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ktffansub · 4 years ago

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Bijutsu Techo: Boys Love – Interview: Yoneda Kou

This article was first published in November 17th, 2014. Translated from Japanesse to Bahasa Indonesia by kalengjelek and then translated from Bahasa Indonesia to English by KTFfansub. Source: here

When did you first encounter manga?

I was born in a family with three daughters; while my older sister likes reading Ribbon magazine, I like reading Nakayoshi. It was the era of Asagiri Yuu-sensei, when I was in elementary school. My favorite at that time were Kusunoki Kei sensei’s works and Patlabor. When it came to Shonen, I would say I was more into Shounen Sunday. I also loved Kawaraha Izumi sensei’s works. When I think about it, rather than manga that were full of passion, I’d actually prefer manga that had calm and soothing kind of vibe.

Is that so… What about BL?

When I was in Junior High, my older sister showed me Captain Tsubasa Doujinshi by Ozaki Minami and I was dumbfounded, I thought, “So, there’s also a world like this!”. After that, I started to buy BL manga. At that time, the mangaka who left the most impression to me was Nishi Keikosensei. Her works such as Mizu Ga Koori Ni Naru Toki, Tenshi Ni Naranakya have unique openings, it made me reread them many times. Uida Shiuko (now Kano Shiuko) and Yoshinaga Fumi Sensei are also my favorite mangaka.

When was the first time you draw manga?

I seriously began drawing manga in my first year of junior high. At first, I drew a pair of man and woman, but after page three, I felt something was off. So, I tried drawing BL for the next one. Just like the present, I’ve always loved less expressive and less-talkactive main characters (laughs). But the more I draw, then an attentive senpai with good personality and short haired ones like Togawa in Doushitemo Furetakunai also appeared. At that moment I thought, “Oh, this is it!”

You really weren’t embarrassed, are you? (laughs)

Well, it’s because it was embarrassing, that’s why I’m not really open about my drawing manga activity.

(laughs) But you debut as professional mangaka eventually, how did that happen?

Yes, after that… I worked as office lady. I got married not long after, but then, I was getting through a marriage blues. At that time, I was invested in Kakashi and Naruto shown by my older sister along with Comiket catalogue.

The power of moe beats out your anxiety (laughs)

It’s true (laughs). Escaping from reality, I checked a lot of circles and opened some sites. There I found a work from a novelist (now has debuted professionally) that I really liked. This is why I started writing novel at first, not drawing. I have a lot of ways to accommodate my moe needs. I also once drew Doujinshi but due to my inability to use a proper diction, the result wasn’t optimal (laughs). After drawing slowly and more at ease, I got into Katekyo Hitman Reborn fandom and drew a lot of doujinshi for that series. A year later, I was contacted by Taiyou Tosho publisher.

“With that publisher, Yoneda Kou published Doushitemo Furetakunai which has been adapted into a movie. Since the beginning, Yoneda Kou didn’t draw one-shot but serialization. For the movie, even though it only tells a story of daily lives, but the directing, composition and dialogue are impressive. About 4,5 years later, the second volume of Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai that had the yakuza neighborhood setting was released. This has completely different feeling compared to Doushitemo Furetakunai.”

My first work was actually published in Drap, so I had it adjusted to be a less-heavy work. That’s why I ended up switching to another magazine.

Was it a demand from the editor?

Of course I only draw what I want to draw. But without realizing, I always draw them to fit the magazine. And it seems like Taiyou Tosho prefers me to draw more simple work.

So, sensei is the type who pays attention to editor’s suggestion. When you wrote the first chapter of Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai, did you already want Yashiro to be the main character (for longterm series)?

Right. I didn’t explain it in the first one-shot, but I always believe that no matter how you look at it, Yashiro really loved Kageyama. And (even though he’s drawn like that) he is actually a neko (uke). I think he is an interesting character. When I drew highschooler Yashiro and others, it had been decided that I wanted to write a serialization for this.

And only then the character Doumeki was born?

At that time, the character Doumeki didn’t exist, but I thought very hard about what kind of partner that would be suitable for Yashiro. I took a break from drawing for about two years. I only worked on illustration during that time, until one morning an idea suddenly came to me, “That’s right! Erectile dysfunction!”. I immediately sent an email to my editor: “A perverted impotent man!” (laughs). Afterwards, I finally worked on the first draft.

(laughs hard) Finally, the combination of Yashiro and Doumeki who are the opposite of each other was decided. What an amazing couple that can even make the readers losing sleep.

I do have this particular interest in people’s decision and behaviour resulted from a contrasting relationship that is full of conflicts. Because there are so many characters in Saezuru, I have this excel file compiling the plot for each character chronologically. Otherwise, I would’ve forgotten about it. If I didn’t seriously research (the setting of my own story), I wouldn’t be able to write anything when I made name. But even though I got through it, drawing a family with no blood ties like yakuza was still difficult. If I don’t focus, the story might turn out like Nagara Sakugyou*. That’s why now I’m just focusing on doing Saezuru.

*) nagara sakugyou: other work that being serialized at the same time

Up until now, Sensei has published 5 volumes and all of them have beautiful covers with varied tones.

Actually, the cover color for Doushitemo Furetakunai should’ve looked like red wine, but it seemed like there was an error in printing so the pink was contrasting into it. But it turned out to be good.

Then about the cover for the Saezuru first volume. It’s so impressive! The stepped-on man! All the people around me also had high appraise for this.

Actually, there were so many things happened in the process. By taking the request (it isn’t clearly explained whether it’s from editor/designer) of “Yashiro sitting alone”, I first submitted that illustration to the book designer. However, I couldn’t throw away the idea of Yashiro being stepped on, so, during the next three days I was stressed out. I’ve finally asked them to keep my idea and that’s how the cover of the first volume ended up the way it is now.

I see! For the second volume, it’s totally different, isn’t it? It’s a scenery, but when you do a double take, there are Yashiro and Doumeki!

I always want to give a different vibe in each volume. Actually I’m also a fan of the way Tsumugi Taku-sensei draws scenery.

Hoo-, sensei is a fan of Tsumugi sensei! Talking abough NIGHTS, when you open the cover, there’s a surprise in it!

Yes, if you look at the rough sketches there were 4 pages of picture that were interconnected. In the end, the desainer took picture number two as the cover and number four to put it on the bottom of the back cover. For Soredemo, I didn’t get any guide from the book designer. I combined the the feel of the story with a touch of water paint. At first, I actually wanted to make Deguchi pulling Onoda’s hand to get out of the train, but it ended up looking like Deguchi forced Onoda to stay (with him). So I decided it’s Onoda who’s getting off the train by himself with Deguchi waiting on the platform.

Do you do the coloring with computer? How about the non-colored script?

I use SAI for coloring but for monochrome I usually draw by my hand until the inking, then I do the tone using photoshop.

Do you self-learned drawing?

Well, I at least bought a lot of ‘pose reference’ books often. When it comes to buy things, it feels great, doesn’t it? But when it comes to manga, we draw to tell our moe concept.. well, I love drawing moe concept, but the thing is- I’m not really good at drawing. I like thinking about moe stuff, I also like to combine colors (inside my head) but when I do, I have no desire to draw I, even though that’s the important part. There are often times when I feel like drawing is a handful. In short, I want to draw something that isn’t too troublesome.

But, isnt it because you’re doing manga seriously that it feels difficult?

Because I’m too serious I feel like the story can be boring. Not only the work but also the author (laughs). I often read comments saying my manga is ‘down to earth’. I guess it’s shown obviously in every each of my works

Sure, there are people who think like, “In real world, there’s no way a wakagashira can be as masochist as Yashiro”, but apart from that, Saezuru still gives an impression of it being realistic. In drawing the important men’s arms and muscles in your work, sensei has done your best. Getting into the story, the characters also put extra effort to look elegant. Despite the young age, in a positive sense, sensei’s works feels like having Showa* vibe.

(*SHOWA ERA: 1926~1989)

I’m no longer young, though (laughs). Maybe this is why my works often get called “JUNE”. Especially Saezuru, I think it really fits (JUNE concept).

Are you an organized person?

I’m actually a person who have no chill (laughs). But I have this side of myself who tend to see things as a whole, look at my surrounding then step on the brake. There is also a side of me that is so energetic in creating my own moe that I turn into a selfish person. I guess that’s also my flaw.

It seems like sensei is the type who has her own editorial meeting inside her head (laughs)

I wish it’s not true, but unfortunately, I’m the type of person who is embarrased to admit that I have a relationship with manga. Even until now I have yet told my close friends about this job (as BL mangaka). I’m not that kind of person who like to share or tell others about my moe situation inside my head. When my moe concept is being visualized in public I would scream, “Don’t look! But if you want to read it, I’d be happy”. Yes, I’m that kind of person.

I wonder if sensei’s works are the manifestation of sensei’s own self-contradictions..

#saezuru #doumeki #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #yashiro #yoneda kou #interview

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cagestark · 5 years ago

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Winterspider prompt if you're game! There's a meme about a poor college student being robbed; the robber, upon learning just h o w poor, stopping and giving the (empty) wallet back and being sincerely concerned. "You... you live like this?" What if the winter soldier/bucky barnes breaks into struggling college student Peter parker's apt and all his pre-serum steve instincts are triggered by the state of the place and how /tiny/ Peter is (abo/soulmates/soulmarks/werewolf au for spice up to you)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

This prompt came into my house and stole my money. This is CHAPTER ONE. Because I was so inspired that I’m officially making this my first multichap fic. I hope this will appease you for now…And I hope you can forgive me for making it winterironspider (I’m a sucker for starker/winteriron so it all just clicked together nicely). Please come back into my inbox and let me know what you think so far.

Warnings in this chapter: graphic descriptions of being poor. Bucky says fuck A LOT. Peter is 24 but Bucky keeps calling him “kid” because he’s so small. Sickness. 4.1k

Bucky can pick a lock in ten seconds flat.

It’s a science: tension wrench goes into the keyhole, the slightest torque is applied, then his favorite pick—the Bogota with three rakes, as of late—goes in and he scrubs the hell out of it until the plug turns. Easy as fucking pie.

The hard part (and he’s not counting the guilt, the horror he would feel if Tony ever discovered how Bucky makes the money he uses to buy his lover trinkets) is scoping out the right apartments. He sticks to NYU residence halls, early mornings and late at nights because the security is usually lax enough to let him through without even checking his ID—if they ask? Oh fuck, I left my wallet in my Uber. Maybe he hasn’t left yet, one sec—and then he’s out of there.

Today, it’s the Lafayette Hall between China Town and TriBeCa, reserved for graduate students seeking their Master’s Degrees in science fields.

It should be empty. On campus is an expo featuring innovators from Sphere Fluidics, Fasmatech, AcouSort, and NanoTemper Technologies which—according to the flier Bucky read online—are huge names in the science industry, all displaying their scientific discoveries from the last business year and scouting for fresh blood.

Any science major worth a shit will be there, he imagines. But it’s mandatory for NYU grad students. Score.

Content that the apartments will more than likely be empty, Bucky chooses the first hit at random after taking the elevator up: apartment 2B. It’s furthest away from the security camera at the other end of the hall—not that Bucky has ever left behind a reason for those cameras to be checked. It’s the principle of the thing, really. He keeps his back turned, hair in his face, both hands gloved (thank God it’s always cold and dreary in NYC, so his gloved hands don’t draw any attention) while he scrubs the lock. It takes him no longer than it might for anyone with a legitimate key, and then the door is open and he is in.

Bucky can see decently in the dark, the light from the hallway disappearing as the door is carefully closed behind him. Holding his breath, he stills himself, calls upon his enhanced senses, and listens: but there are no sounds coming from the apartment. Empty.

Then he actually takes in the place, and he realizes that that word fits in multiple ways.

The apartment is vacant, he thinks at first. There is the basic furniture all the NYU apartments come with: a refrigerator, a couch, a coffee table. But there is no television, no end tables. There are no curtains on the window across the room—and wow, what a lovely view of the brick building across the alley. The entire place smells musty and unused. Maybe it really is empty—

But no. Little signs of life appear. There are shoes by the door, ones that saw better days many, many days ago. On the wall, a photograph is tacked there, unframed, of two boys on either side of a pretty, dark skinned girl. A plastic grocery sack is dangling off of the drawer handle of one kitchen cabinet, sagging with contents that he can’t make out through the opaque plastic.

Someone does live here, they’re just terrible at decorating.

With careful, silent steps, Bucky moves deeper into the apartment. He doesn’t bother looking for a wallet—that will be with the owner—but usually there is money somewhere else. If he’s really lucky, he’ll find whatever he’s looking for.

Today, he wants blank CD’s. Last night, Tony showed him a movie where the teenage love interest burned—(“why’s it called that, Tony? You don’t burn the thing, do you?”)—a CD with love songs. It was real romantic shit; something Bucky never got to do. Something that he longs to do with this amazing man in his life. He can imagine the look on Tony’s face when he listens to a compilation of all the awesome music he’s introduced Bucky to, and it makes his heart race.

The Best Buy downtown sells a pack of five CD’s for $6.99 plus tax which brings the total to $7.61. That’s all that he needs. He could probably take that and more from any one of these apartments and the occupants would never notice. He isn’t hurting anyone. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

Then—jackpot. On the counter is a line of change: neat stacks of quarters and dimes, taller piles of nickels and pennies. Palming it, he cups one hand under the counter and slides the coins home into his hand. A quick count tells him that it’s just $2.30. It’s probably change for the vending machines downstairs, maybe fare for the bus. Nothing that will break this grad student’s bank.

For a moment he contemplates leaving the apartment. He’s almost got a third of what he needs for the CD’s. But breaking into another apartment just escalates the risks he takes, unnecessarily so when the rest of the money could very well be in the bedroom or even in the pocket of some jeans resting on the bathroom floor. No. He’ll press on.

Walking silently, he brings up the floorplan of the apartments in his mind (NYU had all that shit online; didn’t they know how unsafe it was? This world made information so available). The bedroom is on the left, past the kitchen. In the dim light through the window, he can see the door, open, a dark gaping mouth that he slips through soundlessly. It is even darker here, and he stands still waiting for his eyes to adjust further. It’d be no good to go fumbling around in the dark, knocking into furniture.

It only took moments, but as soon as he could make out dim shapes, he heard it. A little whimper. The rustling of sheets. Everything in him went still except for the blood in his veins, propelled by his furiously pounding heart. Someone is here. Bucky broke into an occupied apartment. He is standing in the doorway to a bedroom and there is someone sleeping in the bed.

He gets a glimpse before he can slink back into the living room, and what he sees stops him in his tracks. It is a boy—or a very small man, perhaps, considering these apartments are for graduate students only. The boy is wearing just a pair of boxers, some dark color—red or navy or even black, perhaps, since colors are distorted in this low light—but there is no hiding or distorting how thin he is. The shadows between his ribs are little valleys to the pale, jutting mountains of bone, rising with his fast, shallow breaths. The collarbones protrude, limbs fine-boned and so skinny that Bucky could probably wrap his fingers around an entire ankle or bicep. His face is smushed against one pillow so features are indistinguishable, but the mop of messy curls on top is unmistakable.

There is no bed. There is no bedframe, no mattress, no box spring. A pile of threadbare blankets and sheets are entwined into a makeshift nest, like the kid is some little bird.

After taking in the sights, he takes in the smell. It’s strong—damp and musty, like the windows have never been opened. The pungent scent of sweat. The overly sweet scent of cough syrup, though the two bottles on the nightstand are upended and empty.

Mostly, the acrid smell of sickness. A bucket is beside the bed, and the smell of vomit gets stronger the closer he comes—why is Bucky walking forward? He should be walking away, far, far away.

The boy whimpers again, rolling onto his back more. Sweat coats his skin, and the rapid rise and fall of his chest is even more pronounced in this position, tummy a hollow little thing. This boy is sick, very sick from the smell and the heat that Bucky can feel when he places his hand above the boy’s head, hovering over the skin.

“Ben!” The boy shrieks. Bucky jerks away and nearly topples the trash bin of vomit. His heart is pounding, thinking I’m so sorry Tony, so sorry that I’m going to get caught and get arrested and that you’re the only person in the world I’ll have to call, and if you don’t want to bail me out I’ll understand, I really will—but the boy sleeps on, lips moving. He is dreaming the feverish dreams of the sick.

Carefully, Bucky stands. He backs from the room. On his way out, he takes in more details even if he doesn’t want to: a name-badge for the building and NYU campus (which he takes, which he should have seen on his way in and known that it would be wherever the student was—complacent, he’s gotten too fucking complacent), the silver duct tape on the bottom of the kid’s shoes which holds them together. The past-due notices on the refrigerator. The paper plate resting in the sink, plastic cutlery that has been washed and re-used countless times. The kid is poor. So fucking poor.

And he can’t help that it reminds him of another sickly poor boy from nearly a hundred years ago. He remembers it like it was yesterday, fuzzy memories that Princess Shuri helped turn clear: a thin pale Captain America, the chest-deep coughs that would rattle his whole frame when he was sick, sitting by his best friend’s side through the night just to mop his brow and make sure he didn’t choke on his own sick. His stomach aches, twisting inside out with phantom hunger pains. Stepping into that apartment made him feel like he’d entered a time machine back to the Great Fucking Depression.

Another thought comes: what if the kid needs a fucking ambulance? What if he’s in there, brain frying from his fever? What if he throws up and aspirates? That will be on Bucky. There’s no way that he can walk away from this—not if it could add an(other) life, like a notch, to his murderous bedpost.

Palms sweating, he looks down at the badge he left with. Peter B. Parker. It’s a cute name—Bucky’s always had sort of a thing for alliteration. The picture of the kid is shy with the closed-lip smile and the rampant curls falling onto his forehead. He was skinny to begin with, but not malnourished like he is now. The badge will let him come in through the back doors. Because apparently he is planning on coming back.

Bucky pulls out his cellphone, mostly unused, and makes a call. While he talks, he takes the stairs down so that he doesn’t lose the call in the elevator.

Tony picks up on the second ring. “Hey Bucky, everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” In the background he can hear the sound of a door closing, and Tony’s voice grows more familiar, softer and more comfortable. He must have been around company but left.

“You only ever call if you’re about to break the law,” Tony says fondly.

Is he really so predictable? Well, in this case, he’s already broken the law, though that’s hardly a point that he wants to make. “No. it’s—nothing like that. I was just wondering about the credit card you gave me.”

“Oh? Thinking about blowing the dust off it?”

“Yeah,” Bucky mutters. He hates it—hates being like the other million people in Tony’s life who just take his money. The fear that this man who has helped Bucky salvage himself, salvage the will to live life, to carve out a life he wants to live…the fear that he’ll think Bucky is just with him for the money is unconquerable. Tony gave him the leather wallet and the credit card years ago, and Bucky has never once used it. “Just a bit. Twenty dollars. Thirty at the most, Tony, and I swear I’ll pay you back—”

“Hey, hey, no need for the freaking out. Mi dinero es su dinero, polar bear. Buy whatever you need.” He pauses. “Are you in any trouble? I don’t know if you need me to emphasize this, but there’s probably no trouble you can imagine that I can’t get a person out of.”

“I’m not in trouble,” he says, hoping Tony doesn’t notice the unconscious inflection on the word I’m. “But I’ll remember that. I promise.”

“Okay. Great. That’s all I need to hear. Thai, tonight?”

Bucky can’t help but smile. He pushes open the back door to the building and steps out into the street, angling his face away from the security camera at the alley entrance on instinct. The wind is blistery, whipping his hair around his face. “I’ll be there.”

Tony hums. “I can hardly wait.”

They exchange declarations of love and say goodbye. Bucky feels a little choked up, how he always feels after hearing Tony say that he loves him. His eyes sting—but that’s just the wind. Honest. Down the street is a pharmacy and Bucky ducks in, head down. There’s an entire aisle for cold medicines, and he takes far too long examining all the bottles. Thank God there are ones that seem to treat everything: headaches, fever, nausea, cough. Everything except for the kid’s destitution.

He sees the chicken noodle soup and he grabs some of that as well.

Checking out is awkward; Bucky slides the card upside down at first. Then he’s unsure: credit or debit? He clicks credit since it’s first, but then he has to sign and he has a new dilemma. Should he forge Tony’s signature or put down his own? The card has his name on it, but it’s Tony’s money. In the end, he writes his own name. Forging feels too…familiar.

With less than twenty dollars spent, he trudges back down the block to the apartment building, and it isn’t until he’s swiping the key to get into the back door that he realizes he has no fucking idea what he’s going to do. Knock on the kid’s door? Hey, I broke in earlier and saw you were sick and out of medicine, here’s some. I’ll put the change I stole back on the counter. Sorry to fucking bother you?

Bucky Barnes, former assassin for Hydra, absolute dumbass.

Absolute persistent dumbass. Because he knocks on the door. He really fucking does. And when no one answers, he knocks again and again until he hears movement on the other side of the door (a chest-rattling cough that makes him shudder) then the door is cracked open and a bloodshot, honey-brown eye is staring out at him.

“Hi,” Peter croaks. His voice is wrecked, and it immediately does things to Bucky. Things that are wrong, especially considering that his voice isn’t croaky because of a cock nudging too persistently at the back of his throat, but because he is fucking sick. “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to help you,” Bucky says. Peter’s eyebrows furrow. It’s cute. He’s wearing a shirt that is far too large for him, and pajama pants so long they slip down past the backs of his heels. “I’m—visiting one of your neighbors down the hall. You’re keeping everyone up with your cough, kid. I brought you some medicine.”

Peter opens the door wider, so that Bucky is seeing all of him instead of just a two-inch section. He rests against the doorframe because he’s swaying, struggling to keep on his feet, and he is so tiny, so, so tiny. The smell of him is foul, but Bucky would never mention it. “Gosh,” Peter says, and Bucky is horrified to see tears, real fucking tears fill his eyes. “I didn’t know I was keepin’ everybody up.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Bucky says. People say that, sometimes, to horses that are likely to buck off their rider or men who pull out guns in gas stations. Bucky figures that he should probably use either of those situations as reference for what to do now, because how to comfort a crying kid was not in the Winter Soldier’s repertoire. “Don’t shoot.” Fuck. Try again. “I mean—it’s not your fault. You’re sick. Obviously.”

Fat tears roll down Peter’s cheeks. It impedes his breathing even more, until Bucky is afraid that he’s going to choke on his own phlegm. When he speaks, he tries to keep his voice even and clear through his hitching breaths. The shirt slips off his shoulder, bones protruding. “I-I-I know. It hit m-me a-all of the sudden. But now it won’t go away.”

“Have you tried going to the doctor?”

Peter’s smile is downright tragic. He looks like he wants to reach out and pat Bucky on the cheek, call him a sweet summer child, ask him what pipe he smoked to have such a dream. “I d-don’t have insurance. I’m still trying to p-pay off my debt from last year when I had my tonsils removed.”

“And they—what—they won’t treat you? Just because you needed treating once before? They’re fucking doctors!”

“I know,” Peter whines, rubbing a wrist at his leaking nose. The door opens even wider. “Would you like to come in?”

Bucky sees the irony. He really does. A half hour ago, he was in this apartment robbing the kid. Now he’s standing at the kitchen counter watching Peter make ramen noodles (“my aunt always said that when someone is in your house, you should treat them like they live there”). He nearly burns his hand on the pan, and that’s when Bucky moves to take over, stirring when appropriate, adding a packet of flavoring. Peter pulls one bowl down from the cabinet—the cabinet that is unbearably empty from the quick glimpse Bucky gets of it.

“I only have one bowl, I’m sorry,” Peter says, face red, eyes downcast. His hands shake while he ladles the soup and noodles in. He gives Bucky one of the plastic spoons—it’s clean, he knows—but the whole thing is so fucking sad. When Peter glances over the counter, muttering something about some missing rent money, that’s it. That’s it for Bucky.

I’m taking him home with me, he thinks, nudging his spoon against the noodles in his bowl.

“I’m Peter, by the way,” the kid introduces himself. Then his face goes white, shaking intensifies. “Excuse me.”

Bucky hears him vomiting even through the walls between them. There isn’t much to come up, but the retching lasts forever it seems, the boy dissolving back into tears. Instinct says to go to him, but Bucky doesn’t want to be anymore of a fucking creep than he already is. When the vomiting turns to coughing and then to gasping, Bucky decides fuck it. He is a fucking creep. But he’s not going to let the kid pass out and crack open his head.

Peter is in the bathroom, bowed over the toilet, curls matting to his forehead with his fever. Bucky goes through drawers until he finds a washcloth and wets it from the sink, the water stinking of iron, to at least dab at the back of the kid’s neck. He shivers, but sighs into it, his wheezing breaths slowing.

When at last he leans back, his cheeks are red and wet. “Thanks,” he croaks. Bucky just mops at his forehead, avoiding the comical look of relief and pleasure on his face.

“You need a doctor.”

“Can’t afford it,” Peter mutters, reaching out to flush the toilet. Bucky practically carries him back to the kitchen-living room combo, setting him down on the threadbare couch.

“I’ll pay,” Bucky says. Then he winces—because it isn’t really his money. It’s Tony’s money. How can he just promise Tony’s money to this kid? But he can pay Tony back. No matter how long it takes or how hard he has to work. He’s got decades and decades left to live. He’ll spend them all trying to repay Tony’s kindness and love as it is. What is this one extra debt?

“What?” Peter asks, his eyes glassy with fever. “You can’t.”

“Why not?”

“A trip to the doctor costs hundreds of dollars, not to mention if I’m really sick, I’ll need medicine which will cost even more. I’m not taking that kind of money from you.”

“I’m rich,” he half-lies.

Peter looks him up and down, the worn boots, the soft but unremarkable jeans, the gloves that he’s still wearing even though they are indoors. While he doesn’t look destitute, the idea comes across loud and clear: Bucky sure doesn’t fucking look rich.

He sighs. “Fine. It’s my boyfriend. He’s rich.”

“You want me to take your boyfriend’s money? I’m—what? I don’t know you. I don’t even know your name.”

“My name is Bucky,” says Bucky. “And my boyfriend is Tony Stark.”

Peter’s mouth clicks shut. His eyes clear a little, the name cutting through the sickness. “Tony Stark.”

“Yeah.”

“The billionaire.”

Bucky can feel himself smile against his will. “Genius, billionaire, philanthropist, superhero. Yeah, he’s the one.”

Peter reaches out and puts his burning hand against Bucky’s forehead. “Maybe you’re the one who is sick,” he teases weakly.

“I’m serious,” Bucky says. He pulls out his phone and Googles it—hopes the kid doesn’t see the tab of Lafayette Hall dorm room floor plans that was previously open. Then he brings up the tabloids. He and Tony aren’t in the news as often as they were years ago when they first started leaving the Tower together to do couple-things, but the articles last forever. There’s a nice one detailing all about Tony’s promiscuous love life, how everyone thought the bisexual ways of his youth were just a phase. Until Bucky.

The pictures are clear. Peter’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “You’re dating Tony Stark. Oh my god. I’m—I’m his biggest fan. Oh my god. I think I’m going to pass out. I’ve—” the kid goes red as a beet, “I’ve had a crush on him since I was like, like this tall.”

Judging by the height of his hand when he holds it up, Peter’s been harboring his crush on Tony since ever. And yeah, Bucky gets it. His lips can’t help but quirk upwards—Peter is so fucking cute, even with he way his cheeks are hollow, eyes sunken. He lights up when he talks about Tony. Bucky is the same way. Tony inspires that in people.

“I’ll pay for you to go to the doctor. See? I can afford it.”

Peter gnaws at his lower lip. “But why? I don’t get it. Because I’m keeping everyone on the floor up? That doesn’t—this is weird.”

“Because you remind me of someone I used to know. My best friend, from when I was a kid. He’s—he’s not around now. But you two would have gotten along well, I think. And he would’ve kicked me in the ass if he knew I just walked away when I knew you need help.” He can see the indecision on the kid’s face, the wavering teeter-totter of what he wants to say (yes yes yes) versus what he thinks he should say (no, but thank you). Bucky has an ace up his sleeve: “Why don’t you come back to the Tower with me? Meet Tony. He’ll tell you all this himself.”

“I couldn’t!” Peter nearly shrieks. He coughs, and Bucky waits patiently for him to finish.

“You could. You totally could. You will. I’ll call a car—”

“Oh my god,” Peter whispers under his breath, his whole tiny body going lax and weak like a woman from Victorian times, likely to swoon at any moment. Where are Bucky’s smelling salts? “Oh my god,” he says, soft and to himself. “I’m going to meet Tony Stark.”

Bucky can’t help it. He grins, pats awkwardly at the kid’s shoulder—and Jesus, he’s a tiny little thing, still burning up under Bucky’s grip. “He’s going to be thrilled to meet you.”

Peter insists on showering and changing his clothes. Bucky steps out into the hallway to call Tony back and warn him—and ask him to send Happy or one of the self-driving cars. Anything to avoid taking a cab or the subway.

“Twice in one day,” Tony says when he picks up the phone, forgoing a greeting. “Aren’t I a lucky man?”

“I’m the lucky man, ‘s far as I can tell,” Bucky says lowly. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine Tony’s expression, the ridiculous fond face he makes when he looks at Bucky. “I had a favor to ask of you, though. A big one.”

“Anything for you, frosted flake.”

“Send a car to the address that I text you? And—order Thai for three?”

#winterironspider #starker #multichap #chapter one #bucky breaks in #peter is sick #tony is tony #tw: poor #tw: sickness #winterspider #cagewrites

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xfanfics · 5 years ago

Photo

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 3

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity. Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 37 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

—–

Teenage Dirtbag by littleartemis E | 7k | Canon!verse, Hot, sub!dean, dom!cas

Dean gets magically deaged so he's physically young again. Problem is he's a 'twink' once more and he can't hunt like this. Frustrated he takes it out on Cas who's getting to the end of his patience and decides a spanking is in order. He just didn't figure in that Dean might enjoy it.

The Perks of Playing Quidditch by noangelsinthegarrison G | 1k | Fluff, Wizarding World AU

“So,” Dean coughs, drawing Cas’s attention back to his eyes, “Any chance this taught you not to fly when you’re sick? Cas chuckles low in his throat and thinks that if Dean Winchester catching him mid-air, strong arms holding him against a solid, warm chest, was his reward, he hasn’t learnt any such thing. He pushes the thought down before he can say it out loud and instead raises an eyebrow. “Dean, you played through a broken leg last year.

AGGHHHHHHHHHH SO CUTE

Adiago by noangelsinthegarrison G | 6k | Fluff, Dancer AU

“His name’s Dean," Cas sighs, "And he’s really stupidly attractive, and when he dances, he feels it, you know? And it makes me feel like I know him, even though I don’t. He makes me feel like… like he’s dancing just for me. Gabriel rolls his eyes, “Wow you’re overdramatic when you’re horny.

This fic is super adorable. Lovely and full of pining, which happens to be my fave.

Good Clean Wholesome All-American Kink by Amelia_clark E | 2k Hot, Canon!verse

Dean's stronger than Cas now, and Cas kind of hates that. So Dean finds a way around it--he just needs to be tied up.

ImmMmMMmm HOT

Roots and Wings by Elensulev E | 51k [WIP] | BDSM AU, soulmate AU, sub!dean, dom!cas

In an alternate universe where you learn your soulmate sometime around puberty, Dean Winchester is shocked not just that he is a sub, but that a man's name appeared on his wrist. John Winchester doesn't suffer subs gladly, and Dean takes the brunt of his father's misogynistic attitude. Can the mysterious Castiel convince him he is worthwhile? AU where Sam and Dean are raised apart, Cas is human, and John is a hunter raised by a disgruntled Man of Letters.

A fusion of the soulmate's-name-on-the-wrist and the dom/sub verses. Though the John parts are painful to read (this fic is NOT for John-lovers), the over all effect is worth it, and gentle-dom!Cas is my absolute favorite. Edit from 2020: Holy SHIT this fic is long now.

Highwaymen. by orange_crushedv M | 66k | Harry Potter AU

Dean closes his eyes. He is under a blanket in his memories, fabric pulled up under his chin and his face pressed near to hers on the pillow. His father is asleep, snoring slightly, hands loose and expression happy, curled around her on the other side. She's speaking in whispers. He knows that she was already pregnant then, that Sam was on his way into their lives, even though he'd had no idea what exactly that meant at the time. He can almost see her face still, warm and orange in the light of her lumos circling their heads like a firefly, but every now and then she blurs in his vision, like a lost thread of consciousness, something half-remembered. Bit by bit, he's losing her.

The Wizarding World AU I never knew I wanted!

Understanding your body in ten easy steps by almaasi E | 12k | Canon!verse, Masturbation

All Dean has to do is track down a decent porno for Cas to watch, help him find his sensitive spots, then hang back and let him do his thing. Easy-peasy. No homo. ...Absolutely no homo at all.

Casturbation. Fuck yes.

Blackboard by lemonoclefox E | 76k | College AU, BDSM elements, sub!dean, dom!cas

Castiel Novak is a college English teacher, in a rather inappropriate relationship with Dean Winchester, who happens to be one of his students. But although their arrangement is one that works perfectly for the both of them, Castiel is starting to worry that maybe keeping it impersonal will be harder than he thought.

Perfect. The story is actually 8 chapters long, but the other 8 chapters are told from Dean's point of view.

On Air by wincechesters E | 21k | Fluff, Radio Host AU

Cas and Dean are radio DJs who host the second most popular morning show in Lawrence. They’ve been co-hosts for years at different stations across the country, and they own a house together out of necessity, even though they’re just friends. But for some reason, a lot of their listeners and even some of their friends and family seem to think that they’re secretly in some kind of relationship, which they’re totally not (besides that one time that totally doesn’t count). In spite of that, Dean thinks he’s got everything figured out, until an ill-fated on air game of Truth or Dare turns everything upside down (and the billboards around town aren’t helping either).

FLUFFY CUTENESS AWW

Courage of Stars by mcpadalacklesv T | 3k | College AU,

Dean's brain is stuck on 'he's leaving me he's leaving me' and he thinks about saying don't go or I'll come with you, but what comes out of his mouth is, "I don't think you get loose-leaf tea on the moon.Wherein Dean (who owns a bookstore) and Cas (an astrophysicist grad student) have been best friends since they were kids, NASA nearly screws things up, and tea is mentioned far too often.

THIS IS ADORABLE JFC. I loved the part about tea strainers omg

How to Improve a dull day by arigatou_sunshine E | 7k | Soulmates AU, ABO, omega!dean, alpha!cas

Dean's about to pick up something not on his grocery list.At 28, Dean meets his alpha while shopping for groceries.

I just... Um. Yes. I have a sweet spot for the true mates trope and this is a very sweet example of that :)

Ignite by angelofthemoorv E | 86k | Vampire AU

While investigating a lead regarding a serial killer, Dean Winchester suffers a beating. When he wakes up, he discovers a stranger named Castiel has been caring for him. But Castiel has a secret--he is a vampire. He is not like other vampires, however. His mission is to protect humankind, and he has been pursuing the serial killer, too. Will the friendship between Dean and Castiel endure the trials ahead? Will their mutual attraction develop into something more?

Feels 'Verse by Gemmiel E | 18k | Fluff, Alt!canon

Castiel discovers that being human is very different from being an angel, physically speaking, and Dean helps him explore the differences. AU for season 9 in which Cas goes straight to the bunker and Sam heals spontaneously from the trials.

Wow this verse is so lovely and fluffy that I just want to cuddle it. Basically how Season 9 should have gone.

Thunder & Angels by pm_lo E | 51k

Castiel’s family owns the shoddily-regulated coal mine where John Winchester works, so Dean storms Cas’s mansion, demanding answers from the drugged-out trust-fund kid. In exchange for his help repairing the mine, Cas demands Dean live with him for three months and give Cas a shot at seducing him by allowing him one kiss a day.

AHHHH!!! This was PERFECT. Love the characterizations, plot, fluff and angst amaze. read the thingggg

Cockiness by robomanticv E | 7k | Hot, AU Panty!kink

Dean didn’t usually come to this kind of place, but Sam had given him the puppy dog eyes and argued and pleaded and even bribed him with pie. He was seeing some new girl who apparently very into the alternative burlesque scene and she had invited them to come see a show on her night off. Aka: The one where Dean sees his first burlesque show, learns that male burlesque performers are a thing, and tries a lot of new (sexual) things. Also my Castiel underwear kink makes an appearance because I'm weakkkk

Bunker 41 by CaptainMercy42 T | 25k | Fluff, Scientist AU

Dr. Castiel Novak is giving Lieutenant Dean Winchester a simple tour of BUNKER41 when an explosion traps them both inside. They'll get out eventually. Some days that thought is very comforting, and other days it makes Cas a little sad (DENIAL: a lot sad).

CUDDLING.

Pulled From The Wreckage by DarkmoonSigel M | 30k | Alt!canon, wing!kink

Angel and shameless wingfic. Dean notices that he is changing into something but is it something that he can accept? Mature for a reason for later chapters so bear with me here.

The Auction by TamrynEradani E | 8k

Dean's a firefighter and Cas is a police officer, and they both end up at the bar, miserable after their auction dates. Lucky for them, the night is still young.

I just um... Hnng. Firefighter!Dean and Cop!Cas.

Welcome to the Dork Side by TamrynEradani T | 15k

Dean's handing out pie when he has an odd encounter with Castiel Novak.

Super cute! :)

Both Sides Now by TamrynEradani T | 21k |Alt!canon, genderswap!dean

Dean solves a hunt and realizes he's in love. He does most of this while cursed into a female body which means he's also dealing with being a woman, and it's more complicated than he had realized.

Shut Your Mouth by runoutofwit E | 2k | Hot, Dom!Cas

Dean’s not sure how they ended up this way, but he doesn’t care. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect Castiel, Angel of the Lord, to be the equivalent of a hormone-ravaged teenager, and he sure as hell didn’t expect him to be an asshole about it.

Hella dom!cas with bossy!bottom dean mmm.

What I need by xaandria E | 46k | Medical AU

A joking phrase commonly heard between a surgeon and his tech is "Give me what I need, not what I ask for." Dr. Novak and his tech Dean will soon learn the impact this phrase has on life outside the operating room.

Surgical AU! Very terminology heavy, so I didn't understand some parts. But very good regardless.

Starborn by riseofthefallenone G | 12k

Dean’s obsession with the stars starts all thanks to Sam. He just didn't know where that would take him in life. Or who - or what - he would meet.

This is LOVELY.

Love Out of Chaos by mar_map E | 30k

Sam needs homework help, Dean likes to cuddle (although he won't admit it), John gets shot, Gabriel teaches Castiel to loosen up, and Balthazar likes to flirt. That's not what's important though. What is important, is that Castiel and Dean were always meant to be (even if the two of them have trouble seeing it at first), and though Castiel lost his family, another one just might have sneaked up on him while he wasn't looking.

You Deserve This by ticklethetoastl E | 2k | Fluff, PWP Canon!verse

Sex with Cas was never supposed to be an emotional experience, and Dean doesn't deserve to be made love to.

Praise!kink is my ultimate weakness.

S'only you. by louise97 T | 3k

Dean wasn't sure about what exactly had led them there—the cuddle accident, morning wood issues or the growing tension between them for the past few days—but yet there they were, and he had no fucking idea what to do (at first).

*keyboard smash* soOOoOoO CUTE

Freckles by 2spooky4u E | 7k | Fluff

"I had to draw all them perfectly," Cas insists, and Dean suddenly can't get rid of the image of Cas, clutching on to a Crayola washable marker, jamming it into his skin forcefully like a little kid mashes his markers on the paper in a vehement attempt to make the color deeper. ”And now you're insulted 'cause I don't appreciate 'em?" Dean asks, bewildered. "No," Cas lies petulantly. "Huh." The stubborn child version of Cas Dean has painted in his mind is now clutching his paper possessively, shielding it from scrutiny. They drive in silence for a while. "Thank you for making my freckles," Dean grouses finally, knowing that it's the only way Cas will forgive him. ((((OR, IN WHICH CAS LIKES DEAN AND HIS FRECKLES, AND DEAN IS STUBBORNLY HETEROSEXUAL))))

Simple and adorable. Pining!cas and Discovering his bisexuality!Dean. Addresses Dean's self worth issues :D️

Appoggiatura by ceeainthereforthat E | 121k | College au

Castiel leaves the religious commune of Heaven Farms to study classical piano after winning a full scholarship paid for by the Deanna Campbell Memorial Foundation, and answers an ad in the campus newspaper: 1 bedroom to let. Meals provided. 50mb wifi, quiet odd music student preferred.

Super interesting world building. Love the imagery and writing style.

Good Books, Bad Movies by Amelia_Clark E | 17k | Fluff, Hot, Bookstore AU

Castiel Novak is an award-winning, heavily tattooed writer of dark fantasy (think China Mieville). Dean Winchester runs a quirky book/video store called Good Books, Bad Movies. There's a reading, some lit-nerd flirting, and eventually smut amongst the shelves.

First of all, this is adorable. Second of all it's smoking hot.

Alone Together by ScarletPhoenix E | 26k | Dean/Cas/BennyA/b/o AU

Dean Winchester has never expected to be happy. As an omega, his only hope is that he’ll end up with an alpha that’ll think of him as a human being and take him away from his abusive father. Castiel Novak isn’t allowed to be happy. As a beta, he’s forced by his parents to hide who he is under fake bravado and forced hormone therapy. The one thing that keeps him going is his love for his best friend, Dean. Benny Lafitte has given up on happiness. As an alpha, he should be mated with little ones running around under feet, but that isn’t how life played out. Instead he focuses on running his restaurant and ignoring his empty house. When these three meet, will they finally find the happiness they deserve?

Come Clean by snuggycas E | 3k | Hot, A/B/O AU, PWP, Omega!dean, Alpha!cas

When Sam makes Dean help for the Universities annual car wash fundraiser, he meets Castiel Milton, a business intern who is finishing his masters degree. When they go on a date and Dean's heat suppressants fail, they make a discovery that will change their lives forever. This is all porn to be honest.

Hot and Cute <3 Also this hit all my kinks haha.

grip them tight and raise them from pernicion by flux E | 20k | Fluff, Much ado about nothing au, highschool au

Dean and Cas have been at each other's throats for years, but Anna and Sam are determined to change that for the better. With a well-placed love letter and some careful direction, they manage to get the two into a semi-antagonistic, fiercely competitive, and emotionally confusing game of relationship chicken. Now they just need to get to prom.

Fucking adorable and hilarious. I love much ado about nothing so much, and this was a wonderful rendition!

The face of heaven. by orange_crushed T | 9k | Fluff, AU

"This is the best day of my life," Castiel tells him, when he comes back. "You’ve been so kind to me." His cheeks are glowing a little from the cold, or maybe just because he’s an otherworldly being full of light. Dean doesn’t know. "If I burn another million years, I won’t forget it. "Oh," says Dean. "Good." (In which Castiel is a fallen star.)

PERFECT! Oh my heart!

Hold Me Close by twisting_vine_x E | 7k | Star trek AU

Pon farr Destiel AU. In which Castiel is a half-Vulcan scientist, Dean is an engineer, and they’re best friends who are stationed aboard the USS Enterprise for her first five-year voyage. An away mission going wrong. Getting stranded together on some deserted planet. Just another day in the lives of a couple of Starfleet officers, but when the Vulcan side of Cas suddenly makes itself know, he and Dean are put in a position that has the potential to either make or break them.

Ghost Dance by omphalos E | 51k | Angst, Alt!Canon

In post-apocalyptic isolation, Castiel nurses Dean back to something like his former self, but will a time come when Dean's recovered --and rediscovered-- too much?

Very angsty, very sad. This wrecked me with perfection. Be sure to read the tags.

Meringue by SurlyCat E | 23k | Dean/Cas/Jimmy, Hot, College AU

Dean and Cas have been together for about six months, when Cas starts to get antsy about their sex life. The sex has been good and all, but what Dean doesn't know is that his shy, sweet little boyfriend has been holding back. One confusing spur of the moment date with his boyfriend's twin later, and Dean finds out that Cas may not be as innocent as he thought.

*fans self* well basically this is really hot and you should read it. if you're into d/c/j of course.

A Room Of One's Own by NorthernSparrow E | 94k | Hot, alt!canon

All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

Omfg. This was hilarious, wonderful, and hot. A+. Basically crack, but with emotional moments and hot porn. so, yep.

#destiel #deancas #spn #spn fic rec #destiel fic rec #*#list

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talpup · 5 years ago

Text

Lost Song:5

Summary: The war between the Dragons and Griffons ended 233 years ago, and both races right along with it.

Or so it was believed. There are three individuals that will soon change that.

Kai is the last of the Dragons and he seeks to take what he sees as his rightful place and rule over all of Oblvi. Meanwhile, Shouta, the last Sphinx, wants nothing more than to do his job; keep the peace and and teach the young Fourth’s to hopefully avoid the mistakes of their ancestors. And Teris, a Foundling who is just trying to understand and survive in this strange new world that is supposedly her own.

All three have their own wants and desires, but Kai’s plans, Teris’ existence, and Shouta's past mean that none of them may get what they want.

This fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers. For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

***So this fic has turned out the have a lot more ABO dynamics than I had planned. So please note that that has been added to the tags.

5.1

Shouta exited his rooms. The smell of something baking might not have woken him from a long overdue sleep in, but it had greeted him the instant his heated dream had vanished. Teris. He was dreaming about her more and more. The images and wanting growing ever more vivid. He could understand the sex dreams. She was certainly desirable in form and face. But the others… There was nothing about her that made him want to spend a lazy day in, or take a stroll through the woods and get caught in the rain. And yet over the course of the two months since she had joined his Ilca, he had had both those dreams and more.

Frowning, Shouta made his way down, following the warm baked smell to the dorms kitchens. The sight that greeted him was so domestic that it might as well have been pulled from one of his previous dreams. Teris, with her back to him, working at the kitchen counter. As if this were one of his dreams, Shouta moved quietly to her, arms twitching, eager to wrap around her.

There was an audible pop that made Shouta stop.

The newly appeared Twice waved the goods in his hand. “Got it! Told you I could get Terra strawberries and bananas. This was a lot of work. You better be grateful.”

“Thank you, Twice. I’m sure Hizashi will appreciate it.” Teris smirked, accustomed to the House Elf’s quirk some ways.

Shouta watched her. The space between them might not have been more than five feet; but it felt insurmountable.

Twice turned bashful. He waved her off. “Anything for you— What are you doing here! You’re not suppose to be in here!”

Teris turned thinking Hizashi had come to check on the dessert. Her smile fell as soon as she saw it wasn’t her friend but Shouta.

Shouta's eyes darkened when she turned back around without a word. Yep. He had absolutely no idea why he was having such dreams about her. Irritating, too proud woman. It wasn’t as if he actually wanted to do those kind of domestic with her. He was forced to spend too much time with her as it was. It had to have been the close quarters. Living in the same dorm as female Griffon in her prime. It was bound to tap into his primal instinct and mess with his head enough to effect his dreams.

His well rested and good mood ruined by Teris’ response to his presence, Shouta turned the hollering House Elf. “Out.”

Ordered by the dorms Ilca Leader, Twice had no choice but to obey.

Teris spun around just in time to see the House Elf disappear with a pop. “He was helping me!”

“What are you doing?”

“What’s it matter to you?” She demanded, anger rising at the Sphinx’s calm voice and non expression.

“I told you to rest.”

“I am!”

“You’re baking.”

“So you do know what I’m doing.” Teris snarked, tone full of mock congratulation.

Shouta slid his hands into his pockets, refusing to take the bait. Fun as it was to taunt her, he didn’t want to argue. He wanted to see that she took it easy and was well rested for her and Hizashi's first patrol tomorrow. “Baking isn’t resting.”

“Some of us actually have a decent sleep schedule. Sorry if I can’t lay in bed all day sleeping with you. Like you!” Teris quickly corrected, face heating at the slip. “Can’t sleep all day like you.”

Shouta recovered quickly from the shock of her words. His wide eyes relaxed, shimmering with a hungry intensity. “You can sleep with me whenever you like.”

Teris shivered at the husky drop of his already deep voice. “N—no. You’re…” Handsome. Desirable. Smart. Strong. “I don’t want to be with you. I can barely tolerate you.”

Shouta smirked at the warble in her voice. Hands pulling out of his pockets, he stalked a step closer. “Who said anything about being with? Fourth's are freer than that. We don’t need to be mated or companions to seek release. Having sex need not change a thing between us. We could just fuck.”

The idea appealed to him. Maybe getting a taste would help get her out of his head. The saying you always want what you can’t have came to mind. But if he had her… Thought of having her made his chest and cock heat.

Teris’ eyes widened. Was that a—a purr he just gave? No. That couldn’t have been what that was. Thankfully the sound had been so soft and low that she was able to dismiss it.

She reached back, gripping the counter-top to help aid her suddenly wobbly legs in holding herself up. “Yeah... Well… I’m not sure how I feel about hate sex and that’s what it would be so…”

Shouta’s lips pulled into a line at the way she looked everywhere but him. While he thrilled at her obvious nervousness, he wanted her eyes on him. Another purring growl sounded from his chest. If he were in his true form his tail would've swished from side to side.

He denied the joy he felt at the clear struggle of her hidden wanting, telling himself that the delight he felt was in toying with her. In taunting her. In seeing and making this woman who had been a thorn in his paw since day one a flustered mess. This is what she got for intruding upon his peace. For following him into his dreams. For making him continue lapse and think of her as his when he didn’t even want her.

He lifted an eyebrow, teeth showing in a crooked smile. “So that’s a maybe then.”

Mouth suddenly dry, Teris turned away from the teasing Sphinx. And that’s what he was doing. Teasing. Because he couldn’t be serious. There was no way he wanted her.

Dark eyes raking over her back, Shouta stalked closer.

Teris’ breath quickened, at the feeling him drawing near. How was it that she could hear her own heartbeat and his slow, quiet steps?

His chest pressed against her back.

Teris jumped. The spoon she stirred with flinging melted chocolate at the feel of his strong, warm chest.

“If you ever want to test that maybe. Discover if it’s a yes. Let me know. Whether it’s a rough hate fuck you’re after. Or something else. You’ll find I’m up for it all. Just say the word and I’ll give you an experience you’ll never forget, Kitten.”

Teris’ head snapped back to face him. Her breath caught, body heating at the predatory look in his dark eyes. Though her mouth opened, she couldn’t respond. Couldn’t even move.

Shouta’s gaze fixed on the small stripe of chocolate on her face that was temptingly close to her plump, parted lips. Unable to help himself he pressed against her, sandwiching her body between him and the counter-top. His hand came up, cupping her cheek, holding her gently in place.

Much like the chocolate she was tending, Teris melted at the touch of his calloused fingers.

Her soft sigh fanned across his nearing face. Shouta hummed at the sweet scent of her. It would be so easy to divert his course and taste her lips. The want to do so was so overwhelming he trembled the last two inches as he drew near.

Teris’ eyes closed, her head tilting. And then…

Shouta licked the chocolate off her face, his hot, wet tongue ghosting over the corner of her mouth.

Her eyes snapped open. She pulled back.

Fuck! Shouta's eyes dilated. He stood stock still a moment, body rigid, battling his self control. It was a mistake. Getting so close. Licking her clean. Having a hinting taste of her. The urge to bend her over and made her scream his name was too great.

He stepped back. Then stepped back again. “You’re so messy you make a mess of even yourself.”

Teris touched were he had licked, her skin still tingling.

Shouta turned away. The less senses he had focused on her the better. “Make sure you clean up after yourself.”

Confused, angry, and disappointed Teris watched Shouta leave without a backwards glance.

5.2

The next morning Hizashi sat at the table having a piece of the banana split cake Teris had made to celebrate their first patrol. When she had asked him what his favorite dessert was he hadn’t hesitated in answering. Thankfully he had seen his adoptive mothers make it often enough to tell her the basic recipe. Having the cake had felt like a slice of home which had made him happy and wistful. At least with both his mothers having died in a car accident a few years back, he wasn’t left worried and wondering about them now that he was here.

Swallowing a bite of the sweet poke cake, Hizashi looked up at Teris. “You know how Oboro finally told me a while back that he thinks I might be half siren?”

“Yeah.” She bend down opening another cupboard looking for the perfect container.

“Well now he says he’s not so sure.”

Still bent over she turned. “Why’s that?”

“Because Hizashi's clearly a hybrid of spirit and sprite, and Sirens are a sub-species of spirit, beast, and demon.” Shouta told, entering the kitchen. His eyes fell on Teris first taking in the enticing sight of her ass. His lips quirk ever so slightly upward at the fine display, then suddenly fell when he took in the rest of her.

She was wearing Kai’s colors. Well, the colors of his true form. Even though she might not be aware she doing so, it was a clear sign of her returned favor for the arrogant Dragon. An acceptance of Kai’s courting. Shouta buried a low growl. What did he care if she accepted Kai? It wasn’t as if he were trying to court her. He didn’t even want her.

But she was part of his Ilca. Any pain and suffering the Dragon caused her when he found out Teris was a griffon would be his mess to deal with. He would kill that Dragon if he ever hurt her. Teris was his. Damn! His Ilca. She was part of his Ilca.

“What the hell are you doing?” Shouta’s frown deepened, cursing the way his temper colored his tone.

Either unaware or uncaring how alluring the sight of her ass was, Teris turned back to shuffle through the low cabinet. “Looking for a container. Why? What the hell are you doing?”

Trying not to go over and rub my hardening cock against your sweet ass, Shouta thought. He managed to pull his eyes away from the sight only to have them return to the tempting mound.

Her hips swayed side to side.

Oh, for fuck sake! If he didn’t know any better Shouta would've sworn she was doing it on purpose. But he did know better. He had made her that stupid offer yesterday afternoon. And not only had she not accepted, but she had spent a good portion of the rest of the day avoiding him. If she wasn’t even interested in sex without strings, there was no way she was trying to delight him with that dancing display.

Snuffing out a low growl, Shouta marched over. He opened a top cabinet and pulled out a container. “There. How hard was that?”

Teris’ head peaked up from the bottom cupboard. “No.”

“No?”

“Not that one.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s--” She turned and looked up at him.

They both stopped.

She wasn’t on her knees but her head was level with his crotch. And with her looking up at him…

Her eyes lowered, needing to look away from his handsome face. Big mistake. She was met with the black fabric of his pants and… Was there a slight tenting?

She jumped up, straightening. Both she and Shouta took a step back.

Hizashi watched the two, smiling widely. Oboro had told him, Aizawa was a logical man. That the reason Sphinx’s enjoyed troublesome, twisting puzzles was because they prized finding the logical in them. But there was nothing logical about Shouta's denial of his feelings for Teris. More then that, the Sphinx was in such denial that he couldn’t even see Teris’ clear wanting of him in return.

Shouta stuffed his hands in his pockets hoping to hide the growing bulge.

Teris turned away, cursing last nights dream about him. This was all Aizawa’s fault. He was the one who had licked her face and talked about giving her an experience she would never forget. It didn’t matter that she had had such dreams about him before. It was still Shouta's fault.

“What’s wrong with the container You’ve never been picky about them before.” The Sphinx’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you’re becoming more difficult.”

Teris spun back around. “Me! Difficult? Look in the mirror and then tell me about how I’m being difficult. And no,” she picked up the contained he had offered and slammed it back down on the counter, “that one won’t do. It’s not--” She stopped trying to find the right word.

Shouta watched her a moment, waiting. Finally he prompted. “Not what?”

“It’s just not… right.” She opened another cabinet, continuing her search.

“She’s taking a piece of cake for Kai.” Hizashi told, hand on his own packed piece for Oboro.

Shouta looked from the Hybrid back to Teris. “Why?”

“Found it!” She declared pulling what she viewed as the perfect container for her offering.

Shouta saw the care she took in cutting and packing a piece of the overly sweet monstrosity. Not a fan of sweets, he had forced himself to eat a piece of cake because Teris had made it. The fact that she viewed going out on patrol and spending more time with him as something to celebrate left him with a warm, fuzzy feeling. But why was she taking a piece to Kai?

It was bad enough that Kai was courting her. Bad enough that she had subconsciously worn colors that matched the Dragons true form. Now she was taking Kai a piece of cake that she had made for him-- for them. For his Ilca to celebrate her and Hizashi's first patrol. He had no doubt that Kai would take her offer as a silent acceptance of his courtship. Just the thought of the Dragons wrongful thinking made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

“You said you made it to celebrate your and Yamada’s first patrol.”

Hearing the slightest hint of accusation in the Sphinx’s baritone, Hizashi straightened in his seat.

Missing the edge that Hizashi picked up on, Teris tilted her head at the packaged cake, wondering if it needed a bow. “I did.”

“Then why give Chisaki a piece?”

The dreamy glaze in her eyes evaporated at the Sphinx’s question. “I don’t know Shouta. Maybe because he’s taught me everything I know about this world.”

Hizashi flinched at her snapping tone. Why did the two always have to fight? Everyone said how much freer Fourth's were with sex. Maybe if Shouta and Teris had sex they would realize just how much they liked each other.

Shouta scoffed. “He’s hardly taught you everything you know.”

“Yes he has.” Teris argued.

“Are you forgetting the lessons I’ve given you?”

She shivered at his pinning glare. “I--”

Shouta stepped to her. “Maybe if I made those lessons a bit more personal. Tested you a little longer and harder.” He looked her over, humming in satisfaction at her blush. “I’ll give you any private lessons you want. All you have to do is ask.”

When Teris didn’t respond, Shouta leaned over her. “What’s the matter? Don’t think you can take what I have to give?”

“I—I ca—can take whatever pathetic excuse you have. I just don’t want it. Or you. You’re the last person I’d want to have sex with.”

“Sex?” Shouta lifted his eyebrow. “Who said anything about sex?”

Teris blanched, blinking at his question.

Dark eyes glittering, Shouta’s voice dropped in octave and volume. “Such a naughty little thing. Taking my offer of help and twisting it like that.” He gave a toothy smile. “Although, if you are interested in sex I suppose I could find the time to put you through your paces.”

Her body vibrated with heated wanting and boiling fury. “I hate you.”

Her hair whipped around hitting Shouta in the face.

Shouta's eyes closed, breathing in her scent.

Teris stormed off only to return.

Shouta’s eyes opened at the return of her stomping feet. He frowned seeing her take up the packaged cake she had forgotten and followed her out into the great room.

“Wait.”

As much as Teris would've liked to ignore the Sphinx and keep on going, she forced her feet to stop. Shouta might be a bothersome ass, but he was also her Ilca Leader. She had no doubt that he would leave her behind today if she didn’t obey what he probably saw as a simple command.

Shouta felt a sharp sting at her irritation, his flirting having upset more than engaged. That’s because you weren’t flirting, an inner voice said. True as he believed that to be, Shouta was annoyed with himself for provoking her yet again. Though it wasn’t entirely his fault.

Teasing was part of his nature. And when it came her, it happened so easily. If anything, it was Teris’ fault. She was the one entering his dreams. Haunting his every waking moment. Even when she wasn’t in the same room at their dorm, her smell was there, infecting his mind. She just so desirable, beautiful, smart. No! Not desirable. Not—okay, she was beautiful and smart. But she certainly wasn’t desirable. Which is why he wasn’t teasing her to court. He taunted because she tested him and purposefully pushed his buttons. She had invaded his well structured life and made a mess of it. She deserved to be toyed with for the trouble she had caused. It had nothing to do with his enjoyment of making her flustered blushing mess.

Pushing down his disappointment when she didn’t turn around, Shouta stalked to her. “I want you back by noon.”

“I know.” They had gone over this last night while Hizashi had scarfed down three pieces of the too sweet cake.

“No later.”

“I know!” Teris exclaimed, put on edge by his nearness as much as his words. What did he think? That she was an idiot? Why did he always have to stand so close? He never stood that close to Hizashi. Fourth's had a greater sense of things. Was Shouta able to pick up on her attraction to him? No. No! He couldn’t pick up something that wasn’t there. She hated the bossy, arrogant Sphinx. She wasn’t attracted to him.

“And make sure Kai sticks with academic lessons this morning. I don’t want you coming back tired from physical training, or worse injured.”

Her grip on the container tightened. “Kai would never hurt me.”

Shouta opened his mouth to argue, but held his tongue. Now wasn’t the time to tell her how wrong she was.

“Is that all? It’s a short day of lessons and I’d like to spend as much time with him as possible.”

Shouta gritted his teeth. She didn’t mean it. Didn’t know. No matter what Kai thought he felt for her in his attempts at courting, it would all end when he discovered the truth. Kai was a dragon. Teris a griffon. For that reason alone, Kai would never accept her.

The knowledge was both a solace and a pain. Kai would hurt her, even if it wasn’t physical. The thought of Teris hurting grieved him. Made him want to hurt the one responsible. His hands twitched, wanting to scent her, but he held himself back and nodded. “That’s it for now.”

He watched her leave without a backward glance, telling himself the ache he felt was built out of concern for her as a member of his Ilca, nothing more.

5.3

“Good morning.” Teris greeted, entering Kai’s office.

“Morn--” Kai’s voice caught at the sight of her.

“Kai?”

Kai cleared his throat. “Good morning. You look lovely today.”

Teris blushed. “You say that every morning.”

“Because it’s true. Though today,” His gold eyes roved over her, “you look especially beautiful.”

“It’s beautiful now is it?” Teris laughed, shyly. “It must be my excitement showing.”

Kai’s eyes lifted to hers. “Excitement?”

“My first patrol.”

“Right. I’m to go easy on you today. Let’s hope I can hold myself back.”

Her face felt so hot that she was surprised flames weren’t licking around her hair. There was just something about Kai that got her blood pumping in all the right ways. And unlike with Shouta, Kai was kind. He put her at ease and didn’t aggravate.

“I—uh—brought you something.”

Kai watched her make her way to his desk, taking in the colors of his true form on her. It was as if she were telling, begging him to claim, cover, and protect her. Did she even realize what she was doing? Of course not. He hadn’t told her about different courting rituals, and doubted Aizawa had. Still, instinct was instinct. Even if it was subconscious, Teris had picked the purple button up and yellow-gold tank top.

His eyes drifted down to the small knife strapped to her belt. He hummed in pleasure at the sight of her wearing the first gift he had given her.

“Are you planning on taking that out on patrol today?”

Teris’ eyes followed his to the sheathed weapon at her hip. “I was. That is, unless you think it’s a bad idea.”

“I think it’s a splendid idea. In fact, there’s something else I’d like you to have and wear.”

“Another gift! Kai! You’re too generous.”

“The best deserves the best, my dear.”

Teris shivered at the husky drop of his voice. She had to look away from him, the hunger shining in his amber hues turning her knees to gelatin.

“Will you at least let me to give you this first.” She set the container of cake down before him, knowing that her small offering would never measure up to whatever he gave.

“What’s this?”

“I made Hizashi's favorite dessert to celebrate our first patrol. Seeing as I wouldn’t be going out today if it weren’t for your help and instruction, I wanted to bring you a piece.” She grimaced slightly at the closed container.

She should have tied a ribbon around it. Possibly even attached a small note. But what would she have written that she couldn’t simply just tell him? I like you? There was that, but she doubted she would've had the nerve to even pen such a thing.

Kai stared at the container in jubilant awe. It didn’t matter that it was the other Foundlings favored dessert. Or that it was made to celebrate her and Yamada Hizashi's first patrol. It was still a returning gift. She had accepted his courtship!

He rose from his seat, picking up package and taking Teris’ hand.

“Kai. Wha--” Teris allowed him to pull her out of the office.

She giggled at his behavior, adding to the happy lightness in Kai’s chest.

Hari heard a woman’s laughter and stopped in a cross hallway, letting them pass. His head turned, watching his Leader with Teris. Was that a smile on the Dragons face?

Kai led her into the kitchen. Setting down the container, he reluctantly let go of her hand.

Teris watched him pull out a fork and warned. “I hope you like sweet stuff cause it’s super sugary. I honestly don’t know how Hizashi managed to eat three pieces and fall asleep hours later.”

Kai paused. He wasn’t a fan of sweets. But this was her first gift to him. He would suffer through.

As soon as he lifted the lid, the sugary smell assaulted his nose. It made his jaw ache in the same way something terribly sour would. Taking a fortifying breath, he took a bite.

Teris watched, her face going from hopeful to disappointed and finally amused. “You hate it.”

Kai chewed, struggle to swallow the one small bite. He licked his lips, the coat of chocolate and cream sticking to his tongue. “It’s really sweet.”

“I told you.”

As much as he wanted to partake of her gift; this was something that he couldn’t suffer through, even for her. “I don’t care for sugary sweets.”

“And you took a bite! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you made it.” Kai said, silently adding, because you gave it to me. Even if you don’t realize what you’re doing, you’ve accepted my courtship and have given me a courting gift in return.

“Kai. If you don’t like sweet stuff, you should've just told me.”

Kai set down the fork and wiped his mouth, moving to her. “I like sweet stuff just fine. I just prefer natural, more complex and tasteful sweets, like you.”

Teris blinked, but quickly recovered. “Are you calling me complex?”

His hand gripped her waist, pulling her closer. “Tell me that you’re not. But know, that like wrong answers, lies will see you punished in the best way I can imagine.”

“And just how imaginative are you?”

Kai smiled. “For you, Beautiful. I could be very imaginative.

His head tilted, lips brushing hers.

Teris sighed at the contact.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, hand coming up to cup her cheek and hold her in place should she try to pull away. But he need not have worried.

Teris’ arms hooked around Kai’s neck, tugging him closer.

Cake completely forgotten, Kai deepened the kiss, mouth opening to nip and suck at her tender lips. This was the kind of sweetness that he loved. She tasted perfect. Better than he could have imagined. Like honey mixed with citrus and strawberries.

His tongue entered her mouth set on exploring every bit of her, but the sound of male voices stopped him. With a growl Kai pulled away, lifting his head to glare the members of his Ilca that were just now entering the kitchen.

Short as the kiss had been, it had left Teris breathless. Dazed, she stepped to the side and turned to face three of Kai’s Ilca.

“Boss.” Tengai inclined his head.

Nemoto turned away, trying to exit the kitchen he had just entered. It was clear that they had disturbed something and the Dragon was displeased. But Tabe was there, pushing him back in.

“Cake!” Tabe exclaimed, having smelled the sweet from down the hall.

Claws sprung out from Kai’s fingers, his hand turning scaled. His lashing talons narrowly missed Tabe’s reaching hand.

Tabe jerked his hand back from the dessert. In a mix of fear and confusion, he looked from Kai’s embedded claws, to his Leader’s cold golden eyes. Kai didn’t like sweets. Why would he defend a piece of cake?

“Mine.” Kai told, eyes slitting.

Tabe nodded numbly. “So—sorry, Boss.”

“You said you didn’t like sweets. Could barely eat one bite.” Teris turned back to Kai, a playful smile on her beautiful face.

Kai’s hand and eyes were back to fully looking human, though he kept his hand on the counter-top, fingers covering the gouge marks his claws had made. He didn’t want to needless concern Teris about the temper he has just shown.

5.4

As much as Teris had enjoyed the kiss, she had done her best not to give Kai a chance to kiss her again. She had this whole new world to figure out and find her place in. She couldn’t get distracted by a romantic relationship. Not until she at least figured out what she was. Not to mention that if she returned distracted today, Aizawa would surely notice and order her to stay home.

Kai looked up at the clock. He hated not getting to spend a full day with Teris. Hated that she had done her best to keep her distance. What had started out as one of the best days he ever had, had turned somewhat sour at her avoidance.

He understood her reasoning, even if she hadn’t said as much. Going out on patrol while distracted could be dangerous. Deadly. It was why he hadn’t pushed. He wanted her sharp, focused, and safe. But understanding didn’t change how he felt, and he felt disappointed.

The thought of the hell he was going to put his Ilca through during training, brightened his foul mood a fraction. Looking over to where Teris sat and seeing her in his true forms colors brightened his mood immeasurably more.

He didn’t like her sitting so far away. It didn’t matter that the space wasn’t more than twenty feet. It was too far for his liking. He would have to come up with a reason to have her sit with him at his desk.

The thought of her working beside him eased his tense muscles.

“Kai.” Teris got to her feet, setting the book she had been studying on the coffee table. “I think I should get going. Shouta wanted me back by noon.”

Kai got to his feet and made his way over to her. “Be careful.”

“I will. You trained me well.”

Though acidic bile rose in his throat he forced the words out, knowing it was for Teris’ own good. “Listen to Aizawa when you’re out there.”

“I will.”

He stepped closer. Tucking her hair behind an ear, his fingers and inner wrist trailed along her neck, scenting her. “Are you ready for your gift?”

Her mouth opened.

Kai reached into his pocket.

“Kai. I—You—“

“It’ll keep you safe out there.” He said, hushing her as he pulled the gift from his pocket.

Teris eyed the purple silk cord and gold charm wondering how a necklace would protect her.

“Bow your head. Let me put in on.”

Still unsure, she did as he bid. Surprised at how the charm could feel both light and heavy.

Kai pulled her hair out from the cord, letting the necklace settle around her neck. “Prefect.”

Teris held the gold charm, examining it. Her breath caught, realizing what it was. “It’s… a scale from your true form.”

Kai’s smile grew. She was so clever. Constantly proving he had made the right choice in picking her as a companion. She might not have accepted him as a companion just yet. But with his scale around her neck, everyone, including Aizawa, would know of his claim on her.

Maybe now the Sphinx would give up and quit scenting what was his, he thought.

“What does it do?” Teris asked, holding and looking at it.

It marks you as mine, Kai thought. But he couldn’t tell her that. Instead he hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her head, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “It’ll protect you. Now go.” Before I lose control and keep you here, kissing you good and proper. “You don’t want to be late.”

Teris stretched up to her tip-toes, kissing Kai on the cheek. “Thank you.”

Kai watched her go, sure in her safety. Too bad for him he didn’t take into account the immense hate those that had sided with the griffons still held. Or the vehement faith some still had in the last remaining member of dragon-kind.

***So this fic will have a LOT more world building than my others. Please feel free to comment or send me an ask if you have any questions.

Thank you to those who have left hearts. And a special thank you to those who have left comments and/or reblogged. They really mean a lot.

Special thank you to @inorganicone2230 who knows of my love for the mythic and encouraged me to start this fic without stressing about the other two I’ve got going. Your friendship means the world to me.

#aizawa shouta #shouta aizawa #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #hizashi yamada #bnha #my hero academia #fanfic #abo

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x-reader-fics-i-love-blog · 4 years ago

Text

My Reading List (Always Updating)

None of these are mine

These are the stories I love! (There are a lot so I’ll be filling out this list bit by bit!)

Sebastian Stan + Characters

Sebastian Stan

Series

Oneshots

Bucky Barnes

Series

Game Of Survival by @the--sad--hatter (18+)

The Executioner - Killer of Killers. Your goals are justified, your methods are not. But when a simple murder turns into a suicide and you are left clutching a flash drive with a terrible secret on it, you find yourself caught up in a mystery that you can’t solve alone. With the lives of everyone in the world suddenly at stake, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes have no choice but accept your help and Bucky Barnes quickly finds himself drawn in by you.

Heart & Soul by @all1e23

An ABO soulmate series (but that hardly sums up this story)

Impossible by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction

Reader and Bucky are arch nemeses by night, best friends by day, and neither one knows the truth about the other’s double life.

Dormiveglia by @beccaanne814

Out of the seventy years Bucky was held captive by HYDRA, most of them were spent in a cryogenic state. Considering the horrendous atrocities he suffered during his waking hours, it’s no wonder he created an idyllic world in his dreams—with a woman he can never have in real life.

Under Oath by @ugh-supersoldiers

The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the infamous ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.

A Weapon No More by @empyreanwritings

You made a promise to retire from the life of being used as a weapon after you escaped the Facility, but what’s one more mission? You wanted revenge on the doctor that created and tortured you for all those years, and S.H.I.E.L.D was giving you the opportunity to do so.

Just One Kiss by @sarahwroteathing

Bucky Barnes has been chasing after you since he was ten years old, but you’re determined not to give in. How long can you hold out when all he’s asking for is just one kiss? (40′s happy ending AU)

Astrophile by @all1e23

Orion Rebecca Barnes favorite thing in the whole world (besides her daddy of course) is spending hours after school in the bookstore by her house. Bucky has spent all of Ori’s eight years of life attempting to teach her about the stars and where her name came from with little interest from his little comet. All of sudden she’s in love and he owes his thanks to the girl who owns the bookshop?

Honeymoon Hijinks by @beccaanne814

After being left at the altar, you literally run into the arms of the first man you stumble upon. You take a leap and invite him to join you on your honeymoon…but you’re not the only one who didn’t want to give up a week in the Caribbean. Will this be the honeymoon from hell or heaven?

Chambers by @trillian-anders

Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. (Inspired by the Netflix series of the same name.)

Oneshots

The Terrigenesis Incident by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction (18+)

(With Steve) After accidental terrigen exposure, reader develops inhuman powers. She flees to the Avengers base and seeks help from them but her new powers awaken more base instincts in those she finds attractive.

The Great Avenger Bake Off by @imanuglywombat

Bucky is the reigning champion of the Great Avenger Bake Off. He’s out for blood this coming Bake Off, no one can stop him. Bucky doesn’t play fair. Bucky is in it to win it. But now he’s got some competition.

The Tony Stark Sextervention by @imanuglywombat

Tony Stark is a planner, and this holiday is his best yet: glamping. What Tony did not plan on was the sextervention between two friends.

Chris Evans + Characters

Chris Evans

Series

Oneshots

Steve Rogers

Series

Occupation: brat by @venusbarnes

_____ is the newest – and youngest – addition to the Avengers team. Rich, important parents, incredibly smart. Trained in gymnastics, martial arts, acrobatics and more. She’s a brat – and everyone knows that Steve thinks so because he’s constantly reprimanding her as if she’s the toddler she throws tantrums like.

All Heaven in a Rage by @jtargaryen18 (18+) (DarkFic)

What starts out as an honest intention to help a girl who has caught Steve’s eye following the Snap becomes a dangerous obsession.

(Has Non-con/Dub-con elements and more) Amazing writing, characterization, and story! I actually got emotional at times.

Oneshots

It’s the great pumpkin pie, Steve Rogers by @all1e23

A little fluffy, Halloween, neighbor oneshot!

The Terrigenesis Incident by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction (18+)

(With Bucky) After accidental terrigen exposure, reader develops inhuman powers. She flees to the Avengers base and seeks help from them but her new powers awaken more base instincts in those she finds attractive.

How to Dismantle Steve Rogers by @jtargaryen18 (18+)

The First Avenger is frustrated and Tony really didn’t want to intervene but Steve Rogers needs to get laid.

Horngryick by @imanuglywombat (18+)

Sam Wilson has diagnosed Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, with a heavy case of ‘Horngy’ and you’re just over there teasing him with an icy pop.

Ransom Drysdale

Series

The Assistant by @trillian-anders (18+)

i.the assistant ii.four christmases iii.first blood iv.therapy v.baby blues

I cannot express how much I am in love with this story. I’m a sucker for this relationship. I think my favorite part is Therapy from Ransom’s POV!

Oneshots

Curtis Everett

Series

Out of Darkness by @jtargaryen18 (18+) (SemiDarkFic)

Curtis kept his arm and survived the crash as did other passengers from the front and tail. The reader’s luck goes from bad to worse when she tries to help others, only to be captured by tail section men. When they take her to the man they consider their leader, did her situation get better - or much worse?

(Has Non-con/Dub-con elements and more) While it has DarkFic elements, it’s not as dark as AHiaR. And I love it when the reader isn’t some helpless girl.

Oneshots

Ain’t No Sunshine by @imanuglywombat (18+)

You call the beautiful, lush green gardens of Snowpiercer your home. And yet your heart belongs in the abyss with a man hellbent on surviving this terrible new ice age.

Tom Hiddleston + Characters

Tom Hiddleston

Series

Oneshots

Loki Odinson

Series

Mischief, Meet Your Match by @the--sad--hatter

Being caught in the cross hairs of The God of Mischief would scare a saner person but not you, you enjoy it. There’s just something about Loki that draws you to him, and you couldn’t help it even if you wanted to. While The Avengers race to get you out of Loki’s clutches, you find yourself teaming up with him to try and defeat an enemy who threatens everything you hold dear.

Oneshots

Scarlett Johannson + Characters

Natasha Romanoff

Series

Mob!Nat x Brat!Reader by @empyreanwritings

Drabble series about Mob!Nat and Brat!Reader

Oneshots

Elizabeth Olsen + Characters

Wanda Maximoff

Series

Mob!Wanda x Model!Reader by @empyreanwritings

Drabble series about Mob!Wanda x Model!Reader

Oneshots

#fic rec #xreader #x reader #my reading list

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pokeshippingflashfic · 6 years ago

Note

Prompt: "but why is she over your shoulder like that?"

(A friend actually helped me come up with a really good idea for this one so… thank you, friend! I’m worried tagging you will somehow reveal my identity to viewers of this blog so I won’t do that! I tweaked the idea some since we talked but it’s still good!)

“Ash, I swear, if you don’t put me down this instant, I’ll end you!” a particularly drenched redheaded female shrieked so loud that the aforementioned male trainer’s eardrums throbbed in retaliation to her ferocity.

There was a quick jab as a wildly flailing knee just happened to smash into his hip but he grunted, doing his best to ignore it and keep moving.

“Misty, c’mon, you can’t just attack every person who happens to rub you the wrong way, okay? I’m–,” Ash faltered as he was slapped over the head, presumably on accident if his captive’s next few seconds of apologetic silence and stillness were any indication, “–just trying to help ya out here!”

“You can’t tell me you weren’t mad too! I know you, Ash! You love Pokemon more than anyone else I’ve ever met!” Misty affirmed, slightly calmer than she’d been a few moments previous but she still struggled against his grip, intent on running back in the direction they’d just come from.

“Of course I am but times have changed and we’re older now! You know as well as I do it’s better to let Officer Jenny and the league handle situations like this! Or do you wanna be the next person in handcuffs?”

The redhead puckered her lips, blowing frustrated air from between the tight space, glaring at the upper back of her captor… er, savior’s? … head. He couldn’t just butt out, huh? Couldn’t let her do what needed to be done for the greater good. Couldn’t let her be right about things…

“What’s going on, guys?” Tracey asked them as the two teenagers reentered the campsite, brow raised in wonder. It wasn’t every day that Ash Ketchum carried Misty Waterflower like a sack of potatoes after all.

“Now can you put me down? I mean, we’re back, right?” the redhead practically whined and Ash chanced a wary glance in her direction.

“How can I be sure you won’t take off the second I do?”

“Gee, can’cha have a little faith in me?” she replied, suddenly feigning innocence as she laced her hands together and pouted at him with wide, glimmering eyes.

The two trainers stared each other down for a few seconds, sizing each other up, a battle of wills meant to intimidate the other into caving.

“Uuh, hey, I kinda wanna know what happened..?” their current traveling companion intruded as a reminder, both of them responding by breaking eye contact, causing a draw in their latest match.

“Do ya remember how Misty said she wanted to run back to the river and see if there were any Pokemon she could catch?” Ash began by means of explanation.

“Yeah but…why is she over your shoulder like that? What’s fishing for Pokemon got to do with it?”

“Well, she ran into a trainer who decided they wanted to especially battle the newest member of Indigo’s Elite Four champion class,” the first young man went on, finally buckling and twisting around so that he could place the very same redhead back on her feet, dusting himself off after.

“And he was a piece of shi–”

“–Misty!” her longest-time friend admonished her before she could finish.

“He was evil incarnate, you idiot! He’d clearly been abusing his Pokemon for ages! I mean, how hadn’t he ever been reported before?! Who doesn’t notice that? How could any Nurse Joy who happened to treat those Pokemon not realize they were victims of abuse?!” she shouted, arms gesturing wide, furious tears springing to her eyes.

“I don’t know, okay?!” Ash finally gave in to his own ire and yelled back, which was enough for Misty to sense a camaraderie that she hadn’t felt at all before, a complicated twinge of fear and ease culminating within her at his intense reaction. “Some people are just… they’re just bad. They deserve way worse than they get. I don’t know why he didn’t lose his training license before this. All we can hope is that he’ll get what’s coming to him now that we’ve turned him in.”

“Misty, I’m… sorry you had to meet someone like that. I know it’s not much help but I think it’s safe to say people like… like that guy, whoever he was, probably don’t make a habit of visiting a PokeCenter that often to begin with, which was why someone like Nurse Joy couldn’t report him. And also,” the Pokemon sketch artist paused long enough for both of his friends to stop staring so profoundly at each other so that they could actually pay attention to what he was going to say, “for all the bad out there in the world that we haven’t seen as much of, it’s… there’s just as much good when people like you will do what’s right over anything else. You should remember that.”

Misty looked as though she were still ready to go a few more rounds, venomously charged gaze rounding back and forth between her two friends for a few seconds following before she huffed, tightened her grip on her backpack, and walked to the edge of their clearing to take a few minutes alone while she presumably came to terms with the aftermath of their most recent fiasco. Pikachu followed her, intent on making one of his favorite humans feel better.

“I guess we won’t be leaving yet, will we?” Tracey asked Ash more cautiously next, tone soft enough so that the younger trainer knew the issue wasn’t being pressed out of more than mild curiosity.

“Yeah, truth be told… I think she’s angry about more than just the obvious…” came the cryptic reply.

“What do you mean by that?”

“That guy…” Clearly wrestling with demons of his own, Ash drew breath to calm himself, eyes closing while his brows knitted together in subdued wrath. “He wanted specifically to battle Misty one-on-one, water Pokemon against water Pokemon. Makes sense, right? See how he competes against an E4 member before he takes on the league as a whole? But when Misty saw how his Pokemon looked and brought up her allegations, the guy told her that she had to have been the same as him, that she’d just found a better way to hide the evidence since she’d been a trainer for a few years longer.”

“What?!” Tracey yelped in astonishment, pausing half a second to look in the still distant redhead’s direction, hoping against hope that she couldn’t overhear their conversation. “Why would he possibly think that?!”

“He said it was the only real way for someone who works with one specific type of Pokemon to rise through the trainer ranks, especially to be so revered as an Elite Four member, unless they’re using pseudo-legendaries or something.”

“Yikes…” Tracey whispered frigidly, “So what happened after… all that? I mean, Misty’s soaked, you look a mess, I guess from carrying her all this way?”

“Luckily…” And Ash went on to explain how, since the river was on the outskirts of Viridian City, a patrolling officer from Jenny’s unit had been close by and heard the shouting and scuffle that ensued. “Misty threw herself at him and they both ended up in the river but the current wasn’t strong enough at the time to carry ‘em off. Then the police showed up and heard both of them out. I think because of her status, they kinda knew already who to believe but they still got some personal information from her in case they need to contact her later.”

There was a distinctive snapping sound from behind them. Both boys involuntarily flinched in response, chancing a unanimous glance at their redheaded companion, who’d just picked up a dry twig to rip in half by way of venting her residual fury.

“Still…” Ash began warily, “I think we should talk to her, make sure she’s okay.”

There was another swift snap from her direction.

“Uh, yeah… Maybe just one of us,” Tracey replied. This was just in time for aforementioned young woman to pick up half a dozen more branches that she then successfully tore apart in one go. “In fact, maybe just you.”

The younger trainer stared wide-eyed at him, a young sacrifice to the cause.

“Well, you do know her best,” the artist replied earnestly.

The trek across the clearing seemed far too daunting for such a short distance. Ash wasn’t sure how he managed it but he was suddenly standing over Misty as she sat on her log, digging one heel into the earth while Pikachu curled around her other leg and did his best to comfort her.

“So…. I guess you’re both done talkin’ about me behind my back, huh?” she asked morbidly, her whisper icily calm.

“It wasn’t like that…” he responded, stepping over and sitting beside her. “I was just telling Tracey what happened. He was worried.”

“Hah!” Her response was dry, sardonic. “Worried about me or worried about that other guy? If it’s the latter then he’s not the only one! You two should go start a fan club, maybe an online fundraiser or petition to help get him escape the charges!”

“Misty, c’mon, I wasn’t–!” Ash replied hotly, swinging around to face her before pursing his lips shut, snorting, and staring ahead again instead. No, no. Misty was angry, and it wasn’t like she had no good reason to be. They were older now, more responsible, more mature. He had to handle this delicately. “I wasn’t worried about him. You should know that by now.”

“After he got out of the water and I went after him, you grabbed me and told him to go! To run, Ash! They idiot spent who knows how long–!” she paused, choking on her own emotion, “Years. Probably years beating, hurting, neglecting his Pokemon so that they’d be resilient to things they never should have been pitted against! And you tried to let him run from me!

“What’s changed, Ash?!” she cried out next, wrenching around and grabbing a hold of his shirt, yanking him forward so they were evenly prostrated. “We… I learned a lot of what I feel, how to react, from you! I remember a time when you did exactly the same as me because you thought a Pokemon was being treated wrongly! All you did was think it and act! Now you won’t stick up for me for knowing what went on! We used to be the same, think the same about so much! I loved that about you! But now…

“I… Now I don’t even know you.”

They sat there for a moment, Ash watching her trembling grip on his shirt before she finally released him and averted her gaze. It was a great burden to watch one of the most important people in his life appear to lose faith in him rather instantaneously.

“Misty, I know you have trouble seeing things this way but… I promise I wasn’t - I’d never defend or worry about a person who’d treat their Pokemon like that. But I did… I was trying to save someone else,” he explained somewhat ambiguously, waiting for any sort of reaction from his one person audience before he bothered to continue.

“C’mon, you… you just made it into the Elite Four. You have eyes on you everywhere you go now. I know how it is. It was the same for me last year when I made first division champion. People don’t take kindly to their idols making mistakes or acting aggressively, spontaneously. I mean, even if your average person sided with you, chances are that the league would have had to suspend or permanently rescind your eligibility to their ranks because of the assault. It was best to let the authorities handle things without us getting anymore involved… No matter how much we both wanted to.”

“Ash…”

She didn’t say anything more, tapering off after his name left her mouth and staring him up and down. She supposed, somewhat begrudgingly, that things had changed and not necessarily for the worse. Surprisingly it seemed that Ash Ketchum had grown up a lot since they’d last traveled together, and his insight into the bureaucracy of top tier trainers may have been a saving grace.

“So you’re saying that you were protecting me? To keep me from losing my progress towards my dream…?” The fledgling virgin romantic in her couldn’t help the flattery. This was quite the metamorphosis from their preteen years. “I guess… that makes sense.”

“And I hope you’d, uh, do me the same courtesy if such a situation ever…?” he inquired next, and a blushing, teary-eyed Misty gave a slight upwards jerk of her head before sighing and leaning into him.

“Now let’s just… not talk about it anymore for awhile. I’m still so,” a shuddering breath interrupted her statement, “so angry about it. I’m grateful too,” she assured him, misinterpreting the reason for his stiff shoulders and spine as her head rested against him, “that you knew what to do but if there’s a next time… let’s be on the same page first at least.”

“… That sounds reasonable to me.”

“And Ash?”

“Hm?”

“I’m… sorry,” she finished rather lamely, though she knew it was best to put her conscience at ease.

“Yeah, I am too.”

And something told her he was apologizing for much worse in the world than his own behavior.

(Actually the further I wrote on this fic the more worried I got... but here it is. :-/)

#pokeshipping #flash fic #fanfiction #aaml #ash x misty #requests #word count: 1494

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eleanor-writes-stuff · 6 years ago

Text

like my heart longs for an ocean [one-shot]

Within minutes of meeting, Rey Niima and Kylo Ren immediately confront each other for having the audacity to be biologically compatible.

Within weeks, they start exploring that compatibility.

Within months, it turns into something more.

This is the story of them getting their shit together, one step at a time.

Yeah, I did it: I wrote an ABO fic. This is rated M for mild, awkward, embarrassing attempts at smut interspersed with flashbacks to our favorite idiots trying to fight destiny and biology. If you need me, I’ll be in a corner drinking to forget the fact that I decided to share this with the world for some reason.

New content alert, @orkindofamazing @senauma. (If anyone else would like to be tagged whenever I post content, let me know!)

Also available on AO3. (I’m hi_raeth there, in case the link doesn’t work. Thanks, Tumblr.)

The arm tucked under her pillow has gone numb.

Rey lifts her head, stretches out her arm and wiggles her fingers until the unpleasant pins and needles sensation fades. Next time, she thinks, she’ll sprawl out on top of him; it’ll probably be much more comfortable that way. Next time, she thinks, and promptly stops herself.

There can be no next time.

To keep herself grounded in the present she presses closer to him, sighs in contentment as Ben’s arm curls tighter around her in return so that his chest is flush against her back. Liquid heat floods her as he hooks one leg over hers and inadvertently pushes deeper into her, prompting him to muffle a groan against her neck.

“Again?” Rey asks incredulously as more cum trickles down her thigh to join the damp spot pooling underneath them. Ben closes his lips around the tender gland on her neck in response, sucks on it as he does his best to thrust into her with what limited mobility he has. The slow drag of his knot against her sensitive walls draws a low moan out of her as her muscles flutter around him, an instinctive reaction to keep him inside her.

Obviously her body hasn’t gotten the memo, because they’ve been tangled together for a good while now and Rey wants nothing more than for this to be over with so that she can throw his clothes at him, kick him out of her apartment, and pretend that this never happened when they see each other at work tomorrow. Because as great as this has been, as earth-shattering as they are together…

“How long has it been?” she sighs, bats Ben’s hand away when he goes to rub at her clit. That’s how he got her to agree to a second round hours ago – riling her up while they waited for his knot to go down, leaving her wanting as he made himself at home in her kitchen, keeping her on edge as he urged her to refuel. But that was before the sun went down, before she realized how easy it would be to let him stay the night so that they can fall into an endless pattern.

Ben huffs into her neck, his warm breath ghosting against her gland, and the part of her that only comes to life around him urges her to take his hand, to guide him back to where he wants to be, to make up for upsetting her Alpha. This is exactly why there can be no third round, no next time.

“Longer than ever before,” he admits, presses his palm into her abdomen with enough pressure to make the both of them twitch. God, he’s right there, his hand over the head of his cock with only her stomach between the two, and with heat crawling up her spine and flooding her cheeks she remembers fawning over the fit of him, keening and sobbing and babbling Alpha so big so good oh god I can see you inside me–

He sighs, lips brushing against her temple as he brings up the forbidden topic. “You know what this means, Rey–”

“Don’t,” she warns and pleads in the same breath, inches as far away from him as possible so that she doesn’t have to feel his racing heart against her back. The fact that his body refuses to let go of hers doesn’t have to mean anything. None of it does.

“Just…” Rey closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. She’s upsetting him, hurting him, and her stupid Omega hormones aren’t the only ones unhappy with the notion. As much as she hates him sometimes, she doesn’t actually want to hurt the man who makes her heart race, makes her blood sing, makes her want to give it all up for even the slightest possibility–

But she’s come too far for that, worked too hard to risk it. “Just don’t,” she whispers, and of course that’s the exact moment their bodies decide to finally, finally let go.

“Okay,” Ben murmurs, presses one final kiss to her temple before he wordlessly gets out of bed. Her room feels unusually cold without his warmth curled around her, and when the door clicks shut behind him two minutes later, Rey tells herself the odd feeling in her chest is her lungs shaking, not her heart sinking.

The first time Rey meets Ben Solo, she immediately excuses herself to the bathroom to splash a gallon of cold water on her face and waste a shit ton of tissue dabbing at her inexplicably drenched underwear.

She’s been antsy all morning, just the slightest bit off and on edge and oversensitive, and everything falls into place when Leia emerges from her office with a tall, brooding hulk of an Alpha by her side and introduces the team to their newest addition. Rey is forced to just sit there, pressing her legs together and praying no one can smell her, while Leia and the inconsiderate asshole move ever closer to her cubicle as introductions are made. She jumps out of her seat the minute Leia turns to her, greets her boss and exchanges brief pleasantries with the newbie even as his scent floods her senses, and then promptly announces that she needs to pee before she scurries away.

A ton of cold water and a roll of toilet paper later, Rey emerges from the bathroom with a wince on her face as she relives her awkwardness on a mental loop. Thankfully, she’s quickly snapped out of it by a new distraction. Unfortunately, that new distraction proves to be–

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ben Solo hisses, nostrils flaring as he crowds into her personal space and forces her to back up until she hits the wall.

“Me?” Rey demands incredulously, shoves at him with both her hands and makes the executive decision to ignore the fact that she can feel herself literally dripping after less than two seconds of physical contact. “What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of arrogant, selfish Alpha asshole walks around without taking blockers–”

Ben crosses his arms – massive – over his chest – broad – and glares at her. “Very funny. I’m not the one out in public without suppressants, Omega.”

She hates, hates, hates being referred to by her designation, has even gained a reputation for pulling some pretty violent stunts whenever someone dares to reduce her identity to a genetic label. But the utter ridiculousness of his accusation coupled with the low growl in his voice sends Rey reeling, and without a moment’s thought she’s ripping her blouse free from her skirt and holding it up to show him the silvery scar at her hip. “Implant, you fucker. Just because you’re not taking the appropriate precautions–”

“I am,” Ben whispers, sounding miles away as his wide eyes hone in on her implant mark, the one that proves she’s on the strongest suppressants available. It feels like a small eternity before he finally tears his attention away from her bare skin to look up at her again. “I am,” he repeats slowly. “On blockers. Three times a day.”

Oh.

Rey knows she’s probably staring and gaping at him like a fool, but wiping the dumb goldfish expression off her face becomes the least of her concerns as his admission rings in her ears and bounces around her skull and settles into her veins.

“But we still…” she gestures vaguely between them, thinks of the slick gathering between her thighs and the way he’s breathing through his mouth as if that’s any better, as if he can’t taste her in the air, as if they aren’t going crazy for each other even with the strongest possible suppressant and a triple dosage of blockers between them. “We can still…”

Ben squeezes his eyes shut, takes a step away from her. “Yeah,” he says on a shaky exhale.

She presses her back to the wall, tries to make herself as small as possible. “That’s… that’s not normal.”

He laughs. It’s curt and bitter and barely even counts, but god does it make her toes curl. “You don’t say, sweetheart.”

And that, oh that seals her fate even as Ben backs away from her, puts enough distance between them that she couldn’t reach for him even if she wanted to. “We should stay away from each other,” he suggests, his voice firm and resolute even as his eyes plead for her to say otherwise.

“Good idea,” Rey forces herself to agree in a breathless voice that sounds nothing like her own.

“Right,” Ben nods, moves away from her a little bit more. “Okay, good,” he mumbles, and promptly turns on his heel to get the fuck away.

Even as a long-dormant part of Rey’s body cries out at his departure, a bigger part of her knows that he won’t be able to stay away for long.

There’s a next time, and a time after that, and a time after that.

The fourth time Ben rolls away from her to get dressed and leave, Rey surprises the both of them by jumping out of bed to wrap her arms around him from behind. Ben stills, his shirt clutched in one hand, and she presses her lips to his spine in a request she’s not ready to voice.

He hears it anyway, drops his shirt and comes back to bed for the rest of the night, and when she wakes up in his arms the next morning Rey finds she’s a little less scared of this thing between them now.

After the tenth time they start leaving things at each other’s places, and on nights when she’s denied herself his company she sneaks a shirt out of the drawer she’s started thinking of as his and goes to sleep drowning in his scent.

The twenty-seventh time marks three months together, as well as the last time Rey allows herself to keep count. A good thing, probably, because after that they spend more time together than apart, and while Ben will never stop being an overwhelming, all-eclipsing, larger-than-life presence, she starts getting used to him, starts learning how to look past the eclipse to see that everything else still exists. The fact that everything else does still exist, that being with him doesn’t automatically cancel out a lifetime without him, allows her to put the last of her lingering fear to rest.

Seven months after she first showed him her implant scar, Rey sighs and presses closer to Ben as his thumb traces circles over the silvery mark. It’s the Alpha in him tugging his lips into a frown against her shoulder, she knows, but still–

“I’m supposed to replace it next month,” she murmurs unthinkingly, warm and content and sore in all the best ways.

Ben’s thumb stills, and moments later is replaced by his hand curling around her hip, fingers applying the slightest bit of pressure to dig into her skin. Rey thinks she can hear an audible gulp as he considers her words, and she closes her eyes to resist the temptation of turning around to gauge his reaction.

“Are you going to?” he asks an eternity later, voice hushed as the pad of his thumb starts moving over her scar again.

Rey shrugs; it’s easier to feign nonchalance when she doesn’t have to look him in the eye. “I don’t know,” she says casually. “They don’t advise getting the implant more than three times, and this is already my second. Something about causing permanent damage if I don’t let my body go through heat, I think.”

Again a hand gripping her hip, almost urgently. “When was the last time you… I mean, do you usually… you know, with someone?” he trails off weakly, the crux of the matter hidden in a barely-audible whisper.

Rey shrugs off his arm, finally turns around and props herself up with an elbow sinking into the mattress. Ben can barely meet her eye, and what little moonlight there is illuminates the barest hint of a flush on his cheeks. She doesn’t blame him for asking, though. People who don’t believe in more, who aren’t interested in more – people like the person she was when they first met – are known to enter long-term arrangements for the sake of convenience. Some arrangements become more, some don’t, but nearly all of them turn personal and meaningful in their own way after a period of time.

At some point between their second and third time, Rey had actually considered asking Ben if he’d be willing to enter such an arrangement with her. Now, she brings her free hand up to his jaw and gently guides his eyes to her.

“Never,” she admits quietly. “I’ve never…” wanted to, with anyone else. Mated Omegas tell her there’s nothing like it, that you don’t truly understand your Alpha’s love for you until they’ve seen you through heat and cared for your every need. Forums for unmated Omegas tell her that it’s transcendent, that nothing else will ever come close. But that kind of vulnerability, that kind of trust… there’s a reason she’s never, ever allowed herself to have a heat since her first one ten years ago, when she presented at the very late age of seventeen.

And yet – “I didn’t have anyone, before,” Rey whispers, puts it out there and immediately hides her face in Ben’s neck under the pretense of nuzzling his gland.

A low, content sound rumbles from deep within his chest, and he cards one hand through her hair until she pulls away from his sensitive skin. Ben gently rolls them over so that he’s looming over her, so that she’s pinned underneath him with nowhere to go.

Rey minds it a lot less than she should, than she would’ve even six months ago.

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, and god, the tenderness in his eyes, his voice, his touch – how did she ever think they’d be able to stop after just once? “Are you saying…?”

She loves the way Ben holds her face like the most precious thing in the world cupped in that massive hand of his, but right now it means Rey has to look him in the eye and tell him yes, yes she’s saying she wants him to fuck and feed her through her heat, she wants and trusts him to care for her when she can’t. “I mean,” she licks her dry lips, darts her gaze down to his throat. “You don’t have to–”

Ben laughs, a low huff of amusement that draws her eyes back to him. “Of course I have to, Rey,” he tells her with a smile, shaking his head at her fondly. “It’s an Alpha’s responsibility to care for his ma–”

He catches himself just in time, stares at her with wide, terrified eyes until Rey surges up to kiss his fear away. Some words can never be taken back, and they both know exactly what he was about to say, what he was about to imply. And yet…

Of course Rey isn’t ready, probably won’t be for a good long while yet, but it’s nice to know that it – that he – will be waiting for her when she is. For now, though–

“I’ll get it taken out, then,” she whispers against Ben’s lips, wraps her legs around him as one hand reaches down to guide him into her. “The implant, I mean.”

“Just let me know when,” he says, and it’s the last coherent sentence between them for a while.

It takes two weeks for their luck to run out.

Leia calls a floor-wide meeting, and all twenty-three of them squeeze into Conference Room 2, which is standing room only by the time Ben arrives. Of course Rey, one of the lucky few who’d arrived early enough to snag a seat, is sitting just five feet away from the door. And of course Ben chooses to just close the door behind him and lean against it instead of venturing further into the crowded room.

For the life of her, Rey cannot figure out what the meeting is about. Leia stands on the opposite end of the room, going through slides that Poe dutifully changes for her, but even the big, bold headers on the screen seem to blur together as Rey does her best to hold in the last lungful of clean air she’d gotten right before Ben appeared.

Her throat closes up, her lungs burn, her eyes water – and finally, finally, Rey is forced to inhale.

The effect is instantaneous and devastating, heaven and hell rolled into one as her blood heats up and her skin itches and her toes curl and her stomach cramps. If she were a braver woman, if she were a dumber woman, she might risk a glance at Ben to see how he’s faring, to check if he’s noticed her reaction to his scent. Instead, Rey nods along as she squints at the screen and discreetly presses her thighs together as tightly as she can.

If this keeps up, she might need to start keeping a change of underwear at work.

Mercifully, the meeting is short and to the point as it always is with Leia. She turns her back to the screen, Poe clicks out of the slideshow, and chairs start scraping against the floor as everyone prepares to get back to work.

“One last thing,” Leia says before the first brave soul can ask Ben to stand aside and stop blocking the only exit from this packed room. Oddly enough, he tenses at the sound of Leia’s voice, the only noticeable bit of body language she’s noticed since he walked into the room.

“I’m sure by now you’ve all met our newest addition, my son Ben Solo.”

A round of hushed murmurs sweeps across the room, the cat finally out of the bag for the scant few who hadn’t thought to make the connection between Leia’s husband and the newcomer. Out of the corner of her eye Rey catches Ben crossing his arms over his chest and drawing himself up to his full height, almost as if he’s daring anyone in this room to comment on his parentage.

None of this comes as news to Rey, of course – Finn had informed her of their new addition’s connection to the big boss before she’d even known there was to be a new addition – but for just a second the unexpected reminder slams into her hard enough to take her mind off her current situation. Instead a bolt of horror shoots up her spine at the belated realization that she’s lusting after her boss’s son, and Rey thinks that’s almost as bad as the biological compatibility thing and all that it hints at.

“I’m very happy to finally have Ben with us after all these years of using my motherly guilt-tripping skills against him,” Leia jokes with a raspy laugh, but the joyful twinkle in her eyes is clear for anyone to see as she gives her son a soft, fond smile.

Ben ducks his head almost shyly, a small smile playing on his lips, and Rey’s heart jolts as if someone’s fashioned endearment into a blade and plunged it into her chest. A fresh wave of slick quickly ruins the moment, and she can barely hear Leia’s next words over the faint, panicky ringing in her ears.

“–looks like I brought him aboard to do my dirty work, and I completely understand why some of you feel this way. Unfortunately, the truth is that we’re just long overdue for some serious downsizing, and this would have happened with or without Ben around.”

Panic of an entirely different breed settles into her bones as Rey finally makes sense of Leia’s words and the sudden tension that’s settled over the room. Realistically she knows she’s probably safe – she was promoted just last month and easily does the work of three regular employees – but the part of her that’s never found a home that wasn’t taken from her in some painful way freaks out anyway.

There are times when the light in Leia’s eyes makes her look twenty years younger, and then there are times when her shoulders slump under the weight of the world and she looks ten years older than she really is; this is the latter. “I wish you all the best these next two weeks,” Leia sighs before she plasters on a sincere smile. “And please know that whatever comes next is in no way reflective of your worth as an employee or a person, because I can honestly say that all of you are so, so appreciated here and if it were up to me, I wouldn’t let a single one of you go.”

A faint aww fills the room amidst a smattering of polite claps, and just seconds later Leia ends the meeting with a strained smile and a dismissive wave of her hand. Ben is the first one out, wrenching the door open with such force that it slams into the wall as he leaves. Rey gives him a short head start, counts to ten in her head before she joins the small crowd filing out of the room and shoulders her way past the bottleneck forming at the door. In her haste to get to the nearest bathroom, though, she fails to notice that she’s moving fast enough to catch up to him, and an accidental shove from a colleague who’s in as much of a rush as the rest of them sends her crashing into the one person in this building she really, really can’t afford to touch.

Ben’s hands instinctively wrap around her shoulders to steady her, and even through the fabric of her sleeves his touch burns. She stumbles backwards as a pained hiss escapes her, her inner muscles desperately contracting around thin air, and he emits a matching sharp inhale as his hands drop back down to his sides and his breathing grows heavy.

“Sorry, didn’t see you–”

“This is getting ridiculous,” Ben snarls, more to himself than her, and quickly looks left and right before he practically sprints to the nearest door and opens it. “We need to talk,” he declares, and disappears into the darkened meeting room without waiting for her reply.

Rey does a quick sweep of the hallway – it’s somehow emptied out in the last few seconds, everyone in a rush to get back to work or head out for lunch – and throws caution to the wind. He’s right, after all: this is getting ridiculous, and maybe talking about it will bring them closer to the elusive solution.

There’s always the obvious solution, but as far as Rey’s concerned, that’s not an option – not even as her insides retaliate for the aching emptiness with a vicious cramp.

She closes the door behind her, reaches out to turn on the lights while Ben paces the length of the room with a table between them.

“Look, clearly we can’t work together–” he starts, and the heat his presence fills her with quickly turns to ice. Between Leia’s announcement just minutes ago and the stories Finn’s told her about Ben, about his previous life working for the First Order where he couldn’t play nice with anyone and easily got rid of everyone who displeased him in any way, Rey’s brain is quick to jump to the worst case scenario.

“No,” she snaps, stomps up to the table and slams her palms down on the glass. “I don’t care that this physically hurts me, I don’t care if you can’t get any work done with me around – you are not firing me for this stupid thing I didn’t even ask for, it’s not my fault and there has to be some kind of law protecting me against this, so don’t even think–”

“Rey,” he says quietly, and her rant dies a sudden, undignified death as a whimper fights its way past her lips. It’s the first time he’s ever said her name, and suddenly she wants to collapse against the table and press her whole body to the cool surface of the glass because she’s dying, her blood is boiling in an entirely new way and this is hell, this is the literal ninth circle of hell–

“I’m not firing you,” Ben assures her through gritted teeth, and she fights her way through the haze clouding her mind to realize that he’s stopped pacing and his fingers are now curled so tightly around the table that his knuckles have gone white. Rey swears she can see tiny hairline fractures racing across the surface of the tempered glass from where he’s gripping the table. “Why would you think–?”

She’s flustered and turned on and still a bit uncertain, a bit scared, and oh this is a bad combination because for some godforsaken reason Rey hears herself saying coldly, “Well, it’s what you would have done back in First Order, isn’t it?”

Ben’s eyes narrow as he leans over the table, subconsciously moving towards her. “What do you know about First Order?” he demands in a low voice that signals danger in more than one way.

“Enough,” Rey shrugs, feigns disinterest as she casually moves away from the table, backs up incrementally until she's pressed against the door, as close to the exit as possible.

“You know nothing,” Ben rebuts forcefully, almost defensively, and Rey watches him straighten up and stalk around the table with equal measures of dread and heat pooling low in her belly. He comes to a stop right where she was just a minute ago, leans against the table and crosses his arms, stares at her with a clear challenge flashing in his eyes.

So naturally Rey does the stupidest thing possible and falls for it. “I know all about Kylo Ren,” she spits, all thoughts of a swift exit quickly abandoned. “I know how selfish you were, how you’d get people fired for the smallest, stupidest things, like a petty, spiteful child who–”

In the blink of an eye Ben closes the distance between them, cages her in with both hands on either side of her head. “Could a child do this to you, sweetheart?” he whispers, and everything moves in slow-motion as he brings one shaking hand up to brush her hair back from her neck and ghost a fingertip over her inflamed, desperate skin. “Could a child make you fall apart in my arms with just…” he leans in and Rey wants him closer, “one…” he drops his head and her traitorous hands rise of their own accord, slide into his hair just as his lips find her mating gland, “touch?”

“Ben,” she gasps as a feeling of rightness washes over her, as her hormones demand more, more lips and tongue and teeth. Her fingers instinctively, roughly yank at his hair, and Rey registers a broken moan muffled against her neck in response. Good. Good. Let him be as desperate as she is, let him discover exactly what he’ll be going without–

–because the second she breaks free of this madness, Rey rips her hands out of his hair, shoves at his chest until he stumbles into the table. Ben is slow to look up at her, blinking the haze away, and when he does his eyes are dark with a need that matches the one in her soul.

It’s the kind of thing that could easily consume you whole, and Rey has no plans of letting it. So she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to center herself, ignores the way his scent sets her nerves on fire all over again, and quickly reaches for the doorknob.

“Let’s…” her voice is a barely audible rasp, and she has to clear her throat and try again while Ben continues to beg her with his eyes. “Let’s go back to ignoring each other,” Rey manages in one breath, and quickly steps out of the room.

“I’m not going to work today,” Ben announces blearily when Rey gently shakes him awake at seven in the morning as per their usual weekday wake-up routine.

“What?” Rey yawns and collapses back into bed, undoing what little progress she’d made in pulling herself into a sitting position. “Why not?”

He reaches for her out of habit, pulls her back against him even as his eyes remain closed. “Rut leave,” Ben mumbles into her neck, nosing at her gland in that absentminded, comfortable way that makes her want things they’re not ready for.

Rey struggles in his arms, finally turns around to find him slowly opening his eyes as he frowns at her in confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks, hooking one leg over his. “I could’ve given them early notice. Plus we wouldn’t have had to wake up at seven.”

Ben blinks at her for the longest time. “Rey,” he finally says, the sleepiness in his voice replaced by something more awake, more careful. “If you disappear during my rut just weeks after I called in sick during your heat, people will figure it out.”

“So?” she shrugs, because in all honesty a part of her had forgotten that no one else knows, that she’d seen this as some shameful secret to be kept hidden away in the beginning. It’s been a year since then, and there are days when Rey can’t believe how fast time’s flown by but there are also days when she can’t believe they haven’t been together their whole lives. Ben being in her life just… makes sense in a way that nothing else ever has or ever will, and it’s hard to remember that there was a time when she didn’t want this, didn’t want him.

“So,” he echoes, drags himself up to sit against the headboard. “Everyone will know. My mother. Your friends.”

She pulls herself up to mirror him, takes Ben’s hands in her own. “I don’t care,” Rey says softly, offers him a gentle smile when she catches his eye. “You were there for me when I needed you. I want to be here for you.”

“Sweetheart,” Ben sighs, and she knows the battle is won when he leans in and presses his forehead to hers even as he continues to question her. “Are you sure about this? You know what they’ll say about us, what they say about… about Alphas and Omegas.”

He whispers that last bit like it’s something shameful, something not to be brought up in broad daylight. In a way they’ve treated it like that, danced around the foundation of their relationship and never, ever referred to each other by designation outside of bed.

But it’s been a year.

Rey looks at him, at her Ben, and thinks of the way her heart flips when she opens her eyes first thing in the morning and finds him with her, of the way she feels with him and around him, of all the ways they’re perfect for each other that don’t involve him being an Alpha and her being an Omega. She looks at her Ben, and knows that their relationship is so much more than what it started out as.

“Let them say whatever they want,” she decides, presses a quick kiss to his lips and delights in the way a smile instantly blooms on his face. “I don’t care about any of it,” Rey assures him, slipping one hand free from Ben’s to cup his jaw. “I just care about you.”

A part of her does care, but – she cares that she won’t have to hide her smile behind her hand whenever Ben walks past at work, cares that she’ll be able to hold his hand and rest her head on his shoulder when the team goes out for lunch, cares that this moves them into new territory.

All she cares about right now, though, is the way Ben hauls her into his lap in response to her little declaration, pulls her in for a proper kiss and breaks away only to pull her nightshirt over her head.

“When does it start?” Rey asks as she hooks her fingers into the waistband of his boxers and Ben automatically lifts his hips to help her along. He’d only stopped taking his blockers around the same time she’d traded her suppressant implant for a basic contraceptive shot, but even on blockers he’d gone through yearly ruts, giving him the added advantage of being far more familiar with this process than she’d been with her heat.

“In a few hours, probably,” Ben answers distractedly, holding her in place as he kicks off his boxers. “Honestly, though?” he gives her a grin, the boyish one that she’s only recently grown familiar with and loves with all her soul. “I’ve felt a few hours away since the day we met.”

How does he do that, make something both endearingly sappy and unbearably hot? Rey rolls off his lap and onto her back, hooks her arms around Ben’s neck and pulls him down with her. “That was a ridiculous day,” she huffs, thinking of how negatively they’d both reacted to their instant attraction.

Ben hovers above her, hands on either side of her shoulders as he looks down at her. “If someone had told you then that we’d end up here… how would you have reacted?”

“Not well,” Rey says honestly as she reaches up, slides her fingers into his hair. “I was… god, Ben, I was terrified. And you know why, you were too,” she reminds him. “But… but I’m glad this is how it played out. I’m glad we ended up here.” Her voice has grown soft, and she’s probably wearing the most ridiculous, lovesick smile possible, but that’s okay because he is too.

“Me too, sweetheart,” Ben murmurs right as he lowers himself so that every inch of them is pressed together. She loves it when they’re like this – her Alpha a comfortable, familiar presence above her, reassuring without being suffocating.

Rey uses her hands in his hair to pull him in for a kiss, wraps her legs around him and sighs happily when Ben shifts to balance his weight on one hand while the other snakes between them to part her folds.

“Fuck, Rey–” he mumbles against her lips like he always does, as if after a year together and all the chemistry in the world he’s still awed by the fact that she wants him too, that she exists at all. Rey hums into their kiss, a wordless reassurance and acknowledgement all in one, and is all too happy to lose herself in the moment until the shrill ringing of her phone bursts their bubble.

“Tell me again why we need two alarms?” Ben grumbles lightly as he rolls off her so that Rey can grab her phone from the nightstand and shut off her 7:15.

“Because someone has a habit of getting distracted whenever I try to get us out of bed the first time around,” Rey reminds him teasingly as she unlocks her phone and taps on her email.

Ben turns on his side to grin at her. “Well, maybe if you weren’t so distracting I wouldn’t get so distracted,” he retorts. “What’re you doing? Come back here,” he frowns when Rey doesn’t immediately put her phone away.

“Just a minute,” she assures him. “I need to let work know I’m not coming in either. How many days off did you get?”

“Three,” Ben tells her as he turns to his own nightstand for the bottle of water he keeps there, offering it to Rey after a swig. “That’s the standard amount, usually. What are you going to tell them?”

She could probably call in sick the way he did during her heat, but why waste perfectly good sick days? Rey hands the bottle back to Ben and wraps up her email as he returns it to the nightstand. “That my partner is in rut,” she shrugs, deliberately casual as she puts her phone away and turns back to him.

It’s not quite the m-word, but it’s still something, especially in an email to work. Ben smiles, holds his arms wide open and pulls her on top of him.

“I like the sound of that,” he whispers against her lips.

“Yeah,” Rey smiles, thinking of the future that awaits them. “Me too.”

The final straw comes a month after their confrontation in the meeting room.

“Hey!” Rey calls out when Ben rushes past her, finally giving in to her natural inclination to chase after him rather than run away from him. He turns to her with a carefully guarded mask, feigns disinterest and impatience as if her proximity isn’t setting every cell of his body on fire.

Two can play at that game, Rey decides, and takes a vicious joy in the telling way his Adam’s apple bobs when she steps into his personal space. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she demands before Ben can speak, and his eyes widen in shock for a split second before he catches himself.

“What now, Miss Niima?” he sighs, takes the excuse of crossing his arms to subtly move backwards a step.

“Oh, don’t you Miss Niima me–” she seethes, only to be interrupted by a faint squeak from somewhere behind her. Rey turns just in time to see a Beta colleague make a one-eighty and scurry down the hallway in the direction he came from, and it’s only then that she realizes they’re out in the open.

She gingerly pinches the fabric of Ben’s rolled-up sleeve between her fingers and tugs at him. “This way.”

“All this trouble just to get me alone?” Ben chuckles as he follows her down the hallway, and the smugness in his voice combined with the low rasp of his laugh just–

Rey snaps herself out of it, yanks him into a somewhat secluded corner before she crosses her arms and goes toe to toe with him. “The entire networking department? Really? Are you just that much of an asshole that you’re willing to fire seven people over what is clearly a piss-poor excuse for you to get rid of your father?”

The teasing light in his eyes, the slight curve of his lips – all of it drains away as he draws himself up to his full height and glares down at her. “It’s an obsolete, overpaid department. Maybe the consultancy needed a dedicated networking team when it was first started, but it’s made more than enough connections since. So I can either let go of a department that’s outlived its usefulness, or I can make the cuts somewhere else, from a department that’s actually useful. What would you suggest, sweetheart?” he sneers, and god, she just wants to punch him and knock him down and possibly straddle him.

“Don’t call me that,” Rey snaps, irritated at both herself and him. “And don’t even try to pretend that this was purely a professional decision. You’ve hated your father since the day you got here–”

Ben ducks his head and mumbles something under his breath, and it’s out of character enough for her irritation to be momentarily replaced by confusion.

“What?”

“I said,” he huffs, looks down at his shoes, “I don’t hate him.”

Bewilderment slows her down, softens her enough for her squared shoulders to slump as she tilts her head and considers the unexpected sight in front of her. Ben’s… not relaxed, never that, but certainly nowhere near as tense as he usually is around her. Something about the way his eyes refuse to meet hers, the way he’s the slightest bit curled into himself, screams resignation at her.

It’s not unwarranted, his assumption that nothing he says will change her mind. After all, it’s been six weeks since Ben showed up and ruined her – ruined her life, that is – and she’s proven herself to be remarkably disagreeable since, butting heads with him at every possible occasion because all of that tension has to go somewhere, and she’d rather channel it into bickering with him while Poe and Leia watch them like the world’s most fascinating ping pong match than use it to fuel this thing between them.

But just this once… “Then why?” Rey asks quietly, gently enough for Ben to slowly raise his head and meet her with something like tentative hope in his eyes. “Why all of the…” she thinks of the way he leaves a room the second his father enters it, the way he ignores Han’s attempts at conversations and brushes past him with a little too much force, the way he undermines the older man in every meeting they’re forced to share, and encompasses it with a vague wave of her hand and a furrowed brow.

Ben shakes his head with a sigh. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” she retorts unthinkingly, stupidly, and the second his lips twitch Rey knows she’s fucked up.

“Careful there, sweetheart,” he murmurs with a smirk, and the heat of his gaze sets her skin on fire, raises all of the little hairs on the back of her neck and her arms. “That almost sounds like an offer.”

“God,” Rey huffs, rolls her eyes and takes a step backwards even as her body aches for him. “You’re impossible,” she declares, and makes to turn on her heel and walk away.

It’s their pattern, after all. Creeping closer, and closer, and closer in the world’s most ridiculous game of chicken until one of them realizes the very real danger they’re in and decides to back down.

Lately, she’s been the one doing all the backing down. Something tells her that maybe Ben isn’t quite interested in the game anymore, that he would draw more satisfaction from luring her in than watching her lose.

He still chuckles faintly every time she runs away, though, and oh does it grate on her nerves but for this, for the sake of everything, Rey is willing to swallow her pride and be the chicken every time.

Only this time, Ben doesn’t let her.

One second she’s turning away from him and the next he’s pulled her into his arms, warm fingers curled low on her hip while the other hand slowly, slowly makes it way towards her neck.

“And yet, Rey,” Ben murmurs, staring at her like he can’t quite believe she’s real, like he expects her to disappear into thin air any second now. “And yet,” he sighs, and ducks his head to replace his fingers with his mouth.

One brush of his lips against her gland and she’s gone, she’s tired and she wants and how futile is this, anyway, denying her biology, denying herself, denying him as if he isn’t the only thing she’s ever wanted. Rey gives in with a shuddery exhale, lets her spine melt into a useless puddle and trusts Ben to hold her upright.

“We really need to do something about this,” she whispers with her chin on top of his head, raises one shaky hand to finally tangle itself in his hair only to find that it’s as soft as she dreamed it would be.

Ben scrapes his teeth across her gland, applying only the slightest bit of pressure. “Please,” he mumbles against her skin. “Please, Rey, please.”

Biology and society dictate that she should be the one begging him, that he should’ve thrown her over his shoulder and hauled her off to his home by now, that they should’ve given in to each other the day they met. Biology and society, Rey thinks as she lifts her head and uses the hand in Ben’s hair to pull him away from her neck, are exactly why she didn’t give in.

But Ben, Ben the Alpha who walked away from her when he should’ve done anything but, Ben the Alpha who lets her walk away from him time after time, Ben who looks at her now desperate and pleading but if she were to deny him again he’d let her, he’d take his big, warm hands off her back and watch her leave and never corner her or confront her–

Ben is why she gives in.

“No one can know,” she warns him, heart in her throat as she takes them past the point of no return.

“Of course,” Ben nods quickly, eagerly.

“It’s just a one-time thing,” Rey stipulates even as a voice in the back of her mind chants liar liar liar.

He hesitates for a moment, but then– “If that’s what you want.”

She nods, just once. “It is. Just one time, to get it out of our systems. And then we can put this behind us and move on.”

It’s laughable, it’s ridiculous, it’s sheer idiocy to think she can get this out of her system when it is her system, to think that the universe and the fates and their physiology perfectly aligned so that they could have just one amazing fuck and then go their separate ways.

But then Ben nods again, curls his fingers around her hips and squeezes, and it can’t be that ridiculous if two perfectly sensible and intelligent people are agreeing to it, right?

So she yanks him down to her and finally, finally kisses him, pretends the world isn’t falling to pieces around her as she bites down on his lower lip and eagerly swipes at the bead of blood emerging from her cut, her mark. “My place is ten minutes away,” Rey manages to inform him between kisses.

Ben answers by pulling her back in for one final kiss before he wrenches himself away with a pained groan.

“Lead the way, sweetheart.”

“Please,” Ben whines, his skin clammy with sweat, his hair plastered to his face, his eyes wide and desperate and trusting as she releases him from her mouth with a wet pop. “Please, Rey, need more, need you–”

It’s her favorite thing about his rut – how soft and needy he gets, how he trusts her to take care of him. Her Alpha lies spreadeagled on their bed, fists clenching around the headboard’s slats in desperation, begging and waiting even though rut is supposed to drive him out of his mind, is supposed to drown out all consideration for her wants and needs with his own single-minded purpose.

“You have me, love,” Rey promises him, moves from between his legs to settle her own on either side of his hips and slowly lower herself down. He shakes from the effort of keeping his hips still as she takes him into her, letting her set the pace even now because some part of his brain still remembers that she must be sore after three days of taking his knot more times than she can keep track of.

Ben removes his hands from the headboard, settles them over her hips as she begins to move. “Want you,” he babbles, looking up at her like she hung the moon and the stars and everything in between. “Just you, always you, fuck, Rey, so good, so perfect for me, made for me, I love you I love you I–” he chokes on a desperate sob as she stills, rolls his hips to try and get her to move again.

“Please, sweetheart, please–”

Rey leans forward, stretches over him to push his hair back from his face and press a kiss to his heart. “Just a second,” she assures him, locks her legs around his waist and twines her arms around his neck before she carefully rolls them over.

“I’ve got you,” Rey murmurs as Ben drops his head to her shoulder with a moan and gives an experimental thrust, the last vestiges of his self-control disappearing in light of his newly-acquired control over this, over her. “I’ve got you, Alpha,” she sighs, closes her eyes as Ben begins to move at a frenzied pace she doesn’t even try to keep up with.

She whispers a string of pretty words into his ear instead, digs her nails into his shoulders to anchor herself as he grows closer and closer to the end. “Just like that, love, so good, my Alpha, my mate–”

He comes with a muffled cry against her neck, breath warm on her gland. It’s not lost on her that the word mate was what finally pushed him over the edge, the way it has for the last three days.

But then he’s stretching her in the most delicious way, and all she can focus on is him inside her, his spend filling her up, this is right this is what we’re meant for this is how we start a family–

It’s just harmless Omega babbling, the kind she’s grown familiar with ever since she went off her suppressants, and the birth control shot she got a year ago sets her mind at ease as she comes down from her high to find Ben rolling them onto their sides.

Rey loves him, loves the idea of their life together and the years that await and the family that will come, but one step at a time. And the next step, for them–

“You called me your mate again,” Ben whispers into her hair as Rey curls one leg around his back and takes his knot as deep as it’ll go.

“You liked it,” she mumbles defensively against his bare shoulder, sighing in contentment when the familiar weight of his hand settles on her lower back, pulling her as close as she can possibly be.

Ben huffs a silent laugh against her temple, presses a kiss to her heated skin. “I love it,” he assures her. “But Rey…” God, the way he looks at her, all barely concealed hope as he puts his heart in her hands. “Rey, I need to know.”

The thing is, on the first day of his rut the word had slipped past her lips entirely by accident, just another one of those things she knew would please her Alpha. Rey keeps a careful catalogue of these things, uses it to her advantage whenever he’s in rut; it’s why she finds herself begging him to put a baby in her every three months even though they’ve both decided that kids aren’t in the cards just yet.

So at first… well, at first it was just like the baby thing. But then Rey said it again, and again, and while Ben napped to recover his strength she’d gotten lost inside her own head until she decided that maybe, just maybe, they’re finally ready.

And now here they are.

“I think,” Rey says carefully, reaches out to tuck a lock of hair behind Ben’s ear before she cups his cheek. He instinctively turns into her touch and nuzzles her palm, and his gesture sends a tidal wave of fondness and adoration and warmth washing over her, and Rey, Rey can’t imagine ever living without any of this.

“I think this is something we should discuss when you’re not in rut,” she smiles, an answer in its own way if Ben’s grin is anything to go by.

. . .

When she wakes up the next morning, one arm nestled under her pillow and the other draped around Ben’s waist, the first thing Rey does is sniff at the air.

“It’s over,” Ben informs her quietly, opening his eyes to give her a sleepy smile, the one that makes her want to burrow deeper into her pillow and him and their bed so that she’ll never have to leave.

She hums in acknowledgement, shifts closer to him. “That’s good. I’ve got something to ask you,” Rey announces through a yawn.

Ben’s lips quirk into a knowing grin. “Funny, so do I.”

And she knows, the way she knew he was meant to be hers the second they met, exactly what he’s about to ask. An unfamiliar giddiness takes hold of Rey as she playfully suggests, “On the count of three?”

“All right,” Ben laughs, taken aback by her suggestion but happy to play along all the same. God, she loves his laugh, loves the way it makes his eyes crinkle, loves everything about this man.

They lock eyes, the pair of them grinning like idiots, and count in sync.

“One… two… three–”

“Be my mate?”

“Be my wife?”

Ben lifts the hand between their bodies, holds up a ring he must’ve retrieved before she woke up. It’s not at all the question she was expecting, but Rey–

Rey laughs and nods and kisses him until the ring is lost and forgotten in the tangled mess of their sheets.

It only took me two whole weeks to write this disaster, no big deal.

As usual, this is nowhere near what I originally envisioned and I’m not all that pleased with it, but it’s time to let go. I hope that this was a fun read if nothing else, and I’m sorry if the back-and-forth jumps were jarring; the story just wouldn’t let itself be told any other way. To avoid confusion, I did mess around with some of the usual ABO details, especially re: how suppressants work. It deviates from the norm a bit, but then again this whole fic is one big deviation because ya girl can’t smut to save her life.

As always, thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this or have any thoughts you’d like to share, please don’t hesitate to like/reblog/comment.

#reylo #reyben #rey/kylo ren #rey/ben solo #kylo ren/rey #star wars #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #fic: like my heart longs #my fics #fic archive

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ed-edward-blackbeard · 7 years ago

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@rootingformephistopheles posted a looooooooooong list of fanfiction questions right here.

I answered every damn one of them before I realized it was probably meant to be an askbox thing. SO, here you fuckers go. (it’s five pages long, wtf. so it’s under a readmore to save your dashboard)

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Xenaverse, including Hercules: the Legendary Journeys. I did PBeM (play by email) role play, and then moved to fanfic, and then slash fanfic.

2. What is your latest fandom?

I have three, technically. Doctor Who, Hannibal, and Gotham

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

Hannibal. Fannibals are the best, by 100 miles. I’m sure there’s bad parts of the fandom, I’ve just never yet run across them.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

As far as the people go? Highlander. There was a lot of overlap, at the time, with The Sentinel, both shows I enjoyed. I just feel like there were a lot of assholes in the Highlander fandom who disliked me and my writing because of the people I was friends with, not because I sucked (and believe me, I did. I have the fic to prove it.)

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

From my AO3 dashboard:

Smallville -- The Sentinel -- Hannibal (TV) -- Doctor Who (2005) -- Supernatural -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- Veronica Mars -- Stargate SG-1 -- Actor RPF -- Charlie Countryman/Spacedogs -- Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling -- Adam (2009)/Spacedogs – Brimstone -- Supernatural RPF -- Stargate Atlantis -- Yami No Matsuei | Descendants of Darkness -- The Fast and the Furious (2001) -- Sherlock (TV) -- The Blair Witch Project (1999) -- Star Trek: The Original Series -- Sense and Sensibility (1995) -- Law & Order: SVU -- Lost Boys (Movies) -- Watchmen (2009) -- Lost (1) -- Smallville RPF -- Marvel Cinematic Universe (1) -- Gargoyles (TV) -- Dogma (1999)

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh my fucking God. Okay, here goes:

Xena/Ares and Xena/Autolycus, Xenaverse; Clark/Lex and Lionel/Chloe, Smallville; Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg, the Sentinel; Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham, Hannibal; Doctor/Rose, Nine/Rose/Jack, Doctor Who; Dean/Sam, Supernatural; Buffy/Spike, Giles/Ethan, Spike/Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars, John Winchester/Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars; Jack O’Neill/Daniel Jackson, Stargate SG-1; Ezekiel/Lucifer, Brimstone; John/Rodney, Stargate Atlantis; Muraki x Tsuzuki, Yami No Matsuei; Dom/Brian, the Fast and the Furious; John Watson/Sherlock Holmes, BBC Sherlock; Nigel Lupei/Adam Raki, Spacedogs; Kirk/Spock, Star Trek; Christopher Brandon/Eleanor Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility; Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson, Law & Order SVU; Elisa Maza/Goliath, Gargoyles.

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I don’t really have NoTPs in the fandoms I’ve written in. I have a few NoTPs in general, though, although I’m not listing them here because wow, would I cause some hurt feelings.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

I saw the gifsets from The Wrath of the Lamb, and I saw the name Hannibal Lecter being bandied about, and I fell in love because I’ve loved Hannibal Lecter ever since Red Dragon. I don’t know how I missed out on hearing about the show when it first came out, but holy hell, am I sorry. I’ve been a Fannibal ever since. It was the same story with Gotham. I’d actively avoided Gotham because of the debacle of Smallville, but it was the Nygmobblepot gifs and Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin that finally drew me in.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

Fannibals are fucking awesome, yo. They’re the best thing about the fandom; hell, they *are* the fandom. I love them all, every one. From well-thought out meta to cracked out gifsets to the supportive fanfic community. It’s amazing.

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Because I write, I try not to read a lot, because I don’t want to accidentally crib from someone else’s story, or steal someone else’s idea, because I know what it’s like to pour your life into things.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Hannibal/Will, Doctor/Rose, and Oswald/Edward

12. Who is your current OT3?

Nine/Jack/Rose. That’s pretty much it.

13. Any NoTPs?

None I’ll share.

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Jim Gordon/Harvey Bullock, and I’m sure there’s more that I can’t think of right now.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

I think I’m probably the only person who actually ships it, but John Winchester/Veronica Mars.

16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Destiel. I dislike Destiel with a passion. Ditto Barisi. That’s about it.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Ares/Strife. They’re not my favorite by any means, but I still have a huge soft spot for them.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

uh, probably Clark/Lex or Jim/Blair, just due to the length of time I was in both fandoms.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Destiel and Barisi. They’re popular ships shipped by some people I really like, but I just can’t get behind them. It’s a knee-jerk thing. I can’t even really voice why I dislike them as much as I do, I just do.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Nygmobblepot, actually. I didn’t think I was going to like anything in Gotham, much less the Penguin and the Riddler, but damned if I don’t love it so much I’m actually writing about it as we speak.

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Detested Sport, it was from a Shakespeare quote, I think, and it was Ares/Strife. I think it’s lost to the world, thank fucking God.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Writing? No. Sharing? Yes. It’s called “My Soul’s Imaginary Sight,” and it’s the first time I used an OC, Meravin, who has gone through about a billion evolutions since, and has ended up as a Star Wars OC named Sheridan. I wish I hadn’t shared it, because while it was a definitely needed step in my development as a writer, it’s such a blatant self-insert Mary Sue that I really regret sharing it.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Shoah. It’s a Sentinel fic, written for one of the “Many Faces Of…” edition of My Mongoose e-zines. I think it was MFO Jim. But it’s an AU set during the Holocaust, in one of the concentration camps. It’s not a particularly cheerful story, and the writing process was terrible. I did so much research trying to make it honest to the experience that I spent whole evenings crying in chat windows with my friends Lisa and Patt, who basically hand-held me through the worst of it. But I’m inordinately fond of it, because of the work that went into it, and of how it came out. It’s not my best writing, by a long shot, but I think it’s probably my most emotional and evocative.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

Pretty much everything prior to my Doctor Who fic. I’m very critical of my earlier works.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

A recent one, Consortio, an ABO Hannigram sort-of Medieval-ish handwavey AU.

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

Quotations, song lyrics, poetry, Shakespeare, sometimes pulled out of my ass.

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

SUMMARIES, JESUS CHRIST, SAVE ME FROM SUMMARIES.

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Dealer’s choice, really. I’d just be thrilled for anybody to pick SOMETHING.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

I do not, although I fear I need one for Gotham. It’s more a personal choice than anything else. I’ve got a particular style that doesn’t always mesh well with taking concrit, and while my grammar is very… erratic, at times (stuff it, I love my commas as you can tell), I feel like I should be the arbiter of what I create.

30. What inspires you to write?

Practically anything. Songs, less often. TV shows of the source material, obviously. Movies, sometimes. Random quotes, what ifs, conversations with friends, AU lists, prompt lists, sentence starters…

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

It’s from a writer named Mysenia on my fic Consortio: “All the kudos! Just re-read this story, and I loved it every bit as much as I did the first time :D” Because that’s honestly the first time anyone has mentioned re-reading something of mine in the comment, and it made me so happy for DAYS

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Actually, it depends on what I’m writing. If I’m working on writing sex, then I need dance music, which I usually abhor. I find the Matrix soundtracks work really well, as do Rammstein albums. If I’m doing emotional/angsty things, then Meat Loaf is my go-to. Otherwise, it’s kind of a mish-mash. My music folders are here, on my Google drive, if anyone is really interested in anything I listen to.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

Mostly one-shots, although I’ve been known to do a chaptered fic/series once in a while.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

7,706 on “The Masks We Wear.” I’ve got a series of fics that is 35,498, over about fifteen different stories. Consortio and Kastytis are both chaptered, so they don’t count. Consortio is 23,088 and Kastytis is 24,706

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

Strictly 100 word pieces? Not any more. I used to write for drabble challenges, but I can never stay within the word limit any more. If you mean 200 words or less drabble-ishes, then yes, I do write those. About a lot of things, really.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

I’m kind of fond of first-times, although that’s not a given. I don’t tend to stick to any one given genre.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

Third, unless it’s some VERY special occasion. First person drives me nuts. I love the Hunger Games books, but seeing things as Katniss gives me hives from time to time.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I’ve done both, actually, although 99% of my OC writing stays private. Which is sometimes a pity, because I think I’ve written some pretty good shit with some of my OCs.

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

I don’t know that I really have one.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Staying in character, finishing what I start.

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I’m not reading anything right now. Except Stephen King’s IT

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Just five? @slashyrogue, @damnslippyplanet, @granpappy-winchester, @mummyholmesisupset, @moku-youbi

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

@bonearenaofmyskull, @crossroadscastiel, @bu0nanotte, @granpappy-winchester, @moku-youbi

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

All of them.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Home and Dry by @moku-youbi

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Consortio, or Kastytis. They’re both Hannigram AUs, and I feel like they’re the best examples of my writing style.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

AO3 and Wonderful World of Make Believe, where I am woefully behind. But AO3, because I enjoy having everything in one place, easy to use dashboard and posting interface, and it’s pre-sorted for me.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

Mostly I do, because I know how valuable the reviews are to writers. I try and speak to what I liked best about the story, or how it moved me.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

I don’t want to care, but I do. I want the validation, dammit.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I eased into it by way of RP. Play by email was my thing, and I loved reading threads strung together, which was basically fanfiction. Then a friend of mine introduced me to Ares/Joxer slash, and I’ve just gone from there. I’ve always written it, as long as I can remember, even though I didn’t know that’s what it was called.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

The one thing I hate in the world of fanfiction is the kind of elitism that is absolutely bullshit. As a writer, if you don’t write the pairing du jour, or the kind of thing that the fandom at large is clamoring for (RPF, AU, ABO, ten thousand other different things) then you don’t get a bit of recognition no matter how good you are. Hannibal fandom is the first time that I’ve not seen this. This is the only fandom that I know of where an author can write what they want to write and still be recognized for it.

#ask box #ask me things #ask meme #everything you ever wanted to know about my writing #but were afraid to ask

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escailyyy · 7 years ago

Text

Sweeter than fiction (SherlollyFicExchange2017 @darnedchild)

Mary would be the first one to admit that motherhood softened her embarrassment threshold, that was one explanation for it, domesticity had apparently made it mentally acceptable for Mary to indulge in the hobbies of middle aged housewives that Sherlock would roll his eyes on. (Joining the ranks of the type of women that made fifty shades of Grey a best seller) so she couldn’t exactly share her new hobby with him.

So when Molly Hooper caught Mary reading something called ‘Warstan gets Naughty’ by username: WhatzonDkink, Mary not only was way too eager to talk about her latest obsession but also had no shame in admitting it was an obsession. Sherlock probably would have expected more from Mary! She blamed this on Rosie, if as a woman she no longer had an issue with having baby vomit on her shirt when she went grocery shopping, then obviously she wouldn’t have it with sharing her smut preferences with a friend during girls night either.

“Let me get this straight, people write about you and John, just because they saw you on the telly and mentioned in John’s blog” Molly hummed over her second glass of wine “they write about you the way people write about Clara Oswald and the Doctor, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley kind of thing?”

“Like Posh Spice and David Beckham” Mary nodded “I found this site dedicated to real people fanfiction it’s quite big, there’s a section for royalty, politicians, sports players, celebrities and crime fighters, people consider us the second best pairing in that category, they write all sort of thing featuring John and me” she grinned proudly while Molly giggled

“Let me see” Molly peered at Mary’s tablet while reading out loud “ this one is called "Make me scream” by username Bby8R2D2, John Watson comes home from a day chasing a serial killer to find his wife wants to leave him, unless he can prove to her why he was nicknamed 'Three continent Watson’ ….“ Molly burst out laughing opening the link and skimming over it "Mary I’m not sure paragraph five is anatomically possible”

Mary nodded scrolling down “just wait, paragraph ten defies the laws of physics and some of chemistry’s” feeling emboldened Mary opened another file and pushed it into Molly’s eyes “this one is a particular favorite of mine”

The fan fiction was called “Duty to Love” by LaD-GG-romnuv,and Molly read out loud “ An: I wrote this while sleep deprived working through rocket science and assembling an IKEA bedroom set, John Watson is Captain America and Mary Morstan is Black Widow having a hot affair, their love will be put to test when John has to choose between his love for Mary and his duty to Rehabilitated Winter Soldier Sherlock Holmes” Molly perked up with interest opening the first chapter and reading through “wow this is…this isn’t bad, you’re..very in character, oh look I’m in here too… Molly Carter-Hooper agent 221” this brought a smile to Molly’s face, then she let out another gasp “Oh John how could you!…Mary, you know him better than this….No, Sherlock, that’s a bastard move”

“I know right, the writer hasn’t updated in ages” Mary groaned putting her hands to her face “I have half a mind to track down their IP and ask them if I John will ever see me again now that he joined the group fighting Lokiriarty in Asgard and I am single-handedly heading S.H.I.E.L.D” she also didn’t mention that special Agent 221 and the Winter Soldier were also having awkwardly adorable encounters as a ‘side pairing’ and that she wanted to know how it ended, but that was neither here nor there.

“Aaaand thanks for the spoilers” Molly glared at Mary who shamelessly raised her glass, surreptitiously closing the link

“Some people write things that you wouldn’t believe in the NSFW rating…let’s just say I’ll spare you the details of 'Watson Gang bang’ and 'Blood kink Mary’ because you’re not ready for that type of darkness”

“ what? Really?” Molly’s finger hovered over the rating button but Mary stopped her with a glare

“Yes, really, but back to my favorites, there’s an angsty one that’s very on demand recently. "Bone Marrow,” I think, apparently John met me as a patient, we had a collection of one night stands turned dates and now I only have weeks to live because the writer of that fanfiction is a sadistic ass"

“Do you end up together though?”

“I have no idea!” Mary groaned “ I swear Nick Sparks could use a tip or two from the hyperactive teenage girl that’s writing about my imaginary terminal illness”

Molly snorted patting her hand “speaking about angst, does John know about this?” She motioned to Mary’s tablet

Mary rolled her eyes and shook her head “He doesn’t want to hear about our fictional sex life, apparently it’s not fair that his fan fiction persona is better stud than he is, and a better doctor, actor, polo player, international pilot, astronaut” Mary ticked off her fingers “You don’t see me complaining about the superhuman professional skills that those fans give me” “That’s actually kinda…sweet, if a little disturbing” Molly settled in comfortably in her lounge seat while she ordered another round of margaritas when once again Mary’s tablet beeped with a notification

“Hey Mary what’s "Sherlolly finally does it” about? It’s by username Sherlicks-lollies and it looks promising….“ but Mary had already grabbed the tablet out of Molly’s hands

"Yeah no you can’t read that, nope not at all” Mary as a rule never looked nervous unless she wanted people to think she was nervous, but the face she made at the very mention of that fan fiction was…actually the same face Mary made whenever something unexpected happened to Rosie’s nappy

“Mary” Molly eyed her tablet suspiciously “what is in there?”

“Nothing, just more tawdry things about me and John….if you’ll excuse me I need to leave a proper commentary review on this work of art” her face was turning a bit red and as far as Molly was concerned, Mary’s face had just passed dirty-nappy territory straight into buying-condoms-for-Mrs Hudson level of uncomfortable.

“You do know that I also have Google on my phone don’t you?” The tiny pathologist said in a threatening tone taking out her serviceable smartphone and waving it in front of Mary’s face

“You wouldn’t dare” her friend replied as nonchalantly as someone hiding smutty fan fiction could

“Google it is”

“Molls you’re not ready for the world of RPF, trust me”

But Molly Hooper was a brave soul, a brave, intrepid and possibly drunk soul who was capable of sawing through the rib cage of a dead body without batting an eyelash and also once gone on a date with Moriarty, she hung out with Sherlock! and somewhere, one day if she ever needed to change jobs, those things were going to be stamped in her CV under 'work experience’. So she wasn’t afraid of fan fiction.

Or so she thought “You don’t intimidate me Mary Watson” Molly whispered ominously

Finally as if hit by a very mischievous idea Mary’s face did a 180 and a rather creepy smirk graced her face “Fine, Google the word Sherlolly, go ahead Hooper, I dare you, I’ll let you read this if you do” And so Molly did.

Mary who was now shamelessly enjoying herself again covertly turned on her tablet’s camera and carefully took pictures of the progression of emotions crossing Molly’s face, shock, disbelief, despair, embarrassment, flattery, embarrassment again, and finally plain mortification.“Mary I’m in the dictionary”

“I know”

“Sherlock and me…we’re in the bloody Oxford dictionary”

“Next to the definition of Shipping, yes” Mary passed Molly another margarita in mock sympathy “Oxford, but only the updated version, nobody over twenty reads the updated version anyway”

“Sherlock and Molly” More disbelief “Sherlolly…”

“I warned you” Mary nodded, then since she might as well rip off the band aid completely she added “there’s fanart too”

The horror dawned “People draw…people draw Sherlock and me together”

“And they’re quite talented at it too, all sort of situations, oh don’t look so terrified Molly, the fan-art isn’t that bad, the fandom thinks you’re both Kawai or something, not all of what they draw is porn”

Molly cursed something so colorful it made Mary feel proud “tell me Sherlock doesn’t know”

“Oh he knows it exists, he probably just hasn’t thought about it very deeply” Mary shrugged “Like Greg’s name, fan fiction is probably not relevant enough for his nibs”

“And thank God for his little mercies” Molly hissed “Someone drew us sailing with the Queen!”

“must be a new member, usually your shippers are more into drawing the insides of St Bart’s or imagining what your flat looks like” Mary was enjoying herself Furthermore she wanted Molly Hooper to enjoy herself so she tried a new approach “hey don’t be so shocked, the shippers love you, they buy any science magazine you’re mentioned in, it’s not all about Sherlock for them”

“They like an imaginary version of us” Molly was not appeased

“And we liked the airbrushed versions of Prince Charles and Princess Diana when they were a thing so I don’t see how it’s any different, cheer up Missus Pathologist” Mary encouraged in her best 'mom’ voice trying her best to make her friend see the bright side “Carpe Diem and all that”

And that’s how Molly Hooper discovered the world of Real Person Fanfiction, at first Molly was reluctant to see the website again, after all any sane person would be a bit miffed if they found out that other people played around with the details of their life like grown children with action figures. But curiosity won out, the next time she felt bored in the tube she pulled out her phone and decided to give them the benefit of the doubt.Soon she came to realize that the so called shippers were not really malicious or ill intentioned. In fact, most of them had in one way or another become interested in her romantic life because they’ve been previously impressed with something during the course of her career and looked her up online.It was somewhat ridiculous, these people knew nothing about her life (or so she thought) but apparently, they decided over the course of who-knows-how-long-this-had-been-going-on that she and Sherlock Holmes were either going to make a good couple or were already a good couple behind the scenes.

Anderson’s crazy conspiracy group had probably only proved these people right when Sherlock was gone and….. Oh damn, it got worse.

There were fanfics about that too. (Username ‘Notr3a11yAnderson’ wasn’t even subtle when it earned the website’s award for reviewer of the month)

“How many variations of Sherlock snogging me after falling from the rooftop can exist?” Molly muttered to herself glaring a bit at her phone, a quick refinement in the ‘advance searching’ gave her an answer that had her cursing again.

Ten million? Really?.

But Molly couldn’t find it in herself to hate them, when her mortification died out over the weekend amusement replaced it, after all, if she was allowed to silently wish Mycroft and Anthea would snog already, then why judge the shippers for romanticizing her extremely ordinary life in their heads. Mary was probably right in taking a relaxed approach.Outrage would serve her for naught, it wasn’t as if these people were like Kitty Riley or her ilk, fan fiction was still considered a widely taboo hobby in most places and the so called 'shippers’ didn’t seem to be doing it for personal profit. To these perfect strangers imagining her and Sherlock together was just…fun, so they kept doing it.

A phone call from Mike interrupted her musings and when she went back to her phone like most Internet browsers hers allowed a pop-up ad on the fanfiction website latest updates to blink on her phone screen.“Sherlolly Saves the endangered Koalas” Molly hummed reading through one of the fanfics suggested by the pop up, apparently the Sherlolly shippers were very dedicated fans, of course there were other suggestions, an N-sync fan fiction that featured the band’s most popular members getting together and someone wrote Tiger Woods and Serena Williams having a super powerful tennis playing golfer baby. Mary and John were popular too with a multitude of different scenarios straight out of a Hospital Soap being the favored fanfic inspiration. Molly bookmarked the one marked as a ‘Letters of love in Afghanistan’ because it sounded like something she wouldn’t mind reading, even if the author’s bio made Molly think he really needed a hug.

But the fanfiction about the endangered Koalas taunted Molly again, it wouldn’t hurt to click it just once.

How bad could something tagged #fluffy-super-fluffy be? The summary promised two people in a Koala rescue, really it wasn’t as if she’d be reading anything rated NSFW. The tube wasn’t going to get any faster and she was curious.

One click became another, then another and before she knew it Molly was making BogusRPFwebsite.notcom part of her daily routine in the tube and slowly started replacing her paperback novels during her relaxing time. Sometimes she could even ‘deduce’ who the writers of certain stories were but she tried not to, things might get weird in real life if they turned out to be people close to her (She was pretty sure leg-in-a-cast Polly Turner and Nurse Roberts from upstairs were writing that collab, where Sherlock and Molly had a host of quintuplets and labor, was a sneeze for Molly’s vagina).

Also, the more she read, the more questions she had, like:

Why were her first borns always either girls or twins most of the time? Were the authors aware that little boys made cute fantasy babies too?.

What was the obsession with Sherlock’s hair? I mean yes Molly knew that his curls were unusually perfect and had fantasized about pulling them as much as the next girl but really, they all made it sound as though he used unicorn blood in his shampoo and it was starting to get to Molly in real life.

Why did every girl that liked him with the exception of Molly turn out to be a serial killer or a criminal of some kind?.

Also, why was everyone in fan fiction always extremely attractive? Had the ugly people been abducted by makeup scientists?.

Why was Sherlock’s shirt always open during his fictional interactions with her?.

How exactly did time work in fan fiction? Nobody ever seemed to own a clock in fictional London.

And with these type of questions in mind, Molly pretended that it was someone else in those pages, someone else who was pretty, witty and adorable who was in love with another Sherlock who definitely wasn’t her Sherlock because this was all fan fiction and it didn’t count as real life.

Some writers made it really easy for Molly to compartmentalize her denial, writing either Sherlock or her out of character was a sure fire way for Molly to keep her plausible deniability while enjoying a bit of escapism, it didn’t hurt that Sherlock was in France for an overnight case with John and wouldn’t be back until he solved another seemingly impossible puzzle and Molly didn’t have to SEE him.

Sure he texted her with crime scene pictures and called her every once in a while to talk about incompetent French coroners but so far so good Molly was keeping real life Sherlock out of sight and out of mind while the multiple incarnations of RPF Sherlock gave her a good source of amusement and that was fine with Molly Hooper.

It was hard for embarrassment not to turn into flattery after some days swimming through the #fluff and #morefluff tag, I mean what woman didn’t like the idea of being cool enough to inspire people to writing glorified romance novels in obscure corners of the internet, Molly didn’t think either Sherlock or her deserved half of the unspoken admiration these writers had for them, but nevertheless it was…sweet (if a little disconcerting).

Fanfiction was one of those things that were ignored when one saw another person doing it, like reading the newspaper, people never paid much attention to another’s reading materials unless the topic was broached and as such Molly’s new pastime could have gone largely unnoticed had it not been for one thing: Sherlock Holmes did not like it when Molly didn’t pay him attention and Two weeks later when he got back from France, Molly Hooper knew she had a problem.

“Molly, I need access to a good set of kidneys, before noon if you please" was the first thing Sherlock said when he got back from his case, John at his side rolled his eyes, expecting the pathologist to at least greet him with her usual bright smile, but Molly surprisingly didn’t even lift up her head from her computer.

“yes Sherlock, I’ll get it to you later”

“and a good femur, for some reason Mrs. Hudson threw away my last one"

Molly who was still clearly engrossed in whatever she was doing barely managed an “of course Sherlock”

“And some eyes, preferably without much cornea damage" Sherlock frowned at her “Molly are you even listening or is the usual game of Solitaire taking up too much of your time?”

But even then he only managed to make Molly separate herself from the computer long enough to pull a notepad from her desk drawer and slide it in his direction “write a list of the body parts you need and I’ll deliver them at Baker Street after my shift” and then she was back to what had her so busy.

Molly tried to ignore Sherlock’s presence, easily opening the tabs for a couple of vaguely interesting autopsy reports to justify herself in case he decided to snoop in her files and went back to reading more fanfiction completely tuning out the real life consulting detective of her dreams.

The fanfiction that had her giving Sherlock auto pilot responses was titled “Celebrity Romance” in it Sherlock was written as an actor in a BBC series called ‘Benedict’, the TV show he starred in followed the life of fictional Hollywood darling Benedict Cumberbatch ( Sherlock apparently had been at it for five seasons) who was married with kids and held a demanding life as a sought after celebrity, and Molly, in turn, played a secondary role in his show as one of Benedict’s equally famous friends, progressive feminist actress Louise Brealey. What had Molly intrigued was that in the fanfiction despite the fact that on screen Sherlock and Molly’s characters were only good friends, with story lines that rarely overlapped, off screen they were actually falling in love and bonding over Starbucks coffees. (privately Molly rather liked Loo’s minor suffrage-style story line just as much as she liked Ben’s love story with his wife Sophie, but that was just her)

The point was that Molly was really invested in the plot of that story, the author was making his characters jump through rings of fire to get that happy ending…..Aaaand “Excuse me Sherlock did you say something? I was a bit distracted with this autopsy report” Molly said, eyes snapping out of her reverie to catch the tail end of one of his deductions on the state of Lestrade’s NSY passwords.

Molly saw a muscle in his jaw twitch with exasperation “Yes, I can see that” Sherlock said with narrowed eyes “if you tried to get any closer to the screen you would be in danger of merging with it”

Molly nodded distractedly making the same face Sherlock usually did when he was texting behind his back “Of course Sherlock, merging, that’s great for the victim” in response Sherlock calmly walked to the power outlet in the corner and unplugged her desktop “HEY” Molly snapped glaring at her blank computer and turned her whole attention to Sherlock Furiously, now she would never know what Happened after fictional Molly tweeted about how her character Louise needed to get more screen time.

“Body parts? Assistance in the lab?” Sherlock said without flinching watching Molly’s petulant glare melt into her usual friendly smile

“I gather you brought a sample of evidence with you" She replied easily getting up as though she hadn’t been not paying him attention for the last fifteen minutes, privately she resolved to find that fan fiction again when she got home “let’s see it, if it was worth bringing here it must be something big”

Sherlock handed over the evidence bag and for all intents and purposes that should have been it, she was back to the usual, except it wasn’t.

Because that week was the week Molly ventured into the deep dark hole that was the smut rating. And Sherlock being Sherlock, noticed the change immediately.

Molly began distancing herself from him and he didn’t like it.

She was distracted almost disinterested in him every time he saw her, she answered his questions in sentences that might as well have been recorded on an answering machine and had started spending too much time on her emails. To everyone else, she looked and acted like the normal Molly but Sherlock knew that something was going on in her life.

Normally this kind of behavior would lead him to deduce some new sort of paramour in her life, but a deeper look at the details of her social life showed no variation in patterns, her flat showed no sign of new visitors staying longer than what was considered appropriate and a quick call to Mycroft reassured him that she hadn’t been anywhere else in the past month.

Browsing through her phone and computer gave up similarly uninspiring results, other than a mountain of random pages and articles on things he didn’t care about Molly hadn’t logged on to any new dating website or media equivalents.

The only detail he could see was that Molly’s strange behavior coincided with the recent scheduling of her weekly nights out with Mary and like a dog with a bone, Sherlock had to investigate further. So using his master detective skills he roped John into trying to spy on his daughter’s godmother and on his wife (John was naturally against it citing that for very obvious reasons spying on a retired secret agent like Mary was almost impossible, also according to him spying on girls during their girl time was something teenage boys did, not men) but Sherlock eventually managed to convince him .

Meanwhile, Molly felt she couldn’t be around Sherlock anymore and it was all Mary’s fault.

“I ran away Mary, I said I needed to wash my hair and ran, like a coward” Molly complained bringing her hands to her face “ I can’t look at him in the eyes, I’ve tried!”

“I hate to say it, but: I told you so” Mary chuckled patting her hand “tell me again how bad is it?”

“On a scale of one to ten, eleven, I can’t seem to stop reading them" Molly wailed not daring to take her hands off her face “maybe I’ve turned into a pervert”

“you’re not a pervert Molls, people that send pictures of their privates to unsuspecting strangers on chat rooms are perverts, you’re just you know….sexually frustrated” the chuckle turned into a full blown giggle.

“Thank you for stating the obvious Mrs. Three Continent Watson" Molly grumbled “They like Sherlock’s penis! A lot and my breasts, just look at them Mary” Molly pointed to her modest chest “They are not a big deal, but out there in the big wide internet there are strangers that…have a very artistic view of my breasts”

“And of Sherlock’s penis,“ Mary reminded her laughing

“Stop laughing this is serious, I need help” Molly then pulled up her phone “hear this one” Molly cleared her throat “Prince Sherlock wasn’t supposed to be fucking his niece’s Fairy godmother, but he couldn’t help himself, the christening was almost over and he just had to know what it was like to taste her dewy pussy, to be inside her and hammer his member so deep she cried with pleasure, his manhood was made for her, hard red and angry his shaft was painfully aware of how beautiful she was and he just wanted to rip off every single item of frothy fabric covering her and her, gloriously hard nippled small breasts, see his little fairy naked and open just for him, while he made her miss the christening of Princess Briar Rosamund”

“Oh wow, what talent”Mary was holding her sides in laughter “Remind me to invite whoever wrote that to the christening of my next baby”

“MARY” Molly almost started crying “that one had a plot I enjoyed and now I can’t stop thinking about…”

“Sherlock’s rock hard penis?”

“STOP SAYING IT” Molly hissed “this is all your fault”

“Hey my friend I told you not to do it, you didn’t listen"

“you knew I would do it anyway" Molly wailed “Now I can’t stop thinking about how it would be like to actually have sex with him, not that I didn’t before, but these people are graphic Mary, VERY, graphic, now every time I look at Sherlock I wonder which one of these people hit the mark, is he rough in bed, does he take it slow, does he like his hair pulled, or does he do the hair pulling, is his penis as big as they claim it is or is that just normal smut exaggeration” Molly began ranting while Mary kept trying not to spill her drink with her giggles “I mean I’m pretty sure some of these people have access to his medical records from his druggie days so one has to question if it’s true, I for one like to be dominant in bed and now it’s affecting my relationship with Sherlock because I can’t look at him in the eye without wondering what it’s like to spank his perfect ass with that bloody riding crop he likes so much”

“Oh Molly, you really need to have sex and soon" Mary advised wisely patting the petite woman’s head, then she turned around on her stool and looked at the pair of old men that were sitting at the table behind them “By the way, John, why don’t we head home and leave Sherlock and Molly alone, I think you’ve heard enough”

“Mary Watson that move just cost you a friendship” Molly looked genuinely betrayed but Mary didn’t look one bit regretful

“You need him out of your system and you Mr. Clark Kent…“ She said pulling Sherlock up and divesting him from the trey wig and bad prosthetics "need to stop being a tosser over the fact that Lois Lane likes Superman better” and with that Mary swanned out of the pub with an apologetic John in tow, leaving Sherlock alone with Molly

minutes ticked down.

Another minute.

Sherlock still was looking at her like he’d never seen her before. “So it was fan fiction all along”

“Yes"

“That might present a problem for us” Sherlock said awkwardly

“I’m aware”

“Molly I….”

But she cut him off deciding enough was enough “Just say whatever you need to say Sherlock” Molly glared at him “I’m tired, I’m hungry and extremely sexually frustrated so if you’re going to be a bastard about this get it over with, I need to find a stranger to shag tonight preferably”

that got his attention really fast, no, the only man Molly was going to take home was going to be him “you’re embarrassed when you shouldn’t be, I was merely thinking about the next course of action one should take when a woman one has fantasized of fucking confesses the same thing”

“I was not expecting that" Molly eyed him suspiciously before downing whatever drink she had in hand before shrugging and eyeing her phone “you know what Sherlock, any other day I would be very accommodating talking about what you want and why this isn’t a good idea, but right now, I can’t think clearly when your shirt buttons look like they want to pop out so here is what will happen” She stretched to her toes and grabbed him by the collar watching his eyes grow dark with want, taking his hand and pressing it to the waistband of her skirt “I have questions about how we would be in bed, you have answers, it ends tomorrow and it absolutely doesn’t mean anything”

“we could start with those fan fictions you were reading, you seem to want to investigate which ones are accurate and which ones are entirely poppycock" he murmured in her ear making her shiver, desire pooling in her belly

“I have a long list”

turns out that Sherlock was in fact not as disgusted with Molly’s fan fiction problem as he’d been with Mary’s, he was positively pleased by it and it was a frequent source of both amusement and role-play ideas any time he went to Molly’s flat or had her over in Baker street.

The flowery language in the smut section only made Sherlock more aware of the tiny details of Molly’s body that he could use to his advantage, it was like having a cheat code on how to sexually please Molly.

And in turn, he found himself pleasured by her in many wicked ways.

“I think we might have to extend this arrangement” Sherlock murmured into Molly’s hair for the umpteenth time, he was sated and she looked happy, he wasn’t going to ruin a good thing.

“An Extension?” Molly replied with a yawn cuddling into his chest “How big?”

“Depends, these people publish stories every day, how about until they stop writing?”

“That could take forever"

“Good thing I’m a patient man then" He replied kissing her lips.

And yes it turned out that Sherlock, was so much better at everything he tried in real life than he was in fiction, especially when it came to Molly.

#sherlolly #sherlolly fic exchange #@darnedchild #promptfill #fanfiction about fanfiction #the writer makes fun of herself here #pure crack #and satire #my Tumblr mobile sucks

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ofgoldenblood · 8 years ago

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I had to take the time to come fangirl in your inbox because I am truly in love with your writing. I read your latest update for the 'more than a ghost au' and you managed to make me commit to the story despite my not shipping Lightstar. It's a true testament to how talented you are. My jaw dropped at the quality of this verse. I think your insight into the inner workings of Jonathan's twisted mind is extraordinary and

your portrayal is nothing short of brilliant. You make him human and it’s all that I could ask for when he is the most misunderstood character in this fandom. I especially look forward to every update of your abo verse and your hooker au since Jalec is my otp. These stories make me genuinely happy and there are no words that could possibly express how grateful my Jalec heart is for having such a wonderful writer pen my favorite pairing. From a fan

First of all, thank you so much for this lovely message. Your words really cheered me up & I loved hearing that you enjoy my portrayal(s). There’s a lot of controversy about Sebastian and it’s always nice to meet someone else who appreciates him, despite his obvious shortcomings & villainy!!Tbh, I will never understand why people watch shows like SH & then non-stop point out ‘bad’ things and complain about the bad guys. If you want drama-free & entirely harmless then maybe you should watch something like Dora the Explorer instead of hating on people who enjoy a good drama-driven story. Drama requires villains or at least people fucking up, otherwise there would be no conflict and conflict (& its resolve) is usually what makes a story thrilling or interesting. I’m sure most of us want drama-free lives, but who wants to WATCH that, really? BUT I AM SORRY FOR RANTING… so I will continue to rant under the cut.

I agree with you that Sebastian is misunderstood, even if most people in this fandom immediately start fuming when someone says that. Because they think misunderstood = poor mistreated little cupcake. That is not what he is. He is a killer, he is cruel & merciless and he knows no remorse for the things he does and the lives he takes. I am not excusing those actions.He is, however, deeply disturbed and a victim of tremendous abuse. He was drugged literally before he was born, with something that altered his very being & gave him no chance to grow up a ‘normal’ boy. His mother abandoned him because the only other choice she saw was to kill him. As far as he knos, she never even considered trying to save him. His father never loved him, called him a monster that nobody could ever love & literally whipped him (& probably other things, lbr). He isolated him from any healthy human contact & effectively stole his entire childhood. This is severe emotional and physical abuse and I wish people would stop disregarding that and instead only focus on the fact that Sebastian kissed his sister.

Valentine turned him into not a soldier but an (almost literally) soulless weapon. He made him the possibly loneliest person alive. I once saw a post in the Seb tag where someone said something along the lines of ‘I can tolerate Valentine but Sebastian is just pure evil and needs to die‘ & it pissed me off so much, because it blatantly disregards the fact that it was Valentine who made Sebastian the way he is. We’ll never know for sure, I guess, if Jon/athan Christopher hadn’t turned out to be a sociopath too (you don’t need demon blood for that), like Maia’s brother Daniel for example, but he certainly wouldn’t have been the monster that we see in the books. I really like drawing the connection to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in Seb’s case. The monster - as the Doctor himself calls it - is presented as a vile nightmare that haunts Frankenstein and destroys his life - but really all his negative & frightening features are a result of Frankenstein’s treatment, neglect & horror. He created the monster AFTER bringing a dead person back to life. We don’t know how much of Seb’s cruelty comes from his demon blood& how much is Valentine’s influence, but I like to remind people that warlocks are half demon too, and nobody would go around saying Mag/nus is at least 50% evil.

A key thing about Seb for me is that he doesn’t understand himself. He is literally misunderstood in that way. He’s never had a chance to figure out who he is or what he wants without someone’s influence in his ear (Valentine or Lilith). He grew up with a distorted understanding of right/good & wrong/evil, so how is he supposed to agree with the ‘good guys’ when they say that it is not okay to kill someone who poses a threat to you & your plan (which is, essentially your entire life’s purpose??)? Or that desiring your sister in a way that this society finds wrong is despicable? (We literally can’t even agree here on tumblr how ‘bad’ inc/est is!!) He never experienced love, never received, felt or understood it, so he tries to bind people to him to fight his loneliness any other way possible. He is a drowning man who can’t ever escape the water but desperately struggles to stay afloat, because there is literally no alternative.

When his hate & jealousy for Jace (who is not even Valentine’s real son but somehow ends up getting everything that’s supposed to be Seb’s - his father, the illusion of a childhood, time to develop, Clary, even Jocelyn for a while, a parabatai, LOVE) threatens to destroy him, he turns them into the opposite and starts obsessing. He binds Jace to himself, tries to consume him, perhaps to somehow make Jace’s life his own. He will never get love anyway (he doesn’t UNDERSTAND IT, it’s like wanting something you don’t even know) so he’s content to have Clary & Jace with him, even if he has to keep them by force.

Now, none of this means I excuse what he does or did. I just like to think about what makes him tick & try to understand him. I love complex villains. My favorite villain is probably Hann/ibal Lec/ter (more in NBCs Hann/ibal than in the books/movies), who absolutely deserves to sit in prison for all eternity, but still is one of the most fascinating characters ever created, imo. His world view, his morals, his motivations to kill and his excuses for it need to be looked at outside any moral judgement if we want to understand human nature better, I think. You can love a character for their complexity and still judge their actions - and I think that is what most people in this fandom don’t accept. Liking Sebastian does not mean I cheer for his murders and ra/pe attempt.

AS FOR THE MORE THAN A GHOST AU, it’s one of my absolute favorites, atm, because it actually goes against my firm belief that death was the best option for Seb at the end of COHF. He’s not prepared to survive & nobody else is either. He is forced to face the consequences of his actions but suddenly lacks the conviction that they were necessary, good or even acceptable. For the first time he recognizes himself as the villain. Not as a monster- which is something wrong & unlovable - but as someONE who did horrible things & has to take responsibility for them. He is willing to do that, even if he feels like a different person & it’s actually Alec in that verse who kind of allows him to adopt that thought of Sebastian being a different person from Jonathan. That gives Jonathan hope, but at the same time it is his ultimate kryptonite. Whenever he is disappointed in his own inability to be ‘Not-Sebastian’, he regresses to telling himself he can never be anyone other than Seb. Jonathan is an idea without an anchor in reality & on his bad days Jon is convinced Alec is just telling himself & Jon a lie everyday to not feel guilty about loving his brother’s murderer.

I also headcanon that Jon doesn’t immediately become a nice person in the beginning of the verse. He ‘learned’ how to be ‘good’ so he could be able to impersonate Sebas/tian Verl/ac, but he never really internalized it. He is still impatient, more easily angered, looks to violent solutions faster than to peaceful ones. He is used to calculating damage against gain & will choose the most effective way, not matter the cost. Since he has feelings now that he didn’t have with the demon blood (presumably) and also a conscience he wouldn’t wage a war for the hell of it or to get what he wants, or sacrifice innocent people.. but he has yet to LEARN who the innocent people are. If there was a young werewolf struggling on their first full moon, threatening to hurt people, Jon would choose to kill them, whereas Clary & Co would try to help them. He still has to unlearn the rac/ism against Downworlders Valentine nurtured in him. He still has to learn how to take and deal with rejection in a way that doesn’t completely destroy him. There are just so many aspects to this scenario & that’s why I love it so much!!

I AM SO SORRY about how long this turned out, and you didn’t even ask for ANY OF THIS *hides, ashamed*

Thank you again for your message & your kind words. I currently also really love the hooker AU and the a/b/o AU, so I’ll hopefully get to continuing those soon c:I have a drabble planned for the hooker AU in which I’ll write about the first time Jace took money for se/x, if you’re interested in that.Unrelated, Andy & I also talked about a short drabble based on ‘The Other Side’ by Ruelle, so if you enjoy having your heart broken, you have that to look forward to.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.:*

#( ooc asks. )#HERE GOES NOTHING #sebastian morgenstern #malikaesthetics #( saved. )

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ironheart-stony · 8 years ago

Text

MCU Civil War Fic Recs | Stony Edition

FINALLY i’ve decided to post my first fic rec list. Caught up with my feels after watching CA:CW. THE PAIN, THE ANGST, THE HEARTBREAK </3 Anyway I’ve been reading lots of MCU Post-Civil War fics and I thought it’s time for me to contribute to our lovely fandom. Here are some of my favorites to share with y’all. Don’t be shy, feel free to share any fic recs with me (●♡∀♡) I’d love to read more!

last updated 17/7/2017.

new fics added on top :) will be updated from time to time if there are new recs.

Over Sea, Under Stars by vorkosigan | 36k | fix-it, slowburn, textingfic

Tony gets the phone, but he never uses it and he never intends to. Or, he doesn’t until Steve starts texting him, asking strange questions about medication and mental health, which is when Tony gets worried.

(A texting fix-it that grew beyond all proportion. Deals with depression and anxiety quite a lot. There is even some plot in there somewhere.)

Lost With You (Might Be All I Need) by ann2who | E | 25k | fix-it, dimension travel

Tony and Steve fall through a portal just after defeating Thanos and his army. Stranded in another dimension, the two have to finally face what happened—and what could have been.

This Is How We Happen by Starksus | 3.9k | angst

"Tony is missing."

Steve hears the words over Natasha and Clint's bickering, over Sam's snorts, over the erratic beat of his heart.

Things We Wish Were True by Wix | M | 15k - WIP | postCW, multiverse

The Avengers are in the aftermath of the Civil War, trying to keep their heads above water when an unexpected portal opens up and drops a few familiar faces on their doorstep for the upcoming battles.

Never let it be said that fate doesn't have a sense of humor.

I Cannot Walk on Water ♡ by izazov | M | 26k | PostCW, angst, not exactly a happy ending

Steve doesn't think about having sex with Tony Stark. He certainly doesn't plan for it. It happens anyway.

A New Way For Us by ann2who | M | 24k | CW fix-it, time travel

They fight Thanos—and they’re losing. And before Tony knows what’s happening, he’s standing with Doctor Strange in front of the Eye of Agamotto and gets send back in time. Can he find a way to fix things this time around, or are they doomed to fall apart all over again?

Multitude of One ♡ by nostalgicatsea | G | 4k | soulmates, angst

"So was I," his soulmate would tell him one day, and what it would mean was that they loved him.

Disrepair by Tippet | T | 30k | CW fix-it

Post-Civil War. A mission at a power plant goes south and the ensuing explosion triggers the denaturation of the serum. In which Steve insists that he's feeling fine, Natasha gets Tony involved and pieces start being put back together.

Mailbox Full series ♡ by RurouniHime | T | 9k

Tony bypasses into the mailbox every time. It drives Steve absolutely nuts.

Used to be Mine by Fangirlingmanaged | T | 12k - WIP | break-up

Tony can't even recognize himself nowadays.

Bring Him Home by seventymilestobabylon | E | 13k

Tony misses Steve very badly after the Accords. Some days he deals with it better than other days.(a fic featuring the booty call flip phone, minor kidnappings, and time jumps between chapters because the election has been happening and my brain has been too mush to make a proper plot)

Take It All Away by ann2who | part 9 of Say When Verse | E | 71k | married!stony

Steve and Tony love each other—that would undoubtedly always be true. However, there might just be things that don’t care for love, that don’t care what it means for the two to take different sides. Things that none of them could’ve foreseen. Things that might just rip everything apart.When the United Nations attempt to put restrictions on the Avengers, Tony has to admit that the pawns had been in place for a long time, he just hadn’t dared to admit it to himself. And now, it is simply a matter of who will move first—and more importantly: in which direction.

World Keep Turning ♡ by gilestel | teen | fancomic

Tony struggles with the day-to-day of leading a UN-sanctioned team of superheroes, Steve goes on a listening tour across America, and Natasha would like to remind everyone that (unlike Sam Wilson) she is not a licensed therapist.(55/200) page fancomic

Fundamental Attribution Error by Atsadi | teen | 57k - WIP

When we do things, we always have a good reason. It’s other people we see as defective.

Learning to look a little harder than that will be a long journey, but it might just be worth the struggle to change. After the civil war, everyone is left living in the new reality they've created — and now they have to figure out if they are willing (and able) to try again at being a real team.

Rebirth by panda_shi | mature | 105k | angst & feels

If you think of life and death on a continuum, finding the point where it tips is complicated. It cuts across all political lines and gets to the root of our humanity. It requires faith informed by years of intimacy that you're doing what's right for your loved one.

But Tony is just a man. And there's only so much he can do.

(Or that time when Tony does what is necessary to survive just so that he can continue to fix things and makes extremely rash decisions; because even if Steve may have left him behind, doesn't mean Tony would do the same. Kind of.)

Yesterdays by by panda_shi | mature | 67k | deaged!tony

Everything seems to be in working order; except one day, after hoping and hoping for a chance to set things right, to prove what he had meant in his letter, that he'd be there for Tony when Tony needs him, Steve is given the opportunity to. It just isn't what he had expected it to be. Not by a long damn shot. Sequel to Rebirth.

Tusk ♡ by laudatenium | mature | 6k | fix-it

Strangely, or not so strangely, Steve is the one to call first.“Tony,” is all he says, low and throaty and oh so raspy.Tony says nothing. Not because he has nothing to say, but because he has too much. And maybe, for once, Steve should be the one talking.

Never Eye To Eye ♡ by vorkosigan | mature | 26k

After the Civli War, the Avengers were back together.

How is everything going, Tony? Pepper had asked in her email. It's fine (Tony had written back). I'm fighting with Steve all the time. Everything is going to hell. I'm okay (you know I'm always okay).

(Or: How Tony and Steve learned to be a bit gentler with each other)

Irreparable ♡ by aslightstep | general | 99k - WIP | slowburn, fix-it

It's a mistake destroying Steve's gesture of goodwill, Tony thinks, even as he takes an unholy amount of glee smashing that stupid phone to bits down in his lab and DUM-E waits eagerly with a fire extinguisher for the last of the letter to burn down. But it's a mistake Tony is happy to make.

Like a Postcard Phrase ♡ by isellys | teen | 5k| pining, fix-it

How to say ‘wish you were here’ without actually saying so, as done by Captain Steve Rogers.

Aftermath by Potrix | explicit | 2k | stuckony, ABO verse

One moment they’re fighting, yelling scathing insults and ugly accusations at each other, and the next they’re kissing, all teeth and anger-fuelled desperation. Steve backs him up until Tony’s shoulders hit the closest wall, and hoists him up, giving Tony no choice but to wrap his legs around Steve’s waist for support. Tony bites Steve’s bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood, and Steve growls, and grips both of Tony’s wrists in one big hand, his hold bruisingly tight.

I never thought I could have this (and now it's gone) by tarialdarion | mature | 1k | ABO verse, miscarriage

‘Dear baby,’ he thought hysterically while dodging an arrow, ‘One day your daddy and I fought and almost blew up an airport. I hope you’re better at communication than we are.’

An Infinite Number Of Monkeys At Typewriters (Or, Steve and Tony Finally Get It Right) by JenTheSweetie | mature | 18k | fix-it

Tony blinked up at the face staring down at him. This was impossible. This was definitely 100% not possible, he had not just started giving a good morning handy to -

“Steve?”

After the events of Civil War, Tony and Steve wake up in bed next to each other in an alternate universe. It goes about as well as you'd expect it to.

Smoke and Mirrors by Riverlander974 | teen | 72k

Before Afghanistan, before New York, and long before Siberia, Tony was given the gift of Peggy Carter as his godmother.It was maybe one of the best gifts he ever received, one that kept on giving even forty years later. Because even when the Avengers are scattered, the team and his trust torn apart, there's still one thing Tony has that no one, not Steve, not Ross, not Stane, had ever managed to take from him.A family.In the aftermath of the Civil War, Tony will need them more than ever if he's to pick up the broken pieces of himself again. And save the world. Of course.

weigh the heart, tip the scales ♡ by carzla | explicit | 14k | dubcon

It was the first time they’d seen each other since Siberia. It was probably one of the worst possible ways to have an unscheduled reunion. It was also about to get worse. A lot worse.

Last Train Home ♡ by erde | teen | 10k

Steve writes letters to Tony that he never sends. By the time he hands them to their rightful owner, Tony has had a brush with death, has retired as a superhero, and now has a small town workshop of his very own. But it's okay, Steve has gone into retirement too.

(nothing left to lose) ♡ by romanoff | explicit | WIP

An alternate universe where Steve wins the Civil War.

It doesn't go well for Tony.

Saudade ♡ by aslightstep | mature | 17k | break-up, one-sided love, starkquill

A deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return.

Steve and Tony before, during, and after.

And In The Silence That Follows ♡ by lazywriter7 | mature | 19k | fix-it, steve feels

“But as a guy who’s never been good at anything but killing- lemme tell you this. Wars can come to us, and we can fight to end them.”

“But nothing’s ever worth starting one. Nothing at all.”

As the dust of Civil War starts to settle- Steve begins to see a couple of things.

The Man Behind The Weapon by lazywriter7 | mature | 10k - WIP

“Humans are machines. Fascinating ones, but fatally flawed- because we feel too much. We try our hardest to be objective; but whenever two sides are too close, we ‘follow our heart’, which means fall prey to whatever our emotions think best and fuck all that logic might have had to say about it.”

Sequel to 'And In The Silence That Follows'. Three months after the 'truce', AIM is on the move again, and Norman Osborn seems increasingly determined to seize power in the void that the Avengers left behind. Logic dictates that Tony should cooperate with the runaway superheroes, led by one Steve Rogers to get ahead of the situation. Too bad his trust issues don't agree with him. Too bad humans aren't actually machines who can turn emotions off at the flick of a butto-Oh. Hello Extremis.

Fracture ♡ by laireshi | explicit | 2k | dark!steve

Steve splays his fingers on Tony's chest, over his heart, and Tony whimpers. "You should take better care of that, Tony," Steve says, digging his fingers in briefly.

Tony closes his eyes. "Don't."

Steve laughs, and it's cold. He trails his fingers lower. “I could hurt you,” he says, almost conversationally. “I'm a criminal now, remember.”

Broken Mirrors ♡ by laireshi | teen | 3k | crossover, multiverse

“He hid some things from me,” Tony says, then shrugs. “It’s fine. I hid some things from him, too. Don’t you know this story?”

616 Steve meets MCU Tony.

Closure by laireshi | teen | 1k | fix-it (sort of)

“You were supposed to say thank you,” Tony said after a moment, covering his eyes with his forearm. It wasn't as if Steve could see him. “It's only polite, you know. Happy birthday, Steve—Thank you, Tony.”

It always rains ♡ by Kamaleen | mature | 21k - WIP | ABO, mpreg, ANGST, H/C

It was raining when Tony exited his car. In front of him was a church.

He wasn't sure why it always rained nowadays, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. Tony knew this weather kind of suited his mood, and his current mental state.

Attending funeral after funeral after you've been beaten up by the father of the embryo in your womb in Siberia before he left you in the cold, was beyond hard and painful. Tony had cried himself to sleep more than once. However, he couldn't let anybody know, except Vision who had figured it out by himself.

"I sense a lifeform in you," the android had mentioned to him once. "Is it… Steve's?"

Tony remembered breaking down in front of him, after that Vision never mentioned the relationship between Steve and the lifeform in Tony's womb again. He felt guilty, yet grateful. It had been barely a week after the incident in Siberia. Tony wasn't ready for something that would remind him of that event, and he doubted he would ever be.

I said to call me when you need me (But it is I who need you now) by rz_jocelyn | general | 2k | pining!steve

Steve never lets go of the phone. Sam thinks that it's time for him to use it.

nothing hurts more than your memory by boiledegg | mature | 14k - WIP | torture, kidnapping, hurt!tony

The written letter and cellphone never made it to Tony.

Tony never made it home.

Making Amends ♡ by TheseStoriesAreWrittenOnMyHeart

Everything about them happened in seconds. Their first meeting was quick, with Tony landing next to the Captain, each man giving a curt nod and name in greeting. Their argument on the hellicarrier took mere seconds to escalate. Until Steve was goading Tony into putting on the suit and going a few rounds and Tony not so subtly reminding Steve that he wasn’t afraid to hit an old man. It was only seconds of staring at Tony on that New York City Street, his arc reactor dark, no rise and fall of his chest, for Steve to know that inside the tin can, was a good man. Then Ultron happened, and it took seconds for their world to change, seconds for Steve to throw his shield at Tony and for the billionaire to send a repulsor blast back. They went from laughing and relaxing to standing on an edge thousands of feet above solid ground. And now…now everything’s changed. And all it took was a combination of seconds; of decisions made, actions performed and words spoken that they couldn’t get back. Just a few ticks of the clock for their world to shatter.

One Phone Call Away ♡ by ann2who | explicit | 7k | fix it, steve feels

It took two months and fourteen days.Well, two months and sixteen days if you wanted to be nitpicky and count the two days it had taken Tony to actually accept that yes, the phone was still lying on his desk, and no, it wouldn’t magically disappear just because he wished it so.The phone, and beneath it, that goddamn letter. If you need me, I’ll be there.

Of Spiders and Super-Soldiers ♡ by AuddieAussie | explicit | 113k - WIP | +winteriron & stuckony, superfamily

After the hell that was Ultron and the Sokovia Accords, Tony doesn't blame the team for wanting nothing to do with him. To make up for past mistakes, Tony disappears into his lab and focuses on using his money and brains to provide the Avengers with more fancy tech than they'll ever need. By doing this, he also doesn't have to worry about Steve's grim frown, Bucky's hateful gaze, or everyone else's cold annoyance.For six long months, this formula worked, but then fate decided to be a Loki-like dick and Tony wasn't sure how it happened, but in the span of one week, he'd somehow acquired a kid.

Lying Next to Me (and Straight to My Face) by Meadow_Wanderer | mature | 23k - WIP | +winterion/stuckony, betrayal, breakup, dubcon

He's sitting there on the carpeted floor with blood dripping down the back of his head, holding the battered red notebook with trembling hands. He looks up from the page and tries to blink away the scribbled words that won't seem to disappear from his eyesight. He can't breathe, can't get his throat to work properly because it feels like he's being strangled by the sheer truth of what he realizes now.

They knew. Oh god, they knew.

When Tony discovers a devastating secret, it will threaten to tear apart everything they hold dear.

Messages Worth Listening by Breyito | teen | 7k - WIP | ABO, mpreg, childloss, ANGST

Steve is going to realise in the worst possible way what happens when you let pride, rage and fear cloud your judgment. What happens when you don't listen.

Lines of Communication by cptxrogers | explicit | 4k | phone sex

“And you think you could take me, do you, Stark?”“I’d give it a good fucking try. I’d like to shove you into the nearest wall and wrap my hands around your damn neck.”“Oh yeah? And then what?”Post-CACW, a series of phone calls between Tony and Steve.

Total: 38 fics

#stevetony #superhusbands #stony #captain america civil war #stony fic #stony fic rec #mine #MCU #marvel #fic rec #civil war

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xfanfics · 5 years ago

Photo

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 4

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity. Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 31 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

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The Shadow at My Window ❤ by Zombiecat E | 141k | Hot, AU, Underage, Wing!kink

As a fledgling angel, Castiel is not allowed to interact with humanity. He should be strictly observing and concentrating on learning to be a warrior of Heaven. Even so, he cannot seem to stop himself from visiting the human boy that leaves his window open at night. At first, it's only to get a glimpse of their world.. but all that changes the night he saves the boy's life.

AMAZING!!! I'm a huge fan of both wing!kink and the underage romance trope, and this hits the spot. I read this from when it was a WIP (on chapter 12), and it was so worth it.

Fearson's floating cigarette. by orange_crushed M | 11k | Fluff, Magicians AU

"That son of a bitch," Dean says. He strangles the handful of french fries he’s been holding, and one by one their warm, helpless, potato-y insides crumble over the tops of his fingers. He feels a brief burst of irrational, almost homicidal rage. "That floppy bow-tie wearing son of a bitch.” Dean is gonna kill Jimmy Wonderman. He’s gonna shove a never-ending string of scarves down his throat. He’s gonna make him eat balloon animals until he floats off into space.

This was so sweet and charming I'm going to cry. Castiel's gentleness and pure heart is really explored in this fic, and I LOVE it.

Sweaters & Cigarettes ❤by lemonoclefox E | 149k | Hot, Fluff, High SCchool AU, punk cas, nerd dean

Dean Winchester is in high school, crushing hard on Castiel Novak, the unbelievably hot goth who Dean does his very best to convince himself he hates, despite the fact that he can’t really stop staring at him. Dean tries, but when the two of them finally cross paths, their first conversation takes a surprising turn. And suddenly, they both find themselves falling harder and faster than they ever could have expected.

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS FIC! The trope reversal is perfect, and in short, this is one of my favorite high school AUs EVER.

Shortskirts 'Verse by twentysomething E | 22k | High School AU

So, they're in high school, and then they're in college, and it's mostly not about Taylor Swift, except when it is.

Leave My Body, Moving Up to Higher Ground by triedunture E | 17k | Alt!canon, Genderswap

Castiel must take a new vessel to return to earth, so he strikes a deal with a woman who isn't as willing as Jimmy had been. But Dean's in a bad way and Leviathan needs to be smote, so what else can he do? Wonderful and heartbreakingly lovely. Gender swap, of a sort.

A Treatise on Longing by araftatsea T | 8k | Angst, Alt!Canon, Aging

Set post-8x23: Cas falls and is reborn as a human infant. Dean waits for him. He wonders how he's going to explain to this guy that he was an angel, once, and he wonders whether Cas will still want him. Or if he ever did.

Oh god, this fic huuuurts. But in a good way.

Santorum Will Pry My Porn From My Cold Dead Hands by AlreadyPainfullyGone E | 41k | Pornstar AU

President Santorum bans all pornography, and Dean decides to start his very own prohibition racket. Unfortunately, the only person he can find to 'perform' is Castiel.

Lots of porn. Complete with in denial!dean and confident!cas.

One Night at Club Radiant by octoberskyfall E | 16k | Hot, Stripper AU, Dom!Cas

When Charlie showed up at the garage with a six-pack of El Sol and an order for him to chug them down before they reached the bar, Dean knew he was in for one hell of a night. Featuring Stripper!Cas and light Dom!Cas because of reasons. Happy Birthday, Dean!

Damn. Just um--yes. Please.

Gargoyles on Motorcycles by mandraco E | 24k | Office AU, Socially Awkward Cas

After the latest in Dean's long string of one night stands steals the Impala and totals it, he makes a bet with Sam that he can abstain from sex while he repairs it. But Lisa and Matt's wedding is coming up and Dean needs a date he'll never be attracted to. Enter Castiel.

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives by cymbalism E | 14k | Fluff, Alt!Canon

After the apocalypse, Dean's living with Lisa and earning his keep by cooking dinner. Cas likes that Dean can cook. Dean likes Cas's company. But they could use a little alone time, and Dean has a lot to learn about what the rest of his life really means.

Smoke in the Mirror by letters_of_stars M | 52k

It begins with the flier hung in the library: art model needed for thesis project, will pay. Castiel figures it's an easy way to make some extra money, but modeling for Dean Winchester ends up complicating his life far beyond anything he could have imagined.

Selfie with a stranger by somuchforbaggles T | 1k | Fluff, AU

Cas lied to his family about having a boyfriend, and now they want actual photographic evidence. There's only one thing he can do - take a selfie with a stranger.

This is just adorable. Instant feel-good fic.

Paper-Thin by snarkymonkey E | 15k | Fluff, Hot, College AU, Dom!Cas, Sub!Dean, Professor!Cas

Dean is finishing up his master's program, heading on for a PhD in Engineering but spends most of the time silently ogling his gorgeous next-door neighbor, the new adjunct professor of English, pursuing his dissertation.So, really, no reason the two should ever interact. Except...the walls between their apartments are just so thin. And even though he swears he's seeing the guy all over campus, there's no way the exceptionally friendly Professor Novak has a thing for Dean. Right?

The Pumpkin Pie Started It by twerkstiel E | 8k | Hot, AU, Baker Cas, ABO, Omega!Dean Sub!Dean, top!cas, alpha!cas

Dean Winchester is your ordinary college student. He does his work, fixes cars, complains about being broke. Except when he visits the new campus bakery, he ends up getting more than the pie he asked for.

Just what I like in an ABO short fic: cute, porny, and hot sex ;)

Leave My Body, Moving Up to Higher Ground by triedunture E | 17k

Wonderful and heartbreakingly lovely. Gender swap, of a sort.

Scratchmarks by bookkbaby E | 11k | Hot, canon!verse, endverse, threesome, bottom!cas, kink

Sometimes, sex isn't a goal, but a method. A method to escape, a method to forget, or a method to communicate, and Dean doubts that his future self is listening to what Cas is saying.

Porny 2009!Dean/2014!Dean/2014!Cas with bonus feelings towards the end.

Halfway by anythingtoasted E | 29k | canon!verse, s8, pining!dean

A Fallen!Castiel bunker fic; Castiel arrives back at the bunker after six months of being missing, with eighteen of his newly-fallen brothers and sisters in tow; shameless schmoop and angel-care ensues.

Bunker!Fic. Castiel has a flock of brothers and sisters to care for. Always a fan of the way anythingtoasted writes the dean/cas relationship development.

Home is Where by chasingrabbits E | 15k | AU, Mental Disorders

Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam's strange, grad student roommate Castiel.

The Graveyard by amarillogrande E | 18k | College AU, bottom!dean, tattooed!cas

The premise is simple. You finish the bottle, you stick it up on the shelf. When you move out, you can look up and remember all the good times you had. Right?

Smooth Operator!Verse by wannaliveindeansdimples E | 15k | Fluff, Hot, AU, Long Distance Relationship, Phone Sex

Castiel is a phone sex operator and Dean is a first time caller.

Messenger Number 3 by gamesformay M | 23k | Theatre AU, Fluff

Opening night is closing in at the Lawrence Shakespeare Festival, and the play is cursed. As if that weren't enough for Dean, the head of the tech crew, to have on his mind. A tale of love, family, and iambic pentameter.

Dark Side of the Moon by imogenbynight E | 37k | Angst, Astronaut AU, PTSD, Minor Character Death

Five months into his six month mission, an accident leaves Flight Engineer Dean Winchester stranded on the moon. It comes down to a man he has never met to bring him home.

Give All My Secrets Away by morganoconner T | 2k | Fluff, H/C, Canon!verse

When Castiel needs to stay with Dean while the hunter is vulnerable and unable to defend himself, he doesn't expect it to end with confessions Dean doesn't mean to give.

Convenient Husbands by Scaramouche E | 39k | AU, creature!cas, wing!kink

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?

Every Word a Piece of My Heart by smilla840 E | 10k | Dean/Jimmy/Cas

The war is over and Jimmy is finally free to go back to his family. Everything should be perfect – then why isn’t it?

The Parts of Our Sum by scaramouche E | 55k | AU, Friendship

Castiel, a former soldier, has worked for the Company his entire life. They've been good to him, providing clothes, shelter and new body parts whenever necessary. Now the Company's gearing up for a space exploration voyage, and Castiel's volunteered for the research team. During the preparation period, he meets Dean Winchester, who makes Castiel wonder about the things he's missed out on.

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn't Allowed to Eat Pie? by Scaramouche T | 16k | Fluff, Canon!verse, tentacles

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting. Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

Shorten the Distance by APenToMyHeadandImDead T | 43k | Fluff, AU, Teacher!Cas

"Nerdytr3nchcoat" and "Impala67" weren't looking for romance on the dating website called 'dateangels.com'. Castiel was looking for friends and Dean was just looking to get his nagging brother off his back. What they didn't expect to find was each other. [a long distance, online relationship fic]

Jump the Track by alysian_fields E | 83k | High school AU

It's Dean's senior year at Lawrence High, and he's already given up on himself. It takes the arrival of the strange, intense, awkward Castiel Delacroix at the school to prove to Dean that maybe his life is worth saving after all.

Blackbird Fly ❤ by artsyunderstudy E | 163k | Angst, High school AU, Sam/Jess, Drug Use, Mental Health Issues

In the wake of a mutual tragedy, the Winchester brothers befriend loner Castiel. Both brothers find something in him to hold onto as they try to remake their own complicated relationship and the home they've lost. Struggling with his own recovery, Sam finds himself drawn to the strong and lively Jess, while Castiel and Dean find comfort in one another. As consequences of their past emerge and threaten to tear apart what they've carefully rebuilt, they are all forced to reevaluate who their family really is, and what it's worth to keep it.

Oh the angst! This fic may be triggering for some, but the pros include a wonderfully portrayed sam/jess relationship, and stunning illustrations. Dean and Cas' relationship is heartbreakingly lovely and broken (but there is a happy ending).

A Broken Man & The Dawn by n_nami E | 44k | Fluff, COCKLES, AU,

After his brother dies in a car accident, Jensen is left to take care of his newborn nephew - and he’s in over his head. Also, he has the feeling that the guy who just moved into the apartment next door hates him because of the crying baby that keeps him up all night. As it turns out, Misha not only has that set of mesmerizing blue eyes, but also a lot of intuition when it comes to fussing, cranky babies.

Jeté by cadniganv E | 10k | AU, dancer!dean, photographer!cas

Castiel has been photographing their ballet company for two years now and he and Dean have barely exchanged six words, and yet somehow when Dean breaks his leg, it's Castiel who takes him home from the hospital and takes care of him.

#destiel #deancas #spn #spn fic rec #destiel fic rec #*#list

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