#sorry i keep putting these off lol
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WHERE MY GORE LOVERS AT BABY
I never see appreciation for the bishop purgatory designs anywhere, so. I am here. To change that.
I want to see more people mess around with the designs... I want to see more people including silly headcanons and stylizing them!!! Because the designs are all amazing!! The way each design conveys how the lamb fought them is INCREDIBLE.
The top of Leshys' head is devoid of foliage because the rest of him was hidden underground during his fight. Hekets' throat and stomach are raw and skinned because she's always landing and scraping around hard on stone when she's trying to crush you. Kallamar is covered in a large burn because it's so difficult to get close to him during his fight, implying the best strategy was a long range strategy. Shamuras' front is completely torn open and hanging out because they're running directly at you during the entire fight and that is exactly! Where! You'd! Be! Hitting them!
I'm just really really passionate about the bishop purgatory designs. I want to see more people explore them I think they're so cool.
#cult of the lamb#cotl#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl fanart#cotl bishops#cotl leshy#cotl heket#cotl kallamar#cotl shamura#gore#cw gore#tw gore#blood#cw blood#tw blood#body horror#cw body horror#tw body horror#sorry im loading up on tags here#i dont want to put the art under a cut#so this is my manner of keeping this off the dash of ppl who wouldnt wanna see it lol#anyway#if you reblog this tag it with your favorite purgatory bishop design#mine is def kallamar because of the intrigue of it all#i have silly headcanons for him borne of the purgatory desjgn alone
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Itās finally done, guys ā five whole pages of Narilamb AU comic AND MORE be upon you! (If you have trouble reading any of the text, view the full-size! These pages are huge!)
Yeesh, this took forever. <:)
Thereās probably a ton of inconsistencies and anatomy/perspective wonkeries, but this was mostly just comic practice, so Oh Hekkin Well, Lol <:D
(Yes, I am aware the Gatewayās door isnāt present in the Afterlife, and the actual way in is just a pentagram portal. Yes, I put the door in there anyway because Artistic License, i.e. it felt more impactful for there to be a prison door of sorts to walk through to freedom, rather than just a bland boring portal on the ground. š )
anyway, i hate backgrounds so much lmao
Alternate ending and a buttload of bonus art under the cut, followed by goofy AU rambles and headcanon stuff:
Iām calling it the Revival AU. Itās not all that creative a title, and someone else has probably used it already, but I am too lazy to really care, LOL
Alternate ending page, which you will Definitely need to view the full-size for, Whoopsie Daisy:
The alternate ending was actually the first ending I finished things off with, because I had a brief badbrain moment where I forgot the emotional beat I initially wanted the comic to end on, and I tend to write comedy, anyway. I later remembered and drew out the proper ending, but I preserved and finished this one, too, because it still makes me giggle.
They had to go back for the followers off-screen in the AUās real ending. And by ātheyā I mean just the Lamb, because they werenāt about to ask three newly freed cats to go back into what used to be their prison. The Lamb DID spend some time watching Narinder and the bois enjoying the outdoors first, though:
In other news, hereās the Lamb and me making fun of my anatomy-drawing āskillsā:
Meanwhile, if youāre wondering why the Lamb is just a-okay with how things went down vis a vis Their Murder, this bonus comic should answer at least some of your questions:
Ah, yes, also this is how they get engaged outside of the alternate ending. Forgot to mention that bit. XD (I already refuse to believe that Narinder is capable of flirting normally, so why would his initial marriage proposal be any better???)
Oh, and before any of them get a chance to actually head back to the cult grounds, there is one potential problem:
And by āproblemā I mean something Narinder intends to ignore for At Minimum a thousand years. Cuz heās a petty bitch like that. :D
what do you mean i drew the lamb too tall compared to the background? clearly theyāre standing on top of baal and aym lmao, why else would you think those two arenāt in this one??? (aym and baal got way too excited about finally being outside, you see, and their silly modes are nothing to sneeze at)
And, speaking of heading back to the cult grounds, Iām sure yāall would love to know how the Lambās followers felt about the brand new change in management:
It all went better than expected. <:D Tiny ramble now, feel free to skip down to the next comic.
Before you ask, no, the Lamb does not have any actual powers anymore, other than the immortality Narinder definitely grants them. The Red Crown just thinks itās funny to suggest otherwise, and Narinder does nothing to discourage this. Also, the Lamb and Narinder arenāt actually married here yet, but, uh. Pretty safe to say that particular ritual directly follows the events of this comic. XD
Given how quickly he mellows out in canon, Narinder probably chills out a lot in this AU once heās in charge of the cult, too, if only because 1.) Heās finally free, and 2.) Heās equally smitten with and distracted by the Lamb. Heās definitely in charge at least 95% of the time, though, because the Lamb never actually wanted to be a cult leader and, now that their time as a vessel is done, they just want to be a normal(ish) sheep whoās wholly devoted to their hot new divine husband.
Some followers do still have some valid concerns about these two being together, though, which Iām sure at least a few of you might shareā¦
Unfortunately for any such concerns, the Lamb is a bonafide masochist in this AU. :D
Theyāre also 100% a sub, obviously
Anyone at all: Your relationship is problematic and potentially toxic
The Lamb: fuck yeah it is, itās so hot~ OuO
Hereās just the last panel, made transparent for whatever nefarious purposes yāall might have for it:
Additional exchange Narinder and the Lamb have at some point, probably after the Lamb does a fatal whoopsie while out on a mission trip or in response to things getting a little too sadistic in the bedroom, ahaha:
Look, there is a very important distinction between life and death, and if you donāt understand that, then youāre probably not worthy of being the God of Death, anyway. (At least, according to Narinder, and ONLY Narinder.)
Last but not least, have these shittens:
~Such creative naming conventions I have utilized, lololol~ :D Anyway, there's a few deets on them in the rambles down below.
The rest is all ramble, so before I get to that, Iāll just say ā likes and especially reblogs are very much appreciated!!! :D If you happen to really really REALLY like my stuff, meanwhile, I do have a link in my bio to my ko-fi page, where Iām accepting commissions and donations if youāre especially generousā¦ ĆuĆ
Now, BE FREE IF YOU AINāT DOWN FOR READING MY GOOFY RAMBLES
First ramble is re: Baalās question of āDid it really work?ā, since I didnāt feel like expanding on it in the comic proper, and itās arguably pretty vague? He doesnāt ask because he doubts Narinder or his capabilities, exactly, but because neither Baal nor Aym have ever actually seen their god at full power before (heās still technically not at full power here, either). Itās not expressly stated how soon the brothers were brought to Narinder after his imprisonment, but whether it was early on or after a length of time for Shamura to (somewhat) recover from his attack, he must have already been weakened, since I have no doubts that there was a huge battle that accompanied the Bishops working together to trap him. So, between that fight with all four of his siblings, sharing his power with a variety of vessels over time, and being chained immobile for a thousand years, he must have been severely weakened by the time he lent the Red Crown out to the Lamb, which would have only weakened him further.
I like to think this is how the Lamb is able to defeat him if they refuse to be sacrificed, despite how it took all four Bishops working together to subdue and chain Narinder in the first place.
All that aside, the three cats have been trapped in the Afterlife for so long that Baal also wanted verbal reassurance that they are all, indeed, actually able to leave it now ā something that I headcanon isnāt possible without a significant amount of power (i.e. the Red Crownās cooperation with its bearer/vessel).
(On a semi-related note, I donāt headcanon Aym and Baal as twins. I like sweetheart big bro Baal and snarky little goth bro Aym too much to have them be that close in age.)
Ah, teeny thing: If you noticed I switched up the art style for Narinder on the second page, that was intentional. It's sort of a visual indicator that there has been a Big Change for him - that being, how much power he has after sacrificing the Lamb. As for why I changed up his arms in the grass rollin' pic, I don't really subscribe to the notion that his arms are spooky bones because they're horrifically injured (beyond chain-chafing scars, that is), but rather just because he's the Bishop of Death, so he can change how normal-to-spooky they look at will. At some point I might doodle out how I imagine his appearance to range between least to most eldritch... š¤
Next ramble, regarding Narinderās feelings towards the Lamb...he was initially too focused on being freed from his imprisonment to form any real attachment to them. They were a tool for his use, first and foremost, but he did notice their intense devotion towards him. It was impossible not to notice, because the Lamb was always very happy to see him, even if it was because they died during a crusade (yet again). He wasnāt originally planning to revive them once he was freed, either, because he saw no real point to it ā after all, they were already dead when they first met him, just as any other mortal would be when meeting him in the Afterlife, so death has very little real consequence in his eyes. But, once the chains were off, and it really sank in that he stood to lose the most devoted follower heās ever had, he decidedā¦why put their soul to rest for good or leave them stuck in the Afterlife when he could just as easily revive them again? And why not reward them for their hard work, anyway? Not only would it cost him nothing by comparison, but the future devotion that could come of it would surely make up for his (bare minimum) effort in reviving them.
He wasnāt expecting to get a full dose of that devotion and a smiling face so soon after killing them, though~ :3c (because the Lamb is a bonafide freak, and not-so-secretly into the fucked up power dynamics going on here, lol)
I should mention here that I am firmly of the belief that any non-god/vessel who crosses through the Gateway and into the Afterlife just straight up dies. So, Aym and Baal? Also straight up dead, from the second Shamura brought them through. Their souls were just never put to rest so that Narinder could have some company ā if only according to Shamura. Narinder kept the two around mostly out of bewilderment, because honestly, who are these kittens, and what is Shamuraās game here, anyway??? They never even explained anything, they just tossed these kittens into the Afterlife and LEFT!!! At any rate, Aym and Baal being dead is how I explain why their souls apparently become lost in the void if theyāre killed, along with the added complications required to revive the two because of it.
So, with those deets in mind, and given a bit of time, if Narinder hadnāt chosen to revive the Lamb, and also hadnāt chosen to put their soul to rest, they still would have woken up at some point, despite being as straight up dead as Aym and Baal. Who, donāt worry, were also properly revived while Narinder was waiting for the Lamb to wake up. Because I am also firmly of the belief that, first, the dead cannot leave the Afterlife without the use of a ritual/relic (and can't stay in the living world for long regardless), and second, dead followersā devotion isnāt anywhere near as potent as that of the living, given how much more the living stand to lose.
Final ramble, regarding the Lambās feelings towards Narinder, and why theyāre so devoted to himā¦
Well, you donāt spend most of your life on the run with your steadily-dwindling herd, trying to evade the ongoing genocide of your species, without becoming a little fucked up in the head. Maybe a lot fucked up in the head. Life is suffering, so might as well have fun with it, right? Maybe start finding death and pain to be kind of hilarious, even a little bit hot, once everyone you know and love is dead and gone, leaving you all alone? And maybe after that, thereās something comforting in how, despite the cold, cruel uncertainties of life, at least you can always count on the inevitability of death, patiently waiting for you until your very last breath? Who knows. Either way, as soon as the Lamb was killed, and they learned that the literal God of Death was offering them a second chance at life and vengeance via effective immortality, they were 100% ride-or-die-devoted all at once. Turns out death is kinder than life ā go figure. (Of course, it helps that Narinder is 100% their type.)
They werenāt put off by Narinderās thinly-veiled sadism or manipulations, either ā theyāre not too different in those regards, albeit opting for vastly different methods. Itās a very ātwo sides of the same coinā sort of deal. In order to stay alive once they were made the last of their kind, the Lamb had no qualms with using others to their advantage, and that did not change once they were revived and expected to run a cult. They didnāt care for the position of authority, though ā being a sheep and all, theyāre much more of a follower than a leader, and thus greatly appreciated Narinderās need for control. With how they had to keep on their toes for so long, the Lamb was also pretty good at reading people by the time they died, so they could recognize that a lot of Narinderās posturing was just that ā posturing. Dudeās 95% bluster and only 5% bite. He could obviously be vicious when he wanted or needed to (the Bishops' injuries were clear proof of that), but underneath his outer layer of cruelty was a generous layer of tsundere, and underneath all THAT was a soft squishy middle sibling velcro cat in desperate need of attention and affection.
(Which, for the record, he Did Not feel comfortable getting from Aym and Baal ā Narinder still has no idea why the fuck Shamura sent them to him, beyond acting as keepers at best or trying to sabotage his attempts to escape at worst. Which, he thought HE sabotaged in turn, by guiding the kittens into being his devoted disciples instead. He thought he was very clever for it. āI outsmarted Shamura!ā he thought, despite that there was never anything there to outsmart. āWhat do you mean, Shamura sent your kittens to me for company?ā he demands of Forneus later. It may or may not lead him to pull Shamura out of Purgatory just so he can shake them and scream about how they should have Fucking Explained that!!!)
But, getting back on track as to why the Lamb was so willing to be sacrificed, I cannot stress this enough ā if you pay even a minimal amount of attention to what heās saying, Narinder is REALLY NOT SUBTLE about his intentions. āDeath is of little consequence.ā āFollowers are for you to use to your advantage.ā āSacrifice a follower to absorb more power.ā So, yeah, the Lamb knew exactly what would be expected of them once the other Bishops were dead. They knew Narinder would expect them to die for him one last time. But, after all, death is of little consequence (not to mention hot), so when the time came, they wanted to see him freed, even if it meant oblivion for them in the end.
Heād given them a second life, and the ability to avenge their kin, and they felt indebted to him for that ā so, while they were still pretty glum about the possibility that they might not get to see him free of his chains, nothing beyond their devotion and debt to him mattered. They never wanted all the drama and expectations that came with the Red Crownās power, anyway, so, better for Narinder to have it back so that he could deal with it. What he did with the Lamb afterward would be up to him, and seeing as he was their god, theyād accept his decision gladly.
Were they in love with him by that point? Oh, obsessively so, but only in the devotional sense ā romance was nowhere on their mind nor radar. That is, until he unexpectedly revived them again, told them he still needed them, and then offered down his hand to help them up.
The Lamb fell HARD for him in that moment. :3c
And now, a tiny shitten ramble. Lu and Li are twins, because sheep tend to have those a lot, and are conceived not long after the Lamb and Narinderās marriage ceremony. Lu is the minutes older one, but Li is much more mature. I have put no further thought into these two, other than that they are utter menaces, birthed by the Lamb, cling hard to both their parents but especially Narinder (who spoils them rotten), and they are both genderfluid, using whichever pronouns/names they feel like at any given time. They are also both intersex, same as the Lamb, who was initially infertile up until Something Something Vague Magic, which I have also put no further thought into ĀÆ\_(ć·)_/ĀÆ
oh, and before anyone tries to suggest i headcanon this AUās lamb as trending more female due to them giving birth or whatever, no, no, a thousand times no, they might have a vag, but they've also got a dick, and even if it's not as big as they'd like, they still know how to use it
Finally, the very tentative name for the Lamb in this AU is Yazdi, which is really just another name for the Baluchi breed of sheep XD (Not that the Lamb is this specific breed, I just didnāt like any of the other sheep-related names I found, ahaha...)
THATāS ALL FOR NOW (collapses into an exhausted pile of goopy limbs)
#fanart#comics#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl shitten#cotl mystic seller#cotl aym#cotl baal#aym and baal#this is why i have been especially quiet lately XD#even just the bonus stuff took several days to finish because i don't know the meaning of DOODLE anymore apparently#everything must be fully inked and colored with backgrounds I Fukken Guess#at least using medibang's sumi brush keeps me from focusing on making my lines perfect :\#and yeah i copy-pasta'd a lot of my own backgrounds don't at me bro#if you're on desktop and want to full view but don't know how: right click the image - open in new tab - zoom in as needed :)#feel free to ask questions about the AU if you want - but uh - this is basically the extent to which i've thought it through LOL#edit: oh right - aym and baal really out there assuming narinder already put the lamb's soul to rest so the body's just fodder now lmao#last edit i hope: fixed the transparent cult certified freak image 8|#nope - one more edit: there is one (1) loophole for how living mortals can be in the afterlife without dying#that loophole is currently narinder XD#'sorry universe but the god of death says i can be in here so back off with your rules and regulations'
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Let us pray for [y]our salvation.
and here's two views of the window w/o geki b/c i spent way too long on it lmao:
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#utau#utauloid fanart#gekiyaku#kazehiki#i still can't believe i actually pulled this off WOO#i had the idea for a long ass time but was putting it off b/c i didnt think i could do it... but i think i did so yayy#tried doing this in ibispaint at first; hated how it was coming out so i came crawling back to firealpaca lmaooo sorry ibis </3#i really gotta maybe mess with the brushes?? i think its the brush options that fuck me up. and ONLY on desktop??#cause on mobile i feel its better/fine and i have more control over them. idk i gotta keep experimenting#at this point i mostly just use ibis for extra effects that firealpaca doesn't have. thank god for .psd compatibility between both#the other reason i was trying to use ibis is b/c i heard something about a built-in stained glass effect filter and i was gonna try it#but i ended up just doing it all myself by hand in firealpaca so LMAOOO#feel free to gather your own thoughts on what this means :3
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she's beauty she's grace she's Miss Eevee Cosplay 3.0
#personal#pls don't ask me why i'm up at 2am i don't wanna talk about it#anyway i think she's mostly done maybe#i did some more work on the bangs on the wig after i took these pictures so they look better#and i might try to find some flowery earrings when i go to the store for some other stuff tomorrow#but all the major things are done. i think.#honestly i'm all over the place rn so i could be forgetting something#i keep bouncing back and forth between the one million things i have to do (con and not con-related)#anyway i usually try to do a different cosplay every day of con but idk i think i'll just wear flower eevee both saturday and sunday#bc i've put so much work into it and tbh i don't think i can handle trying to get another cosplay ready rn#the only exception would be maybe doing eevee 1.0 or 2.0 bc have everything except the wigs for those ready bc of eevee 3.0#totoro is friday bc my friends and i are doing a ghibli group!!#i wish i had a different ghibli cosplay just bc i've done totoro so much but i do love totoro and she's easy and comfy so that'll be nice#sorry shutting up now i need to go to bed i have WORK TOMORROW#cries#i should start taking off the whole week of convention lol#(no i shouldn't i should just get back in the habit of getting my cosplays done early and not con crunching -.-)
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#cyberpunk 2077#girl i miss amm lmao i didnt realize how reliant i am on it oop#i took off his mask to take another picture and i got jumpscared by how baby his face is#i need to put the stubble back on lol#and then my game froze :'))#wasnt sure if i was keeping arthur's hair for him but i might..#sorry pookie i stole ur hair!!!
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people being mad/disgusted that hancock is a romance option can fuck all the way off you dont deserve him
#cannot comprehend that life. every time i see him i get heart eyes like a cartoon#i keep seeing people being like lol why is he even an option#like? have you seen him.#i was mildly put off by the silly costume at first but thats it#people who dont think ghouls can be attractive: would hate to be you. genuinely#yes im including the other games. yes i would kiss gob too#i initially debated headcanoning my fo3 protag having a thing with him but i dont know that it ever happened#(it cant canonically)#but then i got obsessed with butch im sorry skdf
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I'm just a lurker in the fandom who occasionally comes to your blog to read your Jaime posts, but as someone whose mom died eleven years ago, I can tell you it does get better eventually. It just takes forever.
aw thank you so much and Iām so sorry about your mum. Iām still kind of in disbelief?? like what the fuck he fully died?? sounds fake. but once the funeral is done maybe Iāll start moving along idk. either way thank you so much for your message, I really donāt want it to hurt this bad forever so that is genuinely reassuring š„²
#ask#dad stuff#also a weird thing Iām running into is that I canāt really fantasise about alternate timelines where this didnāt kill him#or we caught it early#cos of the nature of the thing like it was probably always going to happen and wa definitely always going to kill him#and thereās nothing we couldāve done differently to make it better#I keep reaching for alternate fantasies where I knew years in advance and so put a stop to it at the right time#but there was no right time this was just so extremely inevitable we just didnāt know it#sorry this is off topic but it fucks w me a bit. itās a depressing sort of comfort in some ways but a torment in others lol
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inspired by @colap1nto <3 and posting here to hold myself accountable: writevember! attempting to write something every day no matter how much and what it is
i am however inventing stipulations for myself so i cannot weasel my way out of it, which includes a valid definition of āwriteā:
actively put words into a document in the form of a proper fic!!! too many wip not enough hands!!
poems (actually laughed at me coming up with this but maybe i will go back to my roots)
research/meta/primers
tag stories are permissible IF i actually compile and edit them into a readable document that day
editing to post to ao3 (the optimism) is also valid. it takes me so long
i do have concrete arbitrary deadlines for one and a half fics that i would LOVE to finish and post in november (dewey^2 and [redacted :)]) so iām hoping this helps!! also, this is secretly just a sticker chart where i get to put down emojis for each fic i worked on and check off boxes but a win is a win
day 1:šŖ»šāā¬
day 2: šš¤ (š -> š)
day 3:š«2ļøā£
day 4: š
day 5:š«2ļøā£
day 6: š, š
day 7:š«2ļøā£ AND āļøš§. who is she
day 8:šŖ»šāā¬
day 9:š«2ļøā£
day 10:š«2ļøā£
day 11:š«2ļøā£ we are on a STREAK and also a countdown š«”
day 12:š«2ļøā£
day 13:š«2ļøā£
day 14: š¬š
day 15: šš¤ (š -> š)
day 16:š«2ļøā£
day 17: š“ ā«ļø,š«2ļøā£
day 18:šŖ»šāā¬
day 19:šŖ»šāā¬, šš¤ (š -> š)
day 20:š«2ļøā£
day 21:š«2ļøā£, š¤« šŖ½š
day 22:š«2ļøā£
day 23: šÆā
day 24: šŖ¢
day 25: šš®š¦
day 26:š«2ļøā£
day 27:š«2ļøā£
day 28:š«2ļøā£
day 29:š«2ļøā£
day 30:š«2ļøā£
WRITEMBER RECAP: an overall sucess!!!! this was so much fun and really forced me to write even if it was only a little bit every day. like, to the point that i'm debating doing a cute little twelve days of christmas snippet fest. absolutely could not have finished and published dewey^2 p2 without this challenge or posted p3 :)
thirty days of writing
twelve different fics worked on
poems: 1
i have no word count for you sorry i wish i did but it is at least over a few thousand words!!!!
times i wrote for a day past midnight (making it technically the next day) but because i was still awake i counted it for that day: at least 17 if not closer to like. 25
tags i forgot what they mean: one. what the FUCK is šŖ¢??? OH MY GOD I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS NEVERMIND
duolingo streak (worked on the same fic in a row): 5
#liv in the replies#guys are you proud of me. i put everything I would normally yap into the tags in the actual post. hashtag growth#i say continuing to yap into the tags. I donāt want to be pessimistic but I AM scared this is occurring during my monthly bout of#productivity and I will face the doldrums and absolute inability to write in 2-4 days lol#also everyone says this next systems course is GARBAGE and terrible and super hard which. okay š yay š#I shouldāve put āreply to ao3 commentsā as a valid form of writing because the comment box terrifies me but itās FINE#if you have ever commented on my fic I love you with every unspeakable fiber of my being and there is one comment I feel so guilty about#but itās because every time I think about it I need to go jump around in circles I canāt fangirl too hard I also cannot find the WORDS#like even typing this out iām like. anxious butterfly but itās because I have so much love in my heart#also i am codifying the emojis to fics for Me sorry because I think itās fun and iām being secretive for literally no reason.#everyone tell me to get off of here and work on an actual fic. after I have my nik-induced/enabled 2353 breakdown#we hit day five and yes I DID forcibly make myself not work on a completely different fic. i wannnntttt to finishhhhh š«^2 2ļøā£ so badddd#& this is not a game of āwork on a different wip every dayā even if i could feasibly do thatš«” good news is i rlly think 3 -> 1 1/2 is done?#update 11/10 (technically 11/11 but itās fine this is how it normally works) if i write like an unhinged person which is to say at all#bc i have midterms but also really like an unhinged person i MIGHT be able to adhere to my self-imposed deadline for š«2ļøā£. god bless me#at 1:30AM yesterday having an absolute breakthrough with a line that has been in some variation in so many different fics including mine#for myself specifically because i keep having this moment: šŖ¢ is the fic in the bottom of the yowling doc lmao.
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Besides Danmarch (and low key FeiQiu?), what other Honkai Star Rail ships do you like?
not many honestly!!! danmarch is my fav i love their silly banter....yanli is my new second fav HEHHEHEHEHEHE you cant give me two cute kids who have so much in common and yet end up as childish bickering rivals anyway and then their mentors forcing them into the get-along-tshirt (metaphorically) and expect me not to love them instantly heheeee
#more rambling from me below but#i dont have any stelle ships yet#she just seems so incredibly lowkey#shes just chilling like the cool cousin. i think i like her better as this blank-faced dumb chill person#i know hsr was trying to push the firefly agenda but i just...cannot stand her ass lmao i know its probably an unpopular opinion#i hate when games only give you a really short ass time to befriend a character and then all of a sudden its like (you care very much)#(her death fills you with rage) like i barely know her???#when everyone was like (im so sorry about firefly i know you were close...)#and im like uhh i mean not really i knew her for like 30mins but sure#if they did the firefly death with march??? or dan heng??? or himeko ???? then i can see stelle being MAD MAD BRO#but this new random person.....nah#anyway. ignore my ramblings i wish games put more effort into relationship development lol#if you like firefly thats cool. i get it#i just cannot get on board with her#ironically thought SAM was cool as hell and the reveal really did surprise me. kudos to not being predictable#but for me it was like that post where its like#character keeps mask/helmet on: !!! <33333#character takes mask/helmet off: :/
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i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;
#txt#i am used to posting long things that are essentially a conversation with myself because i either don't#want to bother others with certain topics or i just am used to anything i have to say really being... worth saying...#so i will sometimes go back and add more tags because i'm still thinking about it after the fact and the gap in time where someone#would have said something to prompt further thought is just. me continuing it with myself. bc i'm still thinking about it.#and then that translates into how i talk to other people where i sometimes feel like i either have too much to say without only#keeping what's of utmost relevant importance#(which is also due to me knowing if i don't say it Right Now Immediately i will forget if it does become relevant again)#so i am expecting people to read too much#and/or i then am not... listening to people? or i come off like im not listening to people?#even though i rly do try to be attentive i just forget sometimes to leave space for other people to talk because i am#used to only talking to myself so much lmaoo so i think i come off like i only want to Talk At people due to how Much i share#and sometimes i probably am not as attentive in convos as i would like to be but i try to be! i just dont know if the balance is there#but i also don't rly know how to be more concise bc of that mix of not wanting to forget and also not wanting to be misunderstood#and being so excited to get contribute etc#anyway there are also a lot of social things i HAVE been neglecting by accident i am so sorry if youve sent me an ask etc#and you've gotten silence i am getting to things slowly ;-;#i just mean moreover in active conversations the way that i act is like. i always worry i am doing something wrong all the time forever#and maybe i would worry less if i could put more of my thought dump energy into observing others more attentively#to get a better read on things lol#me coming back to this post as an example bc i had another thought:#i also type rly fast and my brain goes rly fast so while i do clean up what i say typically#others might find it more convenient to be more concise due to typing slower#whereas i don't think before i type i just type as i think one to one#i lose thoughts otherwise but Thinking Before I Speak is a lost art to me rip#but then if i am talking to people irl or on voice i am so much more reserved. i ramble a lot!!#but it's easier for me to fall back
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do u guys like her...
#twist rambles#having to write the id for this like. heres all the diseases.#sorry im like... ive been researching on and off all day and i truly do think i could fix her. pray fo rme that buyee shipping wouldnt be#too bad bc i want her soooo bad#bjd posting#and shes DIRT CHEAP. 1000 yen. like thats NUTS. they keep having to put the auction back up bc NO ONE will bid on this thang.#anyways. i am pretty confident now after all the research that... i could remove the face paint and resculpt her nose and then. paint it#again lmao. thankfully cordula (my resinsoul li/my VERY pink doll) has also had to have been full head painted so like... it shouldnt be to#bad? and w already having a body that SHOULD perfectly fit (given i can figure out the neck connector lol) i can just... paint her head to#match the body if i do go thru w it. i dont normally get like... this focused on what i assumed was an impulse purchase (havent bought her#yet) but i just... i keep thinking abt her like. i genuinely curse the autism object empathy bc every day ive been like checking the sales#page to see if it will truly be MY burden to bear.#anyways. i am making this post to get thoughts on her. do you guys see the cuteness hiding under the scaries.#if i DID get her it would be a massive liveblog adventure as i clean her up so. know that if you are invested in me deyuckifying beasts lol
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Sukuna is going to hell but thatās still my bitchā¦.
#sorry sorry#I never hated Sukuna heās a great villain regardless lol#I need to draw some sukugo soonā¦ keep putting it off but I got comm and trades and other stuff I need to finish up whaa#rambling
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I'm posting this for transparency reasons
#andy rambles#I've been actively trying to keep my irl shit off of the internet but this is one of the few times I'll be this open#mostly because it relates to my art#also; I'm sorry for how excessive I was being when it came to posting about my IRL life two years ago#that's just what being 14 was like ig#and yes this is me stating that I am but a young boy#I'm 16 lol. I don't really care if people know. I just don't put it in my bios or anything cause that's just kind weird to me#this is a genuine fear of mine though#I know that there's clear signs that what I make is mine when looking at my entire body of work from my entire life#but it still feels like someone out there is going to think I'm an art thief?#maybe im just going crazy. idk#I just worry a lot. excessively even#as if that wasn't obvious enough lmao
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Does stabbing your gums count as self-harm? Because I am bleeding but also this feels like the correct thing to do
#genuine question#tw self-harm mention#tw self harm mention#tw blood mention#I brushed my teeth like two hours ago and then flossed and now Iām just stabbing the gums with a toothpick#there is some blood like. my instincts say to keep doing it#so Iām probably going to lol#kinda off-topic but as a kid I had this cool metal bookmark (might still have it actually) that I just put in my mouth sometimes#and I was like āwhy does this metal taste like blood??ā because I didnāt know about blood iron yet#tbh blood does actually taste good. mouth blood the least good but still better than some of the stuff sold in stores#I will however state that I have only ever tasted my own blood so it could just be that my blood tastes good#also is it normal to be able to get the pick TROUGH the little bit of space between two teeth and your gums?#I wish metals were a bigger dietary requirement in humans bc it tastes really good#to anyone who read all this sorry for ranting about how good blood tastes lol#at least I wouldnāt have to worry about that if I became a vampire or something lol
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i havenāt actually seen pictures (which is definitely spoilers) but people are talking about a thing and. not tagging their discussion of the picture as spoilers. so unfortunately i still know about the thing. good work teamš
#gonna talk about it here so if you really donāt want spoilers and havenāt seen it. keep walking#i figure if i put enough tags in the actual thing will be under a cut lol#TECHNICALLY youāre not sharing spoilers in that youāre just talking and not sharing actual content. but that feels like splitting hairs#and itās super minor anyway but i just feel like this will be indicative of more down the line#iām not mad iām just like. all right i guess#anyway. keeping in mind i havenāt seen pics and donāt want to#i cannot imagine solas with hair and that seems like he would not be able to pull it off. sorry#personal.txt
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thoughts on totk now that iāve beaten it
under the cut bc of length and bc there is honestly a fair bit of negative stuff
i donāt really think i can say that i liked totk.
itās fine, itās genuinely fucking incredible from a technical standpoint with ultrahand, recall, the three map layers and with how smoothly it ran for me. as a game itās fine.
iāll start with the things i dislike and end with what i actually liked
i honestly didnāt really like ultrahand? i disliked how much the game leaned on it, since so many puzzles and whatever just boiled down to āmake something thatāll workā and it just... it was far too clunky for me to really enjoy using it, outside of using some of the same few designs for traversal. there were a few times when i could see what the game wanted me to do with ultrahand and the given zonai parts and sometimes it just... didnāt work at all. more often than not ultrahand was frustrating for me to use so the gameās reliance on it just made it into a chore sometimes.
in a similar vein the dungeons were serious letdowns. i mean, donāt get me wrong, theyāre fine, they had good themes and (mostly) had good aesthetics and general looks and identities to them, but the fact that they were just... basically twenty-ish minute little things was kind of disappointing. i hate that they all had the exact same āgo hit x number of switchesā gimmick. it really limited what you could do and fucked with the dungeon design, too. the only one where that really worked for me was the fire temple, which was my favorite overall. the water temple was especially dismal, with the least inspired look and just being an astoundingly easy experience. the puzzles in those dungeons were so awfully easy, too, especially since half of the time they just hand you what you need so you barely need to really assess the situation and put a plan together
i hated the water dungeonās little mini-areas where you do a single piss-easy puzzle to automatically get your prize, i hated the wind templeās god damn āpull a lever and get your prizeā kind of puzzles, i hated how soul-crushingly disappointed i felt when i took a look at the lightning templeās map and realized that every fucking floor had a singular room just for the switch puzzle. god forbid itās as fun as the lowest level of that temple. i really miss stuff like mini-bosses or rooms where you have to do a puzzle in order to just... progress, i miss dungeons that i could get lost in or spend a while in or just had... something more interesting or some more substance so that i canāt just breeze through like itās a glorified shrine. most of the puzzles in those dungeons were simpler than some shrines i did.
i didnāt care to do much exploration since there honestly isnāt much motivation to explore the surface map if youāve already played botw, and the scarcity of materials this time really got to me, it took me a while to have a half-decent stock of materials, and i still had trouble not running out of stuff even though i was using amiibos to stock up on some things. the money situation was rough, too... a lot of things are cheaper to sell, but some armor is still really expensive plus you have to pay the great fairies to upgrade your equipment in addition to having the correct materials. that especially felt odd- having to grab a handful of (goddamn hard to get) lynel guts is hard enough to upgrade the soldierās armor, but you want me to cough up 500 rupees, too??
(the scarcity of monster guts also got on my nerves, but iāll just chalk that up to just some kind of really weird difficulty thing. it was annoying until i tracked down the stronger monsters.)
the story is probably the weakest part of the game to me. itās really hard to have a baseline investment when you donāt care about these characters, anyway, and what i saw in this gameās story still failed to endear me to hardly any of them. linkās role frustrated me; he just comes off like a tool rather than a character this time through, he barely has any actual relevancy to the story segments beyond being the guy who can use the master sword and being the playerās vehicle to get from point a to b in the story. the blank stare and limited emoting worked in botw because... thereās a given reason for his lack of outward emotion in the past, plus he has no memory in the present. it makes sense. but this time around, heās gotten memories in the years between this and the last game, but he just feels like a background character in most of the story beats.Ā
he has no role in the memories and in the present just exists to gather some stuff for other people, he gets the master sword from zelda and then helps the other sages get their secret stones, but heās barely addressed as his own character in the grand scheme of things unless heās being directly spoken to. heās just the swordsman capable of wielding the master sword and zeldaās chosen protector as far as the story is concerned. he has no opinions outside of doing what heās told and looking for zelda. at least not as far as i could really tell. at least in botw, the story directly concerns him, and itās his story weāre following. this time around zelda and the sages seem like the most important characters, linkās just... there, doing what heās been told to.
the new sages are fine, none of them really endeared themselves to me, and i will say that making the player watch essentially the exact same cutscene each time you finish a dungeon was BAFFLING. they were long and you learned almost nothing new after the first one, and there was nothing done to make them very distinct to each individual pair of sages or their respective regions; at the very least, it could have been interesting to meet the ancient sages not in the exact same stone garden, but perhaps at the top of a snowy mountain for the rito, near a volcano or something for the goron, maybe in a shallow pool of water for the zora, and in the desert for the gerudo- but no, theyāre all effectively the same thing just with the speaking character swapped out with some minor changes.
(the sages themselves are a pain in the ass to use, having to chase them down to activate their power or accidentally activating a power when you donāt want it; yunobo was honestly my favorite, but because i generally defaulted to having them all activated at all times, i had a lot of trouble with tulin blowing shit away from me when i was trying to grab it while midair. theyāre half-decent for combat)
i didnāt really care for rauru or sonia, either. rauru in the present as a ghost was fine, he was kind of interesting and seemed to have changed from his time in the past, but he never managed to be a character i particularly liked. i wasnāt really a fan of his... arrogance? or something in the past scenes, and he never really came off as very interesting. sonia was nearly completely uninteresting which is a shame since she has an interesting design, she just felt delegated to the role of supporting rauru and zelda and then dying to motivate them.
ganondorf is a character i was really looking forward to seeing, and it really fucking sucks that heās so god damn one-dimensional this time! the story canāt be fucked to delve into him beyond just giving us scenes that just tell us that heās evil and wants to rule hyrule and get the secret stones and nothing else because fuck having complex villains, i guess. especially frustrating because within the game itself you can draw more interesting motivations up for him, but the game really just doubles-down on him being evil for the fuck of it and wanting to end the world because uhhhh... heās evil donāt fucking worry about it
the ignoring of the triforce in this game sucks in that way, too, because the way the triforce works and how it can grant wishes made it a much more interesting goal for ganondorf to attain, rather than some poorly-named āsecret stonesā that do nothing more than just amplify power or something. it sucks how black-and-white this damn story is and how it seems like it just wants to do away with any possible nuance or gray area. no one but the bad guys or side characters are flawed in any actually interesting or significant way.
at least ganondorf was still the most interesting character in the flashbacks.
and then zelda, oh god ZELDA. i honestly really liked her in botw. i liked how you saw her as a flawed, insecure, pressured teen, and how you saw her struggles to relate to link and how she eventually warmed up to him. you saw her as a flawed person who develops and as someone who cares deeply about her friends and her duties and gets frustrated by her failings.
and then in totk a lot of her more interesting traits- her interest in sheikah tech, her excitement over field study and research, her more defining traits as this incarnation of zelda- are basically sanded down and sheās just this perfect flawless princess with great power and an insanely passive role in the past beyond finally taking some kind of action after one of her friends dies and sheās pushed to the brink. cool. great.
she has practically no flaw in totk. if anyone in the present talks about her, they have nothing bad to say and just want to please her and follow her orders, she is right in telling the gerudo how to train their troops she is right even when misheard to tell people to put themselves in danger and she is hardly meaningfully questioned when her imposter is doing very clearly suspicious shit. neither the story nor any of the characters wants to let her be flawed. sheās just perfect in damn near every way and barely retains any interesting characterization she got in botw. there are some interesting snippets in her being a teacher and setting up memorials to those who died in the calamity, but thereās hardly any more than that, and it makes it really hard for me to give a damn about her. sheās not interesting this time.
the whole thing with zelda becoming a dragon too, is... itās fine. itās ok. but the fact that she turns back at the end with no problem whatsoever is one hell of a fucking misstep. why talk about draconification being forbidden for a good reason anyways if it doesnāt actually matter anyways??? if you never actually see any of those fucking repercussions why even bring them up??? i really feel like it would have been more effective for there to have been actual consequences for zelda beyond just fucking flying around half-conscious for a millennium or whatever- have her lose her memory when sheās brought back! there you go! thereās the reason why draconification is forbidden! thereās the thing about losing yourself! plus, zelda losing her memories as a result would mirror link having lost his memories in botw! that has so much more weight and significance then āoh uh ignore the warnings from a while back sheās completely fine dw abt itā i hate that sheās back just like that without any of the consequences that the game suggests.
the dragonās tears in general kinda just felt weaker than botwās memories anyways bc youāre more just. watching stuff happen then actually learning anything. it has less characters and yet i feel like you only get to know like half of the important ones. like three of them are all about the same event. a few times they just replay parts of old memories in new ones. if they ever reference a past memory they just show you what theyāre referencing instead of leaving you to piece it together. just play the voices or something donāt break the flow of things to play a clip of something iāve already seen.
plus the fact that totk... barely acknowledges that itās a sequel to botw really rubs me the wrong way. i understand that loz is extremely loose with its lore, but totk is a direct sequel set in the same world a few years later, and yet the events and characters of botw have might as well been forgotten and its all either ignored, brushed aside, or straight up replaced by something else for no good reason. the continuity between these games is absolutely dismal and to see the different ways in which the events and concepts or botw are just... disregarded really just left a bad taste in my mouth.
just- i love good stories and worlds in video games, and while some games can coast by for me by feeling good to play, having a good and engaging story and characters is usually essential to my enjoyment of a game, and when i donāt care about to the point of disliking the story and characters, and when none of the important areas are fascinating or distinct enough from each other, and when the game even fails to really reel me in with the gameplay...
i wanted to like totk, but it really just did not work for me. i just ended up feeling frustrated and disappointed and even sometimes bored with all of the major stuff and man. totk is really, REALLY, not for me, and it just left me wanting to play older zelda games instead.
...
HOWEVER! there were actually some things i really loved about totk! itās not all doom and gloom! (well, not all doom, at least)
so! the music was great! not all of it really fit or made a lot of sense with the context in which they played or failed to evoke the feeling they were meant to, but the new tracks in this game were great! i especially love the first two phases of the fire templeās theme, the depths music, and most of the new battle and boss themes. zelda games almost never fail when it comes to the music.
i did genuinely like the fire temple- yunoboās ability was used the best in this dungeon, and it had the best five switches gimmick, i loved how you had to hit the gongs (sometimes having to construct a path to account for the weaknesses of yunoboās ability) and how it then āscaredā each of the five statues holding a part of the gate- it was very cute and fit in very well with the general feel of that part of the story. it was the best in terms of difficulty and complexity, but it didnāt have the best boss- the lightning temple had the best boss, and i will admit that even if most of them were easy, i really enjoyed the mirror puzzles, as well as the process to unlocking the dungeon. the wind temple had my favorite visual identity and aesthetic, though, i liked it being a part of this old rito song, and how it was the most distinct in looks from the other dungeons.
the sky islands were honestly fun, even if they werenāt all that interesting. getting to some of the harder-to-reach islands were some of my favorite times i had to use ultrahand, and stuff like the zonai forge island and the one orblike island with the mirror puzzle, and pretty much all of the more complicated parts of the sky islands were a lot of fun to explore and figure out.
being able to ride on the dragons was just really cool, and the fact that they come out of the chasms was fun.
the new horns for the monsters were cool, it helps differentiate the different monster strengths and i just thought they were really neat.
the quest with lurelin village was fun, even if the pirates just being monsters was a real let-down.
the stable trotters were also a fun bunch of characters, that was a good, new way to open up fairy fountains.
all of the new stuff with the yiga was really fun, like getting their outfit and being able to pretend to be one of them and learning the blademaster attack- so much fun it was so cute.
most of the new outfits are really good and useful, and while a bit janky and not that great, the house-building bit near tarrey was endearing.
while none of the main characters interested me, i really, especially liked tauro and yona and penn. for some reason they just appealed to me and i really wish they had bigger parts in the game because theyāre interesting and they have good designs and iād really like to know more about them.
the underground gerudo shelter was pretty cool, to be honest, and the look of the caves was really cool.
i adored the proving grounds shrines- easily my favorite shrines in the entire game, i had no problem spending a decent amount of time in those kinds of shrines, they were fantastic.
the new ingredients and recipes and new weapons were cool.
the way you basically return to the area you started at on your way to ganondorf is pretty cool, that whole path is really neat.
ganondorf in general was a pretty cool boss, even if he ended up being kind of easy for me. the whole final boss sequence was neat.
by FAR, though, my absolute favorite part of this game was 100% the depths. the fact that there was just an entire second layer to the map that was the same size as the surface, just inverted and dark and filled with new bosses and locations... i spent hours down there without going back up to the surface and absolutely had a BLAST screwing around in the dark, lighting up my path with brightblooms and tossing together little vehicles with lights so that i could get to the next lightroot off in the distance. the depths was probably where i ended up using zonai vehicles the most, and it was honestly pretty fun to go around spotting and reaching every lightroot, coming across different mines and weird little landforms and coliseums and yiga camps. the music and plantlife and look of the depths were so good, and it really felt distinct from the rest of the game in a very good way. doing all of the lightroots and getting enough zonaite to max out linkās energy cells was definitely a good move since it made finding shrines and dealing with later zonai machine stuff easier.
overall, tears of the kingdom was a severely mixed bag for me, and while there was stuff i did like, i donāt think itās enough to really get me to say that i really liked this game overall- after all most of the stuff i disliked was unavoidable parts of the games, and it definitely put a hamper on my interest in the rest of the time. totk is fine, but itās really not my thing.Ā
#i just- *slams head into brick wall* bro i did not have a good time with this game#going back to my silly little comparison point; totk was $70 and my copy of phantom hourglass was $70#$70 is a bullshit amount for a game but thats no the point here#totk from a technical baseline standpoint as a GAME is worth $70#its story and the amount of enjoyment it gave me was not worth $70 tho. the story and enjoyment i got from ph was more worth $70 to me#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#totk#'zelda games almost never fail when it comes to the music' if you talk shit abt ph's soundtrack i'll kill you. i like the dungeon track#i partially have the shinji chair image saved for this but i did also initally save it yesterday when i finished nge#listen this was fine on a surface level but it just wore me the fuck down#link was just some flavor of stonefaced or surprised or determined in any given cutscene and like. idk. wasnt too interested in him either#look i know about the silly little dialogue options. still didnt do it for me#link getting his arm back only makes sense to me bc i got every last light of blessing and heart container and stamina vessel#the gloom in his body is 100% gone hes squeaky clean for me. whyd you take his shirt off tho. at least keep his hat. cant take it seriously#put him in the archaic set or smth his arm is fully visible that way at least and its full circle thats what he wears at the start#couldnt take the whole grabbing zelda sequence seriously bc i missed the (hold) prompt and link flew away lol#totk spoilers#also wasnt really a fan of most of the voice acting yeah sorry. kinda rough all around aside from like ganondorf and dimitri- i mean rauru#mineru and the rito sage were fine too ig. im not going to bother watching any vids or whatever to check again#riju and sidon were fine too#sonia was cool too but everyone else was a lil rough tbh esp with having to say 'secret stone' that name sucks shit#my switch died in the middle of the credits. i had like 25% when i started fighting ganondorf.#it died twice actually cuz i charged it for a few minutes and what like yeah 5% should be good and nope. died again#anyways whatever. im not giving it a rating im tired of this game i dont think i'll be replaying or even just touching it any time soon#music was top notch again tho. made me feel stuff more than the actual story did. cool ig#bitching abt totk
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