#sorry i don't function like a normal person lmao

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 3 (yeahhhhhhh, 3): Favorite Friendship

There are so many wonderful friendships in SGU, but I really love the friendship between Greer and Matt (sorry it just feels weird to call Greer "Ron" even though that's his name, idk why that is??). It's just so strong and genuine, and I love seeing healthy portrayals of masculine friendship.

I'd venture to say that they're the two most competent guys on Destiny's crew, but in my memes, they've kinda devolved into two lovable himbos who share a brain cell (but they lost it). Here are some of my favorites.

We all wish there were more episodes, right?? Here's an "episode" I made where Matt and Greer decide to capture a space bison, believing it to be a dinosaur.

Rush is there, too. He must suffer at the hands of Matt and Greer's combined energy.

See! They know stuff!!

OIL. [patriotic screeching]

They're so ambitious I love them

It is a dinosaur as long as you believe

For the oil [patriotic screeching]

And now for something completely different~

They know about dinosaurs and ghosts. They are very smart 💚

And just for fun, here's a little nonsense with guest appearances by Eli and Colonel Young. They're having a little too much fun with that Waluigi board.

[genericpuff]

Okay, what was up with the "I'm with stupid" SpongeBob episode?

is this like a rhetorical question or are you asking for me to actually get into it lol because i absolutely will, here we go-

CW: discussions of ableism

honestly it's just one of those season 1-3 episodes that hasn't aged as well as all the others. like so much of seasons 1-3 are bangers, they often still hold up really well 20 years later and even the 'weaker' episodes are still solid and someone's favorite that they will fight to the death to defend

but the "I'm With Stupid" episode is genuinely the tarnish on that record because it's just. mean-spirited torturing and gaslighting of spongebob the whole way through. it's both foreshadowing of the declining quality of Spongebob that , at the time, we didn't know was coming (we know now) and foreshadowing of Patrick's character being devolved into the "big mean and dumb bully" archetype that comes around S4-5.

like for anyone who hasn't watched this episode or doesn't remember it, it's the one where patrick's parents are visiting and he's stressing out because his parents always treat him like an idiot (and we do know patrick isn't characterized as being "conventionally intelligent", but he's still a great guy throughout the first 3 seasons, he loves his friends, is the ultimate chill guy, and really he's just total ND vibes for anyone who remembers being that "not conventionally intelligent" kid growing up so I can def 100% understand the premise of this episode as someone who was that kid lmao)

and spongebob offers to help his friend out by sigh pretending to be stupid to make patrick look smarter by comparison

and i'm sure you can see where i'm going with this when i say this episode hasn't aged well

like it immediately starts on the wrong foot with the whole premise of spongebob playing the "protective helmet dummy" act which is just a cruel stereotype of disabled and neurodivergent individuals.

but then as it goes on, patrick basically weaponizes spongebob's idea against him by actually being mean to him the same way his own parents would (and yes his "parents" are cruel right out the gate to patrick, but then immediately shift focus to spongebob as the target once he arrives and puts on the "dumb person" act.)

is this resolved in any actually meaningful way? maybe something like the Squirrel Jokes episode where Spongebob gets rightfully called out by Sandy for making stereotypical jokes about squirrels which is a metaphor for jokes that punch down on girls/minorities/etc.?

nope, not at all. spongebob eventually gets so (rightfully) fed up with the bullying that he decides he's not gonna go along with it anymore esp when he offered to do this to help his FRIEND and that's now clearly being taken advantage of at his own expense. So he approaches the parents as his 'normal' self (ugh sorry i just hate using that word in this context) where he explains that he's not actually an 'idiot', he can do math and even knows how to do his own laundry (sigh, again, incredibly ableist). and how do patrick and his "parents" respond? oh right, they gaslight him and escalate the bullying. the parents don't believe that spongebob was putting on an act and just assume patrick "taught" him how to say the things he's saying to defend himself. which i don't even have to explain is just another level of mean-spirited because this is an ACTUAL THING that happens to neurodivergent / disabled children, their needs aren't taken seriously by the adults around them and because they're often seen as purely the stereotypes of their disabilities, they're talked down to and mistreated just because they don't function the same way that neurotypicals do in a society that's designed for neurotypicals.

anyways, spongebob is literally driven into a meltdown by the parents and patrick gaslighting him, and he runs home crying. that is the last that we see of him in the episode.

and then the "parents" happen to say their names out loud to each other and that's when patrick realizes they're... not his real parents. and the parents go "oh duh, that's right, we don't have a son!"

and that's it. that's the resolution to the episode. there is no moral, it tries to "get back" at patrick and his shitty fake parents by being like "haha see! they're stupid!!" but it just ??? doesn't at all make up for the 10 minutes of manipulating and abusing and gaslighting spongebob???

like up until this point in the show, the one who's usually on the end of the abuse is Squidward, sometimes Mr. Krabs, but both of them are often at the end of some kind of physical comedy as karma. Mr. Krabs is a scummy greedy capitalist, so of course anything that happens to him after he's done something awful is karmic justice in the form of an anti-capitalist metaphor that's funny for children and satisfying for the adults re-watching Squid on Strike who go, "OMG Mr. Krabs is unfair!" Of course because it's a serialized kid's show, it does have to go back to the status quo at the end of each episode so nothing can really come of Squidward dismantling oppression board by board (Spongebob is literally us when we were 6 btw, "Gee, IDK what Squidward's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing" which is just genius writing lol), but even episodes like Squid on Strike and Selling Out have incredibly timeless and STILL APPLICABLE MESSAGES about late stage capitalism and the death of small businesses under the weight of massive, predatory corporations that, if anything, have only aged BETTER over time because now the 6 year olds who watched that back in the 2000's are adults and living the reality that Squidward was living in.

and then ofc when it comes to Squidward, well, it's usually also karma after he took things too far in his cynical opposition to Spongebob's childhood wonder. In a lot of ways, Squidward is simultaneously an empathetic reflection of the adults who have had to survive under the oppression of capitalism, many of them giving up their hopes and dreams to do so; but also a grim reminder that if we're not careful and don't appreciate the little things that bring us joy, we too can become jaded and oppressive to the next generation.

there's a lot in the older Spongebob episodes that's a lot more counter-culture than people give it credit for (unsurprising though considering Stephen Hillenburg himself was a Gen X'er and many shows pioneered by Gen X'ers throughout the 80's and 90's were writing from a comically cynical point of view, like they hated capitalism and the boomers too, this shit runs deep LOL) making it a way more progressive show than many people give it credit for because on the surface, it's just that dumb kids show with the annoying laughing sponge.

nothing about I'm with Stupid is counter-culture or fighting for the "little guys" like so many other episodes do. whether it was a blind spot on Hillenburg's end or another writer on the staff who was severely misinformed, the entire episode shows its age in the most exhausting, uncomfortable, ableist way, by stringing together 11 excruciating minutes of gaslighting and manipulating a normally positive and endearing character who was just trying to help their friend, with no closure or apology towards said character, and no resolution or message in the end about how treating people differently based on their perceived intelligence is wrong and cruel. I feel like somewhere under all the mean-spirited attempts at "jokes", there was some fringe message about how right-wing assholes will look for lesser targets to "punch down on" or use manipulation tactics to make their victims appear weak by poking them in all the right places, but it's lost in the mishandling of the episode's overall structure where it spends the majority of time playing into disability / neurodivergent stereotypes for comedy, bullying a character who did nothing wrong, and then hastily resolves itself by leaving the message at "welp, at least Spongebob isn't as stupid as Patrick and his parents!"

this turned into a longer and more introspective post than I had planned, but man, I was genuinely shocked when I rewatched that episode for the first time in ages and realized it had come out during the seasons 1-3 era which has, y'know, the episodes that are still the most popular to this day 20 years later and contain the majority of every Spongebob meme template out there (of which there are a LOT).

Like I swear to god I always remembered this episode being part of the sort-of-later era, like shortly after the movie came out but before it became entirely mean-spirited in its comedy post-Hillenburg. But nope, I'm With Stupid accompanies Procrastination, one of my own personal favorite episodes from that era because it perfectly encapsulates the ADHD experience, both of which aired in 2001, three years before the Spongebob movie which is when most people agree that Spongebob 'peaked'.

I was just so stunned by that because most episodes of that seasons 1-3 era are generally so positive and equalizing between the varied characters, and when that balance is thrown off, it's usually for the sake of sending a message about being kind and accepting to one another. Shit, Sandy is someone whose entire characterization revolves around her being conventionally intelligent, she literally built a rocketship to fly to the moon, and yet in the very first episode where she meets Spongebob, as soon as she finds out Spongebob couldn't breathe without water, she doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't chastise him for lying to her, she simply accommodates him and Patrick by giving them fishbowls to wear on their heads whenever they want to visit her in her home, which we always see them wearing in subsequent episodes when they go to visit her (at worst she says "you could have asked" in response to their need for water, but in her defense, they gave her the impression they knew what air was and it does make a point about how we need to all play our role in both sides of the conversation so people can express their needs without feeling like a "nuisance"); and we always see her going out and interacting with her friends in Bikini Bottom in her suit, which people don't make fun of her for, until at the earliest the Squirrel Jokes episode which, again, see above, her getting made fun of by Spongebob and everyone in town is meant to serve as a message not to pick on people for their differences.

And no , I'm not saying all this as some nostalgic Spongebob fan, I'm saying this as someone who both watched the shit out of Spongebob as a kid AND as an adult, who regularly rewatches their favorite episodes from the earlier era of the show, has almost all of those season 1-3 episodes memorized line for line (even the ones I don't watch as often anymore), and is currently doing a binge watch of every episode from S1-3. I hadn't watched I'm with Stupid in a long time. Maybe that was for a good reason 😒💀

[oursecretescape]

Forgotten

words: 7.5k

genre: angst

If my fate is to disappear like this, then this is my last letter - Let go xx TW: Mentions of anxiety, panick attack. Trad: anjinho = little angel. a/n: Hello, my babies. This story is the translation of ''Forgotten'' that I recently posted. I tried to make it as angsty as possible, hope I have achieved my goal. My apologies before hand for any grammar erros. English is not my first language. I suggest you all read it along with the saddest song you like. Well... with all that being said, I wish you a happy reading (or sad? lmao. dunno). Tell me later what y'all thought. ♥

"Hey! We'll be there soon. Sorry for the delay. Today's rehearsal took longer than expected. We're leaving now."

Received at 5 in the afternoon.

I take a quick glance at the clock, and it shows eight in the evening. A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I feel my heart drumming slowly in my chest, each beat amplifying my growing sense of unease.

I get up from the couch and reach for the umbrella swaying gently in the wind coming from the window. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, attempting to manage the sudden surge of fear and despair growing in my chest. My heart is racing, and my mind is in overdrive. A sense of mortality and suffocation, all rolled up into a single emotion: anxiety.

I sit down, sliding along the corridor wall. I try to control my breathing while attempting to steady the pounding of my heart. I think that dying in the hallway of a building would be so pointless and dull that it makes me laugh. A laugh, strained and devoid of emotion, but functional.

Heart rate normalizing. Labored, but controlled breathing. Mind stabilized.

I feel my face wet with tears. I wipe them away with trembling hands. When did I start crying? I rise from the floor, swaying a little. I take another deep breath and press the elevator button.

Dad always said that thinking of ridiculous things in difficult moments would help distract me. He was right, as he always was.

The cold, damp breeze of Seoul's streets warmed my soul. Its black skies, like darkness, covered with thick clouds, carried heavy raindrops that, upon impact, met my umbrella, creating beautiful melodies. It was comforting to hear the drops hitting the hard concrete; they reminded me that I wasn't crying alone.

It was thundering when I arrived at the destination. Bright streaks in the sky made the monument even gloomier. I found it ironic how everything matched my feelings. As I entered through the doors, I could already hear muffled cries. Sadness and suffering permeated the air, leaving me melancholic.

After a few more steps, I could see the person I love the most in the world greeting me with a beautiful smile. His eyes were shining like true rays of sunshine. I sit in front of him, sliding my fingers where his name rests. Lee Joon-Ho.

"Dad, I miss you so much," I say aloud, my voice cracking with emotion. "It's been incredibly lonely without you here. You have no idea how much I long for your company," I said, feeling the salty taste of tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring my friends to meet you like I promised. They're all caught up with their own lives, you know how it is. But don't worry, I'll bring them next time when they're less busy," I chuckle, with no emotion.

I hear footsteps behind me. I stand up excitedly, my heart pounding, but this time as a sign of comfort. They didn't forget. I feel my face stretch into a small smile, which is quickly dissolved.

"Hello, young lady. Good evening," the guard gives me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to ask you not to linger too long on your visit today. The rain caused some minor leaks, and we'll have to close a little earlier."

"Oh okay, I understand," I responded in a whisper.

"I'm sorry. You have 10 minutes. I'll leave you alone," he said, bowing and leaving promptly.

I turn again, sitting on the floor.

"Dad, today I have to leave a little earlier. But don't worry, I'll be back soon," I feel the tears fall like the drops falling from the sky. "I love you so much," I say between sobs. "I miss you."

I stand up in desperation, running out the door, feeling the drops fall freely on my body, without the protection of the umbrella. It was as if I was washing away all the bad feelings flowing from my being.

Arriving home, I take a hot shower and change into comfortable clothes. The room were in dense darkness. It was just the rain and me. And my cat, who was rubbing against my leg, lay on my lap."

I feel my chest inflate with comfort at the presence of the little being and smile at the gesture.

With the phone in hand, I try to distract my restless mind. I see the Twitter icon and feel my heart pounding as if I shouldn't do this, but I do it anyway. The blue screen shining amidst the darkness of the room soon turns into white, leaving my vision blurred. I switch to dark mode and continue scrolling through my feed.

Within a few seconds, I see something that breaks my heart even more. Among the bursts of excitement from Armys, there are videos of the boys, my boys, having fun in a restaurant with her. They forgot about the visitation day because of her. Again, the reason why I was put aside is her.

Knocks on the door make me forget the feelings of jealousy and anger that burned in my body like fire. I hesitated to remove the furry creature from my lap, as it seemed so comfortable. With a little effort, I get up and walk to the door. Upon opening it, I see Adora's face in a comforting smile. Seeing a friendly face, I feel my tears fall freely on my face once again. She immediately drops the bags she was carrying and envelops me in a loving hug.

I can't say for how long we hugged. What I can say is that it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I feel my chest getting lighter as if all the bad feelings had been carried away by the embrace, and I feel grateful to Adora for that.

Slowly I pull away, and I can see her smile return twice as big.

"Better?" she asks, making me nod.

I step aside, and she enters, placing the food bags on the coffee table. I close the door and follow her.

"What did you bring?" I ask curiously, making her laugh.

"I knew food would cheer you up," she laughs. "I brought a lot of junk food. Sweet and savory cookies, ice cream, sweet and sour pork, hamburgers, and sodas."

"Soda?" I wonder. "Since when do you like fizzy drinks? You always said they gave you gas," I hold back a laugh.

"The soda is for you. For me," she reaches into the bag, pulling out two green bottles of soju. "I brought alcohol," she says sticking her tongue out as she shakes the bottles.

I smile at her little dance, but seeing her gummy smile reminds me of him. I feel the sadness wanting to return when I remember the videos, but I cast aside any bad feelings as I grab the ice cream container.

"I didn't want to bring it up, but I'm really sorry I wasn't there. You know how it is at BigHit. I couldn't leave the production until the work was finished," she explains, and I smile.

"It's okay. I understand," I whisper. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"About the boys..." she starts to say, but I quickly cut her off.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to, Cassie. You know that. Keeping it all inside will only make it worse. You know you can trust me. Vent it out. I'm here," she holds my hand.

I close my eyes, nodding. I search within myself for the strength to let out everything I'm feeling. Everything that's hurting me. I bite my lower lip and open my eyes. It's going to be okay.

"It's been some time since my friendship with the boys started cooling off," I begin, feeling her squeeze my hand in comfort. "You know I met Tae before he became famous, and he's the one who introduced me to the rest of the boys. Since then, we've had a very strong friendship. We weren't always together, especially with the tours and my work, but we were close, like a real family. No matter how long we went without seeing each other, nothing changed, until recently," I sigh. "Park Ji-Hye showed up about 2 months ago, a few weeks before my dad passed away. She auditioned for the dancer position and passed the test," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I saw her audition," she says.

"So, since that day, I saw her getting closer and closer to the boys. They were always talking about how cool and funny she is, and, you know, I was happy for them. A new friendship is always good, especially for them, who are famous and always have to be careful with opportunists. But it never crossed my mind that she would take the place I had in their lives," I smile sadly. "They started visiting me much less. Calling me much less. Inviting me to the dorm or out much less. Until the day I literally became nothing to them," I look at Adora, whose face is red with anger.

"These..." I interrupted her.

"You don't want to lose your job, right?" I ask, laughing. "And you can't blame them either. She became their official dancer, which means wherever they go, she's with them," I shrug. "She's with them all the time, and that surely made them closer to her. Even more than me," I feel my eyes welling up. "I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I already did."

"Hey," she shakes me. "Calm down, breathe. I know they messed up. And they messed up badly, but it doesn't mean they've forgotten about you," Adora says, trying to comfort me.

"They forgot me the day my dad died, Adora. I'll never forget that. I feel like on that day, I died twice. I remember calling them in desperation, crying, not knowing what to do, feeling like my world was falling apart," I pause as I feel all the emotions returning. "And they said they were coming, but they never showed up," I continued after a few seconds of silence. "After that, they sent me a message explaining that Park Ji-Hye had gotten hurt dancing and they were with her at the hospital," Adora nods.

"Yeah, I remember. She just fell on her butt, but she made a scene like she broke her back. Everyone was freaking out at the company, even Bang PD. But in the end, it was just drama," she laments.

"After that, they didn't even visit me. Not even once," I laughed with no emotion. "Right after, they forgot my birthday. I understand that I wasn't excited at all because of my dad, but it wouldn't hurt to receive some supportive or congratulatory messages from them. I was so upset that I sent some sad texts. In less than thirty minutes, they were knocking on my door. We cried a lot, but I felt like a part of me had come back to life and that everything was going to be okay," I sarcastically laughed. "I couldn't have been more wrong, could I?" I asked.

"Cassie..."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. After today, I finally understood," I grab a spoon. "They found someone better than me. Someone who can be with them all the time and help them when they need it. I'm just sad that person isn't me. Not anymore," I shove the spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, to prevent the tears stuck in my throat from coming out.

For the rest of the night, Adora didn't bring up the subject again, and I was grateful for that.

A random movie played on TV, but my mind was far away. I looked to the side and saw Adora sleeping with her mouth open. A piece of cookie rested on her cheek while her hand lay above her head. I silently chuckled, covering us and then turning off the TV.

A distant ringing sound caught my attention. I tapped around the couch until I found the phone under the cushion. My eyes automatically closed from the sudden contact with the bright screen, but just as they closed, they widened.

After the first notification, thousands started to show up. My heart throbbed in my chest as my body was flooded with nervousness.

"Min PD: Cassie, please tell me you're there."

"Joonie: Please respond. We're sorry. It wasn't our intention not to show up..." The message appeared cut off because I hadn't unlocked the phone yet.

"Hobierto: Believe us, Cassie. Please, we know you're awake. Answer us."

"Jinnie: Cassandra, we would never do anything to hurt you. Please let us explain."

"Mochi: Answer the phone."

After that message, a group call popped up on the screen. I stared at it, battling the urge to answer. I sighed deeply and threw the phone back onto the couch because no matter how much I wanted to talk to them, I was still hurt. I didn't want to answer and end up fighting. Saying things without thinking and ending up in a worse situation. The best thing to do now was to rest.

I made myself comfortable on the bed we had arranged on the floor, and put the pillow over my head to block out the notifications. When I didn't see any changes, I pressed the power button on my phone and confirmed it right away. I lay back down and took a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be okay. ——————————————————

It wasn't even dawn when I heard knock after knock. Disoriented, I got up, searching for where the noise was coming from until my feet led me to the front door. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall and got irritated to see it was six past two in the morning.

I swung the door open, ready to argue with whoever had woken me up so early after going to bed so late, but I lost my voice when I saw the seven people I loved most staring at me ty forlornly.

I felt two arms embrace me tightly, followed by two more until I lost count. Desperate whispers for forgiveness echoed in my ear, making me feel loved... until a certain moment. Memories of what had happened the night before made me wake up from the sleep I didn't know I was in. Slowly, I distanced myself from the seven, able to see the tears streaming down some of their faces and sadness emanating from the others.

"Cassie..." Jimin starts. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't our intention to leave you alone in such a difficult time. Please, believe us."

"We didn't come here to lie to you, Cassandra..." Namjoon says. "It really wasn't our intention. I know this is going to sound completely wrong, but we made a promise to Ji-Hye. We promised to take her out to celebrate her birthday since she's far from her family and would probably celebrate alone," I try to hide a grimace.

They couldn't miss her birthday, but could miss mine.

"As soon as we finished eating, we were going to come straight here. And we really were, Cas, really. But the company called saying we had to go there to finalize the last details for the album. It was then that we sent several messages in the group, but you didn't see any."

"That's why we're here," Taehyung says, interrupting Namjoon. "Cassie, listen to me. You're one of the most important people in my life. Sorry if lately my actions haven't shown that, but please, please, Cas, don't be mad at us. I couldn't bear to know that you're upset because of me," he whispers.

"Go to the dorms tonight. Let's talk about this calmly," Hoseok suggests.

I remain silent for a few minutes.

"Come on, please. Hum? Hum?'' Tae shakes my arm. ''You'll go, right? Say yes," he asks.

"Okay," I sigh deeply. "I'll go."

I feel arms wrapping around my body again, and I relax, enjoying the contact. This time, the hug lasted only a few seconds. The boys said goodbye, saying they needed to be at the company in a few hours. 

"Tonight at 7. We'll be waiting for you," Yoongi said and then left. 

I closed the door, trying to contain my excitement and the obvious smile on my face. As I turned to go back to bed, I was startled to see only Adora's head peeking out from behind the couch. She had a radiant smile on her face as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up," I say, making her laugh. ——————————————————

I look at the clock on the wall. It's 8:07 in the evening. Damn, I was late. I could already hear Adora's voice slowly emerging in my mind, saying that I should have listened to her and picked out my outfit earlier. Shaking my head, I focus on finishing getting ready. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from my own mind.

I hear knocks and the doorbell ringing repeatedly.

"Shit," I mutter as I hop over to the door.

I try to put on my sock while walking to the door, but my unfailing plan soon becomes fallible when I trip over my own hand and fall on the floor. The knocks and the doorbell grow louder, and I feel irritation creeping in. "ALRIGHT, I'M COMING," I yell and pick myself up.

I walk back to the door with a pout and my hair completely tousled, covering my face. I take a deep breath, fix my hair, put on a fake smile, and finally open the door. As I see the seven people I love most in the world looking at me with confused faces, I feel my smile turn genuine, and the earlier irritation vanish as if it had never existed.

"Is everything okay? Why didn't you come?" I hear Taehyung ask as he scrutinizes me from head to toe."

"What happened? Something serious?" Seokjin asks, and I shake my head.

"No, guys, sorry. I almost died trying to choose a good outfit to wear and ended up running late, sorry," I explained laughing.

''What do you mean you almost died?" Jungkook asks as I watch their faces turn into a grimace."

"It was nothing, really," I reassure, taking a quick glance at Jungkook, who was holding back his laugh.

He knew it. I am sure he did.

"Are you sure you didn't... you know... fall on your ass?" he smirks. "I'm sure I heard a huge..."'' 

"Hobi," I said excitedly, "What do you have there?" I pointed to the bags he was carrying while Jungkook laughed.

That little prick.

''Food," he says, shaking the bags. ''We know how much you love eating''.

I chuckle and make way for them to enter. In a few minutes, the food was already on the coffee table, and an improvised bed was set up on the living room floor. I change into more comfortable clothes and join them.

"Look, before we start, we want you to know how sorry we are," Yoongi says.

"Yes... Sorry for not being there on the visitation's day," Jimin adds. "If there's anything you want to say, anything that's bothering you, please let us know. We'll fix it all, Cassie. ''he holds my hand.'' We want things to go back to how they used to be."

"We're here for you, Cas," Jin finishes, and I smile weakly.

I pause for a moment, feeling that it still wasn't the right time. So, I just sigh and shake my head.

"It's okay, guys. Really," I open with a smile. "Let's just watch this movie already. I'm dying to see who'll be the first one to cry and shake in fear like a little kitten." I say, trying to change the subject, and smirk when I realize it worked.

"I am sure it won't be me," Hoseok says with confidence. "Cause you know..." he shows off his muscles. "I'm a man," he pauses for a minute.

It doesn't take long until Hoseok's laughter fills the room, making everyone laugh.

"Who listens to him talking like this, doesn't even think the Gladiator sandal outside belongs to him," Jungkook says, making Hoseok look at him flabbergasted.

''Hey, what do you mean by that?'' he asks shookedt. ''It's fashionable''

"Yeah, Hobi. Sure is," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.

''Why I don't believe you are being honest?'' Hoseok asks putting his finger under his chain. ''I'm going to expose you on Twitter. Or should I say X?''

''What? Are you into Xvideos?'' Namjoon asks as he returns. 

Everybody stops and looks at him. When did he even leave to begin with?

"What were you doing, Joonie?" I ask, smirking at him. "Were you in the bathroom?" he nods as the rest of the boys laugh.

''Now we know why you are thinking naughtiness'' Jimin says.

Namjoon's face turns red as he shakes his hands nervously. He tries to sit down on the couch but somehow ends up falling on the ground. We can see his cellphone flying around the living room as he throws his arms in the air in an attempt to regain his balance, but it doesn't work, as expected.

''No need to be nervous, Joonie'' I say. ''Everybody masturbates once in a while.''

''Do we?'' Yoongi looks at me suspiciously.

"I mean," I chuckle nervously. "How did we even get to this conversation? Let's just watch the movie for God's sake."

"Nah, nah. Don't you try coming up with excuses," Tae says abruptly. "What do you mean by that? Are you dating someone?" Jungkook seems to be having fun as he opens a beer can.

''What? Me? Dating?'' I laugh. ''Not even close. But I can't say the same about Jungkook, can I?'' he chokes.

''Uh? What you on about?'' he asks as he cleans his mouth. ‘’Seven days a week, huh?’’ he burst into laughter. He pauses for a minute before smirking. "Hm, why's that, baby girl?" he says, leaning in my direction. "Are you jealous?" he asks, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to…" he bites his lower lip. "You know," he says putting his finger on my lips. I can already feel the cringeness and second-hand embarrassment traveling throughout my body as the rest of the boys laugh. This prick. ‘’You really need to get out from twitter,’’ I say, shoving him away. ‘’The next step is to put up a black and white profile picture and call yourself a webdom’’ He raises both of his middle fingers in my direction before turning his attention back to the beer can. ‘’Are you guys done? Can I finally play this damn movie?’’ Yoongi asks, making everybody nod.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. Unfortunately, they couldn't stay overnight. They had to leave very early the next day due to their schedule. 

I hesitated to get up; I didn't want to accompany them to the door out of sheer laziness, and feeling Taehyung shaking me with his foot made me even more sluggish.

"If you keep doing that, I swear I'll fall asleep," I say, making him huff.

"Come on, sloth imitation. Take us to the door," Jimin says, but gives up when he sees Jungkook lying next to me.

"Jungkook, I'm sure you really like your video game, right?" Seokjin asks, and in a jump, Jungkook gets up.

"Are you really not taking us to the door?" Yoongi asks, and I remain silent. "Okay then."

When I open my eyes to see what he was going to do, I feel an arm gather and squeeze my legs while a hand starts tickling my feet furiously.

"JESUS!" I scream in surprise.

I heard laughter as I fought for my life. The strange feeling that tickling brought made me confused if I was laughing because I found it funny or if it was fear messing up my nervous system. The laughter increased as I writhed and screamed for help.

"YOONGI, YOU JERK!" I said without realizing that I was actually yelling.

"Weren't you sleepy?" Yoongi asks. "So, I'm trying to help you."

"WAIT UNTIL I GET UP, YOU PIECE OF BROWN SUGAR, I'M GOING TO END YOU."

"Are you going to take us to the door?" he asks.

"OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU, JUST STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I yell.

I feel my body calm down and my brain start functioning again as the tickling ceases. I looked at Yoongi who was laughing while sniffing his hand.

"Ew, you have smelly feet," he says, and I get up.

"Come here, you little jerk," I chase after him as he runs away mocking me.

After a few seconds, I could already feel that the 70% of water in my body had evaporated and the air in my lungs was scarce. When did my body become so sedentary?

"Idiot," I curse Yoongi who laughs. "I hate you."

"I love you too, beautiful thing," I hear him say.

Finally, I accompany them to the door. After a lazy farewell, I see them about to leave, but a click in my mind makes me stop them.

"As you know, I graduated from college, but since it was at the time when my father died, I didn't have any enthusiasm to celebrate. Adora recommended that I have a celebration the day after tomorrow night, since it's the weekend. Just to not let it go unnoticed. So... you guys are invited."

"We'll be here, don't worry," Namjoon says, and I smile nodding.

We say goodbye again, and this time, I see them leave. Seeing the elevator door close, I go back inside the house. The smile on my face never leaves me for a second, and finally, after so long, I could feel that things would really be okay.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to Adora, everything was organized on time. The food was ordered since neither she nor I wanted anyone to die from food poisoning. The time we ended up in the hospital the day we cooked for each other was enough. No need to repeat the dose.

I check the time on my phone and see it's 8pm. They would arrive at any moment, so I sit next to Adora on the couch to chat until then.

☂ ☂

Some time passed, and the boys still hadn't arrived. I look at the time again and see that it's 9:46. I try not to think the worst and choose to believe they would be here soon.

☂ ☂

I sigh deeply at seeing what time it is: 11:14. I try to ignore Adora's pitying look and get up from the couch. I suppress the tears once again. I am tired of crying. And more than ever, I realize that they don't deserve my tears.

"Cassandra..." Adora calls me, and I look at her. "I'm sure there's an explanation for this. Something must have happened at the company, and they couldn't let us know." I shake my head.

Something inside me told me that wasn't it, and I decided to trust my intuition.

"Adora, can you take me to the dorm?," I ask softly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to go alone," I weakly smile, and she nods.

"Of course, my love. Of course..." ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The car journey lasted less than I wished. My mind was constantly clouded by memories, anxiety making the painful memories hurt twice as much. I laughed in disbelief. I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this.

"Thank you for bringing me," I look at Adora. "And thank you for always being by my side in difficult times. If I felt supported and loved, be sure that it's all because of you. You're an amazing person, Adora, and I hope you know that." she smiles.

"Regardless of what happens there, remember that you are enough. Not for them, but for yourself. Don't belittle yourself for them, Cassie, and don't let the love you feel for them speak louder than your self-love. If you survived two hellish months without their presence, be sure that you can live your life and be immensely happy in the future without them. I guarantee you that," I feel her hand squeezing mine for comfort, and I smile. "I'll be waiting for you here," I nod.

I get out of the car, feeling Adora's words take effect. I walk bravely towards the towering building, ignoring every feeling of nostalgia trying to invade me. I couldn't lose focus now.

Arriving on their dorm's floor, I feel my heart skip a beat. I pause for a moment and try to put my thoughts and feelings in order. Seeing no result, I lean against the wall and try in every way to avoid a panic attack that was about to come. As if it were a heavenly help, I feel my phone vibrate. With trembling hands, I pick it up and see a message from Adora.

"Don't forget, you are strong and capable. And never for a moment think you are alone, because I'm here for you."

I clutch my phone tightly. Adora is right. I am strong and I am capable. I can do this because regardless of what happens, I will be okay.

I take a deep breath, gathering all the strength and courage from my being, and knock on the door. I freeze when I realize what I've done, but I quickly compose myself. I will be okay.

A few seconds passed and no one answered, so I knocked again. But just like the first time, there was no response. After the third attempt, I decide to enter. Typing the password on the door, I entered the dormitory.

Upon realizing that there was no one in the main hall, the pounding of my heart calmed down. I begin to walk through the dormitory, recalling every good moment I had with my boys. I feel the sadness emanating in my chest once again.

I really didn't want to lose them.

As I walked down the corridor, I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I started walking with firm steps, but I felt my legs waver when I heard a female voice among their voices. It was her.

"Jungkook-oppa, you're so silly," I hear her delicate laughter, feeling jealousy burning in my chest.

It should be me there.

"The silly you love," I hear Jungkook reply.

I could hear the happiness in his voice. It was as if they didn't need anyone else at the moment but her. And that made me hate her, but my own mind scolded me. She is not worthy of my hatred. She is as innocent as I am in this story. She did nothing to hurt me, so why would I hate her?

"Hinnie," I hear Hoseok's voice.

Hinnie...

"Try it and tell me what you think."

There was a moment of pause until applause and sounds of appreciation were made.

"It's amazing, oppa," she says. "You really keep improving in the kitchen every day."

Unable to bear it anymore, I think of simply turning around and leaving, but something catches my attention. And it was precisely there, in that moment, that I regretted staying.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" I hear Taehyung say, and I feel my body tremble.

Once again, there was a pause until someone shouted.

"Shit, really," Jimin said. "We forgot to take the drinks out of the freezer."

I feel my heart break, as if that were possible. I let out a disbelieving laugh and finally come out from where I was hiding.

"And try more of this," Hoseok suddenly stops. "Cassie..."

I hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Soon, everyone was staring at me wide-eyed. I repress the urge to laugh. I realize how messy my whole body was the moment I wanted to laugh and not cry.

"Oh no," Jimin says, as if remembering something. "The party."

With that said, everyone becomes even more desperate. Seeing them approaching, I panic.

"Don't come near,"

They quickly stop. I see them not knowing what to do. And it wasn't just them. I end up getting disoriented with so much pressure. Where did my courage go when I needed it most?

"Um... what's going on?" she asks, and I close my eyes.

It's not her fault. It's not her fault...

"Ji-Hye, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Namjoon asks.

"Yes, of course. It's time for me to leave anyway," she gets up. "I'll see you later," she says bowing both to them and to me.

After she left, silence hung in the air. I tried to hold back my laughter, but when I saw everyone's confused faces, I knew I had failed. When I noticed that no one was going to say anything, I took the initiative.

"Do you know what's more disappointing? It's that I really thought this time would be different," I shrug. "I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

"Cas..."

"Do you remember when you asked me if I had something to say, Jinnie? If something was hurting me? Well, I do, and I hope I won't be interrupted."

With no response, I continue.

"I feel like I died. It's been a while since I am just surviving," I start. "The fact that you didn't come to the visitation isn't the part that hurts the most, it's that you weren't there when my father passed away. I remember how desperate I was, and the only people I could think of were you. But you weren't there. Damn, you didn't even call." I whisper as tears fall freely down my face. "When I found myself alone in the hospital, realizing that the person who adopted me and chose me to love had died, that was my first death. The person who loved me, who looked beyond language or race barriers, and who taught me everything I know had suddenly left, without even giving me a chance to say goodbye. Do you know how I felt? Devastated."

I pause for a moment. Melancholy takes over my body as I recall all the feelings I felt that day, and for a moment, I allow myself to cry all I needed. I sob so much that I thought I might choke. Without caring about looks or pity, I just allowed myself, knowing that everything would be okay.

"When I called the only people I thought I could count on, and they told me they were coming, I didn't feel so alone," I let out a humorless laugh. "Until I realized that those people never arrived. The people who always said they would be there for me weren't there when I needed them the most. That was my second death," I look at Jin. "Don't say these things to anybody if they are not coming from your heart. Don't hurt anyone else by saying you have their backs or that you will always be there for them when in reality it's not the truth."

I look at each one. Their gazes were distant, as if they were reliving every moment. 

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm mad at Park Ji-Hye. Actually, quite the opposite. I was really happy when you said you met someone nice. Someone who really cared about you and genuinely wanted your friendships. I know how tough it is for you to find real friendships with all the fame, so I felt fulfilled too. I remember telling daddy excitedly, and he laughed at my excitement, happy for you and for me. Right after that, I lost him, and little by little, I lost you too, like I was meant to be alone," I smile weakly. "I am sorry if I'm being selfish, but that's how I feel. You guys forgot my birthday. Forgot the visitation days, and to top it off, you forgot my graduation party. It's like you replaced me as if I never even existed in your lives, and that really hurts. Really.''

I finish, and only then I realize they were crying with me. Some didn't have the courage to meet my gaze. We spent a few minutes without anyone saying anything. The only thing filling the air was the sound of our sniffles and sobs.

"On the day your father died," Namjoon begins. "We felt like we had lost a family member because he was, in fact, one. I am truly sorry, Cas, but for me, Park Ji-Hye's fall was an escape. I didn't want to face reality. I wouldn't know how to react to the loss of someone so special, and I also wouldn't know how to act with you," he looks at me.

"On your birthday, we thought you would like to be alone. It would be the first without your father, so we didn't know what to do, Cassie. We panicked," Jimin sighs. "But now I realize how you felt," he laughs humorlessly. "My God, I never thought I'd be such a horrible friend. What a disappointment," he whispers, covering his face with his hand.

"On visitation days," I look at Hoseok. "I confess that I clung to any opportunity not to go, Cas," he cries. "Not because I didn't love you. I love you, and I love you very much, but I never knew how to react to death. The only two times I entered a cemetery, I spent the rest of the week feeling bad, with depressive thoughts. I also couldn't let Armys worry. I didn't want their 'Sun' to lose its brightness. I am so sorry for not being able to tell you this before. I didn't want to seem selfish."

I suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Hearing all this, I realize how futile our apologies seem," Yoongi laughs weakly. "But they are true, Cassie... I understand what Hoseok says. You know about my history with depression, don't you?" he asks, and I nod. "It's the same thing for me. If I enter a cemetery, my thoughts don't stop. Some come in a worse form, and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"We were selfish, Cas," Seokjin says. "I was. I didn't want Armys to see us sad because I knew the chaos it would be. I have no words to express how special you are to me," he pauses. "Cassie, you are my sister, my family. You weren't crying alone; I cried with you. I just couldn't show it. I knew it would be worse if I saw you cry, just like I am seeing now."

There was a moment of silence. Until his voice broke.

"I am sorry," Taehyung says. "Damn, I don't even know what to say, Cassie. You are one of the most precious people I have ever met. I remember how you stayed with us through thick and thin. I also remember how happy you were for us at the beginning, and I know the genuine happiness you felt when we received our first award. You stood by my side when my grandma passed away. How could I not be by your side too? My God," he puts his hand on his head in an act of despair. "You stayed by our side when we thought about disbanding. It was you who helped us see why we are here, who helped us find reasons to stay," he looks at me anxiously. "How could I be so selfish?"

"We thought that regardless of anything, you would always be by our side. That you would understand us, even with our deplorable attitudes. We always thought we would have you next to us, so we neglected you," Yoongi shakes his head. I feel like he answered more to Taehyung than to me. "Damn, anjinho, I'm sorry," I lower my head as I hear him call me by the nickname I loved so much.

"The fact that we started a new friendship also influenced us," Jungkook says. "We were so excited that someone, besides you, wanted a friendship without interest that without realizing it, we put aside the one that had been with us from the beginning," I hear Jungkook say muffled, as his two hands covered his face.

"We don't deserve you, Cassandra. We left you at the most difficult moment of your life, and yet you never stopped loving us," Yoongi pulls his own hair, a habit he always did when he was nervous. "We can't let you leave thinking that we don't care about you because, Cassie, that would be a complete lie. With the stress of the comeback, things only got worse. It was rehearsal, recording, agendas to fulfill, productions, trips, tours. Our minds were a mess, and Park Ji-Hye tried to help us from there. We know she's not the one to blame, and it's not your fault either. It's ours and only ours. I know this will seem like a lame excuse, but I didn't want to let you go thinking that you aren't precious to us. You are Cas. And you always will be."

I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. If before I felt bad, now I feel ten times worse. It seemed like I didn't even know them anymore. The feeling of comfort they made me feel was replaced by anguish. By sadness.

I open my eyes, and for the last time, I look at my boys. I realize that Taehyung understood my gaze.

"Cassie, please... Please don't..." Taehyung starts, but is interrupted by Seokjin.

"Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say."

"But I can't lose her, Hyung. I can't lose her," Taehyung says, crouching down.

I think about going to him, but then I retreat my body. If I do that, I know my heart will weaken, and at the moment, the only person I need to think about is myself.

"I'm sorry, hyung, but I'll be selfish," Namjoon says to Seokjin, and I look at him confused. "I don't know what your decision will be, Cassie. I'll support you, even if you choose to leave without our friendship. But I beg you... Cassandra, I implore you, try to find in yourself a little piece that doesn't want to give up on us. It doesn't have to be now. I want you to heal, and I don't care how long it takes. The only thing I ask is that you don't forget us and don't give up on us. Come back to us when you feel ready. I don't want to lose you, Cas. I..."

"I really hope you find a way to forgive us, Cassie. But understand that if you don't, we'll understand. You, more than anyone else, have every right to hate us," Yoongi says, interrupting Namjoon. "I hope you don't forget about us because, with all my heart, we won't forget about you."

I feel my heart shattering with every tear that falls on their faces. I smile weakly. I will really miss them.

I bow in a sign of respect, and as I return to my normal position, I raise my hand to my heart.

"Thank you, my boys. For all the good moments. You were a very important part of my life, which I will carry forever. I will never forget about all of you," I smile faintly. "How could I forget my first true friendships? My first loves?" I whisper.

I take a breath and smile. A true smile. A smile of gratitude.

"Regardless of what happened, you guys deserve nothing but love and happiness. Don't let anyone say otherwise. Even far away, please remember I will always be cheering for your success. And whenever you feel unloved, remember I love you. Very, very much.'' I can hear their sobs getting stronger. ''Don't think I blame you for what happened; I think I finally understand that life has its ups and downs. People come and unfortunately go," I see Taehyung desperate, trying to find something to say. I look away. I need to be strong. "I hope that every day your friendship with Park Ji-Hye grows, and that you take from all of this a lesson.''

I take a deep breath, looking at them for the last time.

''From the bottom of my heart... I wish you to be immensely happy."

In a gesture, I send thousands of kisses. I see Tae wanting to approach, so I turn around and start walking towards the exit, and this time, I don't cry. I feel the weight of sadness in my chest, but the weight of peace for having put everything I felt out was greater. And for the first time in two months, I believe it when I say that everything will be okay.

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I'm ill again because I have the immune system of a sickly victorian child. Therefore I must project onto the harry potter next gen kids

What i think (some) of the next gen kids are like when they're sick:

Scorpius: I've already done a whole post on this but I have no idea how to link posts despite being on this site for years. the short version is, he was a sick child and constantly in and out of hospital so now he cannot gauge when he's actually really sick and needs to just rest, so albus has to forcibly keep him in the dorm or hospital wing otherwise he will still try and go to class even if actively dying

Albus: he's lowkey so dramatic. if he has a small cold you WILL be hearing about it, BUT he's super subtle. he will casually tie it into conversation to make you feel sorry for him and just keep bringing it up until youre like aw no, im so sorry man. he doesnt try with rose anymore, because she will just mock him, she knows what hes doing. he's most obvious about it to Scorpius, he'll start pouting and be like I feel sick 🥺🥺 and Scorpius is immediately like oh poor baby 🥺🥺/gen and does in fact baby him until he feels better

Rose: does not get sick and its infuriating. when there's some kind of bug going around the school, you can guarantee this girl will not get it. she thinks everyone is just being dramatic and trying to get out of class. don't come to her for sympathy unless you actually look like you're on deaths door. the most sympathy surprisingly goes to Scorpius because she has seen this idiot try to attend class whilst not being able to function properly and be escorted out

Hugo: he doesnt get sick often, like a slightly below average getting sick, but my version of hugo is so unbothered by everything, he would end up in hospital or whatever but wont tell anyone, not on purpose, he just never goes out of his way to mention anything until it specifically comes up in conversation. Hes the random kid that pops up, says he has a relevant anecdote, tells you the wildest story youve ever heard so casually, youre left like???? what the fuck?? and how has that never come up before????, then he just dissapears again

James: gets so mopey, he gets so restless and hates having to sit and wait to get better. he'll enjoy not having to go to class for like one day but when you tell him he can't go anywhere or play quidditch or anything he's immediately over it like, 😟😟 wdym??? wdym I have to just lie here until I'm better??? lemme out!!!! LEMME OUT!!!!

Lily: lowkey whiny. she's not usually super whiny but she acts like a little kid when she's sick and will constantly frown and pout and cross her arms and kick her legs. collateral of being the youngest sibling lmao. she wants people to do everything for her and will shout for people to come get the TV remote or something that's only like 2 feet away from her and just shake her arm at it until you pass it. Ginny and Harry do it for her, her brothers do not lmao

Victorie: doesn't usually get sick-sick often, but I headcanon her as being a general athlete, she likes to do triathlons in her spare time, and if she gets injured she literally has to not be able to walk before she stops. she will just keep going. have you seen female footballers? the way they will be wacked in the head and start bleeding everywhere but then be like meh I can keep going. so her.

Louis: cannot stand the wanting to throw up kind of sick. he can deal with anything else, he has a pretty good immune system, he can pretty much carry on with normal stuff, and you won't even realise he's sick, but the second he feels stomach sickness, he is pale as a ghost and out for business. lowkey has emetaphobia, he will just sit so still until he doesn't feel like that anymore trying to make it go away by just 🧍🏻‍♂️if I don't move it won't know I'm here, yk lmao. hates throwing up so fucking bad

Roxanne: takes the sickness as some kind of personal test. is dramatic in the sense that she will go full warrior mode and be like 😈 i will survive 😈 I will not be beaten by these pitiful germs 😈 and will absolutely just rock her way through it, she talks like she's on some kind of quest, and that this is some kind of evaluation of her perseverance

Fred: just lies there. will not move until he's better. doesn't get really dramatic or complain but god forbid you try and make him do something, he'll start going off about how normalised it is for people to push themselves when sick because society wants people to work themselves to death, and doesn't actually care about anyone's health, and everyone just gets so sick of hearing him, they leave him alone

Karl Jenkins: will purposefully cough on people to get them sick too "as a joke"

[hwnglx]

can you do a reading on what enhypen members think of lesserafim

thought i'd do both groups ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

what do enhypen and le sserafim think about each other?

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

enhypen > le sserafim

heeseung 8ofp, knofc, 9ofw, queofp - phew, cards flew for him. he has a lot of thoughts for sure. views them as very hardworking and business-oriented women. also very stable financially. might've had a fling that ended on bad terms. some flirty energy and guardedness here. jay 7ofc, knofc - sees them as a group with a lot of opportunities and choices. also get the flirty for energy for him, might be daydreaming a lot about someone in the group. he's definitely crushing. (leaning towards yunjin) jake 4ofw, highpr - seems to get along with some of them pretty well and thinks they're a lot of fun, while other members might seem more mysterious and enigmatic to him. like they're more difficult to approach sunghoon empr, 7ofc&world - thinks they're beautiful, sensual, feminine and gentle. believes they're great at realizing their abundance of opportunities, a wellrounded group sunoo - god i'm sorry but the cards were so confusing and messy, very all over the place for him. i'm taking it as he just doesn't want me to know for now. jungwon 4ofp, devil - might think they're kinda greedy and materialistic. they always want their way and can get selfish or manipulative sometimes. lowkey spoiled too niki 7ofw, pagofc - seems to view them as very defensive and opinionated people who know how to stand up for themselves. also might have a little crush on someone, i'm getting cute little puppy love

le sserafim > enhypen

sakura devil, 9ofw, herm&6ofw - thinks they're kinda toxic. thinks both groups function better and are more successful when distanced, without getting in the way of eachother. she prefers just staying away from them to avoid drama chaewon strengthrx, towerrx, hangm - thinks they're way too unstable and lack control of their emotions and power to stand up for themselves. might think they don't know how to progress because of that. i'm lowkey getting "company's favorite child" like they just do whatever they're told yunjin lovers&4ofc, 2ofp+3ofc - seemed to have rejected someone lmao. might think they just play around too much and have too many girls/people they talk to. getting the vibe she just sees them as too immature still kazuha death, 5ofp, 7ofc+kingofp - doesn't think about them much, like she literally doesn't enjoy the thought. ngl, there's some weird and heavy energy here i don't really wanna dive into further. she does acknowledge they're rich in opportunity though, and good at what they do eunchae emper, knofsw, pagofsw - the only one i didn't get heavy energy from. thinks they're strong, reliable and passionate people. but might see them as kinda reckless and sharp-tongued in some ways. they can get too impulsive in her eyes. might be some gossiping going on here

the nine of wands seemed to be a reoccurring and significant card. i think a lot of the caution comes from wanting to avoid scandals, etc. they're probably aware a single glance can get overanalyzed by crazy fans, so they're more wary and conscious of how to behave around one another.

bottom of the deck in the end was the six of swords and it kept catching my eye somehow. so, i believe it's likely that they're also not really close off cam (def fought a bit, normal between co-workers tho) and might prefer staying distant in order to keep things peaceful.

[moonspirit]

Mr Leonhart opinions and Annie and his relationship post cannon headcannons?

(Ik u fic is dealing with him atm so u dont have to make it related of u don’t want to)

Like (if he lives long enough as my friend thinks he will die before this will happen) do u think he will be a good grandfather? Will Annie let her kid see him?

Will he walk Annie down the aisle or will someone else do it?!? I wish we got more on their relationship

Hi Hello!!

Annie and her dad huh. To be honest I never really felt much in either like or dislike towards Mr.Leonhardt, instead I always just went 😟😟 when we got Annie's backstory in full. He was a bad father, but then seeing a few takes on why he was a Trash Dad, I thought "Oh yeah that makes sense." I'm fully on board the Trash Dad Camp now.

In that regard, my personal take is that the relationship between Annie and her dad never really "goes" anywhere, post canon. There is too much abuse in her childhood, abuse that he inflicted on her for entirely selfish reasons. He didn't see an orphaned baby but a tool he could sharpen into a blade for himself. Annie's the way she is emotionally because of how he "raised her". So I find it very hard to see them having a very normal & cheerful father and daughter relationship, post canon.

Because he cried and hugged her before she left, Annie was touched (and haha she was touched by the half iota of affection there because he deprived her of any at all lmao) and made it her life mission to reunite with him. But to me, that doesn't seem enough to repair a whole decade of abuse and how he used her. Initial relief and happiness aside (like the hug in Fort Salta), I don't see them being chummy. Her father knows nothing about her. What Annie likes or dislikes, food wise, people wise, anything wise. She made her first friends in the 104th, she trashed her mission for a boy, she went back to the battle for the alliance members she obviously cared for - this is Annie. This is the real Annie, not what her father knew in those 10 years when she likely didn't know herself either.

So, honestly and if anything, their relationship post canon is functional. Functional in the respect that they talk, they share meals, they spend some time together, but it never progresses beyond that. It doesn't heal. It isn't repaired. They don't get close. Instead it's something that exists, with some stability - and I think Annie needs that stability.

(anything more on that and I'll spoil VBEOW, sorry xD)

As for the headcanons you asked... For me they all work off the above perspective I have. Mr. Leonhardt being a good grandfather? I honestly like to think he wouldn't know the first thing about being a good parent, let alone a grandfather. Simply being remorseful of your past actions doesn't transform you into a radically different human being without any serious effort put in. We don't know how he "truly changed" (if at all) during the years Annie was away. He may not be an angry violent man anymore but it's still not enough to be a good parent figure. Caring for someone is a whole different thing, after all.

Will Annie let her child close to him? Sure. I think that's part of having a functional and stable relationship with her father, she won't ban her child from interaction. But there will not be any "closeness" or "warmth", and the child may not spend too much time with Mr. Leonhardt anyway.

Now, god, will he walk Annie down the aisle? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm gonna be emotional and angry and say: his leg is probably much worse, so Annie has the luck of getting Jean or Reiner or Connie doing it instead. Much better.

Thank you for asking :3

[prongsfish]

sigh

im post blocked

anyway

FISHALICIOUS

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE EVAN ROSIER HEADCANONS

(ive been asking everyone because he's slowly becoming my favourite)

just now realising you asked this nearly a month ago i'm so sorry i don't know why i struggle with answering asks so much!! but anyways evan headcanons i will GLADLY give. my characterisation of him is less concrete than characters like barty or regulus but i think about him loads still i love him...

this is a classic ofc but i will always see him and pandora as twins!! i love siblings in media so much and i think it allows for suuupper interesting dynamics between them, even in canon

in muggle aus my go-to career for him is either a piercer or something in the medical science field. i can just picture him as this mildly off-putting medsci student who goes on to be a forensic pathologist or something, he's really intrigued by the human body and how it functions in various ways. could definitely also go the way of unlicensed surgeon or mad scientist who performs fucked up experiments on people but that sort of thing doesn't quite fit into every fic lmaoo

i've always thought of him as more of a piercings guy than a tattoo guy (which is the opposite to barty). he'd definitely have both but i associate him more with piercings if that makes sense? i imagine he'd have a labret, bridge, stretched lobes (~7/8"), stretched septum (~0g), eyebrows (normal and middle placements), and high nostrils. all symmetrical!! plus probably some other non-facial piercings

he'd love sci-fi, thriller, and horror (especially psychological) films. anything super tense and probably confusing

when he was a child he and pandora would trap and kill insects. they'd spend ages examining little bug bodies and dissecting them with sticks and stuff... as he grew older he became more and more interested in bigger animals. occasionally he would kill animals himself but more often he'd search for those already dead, especially roadkill. once he was finished with any given specimen he'd carefully remove, clean, and reconstruct their skeletons to give to pandora. she didn't like the organs stuff as much as he did but she loved collecting bones and taxidermy insects, in exchange one year for his birthday (10-14th, maybe) she spent ages searching to buy him a surgical set from an antique store

waaay scarier than barty. if you don't know them you might be more initially scared by barty but while barty is loud and crazy and violent and laughs at pain/danger, evan is creepy. he knows way a million and one ways to kill someone without leaving behind any evidence. he knows every single pressure point on the human body. someone mentions a medicine they've taken their whole life for the first time and when someone else asks what it is he can explain in minute detail exactly how it works to the point where not even the person who takes it knew even half of what he says. he's super quiet moving without even meaning to be so he scares the shit out of people all the time. he doesn't blink as often as he should but just often enough that you don't notice until you're paying attention. and this is all revealed gradually, whereas barty's most "scary" traits are purposefully the most surface level things about him

he loooves medical dramas. he's watched tons of them. he HATES the good doctor though, purely on principle because once someone said that must be his favourite because he's autistic. his actual favourite is house

he runs cold and NEVER wears shorts. lots of beanies and jackets

these were so random and i went on a few tangents but oh well i did like five other things between writing these so it's a bit of a mess LMAO

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

I love all the world building you’ve shared so far and the details about the religions !!!!!!!!! Will your version of the nether have the same type of world building ? In jessons story the nether really just contained a castle and then the rebellion’s safe hold. Though here are you going to take it an actual kingdom with surrounding villages or forts or even temples for worship of the judge ? You said before that the shadow knights only made up a part of the judgements kingdom, so is there paths to travel in the nether ? Are you going to go into detail about how all of the judgements groups plus SK work together in both worlds ? Also are you going to talk about the premature shadow knights or any ruins of the first base that was created after the judgement was sealed in the nether ?

Fukcing love getting Judge questions lmao yayyyyyy. also tyyyyy

(was going to answer it yesterday but was busy, sorry)

The Nether/The Abyss will be getting a bunch of world building too, because i'm a completionist and I will not create (or adopt) a world and not fully develop it lmoa.

The Abyss, at its very heart, has the fortress. It's almost part of the abyss, instead of being a structure built within it, and it is obviously where Judgement rests, and keeps his sacrifices and personal prisoners. It's bare of most furniture, since he has no need for physical comforts when he is not a physical individual, but he has his throne and his dining table, where he hosts feasts bc every god needs to show its followers some sign of love occasionally. his throne is like surrounded and adorned with candles and bones, and generally just offerings from his followers who would (and are trying to) end the world just to please him.

SKs (or just 'Knights' in my rewrite) at first began camping up around the fortress in tents and small hiding holes, when they were first created, however over time, they began to create more complex structures to house themselves and exist within. Humans also contributed, when they began being invited into the abyss to worship, so a fully-fledged society and culture began to develop, with art and entertainment, and music all individual to the city. The city around the fortress is actually liveable for the average person, if the average person were able to stomach violence and such enough to not run into the dark corners of the abyss in fear and disgust.

Temples do exist around the city, though they do serve different purposes. For example, temples on the outskirts of the city, closer to the wraith fields (i'll... get to that... at some point. Also, wraith = shadow souls), are used for human occupants to sacrifice themselves to host wraiths, however those closer to the centre of the city are unable to do this, and so they will be used for other means of worship, which i won't go into right here bc it's religion talk. i'll save it for another post (potentially).

Large communities of Destroyer worshippers that live in their own villages and such do have access to the nether, though it can be rather... inconsistent. Doorways don't stay open forever, especially when made by weak magic users, so they will only have access every couple of weeks for a few hours at a time. However, this is enough for them. Messengers are sent back and forth, as are resources, materials, prisoners etc. These particular communities often have at least 1 knight within them, usually between 2-4, and the ones with more knights are considered more highly by other worshippers (hence why Cotk is one of the most well-known judge-worshipping communitiy, since there are 10 knights) and other knights will try and fill the space if one that inhabits an overwold village dies. The city is great but many knights do enjoy the freedom of the overworld, and ruling over their own small community.

They function very similarly to normal villages, except they don't have a lord. The hierarchy has humans that converted to the religion at the bottom, then the humans who were born into the religion, then the human priests and priestesses, then the Knights, then human prophets, and then Judge himself. The hierarchy within the Knights also exists, with 'heretic' (irene-worshipping) prem knights at the very bottom, and Judge's generals (usually mutated or magic-using knights who were born into the religion) at the very top. However, Knight hierarchy can be easily cheated, depending on how violent or cruel a knight is getting them landed higher on the pyramid than they are meant to be.

The human inhabitants of the over-world villages often act like normal people, except they have a more... peculiar relationship with death, and willingly send their dead to the abyss hoping they would be turned into knights (though that is often not the fate they meet). They also have a similar, though undeniably particular, culture to the city, with their own personal flairs and quirks.

The City within the Abyss functions similarly to that, of course, except the humans within the abyss are often thought of (and think of themselves) more highly than over-world humans, and are put on a similar level to low-level knights instead of on an entirely different tier. They are able to score a variety of jobs, however most humans try to get jobs in the temples, in the fortress, or trying to service the high-ranking knights however they can, as those are the more... high-value jobs they are able to achieve. They cannot get much higher, and if they show any potential to, they will be turned into knights to 'keep the balance'.

Prem knights are treated kinda like babies, and are always being spoken about as if they'll always end up killing their most loved individual. For the first few years, this is how it's spoken about, and then slowly, as the other knights begin to realise that they don't seem to be maturing any time soon, begin to accuse them of heresy and not being fully committed. Knights and humans alike will then try and pressure them into maturing, and if they don't bow to the pressure, will sacrifice them to Judge to display what a true knight should act like.

Prem knights that don't want to mature will then often run off outside of the city to try and find somewhere safe to live, but will often be eaten by wraiths before they even manage to past the Field. Those that do manage to cross will likely be eaten by something else that resides where the light of the cities fires cannot reach.

[secretgarden02]

A Familiar Face

I messed up the formatting so time to repost this-

Anyways, a little one-shot fanfic inspired from this drawing done by @leviadraws. Sorry it took me one year delay, had to find some motivation first since I don't really want to half-ass this (and apologies for misspelled grammars and errors as well, english ain't my first language lmao)

Shoutout to "Memories" song by Conan Gray because that song is so Kinjo-core

It has been a month since Kinjo's absent from his work ever since Teruya's whole funeral.

Rei is still showing up like usual, taking over his position for a meanwhile. But ever since Teruya's death, Rei has not been the same like before- in fact, she's completely changed.

She's more stoic and barely shows her emotions. Even when she's frustrated or angry, she mostly just brush it off rather than showing a clear sign that she's frustrated such as sighing or pinching her forehead. She will mostly just stared at the paper works and documents in her hands before she then move on. The Kisaragi foundation still functions normally, but slowly it deteriorate to worse with how Rei acts and Kinjo's absent makes it even worse. No one can convince Rei to visit his house to check how he's doing, and even when Midori and Keisuke gave Kinjo a visit, he didn't even open the door for them.

Kinjo has been inside his home all day ever since Teruya's funeral. Teruya's death was devastating enough for him, but he tried to put on a facade that he's doing fine- until Rei later on confronted him about it and it broke him since then. Maybe Rei is right, he has been using Teruya's- no, even his friends' death excuse to keep him going so he can fight the 'despair', to his own satisfaction. He never think about his own friends desires. He can't even still move on from the betrayal he felt from losing his dearest friend- Yuki Maeda. He knows it all too well that he was just a fake person during that whole killing game, but to think that he trusted him a lot and get attached to him, it both frustrated and saddens him greatly. Even seeing the real Yuki Maeda back in that killing game simulation, he can't even hold himself back from wanting him back even though the other doesn't know about him at all. How pathetic of him.

Usually when he's absent from his workplace, Kinjo would still do his works in his home, even if he's sick. But now in his current state, he's barely touching his paperwork. A rare sight for someone who's usually workaholic. All he's doing now is just laying on bed and sleeping all day. Sometimes he would get out of bed to cook something in kitchen so he won't die from starvation, but that's only it. Afterwards, he will just go to bed and stares at the ceiling or the window, falling asleep later on. But now, it's getting more harder and harder to sleep immediately. He would sometimes ended up not sleeping at all and stayed up all day. Like today, he's rubbing his eyes, cursing himself for not being able to sleep. Maybe he reached his limit. He stares out at the window, as the sound of waves crashes onto the beach gently near his residents. From far, a bridge street that was previously destroyed by mysterious cause from the incident last month was already fixed to normal. He wonders….

The chances are very slim, but he's desperate at this point. Besides, he need a fresh air after staying inside for a month now.

"Ah��."

Kinjo arrived at the bridge, with his full uniform on as usual. He's staring at the sight before him- pretty much nothing but empty streets as the waves gently swaying beneath the bridge. The man sigh, as he proceed to sit on the sideways of the street and slump his back. What was he hoping for? Of course they will never show up. They're being wanted by the Kisaragi foundation, so of course they will never show themself to let alone the leader of the foundation. Besides, they never know about him at all in first place. Kinjo let out a tired sigh as he chuckles, putting his hand at his right eye. "What am I even doing…? Some kind of police officer I am…. Letting my subordinates die in hands of them…."

"Are you done mourning now?"

A voice spoke up all of sudden, in fact it's a pretty familiar voice to him.

Upon hearing that voice, his other hand reaches out for the gun from his pocket and points it upward to the figure that standing beside him, as his expression immediately grows sour.

The other figure that standing beside him just looks down on him, it was Sora- no, not exactly Sora. It's Yuki now, in Sora's body after the whole circumstances that happened with his real body. The grey-haired figure doesn't look scared at all with the gun being pointed at them. Their expression remains unimpressed.

"I don't want to see you, get out of my sight." "You know that you're suck at lying, right?" "Piss off, I will shoot this gun at you. You bear that man's fortune luck, hence you're a criminal now." "That's an absurd logic of yours. Besides, I haven't done anything that obstruct the laws yet. And I don't even want this kind of blessing in first place." Yuki sighs as he rolled his eyes.

Kinjo still held his gun at the other regardless, though his hand is slightly trembling with his finger being hesitant to pull the trigger. "Even with different body, you still bear that familiar face."

"I told you before, I'm not him." Yuki looks unamused with Kinjo's remark. "… I know." Kinjo let out a sigh, he looks pretty saddened when Yuki replied that as he put down the gun beside him. "You really need to get over it, I heard from your friends that you've been absent for a month from your workplace. Is that what police officers supposed to do?"

Kinjo glares at the other figure. "You don't have the rights to talk to me like that." "Hey, I'm just saying." Yuki replied immediately. "You said that you want to get rid of the Despair right? Then you better do your job properly. Your group might eventually get disbanded if you keep chasing your old friends." Yuki sighs again as he wears his hood over his head. He wasn't planning to be a sudden therapist in first place, he just happened to pass by and then all of sudden he found Kinjo just slumping his back on the street sideways. He have mixed feelings over him, but he wasn't planning to just let him laying down on the streets with the despair group is still after him.

"Well I'm overstaying my welcome here, I'll leave you alone now. Oh, and do inform me if you managed to catch sir Syobai and Iroha. But don't kill them, alright? I need to discuss some thing with them. Don't worry, it's not anything that will break the law." Yuki waves at him as he began to walk away.

"Wait-!" Kinjo shouts as he was about to reach over Yuki's hand. But he was too slow, as Yuki is already gone in the blink of an eye. Kinjo was pretty much surprised with how fast Yuki disappeared, but he decided to not question it and sighs. His last words lingered on his mind for a good while before he takes a deep breath and slowly stood up, picking up the gun beside him.

He stares at the gun on his hand, and slowly look over to the ocean scenery in front of him. He rubs his eyes, getting rid of the remaining tears that was there earlier.

"… I'm going to find him, no matter what."

[cursed-princess-club]

my apologies if this is out of place on your blog- it's one of the few CPC blogs I know- but am I the only one who feels weird about the whitewashing Frederick's character is going through in fandom right now? like demonizing the CPC (a place literally made of the oppressed) in favor the white, cis, het, oh-so-innocent-and-pure boy? and making it seem like he was completely in the right to be racist to Gwen (unintentional racism is still racism!) and that everything he did was 100% justified and explained.

Again, sorry if I sound like an SJW (can't believe I'm using that term in 2024) but this just really rubs me the wrong way.

NOOOOO I get where you're coming from, you're valid in feeling that way. (also it's totally okay to send me asks! i enjoy talking about cpc :D and i'll do my best to answer them!)

white boy favoritism is definitely a Thing in fandom and. yowch. generally we've seen characters ignorant towards how people on the braided island look where even the cpc thought that gwen was cursed at first (shoutout to molly for being normal about leelathae!). if i remember correctly leelathae's implied that she's human which makes me wonder about the lore... plus I don't really know how defined witches are with their stances in Hashtag Society but i feel like there's probably a social stigma or something there too... are all of them "evil"? are they born witches? do they all have similar traits? Who knows.... and yeahh the braided island inhabitants are a fictional race, but also the coding! the other pastel kids resemble their white father more, and they're technically mixed, while gwen is visibly more like her mother. like being more visibly indigenous or latina but if you were gwen in cpc. which makes me think yk

by definition the cpc is a disabled support group!!. (club my beloved) personally i also like to add queer in there too heh... and also majority of them being women! so they are meant to be representative of the oppressed,, Even if they're all rich princesses. (but i think that's just more because of the setting lol, since they're treated/treat each other like... well... normal people... so i feel like them being rich isn't a point trying to be made. slightly off topic but this is something ive thought of haha) I DO understand what you mean tho and why it rubs you the wrong way. frederick a flawed character that shouldn't be put on a pedestal. same with the others, they're flawed! and i like em. i like frederick! they all grow and change and i like watching their progress! (it does really suck how ignorant the people in universe are though about other races... may be a worldbuilding thing again. i wonder about the other fantasy races in cpc! how different are the wizards and witches seen? and fantasy racism is a whole other topic i don't know if i can bring justice to in a discussion gadiufnhdam)there's a lot that can be argued about how they function and the name and how they treated frederick and tori's argument too but i digress </3 (i'm open to opinions though!) i gotta think more about the worldbuilding and stuff kek

OVERALL!! frederick isn't perfect, the club isn't perfect, but i don't think any of them should be demonized for it because to me that's the whole point!! that nobody's perfect! lol lmao xd welcome to the club yk. imperfect people are just people n stuff

[cool-person-yey]

Hey folks, so I was a bit bored and thought I'd be cool to take some notes of my thoughts while I was watching the first episode of tmagp

Most of them are nonsense but that's the way I think so

obviously, there will be spoilers for the new tmagp episode ( I'm tagging it tmagp spoilers ofc) so I'd you didn't watch it, go watch it now cmon man

welp, here they are

TMAGP SHOW NOTES!!!11!;1

• Oh dang 44 minutes ???

• ohhhh ominous music :)))

• HI ALEX

• HOLY SHITTT

• RUSTY QUILL PRESENTS THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL LETS FUCKIN GO

•* printer not functioning noises*

• not even 5 minutes in and I'm already recognizing some voices

• Alice <<<333

•BONES ARE A BIG LIE MADE BY MILK TO KEEP YOU BUYING IT that's what I've saying

• I also function on coffee and spite. and social media drama. as a treat.

• sorry mate you deserve to be booed

• " or they finally kill me " oh boy

• ooooohhhh Gwen!!!!

• " I'm your cool sister, Gwen's your uncool sister, Lena's the emotionally distant mother, Teddy is the uncle that just got another job and Collin's the grumpy IT manager" just. this. idk. just

•Alice is funny and I'll die on this hill thank you

• not the nepotism

• the spooky tape recorders already started or is teddy just forgetful??? hmmmm

• mold you like clay

• Alice is my favorite character actually

• Windows 95? oh wait no

• "what does it do?" "crashes mostly"

• " is that legal?" " probably. We do work for the government. sorta"

• finally a filing system that's a least a bit understandable(???)

• " The coolest person *left* in London" the hell you did to the rest of them Alice? 🤨

•wait what

• smashing it with a hammer would fix a lot of problems. supernatural or not.

• Collin is a mood

•Norris, Chester and Augustus huh

• WAIT WHAT

• NEVER HEARING WHO

• WHAT

• CEMETERY???

• THE HELL

• ARTHUR!!!!

• took him away from you??? this is concerning

• oh no,,,,,

• Darla?

• it spoke! using another person's voice— oh no

• discolored skin? mismatched features? oh no

• " some of him:)))" oh no

• shit

• being afraid of someone ( or some parts) of someone you loved. we're starting well

• Yeah there are worse ones buddy

• oh cmon it ain't that bad just put the goddamn word in there

• "you traitor" love me a dramatic queen///

• OHHH SHE'S GOING INTO THE DIRECTOR'S OFFICE ( the equivalent of it in a office job I suppose)

• ohh performance review okay

• look kids, sometimes you gotta deliver a work that's just okay instead of ABSOLUTELY perfect.

• so Gwen's the overachiever, got it.

• she's saying that as if Alice hasn't been shitting on everyone there already lmao

• oh we wish it was that easy

• oh the deja vu

• " what do you actually want" " your job" damn she's bolder than I thought lmao

• I wish I could talk back to people like that

• damn Collin's pissed

• Alice being a menace we love to see it

• " I'm a vegetarian" deadpan

• top 10 awkward conversations

• Collin is the most relatable of them all

• " a bit bleak" is an understatement

• clack clack clack

• you really need to know bro's backstory on his first day?

• is there a bet going on on who has the worst awful backstory to explain being there. that'd be funny I think

• buddy that's the worst place to try getting back to your feet but ok

• MAGNUS INSTITUTE RUINS LETS GO

•" what's the deal with the Magnus Institute" well. see. there's a lot of deals.

• alright? just a semi-normal conversation as of now

• nope

• yea the institute does that to ya

• " a cool vibe " yeah buddy

• "offices like little cells" oh you'd be surprised

• ARCHIVE HE SAID ARCHIVE!!!!!

• oh no the symbols

• strange stains mmnn

• an,,,,, empty box?

• photographic distortion. oh boy. oh boy.

• yea guys don't steal stuff from spooky sightseeing places especially if they could be yknow. cursed.

• are we going to be listening to ppl fighting on the internet rn or

• IMAGE REMOVED??? STAY ABOVE GROUND??? OH NO

• EYES????

• GORE???? OH BOY,,,,

• and the thread was locked. well damn.

• a blast from the past huh

• " is a bad name" " so is Gwendolyn"

• hmm static

• phone

• "you get a job and I got a victim"

• that seems like a reasonable theory tbh

• cleaning toilets actually helps people

• Sam noodle arms confirmed

• " to new beginnings" " with old friends" * clank*

• oh great more little noises

• more noises

• OHHH

• find who???? WHO????

• oh you got to be kidding me

• more ominous music hmmmm

• The Magnus Protocol is a podcast FUCK YEAH IT SURE IS!

Phew, that was a lot. thank you if you read all of this lmao

edit: fixed some misspellings, if there any left please do warn me! my heading's not the best and auto-correct is a bitch (especially if you use two languages lmao)

[sugarcream-sims]

The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕 :D

Thanks for the ask @sadraccoon061!!

There's definitely a lot of relationships between sims I'd like to gab about, but in the context of my story, none of them have happened yet. So I guess I'll gush about my favorite couple...... of friends, lmao. Close enough?? Sorry if it's a cop out

Galation, Joanne, and Brannan became close via forced proximity though their parents. They share a lot of traumas, and they're all a little codependent because of it. tl:dr: love 'em because of their horrible dysfunction but genuine affection for each other. (Readmore because I have can't shut up disease)

When they're together, they kind of reinforce/encourage each other to be the same person they've been since they were teens, so they've all kind of stagnated as young adults. They don't really know who they are when they're around other people. They even ended up going to the same college as Gally, just because he picked first. Joanne finds it impossible to make other friends: she's afraid of boys who aren't these two (life keeps proving her fears right, she's just unlucky), and she's even more afraid of girls because she's scared of her own gay feelings. Worse, she can't play the catty politics that some girl friend groups devolve into. She's not a contender. She prefers where it's safe to be, and safe is these two asshole guys she's known since she was a toddler. Her anxiety disorder keeps her nice and shut in a little box with no other prospects than repeating the same patterns, forever.

Brannan, who has untreated antisocial tendencies (unless you count his parents beating him as treatment) simply does not give a shit about anyone who isn't these two people. He lacks empathy for anyone he isn't already entangled with. For all he cares, other people can drop dead--honestly, the thought is enticing, more than anything. Galation and Joanne tether him to a mostly normal, functional existence but that's just treading water. He needs actual help, and this isn't it. He's not one bad day from snapping and just straight up doing something he can't take back, more like one good opportunity.

Lately, Galation is pulling away from them both, which scares the shit out of Joanne and makes Brannan resentful. He spent his childhood and adolescence shielding both of them from bullies or the consequences of their own actions and he's tired. Honestly, he's tired of everything. He's been trying to cut as much living out of his life as he can: limiting what he eats, where he goes, cutting out old hobbies, cutting off friends... I'd say his existence is becoming pretty ascetic, but he's smoking and drinking more than ever. He fundamentally doesn't think he deserves comfort, not even the breath in his lungs.

They'd hide bodies for each other. They'd donate organs for each other. That's love, deep and abiding. But it doesn't redeem their friendship. You can't save someone from drowning when you're ALL drowning. As it is, they're just clinging to each other as they sink deeper and deeper. That's compelling to me, personally.

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[queenburd]

stanley and the narrator and 432 are made to torture each other for eternity. the curator alone understands that the only way to break free of this cycle is not participating in it. the only way to beat the game is not to play.

I wouldn't use the word torture, if you can believe it. I cant really explain why, other than it feels more complex and self-oriented than that. They're not doing what they do with the explicit intent to hurt each other.

I guess one could argue that their opposing personalities are created by the devs to be in conflict with each other in a way that torments each character.... I think my brain is still rebooting after I fried it yesterday overanalyzing meta lmao.

it's true the curator has the benefit of disconnect from the rest of the game, so her belief is that the only way to beat the game is to stop running it. The issue is she relies solely on the player to be the responsible one to make that choice. (Madame Curator, I do not have that willpower. Sorry.)

It's.... aaa.

It's a conflict between story and game design. In stories, narrative foils are supposed to advance character growth by making characters acknowledge different perspectives, etc etc. they end with changed characters, who are not the same as when they started the story. that's the point.

games, of course, contain stories, and when you replay it all that character growth is "reset", and of course because it's a game with its own inworld logic, characters don't know. it's just a clean slate.

with TSP turning that on its head, making the audience aware that the characters do have that knowledge that the game resets progress, it makes us the players complicit.

In truth, Stanley wants freedom. The narrator want Stanley to be free, but he also wants to tell his story, and I don't think he INTENDED Stanley to become self aware and aware of the multiple endings and restarts, etc etc. I think he expected Stanley to be like a normal game protagonist, wiped clean, and it should be easy because Stanley is supposed to be a simple character.

432 on their part wants to keep the game functioning. He, like Stanley, became aware of his role of protagonist, but unlike Stanley, 432 doesn't want freedom. 432 wants the loops. Wants the eternity. They're right, the game is not a sacred thing that needs to be frozen in time. They want to play AND change.

They honestly would be the ideal protagonist for the narrator if he hadn't goofed it so bad. or if they didn't want to antagonize him so bad.

Im not sure where Im going with this. like I said, very tired.

but I think my own stubbornness is shouting "there has to be another option. there's always another way" to the idea that the only way to beat the game is to not play. i think my brain keeps going back to the idea that the game is meant to be loved by its audience, because in its self awareness, if it can know it's a loved thing, it knows it can be changed.

"to be loved is to be changed" "transformative nature of love" listen. listen.

I'm a sap.

[wolfstrong]

hi sorry if i come off as a hater lmao it's just i hate xander and you seem to like him, could you explain why? I know he has some positive qualities and can be a decent friend but i've always perceived him as a Nice Guy (tm) and often just a misogynistic creep (maybe i need a rewatch where i try to have more compassion idk)

I don't think you come off as a hater, everyone has a right to dislike any characters they want!

Yes, Xander is one of my favorite characters and I have a deep affection for him! I do agree he can be very misogynistic and also creepy (more so creepy in the first couple of seasons, his crush on Buffy often made me very uncomfortable) I'm not going to say I "forgive" his misogynistic actions, but I guess I see it more as a problem with the show as a whole. You know, the time period and such and such. BTVS is a very strange show because it was progressive and groundbreaking in some ways and also very flawed in other ways. It's got some of the most realistic and well written female characters I've ever seen in a show, and yet its constantly undermines them with misogynistic jabs. i don't know, its weird but I digress. The point is I can kinda look past those two specific flaws because I see them more as functions of the show itself.

I like Xander because he's the "everyman" of the series. He's the very unspecial normal guy and idk I just really like that. I’m not trying to reduce the other scoobs to just their practical talents, but Buffy is the slayer, Giles brings the smarts and has his watched role, and Willow has her magic and before that her hacker skills. But all Xander has is himself, all he can give to the team is himself and he does it every single time without question. And like he knows this, everyone knows this about him. If all he can do with himself is physically throw his body in the line of danger to try and help someone else, he's going to do it. How many times does Xander run into the fight only to get punched out. And it's like yeah, its probably stupid and self-destructive, he's never going to be able to face off with the demons they fight because he's just a regular human. But he tries anyway and I love that. I don't know, it's just very admirable to always try, even if you feel like those around you are stronger or better then you. I guess i personally struggle with this, feeling like other are better then me or have more to offer or are more talented. It's nice to see a character whos in a similar situation yet still gives it his all every time. I think he's really relatable because of that and I feel for him.

I really love his loyalty. I know that his dislike for Angel in the earlier seasons stems from his crush on Buffy (which is ew) but also I think a part of it is because he feels protective of her as a friend. Like when Angel turned evil and they were debating what to do, Xander was like "maybe we should just kill him" and everyone acted like he was a huge dick for saying that, but I had to agree. Angel was trying very hard to kill Buffy, to kill all of them, and Xander was trying to prioritize their safety. Oh also there is a part of the season one finale (I think it was that episode... i could be mistaken) where Willow and others get kidnapped because of Buffy and Xander gets so mad he says "If they hurt Willow I'll kill you" which i know is kind of harsh, but like I think it really shows his loyalty and priorities. At this point, he did have a crush on Buffy, but he'd known Willow for much longer and his friendship to her was more important. So like idk, when we see him at his most angry or cruel its always on behalf of his friends.

I also just love that he's goofy and funny and cute. He has a certain charm that so based around the fact that he's slightly pathetic and lame. Just look into his big brown puppy dog eyes and tell me you don't like him just a little bit... he's literally a big loyal slightly stupid dog, come on now. He's always got sleeves that are just a bit too long that they flop over his hands, his shoes are untied his hairs a floppy mess and he has a giant smile and a weird cracky voice that goes up a pitch when he's nervous and he's always trying so hard to get everyone to laugh. I love him :) I can't help it, I just really love him

[kkoct-ik]

kottik i think ive already said it before but i SO so appreciate your perspective and attention to detail with dissociative stuff. trying to wade through scattered info on the internet for reliable resources feels like an impossible task sometimes lol so having the DID writing guide + your alter worksheet definitely helps a lot! 

feedback on the guide itself: i loved it!!! the only parts i didn’t personally find relatable were the parts discussing later stages of healing/recovery (since im not quite there yet) and some of the functional neurological symptoms, but everything else felt like it was describing my own journey and experiences with DID perfectly. i also really appreciated the section on amnesia and different types of dissociation, plus the lesser known symptoms, since a lot of the time i see conflicting and confusing info on that + i feel like a lot of writers who try to write DID and describe how amnesia feels miss out on that stuff and just skim webmd or something for their info. and honestly even in online And offline discussions of DID ive seen other people try to describe how it really works and feels and its… not always described well lmao . but that’s a whole other can of worms etc

i think, though it’s just a writing resource, it was also very affirming to see it all laid out like that. like Oh shit yeah i do all of that. that’s my life on the page!!! the whole time i read it i was like ‘i knew this stuff already, but i never knew how to explain it properly.’ and it’s definitely the kind of thing i wish id been able to see when i first started noticing my symptoms. many years of misinfo and confusion have messed w my perception of myself n my disorder for a long time so it feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone else pushing against that and actually doing their research to try and clear things up. not to mention how clear your descriptions are + how easy it is to comprehend your explanations, while still being concise and to the point. so great work!!! 5 star rating, will definitely be recommending it to others :3 hope to see more from you + hope that it helps others write cool stuff!

i missed this ask!!!! sorry for missing this yesterday

thank you!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa. im so glad. so happy yaaaay

yeah, i definitely relate with the struggling to articulate experiences, being muddled by things online, and feeling like other people really dont quite get it when trying to represent whats going on. it makes me happy i can help with that!!

i feel like i'm in a good place that i've read a Lot of DID & CPTSD lit and i've been stabilising in treatment (processing some stuff, working on myself, getting a better understanding of therapy practice). i think it's given me a lot of perspective on my disorder that i wouldn't really have otherwise, and that a lot of people might not have either.

(rambling...)

cuz yeah. i think trying to understand DID on the internet is a monumentously difficult task. on one hand, you have personal accounts from people with DID, and on the other, you have doctors and generic websites. both don't quite give a full or reliable picture.

if you try to understand DID by listening to individuals, you're vulnerable to being incredibly confused and misled. and most of the time it's not intentional - it's hard to communicate what your symptoms are when you think half of it is normal and the other half is conflicted and fragmented - but it can give others very strange ideas about what the condition operates like at large.

it might also seem respectful to take everything we say at face value, but that ends up meaning that our flawed / misguided perceptions of ourselves and our symptoms become solidified as fact. we are mentally ill, we are not necessarily educated, and are a patient base prone to daydreaming and suggestion. we can get things wrong, and we can emphasise the wrong things.

when people take our unreliable accounts as fact (vivid recounts of psuedomemories, venting about feeling like seperate people, or expressing any number of mistaken symptoms), our experiences can start to sound like fantasy. suddenly DID sounds like a disorder you could not fathom having or ever truly understand, rather than a disorder that is simply inherently confusing to live with.

that said, if you try to avoid that by learning about DID soley through medical accounts and websites, you will only ever hear about reported symptoms, the most extreme & notable case studies, patient observations, and generic criteria, leaving a Lot to fill in the gaps (when you try to deduce what it feels like to live with it / be in our brains), that leads to other kinds of inaccuracies.

(for my health i'm not even going to try to touch on hollywood and online influencers that sensationalise the condition for clicks and thus dominate the algorithm. but obviously they are a factor too. pop culture is a powerful thing.)

the internet is a mess! and while not everything that is misleading is untrue, it can be very easy to just, not quite get it, or misunderstand things fundamentally, in any number of ways.

so yeah, it makes me happy that between my life experience, therapy, and obnoxious amount of pages read, i can actually make what goes on somewhat digestible. i want to help contextualise medical criteria, pull out relevant snippets, and point people to some really good resources.

it's not to say i'm a spokesperson or expert. i am very much just a huge nerd who happens to suffer from a disorder and is very invested in understanding myself. but the positive feedback does reassure me that i haven't gotten anything heinously wrong.

ty again :)) yaayy