#sorry I’m just Feeling things rn
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in relation to the home post i just rb’ed, i truly dont think I’ll ever find a place that’ll feel like home to me. the closest i’ve gotten is gay clubs bc of being on stage doing drag, but I’m talking like. somewhere I’ll live in. i rlly don’t belong in society and I’ll never find my place in the world. i’m doomed to stay in this shitty house with my abusive cunt of a mother and i’ll be trapped in this shithole town and shithole state until I die. i really don’t want to die in this town. but i feel like i cant leave now bc grandma (the only person who ever accepted me and defended me from mom and sis and believed in me) is buried here and i told her i wouldn’t leave her behind. but i just can’t stay here
#it truly does feel like there’s no way out for me and no path forward#to the life i want to live#i have one fucking life and it’s been a shit one#and i desperately want to try and live the rest of it on my own terms#but it’s just. Not gonna happen#I’ll never get to travel or go to every national park#or get to see the Smithsonian or the Winchester mystery house#or the museum of death#and I won’t get to fulfill my true potential in my drag career#I’m going to die a nobody and die a broken sad thing#sorry I’m just Feeling things rn#and I feel like there’s SO much pressure on me to do everything perfectly#and take care of mom perfectly#I feel like atlas with the world on my shoulders#I just want to Live not survive
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i think people really do lack the understanding of just how much representation matters.
like, chappell roan. not only is she an out and proud LESBIAN, but i just saw a interview where she opens up about how she is also demisexual. that truly struck a chord with me personally, because i’ve been struggling with figuring myself out in those terms and just hearing someone talk about it, knowing i’m not alone in my feelings and that it’s okay, really does help.
representation MATTERS. DIVERSE representation matters.
#honestly this isn’t even the biggest example#like i could talk abt this topic for hours#the live action little mermaid for example#the whole streamer sketch thing that happened recently#just like so much.#i just wanted to talk abt this because it’s somethn i’ve (like i said) have been struggling with#also why i believe in being true to yourself and expressing that truth#cus you never know who needs to hear that#like by living your truth you may unexpectedly help someone else find theirs#and i think that’s beautiful#that’s a lot i’m sorry 😭😭#i’m feeling things™️ rn#chappell roan#representation matters#lgbtq community#lgbt#demisexual#lesbian#demiromantic#<< me (maybe. probably)#(still figuring it out)
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I love writing, but these days I swear to God I wake up every morning to another rude ask, someone rewriting my story in the literal comments of my fic, or shady public bookmarks deriding my update schedule.
Y’all. Being mean to authors doesn’t make you interesting. It makes you an asshole, and it makes the authors sad :(
#rant#sorry I’m just#sooooo not into it#why is it getting worse rn#on here and on ao3#I’m fine I’m just not into it#I like writing but sometimes it feels like those mean comments and shady tags etc drown out all the compliments#I just keep getting angry and then I get sad and second guess my writing#trying to thought challenge lol#writing#writing things#personal#myfic#theresurrectionist#just writing things#I guess :(#fandom#ao3#archive of our own
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You know the problem I have with Brazilian teenagers trying to introduce a “neutral” pronoun into our language is that we already have one. Ele(s)/dele(s) is already a neutral pronoun. Ela/dela is a neutral pronoun. The deep roots of Americanization into a Latin language is so deep that you don’t even realize that saying we don’t have neutral pronouns simply because foreigners joke about how we “give gender even to a chair” is so sad. You don’t view a chair as a woman simply because we call it A Cadeira. A ship is often seen as feminine even though it is “o Barco”. I have identified as non-binary since my early teens and back then, when I thought English a superior language, I had this same train of thought. But now I just see it as my thoughts on the subject being made up entirely of USAmerican centric LGBT folks who only spoke one language and thought anything deviating from the English norm was strange and silly and sexist. I have never been bothered by being called “ela” in Portuguese the way I feel bothered about being referred to with “she” in English. I’m not 100% sure I’m getting my point across, I think if people want to add a “neutral” pronoun to Portuguese to include people who do not like she/he then that’s fine. Live your life. But treating our language like English feels weird
#perhaps I’m looking too deep into it. maybe I am wrong. people feel differently about things#alas this is a sentiment I’ve had for a while#sorry for sharing it in English and not pt I just don’t feel like making that rant rn#they speak
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Jesse: Yo Mr. White what kind of cheese is the moon made out of
Walter, internally: I need to kill him in a way that matters
#sorry for projectile vomiting breaking bad posts after two months of gravity falls#just feeling inspired ig#maybe i’ll draw this later idk i’m working on like 4 things at once rn#breaking bad#brba#walter white#jesse pinkman#waltjesse
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several sentence sunday
hello! from this post i saw on here yesterday and also the ridiculous would u peel an orange for me tweets
He imagines his heart as a citrus fruit, bright and bursting. This feels like digging a nail into the rind, working your thumb in, peeling it; quick, because this is already a familiar act—so much of loving Buck feels like memory, even the new. Half of what’s inside, the softest, stickiest, most tender parts of Eddie, given to Buck. The way Buck holds and handles with wonder each wedge of it like it’s—maybe not the first he’s ever had, not some Garden of Eden shit with its contorted belief of sin behind wanting and sharing, but like he’s going to savour it for the rest of time, plant the seeds inside that full-of-life place in his own chest. Keep Eddie there, look after this thing they’re giving each other so they can grow: upwards and intertwined and old together. Jesus, has Eddie always been this gross? This kind of giddy-in-love feeling that has every cell in his body vibrating with want and excitement and—joy, isn’t it? Untouchable, unshakeable joy, every time Buck so much as looks at him, never mind the touching and the telling and the loving on. That’s normal at the start of a relationship, Frank had told him. Yes, even an adult one, not a teenage hormone in sight. It’s just—his relationship with Ana hadn’t really had that, even at the start. And his second go-around with Shannon had been fraught with way too much hurt still held onto by them both. Attraction, passion, desire—check, check, and check. But this simple exhilaration, this fucking thrill that runs through him every time he remembers he gets to take Buck’s hand whenever the urge strikes? Every time Buck takes his hand, casual and easy? It’s a rush like no other. But that fades, right? You date for a few months, you live together, you learn, or relearn, every one of the annoying fucking habits the other person has, intimately, and you love them, so much, but the giddiness fades, right? But they’re coming onto a year, and there’s a ring stuffed into the bottom of the pair of Eddie’s socks he’s sure doesn’t have holes in them, and still, still, he thinks of Buck and he wants, giddy. He looks at Buck and the excitement is a full-body thrum. He reaches for Buck and the joy inside him is bursting, demanding, cannot be contained; it spills over and stains them, sticky like his split-open heart. And maybe that’s okay, he thinks, that he gets to feel like this without a deadline. Because if he gets to give it to Buck, press it into his hands and his mouth and the wispy curls at his hairline? It feels like joy is the point, and Buck’s the glowing foundation of it, and Eddie’s ready, actually, to spend a very long time getting accustomed to just how much happiness is his to keep.
idk where this fits yet, might belong to a wip or may write something more around it :)
tagging @onward--upward @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @chronicowboy @colonoscopys @rewritetheending @jeeyuns @zahlibeth @anakinfallen @buckactuallys @bucksbignaturals @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @eowon @clusterbuck @try-set-me-on-fire @butchdiaz @transboybuckley @devirnis <3
#feeling not good in many things rn but feeling very Full Of Love abt my friends! would peel oranges for all of ya#wip#also. been a bit wildly up and down lately and my brain feels like a stretched-out saggy rubberband from the whiplash#which is to say. i’m so sorry if im taking ages to reply i don’t mean to be ignoring you i’m just a little all over the place#but i love u and will get it together soon
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Bluepoch with the relatable emojis STRIKES AGAIN
#noooo#my terrifyingly op Russian futch lesbian#noooooo#what have they done to our lame boyfriend coded girlie?#but like also sameee#I feel this#I’m with you girlie#it’s 1am and I’m planning on doing my dailies after this#The things I’m saying rn#I’m so sorry guys#just me and my brain juices#r1999#windsong#reverse 1999#mecore
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“Are you ever angry?” You ask quietly, head resting in Bakugou’s lap. His thumb pauses where it strokes your cheeks, the far away gaze in his eyes suddenly snapping into focus as he looks down at you. He looks…different than you remembered, before you both were cast out of the pearly gates.
His hair doesn’t shine as bright as it used to, and it falls a little flatter without the halo pulling it up, soft. His eyes still hold that hardened gaze as a battle angel, but they’re deeper now. More sunken in and hollow, the flickering ichor now a stained crimson. His face is scarred and his hands are rough after the fall but he’s just—different.
“About what?” He asks, his lips pursed in confusion. You reach a hand up, stroking over his bottom lip, smooth a hand through his hair. You can almost feel the throbbing light radiating from him, can almost see how broad and ivory his wings would spread and hold you tight to him.
“It all. Everything. The fall.” You whisper, try not to shrink into yourself with the way Bakugou’s lip curls back in disgust. He pulls away from you and you sit up, resting on your knees, looking at him in such a way that his heart pangs in his chest.
His heart, something he’s never had a reason for when he still had his fists bathed in heavenly fire and no ounce of rebellion hidden under sinless skin. It aches in his chest at the mention of life after being kicked out with the only thing he could hold onto—you.
“Why would I miss my thoughtlessness? My inability to make a decision for myself? Why would I miss being a pawn?” Bakugou is all snarls, all snapping teeth and jowls, but it doesn’t scare you. He’s never scared you, even when his gait was limp from the impact of hard soil, and his hands grew rough, and his back grew jagged from ripped feathers.
“I miss it.” You whisper so carefully into the humid night, hands reaching for his own trembling ones. “I want to be holy again, Katsuki.”
He hisses at you, snatching away like you’ve burned him, like you’ve seized his halo and ripped it into two until it split into horns. Looks at you with such heavenly fire burning in his gaze that you want to shrink beneath him.
“Well—well I don’t. Find someone else who will, cause it sure as hell ain’t me.” You wonder who he’s trying to convince here, with his shaky voice and fluttering eyes and trembling mouth. You stare at him for a long while, lips wobbling at the gravity of it all. Your head hangs low, gathering yourself in your arms, head bowed to him—it’s the only thing you’ve ever known.
“Just hold me for now.” You murmur, eyes low as you settle yourself in his arms, forcing your way into his hold. “Please?” You tack on, unafraid of his bite, his snarl, his growl. Bakugou sits there stiffly for what feels like a century, but you’re used to waiting.
He gathers you in his arms slowly, pulling you into his chest, his body covering yours completely. And if you let yourself relax enough, you can almost feel the warmth of his wings surrounding you again.
#can you tell I watched the first season of good omens today AKSJDKDJD#this is actually my favorite subject matter to write about!!#Ive been writing about it since I was a teen and it’s just so cathartic and relaxing and melancholic in a sense#but I don’t tend to write it for fics bc I usually just write p*rn ajdkdjd#I know this kinda stuff isn’t everybody’s cup of tea but it means a lot to me#at first I was gonna make you guys on either side of each other#but didn’t wanna do the bad boy demon x innocent angel reader thing#and I feel like somebody did the vice versa version too???? I can’t remember but I didn’t wanna unintentionally steal lol#so I just did both fallen angels which I love a shit ton lol#I’m rambling sorry!!!#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#cw religion#cw religious imagery#tagging just to be safe!
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Persona 3 then orders, Persona 3 then orders, pERSONA 3 THEN ORDERRRRSSSSSS
Found my new favorite marker for NiGHTS 💜
#imagie kid draws#UGHHUGHUGUHHGH HEAD EMPTY NO THOUVHTS JUST PERSONAAAAAAA#NiGHTS#order doodle#etsyshop#Reala#nights into dreams#nights journey of dreams#nights jod#seeeee you laterrrr
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you know what sounds incredibly troublesome?? concocting a medicine that repels earthworms, digging up the roots of whatever plant they’re currently feeding on and spraying the soil where those plants used to be with the aforementioned medicine. god knows how many of these plants need to be dug up. could be hundreds of them.
and you know what quincy, local hater of all things troublesome decides to do anyways?? help yakumo with such a troublesome task. he 100% didn’t have to, by the way. he could’ve just told yakumo what to do, he’s good at following instructions, but no. quincy decided that not only was he going to make the medicine after buying the ingredients from the market, but also go all the way to yakumo’s village and help dig up each of the plants and put the medicine in the holes left behind.
i.. was right. i was so right. quincy would do anything for yakumo, no matter how troublesome. he’ll sigh and mumble all the while, sure, but if he really didn’t want to do it, he just wouldn’t. we know quincy. if anyone else were to ask for his help with such a tedious task he would 100% just explain to them how to do and be on his way. but not yakumo.
yakumo asks quincy to do something, and he does it, no matter how troublesome. yakumo asks quincy a question, and he takes it seriously, no matter how difficult it may be to explain. honestly, if yakumo said jump, quincy would most likely ask ‘how high’ because he of all people knows it’s pretty much impossible to say no to the serpent’s sweet face ♡
#i’m sorry if i sound insane#wait- no i’m not#i’m having the time of my life rn over analyzing every single word they say to each other#the implications of their conversations. their expressions. how comfortable they are around each other#why does yakumo feel comfortable asking a man like quincy for help with something so tedious??#is it because quincy’s never been able to say no to yakumo before?? hmmm???#anyways they’re going on a date and quincy’s probably gonna meet yakumo’s grandparents#i’ve wanted this for so damn long just let me be insane over this PLEASE#YAKUMO WANTS TO TALK WITH QUINCY ABOUT HIS FAVOURITE THING IN THE WORLD: EIDEN#god quincy is in for a very long one sided conversation with someone he thought was pretty shy and reserved lmaooo#nu carnival#yakumo ♡#quincy ♡#quincamo#mouser muses
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🌧️
#I’ll leave for a bit#just a bit. hopefully#I’ve been making myself so upset about so many things lately#that it resulted in an anxiety attack earlier today which I hadn't had in so long#I can't really distance myself from any of the stressors except for tumblr right now so this post is mostly me telling myself to stay off#at least until jk's bday or something#the self-pressuring and sense of failure has become too much#it's not a balance anymore rn it's just one more thing that's making me feel incompetent and desperate#I should put the little energy I have into my two jobs and the thesis#I could really need a small achievement with writing the coming days. to lift my spirits again#I hope a little break will help with that#and I’m sorry that I've been so miserable on here lately....it's not an easy time rn
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oh my god oh my god oh my GODDDDDD i can’t BELIEVE i found these on my little rainy october thrift shop wander this morning. like, one would have been more MORE enough. but both?? at once??? i am quite simply floating and may never touch back down to earth
#obviously given that it was second hand i don’t know if alex’s autograph is legit#but from my (untrained and overly hopeful) eye it looks very much like it could be???#anyone who’s more expert in these things feel free to weigh in!!#and the photo book#aghhhhhhhhh#i have been wanting to get my hands on a copy for AGES#there’s something so special and atmospheric about matt’s photography that i’m just obsessed with#and to be able to actually look at them in physicality all together like that is truly something else#i also love that it’s designed like a passport obviously because of the whole album concept#but also because it truly does feel like a little glimpse into their world when they were making it#god what am i meant to do with the rest of my day after this??? 😭#(put the humbug album on and look through the photo book of course. and maybe even a little fic writing if my heart rate slows enough)#god bless whoever donated these and whatever luck allowed me to find them today 💜💜💜#i was in need of a bit of a pick me up and by god did this go above and beyond#sorry for how nonsensical all of this has probably been#i’m just#i’m feeling a lot rn 😭#arctic monkeys#alex turner#lulu posts
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being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week
the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals
my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?
I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting
#delete later#sorry I’m really frustrated rn#and screaming into the void is a better solution than keeping it bottled up#I really want to disappear rn#I’m not finding enjoyment from the things I love any more#I physically can’t bring myself to write#I’ve been stuck in this survival state since winter#everything feels so bad and overwhelming#I think I need a break or something#I don’t know#I don’t know what’ll help anymore#I don’t know what’ll make me feel better#I just want to cry#all the time#I miss writing. I miss being proud of what I wrote#I miss when I would be able to post something and I was happy with it#when I didn’t feel like I had to rewrite it over and over#I miss feeling like myself#lately I’ve just… felt like a stranger in my own body#going through the motions of life#and y’know what fuck I miss feeling like I was cared for#and loved#but I’m Me so yknow. I don’t get that#maybe I should take a nap
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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah
#i’m so fucking. Exhausted#having to so carefully budget every single dollar#and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something#or a nice blanket#and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year#and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc#but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do#and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough#i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends#not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices#it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end#sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later#like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn#but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat#and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money#which i am. historically not good at doing#UGH#sorry😭#will delete#personal
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taking a moment to just. weep and rend my garments for people who were experiencing psychosis while in an environment that encouraged religious delusions. that’s the scariest and most unfair thing to happen, especially to a child, and it’s actively made worse by the people that were supposed to protect you. it’s not right and it’s not fair and that shouldn’t have happened to you.
#having a weird one over here#feeling very protective over my ex?? and the child he was and how vulnerable he was and how everyone set him up to fail#and then the same thing happened to me (but less acutely)#and then also my best friend!!! this happened to!!!#it’s just so fucking sad#sorry I’m weird rn lol#personal
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it’s crazy how much having a safe place to be yourself and express your identity and personality and interests, both online and irl, can change your will to live. honestly.
#i came out to my fav professor/mentor today#it was kind of impulsive but idk#she’s just made me feel so safe and supported and cared ab#that honestly all i wanted to do was tell her#and hear what my new chosen name sounds like when she says it. idk.#anyway she was So incredibly receptive and understanding and supportive#like she said things i needed to hear that i didn’t even know i needed to hear#at one point she essentially reassured me that she doesn’t and won’t ever love me any less as a boy#and she immediately wanted to call me by my chosen name and use my preferred pronouns#and she kept telling me too that there’s no pressure or need to stress and that if i ever wanna adjust the name or pronouns i can#and that gender isn’t a fixed thing ofc#she told me that she’s proud of me too#god i’m so luckyyyy dude#i feel so loved and cared about#also i said in an email recently that i was looking for a part time job (like totally as a separate thing i mentioned bc of scheduling stuff#and totally unprompted today#she started talking to me about getting a paid position for me set up with some grant money ig??#which we were already tentatively planning on doing next semester#but bc she saw me say that she’s trying to get it set up now 🥺🥺#AGH i kinda love my life rn#but i’m so terrified to and im even more afraid to admit that#anyway so sorry this is an excessive amount of tags#silas speaks#vent#trans#transmasc#trans masc#transgender#queer#lgbtq+
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