#sorry i will stop after tonight
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notimdude horses...
#my art <3#notimdude#again#sorry i will stop after tonight#also ive never drawn postal dude seriously#its always been shitposts or yaoi#which always counts as shitposts because its never serious#i just find the wonders of the internet funny#i dont have any notes on notim because i originally started drawing him because to me he just looks like a depressed shire horse#and then i was just having fun with the dude design
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everyone get up and make some noise for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!! we're losing our minds over here for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!!
#sorry i uhh. wrote this yesterday and just have not been able to stop thinking about it since so you guys had to see it#google vivienne westwood two cowboys shirt you know the one i mean xx the famous one from SEX xx#unironically this scene went from being kind of difficult to get through to housing my favourite paragraph ive written so far. all because#of sirius black's gay cowboy shirt. also pretentious vaggio reference because well this is remus' pov after all and i have spent#the last few weeks poring over the caravaggio art book i got for christmas i love it sooo much xx#hes done like. 8 john the baptist paintings but theres a few specific ones that really. give me the vibes im going for with sirius' arms xx#he's sooo. well maybe i get it is all im saying#this fic is just. sirius' gay little outfits and descriptions of all the different mugs remus owns and lots of flat kitchens#it is also just. remus having the worst ever time of his life emotionally physically financially and then sirius. sitting next to him#engaging in the sluttiest behaviour you could possibly imagine and having a little smoke#tonight they are in james' kitchen xx he has cooked them all a chicken jalfrezi xx#my fic#snippet#r/s#tsah
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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Knight Bobo, wearing some of the patterns I drew :D!
#LN#colored doodles#bobo#ft.#agata#louie#(sorry. long tags warning ¯\ (ToT) /¯)#putting the blue patterns to use even if she wasn't the intended wearer for them (hey! big bro louie just has to learn how to share! lol.)#i am actually planning to draw all three of them more along with fafnir and some other nobodies. i cri—#speaking of fafnir!!! FAFNIR???!!! offering alcoholic drinks to nidhogg in the 9th anniversary hell event????!!!#fafnir who's helping agata bobo and louie against tyr?!! who has bobo on speed dial for info as she thwarts tyr's plans??? the guy who‚ on#the night louie leaves and visits him for a drink‚ offers him instead a hot cup of MILK and teasingly calls him a child?! ASADJFJDSK!!!#(there's layers to him offering that that makes it funny‚ i promise. he offers concoctions based on a person's personality? i think??? he#offered debbie a cup of milk that TASTES like books and mela something strong. losing it ✋😭) anyways he runs an INTEL TAVERN. is aware of#most things in the north. fuck. wait! omg??? what if he's the same tavern keeper from louie's dreamweaver??? regardless he is aiding#all three of them... somehow... and he's sharing a drink with nid which is funny cause nid is the same guy who has said before ''alcohol#destroys you mind and stops you from making the right choice 🗿'' and there's fafnir sliding a drink to a sad looking nid. asdjsfkgk#FAFNIR please 😭😭😭!!! (fafnir sliding a drink to nid: make some bad choice tonight boy.)#anyways im just happy there's new fafnir art. i was not expecting it. or him alongside nid. fafnir's name is ALSO named after a dragon in#norse mythology. 🤔 turning into a dragon is a symbol of greed. damn. imagine fafnir is ALSO from frigidfog? but then again...#OKAY I'LL STOP!!! (I WILL NOT!!! I AM LOSING MY MIND! THERE'S JUST SO MUCH I CAN PLAY AROUND WITH HERE!)#wait! okay okay okay. what if for some reason fafnir is ratatoskr 👁 👁? like the role he plays as an intelligence collector adds up#as louie said ''(fafnir) you're not even there yet you already know about it'' it's not far fetched#... i am officially losing it. im adding too much depth to a game that has time and time again made itself shallow 😔
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actually it’s crazy to see people openly be like “we don’t care about your content, or the quality of your content, or your ability to make the kind of content you want to make at the level that you want to make it at, or your ability to make that content sustainably while being able to support yourself, or your goal to create a space that fosters more creativity and freedom for yourself and other filmmakers. we actually just care about our ability to be a voyeuristic third party to a relationship between two specific guys who we don’t actually know FOR FREE and we’re gonna act like you owe us that forever without changing or pursuing any of your ambitions. also if you say that your content is worth the same amount as 1 cup of coffee per month, you’re greedy. don’t you know we young folk already can’t afford all the streaming services run by billion dollar corporations that we’re already paying for, which are absolute necessities. why don’t they just fire everybody and move and uh um. idk sell DVDs instead”
#guys i KNOW i’m being annoying about this i’m sorry. i will stop after tonight but goddamn this is irritating#i’m just gonna stop hate scrolling through the tag lol
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i should stop starting video games so late at night bc now i dont want to sleep <3
#camera talks#just started in stars and time :33#(saw too many mutuals kinda posting about it and also i heard it had time loops <3)#very very fun for me so far i am enjoyinggg <3#this happened to me with strange horticulture the other day tho and i played like. 75% of my playthrough between 9pm-1am so yah#anyways. made more bread after i stopped wallowing#it is currently cooking and im very excited :))#also emailed my boss about the situationn earlier so that was fun /s#wont get to eat it tonight bc i has to cool But !! fresh bread for the morning before my dentist i suppose#still very worried about that ngl.#also have to drive there and then around the 'big city' with my sister#(its the big city to Us. and we have a little bit of school shopping to do cuz we dont go to this city with my nana when she takes us)#but i will go to sleep dw <33 just reluctantly#i love the rock paper scissors thing in isat btw it makes me so happy ngl#also sorry for the number of concerning posts ive had recently btw. ive had a tough august </3#(normally im chill during august idk what happened </33)#i am trying to get better. it will happen eventually
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its possible the deep-rooted anxiety that everyone around me silently finds me annoying is never going to go away
#trying sooo hard not to reassurance seek bc i know it would only make it all worse#but its honestly exhausting to constantly have to assume im NOT annoying just so i can keep living my life and maintaining friendships#like i know i need to operate as if i am wanted but its stressful to do so#SORRY ill stop personal posting after tonight
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#oh i am a bit tired tonight folks. had a nice time yesterday trawling through old pens forums and linking back some posts to here#(all with links because like - it's nice to share where you've found fun stuff right?) no point gatekeeping at all - we don't own content#and then the same old people once again somehow by chance post the exact same five or six photos 5 minutes after#and yeah. great minds think alike right? you were probably trawling a not touched since 2015 forum too at the same time. it's possible#and out of the hundreds of photos on there you decided to make the exact selection i did. it's possible right?#and truthfully i don't really care because i'm posting this stuff because my blog is MY personal archive and it's stuff I want to catalogue#but when you have blocked as many blogs and sideblogs as you can and people are still finding you and send you shitty anons for just...#daring to use the player tags? cataloging stuff by literally tagging the player's name? ughhhhh it's exhausting how can i block you when yo#are the tumblr equivalent of hydra regrowing a new fake sideblog pretending to be a different person every week.#sorry i know this ranting into the abyss is pointless but i have a few more posts scheduled for tonight and i know i'll wake up tomorrow#and miraculously the same ones will be posted on the same people's blogs 5 minutes after me and it's just so childish#but yeah. we all know who they are and i'm just a little tired of it and hearing the stories of people being harassed in their inboxes/dms#anyway anyway anyway. i think i shall just take a break from posting stuff because feeling a little disheartened! and uncomfortable#because i feel watched. please stop using other blogs to find me. please stop talking about me in your tags. touch some grass my friends
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WHY?, “Sin Imperial" // Car Sear Headrest, “I Can Play the Piano”
#Whywithaquestionmark#Car Seat Headrest#trigger warning for eating disorders I'm sorry I don't know the best way to tag them I never had to before#I was having a conversation earlier about how I have a very specific relationship with fasting#in that for me specifically I feel like it’s just slow-burn starvation#because it gave me an eating disorder#this idea that if I just stop eating then I'll lose weight and if I lose weight I'll be better#that eating was a moral failure on my part because if I just held out a little longer then I'd be beautiful#so when I'd eventually break fast because it had been days and my vision was fading#I'd make myself throw up afterwards because I had failed#that morphed into all the different little toxic relationships I have with food#I still consider myself a monster for eating#I still lie about how much or how often I eat#and after I stopped forcing myself to throw up after every meal all the consequences hit#my hair started falling out my teeth started falling out all the weight I lost came back#and there was this voice in the back of my head that said that if I had kept going none of that would have happened#and that's kind of true because either those delayed consequences wouldn't have hit#Or I would have actually succeeded in starving myself to death#anyway I relapsed after dinner tonight and purged again and the why? song came on shuffle on the drive home#and I thought it was a little ironic haha#and I ate some more when I got home and I'm really struggling with this one right now haha#because I told myself I wouldn't have anything else to eat tonight but I did and now I feel like I have to pay for it#I think people forgot I was bulimic a few years ago or I just thought I told them and didn't#because it seemed like news at the dinner table lmao#I don't talk about it a lot because it's really upsetting to people I care about#But I haven't made myself throw up in a long time so this is kind of scary I think#Or maybe I shouldn't be scared and instead I should just force of will this#back myself into a lose-lose situation where I either hate myself for eating or hate myself for starving/purging#that's the only way my brain knows how to function I guess#whoever wins we lose haha whatever
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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i dont know much about trigun but i think it would be silly if vash and knives (they are brothers?) or vash and wolfwood (lovers? enemies? idk) were drawn like that barbie and ken mugshot meme. From what you post Mr Vash Stampede just seems like ken. little silly guy
YOU HAVE THE MOST PERFECT TIMING WITH THIS EVER I'm literally in the middle of drawing a picture of knives and vash that looks like this.
theyre brothers your honor
#i would draw the whole meme but i simply do not have the energy for it tonight#the phrase mr the stampede has been stuck in my head all night hehe u just reminded me of it#drawing vashs tristamp hair is soooo painful to me. i miss the spikey. unfortunately i am doing a style swap thing with this so i have to#sigh </3#hiiii louis this made me smile hehe thank u#also ive seen like 3 ppl do that meme with vashwood already so the fact that u included knives makes me happy :]#(<< guy who is having a category 12 emotional about millions knives moment tonight)#theyre BROTHERS. theyre brothers.....#i love the idea that after canon knives calms down and stops trying 2 kill everybody bc he realizes#oh i dont want to commit genocide actually. i just need therapy.#but like. he and vash are still both wanted criminals because. gestures at the events of trigun. all that#so its just. silly antagonistic brother adventures. i keep thinking abt that one drawing someone did of them comparing wanted posters#its so silly and its so important to meeeeeee.#knives just needs to smoke some weed and play Minecraft for a few hours and he'll calm down.#hes just got undiagnosed autism and a metric ton of childhood trauma. its fine#sorry i kind of went off on u there. I'm having trigun emotions tonight. if u couldn't tell#making this unrebloggable because its a wip <3 sorry kings#my sketches are sooooo ugly . u get the idea tho#asks#friends!!!#din0draws#shrimp fried rice#also. other file names blurred bc its a spoiler for another ask I'm answering soon. lmao
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:DDD
#im dont *feel*happy but i AK happy#sorry ill shut up for now just#im gonna get the orange tattoo#i love you#im glad i exist#i was at a freinds tonight and sang karaoke and despite some mic problems i had a goo time???#shoudl i drink more?? im soo agreeable after that haha#oh if it werejt so late and if i dint need to sleep id get DO crossfaded#but anyway#i feel so damn positive tonight#i dont understand what im feelung but i dont have this urge to kill myseof#its unthinkable now#drunk milo stop posting challenge#text
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just gonna vent for a sec please dont mind me
#………………………….#i just need to put some thoughts out in the universe because i cant stand them anymore inside of me#sh tw#i feel like such a failure and a stupid piece of shit#i have so much anger inside of me#i dont feel it much usually but some days i just feel this violent need to scream my lungs out#and then if things get worse the urge changes if u know what i mean#and i have been feeling so isolated and not even misunderstood tbh because people just dont seem to care about almostanything thats about me#and i just cant help somehow reaching the conclusion that there must be something wrong with me. im just not worth caring about#and i tell myself that thats okay but its not and im not okay and my hatred for myself just gets worse and worse#not only for that but because i keep feeling disappointed with people and i cant find the courage to say shit#and all of these feelings in my head converge into one thing at the end of the day#and i couldnt help it tonight#i tried but i was physically unable to stop thinking about it#and so i gave in after almost two months of being able to resist#and it was bad#i dont panic often when i do this because i know my limits but tonight i went too far and i panicked and i just spent an hour sobbing in the#bathroom and feeling stupid and sorry for myself#what a stupid life
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okay i know ive talked about changing inquisition entirely to be a mixture of asunder and the masked empire instead but like listen
you start the game being informed of the vote for separation is in a day or two at most and that the divine is going to be visiting, you can chose you class or race and that affects your connection to why you're here and you get different dialogue from npcs. you could be a mage from the circle, a simple servant in the place to cook and make sure things are clean, a 😔templar recruit 😔, someone who snuck in for illegal reason (making sure the lyrium trade isn't going to be affected). you probably couldn't fit in a dalish elf pc but you could a city elf! i'd love to play another city elf, and it makes the andrastianism a bit more bearable bc you have more room to believe in the maker instead of just being a kidnapped dalish person who doesn't want to be there
you get involved in investigating the tranquility cure for reasons depending on your background, or by accident while you're investigating something else (is this going to interfere with the lyrium trade) and run into the ppl who Are investigating it. you meet the 'ghost' cole, who only you the player can see for some reason, Or maybe you meet him after the explosion which is also fun. you are stuck with evangeline as your escort, adrian is girlbossing with you. you find the fucked up shit with pharamond and bring it back, causing the mages to vote en masse for freedom because What The Fuck
then it's all crashed by corypheus showing up. stuff is on fire, the possessed wardens are there, fiona is yelling at them bc what the fuck. the pc stays behind for one reason or another while everyone is evacuated and escapes, maybe they sacrifice themselves to buy others time, maybe they get separated from the others by mistake, and in the distance they hear a woman screaming for help. you go there and find the divine being soul sucked by the orb in cory's hand, you interrupt the process, and grab the orb not knowing what it is. explosion and youre in the fade, you can chose to either try to save the divine or not, but she always is left behind.
you emerge out of the ruins and everyone's asking what happened, wheres the divine. you begin to hear ppl accuse you of killing her, and the few companions you had get you away from that and now you're on the run
some random elf dude approaches you as you realize this weird mark that the weird orb you touched left behind is like Really hurting you, and somehow he makes it manageable? wild but then he tells you he believes you and will help you and you just gotta go 'okay' bc you have no allies and can't be picky here, and now you have to find some way to make ppl believe you while everything is burning as you realize orlais outside the vote is now falling into civil war and you have to deal with possibly resolving that on top of convincing everyone this corypheus dude is real
okay its just sounding kinda like origins retextured to be orlais and with mages and templars and also wardens gone possessed by this weird ass dude somehow? instead of ferelden and with darkspawn lol but i like it it could have been fun
#ama mumbles#dragon age#dragon age inquisition critical#i suppose#your starting companions would probably be evangeline cole and adrian after the explosion you and cole run off and meet solas#and you build up from there. at least thats the first idea#how solas would react to cole in his ghost era idk but still#rhys is just some npc to begin with at least i wish i could do that to evangeline too but you do need a warrior so :/#i do feel like at some point a cult would be built around you could still happen#also you 100% get the choice to let the chantry burn instead of just getting to choose the next divine like! i want it gone!#some inquisition npcs from the og game probably wouldn't be able to exist in this version which Is sad but sacrifices#there's no writ of the divine we Are not supported we Are making a cult in the wilds tonight#look im not a writer and i know a lot goes into making a game but-#okay im done with talking about but what if inquisition was asunder and the masked empire mixed together instead ill stop#also jesus this is long sorry#long post
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I'm sorry to bring up another Jurassic Park comparison but I remembered this scene from the third movie and couldn't help but feel it would very much be something Man-Bat would pull.
#;; ooc#🦇 || musings#It's that scene from JP3 where the raptor is pretending to be a specimen in the embryo tubes#Only to try and ambush the people#That combined with recognizing he can go OVER the barrier gap too?#Just pure nightmare fuel when I was younger#I can't stop thinking about Jurassic Park/World now that libertytaken and volucerrubidus started talking about it#Kirk on the other hand would be a scientist/researcher for the flying reptiles and would LOVE the Queztalcoatlus#For now I'm quite content with Man-Bat being a nightmare in Gotham#The duality of bat where he can be like this but will also behave nicely for a banana#Just some dumb thoughts before work sorry <3#Three days off after tonight!
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