#sorry for ranting it will happen again <3< /div>
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The worst part about being sad sometimes is not being able to write it as anything other than just that: sad
#like i write fucking long poems ab my trauma and things i think about that make it sound#interesting- something other than just a kid crying in their room#over shit that happened three years ago over shit that was their fault#anyways this is brought to you by the fact that i decided i needed a break from#church bc that genuinely has been my entire life for my entire life and i need to not be there#but its like fuck thats my entire life#and i want to write it so i can explain losing something so big#because of yourself but no no all there is is just me in my room crying under a yellow light#because of a building with shitty stained carpet whats fucking poetic ab that huh?#tater rambles#sorry for ranting it will happen again <3
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POV: Your evil murder kitten's mask has slipped and you can see how deep she is drowning in fear and paranoia.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#a lot of people forget that minthara has some pretty intense anxiety and PTSD#it truly does bother me that her trauma is often overlooked by the fandom#and many do not see the parallels she has with the other companions (ie Astarion Shadowheart and Lae'zel)#there is no way in hell she did not have some flashbacks in the mind flayer colony#or after seeing Orin as one of the impersonators#one of the biggest Larian L's is not having orin acknowledge minthara if she is in your party (or at all in the game)#minthara will also say nothing mid conversation with orin and only talks about her afterwards#i know that this is larian just not thinking to record or write any dialogue for this#but i've always rationalized it as minthara is just that terrified of orin and is too afraid to speak to her#minthara herself is extremely terrifying and powerful and yet she is terrified of orin#do you have any idea just how badly orin had to have hurt her for minthara of all people to be scared of her?#i also cannot stress this enough: minthara was never a willing participant in anything orin did to her#anything the two may have done together was because minthara was compelled by the tadpole to do#sorry for ranting in the tags - it will happen again
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the king of drip ✨
#joffrey baratheon#game of thrones#got#my art#3rd outfit should also have subtle brocade but. im not doing that ❤#sorry for so much show art it will happen again. teehee#something about show joffrey is very fun to draw lol. his face is kinda hard to get right but ill keep trying until i succeed by rng#edit I looked at this again its not that bad lol. deleting that tag rant ❤#still think i could have done better with the face but i dont wanna be too negative about my art also like who cares#are the joffrey stans gonna come for me. no <3 the beauty of drawing unpopular characters <3
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Enot and Arti visit metropolis!
#rain world#rw shipping#rw artificer#rw enot#rw inv#rw ???#rw instakill#rw zip bomb#rw paprika#rw enotficer#post-instakill relationship isn’t hunting down scavs anymore actually#in my au enot kinda stopped her before metropolis#she was resistant at first#feeling like they deserved it#after all aren‘t they cold hearted murderers as well? maybe they just need a taste of their own medicine#but after they grow closer arti begins to recognise that this will not solve anything#it won’t bring her pups back#I like enot as the funny character but they’re also the funny character who helps artis self reflection and character development :3#sorry for ranting about them in the tags#it will happen again
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this is not really my brand at all but I’m just going to rant about Toy Story 5 for a hot second because the D23 sneak peek made me so mad.
TLDR: Toy Story 5 (and 4) ruin what made the first three films so special.
I’ll start this off by saying I ADORE Toy Story 3. It’s one of my favorite Pixar films. I was 10 when this movie came out, I remember going to like three Walmarts just to find a Jessie doll, and carrying her around with me in my bag all summer. I still have that doll, she’s very special to me.
Part of what makes the first three films so good is the passage of time. First two movies came out within 4 years of each other (1995 and 1999), third movie came out 11 years later in 2010. Andy is a kid in the first two films, maybe he doesn’t age exactly four years between 1 and 2 but he doesn’t have to we’re still in the range of childhood years, in the 90s. When the third movie came out a significant amount of time had passed in the real world, and thus it had in TS3. We quite literally felt the passage of time in that movie along with the toys. THAT is what made that movie so captivating and special, those trailers were so bittersweet and magical and REAL. I remember it so well. The third movie also FEELS like 2010 that movie EXUDES early 2010s it’s so comfy and nice (minus the traumatizing fire scene ofc)
(more below the cut)
Nine years later TS4 comes along and even tho the animation is prettier and the film seems to take place in the 2020s. everyone is the same age. Bonnie has aged what, a year? Over the course of nine real years? whereas Andy went from kid to college bound in a similar amount of time? where is the real world connection?
but ya know I gave the film the benefit of the doubt, I saw it I liked it I loved forky. But the emotional connection wasn’t there the way it was for TS3. But oh well that’s it right? How do you continue the franchise after that ending?
but OH! NOW TS5 is coming out in 2026, seven years later and GUESS WHAT!!! BONNIE IS STILL A KID. Look at this concept art!! She is very clearly still a kid.
she’ll have been a kid for 16 years at this point!! what is this, despicable me? (that’s a rant for another day shdjdjdj)
And she’s an iPad kid now which I mean. Yes. That’s a relevant issue for today’s kids. A GREAT concept for a TS movie. But Bonnie is not the character to portray this storyline. She’s not one of today’s kids she is a kid of the 2010s she was born in like. 2005. BONNIE should be in college and/or starting her own career now. Not an iPad kid. The toys should be with someone else, maybe a younger sister or cousin.
Plus!!! Guess who’s back in Bonnie’s room! Woody!!! so much for him saying goodbye to the others forever to be with his one true love right? The end of TS4 was not my favorite initially but I applauded the writers’ decision to make such a bold choice and change to the status quo. It echoed TS3 in a way, even if it cheapened the end of that film somewhat for me (in my heart the true TS canon ends at TS3 and TS4 is just a possible timeline it could branch off into).
But I guess the moving sacrificial end of your film doesn’t really matter when you can just change it in the next film!! 🙄
I love the sequence of the first three films so much, I love how they take place in the eras they come out in while also moving the timeline along.
Bonnie going from being born in 2005 to the late 2010s AT THE EARLIEST for these films to make any sense makes no sense. and if she’s born in 2005 how is she an iPad kid??? TS4 should’ve come out way sooner, and it should’ve been about a different kid.
(and I KNOW lots of movies and shows have a floating timeline where the kids never age. Charlie Brown, Phineas and Ferb, The Simpsons. but for those shows the setting changing with time while the characters don’t is part of the charm. The Toy Story franchise could’ve been that way but Toy Story 3 fundamentally changed that.)
(And look let’s say the movie takes place in 2012 and Bonnie has a rudimentary IPad 4 or something. why are we just seeing the movie now in 2026?? the timelines don’t match up it doesn’t make sense no matter what.)
I feel an emotional connection to the Bonnie of TS3 because she belongs in that time period, in the early 2010s when cellphone technology was just starting to pick up, when I was still a kid. And I think of TS3 and my brain screams 2010S!! MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!
whereas when I think of TS4 I’m like “has it actually been five years? it feels like it came out like two years ago” bc there’s no passage of time within that film to anchor it to the year 2019. That film came out the year before covid and it STILL feels like it came out like two years ago. that is telling to me.
Seeing Bonnie still be a kid 14 (and what will be 16) years after her debut feels inauthentic to the precedent set by Andy and TS3. I’m sure the movie will be good bc Toy Story movies are always good. But they’ve lost that sense of realism, of moving time, of leaving something behind and NOT being able to pick back up right where you left off. That kept the TS movies grounded in bittersweet reality, that’s kinda the whole point. :/
#I’m just a girl who’s passionate about TS3 ok#and I defended TS4!!! I defended it even tho I was on the fence about it at first!!#but TS I can’t keep defending you I’m sorry I just can’t#and if by some slim chance someone who worked on the film happens to see this#first of all you have the coolest job ever#second of all this is nothing personal and you do amazing work and you should be proud!!!!#I think if someone gets paid to make something critique of said thing is fair game (since the money is compensation)#I would not do this to a fan project (unless it was like. actively harmful.)#AND IF YOU ARE EXCITED FOR THIS FILM. I am excited for you!!!!!#I hope you enjoy it truly :)))#I am only angry bc I love the first three films (esp the third) so so much#anyway#I’ll probably never talk about toy story here again I just saw the concept for TS5 and got mad shdbsbsbss#cadence rants#toy story#Pixar#toy story 5#toy story 4#toy story 3#the GOAT#toy story 5 spoilers
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i wish it was acceptable to ask to dtr friendships
like are we treating this as bfs or acquaintances or talks casually every other month or every day gm and gn or what
like please tell me what amount of energy and care you are willing to reciprocate without pingponging between loving me and not even giving a fuck if i die, just stop with all this hot and cold bs
#like okay i get going into depressive slumps or shutting off sometimes but fuckin tell me#so i dont think you are ghosting me again with no forewarning or reason#its not like it'll be the first time#it's been more than a week#and going from gn gm and every single detail about your day from straight up no reply?#is it gonna be like last time(s) again then#dropping me for months and then getting all sorry and self destructive#its already been twice (ik i am pathetic for forgiving her but ffs i thought you had changed)#argh#ARGHHHHHHH#friendships#i swear#i hope she's just busy and nothing jas happened to her#rant#but just in the tags the post i still think is fair#thoughts#desiblr#eph#</3
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friend: *mentions fma, hasnt watched it* "idk the lore-"
me: "do you want to?"
friend: "yes."
me: *becomes an unskippable cutscene*
#ravio rants#i didnt explain everything. just what was relevant to what they mentioned.#and now im watching it again :D#forgor how much i loved this anime. edward and alphonse my poor baby boys. im so sorry that everything ever happens to you :(#also friend in question follows me i think so. hi buddy thanks for letting me ramble to you <3
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forever mad about how dirty they did aveline from act 2 onward
#thinking way too much abt it rn cus i just finished her quest today#she is important to liam and i enjoy their relationship a lot & also her character in general in the earlier acts#but MAN i hate what they did to her in acts 2 and 3#laya plays dragon age#feels like there is such a disconnect from her attitude between acts 1 and 2?#or well. maybe not disconnect exactly but even so there is an important shift there and we never even get to see it OR question it#she could have been such a good contribution to the story and the themes by putting her at a crossroads of#do i keep following what i know and become another cog in the system or do i challenge them and break out of it#cus like. in act 1 she is not above going against laws when her own morals (or even just biases) go against them#but is generally still in favor of ''regular'' law and order (which does get challenged by characters sometimes which is nice!)#(sort of) blind loyalty is already a fault of hers and now her loyalty is understandably mostly towards her guards#but then her companion quest is not in fact about herself but about frickin. courting the guy she likes???????#full on i thought this was a silly quest for levity in an act that has a lot of dark moments#but no it is Her Important Quest TM and not only does she not get with him if you dont do the quest#but her entire attitude and happiness going forward depends on it????? what the hell#also fun fact first time playing act 2 i thought that there was a lot going over my head and like#and some of it did yeah but i also just Assumed that bc the way aveline acted/ the guards actions were presented through her#didnt line up with what actually happened#(& her being so defensive and dismissive didnt line up with the impression i got of her before that)#sorry for the rant im just once again mad about cool characters being screwed over by the writing
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Wake up brain strikes again, I'm thinking this playfulness would be Ler!Sapnap and lee!George. "If you can catch me, I'll tickle you" reverse chase! The lee chases the ler around and if the ler is caught then the lee gets any kind of tickles they want
okay, FIRST of all, I just wanna say that this has been sitting in my inbox since probably the last week of november/first week of december,,,,,, and for that, i am sorry, I really wish it didn't take this long to answer, BUT. better late than never, or whatever wise people say
second of all, I went... a liiiiiitle bit overboard with this one, but I feel like the length makes uo for the wait, possibly? that's for you to decide
but THIRD of all, YES SLEEPY YES YES ABSOLUTELY YES
im thinking is something along the lines of this:
george is in a pretty severe lee mood, but he flat out Refuses to admit it, so he finds sap in the movie room and starts provoking and bothering him to try and get him to retaliate and wreck him
sap catches on pretty quickly (it doesn't take long for him to figure out, he knows george's tells like the back of his own hand, plus hes not exactly subtle) and goes "okay. I know what you want, so I'm gonna make you a deal. I'm gonna run around the house, and if you can catch me, I'll tickle you in ANY way you want. deal?" pretty much exactly like you said!!
and obviously, george denies AGGRESSIVELY at first, and his cheeks turn pink at the PROSPECT of being lee and wanting tickles, because how DARE sapnap accuse him of something like that!! he is NOT lee, he does NOT want tickles, sapnap can shut his MOUTH, thank you very much—
.....but eventually, after sap is just Staring at him in silence waiting for him to crack, he giggles a little and goes "wh- uh... you- you said any kind I want?" and sap just goes "mhm :) anything you want. does that mean you're in?" and george just nods, very slowly, and sapnap goes "awesome! seeya, slowpoke!" and skitters his nails over George's tummy before SPRINTING out of the room and leaving George to squirm and sputter out a protest and scramble to run after him as he darts out of the movie room they were sitting in
and honestly I feel like George would like... kinda get lost in the game a tiny bit? not fully, he is still Extremely hooked on the idea of getting his tickles, but it would kinda slip his mind what exactly would happen when he catches sap, simply because he gets so lost in the act of actually chasing and catching him
so, when he manages to skip the top step of the staircase and grab sapnap's arm, successfully pushing him against the doorframe of george's own bedroom, he just giggles his heart out because he won!! he caught sap!! he did it!!!
until sapnap goes "okay!! you caught me, georgie, good job!!! how do you want your tickles?" and hes just like "oh 😳 right 😳 that's what's happening....."
and he would just keep giggling in that little flustered and squeaky way he always does as he squirms where he's standing, and he's like "I, uh... I didn't really– I haven't really thought about it yet..." and sap reaches forward and puts his hands on George's waist and goes "That's okay :) I can wait :) i have time"
and george's brain nearly short circuits, and he realizes he has to actually come up with something and then actually ASK for it out loud before sap does it, because sap can't read his mind!! but eventually he's able to get out "can you– do you think– can you maybe, like..." as he tries to ask for what he wants but gets caught up in his own brain
but, to take a break from the teasing and be a lil sweetheart for a bit, i feel like sap would hug him as he stutters through his words to encourage him as well :( he pulls George in by his waist, wraps his arms around him, presses his cheek to George's collarbone, holds him close and goes "anything you want, anything my gogy asks for, okay? whatever comes to mind"
and after some more whines and stutters and broken giggles and other noises, george works up the courage he needs to say “so, y-you know that... that claw thing you do to my– uh… like, my ribs? yeah i… i-id like that" and then he follows it up with "and- and maybe also, if you want, just like... some raspberries maybe? a few, or something like that"
and sapnap would pull back from the hug, smirk at george, and suddenly drop down to his knees and push george's shirt up to blow the BIGGEST raspberry on his tummy, and george is so caught off guard that he squeals and nearly crumbles right then and there
so sap does a few more until one well-placed raspberry right above his hipbone makes him go a little limp, and then suddenly sapnap lifts him up over his shoulder and brings him over to the bed, plops him on it, and straddles him to suddenly do little jellyfish and claws scratchies on his ribs :)
and george is just so giddy and giggly and happy and squirmy and wiggly the whole time!!! because!!! this is exactly what he asked for!!! sapnap KNOWS exactly what he likes!!! it's playful its fun it tickles its GOOD!!
and his little tickly hands are shaking around, going a mile a minute, and his smile is so big and he's already breathless from the running and the raspberries and the laughter and being thrown around so much and!!!!! he's just. so HAPPY!!! and sapnap thinks he's so god damn cute too, and he just can't stop tickling, and he knows george doesn't want it to stop either, so they're both just giggling together while george squirms underneath sap and glances up at him with the biggest, sweetest, tear-filled heart eyes sapnap has ever seen in his life when he's not squeezing them shut or shaking his head through his laughter :((( he's just the cutest little angel isn't he :(
#this is perfect sleepy thank you :)#again i am so so sorry this has taken like. literal actual MONTHS for me to get to#i hope nothing like that ever happens again at least not to this extent#but this is still soooo good i love thus concept so much#also special shoutout mush for letting me rant at them about this in order to formulate my thoughts more clearly <3#youre the best mi gatito <3#fav#lee!george#ler!sapnap#concepts / ideas#sleepy anon
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still baffled that there's people who watched 2 whole seasons of mob psycho 100 and still somehow didn't catch the message of the show
#saw someone bitching last night saying that mob was acting too feminine??#and that there werent enough fights anymore#like what.#how can you literally miss the point SO BAD#like if you wanna watch a shonen w insane fights you can. idk#watch one punch man#its right there#or any other generic shonen anime#mob from the very start hated using his powers unless it was an extreme situation#so how can you be mad thats hes. not. using them. lmao#ok sorry for the rant#again im just baffled that theres people out there that are mad that the show is doing its job ig#mp100#mob psycho 100#LIKE THE REIGEN ARC IS RIGHT THERE!!! THE WERE LITERALLY 0 FIGHTS AND ITS ONE OF THE BEST PARTS OF THE SHOW#LIKE HOW CAN YOU SAY SEASON 3 IS BAD BECAUSE THERES NO FIGHTS WHEN THAT LITERALLY HAPPENED#UGHHHGHHH#ok im gonna shut up now
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i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,
#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better#and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐#(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think)#but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day#despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔#+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level#again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know#and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am#other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭#and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more#(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count)#(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum)#(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use)#(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years)#this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍#vent#negative //#ask to tag#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months#(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^)#edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere#i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers#and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too#but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little#i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that
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happy eurovison!! do your stretches!!!
babe it's been days since i did my stretches at this point im too scared
#in my defence idk WHAT was going on with my sunday shift bc i only waitressed 7 hours and that's a pretty normal shift for me#like im aware compared to a normal person it would be very difficult to just out of nowhere expect them to be on their feet#walking back and forth the entire length of a restaurant regularly carrying heavy things all the while keeping up ABOVE AND BEYOND socially#for SEVEN ENTIRE HOURS with ZERO BREAK like masking that entire time on top of the 7 hour physical workout#like it's insane if u think about it for more than 2 seconds and im really trying to bc every time i falter i beat the shit out of myself#and like? NO? my job is actually very physically demanding and emotionally draining compared to most people's day-to-day activity#it's gonna have impacts sometimes!#so yeah long story short i finished my shift sunday and when i tell you my legs LOCKED UP in bed that night#like mainly my thighs but it was all in my hips and knees and it was so bad that i lay there until 2am before getting painkillers#bc i couldnt hack it#which is SAYING SOMETHING for me bc im normally both quite good with pain and also a hardass for taking painkillers#ive had that happen once before (again after waitressing lol) & never worried about it but my mum recently got diagnosed with arthritis#and ever since ive been like. Looking at my own joints any time they even HINT at playing up#like i am RENOWNED for inhereting all of my mum's medical shit from mental to physical like i KNOW i'll get it it's just a matter of when#and yeah that was sunday it's now tuesday and my thighs STILL feel bruised#and im like. embarassed about it bc it's not like i did anything spectacular? and idk why it's happening?#yeah idk hiiii rori did u like me ranting about my physical health in ur stretch reminder ask sorry do u still think im hot <3#ask
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Took a chance with suggestion ("requesting") stuff from a popular creator today. I really hope it doesnt end like last time where I got laughed in the face for even thinking that they would accept requests 🤡
#all i can hope for is a kind 'sorry but no'#please dont laugh in my face#i am sensitive :'3#if it happens again however i guess i will have learn my lesson#never ever reach out to big creators even if they ask/offers for art suggestions#i just had to rant a bit sorry#maybe i should get up so i can celebrate the boy fr xD#micahs thoughts
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it's sunday, my fucking ankles and knees hurts like bitches AND i still gotta go to work until 12pm 🙂
#kelin talks#kelin's ramblings#ohhhh i'm gonna lose my mind so bad if they ONCE again offend me in front of customers like–#who tf are you to diminish me AND THEN pretend that i stay?????#you fuckers where the fucking second choice literally so where's all this narcissism coming from??? 😭#literally could've gone babysitting for 3/4hrs and get 300€#instead of staying in a ice-cream shop for 9hrs + overwork time and get 600€ like–#for a workplace like this one guys is truly not worth#they're such tyrants like– in 4 days i got told that i suck so many times that yeah... yesterday i had the outburst yall witnessed 😀#PLUS if we get more workers... my chief is planning to make us work on our resting day too...#ohhh but i'll make sure to leave before that happens#sorry for this many amount of rants guys but yeah... i'm so fucking tired...#i've already surpassed my work time by LOTS on the third day lmfao
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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apologies for the rant vent whatever this is, I'm just a little guy with worbs and thoughts and feelings who needs to say them
(I would write this on my own, but I need to put it into the world, so. apologies.)
okay no its. I don't get it. why the fuck can't I just. complain about when my leg hurts. if I get asked to do something that. is going to hurt to do why the fuck can't I say it? why the fuck are you angry at me for saying it?? I get i cant fuckin do it, believe me id love to if it means you don't constantly tell me that i dont fuckin do anything anymore (beleive me. I know.) Would you fuckin prefer I didn't say a fuckin word and just sat in silence and when it eventually came crashing down oh I'd be the one to blame cause I didn't fuckin say anything. Would that be preferred? Cause I'd actually not like to be in pain right now. (And I get you're trying to help figure it out and i get were trying to get it fixed or not hurting as much but me telling you it hurts is your sign it *hurts* and sometimes it hurt just to stand and you just need to take that as it is. My legs hurt all the time now. I can't do everything I could even a few months ago when it was in bursts every so often.)
And I get you're in pain to, and that your knees buckle too and that you can still do things despite that, but I'm not fuckin you. I'm not. Used to this. You've been going through this for years longer than I have. It's not right to compare us. Just because I'm younger and should be 'able to handle the pain' better doesn't fuckin mean I *can* (and that's fukcin stupid anyway, you know? what the fuck do you mean handle it better? I've been suffering in silence for fuckin years at this point when it hurt really bad, and I couldn't handle it fuckin then. I was younger then to? your logic of that doesn't fuckin. make sense.)
I just. I know we're trying to figure it out. But I need you to understand that I'm in pain. And that it hurts to do a lot of things that require my legs right now. And yes I can do them, but maybe you need to consider I sit in one chair for over an hour right beofre I leave school. And that makes it worse. and taht after school I just wnat to fuckin sit and not do anything (because that makes it feel moderately better) and I understand that one day we'll figure it out and that until then you're not going to get that it hurts. bad. and that I honestly feel like I'm gonna fall over sometimes. I get that. I just hope you'd listen when I tell you how I feel. and maybe that's hard because I'm still a kid and shouldn't feel like this, or that you just see this as an excuse to get out of things, or yada yada yada. but I hope eventually you *will* and I dont have to feel like shit everytime I tell you "hey my legs hurt" but right nows not then.
I just. I wnat you to hear me and listen to me when I say it. Okay? I don't want the excuse of how you're in pain to and you still do things and you're older and shouldn't have as high as a pain tolerance as me. I don't fucking care, actually. I'm in fuckin pain, you're more used to it, and I'm fucking allowed to complain when it hurts and I feel like I can't do something, for fucks sake.
(I still love you, and I know you're trying your best and I'm sure I just seem like a kid you wants to get out of doing things. but I'm not. and I hope you see that soon.)
#tw rant#tw vent#i just.#apologies for this but im just having to many thoughts about it.#very nuetral not really but kinda angry thoughts#and i needed to say them now and not in and hour or else ill explode#i apologize again but fuck#if you do read this im very sorry if its incoherent#i was just wroting things and seeing where it got me and if i got me to feel better by the end of it#i do. just. yeah.#better now that i said my peice and came to an almost understanding (internally) with who i was talking about#theyre good people and if i shined them in a bad light thats my fault. its happened only a handful of times on the past 2½ months#im just an emotional little guy right now <3#but im feeling good now!!#so if youre worried. this isnt anything like. really bad.#just bout my leg 'n shit-#but its working itself out#so#a tag to help find my own posts
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