#sorry for the longass post. i just have SO many thoughts

[mamawasatesttube]

on the note of yj in owaw im also thinking about this bit of tim narration from yj98 #36...

tim is feeling betrayed and frustrated (understandably), but what stands out to me is how he thinks of "that whole guardian fiasco". in the earlier yj owaw tie-in, he and the others express disapproval of kon for "stealing government property":

they let it go at the end to move on, but...

but like, the baby in question is a cadmus clone (just like superboy himself), cloned from a man who expressly wished that he not be cloned and forced back into the fight after his death.

as an aside, clone baby guardian arc is possibly the BEST in sb94 - it's about bodily autonomy and the humanity and personhood of clones, and the dignity that should be afforded to all people vs the way waller & spence etc want to treat them as property and disposable, reusable weapons.

so i think overall tim and the rest of yj talking about that situation like this... well, those plot threads overall got dropped in the general aftermath of owaw, but it feels like a real missing scene to me. because realistically, given everything kon stands for and everything he went through for baby guardian's sake, to give him the right to choose, i think tim and the others all talking about it like "it's the government so they must be right" would not sit well with kon. (and frankly, would be a pretty solid in-universe reason for kon to further mistrust their orders re: rescuing the suicide squad members, leading up to him disobeying and trying to save steel.)

owaw is arguably the most serious conflict anyone in yj has been involved in up to this point (kon and bart were both present for genesis, but genesis wasn't... Like This, imo. kon was also involved at the destruction of coast city, but this is kind of a tangent.) my point is, up until this point, they are all kinda operating under the assumption that the government is generally on the side of the good guys. this is partly bc of how comics are written, of course, but also makes sense as an in-universe stance for most young heroes to take; tim in particular is definitely a lawful good, and at this point he doesn't understand that his personal rules don't always 100% line up with what the greater authority of The Government dictates.

kon is a contrast to this, because kon does not have the whole "grew up with a family as a part of normal society" backstory like tim and cassie do. kon's involvement with cadmus, a government-funded organization, generally is written such that cadmus are good, except that the closer we get to owaw, the more questionable their intent seems. we see the agenda and their push for eugenics. we see guardian being treated as a tool and not a person. we see waller taking over.

anyways, all of this is kind of to say - i think it's a real shame we don't actually see a big conversation between tim and kon in the aftermath of this. i want to SEE tim get that first real big crack in his worldview that makes him start to think that huh. maybe if lying to small time authority figures for the sake of doing good, like me lying to my dad about being robin, is justified... then maybe directly disobeying the law in the name of doing good is also justified. like, i want kon to look him in the eye and ask "do you think i'm government property, too, then, jackass?" and i want tim to have to really sit back and think on it. i wanna see that character development.

because like - it is a flawed viewpoint, that tim and the rest of yj were written to treat kon trying to free a baby like this. but it's also not an unrealistic one when they're all teenagers who haven't really necessarily had to face moral quandaries of "what's right vs what's lawful" with such high stakes before. i wish this plot had actually gone more places with everyone.

[noahtally-famous]

Tell me about Picking Petals and that time travel AU of TDPI

Is the elimination order different, or does it go the same way as canon?

oh my godddd this ask has been sitting in my drafts for two months now i think?? ive been holding back on answering this bc i wanted to be in the right environment where i can infodump without getting interrupted. im so so super sorry for the long wait, i hope my response makes up for it!!

first of all, TYSM FOR THE ASK DUDE heads up you're gonna prob get a longass ramble abt this from me so yeah lmao without further ado, lets get into it!

PICKING PETALS:

the fic loml, the first EVER td fic i thought up and I've three chapters prewritten for it, half of the fic planned out/outlined, and so many scenes, moments, interactions, etc for it thought up. i'd gotten back into the fandom and while rewatching tdpi for the first time in 7 years i came up with this idea.

started off as purely self-indulgent bc i wanted to write my spin on the truth or scare episode, and then it turned into all this and im so living for it!!

dashawn-centric, obv. it veers off-course from canon during and after episode 4 (the truth or scare one). the overarching plot is 'what if dave and shawn kissed for the scare, and all the shenanigans that followed with getting feelings for someone you didn't expect all bc of one (1) kiss--as well as some other stuff that snowballs from it bc its total drama'. this is TOTALLY canon divergent. the elimination order is 90% different from canon. the characters get way more depth to the point where they may seem like different ppl with only their canon stereotypes reminding them of who they are in canon (not different as in like ooc btw before anyone jumps to that conclusion, i meant different as in a lot of the characters get more of a personality than what canon gave them lmao). a lot of my dave lore spawned thanks to this fic. dave, himself, gets such a fucking glowup from the 2D version of him canon gave while still retaining his 'normal guy' persona. same with shawn tbh, i love the expansion I've done for the characters in this fic ngl, but personally i love how dave turned out

dave & ella friendship, dave & sky friendship, background jasammy, jasmine & shawn friendship, sammy & shawn friendship, mild sammy & dave camaderie/friendship, sammy & amy development, dave & topher rivalry interactions, dave & scarlett interactions, shawn & topher rivalry, the final three being a ball of tension bc of enmity (i wont say who they are), ella getting her development, dives into character backstories and why they auditioned for td, tensionnn of all kinddd, dramaaa of all kinddd, scarlett's evilness actually being foreshadowed before the Great Reveal, etc etc the list just keeps on going!! these folks are gonna have tdi vibes--they're going to act like teens and befriend each other (or hate each other) bc canon tdpi sorely lacked that and imo the pi cast exudes found family vibes

due to how variant the elimination order is, i literally had to create two new challenges for two of the chapters, esp post-merge bc chris was interjecting himself into practically all the challenges in canon lmaoo also tdpi's eliminations were annoying bc why were there two double eliminations for literally no reason? that's gonna change here as well; no double eliminations, and there's gonna be a variant of elimination types (for example: there's gonna be a 'character is too injured to compete therefore obligatory elimination' type happening in this fic--hmmm i wonder who'll be behind the injury... and some more "scandalous" types bc this is total drama, it's not gonna live up to its name if there aren't any eliminations that are 'unfair'!)

starts from ep4 all the way to the finale--and speaking of the finale, the finalists are partly different from canon too. like i said, nearly everything diverges from canon to a degree. i kind of went nuts with this fic lmao its my bby, i treasure it with my heart, i want to write more for it, i want to publish it so badly, but my goal is to get at least 20 chapters into agtsta before publishing picking petals (tho idk i think that plan might change...im considering maybe giving myself breathing time to get more prewriting done until january before starting the new year off right with some picking petals posting!)

REWIND, REPEAT:

the time-travel au fic!! its still heavily in the works so im basically spitballing ideas here, but im thinking of two options.

dave time-travel route:

initially my idea for this fic (can you tell i love putting dave in situations? that boy deserves to be spun in a mixing bowl), and it'd be interesting bc he's sort of like an anti-villain?? bc its directly after the finale when he gets left behind and attacked by scuba bear. he comes across some malfunctioning tech on the island while running away and BOOM next thing he knows he's somehow zapped back to where and when it started--on the blimp at the very beginning of the season. so he is still reeling from everything that occurred and naturally he isn't feeling too lightly abt the whole ordeal

some of my mutuals may know this, but when i was like 10 and watched tdpi for the first time, i made notes for a season 2 au; it involved a personality shift for dave (even when i was 10 he was one of my favs). my idea in the notes was that he became a hollyleaf, if you know warrior cats lmao; he's more reserved, there's this inner turmoil and energy coiled in him, he's an enigma, he doesn't open up much, he has this Dark Secret vibe surrounding him, but he's also clever and will do anything to get to his goal and he has extensive knowledge of the island due to his time on there. this personality remains the same more or less in this fic. the catch is dave acts more in a villainy way but he doesn't rlly have what it takes to be a villain even though a part of him wants to (hence anti-villain). as much as he pretends he doesn't, he still has emotions--just heavily barricaded, and those emotions prevent him from fully losing his head. he forms an alliance with scarlett (and maybe topher??? idk why i love that trio sm, they would be so iconic when it came to villainy; bonus if sugar informally joins too, not as like a set part of their group tho bc she has her own agenda) and has one goal in mind: to get sky eliminated. gone is the lovestruck fool, he's revenge-driven and says he doesn't have time for love bc he's in it for the competition. (idk yet if there will be love interests for him or if this is just gonna be a dave-centric fic). the finalists are prob gonna be dave and sky bc that'd be fucking iconic after the build-up

shawn & dave friendship, topher & dave alliance, scarlett & dave alliance, sugar & dave hesitant alliance, sky & dave one-sided enmity, ella & dave friendship, maybe more depth abt beardo?? or leonard?? jasmine & dave mutual wariness and distrust, chris absolutely loving this version of dave

sammy time-travel route:

development (lots of development!) on sammy's end as well as her relationship with her sister amy. she'll prob be a finalist too?? or at least in the final four/three, and idk i want it to be a sammy & amy finale but idk if that's too cliche lmaoo i think it'd be interesting!

this one's different. shortly after tdpi ended, sammy partakes in a "controlled experiment" with several other teens with the reward of getting paid a somewhat hefty amount. she decides why not, seems simple enough, but when it's her turn there's a fluke and she gets chucked back in time to the beginning of tdpi (which was the last thing she'd been thinking abt before the experiment). however, maybe one or two episodes in, she decides to take charge in the situation she's going through and adopts a 'fuck it we ball' attitude abt the whole thing where she tries to be a different person--the kind of person she's always aspired to be like but amy had always belittled her for--and this makes her less of a pushover overtime and instead more bolder and persistent in getting as far as she can.

she makes new friends that she hadnt noticed or gotten the chance to become closer with when she initially was on the show. maybe ella & sammy friendship, jasammy, either scamy or scarlett & amy 'we're gonna betray each other' alliance OR scarlett & sammy 'friendship' OR a scarlett using manipulative tactics to play both sisters, etc etc.

both her version and dave's versions of this fic idea are different bc neither of them are fixated on the prize money. they have their own agendas for getting ahead of the rest. dave for revenge and beating sky; sammy for being the person she's always wanted to be and actually moving past the box amy placed her in.

third option (that i literally thought up like ten seconds after writing the sammy route):

COMBINE THE TWO OPTIONS, that'd be pretty sick ngl like dave's on the island when he flashes back and believes he's the only one in the past, but sammy, at the same time, had partaken in that experiment and flashed back to the past too; neither know the other is in the same predicament bc they try to hide it thinking they're the only one until like...later in when they start getting Suspicious and maybe some slip-ups occur bc they're tryna keep a low-profile but things happen y'know? they're 16 year olds who figured out time-travel exists, obv they're gonna fuck around and find out. possible alliance between the two once everything is out in the open? out of pure mutual beneficiary? it'd be funny bc both their personas are on opposing sides lmaoo dave & sky finale, with sammy and amy ending up post-merge? sammy's prob still gonna be in the final four, i think, but idk abt amy lmao i still think before amy gets eliminated she and sammy have a Confrontation bc i def need sammy to confront amy one way or another lmao that girl deserves it, they deserve a Heather & Lindsay Confrontation, sammy deserves to call amy a bitch on international television

ooooh and somehow scarlett finds out?? and tries to get her hands on the technology, but obv time is finicky so dave and sammy can't rlly allow that so they gotta stop her as a joint agenda while they have their own separate ones to deal with?? so this paves way for a true scarlett villain?? she'd make it to the final five or three, i think?

for this idea, there are gonna be multiple povs--dave and sammy's--and it's gonna be multi-plot too; dave and his conflict; sammy and her conflict; and how both alter the season bc of said conflicts and their attitudes abt them; plus the scarlett conflict

(y'know what i may end up going this route lmao bc i love both separate versions and im indecisive as fuck so my motto is if you can combine the options do it!)

[salt-volk]

Rambles from a Lurker

Been watching the economy discourse on here for a while, and thought I'd chime in with some thoughts.  I'm 50/50 on turnips being tradeable - it's pretty standard for pet sites, but I think it does also give those who can bulk purchase premium currency a big advantage in trades/auctions.  They have an advantage regardless, but tradeable premium currency means even more of one.   

As for the customs, I definitely see some of the flaws in the current system. I'm historically very anti-economy simulator, and it's always pretty :/ to see people exploit a system to just get infinite money from others. My personal view is that I don't judge high custom prices (unless obscene, eg 1mil taters or something) if the owner is providing the mirrors, as that means they're spending some IRL money in order to distribute. I definitely agree with limiting how many customs one person can have/how often someone can receive a custom maker. I think that limit would go a loooooong way to helping reduce a lot of the custom issues.  

Honestly, as much as I love many of the custom pets/items and think letting people submit stuff like that is very fun, I don't think customs are a smart idea on a site like DV.  It's a very collection based site, and having items that are exclusive to one person kind of messes with that appeal.  That said, I feel like getting rid of customs entirely would make the issue worse - now customs are REALLY special and up goes their price once more. 

I see what P0ppy said too - it feels like for some custom owners, this system sucks too.  

It's great that DV makes it really special for custom owners and gives them so much control, but I honestly think getting rid of that aspect of it would help.  Make it so a custom maker lets you design an item for the site, you get x number of free copies, and then it's up in a public marketplace for a standard number of potatoes (there's another potato sink for the site too).  Maybe include an option where if someone wants it to be private, they can have their x copies and that's it - copies won't be tradeable/sellable or whatever.  I'm sure there's some flaws with that idea too, but it seems like it'd be better than the current system.  Longass post, sorry uwu. 

[chaotic-tired-bastard]

You must be so sick of me and I’m so sorry but you’re the only other person I know who’s still active and gets me when it comes to atla so.. what are your thoughts on the panning perspectives during the avatar and the firelord? what does “I think of a time.. when everything was so much brighter.. I think if my friend.. Roku” mean to you? because like.. to me this is sozin finally expressing himself at his old age and I’m imagining him post wiping out the air nomads, sitting hunched over and closed away somewhere, hand shaking as he reminisces, regrets and writes about his life from a time when he had everything, to the point where he lost it all and never looked back until his dying day, unknowing that someday someone would find it, so when Zuko reads it, he’s looking into sozin’s consciousness and even a bit of Rokus

Oh kay. OH KAY.

SO I LOVE the panning perspectives! It shows that Roku and Sozin's stories weren't entirely separate, that they were woven together so tightly that their stories would have been essentially useless without each other. Roku and Sozin had such a profound effect on each other's lives that if you take one of them out of their story it becomes useless and jumbled and you wouldn't have a story anymore. you need to have Roku to have Sozin's story and you need to have Sozin to have Roku's story. (I'll come back to this but I just wanted to put this first lol)

I think Sozin's opening line- "As I feel my own life dimming, I can't help but think of a time when everything was so much brighter. I remember my friend."[transcript] -was meant to show that, even if he doesn't regret what he did, he still loved and cherished Roku to the point where, at the height of his popularity and power, he would still fantasize about when they were younger and still friends. He would have so many conflicting feelings about him in the moment, but he could forget that just by remembering how they were when they were young and happy. I think he instinctively connects being with Roku both with being happy (bcs of their childhood) and sadness (betrayal & the hurt he feels about Roku) and doesn't know how to deal with it. He'd be happy and remember Roku bcs of that but then get depressive because of him and it's sort of a self-sabotaging thing; he was the reason why Roku died and, yes, it allowed him to start the 100 year war, but he also lost (what I believe to be) his only friend. He's surrounded by his achievements and the glory he gained in the war, but he's so completely alone. And he has to remember Roku when he's happy and then what he did haunts him so completely that he can't stay happy, because he remembers what he did to his best friend, and he can't stay happy after that. He can't when he loses the one and only person that he was connected to (LOVED. HE LOVED HIM.) outside of family. AND. GOING WAYYY BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THIS LONGASS PARAGRAPH. I LOVE the "everything was so much brighter" part of Sozin's line because it implies that Roku was the reason why everything was so much brighter. Roku was the reason why he looked back on his childhood with such fondness and joy. Without Roku, he would probably have hated his life. Roku is the reason why Sozin is who he is. Roku is the reason why Sozin is Sozin. And I just love that ❤

AND THE THING HE WROTE. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. He was at the end of his life at that time (I think- I haven't watched the episode in a hot second(he was, it's in the transcript)) and instead of going over his military conquests, instead of talking about what he wants Azulon to do as his successor, he writes about Roku. He and Roku are woven together so tightly that you cannot have one without the other. I keep on repeating this because it's TRUE, but he is as much Sozin as he is Roku because their stories depend on each other- one needs to have the other to exist.

When Zuko reads Sozin's autobiography(?? final testimony??), he's reading from both Sozin and Roku. What he's getting is both from Sozin and Roku a bit because Sozin, even when he's old and dying, is still part of that Sozin-and-Roku dynamic and he can't let go of that, even if he so very wants to.

[nonbayanary]

author’s log

Here are my thoughts as I write the HiruSena fic titled, “The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known.”

Archive of Our Own  ●   Fanfiction.Net

---

[check out the author’s log below the cut!]

Note: This post will be updated continuously, until the fic ends. So buckle up y’all, it’s gonna be a longass fuckin’ ride!

[Log 1]:  Fic Length

This fic actually wasn’t meant to be this long. Originally, I just planned on having three long chapters, with twenty-one parts. 

But then I got attached to these specific portrayals of Hiruma and Sena, and now I can’t let them go without putting these rat bastards (*affectionate*) under a microscope and giving their trauma an in-depth analysis. 

So uhhhh sorry y’all, now this story is divided into Acts 1 to 4, with (hopefully only) 69 parts for each one. 

4 Acts bcs in Japanese culture, “4″ is the number symbolizing death

And 69 parts each bcs EYYYYY 69 lmaoooo

[Log 2]:  Fic’s Manifestation Properties (part 1)

I think this fic has some powers of manifestation??? Like I know it sounds stupid, but hear me out ok

So when I wrote in Ch.2, part xi. that Hiruma used to get panic attacks, it hit me: “Shit, doesn’t this mean I gotta portray an actual panic attack? I gotta do right by the readers!”

And I was like, “Ah, fuck me in the ass and call me Satan. Even if I’ve read about panic attacks for years, I’ve never actually had any before. So how do I write them?”

And then BAM! At home, I start undergoing even worse domestic abuse and psychological torture from my father. 

BAM! I begin to have actual panic attacks. 

BAM! I start having panic attacks so often, that sometimes, I have as many as three consecutive attacks in an hour. 

At one time, it was so bad at home that my attacks were daily. 

But every night, that’s when my panic attacks hit the hardest. Because my father always came home at night. My attacks would knock me unconscious. Like, really knock me out cold, yo. Because this was the only way my brain could help me cope when my father and I were in the same vicinity.

And when I was in the absolute gutter, I would wake up in the midst of a panic attack. And then, when I realized my father was still inside the house, an attack would knock me out again. I would continue to wake up and get knocked out until I was sure he was gone. 

Past Me, before domestic abuse was bad: “Oh no, how do I write panic attacks? I’ve never had any before!”

Present Me, dead-eyed: “Oh, honey.” 

At least I now have a lotta content on panic attacks, though!!! EYYYY I’m taking my wins where I can get ‘em lmaooo

[Log 3]:  Fic’s Manifestation Properties (part 2)

So I’ve got further proof that this fic has some powers of manifestation

Past Me, panicked: “Oh no! Sena has a cat named Pitt in canon! But I don’t know how to write about cats! My family only owns dogs!”

And then BAM! The neighborhood stray cat gets killed by family’s dogs, leaving one kitten orphaned at my house.

BAM! My sibling and I pity the orphaned kitten so much that we adopt it, and start raising it as the sole house cat. 

BAM! Days later I realize: “Well, I guess I now know how cats behave. Wait — OHMYGOD, I can write about cats now!”

Like I am not saying the neighborhood cat’s death had a use, okay. That’s not what I’m saying. I loved that cat, and I grieved her. I wept for her, especially when her kitten called out for her at night. 

I’m just saying that when I start thinking, “Oh no, how do I write this?” 

Some coincidental shit happens

BONUS: Please don’t worry about the orphaned kitten. I’m taking care of her now! Her name is “King Eris” (because I thought she was male at first. The revelation of my mistake only came to me when, months later, I noticed she had a lack of a dick.) She loves headpats, playing, sunbathing on the roof, sleeping on my lap, torture, and murder. (The last two parts are about cockroaches. She plays with them in such a gruesome manner that the poor insects’ deaths are slow and painful.)

[Log 4]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: AFTG series

This fic is based on Nora Sakavic’s trilogy, “All For The Game” series. 

It’s a GAY novel series about sports, mafia, and a shitton of childhood trauma. 

It’s really worth the read if you love soul-crushing trauma from different kinds of childhood abuse, and the hope that stems from surviving your circumstances, and choosing each day to continue living anyway. 

This book is my go-to for references on school sports, sports training, healing, and a fuckton of traumatized, lovable kids. 

Because in this fic, that’s what Hiruma and Sena are, essentially: traumatized, lovable kids.

Sena’s mother Mihae is loosely based on one of AFTG’s badass characters: Renee Walker. 

The “Yes or No” moments of consent between Hiruma and Sena are actually inspired by the main couple in the AFTG series, Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. 

[Log 5]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: TLT series

This fic is also based on Tamsyn Muir’s tetralogy, “The Locked Tomb” series. 

It’s about lesbian necromancers in space. It’s got a lot of religious symbolism (Christian), and it sometimes borders on the blasphemic, which I love. After all, my fic’s got a lotta blasphemy in it.

There is SO MUCH love and devotion in The Locked Tomb series, which is why I use it as a reference. 

The fic is, after all, tagged as “Homoerotic Devotion” (or at least, in AO3. In FF.Net, I have no such luck.) There are wholeass bucketloads of devotion in The Locked Tomb, and a lot of them are sure as hell homoerotic. 

[Log 6]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: TGCF series smut fics

I’ll be honest, y’all. This fic would not have existed if not for the smuttiest fics out there, about a god being reverently fucked by his worshipper. 

Let’s give a round of applause for the smut fics of Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù’s webnovel series, “Heaven Official’s Blessing!”

Heaven Official’s Blessing is also called, “Tian Guan Ci Fu,” or  [天官赐福]. The English fandom just calls it “TGCF” for short.

Lemme quote someone for a quick second here, to summarize the story. 

“At its core, TGCF is a story about a fallen god and his last believer; it's a story about devotion, love, loss, longing, fate and destiny, and the meaning of ‘forever’ and ‘to believe'. sure, there are other things: friendship, loyalty, the price of power etc.”

So like, taking the love and devotion of the main couple, and put it in an equation where you add a very creative fandom. BAM! The result is a myriad of smut fics full of praise kinks, god kinks, and body worship. 

Of course, a lot of TGCF fics are inspired by Hozier’s songs as well.

So like, it got me thinking: “Damn, HiruSena doesn’t have that.”

And then my thought process gradually shifted to, “Well, why can’t the HiruSena fandom have that? I guess if I wanna see that shit, then I gotta make it.”

And thus, with the vision in mind of a HiruSena story, inspired by Hozier, homoerotic devotion, and a lotta god-worshipper dynamic going on, this fic was born.

[Log 7]:  Hozier Song Lyrics

One of the recent trends in the fandoms I’ve traversed so far is this: Fics inspired by Hozier lyrics.

Lemme quote a review of Hozier’s music for a hot second, ok

“Each of [Hozier’s] songs are modern versions of traditional folklore that contain stories of love, tragedy, and hope, while also conveying strong political messages. Hozier has a way of delineating life's problems and purpose with beautiful poetry and turning it into songs that resonate with a piece of our soul.”

Like, Hozier’s lyrics are good. Like, really well-written. Even if you’re not a fan of his music—which I genuinely respect, don’t worry—you’ll find that when you read the lyrics of his songs, they really are “chef’s kiss” kinda good. 

Hozier's such a good fit for HiruSena, considering the ongoing Devil theme that Hiruma's trying to portray. Since Hozier songs have a common theme of devotion in them, it makes us all wonder: "What if it's the guy called The Devil who shows devotion in another?" There's so much to explore in that! 

How can a person as broken as The Devil, love someone who is just as broken? How can these two people find heaven in each other? There's so much symbolism, so much potential!

So it kinda got me stumped that I didn’t see any English HiruSena fics with Hozier songs in them. I told my sibling, and they just stared at me and asked, “Well, why don’t you write one, then?”

And BAM! Here we are. 

I hope that somewhere out there, more HiruSena Hozier fics exist. Even if they’re not in English, just knowing they exist would be absolutely lovely. 

And I suppose, if no other HiruSena Hozier fics have been written before this one, then I hope this fic inspires other writers to make more. 

[Log 8]:  Questions

This fic explores the following questions:

"What if it's the guy called The Devil who shows devotion in another?"

"How will Hiruma act when he's being tender with someone?"

"What if Hiruma knows jackshit about romance? What if he's just as awkward, or possibly even more awkward than Sena when he bares his true vulnerable self?"

“Why was Kurita so insistent on playing Amefuto, even back in middle school?”

[Answered in CH. 1]: “Why would Sena join a team when Hiruma recruited him through underhanded means?”

“Why does Hiruma act like an asshole all the time, when it seems as if there's no reason to do so?”

"What does it take for Mamori to go apeshit?"

"Will Sena use the knife his godmother Yoshiko gave him? What is his breaking point? Will the knife remain unused forever? What is the one thing that will drive Sena over the edge?"

Y’all can disregard this particular log tbh. I just put it here so I can keep track of all the questions I want the fic to answer. 

Also LMAO, me saying, “This fic explores the following questions,” as if it’s a goddamn thesis hhhhhh

[Log 9]:  Dedication

I honestly hope that I can reach out to people with similar trauma thru this fic. 

One of the things that helped me persevere through my hardships was: "Character A got through this! Maybe I can too!" And that's what I'm trying to do to in this fic too. 

Whether HiruSena romance scenes dominate, or whether the Hozier lyrics or the memes are more memorable, the true core of this fic is trauma.

This fic is for everyone out there who survived abuse, the people who hold wreckages inside their chests instead of hearts. 

This fic is for the people who clung to Sena's character and loved him, purely because they too were getting bullied. 

This fic is for the people who flinch, for the people who wished they were as powerful as Canon Hiruma. 

This fic is for the people who wake up, and have to talk themselves into getting up from bed each day, instead of giving up. 

This fic is for each and every warrior out there, who has to live normally even after the world did its best to break them.

This fic is for all you survivors out there. 

[Log 10]:  Hiruma crying in Chapter 2

So like, on one hand, I’m glad Hiruma’s released all his years of pent-up grief through crying. Because keeping that all inside is unhealthy and damaging

And it’s actually quite heartbreaking that the thing that actually does manage to set him off is a video of his mother cradling him close to her, when he was but an infant 

But like

Let’s be real with each other for a hot second, okay

Hiruma just fucking cried to the “I want to see my little boy! Here he comes!” vine LMAOOOO

[Log 11]:  The Backstory & Trauma of Kobayakawa Shuuma (Sena’s Dad)

Shuuma’s trauma is actually based on my own trauma, or one aspect of it at least

And that’s trauma caused by having a verbally and emotionally abusive mother.

So don’t worry about the accuracy of trauma representation here, bros, bcs some parts are based on a trueass story.

[Stay tuned, bcs there are definitely a lot more logs to come!]

[setsuntamew]

highlights from our road trip to NYC and back to help a friend move

telling our waitress at Waffle House about Trigun because I brought a volume of the manga into the restaurant and she was like oh, I usually just watch anime but is that manga any good?

why the fuck are half the rest stops on the NJ turnpike closed right now????

going to Brooklyn for the Uhaul and forgetting to play Brooklyn Rage despite discussing it multiple times over the past week

trying to find parking in Hells Kitchen for said Uhaul

giving up and just illegally parking it because fuck it, we aren't going to be leaving it unattended anyway

sorta planning to caravan because Liz + Pat were in the Uhaul and I was in my car with Chi + her dog, but those plans pretty much immediately fell apart

me bemoaning not having time to go to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery, aka the worst, most pretentious sbux I've ever been to, because my keychain from it broke. not five minutes later we drove past it by accident BUT THERE WAS NOWHERE TO PULL OVER and Chi was like "lol oh well" at my suffering.

part two of sbux: a truck pulled out, leaving the perfect space for me to park in and run inside for a new, terrible keychain.

part three of sbux: THEY DON'T SELL FUCKING KEYCHAINS ANYMORE MY LIFE IS A MOCKERY

getting a huge pizza + garlic knots before leaving NYC because 1) IT'S NYC and 2) there's no good pizza in Baltimore I gotta take what I can get

meeting up at the Alexander Hamilton rest stop - cue Liz singing from Hamilton - to eat said pizza because it was impossible to find anywhere to park and chill in NYC

"What if we kissed at the New Jersey turnpike rest stop..."

"...and we were both Plants?"

me and Liz being cringe, much to everyone else's dismay

seriously tho why the fuck are half the NJ turnpike rest stops closed right now

Chi's dog experiencing grass for the first time (at a NJ turnpike rest stop) and liking it

Chi's dog experiencing being in a car for the first time and NOT liking it

Liz being apparently too damn efficient at driving and somehow overtaking me despite being in a Uhaul

subjecting Chi to many of my Trigun opinions because she was stuck in a car with me for four hours and I have can't shut the fuck up disease

"You bring out the worst in me (affectionate)."

Chi @ me, tho I can't even remember why now XD

calling each other's vehicles multiple times throughout the trip to yell about passing each other on the road and/or whatever other dumb thoughts we all had that couldn't be contained to just one car

SIX FUCKING DOLLARS for vending machine offbrand dippin dots

Chi's dog experiencing yards for the first time and not wanting to leave the yard to go inside our house

Ethyl being the peace bringer and somehow calming down Chi's dog and Lumos and helping them meet

AAAAAND that's it, or at least all I can handle right now because I'm so damn tired I wanna pass out. sorry not sorry for my longass post; it's spring break day one for me ;D

[mercurypyrite]

ok so i finished book 6 last night so this is a bit belated but whatever. longass masterpost of my thoughts on everything post 6-81 incoming

i felt awful for vil (3hrs of crying, he’s gotta be dehydrated) but it was lowkey kinda funny how malleus just popped up and was like “i’m in your debt (according to lilia) (pretty sure this was just for their own amusement?? idk man they’re fae) so i’ll help 👍” and just kinda poofed him back to normal.

i think this is the… third time we’ve seen him do smth like that? first at VDC, then during endless halloween night, and finally now. (though EHN came first canonically.) he seems to be making a habit of it. and that joyful squeal? love that. (vil’s normally so poised, though — goes to show how deeply book 6, and being rudely confronted by his fear of aging, rattled him)

=

leona: i’ve been fighting all night and i’m dead on my feet

ruggie & jack: sorry what. PLEASE elaborate

=

once i saw adeuce the only thought left in my head was “MY BOYS THEYRE HERE” i’m so glad they’re okay like damn. it feels like everyone’s been gone longer than 2 days lmao

=

“Human lives are as ethereal as silk thread on a spinning wheel — and just as easily cut short. But their fragility can be a boon. Interweaving and layering those threads creates the strong, resilient tapestry of their history. Such is the creature called man — neighbor to we creatures of the night.”

so so tempted to make part of this my blog quote but it sounds so pretentious. not like the current one isn’t i guess. also sleeping beauty ref goes brrr

=

ortho (lovingly) dragging idia is one of my new favorite things i think

“You don’t have any close friends who can keep you in line yet, and I don’t know if you ever will. Not to put too fine a point on it, but leaving you to your own devices is a terrible idea. So… I want to stay with you. Is that asking too much?”

“You’ve been my real brother for a long time now, Ortho.”

“Let’s go back to Night Raven College. You’ve got people waiting for you there.”

“…Yeah, I do, huh.”

LIKE GOD. THEM. i want to stay with you. you don’t have to act like my little brother but you’ve been my real brother for a while now. you don’t have close friends but you DO have people waiting for you. they won’t forget. (and then he ends up gaming with vdc gang and bantering with ortho around them, slowly coming out of his shell if only temporarily, and i’m so soft over that)

=

refurbished ramshackle was nice to see but… not really surprising, lol. looks directly at the guest room feature. twsten rlly likes doing things out of order huh.

=

also yuu spent “a few weeks” at pomefiore?? honorary heartslabyul student yuu is out, honorary pomefiore student yuu is in. they even got a uniform!!

jk they can coexist

(i will make them coexist. i love them both sm)

(i wanna see riddle and vil fighting over yuu /hj)

=

“I was called before parliament in the Land of Dawning. Bigwigs from STYX, the Department of Education, AND the Department of Magic all bombarded me with questions and glared daggers at me… ‘Why are so many consecutive overblots happening on your watch?! How do you explain this?!’

“That’s what I want to know! What have I done, except run this school as diligently as I could?! Night Raven College has resident counselors and medical mages appointed by the Department of Education as it is!

“Since the assembly saw no major issues with the school’s leadership, the inquiry came to a close… But I certainly didn’t expect one of our students to bring about an off-campus catastrophe even as we convened!”

crowley actually getting in legal trouble (or at least being threatened with legal trouble) actually surprised me a lot??? i’m so used to thinking stuff like this would more or less get covered up for plot convenience or wtv that it’s nice to see crowley get smacked with it. rip headmage

ALSO rip therapist yuu memes bc NRC HAS THERAPISTS (tho theyre not rlly dead bc. no one SEES the therapists. probably. stubborn kids.)

=

seeing ortho again = no thoughts left in my head redux, “BABY BOY” edition!! he looks so nice!! i love the lil buttons!! rlly i love all the details, looking like an NRC uniform while still being undeniably ortho

“‘I don’t get it’ is a perfect encapsulation of my current state!”

LOL. he’s not wrong though.

=

…of course crowley took a bribe. i dunno why i’m surprised to hear that.

though in vil’s words, “It’s hardly our place to interject if it’s a win-win for both parties, I suppose.”

crowley’s inquiry about grim’s health makes me side-eye him more strongly the more i think about it. yes i know why (grim attacked yuu, was more strongly affected by the blot, etc) but i’m still suspicious, i wanna know if there’s more to it.

“I’m truly glad that you — ah, that is, ALL of you — made it back to the school safe and sound.”

the way he added “all of you” made it seem to me like they were an afterthought compared to grim…

=

twst rlly put aaaall the fluff at the end huh. not like i’m complaining though!! it’s like a reward for getting through all the angst. idia’s gift is very him (lol) and idia and ortho playing video games with everyone is adorable

“We should probably make Idia play holding the controller backwards or something, though. He’s super good.”

“I see what you’re doing, Ortho. Trying to skate by without any handicaps for yourself, huh? YOU’RE the one who needs extra restrictions, like no items allowed.”

=

play for a crowd! is also up there on my list of favorite twistunes but i can’t play it while sleep deprived or my score goes down the toilet. ask me how i know. half the time normal mode is harder than hard mode.

also i haven’t said it anywhere yet but idia’s battle theme is a banger too. ignihyde osts killed it

=

and rook and vil’s discussion of ortho’s soul!! screams!!

“He — or rather, they — chose to try and boost their brother up from the depths below to the skies above. What do you call such love and affection, if not a soul?”

=

the “dream” sequence was so interesting!! yuu and mickey can’t see anything but each other. grim can’t see mickey either, and vice versa.

but. mickey could see silver. why was silver at ramshackle at night? a reasonable assumption is that silver went to ramshackle to find malleus, couldn’t, and left, but really…

why could mickey see silver at all?

i’ve heard (though i haven’t got a source for this unfortunately) that silver says �� somewhere — that he’s seen yuu before, or that they look familiar, or something along those lines. i wanna know if this is connected to that. also, silver’s curse. that too. sleep/dreams vs reality etc.

=

and last but not least, lilia is dropping death flags left and right and malleus is Concerned. to be fair, so am i. what’s going on, dude?

(sidenote: damn it riddle’s hair went back to normal. i was hoping he’d just have white hair now 😭)

(also, eagerly awaiting the “gloomurai is idia and muscle red is lilia” reveal in book 7. yana pls.)

(i… may have gotten spoiled a bit. unintentionally. so now i know that in book 7, [REDACTED].)

[sparkysparklightning]

Okay listen

Yes this is the “longass post” I mentioned in my previous Tratie HoO post hgjkfsh I decided to publish it and see what y’alls think!

Anyway, I saw this post, like...a week ago?? And all of a sudden, everything related to the HoO series that I’ve held back just came charging full-force. So I’m here to grace y’alls with my ideas and thoughts about HoO.

Honestly, if I talked abt everything that went off-kilter in that series, we’d be here all day, so I’ll just stick to the mere basic point that was also the basis of my HoO conceptual rewrite idea, and that point is...

Percabeth shouldn’t have been a part of the Seven.

Yeah yeah, half of you guys must be throwing stones at me, the other half is probably nodding in agreement. But seriously, Percabeth already had their time to shine--they had an entire five hecking books, they ( and their characterizations ) definitely do not need another five more, yeesh! I love Percy and all, but pls, five more books in which his and Annabeth’s and their relationship’s character were diminished? Yeah, no thanks. 

I love Percabeth, but in HoO, they became so...bland??? Idk how to properly explain it, but I didn’t like what happened to their character arcs at all lmaoo

But then, I got an idea: what if, instead of Percabeth, it was TRATIE who was a part of the Seven, instead? 

Now this idea was inspired both from the post mentioned above plus another post that talked abt Tratie as a part of the Seven in a bit more detail, which I cannot find no matter how many times I scoured the rr-crit tag ( smh, if anyone else knows of this post, pls lmk and link it, I’m sorry 😭 )

And yeah, I know a lot of ppl have been hopping on the ‘Nico & Reyna as part of the Seven’ train when it comes to making HoO rewrites, but see, hear me out, just think about the potential of Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner--two children of minor gods--getting their spotlight in a series of their own ( plus more indirect spotlight on the minor gods in question ) plus a slowburn ( kinda ) relationship?? Heck, I already have some ideas for this, that I’ll jot down below the cut along with some conceptual ideas about the rewrite. If any of y’alls end up reading this whole post, can you...just, idk, lmk whether it’s a solid plan and if I should actually take it forward and plan on writing it? Bc I’m being rlly indecisive rn ahaha 😅

So. Tratie instead of Percabeth. Let’s take a closer look at the potential:

Honestly, I hate to admit it, but Percabeth didn’t do much to the plot as a whole, so it wouldn’t make much of a difference if they’re taken out. Though there are some things they did to move the plot forward, although little, and that’s what I’ll touch on before I discuss Tratie in general:

( oh yeah, disclaimer: I read the HoO series about five years ago?? I’m trying ( key word: trying lmao ) to reread the series currently, but it’s just not sticking lmfao. Probably the main reason why I wanna rewrite it so badly, other than the two posts that boosted my inspo )

--> THE ATHENA PARTHENOS: Annabeth went on a solo quest in MoA to track down the Athena Parthenos bc it was crucial to sealing the rift between Greek and Roman. BUT, any other demigod could go on that same quest instead of her. Like Piper, whose mother had told her that she was essential to sealing the rift but never ended up doing anything for it bc RR just...flopped idk; or someone like Leo who has similar abilities as Annabeth and would be able to outsmart Arachne in a similar fashion as well; or even Reyna could come earlier than she did in the series and work with the Seven or some of them to track down the statue? Idk, there are lots of options, tbh, there’s honestly not that much relevance to Annabeth being the daughter of Athena so she has to track down the Athena Parthenos. I mean, sure there was the Arachne ordeal, but other than that, nothing major rlly happens

Percy, himself, didn’t rlly...do much for the entire series, other than fight. I mean, there were some minor aspects of HoO where his powers or relations to other characters vibed well, so we’ll check those out:

--> KANSAS: In MoA, Jason and Percy fought each other bc they were forced to. That could easily happen even without Percy. Instead, of Percy, it could be Hazel and Jason fighting each other due to their connections as the Big Three children being taken advantage of. It could be sort of like a mirage of Thalia and Percy’s fight back in TTC. Plus, again, it gives way for more bonding and discussion after between two other characters that never got much interaction time together in canon

--> KYM AND POLYBOTES: okay this is the scene that takes place in BoO where Percy and Jason face off against Kym and Polybotes. But, Percy...does literally nothing here other than get poisoned lmao. It was Jason who did the heavy-lifting bc Percy got a t a d bit arrogant, thinking he was invincible underwater. So honestly, you could take out Percy and replace him with another member of the Seven (who would seem reasonable, in the context, so no Piper or Annabeth or Leo, etc bc none of them can survive even a minute under the water and doesn’t have a way like Jason to breathe). Tbvh, I can see Frank and Jason go together to face Kym and Polybotes. Frank can shapeshift into a sea-creature while Jason can use his ventus vacuum thingie, so it all works out, and nothing too drastic is changed! 

There’s probably a couple more of little scenes where Percabeth was mostly significant in some way to the series, but let’s be very honest...there weren’t a lot of them. So long story short: if you want to, you can easily take out Percy and Annabeth from the series and replace them with another pair and it wouldn’t be the end of the world, lmao.

Now onto Tratie ideas in relation to if they were a part of the Seven instead. Here are some bullet-points of some ideas that I thought of:

It could be a lovely parallel, where when Jason woke up, all he could remember was Thalia, so when Travis wakes up, all he remembers is Connor, his younger brother. I think it would be nice bc it shows that not everything has to be romantically coded like how Percy only remembered Annabeth in canon. It would emphasize Travis and Connor’s sibling bond more so, and I can just imagine Connor giving Travis reuniting noogies and trying not to burst into tears in MoA, and Travis whispers something like “you’re here” and the floodgates open, and it’s just crying and hugging and the like 😭😭

Katie is a daughter of Demeter, so she would have a somewhat connection with the Earth aka Gaea, hence there is now a plausible reason why Gaea would want to spill her blood to rise. Also, when the time comes to defeat her, instead of charm-speaking her to sleep or whatnot, Katie could be a significant crux to the primordial’s defeat bc her powers tie in with the land/earth, so she could use her powers to forcibly push Gaea back into the earth.

 Instead of them going to Tartarus, they end up going to Cupid (so some other pair will fall into Tartarus instead), and instead of a stupid forced outing, Cupid takes one look at them, senses their underlying emotional tension and goes “oh boy, yeah, you two have a lot to talk about” and actually (tries to) help guide the two into confessing the feelings they’d hidden, instead of being a little shit like in canon. Plus I just adore the idea of Travis calling Katie “flower” after they get together, and Katie calling him “key” not just bc he steals stuff but also bc he’s like the key to her heart and all that sappy bs, I literally love them sm 🥺 literally such wonderful nickname opportunities that have a deeper meaning

Travis and Jason might have a subtle rivalry, but unlike Percy and Jason’s weird ‘I’m stronger than you’ thing, it could be bc Jason felt a bit jealous of how everyone was looking for Travis, including his sister, while no one pulled much of an effort to look for him? It’d give an opportunity for them to talk things out and end up growing closer after talking

Juno/Hera saw Travis’s need, his desire, to redeem the Hermes name and as a result, used that fire to kickstart her plan by plopping him in Camp Jupiter while Jason got switched to CHB. Hence there is now a reasonable concept as to why the switch happened, because honestly, the whole Percy-Jason switch didn’t make all that sense bc Jason, yes I can sort of understand why he got switched, but Percy?? There was literally no solid reason that was explained as to why he was chosen to be switched lmao. But with Travis, Juno/Hera takes pity on him and uses this as an opportunity for him to bring glory to the Hermes name after the Titan War

I have a ton more ideas for the rewrite as a whole tbvh. Stuff relating to ways Gaea could actually be defeated, more on Octavian’s backstory and why he hates the Greeks so much, and other tiny scenes between the demigods that could bring about more characterization and details to their arcs.

The only problem is...with the way this is going in my head, I think things might end up diverging more or less from canon as the series progresses? Like there will obv be the canon scenes, but there might also be non-canon scenes that might change the series plot a little bit?? And idk how many of y’alls will appreciate that lmao ghjksfgh but I have started writing it. It’s a super long process lmfao, so idk when I’ll publish it (probably on Ao3, if I do), but I just wanted to let y’alls know bc a lot of you guys liked my first post abt this and I saw your lovely tags and it made me super happy and honestly, those tags are the reason why I even started writing this in the first place! So thank you guys so so much for the positive feedback!

[fishylife]

Street Dance of China, Season 4, Episode 12, Part 1

- Just a heads up, there’s going to be salt this episode. Please beware!

- The two videos that make up the final episode are about approximately 7.5 hours long, so I’m going to make two posts. I’ll probably try to allocate 3.75 hours of showtime to each post but we shall see ^^;;

- I am also trying to be more less screencap-happy because my posts keep crashing and freezing because there are too many images lol

- So it looks like among the guests will be Huang Bo, Vanness Wu, Jackson Wang, Fu Longfei, Han Yu, and Wang Chenyi. (BRING HUANG ZITAO BACK YOU COWARDS!!!!!!!! But also I wished Jackson Yee would’ve made a return, I like him :P)

- The opening montage was kinda cool, having each of the captains dance in a different part of Shanghai.

- Oh my god they are literally going for a superhero theme? They were using the MCU music? What is happening?

- Why are Han Geng and Yibo dressed so boring and exactly the same OTL They were both wearing suits with vests and hats and it’s like, even if you were just going with a suit and vest and hat, try to differentiate yourself from the other guy wearing a suit and vest and hat please. Have a word with your stylists.

- Yixing performed Feitian with some of the contestants! (Both current and eliminated). It wasn’t the original choreography though, which is fine, because this is a street dance show and they gotta update it with street dance stuff. Not gonna lie, though, I was hoping for a full live performance with the dance crew performing the original dance, but I will take this anyway.

- Han Geng did have a nice performance that prioritized fun :3

- OF COURSE Henry broke out the violin and I love him for that. Also his team danced to Can’t Hold Us and I’m like I don’t know how old this song is but it seems very him to choose an old pop song.

- Yibo’s performance was literally called “This is old school” lol

- I think this event was mostly live, based on the fact that music had suddenly started playing very loudly and Henry went ???

- I thought I was just seeing things, but does Henry look like he has broad shoulders? I think it’s the tassels on his shirt.

- Closer look at Yixing’s fancy jacket for the day

- So good news is that there is a lot of skippable stuff in these longass episodes because it is live lol. There’s a lot of “waiting time” (e.g. people walking to their spots or picking numbers) that can be fast forwarded through.

- Special guest Huang Bo did a fun disco-esque dance

- Yixing was saying that Huang Bo had danced so well that the Dongbei (Northeast) king of dancing was under a lot of pressure. And Huang Bo was like “you mean the Dongbei king of dancing, break dancing champion Sun Honglei??” XD

- Henry said that the last time he’d seen Huang Bo was in the Mushroom house dancing to one dance move only, so I’m guess Huang Bo was on one of the episodes of Back to Field where Henry was a host :3

- Teams’ eliminated members came to say some words of encouragement :3 They were MT-Pop, Xiao Jie, Han Yu, and Momo.

- Dance montage! Sorry for the blurry cap. I think this was filmed close to the beginning of the show, because Yixing had his two-coloured hair, and also Nelson was in this montage. Anyway, the theme of the dance was that dance is something that is not limited by language.

- Gogo Brothers visited Changsha because they heard that it was Yixing’s hometown! :3

- A surprise guest!

- Yixing had heavy makeup on so I wondered if he’d rushed over to meet them after filming something   :P

- This started off a Gogo Brothers performance, then a Gogo Brothers + kids performance, then a Gogo Family performance

- It seems like a bad idea to keep the towel voting system when you have 164 judges??? It’s a gimmick but like, damn, I wish they’d stop lol.

- Yixing said that he wanted to pass on his own dancing skills to his children, just like Tony Gogo did. Huang Bo was like, you got it wrong, the first step is to have a girlfriend.

- Some fun shots of Rochka on vacation in China.

- Rochka got encouraging messages from his family members! :3

- This message was from Rochka’s older brother. He ended his message with acting like he was possessed lol, and the caption says something like “the Ka clan has a tradition of arts/skills,” basically saying that Rochka’s family are all talented :P

- The next message was from Rochka’s younger brother, and he said that if Rochka didn’t win, it would be his turn next year :P So I guess he’s a dancer too!

- More brothers uwu Looks like Rochka comes from a big family

- And messages from dad and mom!

- So cute!

- Some more encouraging messages from friends :3

- Boy got a wardrobe change

- Rochka’s performance had a somber tone, but it was powerful and hopeful imo. He also included a few of the other contestants on the show, which is fun. I’m also curious as to whether he choreographed most of the dance on his own, or whether he was allowed to contract help.

- Han Geng introduced Eleven by being like, I’ve known Eleven for eleven years, and tomorrow will be the eleventh month (November), let’s have a happy Eleven day lol.

- Eleven had a huge performance with lots of supporting dancers. It was very entertaining, though, as expected from a choreographer. Look at the smiley lol.

- Bouboo’s adventures in China

- Bouboo had a Wakanda themed performance. This is totally different from his usual dance style, so I was pretty surprised. However, I did feel that this choreography did not really give him much opportunity to show off his own dance. A lot of the attention went to the supporting dancers. Bouboo also said that he suffered a neck injury, and that he would require surgery :o

- One thing I’ve noticed in the performances so far is that they are far more choreography-focused than star-focused. All of these performances had a huge number of supporting dancers, and it really doesn’t make sense to have a lot unless you’re going to use them. So I actually feel that these large scale performances are actually disadvantageous for the dancers themselves if they don’t have a good choreography. Out of the four performances, I personally found Rochka’s and Eleven’s more engaging.

- Okay, I’m not gonna lie, I was really disappointed that Rochka got less than 100 votes? What? His performance was so interesting though? #justiceforrochka

- Also, I was reminded very recently that this is indeed a televised competition show, and some stuff might be rigged. So....I guess I shouldn’t take the voting too seriously OTL

- But also, what really is the criteria here? Because the voters are only asked to vote on whether they like something or not. So the dancers aren’t really limited to any particular theme, except for “just make a good performance.”

- Vanness Wu was one of the guests. For some reason I never really envisioned Vanness as a dancer. I always just remember him as a member of F4 with long hair who just stands around and looks cool X’D

- Vanness said that he and Han Geng look like a couple because they’re both wearing denim jackets. I love some chill old man humour up in this house. Also, for some reason, it never occurred to me that Vanness, a Taiwanese-American, would have a Taiwanese accent. It was kind of charming lol.

- Qiao Zhi going for Chinese style again, as he did in his individual audition many episodes ago

- Lol when the lion came out Yixing fell in love

- I did think that Qiao Zhi’s dance became a little limited when he became the front legs of the lion, because his arms were totally unusable. I guess it’s good that he left this for the end, but I wasn’t sure if it was a good move to stay in the lion for so long.

- Qiao Zhi explained that he really liked Chinese style stuff, which is why he keeps coming back to a Chinese theme. He said he liked watching movies such as Huang Feihong/Wong Fei-hung. (He said he liked movies with wudao which usually translates to dance, but Wong Fei-hung movies are all action movies so there’s probably some vocabulary here that I don’t know). He did explain that his performance was influenced by Wong Fei-hung, with the drunken fist (shown through the vats of alcohol), the clothes, the lion dance, etc.

- Ye Yin did some tap dance, but otherwise, this performance was mostly locking as expected. The entire performance was very tight. The supporting dancers were used to keep the focus on Ye Yin, which was good, because my problem in some of the earlier performances was that the background dancers would take away the spotlight from the main contestant. So this was a good performance. But I am going to bring up my grievances about Ye Yin. We know that he is a very tight dancer. He is very precise. But I barely see him do anything other than locking. He stays in his box and he never steps out. I have never seen him try to do any other sort of performance. And all of his solo performances have had a similar feel. In this performance, we got the water on the table, which is something that he had done in an earlier episode. And the song in this performance sounded a little similar to the one he’d used for his solo audition. So I respect him as a dancer, but it bugs me that I barely see anything new from him.

- AC and Ibuki went to Disney!

- Ibuki’s performance was great! Before I had started the episode I had stumbled upon someone’s tweet saying that her performance was great, so I was expecting something good and she delivered! Her performance was energetic and fun, and it really suited her style of dance. Plus, the focus was mostly kept on her, and the background dancers did really well in keeping tight and in sync but also hyping her up as the star.

- San’er took a trip home and we saw his mom and his aunt

- San’er’s performance was alright, I thought the choreography was really entertaining. He included the themes of growing up with the inclusion of the child dancer. I will say, the end of the performance was a bit too cheesy for me. I do get that this was supposed to be a personal performance for him (considering the fact that he called the performance 我 (I/me), about his growth as a dancer. The encouraging line to the kid was a little cheesy to me, but the line about taking care of mom seemed a little forced in there at the last moment.

- I’m really enjoying Huang Bo as a commentator. He is so thoughtful. He pays close attention to the performances and he’s able to pick things out to speak about. And he’s so precise with his words, and how he compliments the dancers :P

- Pikachu! Homeboy!

- SO MANY

- So the three adult dancers were Ding Zeren, Wang Chenyi, and Han Yu

- Oh look, a group photo

- Acky-san had a more traditional performance, but it suits him for sure

- Lmao he hugged the kid in the middle of his performance

- Acky-san had a high score, so Rochka, who had the lowest score before, got bumped off. (I’m still gonna be salty about Rochka,  just saying) As for Acky-san’s performance, it was entertaining, but I’m surprised that it would place third among the performances we’ve seen so far.

- Anyway, I think that means that Rochka doesn’t get to go further :( He gave a very positive message, thanking the fans, thanking Henry (and Henry obviously taking the opportunity to flirt back), and he was like “I WILL BE BACK” @v@

- Yang Kai said that after break dancing was added as an Olympic sport, more kids were being signed up by their parents

- LMAO is it true that last season Yang Kai was called Yang Chaoyue? Yang Chaoyue is an actress, but the name Chaoyue also means like, going over the limit. And Yang Kai was like, I’m continuing to go over the limit this year.

- Yang Kai’s performance had a martial arts theme. The beginning of the music was a call back to old Hong Kong action movies. It was the music that you hear when the name of the producer shows up on screen. Anyway, I liked it, I was entertained. I think it was helped by the fact that break dancing is just very impressive to watch because of how athletic and acrobatic it is. A huge shoutout goes to his backup dancers for sure, since they went all out with the stunts. But the choreography of the performance was very fun to watch, and Yang Kai himself did have time to shine.

- I’m guessing shaving their heads is like, a tribute to Shaolin Monks?

- Of the current top 8, Eleven had the lowest score, but Yang Kai had a higher score than him, so Eleven was eliminated.

- Omg the DJ keeps playing See You Again for every elimination....what year is it XD

- I’m going to continue my screencaps in a second post, stay tuned!

[littlehollyleaf]

So talking of finales penned by spn writers.

One of my fav comics the last few years has been Spider-Man/Deadpool, written by our very own Robbie Thompson.

Obviously, Deadpool is a character I was always gonna be fond of, since his fourth-wall breaking power / chatacter trait makes him all about the meta, and metafiction is My Jam.

Spider-Man/Deadpool has the additional fun of being about Wade and Peter's relationship specifically, which is just fun and adorable any which way, but the series also makes constant nods to the idea of them as a romantic couple (the title IS a LITERAL REFERENCE to slash fic/shipping). Never in a baity way either. The writing celebrates the idea of Spider-Man/Deadpool without ever teasing the idea it might actually happen. It's mostly Wade explicitly referencing them as a slash pairing in his various fourth-wall breaking speeches, while in the 'reality' of the universe the writing is pretty clear on the fact Peter only thinks of Wade platonically (or occasionally antagonistically :p), while Wade genuinely has an explicit romantic crush, but overall just simply respects and cares for Spider-Man as a person and primarily wants to be and have him as a friend (tho there's absolutely, deliberate, space left in the writing to imagine/fanfic a mutual romance between if you want).

(ASIDE: PETER PARKER IS NOT A KID IN THIS CURRENT VERSION OF MARVEL CANON HE IS 100% AN OF AGE ADULT, like he is in the Spiderverse film - in case anyone was freaking out)

So yeah, that's all fun and sweet and completely catering to my interests.

One of the big, big things about the characters and their relationship, though, is the fact that WADE DOES NOT KNOW SPIDER-MAN'S IDENTITY. And this quickly became one of, if not THE, things at the heart of their evolving friendship/relationship. The closer they get, the more and more you WANT Wade to find out or, better, for Peter to TELL HIM. Because you want them to reach that place of love and trust where they each know intimate things about each other, where Peter cares about and knows he can trust Wade enough to share that vulnerable truth about himself.

So, Peter telling Wade his secret identity - that's, basically, the ship/relationship endgame everyone is rooting for.

SO.

In the *cries* final storyline of the series, this whole epic Thing happens, that I won't explain cos it'll take too long. But basically, the world appears to be ending and in that context of dire and angsty straits - Peter reveals his identity to Wade! *insert Deadpool movie shock gif*

Now closer than ever, they team up with a rag tag collection of other characters to take on the Big Bad and, long story short, they discover the whole epic end of the world Thing has been a fake reality created by the real villain of the piece -

THE WRITER, aka Robbie himself!

Due a series of implausible comic book events they are able to confront and defeat him and he offers this in his defence -

and I just -

<3

aw Robbie

your supervillain origin story was... WANTING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIPS TO GROW?

(#relatable)

When I first read this (which was, oh, back near the very beginning of spn S15) I thought

a) amusing that an ex-spn writer is, like spn itself, writing a meta story in which the writer is the villain

b) it's funny how spn's villain writer and Robbie's villain writer both harm/manipulate their characters for the exact opposite reasons - Chuck wants to prevent the characters from developing, comic!Robbie wants to force them TO develop

(and c) I wonder if this lament over characters not being allowed to grow, and the fact that wanting to change that associates Robbie with villainy, in any way connects to... other writing jobs he may have had... before the comic...)

The tragedy, tho, is that after his defeat, as Spider-Man and Deadpool are locking comic!Robbie away, he tells them his capture doesn't matter because in the end HE WON, because Wade now knows Spider-Man's identity!!

To which we end with this -

The growth Robbie wanted was denied!

*sad face*

(I forget the in-universe explanation, if there was an explicit one - either defeating comic!Robbie and his fake world caused all memory/experience if that world to be lost/destroyed... or there was genuinely no real explanation and that in itself was a meta nod to how comic book narrative is constantly dropping/discarding/ignoring/retconning plot points in order to maintain the wider status quo of the comic universe narrative)

AND YET - while the biggest growth of learning Peter's identity was denied (presumably because, as noted above, wider comic book canon requires/insists both characters and their relationship remain in a specific, static, status quo - so the industry can keep churning out multiple comics with them without necessarily having to bother with the extra time/hassel of researching specifics of continuity - because, money), as Peter and Wade's further discussion points out, SOME development HAS happened at least. Wade has grown more moral/heroic in how he doesn't immediately kill his enemies. And Peter has come to care deeply enough about Wade to be proud of him for this and tell him so. AND they walk away together side by side, their friendship cemented.

So bottom line - the story ends. And it's not in the BEST way. It denies the readers and the characters (and the writer!) the fulfilment of that key endgame plot point.

And YET.

It manages to still be a funny, heartwarming and ultimately SATISFYING end. One that, tongue in cheek, lampshades the development the rest of the story has, in many ways, been building up to and, using metafictional tricks, tells readers in a way that is funny, entertaining and also feels somewhat apologetic, that it simply wasn't a plot the creatives involved were able to give. But offers SOME growth at least, and leaves things open enough for readers to imagine the characters are poised for more in the near future (...although due to the nature of comics that may well have been jossed by other comic book runs at this point - I haven't read any that include the characters since this title ended).

WHY am I making a longass post about this you ask?

Well

a) because the comic is great and I think more people should read it, consider this a recommend (tho sorry for spoilers!)

b) ...just ...wanted to big up Robbie Thompson for a bit. A++ Robbie, way to land an ending, both in fiction and meta, kudos to you, nice to be reminded that it can be done!

(also in case by some miracle anyone at Marvel is reading this - I said the ending was satisfying, but that doesn't mean I WOULDN'T SPEND GOOD MONEY ON A REVIVAL OF THIS TITLE IN A HEARTBEAT! just because I'm ok with the last comic being the end doesn't mean I don't WANT MORE WITH A BURNING PASSION why must you cancel all my favs?? ...*coughs* so, yes, thank you any Marvel execs for your time...)

[woeismyhoe]

Spill the tea, what's the deal with you and the BSG group (avatar-chang and her squad in particular)?

Ok anon, sorry for taking so long! I wanted to get everything right and honestly collecting the posts took a longass time xD

Anyways, the only ones I have a problem there are avatar-chang, hexful/dykesia/bizukos, catrademption, cardboardseagulls (never seen interacted b4) and bizulas (also never interacted b4).

I’m going to be really transparent about this whole thing so it’s gonna be long as there’s gonna be several links and I’ve included the dates so it’ll be easier to understand. Since I’ll be fully transparent about this, i’ll probably get hate or whatever. Honestly, I just want to put everything out there without being biased or hiding anything. I’m going to disclose everything here.

So, the whole thing between me and avatar-chang started off with this post I made last year on 10 March 2019. Afterwards, she PMed me on the same day and this was the conversation:

After that, I thought the argument was over because she blocked me lmao. The only ones I spoke to about this was nbw and my real life friends (who had nothing to do with ATLA lmao I just ranted to them).

And then the next incident I think was on 16 March 2019 when I made this post about Azula’s abuse of her friends. I was new and 16. I genuinely wanted to know why people labeled Azula as an abuser. It was dykesia who responded to me at the time.

Now, unlike avatar-chang, I had a few conversations with dykesia (who was bizukos then) that was generally civil. I first interacted with her when she made a post calling out Zucest shippers or something?? I was very new. Like fresh newbie baby ATLA tumblr fan new lmao so I thought what she said was too aggressive. I didn’t realize that there were actual Zucest shippers until after some time. And then she PMed me on 13 March 2019, saying that she doesn’t always agree on characters with me but I do write some interesting pieces on Azula— that she’s a huge fan of Azula but she just tends to stay away from her fandom. I apologized about the previous incident of the Zucest thing and it was fine after then. We talked about zuko, the fandom, the comics, Mai etc etc. I thought we were on fine terms.

And then I made a post about the cliff scene in the comics on 16 March 2019. Avatar-Chang made a post that was pretty directed at the post but it seems like she’s deleted it.

On 17 March 2019, I received an anon mail telling me that avatar-chang was talking shit about me behind my back. I censored her name then because I didn’t want to believe without any evidence. No one sent me any screenshots about it so I just dismissed it.

On the same day, avatar-chang answered an anon and talked about the 13 child post theory I made on 9 March.

On 23 April 2019, I received another anon mail about avatar-chang, asking if I’d seen the post she made about Azula. I censored her name again cuz I didn’t want to start any shit over having differing opinions. I’m assuming this is the post the anon was referring to.

On 28 April 2019, dykesia/hexful/bizukos PMed me to ask if I was talking shit about other people behind their backs, and her. I denied this because I hadn’t. This was how the conversation went:

Yes, I didn’t censor any name because as I said, full transparency. I have afp blocked because we’ve clashed several times and he’d still come for my posts last year despite already being blocked. If you’ve followed me long enough, you probably would’ve rmbered that time lmao

Anyways during then, I don’t think I realized that dykesia was actually being passive aggressive. It’d been barely a year since I started the blog and I just didn’t want to full out make enemies. Reading the messages now tho lmao she really was passive aggressive. But yeah then she said this in bsg so I don’t even know why she bothered to ask me if she wasn’t even going to consider believing me.

The 9th of June 2019 was the last time she messaged and it was to ask if I mind her discoursing this Zuko post while ‘hard and drunk’. It was the first time she could apparently agree with me so it was I quote a ‘Yay??’. Afterwards I don’t know when she did it but she blocked me lmao

On 17 July 2019, I received another anon mail telling me that avatar-chang publicly called me a bitch when she was answering an anon about me posting the scans of the EK Chronicles. She mentioned this in bsg again on 19 April 2020 lmao (she’s that petty) it seems:

On November 8 2019, an anon (one of avatar-chang’s friends actually) asked about my thoughts towards the allegations against Aaron Ehasz. I still believe in the system of ‘Innocent before proven guilty’, so I didn’t side with anyone. I tried to be as objective as possible. When I said that I hoped men would also come forward, I said that because I don’t want men to just sit on the sidelines and let the women get the heat if they were telling the truth. At the end of this whole thing, I concluded that Ehasz was a dick of a boss to the girls. Being called an abuser carries more weight than just being a dick. Everyone has been a dick at one point, but being an abuser is something else. Just because Ehasz was a dick doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching TDP or dismiss his involvement in ATLA.

The next day, BSG brought the issue up despite both avatar-chang having already blocked me by then lmao

On 5 February 2020, after Legacy of the Fire Nation came out, I made a post calling out Iroh’s bs to Azula (guy literally blames Azula for everything that happened to Zuko (something which avatar-chang agrees with apparently, and Iroh even sees Ozai in a better light).

That’s so far what I’ve remembered that involved avatar-chang and dykesia.

Moving on to the next three attackers: catrademption, cardboardseagulls and bizulas.

I’ve seen catrademption around, but I don’t remember if we’ve clashed before. We must have though cuz she’s got me blocked lmao and I mostly only debate back to people when they reply to my posts. For cardboardseagulls and bizulas, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them them before but obviously they’ve seen my blog and misinterpreted everything I’ve written.

But according to them, I’m apparently a Azula apologist, extremist, irrational, toxic, coddles and woobifies Azula, justifies everything she does and invalidates abuse victims.

You can see the posts I’ve made to judge whether I actually am an irrational Azula apologist who blames everything on Zuko. One of the most recent posts I made about Azula’s character is this, and there’s still several more posts like that. Just search #meta or #analysis in my blog search and all of them will just pop up. I can assure you, I have never acted as if Azula has done nothing wrong or did everything right or whatever lies these people are spewing.

If anyone has proof that I’ve talked shit about people in the fandom to other people before, please, present your evidence. I highly think this is impossible because I actually don’t have many friends on Tumblr, nor do I usually initiate conversation because I’m awkward af.

I’ve also tried approaching those I recognized in bsg to find out more about the situation (and at least give my side of the story). Most of them have chosen not to speak to me LMAO but one of them who’s chosen to remain anonymous for their privacy, admitted that dykesia (hexful) forced them to block a blog before (after realizing they were interacting with said blog) and if not, they would be blocked themselves. I can’t post the conversation publicly because they’re afraid their speech mannerism will give away their identity. @space-sword has also shared his experience with avatar-chang on his blog and was pressured to cut off ties with ppb21 just to join the oh so magnificent Ba Sing Gay.

There’s absolutely no reason to judge someone based on their sexual orientation, race, color or age either. They rant about being discriminated against or being generalized or stereotypes but they’re the ones hypocritically committing these actions, and then justify their actions by saying ‘we’re oppressed, they’re not, so it’s not racism or discrimination’. And yet people still wonder why discrimination is still rampant LMAO

I can’t speak for the blogs they victimized in bsg, but I personally don’t agree with talking shit about them on a public server and then criminalizing them as if they’re actually predators. I also don’t agree with involving the blogs’ friends simply because of their association. I also don’t agree with demanding people to block blogs they don’t like because that’s just pure manipulation. That’s wrong and marginalizing people. Unless someone has actually been harassing or literally preying on people, then there’s no reason to actually go around warning blogs about them unless they’re asked about it.

If they feel uncomfortable about something? Then avoid that blog, filter their tags or even block that blog if they’re that uncomfortable—BUT they shouldn’t demand others to do the same just for their own benefit. It’s not up to them to decide what a person can or cannot see or who they can or cannot interact with. They’re not their parents, and they obviously have no right to pressure people into doing things they don’t want to. If they think it tactless that I shared the conversations? Oh honestly, a line was crossed when they spread shit about me so idc. If they actually feel terrible for being called out? GOOD. That’s what they should feel, because in no way was any of what they were doing right or justified. If they’re going to shit on me then expect to be burned because I’m not someone who’ll just shrivel in fear because they have a bigger following.

[star-anise]

do you have any sources on the claims you made? im always willing to change my stance if you have legitimate backing for it haha

So first, I’m sorry for blowing up at you the way that I did. I’m not proud that I reacted in such a kneejerk, aggressive fashion. Thank you for being open to hearing what I have to say. I’m sorry for mistaking you for a TERF, and I’m sorry my response has caused other people to direct their own hostility towards you.

So, here’s the thing. “You can’t call bi women femmes” is pretty intrinsically a radfem thing to say, and I am deeply opposed to letting radfems tell me what to do. I’m trying to write this during a weekend packed with childcare and work. I’ll try to hit all the high notes.

The one thing I am having trouble finding is the longass post I talked about in my reply, that was a history of butch/femme relationships in lesbian bars, which had frequent biphobic asides and talked about “the lesbophobic myth of the bi-rejecting lesbian”; the friend who reblogged it without reading it thoroughly has deleted it, and I can’t find it on any of the tags she remembers looking at around that time. If anyone can find it, I’ll put up a link.

As far as possible, I’m linking to really widely accessible sources, because you shouldn’t intrinsically trust a random post on Tumblr as secret privileged knowledge. People have talked about this at length in reputable publications that your local library either has, or can get through interlibrary loan; you can look up any of the people here, read their work, and decide for yourself. This is a narrative of perspectives, and while I obviously have a perspective, many people disagree with me. At the end of the day, the only reason I need for calling bi women femmes is that You Are Not The Boss Of Me. There is no centralized authority on LGBT+ word usage, nor do I think there should be. Hopefully this post will give you a better sense of what the arguments are, and how to evaluate peoples’ claims in the future.

I looked up “butch” and “femme” with my library’s subscription to the Oxford English Dictionary because that’s where you find the most evidence of etymology and early use, and found:

“Femme” is the French word for “woman”.  It’s been a loanword in English for about 200 years, and in the late 19th century in America it was just a slangy word for “women”, as in, “There were lots of femmes there for the boys to dance with”

“Butch” has been used in American English to mean a tough, masculine man since the late 19th century; in the 1930s and 1940s it came to apply to a short masculine haircut, and shortly thereafter, a woman who wore such a haircut. It’s still used as a nickname for masculine cis guys–my godfather’s name is Martin, but his family calls him Butch. By the 1960s in Britain, “butch” was slang for the penetrating partner of a pair of gay men.

Butch/femme as a dichotomy for women arose specifically in the American lesbian bar scene around, enh, about the 1940s, to enh, about the 1960s. Closet-keys has a pretty extensive butch/femme history reader. This scene was predominantly working-class women, and many spaces in it were predominantly for women of colour. This was a time when “lesbian” literally meant anyone who identified as a woman, and who was sexually or romantically interested in other women. A lot of the women in these spaces were closeted in the rest of their lives, and outside of their safe spaces, they had to dress normatively, were financially dependent on husbands, etc. Both modern lesbians, and modern bisexual women, can see themselves represented in this historical period.

These spaces cross-pollinated heavily with ball culture and drag culture, and were largely about working-class POC creating spaces where they could explore different gender expressions, gender as a construct and a performance, and engage in a variety of relationships. Butch/femme was a binary, but it worked as well as most binaries to do with sex and gender do, which is to say, it broke down a lot, despite the best efforts of people to enforce it. It became used by people of many different genders and orientations whose common denominator was the need for safety and discretion. “Butch” and “femme” were words with meanings, not owners.

Lesbianism as distinct from bisexuality comes from the second wave of feminism, which began in, enh, the 1960s, until about, enh, maybe the 1980s, maybe never by the way Tumblr is going. “Radical” feminism means not just that this is a new and more exciting form of feminism compared to the early 20th century suffrage movement; as one self-identified radfem professor of mine liked to tell us every single lecture, it shares an etymology with the word “root”, meaning that sex discrimination is at the root of all oppression.

Radical feminism blossomed among college-educated women, which also meant, predominantly white, middle- or upper-class women whose first sexual encounters with women happened at elite all-girls schools or universities. Most of these women broke open the field of “women’s studies” and the leading lights of radical feminism often achieved careers as prominent scholars and tenured professors.

Radical feminism established itself as counter to “The Patriarchy”, and one of the things many early radfems believed was, all men were the enemy. All men perpetuated patriarchy and were damaging to women. So the logical decision was for women to withdraw from men in all manner and circumstances–financially, legally, politically, socially, and sexually. “Political lesbianism” wasn’t united by its sexual desire for women; many of its members were asexual, or heterosexual women who decided to live celibate lives. This was because associating with men in any form was essentially aiding and abetting the enemy.

Look, I’ll just literally quote Wikipedia quoting an influential early lesbian separatist/radical feminist commune: “The Furies recommended that Lesbian Separatists relate “only (with) women who cut their ties to male privilege” and suggest that “as long as women still benefit from heterosexuality, receive its privileges and security, they will at some point have to betray their sisters, especially Lesbian sisters who do not receive those benefits”“

This cross-pollinated with the average experience of WLW undergraduates, who were attending school at a time when women weren’t expected to have academic careers; college for women was primarily seen as a place to meet eligible men to eventually marry. So there were definitely women who had relationships with other women, but then, partly due to the pressure of economic reality and heteronormativity, married men. This led to the phrase LUG, or “lesbian until graduation”, which is the kind of thing that still got flung at me in the 00s as an openly bisexual undergrad. Calling someone a LUG was basically an invitation to fight.

The assumption was that women who marry men when they’re 22, or women who don’t stay in the feminist academic sphere, end up betraying their ideals and failing to have solidarity with their sisters. Which seriously erases the many contributions of bi, het, and ace women to feminism and queer liberation. For one, I want to point to Brenda Howard, the bisexual woman who worked to turn Pride from the spontaneous riots in 1969 to the nationwide organized protests and parades that began in 1970 and continue to this day. She spent the majority of her life to a male partner, but that didn’t diminish her contribution to the LGBT+ community.

Lesbian separatists, and radical feminists, hated Butch/Femme terminology. They felt it was a replication of unnecessarily heteronormative ideals. Butch/femme existed in an LGBT+ context, where gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people understood themselves to have more in common with each other than with, say, cis feminists who just hated men more than they loved women. 

The other main stream of feminist thought at the time was Liberal Feminism, which was like, “What if we can change society without totally rejecting men?” and had prominent figures like Gloria Steinem, who ran Ms magazine. Even today, you’ll hear radfems railing against “libfems” and I’m like, my good women, liberal feminism got replaced thirty years ago. Please update your internal schema of “the enemy”

Lesbian separatism was… plagued by infighting. To maintain a “woman-only” space, they had to kick out trans women (thus, TERFs), women who slept with men (thus, biphobia), women who enjoyed kinky sex or pornography or engaged in sex work (thus, SWERFS) and they really struggled to raise their male children in a way that was… um… anti-oppressive. (I’m biased; I know people who were raised in lesbian separatist communes and did not have great childhoods.) At the same time, they had other members they very much wanted to keep, even though their behaviour deviated from the expected program, so you ended up with spectacles like Andrea Dworkin self-identifying as a lesbian despite being deeply in love with and married to a self-identified gay man for twenty years, despite beng famous for the theory that no woman could ever have consensual sex with a man, because all she could ever do was acquiesce to her own rape.

There’s a reason radical feminism stopped being a major part of the public discourse, and also a reason why it survives today: While its proponents became increasingly obsolete, they were respected scholars and tenured university professors. This meant people like Camille Paglia and Mary Daly, despite their transphobia and racism, were considered important people to read and guaranteed jobs educating young people who had probably just moved into a space where they could meet other LGBT people for the very first time. So a lot of modern LGBT people (including me) were educated by radical feminist professors or assigned radical feminist books to read in class.

The person I want to point to as a great exemplar is Alison Bechdel, a white woman who discovered she was a lesbian in college, was educated in the second-wave feminist tradition, but also identified as a butch and made art about the butch/femme dichotomy’s persistence and fluidity. You can see part of that tension in her comic; she knows the official lesbian establishment frowns on butch/femme divisions, but it’s relevant to her lived experience.

What actually replaced radical feminism was not liberal feminism, but intersectional feminism and the “Third Wave”. Black radical feminists, like Audre Lorde, bell hooks, and Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, pointed out that many white radical feminists were ignoring race as a possible cause of oppression, and failing to notice how their experiences differed from Black womens’. Which led to a proliferation of feminists talking about other oppressions they faced: Disabled feminists, Latina feminists, queer feminists, working-class feminists. It became clear that even if you eliminated the gender binary from society, there was still a lot of bad shit that you had to unlearn–and also, a lot of oppression that still happened in lesbian separatist spaces.

I’ve talked before about how working in women-only second-wave spaces really destroyed my faith in them and reinforced my belief in intersectional feminism

Meanwhile, back in the broader queer community, “queer” stuck as a label because how people identified was really fluid. Part of it is that you learn by experience, and sometimes the only way to know if something works for you is to try it out, and part of it is that, as society changed, a lot more people became able to take on new identities without as much fear. So for example, you have people like Pat Califia, who identified as a lesbian in the 70s and 80s, found far more in common with gay leather daddies than sex-negative lesbians, and these days identifies as a bisexual trans man.

Another reason radical feminists hate the word “queer”, by the way, is queer theory, which wants to go beyond the concept of men oppressing women, or straights oppressing gays, but to question this entire system we’ve built, of sex, and gender, and orientation. It talks about “queering” things to mean “to deviate from heteronormativity” more than “to be homosexual”. A man who is married to a woman, who stays at home and raises their children while she works, is viewed as “queer” inasmuch as he deviates from heteronormativity, and is discriminated against for it.

So, I love queer theory, but I will agree that it can be infuriating to hear somebody say that as a single (cis het) man he is “queer” in the same way being a trans lesbian of colour is “queer”, and get very upset and precious about being told they’re not actually the same thing. I think that actually, “queer as a slur” originated as the kind of thing you want to scream when listening to too much academic bloviating, like, “This is a slur! Don’t reclaim it if it didn’t originally apply to you! It’s like poor white people trying to call themselves the n-word!” so you should make sure you are speaking about a group actually discriminated against before calling them “queer”. On the other hand, queer theory is where the theory of “toxic masculinity” came from and we realized that we don’t have to eliminate all men from the universe to reduce gender violence; if we actually pay attention to the pressures that make men so shitty, we can reduce or reverse-engineer them and encourage them to be better, less sexist, men.

But since radfems and queer theorists are basically mortal enemies in academia, radical feminists quite welcomed the “queer as a slur” phenomenon as a way to silence and exclude people they wanted silenced and excluded, because frankly until that came along they’ve been losing the culture wars.

This is kind of bad news for lesbians who just want to float off to a happy land of only loving women and not getting sexually harrassed by men. As it turns out, you can’t just turn on your lesbianism and opt out of living in society. Society will follow you wherever you go. If you want to end men saying gross things to lesbians, you can’t just defend lesbianism as meaning “don’t hit on me”; you have to end men saying gross things to all women, including bi and other queer women.  And if you do want a lesbian-only space, you either have to accept that you will have to exclude and discriminate against some people, including members of your community whose identities or partners change in the future, or accept that the cost of not being a TERF and a biphobe is putting up with people in your space whose desires don’t always resemble yours.

Good god, this got extensive and I’ve been writing for two hours.

So here’s the other thing.

My girlfriend is a femme bi woman. She’s married to a man.

She’s also married to two women.

And dating a man.

And dating me (a woman).

When you throw monogamy out the window, it becomes EVEN MORE obvious that “being married to a man” does not exclude a woman from participation in the queer community as a queer woman, a woman whose presentation is relevant in WLW contexts. Like, this woman is in more relationships with women at the moment than some lesbians on this site have been in for their entire lives.

You can start out with really clear-cut ideas about “THIS is what my life is gonna be like” but then your best friend’s sexual orientation changes, or your lover starts to transition, and things in real life are so much messier than they look when you’re planning your future. It’s easy to be cruel, exclusionary, or dismissive to people you don’t know; it’s a lot harder when it’s people you have real relationships with.

And my married-to-a-man girlfriend? Uses “butch” and “femme” for reasons very relevant to her queerness and often fairly unique to femme bi women, like, “I was out with my husband and looking pretty femme, so I guess they didn’t clock me as a queer” or “I was the least butch person there, so they didn’t expect me to be the only one who uses power tools.” Being a femme bi woman is a lot about invisibility, which is worth talking about as a queer experience instead of being assumed to exclude us from the queer community.

[katzuyas]

as usual, I’m a terrible procrastinator (this time with good reason tho bc I’ve been dying bc of renovations for a good 4 months now jfc) but I found some time to finally do these so here’s the super longass chain of tags I’m very grateful for ❤️ thank you so much to all of you for thinking of me!! ❤️❤️❤️

tagged by @and-then-yoi-happened, @joeys-piano and @gabzjones -- thank you so much guys ❤️

📽 🎞 Post 10 gifs from your favorite movies without naming them and then tag 10 (or so) people. 📽 🎞 

I had more trouble with this than I thought I would omg it seems I don’t like all that many movies??? unless we want to count each hp and potc movie separately  😂😂

I’ll be tagging @story-kat, @sweet-vitya, @estellie, @ilarual, and @katsudonski for it, but feel free to ignore me if you don’t want to do it ^u^)b

tagged by @story-kat, thank you for the tag kat!

fall/autumn preferences

rules: bold what you prefer and tag 10 people

1. go apple picking vs go on a hay ride 2. scary vs. sweet 3. sweaters vs. boots 4. socks vs. mittens 5. bonfires vs. football 6. trick-or-treating vs. watch scary movies 9. bake pie vs. bake cookies 10. rain vs. fog 11. black cats vs. owls 12. ghosts vs. wizards 13. harry potter vs. halloweentown 14. go hiking vs. sleep in 15. cinnamon vs. nutmeg 16. reading vs. writing 17. hot chocolate vs. tea  18. live in a cabin in a forest vs. have it be fall 24/7 19. candy apples vs. caramel apples 20. blankets vs. pillows 21. roasted marshmallows vs. roasted chestnuts 22. coffee vs. apple cider  23. red leaves vs. orange leaves 24. braids vs. bows 25. scented candles vs. the smell of fresh baked goods 26. carve pumpkins vs. make pumpkin pie (neither is my thing tbqh) 27. pumpkin spice lattes vs. chai tea lattes 28. coats vs. oversized sweaters 29. beanies vs. berets  30. candy corn vs. peanut butter cups 31. s'mores vs. apple crisp 32. jump in a pile of leaves vs. swing on a tire 33. corn maze vs. haunted house (very much neither) 34. bob for apples vs. visit a pumpkin patch 35. whipped cream on hot chocolate vs. marshmallows on hot chocolate

I haven’t seen this one before so this was fun, thank you!

tagging @and-then-yoi-happened, @inlovewithyoi, @victuuritrash, @atesan, and @phichitschulanont

tagged by @dreaming-fireflies, thank you so much!! ❤️

Rules: answer the questions and tag 15 people you want to know better.

1) Relationship status: dating a really adorable boy ;3c

2) Lipstick or chapstick: chapstick bc lipstick always eats away so ugly and I can’t be bothered to reapply every time I lick my lips

3) three favourite foods: chicken fried rice, pepperoni pizza, pad thai

4) song stuck in your head: thunder and lightning by serayah

5) last movie you watched: jurassic world fallen kingdom

6) top three shows: game of thrones, rein, suits

7) book I am currently reading: nothing bc I’m just stuck to my pc writing all the time ;u;

8) last thing i googled: the link to the song above

9) time: 3:51 PM

10) dream trip: japan *u* but also harry potter studio tour bc first fandom always sticks with you *u*

11) anything you want: to be done with renovations, finally, and to deal with my teaching practice asap so I can go back to writing yrdcyhvgb

I won’t be tagging anyone for this, but it was still fun to do so if anyone wants to as well, feel yourself tagged!

tagged by @louciferish, and twice by @gabzjones omg gabz thank you ilu and I’m sorry I’m such a flake trfxcvujbkn /)u(\

7 Sentences

The rules are as follows: go to page 7 of your WIP, go to the 7th line, share 7 sentences, and tag 7 more writer-bloggers to continue the challenge.

Slowly, as if all his motion settings have been reset, Yuuri turns around. And Victor, the blessed man that he is, gives him a little polite smile that freezes Yuuri's brain and sets his heart on fire all in the span of one second.

Fuck, Yuuri thinks to himself again. Oh fuck.

"Hello," Victor says, a perfect smile on his perfect face that sits on his perfect head on his perfect neck on his perfect shoulders and his perfect chest and his–

"Hi," Phichit replies, a smile on his own face, too. "It's amazing to meet you. We're both big fans, but I guess everyone tells you that."

bc I’ve done nothing but write my victuri bang fic for about a month now, that’s what this is from! look forward to it in october ;3

I’ll tag the writers my mind instantly thought of, so @dreaming-fireflies, @belovedyuuri, @teekettle, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @kazul9, @stammiviktor, and @iwritebetterthanispeak!

tagged by @the-world-of-illyas-james, thank you!!

Ao3 Tag Game 

WHAT IS YOUR TOTAL WORD COUNT ON AO3?

920344, which tbh I’m sure will go up after I post this bang fic I’m working on so??? kinda excited to hit 1mil ngl 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU WRITE?

I definitely try to write every day but sometimes life gets too busy so I usually keep it to short headcanons and plot bunnies then but I will definitely get at least one to two sentences out there daily ^u^)b

DO YOU HAVE A ROUTINE FOR WRITING?

sure do! I love setting up a scented candle to get the mood going, turn on some music or ambience and pop open an energy drink while I keep some sweets on hand to get my sugar levels up high. it works perfectly for me!

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINKS/TROPES/PAIRING?

Kinks: oh boy... I’m very into soft and sensual, but hard voyeuristic frick frack involving fluffy tail buttplugs and pet play? count me tf in ;3c Tropes: soulmates, rivals, enemies to lovers, creature fic, hanahaki, Pairings: victuuri, the one and only 🙏

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FIC OF YOURS?

it’s definitely dazzle me with gold! but since it’s my fic with most kudos, I will talk about my second fav here, which is oh ye of so little faith, a miyusawa fic that I wrote for a bang once upon a time and which I put my very heart and soul into, and love to pieces even tho it’s been years

YOUR FIC WITH THE MOST KUDOS?

dazzle me with gold, my magnum opus, which I couldn’t be more proud of bc it’s all I love in a fic: historical setting, drama, werewolves, mystery and so much love it’s sickening ❤️

ANYTHING YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING?

not really? tho recently I hate that I can’t seem to write short things anymore 😂😂😂

NOW SOMETHING YOU DO LIKE (ABOUT YOUR WRITING)?

I think I’m fairly good at grasping the characters I’m writing, and I know for sure that my soft/sweet/floof levels are running VERY high, so I’m definitely proud of that!

I’ll tag @gabzjones, @louciferish, @saniika, @postingpebbles, @muttthecowcatridesagain, @yuliaplisetskaya, and @joeys-piano! 😘

tagged by @teekettle, thank you tati! ❤️

Favorite Character Tag Game 

Rules: name your top 10 favorite characters from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people.

victor nikiforov

miyuki kazuya

hinata shouyou

aomine daiki

giotto

voldemort

hakuryuu

uzumaki naruto (and his daddy bc I’m baking two pies in one oven and I need my best hubby here FOR REASONS)

portgas d. ace

grimmjow jaggerjack

wow this got me so nostalgic for my lovely boys ❤️ I’m going to send @story-kat, @tetsya, @littorella, @accioharo, and @hentipie down the memory lane next, have fun~ 😘

hooo boy this was a lot to get through but it was fun! thanks again to everyone who tagged me, you guys rock and I’m a dick for procrastinating on this so hard I’m sowwie  (╥﹏╥)  I’m blessed to have such lovely friends like you, so once again: thank you for remembering about me (≧◡≦) ❤️

[newgirlinthecorner]

Some quick letters

This is to my friends, personalized, in case they find this blog.

Also for my exes cause im salty

I really hope ya'll don't find it tho cause this is my diary sooooo

But if you do, this is for you, circa Feb 16,'19

So if you don't find yourself I'm either not close enough with you or i just don't know you yet♡

Btw this is in the order that yall come to mind (except the second to last one, ive been thinking about you nonstop for WEEKS)

Order:

Chloe, Ahlim, Seonmin, Chongwoo, Baron, Ella, Dale, Hannah L., Olivia S., Liv L., Marit, Maddy X., John, Abigail, Caitlyn, Terry, Harry, Ava, Adrian, Sanjana, Eliza, Juri, Lily M., Braeden, Dean, Ryan N., Chris P., Tyler, Ties

Chloe

Hey, what's up

Nothing here is new for you so I don't have much to tell you. Thank you for your friendship through all these years♡

Ahlim

I miss you.

Also, I've been congratulating you on your birthday every year till 2018. Yet you haven't congratulated me once.

But I hope you are well.

Remember how we said we'd meet up at Harvard?

I fully intend on holding up my side of the deal.

Seonmin

I'm sorry for being such a catastrophe whilst we were close. I hope I'm living up to what you think I am now.

Say hi to harabeoji for me♡

Chongwoo

Dude im sorry for how i tried to get with you but you didnt have to be so rude yknow like damn ok

another mothafuckin scorpio

Baron

I liked you for a longass time

Remember my letter you threw out in 4th grade? That shit still haunts me to this day.

I heard you really went downhill.

Sucks to be you ig

Ella

I love you so much

We need to talk more

I know you're seeing this rn, so hmu cause i miss you but im too awkward to say so properly

Also, feel free to show people that you're friends with their respective sections in this post.

Dale

S Q U I S H

You deserve many love you adorable being and i love you very much

I miss you if it isnt obvious

Hannah L.

I really hope you're doing well. Are you still swimming? I bet your English is amazing now♡ I hope you get into an Ivy League like you've wanted to.

Olivia S.

How've you been? We need to talk.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say, we didn't spend all that much time together.

But I haven't forgotten you.

Liv L.

I'm still not really certain what I did the winter of '17 that cast us apart. However, I do know that I hurt you, so I'm sorry. I really did cherish the bond we had and I hope to rekindle that because I miss you.

If you see this, please tell me♡

Marit

You always kind of confused me, but in a good way. What I remember is your mother's lentil soup, the moose tracks ice cream, and our trip to Daiso.

I got a samsung phone so I can't use the case but I still have it in my memories drawer.

It's amazing how you didn't get sick of all the rambling about oowooppa that I did.

I miss you too♡

Maddy X.

I do genuinely want to see you again, so I'm sorry I couldn't come to Moraga in the summer of '18.

However, you hurt me pretty badly when we were in 8th grade.

I would support you, even abandoning all my plans to take you to the hill to rant and yell and sob, but I would get nothing back.

I spent 50 hours on your birthday presents that year and got nothing back.

I wouldn't expect you to do the same, but at least a liiiitle bit of efforr would have been nice.

I'm still hurt. Sorry. I wish you success with your family, volleyball, and academics♡

John

You already know this but boy we needa fuck asap

Anyways your friendship is great and even though we float apart a little, you're president here.

I love how you're so happy to help me in my amoral schemes

♡love you boo

Abigail

How the hell did you get here?!

I'm impressed.

Caitlyn

I'm sorry I've been neglecting our friendship but we have too divergent interests and I have other things to focus on

You're a sweet girl though and a great person

Plus I'm allergic to eyeshadow now so

Terry

OKAY LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

i will fucking murder you you hear me

You thought i wasnt pissed after you cheated on me?

You thought you got away with it?

I know everything, aidan.

Everything.

Don't try to hide from me.

I will always win.

Why?

Because almost everyone hates you, knows you're a liar, and much less people are antagonistic towards me.

Harry

Here's the truth:

I only dated you to sour the friendship with Terry. Why? Because he's a shithead. You deserve better than him.

I'm sorry, but I never actually liked you.

Ava

Your overly energetic moods annoy the hell out of me im sorry

Please shut up once in a while

Please remember what i tell you at least sometimes

Please talk about something aside from yourself

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Adrian

Surprise surprise, i wanna fuck

Hmu youre hot

Also funny so like

👍👌

Sanjana

Please learn to keep your mouth shut goddammit

you didnt have to tell everyone about my plot involving dean!

Eliza

You're gonna date a druggie in the near future.

But you know what, you're great.

Sorry i hit you that one time it was a joke

Juri

I'm almost certain you won't see this

I understand youre evangelical but please stop preaching to me

You're a really nice girl but youre kind of hollow and a prude

Not too horribly fun to be around, sorry

Lily M.

I love you so much oh my god

You always light up my mornings and its amazing

Keep doin you boo

Braeden

That one time, i wasnt just asking to hang

I was asking you out

Is your skull really that thick?

I liked you, you know.

Dean

You shouldn't even be on this list cause you're too insignificant

But like lowkey i wanna fuck

Your girlfriend can do much better than you but i on the other hand cannot so like

🙃

Ryan N.

Again, like with a lot of other people, I wanna fuck.

That is all.

Chris P.

Please stop whining

Otherwise youre a great guy

Tyler

Oh, you're the hard hitter here

Mothafucka ive been writing about you to shit on this blog

Get in me right now

Just take me

In more ways than one

Also sorry im so awkward when we kiss or you pick me up im just taken aback by you yknow

♡

Ties

I still intend on fucking with you.

I will haunt you for a longass time bitch

You made a fuckin mistake crossing me

The end

[candymayvary]

nameliachango replied to your post “you know, despite everything, knowing that castiel is likely in the...”

Girl, I don't play anymore and only watch the let's play on YouTube and I'm nervous AF. I mean they turned Nathaniel into a yakusa/fratboy (there are SOME things I like about new Nath, ngl but that's for another discussion), my point being, if they did that with Nath, what did they do with Castiel?

Well, Castiel is all insolent and hard to get and closed off and has sooooooooo many fans...... oh, I’m sorry, apart from the last part we know, that sounds exactly like how he was in the beginning! Fancy that! If this still holds water with his next appearance, I suppose they didn’t even try giving his character a direction, considering they’re rushing like no tomorrow through flirting with a character like Hyun, or the “””””””new and improved””””””” Nathaniel. Can I just point out that ignoring how the love story is literally referred to as torrid, of all goddamn words and meanings... Hyun is Ready For You by like. Ep1. Someone needs to tone it down over there. Put it away, Junior. 

Nathaniel is actually a Chad and on the one hand, I dig it. I’m not denying that. I’m weak for stuff like that hallway scene. On the other hand, I’m just like. Why tho? Of all characters......... to make a Chad........... Although, ngl, if they keep up the whole gang thing (a thinly veiled attempt to be Yakuza), theeeeeennnnn I think I can safely say that Beemoov and co have not understood that the tropes that once littered otome have actually begun to thin out and move on. You can’t box your characters anymore into simply filling out a set list of requirements. It hasn’t been that way in a longass time. Actually it’s not even just otome anymore? Like a lot of Japanese media has begun to move away from the once-popular tropes, because the audiences have become more aware and stuff. I mean, hell, look at all the western media (E3???? this year???? Look at how they literally told the straight white male players who cry sjw to get a move on and keep up with media and mentalities changing). I mean, that’s a discussion for another day, sure, but it just tells me that Beemoov is still so rooted in a time and place that, y’know, sucks now. And they are behaving like they believe a lot of what they’re dishing out is gonna be eaten up like how it used be 7 years ago.

Which is why like. I wanna see Castiel. I wanna see how dirty Beemoov did him. But I also want to see the opposite. What if Beemoov is so good to him, it’s insulting? I mean, he’s their pikachu apparently lmfao. Or at least Chino’s. She claimed to have fought hard to keep him in (EVEN THOUGHT NATHANIEL IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE AS WELL LOLOLOL) so like. No matter if they treat him poorly like they’ve done to quite literally everyone else, if they conversely treat him good, just goes to show what they think of everything else. Beemoov do you realise there’s no winning here for you? No, not at all.

[bluerene]

river, part one [starx]

hi 

it’s been a looooong while since I’ve really posted any writing (coughLIABILITYcough) but I’ve been working on this for a while and it feels worthy of being put up. Technically, the whole thing is meant to be a longass oneshot, but I figured that with tumblr’s format, it might just be better in shorter breaks. 

I’ll post on ff.net once all the parts are uploaded here. I don’t think it’ll exceed 5? 

things to note, uhhhhh, inspired by the hook from Eminem’s “River ft. Ed Sheeran”. also @fireflyxrebel ‘s blog bc starx <3 <3 <3 And my innate need to start new stories when I haven’t finished any. Post-Tokyo, sans kiss. 

I invite critiques, requests, reblogs, and reviews (i.e. please tell me if it’s garbage :)!!!

without further ado, this is River. 

I’ve been a liar, been a thief

been a lover, been a cheat

all my sins need holy water, feel it washing over me

Little one, I don’t wanna admit to something

If all it’s gonna cause is pain

Truth and my lies, now, are falling like the rain

So let the river run

I did it for the look on his face.

Man, you should’ve seen it. I think he might’ve stopped breathing. It only lasted for a moment, but damn, it was funny. Then he started throwing punches. She was dazed and pink but she managed to wiggle out of the red bands that strapped her to the wall. Her fists were clenched, but she didn’t look angry. Confused, stunned, maybe even a little curious.

The next bit was mostly a blur - I was busy dodging his fury, making little comments that only irked him more. I glanced over at her a few times. She was distracted, not really making a move to catch me. He was too busy dealing with me to notice that the only teammate at his disposal was a bystander.

Bird Boy knew my moves well. He landed a few nasty hooks, his steel shoes connecting with my chest once or twice. We were too evenly matched to make the fight come to a clean end. He anticipated the toys in my belt, from the x-shaped shurikens to the scarlet rubber bindings I enjoyed shooting so often.

I played the weakness. I glanced at her again, more noticeably, and raised my palms, prepared to strike.

It worked - he turned around and shouted her name, snapping her out of her thoughts. I shifted my aim and fired, wrapping him in thick red cords.

“Robin!” She shrieked, transferring something from her fist to her pocket.

“It’s been fun playing, kids,” I said calmly, “but I’ve gotta run.”

She was at his side immediately, peeling away the tightly wound bands.

“Hey, cutie,” I called, grinning at the sight of her crimson cheeks, “think about what I said.”

I gave them a two-fingered salute and tapped my belt, teleporting to the rooftop of the warehouse we were in. Ordinarily I’d try to get as far away from them as possible, but I was low on juice and until I replaced the Xenothium in the suit, I’d be stuck making short jumps - too short to escape their field of view.

“What the hell just happened, Starfire?” Ouch, he sounded pissed. Pissed and loud.

I positioned myself flat against the roof, straining to hear more.

“He escaped,” she said mournfully, “oh, Robin, I am truly sorry, I was...out of my skull?”

“Head,” he corrected, softening slightly, “what did X say to you? Where’s the paper he gave you?”

“He merely made another of the date comments,” her voice was meek and apologetic. I could picture her twisting her fingers nervously or playing with her hair, “and I... the paper was burnt by my starbolts.”

That made me do a double take. She was lying.

“He’s an asshole.”

“Indeed. But there is nothing we can do about him now, yes?”

He sighed tiredly, “yeah, whatever. He didn’t make off with much. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. We should head back, patrol wasn’t supposed to run so late.”

“Robin-”

“Don’t worry, Star. I’m fine, just frustrated. You’re right, there’s nothing that can be done right now.”

She seemed to accept this, not fighting back with any words as they exited the warehouse. I scooched closer to the edge of the roof, careful to keep out of view.

“Ride back with me?” He offered.

“Another time,” she replied, sounding alarmingly close, “I believe I require a midnight flight.”

I turned my head in what I assumed was her direction and - well, shit, there she was, floating with her back to me.

“Suit yourself. Don’t be too long, I’ll lockdown the tower after you’ve come in.”

“Thank you, Robin.” She turned and looked straight at me, lips pressed in a thin line.

I made a move for my belt, stopping when she shook her head. It was such an imperceptible movement, I was certain I had imagined it. But I obeyed anyway, waiting for the sound of the bike revving and speeding off into the night, until we were enveloped in silence once more.

She landed beside me and hoisted me up by the front of my suit, pushing me onto my feet. I stumbled back and shot her a glare.

“Ease up, cutie.”

“You do not get to speak to me in that manner,” she seethed, reaching into her pocket to retrieve a crumpled up piece of paper, “I will give you ten seconds to explain what this is before I throw you into the harbor.”

I shrugged, “it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“I do not understand. Even you are not stupid enough to give me-”

“My phone number? Stupid, no, interested, yes. Don’t try tracing it, you won’t get anywhere.” This wasn’t entirely true, but I was pretty confident she’d believe me.

“What did you hope to accomplish with this?”

“A date,” I said cheekily, “or a chat. I’ll be walking away from here with at least one, that’s for sure.”

She frowned, “I am still confused.”

“Me too, actually, why’d you lie to your boyfriend?”

She blanched, turning away quickly.

“He is not my boyfriend.” She muttered.

“Nuance,” I said smoothly, moving to stand beside her, “you still lied.”

“Would you have preferred I allow him to attack you?”

“Well, no, but I’m surprised you took my feelings into consideration.”

She shook her head, “it is not that. I am trying to understand you, and I do not think involving Robin would be of any help.”

“Oh? What do you wanna know?” I moved closer to her, praying that she wouldn’t crush my bones if we touched.

“Why do you do this, X?” She asked quietly, turning to face me, her fingers still clutching the scrap of paper I’d shoved into her hand twenty minutes earlier.

“I can’t help it if I like you, beautiful.”

She blushed and stepped out of my reach, shaking her head, “I am not referring to the flirting. I am referring to...the facade. The persona. X, you are capable of so much.”

Ohhhhhh, fuck. This was not where I wanted the conversation to go. I figured I’d tease her a little, flirt things up, play the game.

“You think too highly of me,” I said quickly, crossing my arms.

“I do not think that is true,” she replied, “you are strong and clever and you have aided us on several occasions. You could be a great asset to the Titans if you-”

“I’m not interested in being recruited, cutie,” I shot flatly, “I’m a thief. I do what I want, when I want. That’s all there is to me.”

“You are wrong. I know there is more.”

“You don’t know me.”

That shut her up. I felt bad, but not enough to take back what I’d said. I wasn’t wrong. She had no idea what she was talking about.

“Then let me.”

What?

“Excuse me?”

“Let me know you,” she said firmly, leaving no room for argument, “you have been persistent about taking me on an outing. I will go on a date with you, if you allow me the chance to truly know you.”

I shook my head, thankful that the mask hid my eyes which were probably the size of dinner plates.

“No way, cutie, you’re crazy.”

She shrugged, “perhaps I am, but I will not leave you with much of a choice. You will take me out on a pleasant excursion and allow me the opportunity to get to know you better. In return, I will not inform Robin of our conversation tonight, or give him this-” she brandished the slip of paper triumphantly.

“It’s a dead number anyways,” I lied, “go ahead, he’ll probably be more pissed at you anyways.”

Her eyes narrowed, lips curving into a smirk.

“You underestimate Robin. And you underestimate me.”

I had to smile at that, “Cutie, I would never underestimate you.”

“Marvelous. Then I shall contact you via this number to arrange an evening for our date. I would appreciate it if you cooperated, but it is not necessary, because this will happen either way,” she said briskly, rising into the air.

“One question,” I said, definitely not getting caught up in the sight of her long red hair flowing in the cool night air, “why are you doing this?”

She smiled slightly, “I believe in chances and goodness. Consequently, I believe you deserve to have and be both.”

“No, no,” I shook my head, “I meant the date.”

She blushed again, “conceivably...it could be fun.”

With that, she was gone, her exit accented by a bright green streak in the sky.

-

X’hal I must be insane.

Raven certainly thinks so. I told her what I had done - used Red X’s affections for me against him. She feels it is a terrible idea. I do not disagree.

I find him to be intriguing. He has proven himself to be worthy of the Titans time and time again, saving us, assisting us, often choosing to help rather than run. He claims his motives are his own, and perhaps they are, but I truly feel there is more to it.

To be clear, I am still very confused by many of his actions. I do not understand why he has chosen crime, nor do I understand why he flirts with me. I am not even sure the flirting is genuine.

Humans are such complex creatures. They err more often than not. Matters of honor hold great weight with some and no weight at all for others. Actions are coupled with intent to determine consequence.

Humans also veil their emotions. They feign kindness to disguise malice. Conversely, they can act cold to hide affection. I have seen it often with Robin.

Tamaranians are the opposite. We are compelled by our soul and our strength. We pride ourselves on our ability to feel, and express our feelings through touch rather than verbally. I have become quite accustomed to the various displays of physical affection humans utilize. High-fives and the bumping of fists in congratulations. Hugs for comfort, friendly kisses on foreheads and cheeks, sometimes hands as a means of being silly or flirtatious. Mouths with romantic intent. This, I find rather foreign.

Raven suggested, rather hesitantly, that I might have agreed to Red X’s request because I have been feeling lonely and I enjoy his attention. I know she did not mean to insult me, but I felt slightly affronted. Mostly because I could not disagree with this observation either.

I have long given up on Robin. Tokyo put a distance between us, an uncomfortable bubble that neither of us have been able to break. He is still my friend. I still love him. But I am tired of waiting.

Red X has always been amusing to me, though I try to hide it for Robin’s sake. I do not need his flirtations or compliments, but I certainly enjoy hearing them. It fills me with a strange feeling that twists in my stomachs and makes my heart work a little faster.

Thinking about it now, I realize accepting his offer may have been too bold of a move. I do not know where we will meet or what we will do or how we will dress. I have no alibi prepared, though I am sure Raven will allow me to use her as an excuse. I doubt Red X will tell me anything of true value. He may choose to use this date as an excuse to ‘put the moves on’ as Cyborg would say. It could very well be a wasted evening.  

But, if anything, I do think it will be fun.

[end of part 1]