF.net Interestingly, this one is NOT liked on AO3. The few comments I've had there are mixed, with a trend toward the displeased. *shrug* It does start out a bit rough, and I may have some regrets about the first chapter. But I am so excited about some things I have planned for the fic and it is not abandoned.

Favorite story you've written so far: Is it bad that it was essentially the first thing I ever wrote? I love Passion Put to Use. I feel like the idea that took hold of me and filled my head for weeks as I drove to work and while I washed dishes or folded laundry or swept floors (plus all those other mindless tasks adulthood requires, especially with 3 kids--yes, I have 3 kids) somehow made its way into words on a screen seamlessly.

Fic you were nervous to post: all of them? Okay, probably What Fate Decrees because I didn't know what kataang fans would think of the soulmate trope. It seems to mostly be a Zukka thing? But nobody said anything mean, so--Internet win!

How do you choose your titles: They're mostly phrases from poetry that I feel speaks to the fic. For example, The Only Way to Hold On is taken from the poem "Balance" by Alice Fogel because I feel like that's what the fic addresses--Aang, Katara, and Zuko's efforts to bring balance between the ways of the past/their past traumas and a hopeful future. Oh, and if you haven't read "I Am Not Yours" by Sara Teasdale, which gave me the title for "Not Lost in You," please read it because it gives me major kataang vibes!

Do you outline?: Only for longer pieces. I have a 25-chapter outline and timeline for The Only Way to Hold On. Heaven help me.

Complete: Who knows? I thought "Passion Put to Use" was complete for almost a year when I decided to add to it. But I feel pretty sure that "What Fate Decrees" and "Not Lost in You" are complete. Also, the piece I wrote for the 2021 kataang week prompt "height difference," which I haven't posted anywhere but Tumblr because a title eludes me.

Do you accept prompts: Maybe? I don't have a whole lot of writing time between a full-time job with a long commute and three kids, but if one really spoke to me I might try to do it justice. One of the future stories I talk about in the next question is from a prompt I saw on Tumblr.

Upcoming story you're most excited to write about: Well, the rest of The Only Way to Hold On primarily. But I've also started outlining a modern AU/band story and written a few bits that have me giggling.

Stories you're most excited to read: I'm always excited to see new kataang content because those two just don't get enough love.

Tagging: yeah, that social anxiety thing? It kinda keeps me from doing much more than sharing stuff I like and occasionally dropping fic, then running away to my real life where I already know everyone and feel comfortable. No offense intended.

[tsukikoayanosuke]

7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 16, 27, 35 & 39

[It’s a lot again 😅 hope you don’t mind :D]

I might be going way too far with these answers, so please bear with me ^^’

Sorry for the long rambles but these are my answers!

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oof. This is hard. There’s actually a lot of paragraphs that I like throughout the writing process. I can re-read and just pick which is my favorite, it’ll be different every time.

But, I think the thing currently going on with TW:OPT can be summed up in this Once Upon a Time… (I was being dumb and I thought prose is just poetry without rhyme)

So, this drabble is written on the run. There’s not really deep thought and I can’t even remember why I wrote it in the first place. From the date I posted it on Tumblr it was in the middle of Octavinelle Arc.

But, in this small crappy prose-poetry, it has one of the themes in TW:OPT: happy vs sad ending. This is something that I want to build since in the early stage. The theme of TW:OPT is second chances for the reincarnated villains, giving them a happy ending, something way better than the original ones.

So, if you look for example the two lines about the Queen of Heart:  

The Queen of Heart was forgotten by Alice like it was just a bad dream

The Queen of Heart will always be remembered by Alice as his dear friend and the greatest queen

The first line is what happens to the original Disney Alice’s Queen of Hearts, while the second line is what happens to Riddle, the current reincarnation of the Queen of Hearts. It’s a good change for Riddle’s life.

However, like everything, there has to be something to balance it. 

After all, good endings cannot exist without bad endings.

Can the good guys really live with the bad guys in harmony? After all, all Disney movie always has “good wins, evil lose” theme. If the “evil side” wins, wouldn’t that mean the “good side” loses? Is that even a good thing or even possible?

After all, the One-Eyed Captain found his happy ending to sail away once again. What will happen to him in his next life?

This line becomes the question. What will happen to the already-set happy endings? Would they just disappear to change into bad endings to keep the balance?

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8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I’m debating between many dialogues, but I think the one piece I’m most proud of is in Chapter 97. I'm cutting a lot of the narration and just focus on the dialogues because it becomes too long.

Riddle: What happens that day? The day when everything went downhill. Azul: Didn't anyone tell you already? Riddle: I want to hear it from your or Jonah's mouth. What happened that you must curse him? Azul: Pretty simple, really. I told him not to come here that day, and he did To make it worse, that boy was stupid enough to go back against our agreement. Riddle: Just that? Azul: Oh, please, dear Crimson Ruler. I don't want to hear that from you. Have you forgotten about your reign before? Riddle: I know what I did was tyrannical, but I want to be better. Azul: Because of the captain told you too? Riddle: No. This is my choice to change. Just like it was your choice to curse him. He trusts you, you know? He knows that you wouldn't go back against your own words, which was why he was willing to sign another contract with you. Azul: If he trusts me that much, why is he against me? If he trusts me, why did he choose to save his stupid friends than agreeing with me? Tell me, Riddle Rosehearts...Why does he choose you instead of me?

We all know what happened during Octavinelle Arc and I don't deny that this sounds cheesy or slightly ooc. And let me just say this, there's no intention of this become a love triangle or whatsoever.

There are two things I want to highlight in this exchange: Riddle's growth and Azul's decline.

Riddle, after everything happened in Heartslabyul and Savanclaw arc, finally putting his foot down on where he wants to stand. He wants to be a better person, more than just the feared Crimson Tyrant. That's why he's helping them. Not because the boys are breaking the rules, not because someone tells him to, but Riddle is willing to risk it all, even his unique magic (as we see at the end of this chapter and the next) to save his friends. Again, this might sound ooc and I apologize, but from my perspective, this is a logical step of development for Riddle.

Meanwhile, Azul is showing more and more decline from this until the end of Octavinelle Arc even Scarabia Arc. For Azul who knows how easy people can leave and mock when you have nothing, seeing Jonah leave him and siding with the anemones is basically a betrayal. He can't think rationally when it comes to the betrayal and we see how brash he can be with anything related to Jonah throughout the arc where all of their interaction nearly kills Jonah.

If Riddle-Jonah is a coming-of-age story, Azul-Jonah is a broken friendship story.

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9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

This is a hard one to write. You might think I’ll just answer with TW:OPT, but honestly, all multi chapters fanfic has their own difficulties, so I can’t choose which is the hardest.

For Twisted-Wonderland: Our Precious Treasure, where I do treat this as a novel-writing practice, keeping the consistency with the theme, plot points, and characterization.

For Private Tutor, Angel of Death, Philza Minecraft, actually coming up with new ideas is hard because I don’t based this on anything, and just write anything once a week. In addition that I’m still new in Dream SMP fandom so characterization won’t be the strongest thing.

For both TWST MC Hybrid AU and Magical Girl AU, giving the massive cast equal spotlight and actually not getting lost is quite a challenge. Both AU has seven main characters and I need to give them the same amount to screen time.

And don’t get me started with those smut. I won’t be talking about it because I’m keeping it family friendly. Those has their own problems XD

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10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

As I said, every fic has their own problems, even one shot. So, I’m looking through my works and trying to figure out which fic I wrote the fastest but had the most fun.

I think I’ll go with A Wish for a Proposal because the comfort in this fic with Ace going heads over heels for Deuce and being doki-doki all the time. And the kiss under a shooting star, AH! Poetic cinema~

I do enjoy when I wrote how Ace thought keeping a toy ring as childish but he ended up using it to confess to Deuce and thinking that it’s not as childish as he thought.

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13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

There are good writing advice that I had head, one of them came from On Writing: Great Character Descriptions! by Hello Future Me. He has so many good advices in writing and I highly recommend him.

He said that “when describing characters it’s good to focus on their movements that can tell the readers of who the characters are”. As someone who has many troubles in writing physical description, this is actually a great alternative, especially when you want to go thought the “show don’t tell”.

After watching the video I tried to write something. I ended up writing Jonah’s father, Benjamin, in Chapter 137

The owner of the inn was an old man who, coincidentally, also shared the 'Argentum' surname. Benjamin Argentum was a man with slouched back from the burden of the world, white strands on his reddish-brown hair and tired, but kind, black eyes. He walked slowly with his walking stick, claiming that his knees were never that strong since a cart accident during his younger days. The way he speaks was gentle like everyone's favorite uncle/grandfather, along with the delicious appetizer that he had prepared a few minutes ago on the reception table. The spices he used reminiscent of the spices Jonah used in his Ramshackle Kitchen. There was no way all of these were coincidences. Crowley wouldn't doubt if Jonah Argentum ever grew old, he would be looking exactly like the warm innkeeper.

I want to highlight how Benjamin is a kind old man ("He walked slowly with his walking stick, claiming that his knees were never that strong since a cart accident during his younger days”, ”The way he speaks was gentle like everyone's favorite uncle/grandfather”) but has his own problems (”a man with slouched back from the burden of the world”), and very similar to Jonah (”The owner of the inn was an old man who, coincidentally, also shared the 'Argentum' surname”, ”The spices he used reminiscent of the spices Jonah used in his Ramshackle Kitchen”, “Crowley wouldn't doubt if Jonah Argentum ever grew old, he would be looking exactly like the warm innkeeper.”)

It’s not the best descriptions, because most of the example used highlight only one most recognizable feature while my description highlight nearly everything. I still need some practice.

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14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

“Write what’s mainstream”.

Here’s my problem with it: sometimes anything that’s mainstream is not my thing. I like to challenge what we are given and give it a spin. 

I mentioned before that growing up with Indonesian TV Series that only centers around love, riches, and cheating, I grew tired of it. That was why I once tried to make a script for a group of friends creating a classical music band and mental problems. 

I’m not the first one to make an adaptation of TWST, but I think I’m one of the first, at least in AO3, that make an adaptation with Male MC. Among the Female MC or Female Readers story with a hint (or too much) of Romance, I want to give something for the small group who wants Male MC or something more platonic to read.

I always want to push slightly further, trying something that I haven’t seen at first glance, giving varieties. I will admit that would always doubt whether me writing something different is even worth it or not. But when I saw that yes, this is worth it, I gain more confidence and become bolder in my twist.

Going against the mainstream is risky, but we'll see whether it's worth it or not.

.. 

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Oh no... Does it have to be a romantic pairing?

Okay. I don't really have an OTP. I mean, I like ROnah and JonAzul, but I don't think I can't live with writing only about them.

So, romantically, I don’t know. But, this doesn’t help with platonically either because I find enjoyment in writing all relationship. Just pushing the limit of my writing, you know?

So, I don’t think I can answer this because I’m a coward XD

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27. How do you feel about collaborations?

A mixed bag.

So currently I'm in at least 2 collab projects: TWST MC Hybrid AU and Arisu in Alternate Wonderland. In the former, I'm the group leader, while in the latter, I'm just a writer.

Both sidea are different experiences. With AiAW, it's definitely lighter because this is basically retelling TWST but with seven Yuus. However because of this freedom and the possibilities of anything, I cannot predict whether my oc action will affects in the future or how they would interact with other ocs in the project.

With Hybrid AU, since this is a fantasy au, anything can happen. Plus as the main writer, I can see and plan clearly which event will be important and setting the characters' arc. It's definitely harder to organize because of the various idea that we want to write.

So, yeah. Collaboration can be two things for me: a scripted roleplay or a freestyle roleplay

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35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

*looking at draft for TW:OPT Book 2*

Maybe...?

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39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I remember when I was a kid, I wrote a fanfiction where it only features OCs, and someone gave a review, ranting about the lack of canon characters. I, of course, sulked a bit but then just keep writing.

However, what I usually do when it comes to comments is take them into considerations. During Scarabia Arc I got a comment that the Jonah-Azul therapy moment is kinda weak, and rereading it, I can see that. Which was why the next part of the therapy Arc I tried to connect them further. So compare the JonAzul scene in the last part of Chapter 124 with the first part of Chapter 126. At least for me, I prefer the latter because there's more intimacy.

[dreamsofwhatlifemighthavebeen]

Fun times dealing with the equestrian center’s radio net. For the director of the equestrian center - who is here on a work visa, doesn’t have a car, and uses one from the equestrian center to take home - they just a few days ago retired a 1985 Chevrolet Chevette she had been using previously, and replaced it with a 2015 Chevrolet Sonic transferred over from one of my employer’s other companies. The Chevette did not have a radio installed in it, but they decided that the Sonic does need one. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked at the interior of a Sonic, but there really isn’t space for any sort of add ons in the interior. It could be installed on the center console on the passenger side and leave room to open the glove compartment, but I really don’t like the idea of having her look way down and to the right to see the radio if she has to switch channels and such, especially as she’s not a particularly fantastic driver to begin with. Even though we sell radios to the equestrian center at a much lower cost than we would for commercial customers, the owner of the equestrian center rejected that idea on cost, as she already knows she can buy TK-860 or TK-880 radios from us for substantially less. So, it looks like it’s going to be a Kenwood TK-880 (mobile radio to the left) mounted on the dash. Which, I don’t like doing dash mounts because I think it looks sloppy and I like my work to be professional, but it’s ultimately her call.

Honestly, I never saw any need to install a radio in her car... even the company which used it previously never saw a need to. So the owner says, “Well, she might drive it to events”. But never has she (the director) ever shown any interest in driving herself to those... if they’re taking the bus, she much prefers that, as she pretty much has a work center there which was made by taking some seats out of the bus and installing a small desk. Otherwise, she’d ride with someone else, even when given the opportunity to take a newer vehicle, and even when offered someone to act as her personal driver. She’s not into driving, and she’s not going to be now. But I lost that argument.

The equestrian center uses an organizational GMRS license which they had originally obtained in 1984 and have maintained since; thus, it was grandfathered in when the FCC stopped issuing organizational licenses in 1987. Originally, they had used the Motorola MR-355R (bottom left) and MR-356R blister pack radios. Problem is, they were buying these things at whatever big box retailers everyone else was buying them at, so we ended up with hordes of unlicensed users getting on the equestrian center repeater (there’s also a sorry saga of how GMRS users were screwed out of exclusivity on Channels 15 - 22 on account of squatters who bought the 22 channel “hybrid” radios en masse and completely ignored the blurb on the packaging which stated use of those channels required a GMRS license).

When I was given charge of the equestrian center’s radio net, I changed a lot of things. First, I limited who accessed the repeater. Crew and barn leads, admin staff, etc. Everyone working under the leads could use simplex, as they were never a far enough distance from each other to require a repeater. So, we were initially going to use BaoFeng BF-888S radios for the crew members who weren’t accessing the repeater, but we had difficulty finding a seller who could guarantee the radios they sold us had the FCC ID on them (a legal requirement in the US for operating transmitting on any service outside of Part 97 rules). We found one who could guarantee it if we bought the BaoFeng GT-1 (second from the left on the bottom row), which is internally the same as the BF-888S, but uses a different battery and case. For the crew leads, barn leads, admin staff, and those who were going to access the repeater, we went with the B-Tech (BaoFeng) UV-82C (not pictured), which is a commercial Part 90 type accepted variant of the UV-82 series radios. The dual watch feature also allows them to monitor both the repeater and their internal crew simplex net simultaneously without having to go into scan mode.

As the blister pack radios used a standardized list of CTCSS and DCS tones, I changed the repeater to split tones, with separate DCS tones for the transmit and receive side, and also used a mixture of non-standard and inverted DCS tones throughout the entire equestrian center net. So while someone running a police scanner or radio on carrier squelch can still hear our traffic, they won’t be able to talk to us or interrupt us with the blister pack radios, Midland radios, etc., as we had problems both with people intentionally getting on our repeater and also those running simplex who “coincidentally” used the same frequencies and DPL tones which we did. Once the FCC co-banded all of the FRS simplex and GMRS frequencies in 2017, we were left powerless to do anything about it (not that we really could before... the FCC was always pretty lax on their enforcement when it came to GMRS). If we run into a matter of getting disrupted by someone who successfully finds our DPL tones, then I have the means to require the radio’s PTT-ID to be on an approved list to trip the repeater.

For the riding instructors, we felt that perhaps something more durable was in order after one of the GT-1s broke. Initially, I took of the Motorola HT750s (second from the right on the bottom row) from the rental side of our business and loaned them to the equestrian center until we could figure out something more permanent. The permanent solution came when I happened across some Kenwood TK-350s (center of the bottom row) which were sitting in a bin and pretty much unwanted. So, after finding batteries for them, I was allowed to take those and donate them to the equestrian center. I actually had to lean how to use DOS in order to program them. Surprisingly, only one ended up preferring the HT750 over the Kenwoods. In the end - since she rents a room from and lives with me - I purchased one at cost from the business and donated it so that she could continue using one.

All the way to the right on the bottom row is one of my Kenwood TK-3180s, which I use both for the equestrian center’s GMRS net as well as the LMR radio net at my regular job. I was using one with the 16 key DTMF keypad (and the Tactical Features Set), but the owner of the equestrian center wants all radios labeled... while crew radios will tyically have only a number, the equestrian instructors wanted their names to be displayed on the radios they were issued, and I was instructed to do the same with mine. The running joke with it is, when we’re doing fundraising events (the equestrian program is a registered nonprofit), tours of the equestrian center, or other events, then husbands can try claiming they were only looking at the nametags on the radio to try remembering our names when their wives catch them staring at our asses. Since the DTMF keypad didn’t leave space for a label, I took one with the four button keypad and used that.

GMRS is regulated under Part 95E and requires a Part 95E radio. However, due to a lack of viable Part 95E radio options, many users have taken to using Part 90 LMR radios, as many of the UHF models cover GMRS frequencies. For example, the Motorola HT750 can be programmed with frequencies from 403  -470 MHz, and GMRS (as well as FRS) is a collection of 22 frequencies in the 462 and 467 MHz range. The use of Part 90 radios in GMRS plays fast and loose with the law, but acts in the spirit of the law, even if not the letter of it. The FCC has acknowledged the practice and has been leaving it alone, but they haven’t actually given approval to do that. To that end, we ensure that all radios are Part 90 (or Part 95E, as some employees have bought their own radios).

Which of course brings us to other problems in dealing with the radio net. A number of licensed GMRS users are quite upset about our use of a repeater on GMRS, especially given a lack of viable ones in the area. Some have identified the tower and have threatened to report us to the FCC (to which we tell them to go right ahead, as our use of that frequency is 100% on the up and up), some have tried to get us to make it a public use repeater (and typically suggest we use travel tone).

Then, of course, a number of the male employees - not content with the little GT-1 radios - always want something more “badass”. So I had one come up to me asking me if I could program his radio to the equestrian center net, and he hands me a BaoFeng UV-5R and told me the equestrian center owner gave her approval. Problem is, the FCC ID on that one - 2AJGM-UV5R - only shows Part 15 certification for 134 - 174 MHz and 400 - 470 MHz. So, outside of Part 97 (ham radio) use, it’s only legal as a receiver and scanner in those band splits. The ones which don’t have an FCC ID aren’t even legal for that. Had another one come to me with what looked like a Kenwood TK-3207... great 16 channel UHF radio, and the TK-2000/3000 series are becoming one of the mainstays of our rental service. When I removed the battery, it showed the model as TK-3000, but there was no FCC ID on it, so I asked him where he’d gotten it from. He said his brother used it for his business and had some extras. Just out of curiosity, I tried programming it with the KPG-137D programming software and was unable to. So I asked the brother where he’d gotten it from. He said he bought it off of Ebay. When I searched Ebay, I found a bunch of TK-2000/TK-3000 series radios from a seller out of China. So I installed KPG-137D on another computer and this time used the serial number for the UK/European version, and it successfully programmed the radio. All fine and dandy, but I gave it back to him and told him it’s not a legal radio for use in the US without an FCC ID being present.

I swear, I wear too many hats sometimes.

[jungshook69]

8 tears of sorrow

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t represent the members’ actions or the army’s actions in any manner it’s pure fiction. This is an original work, do not copy.

WORD COUNT: (Oneshot) 1.5K words

WARNINGS: Angst, angst, and oh right more angst. Oh and also one more thing, angst. Mentions of infidelity. Sad ending?

SUMMARY: Revisiting 8 journal entries was all you needed to remind you that Jung Hoseok could never be yours.

As I waited for my husband to make dinner for our special date night, I wandered into my room, and found myself looking for an old box that enclosed memories from my youth. Having found it, I picked up a tattered diary, so worn out that it was practically shedding pages. I opened the diary only to find the first 8 pages of it were filled out. I sat on my carpet as I began to read my entries.

Day #1

I saw him for the first time.

I watched as he moved his body with all his might, dancing to the beat of the music. I watched as a beautiful smile crept onto his face every time the crowd roared in response to his moves. Oh how dangerous that smile was, angelic, heavenly, drawing me towards him. I felt the sudden urge to protect that very smile from any darkness in its vicinity. I watched as he took slow steps towards me, my heart plunging forth to reach out to his form, as he closed the distance between us with his leisurely tread. I watched him reach his hand out, only to take the unfamiliar hand of the woman standing beside me in his, his warm palm enveloping her petite hand. I watched as they threaded their fingers together and he twirled the stranger around, ending the performance by gripping her waist, their foreheads resting against each other. That’s when I knew, he could never be mine.

Day #97

I noticed his presence again.

I was preoccupied in pretending that I was having a good time with the man sitting before me, but my eyes involuntarily trailed over to him, sitting at a table only a small distance away from me, with the same woman I had seen 3 months ago. This is the second time I had seen that mesmerizing smile of his, which had only grown wider from the first time I’d seen it. I watched, my eyes darting in confusion, my heart palpitating uncontrollably, as he got down on one knee, ready to give away his heart to another woman, right in front of my eyes. I watched as the band of metal clung onto her finger, authoritatively claiming the man I had hopelessly fallen for.

Day #122

I finally got to know his name. Jung Hoseok.

Oh how soothing it felt, as his name rolled off of my tongue. I could only imagine the feeling of euphoria, that woman felt, when he called out her name, honey dripping from his voice. I only wished I could be in her place. How did I get to know his name? Realizing that the woman betrothed to my love, was actually my 2nd cousin took me by surprise. I had myself to blame for not knowing who the woman was, considering how I remained distant from family. It was only a while, before I found myself getting close to my affianced cousin, and in turn hearing him say my name for the first time, “Y/N, nice to meet you, I’m Zuya’s fiancé, Hoseok.”

Day #156

I felt his touch.

It wasn’t intentional. I found myself running my hand across the countless amounts of colored napkins that lay before me, as I tried to pick a neutral shade which was close to my liking. Had my concentration been fixed on who was in front of me, I would’ve never gotten to feel his warm skin against mine. It may have been just a brush of our fingers, it may have lasted only for a second, but it was a step further for me. His perplexed expression as he pulled his hand away wasn’t left unnoticed by me, leaving a glimmer of hope, shining too bright for its own good in my heart.

Day #180

I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes. Was it fear? Was it confusion? Was it guilt? What was it? Was it perhaps, lust?

It all happened to quickly to decipher. I watched with admiration as Hoseok carefully observed the options I had laid out in front of him since I was helping him pick out a birthday gift for Zuya. I’d like to believe that the man who unintentionally pushed me, was sent as a sign from God, but I knew it was far too convenient of a situation to be true. Had that man not pushed me, I would’ve never experienced how it felt to have his arms clasp onto my form. To have his lips, only a breath away from mine. Before I could interpret what the glint in his eyes was wishing to convey, he removed his grip from mine, apologizing immediately for having caused a ruckus. The way he held me, saving me from my fall, it was a tad too much for my heart to push away as ‘just a coincidence’.

Day #218

I made a mistake. We both made a mistake.

Alcohol was the real culprit behind everything that happened, in his point of view. He blamed the alcohol for inducing feelings of lust towards me. But I only had my feelings to blame. Alcohol was only a catalyst that ignited my passion for Hoseok further. My intoxicated mind only diluted the self-control I’ve had managed to maintain for so long. Did I regret it? Partially. It made me feel as though I was a terrible human being for being the one squirming underneath an affianced man, committing sins untold. But isn’t this what I wanted for so long? Somehow it felt wrong. I began to realize I wanted him to be mine. But who was I to stop him from running back to his fiancé? The cousin he slept with? The woman who would be labeled ‘indecent’ for having her desires fulfilled by a man who belonged to someone else? I was no one but a sinful accomplice to him.

Day #301

I watched him get married.

It had been a long 3 months of agonizing, until Zuya had decided to forgive him. As for me? I was cast aside as the ‘indecent’ human being I was. Had I been invited to the wedding? No. But had I managed to sneak in and see my love get married to another woman? Yes. The pain I felt was something I had never experienced before. How could one man have such a tight grip over my heart? That day I promised myself, as I watched Hoseok smile ever so brightly at the woman in the white gown, that this was the last time I would see him.

Day #1369

I came back.

I felt a tug on my arm, as I watched my husband flash me a bright smile, leading me to our luggage, as we returned to my hometown after 3 years. The first year or so had been hell, but after meeting someone who seemed to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and mend them, I had been the happiest I had ever been, for the last one year, the highlight being, my now husband, Chan, proposing to me and finally getting married. What were the chances that seeing a face could bring all of those memories that I had forced myself to lock away, cascading down in a ruthless disarray of emotions? The chances were low, but never zero. I saw him. Even worse, me and my husband had brunch with Hoseok and Zuya. I felt like tearing myself apart then and there. Only when Zuya had left to visit the washroom and Chan had left to attend an important call, only then did I find the courage to look into his eyes. Only then did he finally speak up, addressing me. He said three words. “I love you”? No. “I am sorry” is what he said. Was it possible to break my heart even more? If it was, then he succeeded. But unexpectedly, I felt a rush of relief. This soon led to silence between us, but not before I could mutter out a feeble “I’m sorry too”. Parting ways amicably was something I never thought I could do when it came to Hoseok, but with Chan by my side, and Zuya by his, I pulled myself together and bid him goodbye. I had broken my promise. I told myself I would never see him again. And even though I promised myself the same again, would it really be true? Why did I get the feeling that my promise was gonna be broken again?

“Y/N! Dinner’s ready!” my husband calls out to me, as I drop the diary, the incomplete last entry, still lingering in the back of my mind.

“So what did chef Chan make today?” I ask smiling, as I lean over the kitchen counter.

“Some spaghetti aglio olio for m’lady.” He said dramatically flipping the kitchen towel over his shoulder.

“Well let’s grab some plates, I’m starving.” I said, as we begin to prep the dishes.

That’s when I found myself unconsciously screaming at God in the depths of my mind. ‘Why did I meet him? Why did he have to walk into my life?’ I sighed as I realized life never goes as planned. Not everything in life will go my way. I cracked a sad smile, as I looked at my husband, who was talking about the different types of cheese, wondering how life would’ve been with my first love, Jung Hoseok.

A/N: Yes this is a little something for my angst-loving heart. Yes, the ending is intentionally mysterious. What did you mean by ‘you had a feeling that you would see him again’? Are you still in an affair with Hoseok? Yes? No? It’s up to you to decide. Hahaa BOOM sUsPeNsE :]

Also, sad to say this, but I’ll be going on a one month hiatus starting today, so this was a tiny parting gift for you all. As much as I love this platform, stuff in my real life is going to absolute shit and I need to get it together before it’s too late. Don’t worry I’ll only be gone for a month, and I hope to see you guys again :)

Don’t forget to follow @jungshook69​ for more content:) You can check out more works of mine here. Have a great day:)

[yourcoffindoor]

Paper Pushers

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Summary: This is a fluff/angst fic that ended up longer than I was anticipating. You work in the same office as Gerard, but you’ve never really noticed him until you end up working together on one of your assignments. Pre bullets era. Feedback is welcome!

Word Count: 1,787

If you had to scan one more document, you were going to go insane. Somehow the role of administrative assistant meant ‘dump any work you don’t want to do on me’ to every other employee in the office, and since you were relatively new and friendless, you didn’t quite have the courage to say no.

The task of archiving all documents from ‘97 to '01 was monumental, and despite your best efforts, the boxes of unorganized paperwork seemed to multiply each day. It was also isolating—until it was complete you spent 5 out of your 8 hour days trapped alone in the archiving room. You were just about ready to create an imaginary friend when someone gently knocked on the archiving room door one Wednesday morning.

“Come in!” you shouted from behind a mountain of paperwork, hoping desperately that  it wouldn’t cause an avalanche and bury you alive in sheets of A4.

The door opened, and the dark haired boy from a few cubicles down, Gerard, poked his head in. “Y/N?” he called out.

“Follow my voice!” you shouted jokingly, “And leave a trail of breadcrumbs or you’ll never find your way out again.”

You heard him laugh softly as he approached, and before you knew it he was right in front of you.

“I finished some of my other work early and thought I might be able to help. Judging by your comments, you could use the extra hand.”

You looked up at him to respond, but got caught off guard and paused. You never really noticed just how pretty he was, and you couldn’t help but admire his round hazel eyes and the thick dark lashes that seemed to frame them perfectly.

“Um. I’d love that.” you said, your sudden nerves making you noticeably less eloquent.

He smiled. Shit. His smile made him look even better. Why were you just noticing this now?

“Awesome. Tell me where I can start so I don’t royally fuck things up for you.”

You pointed to an open box to your left. “You see those papers there? They need to be sorted into planned or reactive work-orders.”

Gerard eyed the formidable stacks that awaited him and tucked a stray strand of black hair behind his ear. “I think I can handle that.”

 “Sorry you got stuck helping with all of this,” you said after a few minutes of silence, “I know there’s probably other things you’d rather be doing.”

“Don’t sweat it. Besides,” he said in a soft, almost bashful voice, “I uh, asked if I could help you out.”

You felt a blush settle on your cheeks, but you played it off. “I don’t blame you. I mean, who could resist the fast-paced thrills of paper filing.”

He laughed, making you wonder if it was possible to get addicted to someone’s smile. It had only been a few minutes but you couldn’t get enough of it.

You and Gerard spent the next hour getting to know each other, and every week afterwards you looked forward to his appearances. He would stop in whenever he was free, and you talked and laughed so loudly that you worried what other people outside the archiving room must be thinking.

He told you about his family and his brother Mikey, as well as his dreams of doing something important with his life, the possibility of staring a band, and his love of comic books.

“Hey listen,” Gerard said one afternoon after sorting through a stack of ledgers, “are you going to that after work drinks thing on Friday with a few other people from the office? I don’t usually, but I thought it might be nice to hang out outside of this room.” He looked down at his shoes, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Normally you would pass on a work outing, since it would almost guarantee awkward small talk, but you weren’t about to say no to more time with Gerard.

“I’d like that a lot.  Where and what time?”

“Cloudland at 6:30. I’ll save you a seat.”

“I’ll be there.”

*** *** ***

You rushed straight home from work on Friday, and spent so long getting ready to meet Gerard that you didn’t have time to eat dinner. Or maybe you were too nervous to eat, you weren’t entirely sure.

Once you made it to Cloudland, you scanned the busy venue for any sight of your coworkers. You spotted Gerard sitting at a large booth with a few other colleagues, and he waved you over.

“You made it!” His face lit up with a wide but crooked smile.

“Just in time for Janice’s amazing vocals.” you said, looking over to the small karaoke stage where Janice from HR was drunkenly delivering her off-key rendition of 'I Will Always Love You.’

“You look nice,” he said, grabbing you a beer, “you should get out of the archiving room more often.”

“You clean up pretty good yourself.” You teased back, and you felt butterflies as he peeked at you through a stray strand of hair that covered one of his hazel eyes.

You spent the evening  drinking and talking, forgetting that not only had you not eaten, you were a notorious lightweight when it came to alcohol. And the more beer you drank, the bolder you became.

“You should get up there,” you blurted to Gerard as another inebriated singer finished screeching onstage, “You should sing. You told me you wanna start a band right? Show me whatcha got!”

There was no denying you were very drunk as you playfully punched Gerard in the arm. He protested initially, but got up to appease you when he realized resistance was futile.

Once on stage, the strobe lights on the ceiling painted him a rainbow of colors, making him even more beautiful. Gerard cleared his throat into the mic.

“This one’s dedicated to Y/N,” he said with a wink, pointing in your direction. “She’s the one who made me do this, so if you don’t like my voice, she’ll be handling all complaints.”

The familiar sound of 'Life on Mars’ began to play. As Gerard began to sing, you were shocked by just how good his voice was, and how natural he looked onstage, as if he was meant to do this. As he hit the chorus, he made eye contact with you, and a realization hit you like a truck. You loved this man.

Sure, you thought he was funny and cute from the moment he walked into the archiving room, but there was no denying what you felt tonight. And you were drunk enough that you were going to let him know.

Gerard finished the song to a smattering of hoots and applause, and left the stage. You shot up out of your chair a little too quickly as he approached the table, and he rushed to help you maintain your balance as you wobbled like a newborn deer.

“Woah, I think that’s enough drinks tonight.”

“Hey that was amaaaaazing!” you slurred excitedly.

Despite his concern at your state of sobriety, he was also clearly amused. “You sure? Or is that just he booze talking?”

Your eyes widened. “Honest! But listen. I really needa tell you somethin’. Can we go outside?”

Gerard nodded, putting your arm through his. “Some fresh air would probably be a good idea.”

The two of you found a quiet corner on the balcony, and you wasted no time in making your confession.

“So what’s on your–”

“I love you.”

A muted expression crossed Gerard’s face, but you weren’t in the right state of mind to decipher it.  Was it surprise? Embarrassment?

“Y/N, I–”

“I have for awhile, but I didn’t know it till now.” you interrupted. You didn’t want him to speak. You were afraid now, afraid of what might come out of his mouth. “And you’re so talented  and a good singer and you need to follow your dreams, OK?” you implored without taking a breath, and you wavered back and forth like a sheet of paper in the wind.

Gerard opened his mouth to speak. This was it, you thought. This is where I get let down easy.

“I need to tell you something too.”he said softly.

And then you vomited.

Right before Gerard was about to respond, you hunched over and spewed on the ground, splattering his white converse sneakers. You could feel tears of embarrassment well up in your eyes.

“I am sooo sorry!”

Gerard put an arm around your shoulder. “You alright? How bout I help get you home.”

You nodded pathetically, and he gathered your belongings.

*** *** ***

You could remember Gerard helping you get into bed, and found a glass of water and aspirin beside you when you finally woke up. You groaned as your head pulsed and downed the pills, hoping they’d take care of your regrets too.

Gerard didn’t contact you all weekend, and you were too afraid to reach out. Instead, you hoped that you could go back to what you had before.

Come Monday, you found yourself once again entombed in the archiving room. Hours went by before you heard a familiar knock on the door.

“Y/N.” Gerard’s voice was gentle and hesitant, as if he were afraid you might break. “How’s that head of yours?”

You smiled, relieved that he made a joke. Maybe we can go back to the way things were after all.

“Fully recovered thanks to your valiant efforts. Thanks for your help.”

“My shoes send their regards, by the way.”

You cringed before laughing dismissively. “Yeah, I have a few regrets from that night. Things I did,” you averted your eyes, looking at the ground, “things I said.”

“Hopefully not everything.” Gerard sounded crestfallen.

You got up out of your chair and starting shuffling papers in an attempt to quell your anxiety. 

“I hope things don’t have to change between us.” you said in a low voice,your throat starting to ache.

“I think they have to now.” he said, and you turned your back to him as you felt yourself fighting back tears.

You felt a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, look at me,” Gerard said, voice calm but serious. He turned you to face him. “You didn’t let me respond that night.” 

“Well?” you said, bracing yourself for impact, “let’s hear it.”

Gerard wiped a tear away from your face, placed a finger under your chin, and gently raised your head. Suddenly, his lips were on yours. Butterflies returned, fluttering wildly in your stomach. 

He broke away after a moment and smiled. “I didn’t want you to be drunk when I did that.” 

You basked in the wave of relief that washed over you. “So I guess things really can’t go back to the way they were before Friday.”

He wiped another tear from your face. “Afraid not.” 

“Good,” you said, leaning in for another kiss, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

[tylergparker]

— && guests may mistake me as ( kaylee bryant ), but really i am ( tyler parker + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 10/31/97 ). i am applying for the ( waitress ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #215 ). i should be hired because i am ( + playful, ambitious, clever ), but i can also be ( - hot-headed, crass, resentful ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, collect cute socks, make playlists ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

ooc;; when will i not be throwing new kids at y’all amiright? maybe one day i’ll leave y’all alone lmfao. but for now, here is my child, tyler. i hope you like her but if you don’t, that’s chill, too, i can’t make you do things. as we know, i’m not your mom.

{ TW: religious undertones / general religion + emotional abuse + teen pregnancy + mentions of abortion + mentions of depression }

background;;

Tyler Grace Parker was born and raised in a suburb of San Diego, California to Daniel and Janine Parker. Daniel was a pastor at their local church, and Janine was a stay at home mom - though the woman had always desired more for herself; in particular she had goals of being a prima ballerina, but when she had tried for it at a younger age, she didn’t make the cut.

Tyler was raised predominantly Christian, given her father was a pastor and all. It was mostly something that stuck with the family - they went to church as a family unit every Wednesday evening and every Sunday morning as well as taking part in church community events, they prayed before every meal and most nights before bed, Tyler was in youth group for several years while her mom and dad both served in the church in some capacity. It was a big part of her upbringing, but it didn’t stunt her socially - she didn’t try to feed the same beliefs to her friends at school, and outside of home she didn’t talk much about church or what they believed; that was her family’s business.

Something else Tyler was raised with was ballet. She started when she was just four years old, and as a child it was a fun activity for her. She loved ballet because she had other little friends she got to see, recitals were fun for her, it wasn’t anything serious - she got to be pretty and she got to dance; it was simple for a young child. When she hit about 10 years old, though, her mother really started in on the projecting her own squashed dreams of being a ballerina on her daughter. Janine became very intense about putting pressure on Tyler to be the best, to not miss classes, to practice more. She would critique her daughter’s form, have her run the same things over and over in a practice studio, etc. It became something that made Tyler begin to almost resent this thing that she had once loved doing. She spent a handful of years trying to grapple with a love that she had for ballet and how it was slowly but surely being taken away from her.

When she was fifteen years old, early on in her sophomore year of high school, Tyler met Dylan Patterson. He was a year above her in school, but that didn’t change how fast and hard Tyler fell for him. Dylan was in the school’s jazz band, but he also happened to be the son of Tyler’s favorite art teacher, Ms. Patterson. Dylan was the oldest of three siblings, and his mother was a single mom, he picked up a part time fast food job to help his mom out on top of going to school, that Patterson’s weren’t a church-going family, either. Tyler saw nothing but good things in Dylan, she loved the way that he was so good to his family, the way he was creative, the way he could easily make her smile. Her parents, however, were not thrilled about this first boyfriend of hers. Her mom and dad thought that Dylan was a ‘bad influence’ on her, and despite the fact that she didn’t let their disapproval stop her from dating Dylan, things never got better on that front.

In fact, things got worse when at fifteen years old, Tyler found out that she was pregnant. Having sex out of wedlock was already “bad” enough, according to beliefs she had been instructed to follow all her life - beliefs she had distanced herself from little by little as she reached adolescence - but having a baby? Not to mention the fact that she was only sixteen, Dylan only seventeen. Tyler went to her mother, because that felt like what she was supposed to do - she definitely had no idea what else she was supposed to do. Janine, however, did not react as Tyler expected. She wasn’t expecting happiness at all, some tears of distress maybe, but what actually came was nothing the teenage girl had thought up in her head.

Janine wanted for Tyler to get an abortion. For a number of reasons this threw Tyler for a loop. Being pro-life was practically expected in their congregation, for her mom to insist that that was how she needed to handle her pregnancy was more than a small shock. On top of that was the fact that the woman had every intention of having her daughter get the abortion and never even telling her father she was pregnant at all. Confused and a little in shock for a few different reasons, an emotional Tyler argued with her mother against going through with that plan. The argument hit a boiling point that ended up Tyler leaving and staying at Dylan’s house for a couple of weeks.

Despite how young they were, Dylan reassured Tyler that things would be okay, that they could do anything as long as they were together. He very nearly convinced an exceptionally conflicted and concerned Tyler to keep the baby and be a family, the three of them. However, when her mother convinced her finally to come back home with the promise that they would tell her father everything and figure things out together, Tyler jumped on the opportunity. She loved Dylan so much, but she didn’t feel like either of them were in the position to make such heavy calls, and neither of them were ready to have a baby, that was for sure.

Telling her dad that she was pregnant went about as poorly as one might expect. Daniel was angry, notably so. It showed in the way that he yelled that night; telling Tyler what a disappointment she was, that she had ‘some nerve’ expecting some sort of support from them for something that was ‘entirely her own fault.’ There were things said about how she’d sinned, that she had gone against anything they had ever taught her. After that, her relationship with her father was distant, cold. What interactions they did have were exceedingly brief, and even what length they were, they weren’t particularly kind. Tyler was told not to come to church with them anymore - people at church inevitably found out about the pregnancy, but the way that her father put it “it was easier to avoid talking about if she wasn’t in everyone’s faces with it.”

Her mother was there for her through her pregnancy, despite being so against the whole thing in the first place. Dylan and his mom also were on top of getting her to appointments, helping take care of her, being there every step of the way through the pregnancy. Dylan did more attempting to convince Tyler that they should keep the baby, that they could do it because they loved each other. Ultimately, however, Tyler still gave their baby girl up for adoption.

After giving up their daughter, Dylan did his best to stand by Tyler, but Tyler could feel the distance between them - he wasn’t fully supportive of them giving the baby up, he thought that she was caving into her parent’s desires when he didn’t see them as right or fair. Ultimately, Dylan ended up ending their long-term relationship about a month after Tyler had given birth. Between the heavy - and admittedly unexpected - weight of having a child and giving her away, and the heartbreak of Dylan giving up on them after everything, Tyler became exceptionally depressed.

Going through the motions became just about all Tyler felt capable for a little while. She finished that school year in summer school, she started going back to church - because her father was back to acting as if nothing had even happened and she was actually his daughter once again - and she let her mother convince her that she should focus on ballet. Admittedly, Tyler held onto the smallest bit of hope that she could re-fall in love with ballet once again; she knew she had loved it so much when she was younger, she thought having that kind of positive feeling for it again might turn things around for herself.

Starting out with ballet again, it was a solid 50/50 in terms of the time that Tyler loved what she was doing, and the time that it came with heavy amounts of pressure from her mother. Once again, it became something that Tyler had to come to grips with: she wasn’t going to be given the option to just love being a part of ballet, getting to dance, her mother wasn’t going to let her have that, it was too serious for the woman. After the way that her teenage pregnancy had effected their family, though, Tyler didn’t have it in her to fight with the woman or cause anymore “rifts” in their home. So instead, she just pushed through, kept dancing.

At the end of that same summer, Daniel abruptly suggested that the family move out of state. There was a sister congregation to their church in Chicago and they were willing to give him a position in their ministry. He sold it to his wife and daughter as “a new beginning that they all needed” - something that Tyler still subconsciously holds resentment toward him for saying. Because what the hell had they gone through to need anything?

Moving to Chicago came with a big shift in Tyler’s persona. Essentially she gave a big middle finger to who she was - who her father in particular wanted her to be - and gave into a version of herself that felt like more like what she felt after the things that she had been through that year. She went from a sweet and cute and soft lady to something tougher, someone more blunt and confident. Someone darker, tougher. She stopped going to church which was a whole fight that she had to have with her dad after moving there, and since her relationship with the man has been nothing short of awful. Back to the minimal communication or whatever communication that there was between them being unpleasant, just as it had been when she’d been pregnant - if not worse because Daniel was angry with her for consciously making the choices she was.

Despite this notable switch and growth in her personality, one thing that Tyler did stick with was ballet. Not because it was something she really wanted to do, but because as long as she was doing it, it gave her something that kept her mom on her side. Living in a home with her angry and cold father was enough, she didn’t need for things to be any worse with her mother, too - even though the woman already made things difficult by putting the amount of pressure on the girl that she did. 

When Tyler graduated high school, Janine pushed her daughter to immediately go to auditions for ballet companies in Chicago, and even in a couple surrounding cities. When Tyler didn’t make the cut for any of the few ballet companies she had auditioned for, she knew that her mother was devastated - given all the projecting that she had been doing. It was more out of self preservation than actually feeling bad for her mom that kept Tyler continuing to dance ballet all the same. She went to a specialized school, even started co-teaching a couple of lower level classes during the week, if only so she wouldn’t have to hear how “after all the work they’d put in, she gave it all up, it amounted to nothing.” In reality, the girl has more resentment for the dance than anything at this point.

Year 20 came with Tyler finding out about the EHP at the Malnati, and given her less than great home circumstances, she jumped on applying. She had done a couple different serving jobs while going to dance classes still, so taking a waitress position in the fancy hotel’s restaurant fit things she was already familiar with. Leaving her mom and dad’s house was like letting out a gigantic breath she had been holding for all her life. Living in the Malnati gave her freedom to do what she wanted, when she wanted. It gave her freedom to be who she wanted without a fight, without judgment. She’s been working and living in the hotel for nearly two years now.

Something she did in her first year outside of her parent’s house was reach out to Dylan on Facebook for the first time in several years. The girl came to learn that Dylan was in contact with the couple that had adopted their daughter. He gave her the information for Rick and Shannon Carlson after asking the pair if it was just as alright for her to contact them. She now gets photos of her daughter - Sophia Marie Carlson - every now and again, usually around holidays or special occasions. She’s still yet to meet the child in person, given they live in Southern California still, but she has been given the opportunity to FaceTime with the couple and the little girl only a couple of times ( explaining that she is a friend of mommy and daddy’s, given the adoptive parents still want not to make things confusing )

personality / miscellaneous tidbits;;

Tyler was born at like 3:12 in the morning on Halloween the year that she was born and she has a running joke/theory that it was actually a curse and that’s why her life had been the mess that it’s been, and/or why certain bad things happen to her. “It’s the birthday curse, it’s fine.”

Has her septum pierced, she just either takes it out for ballet or tucks it up in her nose if she’s feeling ballsy about it.

She has a tiny ‘S.M.C.’ tattoo with an equally small heart beside it, on the inside of her right wrist; for her daughter. ( That being said, her teen pregnancy and her daughter isn’t really something she talks about openly, she’s gotta trust the person to see that like full side of her )

She’s got three, count em, three pet lizards; two bearded dragons named Jack and Sally, and a leopard gecko named Oogie. There’s a running theme there. Her room is like a lil reptile room with Jack and Sally sharing a cage and Oogie having his own - she’s serious about taking care of them, obviously.

Loves most things Tim Burton, in case her lizards being named after Nightmare Before Christmas characters didn’t give that away.

Would die for Brendon Urie and Hayley Williams, no question

Loves pop punk and general emo music; it’s something Dylan introduced her to and she kind of just fell in love with the whole style and the lyrics some of these bands wrote and stuff.

That being said, she’s a huge huge concert goer; big on shouldering her way to the front barricade at general admission shows, not afraid of being on someone else’s shoulders during things either, has definitely caught guitar picks and other such things thrown into crowds, she’s into it.

She’s a server, and has been for quite some time so she’s got customer horror stories for daaaays, probably has one of those #serverproblems tiktoks favorited and shit, because she hard retweets.

To be honest, she cares very little about what other people think at this point in her life. She spent the earlier part of her life in his little perfect cookie cutter daughter box, and then she derailed it on accident and her life has felt something like a mess since, so there’s not a lot that people can say to her that would like legitimately offend her.

On the other side of that coin is that she’s really not afraid to tell it like it is because she doesn’t particularly care if you like her adjflkajdfkl. If she thinks you’re annoying, she’ll tell you, etc. She’s also known to antagonize people who she doesn’t like just for the fuck of it, so. ...Sorry lmfao.

wanted connections;;

here’s another episode of me SUCKING AT THESE, EYYO

generally just like..... people who show her what an actual loving supportive family that doesn’t expect extremes from her would be great.

potentially someone that they hooked up like ONCE to get it out of their system and now they just antagonize each other and never let it die that they slept together when they’re picking on each other

server friends unite?? realistically works for bartenders, too, realistically lmao.

FRIGGIN CONCERT FRIENDS. GIVE THEM TO HER.

whoever's down to geek out about her lizards with her, that's the kind of friend vibe we fuck with

someone she genuinely doesn’t like and either doesn’t like her just as much for whatever reason, or maybe they keep trying to make her like them who knows

a person who asked her out on a legitimate date once and she laughed at them thinking they were fucking with her and now she can’t tell where they’re at because she won’t talk about it??? IDK BRO

somebody to help her explore the fact that she’s kind of bicurious?? got some shit to unpack there a little, though, so.

idk how it would happen, but this hard ass shell of hers has gotta be broken, she’s got so much shit repressed that she hasn’t opened up about - between shit with her parents to her pregnancy and heartbreak, and then some - and she’s not super great at trusting people on a deep enough level to let them in on all that and see that side of her so like again idk what would make this happen BUT !!!!!!! SURE.

honestly as always, i suck at this part, and i’m always open to just talk some shit out and work out some brainstormed ideas. so just hit ya girl kay up. or don’t. not your mom.

[way-down-meme-town]

Hadestown Act I Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 212 lyrics from the first act of the musical Hadestown to use for your enjoyment!

Road To Hell 1. “Once upon a time there was a railroad line.”

2. “Don’t ask where, brother, don’t ask when.”

3. “It was the road to Hell. It was hard times.”

4. “It was a world of gods and men.”

5. “It’s an old song. It’s an old tale from way back when.”

6. “It’s an old song and we’re gonna sing it again.”

7. “We got some gods in the house tonight!”

8. “See, on the road to Hell there was a railroad line.”

9. “They was always singin’ in the back of your mind.”

10. “Everybody, meet the Fates.”

11. “If you ride that train to the end of the line where the sun don’t shine and it’s always shady, it’s there you’ll find the king of the mine.”

12. “Someone’s got to tell the tale whether or not it turns out well.”

13. “Not everyone gets to be a god.”

14. “Don’t forget that times are hard.”

15. “This boy was a muse’s son.”

16. “You might say the boy was touched, ‘cause he was touched by the gods themselves.”

17. “There was one more soul on this road.”

18. “Girl, come on in from the cold.”

19. “Thus begins the tale of Orpheus and Eurdyice.”

20. “It’s a tale of love from long ago.”

  Any Way The Wind Blows 21. “She was no stranger to the world, no stranger to the wind.”

22. “The weather ain’t the way it was before. Ain’t no spring or fall anymore.”

23. “There ain’t a thing that you can do when the weather takes a turn on you, ‘cept for hurry up and hit the road.”

24. “People turn on you just like the wind.”

25. “Everybody is a fair weather friend. In the end, you’re better off alone.”

26. “When you’re hungry and there ain’t enough to go around, ain’t no length to which a girl won’t go.”

27. “Sometimes you think you would do anything to fill your belly full of food.”

28. “You know how those muses are, sometimes they abandon you.”

29. “This poor boy, he wore his heart out on his sleeve.”

30. “You might say he was naive to the ways of the world.”

31. “I liked to hear him sing and his way of seeing things, so I took him underneath my wing.”

  Come Home With Me 32. “You wanna talk to her?”

33. “Don’t come on too strong.”

34. “Come home with me.”

35. “Is he always like this?”

36. “Your name is like a melody.”

37. “A singer? Is that what you are?”

38. “Oh, a liar and a player too? I’ve met too many men like you.”

39. “He’s not like any man you’ve met.”

40. “I’m working on a song, a song. It isn’t finished yet, but when it’s done and when I sing it, spring will come again.”

41. “Spring will come.”

42. “I haven’t seen a spring or fall since…I can’t recall.”

43. “That’s what I’m working on, a song to fix what’s wrong. Take what’s broken, make it whole.”

44. “Oh, he’s crazy. Why would I become his wife?”

45. “He’ll make you feel alive.”

  Wedding Song 46. “Lover, tell me if you can, who’s gonna buy the wedding bands?”

47. “Times being what they are, hard and getting harder all the time.”

48. “Lover, when I sing my song, all the rivers’ll sing along.”

49. “The rivers gonna give us the wedding bands.”

50. “Lover, tell me if you can, who’s gonna lay the wedding table?”

51. “Times being what they are, dark and getting darker all the time.”

52. “Lover, when I sing my song all the trees gonna sing along.”

53. “The trees gonna lay the wedding table.”

54. “So when you sing your song, the one you’re working on, spring will come again?”

55. “You wanna take me home? Sing the song.”

56. “Lover, tell me when we’re wed, who’s gonna make the wedding bed?”

57. “Lover, when I sing my song, all the birds gonna sing along.”

  Epic I 58. “Where’d you get that melody?”

59. “It came to me as if I’d known it all along.”

60. “It’s an old song, a song of love from long ago. Long time since I heard it though.”

61. “You’ve heard that melody before?”

62. “Remember the tale I told you once about the gods?”

63. “Remember how it used to be? Their love made the world go round.”

64. “Hades was king of the underworld, but he fell in love with a beautiful lady who walked up above in her mothers green field.”

65. “He took her home to become his queen where the sun never shone on anyone.”

66. “The Gods sang his song of love and the world sang it with them.”

67. “That was long ago, before we were on this road.”

  Livin It Up On Top 68. “On the road to hell there was a lot of waiting.”

69. “These days she never stays for long, but good things come to those who wait.”

70. “Well it’s like he said, I’m an outdoor girl.”

71. “She forgot a little thing called spring.”

72. “Are you wondering where I’ve been?”

73. “Been to hell and back again.”

74. “Like my mama always said: when you’re down, you’re down and when you’re up, you’re up.”

75. “If you ain’t six feet underground, you’re living it up on top.”

76. “Let’s not talk about hard times. Pour the wine, it’s summertime!”

77. “Who makes the summer sun shine bright?”

78. “Who makes the fruit of the vine get ripe?”

79. “Who makes the flowers bloom again, in spite of a man?”

80. “Let me tell you something that my mama said to me: you take what you can get and you make the most of it.”

81. “It was summertime on the road to hell.”

82. “You might say it was in spite of herself.”

83. “For a moment there, the world came back to life.”

84. “Let the poet bless this round.”

85. “To the patroness of all of this, Persephone, who has finally returned to us with wine enough to share.”

86. “If no one takes too much, there will always be enough.”

87. “She will always fill our cups and we will always raise them up to the world we dream about, and the one we live in now.”

88. “Livin’ it up and we ain’t gonna stop.”

  All I’ve Ever Known (Intro) 89. “He had a gift to give. He could make you see how the world could be in spite of the way that it is.”

90. “She’d seen how the world was. When she fell, she fell in spite of herself.”

  All I’ve Ever Known 91. “I was alone so long I didn’t even know that I was lonely.”

92. “Out in the cold so long I didn’t even know that I was cold.”

93. “All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own.”

94. “All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I wanna hold you too.”

95. “You take me in your arms and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me.”

96. “I don’t wanna go back to the lonely life.”

97. “I don’t know how or why or who I am that I should get to hold you.”

98. “When I saw you all alone against the sky, it’s like I’d known you all along.”

99. “I know you before we met and I don’t even know you yet, all I know is you’re someone I have always known.”

100. “Now I wanna hold you close. I don’t wanna ever have to let you go.”

101. “Say that you’ll hold me forever. Say that the wind won’t change on us.”

102. “Say that we’ll stay with each other and it will always be like this.”

103. “The wind will never change on us as long as we stay with each other.”

  Way Down Hadestown 104. “That was not six months!”

105. “Better go and get your suitcase packed. Guess it’s time to go.”

106. “She’s gonna ride that train til the end of the line.”

107. “Did you ever wonder what it’s like on the underside?”

108. “You either get to hell or to Hadestown, ain’t no difference anymore.”

109. “Everybody tryin’ to get a ticket to go, but those who go they don’t come back.”

110. “Down there it’s a bunch of stiffs. Brother, I’ll be board to death.”

111. “Takes a lot of medicine to make it through the winter time.”

112. “All them shiny little heads and tails, where do you think they come from?”

113. “Everybody shines by the sweat of his brow.”

114. “The wage is nothing and the work is hard.”

115. “It’s a graveyard in Hadestown.”

116. “Mr. Hades is a mean old boss!”

117. “An eye for an eye! A lie for a lie!”

118. “You better forget about your wishing well.”

119. “I missed ya.”

120. “Mr. Hades is a mighty king.”

121. “Must be making some might big deals. Seems like he owns everything.”

122. “Kind of makes you wonder how it feels.”

  A Gathering Storm 123. “He came too soon. He came for her too soon. It’s not supposed to be like this.”

124. “Well, til someone brings the world back into tune this is how it is.”

125. “Touched by the gods is what he is.”

126. “Finish it quick. The wind is changing. There’s a storm coming on.”

  Epic II 127. “Hades is king of oil and coal and the riches that flow where the rivers are found.”

128. “His loneliness moves in him crude and black.”

129. “He thinks of his wife in the arms of the sun.”

130. “Jealousy fuels him and finds him and fills him.”

  Chant 131. “Low. Keep your head low.”

132. “You gotta keep your heard low if you wanna keep your head.”

133. “In the coldest time of year, why is it so hot down here?”

134. “Lover, you were gone so long. Lover, I was lonesome.”

135. “When you feel that fire, think of it as my desire.”

136. “I am keeping one eye on the sky and tryin’ to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us from the wind.”

137. “In the darkest time of year, why is it so bright down here?”

138. “When you see that glare, think of it as my despair.”

139. “His black gold flows in the world down below and her dark clouds roll in the one above.”

140. “That’s why times are so hard. It’s because of the gods.”

141. “The gods have forgotten the song of their love.”

142. “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind.”

143. “Did you think I’d be impressed with this neon necropolis?”

144. “Everything I do, I do it for the love of you.”

145. “If you don’t even want my love, I’ll give it so someone who does. Someone grateful for her fate, someone who appreciates the comforts of a gilded cage.”

146. “Think of them as my embrace of you.”

  Hey Little Songbird 147. “Hey little songbird, give me a song.”

148. “I’m a busy man and I can’t stay long. I got clients to call. I got orders to fill.”

149. “I got walls to build. I got riots to quell.”

150. “They’re giving me hell back in Hades.”

151. “Hey, little songbird, cat got your tongue?”

152. “Always a pity for one so pretty and young when poverty comes to clip your wings and knock the wind right out of your lungs.”

153. “Nobody sings on empty.”

154. “Strange is the call of this strange man.”

155. “You’d shine like a diamond dark in the mine.”

156. “The choice is yours if you’re willing to choose, seeing as you’ve got nothing to lose.”

157. “Wasn’t it gonna be the two of us? Weren’t we birds of a feather?”

158. “Let me guess. He’s some kind of poet and he’s penniless.”

159. “Give him your hand, he’ll give you his hand-to-mouth.”

160. “He’ll write you a poem when the power is out.”

161. “See how the vipers and vultures surround you. They’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean.”

162. “People get mean when the chips are down.”

  When The Chips Are Down 163. “Life ain’t easy. Life ain’t fair. A girls gotta fight for he rightful share.”

164. “What you gonna do when the chips are down?”

165. “Help yourself, to hell with the rest. Even the one who loves you best.”

166. “Take it if you can, give if you must. Ain’t nobody but yourself to trust.”

167. “Aim for the heart, shoot to kill. If you don’t do it then the other one will.”

168. “The first shall be first and the last shall be last.”

169. “Cast your eyes to heaven, you get a knife in the back.”

170. “Nobody’s innocent now that the chips are down.”

  Gone, I’m Gone 171. “My heart is yours, always was and will be. It’s my gut I can’t ignore.”

172. “My heart it aches to stay, but the flesh will have its way.”

173. “The way is dark and long. I’m already gone.”

174. “Go ahead and lay the blame. Talk of virtue, talk of sin.”

175. “Wouldn’t you have done the same in her shoes, in her skin?”

176. “You can have your principles when you’ve got a belly full, but hunger has a way with you.”

177. “There’s no telling what you’re gonna do when the chips are down.”

  Wait For Me (Intro) 178. “Hey, the big artiste! Ain’t you working on your masterpiece?”

179. “What do you care? You’ll find another muse somewhere.”

180. “Wherever she is is where I’ll go.”

181. “What if I said she’s down below?”

182. “She called your name before she went, but I guess you weren’t listening.”

183. “Just how far would you go for her?”

184. “Course there is another way, but nah, I ain’t supposed to say.”

185. “It ain’t for the sensitive of soul. So do you really wanna go?”

186. “With all your heart? Well, that’s a start.”

  Wait For Me 187. “You have to take the long way down, through the underground under cover of night.”

188. “Ain’t no compass, ain’t no map. Just a telephone wire and a railroad track.”

189. “Wait for me, I’m comin’.”

190. “If all you got is your own two legs, just be glad you got ‘em.”

191. “Who are you to think that you can walk a road that no one ever walked before?”

192. “You’re on the lam, you’re on the run. Don’t give your name, you don’t have one.”

193. “Don’t look no one in the eye.”

194. “That town’ll try to suck you dry.”

195. “They’ll pluck the heart right out your chest.”

196. “I hear the walls repeating the falling of my feet and it sounds like drumming.”

197. “I hear the rocks and stone echoing my song.”

  Why We Build The Wall 198. “Why do we build the wall my children, my children?”

199. “We build the wall to keep us free.”

200. “That’s why we build the wall, we build the wall to keep us free.”

201. “How does the wall keep us free my children, my children?”

202. “How does the wall keep us free?”

203. “How does the wall keep us free? The wall keeps out the enemy.”

204. “Who do we call the enemy my children, my children?”

205. “Who do we call the enemy?”

206. “Who do we call the enemy? The enemy is poverty and the wall keeps out the enemy.”

207. “We have and they have not my children, my children. They want what we have got.”

208. “What do we have that they should want my children, my children?”

209. “What do we have that they should want? We have a wall to work upon.”

210. “Our work is never done my children, my children.”

  Why We Build The Wall (Outro) 211. “There are papers to be signed. Step into my office.”

212. “A lot can happen behind closed doors. That’s for sure, that’s a fact.”

[sparklyjojos]

CARNIVAL DAY recaps [9/13]

Today’s recap: The wave, the dragon, and the hell of heaven.

--

FORTY-EIGHT

05 July 1997 — 11 July 1997

THE DREAM CONTINENT / THE GREAT TSUNAMI

--

The Billion Killer cases came to an end some time ago, but detective organizations are still bombed every week, so on July 5th every employee leaves the JDC building near 1 PM just in case. It’s a great day for XX, Outa, and Suzuki, as it’s the release day of 19box. The JDC building doesn’t explode at 1 PM (instead some poor detectives in Spain lose their workplace).

...but XX still has a horrible feeling that something bad is about to happen, and he’s proven right when they see the news: a giant tsunami is going to hit Japan in twelve hours.

Different people react differently when given a time limit like this. Some start committing all the crimes they never had the occasion to commit; some helplessly wait with their friends or observe the chaos in silence; some attempt to escape to the highest mountains or safer countries; some pray for a miracle. Some keep on their posts out of the sense of duty, some abandon them and run. The JDC Band, which was supposed to have a concert in Chiba that day, performs for free for all who choose to stay there, determined on playing until the very end.

Strong J Outa calls many of his authors. He, XX and Suzuki wonder what they should do while everyone around is leaving the JDC building. Suzuki believes they won’t manage to escape anyway and that everyone must die some day. Despite XX’s earlier dread when waiting for the 1 PM to pass, he now doesn’t want to run either. Outa decides to stay in the JDC building with them and pray that a miracle will happen.

The three are drinking and watching the news in anticipation. XX still doesn’t understand his own lack of desire to run. It’s like something deep within him is telling him not to move and stay where he is, a feeling similar to that when he thinks someone else is writing using his hands. A feeling like he’s going to describe the current events in his book in the future.

--

The giant wall of the tsunami is almost at the shore of Japan. The TV announcers say their goodbyes and the broadcast ends.

Outa and XX wait for Suzuki to return from his bathroom trip, but he doesn’t come back, and they realize he must have escaped in the end, leaving them alone.

Kyoto is deserted and quiet around them as they wait. They wonder how much time it will take for the wave to get here. They wait and wait, but it doesn’t come.

Finally, the TV broadcast comes back on and delivers breaking news.

A miracle has occurred. While the tsunami flooded the shore regions of Japan, it had subsided enough before it hit that many regions of the country are safe.

--

It’s later estimated that a billion people worldwide fell victim to the Carnival Wave—truly a Billion Killer. Many regions were completely flooded. The JDC band and their audience all perished. The only reason why the death toll wasn’t bigger was that the mysterious continent sank again, and the ocean rushing back into place pulled away some force from the waves, shrinking them to 100-300 meters instead of a kilometer in height.

People died. Too many people died.

--

(...Kakuusan Kanke, real name Mizuno Yuriko, was on Easter Island at the time. Below is Kakuusan Kanke’s testimony. [Originally in first person.])

Things were getting weird in JDC. First Christmas kidnapped Hanto Maimu and Kuraimu, then all three disappeared along with Yaiba, then Kirika vanished leaving a suicide message, then Dokuson announced he’s the Billion Killer and booked it, then Manji Tawawa stated she was going to catch Dokuson and also vanished without a trace. But even before Dokuson fled, things were strange.

Kanke’s reasoning method is at its best when she’s jealous, which is also why she’s good at solving crimes born out of envy or jealousy. But something didn’t sit right with her about the murder of Jouka by jealous grieving Jounosuke fans. She wasn’t sure what, though. Maybe the murder happened because there hadn’t been enough security guards around or something—perhaps Dokuson made a mistake and didn’t want to admit it?

But Dokuson told her (in his usual philosophical rambling way) that he was not like all those cowardly elites who live in fear of mistakes, and that unlike God Tsukumo Juku, he was very obviously human (which was of course yet another reason for why he was so great). Dokuson was at that point in time the world’s greatest genius, yes, but he had arrived there by making the world’s greatest mistakes. Past himself had been the world’s greatest fool, but he saw no shame in that, as the mistakes had let him grow this much. Nowadays, as someone the closest to perfection, he would not tolerate any mistakes from himself and would readily admit his fault without excuses. And also, he noticed how other people would feel content with small successes and give up developing further, and he was very insistent in telling Kanke to always keep on growing.

Hearing that rambling speech, it was hard to think that Dokuson made a mistake he wouldn’t admit. But something still felt off. Kanke asked him if he knew some hidden truth behind Jouka’s death or the kidnapping incident with Christmas.

Dokuson said he’d noticed that Jouka could be in danger, and warned her several times against investigating Jounosuke’s death. In the end, Jouka was murdered not by a random jealous person, but by a member of the fanclub of Minase Nagisa and Dakushoin Ryusui, the same group that was responsible for the Cosmic Jokers case. (Dokuson didn’t want to say much more about them, as it could put Kanke in danger.)

Dokuson also noticed that Christmas had become unusually withdrawn since his trip to Egypt. He was seen talking with Kirika a lot shortly before she disappeared.

Kanke investigated more by following Christmas’s past actions. That’s why she was on Easter Island when something bizarre happened: with a deafening rumble, the entire island suddenly started rising high into the air, sending giant waves in every direction. Then the sea seemed to disappear—instead, Kanke saw a massive land down below. It’s like Easter Island had been just a tiny protruding part of a giant sunken continent. After some time, the continent receded underwater again.

Kanke stayed on the island to investigate, and when a week later she looked at the sky, she saw a dragon.

--

FORTY-NINE

12/07/97 — 18/07/97

DRAGON

--

(And in the latest news…)

...On July 12th, a giant unidentified animal is spotted flying near the Mariana Islands after apparently having burst out of the ocean. On the evening of July 15th, the creature swoops down towards Easter Island, topples the Moai statues, slides down the beach to the sea and disappears underwater.

Nine skulls of the Billion Killer are left on the beach. All face the same direction.

The unidentified animal is described as being thirty meters long, black, with a long neck and wings, similar to a dragon. Scientists think this dragon might instead be some sort of a vehicle.

...if the Crime Olympics continue with the same speed, it’s estimated that over 3,7 billion people will have died by the time of August 10th...

...on July 18th, RISE sends “the last message” to the UN, informing them that they’re going to make the Cosmic Bomb (the Moon) crash into the Earth on Carnival Day...

...the rumor says that the JDC Band had belonged to the suicide cult DICE...

...ever since the Carnival Wave, global unrest is soaring...

--

Suzuki never showed up again, but Outa and XX continue to work. XX starts writing about the Crime Olympics in earnest. It’s impossible to grasp and understand an event as gargantuan in scale, but he’s doing the best he can.

All the research and writing makes him notice things, have doubts and suspicions. Carnival Dice, Carnival Wave… what’s with that word? A lot of people would associate Carnival with the joyful time in Rio de Janeiro. The word is said to have originated from the Latin carne levare, “remove meat”, as the time of the Christian season of Carnival comes right before Lent. The term often means a celebratory masquerade. It’s also distressingly similar to the world cannibal.

Outa notices that the name DICE is quite fitting; the word “dice” is the plural of “die”, so signifies a lot of deaths. Maybe it also had something to do with gambling with people's lives.

As for the mysterious landmass in the ocean, Outa thinks it could be Mu, the lost continent that according to its popularizator James Churchward had been obliterated and sunk in a single night. A similar story was told about Atlantis, so the two continents were often theorized to either be one and the same, or to have sunk during the same cataclysm. Mu was described as reaching from the Marianas to Easter Island, and from Hawaii to the Cook Islands.

Outa also talked about OOParts (Out Of Place Artifacts), objects found in an unusual context that challenges our knowledge of history, for example the golden Quimbaya airplanes or the Mesoamerican crystal skulls. Many objects sometimes considered to be OOParts seem to have a connection with the Billion Killer—the Moai statues, the Nazca lines, Stonehenge, Cappadocia, Machu Picchu, the stone spheres of Costa Rica, the Pyramid of the Sun, Mohenjo-daro, the Great Pyramid, the crystal skulls…

The connections continue. The Billion Killer skulls are made of orichalcum, which according to legends was a shining mineral occuring on Atlantis. Another hypothetical lost continent was called Lemuria, just like the S-detective. 

Outa seems to always have an answer to anything, so XX asks about himself—who was he before he lost memory? Outa answers that he was working for JDC, though not as a detective.

What he means is that XX is none other than the security guard Nakamoto Hiroya.

--

FIFTY

19 Jul 1997 — 25 Jul 1997

NIGHTMARE OF HEAVEN / BOTTOM OF THE SEA

--

(Christmas Mizuno went through quite a lot during the Crime Olympics.

Below is Christmas Mizuno’s testimony. [Originally in first person.])

When the old woman Cassandra finished telling Christmas the truth about his brother Pyramid, four new people showed up. Three wore black suits. The last one looked exactly like Christmas and used a chloroform cloth to knock out the detective.

When Christmas regained consciousness, he was in a small room together with the old woman. She told him they were in RISE’s “underground heaven”, Shangri-La, a camp for Beasts—former prisoners—who have been gathered here to fight in “criminal world championships”.

Christmas quickly learned the place was hell on earth. Corpses and bones everywhere. Crazed naked people running around, more similar to actual beasts than humans, looking at Christmas and the old woman like they were going to become their next meals. The old woman explained that this place had no food at all—except for other people. Fortunately, the “beasts” were weak from hunger and seemed to know they wouldn’t stand much chance against Christmas right now. They also feared the darkness of the cave’s lowest level; there was fresher water there, but they could easily fall into a trap of smarter “beasts”.

The old woman stated there was no way out of Shangri-La, or at least it hadn’t been found so far. Her own last mission was guiding Christmas around the place and explaining things. Like she had said before, she wasn’t a member of RISE, but had mutually profitable relations with them (that entire thing with killing people who climbed the Pyramids). Christmas was chosen to become RISE’s guest, but first he would be tested in Shangri-La. The woman all but ordered him to go into the darkness below. She said that if he didn’t go, his brother Pyramid’s sacrifice for him would be in vain.

Christmas ran into the darkness. Once he was a good distance away, he looked back and saw the old woman being surrounded and attacked by the “beasts”. She died without even trying to defend herself.

Christmas had no choice but to wander further into the complete darkness—or rather, to get lost in the complete darkness, as getting lost was his unfortunate specialty. No matter how far he went, he couldn’t find anything but more darkness. Thirsty, hungry and exhausted, he eventually collapsed on the ground for who knew how long.

Eventually two voices came from the darkness, telling him that the Great King Enma was awaiting him. Christmas was picked up and taken somewhere, but he lost consciousness halfway through.

When he woke up, he was in a dimly lit room. The round door had an eye in a triangle drawn on it. Aside from Christmas, there were three people in the room: one had silver clothes and a mask of a bull, the other two had masks of a horse and a deer. The minotaur held a skull of the Billion Killer in his lap, its glow the only source of light.

All three spoke Japanese, but claimed they were using “R language”. The minotaur said they would test Christmas in a very simple way: he was to answer a few questions truthfully (and since he had problems speaking from exhaustion, nodding or shaking his head would do). The minotaur warned that he had the power to see through every lie, then started the questioning.

Was Christmas told by the old woman that there was no escape from Shangri-La? (Yes.) Did Christmas know there was no other way to survive in Shangri-La other than eating human flesh? (Yes.) Did he think he could get out before he died of starvation? (No.) Then what would he do—simply wait for death or kill others? (...No.) Then he would still try to escape until the end? (Yes.) But he’s too weak to try escaping now. Wouldn’t he kill and eat someone to gain the strength to escape? (No. “Just water…” he managed to say.) What a stubborn guy. But if the masked trio was the one to hunt and kill, and just gave him the human meat, would he eat it? (No!) Well then, the last question. A choice. Eat human meat and survive, or don’t eat it and die. Which would he choose? (... … “The first one”, Christmas answered in desperation.) Oh, and here was the first lie! But Christmas had already made his resolve obvious.

The three masked men left him alone in the dark room afterwards. Christmas’s memories from that time are fuzzy. He wasn’t sure if he was dead or alive. In a situation so hopeless, facing his own death approaching, he couldn’t spare the energy to cry over his fate. Instead, he found himself smiling—a faint, pure smile in the unending darkness—the only thing he was able to do to keep his spirits up.

After the longest time, the three masked men returned and informed Christmas he was officially invited to the Sanctuary as a guest. They somehow carried him out of Shangri-La, one of them leaving a Billion Killer skull behind “for the future”. Christmas was in critical condition, so he received urgent medical treatment in the Sanctuary, including a period of cold sleep in a strange capsule. Then he met his friends, saw his look-alike die, met Tierra. Quite a chaotic time.

In July, RISE invited all the guests to Heaven—El Dorado, the opposite of the hell of Shangri-la. The Sanctuary moved towards the bottom of the Mariana Trench...

--

[>>>NEXT PART>>>]

[texastheband]

Size does matter

By Lena Corner Taken from I-D Magazine - May 1999, Issue #186 ‘Skin & Soul’

After the rebirth of cool that was White on Blonde, Texas are finally ready to capitalise on their credibility. And for Sharleen Spiteri, this time it's personal...

Armed with a wedge of crisp tenners ready to blow at the bar, it's impossible to deny a slight tinge of disappointment when Sharleen Spiteri's choice of beverage turns out to be a cup of tea. Ask what she's doing at the weekend and she talks excitedly about staying in to await delivery of a new fridge. Getting on a domestic roll, she waxes lyrical about the draught excluders she's just fitted in her new Primrose Hill home. "I think I'm turning into my mum," she concludes.

Sharleen Spiteri may be a woman who stands accused of many things, but domestic obsession isn't one of them. She's been criticised for trying to add credibility to her soul-tinged radio-friendly rock by aligning herself with the likes of Rae and Christian and the Wu-Tang Clan. When she employed Juergen Teller to shoot the cover of Texas' 1997 album White On Blonde, it was said she brought him in an attempt to re-invent herself as a moody, hip and highly marketable frontwoman. Even her choice of boyfriend, Arena Homme Plus editor Ashley Heath, who she's been seeing for years, has been called her svengali figure, a calculated move to position herself within the sphere of all things cool. "I've never ever seen it written where someone's gone, 'Yeah Sharleen's alright, she knows what she's doing'," she says. "But it's like fuck them, who cares? Everyone seems to forget that I used to be a hairdresser, I used to do shoots constantly and teach all over the world. I was very much part of the whole industry before I was ever in a band, then suddenly it got to this point where everyone was saying Texas are trying to re-invent themselves. People want a story though, they want to invent something." When Sharleen first appeared on the cover of i-D back in March'97, readers wrote in to complain: why should we want to feature someone like Spiteri? She was old news: her debut single, I Don't Want a Lover, hit number eight way back in '89. Her records shifted millions and she'd spent far too much time at the top of the charts. In 1997, Texas were one of the most played acts on British radio. Mass market, stadium-sized exposure - how uncool is that? "I don't want to make cool music," she retorts angrily. "What is cool music? It might be cool today but it's not going to be cool tomorrow. People still talk about ‘I Don't Want A Lover’ and that was ten years ago; to me that's far cooler than writing some fucking stupid song that sold 20 copies. It's like, don't waste my time, pretentious fucks. I'm not interested in being trendy. I went through all that when I was 16. It seems it's more important nowadays to be into the right music, wear the right trainers, sit in the right bars and have the right furniture. It's too much effort, I'm too old and it's too boring." Hence her fad for draught, excluders. There was a time, though, when Sharleen did care what people thought and she'd sit through interviews desperately trying to be liked. Even so, after the third Texas album, Ricks Road, the backlash kicked in. People lost interest, the press wrote her off and Spiteri took it all very personally. The whole experience left her feeling crushed and betrayed, she says. For a while Texas plugged away on the European tour circuit; they went "where the love was". But when the tour ended in '95, Spiteri had had enough and took off to Paris for a year to live with her mate. For a while it was touch and go. But today she's got an Ivor Novello award for 'outstanding body of work' sitting on her mantelpiece and a four million-selling comeback album. Finally she realised it was time to stop caring what people thought. "We really fought to make that album," Sharleen admits. "A lot of people thought Texas had split up - some didn't know we'd ever existed - but we made a record because we believed in our ability to keep it going, we kept our values and rode it through. When people aren't interested, you really have to fight for what you believe in; we did and to come through the other end was the biggest gift anyone could ever have given us. All those people who went out and brought that record was the biggest compliment anyone could ever pay us." At the end 1997, Texas played at the Hogmanay party in Edinburgh. With the castle as a backdrop and a sky exploding with fireworks, the curtain came down on what Sharleen describes as an unbelievable, fantastic year. That moment, playing to a rapturous New Year's audience, marked the end of the White On Blonde era and two days later, still riding on the buzz, she sat down with co-writer Johnny McElhone in her Glasgow recording studio and tried to do it again. The Hush, their fifth album, is the result. "This is the Texas album we've been building up to throughout our entire history," she says. "I really do believe we've nailed it."

Sharleen describes it as sensual, a collection of moods, hence the title. They spent weeks planning the running order; it's a record, she reckons, that will take your imagination to all sorts of different places when you put it on in your bedroom. Namechecked influences remain the classic Texas roll call: "You can hear the Roxy Music influences," she says. "Abba and the Human League all mixed in with The Beatles, Marvin Gaye, AI Green and Ann Peebles." The result is pure, polished summer-tinged pop with Spiteri's syrupy, smooth vocals stronger than ever, delivered lying as usual on her back. For the album's artwork, this time Sharleen chose Gucci campaign photographer Luis Sanchez and headed out to Miami Beach where she languished in the sea for something more seductive than the pared down White On Blonde sleeve. "It was a case of let's go to the other end of the spectrum," she says, "the complete opposite of what Juergen Teller would do. He's very stripped down, very in your face. But because it's called The Hush, we wanted something shiny and glamorous. I've always loved the Roxy Music sleeves, classic late '70s album covers. It was more on that tip." The source of inspiration for one track entitled The Girl actually came from Lauryn Hill. It refers to that rare thing: a woman with money and power, with the conviction to use it exactly the way she wants to. "She's stuck to her guns and I think that's what it's all about," Sharleen says. "I'm so aware a lot of people are quite prepared to sell their soul to get what they want, but I'm not and I don't think Lauryn is either. I look at men's magazines and see all these girls on the cover; you simply cannot get on one unless you're prepared to get your tits out and so many people do. It's inspiring seeing the way Lauryn Hill does it. And then she gets called an awkward bitch for it. It's so difficult if you're a woman and you've got an opinion. It's not considered an opinion, it's a fucking attitude problem and I find that very frustrating." Inevitably Spiteri with her natural, androgynous good looks and flair for throwing together Prada with trainers has had countless offers to strip down and 'do something sexy'. But their idea of sexy, she says, is very different from her own. "Sexy is really all about imagining as opposed to seeing. That's why I love working with Juergen; his whole thing is about catching a real moment, something that you actually would do like sit in the bath. If it's all there in your face you don't even see it. But once you've shown it, you've shown it and you can't go back on it. I think it's laughable - if that's where the male sex are supposed to be at, it's very sad. Why do they have to have everything in pictures to understand how things work?" At school, Sharleen was one of those girls who were approached by the boys - but sadly never for anything she had to offer. "I'm not an archetypal beauty. Everything's a mess, my nose is all bent," she says. "It was always, Sharleen, you know your mate, sort us out a date.' I was like a pimp at school. At the time it was like, 'You bastard', but it was actually a really good way to accept the way I am." In those days, Spiteri was convinced she was going to grow up to be a designer. She gave up her Saturdays to study fashion at Glasgow School Of Art, landing her first-ever discount card for the local art supplies shop. She spent countless nights cutting and embellishing outfits, standing on the kitchen table while her long-suffering mum pinned up her latest creation at two in the morning. It's not surprising then that when Muiccia Prada approached her to model for the Miu Miu line, Spiteri turned her down flat. "You're not going to get me stuck with one designer," she says. "I love clothes too much." Back in '89, sporting tomboy denims and a Siouxie Sioux haircut, Spiteri modelled herself on Patti Smith. She made great music, she wasn't gorgeous and she wasn't blonde something to aspire to. But two years ago at the Q awards, Spiteri's mentor came crashing off her pedestal. "She did this whole thing: 'If these are all the people I've influenced then fuck it'. I thought, 'You rude cow'. PJ Harvey gave her the award - if I'd been presenting it I'd have belted her. To have been doing this for so long and to be so lucky to be doing it, she should frigging know better and she should be glad if she's influenced anyone." Since that moment, Spiteri's stopped playing Smith's music. "All I hear when I put her records on is just a really angry person. It's not good vibes to be giving out, it's like what on earth have you possibly got to be angry about?" To this day, Spiteri remains eternally, sweetly grateful for her ten years in Texas, even those spent wallowing in the European pop wilderness. "I'm always very careful what I wish for," she says. "And I never tell anyone because they'll never come true." Texas, she thinks, was something that was always meant to happen, even though when she was first asked to sing she thought it was a wanky chat up line. She carefully avoids tempting fate; insisting on being the last to walk out on stage and always locking away the first pressing of every Texas record because superstition tells her to. She refuses to court fame for fame's sake. "It's easy to be invisible if you want to be," she says. Once a crazed Biblewielding lunatic forced his way into her dressing room in France. Even though he was ousted before he got to say his piece, it was an incredibly frightening moment for her. At 32, she's thinking about having kids; attention like that isn't what she needs. Chances are, The Hush will do a White On Blonde and sell and sell, especially if Chris Evans takes it on as a personal crusade, as he has before. Next month Texas release the single In Our Lifetime. "The whole sentiment behind it is about finding yourself in a situation that's totally meant for you and taking it," Sharleen says. "You only get one chance, it's that once in a lifetime situation; you've got to grab it with both hands and never let it go." The tale of Texas possibly? The story of the girl who ditched a glittering career in hairdressing to join a band on a whim and who persevered in the face of endless criticism. Spiteri pauses for a moment. "Oh yes," she says. "I've never thought of it like that."

The Texas single, In Our Lifetime, is out on April 19 on Mercury, followed on May 10 by The Hush LP.

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

[jmkitsune]

all odd :)

1: Name

JM

3: Fears

Abandonment, sensory deprivation, failure

5: 4 turns on

based on previous girlfriends

1- curves (tits, ass, hips, thighs, stomach)

2- longer hair

3- eyes

4- sarcastic and clever sense of humor

7: My best friend

can’t pick one but Britt, Adrienne, and Moosey

9: My best first date

never had “first dates” I was usually in relationships already when the dating stuff happened

11: What do I miss

too many things honestly

13: Favourite color

purple and crimson

15: Favourite quote

“When someone says impossible- they usually mean improbable.”

17: Favourite food

honestly probably 

19: What am I listening to right now

watching Godzilla soo listening to Godzilla wreck monsters

21: Shoe size

9 and a half

23: Hair color

red/auburn

25: Ever done a prank call?

nope

27: Favourite movie

I have too many to list, movies are kinda a huge thing for me, but lets say star wars cause its always a consistent

29: Favourite band

linkin park probably

31: Someone I love

my friends

33: My relationship with my parents

mom- could be better

dad- non existent

35: Tattoos and piercing I have

I have six tattoos

37: The reason I joined Tumblr

boredom back in 2009/2010 or so

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

41: When did I last hold hands?

2 months ago

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

I don’t drink/get drunk sooo

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

live with my mother yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Britt, Adrienne, Moosey, pretty much 95% my friend group

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

2 months ago

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

yes

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

no idea honestly, like no one is jumping out at the moment

57: What’s my strangest talent?

I don’t think many of my talents are that strange to be honest

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, but don’t mind in front on certain circumstances

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

of the two? online- hands free

63: Do I believe in magic?

I believe people are capable of making magic if they believe in it themselves

65: What’s the weather like right now?

muggy

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

used to, now its just a smell I notice

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

broken heart

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

no but my siblings can and its iritating

73: Favourite animal?

fox

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Morningstar 

77: How can you win my heart?

be a specific person

79: What is my favorite word?

probably wicked

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

let me go back to the start

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

shadow jumping- being able to walk into a shadow and reappear someone else out of another shadow

85: What is my current desktop picture?

I hadn’t actually changed it yet

87: Bought condoms?

uhhh I didn’t buy them technically, but I remember the last time was like mid june, steph came home saying “I have acquired the anti baby ritual materials!”

89: Failed a class?

junior year- failed chemistry

91: Kissed a girl?

yes

93: Had job?

I’ve had quite a few jobs

95: Bullied someone on the internet?

I have not

97: Played on a sports team?

I was on my high school soccer team my freshmen year, but didn’t stay the whole season

99: Did drugs?

nope

101: Drank alcohol?

Used to, a LOT, stopped for a while, but then stopped fully back in 2015 or so

103: Been overweight?

no

105: Been to a wedding?

yes

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yup

109: Gotten my heart broken?

A FEW TIMES, kinda a skill I’m getting exceedingly good at

111: Broken a bone?

not yet

113: Been to prom?

two proms actually

115: Fly by helicopter?

nope

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

nope

119: Wore make up?

yes, used to wear eye liner and nail polish in high school

121: Had oral sex?

*nods*

123: Voted in a presidential election?

yup, every election since 2008

125: Had a surgery?

nope

127: Stalked someone on a social network?

*sighs* honestly as much as I sometimes want to because of heartbreak- no I haven’t I know the second I go looking I’m just going to find pain

129: Been fishing?

yes, used to go when I was a kid, wasn’t my thing

131: Been rejected by a crush?

hahahahahaha I’ve been rejected by one crush a few times

133: What do I want for birthday?

second chance

135: Was I named after anyone?

sadly too many people in the family

137: What was my favourite toy as a child?

thomas the tank engine train toys and legos

139: Where do I want to live when older?

with the love of my life

141: One of my scars, how did I get it?

I have three tiny scars on my left wrist- I got them when my friend at the time Eden gripped my arm cause I took her wallet jokingly and until I gave it back she gripped tighter, she never broke skin but she did leave three nail marks in my wrist

143: Am I afraid of the dark?

no, I’m afraid of what might be in it

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

once, was worth it, went and got slushies

147: What I’m really bad at

keeping that which I want most without driving it away

also really bad at not trying to take on everything by myself when there are those who could have and would have helped me when I needed it in the past

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

That I scared them because of what I did out of love 

151: What do I like about myself

I’m passionate, loyal, ambitious, creative, romantic, fiercely devoted and an idealist dreamer

153: Something I fantasize about

a reunion and forgiveness

[chemically-imbalanced-romance]

Shit since I’ve been so fuckin obsessed with sympathetic deceit lately, I’m gonna yell into the void Seth and Virgil’s past friendship in the clique!au

Also yes I did finally give Deceit an actual name instead of bein a little bitch anyway let’s go

- When Virgil first approached him, Seth was just like “mmust pro-tec t?”

- 10/10 will not hesitate to wrap Virgil up in his trench coat again

(ง'̀-'́)ง

I pasted that by accident but tbh it’s staying

- One of their first conversations was essentially “Virgil if you’re going to be emo you need something black on your face” and Verge was just like “you mean like makeup???” “Duh come to my house after school we’ll get a look sorted out”

Virgil couldn’t use any of the foundations or concealers because Seth’s skin is so dark and Virgil’s is so pale but Seth breaks out this giant ass eyeshadow pallet and says “I stole it”

It took Verge like three years to realize he was lying and Roman was just like “??? You really thought that asshole would even try to steal anything? Someone would look at him and he’d start apologizing before he even took anything”

They try out a ton of different colours- purples, blues, silvers, and golds -but Virgil eventually just settles on black.

Seth was like “perfect, the colour Of your depression” and Virgil said “I could put this under my eyes and you wouldn’t notice a difference” so he did as a joke and he just never stopped

- Yes I’m saying it again because I think it’s so fucking cute, Seth’s favourite thing to do was to pull Virgil gently against him and wrap his trench coat around him and just hide him from the world and any time anyone tried to talk to them during this Seth would just hiss and pull Virgil closer

And Virgil just felt so safe

- One time like a month after they became friends, Virgil came up to Seth at his locker in the morning and went to hug him but Seth tensed up and snapped, “Don’t touch me!”

And Virgil was just Terrified™ but Seth’s immediately apologizing and explaining that his skin is bothering him and if someone touches him he might scream, and Virgil realizes he isn’t wearing his coat, and his Face is bare of makeup to show large patches of grayish brown skin over his face, neck, and arms.

It became normal for Virgil to force Seth to put on his medicine or to convince him that his eczema isn’t as noticeable as he thinks, or even to tell him to stop fucking scratching before I kick your ass seriously Seth if you start bleeding again I’ll scream-

Ughgjghgh I could talk for hours about Deceit with eczema but I’ll just move on

- Some lies Seth had told Virgil over their friendship:

“I was in a band once.”

“Everything in this room is stolen from Hot Topic.”

“Oh, yeah, I know him.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve read that.”

“I’ve never gotten a test grade below 97.”

“I haven’t slept in an entire month.”

“You’re a horrible friend.”

“I’d be fine alone.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m just tired.”

“I don’t need anybody.”

And, bonus:

“I don’t miss you.”

“I don’t need you.”

“I’ll never forgive you.”

- Seth knew Logan didn’t like him, but Virgil was just so damn excited to have another friend and it was so fucking cute, he never said anything.

He was honestly so grateful to Logan for taking care of him and he genuinely believed that when it came down to it, Virgil would be better off with Logan.

When Virgil cut him out, Seth stayed home for weeks and broke his phone trying not to text him. He told his mom that he got bored and wanted to see how strong it was, but she sighed and told him that he wanted to talk to him about going into therapy.

- Seth quit after, like, two weeks, had a breakdown, and then decided that if he had to lie, he could at least make it interesting. He got himself into the habit of making every single thing that came out of his mouth a very obvious lie, so he either sounded sarcastic or just “quirky.” Unexpectedly any time a compulsive lie would come out, it would come out the truth, which definitely took some getting used to.

- And, finally, since I threw in way more angst than I actually expected to:

- When Logan realized that Seth had never had any intention to hurt Virgil and he really was trying to be better- Albeit in unconventional ways that made Logan want to scream because how tf could that make any sense I don’t???? - he talked to him and explained his position and apologized and they had a cuddle while Seth cried

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

the challenge is on, foolish mortal

1. how tall are you?

5 feet 7 inches

2. what is your body type?

i’m shaped like an hourglass but i’m also a lil chubby

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

i occasionally like my face and this is a little bit weird but i have pretty good tits

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yep!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy

dude i’m shy af

6. are you more femme or butch?

i’m a pretty solid futch

7. are you tol or smol?

i’m tol bitch!!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

i feel like i’m a vodka aunt, but i’m also 14 and don’t commit crimes

9. weird habit?

i stick my tongue out whenever i’m super focused and i used to be really self conscious about it

10. favorite meme?

my current favorite is the shen yun memes but i don’t have an all time favorite

11. do you sing in the shower?

no bc the bathroom is right next to my parent’s bedroom :):):)

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

yeah i was in girl scouts for a while

13. are you/were you a theater kid?

see basically all of my vent posts and you’ll find the answer (i’m in a weird relationship with theater right now, but we’ll have to see how sophomore year turns out)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

yeah!! i’m also seeing another one in 112 days lol

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

some are, but that doesn’t make them bad

16. have you ever been part of a protest or a march?

yeah, i went to march for our lives last year!!

17. favorite cards against humanity card?

i don’t actually own or play CAH, but i like “Bees.”

18. last movie you watched?

newsies, but that was only to grab screenshots lol (maura will know)

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

both!!

20. favorite tv show?

uhhhhh frasier? 

21. meaning behind your url

sizzle it up with taako is a taz reference

22. reason you joined tumblr

i have no fucking idea bc it was so long ago

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

i’d say @baura-bear but i’ve also known her irl for 8 years? i don’t actually have any purely tumblr friends, feel free to hmu

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

most foods

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

considering that i had to look up what that meant, the answer is no

26. have you ever had sex?

i’m 14

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or anything bad?

nope, i lead a pretty boring life (i’d actually sneak out quite often if my bedroom wasn’t on the second floor)

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve told my dad that i love him before

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

i’m currently at a crossroads with it and it’s pretty stressful for me rn but i’m committed to getting better and not crying daily over it

30. describe your best friend

i don’t actually think i have a solid enough relationship with anyone to have a best friend lol

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows

OH UHHHH i pop my acne?? that might be obvious if you look at my face tho

32. how do you feel right now?

pretty solid, i have a little bit of a headache and i’m a bit sad but i’m doing okay

33. what is your biggest fear?

failure, but that’s probably just bc i set so high expectations for myself lol

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

breakfast in america by supertramp

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

maybe quitting band and strings in 5th grade or quitting track

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

OH YEAH but we’re not gonna talk about that right now

37. something you fantasize about

i always dream of living in a tiny nyc apartment with a beautiful wife and working at some nondescript company and shopping in my free time

38. last time you cried and why

??? i actually don’t know. i nearly cried last night bc my dad was nearly yelling at me, we’re not gonna get into that though

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

i put a stupid snapchat filter on my face

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking about anything with?

my own self?? i have trust issues lol

42. the last time you felt broken?

maybe this morning just bc i had a weird dream and was processing it lol

43. are you starting to realize anything?

yeah

44. are you more dom or sub?

sub, but just in general, i haven’t ever had sex

45. i’ll only date you if _____

you’re a woman? i don’t have many standards lol

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

okay this question is probably geared more towards adults but as a freshman, i’m fine with dating sophomores and juniors, and maybe 8th graders?? that’s a little iffy though

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail

ummm i’m not sure if it’s a crush anymore but she’s tall, skinny, had black hair that she dyes often but it never shows, she dresses similar to me, she’s a photographer, and i think she might be into me :/

48. do you have any kinks?

yes but i’ll never tell anybody even if they paid me money

49. first thing you notice in a person?

uhhh their outfit?

50. how can someone win your heart?

by loving me a lot and dealing with my weird personality

51. been rejected by a crush?

i’ve only asked a crush out once and that went pretty well so no

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

yes, who hasn’t?

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54. is trust a big issue for you?

is the sky blue?

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope, we’ve been meaning to for a while though

56. is confidence cute?

sometimes, just don’t be weird to other people

57. what would you say if the person you like kissed another person?

i wouldn’t care LMAO

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

maybe?? my interactions with her have been a blur lmao

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh yeah

61. do you want to get married?

yes, but purely to flex the fact that i can get gay married

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

idk probably self harmed

63. three things that turn you on

1. women

2. women

3. women

64. who do you hate?

nobody, really

65. favorite term of endearment?

sweetheart/love GET ME EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! if i ever write some romance y’all will see

66. who was your gay awakening?

idk if you count this as a gay awakening but once when i was like four i said to my dad “if i could marry anyone, i’d marry sarah” (one of my friends) (holy shit i just got kind of sad remembering her i liked her a lot and she had a cool family i need to see if she has an ig)

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

both at the same time

68. what do you look for in a possible partner

women

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

tbh the only styles that are off the table for me are hyper masculine and hyper feminine, anyone else is great

70. are you good at flirting?

i don’t have the confidence to flirt lol

71. who was the first person you came out to?

my friends ellie and lilli, at the same time, on accident

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

the question is do i have friends that aren’t wlw 

73. is your crush wlw?

i believe so

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

this one junior boy who.... oh boy... he’s not hot at all but he’s so nice to literally everyone

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i don’t feel like i’m attached enough to my crush to write a poem to them

76. do you fall in love easily?

i think so

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

oh hell yeah, at least i think so

79. are you a forgiving person?

depends on what the person did

80. what is your type?

i don’t really have one? being taller than me is nice

81. fall asleep in her arms or tub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

both, with a preference for the first one

82. tall girls or short girls?

TOL

83. hugs or kisses

both, especially at the same time

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

both!!

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

tummy!! thigh kisses are a bit too close to the pussy for my taste

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

hairline

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both!!!!!!!!!

88. making our or soft kisses

soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

both, it just depends on the situation

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

probably 80%

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

idk if i ever blush but i have to REALLY like someone to get butterflies

92. have you ever likes a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

i have multiple times but i’ve only told someone once

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

11 or 12

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

idk, i tend to forget those things

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

i honestly don’t ship many lesbians lmao. can i count my own ocs? bc julia and emily are great

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

i don’t think i’ve actually had anything negative said about my sexuality directly to me, so i’m a bit lucky

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

i honestly have no idea

98. what is love to you?

when we make each other happy

99. ask me anything

i mean my ask is always open if anyone wants to do this

thanks for listening to me be super gay and sad for a little bit