#sorry if that seemed like a vent

[evil-maryland]

thank you!!

OOC: NOTE THINGY

20 Notes and ill tell my parents i want psychological help again

100 Notes and ill study ahead in french

200 Notes and ill study ahead in maths(god no)

700 Notes and ill study the whole next theme for the rest of this year for history

1000 Notes and ill actually take care of myself

1500 Notes and ill do own brain studies n stuff

2000 Notes and ill actually do the damn thing ive been trying to do

EDIT1: i forgot to add rules.... maryland pls only like an eight of the postlimit max (this includes all ur blogs) everyone else free tho

[solitaireships]

I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it

This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names

Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool

[angelpuns]

Leo going through the horrors but the horrors are just that he had a shitt day and no one bothered to save him any cookies :/

[oceanwithouthermoon]

maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying

[evilkitten3]

some reminders that i think this site could use:

-it is still not ok to be racist

-it is still not ok to be antisemitic

-it is still not ok to be islamophobic

-it is still not ok to be misogynistic

-it is still not ok to be classist

-it is still not ok to be xenophobic

-it is still not ok to be intersexist

-it is still not ok to be ageist

-it is still not ok to be ableist

-it is still not ok to be fatphobic

-it is still not ok to be -phobic of anything under the lgbtq+ umbrella

-not even if you really dislike someone

-not even if you really dislike their spouse

-bigotry is not bad because it's targeting the wrong people, it's bad no matter who it's targeting

-hating someone for something outside their control is still bad

-sweeping generalizations of large groups of people will inevitably include smaller marginalized groups within that larger group and if you forget about this they will accuse you of bigotry towards them and you will deserve it

-the above does not separate those marginalized peoples fully from the larger group, nor does it make bigotry towards them acceptable

and also

-someone having a different opinion from you does not make them automatically a bot or a psyop. it makes them a person who has a different opinion than you

-fallacies, propaganda techniques, and means of spreading mis/disinformation are not just things to watch out for from those you view as opposition, but also things to keep an eye out for concerning your perceived allies and yourself

-sometimes people just don't know things or know incorrect things. this is not a statement of their moral inferiority. not everyone is actively out to do harm, some people just have questions or are wrong about things

ok? ok

[nemotakeit]

i think that if we dig all the way down to the roots of tøp's musical theme, it all comes down to that constant internal conflict between desperately wanting to be seen and desperately wanting to stay hidden. we can see how they've been making gradual progress in "managing the tension" but it's still there on Clancy. dare i say it's the central theme of the lore as well.. the reason the character & the era Clancy feels so rebellious is because he's actively fighting to Be Seen. the oscillation continues, but a subversive variable has emerged.

[shakingparadigm]

I'm glad we have someone like you in the fandom and that you started a youtube channel too. It feels less lonely I guess! Everything you post (theories,art,informations,jokes) is in my opinion so interesting,creative and detailed. I don't really send asks but I really had to tell you that I appreciate all of this,not what you simply post,but create too! I believe after Alien Stage will end,I will miss your posts about it but I'll have a good time remembering the days before a round was dropped,where we all assembled there to scream in fear (AVENGERS... ASSEMBLE LOL) and I'm sure I'll continue visit even if you'll talk about something else,with Vivinos content here and there if qmeng and the team will post about it etc!

One thing that makes me more conscious about ''IvanTill tragedy'' is that... Ivan loved the idea,the meaning,he had of Till,because he never got to be seen by him,got to express himself and be something for Till,which means getting to really enter Till's world. So I think at some point he asked himself ''What do I love'',which led him to the circle of reasons we deduced from their backstories,reason of the words chosen in the official art,where he says ''shallow feelings''... but they weren't shallow at all... And I think this is so sad,that he could not feel the depth in it,or understand his emotions... It's so sad we don't have a glimpse of Till's pov... Thank you for reading this until the end,I'll silently return in my den :)

Sorry this turned into such a long and awkwardly sentimental post,,,, ;;

Thank you....!!!

I'm really happy that you think of me so nicely, even if my posts and speculations are off the mark... or if the things I make are truthfully not very good. Even if they're mediocre at best, I still put a lot of my heart into them. I've always had a lot of things to say, but I never really opened myself to speaking about them until earlier this year. It feels really nice and comforting to share everything and be responded to with the same level of enthusiasm. I keep repeating myself when giving my thanks, but it's just because I will always be grateful to everyone I've talked to so far. That will never change. Thank you for taking the time to send me an ask! It really means everything to me. Let's focus on enjoying ourselves and anticipating what's to come! Even though Alien Stage is bound to end, we're still only halfway there!

I genuinely would like to thank you for your support. I wouldn't hold it against you if eventually you lost interest in my blog later down the line, but the fact that you'd still want to visit even if I end up switching to other things is so kind. I can't put down everything I'd like to say in a way that sounds coherent, and I undoubtedly am making this a bigger deal than it has to be, but from the bottom of my heart I'd like to thank you and everyone who has been so so kind to me. Truthfully I'm still unsure about whether or not I even deserve it, but I want you to know that I appreciate everything. I remember everything, too. Right down to the first few people who shared their thoughts to me back when I first started this blog!

I'm sorry if I seem like a bit of a downer, or if I seem less active lately? Less present or something like that. There's a lot that I've been going through lately (to add on to that my damn house flooded. yikes. currently staying at a friend's right now), and it honestly worries me to think about a lot of things, not to mention all the asks that I haven't been able to answer yet... I'm so sorry. I'll get to them eventually, I promise! They mean a lot to me and I want to do them justice with an answer, but some days I just can't find it in me to put thoughts into words.... once again, I'm so sorry. I don't want to make it seem as though they're a burden or anything, though! It's genuinely the highlight of my day to receive one.

Your perspective on Ivan and Till is worded so wonderfully. It truly is tragic that Ivan views his feelings as shallow, especially when in reality they're so complex and all-encompassing. Someone who loves so fervently and desperately (obssessively) actively denies themselves something as simple as the validation of their own feelings. Ivan viewed so lowly of himself until the very end, believing that he was never able to mean anything to Till (You don't care about me is such a devastating line). Ivan's emotions are complicated on purpose, his character was designed with the intention to confuse. It's stated that only Ivan himself can truly know what he's feeling, but even then he is an unreliable narrator and is too deep in the throes of self-loathing to allow himself any mercy. Constantly at war with himself, even just moments before his demise.

Ivan is described to have the most flawed personality out of his peers ("twisted"). The fact that he hones in on this aspect of himself to the point where he cannot see himself as anything of worth to the people he cares about is so profoundly sad. A flaw within itself, the perfect recipe for self-sabotage.

Till's perspective on Ivan is desperately needed, even if it wouldn't make a difference to the present circumstances. When speaking of Ivan's feelings for Till, VIVINOS mentions that one cannot simply move on from such deep-seated and long lasting emotions in just a short time. Surely Till would share this sentiment, right? Constantly overwhelmed by his own heart, wouldn't Till mull over the feelings that drove Ivan to sacrifice? Wouldn't he dwell on the impact that Ivan has made on his person? What form does Ivan take in Till's memory? One cannot move on from feelings like this so easily, and although Till didn't feel for Ivan in the same way, it's undeniable that he at least felt something.

So far (iirc), the only official statement of Till's feelings towards Ivan is that Till found him strange (and vice-versa, but Ivan was fascinated and attracted to Till's "strangeness" while it seems that Till was... less so...). Although it makes sense that Till is so protective of his true feelings, it would be nice for his thoughts on Ivan to be expanded upon, just for some semblance of closure.

(Sorry if this went off-topic.... or if my answer ended up being off again haha but thank you genuinely for the ask. I appreciate it more than you could ever know).

[sieglinde-freud]

IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT OF MY SCALP

[adrift-in-thyme]

Most of the time I’m fine being a person who never fits in. A person who never gets the newest trends or watches the cool new videos or has the latest apps or clothes or knows every popular song artist the radio plays into oblivion

But sometimes it feels very isolating

[liliallowed]

okay that may sound mean but again. I've made IT PRETTY clear I can't donate.

you guys are really starting to piss me off posing as victims.

how do I know? you WOULDN'T ASK SOMEONE WHO'S IN FINANCIAL STRUGGLE FOR A MORAL BARGAIN!

there's a fine line with the audacity.

get tf out of my blog.

just because I support Palestine doesn't mean I'm a door mat and you can use my emotions for personal gain.

kindly fuck off if you're a copy pasta bot acc. I WILL check your account and activity days and all your posts before answering.

and if I see an ask repeated? I'm going to block you. because you don't even take the time to friking READ my blogs first few words.

stop trying to benefit from the suffering of people you two faced scums. 🤬

[dolls-self-ships]

the awkward moment when you’re in the middle of an x reader fic and start crying out of nowhere bc you want someone to treat you/desire you that way irl but every time you try and be with someone the aromantic feelings TM start happening again and you have to go through the slow painful realization that you only like these scenarios in fiction so you will forever be consumed by this eternal feeling of heart wrenching longing and desire for something that disgusts and churns your stomach in reality.

[yagurlhere]

WARNING:SPOILERS!

"NOOOO! LIGHTBULB!!!!! 😭"

"LIGHTBULB ANGST!!!!! 😭"

"LIGHTBRUSH ANGST!!!!!! 😭"

"THIS HURTS SO MUCH!!!! 😭"

"I'M CRYING!!!!!! 😭"

"PAINTBRUSH CRYING!!!!! 😭"

"MY HEART!!!!! 😭"

Me: FINALLY.

[qcomicsy]

Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

current editing moodboard, please send help

[heartshattering]

Dad was throwing stuff and when I said it made me nervous he said "I don't care, you're always nervous" :) wow Dad it's so cool to hear how I haven't made any progress at all in trying to improve my anxiety, I'll always be jittery and anxious, no one ever thinks of my anxiety as anything but an annoyance and an inconvenience to them! <3 No one sees how hard I'm trying and when they do stuff to make it worse (like... literally throwing shit around me?????) who cares since I'm "always nervous" anyway? :')

I'm just a bother who no one wants to deal with, I truly am too nervous to handle life, I should be locked away somewhere. There's no point in fucking trying when it's just impossible for me to make progress. Meds, hospitals, failed therapy attempts, trying to cope using both healthy and unhealthy strategies... none of it matters! None of it fucking matters because my brain is too messed up to ever be 'normal' and I shouldn't even exist!!!