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kthyg · 1 year

Text

ghoul. — (consign)

[SIXTH INSTALMENT OF GHOUL SERIES : CONSIGN]

"Kiss your clean record goodbye." Provocation or prediction.

S2 squad went to the 13th ward for a Wipe Out Operation but didn't expect to encounter an Owl in the midst of the operation.

pairing. jungkook x reader, hoseok x reader, jin x reader (ft. myg & pjm)

rating. M

genre. tokyo ghoul au, soulmate au, gore, violence, mass attack

disclaimer. this story is a work of fiction. descriptions of the BTS members in this story does not reflect nor portray them in real life. everything in this story only fits in imagination and does not apply outside of imagination.

warning. lots of bloodshed (mostly spilled from the ghouls :/), depiction of people (doves) getting killed ruthlessly by the Owl and killing methodology was described.

word count. 5k+

lexicon & profiles . masterpost . masterlist . navigation

note from winter 💌

sorry for the long disappearance </3 but er hey, a brand new banner for ghoul!! beta read by loyal beta reader @zyphqr <3 this is just a short one maybe can be counted as a filler chapter too, but it will make do. hope you guys enjoy this <33 and u lots might not notice, but i kind of changed my writing style a bit? I think consign has got to be the most elaborated fic I've ever written cause those detailed words? idk how my brain came up with that but I'm proud of this one

💌 what is winter listening to? in sequence; D-DAY, Interlude: Dawn, HUH?!, AMYGDALA. (All by Agust-D)

📑 if you want to know more about this au, you can refer to lexicon & profiles. any other questions you can refer to me !!

dedication. a gift to all of my readers.

The urban avenue of Seoul tonight was oddly still, with only sporadic leaf rustling in the soft breeze breaking the silence. The streetlights emitted a pale light illuminating the desolate pathway and generating a creepy ambience that felt unsettling. The towering edifices on both sides of the street looked imposing and austere, with dark windows and walls stained by the wear of time. In Seoul, quiet streets like this one often serve as a warning sign, hinting at the stillness that precedes a night of horror and violence.

This only served as a warning that hazards could present in any situation, even in the calmest and most tranquil circumstances.

The only sounds that interrupted the quietness were the faraway noise of cars and the faint footsteps’ echoes. A stray feline would occasionally scuttle across the street, eyes gleaming, barely visible in the low light. Despite the peacefulness of the evening, the street’s stillness felt unusual and peculiar. A strong odour of rot and other, more ominous scents, detectable only by those with heightened senses, hung heavily in the air. An enduring sensation of peril seemed to permeate the surroundings, giving the impression of being under surveillance by something lurking in the shadows. The silence was broken by the occasional sound of shattering glass or the screech of metal against metal. A car alarm would blare for a few moments before falling silent once more.

These sounds, too, added to the unease that hung in the air, hinting at the possibility of danger lurking in the darkness.

For those who knew of the existence of ghouls, quiet streets would be even more unsettling. People would be acutely aware that a ghoul could lurk somewhere in the shadows, watching, waiting for its next victim. The silence of the street, combined with the faint scent of blood in the air, would make them feel like they were walking on thin ice, with danger lurking around every corner.

The 13th ward, Seochu-gu.

The pale moonlight bathed the ward where ghouls were recently reported to be lurking in the shadows. The usually bustling streets were now empty, only to be filled in by a large group of doves - some dressed in formal KCCG attire while others were heavily armed. Operating vehicles and drones were also present, adding to the sense of preparation and anticipation in the air. As Jung Hoseok, the Chief Director of Division II, approached, the sound of footsteps echoed through the night, accompanied by the presence of bureaus.

“Alright, good evening, doves,” Hoseok spoke, his voice firm and commanding. “I, Jung Hoseok, Chief Director of Division II, will be leading today’s Wipe Out Operation that is to be conducted here in the 13th ward.”

You and another four supreme investigators stood at attention, listening to Hoseok’s every word. “Operating squad involved in this operation will only be the Supreme Squad S2 and 75 Bureaus. Other than S2 and Bureau Investigators are required to leave the scene. Failed to do so and get caught by S2 squad members, the bureaus, or me, will receive disciplinary action.” Everyone present at the scene nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. Hoseok continued, “Commencing roll call on S2 squad. Please present your weapon.”

Each member stood tall and proud, eyes scanning the surrounding area for any signs of danger. The atmosphere was tense, and they knew they were about to embark on a dangerous mission. Finally, Hoseok began calling out names; each member stepped forward to present their weapon.

“Present as always.” A soulful voice spoke with confidence.

The roll call started with Jeon Jungkook, the Branch Director of 2nd Ward, as he confidently presented his weapon, the Angel Beat, an SS-rated Ukaku type known for its incredible speed and accuracy. Min Yoongi stepped forward with a bored, unbothered expression and presented his weapon, the 13’s Jason, a Rinkaku type rated S+. 13’s Jason was one of the most potent weapons in their arsenal, and Min Yoongi knew how to use it to devastating effect.

As the roll call continued, Park Jimin, another Special Class member, stepped forward proudly with his charming smile, “Never not present,” and presented his weapon, the IXA, a Koukaku type that was rated S+.

Kim Seokjin, your fellow Associate Special Class, followed suit, responded upon his name being called and presented his weapon, the Narukami, an S+-rated Ukaku type known for its incredible range and power.

Finally, your name was called out. Your grip tightened on your quinque as you presented your weapon, the Aus, a Rinkaku-type rated S+. The Aus was a fearsome weapon known for its speed and agility, and you had spent countless hours training with it to hone your skills. As the roll call came to a close, you stood steady, weapon at the ready.

Hoseok looked around at his team, impressed by their impressive arsenal. “Total of five members. Weapon rating from SS to S+.”

He then briefed the investigators on the operation. “This operation aims to cleanse the 13th ward off ghouls. It was brought to our attention that quite a number of ghouls have been roaming in this ward. Expect every worst possibility as the data collected by the bureaus have shown that several S+ rated ghouls are hiding in this ward.”

“Movement will be in personal formation with 15 Bureaus as back-ups. I will be assisting each one of you through the earpiece and monitoring through the drones.”

The investigators nodded, preparing themselves for the dangerous mission ahead. Hoseok gave them a nod of approval. “Doves, fight with your all. Best of luck,” he said before giving the signal.

“Operation commences.”

With a nod from your leader, the five of you set out into the dark night, ready to fight for justice and protect the citizens of the 13th ward from the threat of ghouls. You moved out, determined to eliminate the ghouls that lurked in the darkness. As all of you moved through the eerie streets of the 13th ward, the tension in the air was felt by everyone. The sound of footsteps echoed loudly as if warning any lurking ghouls of the doves’ presence. Jungkook took point, his Angel Beat quinque ready in his grip. He scanned the area, searching for any signs of movement.

“Clear,” he informed Hoseok, his voice crackling through your earpiece too.

As Jungkook ventured to his chosen route, the rest of the team moved forward, staying in formation before breaking into personal formation. Your squad moved deeper into the ward, searching every nook and cranny for any sign of ghoul activity. The tension was palpable, as all of you knew that any misstep could mean certain death or injury.

To describe Wipe-Out Operation with one word would be unpredictable. This operation was assigned to the Supreme Squad for a reason. Given the unpredictability, KCCG only sent out Associates Special Class and above to prevent any unwarranted damages, and it was usually conducted and supervised by Division Chief Director, Hoseok or Namjoon, according to the wards involved. KCCG strictly prohibited any ranks lower than Associate Special and Special from participating in the operation, no matter how great and exceptional one’s skills were.

It was the experience that counted, at least according to the KCCG’s higher-ups.

“Remaining doves, split into pairs,” Hoseok commanded. “The headquarters sent a newly found vision radar of the 13th ward, and the Rc levels are increasing. Jungkook, be informed. I will send out more bureaus to your side.”

“Very well.” His voice echoed in your earpiece following Hoseok.

“Bureaus, load your Q-bullets,” he ordered, stern and commanding.

The bureaus sprang into action, their movements quick and efficient. They reached for their bullet cases, deftly loading their Q-bullets into their quinques. The sound of the bullets clicking into place was the only noise in the silent night as they prepared themselves for the upcoming operation. They stood in line as they finished loading, waiting for the following order. Each one was ready for whatever lay ahead, their minds focused and their hearts beating with anticipation.

“Weapons are to be fired upon the orders of your respective formation leaders,” Hoseok instructed one last time before going off the communication system.

Suddenly, Yoongi urged you to follow him, “Let’s go (Y/N).”

Noticing the confusion on Jimin’s face, he clarified the situation by pointing out that it wouldn’t be a good idea to form a team with two associates and two special classes.

“In that case, you can take Jin,” Jimin countered, crossing his arms.

Yoongi scoffed, “Damn. Did I miss a notice stating that (Y/N) is your partner again?” He then grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards the other side of the ward, leaving Jimin fuming with anger and Jin puzzled.

As you and Yoongi turned to a corner, a loud noise erupted. The two of you stopped any movements, weapons raised as a reflex. You knew better than to speak out loud, so you waited with bated breath. Suddenly, a figure leapt out from the shadows.

It was a ghoul.

Its Kagune gleamed in the dim light and moved at a thunder-like speed, but before the ghoul could even reach the two of you, Yoongi had already unsheathed his jagged quinque. His quinque sliced through the air with deadly accuracy as he pivoted on his heel and swung, slicing through its kagune. The ghoul stumbled backwards, blood gushing from the wound on its side. Yoongi didn’t give it a chance to recover, though. He pressed forward, striking blow after blow with his quinque.

The ghoul crumpled to the ground with a loud thud, lifeless.

You stood back, watching as Yoongi wrenched the blood off his weapon and rested it on his shoulder. You weren’t oblivious to the fact that Yoongi was the most ruthless, quick-witted investigator ever to be born in KCCG. But at that moment, you wished he was anything but those. The ghoul you and Yoongi had encountered was a lone male ghoul. But it wasn’t that fact that made you hesitant.

He looked terrified. Eyes wide with fear.

It wasn’t the fear of being found by doves.

The fear in his eyes was present even before the pair of you arrived. He was about to say something before Yoongi killed him. You didn’t miss the tremble of his lips. “He was trying to tell something.” You approached the dead body.

Yoongi crouched down beside you and examined the ghoul’s face. “It doesn’t matter now.”

You frowned; you couldn’t shake the feeling that you might have missed something important. You scanned the area to see if there were other ghouls nearby, but there weren’t any. You and Yoongi moved forward cautiously. The streets of the 13th ward were silent. The moon shone down the deserted road, casting an eerie glow on the surroundings. As you and your partner walked further into the area, Yoongi suddenly stopped in his tracks, causing you to do the same.

The sound of footsteps echoed in the distance, approaching you rapidly.

Yoongi swung his quinque, ready for use, a menacing look on his face. You followed suit, grip on your weapon tightening. The footsteps grew closer, and you could see the silhouette of three figures approaching your direction with crazed expressions on their faces, ready to attack.

Without hesitation, Yoongi charged forward, striking one of the ghouls with a swift blow from his quinque. They clashed back and forth, Yoongi using his agility to dodge the ghoul’s attacks and strike back with his 13’s Jason. Each time he landed a hit, the ghoul would let out a pained growl, but it only seemed to make it more aggressive.

But it made Yoongi scoff.

He found it funny how the ghoul tried to act mighty and strong when he could easily detach the head from the neck with bare hands. Yoongi fought the creature with a clear stance and graceful movements as if he was performing a dance.

A deadly dance.

He was, after all, a killing machine masking as a delicate doll.

The remaining two turned their attention to you. The male ghoul was massive, towering over you with impressive height and a menacing expression. His kagune, a long tentacle-like appendage, whipped through the air as it prepared to attack. He lunged forward, forming his kagune into a claw; he aimed at your chest. But you quickly dodged the attack, stepping to the side and bringing your Aus up in a defensive stance. He snarled and attacked again.

Yoongi launched a powerful attack with his kagune, slicing through the ghoul’s torso and causing him to fall to the ground with a thud. He dragged his quinque painfully slow through the ghoul’s body as more blood flowed out. He lazily turned his head toward your direction. You were fighting two ghouls, but he didn’t have any intention of helping you, so he continued playing with the dead body.

You can handle them…

Probably, he shrugged.

With a swift movement of your wrist, you sliced through the ghoul’s arm, causing him to screech in pain and recoil. The second one finally jumped into the fight. She was relentless, her kagune striking out again and again, but you were unyielding, dodging, blocking, and attacking with unflinching determination. She charged at you upon seeing her friend being taken down, but again, you instinctively dodged to the side, swinging your quinque in a wide arc. She was fast, but you were quicker as you blocked and deflected her attacks while landing blows of your own. Your weapon finally made heavy contact with the ghoul’s flesh, spraying a shower of blood into the air. She howled in pain, but you couldn’t feel any sympathy; instead, you could feel a rush of adrenaline.

Suddenly, the injured male lunged forward with lightning speed, his kagune striking at you with deadly force. You looked at him with a condescending smirk, “A strong one, aren’t you?”

It was almost psychotic how your tone sounded because nothing could’ve prepared your opponents for your sudden move. Your quinque pierced through the ghoul’s flesh in a blink of an eye, and he let out a final howl before collapsing to the ground, dead.

It took the female one off guard, but you didn’t give her time to recover as you jumped over her head and delivered a powerful kick to its back. She was sent flying with great force; probably broke a few bones and damaged some areas of skin. You looked down at her spasming figure with malice and plunged your Aus into her back, ending her life immediately.

The bureaus under your command had shocking looks on their faces. They exchanged glances with each other as if realising that you were not to be underestimated. Of course, they had always heard the praises that fell from the lips of the higher-ups that you were a skilled investigator, but seeing you in action was entirely another thing.

“New recruits?” Yoongi’s voice was calm and collected, betraying no hint of emotion as he finished off the ghoul he was handling just now.

He did detach the head from the neck.

The bureaus’ complexion paled, every colour drained at the horrendous sight before them.

“Right, I forgot bureaus don’t kill all the time,” because it was clear that killing ghouls was just another day in the life of a KCCG investigator.

Suddenly, a shiver ran down your spine as you caught a glimpse of a figure moving in the corner of your eye. It has to be a mistake. A low growl echoed through the hallway, causing the team to freeze. They knew that sound all too well - it was the sound of a ghoul.

Not just an ordinary ghoul.

“It’s the Owl.”

Yoongi’s voice was the last thing you heard before the explosive sound of the Owl crashing on the ground, announcing its presence and causing debris to rain down on everyone. The heavy feelings that have been crawling on your back. The first ghoul you had encountered, the terror and fear in his eyes.

The three ghouls that were killed.

They died in the hands of doves instead of the Owl.

It was unintentional that they encountered us.

They were running away from the grim reaper but still stumbled on death’s door.

“Take cover!” You commanded the bureaus, grabbing the nearest to you by the arm and pulling them towards the most immediate cover. You and Yoongi were split as he jumped toward the right side. You positioned yourself in front of the female bureau you had pulled with you, shielding her from any potential danger.

The Owl planned all of this. None of these were coincidences.

Reaching for your ear device, you contacted Hoseok, “Emergency code red-O, triple S; Yong. Location, North–”

“Bureaus, fire!”

Upon Yoongi’s command, the bureaus opened fire on the Owl. The air was filled with the sound of gunfire and the whistling of projectiles. But the bullets seemed to have no effect on it. The Owl grew even more enraged and began to thrash about wildly. Its tentacles flailed out in every direction, knocking over walls and sending debris flying through the air.

What the fuck?

Why is he provoking Yong?!

Owls were immune to Q-bullets; sometimes, even quinque does no damage. He should know that.

“Fall back!” You shouted through the chaos, but your command fell on deaf ears. The sound of the continuous firing prevented your voice from reaching your comrades. You scrambled to dodge the tentacles and find another safe cover. You could feel the ground shaking beneath you as Owl continued to wreak havoc on the ward. The dangerous creature let out a deafening screech. Its eyes glowed red as it turned its attention toward the bureaus. It flapped its kagune and leapt into the air, swooping down towards them with incredible speed. The armed investigators scattered desperately, trying to avoid the creature’s deadly tentacles.

“Investigator Min, we need to–”

Yong pounced on a group of bureaus, slashing and tearing with its razor-sharp appendages. They screamed in terror as the beast’s relentless assault tore them apart. Some were still shooting and firing in hopes of distracting or even injuring – just a minor wound on the Owl, but despite their best efforts, the attacks seemed only to enrage the Owl further. It seemed almost invincible, unstoppable in its rage. Its attacks became increasingly ferocious, and the investigators found themselves quickly losing ground.

You turned to your partner in terror, hoping he would just look you in the eyes and bellow a command. “Min Yoongi – !” Except he was not in his spot.

The Owl turned around just in time to block your superior’s attack with its own kagune. It countered with a devastating strike that nearly took Yoongi off his feet.

“Yoongi, Hoseok is on the way. We need to retreat first!” You tried to reach him again while trying to gather the bureaus. The situation was already chaos at its finest; Yoongi definitely didn’t need to add up to it.

With a violent swing of his 13’s Jason, Yoongi charged forward once more, his quinque gleaming in the dim light of the ward. The two engaged in an intense battle, their weapons clashing with each other in a violent symphony. He lunged at the Owl, his quinque slashing through the air toward the ghoul’s head. But no matter how skilled Yoongi was, Owl was no easy opponent, and it had yet to unleash its full power.

Yoongi was not Namjoon.

Not even Hoseok.

Skills unmatched.

Yong’s eyes glowed with malice. Sidestepping the attack, it launched itself towards Yoongi; massive kagune extended, robust scale-red slashed through the air and to his abdomen. Yoongi stumbled back as blood seeped through his shirt.

He cursed under his breath, looking down at his open wound. His stamina was decreasing significantly from all those attacks and defences. But his body had long entered survival mode; he was far from exhausted. The Owl that stood in front of him, he knew very well.

The same Owl that caused a riot and havoc back in his hometown.

The very same Owl that became the reason why he was in KCCG instead of living happily with his family.

The one and only Owl that was responsible for his first ever traumatic event.

The fucking Owl that–

“Yoongi, dodge!” You slammed your body toward Yoongi without thinking twice the moment you saw his eyes go blank. You’ve seen that Yoongi way too many times. The Yoongi that would be deep in thought and stare into nothingness when you passed by his office. The only moment where he would show vulnerability unconsciously, and you knew how much he hated it– because you hated it too– but that always happened in the KCCG building and never, ever during a mission.

The collision between your body and Yoongi’s was extremely powerful that it sent him flying to the other side, to a safer side. His eyes finally met yours as his train of thought was interrupted. The worried expression on his face was the first you ever saw in your time working with him as he screamed your name with great desperation. You could swear you saw his eyes turn glossy before you were sent flying.

You pushed him just in time but were a second late to dodge the Owl’s full-force attack. Your Aus managed only to cover your torso as the Owl’s movement was too quick for your reflex. Your whole body met with the Owl’s heavy blow.

Since when does getting hit by your own quinque hurt like bitch? “S-shit…”

Your body was numb.

Hey, at least you’re not feeling pain.

Better than feeling the pain like someone was taking away your soul.

“Oh, my lady,” A voice reached your ears, although it was very faint due to the impact your body had experienced. You knew whose voice it was. “Do you recognise me?”

It was Hoseok.

You blinked twice as a yes.

“Good girl.” Weirdly you could feel his gentle stroke on your hair. His warmth reached your cold, numbing body. You wanted to close your eyes. “I need you to stay with us until you reach the hospital. Can you do that for me?”

You were tired. You didn’t think you could comply with this order.

“I know you’re tired and hurt, (Y/N), but I need you to just stay conscious. Jin will keep you company. I will take over everything from here. Take a rest, but please stay alive.”

The next thing you know, Jin was already on your side with a worried expression. “(Y/N), hang on there. The ambulance is on the way.” He stroked your hair with his rough, calloused hand – probably due to handling those heavy killing weapons. Your hands were no different. In fact, all ghoul investigators were bound to roughen their hands.

With the quinques.

And with blood.

Oh, are you regretting your decision, (Y/N)?

Never.

“Stay with us, (Y/N),” you heard Jungkook’s voice. Quinque was thrown to the side as he kneeled next to you. You swore his force could’ve injured his knees, but he didn’t seem to care at all by the looks of it. His eyes were only on you. Pupils dilated in fear. Hands and lips trembled as he spoke. “It must’ve hurt a lot, Sakura.”

Sakura.

“Yeah,” you said with minimal energy. “It hurts a lot, Koo.”

Jimin arrived last at the scene. He was out of breath from the sprinting he did when he received Hoseok’s assembly order. His eyes first landed on your half-alive body before the sight of the hideous monster caught his eyes.

Yoongi and (Y/N) couldn’t be that stupid to try and take the Owl down.

One was a half-ghoul, and another one was pure human.

“Oh, Yong Owl,” Hoseok had left your side, hands stuffed in his pockets and walked towards Yoongi, ordering the other fellow Supreme Squad members to follow him with bureaus at the ready. “It’s been a while, don’t you think?”

Yong Owl.

That name caught Jimin’s attention. When Hoseok commanded him to come here, he wasn’t informed which Owl was at the scene; only his rate was told. Jimin pushed back his hair from his forehead. He so badly wanted to burst into a loud laugh. He let his hand stay on his face longer but couldn’t contain the vicious smirk tugging on his lips at the realisation. Of course, it wasn’t you that could be so stupid in this situation.

You were the result of Yoongi’s stupidity.

Yong wasn’t some random Owl. Of course, he wasn’t, even for KCCG. But Yong was especially not some random Owl for Yoongi.

Jungkook hesitated to walk away from you but got on his feet and stood next to Jin with a concerned face for a few seconds. You were, after all, a Jeon. He couldn’t bear to see his family in pain and let the assaulter run away. He was torn between staying by your side or taking down Yong Owl. Jimin slung his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, pulling the younger with him heading towards the Owl.

Yong was the murderer of Yoongi’s family.

“We’ll be right back, (Y/N),” Jimin sent you a wink. A smirk followed shortly after as he continued. “After this, no more danger you can’t take on will come your way.”

Silly Yoongi, but thank you for the opportunity, soulmate.

“Didn’t expect to see me?” Hoseok smiled. “I know you wish to have encountered Namjoon instead because he always lets you go unscathed, worried for his teammates.”

Yong took a step back as the Chief Director took a step forward. Hoseok was known for his ruthlessness, and that fact was well-learned even for ghouls, even for Owls. While he seemed like the most gentle and caring person, the fact was that he was still a ghoul investigator. His motto in KCCG was to kill with passion. He has worked for KCCG for the longest among everyone. His entire bloodline was born only to serve KCCG for the betterment of the world.

Most Owls have their own hideouts that were undetectable by KCCG; hence it was unlikely for Owls to bump into the doves. Moreover, Owls always stayed lowkey.

“But things work differently for me. You bark, I bite.”

A bureau walked towards Hoseok to hand him a quinque suitcase. Jimin whistled at the sight. He knew what was in that. Heck, it even looked different than any other quinque suitcase.

It was the legendary quinque.

It was the quinque imported from CCG, Japan. Previously wielded by Kishou Arima, the legendary ghoul investigator before he died, since then, the quinque has been stored in CCG’s top secret room. It was only recently an evaluation was done to hand over the quinque to worthy hands and make use of it. Hoseok was invited to take part in the evaluation and easily scored the highest. The quinque was named Owl, created from a kakuhou torn out of the Non-Killing Owl during the battle against Arima. Crafted with precision and designed for devastating efficiency, it possessed an air of elegance despite its deadly purpose. It was the only known SSS-rated quinque and the only one known to be created from a living ghoul.

“Unlucky for you; you hurt my favourite person.” Hoseok shook his head in disappointment as he was just scolding a child for his wrongdoing. He activated the suitcase, and immediately, it transformed into the Owl.

The Owl quinque was a masterpiece of engineering, combining intricate craftsmanship with advanced technology. Its appearance was both captivating and haunting, resembling a pair of oversized metallic wings. The wings were adorned with intricate patterns and etchings, reflecting the meticulous attention to detail put into its creation. The surface of the quinque gleamed with a metallic sheen, hinting at its superior strength and durability. The blade of the quinque was razor-sharp, capable of easily slicing through flesh and exoskeleton. Its edges were finely honed and meticulously maintained, ensuring maximum combat-cutting efficiency.

But it was not just its physical attributes that made the Owl quinque so formidable. Within its core lay a unique and deadly mechanism. With a simple flick of a switch, the quinque would unleash its true power. The wings would unfold, revealing hidden compartments and mechanisms, each serving a specific purpose in enhancing combat capabilities. The Owl quinque was known for its incredible speed and agility. It allowed its wielder to move with astonishing swiftness, striking down enemies in a flurry of precise and lethal attacks. Its versatility was unmatched, enabling the wielder to seamlessly transition between offensive and defensive maneuvers, easily adapting to any situation.

Moreover, the quinque possessed a unique ability to absorb and manipulate the kagune, the potent weapon of the ghouls. It could absorb the kagune’s energy and redirect it with devastating force, turning the enemy’s own power against them. This ability allowed the wielder to effectively counter even the most formidable opponents, turning their strength into their downfall.

The sheer power and elegance of the Owl quinque made it a symbol of Arima’s skill and prowess as a CCG investigator. Its reputation preceded it, striking fear into the hearts of ghouls and admiration in the minds of fellow investigators.

It was a weapon of legend, capable of rewriting the course of battles and leaving a trail of destruction in its wake.

Weapon at ready, Hoseok began again, “I don’t want your death.”

In the hands of Arima, the Owl quinque became an extension of his own being. It embodied his relentless determination and unwavering resolve in the face of darkness. With each swing and strike, he delivered justice with chilling precision, carving a path through the ghouls that dared to challenge him, and it was about to be the same for Hoseok.

The legend of the Owl quinque would be relived in his hands.

“Your scream when I extract fragments of you in Cochlea sounds more satisfying.”

And he would start by painting the blood of Yong on the quinque.

186 notes · View notes

w4ndering-th0ught · 1 year

Text

letter. 683 words. @jegulus-microfic.

Italics: Regulus / Bold: James

June 2, 1981

Dear Brother,

I write this knowing that you may never read it.

But this time I had to try.

I’m told you are still alive. Frankly, I’m surprised you made it through this war. You were always one of the first people to throw yourself into the line of danger.

I don’t know how much Dumbledore told you of the events at the end of the war. I’m not sure how much I’m permitted to share.

I want you to know that I left, Sirius. I should have done it sooner, but. Well.

- R. A. B.

June 16, 1981

Regulus,

Sirius read your letter. I don’t know if he’ll reply. But he read it.

I thought you’d like to know.

We all thought you were dead.

- James Potter

June 17, 1981

Potter,

Not dead, obviously.

How is he?

- R. A. B.

June 17, 1981

Dear Sirius,

I’d like to see you again. I miss you.

- R. A. B.

June 20, 1981

Regulus,

He’s well. Or as well as any of us are at this point.

Dumbledore won’t tell us anything about you. What happened?

- James Potter

June 23, 1981

Potter,

What a ridiculously broad question. What happened? Shall I just list out all the events from the last two years of my life?

- R. A. B.

June 24, 1981

Regulus,

That’d use up a fair bit of parchment, I’m not sure your little owl could handle quite that much.

You know what I mean.

- James Potter

June 25, 1981

Potter,

She can handle quite a lot, thank you.

Her name is Fran.

- R. A. B.

June 26, 1981

Regulus,

I gave Fran a few extra treats in apology. I hope you don’t mind.

I’m still waiting on an answer.

- James Potter.

June 30, 1981

Potter,

As I said in my first letter. (Which if I remember correctly was not even addressed to you.)

I left.

Dumbledore hasn’t said anything? He promised he’d

- R. A. B.

July 1, 1981

Regulus,

Left? Left what? The Death Eaters? Your family? When did you leave? Why? What changed? Did they hurt you? Where did you go? Why didn’t you tell anyone until now?

Did Dumbledore help you?

I’ve been trying to get answers out of him for weeks, but he won’t budge.

- James Potter

July 2, 1981

James,

I can’t say more. I made a promise.

- R. A. B.

July 3, 1981

Regulus,

We thought you died for them.

Sirius thought you were dead. We all thought you were dead. For them.

So fuck your promise. Fuck you.

- James Potter

July 13, 1981

Dear Sirius,

I’m sorry. It’s taken me far too long to say it.

I’m so sorry.

I love you.

- R. A. B.

July 13, 1981

James,

I don’t know if you still read my letters to Sirius, but I’m sorry to you, too.

I’m sorry about all of it.

I know I’m not being fair. And I’m not asking for forgiveness.

I just want you to know.

I sound like a broken record.

- R. A. B.

July 15, 1981

Regulus,

How do you know what a record is?

- James Potter

July 15, 1981

James,

I stayed with muggles after I left. I learned a lot.

They thought I was very strange.

- R. A. B.

July 16, 1981

Regulus,

Well look who’s finally answering some questions.

Still waiting on an answer to the rest of them.

- James Potter

July 17, 1981

Potter,

I would if I could.

You’re spoiling Fran with those treats. She keeps turning her nose up at mealtimes.

- R. A. B.

July 18, 1981

Regulus,

I get specialty dried rabbit chunks from a little muggle bird shop called Bach Bach. They exclusively play classical music. Fran has excellent taste.

- James Potter

July 19, 1981

Potter,

There’s a little park across the street from that shop. It’s a lovely spot. I think I might start taking my morning walks there.

- R.A.B.

July 20, 1981

Regulus,

I’ll be there on the 22nd, 9am. You better be there.

- James Potter

July 21, 1981

James,

I will be.

- R. A. B.

#jegulus #regulus black #james potter #jegulus fanfiction #jegulus microfic #my writing

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raw-law · 3 months

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favorite books? (AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Light:

Dang, Anon, this is a hard question...

My favourite books change from time to time, so I guess I'll just answer with what I'm currently reading now/have read recently.

I'm a big fan of Murakami's work. I've read First Person Singular, Wind/Pinball, Men Without Women, and I'm currently on The Elephant Vanishes. Norwegian Wood sounds interesting, so I'm planning to read it next...so far, First Person Singular is probably my favourite.

(Also, did you know that he has a library named after him in Waseda University, where he was an alumni of? I saw it when I went to visit my cousin.)

I've also read the Secret History by Donna Tartt; it wasn't bad, in my opinion. Also Rouge by Mona Awad, which felt like a fever dream (in a good way). The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones was a rather intriguing horror novel as well; I rather enjoyed the creative concept of the elk entity in the book. (Oh, and if you like horror, check out Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix; I've only read the translated version, but the concept is a really cool thing to think about, too!)

Thanks for the question, I do love it when people ask me stuff about books.

the only books i've read as of recent have been comics.. and i don't want to sound like a broken record, so i suppose i'll list those.

I Was Born To Work Retail by Pear哥 (who actually has a tumblr account, @peargor. i highly recommend checking out their works.) has been one of my favorite comics of all time. the comic serves as both a comedy of an ordinary girl working at a fast-food restaurant and a social commentary on the horrors of capitalism. there are so many stunning scenes that hit deep, and it's emphasized even more with the outstanding art. i even wrote a poem inspired by one of its scenes a year or so ago. it's really stunning.

two other comics i've been enjoying a lot are The Interpretations of Shadows by nyoomian (who also has a tumblr blog under the same name) and Urban Animal by Justin Jordan & John Amor. both lean a bit more into the "grim and gritty" side of comics. i'd explain what they're about, but i think it's much more interesting if you simply just read it for yourself.

and some other honorable mentions... : Our Walk Home by furanc0, the Scott Pilgrim series by Bryan Lee O'Malley, and Casual Blush by ILNeGeAr.

sorry i couldn't give you any real books, but i hope that can suffice..?

#death note #fictive #l lawliet #ask blog #light yagami #dn

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moonshinemusings · 2 years

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This blog *-* Can I have a headcanon for Price ? The ones for Soap and Alejandro are ghgffhh <3

Hello there! I'm really glad you like my blog, thank you! Here are some headcanons about our favourite Captain :)

---

General John Price headcanons (Pt.1)

Warnings: slight mentions of PTSD, depression (?), smoking, canon typical violence

A/N: This turns pretty grim by the end, but I hope you still like it!

• This man watches football whenever he can and he's been at matches quite a lot in his life. He took Gaz with him a few times, even Laswell once

• Sometimes he snores like a dad and Gaz needed several days to get used to the sound in order to sleep when they started working together

• Tells horrible dad jokes all the time and he knows most of the guys hate them, but won't stop

• Coughs like his lungs will collapse but somehow he's healthy

• His knee always crunches like it's about to break

• He's mostly unperturbed by all the carnage and violence by now, but he saw a baby being born once and almost fainted and threw up

• In full honesty he doesn't mind cheaper cigars, but he likes to fuck with everyone by acting like he hates them

• The smell of the smoke on his breath/clothes is really noteable but he doesn't care

• Has a high alcohol tolerance. The only way you will know if he's getting tipsy is by noticing the subtle change in his accent to deeper and more slurred words. If somehow he's really gone, then you will know by the little red tints on his cheeks (which are mostly hidden by his facial hair, but you can see it up close)

• Not an early bird. He tends to be grumpy in the mornings, but if you give him coffee it's gonna be fine

• Which reminds me: his preferred drink will always be a good whiskey, but he usually downs anything he has to (coffee, tea, those horrible protein shakes, vitamin mixes and so on)

• Occasionally reads, mostly classics or novels

• Prefers salty food over sweet

• The secret of the facial hair? Patience and genuine care about his appearance. He shaves for like an hour every time because he doesn't want to ruin his mustache/beard (Alex is the same damn way I swear)

• He likes jazz music and 80's rock. Sometimes he blasts those horrendous English raps too because he knows the others hate it (sorry if I insulted anyone lol)

• Thinks pineapple on pizza is hideous (Soap loves it lol)

• He's had so many broken bones in his life, he has no idea if there is any in his body that he didn't destroy at least once yet

• He doesn't really like action/military based movies because of the unnecessary violence in them. They remind him of things he doesn't want to remember too much. He'd rather watch shitty romantic movies or even comedies, but he won't be caught dead while laughing at them. He also tends to laugh while watching horror movies, but the heavy gore can remind him of bad memories

• He doesn't care about social media or any of that stuff really. Sometimes Gaz shows him stuff like cat videos because he loves them. Everything he knows he got it from Kyle tbh

• He has no fashion sense whatsoever. Outside of work he either looks like a dad on vacation, or still wears too much stuff similar to his gear that he seems to be going back to work in 10 minutes

• He likes fuzzy socks btw

• Adores big dogs, he can just wrestle with them and when they lay on him it makes him feel centered and comfortable thanks to their weight

• Unreasonably good at poker and he has the highest record with like 2 wins behind Laswell (who he just can't beat)

• He can handcraft a bunch of stuff if you give him a piece of wood and a knife. He made little figures for Gaz and the guy kept them as lucky charms over the years

• He doesn't fuss around too much about food and he's not picky. Whatever he gets, he gets, and that's fine by him (he used to live off worst stuff anyways). He loves meat though, a nice steak always puts him in a good mood. Also probably makes mean bbq

• Drinks beverages like orange juice or even milk straight out of the carton

• He's a man who always keeps his promises. Not one to lie or feed half truths, he always straight up says everything he has to

• Has a collection of weird/dumb looking beanies he has received over the years from his team

• He met Kate's wife once and she made him feel like family in the best way possible. He was glad his best friend had such a great person in their life that they could go home to

• Very protective of his men. He has lost too many friends and doesn't want to lose anyone else

• His biggest fear is ending up alone, watching everyone he loves die

• Every man he has lost weights heavy on his shoulders. He remembers their faces, but not all their names which makes him feel even more guilty

• Tends to bottle up his emotions and act like everything is fine. Sometimes he breaks down seemingly out of nowhere, but only when he's alone

• Kate is his closest friend and when it gets really bad, she's the one he seeks out

• He has occasional nightmares just like everyone else, but feels like he's dealing well with them (mostly he does)

• He has a watch he got from Soap as a birthday gift once. He only wears it outside of work because it's too important for him to get it damaged in any way

• He rarely has free time or time away from work, but he gets the most out of it. He has a few safe houses, but prefers to spend his time in one in particular because it has all his personal belongings he has left

• At first he thought the "you're everyone's father" was a joke, but then he realized how genuinely they meant that and he kind of broke down. He didn't think he deserved that amount of deep affection and what came with a title such as that, but it made him feel unexplainably happy at the same time

• He's not sure if he ever wants a family. He knows the military is his life and would never leave it behind, unless he has to retire because he can't keep up anymore (even then, only if they force him). The idea of having someone who loves him waiting at home brings warmth to his chest, but he's not sure if he deserves it. He doesn't want to taint anyone with his hands that hold so much blood on them

#cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #mw2 #modern warfare2 #john price #captain price #captain john price #price headcanons #headcanons

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mortumslab · 7 months

Text

Remembering to be Human - Chapter 9

One of my favorite chapters so far! Hope you enjoy it!

(I really wanted to post it, so here's a double-chapter day.)

And chapter 8:

Julia isn’t outside the containment room when you leave. The guard tells you she went upstairs a few minutes before you. You ride the elevator in a daze. Psychopathor knowing your identity doesn’t bode well, but you know Kurt Moran is a lot smarter than he ever lets on. His bloodlust gets him listed as a common monster, but he is one of Los Diabolos’ longest-running villains.

And Psychopathor is a much more well-connected monster than he lets on. You suspected the Directive’s initiative to take him down was spurred as much by his threat as it was by the Rat King. Your partner-in-crime had always seemed like a familiar creation, but until now it wasn’t clear. You are both natives of the Farm. This means that the Psychopathor’s information is invaluable. He knows about the connections you’ve been chasing.

The elevator dings and you follow the hallways back to the main break room. Steel is seated in a chair, browsing his phone. Drinking a protein shake. He looks up and nods towards Julia’s private office. The one that she claims is off the record.

Knocking on the door you only hear muffled noises. A wet-sounding “Come in,” and you open the door.

Julia is at her desk. She’s playing the televised funeral for you and Anathema. She rewinds it and then watches herself assault Vernon Brown. Then again. Tears coat her eyes. She doesn’t even bother to dab them. The file below her shows splotches. The file. Your autopsy. You can’t read her mind, but you know she hates herself for her stupid actions seven years ago. And maybe a year ago, you would have, too. But now all you have is compassion. Love for this woman. Love that you’re not sure how to express. You’ve never had this choice. You’ve never been given this option. There’s no one to mimic.

So you do what Julia would do for you. You cross the room, and you throw your arms around her neck and straddle her. Face to face. The chair groans in protest, but your slender form fits nicely. You don’t usually take the initiative. But you’ve already broken all of your rules. Maybe those weren’t your rules.

The sudden closeness seems to have startled her out of her crying, but she buries her face against your jacket. Muffling her voice in a cute way.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You couldn’t have known.” She couldn’t. You know she would have gone through hell, moved earth and sea to find you. Had she known you could be alive.

“I didn’t even let the poor bastard speak. He said something about there being a plot, and then I just hit him.” She sobs into your shoulder. You rub her back. Cooing like she did for you. “I was drunk. Again.”

Kissing her forehead, you hold her tighter. You know she’s drawing the same conclusions. She thinks she could have stopped you. Stopped all this. There’s no way she could have. The Farm would never have let you go. You were their tool. A really powerful, useful tool.

“I could have saved you.” There it is. “I was never fast enough.”

What? You look at her. Your head tilts in confusion.

“I reached for you. When you jumped. I was too slow.” Ah. You didn’t know that.

“You did?” Now you’re tearing up. Damn this woman for breaking every measure of your facade. Gone are the days of Sidestep’s stoicism. She may be the only one who can truly save you from whatever the Farm has planned. What they have planned for you. Because they’re not done with you yet.

“Of course I did!” She’s not angry at you, but the outburst shakes her from her sobs. She lifts you like a toddler and sets you on the desk in front of her. She starts to pace the room. “I… I dream about it every night. A nightmare. Either me falling or you. Never anything else. Except for the last few nights. I didn’t have that nightmare. Instead, I had a new one. One where you die because you lose yourself.” She might be yelling at you, but she’s angry with everything. Everyone. Herself. You. Society.

You don’t know what to say. You can’t go back now. There’s too much at stake. You have to break the Farm. Destabilize. Destroy. Rebuild. How do you tell a woman who cares so much for you that you might have to die for a cause that’s larger than both of you?

“Julia, I… I can’t promise I’ll survive this. But I do know that what I’m doing… if I survive… we can live happier when it’s done. Together.” You’ve never thought or talked about a future with her. The developments this week have been too many. Too fast. But now is as good a time as any.

“We?” She sounds weak. Tired. Showing her age. Not the impervious Charge. The scared, broken Julia Ortega. The one who likely died the moment you did. Two ghosts, trying to find their former selves. Locked in purgatory.

“We.” You close your eyes, rubbing your temples. When you look up again, she’s in front of you. Holding your hands in hers. “I need to do this. And it will require me to be dangerous. To take on enemies who could easily destroy me.” There’s no question, but she understands. At least one of you can read the other’s mind.

“Arya, I will never let you go again. Just let me fight by your side. If we go down, we go together.” She means it. And you can’t help it. You kiss her. Hard. You love her. And you’re still not sure how to say it.

Breaking the kiss, you whisper, “I wish I had known. Any of it. I would have come to you. I would have found you the moment I escaped the Farm. They…” But Julia quiets you with another kiss. Salty with the taste of tears. Someone’s tears.

You hold each other for what feels like hours. Then, Julia lets go. Ready to move.

“What did Psychopathor tell you after I left?

You laugh. You’d almost forgotten in the time since. “He knows I’m Heartbreak.”

Julia whips around, “What?”

“Two things I figured out. First, it wasn’t hard to put together, from his perspective. The Rat King is telepathic. He’s a Farm experiment. Like me. Psychopathor is psi-sensitive, but not telepathic. And it’s not exactly like I was subtle with my name. Plus I resurfaced. You all put it together, too.” You pause and gather yourself. Calm. “Second, it means his information is good. Heartbreak is likely still alive. Or some version of her.”

“What does this mean, then? Who do we need to interrogate next?”

“I need to drop off these files for the D.A.” You have pretty hard evidence that there is collusion between San Francisco and Los Diabolos’ kingpins and the Mayor. “Then I need to interrogate Alvarez to figure out what she knows. I don’t think it’ll be much more than what Koch knew, but it’s worth a try.”

“Do you want my help?” She really, really wants to help.

“I could use an audience. Especially some time to monologue.” You smile. She loves drama.

“I can do that,” she takes your hand, kisses it gently, and then leads you from the office.

Downstairs, the rest of the Rangers are milling around. Argent is watching a movie. Danny is reading a book and Steel is seated with his eyes closed. Napping? Probably not.

Julia clears her throat, “Angie, could you—“

Argent flicks her hand and all four cameras in the break room power down.

“Okay, thank you.” Julia sounds bemused.

“I’m going to go confront the mayor. With the information from Koch and Psychopathor, I will try and spread some doubt. Sow some chaos.” You say it with such seriousness that it almost sounds funny. Arya. The rabble-rouser.

“What do you need from us?” Danny shoots to his feet. His willingness to break the system is curious. You gently probe his mind. It’s a veritable mess of incongruities. Danny’s entire worldview has shattered. And he’s not even upset at you anymore.

“Someone to chase me off. I’ll confront the mayor and rough up some bodyguards. Then come in for clean up.”

“Alright. We can do that.” Steel gets to his feet. “By the way, Blaze has found some further connections between the syndicates and the mayor. You might want to take this to the D.A. as well.”

“Thank him for me. I hope he’s not working tomorrow?”

“Not that I know of. But I don’t keep close tabs on him.” Slight awkwardness in Chen’s mind, but he’s always hard to read.

“Good. Then I’ll be off.” Nodding at each and at the back of Argent’s head. She makes a rude gesture, then follows it up with a wave.

Julia accompanies you into the elevator. She’s unusually quiet. The soothing buzz of her mind is becoming more and more like a soft blanket rather than a reminder of the Farm.

“What’s up?” You break the silence.

“I hope we survive this.”

“Me too.” You smile at her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She goes a touch pink. Difficult to identify on her bronze skin.

The doors open to the lobby. And then she pulls you into a kiss. Deep. Loving. Then she shoves you through the open elevator. You whirl around in time to catch a blown kiss as the doors close once more.

Idiot. Loveable idiot.

That Evening.

Confronting the mayor will be an all-day affair. Not to mention, you’ve already gotten into a fight today. Tonight, you’re participating in your favorite part of crime and villainy: robbing criminals. A wholly cathartic release of aggression. You get some money. Some money ends up in a Los Diabolos charity. Everyone wins. Except for Overlord. Overlord never wins.

A low-level telepath, Overlord uses crudely performed manipulation to garner capital. If your telepathy is a precision scalpel wielded by the world’s greatest surgeon, Overlord’s telepathy is a comically large mallet wielded by a toddler. However, it works sometimes. And you’ve left him alone for the time being - but now he’s terrorizing citizens.

Are you a hero? No. You aren’t. Heroes don’t brutalize others. Vigilantes might. But your wrath ignores borders. Ignores labels. What society calls them is moot. Your judgment is swift and painful. Leaving broken bodies in its wake. And you’ve been looking forward to letting go.

You count ten henchmen. Each is wielding some low-class mod. And Overlord himself has telepathic elements that won’t work on you. You’re a god amongst telepaths.

Ego. Where has this come from? Julia?

You shake your head. Clearing thoughts of Julia. You need to be Heartbreak tonight. Your HUD marked the henchmen as they entered the warehouse. Using the telepathy boost in your suit, you pinpoint each in their respective positions. Time to do this. Loud.

In a cliche show of force - one Heartbreak is known for, according to the fan sites - you retrofitted the surrounding buildings with nano-speakers. The collective reverberations of the little devices somehow produce sound in a way even your tech-oriented brain doesn’t understand. Thankfully, Mortum does. So, it’s time to play an anthem. True villain style.

As you click play on the playlist, you both see and feel the henchmen below and Overlord freeze. Panic suffuses them. Heartbreak descends.

The first three Henchmen go down before they’re even aware the threat is in the building. Your body weight and shattered glass incapacitated the first, and your kick sent the second over the railing, where he landed with a crunch on a shipping crate. Still alive, the Rat King informs you. The third runs at you and in a true Heartbreak fashion, your first punch lays him out. The next several leave him barely alive. Barely is good enough for you.

Grappling a rafter, you swing into the next group. These four seem to be equipped with a mixture of boosts and mods. It hardly matters to you. Your high spinning kick sends the first flying into and through several wooden crates. You suspect boosts of durability and density made that the spectacle it was. The next two run at you together. Smart. They’re both outfitted with ranged mods. The first run and guns and the second goes for melee. You catch the fist and use his momentum to swing him into the incoming projectiles. It hardly does any damage, but the scream you hear as he ragdolls into a storage unit does. It even leaves a dent. You don’t hear the panicked yells of his allies because you’re laughing. Laughing because this feels good. Because Sidestep could never do this. Because this week has been out of your control. Here. Here, you are conducting the symphony of chaos.

The final goon in this squad goes down with a solid crunch. His nose is severely broken, but you’re not finished. Oh, no, you’re enjoying this. You grab his arm and twist. The resounding crack and muffled scream send shivers down your back.

Three goons left, then the man of the hour. Thankfully, you don’t have to look for them. They were gracious enough to come to you. The two henchmen, who appear to be more durable than the others, run at you… then you see red. Because these two can handle it. You don’t hear the screams. The music. Your own heartbeat. Heartbreak. The scourge of Los Diabolos.

You blink. Your armored fists drip with blood and viscera. The two below you moan in pained agony. Their faces aren’t really recognizable. You like it that way. You left them alive; that’s all they deserve.

Overlord wears a mask. But his mind is reeling. Horror. Fear. Of you.

“Good evening!” You sound chipper. Your modulator makes you sound slightly manic. Maybe you are.

“Kneel.” His pathetic attempt at telepathy. You break into laughter. Belly laughter. Only something Julia could get out of you. No, stop. Don’t think about her right now. Your mind reels from two versions of you. Arya and her weakness. Heartbreak and her cruelty. And for a moment it feels like you might crack. Then, the Rat King manages to soothe you. Chittering brings you back to your senses.

It all happens in the course of a moment, but Overlord seems to believe his telepathy worked. Your hesitation emboldened him. Wrong move.

In a flash, your hand is at his throat. Your enhanced strength lifts him far off the ground. Your height is always an advantage.

For a moment you want to kill him. Only a moment. But you simply throw an elbow. Then he falls unconscious to the ground.

“Rosie, I need a truck. We’ve got a nice haul. And maybe call in some favors for shipping. I think there’s some good stuff in here.”

With the music off now, you can hear the glorious cacophony of pained groans. The ten henchmen lay in various states of disrepair. Some of them will likely be on respirators for months. It feels good. This is what happens when the Farm fucks around. They’re going to find out soon. You’ll show them.

“Holy shit, boss.” Lost in thought, you don’t notice Rosie approaching. Focus.

“Needed to get some frustrations out.” You say nonchalantly. You didn’t even take a single hit. The bullet that caught your helm never left a mark.

Rosie knocks on the van, and your crew gets out and starts to load cash from the warehouse. A motley crew of trusted deplorables. People who were properly vetted and have never taken a life. Perfect for acts of retribution. They look at the assorted mess with pained expressions. Few of them have seen your handiwork. Usually, you work alone. Or with Rosie.

Then you hear the sounds of sirens. Good. Press.

“Get out of here and meet me back at base.” You say to Rosie. She nods and ushers the crew back to the van. It’s out of the building and trailing down the road before the LDPD arrives.

A media helicopter hovers around 100 yards up. And the LDPD roll into view.

“Please exit the building with your hands up.” Oh? They don’t know who did this. Time to enlighten them once more.

Using the speakers in the vicinity, your voice booms.

“Officers! It is I, Heartbreak. Allow me to lead you to ten henchmen who you will find all have rap sheets longer than my own. And you’ll find a fellow villain, Overlord. The money he has so graciously donated to me will be dispersed to charities, as per usual.” You know the anonymity from your last donation was for naught. Might as well lean into it.

“Heartbreak, please exit the premises. The Rangers are on their way.” A bullhorn. Classic.

You exit the building but using telepathic bursts, those with guns drop them as though they were scalding hot. Perception is reality.

“I shall bid you all goodnight.”

Then, you drop a smoke pellet. The tear gas sends the officers running in the opposite direction. You misdirect the attention of those in the media chopper and dash back through the building. You find the motorcycle you arrived on, stashed behind a tree, and head towards the road. A successful venture.

The news is, of course, reporting on your escapades. You pull it up visor on your HUD. Carefully navigating through evening traffic, you listen to the report.

“Heartbreak once again leaves another villain begging for rescue. The masked villain claims to donate portions of their income to Los Diabolos charities. Something we will be checking into.”

Of course, they only ever care about the money. This city runs on greed.

“According to the LDPD, Heartbreak left ten known boosted mercenaries with severe injuries. No casualties, per Heartbreak’s usual performance.”

You’re glad your no-kill policy is known. It helps spread the message. Though tonight’s theme was rage.

“Then the villain left Overlord unconscious, absconding with what appears to be well into the millions in unmarked bills.”

The report continues, and you ignore it until…

“We have Charge and Marshal Steel here, who arrived on the scene moments after Heartbreak’s escape. Marshal Steel, what are you going to do about Heartbreak?”

Steel looks annoyed to be out this time of night.

“We have been closely following Heartbreak. Their base of operations is still unknown, as is their identity and capabilities.” He didn’t answer the question. Good man.

“Charge, do you feel as though Heartbreak’s actions here tonight are those of a villain?”

You glance up. Julia’s eyes look conflicted. She probably doesn’t know how to feel about the violence.

“For now, we are treating Heartbreak as a threat. That is all I can say for now.”

You flick the broadcast off. Your penthouse comes into view.

Going up to your bedroom, you strip off the nanomesh. You’ll deal with the payment to the crew and charity tomorrow. For now, you need a good shower and time to think.

The water is warm. Nice. You don’t like the schism that happened out tonight. You don’t usually lose your head. Especially not as Heartbreak. And you thought you had figured out who you were, but thinking about Julia in the field was almost enough to break you. Break you how? It wasn’t a panic attack. It was more like something wanted out. Like you lost control of a caged beast. The beast wasn’t you. But it was inside you. It is inside you. Might be something to bring up with Julia. You should start trusting her more. She deserves it. You’re worried she may be shaken by your show of brutality tonight—

Noise. Someone’s in your penthouse.

“Arya?”

Deep breath. It’s just Julia.

“In the shower.” You’re unsuccessful in hiding the panic.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She appears in the bathroom door.

“It’s alright. Long night, a bit wired still.”

“So, tonight. That was new.” Oh, she wants to do this now.

“Can I get out of the shower first?” You don’t wait for an answer. You shut off the shower and step out. Julia hands you your towel. You shiver slightly. More in anxiety than in cold. She notices.

She steps forward and hugs you. Kissing your wet ear.

“You put ten men in the hospital. One of them is in the ICU. He’ll make it.” You don’t know why she’s telling you this. Your height puts you just slightly above her, but in her arms, you feel safer. Your posture slumps.

“Are you asking a question?” Your voice muffled with your face buried in her shoulder.

“I’m worried. About you.” She kisses the top of your head. “Heartbreak is known for that level of violence, but just seeing the carnage… and knowing who’s underneath.” The thought left unsaid. “There’s footage of the fight. The cameras in the building were on.”

You didn’t know that. Your theatrics are usually for yourself. Rumors make you a legend. Rumors drive Heartbreak’s creed. Destabilizing the status quo.

“Oh.”

“I watched it on the way over. You used music.” Humor in her voice. You relax slightly in her embrace. “And you annihilated those mercs.”

“I learned from the best.”

She leads you from the bathroom. Watching as you get dressed. Pulling on a bra and shorts. Comfortable in your skin. At least with Julia watching.

“I didn’t teach you that.” She doesn’t sound upset. Still worried.

“I learned a few tricks.” With a sigh, you curl up on the bed. Cradling a pillow. It smells like Julia.

She comes over to sit beside you. Rubbing your back. Your silvery hair is a wet mess. You’ll need to manage that before trying to sleep. If Julia stays the night, you might not need to use Eden. But otherwise, you’re not letting the nightmares get you. Not yet.

“Did you lose yourself?” She asks quietly.

“I am Heartbreak. Heartbreak is that extension of me that lets me do hard things. Things neither Arya nor Sidestep could do.” You don’t know where you’re going with this, but you suspect it’ll end in tears. You always cry around her.

She’s silent, waiting for you to continue.

“I thought about you. I don’t know if you saw when Overlord tried to use his shitty excuse for telepathy on me.” You see her smile.

“I did; you looked like you were confused for a moment.”

A deep, calming breath. You feel the tears. “I was. But not because of him. Because I thought about you. My mind… it felt like it was going to fracture. Like I couldn’t reconcile what I was doing with me. With who… with Arya.” And the tears.

“Oh, mi amor.” She leans over and cradles you, pulling you onto her lap. Your weight is nothing to her enhanced strength.

You’re sobbing freely now. And only when you feel her starting to braid your hair do you start to regulate yourself again.

“I hate existing.” Simple, the truth. Ugly. Still true.

Julia freezes for a moment. But recovers, still braiding.

“Is that why you pick large battles? Unfavorable odds?”

“Yes.”

“You want to die?”

“I want the pain to end. The anger. The suffering. I hurt so badly.” Julia unlocks your fears. You want to be good enough for her. Confessing everything. Maybe it’s not fair. You’re a burden.

“You’re not a burden.” Did you say that out loud? “I just don’t know how to help. And I’m not going to let you kill yourself. Indirectly or otherwise.”

“So what? What do I do?”

“Finish what you started. And let me help this time.” You look up at her with bleary eyes. Your hair braided the way you like it. You didn’t even need to tell her.

“You have been helping. You’re helping right now.”

“But you’re only letting me help after the fact. And I love being able to. You don’t know how many years I’ve dreamed of being able to do this. To cuddle you.”

“You’re too perfect. Too good for me.” You vocalize it this time.

“No, I’m exactly what you deserve. Right now, you’re the mess. I’m sure I’ll be one soon enough.” She strokes your back. You’d fall asleep if you weren’t— “I heard that grumble. Good thing I brought you some food.”

You ought to get used to being literally swept from your feet. Or from your fetal position, in this case. Yet you squeak when she plucks you from the bed. Clinging on for dear life you let her set you in a barstool in the kitchen.

She moves to the countertop and slides you two cartons. Chinese. The same place you both went when you were Sidestep. Looking at her with gratefulness that can’t be put into words, you devour the food. You were never very well-mannered when it came to eating. Julia seems to think it endearing.

“Will you let me help, then?”

“I’m not sure how.” You finally surface for a breath. “Or what you can do. I’m a villain. You’re not.”

“What if I become one?” You choke a bit on a noodle.

“What?”

“I can wear a costume. A mask.” She’s serious.

“I…okay…I can figure something out. Mortum might be able to make you something. What about the Rangers?”

“I can do both. I have no desire to keep working for this government. You being alive is enough. Enough to convince me. Enough for me.”

“I love you, Julia.” The only thing you can say.

“Let’s get you to bed. We can plan our villainy tomorrow.”

You sleep well. Curled in her arms once more. You might let yourself get used to this. Maybe.

#fallen hero #fallen hero retribution #fhr #sidestep

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diagonal-queen · 1 year

Text

thungo thursday: how the hell did we get here so fast

'dad never even came to pick me up' SAME AYA LMAOO

they really did make the right choice for bram's va. i don't remember his name but all i know is that he's a seasoned anime va, but it like REALLY fits him fr

i'll never get over how much i love this intro you guys like it's so chaotic and colourful and dark and granrodeo is so good and this song especially is so epic and kishow supremacy

OH MY GOD watching chuuya struggle to breathe is like stressing me out so much that i need to pause and take deep breaths of my own lmao

AYO WHY DOES DAZAI LOOK LIKE A CRYPTID LMAOOOO

also i'm so jealous of him being able to cup sigma's cheek while I cannot

dazai and sigma are so weird to me as a ship because most of the ships i like are '[character that is just like me] + [character who i would have a crush on if i knew them]' but i kin both dazai and sigma so it's like watching the two opposite sides of me frolick around and it's so chaotic

sigma, literally drowning: 😰😰😰😰😰 dazai, also drowning: •-•

if i had a nickel for every time dazai stood on sigma's back/shoulders while they were breaking out of prison i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

(yes i know i use that meme format a lot NO I WON'T STOP)

WET CAT SIGMA (and no i didn't replay the sounds of him gasping for air, why on earth would you think that)

we have both now <3333333333 thumbs up dazai best dazai

imagine someone asks atsushi how he knew to do things or how he had the mind to move forward and he replies 'the voices' but like he's deadly serious and it actually was the voices

wait dazai literally did that to sigma in prison didn't he shfkjhdhgjkhsk

wait so in the manga sigma can read russian, but in the anime he can't? is bones actively bimbo-ifying characters??? how are we letting this slide

akutagawa doing some goku type shit is the funniest thing ever bro actually said 'SHIAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH'

bones you don't need to remind us all about how much you fucked up akutagawa's death scene ok. his dub va literally predicted that his death would be done poorly and he was RIGHT ABOUT IT

(who would win. gonta and monokuma vs dazai and akutagawa)

if dazai's got a broken leg and losing blood very quickly then why is he grunting and moaning like that huh what's that all about

YEAH GET FUCKED FYODOR LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

fyodor: because of dazai you realised something about yourself sigma...[describes me, dia, in disturbingly accurate detail]

i'm sorry but the gay agenda has warped me into viewing a man putting a gun to the head of a man on his knees not as a serious and threatening crime but as foreplay. this is what the gays are doing to today's youth. way cup america

brams life must suck. imagine life exactly the same except you can't frolick in the sun, smell roses, wear silver jewellery, finger gun yourself in the mirror or eat garlic bread. also the 'lacking a body and personal autonomy' thing but who needs those amirite

OH MY GOD THE GIRL **WAS** BRAM'S DAUGHTER!!!!! IT WAS HIS KID THE WHOLE TIME!!!!! YOU GUYS OH MY GOD/??????!!??!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't even feel bad for laughing when fyodor started having his mental breakdown like bro what is that face. is this what nikolai sees every night??? man no wonder he went insane

tfw they fisheye atsushi from afar while he's being stabbed in his vitals

i hope they have a stash of strepsils for atsushi's va in the recording studio

BRO WHY IS FYODOR MOANING TF

yknow that episode when teruko aged tachihara down to a child and he looked rounder and stuff? thats fyodor right now

no but actually imagine being pulled so hard that your leg and arm come off OUCHIES what is it with people and taking atsushi's body parts and like stroking them or whatever. if it were me, the only body part of atsushi's i'd be stroking is his di

fyodor you're a great character but i can't help but notice that you just stabbed my husband and then kicked him in the face. unfortunately you have no choice but for me to ruthlessly kill you dead

so much is happening rn i feel bad for the anime onlys who have to process all this shit within one episode whereas we got several chapters to soak it into our skull sponges

yeah, me too sigma. me too

LMAO DAZAI CALLED CHUUYA A BITCH????? THEY LITERALLY BICKER EVERY TIME THEY INTERACT WHY IS THIS PARTICULAR THING SO FUNNY TO ME

maybe its just cus like 'bitch' is a funny word especially. they can call each other 'ass' and 'bastard' and 'dick' all they want but nothing tops a good 'bitch!!'

hold on bones no. NO. you can't do that. dazai was shot once in the head by chuuya, then he smiles and laments before the scene ends and it's left ambiguous if he dies or not. YOU CAN'T JUST HAVE CHUUYA USING HIS CORPSE AS TARGET PRACTICE

asagiri: i wonder how i should design one order flowey from undertale: asagiri: amazing. brilliant. this will be perfect

well, fuck. im terrified for next week!!

#thungo thursday #i miss gogol i want him to save the world #OR I WANT Q TO COME BACK AND THEY DO IT #OR I WANT THE GANG FROM THAT ONE CHAPTER (MUSHITARO LOVECRAFT KATAI AND KAJII) TO COME BACK AND DO IT THAT WOULD BE THE GREATEST THING EVER #i just need this story to have a happy ending thats all i want for them please asagiri dont

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writing-makes-me-human · 2 years

Note

Oh my goodness you are amazing! I am so sorry your going through something right now I hope things work out for the best. And take your time on the next chapter ❤️ we’ll be here when you’re ready.

Thank You ❤️❤️❤️

I will be taking it easy and thank you for waiting for me, it means a lot :)

To everyone who is asking when the next part of Charming Killer is out: I dunno loser

To everyone who is asking me through questions to be added to the tag list: You are added, not gonna reply on the blog though

To everyone who is reblogging my work with those really funny tags: Keep it up!

TO EVERYONE: I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD BUT THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!!!!

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romance-of-three-memes · 2 years

Note

Hello, I hope you see this question.

If you don't mind, I want to ask about Lü Meng's death in light of the historical records, what do they say about it? Is it authentic that he was poisoned by Sun Quan?

And would you please provide me with online sources where I can read more about the historical records? I don't have much access where I live.

I tried to search but couldn't figure out myself.

Appreciate the help.

Hooooo boy, okay, this got long, so here we go. In short, I'm 99% sure Lü Meng wasn’t poisoned by Sun Quan, (the 1% will be explained later, but basically I'm waiting for someone to email me back). We can’t even blame Luo Guanzhong for that misconception like we can for a lot of the less-than-positive misconceptions of people affiliated with Wu. In the novel Lü Meng was possessed by the spirit of Guan Yu, who killed him as vengeance for being executed. Supposedly Lü Meng bled from his orifices, lovely detail right there, isn’t it? But of course that’s also untrue, and mostly Luo being mad that Wu beat one of his faves.

Sun Quan ended up becoming quite the piece of work and treating a lot of the people who had served him well like garbage later in his life (-cough- Lu Xun, Lu Xun buddy I am so sorry-), but this wasn’t one of those situations. Lü Meng didn’t really survive long enough for that (unfortunately?… fortunately?). From everything reputable I’ve seen he died from some unspecified illness, it’s often insinuated that he’d been dealing with health issues since before the campaign in Jing.

Sun Quan seemed pleased with Lü Meng's success, and I don't see what he had to gain by poisining him. Lü Meng had just taken down Guan Yu, who has a massively overblown reputation, but it was still pretty impressive, especially considering the circumstances it was accomplished under. The whole fiasco surrounding Jing Province had been a huge stalemate between Wu and Shu for years, and a good part of Lü Meng's takeover was done with little to no direct conflict or bloodshed. He and his comrades were able to read the situation around them and use it to their advantage.

Moreover, at that point Sun Quan had tried to calm things down by offering a marriage alliance to Guan Yu, which Guan Yu mocked him and the messenger for, and he'd done a variety of things to anger Sun Quan like helping himself to one of Sun Quan's supply depos, so at that point I'm pretty sure Sun Quan was full in on burning what was left of their bridge with Shu and wasn't particularly heart-broken or upset about him being executed.

You could argue that Sun Quan might’ve faked his approval and sadness when Lü Meng died, but that seems very unlikely to me, especially since Sun Quan could’ve had him executed and made an example of him if he really was mad about it. He probably wouldn’t have gotten much, if any push-back, seeing how stringent military law was. They weren’t exactly squeamish about capital punishment, even for what we would consider minor offenses.

Admittedly Sun Quan’s... erm, ability to make sound judgments lapsed in the later part of his life, but again, that ugly mess would mostly come after Lü Meng was gone.

The only sources I’ve been able to find that claim Lü Meng was poisoned are in the 2010 tv adaptation, a Chinese ‘news’ site that also makes claims that ‘the United Nations has become a puppet of the United States’ and just seems extremely fishy to me in general, and Lü Meng’s wikipedia page.

The thing about Chinese Three Kingdoms era stuff on wikipedia is that people who edit the pages often claim something and quote untranslated lines from the Sanguozhi without it being entirely true, or at least they change the ‘feeling’ or context of passages. Since most people reading the article probably don’t know Chinese, they assume that the person making the citation is telling the truth and have pretty limited means of figuring out otherwise, especially since Chinese is a lot harder for English speakers to learn than something like French or Spanish.

OR they cite works that are very hard to find and thus make it difficult to directly contradict them, which very much seems to be the case with Lü Meng’s wikipedia page. The book cited was Rafe de Crespigny’s A Biographical Dictionary of Persons from the Later Han to Three Kingdoms… Which I have yet to find any electronic copies of online despite much searching, and physical copies cost hundreds of dollars. But I dug up his professional email and sent him a message just to totally put this to rest. If/when he responds, I’ll post about it.

I think it’s a sign of good scholarship that you were skeptical of the poison theory and tried to seek out confirmation. That’s one of the most important aspects of doing research, unlearning the instinct to just sort of accept things that don’t seem blatantly untrue, because unfortunately, there are a lot of people in the world who don’t like telling the truth.

As for sources about Lü Meng, admittedly it's hard to come across detailed stuff about him in English. But I was able to find a translated biography for him on Kongming.net (who in my experience take translation seriously and are truthful to the meaning of the original text, although some of the site pages seem to still be broken), and there's a book called Generals of the South also by Rafe de Crespigny that he's made open access, you can download it as a pdf here.

de Crespigny has said that he thinks he was a too criticial about his appraisal of Liu Bei in his earlier work, and I don't quite remember if that shows through in this book or more of his other work, but just as a caveat. It's been awhile since I read the book, I should reread it.

#asks #wu #history #*wheeze* it's done

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sunshinexlollipops · 2 years

Note

I just started reading amidst a clash of worlds last week and just got to your most recent update note, from about a year ago, today. Given that it's been a bit, im sure someome has already asked this on here so im sorry, but to you ever plan on finishing it? And thank u for gifting us all with an amazing fic

ACW specific ask but last that I'll answer today just so I don't spam the timeline -- but hey there @daydreamingofausten!

will I finish ACW? yes. 100% yes.

even though I'm not sure where I am on writing (I'm having to reconnect with it and stretch that creative muscle, as it completely got cut off from me since 2021 / when I last updated). I have thought so much about ACW and the last chapter of it during the entire time I've been gone. I know I sound like a broken record about it, but in a way, I think it counts that even if it sounds like the same disappointing tune, I've never strayed far from my intentions to come back, even if my guesses as to when were not right, or it seemed like I was hot and cold about it.

ACW means a lot to me and the story has always been one I wanted to finish simply because it was something that changed for a lot of me. also, you and others who responded to the story in a way I've never had readers do. sure, my writing has been enjoyed, but people have never *asked* me about things like this story. I also gained a few good friends and people who stood behind me specifically because of this story. I may have disappeared. I may have unintentionally withered some connections moots because of that absence. I'm not sure if everyone who was waiting since my last update will come around for whatever I manage to do, and whenever I manage to do it. but I'll forever be grateful and aware of the impact of this story had on me and those who read it. it really stands out for me and I have a deep connection to it for that alone. so even if things may not be golden like they used to be for the community around my fic, and that I know I'm a huge reason why that occurred, I'm still looking forward to the day I share with you all the final part of that story and how it wraps up together in the way I always dreamt out.

I do apologize to all for the wait. and for the lack of knowing even now when it'll be over. but despite all that, I have always intended to finish ACW and one day, I shall.

first, I need to get back into writing and figure out how to reconnect and work with that part of myself again. I'm medicated amongst other things, but it's like physical therapy, almost. I have to learn how to walk before I run off with ACW, lol. but now that is eventually a goal I fully intent to fulfill.

I'm happy to hear you still gave my story a shot and enjoyed it as you have! I hope you will be around for when I get my shit together and ACW is given the ending it deserves. because it really will be an emotional doozy and for me, a huge personal milestone. either way, I can't thank you enough for enjoying it as you have, for spending your time reading it and waiting just as I've spent mine on writing and thinking of it. it really means so much to me. <3

#luffy posts #luffy asks #ACW #amidst a crash of worlds

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agirldying · 2 years

Note

*possible TW for mentions of abuse and possible sa mentions I'm not sure so just adding this to be safe*

Hey Bun,

I'm sorry I've been sending a lot of asks lately and I know I sound like a broken record but last night I had like a breakdown/breakthrough?? I guess.

Like his mom came over to spend the weekend with us and last night we were up alone talking about things and I told her everything. Like I told her about all the abuse, the physical, mental and emotional abuse. I told her about the sexual abuse as well. Idk why I did it it's like I just started talking and I couldn't stop.

She told me she believed me, she said she remembers when i had told her about it this last February but like that time I didn't really go into any details. This time I told everything. No censor no changing things around no hiding anything. I just told the whole truth and how I felt and feel about it and I can't believe she actually believed me.

Like it felt so good to tell someone in my real life what happened and what I actually went through and for them to tell me they believed me, especially with her being my mother in law.

The only thing that I would say is negative out of this is that talking about it in full detail like that brought up a lot of details that were repressed?? I don't want to say forgotten because I was able to say them so easily and recall them so well but it's like parts that I usually can't remember. I guess that was because I wasn't hiding anything from her that those details came out idk.

I told her about the money and the ads and how he calls it swinging but that I didn't want to do it and that it was rape. She told me the same thing you told me that it was trafficking. I couldn't believe the words. She told me "he sold you to those men online, you could've died or caught some type of disease. That was so dangerous". Like just the weight of her words like the fact that she understands how serious that was it relieved me but also just broke me. Like hearing someone say he sold me just broke my heart all over again.

Like this is the first time ever that ive told someone in my real life who wasn't him so I didn't have to defend myself. I didn't have to hide how it makes me feel. I didn't have to fight about it or pretend it wasn't a big deal. And it hurt. It hurt for her to say that it was sexual abuse. It hurt to hear her say it was rape. It hurt to admit that the man I loved the most sold me to men I didn't know to be used. It hurt to admit that those things you read about or see on TV happened to me.

I think I've been going through like an episode of sorts the last few days especially but maybe it's been longer like a few weeks? I've just been having flashbacks so intensely and last night really triggered some new ones for me that I wasn't seeing before. I assume it's because I talked about it in so much detail but it felt good to actually tell someone who seems like they care.

She didn't tell me it was my fault she told me her son was sick, that it was a disgusting thing to do and that he didn't love me enough to protect me.

I guess really the hardest part for me is admitting I'm a victim of sex trafficking. Idk the weight of those words weighs so heavy on my mind it makes me sick. It makes me wish it never happened I just wish it would go away but it won't because it was the truth. It hurts me to know that I was sold to someone. That my body was worth a dollar amount, and sometimes not even that much.

I'm sorry this is really heavy and bad Bun, I think I really just like triggered myself. Maybe I re-traumatized myself by talking about what happened so vividly idk what happened. Its just like hurting again like it just happened all over again and all I wanted to do was be heard.

Anyway thank you so much for reading as always and thank you so much for your kindness and support. I hope you're doing okay.

Hey dying-weeds,

Please never apologize for sending me asks, that's what my inbox is intended for and it's nice to hear from you.

I know it was really rough but I think it's ultimately a good thing that you told her and that she was accepting about it. I'm so glad that she supports and believes you, I think it's so important for you to have someone like that in your life right now.

I can definitely understand how it's painful to be told that you're a sex trafficking survivor, among other things. But I think that there's some level of power in having a name for it, and also being able to identify it so that you can process it. But that's obviously at your own pace.

I think a lot of these traumas are still very fresh for you so it makes sense that it was very triggering to talk about the details with her. Please practice self-care during this time, drink plenty of water, rest, maybe have a bubble bath or something relaxing that you can enjoy. You've been through so much and you deserve some time to recover.

I hope I could help. I'm here if you want to comment on this or if you need to talk in the future. Thank you for the kind words and yes I am doing okay, thank you for asking.

#text #asks #vent #tw #trauma #ptsd #cptsd #trauma vent #DW 🍂 anon

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kithtaehyung · 2 years

Note

okay, now that i’m better, i can reread and take notes. this is a bit long, so sorry

before anything, even though it brought tears to my eyes, i’ve reread it so many times and i’m trying to organize all my thoughts.

• the other team just sucks at basketball 🙄 give it up already

• …things got funny real quick.

• yoongi had every right to pin that asshole

• BRO PUNCH OMG—although i believe he shouldn’t have done that, the guy deserved it.

• i love how bro immediately asks jimin and yoongi to look after you, no hesitation

• i genuinely feel for 3tan yoongi. i feel like he’s alive bc he has to be, not bc he wants to, as depressing as it sounds. i hope he finds his light soon. existing isn’t easy and it’s much harder when you have to carry such heavy demons.

• hustler… so cute :’)

• he was already panicking so much when the threat was already in the air, for what, a day? i don’t want to imagine how much he felt when he saw that guy grab oc at the club.

• they just want to see each other but life :(

• “Either way, he deserves the second one. Because he already knows he doesn’t deserve you in the first place.” STOP IT MISTER. YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS

• the “i miss you” from anytime and it means so much more to me now

• “But you somehow showed up on his doorstep after a whole year of him hating who he was. And whatever you did somehow repaired that broken record, allowing him to escape that headspace and do shit again.” she’s a part of his light

• the face touch :( the KISS :(

• oc… girl, yes your man wants to see you!!!

• jimin always checking on yoongi and oc. such a good friend fr

• 3tan jimin and tae need to be a thing 😩

• “she’s not my girlfriend, idiot” NOT YET

• that whole scene where yoongi was getting touched at the club by random girls made me uncomfortable :/ he didn’t deserve that

• “He’s not ready for this conversation. Not when he’s still fucking shaken from what you said to him before he left your room. “ i must have missed something. what did oc say??

• what happened last time in yoongi’s relationship that he’s so afraid to move forward?

• the ending :(

your no sad ending policy gives me hope 🥹 can’t wait. you’ve outdone yourself yet again!!

oh my gosh, baby!! you even reread it a lot? this means so much.. sending you all the tissues, of course.

this is amazing i eat long reviews like i'm starved.. thank you for reading and for this amazing (and organized) commentary! time to get into it :D

• LMAOOO those guys were traaaash like if you lost twice..

• like yoongi said.. things can get funny. real quick. he did it without thinking but pleeeeease that dude had to know

• jimin agrees with you! and it shocked even yoongi. but it's bro, so. and he was super quick about asking for help. clearly, he isn't one to shy away from asking if he needs something.

• awhhhh baby.. yoongi definitely has some heavy demons to fight, for sure. idk if it's as depressing as you see it, but there's a lot going on there, for sure.

• of course with the hustler ehehehe

• ah, yeah, you can totally see how frantic his thoughts were at dalo. like. he barely could even finish his thoughts or sentences. jimin did the right thing by telling him to stay put.

• “Either way, he deserves the second one. Because he already knows he doesn’t deserve you in the first place.” HE DOES DESERVE ALL THE GOOD THINGS. THE BEST THINGS.

• god. the "i miss you's" will haunt me forever. in the best way.

• “But he hasn’t felt this content in a minute. Simply talking to you and hearing you speak without hesitation relaxes him, and he thinks it’s because he’s already familiar with your company.” yes!! i'm glad you pointed this out bc most of the interlude was pretty messy and hectic. but this memory was so touching... he was super calm during this part. :((

• the face touch?? the kiss? yes please i would like to lie down here forever. and reader needs to know how much he wants to see her!

• omg 3tan jimin... a REAL ONE. i'm telling youuuuu!! and him and tae need to figure their shit out i- i will box them LOL

• “she’s not my girlfriend, idiot” DSFHDSF YOONGI

• thank you for pointing out the people touching him like HELLO guys get harassed, too. it's uncomfortable no matter who is getting touched without permission ugh..

• “He’s not ready for this conversation. Not when he’s still fucking shaken from what you said to him before he left your room. “ i must have missed something. what did oc say?? = this is referenced later when reader speaks in her sleep and confesses that she was scared :(((

• what happened last time in yoongi’s relationship that he’s so afraid to move forward? = we don't know yet, love.

• and the ending UGHHH yes... all of these points! i totally loved reading through this whole thing.

no sad endings!! we will be okay. we just need to fight through a lot of stuff first<333 thank you so much for all the commentary? wow this is some awesome stuff. i thoroughly enjoyed it and appreciate you with my whole heart.

#oh my goodness!!#thank you so much!#anon #asks:3tan #3tanDS #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#long post

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idy-ll-ique · 3 years

Text

Blurry Lines.

Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: MISCOMMUNICATION because oh my god just talk

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N works for James Barnes, CEO of a very successful tech company. She also has a massive crush on him. One day, she walks in on him kissing his assistant, and a few months in, because of the incident, she turns in her resignation letter. But will Bucky let her go? There's a thin line between professionalism and non-professionalism, blurred in the case of Bucky and Y/N.

Author's Note: hiya peeps! could've just named it "a shakespeare play" because of all the miscommunication but i already have a fic with shakespeare in its title asfhdkfks,,, anyway enjoy!

masterlist

---

There he is.

The man who ruined my whole life.

Y/N stared as her boss, James Barnes, left the elevator, greeting everyone with a polite smile and a wave. Why did he have to be so perfect all the time? He wore a sky-blue-colored suit with a white shirt underneath, his long hair pulled back into a bun with loose strands framing his face, making him look like a Greek God.

She had fallen for him, which was a big, big, big mistake. 1, he was her boss; 2, he was way out of her league, and 3, he probably had a girlfriend because a man like that, single? Hah, no way. "Y/N? Y/N, hello?" She snapped out of her thoughts and looked up, giving the man a small, forced smile.

"Hi, Mr Barnes, good morning." Bucky's smile faltered a bit at her words because she never called him Mr Barnes, he had specifically requested her to call him Bucky. Was he in trouble? "Mr Barnes? Whoa, what did I do?" he joked, though Y/N realized he was being serious. "Sorry, must've slipped out."

"Okay. Good morning to you, too!" He smiled and went to his office. As soon he turned his back to her, Y/N dropped her smile and scowled, crossing her arms. "Stupid man with his stupid attitude and his stupid handsome smile and his idiotic, beautiful blue eyes," she grumbled under her breath as she continued working.

Y/N Y/L/N was an employee of the one and only James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes, CEO of a big tech company called Epsilon. She loved working with him; he paid his employees well, was very kind-hearted, and showed no bias to anyone. When she had first started working with him, she wasn't interested in him at all, romantically speaking.

Then, a few months passed by and she started looking forward to his everyday arrival; seeing him get out of the elevator with his gorgeous eyes, his expensive suits and Cheshire grins became the favorite part of her day. Y/N was damn good at hiding her crush though; she was sure that it would go away with time.

But it didn't.

2 years had now passed since she started working for Bucky and the crush was still there, more amplified than before. But she knew it would never work out between them. So she started distancing herself from him. For some reason, he was very, very friendly with her; she knew he was a reserved man so it was peculiar…

He would be holed up in his office the whole day after greeting everyone. Hell, the only words he ever said to his employees were "good morning" and "goodnight, I'll see you all tomorrow" while the rest of his notices were passed on to them by his assistant.

Still, he always stayed at her desk the longest, making small talk. "The weather is nice today, any plans after work?" he'd ask one day while, "You look gorgeous today, is that a new dress?" the other. It was odd; why did he do it? He certainly couldn't be interested in her, could he?

Y/N sighed, sorting through the stack of papers on her desk when she suddenly noticed that one of them was missing Bucky's signature. She glanced at his assistant's desk; she was nowhere to be found so Y/N got up, walking to Bucky's office to get the signature herself.

She knocked on the door but accidentally pushed it open. The sight that greeted her probably scarred her for life; inside Bucky's office, he was kissing his assistant, pushed up against his desk. Y/N's eyes widened and she immediately turned around to leave, the clicking of her heels alerting Bucky.

"Get off of me," he grumbled, pushing his assistant away as he ran to the door, looking out to see Y/N walking away. "Y/N! Y/N!" She turned around at the sound of his voice and gave him an awkward smile. "I didn't mean to walk in without permission, I'm really sorry, I just needed a signature on a paper, really didn't mean to—"

He waved his arm in dismissal and took the paper from her hands, signing it and handing it back to her. "It's fine." He gave her a small smile as she turned to leave. Bucky then groaned quietly and went back to his office, glaring at his assistant. "What the fuck was that?" he hissed. "You like me!" she whined and he scrunched his nose in disgust.

"What— when did I ever tell you that?! I'm not interested in you," he spat. "So all those glances you gave me, all the times you flirted with me, that was fake?" she shrieked. "Stop yelling," he admonished, "And for the record, I have never once in my life ever flirted with you or glanced at you in any way except professionally. Please snap out of your daydream."

"So what about the kiss?"

"You didn't give me time to push away! And now poor Y/N probably thinks I'm some sort of a playboy who takes advantage of women that work for me— you know what? You're fired. Don't ever show up to his place again." His assistant wailed, her eyes filled with tears.

"I knew it. I knew you liked her!" she accused him and he scoffed. "I don't like her. Now get lost, I have a lot of work to do." She stormed out of his office. The angry clicking of her heels made Y/N and the rest of the employees look up as she staggered towards the elevator. Y/N frowned; what the hell was going on?

"What do you think is up with her?" her friend Rubie whispered. "I have no idea, I caught her making out with Bu— Mr Barnes. I guess they fought?" Rubie's eyes went wide. "You mean he isn't into her? Damn, the bosses always fall for their hot ass assistants, what happened here?" Y/N giggled at her words.

"Well, at least my theory is confirmed."

"What theory?" Y/N blinked. "That he likes you! Think about it; he always greets you with some extra phrases, he always praises your work, and now after you caught him kissing someone else he gets into a fight with them, possibly breaking up. Some of the other women are jealous of you, you know. They think you're super close with him."

"What?!" Y/N harshly whispered, "Utter bullshit. I'm not close with him in any way, he's just my boss and I'm sure they just got into one tiny fight. I swear shit's gonna be back to normal tomorrow." With that, the two got back to work.

---

Shit did not go back to normal tomorrow.

Or for months after that.

Bucky's assistant never really came back, leading many to believe that she had quit. Bucky had become more moody and temperamental, while Y/N's crush on him had escalated to new heights which was frankly taking a toll on her mental health. "I can't keep living like that. I'll just quit and get another job."

Those were the words she had whispered to herself one night as she lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. Bucky, on the other hand, had come to realize that his assistant was right; he did indeed have feelings for Y/N and all he wanted to do was confess them to her and get it over with.

Realizing he couldn't have her and that she only thought of him as her boss had made him moody and angry. While walking from the elevator to his office he no longer greeted her; he couldn't even bear to see her, knowing she was never gonna be his. Y/N, of course, interpreted it in a different way entirely.

She thought he had broken up with his assistant because she caught them making out, and now he hated her for getting in between his relationship. That created a whole new array of problems.

"Hey, whatcha doing?" Rubie peered over Y/N's shoulders as she quickly wrote down her resignation letter. "I'm quitting." Rubie gasped. "You can't do that! Why are you quitting?!" she whined. "Number 1: He fucking hates me; number 2: I still like him and that's a massive problem so yeah, leaving this place is the only good option."

She stood up. "Well, I can't talk you out of it, can I? I'm gonna miss you, Y/N," Rubie sighed and the two ladies gave each other a hug. Then Y/N went to the new assistant's desk, greeting him with a small smile. "Hi, will you please give this to Mr Barnes?" She handed him the letter.

"What's this?" he smiled. "My resignation letter." The smile disappeared from his face, a frown replacing it. "Why are you quitting? Is everything okay?" She pursed her lips. "I'd rather not talk about it, sorry. Just give him my letter, would ya? Thank you." The man nodded and she went back to her desk.

---

"Hey, Ryan— what's this?"

Ryan turned to see Bucky glaring at Y/N's resignation letter. "Oh, sir, that is Ms Y/L/N's resignation letter." Bucky nodded and Ryan left the office. Bucky read the letter, his glare deepening by the time he reached the end of it. She hadn't even specified why she was quitting; it came out of the blue. I can't let her do this.

He couldn't just let her quit like that, he loved her for God's sake! "I'm not letting her go," he snarled to himself, getting up and walking out of his office. When he walked out everyone turned to look at him. "Ms Y/L/N, can I see you for a moment? In my office?" Y/N frowned but got up, following him to his office.

"What's this?" Bucky asked her, holding up her letter. "My… resignation letter?" Y/N replied slowly, confused. "Yeah, I know, I can read. Why are you quitting all of a sudden?" he huffed. "I'd rather not say," she mumbled, suddenly feeling anxious. "What do you mean, you'd rather not say? Did you get into a fight?"

Yeah, with you, idiot.

"No, sir."

"Is it pay? I'll give you a raise right now—"

"It's not that, Bucky. I— I mean Mr—"

"Bucky is fine. So? Is someone troubling you? Someone I need to fire?"

"No. I just want to quit, why can't you accept that?!" Bucky stood up, slamming his hands on his desk. "You have to give me a legit reason! Vague answers will not be accepted!" Y/N glared back at him and the silence stretched on between them. "Wait a minute," Bucky exclaimed suddenly, "I know what's going on here—"

"What could you possibly know?" Y/N quipped sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "This is about that whole Marie thing, isn't it? Y/N, plea—" "No, Bucky! It's not! Why can't you just let me quit in peace?!" she yelled, interrupting him. Months of frustration had finally taken a toll on her.

"Give me an answer and I'll consider it!" he thundered and she took a step back, shocked. Maybe telling him the truth would speed up the process, she thought. "Fine, you wanna know why? Because I'm in love with you. Yes, Mr Barnes, I fucking love you and I can't keep working here knowing you're never gonna like me back!"

"Y/N…" Bucky whispered but she ignored him. "No, you listen to me. You wanted an answer? Well, here it is. I know you hate me for ruining things with Marie and this is the only best option for the both of us!" Bucky couldn't believe his ears. All this time, she'd liked him back. He walked around his desk without her noticing; she was still rambling to herself.

"And why would you even like me back? You don't even say hello anymore—"

Y/N froze when Bucky's lips crashed onto hers, his hands going to her waist to pull her closer to him. A few seconds later she reciprocated, her arms going around his neck. Without breaking the kiss Bucky turned them and picked her up, putting her down on his desk. She wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Feels like we're in a Shakespeare play with all this miscommunication," Bucky laughed when they finally pulled away to breathe. "You like me too? But what about Marie—" He scoffed. "Marie and I were never a thing, she came onto me and I fired her. Before going she said something about me liking you…"

"So?"

"Well at the time I denied it but then… she turned out to be right. And after that, talking to you became difficult because I knew I could never have you, you'd never see me in that way… boy if we'd just talked." Y/N giggled, simply happy to be in Bucky's arms. "What now? What are we?" Bucky traced a finger down her cheek.

"Don't leave me. Please, don't go," he pleaded. "Bucky, we work together, it'll be extremely unprofessional. I— I'm ready to be your girlfriend but I can't work here anymore." Bucky sighed and dropped his head to her shoulder. "Fine, but just because you said yes to being my girl. I'm so in love with you too, pretty face," he chuckled.

Y/N wrapped her arms around his shoulders, smiling. "I'm glad to hear it." He suddenly pulled away, giving her a devilish smirk. "Wanna get outta here?" Y/N's eyes widened. "Wh— now? Bucky, we—" He scoffed. "I'm still your boss, you know, you do as I say." Y/N rolled her eyes. "Do I have to deal with this while being in a rela—"

"Let's just go," Bucky groaned, pulling her to her feet and snaking an arm around her waist as they both left his office, heading to the elevators. Everyone working that day looked up, their jaws going slack as they saw the two with lovey-dovey smiles, fawning over each other. Rubie simply smirked at her friend.

"Oh please, she's quitting!" Bucky rolled his eyes when he noticed the stares. Everyone then only shook their heads and got back to work as Y/N lightly slapped Bucky on the chest, sighing.

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #ceo!bucky #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

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slightlymore · 4 years

Text

hardest to love

part of the ‘soulmates collection’

surgeon!doyoung x surgeon!fem reader

others: haechan, jaemin, jeno

genre: medical au (but the medical part is not heavy), romance, angst, smut, fantasy elements, “enemies” to lovers, mutual pining

warnings: +18, esplicit sexual content: doyoung is a hard dom and a soft dom in different scenes, short instances of sub doyoung, finger sucking (I know, I have a hand kink), spanking, raw, ice play, fingering, dry humping, thigh riding, choking, use of "sir", orgasm control and denial, edging, overstimulation, light degradation, oral f, brat taming, safe word, wine play?; lots of teasing; swearing; discussion around death; doyoung is a jerk but gets better

words: 13k

note: you can read this as a stand alone without having read the other works in the soulmate collection. what you need to know: haechan, jeno and jaemin travel different universes with the purpose of getting doyoung and yn be together. mark is trying to do the opposite. sometimes doyoung can remember past lives and sometimes he can't. this life takes place in a hospital. if you're confused by the three boys’ story everything will be explained in their backstory fics coming soon.

__________

Haechan let out a single deep sigh.

“Damn it. Doyoung is a fucking jerk in this life.”

The three young men were standing in the corner of the room watching two students trembling mortified in front of a pissed off Doyoung before he could turn around on his heels.

“I thought he was a jerk in all lives,” Jeno commented while dusting off imaginary lice off his jacket.

"I’ll be honest. When you said 'hell' I didn't expect the ER."

“Well have you ever been to-” Haechan continued but stopped when noticing Jeno not listening to him anymore but observing their third friend instead.

“Hey, Jaemin?” Jeno put one hand on his shoulder.

Jaemin was weak and paler than usual, eyes wide and with a slightly trembling chin. He then followed the direction of the younger gaze and gasped himself.

“Yeah,” Haechan grated the back of his head. “I’m sorry. I told you this one is going to be hard.”

Jaemin gulped, looking at himself walking around the bed and checking on the patients.

That Jaemin looked exactly like him.

The only difference was the clothes. That doppelganger had a doctor gown instead of a sweatshirt.

“How is this possible? I don’t understand how I can be here and there at the same time.”

Haechan sighed at Jaemin’s comment.

“You could consider it time travel. Now, listen to me.”

Jaemin let himself be grabbed by Haechan’s hands, pressing on both of his arms and looked at the other’s intense eyes.

“You have to avoid yourself while we work and-,” he stopped as if making sure to have Jaemin’s whole attention, “-you can’t talk to her.”

As if Haechan’s voice was a spell that summons people, Jaemin raised his gaze from him to look behind Haechan’s shoulder where a woman was slowly walking the corridor, eyebrows furrowed trying to understand the medical records she was carrying.

“Shit,” Haechan silently cursed and, placing one hand on Jaemin’s cheek, he indicated to keep quiet by putting one finger on his own lips.

If Jaemin weren’t so weak in the limbs upon seeing her, he would have felt the tingle on his skin coming from Haechan’s palm, or he would have realized that the woman walked past them as if they were all invisible.

Jeno, arms crossed on his chest, followed the woman with his eyes then nodded once as to indicate that the path was clear.

“Why can’t I talk to her?”

Jaemin’s head wanted to turn around and catch another glimpse but Haechan didn’t move his hand from his face yet.

“You might, I promise. But only when I say so.”

“Haechan and I can shapeshift and become invisible but you can’t and we won’t be around to babysit you all the time. Do your part and stay out of trouble.”

"You look mean,” Jaemin mumbled.

"I am. Now move."

__________

A breath.

A deep and heavy breath.

He was hearing it inside his skull. His own irregular breath inside his own skull.

Then a loud ringing suffocated every other sound in Doyoung’s ears. Like tinnitus, he thought, so used to elaborate information by classifying it into boxes.

The man was looking at his hands as if they were not his, fingers gripping the defibrillator pads, watching how the chest underneath them rose and fell.

Again.

And again.

A machine. The defibrillator and Doyoung.

And that body as well.

But it was too broken to be fixed.

And when he barely heard the nurse’s question he straightened his back. “Time of death,” he inhaled, his hands now uncovering the wristwatch, “2:41 am,” he exhaled.

__________

Doyoung felt it inside his hands, under the skin.

It was uncomfortable.

He looked at his left palm and wished it trembled.

"A surgeon," the announcement came in the form of a hard pat on the shoulders.

Doyoung blinked surprised and put his glasses back up on the nose.

"Great hands," the professor shook them with vigour, his eyes wide open and intense. "Steady," the old man continued his litany of compliments.

Doyoung let him wiggle his arms for a few more seconds before sighing as another student grabbed the professor's attention.

The young boy looked down at his hands as well after the man turned his back.

His eyes scanned every line in his palms as if seeing them for the first time.

"Those hands will do big things in the future" and Doyoung now, shoulders heavy, moist fringe patted on his forehead in the humidity of the terrace, felt like cutting his hands off.

Yes. Big things.

Like playing with life and death.

Didn't you just kill a man? he asked his hands, lower lip trembling instead of his steady fingers. Huh? and you're fine?

Doyoung tightened his fists with disgust and punched the air while letting them fall with force to his sides.

The rain intensified and he stepped in the front further until feeling the cold and heavy drops hit his face. Their sound was chaotic and it calmed Doyoung's heart.

Again.

I can do it again. I've done it before.

I do it again.

I can get over it.

He opened up his hands under the rain until he started to not feel his fingertips anymore.

Then he walked back inside the hospital.

__________

When you had to deal with the first dying patient, you were paralyzed.

It was very early in the morning. Your head was still full of the dreams you had just a while ago. Your heart was full of life and excitement for finally being able to work in the field.

"Get your shit together."

That voice startled you.

Doctor Kim, the most ruthless and cold person you've ever met, was your supervisor as an intern.

You looked up at him and caught his dark eyes on that spectrally pale face.

You just moved. You had no idea what you were doing. Terrified, you let your body work automatically.

Doctor Kim was calm and efficient while your whole mind felt out of place.

Oh, God. Oh God, please.

And when his voice finally reached your ears as if from far away you sunk down on your knees.

"Good job everyone."

The kindest thing he has ever said to his interns.

The other vaguely kind thing was his introductory discourse.

"I know that interning at the ER is dreadful, but that's life."

He was staring you all down, a short line of fresh out of med school trembling kids, no one having the courage to meet his eyes.

"You have to be ready to see all sorts of things here. Okay, let's go."

And that was it.

The encouragement of his introductory discourse.

You'll feel like shit here, welcome.

You hated him and you swore to yourself that you won’t behave the same.

Ever.

He was like a souless machine, walking around and tending to his duties. Lost in thoughts as your eyes scanned his figure walking busily around the hospital, you actually wondered if he had feelings at all.

The first time you saw Doctor Kim actually show some type of sentiment, was when he exited the surgery room one day.

You were walking around with the others and checking on the patients when he walked through the corridor like a storm. It was unclear what type of feeling that was but it made you unable to stop staring at his side of the face and back as he entered his office.

The anaesthetist came out soon after, slowly and sighing deeply.

And then you understood.

You've lived many of those days afterwards until you had to welcome your own row of interns.

You smiled and did a nice short welcoming discourse.

And at that moment you, unfortunately, got what Doctor Kim meant when he was brusque with you in the beginning.

It took you all three years of residency to finally get it: there were no actual right words to tell the students and there was no point in giving fake hope that everything is going to be alright.

Still, there was no point in being a rude ass like him. So you at least smiled kindly and encouraged your students.

God knew they needed it even more now.

You've never spoken much to Doctor Kim besides what was needed or the routine good morning sir and the short morning he would answer with.

So it was strange that on the first day of your career as a real surgeon, after your hands and those of Doctor Kim near each other worked, barely moving, his muffled voice ordering the tools, your muffled voice doing the same, you hugged him.

You hugged him that day for no reason besides the overwhelming feeling of being alive.

Doctor Kim, after every surgery, good or bad, would always walk out on the terrace.

You followed him that night and stopped behind his frame. You had to talk to someone about what just happened and he was the only one who might understand.

He was facing the city lights and the wind breeze ruffled his hair. He didn’t care to push it off his forehead.

"You did well today," he said quietly without looking at you.

Oh, you blinked fast.

Your first surgery was a success but your heart was beating so fast that you couldn't understand your feelings.

Were you happy? Were you about to cry? Did you want to scream and jump? What did you want?

But Doyoung just complimented you.

So again, you let your body work automatically and you looked at yourself, as if going through depersonalization, timid feet filling the space between you and Doctor Kim, your hands touching his waist and going around it until meeting each other on his stomach. You placed your head on his shoulders and closed your eyes.

"I was so scared," you whispered.

Doctor Kim's body was stiff, no reaction from his posture, no words coming from his mouth.

Was he shocked? Was he wondering what the hell were you doing? Was he about to tell you to get your shit together again like that first time three years prior?

But he didn’t do any of these things.

He sighed once and you imagined him closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of your body.

Even if for a moment. Even if it was all in your head and he actually hated it.

Then he took a step forward and you had to let him go.

And when he turned around and placed one palm on your shoulder without looking at you in the face, you remained alone on the terrace, breathing the cold air deeply and longing for his hands to hold you a little longer.

__________

Doyoung didn't speak to you again after that night.

Nor did he look at you once.

While you found yourself staring at his nape every time he walked around. Or turning your head as if following the trail he left behind.

You couldn’t wear perfume in the hospital but it was as if Doyoung did because he’d pull your senses towards him by something invisible.

As if that first touch you shared connected you to him in obscure ways.

“Here’s the coffee that you asked for, sir.” You entered his office after his dry “come in”.

His expression was priceless and for a moment you felt the urge to look behind you and see if there were a ghost scaring him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Bringing you the coffee?”

“I asked a student to do it, not you. You’re a surgeon.”

Your lips were dangerously trying to form a smile while you placed the coffee on his desk.

“Why does it matter? I am free while those students are busy learning how to be doctors.”

“You think that just because you hugged me once when you were emotionally unstable, now we’re friends?”

That question was so sudden and cold to make you snap your head upwards.

His eyes were darker than usual and you almost gulped.

“No, sir.”

Your voice came out as a tiny exhale and if he felt sorry for his sudden and out of place tone, you couldn't see it on his face at all.

"I was just being friendly as all colleagues would," you added a new note to your own tone, trying to perhaps make him feel guilty.

"You can give me up."

His reply shut you up and you furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

"I'm saying," he spoke slowly, "that I don't want to be friendly with you. Now, please leave."

________

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" you threw your head back to drink your espresso shot as if it was alcohol and slammed the paper cup back on the counter.

Jaemin sighed pouring sugar into his coffee.

"Why did you even try? He's a jerk."

The man sipped on his drink slowly, the warmth of it misting his glasses.

“I just-” you huffed, crossing your arms on your chest. “We’re colleagues. It made sense for him to be a piece of shit with us when we were interns but now? ‘I don’t want to be friendly with you’” you mocked his deep voice. “Who the fuck does he think he is? I swear I’ll accidentally stab him with a knife!”

“Hm. Do you like him?” Jaemin asked with an unimpressed tone.

You almost grabbed the coffee from Jaemin’s hands and threw it in his face.

“Are you insane? What does that mean? Why would I like him? Kim Doyoung? Me-” you pressed your index on your chest, “liking that asshole? I hate his guts! I can’t believe you said something like this! What’s to like about him?”

Jaemin felt his fringe move around his forehead at your intense voice as if it were wind.

“No need to get so worked up about it. You’re just talking so often about him lately. Also, he’s objectively good looking. He’s also smart. I understand.”

“He’s the ugliest man I’ve ever laid my eyes on! And he’s an idiot! And I don’t talk about him! I have no idea what you’re all about.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and finished the drink.

“Talking of ugly. What’s that shirt you’re wearing?” you asked.

The man’s head snapped down to look at it. “What’s wrong with it?”

You chuckled once. “Where did you buy it?”

“It’s a normal Polo.”

You laughed even harder. “A Polo you say? And what’s that? A knock off Holo?”

“What’s Holo?”

Jaemin’s face was genuinely confused and it amused you even more.

“Are you getting enough sleep? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

“Or,” he relaxed his expression, lifting one index up, “I come from an alternate universe.”

You chuckled once and hit his shoulder lightly as a greeting, liking his new joking side. “See you later then, alternate universe Jaemin.”

__________

Doyoung wanted to hit his head on the desk.

Your expression, hurt and shocked because of his stupid remarks made his heart tingle in a very uncomfortable way.

One thing was being severe and one thing was being rude for no reason at all.

But the thing is that you were everywhere and he hated it.

Doyoung hated that you were trying to get under his skin.

Like a scent. Like some kind of drug.

He’d scrub his hands and forearms even harder before going inside the surgery room as if with the water and soap he could get rid of the feeling of your arms around his torso under the rain too.

What were you even thinking? Asking for reassurance? From him? Reassurance from the most hated man in the whole hospital? What did you even expect? Why would you even try?

What a reckless person.

He noticed it the first time he saw you as well.

Eyes wide with curiosity and surprise, looking around the ER like it was the best place in the world. Doyoung hated your happiness but he also hated the fact that he would have to assist that light slowly die out with time.

Or at least he thought that would happen.

Days after days, months after months, he paid attention like a scientist looking at his object of study, taking mental notes and registering results. Doyoung would jolt with secret joy when his theories would reveal themselves to be true but then, like a rollercoaster, he’d feel weighed down with grief seeing you in the same state as his one.

Until he didn’t know what to desire to see anymore.

Until one day he lifted his eyes, head full of a soliloquy towards you. “How are you today? Tell me you got better. Tell me you still have your light because no one needs too many black holes in here.”

Until he realized that he couldn’t remember anything about his life before you.

And when you hugged him that day, he felt proud. For your success and your light.

You were a star and he bathed into that warmth for a little before remembering he was still a black hole and black holes attract stars until engulfing them whole with no turning back.

_________

“Why are you always around?” he blinked annoyed.

You straightened your gown that shifted after bumping into him and sighed loudly.

“In case you forgot, I work here.”

Doyoung sighed.

“This is the farthest yard from where you’re always playing with your friends.”

“I had business coming here.”

“What business?”

“That’s my business.”

Doyoung’s corner of the mouth twitched.

“It’s our business.”

“Are you a communist?” you placed your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side.

“I’m your superior. What are you doing here?”

A few nurses whispered passing you by and you cleared your throat, trying to relax your face muscles. Doyoung rolled his eyes once upon seeing your new fake cordial expression.

“Apparently I’m doing such a good job that Mr Jung wanted to compliment me,” you raised your chin.

“Mr Jung?”

“Yes.”

His nostrils widened as if he had too much air to inhale and didn’t have time to get it little by little.

“He doesn’t just summon people to compliment them. Stay away from him.”

You scoffed incredulously at his innuendo.

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Very well. Get back to work now.”

“Are you perhaps jealous?” the words slipped from your mouth before you could stop yourself.

But Doyoung, to your biggest surprise, smirked a little, lifting his eyebrows once.

“And if I were?” he asked, then walked around you, leaving you still for long moments in the corner of the corridor before being able to walk again.

_________

“And then he said, “and if I were?”

Jaemin gulped his food and chuckled. “I can’t imagine that.”

“I know right? Was he crazy?” you asked with your mouth full, swinging your knife.

“Maybe the director does have eyes on you. And-” he leaned in mischievously, avoiding your cutlery, “that’s why he acts as if he hates you. Because he has feelings for you.”

You chuckled nervously.

“He hates you too!”

“He doesn’t even know I exist,” Jaemin shrugged.

“Hey, Jaemin.”

“Like once I asked him something and he thought I was a patient and when I said that I’m actually-”

“Jaemin! I’m pretty sure I’ve just seen someone looking like you pass that door just now.”

The young man turned around quickly, right in time to see himself exit the food hall.

“Damn,” he laughed for a few moments. “Someone else copied my hairstyle. I guess I’m not that unnoticeable as I thought.”

You opened your mouth to comment on that since you were pretty sure it wasn’t only the hairstyle that the man copied when Doyoung approached your table like a storm scaring the shit out of you.

“What is it now?” he asked, eyes piercing through you.

You let out a long “uhhh” before talking, staring him up and down.

“Are you talking to me?”

Doyoung scoffed then sighed. “A doctor told me you were urgently looking for me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Who?”

“Do I look like someone who knows people’s names?”

Jaemin shook his head.

“Well, I don’t need you,” you let him know.

Doyoung sighed again and the long look you exchanged made Jaemin awkwardly chuckle once.

“You can sit down with us for lunch, sir,” he offered and you inhaled sharply, kicking his leg under the table.

Doyoung looked firstly at you then at Jaemin then at you again as if not believing he was actually talking to people like you.

But the tray in his hands was getting heavy and there were no other empty tables.

He walked around Jaemin and sat down near him.

Then he rolled his sleeves and started to eat in silence.

But only for a moment.

“What?” he asked as you were both staring at him with hanging open mouths.

“It’s our first time seeing you eat,” you whispered.

Doyoung gulped the food. “I’m putting on a show for you guys. I’m a vampire that doesn’t need food.”

“See!” you hit Jaemin’s hand as if catching his attention. “He’s making jokes!”

Jaemin leaned back in his chair as if a little afraid.

“So you talk about me instead of working,” Doyoung commented.

His eyes were on you and you suddenly realized what you’ve just said.

“No,” you quickly grabbed your glass and sipped the water.

Doyoung looked at Jaemin and the young man secretly nodded a little.

And for the first time in years, you saw Doyoung smile.

Like a full-on smile. A big open smile with all the teeth out.

You blinked fast and before realizing your own lips were stretched in a smile too.

He was breathtaking.

You wanted to run away but also crash into him. You were at the top of the world and down in the dumps.

__________

The grunt you let out after hitting a hard surface resonated in the whole hallway.

For the second time.

"You are always where you shouldn't be."

You lifted your pained eyes while massaging your shoulder just to see Doyoung do the same.

"Where am I and where am I supposed to be then?" you asked.

"Around me and you should be far away from me."

"And if I say that I'm doing it on purpose?"

Doyoung's pupils trembled.

"To make you mad," you explained, the little smile creeping on your lips making him tighten his.

“You’re trying to make me mad?”

In your head, all of the conversations you would have with Doyoung sounded fun and risky in a good way.

In reality, you realized, it was so overwhelming that you felt your limbs shake.

“I’m joking, sir.” His intense eyes made you look over the windows.

“You don’t like to look at me in the eyes?” his voice was mellifluous just as his movements, getting slowly closer to you.

“Your eyes make me uneasy,” you replied honestly.

Doyoung tilted his head to the side, curious, inviting you to say more. You looked at him again.

“As if they don’t know fear,” your voice was tiny.

A little smile curved the man’s lips. “Oh, but they know what fear is.”

“And what is that?”

“What you’re feeling right now.”

"I am not afraid," you whispered.

"Then why are you stepping back?"

“I am not stepping back.”

Yet the air got softly knocked out of your lungs as you felt the wall on your shoulder blades.

Doyoung didn't reply and just got as close as to lightly brush your lower lip with his knuckle.

"You're cute when you pout," he whispered, eyes smiley under the strands fallen from his styled fringe.

You opened your mouth to talk but he walked away, leaving you alone and with an abnormally beating heart.

Again.

__________

If Doyoung’s newly humorous side was something interesting to share with Jaemin, his newly flirtatious side was something you felt the need to keep a secret.

Heated up, you walked the corridors like a storm.

Kim Doyoung?

Did your body really react that way towards Kim Doyoung?

Pulse throbbing in places you didn’t want to think of?

Because of Kim Doyoung?

Face buried in your wet hands, the cold water running in the sink, you imagined telling this to your younger self.

Then you lifted your head and turned it off, raising your gaze to look at your dilated pupils in the bathroom mirror.

_________

Doyoung didn’t care about people much.

Hours upon hours of surgery, he only needed to see his colleagues’ hands and hear their breaths while desperately trying to save yet another life. How they looked without the caps and masks was not something of interest to him, especially knowing superfluous details like their names.

Yet, when he briefly noticed the eyes of the second surgeon entering the room, Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows.

Those were not your eyes and those were definitely not your hands in the latex gloves.

And for the first time, he needed to know who that person was.

“I’m Lee,” the man whispered.

“I didn’t know you were on schedule today.”

“Yeah, heard about it last minute as well.”

Were you avoiding him?

If Doyoung’s body could show tremor, he’d had trembling legs under the desk he sat at after the surgery, and if he’d had the habit to bite his nails, he’d be ferociously eating them by now.

Unfortunately, he was stoically sitting in his office, elbows pressed into the hard iron surface, veins missing adrenaline but aggravated eyes.

Walking the corridors while people took a step back to make him pass, looking away when he’d look at them and whispering angrily behind his back, was a bliss.

The protection shielded Doyoung like a fuzzy blanket even if it sometimes felt itchy at night when he found himself the most lonely.

So when you did the same, passing him by as if hating him, he surprised himself at the sudden discomfort. Especially after

well,

after that.

He wasn’t sure himself what it was but it must have been something if it made you uncomfortable enough to not show up to a surgery.

He lifted the corner of his blanket for a moment and he fucked up.

__________

“Y/N.”

You stopped in place.

And so did most people around you.

Many found Doyoung scary but also interesting to observe when his spite wasn’t directed at them.

What did she do? you could almost hear the whispery words passing from ear to ear, amused voices, grateful for not being in your place.

“See me in my office,” Doyoung ordered after you slowly turned around.

His voice was low and no one could have heard it if the whole yard didn’t just collectively hold its breath.

“Yes, sir.”

“You all are surely not working enough if you have time to be useless,” his voice sounded louder and clean all of a sudden. “Do you want some hours assigned?”

Like a spell, everyone looked around and the buzz filled your ears back, leaving yourself and Doyoung the only still figures.

Then he moved as well, the swoosh of his cloak touching your hand when he passed near you.

You inhaled deeply and followed him.

_________

“I am sorry.”

You wished you’d accepted his offer to sit down because that single sentence floored you.

“For what?” you asked with a tiny voice.

“I know I often say things that I don’t mean. And I know that I might have made you feel uncomfortable. So I apologize.”

His eyes were round and filled to the brim with such sincerity to make you swallow hard.

“You don’t have to apologize. It was necessary to make me who I am,” you minimized.

Doyoung looked away for a brief moment. “I mean the corridor incident.”

You blinked at him.

“I made a mistake,” he added.

The first thing that came to mind was the urge to use that to your advantage.

Scold him. Make him feel guilty.

Kim Doyoung making a mistake.

Exhilarating.

The power suddenly surging in your veins went to your head so you suppressed the smile that so desperately wanted to bloom on your lips.

“Yes.”

His expression darkened even more at your reply and his adam apple moved as he swallowed. He actually hoped it wasn’t the case.

“I’ll make sure to keep the surgery schedules separated so you won’t feel uncomfortable working with me. You could have asked me first though before changing it yourself.”

The excitement died out with these words.

“What are you talking about?”

“Thursday’s surgery.”

“I was told you appointed another person yourself.”

“I did not.”

“Well, I didn’t either.”

“So-”

“It’s not like I’m trying to avoid you, no. But if you-”

“I’m not trying to avoid you either. But you said I made you uncomfortable, so-”

“I was messing with you.”

He finally went silent.

“You looked so guilty that I wanted to get a little revenge,” your voice came out a timid whisper.

Doyoung sighed, closing his eyes a little, then he stood up.

“Did I seriously cause you that much pain all of this time?” he walked towards you as if actually concerned.

“You made me cry almost every day.”

He opened his mouth like a fish before closing it. The shocking confession made him lift one hand to cup your face.

You both looked at it with fluttering eyes as if it wasn’t his.

He tried to put it away quickly but you pressed your palm on it to keep it in place.

“I’m joking. I only cried a few times.”

Doyoung’s pupils danced around just like his brain trying to process the information you were giving him. His face, confused and not knowing anymore what was a joke and what wasn’t, amused you a lot.

“I’m sorry I’ve been harsh. I’ve been-”

“A jerk.”

He gulped, his thumb slowly brushing your cheekbone.

That little gesture made you close your eyes for a moment. And when you opened them, you just leaned in and placed a quick and chaste kiss on his closed lips.

“If the corridor thing was a mistake for you, I just did one too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We can pretend nothing of this happened."

You let his hand go and moved to take a step back just to feel his hold on your face tighten.

Pulling you towards him again, he added the second hand.

His lips were not closed anymore, but very much open to welcome your lower lip between them.

Your hands flew to his hair and pulled him towards you too. He hummed and you whined. And when you both needed air, you let yourselves go, panting against each other’s lips.

A little smile curved your lips, eyes unable to look up. Fingers on his neck, you let them slowly descend to his chest and you took a step back.

You took your lower lip inside your mouth for a moment, as if still trying to taste him and walked a few steps back.

Doyoung followed you, unable to let your body go until you touched the door. His eyes were blown out and he kissed the corner of your mouth again, and again, and again, until kissing you fully on the lips for the second time. Hands on the glass behind your head, you heard his nails grating at it slowly as you let your tongue twirl with his. Then you breathed out and he couldn’t do anything else than just moving his arms away for you to slowly open the door and leave in silence.

After the door closed, Doyoung pressed his forehead on the cold window.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, the fuzzy blanket he carefully wrapped himself with all of those years slowly slipping away to his feet.

__________

It didn't surprise you to see Doyoung pretend nothing happened between you as you passed each other in the corridors.

But his avoidance felt weirder than usual, even to external eyes, as if something happened indeed and he tried so hard to conceal it.

"Perhaps it's the 5th coffee talking right now, but doesn't Doyoung look weird?"

Jaemin asked lazily as he rested his body on one elbow placed on the little resting room counter. Said man passed in front of the open door and the furtive look he took of you was interesting enough for someone bored like Jaemin to notice.

You shrugged, quickly stirring the sugar in your own coffee.

"Hm?" your friend smiled at your silence, getting closer.

You sipped the drink.

"Hmmm?" Jaemin put his face into yours.

"Oh my God, get away," you tried to push him away.

"You had sex."

You spat the little coffee you still had on your mouth. Jaemin giggled and took a step back before it could land on his own.

"We did not have sex! What's wrong with you?"

"Okay. So you at least kissed," he looked up to you under his wiggly eyebrows as he handed you a few napkins.

"We-," you wanted to deny but your lips formed a frustrated smile instead. "Shit. I can't believe it either."

"Wow."

"He was- so delicate," you murmured.

Jaemin winced amused.

"But also intense you know? Like it felt-"

"Okay wait. I didn't ask for a full-on description," he made a puking expression at you.

You lightly hit his arm.

"I was just so surprised. I've never seen this side of him."

"Him liking people?" Jaemin giggled. “Yeah. That’s weird.”

__________

"So it's done. We're done. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Seeing myself around is creeping me out."

Haechan sighed, rolling around in his chair. "Not so quickly. They only kissed."

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows.

"They have to confess," Jeno explained with a sleepy voice, sprawled on his own chair.

"But they love each other."

"They have to say the words."

Jaemin put his hands on the hips. "That's so stupid."

“Tell this to Doyoung. This is what he wrote in the contract,” Haechan mumbled amused, patting his chest where the Book was snuggly packed near his heart.

Jaemin grabbed another chair and sat backwards on it, resting his chin on the folded arms.

“So you know the job is done when they confess? What if they break up afterwards?”

“It has never happened before.”

“And what if it does happen?”

Jeno opened one eye. “Don’t manifest doom.”

“I’d probably have to come back and get them together again,” Haechan replied.

“I still don’t know why you’re doing this. Can’t you just recede from that contract?”

Haechan sat up properly and grabbed his water bottle. “And do what? Go back to the pits of hell?”

His eyes twinkled with mischief.

“I’ve never had this much fun in a very long time.”

__________

He brought it upon himself, he could admit that.

Ignoring you was more difficult than he anticipated and the first reaction he managed to put out when you talked back to him in front of all of the other surgeons was his usual skin cutting one.

You didn’t like it, he could see it.

You’ve never liked it and, honestly, Doyoung could not think of a single person that enjoyed being on the other side of his table.

Perhaps you were getting a little comfortable with him though because you leaned back in your chair and smiled. As if for once he couldn’t get to you.

It made him even more eager to scratch that nonchalance.

So he did.

Until the meeting was over and he got back to his office with a weird sensation on his shoulders. It somehow tasted like defeat.

And when you opened his door with a loud bang and got in, he inhaled and took a few steps back, imitating the steps you took forward.

You pushed him down on the chair, your gazes mixed together just like your breaths as you leaned down.

Only the sheer anticipation of you touching him made him lose his mind a little.

One hand on his thigh and the other going down from his lips to his extended neck and chest, dragging your nail on his shirt until reaching his stomach and belt.

Then you hit one of his feet to the side with yours, making him open his legs even wider.

He jolted and you could visibly see the way his breath stopped for a moment.

"I don't think someone else tried to put you in your place before."

Your voice was dark and his eyelids fluttered before his pupils could fall on the way your palm brushed his crotch. It twitched under his dress pants and he inhaled deeply.

"Unfortunately, it has to be me."

"We're at work-," he tried to speak but the words died in his throat as you cupped his balls.

"Sorry? Didn't hear that."

"Shit Y/N-," Doyoung closed his eyes, jaw muscles tightening as you gently massaged him.

"Hmm, Doctor Kim is at a loss of words?"

You cooed, leaning down even more until almost brushing his lips with yours.

"So cold and composed while you spit venom all day. I really want to see you lose your mind for once."

He opened his eyes right when he started to pant lightly and you gulped upon seeing his dark gaze.

"You'll regret this."

"Can't wait to feel regretful."

"Be careful."

"Don't want to."

His smile grew suddenly wicked and it threw you off as he suddenly stood up, grabbing your wrists and pushing you gently backwards.

"You’ve been loving fighting with me lately. I think that you just need to get laid."

You smiled. "Do you want to help me with that?"

Doyoung scoffed once. "I can't stand you."

"Then sit down."

He put his tongue inside the cheek, staring at your raised chin.

Then his hands suddenly crept around you and grabbed your ass. They squeezed, pulling your hips towards his, making you pant and palm his chest in the meantime. Body pressing on his and his low voice buzzing into your ear made you light headed.

"Arguing with you turns me on so fucking much."

You gulped and noticed the way Doyoung’s eyes fell on your open mouth.

“This is a very pretty shade of lipstick. Makes me want to ruin it.”

His thumb opened up your shocked lips even more by tugging at the lower one, your eyes getting hazy from his expression cutting you in half.

“Suck.”

The order made your legs buckle a little. Your pupils trembled when you slowly let your tongue touch his fingertip. Doyoung got impatient and pushed it until it was all in. You fought the urge to gag and just whimpered, grabbing his shirt into your fists as he watched you hollow your cheeks on it.

“I’ve always wanted to make a mess out of you,” he murmured, his other hand cupping your face and feeling your jaw, going down to your neck and wrapping it into its warmth. You raised your face to give him more space and your hooded eyes trying to look at him as he pressed around your throat made him smirk.

“You like that?” he watched your squirming body trying to get closer to him. He took a step back and rested his hips on his desk, pulling at you until you felt his thigh between your legs.

“What a slut,” he took out his thumb and spread the saliva on it on your lips. “Bet you wanted to suck me off under the desk, didn’t you? Fuck your superior?”

You started to breathe through your mouth, the hand wrapped around your throat making it difficult for you to form any thoughts.

“Or you wanted me to bend you over it?” he murmured, eyes glazing over your breast, his free hand painting one line from your collarbones to the cleavage of it. And when he suddenly squeezed one, feeling its softness in his palm, you almost cried out and dug your fingers into his shoulders.

“Yes, sir.”

Doyoung’s corner of the lips lifted as if curiously surprised.

“And if I don’t do any of those things?” his eyes were on your face now and it made you want to hide away or just beg him to just please do all of those things.

“What are you going to do?” he asked again.

The pool of wetness inside your panties was so embarrassing that you pressed your forehead on his shoulder.

"Then just let me go," you whispered in a tiny voice.

"You're free to g-" he caressed your jaw with one thumb.

"No. I hate it," you went on, lifting your gaze on him, and he exchanged the look, slightly taken aback.

"I dream about you every night. It's not about sex, it has never been just about it. Everything about you makes me go crazy. I hate it and I want you to just let me go.”

Doyoung blinked and cupped your face with both hands.

You just breathed out, ignoring the little voice screaming inside your mind to shut up, palming the back of his hands with yours, suddenly unable to raise your eyes on him.

"I just can't understand and I hate being like this," you added after a quick gulp.

The man opened his lips and you noticed the way you started to breathe in unison.

"There's something so darkly attractive about you," the tiny sigh coming out of your lips made their way on Doyoung ones and he licked them once, his own breath warm on your skin.

"No matter how much I try to know you, there's something that escapes me. I can't pinpoint you and it keeps me up at night."

Doyoung gulped and his hands twitched as they palmed your arms, going down to your hips and pushing you down, gently.

You gasped silently, your core so swollen that the feeling of the friction of your bodies as you rubbed on him could have been enough to make you orgasm.

"Sir-," you found the force to talk but he took his tongue out and you just dove in, catching it inside your mouth and sucking on it the way you sucked on his finger. Your eagerness made his hold even tighter, guiding your body rolls, loving the way you squirmed in his arms.

When you pulled away to whine he raised one hand to bury in your hair.

"You haunt me too," he confessed. "Sometimes I feel so pulled towards you to make me question everything I know about myself."

Your eyes fluttered and your exposed throat looked so vulnerable in Doyoung's eyes to make him lean in and bite on it.

The little moans escaping your lips caressed his ears and when he licked the spots you shivered, your hips not stopping for a second.

It was intoxicating and you didn't dare to speak again but your thoughts were seeping through all of your pores.

"I want you to tell me what you want me to do," you whispered, words broken.

"Don't cum," Doyoung ordered and it snapped something in you.

Your breath grew irregular and he chuckled.

With a little groan, you forced your hips to still but he looked down and clicked his tongue, pushing his thigh upwards and making you bounce on it a few times.

"Don't stop."

"But you said-"

"Don't cum and don't stop."

"I can't last," you mewled, twitching against his body and he pouted.

"Baby girl can't keep that in?"

You shook your head, feeling all dizzy as his hands squeezed your asscheeks, making you rub against his leg again.

"But I said what I said. Are you going to be a bad girl?" he accompanied his last word with a harsh slap on your ass that made you inhale through your teeth.

"Sir- I am begging you."

His hand dropped under your skirt that moved to your thighs in a single movement, the coldness of it on your hot clit making you cry out.

He hummed amused, slowly pressing into you and circling your sensitive bud until your legs started to twitch.

"If you want to cum," he stopped, "you'll have to do whatever I say. Is this an agreement?"

You nodded quickly, so close to orgasm that you started to ride his fingers by yourself.

He retrieved his hand and pressed it on your stomach, making you step back until you barely could keep your balance.

"You know where I live, right?"

You nodded confused.

"See you later then," he smirked and gestured to leave the office.

You inhaled deeply, the arousal so high that you considered just finger fucking yourself in front of him.

"Cruel," you whispered.

"And you love it," was his amused reply.

__________

Timid feet in front of Doyoung's entrance door, you questioned if you actually lost your mind.

Were you really willing to go this far for a single orgasm?

Or multiple, you considered.

Okay. Well, perhaps it was all worth it in the end.

Your eyes darted upwards to take in the view of his house.

The windows were lit on the first floor and it looked like a place you'd love to spend your life in. It was too huge for a single person anyway.

When he opened the door after the ring announcing your arrival you didn't expect to see him in casual clothing. It looked so off that for a moment you couldn't speak, eyeing his feet in warm socks instead of rubber shoes.

Then you hit yourself in your mind. Of course, he won't wear his doctor gown at home.

"Good evening," you finally smiled and he eyed your body with a relaxed gaze, stopping when noticing the bottle of wine you carried in your hands.

“Good evening,” he gestured to you to come in and you walked the distance from the doorstep to the hallway. His hands draped your shoulders and you sighed when he took your wet coat away.

You put in a lot of effort in your appearance, choosing the right clothing and accessories.

And he put a lot of effort into arranging his house for you, lighting up the right candles, you noticed after he indicated a room to the left.

Yet all you wanted to see was him.

And all he wanted was to see was you naked.

Venturing in slowly, you turned around looking at what you figured out was the living room. With the corner of your eyes, you saw the grey of Doyoung’s sweatpants disappear upstairs and it suddenly got silent, safe for the crackle coming from the chimney and the hard rain hitting the windows. You took off your shoes and cautiously walked on the dark wine-coloured rug, close enough to warm yourself. A black glassy mirror was hung on the wall in front of you showcasing the pitiful state you were in because of the storm. Then you looked at the piles of books scattered around your feet placed down in a chaotic path leading to the velvet couches behind you as if someone read them while circling the room and suddenly let them fall on the ground when bored. You followed the spines with your gaze trying to figure out the language they were written in when two feet made their appearance in your peripheral vision, making you snap your head up.

He approached you with a little smile, getting closer and closer like a black cat.

New thick energy made it difficult for you to breathe too deeply so you resorted to short inhales and exhales especially after he stopped so close to you.

Doyoung's hands wrapped yours as he took the wine away and placed it on the coffee table on his left. Then he sighed and you found yourself shivering under his gaze.

"Take this off," he lightly felt your shirt's material with his fingertips.

What? You inhaled, mind buzzing at how easy it was this time. No dinner and fancy courtship?

He did look like someone that'd rather take you into seclusion and have you for himself as quickly as possible though.

With slightly trembling fingers that you'd never get in the surgery room, you started to unbutton your top. Doyoung tilted his head to the side with a little smirk as if enjoying the show.

And when you actually found yourself with only your bra on he smiled, even more, eyes grazing your skin slowly until you felt a heatwave shake your limbs.

“This too.”

He slowly touched the bra fabric and you gulped.

“Take it off yourself.”

Doyoung chuckled once and went around your torso, unclasping it with quick and expert fingers.

You jolted and you felt your eyelids flutter as it slowly fell down your arms.

Doyoung grabbed the front part of it and dragged it down to the floor, adding it to the weird maze of books making the eccentric design of his living room.

His eyes caressed your perked nipples and you tried hard to resist the urge to cover yourself.

“Pants,” he ordered and his voice was deeper than usual.

You wavered a moment and he lifted his eyebrows once. Do it.

You inhaled and slowly opened the zip.

He bit his lower lip when you bent down to discard the piece of clothing and when you straightened your back he hummed.

“Wear this,” he gently threw a piece of fabric towards you which you caught quickly. It was soft and it smelled like him.

He looked at it, then slowly raised his eyes to meet yours, not moving a single muscle.

You inhaled in again, trying to calm your nerves, desperately wanting to ignore the way he was dressed himself. A white and see-through shirt with the deepest neck you’ve ever seen, barely covering any of his chest. You barely could see his sweatpants as well, but his bare ankles were fully on display, just like his forearms that you could catch glimpses of as he absentmindedly revived the locks blocking his pupils with one hand.

A raw playfulness made his features even scarier in the dim lighting.

“I want you wet. But not from the rain,” he explained, eyeing your confusion.

“You could have just told me to change into it and end it there,” you mumbled, buttoning the shirt up. It was deep blue and oversized, short on your thighs but hiding whatever you had to hide.

“Why? Did you hate that I made you undress in front of me?”

“It was embarrassing to stand naked like that.”

You wanted to sound offended but the pout your lips formed on its own betrayed your secret amusement.

“Nothing that I won’t see up close soon.”

His voice was a whisper that forced you to look away. You wanted to reply but he turned around walking towards the kitchen.

"Besides, I made some spicy sauce. You don't want to spill it on your nice clothes."

“Who said I was going to spill food on myself? I have steady hands.”

You walked over him, taking the plates from his hold and placing them down on the dining table yourself.

You wanted to look unbothered by him just like he looked unbothered by you, but the truth was that you just had to do something to not feel that overwhelmed.

“You don’t,” he argued following you near the table.

You scoffed lifting your head to look at him. “Excuse you? I’m a surgeon.”

“Your hands don’t look like the hands of a surgeon when you’re around me.”

You scoffed.

“I think that the biggest thing in the world is your ego.”

“You haven't seen my-”

“Don’t say it.”

He closed his mouth as the little smile he had on kept lingering on his lips.

Domestic and flirty. It was getting to your head and you hadn’t had the opportunity to sip a single drop of alcohol yet.

As if reading your mind, he grabbed the bottle of wine you brought and fumbled slowly with the cap.

"That's my favourite shirt. And I want to fuck you in it."

The shivers that travelled down your spine almost made your body twitch and your hands stopped in mid-air as you were placing the cutlery.

He smiled at you when you looked at his expression.

His lips. His eyes and cheekbones. His skin under the lights.

Fuck. You really needed a drink.

And after he popped the bottle open with a loud sound that disrupted the silence, the red wine erupted out of it, dripping off his hand up to the wrist you had your drink right off his fingers.

Doyoung’s pupils trembled as you leaned in like a cat and his lips opened to breathe better seeing you lick the drops off his fingertips. Rested with his hips on the table, it creaked when you came forward, even more, hands pressed on his open thighs and reaching for his face. You finally caught his lips in yours and you let him taste the wine on your tongue.

It was rich and slightly sour, then it became sweet as only Doyoung’s taste remained lingering on his lips.

“Delicious,” he commented after the slow kiss. “You have good taste in wine.”

“And men.”

His expression was hidden under his long fringe but you could sense that he was smirking.

Then he raised his head a bit and had a gulp out of the bottle himself.

You had the first row to the show that his adam apple moving up and down gave you. Then your eyes naturally fell to his collarbones and bare chest, his white shirt barely covering anything.

Your fingers gently darted to his skin and you palmed it, then to his prominent collar bones, feeling the warmth of his chain around his neck.

He hummed, letting his head down to catch your hand with his lips. They kissed your fingertips then he finally dove in and let you taste his tongue again, hands quick to let the bottle go and grab your body instead.

Closer closer closer you needed him more and more.

“I need to feed you dinner first,” he grabbed your wrists as your hands tried to unbutton his shirt.

“If you won’t fuck me, I can find someone else to do it,” you whispered.

His eyes tightened and he exhaled once.

The movement was so quick that your head spun and the spank that arrived at your ass made you jolt on your toes before you could lean down on the table, fingers trying to grip the tablecloth.

“Yeah? I want to see you get fucked by someone else while my name spills out of your filthy mouth.”

His voice was raspy and it made you bite your lower lip, ass eager to push back and to rub against Doyoung's crotch. He hummed at your movements and lifted the shirt up to your waist, palming your skin and looking down at the way your ass cheeks engulfed your pretty lingerie. You strained your neck upwards at the feeling of his fingers slowly caressing your lower back, feeling the lace of your panties, then you whimpered as he grabbed the material and stretched it towards him before letting it go.

"You want this little hole all filled up, don't you?" he murmured, hand sliding between your thighs to rub on the soft and thin fabric. Your legs shifted in place at the sensation and you arched your back for more. The little 'Doyoung' making him exhale.

"And I thought you'd keep calling me sir."

You tried to turn your head towards him, wondering if his suddenly absent hand meant that he wanted you to actually call him that.

But then you saw that hand around you, reaching for the bucket of ice prepared for the wine on the table in front of you. And at that moment you realized that it was for you instead - his drink for the night.

The ice cube wetted his fingers when he took it out and he first placed it on your open lips. You sucked on it for a moment, the warmth of your skin already melting it, strands of water slowly descending on your chin and inside your cleavage.

"Say 'blue' and I'll stop," his voice was deep near your ear.

You nodded breathlessly and you shivered feeling his hand hover over your back.

And when you first felt it on your spine, your fingers independently grabbed the edge of the table. Then it went down and down, forcing goosebumps out of you.

Doyoung’s palm soothed your skin, warming it up before reaching to the front to grab at your hard nipples poking through the fabric. And when the cube reached your clothed core you mewled, lifting yourself on the tiptoes.

“Shit-shit-,” you curled your neck down, jolting under his touch, wanting more of it and running away at the same time.

Your panties were all wet and you were unsure if for the ice or your own body and when Doyoung took away the cube, giving you a break by gently pressing his own wet fingers between your lips you wished for the fabric to not be there anymore.

“More?” you whined, chest rising and falling at a crazy speed.

Doyoung snickered once, his hands grabbing your sides and turning you around.

Mind hazy, you didn’t have the time to wonder where the ice cube went, the only thought roaming your head being the need to pull him closer to you.

And you did just that, wrapping his waist with your thighs after he lifted you on the table with a thud, making all the cutlery and glasses jingle.

And you clasped your fingers into his hair while his hands roamed your naked body under his shirt.

It was when he pressed his cold, open lips on yours that you finally mewled, feeling the ice cube travel from his tongue to yours.

It got smaller and you sucked on it, giving it back, hearing him hum deeply into the kiss.

Then he broke it suddenly as if unable to control himself from kissing your neck instead, biting and sucking on your skin as hard as he did on the ice cube. You rolled it on your tongue until it became nothing, finally opening your lips to moan, feeling his cold touch on your breasts as his quick fingers unbuttoned the shirt.

The material of your panties grazed your legs at Doyoung’s rough pull. You watched them fly and land on the lamp behind him.

Then you felt his fingers finally rubbing your clit and you inhaled deeply. You were so horny that you were embarrassed to admit that just a few rubs would be able to throw you over the edge.

Doyoung saw it and from his expression, he was enjoying himself maybe too much.

“Come on love, cum for me,” he murmured on your open lips. You whined, nail digging into his shoulders and you shook your head.

“You’ve been begging me for an orgasm and now you want to be a brat about it?”

His hand worked quicker and when he inserted one of his long and slender fingers inside, you actually moaned loudly.

“Sir-” the title slipped from your shaking lips and he chuckled against your cheek, pushing another one and curling them both, pressing into you and trying to find the sweetest spots you had.

“Right here?” he whispered amused.

You start swearing, moulding his biceps under your tight grip, the table and everything on it shaking at the fast pace of Doyoung’s pumping.

And then it was too much and it overflowed.

The gasp you emitted made you fall forwards. Your arms wrapped Doyoung’s body tightly as you came in spasms, legs trying hard to meet each other around his wrist but pressing into his sides instead.

Doyoung let you whine a little bit more, hand slowing down but never stopping, fucking you through your orgasms as long as he could. Then your jaw got grabbed by his other hand and he lifted your face to meet his gaze. His eyes caressed your fucked up expression before kissing your lips.

"Good girl. I know you can give me another one."

You gripped his shoulders for dear life as Doyoung's fingers came back outside to desperately rub at your over-sensitive clit.

“Doyoung-Doyoung-” you writhed in his hold before he could slip away from your arms and fall on his knees.

You’ve gotten head before, but this time, maybe for the overstimulation or your secret feelings for that man, it felt like the first time ever.

Not knowing what to grab to steady yourself as his tongue danced in circles around your engorged clit, you buried your hands in his hair. His hands pressed into the softness of your thighs just as hard and when he raised his gaze up to look at you from underneath his messy fringe, you felt like falling.

And you almost fell when he resorted to quick short licks that drove you insane, making you cum for the second time in such a short time to make you lightheaded.

The single fuck got prolonged as much as the orgasm Doyoung gave you and when he started to kiss your inner thighs, coming up towards you, on your stomach, pressing his wet open lips on your skin until meeting your breasts, you were ready to admit that you were madly in love with him.

His kiss felt as if you were underwater, unable to breathe and understand space. You felt his arms around you and suddenly you felt weightless and he carried you around until you felt the velvet of the couches underneath you and his body pressed flushed on yours. His waist got automatically wrapped by your legs again as if that were their place and they weren’t aware of it before.

He slipped his hands on your hips, grabbing your ass hard as he murmured against your lips. “Are you going to be a brat with me again?”

His voice was calm but deep as if a storm was incoming, making your knees feel weak.

“Words,” he spoke again, pressing himself a little more between your legs.

You breathed out.

“I don’t know,” you managed to say before pushing him away. He fell to the side, grip softened mostly for the surprise than your strength.

“Are you going to be a brat to me?” you asked, straddling his lap and pressing your palms on his stomach, going up on his hot skin and lifting his shirt until he couldn’t do anything else than take it off.

Then his hands found their way on your skin too, unmercifully squeezing your soft breasts. He didn’t care to be gentle and lifting himself up he sucked on your skin so hard until it was almost painful. You wrapped your arms around his torso and threw your head back, stretching out your neck. He left bites all over it, travelling down, tightening his teeth grip around your nipples, making you pant softly.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied.

He looked at you from underneath his fringe and you smiled at each other. You caressed his stomach from below his belly button and going up until reaching his collarbones and he leaned back on his elbows to support his weight. He followed your hand going down on him then his eyes shifted their focus to watch how your pelvis started to move back and forth on his sweatpants, right on top of his hard cock.

“Mm,” he exhaled as finally getting some relief and you imitated him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and closed your eyes and Doyoung flexed his thigh muscles.

He was enjoying seeing you like that, vulnerable and whiny, needy and horny, while he did nothing to help you with it and leaving you desperate.

His eyes caressed your whole body, his lips parted slightly at the sight of your breasts bouncing softly, at how you were spreading yourself on him. You felt hot and plump, your thoughts were blurry and foggy.

"Look at you," he talked. “What a cute little slut.”

You replied with a whine, locking eyes with him but not being able to do that for a long time as his gaze pierced through you, adding to the sensation his pants gave to your raw clit.

So you kissed his lips, messily and sloppily, breathing on his mouth and he finally caressed your thighs and ass, pressing you down even more and closer to him.

Your arms got tighter around his neck and he buried his face into your chest. His hair tickled your chin and you intertwined your fingers into his locks.

So close to cum, you closed your eyes and just let yourself go, your rhythm lost, your muscles aching, without expecting Doyoung's fingers to suddenly get inside of you.

You squeezed yourself onto him with a cry.

"I repeat. Are you going to behave again as you did today?" you heard him ask as his fingers pumped fast into you.

"No, no, oh fuck, please, no," you managed to answer while gasping for air.

"I'm going to-" you whimpered about to orgasm and Doyoung at that moment got you off of him, pushing you down on your back and lifting your legs around him, edging you.

"You're going to cum when I say so," he commented. "You're lucky I'm even giving it to you at all today," he added.

You bit your lower lip frustrated.

"Babe, please-" you begged.

He smiled brightly at the sudden pet name, shushing you as he began to kiss your legs from the knees down, going lightly on the inside of your thigh, making you twitch as he approached your dripping pussy. But he passed over, nudging at it with his nose just to make you jolt and kissed your lower stomach, passing his tongue on the spots he bit before and continued until reaching your lips.

Then, getting on his knees he finally got rid of his pants and underwear.

You felt your core pulsing at the sight and breathed heavily. He tugged at your legs, dragging you until the back of your thighs touched his hips and holding himself he nudged at your entrance. You let your arms fall around your head and bit down on your hand as his tip caressed your clit.

"Doyoung," you whined as your muscles jolted intermittently. You then felt his fingers drag on your leg until grabbing your knee and putting it on his shoulders he humped your folds.

You let your head fall back into the couch, exposing your neck and making your breasts tighten.

It was too much. You just wanted him to penetrate you and to make you scream.

"I want to cum so badly, please," you begged again.

But he acted as if not being able to hear from you.

Your muscles twitched in pain and you lifted yourself to meet him. He pushed you down and distanced himself.

"Behave," he warned.

You looked at his half-closed eyes and plump lips as he bit it with his teeth.

He was suffering as well. He couldn't take it anymore, you could tell.

And when you took your hand to your mouth and licked two fingers, slowly, without breaking eye contact he gasped.

You were about to suck on them, you wanted to see him going crazy, but you didn't manage to as he penetrated you right at that moment, quick and deep, with a grunt.

"Fuck," he swore picking up the pace until the wet sounds overwhelmed the storm.

_________

It was dark. The only light came from the fireplace bathing the living room with a red and yellow hue.

You were both sprawled on the rug under fuzzy blankets.

"Come sit on my face. Show me where I belong."

Doyoung’s voice was a low buzz, imitating the storm still going on as it has been the whole night.

You rolled your eyes to the side amused, ignoring his warm hand palming your knee, nudging you to come closer.

“You still want to go? I can’t cum again,” you pouted.

“But I want you to cum,” he pouted as well.

You sighed and gently got on top of him with the intent of ignoring him and finally fall asleep.

But his expression changed when you were near enough. “I want you to be completely fucked up when I’m done with you.”

You lifted one hand to cup his cheek and kissed his nose.

He blinked at you amused.

“I love it when you smile like this,” you whispered.

The dying flames danced on his face as he stared at you for a few moments.

Then you clicked your tongue.

“Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t get all dark and distant.”

Doyoung exhaled. “I am not.”

“There’s so much to be proud of, don’t you think?” Your fingers gently started to draw patters on his forehead, going down on his eyes as he closed them, then on his cheeks. He opened his eyelids again after the touch and you talked again.

“Like striving to do good. Trying. Surviving.”

His lips opened to let out a small puff of warm air. Then he hugged you tighter and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

You exhaled too, closing your eyes and lulling his exhausted soul.

“I am so proud of you,” you whispered but you didn’t know if he heard you.

_________

You woke up in Doyoung's bed.

It was huge, warm and it smelled like his laundry detergent. The sheets were soft and luscious, caressing your naked body as you shifted underneath them to look to the side.

Your eyelids fluttered and your lips turned their corners up.

Fighting the urge to squeal and hide your face inside the pillow, you resorted to admire Doyoung's sleeping face.

Resting on his stomach with raised arms thrown around his head, only his eyes and ruffled hair poked out behind his bicep and shoulder. And when he slowly opened one puffy eye you giggled and it curved, showing that he was smiling too.

"Good morning," you whispered.

Doyoung sighed once first. "It's probably afternoon."

His sleepy voice made your body heat up and without thinking you just got closer. He turned on his side and wrapped your body with his arms, pulling you closer to his chest.

"Did you sleep well?" he murmured.

"Like a baby. You exhausted me enough."

The little kiss he placed on top of your head was so unexpected to make you lift your face.

He smiled.

"You inspire so much tenderness in me,” he explained timidly.

You smiled back, resting your chest on his. His hands automatically wrapped your sides as if they've always belonged there.

"I'm glad I'm softening your edges. Now you need to behave like this with everyone else too."

"You want me to kiss the whole hospital on the forehead?"

"Metaphorically."

"Also, I thought you loved my hard edges," he purred, shifting your body to fully rest on top of his.

His hard cock deliciously poked your clit with its tip as his hands slowly made you roll on it.

You exhaled and leaned down, rubbing your lips on his as you whispered. "I do."

His smirk was lazy just like your movements.

"So you want me just like this?"

“I want you. I want everything you are. I want everything that you hide.”

Your hands caressed his chest and came to cup his face. His expression wavered and you found him so vulnerable all of a sudden to make your guts twist.

“Unleash the darkness that you have inside. Engulf me with it. I am not afraid. I want it.”

Doyoung wrapped your body tightly and pressed you down on himself even more.

"There's no darkness inside of me anymore. Not when you're around me."

__________

From “I will not vanish” - Haechan’s backstory

The heavy door opened and closed.

Doyoung looked over his shoulder to see a stranger approach him with slow feet. He raised his eyes and gave Doyoung a small nod.

The other did the same and when the stranger aligned himself with Doyoung, looking over the cold city, they both exhaled.

The silence was so deep, safe for the ambulances screaming in the distance that Doyoung found himself restless.

The stranger leaned on the rail, resting his weight on the elbows and sighed again.

“You know,” he started.

Doyoung looked at him with the corner of his eyes.

“What I like about life,” he paused, “is that you can die.”

The stranger bit his lower lip for a moment then looked over to the other. His gaze felt so heavy that Doyoung’s arms skin got goosebumps.

“Imagine being immortal,” the man continued before letting out a dry snicker.

“Around forever. A pathetic being with no reason to exist besides existence itself. Forever and forever and forever. With no purpose. Until you’d beg someone to kill you but they can’t.”

Doyoung’s fingers twitched on the cold metal of the terrace rail and for a moment his rational mind wanted to ask that stranger just what nonsense he was talking about.

But lately, Doyoung and rationality didn’t match well so he didn’t.

“Immortality sucks only if you’re the only immortal one.”

The stranger smiled bitterly. “Do you want to be immortal?”

Doyoung put his hands inside the gown’s pockets. “I’d die tomorrow.”

“But you wish immortality was a thing.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t have a job anymore,” Doyoung smiled. “But yes. I wish people didn’t die.”

“You’re very selfish.”

That remark made Doyoung frown. “How’s that selfish?”

The stranger turned around and rested his back on the rail instead.

“Why do you want people to not die?”

“Because-,” Doyoung started but didn’t know what to add. “Because it’s painful.”

“For them or you?”

Doyoung sighed. “Okay. I see what you’re doing here.”

The stranger smiled a little.

“It’s not like I think only of myself when others die. I think how unfair it is when I know they didn’t have the chance to do everything they wanted to do first.”

“And what’s that?”

Doyoung thought about it for a moment. “Just- living. Experiences. And most of them actually had enough time to do it. They just took it for granted. And it’s so- painful.”

“And what about you? If you said that you’d be ready to die tomorrow, I guess you’ve been living your life to the fullest with no regrets.”

“Actually, I don’t know if I’ve been living all of this time.”

The stranger shrugged. “Just start now.”

“You make it seem so easy.”

“Living? Hell yeah. You just need to give less fucks.”

Doyoung didn’t reply.

“If you’re ready to die tomorrow, then you should not be afraid of living.”

The stranger’s tone deepened and Doyoung looked his way.

“Who are you by the way?”

“Oh,” the stranger straightened his back and extended his hand. “I’m Haechan. Nice to meet you.”

Doyoung imitated him and shook his hand.

It was warm and in a moment so many thoughts came to Doyoung’s mind to make him breathless.

"I thought I had my life figured out and yet after meeting you I got shocked into awareness."

"You inspire so much tenderness in me."

“I became obsessed with you and it scares me.”

“You could have just told me. You could have told me that you fell apart. Instead, you acted like it didn't bother you at all.”

“You are worth the wait.”

“I can't let go of you.”

Doyoung took away his hand so quickly to almost fall backwards.

He took a few steps on the concrete of the terrace as if trying to get as far from Haechan as possible.

“You good?” the other asked but his face wasn’t mirroring his question.

Instead, a plain expression was adorning his feline features and for an instant, Doyoung felt terror.

“You’re not Haechan,” he found himself whispering.

The man in front of him cracked his knuckles once. “And who’s Haechan?”

“My friend.”

“Friend? Is someone that uses somebody else a friend?”

“He’s not using me.”

“Isn’t he now?”

The man started to walk towards Doyoung slowly, one finger on the rail, grating at the metal with his nail.

“Do you believe in soulmates, Doyoung?”

Doyoung flinched at his name on that man’s lips and started to retreat slowly.

“I do.”

“Soulmates are people that always find each other regardless of everything, aren’t they?”

“Yes.”

“And are you and Y/N soulmates if Haechan is always there forcing you together like some sort of cheap mismatcher?” the man spit out the last words.

Doyoung gulped and his brain tried to remember how he punched him in some past life and actually win. His surgeon hands would definitely get broken in a second.

“Don’t you want to break this cycle? Find your true soulmate?”

“That’s Y/N.”

“Because you say so.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your orthodox theory, Archangel.”

The man stretched his neck to the side and Doyoung didn't have the time to run away.

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