#sorry i dont really know how to do ids i am trying tho

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

[speakofthedebbie]

you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!

the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

new recs below!! ↓↓

Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one 👀)

i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!

A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries

spinning this around in my head at all times

basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)

a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)

in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!

Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)

oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th

honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)

if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple

not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics 🔛🔝)

idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting

tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)

[quodekash]

yeah so im gonna make my silly little commentary posts for we are sometimes but not all the time

he stared at his friend's water and started smiling like a fucking idiot 💀

h2o just makes him giddy like that 🥰

also I genuinely fucking adore Pham and Fang's dynamic, they care about each other so much (I might cry)

I JSUT FUCKING LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN YOU BLAME ME

im sorry, i cant get over the fact that q fuCKING SANG SOUND’S SONG FROM MSP IN THE THIRD FUCKING EPISODE OF THE SHOW

HES JUST SO SMOL I FUCKING ADORE HIM SO MUCH DUDE

here to pick up his twink

HES JUST SO SMOL THO LIKE CAN YOU BLAME ME???

I JUST WANNA RUFFLE HIS HAIR AND PINCH HIS CHEEKS HES SO FUCKING ADORABLE

i think i just really love satang cos during msp every time sound was on screen i lost my shit and now every time toey is on screen i lose my shit

btw i fully had to rewatch that entire scene, i was entirely focusing on satang’s little adorable fuckin face that i forgot to read and process the dialogue lmao

his expression is like “did you bring me here to do your chores, or are you gonna be honest and just say you want to makeout"

the real answer is just that he wants to spend time with him btu doesnt know how to do that normally 💀

(and also that he wants to make out with him)

WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING SMOL TODAY

HES TINY

HES THIS BIG 🤏

OML IT HAPPENED FOR LESS THAN HALF A SECOND BUT I PAUSED IT AT THE EXACT PERFECT MOMENT

I genuinely adore accidental kiss tropes in bls, its just so unrealistic its fucking amazing

[insert image of phum's friends walking in here (I had to delete some of my screenshots because I can only do 30 and I dont want to do more than one post for this)]

AND THEN HIS FRIENDS WALK IN, CLASSIC

it's so awkward and I am LIVING for it

people in bls always walk in at the WORST possible moments and its AMAZING

THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS SO RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY TO ME

phuwin’s character trying to cook is so me

and also my sister, one time she was making spaghetti bolognese for us for dinner and she put way too much salt, and then to attempt to solve the problem, she put water into the pan to "evaporate the salt" 💀

the best part is I didnt even realise why that wouldnt work until my brother started laughing

anyway, back to the ep

WHAT DRUGS ARE IN THIS EPISODE TO MAKE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CHARACTER SO BABYGIRL

THEYRE ALL SO SMOL AND ADORABLE AND BBG WHAT IS GOING ON

HES SO TINY

Youre fucking KIDDING

IM SO SUDDENLY INVESTED IN THIS MAIN COUPLE

THAT WAS SUCH A SUDDEN SWITCH BRO

literally last week I was like "yeah okay I like it" and then suddenly im on the verge of tears when they make physical contact???

[insert image of pun eating]

PUN !

MY LITTLE GUY

I ADORE THEMMMMM

oh fuck yes I love this friendship already and it just started

AND CHAIN'S GETTING JEALOUSSSSS FUCK YEAH

they look like tired dads fr

is phuwin just fuckin short or is pond like 3 metres tall cos holy shit

LOOK AT HIM

SMOL BITCHES

EVERYONE'S FUCKING TINY TODAY

woah he really just went for it there

HOLY FUCK HE SAID YES

TAN IS LOSING IT HES SO HAPPY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

great frame

[insert that entire scene with the jump onto him and the holding hands and the FUCKING CHEEK KISS]

HES MY LITTLE FUCKING GUY

HES SO NEURODIVERGENT AND I ADORE HIM

KICKING AND SCREAMING MY FEET RN

he's jealoussssssss

I love pun so much, I truly would die for him

Welcome back to another episode of Toey Thinks Peem And Phum Are Dating (And He’s Right)

Im gonna be completely honest, if pond looked at me like that, id probably do whatever he tells me to without a second thought

thats all im saying

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE

HES SINGING THE FUCKING ABAAB SONG

IM CRYING DUDE THIS IS AMAZING

ARE THEY JUST GONNA SING SONGS FROM OTHER BLS FOR THE QHOLE SERIES? IM FUCKIN DOWN FOR THAT DUDE

this song is so out of winny’s range tho 💀

so fucking SMOL

also chains hand just always naturally rests on pun’s shoulder

literally all the time

what im saying here is I think they should kiss

HE DIDNT JUST GRAB HIS WRIST HERE HE GRABBED HIS HAND ERIJKGBNREJB HOLY SHIT

Cool! 👍

im glad they finally got there

FUCK YES NEXT EPISODE WE'RE GETTING THE SCENE FROM THE PILOT THAT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT

PUNCHAIN FOREHEAD KISS AND QTOEY CHEEK KISS BITCHES

okay now I just have one final question before I take my leave: what the FUCK was the song playing in the background of the qtoey scene near the end of the episode

it was just electric guitar and I KNOW recognise it but I cant figure out what fucking song it was (literally I finished the episode at like 1:30 but didnt go to sleep til 3 because I was trying to find the song)

so please, if ANYONE recognises it and knows what it is, tell me as soon as you can cos Im fucking dying

update: a moot is pretty sure the song played over other qtoey scenes earlier in the show (the same way msp did with noelm) so now im fuckin PSYCHED for the new song that’s gonna come out eventually

[toytulini]

id honestly end up marking the ppl u list as yellow as also red personally. and id mark ppl yellow who say a couple things that leave me suspicious or post smth about other identities or talk w the reactionary exclusionist rhetoric, but when you search their blog for ace or asexual you get nothing at all, or like, ONLY posts about like, ace attorney, like its fine if you dont post about us a lot but if you have literally nothing on your blog thats even a little bit about us, not even casually inclusive, not even like a fucking pride art post that includes us, but you do post about other lqbtqia+ identities, It Starts To Seem Like either a deliberate purposeful choice, or at the very least, you dont follow enough ppl who talk about a-spec experiences and its going to make you quite susceptible for anyone who knows how to wrap their aphobic rhetoric (coming to mind, innocuously worded posts about homophobia and cishets that Do Not Mention Asexuals by name, but if you check the op theyre an aphobe, and make it clear elsewhere that when they say cishets and homophobes, they mean aces and aros, and they are wording posts like that on purpose,) the type of person who would reblog a lot of that shit onto your dash is someone who doesnt follow enough of us or reblog enough shit to know or recognize, and if you told them they wouldnt care either.

i need a shinigami eyes-type extension for aphobia and i am not joking

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[maskedteaser]

hii i just saw the rdr2 matchups you did and i love them AND HOLY SHIT APEX FAN‼️‼️ i love how detailed you are!! love your writing!! so if ur not too overwhelmed with requests id like to make one :3 and honestly if ur doing matchups for apex id love that too there's so little apex ffs, especially x reader </3 no pressure tho!!

anyways as for me. uhh. i don't use labels (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine in gender, and my love is for any gender. my pronouns are he/him :3

more about me,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep (literally writing this at 10 am after not being able to sleep all night) but despite that i have a weird paradox where i am kinda strong? like i can pick ppl up. but can't have much activity for a long time lest i cast spell 200 bpm on myself. but for the sake of the ff i could totally bench press arthur morgans 180lb of pure muscle. its true <3

in apex i main wattson and bloodhound! but i also like crypto, octane ofc (who doesn't), loba, and... im sorry.. wraith 😭 i got wattsons heirloom after. a very long time of opening packs AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH no regrets!! french girl with giant nessie plush!!!!! tho i haven't played in forever (and honestly may keep it that way with how much they're nerfing bloodhound.. like.. c'mon man.. not my main.. they've already been nerfed so much 😭)

i recently started playing rdr2 cause im visiting family that has it (theres actually been a lot of funny stories being on an unfamiliar console, like playing 22+ hours and reaching chap 2 without knowing how to save.. and i didnt know how to tell arthurs weight so i kept him underweight for so long my poor starving man </3) after playing rdr1 quite a bit. i also vibed with john hard in 1 but i lowkey thought he was an angsty young adult in rdr2 and not a FATHER. my favs are arthur and javier tho i can barely see the latter cause where tf is he on the map?? same with charles where IS HE??? but anyways i also vibe so hard with kieran.

tho i could talk forever about my interests, other than that for personality: id describe myself as actually kinda confident around strangers, i love to compliment ppl i come across. for friends, much of the same, i like using improv as humor if that makes sense, ive been told im easy to talk to, i consider myself intuitive (also contributed to me being a tarot reader i believe), but i am the type to have a veeerryy hard time expressing negative feelings im having, and never crying in front of people, so no shortage of bottling emotions. im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. i really, really care about people (i would want to be a paramedic!! if my body could allow it..) and i so want to make peoples lives better!! but also can rather easily stop people from walking over me, should they try. i care about kids a lot, and get very peeved when other ppl dont know how kids brains work and mistreat them because of such, and cause they just have no respect for children. honestly with thinking like.. about formulating matchmaking requests i never really seem to think about what id want out of a person. honestly, just when someone cares (wow, such high standards) but should the time come, mmmost times im not afraid to make a selfish ask. most. maybe. sometimes. and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue.

for hobbies, i like to play video games as you may have guessed, i also like to read (non fiction, classic lit and danmeis especially), make art of all kinds but mainly physical sketches, and im always looking to add more shows/movies to my watched list.

i love to visit restaurants and cafes and interesting places surrounding food!!! my idea of a good time is eating with people, even if its in a crappy chuck e cheese. i love to try new foods (but it's a bit hard since becoming vegetarian), and i love matcha! i also love visiting just interesting places in general. why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? but other than that, i love my dedicated space 💗

i dont like rude people. mean people. people mean to kids and animals. bigots. assholes. any synonym for that. but honestly, not much else. there are other things that sure tick me off but can be pretty easily taken care of or compromised for.

i hope i didnt write a damn essay. half of it was geeking out over interests but. im guessing the brainrot is shared. but thank you so much for even reading my request this far!! (*˘︶˘*)

hii! sure thing! i love doing matchups especially when you guys give me lots of details :) let's get to it :) THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD!!! I'M REALLY SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES!!!

okay, first things first - let me tell you why I didn't choose other characters :)

❝ im chronically ill & disabled, which means i have chronic pain and have pretty bad sleep ❞

Well, I need to be honest with you, I believe that despite your strenght, REVENANT would just make fun of your disability, he would NOT care at all, he'd probably pick on you and be REALLY rude. I hope it's not offensive (i'm sorry if i'm insensitive, it's not my intention), but I know he'd want to offend you. You could actually have a good hate-ship (if you know what i mean), where the only thing you guys do is fight with each other but I don't think that's what you want.

❝ im also rather rigid on cleanliness and WILL start tweaking if me/my space goes too long w/o cleaning. ❞

I'm sorry, have you seen OCTANE'S room? Let me remind you of that...

Can you see what is happening on his floor? This guy would probably drive you insane with how messy he is and I know he wouldn't care if you tried to ask him to clean it up... It would probably lead to many arguments and fights between you :(

❝and im very, very empathetic and it SUCKS i take psychic damage every time someone even remotely, even HYPOTHETICALLY feels bad. this is not a virtue. ❞

I have this feeling that Loba would see you as an easy target to manipulate, she'd think that she could use you after seeing that you feel really bad when someone feels bad, so she'd probably talk about her past a lot around you - trying to make you feel like you need to help her with everything. I doubt that it could work out :( I hope you see my vision and I'm not weirdly delusional with my ideas.

BUT NOW FOR A RESULT... (NGL I HAD A BIG PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE A GOOD MATCH FOR AT LEAST 2 LEGENDS, BUT I DECIDED TO PICK...)

VANTAGE

I feel like you and Vantage could have a really good relationship! You both seem to aim high with your ideals and I just think that you both are really empathetic, a little bit emotional even... You share the love for animals. She has her Echo and she'd probably die for him. Vantage would never let any animal be mistreated when she's watching.

" why go to disney when you can see a beautiful spot in nature, or an art exhibit, or a park, or just the lively downtown? " - I think she thinks exactly the same! She seems to be a big fan of nature and she is an explorer. Born on a cold planet where everything wanted to kill her, she knows that nature can both be beautiful and deadly. She is also really nice, and I think that when she gets closer to someone, she actually CARES, like...A LOT. You'd probably be treated really well. I think that Vantage would be really patient when it comes to you and expressing your feelings, she'd never let you just walk away if she saw that you were upset, I think that communication and trust is a priority in every relationship.

She'd listen to you when you tell her that you have chronic pain and she'd do exactly the things you ask her to do, always trying her best to help you and she'd make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.

Thank you for reading 👽👽👽

[callibones]

UM HI HI HI ITS ME. 🩸🟪 AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I AM VERY SORRY!!!

this week ive been exceptionally busy. a lot of stuff has been piling up for me with university and work and it didnt really give me a lot of time to look at tumblr OR read the fics! ill get to them! i didnt forget i swear ive just been EXHAUSTED this message is just being pulled out of my ass since i didnt expect to write to you today so i dont have any topics planned to ask you about. i didnt wanna take the time to think of something because i didnt want it to seem like i was ignoring your poast (despite the fact you wouldve never known if i had seen it or not .. but MENTALLY i'd feel bad, you know?) but uh. yeah

i don't know how people talk. um. how are you? has your week been particularly busy? what DO you do outside of tumblogging actually .. im curious

OH AND ALSO i very much appreciate the backstory info you gave me on callibones. i MIGHT take inspiration from it for my fanart? maybee? and uh i will send that to you SOON! very soon. i guess in the meantime id just wanna polish it more before sending it to someone out of like. principle?

i looked through your friends blog.. i like the concept of a blood bag person thing. there were probably better ways of saying that but IDK!! once again though i think it is Extremely Drawable so i have a small request ..

and regarding CALCIFER .. i think i would appreciate a deity to deity chat. or an potential acolyte to deity chat or I Mean Ha Ha. and those pronouns are Pretty Cool if i do say so myself! im worried directly sending in an ask would be strange so since you said you were friends with them can you parrot my question? i rlly wanna know whether drawing fanart of their OC is okay. sorry what else. im going to try and plan my next correspondence out ASAP so ill probably go through the cedardivine post before the post you made with a ton of fics? just because the list is shorter. idk what ill do after that--maybe ill rank them or something and you can tell me how wrong my opinion is or something Haha! just kidding im always right. i create new truths as we speak. as im typing this im overwriting just a little bit more of the world's knowledge. im just cool and awesome like that. theres nothing else i can think of at the moment to ask you.. OH UM when you mentioned callyris i realized "hey wait dont i know a blog called that" and Look Who It Was! so thats neat i also think i found another blog that may be under your posession but i dont think i can ask about it at the front desk.. so when i message you in some other manner ill probably ask you about that! who knows i might even be Completely Wrong

well anyways sorry for the delay. it will probably take a while longer for me to compose my thoughts so the delay will continue but. idk. i hope this message isnt TOO INCOHERENT but again i am not proofreading at all for this one.

also im definitely using gooby forever now. thats great. what a peculiar phrase.

GOOBY!!!!

hi hi hi hi! i took a million years to get back to this so NEVER apologize or rush about sending me things. anon asks r a tough way to communicate cause i dont got an online indicator for u so i just gotta guess... and u dont got a notification for me! i hope u see this even tho its been a bit.

ive been busy too cause university's also piling up for ME. i'm gonna respond to this one first, and then i'll take a crack at your mysterious coded message! and then i have to do a million homework because grad school. outside of tumblogging im trying to destroy the world with the infinite power amulet, so i'm majoring in general supervillainy! and also urban planning

for the blood bag: @rigormarcy LOVES fanart. marcy, if u see this, respond with your ref, 'cause you have a super drawable OC! the fans wanna draw u so bad. So Bad.

u found another blog that might b me? omg.... here. how bout this. send me an ask with just the name and i wont publish the response. if youre REALLY curious. but youre probably right, because i invented every blog on tumblr GOOBY

[enlighten3d]

I thought it was pretty clear how Ken became maskless: Death is the Cure

with that context, I do think that happened pretty recently, given that the guard was talking about the mission to kill Ken was recent, and also none of the destruction outside was fixed

also, the I Have Escaped Every Prison (for now) is in the lore playlist, making me think that those escapes were at least mostly canon, and they were mostly done from outside of the prisons (including an escape from Gaia's Vault IBSMISOW that takes several months). This would fit better as escapes that happened before he got the mask (also the train escape memories included these sorts of escapes)

the mask does seem to erase some memories, as seen with Wato's confusion when dumped into the escape room in kww colab (as seen in Wato's video on how to make an escape room, which I think follows his memories), and also everything with Omz. (Though both were when they wore the mask)

However in Death is the Cure, Ken lost all his memories, which seems more like the memory thing in the Train Escape, especially since the cell probably isn't his respawn point. Also Sven's memory thing seems derived from the mask's power, given that it uses a hopper.

so the timeline that I see is 1: they kill Ken, 2: find him and erase memories, 3: Death is the Cure 4: get him to the train 5: Train Escape

(Also the last thing I remember Ken saying about Daedalus Escape is that it's never coming out unless lore won in a poll, and it absolutely lost)

(this is in reply to my theory about how the mask doesnt actually cause memory loss; here)

okay, fascinating. good point about the destruction outside not being fixed.. hadnt thought about that! okay so i guess then one could say that they lost the mask recently, but. thats still fucking odd to me. because why else would the guard mention that theyve tried to contain him in like. Many Different Prisons, out of which theyve all escaped. dont see any reason why theyd actively be trying to contain him beforeee the Destruction? so. whenever it was that they lost the mask, they deffo were captured a Bit ago, id say. even tho the destruction is recent. i guess with all the devastation, ppl hadnt gotten around to fixing it up? i dont know, mate. but. them losing the mask recently doesnt make that much sense (even w how you mentioned that all the escape videos were probably Beforehand. like. sorry i am not good at articulating this point.)

yeah were pretty much in agreement! that how ken loses all their memories is the memory cannon (which, yeah id be willing to believe is somehow connected to the hoppers, given the hopper in it)

them dying while captured in order to lose the mask is like. a necessity for shit to make sense, but. the person who killed them would then have the mask. and we dont see anyone w the mask... and someone else getting the mask would be dangerous. im. what im saying here is that we know HOW ken loses the mask (via dying to the ppl trying to capture + stop him from destroying everything), but not to WHO.

OKAY NOW THE HTING ABT WATO. this is bothering me in general. bcs yes ik that watos kww videos do show that their memories got MASSIVELYYY fucked w after they lost the mask, but. i remember that in the livestream after the original videos were released, it was mentioned how watos videos are the least likely to be canon. personally im just. kind of ignoring it rn, ill worry abt it later.

i really dont think the mask causes memory loss because- omz, when he lost the mask, was NOT acting like someone who just lost fuck knows how long worth of memories. he acts like someone who was AWARE the whole time and finally was released from a Curse that he was actively fighting against. i really dont think that he lost his memories. i really personally dont think the mask causes memory loss, imo its all the memory cannon thing? we DO know that hoppers can cause memory loss (as per the dementia cannon we see in the omziscool finale (or the hopper escape? i forget which one)). its all the hoppers, not the mask. the mask is like... the conduit for the hoppers power? doesnt cause memory loss on its own.

so w the wato thing, i. genuinely dont know. its tripping me the fuck up. bcs theres also. ken forgot EVERYTHIING about who they were when blasted w the memory cannon (in the train escape and prolly right before death is the cure). wato did NOT forget everything abt who she was. they remembered bits and pieces.. almost like how omz remembered everything while he was under the masks power, but its... distorted in watos case.

best i can say there is that theres an external force of some sort playing there? prolly some evilfies bs. its reasonable to blame everything that makes no sense in kww collab onto evilfies LMAO

another thing: how the FUCK did the mask get from whoever killed ken to wato? bcs. we can very very reasonably assume that the mask cannot be taken off the person wearing it. the person has to be killed, and then whoever kills them gets the mask. and then wreaks havoc. so whoever got the mask from ken WOULD have been wearing it and WOULD be up to no good. so. we dont know Anything about that. evilfies ig /hj

in conclusion: OUR THEORIES ARE VERY VERY SIMILAR. sorry if i worded anth wrong in that theory post sdhlfjaksdf. ALSO SORRY IF I WAS JUST REPEATING MYSELF OVER AND OVER IN THIS REPLY; I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

the timeline imo (theres two places that ken couldve lost the mask, so ill write it twice): - ken kills omz - gets the mask - Mass Destruction - [someone kills ken and gets the mask from them] - ken gets put in a few prisons out of which they escape - [someone kills ken and gets the mask from them] - bcs they keep escaping, their memory is wiped using svens (hopper-powered) memory erasing cannon - death is the cure (destruction outside hasnt been fixed yet ig? maybe ken temporarily escaped...) - train escape (during which their memory gets erased at least once)

its. flimsy. but the different ways that ppl lose their memory in this lore (aka the forgetting Eveyrhitng of the memory cannon vs the Most Things Of A Specific Time Period that wato forgets supposedly due to the mask) really make me doubt that the mask causes memory loss. shrugs

(also RIPPP on the daedalus thing. that is tragic ): )

[badgebadge314]

im trying to tumblr 👍👍

im trying to make a pinned post cuz ive been lurking for a little while and i want to start posting things!!

im ella; im sorry if i do smt weird i still dont know how to do this 👍🥲👍 (if I do smt weird 100% call me out just don't be a dick)

my current pfp was made in this picrew;

my pronouns are they/she, i am agender, aroace and pan aligned

my original posts are probably mostly going to be art that i made with some blabber and myb some cosplays?

Doodle reqs always open!! Only criteria is no nsfw and can be drawn in under 30 mins, (ship stuff is fine but there are a few ships I won't draw)

i am in a few fandoms but the ones that are on the top of my list rn are 5 worlds(if you read that i WILL marry you <3), the owl house will forever hold a place in my heart, I finished the entirety of tma in ~a month, it consumed my brain and im currently obsessing over hermitcraft & the life series & the things that come along with that;;

when it comes to mcyt i might post/reblog shipping content but i will try my best to tag it properly- feel free to metion it in the notes tho! also im cool with pretty much any ship!

if were talking about notes(and asks)-- i dont really mind anything just remember im a person too <3. the only things i DONT want is bigotry or any October 7th related topics(isreal v Palestine, free Palestine posts ect); feel free to write anything!(im a center kid i promise ive seen worse(if you know what a center kid is; dm me plz))

now some tags! ⁽ᶠⁱⁿᵃˡˡʸ⁾

if you just want to see my posts without things ive re-blogged - #og post

for my art(this will include drawings, myb occasional sculpting, some crochet, and i think i might tag my cosplays as art too) #creations for all my fanart(and myb cosplays?) will also be tagged with #fanwork

text posts will be tagged with #blabber

and shitposts will be tagged with #shitpost (also includes some reblogs of things I found funny)

the tag #chatter is for me interacting with my moots!! (tag games, rb chains, me promoting my friends ect)

Also #creeper goat man who wears Crocs is a tag I randomly made once and it's for doc when he does extra doc things, please, do contribute! id feel honored

feel free to bug me if i didnt tag smt proparly<3

[nightmaredxydreams]

theres no way i have this.

look, heres all the proof you need. im whining about not having DID lmao

who truly has DID and does that? no. body. thats all the proof you need

people who truly dissociate suffer from it. i dont. i love the numbness from my body that experiences so much discomfort (not even chronic pain not even pain like all other DID systems have just fucking discomfort, mostly caused by autism hypersensitivity) i love the feeling of being detached from my own flesh prison ugly undesirable embarassing body. i am fucking faking im prob psycho or sum shit lmaooo

i dont even dissociate that badly. other real DID and even OSDD systems be out here so dissociated they dont even fuckin know their name and feel like nothings real all the time. i never forget my name or personal information, i just forget what i just thought or zone out daydreaming or sum shit and say "whoops! i dissociated sorry" or if im lucky, have few seconds long derealization in little few day long episodes. i dont even fucking dissociate for real. definitely not enough to have DID

i never had severe trauma. i was too disabled and shielded. fuck, the disabilities i was born with prob mimic DID. brain damage to the hippocampus, a majorly affected part of the brain in DID put two and together lmao. who knows how psycho the brain damage made me. im autistic and intellectually disabled, all people with intellectual disability are perverts they get arrested for sex crimes more than other people lmfao ofc i was hypersexual at 3 there was no sexual abuse i am too ugly to be sexually abused or even desired ofc im faking being sexually abused to make me feel better about myself lmfaooo i just cant live with the fact i was born a worthless undesirable unfuckable ugly pervert

if i had DID i wouldnt fucking remember when i was 3 who tf u kiddin

im sensitive to yelling and the least little "threatening" tone or touch or even fucking hand signal. if i was really sexually abused id be triggered by sexual shit, not the least little thing like a trauma free scared little baby

if i had DID id switch out more, especially when triggered or in situations where it would help. idk if i even switch out, i prob js fall asleep, wake up and do shit in the early stages of waking up i dont remember. instead my alters are just back there and do nothing when im being retraumatized and i have to call out mentally loudly to get any alters to respond anymore. then just trying to communicate with them gives me a headache from hell. proof enough my alters are delusions and im some psycho. most of my "alters" are just vague faces with voices and not much of identity. most of them fade away. just like delusions.

i feel like im worthless unless i was sexually abused. my whole worth depends on it for some fucked up reason. i will get defensive toward the two people i live with who say it didnt happen, they arent honest all the time but when they say theres no chance it happened bc i was too shielded even tho i have memories of being alone w him (no abuse memories bc fuck no) i believe it and feel iffy when i even wonder if i was sexually abused. when i think about any other form of abuse i suffered or trauma i have, i feel like that means i wasnt sexually abused. i have no memories of it, i never did until someone pointed out that my hypersexuality at 3 was a sign of sexual abuse so i went diving for the memories myself. then what i got were a few random half ass flashbacks to the sexual abuse. if i was really sexually abused i wouldve had flashbacks to it waaay before i made myself remember. everyone else with ptsd, did osdd etc does

other people with DID feel broken and suffer because of their trauma. they remember it somehow and suffer from the effects of it. i just suffer from wanting to have the trauma to be valid, not knowing if the trauma happened and having things trauma victims have but no memories of the trauma. the only flashbacks i have are to things i deserve, things that other people would agree i deserve and arent anywhere near as traumatizing as it can get for a real sexual abuse survivor. things that dont cause DID and rarely cause ptsd. i have cringe ass trauma. i dont have valid trauma.

i dont really have DID and i wasnt sexually abused. i just held onto the idea as an excuse for me being a worthless, born broken, jealous, delusional psycho pervert who will never amount to anything, never matter enough to get a job, marry or have a family, never mattered enough to be smart or do normal kid things because of my disabilities, never got to be cool and wont be, am trying to be cool and matter when i never will, am so ugly my body doesnt deserve love and sure as fuck wasnt sexually desired as a little kid how fucking sick of me to even want that to matter, and dont matter because of my disabilities. im sorry for faking it all. no wonder my denial was so strong, it was never real anyway. now im gonna do some major fucking harm to my ugly waste of space and resources body and kill myself. im fucking sick and tired of living in hell from my own brain torturing me saying im worthless and not valid and more i cant say here. good fucking bye.

[7ndipity]

hey !! i ♡ ur writing, its helping me get away from reality and the hard times it has brought last year 2023, so im hoping that both for u and me and whoever is reading this that 2024 is gonna be a good year, full of joy, blessings, and health, im also hoping for the boys, even tho they'll spend most of the year in the military, that this is gonna be a great year ...♡ idk if the shipping game is still going, but id like to join, if its possible haha....im kind of late but i was afraid at first (im very shy) then i remembered that i can use the anon option!

also u asked which member we'd ship u with, so i'd personally say yoongi! ik u write a lot of fics on him, so maybe its that, but also you seem like a very nice, calm and understanding person, also a very like "warm"? person and i think thats just the type of person yoongi would enjoy being with :) or with jimin too!

well abt me ..for the shipping game.

Im a 00 liner, she/her, im from a slavic country, i have long hair with bangs, dark blonde, brown eyes and some freckles, petite (?) like very short.. omg it seems like a school presentation im sorry, also, im an atheist/agnostic but im very open to religions and spirituality and i personally love talking about such matters, i love having deep talks also, i love reading and rewatching the same few film or animes (like evangelion im obsessed). i talk abt this things over and over.

also, im an introvert and im very insecure both abt my looks and the way i act, but i always try to be sincere abt my feelings even tho its hard since im kind of a people pleased but i!am!working!on!it!! im an optimist, things have gotten better before and they will get better again. im a calm person but sometimes i have silly moments so its either that i talk it out and like talk talk talk talk or idk i just laugh at everything....also, i really like physical affection BUT i dont like pda...like cute but not in public yk.

omg i wanted to make this short for u...im sorry, if ur not doing the shipping game anymore dont worry i might be late for it ig😭help...

also one last thing, im a yoongi stan because i love the kind of person he is, caring, calm, very mature also emotionally intelligent and is not afraid to show vulnerable parts of himself. Also he is very passionate that admirable and he a cutie yk it already like...also! hobi is my wrecker cause he is the sweetest never fails to make us smile :) ok...i said enough now you know abt me😵😦 anyways.....sorry i hope u have a good day🤍 happy new year again, i really wander how u keep it up with writing and daily life seems like a lot to me u always bless us with new amazing stories and ur very sweet and patient when answering, take care🤍🤍

Ok, first off thank you so much for your sweet message! I'm so glad this blog's been a place of comfort for you, and I definitely second your wish that this year be kind to us all!

I’m about to make you so happy, cause I would ship you with Yoongi and Hobi, and also a little bit with Namjoon!

Yoongi and Joon love people that they can have genuine, deep conversations with, so I think they’d really appreciate your openness and sincerity, as well as your optimism. Plus, I think Joon would find you super cute(lowkey think he would be into height differences)

You mentioned a bit about your style in your second message, and I’ve said before that I think Hobi would really love a partner with similar fashion sense/ style to him, so i think he’d really be into your alt/skater style(and as a fellow Aquarius, you two would pair quite well together)! Plus, he and Yoongi have such warm, reassuring personalities, I feel like they would be so comforting for you!

Hope this was okay💜

[maddestmewmew]

1, 2, 3, and 12 for raz psychonauts

starts growling and gnawing on something i fucking love you razputin aquato

1-IM REALLY REALLY BAD AT EXPLAINING WHY I ENJOY THINGS I JUST KIND OF . DO. umm i really like how he Feels like a kid like . hes written As A Kid but not like baby waby but also not a small adult. he does things like impulsively run away w 0 planning, idolize adults in his life, squabble with his siblings, freak out about kissing a girl for the first time while also not understanding the emphasis on romance..hes so 10 years old i think..i love that hes a Good Kid and hes friendly and wants to help people, but he also like. he can be a little shit sometimes. a real stinker. kid that would fortnite dance after setting you on fire. also his autism swag

2-grghgfh mm probably id have to say . the fact that he soso genuinely Wants to help people. like. hes really nice to most of the other campers, sure he teases them and claps back when theyre being dicks, but he seems to genuinely care abt them..remembering all their names and little facts abt them even tho they just met last night..also he goes out of his way to help the thorny towers patients when he Does Not Have To. ik this isnt really an intended thing but if you interact w gloria Before trying to enter the elevator, youll still get the mission to help her. same goes for the other residents but gloria stands out to me the most because you Have to interact w her before talking to crispin. he genuinely genuinely genuinely cares about people so much auuu

3. GOD. WRACKING MY BRAIN. THERES HONESTLY NOT MUCH TO DISLIKE ABT HIM?? like other than ways that psychonauts 1 is a bit outdated . see the use of the g slur . but thats not a character trait of raz thats like . thats bc the game is older than i am. and like, faults that raz has. i Do Not dislike them i think they make him more fleshed out, like how he tends to lowkey ignore boundaries set to do what he thinks is right, i actually really like that it makes him feel more realisitic idk..so honestly i have no answer here, i love raz

I HAVE SO MANY ok the obvious universal ones are that hes autistic and a little funky on gender. everyone knows this i am not unique. uhh i think hed be Awful with pets . this is Not a child u can give a hamster to. i think he and chloe keep in touch after camp, i know this is just bc chloe is one of my favorite but i think they should be friends. i think. i KNOW the fandom loves the whole “raz finally breaks down” thing but i dont think this would happen im sorry . i think raz would be one of those people who think they had a reletively normal and untraumatic childhood until he brings it up to someone and theyre like what. the fuck. uhh i think he likes some typically feminine stuff like makeup and nails..i cant think of anything else off of the top of my head and i cant sit and think bc i have to go to work but raz i love you so much

ask game

[cerealmonster15]

i think 12 would be really fitting for epel n deuce ( epeldeuce ?? deucepel ?? ) , if youd wanna do that !! :D i am also a huge leovil shipper dkkgkva 👉👈 , so if you wanted to challenge yourself you could do them with 12 or 16 ? tho no pressure , i know you already said u werent sure if you could write leona but u also said ud liek a challenge , so i hope its okay to suggest ówò id be happy with either , and also its no problem if you dont get around to either of them !! 💖🌈🍀

HI SORRY you sent this on OCTOBER 30 and i am getting to it... at the end of february LOL i got stuck for a while but!!!!! I managed an AppleJuice bc i thought it was cute 😌 I thought about trying the leo/vil too bc i do think they're a very fun ship hehe, but I've not been hit by the inspiration for them just yet so I'm just keepin that in the back of my brain for now in case i suddenly think of something lol.

BUT FOR NOW. APPLEJUICE LADS!!! I kind of strayed a little from the initial intent of the prompt but... close enough!!!! [if anyone's curious or wants to send a suggestion, it was from this prompt list lol] HOPE YOU SEE THIS!!!!

[AO3 link]

Prompt: Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

“Take a five minute break,” Vil Schoenheit called from the front of the room. “I want you all back in your places on time ,” he said, narrowing his eyes as he spoke. “I’m starting my timer, and if you’re not ready by the time the music starts, you’re doing laps outside! Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir!” The group called back in ranging levels of enthusiasm. 

“Ughhh, I’m dying!” Ace complained as he flopped down on the floor. 

“Vil sure is… a strict coach…” Deuce said between breaths. 

Epel solemnly nodded as he came to sit beside them. “I didn’t think he could get stricter than he already is daily in Pomefiore, but… training camp has definitely proved me wrong.”

“God, I dunno how you two are still alive when you gotta do those extra ballet lessons on top of everything else,” Ace said, sitting up to give Deuce a nudge with his elbow. “Why’d you volunteer for extra exhausting work, anyway? Don’t you have enough trouble just trying to keep to the basic routine?” He asked with a smarmy grin. 

Deuce scowled back at Ace. “Shut up! I’m taking the opportunity to work harder and improve myself!”

“Yeah, yeah. Good luck with makin’ things harder for yourself.”

Deuce looked like he was going to argue more, but was interrupted by the sound of his stomach gurgling. Ace laughed at him, earning him another glare from Deuce. 

Epel also couldn’t help but laugh quietly. “Deuce, I still have some apple chips in my room, if you want some?”

Deuce’s scowling face immediately softened as he turned towards Epel. “Oh, uh, are you sure? I don’t wanna take your food…”

“It’s alright! I have plenty to share,” Epel gave Deuce an earnest smile as he stood. “I have a lot of extra juice still, too, if you want me to grab you some?”

Deuce got to his feet as well. “No, that’s okay; you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. I’ll come with you!”

“Bring me back some juice!” Ace said as he gave Deuce’s leg a gentle kick. 

“Get it yourself, Ace!” Deuce responded as he quickly hurried towards the stairs. 

“Nooo, but I’m tiiiiired!” Ace complained from where he remained on the floor. 

Epel laughed as he ran after Deuce up the stairs and into his room. He picked up a nearby box, and brought it over to sit on the bed as he opened it up. “Y'know… I’m really glad you chose to do the ballet lessons, Deuce.” He said softly as he handed Deuce a bottle of juice and some apple chips. 

“Really?” Deuce accepted the apple snacks and sat beside Epel. 

Epel nodded. “It’s a lot more bearable with you by my side,” he said with a smile, and then busied himself with opening his bag of apple chips.

“Oh, uh…” Deuce also pretended to look busy as he fiddled with the cap of his juice. “Th-thanks… I think it’s more fun doing things with you, too…” he punctuated that statement by taking a very long and slow swig of his drink.

Epel smiled again, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he slowly looked up at Deuce… And then quickly leaned in to press a kiss to Deuce’s cheek.

Deuce promptly began choking on his juice as his eyes widened in surprise. “BFH- WH- HUHGHK?!” he exclaimed ever so eloquently. 

Epel laughed softly and pat Deuce on the back. “Hehe, sorry. Are you alright?”

Deuce sputtered and coughed for a few more seconds before nodding. “Urk- uh, y-yeah, sorry. Just, uhh, a little caught off guard?”

Whatever either of them might’ve said next would be cut short as Vil’s voice called out from downstairs. “PLACES IN 15 SECONDS!”

“Oh! Guess we’d better go,” Epel said as he quickly got up and hurried towards the door.

“Wh-!? Epel! Wait!” Deuce said, getting up to chase after him. “What did- We just- Hang on a second!”

Epel just laughed and ran down the stairs. “Hehe, sorry! Time for practice, Deuce!” He grinned as he rushed to get into position before Deuce could question him further, and before Ace could complain that neither he nor Deuce brought him a bottle back in time.

The nerve, really.

Still, as Vil began to count them in, Epel stole a glance over at Deuce, who looked back at him, face still a bit flushed.

They shared a smile, and practice resumed once more.

[yuukei-yikes]

Honestly, I love all of your Kagepro nextgen hcs! They are sooo sweet💖

Also, you said that Ayano and Shintaro would adopt 3 kids before having Ayame. I’m really excited to learn more about them. What are their names and personalities, their relationship with their parents, each other and the whole dan, their reaction when Ayame is born, ect. Sorry if its too much, but your fankids are great and I really enjoy reading your Kagepro ramblings

THANK UUU FOR LIKING MY CRINGY FANKIDS LOLLLL this is really sweet but i am afraid i have not. gone that far ahead. i dont rly have answers for any of this. mostly cuz.... i designed ayame and konoha bc as bio kids i get to like grab things from the canon characters to design them yknow and that was the fun of it to me (even if ayame truly looks just like ayano but thats the thing hehe i wanted to give her a sweet face but somehow she's frowning most of the time which makes ppl be like omg youd be cuter if you smiled more!!) erm erm erm i mean i did think some stuff like age differences and dynamics and stuff... but id be lying if i said i have any proper ocs thought out lol. mostly i have thoughts abt the first kid because in my insane sick brain i have a whole shinaya arc written. while ayano is adopting this kid I DONT EVEN HAVE A NAME FOR is when she gets back together with shintaro and shintaro goes through this process of oh my god i got ayano back after all these years and OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAVE TO BE A DAD NOW because its like. this was ayanos choice BEFORE shintaro and she probably does an ultimatum like lol i wanna be with u too but...this is gonna be my reality like im planning to be a mom and if u dont want to be along for this i totally understand. but shintaro steps up💪💪💪 at first its probably like i dont plan to parent ayano's kid we're just... taking things easy but its difficult not to immediately fall in a family dynamic as soon as it starts. i think shintaro doesnt realise he's a dad til the kid asks him if he can call him dad and then he flatscreens. also i think its a very quiet kid so sometimes he has this sorta kinship with him that he doesnt with ayano bc shes just so ALL IN UR FACE yknow. thats all just shinaya thoughts tho ok he is adopted at around 6 or 7 years old, and ayame is born like *quick math in my head trying to remember my little insane timeline i wrote in my post* 3 years later. so they have a big age difference. in my doodles i picture ayame around 11 or 12, so by that age this big brother of hers would be in college or something. she completely idolizes him and thinks of him as this unapproachable coolest guy ever especially cuz he's so much older. but for the other 2 id be lying if i told u i even imagined genders or something LOL like designing this would be leaving fankid territory and enter Proper Oc area sort of you know what i mean. i think theyre a little closer to ayame though and theyre little rascals and have a very tiny mekatrio pranking mode sort of thing. but... the other 2 would have a big age difference too. they were all adopted as like... from 6 to 10 years old ig and ayame yknow. shes baby. with this i wanted it to be like... ayame's thing is supposed to be that she is The Little Sister. like how ayano was the big sister. GET IT.. DO U GET IT... so thats sorta my thought process. i think her big siblings think the world of her and they celebrate her so much when she's born!!! her dynamic with konoha is silly bc she has so many siblings and he's an only kid and they clash a lot bc of it lol. sorry. i cant answer ur questions properly but thank u for giving me an excuse to go a lil insane

[idyllic-affections]

🌻 its cruel of anyone to push someone away from their own culture just cuz they dont fit the "standards" or whatever other shit 💔 ohhh u dont know the language— stfu first of all learning a language is hard. im bilingual and its hard for ME to learn any other language. i had german and spanish in school and i simply could not learn any of them and same goes for any other language i tried to learn on my own!! i learned nothing in the end even tho ive been learning english since first primary, meaning i already should have some experience in learning a new language. but i dont. and second of all no one should ever demand proof from anyone that they are a part of this culture or whatever like!!

it’s not only annoying but also fucked up that people have the sheer audacity to set stupid requirements for OTHER PEOPLE'S identity. one's identity can be so hard and sensitive of a topic and having someone try to police u in this matter, try to tell u that no sorry u dont know the language/culture so u cant call urself that— i genuinely have no respect for people who act like this

and third of all idk man if someone came to me and said "hi i want to learn more about poland and the culture because i have polish family" (because suurprise!! im polish too!!!!) id be more than happy to tell them everything i know. even if i might not be the best knowledge source AHAJSJDKDK they dont know polish? or anything abt poland?? they just learned their family is polish??? it simply doesnt matter this person wants to learn more about themselves and im more than happy to cheer on them and hope that theyll learn everything they want. and that theyll never feel excluded out of something they deserve to have place in

this got a little long but as u can tell i got very passionate about this topic 😭😭😭 it annoys me so hard how unhuman some people can be

SOO TRUE it's so invalidating ESPECIALLYYYYY when it's always other latino or hispanic people telling me. bro please. i am doing my best here 🙏🙏

i tried for years to learn spanish and it NEVER clicked in my brain. i know basic spanish and basic french (i had to take a foreign language class a few years back so i took french 1) that's it. Please. learning a language takes so much practice and patience and the issue with learning spanish is that my pronounciation will inherently be more "white" because erm. yeahh. english is the only language i've ever spoken fluently. and for some reason, there are many native spanish speakers think it's funny to make fun of mispronounciations? so now i'm scared to practice because of that. 🫶 it's not cute or funny and it's never been in intended an affectionate way. but i am also mentally ill and neurodivergent so that probably doesn't help AJKSFBJSLSHNFM idk man but it is NOT "all in good fun" it's EMBARRASSING!!!!!

IT'S GENUINELY SO FRUSTRATING why should i have to prove my ancestry to you? like. first of all that's really none of your business and second of all i literally do not have to prove anything?!?!?!?! no-one does?!?!?!?! no-one is somehow any less of their heritage simply because they don't know much about it. literally. it is so upsetting why can we not just let people live peacefully fr.

SOOO REALL i need to ask about it again because my maternal family is generally very open about this kind of thing, and it's easy to communicate with them because there is no language barrier between us. i would love to know more about myself. because my culture is something i deserve to have a part in, you know? it's literally in my blood. it is something i always was and always will be, and i feel like i have a right to want to learn about it.

nooo it's okay!!!! i completely get it. i feel like it's becoming very common for people to be less and less human. and it makes sense, given... you know. politics and everything lately. not to be political /lh but there is just a little too much hate being spread and i dislike that so much. many people have forgotten how to be kind and it's just???? very sad and upsetting.

[basedtater]

aro talk vent post!!!! pls do not reblog thanks

tumblr has become my go to place to vent i am very sorry to my followers!!! i have to word vomit somewhere tho and the bestie is working so..... tumblr it is

figuring out im aro has been. complicated. i am happy to mimic alloromantic feelings and vibes because like. i don't want to be alone? and i think at my core i'm willing to do whatever it takes in order to avoid being alone, so if the person i feel close to wants a romantic relationship then i'm down for that! and so much of society is alloromantic that like. that happens a lot. im generally comfortable with it even if i dont really reciprocate the feelings. i think im gonna try to stop doing this maybe but also? lmao its me, i probably won't realistically.

anyways, enter the term qpps. i came into contact with my first real awareness of qpps like a year ago? but like. hearing more about them i don't even know if i experience that or not? because for me, being qpps is all about just. being best friends but staying together. basically what polyam folk call nesting partners, but platonic

but i was thinking about it and like. i don't even really want a nesting partner. i more so want a roommate/best friend to live with for the rest of my life. i don't mind dating outside of that but im mad uncomfortable living with my romantic partners because of the volatility of romance in general. i will if forced into the situation but like preferably id like to live separately but still nearby. (solo polyam ftw)

but the thing that gets my goat each and every time is that i will do literally whatever it takes not to be abandoned and like. i'm not even always aware of it? i will ignore my own boundaries and incoming red flags bc i just. hate being by myself. but at this point so many people have said "i'll never leave your side" and then left anyways that im getting better at not falling for that tbh.

tldr; i dunno i just want a platonic roommate best friend who won't abandon me and i don't know if that counts as qpp or not (maybe??) but im at least. kind of figuring out what i want my future to look like and drawing boundaries of what i'm actually comfortable with rather than just jumping into whatever i think will make my partners happy or whoever won't just abandon me five seconds in

i do not know how to move forward from this but. its good to at least be aware of it i think.