#sorry for the vent. im just having a very hard time rn

[mrlesbian]

so it turns out that not only are my health issues due to a diagnosis that i was told would be the worst case scenario, BUT i might also have rheumatoid arthritis on top of that. fantastic.

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

Call centers for URGENT CARE AND HOSPITALS are hell on earth

I think talking to the wall might bring better results

[dandyshucks]

ack ough augh me when paranoia gets the better of me smh smh dfsjkl

anyways i am having a rly weird night and deleted the post w the oc first concept drafts, but I can tell yall that their names are Philby and Theodor :]

[phagodyke]

feeling like maybe screaming as loud and long as I can and falling to the ground and hitting it until I start bleeding or I finally get some attention whichever happens first. who's in

tf is up with me and randomly bursting into tears on weekend afternoons

[turbotasthick]

Hey Turbo! I was wondering something. What do you like or LOVE about Bloodmoon in general? Just curious! I also love BM because he's such a BLOODY ASS GREMLIN!!!🩸🩸🩸🩸💉💉💉💉🫀🫀🫀🫀

I love bloodmoon cause

He is very cute!: i love his designs in general- its easy on my eyes and i tend to love designs that have a coordinating color scheme- and thats simple and digestable yet alluring. His design is also easy enough for me to draw :3

He is relatable: Honestly his problems are similar to mine in some fucked up way. He has been a tool, he has problems with his bloodlust (the old version which can be seen as problems with addictions or the sort) Toxic codependence, abandonment issues-- and the whole "any company ill take it even if bad"...and the the fact he lost a loved one--all his problems to me is very relatable.

like not to vent or anything but i can see myself in him a little- like how his addictions to blood? i lowkey have troubles with eating. His codependencies and abandonment issues? i LOWKEY have that problem. And loosing loved ones? my god. me too bm me too.

He got me into drawing again, and helped me make friends: ill say this once and ill say it again: I was about to give up drawing as a whole and shit until this fucker came along-- call me idiotic but if it werent for my stupid obsession w bm i wouldnt be drawing, or find my lovely community of friends (Alex my wife is an example ;) )

He is a good coping mechanism: i actually have problems with showing my anger, or i lowkey have a hard time crying when i want to? and bm lowkey relieves that stress for me i know it sounds so stupid but its??? im being so real with you rn

I fucking love his edgy humor: his stupid fucking comments makes me crack up im sorry

and i think thats all i have to say :3 enjoy my autistick ass ramblings

[thedogeveryonehates]

I just had my first ever adult-y 'im sorry but we can't be friends anymore' conversation and it really sucked and it really hurt and I'm writing it down here bcus i feel awful🫠

Long story

So we met on the dating apps years ago and we've kept in contact ever since cause he's genuinely a sweet & cool guy. Also, he was hard of hearing and would teach me cool indo sign language stuff

He lives in another city and only visits occasionally for work reasons but whenever he stopped by we would hang out

Back then it would be hanging out and hooking up but ever since i met my bf he wanted to make it clear that the latter was off the table since he wasnt comfortable with it

The next time we met I had to explain to him that I was no longer in the market for a partner, but I really valued his friendship - trying my best to show that I didn't wanna lead him on if that was the case

Even though he said he understood, it really didn't seem that way over the next few months

We would be having normal conversations and catching up on whatsapp and he'd randomly say "so you don't have feelings for me?" or "what did i do wrong?" - and it really made it awkward like we were literally discussing our spotify albums 2 minutes ago what happened

The worst part is, he would ask these questions very genuinely and sometimes follow up on these questions. So then I would match the tone as best i can - only to get the response "haha yeah i was joking i already know haha". Whenever it happened i would laugh it off and look stupid

But the final straw happened a few hours ago. He was feeling flirty but i was tired so i said to try and find a casual hookup on the dating app. He's genuinely really handsome and he's always been popular on the apps so i said it shouldn't be hard for him and that he'd find someone within the hour

He then straight up LIES to me and says that he deleted the apps a few weeks ago, following that up by writing "you are more than enough"

Afraid that he thought i was leading him on or sending him signals, i tried to shoot that down as fast as possible. Basically going through the motions of rejecting someones advances as respectfully as i possibly could to a good friend i cared about

After a few grueling minutes of silence, he hits me with the "damn i wasnt being serious" and sends me a screenshot of the app still on his phone (full of unread notifications - remember: popular)

Fast forward an hour later and ive blocked him everywhere except instagram dms, where i told him that i needed some space

Yes he apologized profusely and yes i accepted his apology but i just got so stressed and humiliated that I couldn't take it anymore

I still feel awful

This is usually something i would vent to my boyfriend but he's asleep rn so ill just let my [tumblr] mutuals know and probably delete it when i wake up

Writing kinda makes me feel better it turns out

[thedvilsinthedetails]

Heyyyy…

hey im still figuring out what i wanna be called but for now u can call me Jamie if u want I’m genderfluid as fuck [they/she/he or whatever idegafatp]

some typa aroace spectrum probs grayace & demiromantic also omniromantic - in general I have nothing figured out

so a simp w like a slight preference for men ig but kinda ace most of the time but sometimes very not

neurospicy bitch

writing request status: OPEN FOR MICROFICS RN

I’m a rosekiller loverrr but also a multi shipper so u never know what ur gonna see ig [but probably Rosekiller, Wolfstar, Dorlene, Starchaser maybe some sunkiller if I’m in the mood etc] for the record just bc I don’t ship smth doesn’t mean I support hating it even as a joke [translation: prongsfoot is chill leave them be]

if u don’t like smth, just ignore it, if u send me hate I’ll reply w shitty jokes probs

my dream job is to be an actor [screen actor specifically]

Media I like:

Fav TV stuff: Challengers, Gravity Falls, Cruella, 10 things I hate about you, into the spiderverse

Fav author is @neil-gaiman also that man is my idol so I’ll probs reblog him a shit ton [do u think he’ll like…mind that I tagged him? Sorry if this bothered u Neil!!!] Music [uhhh changes all the time tbh but for rn]: The Neighbourhood, Olivia Rodrigo, Conan Gray [Kid Krow phase rn], Chappell Roan, Renée Rapp, Green day, Ricky Montgomery, NOAHFINNCE, MARINA and Hozier

Spider-Man. Fucking love Spider-Man.

One thing to note about me tho: obvi I love recommendations but I find starting literally any new forms of media really fucking daunting for no reason [this is everything: songs, movies, books etc]

e.g. I fucking love spider verse but I still haven’t watched movie 2, same w latest season of young royals, same with even like ONE song alone I find it rlly hard and really scary

so if u give me recommendations and I don’t get back to u about them for ages it’s not bc I forgot or i was ignoring u but bc I find it scary so pls be patient :)

also same w please don’t like assume I’m knowledgeable about like any of the music artists I named earlier bc tbh I don’t rlly listen to artists I listen to songs [im still a fan of a lot of music artists ofc but the artists I listen to ≠ the artists I’m a fan of]

HI! welcome to my crazy blog, I love making friends im not at all scary I promise :D

Btw my inbox is ALWAYS open for spam, ship ramblings [even if it’s not smth I ship], info dropping about ur hyperfixations, venting, questions etc. [the only thing is no illegal ships bc it will be ignored] also sorry pre warning im shit with the inbox chains [‘send this to ten people who…’] so often I won’t answer those sorry, anything else I will make sure to answer but the chains I sometimes just forget about sorryyy

Barty Crouch Jr & James Potter kinnie

got a FAT crush on Evan Rosier [he’s the loml he just doesn’t know it yet] and also a crush on Dorcas Meadowes

I write sometimes:

I fell for you like glitter on stage - rosekiller band au, this was a microfic series on tumblr that I posted on ao3 for convenience [words: 4548] [this is my fav thing I’ve ever written lol]

we are all just prisoners here of our own device - Jegulus, a oneshot on ao3 based on the song ‘hotel California’ by the eagles. [Words: 6162]

Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins? - ON HIATUS. Roman Empire Jegulus au with side Rosekiller, Wolfstar and Pandalily on ao3 [words: 6141] [currently I don’t want to write Jegulus - the hyperfixation hath faded]

also I’m in a marauders RP as Barty and u shld follow it bc we’re all super cool and funny and amazing and awesome and yeah @bartythebabygorljr

tags you’ll see on my page:

me and my old black biro > writing tag

Im in love with that Rosier boy > [this is a new one] me having a massive crush on Evan Rosier

the most boring soap opera > my life tag

I have an online diary called @miseryoforpheus if ur fascinated by my charming and irresistible personality

[The song at the bottom of my intro post changes all the time depending on how I’m feeling]

THIS BLOG SUPPORTS PALESTINE

THIS BLOG STANDS WITH UKRAINE

THIS BLOG THINKS JK ROWLING HAS A NEGATIVE QUANTITY OF BRAINCELLS

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[velvetvexations]

i saw ur ok w ppl venting in ur inbox so i hope this is ok sorry if its a lot haha im a pre everything trans guy who is in the process of doctors visits that in all likelyhood are gonna result in me going on estrogen and its all been so. uncomfortable. my puberty was kinda stunted so ive always had a very androgynous look even before i realized i wasnt a woman, and people regularly confuse me for a teenager as a nearly 30 year old grown ass adult. i was hoping i could skate with low estrogen letting me just be just slightly ambiguous enough to get the occasional "young man" without much effort, but its to the point its a medical issue now and i dont rlly have a choice but to take it seriously, no matter how dysphoria inducing its gonna be if i suddenly get boobs for the first time in my life at almost 30, especially when i have no idea if taking The Correct For Me hormone is ever in the future as im studying to be a teacher,,, in us public school system,,, which currently seems like the worst career possible for a trans person rn but here i am lmao idk its just so many things and so many hard choices, and on top of it all idiots online tell me this is whats its like to be a Privledged Transgender Man With No Issues lmao id truly love one of them to tell me where all my male privledge is cuz im not seein it! (ps thanks for letting ppl vent to u, its gotta be a lot of emotional labor for total strangers, i hope u take care of urself!)

You don't have male privilege, anon, and I'm sorry people don't recognize that. You deserve love and support. <3

[momocicerone]

has tumblr ruined me for discord?

so i am not very active here, but ... i'm not awfully active on discord either? and i've found it very hard to find new social circles on discord over the years. i've tried everything under the sun: fandom servers, friends servers, anime servers, gaming servers, girls only servers, support servers, chilling servers... nothing sticks.

fandom servers, they are usually big and .. um. no. just no. controversy and gatekeeping hub is not my place. friends servers: ppl get lives, and the chat dies, that simple. anime servers is fandom server on steroids, plus always a 15 year old creep trying to get in your pants (sometimes the 15 year old is 25. sometimes he's 35. it matters not, nor it makes any difference). gaming servers are, um first of all there is 1% game talk, 45% who wants to join for a game rn?? and 54% feet gifs and waifu sexy art.. i did not sing up for -- this is not what i,, . girls only servers are very good, very mindful very demure but also no vent rule and i'm sorry i'm a bitter bitch who needs to moan about my work sometimes. chilling servers are way too chill like hello anyone active??

there's an (imo) obscure type of server which is adult servers (hold up NOT adult as in XXX or anything like that but like, grown up people servers who chat about their jobs, hobbies, cats and spouses or lackthereof ）and i've joined a handful of them but i can tell you right now that 90% of them feel like high school. and i didn't even have that kind of high school experience growing up so it's kinda ironic witnessing these popularity contests and gossip happen in real time. I think i'm used to fandom hierarchy and BNFs and i understand the logic of people with talents who give for a community being popular so the whole... using pretty privilege to build up relationships is absolutely bizarre in my eyes. I am an adult, i do not understand other adults.

Needless to say I feel like 98% of the new relationships i managed to forge in the past years, since i joined discord in 2017, are desingenuine. Granted, almost every single one of them has fallen apart as expected.

I review my friendships and I realize the longest and most meaningful started here on tumblr and some of them on the fanfiction community, even when we have long lost our shared interests, the friendships remain intact, if no stronger.

perhaps what im trying to say is that through tumblr and writing we were able to accidentally find more alike people than by entering social settings which intended purpose is to make friends. is it because blogging to the void is infinitedly more personal and lets us show ourselves more? i've gotten in so much trouble because of my tumblr humor getting misunderstood in discord chats, i stopped making self deprecating jokes altogher. I am also kind of morbid, ngl, which i guess doesn't help my case.

am i just a weirdo in denial lmao?

i don't feel lonely, per se. I could catch up with a handful of people if i wasn't the lazy mf that i am. but i am bored. i am bored to death. to oblivion. and i refuse to engage in conversations with people with clearly disengenuine intentions, even if it's to entertain a joke.

will i ever meet another one who matches my energy, or learn to break that energy apart into moderate pieces that i can hand out of my friends?

[sky-formes]

OUSJDG HI CREATIVELY COSMIC HERE.. i had to do a double take when i saw the notif that you reblogged our art and THANK U SM ?

hhh is genuinely a fantastic pokepasta and i couldn't get enough of it once i started wrapping my head around it. we've always been a HUGE fan of more abstract, interpretative, and experimental work so seeing a pokepasta go ALL IN on that approach was fantastic and i genuinely think it's one of our favorites now.

everything about how it was written really.. struck a chord with us. I COULD BE SO FAR OFF THE MARK im so sorry but im trying to articulate it. something about memory loss and identity loss and dissassociation. and how vulnerable it leaves you and how desperate you can become for an escape, no matter how much that escape hurts, because its surely better than the alternative. becoming dependent on something or someone that pains you because theres nothing else to turn to or so you believe.. and eventually it's all you know and turning back seems impossible. and you just fall deeper and deeper because the more it hurts the more it at least feels real and its become synonymous with comfort. its a very potent work to me is what im saying

as for the sylveon in my head its like 50% hexi. half the time its normal the other half it is absolutely NOT. im really glad you liked our art regardless though hasjfjgd

i hope you dont mind us rambling a bit uh!! i want to try and do better at letting people know how much the stuff they make means to me where im able. and happy hardcore hexidream hit HARD (in a good way)

HIII SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO LATE YOU SENT THIS LIEK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NESS (ALTER) STARTING TO PLAY SPLATOON 1 WHICH HE HAS BEEN WAITING TO DO FOR LIEK . A MONTH NOW (you know how it is with those Autistic People /LH)

I AM . SOOOSOSOOSOSOOOOOOOSOSOOSOO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT HHH RESONATED WITH YOU SO MUCH . LIEK IM NOT EVEN KIDDING . esp as the years go by and i form what HHH is in my head more (which will probably not ever be a concrete thing . Liek i just think that's the nature of HHH) and i just even let it sit with Me The Author . it's also just kind of one-of-a-kind in my writing where it started as a one-off but then grew into something instead of me planning out 745395764385634895643987 different multimedia projects HSDKJFGDSKJLFGKJSD .

and liek . DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING "OFF THE MARK" WITH HHH BECAUSE THERE IS NO MARK . my dream is to have a world filled with a billion different HHH takes ..... Because honestly that was what it was made for (or . i guess . Continued for ? it was originally a vent with the first two parts being posted . Twwwoooooo years ago ??? On the pokepasta wiki ????? Fuck i can't remmeber im barely even fronting rn JSKLDFGHDKSJ) , to be talked about and theorized about and just . Conversed . Hexi is everything to me (and she is everything to you !)

WITH THAT BEING SAID . I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR INTERPRETATION SO MUCH . i think a good amount of people kinda miss the subtle themes of trauma in HHH especially if they haven't read my other stuff or know me personally . Mostly because they're probably overwhelmed by the material itself and i dont blame themJLKJSDGFLKJSDGK . you could interpret hexi as either the truama , the effects of it , a reflection of how one views their own trauma or themselves within it , etc . But liek i said that's also only one side of the picture too even within the aspect of it being focused around trauma . the Situation could be representative of the trauma or a flashback . Or it could be some kind of a conversation situation . Or it could be a person . Or it could all be fake . Or it could be the person having a Funky Time !

and theres even more that you could do with this . liek . I feel a bit bad for not being able to put as much as much as i could into the updates that came after the first two chapters/parts to imply Other Things:tm: other than the fact that there's just random chaos going on , mostly because HHH is the type of story where you spot a new sentence you haven't read before and it changes EVERYTHING .

Also shoutouts to the fact that executive dysfunction affects my writing very disproportionately and the fact that there's supposed to be a massive update on april 4th that i dont even know if i can write let alone on time . I WOULD LOVE TO PUT IT OUT I JUST . BRAAAINSJDFHKDSKGSJKD

ALSO IRT SYLVEON . YOU ARE STRONGER THAN GOD FOR HAVING HEXI IN YOUR HEAD (/J i know fictives aren't their source) . ALSO PLS TELL IT HI FOR ME IF POSSIBLE i think it is so swag

ALSO NO WORRIES I . HAVE CLEARLY RAMBLED A BIT MORE in fact there's stuff ive rambled about on previous asks regarding HHH . if you enjoyed HHH you'd probably like my other stuff even if atm i dont have a Ton that is as Crazysillay as HHH !!! they can be found on my AO3 (tonyboyy) . Also obligatory mention to ness's splatoon visual novel that is in the works because im INSANE about it . He hasnt posted about it at all in order to avoid spoilers but just know that whenever last dovesong releases i will fly to the moon . ANYWAY THANK U FOR UR ASK !!!!!!!!

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ��looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[masonscig]

I'm really looking forward to the rewrite! I can't wait to see what you come up with! . I did enjoy some of the Romances, specially F's and I also really enjoyed M's best friend route. However, maybe it's just me but I did have some issues with A's route. I felt that a lot of the things that A did in this book kind of contradicted the misbeliefs that were established not only in this book but also in previous books. I wish that the author had taken a bit more time to have A and the detective connect a bit more on an emotional level, specially since A is demi-sexual, it would have been nice to see them slowly getting to know more and more about each other throughout the story. I felt that the plot kind of took a lot of the space that could have been used to flesh out A and the detective's relationship because there was literally only two scenes where I felt they actually bonded on an emotional level. Don't get me wrong Im an angst girlie myself but as someone who's acespec myself i wish that it would have perhaps been explored more and that we got to see more of A being comfortable and slowly getting their walls down around the detective rather than only angst and slowly learning to allow themselves to love again and that its ok to feel what they feel. The whole plot also felt all over the place, I do appreciate the fact that the author tried out and experimented with a bigger narrative scope and darker themes. However, I feel that Wayhaven works best when it has self-contained plots like in book 1 and book 2 rather than a big narrative scope imo. I felt that it hindered some of the characterisation that some of the ROs could have had. Again I appreciate the fact that the author tried her best to challenge herself with so many variables. However, some of the choices felt a bit repetitive. I did also wish that we could have chosen to remain a detective or at the very least do some actual detective stuff. The Trappers also felt very one dimensional for me, personally I found Murphy and Book 2s Malaused (idk of that's how u spell it) way more interesting. I was also hoping for the whole Sin, an babylonian deity being trapped and treated almost as if they were enslaved plot point to be maybe changed at least slightly. Maybe it's just a me thing but I really didn't like that plot point, it felt unnecessary personally. Sorry for the long ramble lol. Gl on the doc, I'm sure it's going to be amazing!

ahh thank you for saying you're excited for the rewrite! <333 i'm so genuinely excited over it that it's lifted my spirits a lot – i have four pages of bullet points as of right now so whew. lots of changes

i haven't done the a route, so im nodding along like a friend you're venting to over coffee rn, but i'll open up the replies/my inbox to anyone else who feels the same! i'd love to hear more about it as someone who's never done a full a du mortain route LMAO <3

but YES, i agree – hindered characterization, repetitive choices, one dimensional trappers, and the becoming an agent aspect YES! i think maybe with the trappers at least, they're pawns, so i guess? they'll be fleshed out as an organization later? but yeah, anytime they show up it's like oh! so some guys with weapons that may or may not take ub down. got it

the repetitive choices were honestly killing me, because that's a huge reason it took me literally all day to read one route – i was stuck at each choice, because truthfully, a lot of things that i made sofía say were just... not her. this book particularly has so much less variance in dialogue options – it's usually "smile, frown, smirk, chuckle, nod/be silent". just feels sloppy in my opinion :( i definitely wouldn't want her to bend over backwards trying to add 15 variants to every choice, just like. maybe not start with the action! maybe work in some blended stat boosters to add some depth (not that there isn't any, there could just be more)! i appreciate her hard work, genuinely i do, but some of the options definitely got old very quickly :/

and yes oh my god sin could've been an incredible "antagonist" – using that word lightly – because there's such an interesting moral dilemma there that just fell flat in the end :/ i blame the overloaded plot

never apologize !! i love reading your thoughts !! <3

[videostak]

so sick of having my entire life being dictated by having to accommodate for other ppl who then go to shit on my life even more. like having to watch the doors anytime my dad is in the house having my mom keep every1 up thru out the night and acting oblivious to how someones sleep schedule is affected by the sounds of food being made in a microwave at 12 am or hearing 2hour long drunken phone calls from her room to the hallway to the bathroom to the kitchen etc and having in general let ppl know beforehand what i have planned for a day just so they can reveal that they were never even listening to what i told them or just straight up did not care and do their own random impuse thing that i then have to build my schedule around . like fuuuuuck you. only word on the tip of my tongue atm. genuinely no reason to try to be cooperative or understanding if they dont even ATTEMPT to do the same. i mean atleast i get to sleep in but thats only after they come back at like 1 or 2am. and forget abt me my sister literally works at 10 2mrw and has to get up early to get ready and my mom just shat on that despite my sister telling her immediately she brought up the idea of going somewhere for drinks. i feel so sorry for my cousin who like tries her hardest to be nice or like a inbetween ground just to have my mom creepily vent to her and overall make her feel extremely uncomfortable telling her rly in depth stories and secrets abt ppl who told my mom personal stuff in confidence not thinking my mom would immediately tell absolutely any1 the moment she felt the need to have a conversation. am p sure shes drunk rn cause she sounded very drunk and is just being v loud rn so like im sure she got drunk and then wanted to go to a bar to drink more and not have to worry abt getting caught. :| i mean idk if shell take my sister to work tomorrow but if she is too fucked up too then i guess ill just have to take her. but rly just insanely annoying shit. she refuses to go to therapy or somewhere where u address being dependent on alcohol so i think the only real tangible solution atm is to just give my all to cleaning out her room and then just monitor her like a hospital patient constantly. for the foreseeable future. its hard cause she spends all her time in her room and gets mad when i try to clean it and then my dad gets mad at me when i dont clean it and then when i do clean it my dad gets mad that we dont have any space for half the shit in her room or if we do idk where it goes cause im not even a very good cleaner its just 99% of the stuff falls on me cause no one else does it consistently. so like i just go back and forth at them both giving me shit so fuck everything huh. not in an awful bleak mood but regardless things on both fronts are v bleak. guess im not in an awful mood cause worst case scenario tomorrow i drive my sister to work which gives me more chance to drive and im rly rly looking forward to practicing in my actual manual car... cause its so pretty. so like im not at the end of my rope quite yet and dont think things will get super bleak. worst thing is me losing my job but dont think thats gonna happen quite about yet. and if it does ill atleast have the ability to drive places. so i cant say i didnt grow in some way

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi I am so sorry for dumping things on you but you talk about mental health on here quite a lot and I’m just having such an awful time lately, it’s getting really hard to get out of bed again and keep up with basic hygiene and I used to just cope by imagining that I could just talk to matty about it and now I can’t help but feel like he would be disgusted by me in my current state so there’s that and just reaching out to friends feels like a chore and makes me feel like I’m being a burden. I’m so sorry this is incoherent and I’m so sorry I’m just rambling in your asks but finding coping mechanisms is getting so hard. Im really sorry if this has made you uncomfortable, feel free to delete it if it has, I really mean it

Hello, my dear 💝

I want to say thank you so much for reaching out. It means a lot to me to have these sometimes difficult conversations on here, so I appreciate your vulnerability. Especially because I know from personal experience how hard it is to open up and not feel like you’re going to annoy people and stuff.

You can always come on here and vent to me, alright?

Also, I wanna point out that Matty MOST DEFINITELY WOULDN’T be disgusted with you! I bet he has experienced this first hand. What you describe here are very common symptoms of depression. Ones that I (and so many people I know) struggle with as well. Hygiene and appetite are the first things to take a hit for me, when my depression worsens. I bet Matty has felt it too. I mean, from Nothing Revealed/ Everything Denied, I’m guessing yeah he knows what that’s like. Which, I think, would make him uniquely equipped at understanding and helping you through it. It’s always easier to talk to someone who knows what it’s like.

Take care of yourself, alright, hun? 💗 this means doing what you can, when you can, and without judgment. None of that telling yourself that you’re bad or incapable or a loser because you can’t get your health and environment in control rn. None of it is true. You’re battling a real illness. The equivalent of carrying heavy rocks, strapped to your shoulders at all times. Do you think that it would be easy for the average person to cook, clean, go out and about, if they had several tons of rocks attached to them all day everyday? Mental illness is PHYSICALLY and emotionally draining. Be patient with yourself and remember that you’ll get better soon. It’ll pass. I promise.

Wanna hear from you again soon! Please keep me posted on how you’re doing. Even if you’re not doing any better. I would like to know, please. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you all my love.

[toyfii]

you’re still valid in your gender or lack of gender even if you look a lot like your agab!! you can be grateful for all that you have and still be upset over gender stuff!! other people’s struggles do not invalidate yours in any way, and vice versa!! it’s tough for nonbinary people, esp those that don’t look androgynous “enough”. sometimes Nothing will be enough. you can’t please everyone, so just try to make yourself happy!!! whether you want to look androgynous or feminine or whatever, what matters is that it makes You happy!! & you have all the time in the world to figure that out!!! it’s also important to remember that people cannot read your mind, so if you don’t tell them abt your gender and pronouns they’ll have no way of knowing, but Definitely try to be sure to tell people who will be safe to tell!! some people can be supportive of afab nonbinary people + not amab nonbinary people, trans people but not nonbinary people, etc etc and unfortunately i think it’s possible to always encounter Someone who isn’t accepting, but try not to let it get to you!!! the people who will accept you are the most important to keep!! friends will come and go, but you will always have you!!

eeek yes yes it will be hrd to be content with being alone bc i really want connections!! like i wish i could be friends witj myself.. ijust thought about that now when reading your messages heheh.. just thinking about wht i could do if there were 2 of me that met by chance and became besties i think you have opened my third eye /hj

omg more venting below, im sorry!!!

ig thats a struggle a llt of us silly people have, is trying to feel validated intrinsically (you validate yourself instead of others validating you) and its esp hard bc we're so different from "normal" expectations.. T-T i honestly feel extra disappointed bec im like.. self aware of a lot of this stuff, but i still cant love myself!! but ig i should have talked about my living situation to you, too, which cant be changed rn- bec my fam thinks of me as the smart and talented brother they can show off to their friends and other family.. sooooo yeah its also hard balancing that expectation.

tbh when i got a new sister whos only a little youngerthan me i had hope that maybe she would be understanding of everything but unfortunately not.. she is very kind, but cultural differences and stuff exist + theres a language barrier bc she can barely speak english and i can barely speak her native language- so im not even going to try explaining all of this

ig i could try ignoring all these thoughts and start talking to the ppl i like.. its so scary aaa.. but thats the only way anything cN change right?? oh gosh i feel a bit more motivated now.. but then i get a rush of anxiety again omg NOO silly brain ack i hate it here!! hhhhhhh ahem abyways you're so kind, i appreciate you!!! <3