#sometimes my mind still goes there
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TELL YOUR KIDS
I swear to god
Not telling your kid they have a learning disability, chronic illness, mental illness etc. so they can âfeel normalâ actually does the opposite. They will not feel normal if they do not have the context to understand that their normal will be different from that of their peers.
#I wasnât told I had dyslexia for a while#I believed I was stupid cause I couldnât read and other kids could#sometimes my mind still goes there#it messed up how I see myself compared to others so bad igst
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Obsessed with what America and England have going on in HetaOni. America's like "I keep having to watch my dad die from overusing his magic in past timelines and not knowing how to stop it is killing me inside but I'm not going to talk to him about it" and England's like "I can't seem to hold a conversation with my son without insulting him but I won't hesitate to use my dying breath to ensure I can protect him from beyond the grave"
#good morning i still have hetaoni on the brain#that scene where it looks like america's going to die but turns out past loop england used the last of his strength to cast a shield on him#(+italy and germany) before sending them back to the present.... godddd#and then current loop england goes and takes on the monster america was worried about and succeeds. at the cost of going blind.#one of the very things america was afraid would happen!! he was so relieved when england survived the fight before finding that out too!!!#i don't know if this is coherent im just. they care about each other so much even though they won't say it and đđđ it makes me ill#sigh. rotating both them and hetaoni in my mind at the same time makes me so. waaughh#(also obligatory disclaimer that hetaoni doesn't label their relationship in any way them being father and son is just canon in my brain)#hetalia#hetaoni#hws america#hws england#tea dad n coffee son#personal#i have an old hetaoni wip fic that i think i intended to do more with but was mostly just about america and england as far as i got...#i can't remember the rest of my plans for it so maybe i'll shift the focus to them and try to get it finished sometime
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Oh, let the night mourn that which is forever out of its reach.
Nightmare Moon
It's kind of a headcanon of mine that Lunas coat doesn't actually turn fully black but instead just darker with a velvety/satin kinda twist to it, so only the lightest parts show her natural blue. Really gives the 'lost in shadows' vibe.
This one has murdered both the paper and my wrist. So I really hope you enjoy the result haha
Here's the lineart because I really enjoy how it turned out despite my shaky wrist:
#kinun's drawings#mlp#mlp fandom#mlp art#mlp fim#mlp g4#mlpfim#my little pony#mylittlepony#mlp fanart#mlp luna#mlp nightmare moon#nightmare moon#princess luna#alicorn#luna#traditional art#traditional drawing#colored pencil#lineart#Her hair gives 80s artstyle#Actually I don't know the exact era#You know what I mean#It actually wasn't what I had in mind but I like it#Just goes to show that sometimes an unexpected result isn't necessarily a bad thing#It can still be really pretty#Just#trust the process#also#I don't know how to design armor
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chat i think im gonna be sick
(Powers of X #6)
#xmen#xmen comics#powers of x#charles xavier#snap scans#snap chats#moira stronger than me like ik why we here we're gonna die if not and so that is why she is stronger than me she is committing#i woulda kissed him in this moment too tho she and i are family on that front im afraid i do find him very cute#also. SIDE TANGENT. i loved the art before this of charles slowly processing the horrors of moiras mind ...#EXCELLENT art i must eat it at once#the most devious part of this is after i finished reading i went to go to my brother to talk about What I Read#and the second i pulled up like 'his sad eyes Brother im gonna be sick' he immediately quoted this page I HATE IT HERE#thats why they had to put that dome over charles' eyes so no one could look at his sad eyes anymore#this is in fact something i love and always love seeing but it still hurts i will not LIIIEEE#cant wait to read bout how this all goes horribly wrong ....#while my bro and i were talkin we were talkin bout other in-between stories an i wanna check those out at some point ...#maybe ill check my comic shop sometime in the future idk. for now im gonna throw up !!!!!!!!!!#i will simply spend tomorrow watching the rest of 92 im almost done with it. relatively speaking i will feel healed then probably#i got like two seasons left which is basically the same length as season 3 and then its onto 97#thats just one season for now so ... should finish that quick ..#ok bye i have Being Sick to be
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finding out ur coworker is way older than you thought and having to very quickly reorient how you talk to them
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#synthv#synthesizer v#genbu#kasane teto#rikka is also here :) i think she likes to cause problems sometimes. because all the adults in her life are dweebs#and very easy to cause problems with <3#anyone else have this happen before. im older than a lot of my university peers and i always have been#because i took 5 years in highschool and my undergrad has been like 6 years and counting#(hashtag learning disability <3 ) and like thats chill to me i dont mind#but now i usually assume everyones way younger than me and i get shocked when theyre not. a buddy in some of my classes#when i first met her i absolutely and completely assumed she was like barely 19 and talked to her as such#like i dont talk down to people or anything but i do soften the way i talk a bit and give a bit extra patience with younger peers#cause yknow. i remember what it was like being 19. being 26 is WAY easier lol so i wanna give em a bit of leeway yknow#anyway a few months after meeting her i found out she was actually a year older than me and a grad student when she ended up as a TA in#another class i took. i felt so bad. we bonded tho and she didnt mind she thought it was kinda funny when i was like WAIT UR A GRAD STUDENT#i thought she was like a first or second year undergrad..............#also yeah im a 31yo teto fan. i dont mind the popular fanon that she has a separate age that makes her actually 15 and#i dont mind that more interpretations have her like that BUT for my internal canon she is a grown ass woman because i think its fun <3#she pays taxes. she goes to work parties. she can rent a car. i love it#let teto rent a car. let her rent a car.#yknow im exicted to be 31. i still got a few more years of being a 20 something which is fun. but being a 30 something sounds like it rules
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hi.
#i know most of you didnât even realize i was gone#but manâŚ#my mental health was like in a state of đđđ in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldnât shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes đĽ˛)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#iâm still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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I thought bad thoughts and I have to share because if I'm suffering someone else has to as well.
You know how there's a sex scene we still have yet to see and remember that line we loved from Jinx about how she hoped Vi and Caitlyn had the chance to fuck before...????
Well someone pointed out to me that apparently the writers said no champion is safe from death (which I was ignoring because I thought they were safe from permanent death!!!!) and then my mind went there...
And like this show likes to foreshadow everything so...what if they do have sex and then something happens to one of them (my bad thoughts are choosing Caitlyn based of one clip of the trailer in act 3 were Vi is reaching and screaming for someone and I couldn't help but think something bad happened to Caitlyn đ)
It's just it's a pattern, nobody can be happy for more than 5 minutes and everytime something good happens something worse follows and now I'm scared.
So yeah if you read this, you're welcome.
#arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#caitlyn kiramman#vi#caitvi#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#vi arcane#Im still thinking all champions are alive including vik and vander but sometimes my mind goes there#you know how many times ive thought about someone dying each episode?#its just the writers hate happy people#and they absolutely love angst
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an underrated aspect of eiffel and lovelace's dynamic is that she is the one person who can speak his language, she's just not happy about it. "we're bootlegging the opening band to figure out what kind of anvil the headliner is going to drop on our heads." / "oh! why didn't you just say that?" or saying "there is no try" to him in the live show, or trying to explain her time loop predicament with the one pop culture reference he doesn't actually get, etc.
lovelace is also a pretty quippy and pop culture savvy person, and, unlike hera and minkowski, lovelace has definitely seen star wars. she has referenced star wars. there had to have been a moment where eiffel realized he was finally, after so long, occupying the same space as another person who has seen star wars. this absolutely does not mean eiffel can talk to lovelace about star wars, but you know he tried.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#isabel lovelace#it's funny to me to think that lovelace has COMPLETELY different star wars opinions#but also she just doesn't care that much and decides not to engage with him. and he's intimidated by her anyway#so as excited as he is initially. eventually he gives up and goes back to trying to explain it to hera#but eiffel and lovelace ARE friends too and it's sweet sometimes#i was thinking about the way he enables her moth joke like under better circumstances they could have so much fun together#and 'you're my friend' while her mind is still coming back...#everyone's best friend douglas eiffel
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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Maybe Iâll finally Wanze post soon
#as in a more official lore post like holt awol and sonderbar got#ALSO IM SO SO SORRY I STILL AM GONNA ANSWER THOSE INBOX ASKS J SWEAR#Wanze is on the mind there is bugs in my brain!!! wow just like holt huh#their relationship is wild to me they go from barely knowing each other (occasional hallway acquaintances)#to Wanze essentially having the equivalent of a bag of bricks dropped onto her head#which needs a little or a lot of patching up and Holt does that for her#actually hmmm I wonder if I should more visibly leave some marks of The Oopsie on her face#apart from the permanently broken biores crystals#gotta think on thatâŚ#anyway I was especially Thinkin about how Wanze really does resent Holt for a while#itâs complicated itâs not completely Holtâs fault#like she canât control what happened she canât bring back her bioresonance sheâs a medical eule not a miracle worker#sheâll never really understand what it felt like to be part of that mind link#and that leads to some insensitivity on Holtâs part bc sheâs really trying to keep Wanze from decommission here#and Wanze! why are you moping you gotta act normal!! Come on Wanze!#neither of them really get each other bc theyâre both not stopping and listening like they need to#but they eventually do#also fun Wanze fact but post head trauma fixup she still has to/wants to go to the kolibri library#for stabilization yknow (sheâs a nerdddd <3)#however itâs weird and she hates it bc her fellow kolibris are there.#she does not sing the same song anymore and sticks out like a sore thumb when theyâre together now :(#she goes at really weird hours when no one else is there to make sure she doesnât have to see them#Holt sometimes is able to get ahold of books for her#consider them cuddling together reading#that is all#blorbo tag#wanze#holt#Kolibug
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms â I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Huaâs daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsunâs death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldnât want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofaâs latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You canât prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if youâre wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. itâs clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet thereâs now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#thatâs what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if sheâs the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasnât even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight⌠she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldnât be heard. and just softly cries#because itâs too much. because she doesnât want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasnât the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesnât feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mamaâs touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#âAvatar Yangchen?â. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as sheâs shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. sheâs not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. sheâs⌠human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#Iâm not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Modern day school AU!!!
Chuuya was just homeschooled under an adoptive scientist father until high school and joins Sheep High(??? ig) but some circumstances ill flesh this out later lead him to change to Yokohamaâs Port High.
also Odasaku is one of those assistant teachers who are like still in college and just show up sometimes to test-run be a teacher or take notes about teaching. Dazai is just that one wierdo who hangs out with the teacher assistant and that one guy in admin (ango) and doesnt make other friends until chuuya joins
#Odasaku doesnât die he literally just goes to get an actual job#I just wanna see these two in an everyday school setting how would they react to having to take midterms with me#Or having to walk three minutes down a hall and up a flight of stairs to get to the one unlocked bathroom in the building#~Because the American school system is silly and they lock bathrooms since we keep getting fire alarms after people smoke in the bathroom~#But no actually I am contemplating the fickle finalities of making another AU#The Circus AU is still spinning in my mind I gotta actually post about that one with new thoughts sometime soon#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bungou gay dogs#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#bsd fanart#bungou stray sogs#skk#dazai x chuuya#Mine#my art
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I love comfort sona (Aku) and fursona (JellyBear)
Here is some oldish arts of them from earlier this year and some from last year I can't remember
Also yes Aku is just straight up missing an eye, he had a bad kerfuffle with a nightmare beast once
#little demon gummy bear and his blood moon dragon bf#jelly is specifically nonbinary and goes by all pronouns btw#aku is a cis guy#but doesnt mind being called a girl by accident#it happens sometimes#i shoukd draw jelly using his chest fluff as a pillow to scream into sometime#also if you still reading this#my favorite thing to tell about aku all the time and im sure i have before on my blog#aku is icy cold to the touch!#his breath makes fog in the summed he is so cold#jelly being made of slime like gummy#this is very nice for him#theg loves hugging his icy cold dragon bf
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Can we talk about how fcked up Charles can be sometimes? Can we talk about how Charles can sometimes be actually scary as a person? Like he can legit be nefarious sometimes, but those moments are not as talked about as Erik's warcrimes (aside from the holocaust visions from TAS)
girlfriend i promise we're all very aware about how wack charles xavier can be and i assure you his nefarious moments are talked plenty from what i run into. like outside of this inbox most times you breathe charles' name to someone they'll be prepared to start swinging
#snap chats#its kinda funny tho. like out of all the charas ive fave'd over the years its funny how charles incites the most violence#and i get it i aint sayin it unfounded !!! just funny alright i stand with my problematic wife and all his wrongdoings. sometimes.#six decades of writers and writing decisions will lead to a lot of Girl What decisions#like marvel ruins. where charles is president. sorry girls im bringing it up if we wanna talk bout Fucked Up Charles#i mean those issues arent really. good. not just cause its grotesquely dark I Can Enjoy Dark And Gruesome Themes#the art's also hauntingly beautiful to look at its sad it's attached to such a nothing series. theres no real story ..#like i doint MIND dark or morally-dubious charles im a fan of it even when its done right or interesting#but thats where marvel ruins fumbles It Doesnt Do Anything Interesting with a morally corrupt charles#it just goes 'yeah hes fucked up and does terrible things now' like ok and .......... wheres the rest of the sauce ...#a less Gruesomely Fucked decision comparatively charles did was plant a virus on david because he didnt trust him Not to fuck things up#he regrets it like five seconds later after he realized How Fucked Up That Was but still ... charles ... im going to chokeslam you...#back to the main topic tho. its very funny because charles be catching strays on xmen twitter too#and i mean The Sincerest Of Strays tho i guess if you try Any xmen topic can go back to charles#but the post'll be bout an entirely different bloke or lass and theyll be wishing ill will on cue ball like girl he aint even HERE#anyway. yeah charles' imperfections is what makes him really interesting. to me. thank you#now for my next post to be an awkward juxtaposition to this one unless someone ones to throw in an ask last minute#and i mean very last minute i think i have all the tags typed up ont he other one vjeLKEJA
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i log on to this site. i write essays about dnp and their gay little antics. i save them to my drafts because i am scared of being perceived. i log off again
#i have thoughts. but at what cost#i know people on here are generally really cool but i dont wanna risk it lshfldkjfslkjg#like this isnt twitter but there are still topics that people will bully you for having the wrong opinion on djfskkjfk#and also theres the fact that my dissociative episodes have been better lately since im less sleep deprived but#i still have a really hard time trusting my own perception of reality sometimes if that makes sense???#like every time i try to express a serious thought on here my brain goes#ok but what if i got all of this wrong.#what if i misremembered everything and i cant read suddenly so i cant fact check it#what if dan and phil arent even real and i just made them up and nobody knows what im talking about dsjhgljglknfls it's rough#it's making it really hard to finish my thesis project as well bc i second guess every single thought i have like i cannot trust myself.#losing my mind#discussing dans phantwerp autism blunder over the last few days really took it out of me#bc i started panicking like omg what if he didnt even say that at all and i just completely made it up dsflglglsknvlknvlnknkldsnv#anyway rip to the 126 posts in my drafts which will never see the light of day
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on arranged marriages
it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.
mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.
but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.
i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.
too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.
they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!
of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.
time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...
i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.
then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?
and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!
hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1
anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)
but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo
#banana speaks đ#okay that's enough emosh stuff for tonight i think#time to go to bed and watch his tiktoks and kick my feet and giggle at my phone bc i can't believe this is happening still#idk why i made this post honestly but its just like...it is SO SCARY sometimes#and for ages and ages i didn't feel ready at all#my sister had a love marriage and she's been married 10 years w 4 kids she's rlly happy#but i just knew that wasn't gonna happen for me so i was happy w an arranged marriage#but also#i have really strong faith#(mostly)#and something that really helped me here was#im SUCH a chronic over thinker but literally the moment i saw him in our front room#i felt this deep certainty like 'this is it..this is him' it felt like this beautiful peace in my heart#and that was so so lovely like...there's wedding stuff and other things to prepare for but theres no doubt in my mind ab him and its just??#insane im like#its like all my doubts disappeared#and also it's v interesting bc i think if he'd tried any lines on me or flirted when we talk i would be worried but#hes really respectful and my dad likes him my mum likes him we ALL like him hahaha#inshallah inshallah things will go well#also rishta's will come from unexpected places#we were looking in the uk for AGES and couldn't find anyone#but we found him within a year of him being here because turns out...he only came here from pak to be w his parents last year#jo hai tera lab jayega indeed#once agan#inshallah it all goes smoothly :D
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