#i feel like such a failure and a stupid piece of shit
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lovsome · 1 year ago
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just gonna vent for a sec please dont mind me
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fyodior · 2 months ago
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blegh
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milo-is-rambling · 8 months ago
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I feel like a huge idiot all the time like it’s great and is awful and there’s a layer of smart in me that I can’t seem to actually get to it just simmers there and occasionally a smart thought bubble floats to my mouth or brain and then soon enough it’s all bullshit again
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streetdumpster · 1 year ago
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I truly and honestly dont even have the energy or willpower to eat anymore. I'll have 1 thing a day maximum I am so miserable
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jamesbukkakebarnes · 2 years ago
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#i had the worst fucking nightmare yesterday when i took a nap and i havent slept since 😣#it technically wasnt all bad but it was one of those lucid dream situations and ive been groggy ever since (but cant! fuckigng sleep!)#and then i was studying but i think im getting burnt out bc i cant fucking concentrate bc im so fucking stupid and i#keep getting practice questions wrong and my test is in TWO WEEKS and i know NOTHING even tho ive been studying for so long#i feel so hopeless like i genuinely think im gonna fail and that scares the shit out of me bc what the FUCK am i gonna do then#that shit would be so embarrassing like that will just confirm what i already know that im a dumbass piece of shit loser 😭#like i lowkey broke down a few hours ago bc i genuinely think im just plain fucking stupid! like Not Smart like fucking can barely read#like one question will take me like two minutes bc i have to read that shit two or three times to process whatever the fuck its saying#thats so fucking embarrassing i feel like a fucking failure lmao#and the thing is im trying my best im just dumb as a brick fr#like how tf u study over five hours a day and still on some 56% bullshit 😭#and everyone is saying im gonna pass bc i study so much but!! i get almost half the questions WRONG that is NOT a good sign#no but fr if i fail idk whats gonna happen i dont think i'll get kicked out but i know everyone's gonna be mad at me#and im gonna be in a dark place for a while and i'll have no one to blame but myself#just like the last time i failed at something#ignore me#i just needed to vent
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thepinkseashell · 2 years ago
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the thing about me is i will beat myself up over literally nothing at all whatsoever. like. girl. NOTHING bad happened. why are you sad. stop it.
#i know it is stupid and dumb and i sound like an awful piece of shit asshole but i feel like a failure for no reason????????? uggh.#mayb its just because i have been too wired to really sleep or eat for the past two days cause i was so anxious abt getting fob tix and now#that its over i just feel like a weird cloud of leftover AAAAAAA inside of me.. but#i feel weirdly sad for no reason???? like i literally got good tickets i have no reason to feel sad at all whatsoever but the thing with me#is that i am that person that will say i failed a test if i got a b+ cause it could have been an a. yknow. thats me.#like i am not even unhappy with the seats at all!!! they are good!!!!! i am happy!!!!!!! i just feel sad that i did something not as well#as i could have. does that make any sense???? like its not that i am not happy with the result cause i am i just feel angry with myself for#not doing something perfectly which pisses me off. do you get me. i probably just need to go to bed cause i feel like i make no sense rn#and i probably will not feel sad in the morning. but right now i feel a weird sadness like i am not good enough which is silly because i#have good seats to see my dearest beloved band so who cares. why am i sad. i dunno. i just wish i could be better at everything i think.#tldr my least favorite feeling in the world is thinking i couldve done better at something and my threshold for feeling that is way too low#if you read all this you are a trooper and we are getting married btw. thank you for caring if you do. i am just tired and aughhhhh rn.
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eldritch-spouse · 16 days ago
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Reader who’s in Sybastian’s labyrinth and is tired and horny. They decide if they’re going to go out they are going to at least relive themselves so they hop on a bed and get to it. The bed seems weirdly shaky to them but they just assume it’s that they’re just getting really into it. (Un)fortunately for them the mimiced bed decided it wasn’t going to kill this human I mean if you expose your self to him you have to be their mate!
[Fem reader]
TW: Dubious consent; Mentions of gore; Excessive drool; Squirting.
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Sybastian spared you little thought at first.
It only took a few months of participating in Vinnel's game to understand how to profile his catches a lot better. He knows who the clever ones will be, the troublemakers that kick and bite, the overly paranoid, and the ones that are so incredibly stupid he almost feels gross getting rid of them.
You didn't fit into any category, when Sybastian first saw you, his mind lumped you into the "standard" group and he moved on to the assumed challenging targets.
This hunt has singlehandedly made the mimic question his own profiling skills.
First, he mistakes the smartass for someone who actually knows what he's doing, and manages to tear into him in no time. Then, a girl who froze at the sight of him actually managed to make him trip, alerting the whole group.
He's had to try to catch the same people several times just because he's failed so drastically in his attempts to gouge their attitudes, and he's sure the jester is cackling behind his many screens upstairs, relaying Syb's failures to the audience like a verbal paddling.
Naturally at this point, Sybastian was wrong about you too.
Because he sure as shit didn't expect you to be the last one standing.
That's not all though. Not only are you the cream of this crop, your savvy side seemed to completely expire as soon as you realized everyone had perished. It's as if you deflated.
Yet, instead of crouching down in a corner to scream your lungs out, or crawling under somewhere to pretend you can hide forever, or simply start pounding at the doors until your nails chip into pieces...
You pace the bedroom where Sybastian disguises himself as a bed. Back and forth, silent footsteps on a carpeted floor. You were smart to discard your footwear and avoid the wooden floors, Lord knows they're made to creak at the slightest miscalculation.
He couldn't help but wonder what was in his prey's mind.
Now that he can see you a little closer, you're one of those pretty humans. At least, the ones he thinks are prettier. The kind he likes to pet on their hair and run his fingers all over. Pretty thing with pretty meaty thighs and a juicy ass. He didn't quite know if he wanted to bite you or lash his tongue against every crevice of skin he could see. It was good that you were the last one, the others weren't as nice-looking.
What could you possibly be thinking of, in that moment? So concentrated, so serious, he could almost have fooled himself into thinking you were on the cusp of hatching a plan.
He didn't think it'd be this...
He didn't think you'd take off your pants. Could hardly believe his concealed eyes when you laid upon him, giving him a spectacular view of your panty-covered goods before he felt the softness of your skin on him.
He shuddered, but if you noticed, it didn't stop you from getting comfortable, adjusting your underwear and playing with yourself.
Sybastian has been sweating for a while now. He hopes you're dumb enough to think the sudden moisture is sweat from your little session. Truth of the matter is that mimic has never had this happen to him. He's never had someone sit on him while in disguise and start masturbating.
Sure, he's been a bench to a few couples drunkenly making out, but it doesn't last long before he's got at least one of them in his jaws.
Nevertheless, this has proved to be a special kind of arousing to the mimic, who relishes the feedback of your movement and desperately tries to shift the position of his eyes so he can get a better view. He's daring enough to catch a glimpse between the sheets you crumpled, locked into the motion of your fingers as you dip an index and middle digit into a wet cunt and clumsily circle your clit with the remaining hand.
You seem rushed, desperate, trying your damndest to rip an orgasm out of yourself for reasons that he can't understand. None of Santi's fluids were utilized in the making of today's traps, so it's not as if you're in an incubus-induced frenzy. He's perplexed, but far from complaining.
Is it that you want him to find you? What a little freak you are, waiting for the big bad thing that's been picking you all off one by one to show itself...
He wonders what you'd do if he rushed into this room, if he wasn't the very bed you're being depraved on. Would you lift your ass and invite him, beg him to please have mercy? Hoping and praying that maybe the offer of your gorgeous body could keep him subdued, could distract him. Cute as you are, not a bad strategy, he'd say.
Syb makes a rumble of delight when the first sounds start tumbling out your lips. Little stressed mewls and gasps that have him this close to losing his mind. Somewhere in his modified form, the monster's cock swells and his need starts to become unbearable. He was never the master of self-control, these games just drive him that much wilder. Drool seeps to the ground when his long, gross tongue peeks beneath the mattress. Sybastian slowly allows his arms to emerge from under the bed, giving them more and more mass while they reach upwards.
With your eyes closed in focused pleasure, you could never hope to see those claws hovering in the air, inches from making contact. The mimic is swift to lock one of said hands around your throat, keeping you pinned to the faux mattress by the neck. The scream he assumes you were going to belt out becomes no more than a surprised cough.
Naturally, he expects the following tantrum. Flailing like a fish out of water, your shrill noises of confusion and terror only excite him further, though the mimic is patient, allowing you to tire yourself out for the time being, rumbling lowly like an engine on standby. Eventually, much to his liking, your motions slow down, vastly due to the realization that the monstrous hand around your neck is static. You breathe rapidly on him, body still overheated and wet.
Syb's reward is a softer hold of the vital location, his remaining hand shamelessly groping the leg closest to it. He doesn't let you have any time to think or react, because one second he's rubbing your thigh, the next he's cupping your belly and slipping fingers between your soaked cuntlips, grabbing you quite literally by the core.
He's excited and rough, able to hear your prior terrorized noises turn into confusion and discomfort. An improvement, in his opinion. Sybastian brushes your clitoris more accidentally than purposely, and the reflexive squirm of your legs paired with the whimper that you let out is what makes him lose composure.
Your poor body nearly tumbles to the carpet when the very furniture you laid on transforms before your eyes, into a looming, lanky monster with a purple chest for head, rows of misaligned teeth decorating the edges of that maw, gangly arms just as long as his legs protruding from it. He makes sure to not let you fall face first, but that might have been a bad idea, because when your doe eyes lock with his acidic yellow ones, you scream again.
Sybastian only tilts his head. It'd be pretty funny if you started running now. He'd have to go after you with an erection, with isn't very comfortable, but it'd be entertaining.
Instead, you shakily crawl back, hues widening like saucers when he brings his own stained fingers to his giant maw and calmly laps the traces of slick off them.
" What... What the fuck are you? "
If he was any other, more dignified type of monster, Sybastian would have felt offended.
" ... Syb. " He grunts out.
You don't look very satisfied with that answer. Unfortunately, you're neither talking nor moving, and his excitement won't let the mimic prolong this pause.
" Want to play. " He points at you, nodding. " I want too. Come. "
The mimic watches your face grow heated, little eyes darting everywhere but him after they catch sight of the tented loincloth doing absolutely nothing to conceal his arousal. He doesn't care to hide it either. You should look, you'll be getting acquainted soon anyway.
" N- No. No, I wasn't... "
Sybastian snickers, mocking. " Was was... I felt. "
Nervousness makes your throat bob.
" I liked. " He adds. " Naughty. Come. "
Sybastian adds more intensity to his poorly constructed coaxing, something you seem to pick up on. A healthy amount of self-preservation is, presumably, what stops you from flailing again when the mimic traces a claw over your ankle, scooting closer.
Sybastian eyes you like a hawk. There's little question, if you make stupid moves, you'll be punished.
Fortunately, you're smarter than that, allowing him to sit right next to your tense figure. Syb likes to think he's being gentle when he pushes the fabric of your shirt up, reaching your collarbone, inhuman eyes widening as you eventually take it off on your own.
Cooperation, from the humans he snags? Now isn't this novel. His cock all but throbs in response.
He laments to see that piece of chest padding your particular type of human tends to don, and his patience does have limits, because he simply uses a claw to rend the thin middle portion apart and free your chest to him.
You have pretty breasts.
Well, a lot of humans do in Sybastian's opinion, but yours have him salivating harder, those soft points visibly perked by your prior activities. The monster rumbles with giddiness, almost unable to belive a catch as appetizing as you landed in his grasp.
He roughly discards his own scant coverings and wastes no time using long arms to drag you closer, skin on skin contact having the mimic rumbling.
" Beautiful mate...! "
He praises, admiring your reaction when a blue tongue longer than your leg unfurls from his gaping maw. You lot always seem to squirm and gawk, and much to his ceaseless amusement today, he gets to see something more than just awe in your gaze. Curiosity.
There's little to no warning before the very same muscle rudely swipes across your chest, clumsily soaking your tits in warm drool while the monster chuckles at the yelp you let out. He savors them like he doesn't get to do this often, finally rolling that clapper between your breasts and easily allowing it to slink downward, across your softer portions and flicking the end of it around your mound.
" Stretch you nice... "
Sybastian sounds delirious even to himself, angling your legs a little roughly just so he can see what he's doing. Your flushed folds stare at him invitingly, he can only imagine what they'll feel like hugging his cock, but your kind is small and frail, he's learned he has to make you sticky and loose first. Whatever you were expecting when your wide eyes glanced down, it certainly wasn't the speed and dexterity that ravished your pussy.
He's never been one to play footsie, or tease, not when he's the one who's been teased to madness by your dirty little show. Sybastian's laps across your cunt are hard and fast, nearly jostling your lower body with their intensity, the pressure against your clit hardly giving you time to gasp in-between each harsh swipe. Not that it lasts long, he's shoving a drool-soaked tip inside far too quickly, trying to worm as much of himself in as he can before he's forced to give you room to breathe and adjust.
The monster beams down at you, his restless spidery hands stroking your thighs, a twitch of his member at every jolt of your legs when he hits something special. Syb can only hum and moan at the taste of your arousal before he's undulating his tongue forcefully, the grip of your inner walls doing nothing to stop him from making space. He salivates even more, a pool of drool drenching the space between your legs and the floor as Syb instinctively tilts his head, as if it could somehow shove him deeper into your poor vaginal canal.
The monster's eyes squint, studying your reactions when you jerk and cry in sudden pleasure. He doesn't like to gloat, but he thinks he's got the science down to make pretty little things like you explode all over his tongue. And if he's not wrong, you're about to give him just that. Impatient, the mimic paws at you until he can get a better feel of your clit, hoping that rolling the nub between his digits while his tongue presses into every crevice of you does the trick.
In no time at all, your undignified noises of animal delight are chocked by a sudden inhale as you tense and freeze. The contractions of your muscles signal his victory, Sybastian all but rips his tongue away to keep torturing your little pearl while you erupt beautifully for him. He laughs and rumbles pridefully when you try to twist away in overstimulation. It could be shame too, but he hardly cares, there's no need to feel ashamed of something so hot.
A lot of monsters can't squirt like this. You though? He wishes he could spend a whole day making you burst over and over-
Giggling a couple more times, the monster finally allows your twitching form to get some rest, peeling away slowly to bask in the mess he's made of you. He makes no secret of his enjoyment, moaning when the flavor coats every inch of his mouth and dropping a hand to his aching cock. The pumping is furious and fast, but not enough, not compared to what you could be doing for him right now
While you pant and huff, the monster grabs you by the neck, careful -Oh ever careful- not to stick his claws where they're unwanted. Not to twist anything wrong. You're smart, smart enough to know you shouldn't jerk your neck or move much in his hold. He can say he's grateful for that, later.
At the moment, Sybastian pulls you closer, slapping something hot and throbbing against your cheek. The way you try to side-eye his dick from this position is hilarious to him.
" ... Say thanks. "
Said shaft bumps against the side of your face tauntingly a couple more times, until his grip eventually lessens and you're allowed to see what you'll be working with more closely.
There are many things a monster like him can flex over humans, and you've come to see plenty today. His speed, his strength, his durability, his tongue... It should come as no surprise that his size would also feature in that list.
Thankfully for you, Sybastian can muster some modicum of patience for this moment, watching the gears turn in that little head as you try to think of how to best please him. One of your hands grabs him by the root, the other cups his balls, your initial attempt to fit him in your mouth fails. On the second one, you manage to at least get a decent portion in, making the mimic pant at the sight of your plush lips wrapped around him.
Chains clink when the mimic lifts his hands, ready to grab you and start fucking into your hot mouth, though he's beaten to it by your own sudden enthusiasm, putting every ounce of effort into making sure he stays still.
Clever girl, you know he'd just hold you down and make you choke.
Syb supposes he can give you that mercy, you're so responsive after all, he's certain you're the perfect mate for him. The way you slurp and hum around his girth is only compounding on this.
As pretty as you look working at him, the mimic's legs are tense enough to snap and he's leaking precum at an alarming rate, so you're nudged off his flushed cock with hesitation.
For a brief moment, Sybastian considers getting you out of this trap and finishing it all somewhere more comfortable. But then he looks at the clear-ish shine on your lips, the peaks of your tits and those cute eyes so focused on his every reaction... No, he doesn't think he can wait.
" Want you bad-! " He all but whines.
It's all too easy to maneuver you however he likes, ending up in the position worthy of a rutting creature, the monster draping over you on all fours. He's long enough to curve his chest of a head and stare back at you when the tip of his slobbered dick teases your opening, beady pupils full of mischief and lust. Although there's mild worry painted on your expression, you spread your legs the smallest amount.
And that's all he needs.
He thinks, pounding into you, seeing your teary eyes glaze in a trance, your mouth hanging open yet silent, it'll be hard to keep such an appetizing little thing away from the others...
The first thrust is drawn out and intense, the two of you groaning in bursts of sensation. He only stops when he's hilted, grinding a bit to milk the perfect grip of your pussy kissing his cockhead. That's the one respite you're allowed before he starts snapping his hips against yours hard enough to clap, snarling and digging dents into the poor ground.
Better it than you.
But maybe, if he fills you up well enough, if he breeds you so hard that the scent of him never leaves, they'll get the message.
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angelicsjn · 13 days ago
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What things could break them mentally? What are they like in that state?
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YOUR SEVEN YANDERES.
A N: I really like this because some characters were easy to right, some really weren't, tbh.
A B O U T: You push them too far.
W A R N I N G S: Yandere men having a meltdown, toxicity.
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— ROMAN BEAUREGARD.
Roman is an extremely tough cookie.
I mean, he's used to competing under high stress levels, in daily life he's a very calm and collected person.
He rarely, if ever, loses his cool.
That once chance he does slip the mask that he fought so hard to forge and keep on. It's not pretty...
Honestly, I believe it would need to be due to a mixture of things, specifically job related.
Roman is ... hard to speak in these terms because he simply doesn't react much to anything, he's so in control of himself and his anger, he's seen as some kind of icy person, nothing phases nor bothers him.
But that doesn't mean you can get away with fucking him up or over...
Let's say his weekend isn't the best. He's so close to winning the WDC and everything has gone wrong, his rival this season is doing better and better while he seems to be stuck in some kind of loop of not doing worse, but definitely not better. Roman always needs to do better, to be on top, and that is slipping from his grasp.
He storms off as soon as he jumps out of the car, not even bothered to take off his helmet as he makes his way out of the garage and away from the cameras. Of course, you're worried because.. well... he's never like this? So you follow him.
As you try to calm him down, he completely snaps. His grey eyes are usually calm, a bit stormy, but calm — and sometimes glittered with love, but not now. They're angry, almost black as he turns your way, his mouth pointing as he spits, "get the fuck out of my face, I'm sick of you always following me around like a fucking idiot." Roman never talks down on you. Never. He's always respectful, always calm. He never raises his voice.
His words hurt you, but you weren't going to leave him alone. He's just angry. It's fine. He's human. But his words keep spewing like hot venom. "Are you fucking stupid? I don't want you here. I don't want to see you. I'm sick of you always fucking clinging onto me. Dragging me down. Fuck off."
He doesn't stop until you cry and walk off. The worst part is that he doesn't even bother to follow you. He doesn't care. He's so angry he couldn't even see properly, and hours will pass by, and there is no sign of him anywhere.
Roman is the type to need space while angry, though it's extremely rare of him to get like this — stay out of his way.
He would never lay a hand on you, but he will make you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth, and for hours after, he won't even care to find you because he needs time to really put himself together.
Afterwards, he will crash and either to do two things, ask to sort it out later and sleep together where he will hold you so tightly you feel like your bones will snap.
Or he will find you and crumble, this is the rarest act of his, but he will cry until he can't breathe because he hurt the one he loves the most and he feels like a failure as a driver and as a boyfriend.
— LATEN REED.
Unlike Roman, it is easier to get Laten into a nasty state. He feels. Everything. When he's in love, because once he feels something, he feels everything.
Laten isn't the type to scream in your face or walk off for hours and act as if you don't exist.
No, he's the exact opposite.
He's upset. So fucking upset.
He doesn't understand why you can't just accept him? Why do you fight it back so much to accept you even find him attractive. After trying for so long to show the real him, to show that the rumours aren't true, that he is a good person, that he genuinely wants you, he breaks.
In private, you're a different person, but as soon as you're in public or around others, he suddenly doesn't even exist to you. He ignores it at first. He takes it for what it is. He knows what people think of him. Laten knew that he would be an idiot to think you'd willingly suddenly show up with him hand in hand after so long of avoiding him and his group of friends. But after some time, it starts to get old and almost offensive.
He corners you in a room in the frat. He looks upset, but his cheeks are slightly flushed from the drinks, "why are you ashamed of me?" You didn't expect those words. Maybe an argument, maybe something slightly mean, you're always waiting for him to 'show his true colours', but instead, he looks sad. You avoid the question, brush it off, and tell him to drink some water, but he shakes his head.
"You treat me like I'm nothing. Like we are nothing." And his voice is breaking, and God, he looks so sad. You can't even try to make him feel better because he's not exactly lying. You had been avoiding him all night even though it was him that invited you and your friends.
"It's not fair. It's not fucking fair, y/n." His back is pressed against the wall as he runs a hand through his hair, his lip trembles as he looks away from you for a moment. "I've tried so hard for you to want me to see the real me, and nothing is ever enough." Then words start falling from his lips between sobs. Yes, he is slightly intoxicated but these are the words he's been wanting to say for far too long now.
"I just want you to want me. To accept me."
The best thing to do when he breaks down is hold him and preferably change your actions.
Laten is a bubbly and optimistic person, but he also cares about what people think about him. And you're the person he values most. Of course, it hurts to see you shut down on him.
Laten may easily throw punches at people and show a nasty flair of anger when necessary, but his worst emotion to let loose is his sadness because he feels it in every part of his body, to the point where you feel that pain, too.
— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.
Jae is ... fiery and ready to pounce at all times.
You're used to him firing away, ready to argue, to throw plates and shout until the street hears, but once he loses it, he's almost like he switches completely.
Out of all the yanderes, I'd say that he's the most scariest because he suddenly becomes unpredictable, while the whole time you've known him, you can guess his next move because he's so vocal about everything.
Jae's comeback is a success, two awards already, and he's already preparing for two photoshoots with international magazines. Everything is perfect, but you. You're acting up again, and he's over it.
"Go on then." He says, sitting still at the table. You look confused. What? He's calm, too calm. Is he pretending to be Niko? He isn't. He's done.
"Walk. Go." He waves his hand away, shooing you. You're even more confused. You're not allowed to do anything without his permission, and going outside is a big one. You threaten it enough to know how Jae feels about it. But right now? He doesn't care.
"You want to leave? Go." He isn't cussing. He doesn't even bother to show any expression. So you stand there, not knowing what to do. What happens if you leave. But what happens if you don't?
So you walk off hesitantly. He doesn't follow you. Doesn't even look your way. Everything is quiet, and it almost hurts your ears. You can go days, week, even without a single word from him because he's done with you and your bullshit and just as you're starting to find your feet again in a normal life, he rips it straight from you, but this time he's worse than ever.
Jae sort of becomes like Roman in a normal day life. Which doesn't seem like a big deal until you see the juxtaposition between Jae and Roman.
You're looking over your shoulder to see what he's going to do, you almost become paranoid and that's what he wants.
He wants you to pretty much fear for your life during these moments to make you realise how much scarier he is when he doesn't react.
— KAIDAN WOLFE.
Kaidan is a lot to handle anyway, but once he loses his shit? Dear god.
He changes, his moods are erratic, and he seems to be everywhere mentally.
It's also sort of creepy.
He would break down due to reality seeping in.
He stands there, utterly shocked. Your diary? On the floor, open, ripped up. His eyes are wild and mixed with elements of anger and betrayal. You were so perfect together? What the fuck?
"All this time. Everything is a lie?" He asks, accusingly so. His hands are wildly pointing at the diary, and you're stuck as he comes close. His nose is nearly brushing against yours. "You're a fucking liar." For once he's angry, he's shouting, he's loud. He's not the usual delusional self. He's not making up excuses. He sees the truth and he's fucking angry.
He doesn't blame himself and his ways. No. It's your fault. You're the one who used him. You're fucking evil for this?
But then, after a moment to think, he switches almost. His forehead against yours, and he breathes you in, "it's okay." He says softly. Leaning up, he smiles again, and his eyes are still angry, but there's something else in them. You can't put your finger on it, though.
"Maybe I should stop being so nice."
Kaidan is used to smiling for the camera, acting different depending on who he is with, and you know that his personality switches like the weather.
With you, he's usually consistent, but now? He's wild and confusing until time passes, and he returns to his usual self, but his mind flickers back to the diary and it starts all over again.
— HAYDEN WEST.
Hayden is kind, gentle, and often sensitive.
Realistically, I see him as someone who is easily chipped at.
He doesn't react like the others, but more closely to Laten's reactions.
He's just a bit more ... touchy.
One thing that Hayden hates the most is feeling unseen. Especially by you; he dealt with many of years of not being seen and once he has taste of feeling wanted, it would send him spiralling if you ever pulled away.
It would start off simple, "Are you losing interest?" He wouldn't blame you, think that you've met someone else, he'd genuinely think that you're bored of him, done with him and want something more. You deserve more. He knows that. Some nights it's all he thinks about.
His hand would rest on your shoulder as you sit next to him, his thumb gently rubbing over your skin, his fingers brushing against your collarbone and he'd watch you with careful eyes to see if you're attempting to pull away, if disgust makes its way into your gaze.
Hayden would send you more messages throughout the day and analyse your responses, read between the lines and slowly he would drive himself insane.
"Do you not like me anymore?" He finally asked, the tears threatened spill before you even registered what he just asked and that's because he's so scared for your answer.
He would continue to try his hardest afterwards.
Hayden would still be hesitant to believe you and would constantly watch you and your reactions to get a gauge on where you stand with him.
He needs time to come around to believe you, but that's simply because he overthinks.
— JOSHUA WHITE.
Joshua is a very poised man. He rarely gets affected by things, enough to break him mentally.
If he has an issue, he takes them to God and sorts them out with His guidance, so obviously God and his belief would play a massive role in this scenario.
I believe that it would have to do with something about you and either your beliefs or your way of life.
His fingers tap against the table as he thinks wordlessly. The third night in a row that you've gone out. This routine is tiring for him. He just wants to spend time with you.
He waits until you're back. He makes sure that you're safe. He helps you to bed. He does what he always does: he helps. But inside, he's bubbling like a witches cauldron.
— BLAKE CROSS.
Blake is a man of strong emotions, and he knows how to use them to his advantage.
It's that rare that his emotions get the better of him, though.
Sure, he acts out a lot. Shouts when he's even slightly annoyed, cries to gain sympathy when needed; but it's rare for him to genuinely lose his shit.
It would be over something stupid, really. Maybe you declined his gift of expensive jewellery? You said no to attending an event with him? A meal with his family, maybe?
He's seething, "why the fuck won't you make time for me? Huh?!" His hands fly wildly in the air. "Accept me! My life! Fuck!" He points around the room, showcasing his lavish lifestyle.
Even angry, he seems to brag.
"I do, Blake. I'm jus-" he cuts you off with a laugh, but it doesn't reach his eyes as he runs a hand through his dark hair.
"Bull-fucking-shit! Do you not see how I feel. How I-" he jabs his thumb into his chest. "Care for you? For us? And you give fucking nothing back. You treat me like some... like some fucking secret?!"
He seems deeply affected by it, that you're embarrassed of him. He's just some... stupid rich boy, mother's trophy, father's heir. Not him. Not Blake, the man that was madly in love with you to the point of insanity.
After that, you speak it through, and he pushes the narrative that you need to open up to him, that you're being mean. Unfair.
You attend every event, ignoring your own things. You go to dinners with his family. They're your family now. You wear the jewellery, sometimes you even match with him!
Everything is good, happy—perfect, even.
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iznsfw · 1 year ago
Text
Drunken
Loossemble's Son Hyeju x Male Reader Smut
19,012 words
Categories | cheating, longtimecrush!Hyeju, mutual feelings, drunk sex, daddy kink (and daddy issues), fingering, squirting, titfucking, anal, choking
Thank you for commissioning! Researched for the fic, ended up falling in love with Son Hyeju. Please give this a chance and read this for the story, too, and not only the smut. I indulged too much in this.
The relationship Hyeju and OC have is very much inspired by the one Cassy and Rob have in In the Woods by Tana French. Read it, please. Was amazing. The story was also written with someone I'm currently so in love with in mind, but we're not going to talk about that here.
And no, there's never enough daddy kink stories :P
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“This is not fair,” the two of you say the very second you step into your shared dorm.
Two papers in two hands of two people that show two scores that aren’t up to par for the two’s standards. You and Hyeju were always meant to be a dynamic duo: peas in a pod in every way possible, and that includes academic success and failure. It’s like there’s a kind of telepathic force between you that sends the other down with you, too. It’s too late to try and cut the connection when you’ve known Hyeju all your life, a wish that’s beyond reality for plenty of the boys at Idalso.
The dorm is clean. Mostly. You’ve done your best to tidy up the pile of clothes at the end of Hyeju’s bunk bed and she’s done the same for the relatively empty bags of chips you haven’t stopped the habit of laying around, but there’s still the telltale signs that if Hyeju isn’t organized, you aren’t either. Printed drafts of your thesis lay crumpled on the floor. Her posters are minutes away from falling off the poorly painted walls. The air-conditioner doesn’t work as well as it did in your freshman year when your rowdiness outdoors—knocking into each other, trying to race to the door and ending up messing up the other’s clothes that were ironed in a rush—isn’t as compensating.
Today, the rowdiness is lost. It gets translated into rough groans that follow you on the way to the dorms.
That’s when you realize it.
You and Hyeju look at each other. Both of your pairs of eyes widen.
“Miss Ha failed your test?” she asks, normally bored pupils widening in disbelief.
“Miss Ha failed my test.”
“No erasure rule?”
“No erasure rule.”
“Oh my god.”
“Oh my god.”
Ball up the paper and shoot it in the air. It adds to the numerous pieces of parchment on the floor. You kick the rest of them in the air while your roommate slumps on her bed and groans. 
“Fuck this,” you say, hands on your head. There comes the urge to tear all your hair out and leave it at that damned professor’s door, blood and all, to make her at least feel a miniscule bit of remorse for failing you. You didn’t deserve that. You studied and studied and she still had to implement that stupid rule.
Hyeju catches a wrinkled and crumpled paper globe. Her sui generis lips release a soft sigh. “At least we have thesis confetti,” she says sullenly.
“I’m dropping out,” you declare. You’re surprised at how serious you sound. Normally you’d say it just to get a laugh out of yourself, but now you’re actually considering doing it. 
“If you drop out, I’m dropping out, too,” she answers, looking at you spitefully. “And then who’s going to take care of Daniel?”
Think of Daniel. He isn’t your roommate but he’s gotten close with you and Hyeju the past few years. “His inheritance is what’s gonna take care of him. Did you forget he’s rich as shit?”
“Oh, right. How could I forget about him?” 
You start picking up the papers of your drafts faster and knocking them harder into the wall. Why are you doing that? Nope, don’t have an answer to that. There’s a fiery rage inside you that Hyeju’s latest sentence is the arsonist of. 
“The fuck are you doing?” she asks in amusement. There’s a hint of disgust on her face. “Calm down. What’re you, my dad or something?”
“S-sorry.” You know the whole deal she has with her dad. You have to stop—thus, drop the balls of papyrus from your hand. “It was just… I don’t know why I did that.”
Maybe you do. Can’t be about the test though it’s why you started throwing a thesis tantrum.
“Chill out, dude.” She pats your shoulder and gives you a pouty look. “If you want to play strict dad with me: no, I don’t like Daniel. If I did, I would have sat on his lap and said,” she assumes a high voice and flutters her eyelashes at you, leaning on your side, “‘Let me help you with that, darling. I’ll do the dishes, too! Or maybe you want to put a baby in me while I squeeze the soap on your di—’”
“Stoooop!” 
Throw a pillow at her. She dodges it and sticks her tongue out at you. Oh yeah. How could you forget that she plays dodgeball with the friend who’s taken up the topic of your conversation? 
Oh god, shouldn’t have reminded yourself that Hyeju and your other friend hang out. You’re feeling weird again.
“Earth to daddy, Earth to daddy,” she says, snapping her fingers in front of your face. “Li’l shit, what’s gotten into you?”
You’re feeling something again. It creeps into your heart and tugs at its strings, just like how your roommate loves to tie knots in yours and watch you struggle around trying to walk with them. That’s how it felt when she called you that. It’s not the first time she took on a roleplaying banter with you yet that specific title has you hot. 
You need to take a walk. Take a walk to somewhere that doesn’t have you in a place where you could easily pin Son fucking Hyeju to the wall and kiss her till the heat subsides.
-
Walking is your only exercise. You care not for the gyms and weights—why pressure yourself with those when you could just go for a simple walk? An hour is already sufficient enough to burn the breakfast. Only downside is that you get quite hungry afterwards, and though you don’t care for counting calories either, you’re pretty sure the food you have after your strolls is more than the amount you burned.
Actually, you could think of another downside: Hyeju doesn’t join you. She’s a homebody. A couch potato. A living pillow. She prefers to lounge at the dorm and play games instead of going out. She rarely comes along, which is why you’re guaranteed a few hours of isolation.
When you take into consideration that it isn’t isolation if tentative feelings accompany you, you’re partly glad Hyeju didn’t come along.
“Hey, is that you?”
You smile. There he is. You always pass by the apartments this time, and the old man who owns it is one of the few people you’re fond of. Being friends with a landlord wasn’t on your college bingo card, but you’re glad it happened. He’s kind, has white hair that almost matches the color of the spaces he owns, and a mouth that can simultaneously be like that of a sailor’s and a doting grandfather.
“Hi, mister Kim.”
“Hi there yourself,” he chirps. His smile is bright. Can’t say the same about the flickering bulb back in your dorm. “Where’s your girlfriend?”
Red colors your cheeks. “Hyeju’s not my girlfriend.”
“Never said she was.” He winks.
The explosion of scarlet first starts at your ears. He got you. But it isn’t exactly you to blame—everyone likes to push you and your girl best friend together. The old man knows what he’s doing. He just likes to toy around with you. 
“Mister Kim, don’t be like that,” you say. Scratch the back of your neck.
“I’ll be however the hell I want,” he replies, crossing his arms t in a friendly stance. “You two’re always glued to each other.”
“We’re just friends, sir.”
“Just friends my ass. Whenever that girl visits me, she’s always talking about you. It’s like you’re the only thing on her mind.”
That revelation was so out of nowhere, yet you welcome it. You like knowing that Hyeju, the girl you adore, adores you just as much. It’s the mutual feeling of fondness that keeps you breathing. 
“T-that doesn’t mean anything,” you say humbly. You’re somewhat right—just because Hyeju hides the truth that she drones on about you doesn’t mean she has a crush on you. You’ve seen and met her exes, and even back then they’re miles more charming than you.
“Wanna bet?”
“I’m broke—”
“No, no. Not in that way.” He shakes his head. “If you and Hyeju actually end up together, I’m letting you live in one of my apartments for free.”
“Mister Kim—”
“Think about it for your old man, will you?”
With that, he shows you a knowing smile and turns his back. Nothing more is said.
-
Just so it’s clear for everyone who comes across this story of yours: you don’t love Son Hyeju.
Anyone and everyone says the opposite. They treat you and her like famed characters on a popular teen show, pairing you up with each other and tearing off all hesitancy about thinking that they might be going too far. 
But now you’re here to make a stand against those falsehoods: contrary to popular belief, Son Hyeju isn’t the love of your life, and although you’ve been friends for so long people’d expect you walked into kindergarten class with your hand in hers, it’s completely platonic between the two of you.
There are no feelings. No speck of a disgusting yearning in your hearts despite the late night stroll you had to take to stop your wistful thoughts. No sir. Hyeju doesn’t love you that way, and neither do you. It’s simple.
Doesn’t seem that simple when you wake up in the dorm with what’s supposed to be a groan that folds itself back down your throat when you see her curled up in the other bed, blankets splayed and curled around her. No makeup on, except for lip balm she smears around her triangle-shaped mouth when they get chapped. No care for how she looks in the air (doesn’t matter when that’s the way you like it, the way she likes it). She lies there with slumber that could only be induced by an unmerciful college.
You’re glad you have her while you’re battered by the same cause of her sleep.
You try to be silent but her eyes open anyway. Her eyes are squinted, and she kind of looks like an emoticon as she pers around. She doesn’t know when or where she is. Grin because neither do you sometimes, but now that you hold that knowledge, you share it with her.
“Earth to Hyeju, Earth to Hyeju.” Echo her words from last night and resound them back to her.
“Earth?” she groans. “Wake me up when Idalso sends me to Mars.”
Yeah, that’s the Hyeju you know. The Hyeju you love. 
(Huh? Where did that come from?)
“I’ll go with you. Could use miss Jeong not trying to kill me.”
Hyeju runs a hand through her hair groggily and smiles sweetly. “Maybe she should come along and go through with killing you if you don’t stop ‘forgetting’ to pay me that five thousand.”
“Cute. I’ll pay you later, I promise.” Rise to sling the blinds up, letting light five-thirty a.m. sun spill through the squares. “Catch some breakfast at McDonald’s before class?” you offer. She’s your usual companion in the morning—you’d split the bill (because “you’re broke, and I’m broke,” she said, “it’s only fair we try to stop being poor together”) and have a nice opening meal of egg and chicken nuggets.
“Sweetie, it’s Saturday today,” she reminds you. “Don’t you remember?” She looks up from her phone and smiles at you condescendingly, as if she knew how that friendly nickname causes your system to shut down. 
You try not to show it. Try not to make it obvious that you turned your head to hide the fact that you were flustered. The fact that despite being only friends with her your chest still tightens at her casual pet names for you, like what she called you last night as well. It’s what friends do: joke with each other, call them unflattering names one second then sweet ones the next. The dorm has enough fans to keep the air circulated, and the sweat you broke last night is gone. So if that’s that, why do you feel so warm right now?
You wonder if Hyeju also feels the same heat in her stomach when you say, “Grandpa can’t remember things well anymore, darling. You’ve got to cut him some slack.”
“Wow, okay. That’s one way to put it, I guess.”
It’s lucky that it’s still dark enough for your red ears to be invisible. You hate it when you mess up your laid-back persona in front of Hyeju, the one you put up whenever you engage in these playful arguments. “Look,” you say, “do you want to get McDonald’s or not?”
“Can’t. Won’t. Shan’t. Too lazy.”
Your heart sinks. “Fine, I’ll just go to a café then. Still have that thesis to do.”
Hyeju lays back into the bed and shuts her eyes. She’s learned that when there’s a chance to sleep, she should take it. To you, it doesn’t look like she’ll let go of this one, even if rejecting it means eating together with you. 
You put on a coat and some shoes, then turn away. Fine, let her be like that. What did you even expect? You can’t be her only priority in life. Sleep, of course, and rest should come first, especially if you’re a college student. You have to brush the hurt creeping in your heart and do your own thing, just like you’d let her do hers.
Don’t catch her eyes opening and lingering on you. Your back is turned and therefore doesn’t let you see it. But if only you did, you wouldn’t have been doubtful about your future concerns, all related to her.
-
This is a different story though. This isn’t a love story—if anything, it’s how a love story ends.
-
Just so it’s clear for everyone who comes across this story of yours: you don’t love Son Hyeju.
Yes, it bears repeating. Sometimes you need to say it again to convince yourself. Convince yourself that you’re not constantly in lectures wishing that it was her beside you instead of your groupmate. Convince yourself that your soul doesn’t shatter in pieces when she refuses to join you in anything. 
Maybe you just need someone to talk it out with. Yes, that’s right. The whimsical yearning in your heart isn’t for Hyeju. You swear on it.
Oh, but you’ve never been very good at that.
“What’s going on? I came as quick as I could,” says Daniel. Yeah, that’s his name. It’s a common name that sounds foreign and unique, especially since he’s a transfer student who came from the U.S.. He has pale skin and brown eyes that are as kind as he is. You like him—he’s the only one you bother bearing besides Hyeju.
But this isn’t about her. You need to let go of her. What? “Let go of her”? Why do you think about her like you two were actually a thing?
“Nothing. Just… feelings.”
“Something happened?” He sits down and looks around confusedly. “Wait, where’s Hyeju?”
“That’s the thing,” you say as you smile tightly. “She’s what happened.”
Daniel’s not stupid. And even if we say that he was, he’s been your friend for two years. It’s short in comparison to your time with Hyeju, you know, but it remains impressive. You don’t have that many friends besides them. That, of course, eventually led to Hyeju and Daniel becoming friends with each other. That’s the reason for him catching your drift—he knows you like the back of his hand.
You order the third cheapest option on the list: an iced latte. Your friend opts for a croissant and some tea, something that reminds you that he isn’t actually from Korea. You often forget that when his Korean is more fluent than a native’s and he gels with other people so quickly. He’s an easy-going guy with everything flowing well for him.
“Let me guess: she did something?” he asks. Alright, close enough. His fingers drum a steady rhythm on the table while yours do so on your laptop keyboard.
“Yeah.” Shake your head immediately and contradictingly. What are you saying? “No. Yeah, probably. But I think it’s my fault.”
No, it isn’t a mere probability of it being your fault. It is your fault. Why are you placing expectations on Hyeju to show up for you? It isn’t on her that you get hurt when she doesn’t have the time or willpower to come along with you. So, why are you even bothering to talk about this? You should let this matter slide. Brush it under the carpet. Rewrite the news headlines. Whatever.
“Ah, couple’s quarrels,” Daniel says teasingly. He thanks the waiter for his croissant then takes a healthy bite into it. “Out of the honeymoon phase already?”
Should you be delighted that people think that she’s yours and you’re hers? You’re split between these two emotions—choose to be frustrated instead.
“Why does everybody think that we’re a couple?” 
“Well.” Your friend twirls his teaspoon into the dainty cup. Drill your eyes on it. The café is simple and affordable to eat from, but the furniture and aesthetic make you think of it as a fancier place to eat it. “You’re always together.”
“That’s all?”
“Let me finish. When some guy has the balls to ask her out, she says she has a boyfriend. She shows him your profile and number. She goes, ‘My boyfriend wouldn’t be too happy about that.’”
The latte somehow doesn’t finish its journey through the straw. “She does?”
You’re split between two thoughts to go by again. You should be happy that your friend, a friend who’s a girl moreover (never confuse a friend who’s a girl with a girlfriend—ever), feels safe enough with you to refer to you as someone who’d protect her, whether from creeps or the aggressive dogs that patrol your college grounds. It takes real trust to call a guy who’s a friend (again, avoid the confusion) your boyfriend when the time requires it. This means she trusts you to come to her if she needs saving from an odd guy or an escape out of situations.
But at the same time, you wonder if that’s what you really are to her, what you’ll only ever be to her: a fake boyfriend. The guy friend who doesn’t mind being called a boyfriend because he knows his low place in her heart. Does Hyeju even look at you as someone who’s not just an acquaintance?
“Yeah,” Daniel says matter-of-factly. “She really likes having you around.”
You don’t need to think about it when you reply, softly: “I do, too.”
The two of you sit in silence you don’t know the source of. Daniel stops eating suddenly. Similarly, all the appetite is lost and you have to put your plastic cup of latte down before you throw it at the wall and ruin the dining experience for everyone else. No, this is your problem. You should deal with it before dragging anyone into it.
“So, why did you call me? What is it about Hyeju?”
Ah, what are you thinking? Daniel shouldn’t even be here. Why did you even call him over? You did and now you don’t know why you suddenly want to throw the contents of your plastic cup into his face. If you give in, you’d be feeding into the delusion that he’s the one standing between you and Hyeju. 
That only leads to the second question of the day:
Why do you suddenly hate Daniel? Daniel is a nice guy. He doesn’t even make a move on her or disrespect her. 
You don’t like these feelings. It’s causing you to think all sorts of nonsense about everybody else, not excluding Daniel, who hasn’t done anything wrong. 
“I…” Sigh. This is the second time you’re finding an escape route so that you could be alone with your feelings. “I have to think about it. I need some time alone.”
“Oh, sure. Sorry about that.”
Hate how more guilt washes over your heart. See here, he doesn’t even protest or say something that might even be right, like tell you how you called him to come over in the first place or how there isn’t a good reason why he should leave. He simply wraps his croissant with a plastic he asked for at the counter and leaves, tea and all.
Great. Now you’re alone, like you usually are and always will be. Attempt to use it as a pro and work on your thesis. Type it all down on a Word document. Wait patiently, as you learned to, as your old laptop stops for the suffering you’ve caused it with the extra storage taken up by assignments. Contact your groupmates. Remind them to do their jobs.
It’s all going so well. That’s when she pulls up to the cafe you’ve been writing at with her hands perched on the wooden surface of your table, with the smirk that doesn’t ever leave without making sure it’s her certified look featured on her lips.
No need to mention names when there's only one girl who could make your world stop spinning.
You can’t stop staring, and it’s not even because she turned up out of nowhere. You’re always in a state of shock when Hyeju is around.
She never allows her hair to be restrained in a tight tail, so there she is with those luscious black locks spilling all over her shoulders. How she manages to look so cool and be the very person everyone wishes to be while having those soft cheeks only the evillest of people wouldn’t pinch you don’t know. Son Hyeju is cool and cute at the same time, somehow balancing those everyday without effort.
But you don’t love her. Just to remind everyone once again. No matter what happens, you have no feelings for her. And that’s that.
"Hey," she says, putting her weight on one arm. Then she curves down her head to peer at your screen. "Whatchu doin'?"
Immediately slam your laptop shut and look at her with annoyed eyes. Oh, why do you even try? You could never despise her. You could pray to god all night and day for you to hate Hyeju, to hate her to the ends of the Earth just to banish these strange feelings, and he wouldn't give in. Crazier and crazier her antics shall get and you'd remain loyal to her.
And that's all because she's a good friend. That's everything there is to it. 
Wait. Who are you convincing again?
"Oh, come on. Smile a little, pretty boy." Hyeju places a finger on one edge of your mouth then pulls it upwards. "There you go. Suh-miiile—"
Pretty boy. She called me a pretty boy.
"You p-plan on getting off the table or what?" you say.
People are staring at you and Hyeju but that isn't what's making you blush. What's gotten into you? You can't tell yourself it's because of her simply because it isn't because of her. Hyeju has as much effect on you as a cup of coffee.
(You thrive off caffeine, by the way, but that's not the point.)
"Sure. No. Uh… probably?" She looks up at the ceiling as if she's figuring something out, then clicks her tongue when she does. "Yep, nah."
Groan. 
Secretly, confessed only in the deepest corners of your mind, you like people paying attention to you and Hyeju. It’s not much about the attention itself but the way it makes them think that the two of you must be really close. Like, really really close. The kind that makes those who want Hyeju rush to her only to be met in the face with a barrier: you. They can’t have her because you do.
Not in that way, of course, but it still means something. If she has you, nobody else could, and if you have her, more so.
"Son Hyeju,” you say, fighting back the smile on your face as she ruffles your hair, “I swear to god—"
"Oh, please," says Hyeju, leaning forward with narrowed eyes and a wicked smile, "spare me, oppa. Spare me the blasphemy—"
That's enough from her, you think. Your hands dive for her waist. Pull her down onto your lap. Your thighs soften the blow and also play the role of a launch pad as one kick sends Hyeju in the air. More chances to tickle her come along with it. Okay, that bit about the lap was wholly unintentional, and you'll swear to god again for that. 
What isn't unintended though is the tickling you do on Hyeju's midriff and arms. It helps that she's so sensitive—soon she's laughing boisterously, struggling in your lap with her head upturned and triangle-shaped mouth letting out unkempt guffaws. She nearly kicks the two of you out of the café seat.
"Dude, you are such a loser, stop!" she laughs, still winding around like a screw on top of you. Laughs alternate between each syllable. "P-people are looking, fffucking quit—"
When that beautiful gummy smile breaks on her face, you don't want to. People can look as much as they like and you wouldn't give a damn. Tickling is Hyeju's punishment, and you'll do it to her anywhere to teach her a lesson.
"Ha, haha, I'm sorry, okay!"
"That's my girl." 
You’re not hurt anymore. For a few delicious minutes, you’ll forget you were ever pondering if you like her or not.
Stop completely because you’re easy to convince like that All she needed was that one magic word. Place her on the chair beside you and fold her hands on her lap as if she were a misbehaving child. 
"Now behave yourself."
Hyeju rolls her eyes. "And if I don't?" she challenges you. 
You raise your fingers in a curled position and direct them threateningly centimeters away from her ticklish spots. She gives up. She can't find a punishment worse than that.
"Why are you here anyway? I thought you didn’t want to come," you say, taking the liberty to open your laptop again. The screen directs you to your assignment tab after you type in your password. Sigh; still five thousand words to go. 
"I'm here because I've got nowhere else to be," she answers. She practices her own liberty, too, and sips shamelessly at your iced beverage.
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Her eyes light up at the taste. "I got bored being alone in the dorm."
You think of her alone, and your heart immediately sinks. Maybe you should have stayed there. You’re her roommate—you’re there for her to have company. Sure, the roommates were paired up randomly, but it must lead to something now that you and Hyeju have met again. It was by pure chance that she reunited with you after years of being apart. There’s a string drawing you together, and you don’t know what it means. 
You do know that the reunion with your childhood best friend and seeing how she’s grown made your heart flutter. You act all mean when you’re around her, which is confusing when you’ve missed her so much.
"And I needed somewhere else to finish this thesis before miss Wong realizes it was due three weeks ago." Glare pointedly at her. Here you go again. Told you so. "Somewhere that's not occupied by a brat."
It's true. Call it what you will: an insult, a pointless accusation, but what you said rings true even in your childhood best friend's defiant mind. She could be a handful often.
"I am not a brat," she says, offended. She knows the truth and chooses to deny it. Typical. You should have seen that coming when she’s the girl who lies about the extra dishes in the sink not being her fault and her turn with the laundry.
Sigh. Act as the lawyer; you’re studying to be one anyway. It’s best to practice. "Remember when you cut up the slogan on the mayo label then taped it on me? I had 'white creamy filling; taste me!' on my back for the whole day!" 
"It was a big-ass sticker for a mayonnaise, okay? I couldn't stop myself." Hyeju admits this with hands raised in defeat. "But what about that time you shoved a Toblerone in my mouth while I was sleeping then took a photo of me?"
Raise your hands, too. You realize there's no way to weigh in the blame on a single person when you and Hyeju brought the brat out of each other. It's impossible to go by a day that isn't filled by at least one prank and joking quarrels.
Still, you find it fun. Hyeju's so easy to bond with, so easy to love. 
Whoa, where did that suddenly get here? Like you said, you love Hyeju, but only as a friend. 
So you do love her, in a way. Huh. 
That realization settles in and suddenly you're rendered frozen at the table. Your hands that ought to be finishing your schoolwork are frozen in mid-air. You're staring at the screen like you were watching a gory movie instead of trying to tick off your to-do list. 
"You okay?" she asks, one-of-a-kind lips sealed around the paper straw. "You kind of, like, went to another dimension for a bit."
How do you tell her you’re considering the fact that you might actually like her? You’ve known her for years. Something’s inevitably going to bloom inside you for her, right?
"Y-yeah. I'm good." Not. “And stop drinking my coffee.”
“You wouldn’t need it if you just did the thesis early. What’s so hard about it anyway?” Hyeju stands then bends over to glance at your laptop.
You don’t realize how short her dress is. It rides up to the centers of her thighs and you don’t know how to prevent anyone from seeing something forbidden without brushing down the hem of her dress. If you went down that road, you’d have to run your hand along her back and ass—you’d look like a pervert. 
Idiot. Think of something. Something that isn’t how you’d love to see more when you're just like everyone and shouldn't be allowed more eye access to her body. Only you know how many times Hyeju’s body came up in your mind when you were alone. Paired up with that attractive face that held a permanent pout, it’s impossible not to think of anything else. 
“Ugh! You are so dumb, you know that, oppa?” To your horror, Hyeju sits down neatly on your lap. She has her hands quickly frisking on your keyboard. “There’s a comma missing here, and a citation over here… oh, and a—”
“Save some for the rest of us!” a man about your age and height yells jokingly, cheering you on with a raise of his mug of hot coffee.
Both you and Hyeju look at him with confusion written all over your faces. Your words of surprise almost sync and match with the other for you realize your hands are on her hips, and Hyeju’s leaning back so comfortably in you that anyone would have thought it was another case of couple’s PDA. They’d be wrong though. She’s not your girlfriend. She can’t be your girlfriend.
So why is she so comfortable on top of you, as if she’s always been there? Why did your hands naturally rest on the beautiful slopes of her hips and pull her down the moment she stooped?
The guy’s grandmother smiles adoringly. “Young love,” she says with a dreamy tinge to her aged voice. "What wouldn't I give to experience that again."
You and Hyeju meet each other’s gazes and suddenly you’re unattached to each other. She guiltily settles on her chair and you take your hands off her. That was wrong. Why were the two of you so comfortable with being so touchy? Best friends don’t do that. At least, not best friends of the opposite sex. 
“I should go,” she stammers, standing up. “Call me i-if you need help, oppa.”
Just like that, she’s gone. Where did she go? Why did you lose her so fast?
-
Hyeju’s always called you oppa one way or another, but that moment left a particular jar in your heart. It shards the depths of the core and renders you speechless. You didn’t know that the person you’d love to hear that title the most from is your best friend. She’s supposed to call you that when she’s younger, but even if she weren’t, you’d still love to hear her call you that.
There’s a sense of fulfillment in being able to be Hyeju’s oppa. The one she always relies on. The one she sticks to through whatever happens. That’s why now that she’s told you to call her if you need help makes you ache. It’s the things that are seemingly so simple as that that send more yearning inside you.
The question is: what exactly are you yearning for? Who are you yearning for?
You think you know the answer. It’d take guts to admit it, to finally come clean. But what’s there to come clean about? You don’t love Hyeju. 
A ding from your phone just now. You’re nearly finished with the thesis, and it’s lucky that way since it’s from Hyeju. God knows she has ways of distracting you. Her clean moves at the dance she led and her chill yet stern voice when she commands a rowdy classroom steer you away from what you should be doing, like get away from her. Avoid her at all costs. Never tell her what you’re feeling because it’ll only end up badly for everyone involved. You don’t want to hurt Hyeju, and still you remain hopeful to not get yourself hurt, too.
It takes several seconds for courage to tie you down and pick up the phone. It’s a series of texts from her.
HyejU_U: hey
Sooooooooo
I’m sorry for what happened earlier. 
I didn’t really think and thought that you'd be fine with it
cause yknow
You pulled me down
and
We’re friends.
right?
Yeah, we’re friends, you think bitterly. And no matter how touchy you get, Son Hyeju, it’s all we’ll ever be to you.
HyejU_U: can we just move forward from it? If you want to ofc
Do you? Graduation is near and it’s still taken plenty of years of your life to get over Hyeju. Do you go forward and start on a new slate with her, or dwell in places you shouldn’t be?
Your fingers linger on the keyboard, then—
You: Sure.
Sorry, too
if i like
Made you feel uncomfortable
Wasnt my intention, i promise
HyejU_U: oh you didnt make me feel uncomfy at all.
So don’t worry <3
What a relief.
HyejU_U: i should be the one apologizing anyway
I thought it would be nice to be on you since ur arms feel good around me
Cock a brow. A giddy smile itches at the ends of your lips. Stifle it you will, though she can’t see you through her screen.
HyejU_U: sorry again
i just wanted to see if what i thought was true
Anyways. 
yeah, sorry.
You: so we’re good?
HyejU_U: we have a deal, dickface
;)
See, this is the thing you’re afraid to lose with Hyeju: the carefreeness of your little friendly touches and hugs, insults that take it just far enough, everything. If you told her how you felt (keep in mind that you might not actually like her romantically; you’re just thinking that you might), you’d lose your relationship with her—the one that formed before the two of you even knew what romance was. The one that’s kept the reunion as natural as could be without the need for awkwardness.
You’re so glad to have her back. As a student you’ve nearly cried knowing you passed a semester and worked night and day to finish a difficult assignment—none of those feelings can match the one of relief you felt when Hyeju told you everything was good on both ends. 
But for now, you’ve gotta try to put a dent into this thesis. You’re almost done, you swear. You’ve just been stalling—not intentionally. You swear on that, too. Your whole afternoon’s been swamped up in thoughts about her plus the thoughts about if you’re too perverted a man to be with her. There are a lot of questions left by you immediately responding to Hyeju choosing to sit on your lap. A lot of which are left unanswered.
Priorities. Sigh a little; there’s still work to be done, yet worrying about your best friend is on top of the list. You really should find a hobby when you’re already dragging your teammates behind. Plus, there’s the capstone to worry about that you haven’t prepared for even in the most miniscule bit. So there really shouldn’t be an explanation for why thinking about what she thinks of you is your number one priority. Why, you have plenty of other things to worry about.
You just can’t get her off your mind. These days it’s impossible to.
Abstain anyway, the best you can, from thinking about her and finally complete the thesis. It’s lengthy, well-edited, and has the perfect format to finally make you a lawyer. Attorney doesn’t sound too bad when it’s added to the front of your name.
You should celebrate, actually. The moment you think of it, Daniel suddenly messages you. He’s saying something about it being a Saturday, so you should go to the bar with him. You’re a social drinker, anyway. You could go there without going overboard. Addictions and vices form in these years of fresh adulthood, but you’ve never found yourself wound up in something.
So you do. They ask for your IDs and let you in after a short study of the cards. The guard gives you a lengthy lecture about not being alcoholics as young as you are, but welcomes you anyway.
If we’re talking about getting yourself wound up in someone, though…
“Dude,” Daniel says. He motions his glass to someone coming from the door. “Hyeju.”
You already know he’s rich, but what teacher did he pay to study him into mind-reading? “I wasn’t thinking about her,” you tell him defensively.
“No, I mean, she’s here.” He stares at said woman walking over to the bar with swaying hips. “How the fuck did she get here?”
Hyeju’s here? Swallow. Quick. What do you say? Where exactly in the bar is she right now? Why is she here? When did she get here? Why the fuck are you talking like a news reporter? 
“Hullo, boys.” She stops your train of thought and makes sure to dedicate all of them to her with her hands set on the table and a pretty crop top attached to the curves on her perfect body. You wonder where she got that dress. If she thrifted it, it isn’t obvious—her body does good work in making it look like couture.
“Hi, Hyeju.” Daniel acknowledges her with a nod. He’s a friend of yours and hers, just to remind everyone. He wouldn’t take another step with Hyeju, but you still have yourself staring daggers into his stubbled beard that lines his face and how he takes life as he would a game. There’s a reason why you’re the least tipsy among the two of you. He likes a challenge.
“Hi,” you say meekly. Hope your voice doesn’t sound twisted when your stomach suddenly is. Oh, and it’s not because of Hyeju. It’s the alcohol, pinky promise with a finger heart after. Alcohol’s never made your stomach turn this way though. 
Hyeju regards the shotglasses. “You went drinking without me?” 
“What does it look like?” Daniel asks, giving her the finger. It’s just the usual friendly argument that doesn’t cross lines or anything. The ones that you and Hyeju have. Why do you feel like punching him in the face?
Luckily, she doesn’t have a fragile heart. “Cute. Keep it that way.” She rolls her eyes then turns to you. “Oh, and you. I thought you liked having me around.”
“I’m sorry.” Ask the bartender for another shot then hand it to her. “I guess we just thought you were busy with training.”
She’s training to become an idol. It’s been her dream since she was a kid, when you played in the slides and dropped from monkey bars. She’s always told you she was going to be big someday, and you never doubted that for a second. She even had a name she planned to use if she were to be a performer: Olivia Hye. You weren’t gonna lie, it had a nice ring to it. Not too bad for a name she made up after skimming through a baby name book from the bookstore.
“I dropped out,” she says simply, downing the shot like water.
“What?” you and Daniel ask together. Both of your voices sync with the shock, too. Neither of you could get why she did that. It’s been Hyeju’s dream to become an idol for so long. She couldn’t give that up just like that, but she did.
“Yep.” There’s pride in her voice. “The whole thing was a shithole. I already have Idalso to deal with. I’m not gonna put up with that, fuck no.”
Your heart aches for her dream. Idalso University really is blocking her from achieving it. She could be out there on the stage, maybe having found a better agency, singing and dancing her heart out. Instead, she has to choose one problem at the time and hence goes with college. She has her own parents to please, and because you have yours, you get it. You truly do.
As for Hyeju getting a problem off her mind, like that terrible agency, your spirits lift. You raise a glass and clink it with hers. 
“To getting the hell out of this shithole,” you say; look at the girl you’ve lived for and loved with a smile, “and Son fucking Hyeju for doing it again.”
Your glasses meet. You’re somehow happy that it’s only two, yours and hers, that join. You can’t explain it for the life of you, but you like seeing Daniel become like a background character to it all. Just another extra in Hyeju’s show and yours. It’s cruel, especially when he’s been nothing but a good friend, but it is what it is.
“Tell you what,” Daniel says. “Let’s go to a noraebang tomorrow.”
She’s contemplative. “Isn’t the one near Idalso… like, expensive?” 
“So what?” He shrugs. “You did it, Hyeju. You got out of that company thing. I’m done with my capstone and so is he with his thesis. I say we all have some fun. On me.”
Daniel has the privilege of not worrying about things being expensive or not. It’s the norm for him. You kind of want him to play Dorothy and put himself in your shoes, then make him go through what you did. 
You know it isn’t fair and he’s just being kind. Still and all, your hatred rises.
“What now?” Daniel asks. “You guys in!”
“Of course!” Hyeju nods and claps her hands together. There’s a gummy smile on her face again. You’ve seen it on her many times, but you’ve also seen the sunset everyday—therefore, you’ll still be glad to catch a glimpse of it.
You guess since she’s in, you have to go, too. You say yes and that of course you’d love to go, and this time three glasses clink together prettily. Smiles are on each of your faces albeit yours is artificial.
"Could you act any less like a deadbeat dad?" Hyeju asks. She sits down on the stool beside you after Daniel leaves to get some air. Still feels like he's here when you feel like everyone's eyes are on you and her.
"I'm not doing anything." You say that because you aren't. You definitely aren't stirring a brew of jealousy inside you that poisons the maker, too. You're its creator yet the prophecy that was written tells that it'll turn against you, too. You’re Kronos, and it's an inevitable fate. 
"Exactly. That's what deadbeat means." This matter-of-fact statement from her is followed by Hyeju stealing your shotglass out of your hand right before you drink it. "Seriously, dude. What's up with you?"
Oh, you don't know. Maybe her possibly being your crush? It's such an immature matter, but you haven't had a crush like this. The others were just sweet-faced and from afar. Those are the girls you dream of. To have a girl like Hyeju, the one you've known since forever, with a spunky personality but an opposing pretty face, the one who's been your ride-or-die—it's complicated.
What else could you say to her when the truth is something you'd rather she not hear?
"I'm fine, Hye."
"Are you? You look…" She thinks about it for a while as she studies your hair and poorly combined outfit choices. She slicks your blunt strands back and smiles teasingly. "...sleazy."
"Fuck y—"
"Shhh." She places a finger on your lips. The side of her thigh touches your lap. You're so close that any word you utter won't pass without hitting her. "It's okay. I like it."
You purse your lips. You didn't expect that. She's taken seats on your lap that were uninitiated by you and let you lift her in the air when you hug her. All that and her fingers in your hair are the most surprising.
"You're drunk," you say, although she’s only had a few shots. 
Hyeju inches closer to you and holds your chin in place. "I'm sober as the next wolf, sweetie," she tells you. Her next words fail to show her hesitance. "And… and it just so happens that I really, really want to kiss you."
She's joking. She's playing around with your heart. You're not a virgin—you know what girls do. Hyeju doesn't strike you as the type to do that in spite of what’s going on, but you have to be careful. Your heart’s been bruised too many times already. 
Careful isn't the word for it when you take the first step and lean in for a kiss. Maybe you're drunk yourself. Dizziness enchants your mind as Hyeju's dreamy lips perfectly pout to the shape of your mouth. Her eyes are closed. It's like she's in a restful dream.
You can’t believe you’re doing it. You’re kissing her. Passionately, too—there’s real determination in the way you hungrily lean forward to devour her lips. 
The bar oohs and ahhs, then erupts into a crowd of applause. A few whistles come your way. You can feel Hyeju smile into your mouth.
-
Proclivities upon proclivities to keep her around you and only you couldn’t stop Monday from coming. You’ve only been to a noraebang once and that was with your family. It excites you to go to one again. However, you’d rather have only Hyeju to come, to be the exclusive member of the club that gets to hear her soft, pretty voice echo in the mic.
She’s really doing a number on you. Daniel’s your friend—sure, he might be out of touch with the local games and experiences, yet he’s still important to you. You can’t be mad at him over a girl who probably doesn’t even think the kiss at the bar was anything special. She hasn’t even talked about it with you and acts like it didn’t happen. Just another boy, just another day. That’s probably how you are to her.
Ouch. Way to go hurting yourself with your own made-up scenarios. As expected from you. 
The three of you decide to cut classes. It’s not like you’re in high school anymore. Professors just don’t give a fuck, unless it’s miss Wong. She’s pretty and quiet at first. Then you have to wait to see her get angry—that’s when all hell breaks loose.
No hell on the loose today. Just three little demons from hell called Hyeju, Daniel and yourself down on the loose and down the road to the noraebang. Hyeju’s in a loose black jacket and a plain white tee. You somehow notice that more than Daniel who’s sporting a graphic shirt with swear words from every language printed on it. You don’t have much to say about your attire when it’s nothing special, not even compared to Hyeju, who’s wearing simple clothes like you.
“If a teacher sees us out here—” says Daniel nervously. He’s never rebelled before. The most he’s done is missing a class. 
“No one will,” Hyeju promises him, opening the door of the place for the two of you though in your opinion it should be the other way around: you opening the door for her. What better way to show Hyeju that you could be a gentleman? Too late now. Plus, she doesn’t care much for that. That’s what keeps your excitement on a low burn. It takes more than opening a door and waiting around to impress Hyeju. 
You sign your names at the front. Daniel picks a nice, wide room with a glass table perfect for chips and bottles. The bright screen already shows snippets of K-pop music videos, involving sweet-faced Korean girls waving at the camera and running along a beach. As boyish Hyeju is compared to other girls, you could definitely see her doing that for her passion of becoming an idol. 
“What should we sing?” asks Hyeju, sitting down on the black plush seats comfortably. Her gummy smile is precious.
“Anything you want.” He slings an arm around her. His looped arm tugs her into a warm embrace. “Anything for the soon-to-be lawyer slash K-pop idol.”
Stiffen. Turn away and suddenly take good interest in the walls with a carved 3D effect. Much more interesting than whatever Daniel’s trying to pull on your best friend. Right, Hyeju’s your best friend. Nothing more. That kiss was a drunken mistake. You shouldn’t be getting angry. Besides, this noraebang was rented for you to have fun, not glower at Daniel doing nothing but be a good friend.
Hyeju laughs and leans into him gladly. “Stop, you’re gonna make me throw up!”
You feel out of place all of a sudden. Has she always been that affectionate with him? You thought that those touches and hugs were reserved for you only. Apparently not.
“Sing a song, Hye.” Your eyes don’t meet her gaze.
“They wanted me to debut with this song,” she says. The mic is shaky in her hand. “I—” She blushes. “I want to sing it for you.”
Sweetness infiltrates the air. It’s not of a scent or touch, but of hearing. It's Hyeju’s voice. It's smooth and soft as it passes through the empty atmosphere. No instrumental accompanies her voice, and you’re glad it’s that way. It allows you to marvel at Hyeju’s tone, quiet in spite of its sexiness.
And it takes that and several songs later, sung daringly by all of your trio, and jokes passed among friends that make you think about it. Really think about it. While Daniel and she sing their hearts out to the point of their voices cracking and laughs transforming into guffaws, you sit there and submerge yourself in thought.
You’ve seen Hyeju smile. It's pretty and sweet; her triangle-shaped mouth curls up into a half moon and it's everything you've ever wished for in life. No, fuck food. Fuck oxygen. All you need is her smile. It's cheesy as hell when you page through those types of quotes in those teenage romance books you probably shouldn't even be holding, but you swear that if Hyeju smiles for the rest of her life, it's enough for you to live. She just looks so pretty. Her resting bitch face, stone cold as the title of the expression suggests, is hot (yes, you're using that word), but when she chooses to smile—oh, you're as good as dead.
You don't like Son Hyeju though.
You’ve heard her sing in the noraebang room with her soft voice filling the vicinity. She doesn't sing much although she could. The day would come when she’d say "you know, I almost became an idol. I trained then dipped halfway,” and the pitched raspiness of her voice still would send you to heaven. It's a natural and beautiful thing, a trait she couldn't learn from the best vocal coach.
You don't like Son Hyeju though.
You’ve felt her hair when she leaned into your lap after laughing too much. "Stop, or I swear to god I will fuck your shit up," she told you, slapping your thigh after your terrible dad joke. You ran your fingers through her hair to calm her, but if anything it's an excuse to just touch her. You want to touch Hyeju, and not even in a sexual way. You just want your bodies closed up on each other with no awkwardness barriering the freedom to hold and be held.
And it’s not the kiss, but all these that make you stop your denial, and discover that you—
“—think I like Hye,” you whisper to Daniel when said girl leaves to get some beer. The flashing disco lights hanging from the ceiling can’t camouflage the red on your face. 
Daniel laughs and puts down the mic. The bump on the crafted table sends a tinged pitch of feedback to your ears. “Everyone likes her. So?”
He’s right. Everyone likes Hyeju. Yeah, they like her through every name she’s taken up. She was the star of the school back in middle school when she went as Hyejoo, then the ice princess of high school as Olivia Hye, and finally… as herself now that she’s grown up with you, Son Hyeju. She’s become so many versions of herself and yet people still like the real her. You still know the real her.
“No,” is what you say, as you twiddle your fingers. You don’t know how to say this without causing an uproar. “I like Hyeju.”
He considers this for a moment, weighing in your words. “Like as in… like like?”
A nervous swallow. Is Daniel the right person to tell this ? “Like like,” you reply nevertheless.
Daniel locks his chin between his rough fingers and strokes it thoughtfully. His face is clouded with a feeling you can’t read. “Well, a lot of people do, too. And they wouldn’t blame you for it. She’s—” He looks down at his shoes then back at the noraebang screen. “She’s a pretty girl.��
The understatement of the century. Hyeju’s face was carved with such beauty—curved, pyramid lips; slanted eyes; a cold look that you, unlike people when asked about their first impression of her, weren’t scared of—and she’s just so… easy to love. 
Yes, Son Hyeju is easy to love. Everyone loves her, but she can only ever reciprocate it in a different way to one man. Woman, perhaps? Anything goes, but you'd rather she gives it to you.
You're a selfish person, you admit that. More so when it comes to her. 
"Let's get this party started!" she says. You don't intend to flinch yet you end up doing it anyway when she sits down next to you and hands you canned alcohol. 
"There's only three of us, Hye," Daniel points out. The rounded metal springs up from the can and he gulps down a hefty amount of the spiked liquid.
"Three's a crowd. Especially when it's with you guys."
"So you're saying we're too much?" Match her sass with hidden bits of your own. You're only trying to make it seem like your heart doesn't beg to be held close to hers. 
"Too much is just enough for me." 
Hyeju drops both of her arms around you and your other friend and ruffles your hair. It's sweet. It should be. It’s exactly that which makes you fail to understand why your heart feels squeezed. Why is she also hugging Daniel in the same manner she hugs you?
The kiss at the bar means nothing. The kiss at the bar means nothing. You have to stop thinking that it means there's a ring on your finger already. 
You rise from the sofa to purchase chips because you’re starving, but not for healthy food. You wouldn’t dream of eating a salad when there’s junk food in your general vicinity, and it just so happens that there’s a vending machine you’ve got your eye on at the counter. Soon, a rainbow of plastic bags fills your arms. What they contain would work well to repay your debt with Hyeju. Daniel can eat these without worrying about money. He’s been a good friend. He deserves chips after the evil you’ve thought about him.
"I bought chips—"
Daniel is pushing Hyeju to the end of the sofa and has his lips locked on hers. His hands are in her hair. Her eyes are shut. You can hear the sloppy sounds of kissing bouncing off the noraebang walls. The instrumental from the radio is the cherry on top of everything.
Does this kiss guarantee a ring? 
"Wow," you say. Nod then laugh, as if doing it would make your situation better. “Wow.”
Hyeju turns her head and scrambles for broken dignity. It's too late. You've already seen it. Daniel doesn't even bother running after you when she bursts out of the room to chase you. You're immovable—each step is a promise to take you far away. You trust that promise to skewer you away from Son Hyeju, Son fucking Hyeju who led you on and played with your heart.
"Hey.” Her steps catch up with yours. Walk faster, but she only draws closer. You can’t escape from her now. “Hey!”
"What?" Turn to her, heavy breathing lining your shoulders. You stare into her small face and silently dare her to make an excuse.
To your surprise and her audacity, she does. "It's not what it looks like!" she says, swallowing. How could she be the one near tears when she's the one who kissed him? "Let me explain—"
"I know what I saw."
"Well, you don't see the bigger picture. He sm—"
"—smart? Funny? Rich?" Laugh and shake your head. Your laughs sound more and more genuine. You've gone a little sick in the head. "Yeah, I know. But hey, we're not supposed to be anything, right? Why am I mad? It's not like our kiss meant anything."
"Please, oppa. Listen to me."
"No, go sing together,” you say, then thrust the junk food you bought in her arms. “I’m sure you’re better off with him.”
Mean it. Turn away. Don't bother to look at her when you know she'll go crawling back to Daniel. He's totally her type. He's everything, you're nothing. He's smart, you're not. He loves her more, and you do—just not enough. Now you understand why they were so touchy and close in the room.
Anger is irrational when it was just a kiss. The two of you weren't official, either. If you weren't before, you sure as hell aren't now. It's just not meant to be. 
She likes Daniel, not you. And even though you want to be, you aren't supposed to be angry at Hyeju. She was swept into a high school love triangle that happened a little later in her life, and ultimately chose the better guy. No need to drop names. The kiss was enough for you to know which man she chose.
Besides, you don't love Son Hyeju anyway. Isn't that what you've always told yourself? That's right. You don't love her.
Denial is a river flowing down your cheek.
-
The dorm becomes a cemetery of the living dead. You and Hyeju have not spoken to each other for three months. She stops waking you up for class, and you do the same. The place is notably cleaner after the two of you rely only on yourself to tidy up. Lost are the sarcasm, friendly touches, teasing arguments. It’s like the two of you never knew each other.
It’s through this that you discover that you have to be careful what you wish for. You always thought about Daniel putting himself in your place, and it happened. Ever since the kiss, Hyeju’s been chattier with him, and he pulls her close the way you used to, and she smiles at him like she used to at you, except that it’s wider now. They’re together. Officially together; you’ve seen their Instagram posts. 
Moreover, she’s happier than ever, flourishing without you.
And you? You’re still stuck in that noraebang, replaying that fateful kiss over and over in your head. Each time you close your eyes you see Hyeju and Daniel in a passionate liplock. It’s the kiss that ruined what you had with Hyeju and has made your quality of life deteriorate. You didn’t know that Hyeju makes up almost every part of your day. Mornings are empty without your stroll with her. Post-exam nights aren’t as fun when she’s not there to bring drinks. Afternoons are lonely when she’s always out with Daniel.
You hate the fucker. He knew you liked Hyeju. You’ve told him about it right before the thing he did with her even happened, so it’s impossible that he’d forget. Besides, like he said, the two of you are always together. He surely would have picked up the signs. Unfortunately, he whisked her away just like that.
You dislike to feel like the scheming guy in coming-of-age films who doesn’t get the girl, but it’s the perfect portrayal of your emotions.
Wake up for class. She does, too. You have the decency to not gawk at how good she looks even in a casual tank top and plaid shorts, but she doesn’t even try to hide that she’s staring at you. Just not for the same reason, you assume. You’re just her boy best friend. With the way things are, you aren’t even a friend to her anymore.
You smear cheese onto a soft slice of bread. Still, her eyes are on you. From the corner of what takes up your vision, you could tell that she’s trying to figure out how to make this less awkward. You’d think that an eternity’s worth of effectively giving each other the cold shoulder would make her learn how to do it. She’s a smart girl anyway. She should have figured that out.
“You know… you can’t just keep ignoring me.”
Freeze—it’s the first time she’s spoken to you in a while. And you weren’t prepared for that. It’s like someone threw a punch in your stomach, but it’s also a breath of fresh air. How those two feelings could converge into each other you don’t know. 
“So stop it, will you?” she continues. She swings her legs out of the duvet and places her hands snug on the edge of her bed. “Stop treating me like I’m a…”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m your fucking ex,” Hyeju snarls. The duvet crumples in her fist.
Scoff. Fold the bread slice tight onto the other squared end. Talk about a good morning. “Ex? We were never a thing, Hye… ju.” 
Right, it isn’t like that anymore. You can’t call her Hye like the old times.
The hurt that registers on her face, still pretty in the midst of pain, comes by so fast it would take a magnifying glass to see it clearly. Now she’s the one scoffing. She recovers quickly from the stifled nickname so well that you never would have guessed you disarmed her. “That’s the thing. You’re right—we weren’t boyfriend-girlfriend. So why are you acting like I’m a ghost?”
“I wonder why,” you say. “Couldn’t be because you kissed me then decided to kiss another guy while I was away. Nope, totally out of the question.”
What happened? It seems like just yesterday the two of you were throwing insults and playfully quarreling with each other like it’s natural. This is a real disagreement here. This can’t be resolved with a smile or hug. You and Hyeju aren’t like that anymore. It’s a thing of the past.
Just like your friendship.
“If you’d just let me explain—”
“You know what? I don’t have time for this. Go with Daniel to class. Have a good life with him. Just call me if you get lost.”
Don’t even try to take a bite out of your cheese sandwich. You leave it on the table. Later, it’ll become stale and cold, similar to your friendship with Hyeju, or whatever kind of fucked up relationship you have.
You storm out of the dorm. You’re glad to get out—you’re already worried about the test later and the night class with miss Wong. Don’t need a situationship to take up your mind either. 
The day passes like a car on a rocky, jagged road. It’s difficult to muster a smile to the freshmen the moment you come in to help miss Jeong teach, or work on your test when that argument with her fills your mind rather than equations you should have memorized. The whole day is torture, and you don’t dare wish it on anyone. Not even that asshole Daniel
“What’s up with you today?” people ask you. “You sure you’re alright?” “Where’s Hyeju?”
You don’t answer.
When the night comes, it’s relief for your sore mind and body. That test beat you up and the sun was too cruel to your skin. Even if night classes could last till the brink of dawn, you don’t mind. Take comfort in the fact that it’s only a discussion and nothing more. 
Barely listen though. Two a.m. creeps by and you haven’t taken in a thing. Usually miss Wong would have you focused, keeping in mind that she’s strict and merciless, but you’re too tired today. Your bones ache though you didn’t do much walking. They’re only symptoms of heartbreak.
You don’t want to see a doctor. In fact, you want to get worse.
Miss Wong looks up at the clock. “Is it alright if I extend for just five minutes?” she asks. Her pencil skirt struggles to contain her strides on the platform.
A chorus of mixed responses echo in the classroom. Others, the top students in particular who participate in every club you could name, say it’s fine. Some already have excuses to make: they need to work on homework; they have other classes to go to; every excuse existing. You don’t know which side you’re on—you don’t want to come home to another angry night with Hyeju, and at the same time, you can’t be assed to stay.
Then—
Ringing. It’s all you hear. Your classmates’ voices drown out in it. It’s supposed to be soft, but it isn’t anymore when everyone shuts their mouth in alarm. Look here, look there. You don’t know where it’s coming from. 
Your hint is the light in your pocket. Fish it out. It’s coming from your phone.
“I thought I told you guys to put your cellphones on mute during class,” Wong says, sighing. Her glare shoots you a warning.
Okay, you’d say sorry to her and put your phone away. Drop the call. Anything. But the first thing you do is wonder:
Why the fuck is Son Hyeju calling you?
Aside from all the tension between you, your natural instinct is to answer. Your next is to ask her, “Hye?”
“Oppa…” comes her voice from your speaker.
Before you could wonder why she’s calling, you notice that Hyeju’s voice is… lonely. Yes, lonely. That’s the word you’d use right away if you’re asked to describe it. No, it can’t be just that. It’s mixed with something else. It’s higher, a little more groggy.
Forget that you were fighting. Forget that she kissed Daniel and broke your heart. She wouldn’t call if it isn’t something even her pride can’t protect. “Hyeju? What’s wrong?” 
“I’m lost.” 
-
Those are the two words she utters before breaking into sobs. You’ve never heard or seen Hyeju cry. She likes to treat problems with anger rather than sadness, slicing away at every conflict with groans and cursing professors for low grades. If she’s crying, it must mean something’s wrong. Something’s very, very wrong.
You’re keenly aware that all eyes and ears are monitoring your moves, but you don’t care. You rise from your seat and start gathering your laptop into your bag. You forget about your notes. Fuck them. Hyeju comes first. 
“Where did you go, Hye?” Walk out of the class. If miss Wong has a problem with that, she can tell you about it tomorrow. 
Sniffles on her end. Her quiet, low cries break your heart. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I need you, oppa. I have… I have nobody else. Please come and get me.”
“Hyeju—”
“Please,” she whispers. Her voice lowers to a whine. “I’m alone. I’m so alone.”
Tears itch at the bottoms of your eyes. You have to come and get her. Need to forget the fight and silent treatment that ensued. All that means nothing if Hyeju’s in need of your help.
Where the fuck are your keys? Remove them from the loop of your jeans and click the button. In the driveway, your car’s headlights shine. Yep, there it is. You once regretted buying a secondhand car like that. Now that it can get you to Hyeju, you vow to take care of it for life. You’d spend thousands to repair it if it breaks down.
But right now, it’s Hyeju who’s breaking down. She’s all alone somewhere and she needs you. In a way, you need her, too. She’s the one who’s braver to admit it.
You’ve never driven faster in your entire life. All the while you stay on the line with Hyeju. Your grip on the wheel tightens whenever she lets out a hopeless little sob. She’s crying so hard that you want to roll into a ball in the corner and cry, too. You can’t do that. You have to be the stronger one, the one who comes to her like she’s done for you and tells her that everything’s going to be alright.
You make no promises. 
Eventually you coax a location out of her and break several speed limits. Ignore the cops that yell at you. They can all go and fuck off. Hyeju needs you. You’re her best friend. It’s what friends do.
“Motherfucker,” you curse, upon seeing that the location she led you to was a club. It’s hidden in the corner of a creepy alley. “Hyeju, are you drunk?”
“Nooooo…” she drawls, giggling through her tears. “Your voice is so nice, oppa. It really makes me feel better. Did’ya know that?”
No time to be flattered. You burst into the club and find her in the midst of flashing lights and crowds of bodies. Your ears ring because of the music. Whose idea was it to hire this DJ? He thinks he’s doing such a good job, too. 
Hyeju’s in the center of it all. Her black coat is too big for her, but so is the crowd. When it moves, it drags her along by the toes. She’s… smiling? Wasn’t she crying on the phone just minutes earlier? Maybe she drank more. This can’t be good.
“Hyeju!” Start walking faster. 
She sticks her tongue out at you and starts to sprint upon seeing you get close.
You have no time for games. This isn’t even in the least bit funny. What if someone spiked her drink? What if that was the reason she’s acting funny? Worse: what if someone’s planning to take advantage of her? All these concerns bump into each other in your head as you run after her. 
A couple of “excuse me”s and “sorry!”s after you quickly squeeze in between dancing people. Drinks spilled on the floor. Anger from two dolled up ladies. (A look to your right and… yep, not only from them.) Disapproval from the DJ who even calls you out. Boos from the crowd. You don’t care about them. You only care about getting Hyeju to safety. She can’t be here in her vulnerable state.
Before she could dash out from your line of vision, you grab her wrist. Seal your grip around it tightly so she can’t escape. “Son Hyeju,” you say, glaring at her. Ever since she stopped crying, she started to play around. This isn’t a game but to her it is. A fun game, to be more precise. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Oooh, you caught…” She burps. Playful giggles spill from her mouth. “... me!” Hyeju gives you a drunken smile and claps for you regardless of her right hand being held into position. 
“Why are you here?”
“Why are you here? See? I can ask stupid q-questions, too!”
You whisk her away from the ongoing party and into the cold night air. You’re about to throw your jacket on her when you see that she’s wearing one, too. 
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People are starting to stare. Pray that no one intervenes, even if they have good intentions. After all, you’re a man with a woman under the influence. They have every right to be concerned, but you hope that just for now they know you wouldn’t dare hurt Hyeju.
The wind blows a breeze that almost knocks you to the floor. You draw Hyeju to yourself to warm her. You can’t risk her catching a cold. 
”Let me go, oppa!” Hyeju’s mood goes from sad to drunkenly cheerful to pained. She forces her wrist out from your fist harshly. Your arms no longer wrap her. “You don’t like me anymore, right? And I have a boyfriend!”
Capture her hand again. She can’t escape and run away a second time. You’ve done that too much to know that it’ll send her down into a dizzying spiral. You’re cowards, the both of you—that’s why you flee whenever a problem arises. You don’t know how to deal with it. 
That changes now. Get in your vehicle. Pull her in, too. “For your information,” you say, locking her seatbelt in place, “you called me. You asked me to pick you up.”
The car roars to life and speeds down the road. The night barely provides light for you to move along. It’s beautiful nevertheless. Stars peek out from the depths of black. The moon is dim yet reassuring. What fate does it have in store for you? Would you accept it if you knew? How could they all look so serene while you have your drunk crush next to you starting an argument?
“And you’d loooove not to do it, wouldn’t you?” Hyeju’s words suggest that she’s no longer that drunk but the way her words come out like jumbled words in a newspaper crossword tell you otherwise. She leans against the door and crosses her arms. “It was a mistake to call you. You, you fucking hate me.”
Does she really believe that? You may hate Daniel, but you never once hated Hyeju. You’ve only had wistful feelings for her even after she kissed him. You still checked up on her socials and watched her as she ate lunch with him. You remained loyal to her, like a dog following its owner through scoldings.
Yeah, you really are just her dog.
“I don’t hate you, Hye,” you say with conviction. You’re determined to make her believe that. It’s difficult when you’ve never been the type to be good with words. 
“Yes, you do! You wouldn’t even let me explain why I kissed Daniel!”
“For fuck’s sake, I was hurt! I didn’t know what to do!”
“Then hear me out for once!”
“Alright.” Your hands slap the wheel, unintentionally bumping the horn and causing Hyeju to cringe. “Go on. Tell me what happened.”
“He was the one who kissed me, the fucking idiot! He kissed me out of the blue and wouldn’t stop!”
Wait.
What? 
Daniel, your friend and Hyeju’s, initiated the kiss? Hyeju didn’t want it to happen?
If only you knew, you would have beaten up Daniel a long time ago. 
You can’t even speak. You had it all wrong. You can’t believe there was an explanation for everything and you refused to hear it. 
Hyeju begins to sob again. Her words circle in the air like an incantation. It’s equally because of the alcohol and her emotions. “I was… talking to him about my training, but then he kissed me.” She wipes her face and laughs humorlessly. “He started making out with me and, a-and I didn’t know how to stop it. It was like I was frozen.”
“You… you didn’t kiss him?” Your tone is broken and incredulous. “He made you do it?”
She looks almost offended. “Why? Why would I ever kiss that bastard?”
“But you’re dating him.”
“I am,” says Hyeju, hands in her hair, “Hah, okay. I'm dating him, yeah, but that’s just because I thought you didn’t like me. I only want one person in the world, and it isn’t Daniel Smith.”
“Hyeju—”
“It’s you, you clueless little shit!” She punches your shoulder and muffles her face into your car pillow. Her next scream is elongated, filled with frustration. When she lifts her face from the pillow, her eyeliner and blush are smeared and wet with teardrops. “It’s you, and I only want you!”
In vino veritas.
The confession is as out of the blue as Daniel’s kiss was. You’re in a state of shock and disbelief—too much information is coming into your brain. You want to punch Daniel in the face for shocking her with an unwanted move. You want to hug Hyeju. You want to tell her that you’re sorry for not hearing her side of the story. 
Most importantly, you want to tell her that you want her, too.
It’s too late now. She’s seen you disregard her voice and choose to have a one-track mind. There’s no way she wants you anymore.
“Why the fuck would you ever want me, Hyeju?” 
“Because!” She lets out a shivering little sigh. “You don’t treat me like… hlk, like I’m a trophy to show off. You’re my friend. You know how to be mean but you take care of me even if I’m too moody sometimes. Even if I don’t want to come along with you outside because I’m scared I’ll make myself look stupid in front of you. Even if… even if I love too hard but don’t show that I love you most and that sometimes you take care of me more than my dad does and I know it’s wrong to see you that way when I’m with him now but I really want you to take care of me but still kiss me too if I need it and be okay with me calling you names like ‘daddy’ and still being your best friend besides being my boyfriend… but I know it can’t happen anymore and I ruined everything—”
“Hyeju.”
More tears flow down her face. “—and I know you won’t ever love me the same again but I’ll regret forever, long after we graduate, that I never showed that I loved you, that I was a coward—”
“Hyeju,” you say, gently. Pull over at the university parking lot. You have your finger on her mouth, sealing them to stop her droning. She pauses. She doesn’t do it without breaking down. “Please. Don’t tell me you don’t know it. It’s been happening under your nose every single day.”
“What?” she murmurs, eyes glassy as they connect with yours.
“I like you, too.”
Silence. Several beats go by. They’re too lengthy to be fake. The next nuance confirms that:
Talk about relief. Talk about passion. As if she’s forgetting that a sudden kiss was what opened Pandora’s box, Hyeju grabs your face and does exactly that. Again, it has too many things to it that blocks it from being faux. The unique shape of her lips mold onto yours, as if your lips were made to kiss each other all the time. It’s back to the café again, wherein she does something and you subconsciously follow along. Your hands are on her phenomenal waist. And soon you’re unbuckling her seatbelt so she could sit safely on your lap, where she’s supposed to be. Where she belongs.
She drops her touch to your shoulders. She massages them, and you groan delightfully. Now it’s your turn to hold her face and lean in closer. Hyeju’s mouth tastes of sweetness and alcohol. You don’t know how those two tastes could mix together. Hyeju makes it work.
“Oppa, daddy,” she whimpers. She pulls away. The distance is still close to nothing. “Daddy, I love you.”
It’s a sudden nickname, still detached from when she uses it with you jokingly, yet there’s no hesitance here. You know your truth. “I love you, too, Hyeju.”
“Will you take me to bed?” She starts grinding down on your shaft needily. “Please say you will, daddy. Please say you’ll make me happy.”
“You’re drunk. I… I don’t know if I should.”
“‘m not. Maybe. But I’ve wanted it to happen for a long time,” Hyeju says. “I won’t mind, I promise.”
She couldn’t get any more sober with that. So you do what any man would do if they were called daddy by Son Hyeju: lift her out of your car, not caring to check twice if it’s locked, and bring her to bed. Take her coat off—she won’t need it if you’ll make her warm from the inside and out.
Her arms round your neck and her face is buried in your chest. Her words come out in a desperate, needy tone that you haven’t heard from her since the day you met. Who exactly were you to make her this small?
Her daddy, of course.
See, as tough as Hyeju makes herself out to be, she’s still needy. She still has her own problems that haven’t let go of her now that she’s older, like the daddy thing. You only fully understand it now when you lay her on the bed and continue kissing her. Hard. Her moans call out for you. They aren’t merely things to whine if it feels good. It’s not even a matter of want anymore; her shivers and cries indicate of her carnal need for you to do what you will with her.
“Don’t be scared,” she tells you, closing her eyes as you kiss her perfect jawline. “You wanted me for so long, right? Well, I did, too. Do what you want to me. Fuck me, daddy.”
“You talk extremely dirty for someone who’s drunk,” you chuckle. 
“Not so drunk anymore. You make me sober.”
“Sweet talker. You’re all bark and no bite.”
Hyeju has no retort to make. Your lips on her gorgeous nipple render her speechless. The cute pink nub is hard, and grows harder at your loving suckles. Her breasts are the perfect size for squeezing. Relish in that fact by squeezing her left breast while dedicating more of your attention to the other, making her become sensitive with each action. 
You’d say you have bite, for you do so lightly on her breast. She gasps. “Daddy!” she cries out.
“Fuck, don’t say it like that.” Your cock throbs already. It’s the same feeling you get all those times before, the times you’d get into an argument with Hyeju and she’d call you that.
“What? It’s not my fault you can’t handle me,” she says wittily.
“Don’t try me.”
“What?” She cocks a brow. “Hit too close to home?”
You have to shut her bratty self up. Tug her pants off, sliding them off her silky legs. Her pink panties are a hint to the gentle color of her pussy. Find out about them anyway—push the underwear aside and shove three fingers in her.
“Oh shit.” Hyeju’s squeeze on your digits is instant, like an impulsive reaction. 
Think about if Daniel has done this to her before and pick up the pace. You’re fingering her like the walls of her soaked pussy would banish him and let you have her all to yourself. “Son Hyeju,” you growl, “shut the fuck up.”
“W-won’t—ah!” 
If you don’t make her quiet, you’ll at least reduce her words to pathetic moans. You’d say you’re successful. Your rapid thrusts send Hyeju’s screams paralleling the night wind with their strength. 
You’re surprised again and again at how loud she could get. She’s always so quiet except for the occasional sarcastic remark. She can make no more of those if faced with the relentless fingering you do unto her pussy. They draw out strings of dampness when they withdraw, and fill her right to the knuckles when you go back in. Her hips squirm and you have to place a hand on her thigh to continue.
“Daddy, daddy, daddy!” she screams. Her mouth is open while she sits up to look at what you’re doing to her vulnerable cunt. “It feels so fucking good, don’t stop!”
She looks beautiful. Her shirt is lifted above her breasts, making them bounce madly due to the timing and force of your thrusts. Her eyes could never be more watchful. She can’t believe she actually has you between her legs and fingering her to orgasm.
“Got any comeback for me, Hye?” you ask smugly. 
Hyeju nods. Her lips are parted again. Although you haven’t had sex with her except for now, you know what that dropped jaw means: she’s close.
Her walls are impossible to part completely. She’s too damn tight that you bet she’d still be so with one finger. The grip of her slippery, wet cunt is like no other. You reach deep into it and stroke out till you find the place. That’s how Hyeju starts to shiver. She can’t manage it.
“Oh, yeah? What do you have to say now, sweet?” Wrap your lips around her nipple. It’s another one of your unfair advantages over her.
“I-I-I—I can’t!” 
The recoil of Hyeju’s tits is amazing. Harshly squeeze the boob you’ve relatively neglected to make sure she can’t get a word out of those pretty lips. Take a further step and smack it, too. She moans in satisfaction. Your harsh squeezes imprint a replica of your hand on her pale skin. 
Of course, you don’t forget to keep your fingers going. You change techniques now and then, switching from gentle circling to rapid fire shoving. Whether it’s one or the other, Hyeju’s fuckhole swallows you up. She doesn’t mind which or what; she needs your harshness the most. It’s what counts as a whole.
“Daddy, I’m gonna cum! Please make me cum on your fingers, make your babygirl cum… oh—oh, fuck!”
Combined with your thumb nudging her small clit and your digits absolutely destroying her tightness, Hyeju does the unthinkable: she squirts on your hand and on your bed. Liquid gushes on your shirt; it’s so consistent and clear that a new determination is founded within you. It’s to make your unbearably hot best friend cum like she never has.
For the record, it’s the first time you’ve made a girl squirt. You didn’t expect that it would be this satisfying. Seeing Hyeju’s blissful face and the shake of her beautiful legs make your efforts worth it. Watching yourself do it to your best friend and make her feisty, boyish self let out screams and pleas brings increased triumph.
“No, oh god, it’s too much!” Hyeju says this but her legs part more. Her head is tossed back and her moans don’t stop. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can’t—daddy!”
“Messy little brat.” Rub away at her clit. Feel the spurt of her cum hit your finger. “That’s it, cum for daddy. Keep those pretty thighs open.”
Hyeju mewls at the mixture of degradation and moans. If Daniel had said that to her, she probably would have thrown up in a bucket. When it’s you, on the other hand, everything changes. She wants you to call her every harsh name out there and accompany it with sides of praise. She’ll only feel this good when she’s with you.
Hyeju is anything but obedient. Things change here in the dorm, where her pussy is spread and prone to your touch. Her midriff, soft yet slender, rises over and over. The hose of her wet orgasms still hasn’t stopped.
“Goddammit, you’re squirting so much. Am I that good, hm, Hyeju? Is daddy that good to his pretty little girl?” 
“Mmm, mmm, don't— no more, daddy, no more!” Hyeju’s core is already spent, and you haven’t even put your cock in her yet. 
Stop. Not before you leave a kiss to the sensitive bundle of nerves that you abused. It’s a mark now, something invisible that subtly says to everyone that you got to fuck her. You got to fuck Son Hyeju. You made her cum like never before.
Spit on Hyeju’s center then spread it to her lips and nub. She moans. “You’re so wet, Hye.”
“Whatever.” She’s blushing. “I’ve had better.”
You have to say you’re a little provoked. You know it’s false seeing the smug look on her face and after making her squirt, but who exactly has done her better? Daniel? Definitely not him. The possibility still does well to spur you to jealousy.
“Oh,” you say, smiling tightly, “so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”
Hyeju gasps happily when she’s pushed to the wall and on her knees. It’s reminiscent of how Daniel did exactly that: pinning her to the wall before kissing her. Your anger brews into a fire just thinking about him. 
“Yeah. What’re you gonna do about it?”
Unbuckle your belt. Your jeans join it on the floor as well as your briefs. “I’m gonna clean that dirty mouth of yours.”
“And how are you gonna do that, daddy?” Hyeju pretends not to know what’s coming.
It’s your belief that actions speak louder than words. That’s why when you place your cock in between Hyeju’s lips, it resonates inside her more than your promise to purify her mouth. Logic fails here when dirty sins can’t remove Hyeju’s dirty words. One wrong and another doesn’t make a right. Oh, who cares? This isn’t a class. This isn’t your thesis. You focus only on feeling the softness of her triangular mouth, the wetness of the back of her throat.
Holding your cock by the base, you lead its tip into rubbing every corner of Hyeju’s mouth. Her cheeks make an outline of your girth as you press your head against them. Her jaw becomes slack after you press your dick down to her tongue. You’re technically doing all the work here because you’re fucking her face, but you’d argue that Hyeju contributes just as much with her tearful eyes that are more puppy than wolf.
The shape of her wet orifice leaves ample space for you to rub against everything. Your tip draws a triangle on her lips right before slipping inside. There you keep your word and clean her dirty mouth. Push those naughty words down her throat with immediate thrusts. That way, she can only moan, nothing else. No sass can be heard from her now.
“You’re such a bad girl, Hyeju,” you say. Curl your hand ‘round her messy hair and direct it downwards. She groans, her mouth now upright for yout fuck easier into. “You shouldn’t like having your mouth used like this. You shouldn’t be on your knees for your best friend when your boyfriend’s waiting for you at home.”
Hyeju knows you’re right. She shouldn’t. She isn’t supposed to enjoy having her throat rammed and spread. She shouldn’t be cheating on the man she claims to love. It’s a mistake of hers to be here anyway, underneath another man. 
Her second mistake is to like everything the way it is..
Her third is to tongue your shaft like she would a sweet treat. She wants to taste all of you, from your thick tip to the base. She’s not had much to work on with Daniel, but she knew it would be a good time when you sprung out your cock. She makes this worth it—she seals her lips at your base, her nose pressed firmly at the bottom of your tummy, then produces such a harsh suction that the grip you have in her black locks of messy hair tightens. A curse is what you let out besides precum. 
“Fuck,” you say. Pull her head closer. Aggressive thrusts fire away. “Didn’t know your pouty little lips could suck dick so well. I bet it’s bulging your throat. Is daddy right about that?”
She tries to nod. Her gags stop her intended action; your thrusts have sped up and are now destroying her tight throat. No space is left for her to breathe when her mouth is stuffed with your length. Even her nostrils can’t take in much air if her nose is pressed that tightly to your stomach.
Place a hand on the wall in order for there to be no aches for her head when you thrust wildly. “You know, I changed my mind. Maybe you’re a good girl, especially with that face. Go on, touch yourself. I know you want to.”
Permission is granted by her daddy. Hyeju gives a cry in response then leads her hand between her legs. Letting you fuck her face has made her wet beyond imagination. She doesn’t need to press directly on her pussy when there’s slick all over her thighs. She gathers them all up and places them back in her pussy. She moans as she swirls her digits inside her. Here’s how it works: she has one hand masturbating, and the other on your thigh to caress it and at the same time keep her balance.
Take note of that. “You’re a smart girl, Hyeju. Smart girls shouldn’t be letting their faces get fucked. We can’t have that happen, right?”
You say that yet your actions tell a different story. Your violent pumps into Hyeju’s mouth to use it to the limits are endless. Hyeju’s moaning. She enjoys it more than she should. Of course, you jam those moans, as pretty as they are, down her throat. 
Slap your cock on her lips.
“You know what I mean.”
Slip the whole of your length out then in again. Make her brush those luscious lips against every inch.
“We really, really can’t have that happen.”
Caress her cheek. Her eyes are awaiting and obedient. Look down into them and almost feel bad for ruining her, your best friend.
“Daniel might walk in anytime. He’ll be looking for you.”
Your movements are cruel as time goes by. You shouldn’t be treating your best friend like this. You shouldn’t even be having sex with her. All of these ought to stop you in your tracks—you don’t.
“And what will he say when he sees his precious girlfriend on her knees for his best friend?”
Hyeju begins to whine. She doesn’t want him to walk in; she’s enjoying this too much. What she doesn’t want to happen even more is for you not to blow your load inside her warm throat. People can’t have what they want all the time, but she swears she won’t want anything else if you just give her what she wants. That’s for you to absolutely use her. Be cruel to her and it wouldn’t sting.
“He’ll start to think how better you are with me. You’re a bad girl, Hyeju. You know that and you still want me.”
You’re right in every way. She is better with you. You just fuck her better, treat her better, kiss her better. She can’t kiss better the wound she’ll leave in Daniel if he just so happens to walk in. Maybe she could, but she’d put salt on it when he discovers how good you make her feel. It isn’t fair to anybody. To you, the one she accidentally hurt; to Daniel, who was the one (no, make that the two with how he was her last resort and how she gave him false hope); to her, who can’t go without you.
“Let go.”
Nine.
It takes exactly nine strokes in between her folds for her to cum. Drool sheens your girth. Some even drip from her mouth. It’s like she’s in heat; she’s whining as she tries to cum and suck you off at the same time. Hyeju ends up sucking your shaft with desperation, legs quivering and threatening to give away.
“Cum with me, Hyeju,” you command her. Pull out, rather regretfully, but take comfort with how pretty she’d look covered in your cum. Your hand wraps around you and jerks you off. Although it can’t match Hyeju’s mouth or her ass, it’ll do well in shooting your load on her.
Your best friend keeps calling your name squeezed between “daddy”s as she fingers herself to orgasm. She collapses pathetically on the floor, in a pool of sweat and cum. Her shirt and the floor of your shared dorm room are stained. No need to wonder where those white stains come from; the only suspects are you and Hyeju. It’s a partnered crime for her squirt comes out at such a velocity that it rivals your cumshots.
“Take my load, Hyeju, fuck!”
If there’s anything Hyeju isn’t, it’s submissive. It somehow changes when she nods and opens her mouth. You’re introduced to a whole new side of her. Her post-orgasm face is one you hope to admire everyday. Look at the expressions she makes when her eyes are crossed and her tongue is out for you and you have difficulty choosing between the two. 
You and Hyeju exchange a tired look. If you’re to be specific, a look is how everything starts. You became friends with her because she was staring at you too long a time in class. You quickly reunited with her in college when you looked to your back to see to whom the familiar voice belonged. It took one quick glance to see that Daniel had kissed her in the noraebang.
Similarly, a look is what causes you to shamelessly throw Hyeju on the bed again. By now her limbs curl into yours like this were a completely natural thing that happened between you, as if she were always being fucked and manhandled like this. Your kisses now are more aggressive, too. They aren’t nervous like earlier, when you still weren't sure if doing this was right. Hyeju responds by engaging in a battle for dominance, pushing forward and pulling the forces connecting you. 
You win in the end.
Slam her back down to the mattress. Her anticipation is written clearly in her eyes. “I’m going to ruin you, Son Hyeju,” you say.
She laughs in your face. “Bet.”
Alright. You’ll show her. It’s a friendly bet you’ll take all seriousness in.
Align your dick with her waiting cunt. You shed all attempts to tease her or dive into foreplay. What she needs is your cock inside her, rearranging her insides. If that’s so, you’ll give it to her. 
“Oh!” Hyeju gasps. Her pretty eyes are big above her hands covering her face. She never guessed you would feel this good inside her. “You’re so fucking big, daddy. It's, it’s better than I imagined, fffuck.”
Steer all your weight into this thrust specifically. Your tip makes contact with her G-spot and sends her legs shaking. Send her a couple inches further on the mattress. Her godly tits begin another round of bouncing. There’s no other routine you’d love to watch. 
Already you've put your hands on her hips. They’re to pull her closer if she gets lost. Again. You have to make sure you won’t lose her this time. This chance was given to you for a reason. You have to keep her here, show her all the love you’ve kept bottled up all these years.
Hyeju squirms a lot. That’s what your grip is for. It’s to keep her on the bed so she can easily receive your pumps. And what a good job she does at receiving them—Hyeju’s hips shiver as they’re subjected to a force her sensitive pussy can’t handle. She’s always going into things she can’t handle. This is no different. Time with Daniel was okay, but you’re a different story. You ensure that she’s always filled to the hilt until she’s bottoming out. 
Deeper and deeper you go. Your cock knocks up into her tummy. You curse; it’s hotter than it’s supposed to be. Something as simple as that shouldn’t be so arousing.
“Oh, you like that? You… you like seeing your big cock stuffing my little pussy?” asks Hyeju. Her teeth are parted to let in air she so desperately needs to formulate these words. She knows they’ll turn you on. “I know you do, daddy. Look at your meat ruining my insides. You’re going to cum so much inside me. And I’ll take it all. I’m a good girl. I’ll show you I’m a good girl.”
She leads your hand to her throat and closes your digits around it. Get the message. Squeeze there tight. Her strangled gasp is everything.
“You are, huh?” you say. Your composure is long gone. “Are you always this tight, Hyeju? Are you always this good? Or is it just for daddy?”
There’s something incredibly hot in the way Hyeju gushes and screams for you. Her nipples stand in the air, aroused by the quick penetrating done to her pussy. It seems almost impossible for her to be this wet. Each push of your hips brings forth a gush of wetness that wets the sheets and your joined crotches. Bring out your cock for a second to quickly flick its tip on her clit.
Hyeju gropes her own chest with closed eyes. “Ohhhh, fuck!” 
Return to your routine of drilling her. Her whole body reacts violently to your pounding. Moreover, every part of Hyeju’s beautiful body screams to be touched. Her jiggling thighs and breasts, her midriff prone to your thrusts, her face that’s never looked this slutty… where should you start? Your touch is given multiple choices, and you choose all of them. Your hands roam her body and squeeze and feel and grope. In response, she moans. The volume of her acute voice turns up with each, almost like her body has triggers that would draw out louder sounds. 
You think of it that way and now Hyeju’s screaming as you propel inside her while keeping a hand on her clit. 
“Daddy, o-only you, daddy!” she proclaims in a helpless scream. “No one can make me feel as good as you do, just keep fucking me, don’t stop!”
You’ve got your answer. Smile in satisfaction and, since she’s a good girl and gave the correct response, lean it to worship her breasts. Does slapping them count as worshiping? Hyeju thinks it does—her high groans and yells are enough to be context clues. You marvel at the size of her chest, so subtle with the baggy clothes she wears but now in their full, naked glory before you. It’s impossible for them to be presented to you without a squeeze being done.
“You like my tits, daddy? I’ll let you fuck them all you want, just finish inside me. I’m safe today. Promise, p-pro—”
Bury yourself deep inside her, to the point that your cockhead pushes at her cervix. Fill her up. Hyeju moans happily. She rolls her body up and down. The stimulation seduces you into making (kind of) breeding her a job well done.
“Thank you, daddy.” she sighs. She’s still erotically grinding her hips. It’s karma for overstimulating her a little earlier when your fingers filled her. 
“S-stop, Hyeju.”
“Stop? Alright, sure. I think that’s enough now. Daddy doesn’t want to fuck my tits anymore.”
Naughty little brat. She knows just the right words to tick you off and turn you on. It makes you want her to pound her into the bed again so that not even the old mattress can forget that it was the place you and Hyeju fucked.
“I’m just kidding, silly. Sit down! Yes, thank you.” 
She flashes you a smile after you do as she says. It’s a rare moment in this session with her that she has the say in what happens. Somehow. It can’t be completely true, not when she’s on her knees again for you. Not when her tongue trails worshipful lines on your cock and draws tight licks on your tip. Shiver. You’re a bit sensitive yourself.
“Now see how good this feels?” 
She takes her glorious breasts in her hands and wraps them around your cock. You let out a guttural moan. Hyeju’s tits rival her mouth and pussy. It’s a close competition, with the advantage of softness most of all. Oh, when she starts to move, gliding her supple skin up and down your size, you almost cum on the spot.
Her bosom is a portal to heaven, you swear. Your legs feel light. Your core is hot as your size disappears between her breasts, buried in the soft and safe haven she provides. The friction is so overwhelming that you doubt it could even be a real sensation.
She makes a show of rubbing your tip on her nipple, similar to what you did to her clit. The two of you are sensitive, so you moan in harmony as it happens. After gliding your cock on her large breasts, she goes back to titfucking you. 
It’s all a matter of technique. Whenever she presses her chest together, your cock is suffocated with euphoric tenderness. On the other hand, when she simply moves up and down, you’re given the opportunity to grind down at the skin between her pale breasts. Each route leads to an inevitable fate: exploding all over her a second time.
"P-please stop, Hyeju," you say. You can't handle no more and there's so many more things you want to do to her.
"Awh." She pouts. Fat tears risk spilling from her eyes. God, she could be so cute sometimes. "What do you want, daddy? I can be good."
"Turn around."
"Ohhh, I see what you want." Hyeju turns around and spanks herself. Her ass ripples photogenically. "Of course. Of course you want it."
Hyeju can be so many things. A few minutes earlier she was a submissive babygirl for her daddy, and right before that she was a brat. Now, she transforms into a seductress. She doesn't lace or lingerie to become one. She has that fantastic body to do the work for her.
Hyeju starts to dance. Your eyes are trained on her. They never want to see anything else than her swaying her butt with a dancer's grace and charm. 
"Giving me a show, huh?" 
"Unless daddy wants it already." 
"I do."
She squeezes her ass cheek before reaching her pussy. Then, she rubs her wetness on her pink, puckered hole. She lathers some at the inside of the rim, too. She didn't expect to fuck you today, no matter how many times she's dreamed of it, so there's no lubricant around. Hyeju has to make do.
"Oh!" she squeals when you give her a playful smack on the ass. "Impatient. Daddy's impatient. Don't worry, I'll give it to you."
“You did this before?”
“Duh.” Hyeju smiles sweetly, quickly returning to her good girl side. “You ready now, daddy?”
Apparently, it’s a rhetorical question, for Hyeju immediately guides your tip into her backside. You do your part in spreading her cheeks. Both of you moan at the first contact. It’s difficult by itself to insert just your tip through. She’s too tight. 
You’re sinking into this long-chased dream. You’ve seen Hyeju walk around the dorm with no shorts on. Sometimes you're able to catch a glimpse of her bare ass when she dresses up in the dark. It’s normal when it’s with you, considering that your friendship transcends time, but she doesn’t know that yearning’s been put in your heart in those moments. You want her. You want Son Hyeju.
And now, she’s submitting herself to you. She’s given you her body, her tits, her pussy. Now she offers you an equally delicious choice: her supple ass that’s bouncy as it finally sits down completely on your lap. 
“Good daddies bounce their babygirls on their knees, right? Should’ve known that, dummy. So come on, pound me. It isn’t hard.”
Well, you are. Hyeju’s ass is constricting you yet you enjoy every second of it. Her tight little asshole clings to you as you do as she says. You’d do anything for Hyeju, and that doesn’t exclude engaging in anal sex with her.
Choose a rhythm to go by to enjoy the tightness Hyeju gives you to the fullest. She leans into you and hums quietly, lower lip worried between her teeth and ass steadily rising and resting. The flexes of your thigh also stimulate her needy pussy. Your knee brushes her clit steadily while your cock penetrates her asshole better than any toy could. Better than any boy would.
“Oh, that feels so good, daddy…” Hyeju murmurs. “Keep spreading me like that, yes.”
Just when she thought you’d switch to being gentle, your thrusts become sporadic. She can’t find which timings you’re going by. The calm before the storm, so to say. Hyeju’s whimpers and whines are your thunder, and they soon live up to their name when they grow louder, filling your ears as would the violent downpour of raindrops. 
“D-daddy, daddy, oh my god—” Pain partners up with pleasure in wrecking her hole. Darn you for reaching in front of her to rub her clit as well. Too many things are happening at the same time. “Daddy better make me cum, please, please—”
Your size fills the tight space of her ass so much that it’s difficult to move. The juices of her pussy that she’s used as makeshift lube can’t even do the job they’re assigned to. However, you don’t care about that. You simply fuck Hyeju’s fat, delectable ass like it’s been your long-term dream. In a way it is, but you’d be dreaming about it long after it’s already been fulfilled.
Hyeju stands up to take the lead and work her butt on you. You know she’s an excellent dancer but you never knew she could be this good at twerking either. 
“Holy shit, Hyeju, your little asshole feels amazing,” you moan. Spank her, though she’s undeserving of punishment when she’s amazing at using that ass.
“And your cock is so fucking big in my ass,” she says. “I don’t want anything else, daddy. Ohh, god, keep doing that.”
Her rear end bounces and claps together as they take in your fat cock. She looks back at you lustfully, watching you ruin her supple ass. Reach for her breasts to match the velocity of her thrusts. You’re two forces colliding, each filled with fire to defeat the other with pleasure. It’s a losing game when Hyeju’s ass is just as good as her pussy, which you continue playing with to bring her to orgasm.
“Good girl, Hye, keep bouncing that fat ass on daddy,” you whisper in her ear. Love to hear her weak little moans; they show you that she likes this as much as you do. Probably more. “You want to cum, right? You want to squirt on me again?”
“Yes, daddy, please!” Hyeju is in paradise although her skin feels like it’s been set on fire. She hasn’t felt this good before. “No other cock can do me the way you do, daddy, I’m all yours! Make me cum, cum inside me, daddy!”
You’ve changed her. She’s a totally different person outside of the bedroom. She hides her approval in sarcastic comments and teases you about them. How is it that she’s completely submissive and good for you? 
Your ego swells. Smack her pussy just enough to make her gasp. “Whose pussy is this?”
“Yours, daddy!” 
“And this ass?”
“It’s all yours, daddy,” sobs Hyeju. “Always so fucking big inside me, so much better, you need to make me cum—”
Pull her down to your lap then thrust inside her all while not letting an inch withdraw from her snug butthole. “Cum for me,” you say.
“Ohhhh fuck!” 
Hyeju begins her sexy body rolls again as a profane spray of clear liquid fires from her pussy. She’s so wet; when you rub her clit, a squelching sound is produced. She’s too turned on from the feeling of you savage pounding inside her. She slaps her own pussy to go along with your rubbing, then leads your fingers inside her cunt again. She’s still so tight. 
The combined feeling of two of her holes being violated has her tired. She could be murmuring a spell and you wouldn’t know because of how jumbled and jarred her words are. The syllables make out your name and title. At least, that’s what you could understand. It would take an experienced veteran transcriber to make sense of Hyeju’s sounds.
You blast her ass with so much cum that it overflows, like water threatening to spill from the brim of a glass. Your joined cores are so wet and sticky that neither of you feel like moving. You want to stay in the narrow yet pleasurable comfort of each other’s touch forever.
It’s so pleasant that you could only hear the gratifying sound of each other’s pants and not the knocks on your door.
So safe that you don’t hear the sound of a lock being skewered with because each other’s bodies are more homely than this dorm.
So distracting that when he comes in through the door and yells in disgust, it’s the first time you feel an awakening sobriety.
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emositecc · 5 months ago
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God I fucking hate Victoria the crybaby so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every page she's in, every scene, every fanart, every comic, she's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass personality on her stupid green face. Absolutely no part of her ugly as sin piece of shit character design is endearing. Her stupid fucking dress? Who the hell wears a dress like that. Her dumb fucking lizard tail? Her shitty, annoying bastard attitude ? The three thousand percent dumbass shitass fucking haircut that no woman has EVER FUCKING SHITTY HAIR DESING HAD IN THE HISTORY OF GOD'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate her. I hate her so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a comic or a fanart of her, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Boo hoo, I'm Bitchtoria the fuckshit whiny ass woman, woe is me. PITY ME 😢😢😢😢". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like shrek but if shrek was written by vivziepop. Your dumb fucking hair makes your whole shitty head look like a hairy skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking dress and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top shitty ass upbeat asshole personality. Any scene she's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over a chocolate bar in a walmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know she's just a shitty fucking sad woman in a stupid fucking fan comic, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Wrath itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the highway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing character design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate her. I hate hier on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the bitch wife is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class suburban drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no cuss or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate her so much. I hate her so, so fucking much. I want to light her ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat her to death with her own stupid fucking punchable face. I want to punch her to death. I want to bash her brains out. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that her existence as a fictional work is evidence of all the failures of mankind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Angel gone rogue with the belief that God has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Samael himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a plastic grocery bag floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fictional woman
you've gone on sending me these kinds of messages in my ask box everytime i've updated my comic, even mentioning r*pe in your latest ones. At first I thought this is a bit, but now i honestly dont know. I think you need help and for your own good and mine, I'm going to be blocking you.
This probably wont stop you from reading my comic in other platforms but if you still do, please refrain from messaging me or whatnot because I will just block you again.
okay, thank you.
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^ and that's not even ALL of it.
there's like 50+ more
get help.
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xkaidaxxxx · 5 months ago
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Nozel Silva x Y/n Vermillion
Mentions: Confession, 1st kiss, family, overall fluff!!!
Reblogs are appreciated <3 (no proof read. Random short story!)
“You’re a piece of shit Nozel. You and your stupid sister and brother. How could you treat Noelle like that?” You said. “ She’s nothing but a failure. She’s born defective.” Nozel replied. You managed to slap him even though you’re short. He looked at you with anger. Before he could say anything hurtful to you, Fuegoleon showed up with 2 newcomers and Yami. “ Hey Y/n this is Yuno. He’s part of the Golden Dawn and that’s Asta. He’s a black bull. It's your job to show them around.” Your older brother ordered. “ Yes, big brother. Yuno, Asta. I’m y/n Vermillion. It’s really nice meeting you.” You greeted as you began to walk with them. Once you reached the end of the hall and turned, Fuegoleon looked pissed. 
“Don’t you ever dare cross the fucking line with my baby sister. Have your family issues in your house, not mine.” He said. “ She slapped me because of my family issues.”Nozel replied. His other siblings are backing him up. “ Well if she did it, it must be for a very good reason. Why are you even here?” Fuegleon asked. Yami stood there loving the drama. “The same reason why Yami is here.” Nozel replied. “Ah so you heard about Asta’s grimoire.” Yami said. “He’s a commoner. He has Devil Anti Magic.” Nozel said. “So?” Yami said, defending his new weird comrade. “He’ll end up bringing  trouble to the clover kingdom.” Nozel replied. “ I don’t even know why I brought you here, Yami. Both of you can leave now. You know where the door is.” Fuegoleon said and left. 
Weeks have gone by and Leo smacked your head. “You have a thing for Nozel.''Leo said. “N-No I don’t. Shut up.” you replied, smacking him back. “You might be older than me, but I totally pay attention to your life, like you do mine. You like him, you just hate the part where he’s an asshole to his little sister.” he responded. He was right. “ Well it’s not going to happen. He’s 7 years older than me and his siblings hate me so..” you said and you got another smack to the head. “ Since when the heck do you care about what others think? You don’t need to get his siblings approval. Ask him out.” Leo said with a smile afterwards. “ You make that sound so easy.” you replied.
The following week Nozel showed up at your home. Leo was acting weird for a while. “Leo thanks for the outfit. I look like a total badass. This is such a nice gift.” you said. He said - Try it on- that little liar. A few minutes later you’re down at the end of the stairs dressed beautifully with Nozel handing you a single rose and a nice box. You saw Leo giving you a thumbs up. “ I had the jewelry made just for you.” Nozel spoke as he showed you. “ In purple too. It's perfect.” You replied with a smile. “It goes well with your outfit. He put the necklace on you, along with the bracelet and earrings. “I was surprised when I received your letters. I didn’t know you felt that way about me. I thought about you a few times so I decided to try us out.” Nozel said. You couldn’t believe that Leo went behind your back but you were happy he did. You have a fucking date with Nozel. You guys left your house. A few minutes passed. You ended up in a very beautiful part of the forest. It was also decorated. Nice lights wrapped around the trees. There was a cute table for two with a basket on the table. “ I know you have been into picnics since you were younger. I decided to plan one as our 1st date.” he said. By the end of the day. He took you both on a nice ride. You loved how the breeze felt against your skin. It feel pleasing,however it was cold. You leaned against him. He pulled you in closer. Your heart beat did raise a bit out of nervousness but you also felt safe.“ This is wonderful Nozel.” you said looking up at him. He suddenly kissed you. You returned the kiss. It was your 1st kiss. It made you worry afterwards. What if you sucked at it and he didn’t like it?? Before you knew it, you stood at the front door. Leo was covering for you, its very late. He’s waiting for you by the stairs. You opened the door. “Tonight was great Zel. I enjoyed it very much.” you said. “I enjoyed it as well, it was beautiful. You made me get out of my comfort zone. The picnic, skipping rocks, even stargazing.” he said, placing his hands on your waist and leaning down to kiss you. Leo stopped him. “Hell no!! Not on the 1st date you perv. Now leave.” he said. “ 2nd date then?” Nozel said. “No. Not the 2nd date! Have some respect!” Leo responded. You walked inside smiling. “Oh Leo…your letters sucked. She’s straight forward. She wouldn’t waste her time writing letters. She would’ve shown up at my door and asked.” Nozel said. “ Hey, I was doing both of you a favor. Loser. Nozel you’d probably struggle so much at confessing and y/n you doubt yourself 24/7. I’m the love whisperer. Okay bye Nozel.'' Leo said, shutting the door. “Did you enjoy the date?” Leo asked you. “Leo, did I ever mention you’re my favorite brother?” you asked, saying it like he was your fairy godfather. You and Leo heard a cough. “ I see you’re dating Nozel.” Fuegouleon said. Fuegoleons aura was strong. You and Leo froze in place. “Y-Yes um..Y-Yeah.” you said honestly knowing if you lied you would be in big trouble. “I um..I got them together.” Leo said. “Leopold.That was supposed to be my job.” Fuegoleon said. “Sleepover Leo?” you asked. He nodded. Sleepover meant running from Fuegoleon or Mereoleona and locking yourselves in a room. You both ran fast. “ Emo or Pop?” Leo asked. “Emo!” you responded by running to your room with him. You and Leo made it safely. 
“They can’t stay in there forever.” Mereoleona said from the top of the stairs. “You’re right. Let's sleep now.” Fuegoleon said. The Vermillion family went to sleep to be well rested for tomorrow's chase. Little ones vs older ones. 
As Nozel walked inside and locked the door, his siblings Nebra and Solid stood there. “Where were you? It’s very late.” Nebra said. “ Yeah. We waited for you to show up for dinner.” Solid said, crossing his arms. “ It’s none of your business where I go and You don’t need me to have dinner with you every night.” Nozel said. “Nozel it's almost 1am.” She said, trying to get Nozel’s explanation. Nozel looked in their eyes and felt a bit bad. He didn’t say where he was going nor said he’d be home late and on top of that he never skips dinner with him unless there’s a mission going on. “ I had a date with Y/n Vermillion. We had a nice picnic dinner. Then we lost track of time.” Nozel said smiling. “ You’re dating her? She’s cool or whatever.” Solid said feeling happy his brother is finding happiness just as he should and his other siblings as well. “ You’re with someone that could totally kick your ass. Don’t ruin it. She’s a lovely, strong and smart woman. I like her for you Nozel.” Nebra said, patting his back then ran along to her room. “Goodnight brother.” Solid said and left for his room. 
You and Nozel do end up in a relationship. The way he ask you to be his girlfriend didn’t go as planned. The strong wind blew the balloons away and the cake somehow ended up on his face and shirt but the 1st gift was already inside hidden in Leopold the love whisperer’s closet. A kitten with cute outfits and a large lion decorated bed for him to sleep on. He got you a promise ring(looks more like a wedding ring). It had a purple tourmaline stone with diamonds surrounding it. He balanced the cake with his left hand and took out the ring from his pocket showing it to you.“ W-Will you be my Lady, Y/n?” he asked you. You have him a peck on the cheek tasting the frosting. “Mmm yummy and Yes Nozel. I’d love to be yours.” you replied giggling at how messy he was. Nozel was thankful that he had frosting on his face to cover his blush. He put the ring on as one where the engagement ring would go on. This ring is more as a pre engagement and both of you understood that. Fuegoleon got a photo of that. “We’re putting that in a scrapbook,”Mereoleona said. “ No you’re not.” Nozel said to Mereoleon. “ b-but Nozel I was planning to make a scrapbook of our adventure.” you said with a pouty face. “Alright darling, anything for you.” he replied and pressed a peck on your cheek. “They’re getting married. I know it.” Leo said. Fuegoleon nodded. “ It’s not going to be easy letting go..” Fuegoleon said. “I know big brother. I love our sisters too.” Leo said, trying to hold his tears back. “ Leo, it's okay to cry.” Fuegoleon said, rubbing his back. Leo held onto his brother's robe and cried. Fuegoleon gave him a hug. You saw and rushed over with Nozel and Mereoleona behind you. “What’s going on? Leo, are you hurt?” you asked. He clinged onto you. “ You’re marrying Nozel!!” he cried. You held him. “You’re such a baby Leopold. Even when I’m married I won’t push you aside, dummy.” you smiled at him as you let go. “Okay. You better not.” he replied smiling. “ I promise I won't.” you replied. “ I plan on going on boy trips with you and Fuegoleon so I hope you are up for that.” Nozel said ruffling his hair. “ Hell yes!! Let's do it!!” Leo exclaimed. 
“ I love you guys very much.” You said it out loud. “ We love you too.” they all said. 
I TAKE REQUESTS!!!
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ataraxianne · 5 months ago
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Sometimes I wonder if Blitzø even knows what happened at the circus
Like, he got angry because he wanted to confess his feelings to his best friend/crush but then he likely felt pathetic and stupid because of it ("how could anyone- why would anyone - him!! - love such a failure as me??") and left in a rush, shoving away the person who was blocking his way not even watching their face because he was crying, not knowing they were holding a cake with burning candles on it- he just run away feeling bad
And then suddenly everything is on fire, everyone is screaming and running away, something fucking explodes and almost takes out your eye while parts of your body already starts burning, you see your best friend fucking decomposing but then you hear your terribly sick mother's screams - a mother that most likely cannot even get out of her bed because she's been ill ever since you were little - and you run to her trying to help her get out but you fail miserably and most likely watch her die in a fire you have no fucking idea how it started
And next thing you know you're in the hospital traumatised no more home no more mom but the nightmare is still on because you're scared for your best friend's life but then that piece of shit of your father arrives and tells you that said best friend doesn't want you anymore your sister claims the same you destroyed their house you ruined their lives you almost killed your friend you fucking killed your mother and you don't even know what the fuck they're talking about but god they look so sure of it why are they so sure of it what are you missing and after 15 years you still don't understand you still don't know
What the fuck happened?
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friendlylocalwhumper · 3 months ago
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I cannot get the latest major chapter out of my head. I can't wait to see how their dynamic shifts after the escape attempt and Major practically begging to be hurt more so he doesn't try again. I could totally picture Simon doing something like shooting Major every few months to remind him not to run again.
“Yes.” | “Kneel.” | Best of Three | Correspondence | Appraisal | Collapse | Cupcake | Foggy | Cracking | Just Breathe | Urge | Trim | Stupid | Upkeep | Old Defeat | Watching | Simple Loyalty | Overreaction | Set Up for Failure | Healed Wrong | Haunted | Boxes Buried | Heavy Blow | Loneliness
Locks clicking open, the door brushing across the carpet as it swings open. The fibers are damp under Major from the sweat stuck to his skin. He can’t tip his head back to watch Simon’s approach, it would tense his neck and move a muscle in his chest which would pull on his stomach and - if anything around his stomach moved an inch, he would scream.
There is a hand in his hair before Major can make out the silhouette above him. Maybe he should lean into it or some shit. His pride won’t allow for it. Instead, Major just huffs out laborious breaths and squints up at Simon.
Hair tied up neatly now, Simon frowns back at him, one stray strand hanging in front of his ear. The tattoos across his neck seem to swirl. Major blinks hard and tries to focus as the hand in his short hair slides to press to his forehead.
“...have a fever. I was going to check if you healed yourself, but…”
His shirt is peeled up, and every muscle in his stomach tears apart, pulling him to pieces. It feels like that, anyway. Like a handful of melted metal is being poured into his gut. He wants to scream for Simon to stop. All he can manage are short, sharp hissing breaths.
“Okay. You’re okay. Breathe.” Simon raises his hands placatingly, only the very tip of one finger smeared with red. “Just checking the bandage.” Two fingers up under Major’s jaw to get him to focus. “Can you see me?”
Narrowing his eyes, Major tries his best to make out any details of Simon’s face. He just sees an impression of hair, brows, ears, and those dark tats. “Yeah,” He croaks miserably. He’s felt cold for hours, and he never did manage to fall asleep, so it’s been hard to think. Exhausted looping thoughts plagued him through the night. About failing to escape, taking so long to try in the first place, having only a couple months left before he’s thrown out. Even a shit-for-brains healer knows when he’s got a fever, but that didn’t stop the feverish thoughts from swirling. The most persistent hallucination was of being chopped up and thrown in garbage bags, to go out in the trash on Sunday night.
“I want you to heal this.”
Eyes suddenly skittering off of Simon, Major feels heat slide down the side of his nose. Fuck, it’s humiliating that a tear was just waiting in his eye to slide out as soon as he panics. His head lolls to the side and the carpet rubs away the evidence. “Can’t,” He rasps softly.
A hand on his cheek, pulling his head back to focus. Major reluctantly looks up at Simon, who doesn’t look pissed off, yet. Somehow. “You’re allowed. I don’t like this fever. Heal it.”
The sob that lodges in his throat, unvoiced, is painful. Major shakes his head slowly. “I don’t… heal.” Mouth stuffed with cotton, nose dripping snot into his throat, Major sniffles then chokes out a measly cough. “On command. I don’t, I can’t. Please.”
The plea, more than anything, gets Simon leaning down closer in concern. It looks like concern, anyway. Major might be imagining that scrunched brow. “I’m glad you’re finally giving me some backstory, some hints. I get that you don’t like to heal when you’re told to. Now’s not the time…” His hand rests gently on top of the bandaged gunshot wound, and Major’s heart skips a beat, blood draining from his face. “...to start saying no.”
An animal whine is clawing its way out of him. Major lifts a shaking hand, half begging Simon to stop and half waiting for an opening to lay it in place. Once Simon stops pressing on the wound, he lays his own hand over the growing spot of red, magic already glowing in his palm.
“Don’ make me heal,” Whispers Major. There’s nothing he can do except ask for it not to happen. Sometimes Simon gives him stuff he wants, if he just asks. “Don’... make me do this, all the time, I can’t - don’t wanna be a kept healer, I fuck-, I ffh, can’t be that.”
For once, the cursing goes unpunished. Simon sits back on his heals and watches as the wound slowly stops bleeding again. As Major tenses, arches, cries through the painful process. The fever stays despite the infection that caused it melting away - distantly interesting, but not as much as the pain. Simon does his best to memorize the sight without making it last longer.
“Sure, Cupcake. Don’t worry. I haven’t made you heal yourself yet, have I? Don’t try a trick like that again, and I won’t have to shoot you again.” A fond pat to Major’s side as his hand slips away. He undoes the bandages and pats over the new scar. The healer flinches with the smallest hitching gasp. The pain is only remembered, only imagined. “Let’s keep the ones in your legs there for now. So you remember not to go snooping around any windows.” Simon smiles, but Major still looks close to tears, so it doesn’t seem to help lighten the mood.
“...Can’t sleep.” The confession is quiet and a little off topic. Major’s hand isn’t glowing anymore. He rubs the side of it against the carpet as if the burn scars there itch from the tickle of the magic.
He got to satisfy the urge pretty well for today. Simon hums, relaxed. “Okay. Want to come out to the living room, watch something with me? You can have the remote.”
“Can’t walk,” Offers the gruff prisoner, gesturing vaguely toward his legs. And with that, he sets a record for the most requests for help he’s made in one day. Simon nods and keeps quiet about the show of neediness.
“I can’t carry you. Got too much muscle.” He prods at Major’s stomach, which does have some squish to it from relaxed muscle, although a good deal of his old bulk has disappeared in the time it took his dark hair to grow out. “But I can help you walk, if you want to try. It’ll just hurt.”
taglist: @morning-star-whump , @lthrboy, @apokolyps, @paperprinxe , @vampiresprite, @wollemi-whump,
@watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees , @whumps-and-bumps , @defire
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martian-astro10 · 29 days ago
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My grandmother is so evil, this bitch like 😭😭, I'm even more pissed at my mom, cuz she always goes to help her, why do you keep on helping the woman who ruined your life? What's wrong with you? Leave that old hag to die. I wish she would just fucking die and stop torturing my mom. I hate her so much. She's the example of how a woman is a woman's worst enemy. I hate how kind my mom is, like STOP HELPING PEOPLE. UGHHHH. She's like a vampire, first she sucked off my grandfather's energy, and now is doing the same to my mom. You've always favoured your sons more, so go, ask them for help instead. Bitch. She makes me so angry, the fact that so many mothers treat their daughters the same way as she did my mother makes me so angry. How can you as a woman force your daughter into the disgusting circumstances that you were forced into as a young girl with her own dreams and ambitions. It pisses me off so bad. My mom has an IQ of 153, she got a full scholarship at MIT, Cambridge, but she decided to marry my mom off to this fucking idiot who failed 12th grade, this dumb fucking asshole, I hope he dies too, wherever he is. It hurts so bad, all the things she could've achieved, she wanted to study stem cells, and I know she would've slayed, maybe she would be famous, people would be studying her research papers, all that potential lost and wasted, all because her own mother was a fucking piece of shit who should've never had a child in the first place.
I'm so angry, angry at this world, angry at this stupid fucking society, angry at mothers, angry at women, angry at men, angry at those boy moms who think they're better just because they had a boy, angry at everyone, angry at my mom because she isn't angry enough, angry because that asshole who married my mom got away with no consequences, I'll kill him with my bare hands if I ever see him again, so angry, very angry, this society is so shit. I'm angry because I don't know even know what I'm angry at, where should I direct all this anger, I don't.... I wish I could stop thinking, the more I think the more it hurts. Every time something good happens, i think about my 10th grade friend who was smarter than me but got engaged last year to this stupid dickhead all because her parents wanted her to. She was very good at maths, wanted to study further but can't. Despite being so intelligent. I'm a good student but not extraordinarily good, and yet here I am, studying in a prestigious university, but it makes me feel so guilty, I'm given all these opportunities, I'm afraid of failure, so afraid, afraid that someone out there deserves it more than me. Afraid that I'm not really doing my best. I want to excel in all the things I do, to make up for all the girls my age who are not able to do so. Get good marks so that I can feel like I truly belong here.
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g1rld1ary · 3 months ago
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lamest place in the world - trevor spengler x reader
wc: 835
cw: smoking, drinking, swearing kissing, trevor and r are implied slightly aged up because i want them to be but has no impact on plot, please don't get in the car with a boy you've just met xx
Summerville, despite the name's associations, was the lamest place in the world. Certainly not the endless summer paradise that was suggested on the tin. There wasn't much to do over the summer except go to work, sleep, or fuck around in one of the many dumb fields around. It wasn't even a farming town anymore, why were there still so many goddamn fields?
You were in Walmart, preparing for a quiet night in. A pint of ice cream, a face mask, some new nail polish; you were all set.
"No way, I, um, love that stuff," A voice said from next to you. You chanced a glance at the boy next to you, towering over the shelf and all gangly limbs.
"You love nail polish?" You asked, raising an eyebrow. The boy cringed, caught in his own ruse and exposed by his obviously untouched nails.
"I just mean, uh--"
"You just wanted a reason to talk to me?" The boy nodded, seemingly resigned to his awful failure. To his surprise, you introduced yourself instead. You figured he was new to the town, and couldn't be any worse than the people you already knew. "What are you doing tonight?"
An hour later Trevor was in your car, driving you both out to the outskirts of town. He'd begged you to let him drive, apparently he'd never been allowed or something where he lived, and you figured your ancient piece-of-shit car could handle one more reckless driver.
You turned the speaker all the way up, blasting whatever tape you'd last put into it. You hung out the passenger window, singing along as Trevor raced down the empty dirt roads.
The car was parked in the middle of another field. Far off in the distance, you could see a few artificial lights, but other than that you were alone.
"Why'd you come to Summerville?" You asked Trevor once you'd shifted positions so you were both on the hood of your car, staring up at the dark night sky.
"My mom's broke," He replied, "We got evicted from our apartment and all we've got left is that stupid horror movie house and a bunch of old dusty shit inside."
"Shit," You agreed, coming up with an idea, "You want one?" You offered him a cigarette from the packet inside your jacket.
"I, uh, haven't smoked before," He said sheepishly.
"Neither have I. Cigarettes are stupid hard to come by here, they're only sold at one place and he's tough on kids. These're my brothers from college." You brandished a lighter, hot pink that you assured your mom was just for candles, and got to work.
You counted down together, inhaling in sync. You both choked out coughs and splutters, laughing at each other's embarrassing moments. You stumbled through the process, giving each other advice on how to do it properly despite both of you making it up on the spot.
You figured it out soon enough, and fell into a peaceful quiet, listening to the cicadas and rustling grass.
"Do you hate it here?" Trevor asked to break the silence and you looked at him, considering the question.
"I used to a lot more, I think. I used to be so fucking angry that this was the lot I was given. I've grown up a lot now, make my own fun, and it's not so bad anymore. Now I only hate it every other day," You joked, uncomfortable with the serious conversation. Thankfully Trevor laughed and you were back to more playful conversation.
You'd been out there for hours, burning through a few cigarettes and whatever booze you had stashed in the trunk.
"It's not funny, Trev, we were in deep shit--"
"What'd you call me?"
"Trev? Is that not alright--"
"No, no I liked it. Really liked it." You look over at him, were you always this close? You could feel his breath on your face, hot even in the summer air.
You think you were the one to kiss him first, but it honestly could've been either of you. Something in the air between you was electric, pushing you towards the boy you'd only just met.
The kiss was kind of awkward at first, both of you craning your necks from your position on your backs. Trevor was the one to move, pulling himself on top of you and framing your face with his forearms. He tasted like a bizarre mix of cigarettes and beer but it didn't repel you, rather encouraging you to open your mouth for him, the two of you getting even closer. You explored his mouth, bringing your hands up to tangle in his curls, pulling on them slightly and giggling into his open mouth when he moaned.
Maybe Summerville wasn't all boring, and you were pretty sure you'd just sorted out your summer plans.
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makimahinalno · 3 months ago
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As a non Western person (not American nor Western European) I never trully understood the problems when it comes about race. But after this video everything is clear to me and how people (and in general) in these big companies think.
Zevran is the only POC in Origins + romance option, and he is the only one that is ALWAYS forgotten. Most people consider him to be nothing more than a quick fuck (but he feels a lot and wants love, he hides it well), or they consider him to be stupid and that he only survived by pure luck (he lies when he tells about his missions, he's just trying to appear harmless to the Warden). When he tells the Warden that he wanted to die after that whole thing with Rina and the Crows, people laugh cause they think he's joking and is trying to mask failure when trying to assassinate the player (he isn't, he is actually suicidal and depressed).
So Zevran is considered as a comic relief, he's not given the same empathy nor understanding that are given to: Solas, Morrigan, Alistair etc...
But let me give you an actual comparison so you can in fact understand that RACE does play a huge role in how a character is perceived.
ASTARION. Yes, The Pale Elf from BG3. Him and Zevran are very similar!! Both are dashing rogues but they both have a tragic backstory, both stories revolve around being sold into slavery and both have sexual trauma. Yet for some reason, Zevran is being treated as a joke while Astarion has millions of people defending him??? Some have babied him down to the point that you need to spoon feed him cause he is such a poor innocent creature that can do no wrong and you need to take care of him cause he was so hurt.
So people will excuse Astarion being a dickhead and a shitty person (he is, he even admits that he wants others to suffer with him) for being a WHITE MAN, but people aren't giving the same love to Zevran even though he is much nicer as a person (he only lashes out at the Warden when that thing with earring comes up) and he has a really tragic backstory too. So why? Oh yeah it's because he is a POC.
To all the people that think like this, from the bottom of my heart, GO FUCK YOURSELF. Fucking racist pieces of shit. I see already how people are treating Bellara and Davrin! They aren't given the same love and hype as Emmerich and Lucanis, why? CAUSE THEY AREN'T WHITE
I'm so done, I vented out the anger hopefully, but ufff the way that stupid bitch in the video spoke makes my blood boil.
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