#sorry but she was Casey first

[adorkablecringeworks]

That Color Looks Good on You

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Pairing: rottmnt x gn!reader

Warnings: Mild swearing

Summery: You show off your new lipstick to your favorite dork, Leo. After a series of events, you and Leo come up with a plot for a perfect prank. You’ll ambush every one of his siblings and smother them in kisses with your new lipstick all the while Leo films the whole thing. Let the Shenanigans Commence!

Author’s Note: I originally came up with this as a Leo x Reader. But the way the story progressed, it can be read as any rottmnt x reader as well as either romantic, platonic, or familial. The same can be said for the gender. I was putting on my own lipstick when I thought up this scenario and I thought ANYONE CAN WEAR LIPSTICK!!! So gender neutral it is! Writing in the 2nd person made it easy too.

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Part 1: Neon Leon

You are excited about your new lipstick.

Berry pink.

Not too light. A deep shade without it being too dark.

Putting on the final touches, you admire yourself in your bathroom mirror. It made you feel strong, confident, Dazzling!

“Whadda ya think?”

You strike a pose in your bedroom doorframe, framing your face with your hands. You have returned from your shopping trip and eager to show off your spontaneous purchase. Your favorite mutant turtle ninja lounges on your bed with his snout deep in the newest issue of Jupiter Jim: New Universe H2G2. Not only is he claiming your space as his own… he’s out right ignoring you.

Leonardo Hamato. Your other half, partner in crime, bestie, your first mate. Although Leo would beg a differ on that last part, claiming that since he’s the only one with pirate experience that you would be HIS first mate.

Eeeehhh… Tomato Tomahto.

The point being that you and your Neon Leon give April and Donnie the run for their money for the ‘Besties Awards’.

You deadpan at him. At this point in time, you’re thinking about accepting new applications for the Bestie role.

Meanwhile, that said comic (that is apparently Soooo much more interesting than you) was the purpose of your errand. A favor for him for it was sold out online and the one comic shop that still had it in stock was for pick up only. Donnie had gotten caught up in his newest project, something about a portal device to alternate realities, alternate selves, (other Mad Sciencey stuff) and Apparently forgot to preorder the damn thing. That particular shop just happens to be down the block from your apartment as well as you are the ‘bestest-most-awesome-supreme-person-ever-and-he-loves-you-sosososo-much’.

So much for being the ‘bestest most awesome supreme-’ so on and so forth.

With a huff, you pick up a hoodie you left on the floor, balled it up, and chucked right into Leo’s head. With a ‘THWUMPH’ and ‘hurmf ’, you pounce on him, snatching his comic from his grasp (carefully for you just bought the damn thing), setting it to the side during which you grab your pillow and whack his still covered head.

“I was joking!” He cries out as you laugh maniacally. “I heard you I heard you!”

Fully satisfied with his punishment, you stand up and plop to the side all the while you let him get his bearings. Leo finally frees himself from your shirt and throws it back on to the floor simultaneously sticking his tongue out at you.

Such a drama queen.

You roll your eyes and return the gesture whilst you adjust yourself to sit facing your Leo with him doing the same, finally takes in your lips.

“I like it.” He nods approvingly, “Muy Bien!”

You grin so big your checks begin to ache. But then you notice your turtle going quiet, grabbing his chin as he goes deep in thought.

“You’ll hurt yourself if you keeps that up.”

You know to well how clever he is but that doesn’t mean you won’t give him a ration of shit. It’s in your job description.

It’s Leo’s turn to roll his eyes.

“I was just thinking on about how it would look on me.”

You lean back on your hands and squint at his face for a moment. You then pull out your lipstick form your pocket to hold the color bottom sticker up to him.

“Hmmm I don’t know… I think something more of a red shade would be better for you. You know, to match your moons.”

You love those moons.

“Are you kidding?!” The Bratticus Maximus snatches it out of your hand, “I can totally pull this off!”

You gasp and quickly reach for it back, but Leonardo (being a stupid fucking turtle ninja) easily keeps it out of your reach. Keeping you at bay by smooshing his hand against you cheek.

Where’s the respect?

Then a wicked idea creeps into your mind. You drop your arms and let them hang for a moment causing Leo to pause. You switch your effort. Grabbing his wrist, subsequently tearing it off your face. You then yank him towards you, pulling his face close to yours.

“Well then let’s try it out shall we?”

You lean in, planting a firm kiss to his cheek with an exaggerated ‘MWAH’ .

You take in his face for a moment as he gapes at you.

“Hmm I can’t tell, I need a larger sample size.”

A mischievous grin spreads across your face and in turn Leo balks. He’s on to you. You both are on the same wave length. Even though it isn’t possible, everyone swears you two can Mind Meld together. He goes to shove you with his free hand but you catch that wrist as well, leaving him open.

You attack.

Smooching all over his face, leaving kiss marks in your wake. He cries out as you leave no spot uncovered.

You fall back and admire you work while your dear slider sits there stunned

“I guess I was wrong,” you release him, “That color does look good on you.”

Leo bolts up and dashes to your bathroom to assess the extent of the damage during which you almost fall to the floor cackling.

You await his return, biting your lip, trying to stifle your giggles. However, you fail when he appears back in your doorway.

There Leo’s tries to put on his best sulk (adorable really), crossing his arms as you devolve to wheezing. But who’s he kidding. You got him good. Plus watching you turn blue in the face and on the verge of passing out is pretty hilarious in on it self.

He returns to your bathroom and you're able to gather yourself enough to follow. He give you his signature smirk once he sees you in the mirror where upon poses with his finger and thumb in the L position to under his chin.

“I told you a could pull it off .” His smugness oozing off of him as he looks over himself again. You swear you saw sparkles.

You’re finally able to get yourself under control and you meet his gaze in the mirror as you come up from behind him.

“Yeah ya did stud muffin.” You shoot him a wink. “That’s a good look on you.”

A furious blush blooms across your favorite blue boy’s face to which he responds by bumping his hips against yours as you pull up next to him. In turn, you bump back, pushing him over to make room for you in the mirror.

Chuckles are shared and you lean towards the mirror to reapply your lipstick.

There’s a moment of comfortable silence as you focus on the task at hand while Leo watches you. You and him share glances between each other through the mirror when a plot begins to form. Your shared glances become knowing ones. Insouciantly, you turn to face each other, Leo crossing his arms as you lean against the counter.

Your wicked grin returns to which the leader in blue bares one to match.

Once again, evidence that supports the conspiracy that both you can Mind Meld.

“Sooo…?”

“Sooooo…?

“We should show my brothers how good I look.”

“They’ll be sooooo jelly. We should totally include them so they don’t feel left out.”

Nonchalance is evident in your voices as you converse.

Leo reaches into his pouch to pull out his phone, his brows bounce up and down as he holds it up between you two. Your brows return the gesture in agreement. So, with your lipstick and his phone in hand, you both set off. At your front door, the true blue slider casually opens it and stands off to the side, bowing while holding his hand out. You play along, responding in a curtsy before placing your hand into his. The two of you are barely able to contain excitements check as you both leave your apartment.

You and Leo soon arrive at the lair, ready to set you plan into motion.

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This is my first ever fic!!! For many years I’ve attempted writing. Most never made it past the notes and plot outlines while a few never made it past the first paragraph. My main medium for my creativity has always been drawing so this is a HUGE deal for me!!! Especially since any of possible skill for creative writing I had apparently died back in high school. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!❤️

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[cerealbishh]

"Ms. Casey is your wife? ... Then she's down here."

[hellishgayliath]

Helli hellooo

I’m burnt-out tired

What’s your name?

Hellooooooo burnt-out tired you can call me fed-up fucker ✌✌✌

Hades says hello too

[good-enemy]

Finally started watching severance, I'm a few episodes in and I have several questions, first off why does Helly only seem to own 1 pair of shoes

[swordsofsaturn]

ms casey what are they doing with you 😭 i'm scared to keep watching and find out

[urbodymytemple]

crying over my music box rivht now (context in tags

[bizarrescribblez]

everybody look at my pretty best friends NOW!!!!!!!!

[masschase]

for the ask meme, i’m kinda curious to learn more about johnny and casey’s dynamic. they hooked up right? how do you think an actual relationship between them would’ve gone?

Also a fun one and um... I've had the worst sleep last night so I apologise if this is horribly incoherent.

OK, so... if Casey and Shaundi is the hookup that happened way too late, Casey and Johnny was the thing that probably shouldn't have happened, at least from their perspective. I feel like I could go into all the reasons it did in fact happen and it would be a whole fricken post plus you-know-who is involved and I'm trying not to bring him up in these 🤣

But I feel like these are more about how things would work if they did get together, let's say that was their most logical starting point. Except maybe not quite. Their romance scene obviously goes hard and it shaped the way I write Casey as rambling when she's emotional until someone shuts her up which is one of my favourite things ever honestly. But I can also see it being an instant, intense... considerably goo-smeared... kiss the minute they reunite.

There are also other moments where it could have happened; after the shared grieving of Aisha and Carlos, just before the bank heist (yes, I can't get over that thing I wrote even if it doesn't fit Casey. It could easily be rewritten to fit Casey, honestly. All that would need changing would be the thing about that Boss being a spoilt rich kid.). Either way I see this being something that would be most likely happen on the ship because it's the only place it really fits in their history. So if it happened then...

I mean it's GatBoss for god's sakes. I'm pretty sure I shipped them while playing 4. At the early stages of my fanfic they were implied to have a much less platonic journey too. But now with the developed character Casey is it's a lot harder to see it.

I mean they do love each other, it's not so hard to reframe that as romantic love. They have fun together, they like the same things. The getting to know you stage was so long ago I feel like they'd have to do a lot of it all again. Casey would absolutely tease Johnny about the 10 year age gap because he's squicky about it whereas she's not too bothered.

I don't think they'd really engage in PDA, I think they'd be pretty cute behind closed doors though. I think they'd argue a lot because they can both be incredibly stubborn at times, but the makeup sex would be incredible. I don't know who the fuck is going to be their live in chef after they take the new planet because neither of those fuckers can cook. Honestly they can hire someone from the pods or it'll just be Ben.

Johnny is absolutely one of the first to call Casey out on her bullshit. Yes, again this would lead to arguments. But you have to bear in mind he also really gets how her excuses about relationships and marriage are in fact excuses because he's known her forever. Eventually she'd confide her full past in him and he'd just connect the dots.

What does this mean? I think they'd get married. Relatively quickly. Johnny would bring it up when Casey starting asking about kids, honestly, which we know is something she wants from the presidency onward. Almost like a "Aight if we're gonna talk about this we're gonna talk about ALL of this." sort of thing. They'd probably be planning it pre-GOOH(by which I mean Pierce would be planning it with some input from Casey, because we know Johnny's disastrous at that) and originally planning it to be on the ship but then... honestly...

I don't know where that whole volleyball tournament takes place. But one could imagine it was on some purgatory-ish beach somewhere. People from hell were allowed there, people from heaven were allowed there, Johnny and Kinzie were allowed there. That's where Johnny and Casey would get married. That way everyone could come. Everyone.

They'd make sure to do it before the war for the planet. Speaking of which, the whole "pairing people up to make them get along" would go out of the window. The action couple is absolutely going out there side by side. Possibly without the robots seeing how that discussion came about. But the Saints would still win, I think.

God I feel like my response here has gone off the rails a bit I was just going to talk about their dynamic haha. Would they stand the test of time? Maybe. I really can't stress enough that I've literally never sat down and thought about this before.

So yeah. In my universe it's definitely a platonic soulmates vibe. But it's really not that hard to imagine a world where it's not platonic.

[forwardrussia]

I’m fully caught up with idw Man do I have tons of fanart ideas that will inevitably never be drawn because my motivation is shot

[senascoop]

SENA’S FAVOURITES ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 TAG GAME

Ꮺ by @iovestuck and I might've added-edited some questions to my liking. all of these answers are genuine and not with the bias of some of them being my moots. also, extremely sorry if I didn't add you on here. most of them are nsfw so... minors please do not interact. (💌)

001. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE FANFICS?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER — @i2sunric

i already yapped a lot when I first read her fic but this was personally really really cute to read and I loved heeseung’s and the reader’s bickering a lot.

THE PERFECT COPY — @florestalio

if this fanfic was a person I'd date them lol. this was something new and easily secured a seat in my favs.

STILL INTO YOU — @i2sunric

another one of casey’s work that I love a lot.

COULD I BE MORE OBVIOUS? — @rkvriki

this was written like a year ago and is still really good. especially the way it actually captured the “rich ceo husband” vibes.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM — @heechwe

what were you thinking when you wrote that lexi? i couldn't find a single bad thing about the fic when i first read it and ngl it still remains as one of my fav.

FIXED COMFORT — @paarksunghoon

coming back to read this after a bad day and this never fails to bring a smile on my face even if I've already re-read this a lot of times.

002. FANFICS YOU'VE READ RECENTLY?

haven't read much lately but this has to be my list — heehoon jerking off together while thinking of the reader. part one, part two not sure if there's more parts, sharing = caring , and then this mind-blowing fic by casey, heavenly , i personally found this one cute, and then I've read this smtg about toxic situationship heeseung, then this one from mochiwonz which made me laugh, this from yuvany, reader is mean in this one but it's good, little lamb ... I have more but I can't exactly add all of them here—so if you're looking for fic recs, you should check @senascoooop

003. WHAT FANFICS DO YOU THINK SHOULD GET MORE RECOGNITION?

PUPPY ANTICS — @florestalio

I always re-read this because well... no reason-just the descriptions and the scene (though I hate angel for cutting it short...)

YOU’RE LOSING ME — @i2sunric

y'all are missing out on a lot of good stuff if you haven't read this angsty angst fic.

CORPSE BRIDE — @yuvany

start to end-just perfection.

BEWITCHED — @p4ranormaluv

to describe this fic in one word would be #wtfdidijustread? In a good way ofc. this deserves way more notes than it has right now.

TIL DEATH DO US PART — sena

TIED UP IN YOU — sena

self promo lol but I actually like these two of my works and they might as well be my best ones till now.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS — @flwrstqr

a really fun fic to read, especially with the way both the reader and heeseung’s goal was definitely not to fall in love... but the two anyways did so.

VENOM — @gyuuberryy

the tension in this one and half way transformation of jay was just wowwww.

HORROR — @starryjake

the smut was rather really... cute alongside the ending...

666 — @simpjaes

a big fan of dark fics. and this was absolutely flawless!!

Not really a fanfic but rather sfw niki audio by @vanesycho part one, part two, part three, part four. I usually listen to these when I'm feeling down or can't fall asleep.

004. FAVOURITE AUTHORS?

all of my moots ofc lol but other than that ,

@i2sunric — all of her fics are hits and i personally really really really love them.

@florestalio — first found out about her through the fic “human or not” and I liked it from the go. and nevertheless-even if it's been a little time, I think we match the freak nonetheless.

@yuvany — she was in my favs the second i read corpse bride. then there's miss ugly duckling and her recent jay fic... absolutely amazing.

@p4ranormaluv — do I even need to have a reason for her to be here? she's really talented with the way she writes. Though I hope she's enjoying her break <3

@heechwe — every time you think someone can't get more sweet... lexi replies. even her fics are chefs kiss.

@gyuuberryy — she's my hype girl (ofc I'll add her on here and also bcz her fics are a big mwahh)

@mochiwonz — we aren't moots or anything but her works (smaus) randomly came in my for you page and i actually enjoyed a lot of them (so I'm adding her here too)

@paarksunghoon — every time a hard thought of hers comes into my for you-i know my evening's not gonna be so boring. y’all should read her fixed comfort and you plus me fic. 100% recommended.

@starryjake — another author who's also really good at making hard thoughts and fics :)

005. WHICH AUTHOR/READER DO YOU ADMIRE/ADORE THE MOST AND WHY?

all of my readers and moots ^^

but aside from them, i admire casey (i2sunric) & jazmine (p4ranormaluv) a lot and sort of started to write after reading their works <3

now I adore a lot of authors and readers but angel (florestalio) and ady (gyuuberry) have a special place in my heart. and I've actually gotten used to seeing some frequent readers which I absolutely notice and adore but the loud ones so far would be @zyvlxqht @flowerwinds (thank you so much for showing nothing other than love to me and my works) 🫶🏻💗

NOTE FROM SENA , i don't really read a lot which might explain why I don't have some more popular fics or authors in the recs. I'm also very sorry if I've forgotten someone (totally not intentional) this was really fun to make...thank you rain (iovestuck) you're another sweetie I found on blr :)

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 tagging anyone who wants to join

[aces-and-angels]

artwork by raghad qanou follow: @rhq2744 verified ✔: no. 221 on el-shab-hussein/nabulsi's sheet

dear moots/lovely lurkers- please read 🖤

raghad has finally reached the very first milestone in her fundraiser! that's right gang, thanks to the continuous support of friends/strangers alike, raghad's family has raised a whopping ✨£5,095✨as promised, here is another beautiful original by miss raghad herself 🖤

for those who haven't gotten a chance to meet her yet, please allow raghad to introduce herself in her own words:

Hello everyone, I am Raghad Qanou, a second-year human medicine student at Al-Azhar University in Gaza, or rather, I was like that, before I lost everything, literally everything... Before the 7th of October, me and my family [8 members] were living in our cute house in the Shujaiya neighborhood in Gaza, after huge suffering to repair it and return to living in it after it was destroyed in the 2014 war on Gaza. My family and I were forced to leave our home and forcibly move under fire 7 times so far! All this to escape death and hold on to the last shred of hope for a decent life! excerpt from raghad's gfm campaign page (read full story here)

i first met raghad sometime in june after she messaged me here on tumblr. one of the first things she shared with me (besides her name lol) was this piece:

title: waiting for a ceasefire "only hope and art keep us alive here in gaza ...." -raghad qanou

since then, we've been able to chat a handful of times-- i told her how much i loved her artwork and she excitedly shared even more of her work with me

raghad is a talented artist- a loving sister- a diligent student- a wonderful daughter- and someone who deserves a chance to live a life worth living. her whole family does

they continue to suffer through horrific living conditions and rely on y'all to help carry their burden. to reveal yourself so vulnerably to the world is far from easy. so often, we are told to grit our teeth and push through whatever ails us in silence. but this is a type of pain that cannot and should not be felt alone. and it will take everyone to band together so we can begin to heal

raghad's campaign still has a long way to go. to help things move along, i am proposing another art reveal ✨

if we can get raghad to £15K- i will unveil another beautiful piece from her collection of artwork!

as of posting, raghad's family has raised £5,095 / £55,000.

for those able, please consider donating by clicking the link below + share this post so others may get the chance to help out too 🖤

tags for reach below cut (note: sorry gang, ik we're not really moots. if you're here- it's cause i pulled people from a post that promoted a gfm in the past. please let me know if you do not wish to be tagged in future posts. no hard feelings, truly 🖤)

@juneybug @kodigobacktosleep @apocalyptic-dancehall @imnotthepersonyouseek @toonirl 

@kingofthebookcase @kazehita @yonch @pinkdreamscape1 

@king-dail @caseys-soup-corner @shoogachi @killy @missusmousse 

@j0ckhead @whoopsiedaisy20 @squidie-tittie @dreamingamongthestars @trexpel 

@mischief16 @foulharbor @draginfyre16 @tangerinesteve @3amsnow 

@fruitpuddle @wallsong @selkiesmile @suzakus-canon-wife @turquoisewavesstitch

@loutrem @thatlethalsoul @visemes @orange-coloredsky @dweamdoodles

@just-a-girl-0001 @samrobotize @aunty-matter @gamelpar 

@roachie-paradise @queruloustea @ehjane @firebird963 @butchdykekondraki 

@dinofur @cthulhu-with-a-fez @purplenickel @ysngie @paper-mario-wiki

[fishsticksloser]

Hi! You know that comic of the girl who's putting on lipstick, and she's like, "It's been half an hour, and we still can't find a kiss proof lipstick! This experiment must be boring you!" And the guy is whipped. What about the rise boys with an s/o doing that? (Love all your fics they are so well written :)

Lipstick Stains

RotTMNT, Casey, & Liam x gn!reader

Warnings: oc x reader, kissing, whipped boys

A/N: First of all.... Thank you so much! Second, I... I have you in a chokehold(affectionately) now because of this. Sorry that some of them are shorter than others

Casey

He is not sure how he got here

He blinks up at you, confused and dazed

No one has ever kissed him so much

Casey doesn't complain

Hell... he doesn't say anything really

He leans into your kisses though, pressing himself closer

His face is littered with kisses

Not to mention his hands

He smiles a soft, dazed smile when you approach with another color on your lips

His lips are definitely a smear of many different colors as he kisses you properly after every lipstick

Casey hums into every proper kiss, a bit kiss drunk by now

Donnie

This was not his idea of an experiment

You had complained that your lipstick wasn't kiss proof so he was going to make you some that was

But first, obviously, you guys had to go through every single one of your lipsticks so he could get an idea of the color you wanted and the texture

He had a paper you were supposed to be kissing, not him

Did he complain?

Did he stop you?

No.

Donnie just sat there, a kind of dazed look in his eyes as you applied another

His face was scattered with kisses

They went onto his neck

His shoulders

His plastron

His shell

Donnie was so out of it, he could barely respond when you asked if he was okay

Leo

It was definitely not his idea

Not at all

This is obviously a lie

Every time you walk towards him, a new lipstick painting your lips, he sits up more

Slightly leaning forward in preparation for your kisses

Leo is practically purring like a cat as your lips press against his skin

He moved when you tried to kiss him with certain colors

His eye stripes covered with darker lipstick verses the rest of him

His tail wags happily, closing his eyes and churring loudly

Leo was so happy

So content

Absolutely covered in lipstick stains

He does retaliate though

Grabbing lipstick to kiss you all over as well

Liam

Also completely confused as to how he got here

What did he do?

Why is he covered in lipstick?

Liam doesn't necessarily mind it

But the feeling of lipstick on his skin is not an overly pleasant feeling

He can't help the giddy feeling he gets when you smile as you approach with a new lipstick on

It may not be a pleasant feeling, but you look so happy

Liam can't say no, letting you press more kisses to his face

He feel particularly excited when he feels your lips on his facial scar

It makes him want to grab you and show you the same affection

Mikey

It was his idea!

He saw all the art people had made by kissing canvases

He really wanted to try it

And who were you to deny this sweetheart?

You were testing out which ones to use for the piece

Having a blank canvas hung up for you to swatch them on it

Still...

The canvas remained empty

Instead you stood in front of Mikey, looking over the colors on him

Mikey blinks up at you, grinning yet slightly dazed

Who was he to deny these lovely kisses?

He definitely won't complain

He loves kisses

Mikey is excited for every single one

Raph

All he remembers is you mentioned that your lipstick wasn't kiss proof

Now he's sitting on his bed, dazed and wide eyed

Covered in lipstick stains

If you didn't know he wasn't a statue, you'd have thought he wasn't breathing

In fact, you could even hear the sharp breaths he took in when your lips pressed against his skin

Raph's face was covered, even his mask had some stains

The stains trailed all over, down his neck, over his shoulders, his shell, plastron

He really couldn't tell where you hadn't kissed

Was he basking?

Was he too scared to move?

A bit of all the above

Raph didn't want to ruin your fun and he was enjoying all the smooches you'd left on him

He definitely won't complain if you leave more

[alittleflowerchild]

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Celestial by @pellucid-constellations

On The Ice by @pellucid-constellations

My Everyday by @pellucid-constellations

Hugh Jackman

Be Quiet by @stark-ironman

divider by @saradika

[iscdisc]

Mini comic where Donnie gives Casey a heartfelt gift ! 🎁✨ Lmao

Imagine if Donnie had given April like a super personal photo in that music box that he made for her in Season 3 (EP 2 "A Foot Too Big"-),, Maybe a photo of April and her Mother from when she was a child or something equally creepy given how personal it is / something April didn't go out of her way to share with Donnie?? Like where would he have even gotten that picture in the first place- 💀 Lmao

Also Leo / Mikey / and Raph (especially) all heavily disapprove of this gift, just like April does- I just didn't draw them,, 😔👍

(Sorry I didn't color this one this time around, I just was not in the mood to do all of that- Lmao)

[aubvrns]

“Never Not Mine”

| SVU & Headcanons

Synopsis — How would they react to you sulking because they have been ignoring your calls.

Note — Olivia Benson, Alexandra Cabot, Casey Novak, Melinda Warner // inspired by the loveliest, @lxndrlvr !

(Female reader centered, no pronouns used!)

———————————————————————

!!

Olivia Benson

• — Olivia would kneel down beside your bed and press kisses all over your hand, apologizing over and over again until you’d look at her.

• — She was not the most responsible person when it came to her personal cellphone. Everyone, especially the captain knew that. One time, Cragen found her phone on top of the coffee maker overheated.

• — This time, she left her phone in the bathroom. Thankfully, it wasn’t waterboarded.

• — When she realizes you are ignoring her, she would straddle your hips and place kisses all over your face just to get a reaction out of you. And once she does, she embarrassedly explains why she missed your calls.

• — “Casey rang it and found in on top of the toilet seat.” She whispers, “Hehe, sorry.”

• — And to make it up to you, Olivia would give her full attention to you by cuddling while you watch a movie unbearably inseperable from eachother. She would hold you, resting her head on your shoulder.

• — Not long enough, she falls asleep against it and you couldn’t help but laugh. You really needed to by her a phone charm next time.

Alexandra Cabot

• — She would go home with your favorite flowers, chocolates, and even the cardigan you didn’t realize was missing. You didn’t bother being mad anymore, you just shut your eyes and slept.

• — To be fair, it was 12 AM in the morning. And you didn’t have the energy to be mad at her for missing your calls.

• — Alexandra Cabot, the blonde insomniac who rarely sleeps properly, somehow found herself sleeping on her desk for three hours straight. While her phone was flooded of your calls, her back hurt.

• — She would try to call you back, but assumes you have up on waiting for her.

• — Alex would go to the nearest mall that was still surprisingly open and buy you the things that you like. Tell me why the woman bought a massager as well.

• — “I certainly deserve the back pain for sleeping in my office.” Alex says as you knead her back gently, bringing ease to her body.

• — She would hug you tightly, inhaling your comforting scent in the crook of your neck as she tells you why she missed your calls. She knew you were listening because she would tickle your sides and you would squirm everytime.

Casey Novak

• — Casey would open the door slowly to your room, smiling awkwardly as you ask why she hasn’t been picking up your calls. She could only smile, her cute dimples popping out.

• — She had left her charger at home with her phone running at thirty percent for the whole day. She tried to borrow one from Elliot, but he said he accidentally broke it trying to contemplate his anger.

• — So, it was a whole day of her praying to God that you did not call her out of your worry. Unfortunately, you did. About a million times.

• — She would distract you by huskily whispering compliments in your ear as you lean in her hug, a displeased but smiling expression lies on your face.

• — Casey would cradle you and you would just stay still, letting her do whatever the hell she wants with you. You were glad that she was home, and all that matters is that she is safe.

• — But you playfully roll your eyes as she jokingly starts to sing you a lullaby and coaxing you down on the bed as if you were a newborn baby.

• — “So, I forgot my charger. 😁”

Melinda Warner

• — Melinda would go home to you sleeping peacefully in your bed. She smiles to herself, adjusting your blanket further up your neck.

• — She got cozy. Changing her clothes, unpacking her work bag, and eventually joining you between the sheets.

• — Melinda wasn’t that sleepy yet, so she checks her phone for the first time today. She was confused why she didn’t have any notifications. Turns out, her phone was on do-not-disturb the whole time.

• — When she turns it off, your missed call notifications came flooding her phone to the point you were awaken by the sound of endless chiming. She was in shock, completely unaware that you’ve been calling her.

• — “I’m sorry, darling. I must’ve clicked DND on accident, I didn’t mean to miss your—”

• — You interrupted her by hugging her tiredly, just resting in her embrace. She closes her mouth, playing with your hair to bring you consolation for being alone without any updates.

• — She grins warmly, her eyes observing your peaceful features resting. Melinda met her own weary too, she has alot of making up to do in the morning.

!!

[uranometrias]

goodbye love, you flew right by , spencer reid

this was inspired by the season fourteen episode 'truth or dare'... it's my take on the jeid confession aftermath. listen to ceilings while you read, but don't think too deeply into it, because the story has a happy ending... this is only part 1 though, and it ends on a awkward/angsty note, so sorry. reader passes out from a head blow.

i wanted it to be short, but i have no self control.

you tried to keep your mind on your training, you didn't really have time to panic, you needed to stay calm. you focused all your energy on your breathing, willed your fear away with thoughts of better things. you didn't even want to focus on the fact that spencer was across from you, hands pinned behind his back as he stared up at the manic man that was currently holding you, your boyfriend, and your closest work friend hostage. you believed in your team, and what you were capable of, you knew without a doubt you'd make it out alive.

"casey..." spencer speaks, his voice has matured over the years, rightfully. he sounds so official, and you find yourself sitting a touch straighter at the sharpness behind his words. jj was standing up, eyes glued directly on your captor, her face was pinched up with the proof of her worry. she catches your eye, and looks forlorn, you only hope that she sees the resilience resting in your own eyes, as you try and offer a semblance of hope through your own gaze.

"shut up!" he shouts, and his gun is aimed at spencer. he spits the words out, quickly stomping towards jj as he forced her to the floor.

"okay, okay!" she exclaims, and it's clear that he's hurting her. his patience has run thin, and jj's plan of getting through to him by playing along with his sick 'truth or dare' game was proving to be all for not. your foot unconsciously begins to tap, likely a nervous habit that you have no time to unpack. you're still too busy trying to appear unbothered, it always seemed to tick the unsubs off when it seemed like their bravado meant nothing. that's what you needed. you couldn't afford to let him think that he scared you.

"last chance." and his gun's trained directly at jj's head. "something you'd never say aloud, not even to your friends here." and casey's whirling around to point the gun in your direction, you think it might have been a mistake for him to turn around. when he sees your foot tapping his face contorts, he's annoyed with you, angry with you. your arms are uncomfortable from the way they were taped together behind your back, and the foot tapping has become involuntary.

his reaction is almost instantaneous, and you think you understand why the team's always telling you not to get so lost in your own mind.

casey's grabbing you by your arm and it hurts, especially as his nails manage to pierce through the skin. he seems to be doing it on purpose, yanking you up to your feet as jj and spencer both surge into action. "wait, wait, please-" jj's leaning forward, eyes wide and full of fear for the first time since this whole ordeal began. spencer's scared too, but he hides it much better you think.

"please, don't hurt her." he begs, and you find it a bit annoying that he's brought them to the point of begging, of using manners to appeal to his ego. casey's eyes jump from spencer to jj, and then to you, and he's sneering. he whirls you around, arm looping around your neck as he presses the barrel of his gun directly to your temple. you sing along to your favorite song in your head, using it as a way to stay grounded, it likely made you look like a mad man.

you supposed that it was your superpower, your ability to look death in the eye, and not flinch. the team often mentioned they weren't sure if you or emily was more stone-faced in a crises situation. "oh, you don't want me to hurt her?" he mocks, and you don't look at spencer, no, you keep your eyes on jj, because she's the one that has to play the game. if you didn't know spencer so well, you never would have noticed the slight movement of his arms, he was up to something.

he was fine.

jj was the one in the hot seat, and she needed you to be calm. freaking out would only make her all the more anxious. so you offer her a stern look, a look that expressed that you all would be okay. she doesn't look convinced. "i want your deepest, darkest secret." he insturcts, "impress me, or i'll kill her." and he slams the gun deep into your temple, the action dizzying as you try and maintain your balance. you feel pain blooming behind your eyes. "and then i'll kill him." he nods his head towards spencer, and jj's on the verge of tears.

you have no choice but to watch her, he's given you a first-class seat to the action. jj's eyes don't land on you though, instead she's looking over to spencer. he looks back at her, face pensive, but otherwise calm. she shudders for just a moment, and it looks like she's trying to work up the courage. "come on!" casey suddenly screams directly in your ear, and you flinch violently. it garners both jj and spencer's attention. casey tightens his hold on you, gun at the ready. "do you think this is a joke? do you think i won't blow this bitch's brains out?"

you're not too fond of being called a bitch, and the drama of it all, takes you out of the moment a bit. why were all unsubs so cliche?

jj takes in another shuddered breath, this one bordering on a sob as she takes in a puff of air. it takes her a moment to get her bearings, but then she's looking at spencer again. she offers him a weak smile, and you get a tingle up your spine, it feels like a warning for disaster. "spence..." she says his name weakly, voice harsh as she croaks. he's looking away from you finally, meeting the gaze of his best friend. "uh..." she inhales sharply. "um..." she looks at you then, and you're eyes are wide, confusion swirling there and she's exhaling.

there's a heaviness, a guilt that stares back at you, and you find yourself scared for the first time, but not of casey. no, you're scared of your friend. "i'm sorry." she mouths to you, and you watch as she looks back at your boyfriend, the clear love of your life. you feel dread then, because you know jj, you know her too well, and you know what's coming. why else would she be so worried, why else would she be looking at you with so much shame in her eyes. "i've-" she stops.

spencer's none the wiser, he wouldn't get it until she said it in full. so while you spiraled into despair, he sat patiently, doe-eyes wide and full of whatever innocence he still had left. you wish you could go back to before, you wish you hadn't been assigned to go with jj and spencer, if you were with the team you'd be none the wiser. you wouldn't feel so heartbroken, displaced, uncertain. but you're here now, and all you have to do is wait for the other shoe to drop. jj inhales, and you wish she would get it out. "i've always loved you."

and there it is.

you'd come to recognize the signs and signals of tears, it always started with your eyes burning like you'd been sitting in smoke. your nose stings next, and you bare down harshly on your tongue to keep them from falling. "and i was just too scared to say it before." it's a gut-punch, it would have likely knocked you on your ass had casey not been forcing you to take it all in. "and now things are just really too complicated to say it now." and she's crying, and that's how you know that she means it. that only makes you feel much worse.

jj, for all intents and purposes was a great actress, she could make any story believable, but she'd never been a good 'fake crier'. she could hide every single one of her tells when she spoke, but emotions were harder to manage. you remembered how she'd told you that one day while the two of you were hanging out. you don't know what brought you there, but she'd made it clear, that tears for her were hard to fake. which left you with what? a best friend that was in love with your boyfriend?

"i'm sorry, but you should know." and you'd hoped she'd at least have the decency to look at you. she doesn't. instead, she's still looking at spencer, and you feel like you're intruding. more than that you feel so stupid. spencer's got this look on his face, this shock and awe and confusion that makes you want to vomit, it makes you want to throw yourself to the ground and throw a tantrum. you want to open your mouth and scream, remind them that 'hey, you're here too'... remind them that you were apart of this, that this was a very very bad thing.

hope was not the sort of look he should be wearing, it's not how he should be responding. you don't know what you'd expected, but certainly not for him to look so relieved, not while you were sitting right there in front of him with a gun to your head. he gives her a half smile though, and you crumble. casey's suddenly chuckling, shoulders rocking as they're pulled out of their little moment. "hot damn!" and he's releasing the gun from your temple, holding it like a little prop, as he forced you back to the ground.

you don't resist, your knees slamming into the floor as you conceal your wince, conceal everything.

"now that's what i'm talking about." casey mutters excitedly. "now those are some last words right there..." he nods his head. he then looms over her, gun pointed directly in her face. "but not good enough to save your life-" before he can hope to pull the trigger, spencer has shot him. the shot echoes all around you, but it doesn't seem to pull you from your muffled mind. casey falls to the floor, jj jumping as he lands down next to her. she shudders violently.

then she's looking back at him, at spence. your spence.

you don't like how it makes you feel, that they've conjured this small habit of getting lost in one another. you clear your throat, and they're finally, finally looking at you. jj looks mortified, but you can't read spencer at all. he doesn't look at jj again, doesn't say a word, instead he's looking at you. you should feel something other than rejection, but you don't. not even when his eyes seem to brim with all those feelings that you know he has for you, because now it feels fake.

he's quick in the way he rushes towards you, kneeling as he inspects you like porcelain. his dominant hand moves to gently brush over where you'd been hit with the gun. you don't want him to touch you though, so you pull back, it's more like a hard jerk, like you were frightened of his touch. you try to play it off, pretend it never happened, but you know that he knows. it felt like the beginning of the end, like the prerequisite to something god-awful.

he looks so upset, hurt by the action, but you think out of the two of you, you're the one who's really hurt. "can you just get me out of these, please?" you don't sound like yourself either, instead you sound hollow, like a grieving woman. you probably are, grieving that is. spencer gives you a worn down nod, but maneuvers until he's behind you. he gently tugs at the tape, but it still hurts as it strips at your skin. you bare your teeth, but don't say anything, head hanging low, until he was done. he offers you his hand, you ignore it.

"y/n." jj calls, and she sounds so distraught. you ignore her too, you don't know what other choices you have. the room's not big enough to hide in, so instead you find yourself rushing over to melissa. you think it's silly, to leave the two of them alone while so much hung in the air, but it was better that way. "melissa." you say her name quietly, kneeling in front of her, despite how shabby they felt. "i need you to hang on, okay?" you exhale shakily.

"help will be here before you know it." you promise, and you're pressing on her wound, blood smearing your hands and your fingertips as she winced painfully. you don't hear anything from jj and spencer, but it doesn't make it better. clearly a glance was all it took for the two of them now. you hate the way this has thrown you, you don't exactly know why you're so fearful. jj was married, she had two sons she adored, and a marriage she was happy in. so why did it feel like the confession was the start of something bad.

were you so insecure that you felt like you didn't stand a chance?

you don't want to think about that, it might actually be enough to make you upchuck. instead, your masochistic mind has you chancing a glance back to where it all went down. you see that spencer has taken the tape off her hands. she's looking up at him, and he's staring down at her. you think that you hate them then. the door bursts open a second later, and you're glad. soon enough a medic would come to see to the wounded, and you could get the hell out of dodge.

"we're going to need an EMT, we've got three down." you exclaim. the room immediately jumps into action. you hear the incessant thrum of conversation as everyone jumped into action, and you're more than grateful when you feel someone looming. your mistake was believing it would be a medic, your face falls flat when you're met with the sight of jj. she had always had a bad habit of trying to force the hard conversations. today though, you were determined to stand your petty ground. you avert your gaze, attention back on melissa.

"y/n, please don't do this." she says this quietly, and you hear the genuine anguish in her voice. it doesn't sway you, it can't possibly.

"it's already done." you quip, and you're grateful to have slowed the bleeding of melissa's wound, as a medic takes your place, finally. you stand to your feet, bloodstained hands itching to smear against your jeans, but you refrain. you ignore rossi and tara's questions, not really in the mood to answer different variations of the 'are you alright?' game. you needed air. silly you to think it'd be over just because you'd willed it to be. just as you're stepping outside, you feel a warm hand encompassing your wrist. you don't want to stop, but it's habitual.

"let me go, spencer." you try quietly. you don't want to be that girl, the one that lashes out, and causes a scene. diplomacy was the name of the game. your eyes are glued to the ground, you didn't want to picture him with that stupid hopeful look on his face anymore. you knew that night when you closed your eyes you'd see it over and over. it would taunt you, play on an endless loop while you tore yourself to shreds. what was it about her? why was this happening to you?

"i can't." he replies, and you wish he'd spoken to you earlier. you wish that he had communicated with his mouth, rather than with his eyes. maybe you wouldn't be so far gone. it didn't have to be a big deal, because at least you would have known that it didn't matter. that her confession hadn't changed anything, but he'd stayed silent, and he'd looked at her in a way he'd never looked at you before. you knew there was history, you'd heard whispers from derek and penelope about a football game from years and years ago.

you had never expected for it to matter now.

"you can, you're just choosing to hold me hostage." you mumble, and despite your anger, you can't lash out. you can't be irrational.

"i'm not going to let you leave angry with me." and you hate how he knows you so well. you think it's something you'll miss. "i want us to talk about it, i think that we need to." he says in that voice he often used when he was trying to gently guide you towards the right choice. you don't want to be policed or treated like you were the one that had messed things up. all he'd needed to do was shut it down, all you'd wanted him to do was not look so happy, like it was something he'd spent his entire life waiting for.

"what's there to talk about, spencer? it's happened, okay? let's just move on, before this turns into something it doesn't need to." you shoot back, and he's not convinced, nor is he willing to budge.

"you're treating me like some stranger, as if i don't know you well enough to see when you're lying to me." he's gaining that disappointed lilt to his voice, and you think long gone are all your chances of getting out of this place without it turning into a full blown soap opera meltdown. "we're not going to get anywhere if you can't be truthful with me." he adds, and you don't want a lecture, because you'd done nothing wrong. you were the one casey had held, you were the one that had a gun pressed to your temple.

you weren't the one that made the life changing confession.

"i'm asking you to drop this." you say sharply, and you're hoping to snatch your arm away from spencer. he doesn't let you, and on any other occasion you'd feel so protected, so wanted. now though, you feel claustrophobic, trapped, you didn't feel safe. "i understand that you're trying to preserve our relationship, and i wish i could tell you that this doesn't change anything..." his face morphs, eyes screaming at you not to proceed. "but i just need a second to wrap my head around all this, okay? can you give me that? space?"

to him space always felt like the beginning of the end. he thinks that's why he's determined not to let you go. "will you come back? if i let you go?" and he's already dropped you wrist, so you know that he's not really talking about right now. he sounds uncertain, scared, and it does remind you that there was love he felt towards you. the fear wraps around you, and you're not sure how it really makes you feel. you exhale shakily, and you don't want to give him the wrong answer.

"agent l/n." you're both being pulled back to reality, back to what was going on around you. you note the bleeding gash in his hand, likely from the shard he'd used to free himself from the tape and you sigh.

"i don't know, spence." and it's true. "i'm just a little bit confused right now." you admit. "and my feelings are hurt," you shake your head rapidly. spencer doesn't know how to express the way his mind is running. all he knew was that jj's confession would not be enough to make him want to throw away his time with you. he wanted you to know that you weren't a consolation prize, but he didn't know how to say it now without seeming ingenuine. he knew how it looked, he knew how he'd feel if he was in your shoes.

but, he wasn't in love with jj. he remembered a version of himself that tripped over himself at her gaze, the version that stayed up late at night replaying conversations in his head. a part of that guy would always exist, he couldn't lie and say it didn't. he loved her so wholeheartedly that sometimes it still managed to scare him, but she was an illusion, a fantasy. realistically he doubted they'd make sense in a romantic sort of sense, it was only something to think about... not something to uproot lives behind.

more than that though, he'd never felt for jj the way he felt for you. he remembered the first time you'd waltzed into the bullpen. you'd knocked him right on his ass, took every thought in his head, and made it your very own. you consumed his time, and he was willing to let you. he wanted you to be the only thing that could quiet his running mind, he wanted you to be the only person that could help him sleep. he didn't want to give this anymore attention than it needed, because he was set in his heart. it wasn't a question.

he didn't know why he couldn't just say that. why everything felt so lopsided and off focus now. his lips curve down into a deep pout.

"my head hurts." you mumble, your bottom lip trembling as spencer's frown deepens. he wants to hug you, but after your initial rejection he doesn't know if he can take another one. you feel a bit drowsy, likely a side-effect of the way casey had manhandled you.

"i know, you'll need to get checked out." he says quietly. "you might have a concussion, he really did a number on you." and despite his initial protests, and your earlier reaction, he's reaching for you again. you don't know if you're insecure, or if your profiling skills are allowing to see him for who he is, but the look in his eyes pushes you to relax. his fingers are gentle in the way they cradle your face, and instinctively you're leaning into his palm, cheek pressing against his hand. "i'm sorry." and you don't know which part he's apologizing for.

"can you come with me?" a quiet and still hopeful question. "we could sit together in the ambulance, pretend everything's alright just for a second?" you offer, and you think that's an answer to his question in itself. you didn't know how long it would take to get checked out, you didn't know how long it would take for them to bandage his hand and assess him for other scrapes and bruises, but you could take advantage of it, just the two of you. you could sit in silence, and dance around in that space between love and betrayal.

it was possible.

"y-yeah." he didn't stutter much anymore, so it stands out and makes you want to frown. "we can do that." his expression is torn, and you want to know what's on his mind, what he was thinking. you needed to know, you wanted some sort of sign, anything, that would show you he hadn't given up on you all because jj was in love with him. you hoped you weren't that disposable. "i want to." he adds, and he blinks harshly, almost like he's warding off tears, and it feels so awkward. the usual banter, the back and forth, the flirty remarks that always managed to leave you both shy were all gone.

in a matter of moments.

"good." and at the very least, he's here with you right now. "give me your hand." and you're careful not to grab the one he'd split with the glass, instead stepping around him to pull his clean palm into your slightly stained one. your fingers interlock, and it's a habit, a natural one at this point. "don't think too hard about it." you instruct, and he scoffs at you. he's upset, he's disappointed, hurting, angry, confused, you can see it. all his emotions seem to pile up on one another.

"how can i not?" he asks, and he sounds so tired. "it feels like you're seconds away from telling me that you're done with me." you're a not surprised at the pivot in his demeanor.

"isn't that what you want now?" you've started to walk, and spencer's letting you lead him, not quite ready to let your hand go once you reached the medic that was currently trying their hand at getting your attention. "i mean the girl you've always loved just put herself on a silver platter." you adds with a quiet sneer a second later. "what do you need me for?" you question, and he hates the feeling of his heart mimicking the sensation of pulling and squeezing. it hurts.

"y/n..." he tries, and you shake your head. "you have to know that nothing has changed." he promises, and you scoff. it stops you in your tracks.

"everything's changed!" you hiss. "she's in love with you. jj, our friend. she's been harboring feelings for you for years, but nothing's changed?" you huff, a tear seems to find joy in slipping from your eye in that moment. it's just one, but you know it's a opener to the main event. it's probably because despite everything, he makes you feel safest. part of that safety came an inability to shield your emotions and reactions from him. you'll have to try your darndest to do so now.

you don't really know if you can conceal them, but you don't want them to turn into full blown sobs. a few stray tears were easy to ignore, but the second it became a meltdown you knew you were finished. this wasn't your secret to share, and despite how angry you were with jj, you knew that it wasn't her fault. things were complicated, and you couldn't fully blame her for how she felt. you just wondered if she was biding her time, if she thought she was better suited for spencer than you. did she actually like you?

did she actually believe all that she'd told you regarding your relationship with spencer?

'i've never seen him smile so big' ... 'you guys are actually perfect for each other' ... 'tell us y/n, are you gonna be the one to give spence a few baby geniuses? the boys need some cousins'. your heart aches at the thought of it all being nothing but lip service. but you'd never expose her to the team, you'd never hurt will and the boys like that. which meant you'd have to shape up before the team was back.

"i mean for myself. nothing's changed for me and the way that i feel for you." he presses. "i wouldn't just toss our time together away like that." spencer looks stern as he scolds you. "was there a time that i thought about what it would be like? to be with jj... to-to have her love me back? yes... i won't lie about it." he says, and your face crumples up, and you want to run away. you don't know what he's getting at, but his words don't help as much as he might've hoped.

it causes you to yank your hand away, head shaking back and forth as you step back. "i said that i didn't want to talk about it." and you feel hypocritical because you'd thrown a few rocks to get you to this point in the conversation. "so stop it, okay? we're going to let it go, and we're going to talk about something else." you try your hand at deflecting. spencer's got an exceptional amount of patience, you see it wearing thin on his face, but you're not willing to budge.

"no, we need to talk about this." spencer argues. "i'm not going to pretend with you, and we've been together long enough for you to realize that you don't have to pretend with me, either." he adds. "if we don't now... i'm scared that we never will, and you're- you're angry with me, and i need you to tell me why." he pleads. "if we can't deal with things like this, we'll never make it past the hard stuff." he exhales, "i really want to make it past the hard stuff with you."

"i don't want to talk about it." you feel yourself getting a bit more irrational, angrier. your head feels like it's hurting even more, throbbing as it passed behind your eyes.

"why are you acting like this?" he's growing a bit frantic, he's got abandonment issues, and it feels like you might leave. he's lost a lot of people in his life, he's never been the best with change, he's never been the best with moving on, getting past the hard stuff. he doesn't want to push you too far, but he feels like he's got to hold on tight or risk losing you forever. "why can't you just tell me what you're thinking? if you're gonna vent, why not with me? let me help-"

"i don't want you to do anything for me!" you snap, and you're getting looks from the officers outside. you see rossi and his eyes are directly trained on the both of you. the rest of the team is scattered about, but much like rossi they're looking your way. it's officially become a scene. you run your hands across your face, dried blood caking over your skin, as you press your hands together, taking in a shaky breath. "i told you that i didn't want to talk about it." you remind him harshly.

"y/n-" you don't give him the chance to say much else, because you're immediately cutting him off.

"no!" you're ensuring your volume stays at appropriate levels, especially now that you seemed to have garnered a small audience. tara's still looking, and you know that every so often jj's taking it all in too. you at least owe it to the both of you to not go too far. "i want you to respect that maybe this isn't something you can fix with your extensive knowledge." you proceed. "you're smart as a whip, but boy do you still have a lot to learn about emotions." and you think you might have gone too far. you've definitely gone too far.

your head is really hurting though, and your vision's getting spotty. you don't have it in you to be politically correct, but you see the way his face morphs, how he looks so hurt. he towered over you, but he never looked more like a little boy than he did in that moment. "and my feelings... whatever they may be aren't just something that you can push out of me to make yourself feel better. this isn't just going to go away and be fixed by bed time, doctor reid."

he blinks.

"i wasn't-" he exhales, heartbeat wanting to rise in his chest. "that's not-" he's not prone to panic attacks, but he knew a lot about them. he knew how they could come out of no where, and be crippling. he was panicking, freaking out, mostly because he was being misunderstood. he never wanted you to misunderstand him, especially as it pertained to his intentions and his feelings towards you. "i wasn't trying to manage your feelings... i-" he's trying to breathe. "i just want us to be okay, i don't want to lose you."

you want to reply, really you do. you don't think you can though, because your brain feels like it's about to erupt. your knees lock, and you almost jerk. spencer's eyes widen and he's surging forward to catch you the second you start to fall. it brings him to his knees, split hand be damned. "y/n." and his suspicions about your concussion were confirmed, it makes guilt lash at him instantly. if he'd just bit his tongue, you wouldn't have passed out. he'd let you get too overwhelmed, you'd told him your head was bothering you.

he's so busy beating himself up, and trying to ensure that you were breathing, he doesn't even realize that matt's trying to garner his attention. "hey, what happened?" and he snaps out of it when tara's gently shoving at his arm. he feels like everything's going in slow motion now, he's just concerned about you. that's nothing new.

"i think she has a concussion..." he mutters. "casey-" he tightens his hold on you. "casey hit her in the head." he explains, and he wonders why he hadn't been more diligent earlier. the EMTs are joining next, and he should feel more relieved that you'll be getting the care you need. he knows most times unconsciousness wanes about fifteen minutes from the time that the victim passes out, but it doesn't calm him down. guilt was one hell of a problem.

"she's gonna be alright." tara is telling him, as they're rising to their feet, eyes following the stretcher you were laid out on. "she's a real fighter." and he already knows that, he thinks you're the strongest person in the world, but he should've never pushed you.

"spence!" jj's calling him, and she's approaching before he can reply. "what happened?" she sounds about as worried as he feels. guilt clearly was a dinner for two. "is she okay? w-what's wrong with y/n?" she fires off, and spencer thinks he should be the one talking to the EMTs and not tara and matt, but he can't seem to move. or respond, based on the way jj's face contorts. "spence!" she calls him again.

that snaps him out of his reverie.

"she's got a concussion, it's all my fault." he says what he's thinking. "i shouldn't have tried to force her to talk-" and he hates that right now is the moment he decides to word vomit. "i just-" he looks up at jj, who's got a mixture of emotions swirling in her eyes. "i should have let her go get checked out." he explains.

"this isn't your fault. spence, you're not the one that gave her a concussion. you're not the one that hurt her, casey was." she insists.

"casey's not the one that blew everything up." his retort is quick, and in hindsight, he doesn't blame jj for anything. he knows things are complicated, tricky, weird. but he doesn't want her to be the one to comfort him, and tell him everything was going to be fine. not right now.

"what? are you blaming me now?" jj asks, and she sounds heartbroken. spencer thinks he's getting used to the feeling of his foot being in his mouth. there's a moment of tense silence, a stare off that occurs where neither of them knows what to say. they don't know how to proceed, and he doesn't know why he keeps getting caught in this limbo of not knowing what to say. "i didn't mean to make things difficult." she finally says. "i never-"

they're pulled from this moment by tara. "spencer." and his head turns. "are you going to ride along to the hospital?" and it should've been the natural decision, except he's not feeling particularly ready. he takes a small step back, and it's one everyone seems to notice. the only people that were privy to what went down in that room were you, jj, and himself, and yet it felt like in that moment the entire team was given a front row seat to the obvious aftermath.

something had shifted, changed.

"y-" he shakes his head. "you go ahead." he offers, and tara's eyebrows raise. her shock makes him feel worse, but she doesn't question it. she climbs into the ambulance, and soon enough they're peeling out. his hand still hurts, the gash gnawing at him, but it's a welcomed pain. he'll have to bandage it soon though.

"spence." jj's wearing this look, a mixture of emotions he doesn't want to deal with. "it wasn't your fault." she insists. it doesn't make him feel any better, instead he's forced to come to terms with the decision he'd just made. you'd been taken to the hospital, and he'd stayed behind. he'd stayed behind and been reassured by jj.

you were never going to forgive him.