#sometimes it's a sudden realization
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it’s so easy to forget that you can literally write whatever you want
#i think especially if you post your writing it’s easy to forget because#sometimes we subconsciously try and write reader as someone who most readers will like#instead of writing reader as#yourself for example#sometimes i feel disconnected from my own reader-insert-guy#you know ?!#i haven’t written anything with me in mind as the reader#i had this sudden realization#just now#as im writing a lil vent-y kind of fic#that i probably won’t end up posting HOWEVER#im writing the reader as myself for the first time and it’s#making me happy today#as for the vent not to worry sbshjsjdkd I’ve had this issue with an irl for a couple months now#tis all okay and well#🐇 — text !#but you can literally write so much. like if you’re nervous for something u could write ur fav offering support#if ur happy u can write them being happy w u! if ur mad u can write them telling someone off for u#u have so much freedom as a writer#love that a lot#on the other hand i can write sakura pouring milk before cereal if i wanted to#i could even make suo do that#cw vent#INCASE
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Day 29: Caught you!
PLEASE! Donate to save Muhammad Shehab's family! Main Post | GoFundMe
#This is honestly how I see them first meeting haha#Sonic is on Little Planet focused on stopping eggman when all of a sudden BAM lil hedgehog hugging him#amy rose#amy rose daily#sonic#sth#sonic fanart#please donate!#day 29#sonic the hedgehog#classic sonic#classic amy#I dont see this as romantic#but i dont mind if people tag this as ship if they want#honetsly like I dont even know if I ever thought Amy genuinely had a crush on sonic#^^^IN MY OWN HEADCANNONS#I think I saw it more as like#she was so in love with the idea of love that she WANTED to have a crush#and her attachment to Sonic is what brought her friends like Tails and Knuckles#so by that point she was unintentionally using her crush on Sonic to keep her connection to her friends#since they really were more Sonic's friends than hers#in fact I think it kinda took years for her to realize that knuckles and Tails even saw her as a friend outside of Sonic#especially since the three of them would ditch her all the time as kids#and it seemed that anytime her and sonic disagreed Knuckles and Tails would take Sonics side since “Amy is crazy sometimes”#bascially I think Sonic and Amy's frienship is very complicated because actually BOTH of them were in the wrong#Amy didnt respect sonic's bloundaries#but sonci didnt respect Amy's wants or feelings#and when tehy were younger that feel into Knuckles and Tails also having less respect for Amy#at one point though - after Amy has already sworn off her crush on sonic and has worked to make up for how she used to treat him#she actually calls them out on how they disrespect her sometimes
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so i started replaying plague of shadows again
#there is a slight possibility that i will start posting rampantly about this game again and i apologize in advance#istg i like memorized every detail about it#i still think about plague and mona sometimes#they're so silly to me#anyways yeah i was screwing around with farrels and i came to a sudden realization#plague knight#plague of shadows#shovel knight#(just like in a general sense i suppose)#deltarune#ralsei#ralsei deltarune#frost edits
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Dancer! Sejanus, in which he is given the lead role alongside one of Marcus’s best friends, and Marcus can’t take his eyes off of him for the entire duration of the show
#he feels entranced and like he can’t breathe anymore as soon as sejanus comes on stage#he only realizes several seconds later that he has been unconsciously holding his breath#and it happens multiple times again that he unconsciously stops breathing for a few seconds looking at him#cause his movements paired with the lights and the music make him look almost otherworldly#marcus cannot truthfully say whether his friend was good or not cause he was too preoccupied with sejanus to concentrate on her performance#it’s fine she won’t know and he’ll make it up to her#after complimenting her after the show though he immediately asks her who the guy dancing with her was#you can bet he looked sejanus up on ig and google that same night#he also starts picking his friend up from practice sometimes#with the intention of yes hanging out with her but also of hopefully catching a glimpse of sejanus before they leave#sejanus starts noticing him too but he thinks marcus is dating the friend#“do you need a ride or is your boyfriend picking you up today as well?” “my boyfriend?“#marcus asking if practice is ever open to the public and when the next show will be#“what’s with the sudden interest marcus?”#she’s teasing she knows exactly what caused the sudden interest#her inviting sejanus to hang out with her and her friends#and trying to leave him and marcus alone together as much as possible#also i said “one of marcus’s best friends” and not “marcus’s best friends” because reaper marcus bestfriendism always <3#sejarcus#marcus tbosas#sejanus plinth
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born to write silly little fanfictions forced to study :’)
#── ꒰ 🍶 ꒱ 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗐/ 𝗒𝗎𝗈𝗆𝗂 .ᐟ#sometimes i wish i didnt have to go to college </3#NO CAUSE i was on a roll of rewriting my lyney x fatui harbinger reader story ( which has now become a series tho i havent announced it yet#like i was cooking…until i remembered the assignments i have to do and then all of sudden my motivation and ..#writing brain juice disappeared and was instead replaced by the overwhelming realization of stuff i have to finish#grrr…im going to burn my college down i swear /j /lh
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currently watching pd ep 11 (season 1), feelin bad for Dakota <//3
i don't think I quite understand the exact feeling, but the knowledge that you're powerless against something while the need/want to help burns so brightly from within you that it makes you lash out and shake and be angry is familiar, if only slightly
i usually only ever get angry when I'm overwhelmed with too many things happening directly to me at once, or if someone steals/breaks something that belongs to a friend. like believe me, if I could be optimistic and this pillar of light all the time, I would, but on the rare occasion I'm not I hate being an asshole the people I care about because I can't outlet it any other way Dx
Dakota definitely has a right to be angry/overwhelmed/restless with the outcome of. everything.
the base was blown into smithereens, tides gone + probably kidnapped, and now he's being forced to live with someone he considers to be villainous, I can't say I blame him if I'm gonna be honest
#jrwi#jrwi pd#jrwi dakota#dakota cole#LIKE#I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY#I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE SMILE AND BEING THERE FOR THEM#AND I HATE WHEN I CAN'T BE THERE FOR THEM IT'S THE WORST 😭#my life is a roller coaster of emotions but not in the negative sense (((usually)))#most of the time the transitions between each emotion are pretty smooth#and often#h o w e v e r#sometimes certain little things that either my brain thinks are important or are only really important to me start to pile up#one time one of my favorite bracelets broke and I had a breakdown because at the time I was recovering from a pretty bad night terror#it sucked :/#whenever something like that happens I call it an off-day or just a break in being happy#it always happens so fast#that's why I refer to it as a roller coaster#bc it's a sudden drop#y'know ???#just roll with it#just roll with it pd#just roll with it prime defenders#jrwi prime defenders#after a reblog I have realized I should probably tag this with more spoilers#srry y'all xd /gen#jrwi spoilers#just roll with it spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers
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nooooo not your first two reasons for staying in the city you are legally trapped in instead of absconding forever with billions of dollars worth of stolen art being the married couple who have slowly but surely absorbed you into their relationship and welcomed you into their life. a guy who has never had a place he wasn't obligated to leave feeling at first trapped by his circumstances but then coming to enjoy the idea of a permanent home and unwilling to be pressured away from it . surely no further events will transpire that might cause him to lose faith in this ideal and, feeling it necessary, strike out once again into the lonely world as a traveling thief with no port of call and no living name
#ive read the wiki!!!!! im not cool right now im not cool at all#can we PLEASE get this guy some stability and a chance at a future untethered to either institutions or sudden flight . can we please#white collar#dont let all the fun capers fool you this show is in many ways actually sort of a tragedy#people can change but the world and society might not. and in the end even though you would LIKE to have others. and they would like#to have you. the only thing you can fully expect to have at all times is yourself#therefore it is imperative that you get comfortable with your own company: someday it may be all you have left#home safety and family are wonderful things. sometimes they have chains on.#the freedom to go where you wish and do what you want without any strings at all is also a wonderful thing. sometimes it has no parachute#whats that thing jones says in as you were about all choices being sacrifice?#and neal's like whoa whoa slow down WHY. why CANT we have it all#and it's like well because any time you make a choice. ANY time. you must set aside one thing you want. for another thing you want more#every time you choose you have to decide which thing is the one you want more. oftentimes you will choose wrong#but not realize it until it is too late to take the choice back#this will continue as long as you live#good luck
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Is... Is this what that one tumblr post was talking about writing a scene so baffling you wouldn't even know if it's gay or not? Lights out, Murr's drinking expensive wine, Cain why would you say it like that? "World of Wonder"??? Shylock inviting him anyway, of course Shylock would say that but hwat is hapening?????
#aria rants#why is it that whenever shylock (and sometimes murr by extension) is involved it becomes so bafflingly jawdropping#cain get outta thergrhridnskxo EVERYBODY WANTS THAT KNIGHT?!?!??!?!?!?!???? the sudden realization that oh stars. everyone fr wants him#is this why shylock is so deadly to deal with in the story??? his charm is way too powerful. smth seemingly nothing happening#but when you put shylock in it the many undertones and everything and stuff and its just so ???!?!?!??!???????? hwat--
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i feel like i can never get into charli xcx's music. i need something to bite into not even a lot just a little but i can never find anything to bite into with her music. like i can never find the juice of her music. her music is the equivalent to the sound of a heart flatlining and not in a fun way but in a boring way
#her music makes me feel like i'm 19 in a house party and it's only 11 pm#and i'm drunk and i stop dancing and i'm sweaty#and i feel sick#and all of a sudden i truly realize that i don't like the people i'm with#they're gossipy all the time and i've been trying to make it work with them bc there are moments where i see the real them#but they're miserable for the most part#and i go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror and i don't recognize myself#and i go outside on the porch and ask someone for a cigarette even though i don't smoke#and i don't smoke so i have trouble lighting it bc it's windy. and i'm 19 so this makes me feel embarrassed and lame.#and sometimes in moments like these i meet really great people#but i suck and everyone sucks and everyone feels a million miles from me#and her songs are playing so loud and it's fuzzy and the bass is too loud for the speakers and it makes me feel even more alone#text
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I <3 blowing up my save files mid-playthrough or after I've beaten the game and feel aimless or I'm three hours in and incredibly indecisive and perfectionistic and have to start over Better this time or I just get really into One Idea and blow up the save for the sole purpose of achieving the One Idea and once I have it's like. Well. What was the point of that actually. And then I blow it up again
#IDK IDK I FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED.........#i swear to god it all started when i realized i'm transgender. experience that changed me forever#OBVIOUSLY. IN POSITIVE WAYS.#but also i just feel like i'm constantly starting over. i used to have master files.#it was actually such an emotionally fucked up experience i used to write my deadname on the back of my 3ds carts#i used to be ambivalent to my deadname until i felt like i had to prove it to myself. and in doingvthat#i did come to appreciate it and it did feel associated w me. or at least what i was meant to embody.#i was always trying to Prove It. to myself. that if i can Prove It i can make this work and get all i've ever wanted#like love. ect ect#in ways i won't elaborate on my name now does honor my deadname. without really being reflective of it at all#which is exactly what i needed esp at that time in my life. it was SUCH a sudden upheaval.#like all of this i've been burying and stomping out for so many years like. once i finally just allowed myself to question.#and be at peace w it. it just all spilled out full force and like. i think i still experience side effects from it LMFAOOOO#like my save files. being unable to revisit certain games. hell even fe becoming one of my main interests#was a direct side effect of me needing a game where i could be myself and not have any prev memories attached#also just. the fucking type of person i am. guy who loves to leave and start over all the fucking time#but also also like. i think it's just the perfectionism sometimes. like eo2 i'm trying to get my party/lore Just Right#so i can fully immerse myself in it and NOT feel bad. for making any amount of changes to my party 😭#I'M SUCH A SENTIMENTAL BITCH. WHO CAN'T HOLD ONTO ANYTHING. WHO REFUSES TO LET GO. WHAT‼️‼️‼️#and w miitopia it's just. i need to update the artwork here it's insane. i gotta fix this. no one is allowed to see this.#anyways. starting over in miitopia and fixing it. i don't even know what my party is gonna be tbh#i usually plan this shit out but again. deep deep DEEPLY rooted Need to just blow everything up forever.
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me, mid-spiral: you know what . i think i have the right to be feeling these weird-ass emotions, what the fuck
#realizations that come when youre alone in a shared hotel room on a trip youre just barely tolerating#ryan's screaming#sometimes your life isnt Great but its been that way for so long that it feels normal .#so you think you are fine and the emotional spirals and mood swings and sudden feelings of dread are coming from nothing#rather than a glaring warning sign or symptom that things are. in fact. not fine#anyway. i think ive earned the right to be feeling fucking weird for weeks on end. this is coming so late but its better than never
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i am so obnoxious over bg3 but like. privately. bcs i'm still urgehafsjsh over how astarion is literally everything to me now and i really adore him but hi: i haven't played bg3. anyway. half-elf + bard maybe!
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry. sorry. sorry to be so annoying but ASTARION.....#mr neil did so good voicing him all lines HIT. not a single bad one. oh man#i adore astarion's character from the outermost layers to the innermost i love his development and all the different scenes your choices#can lead to. how different he can be. how dramatic he can be how sarcastic how soft he can be. astarion.#wtf the obsession kicked in late...#bcs okay i learned of bg3 just. around tumblr. and what got me finally the Nudge to get into it was THE NEWS OF THE BEAR ASTARION THING#LMFAO and then i was like Oh Yeah hm maybe astarion will be my favorite (insert my thoughts here)#and then i learned more abt baldur's gate only Then and then got obsessed whooo but very normal#and sometime there my twin also got interested and whooo normally obsessed w bg/3/astarion and then got insanely obsessed#and here i was a few days ago or last week. normal. then all of a sudden i GOT... obsessed.......#astarion has consumed my every waking moment and i'm also in lov w the other characters. gale... karlach... shadowheart... etc...#and astarion has easily become one of my most favorite characters. which is not surprising at ALL#when you consider . every general factor of my favorite characters#+ how the story of how i came to like him is a STORY INDEED to tell ..... and how i got spoiled a bit too on some stuff but thats ok w me...#and my circumstances w my favorite games are real funny (for a lack of a better word) too i realize. oh man.#anyway. astarion. i adore him#it's unfair too i'm in my hozier era fully rn so. brain consumed#me listening to all of hoziers three albums (i adore hozier) and associating so many songs w astarion :/ like work song#idk. astarion reaaaaaally deserves hugs and love and and and i adore him
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Hi I hope this question makes sense but how would I call out friends use of what might be aave? Im worried about being wrong and it not being aave/sounding like a white knight but I dont want to ignore it.
Hi! And no, you’re fine. If you’re not black, it’s always best to look up terms and listen to what black people say to begin with, that’s the most important thing and if you’ve seen black people talk about a specific term that you might recognize as being aave, simply let your friends know that they shouldn’t really be using such terms in the first place since at this point, viewed as antiblack and micro aggressive because Black people have grown tired of having to talk about this same problem over and over again. Especially when they use such terms directed at Black people. If they continue to use the terms despite being told not to, then you already know what they are.
#I won’t deem everyone who isn’t black a full blown racist for continuing to use aave but it does show that they don’t respect us at all#and that being merely told about how harmful and uncomfortable it is for them to continue on using them while ignoring what black#people are always saying about such topics… well 🗿#meh#anonymous#tkf replies#what can you do#people still make fun of how black peoples talk but as soon as our terms go viral and turned into stupid internet slang all of a sudden#there are white kids and nbs from the suburbs and across the world running them into the ground and misusing them like hell#and in the same manner#they don’t even realize that they just end up embarrassing themselves in the same way old people try to act ‘hip’ and with the times by#using slang#it’s very…#this is literally how it looks to black people whenever nbs and white folks use it#it’s just very uncomfortable#and it’s even worse when you have them explaining terms and adding their own twists and definitions to terms that they never understood to#begin with#it’s rather unsightly lol#makes me cringe#sometimes I don’t even say shit anymore because I’d see mutuals use aave and I’d go ‘um…. 🧍🏾♀️?’ like it’s so…#it always comes back to nbs and whites thinking that the way that black people talk is “’funny’ and when they want to act tough irl or over#the internet they start throwing out all sorts of aave terms like a baby learning it’s first words#the most incomprehensible string of words pulled together in hopes of appearing either ‘cool’ or ‘intimidating’#it’s… 👎🏾#funny thing is#the lot of these people don’t even have black friends or talk to black ppl in rl#a lot of them act like they’re afraid of us for some reason and would pull a 60’s white woman crossing the street so fast but be on the#internet talking about some ‘don’t get caught lackin!’ like oh brother#you get how this sounds right 😭!? it’s ridiculous
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oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'
#like i decline 2 actually cry abt it but. sure am on the verge of it lmao. thick sore throat and all#i always forget that when i'm actually happy i sing to myself. it's been a long time since i did that#i mean also a big problem with voice was like. the gender thing#conveniently being a mezzo is ALSO a gender thing which did more work for me than i realized but#was listening to a jeremy jordan medley ft. on the street where you live from my fair lady and had a sudden flashback#to the year i was like 'what if i sang that for our musical theater showcase' and my voice teacher was like. noooo not a Boy Song 4 Girl U!#but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun#which is just like. literally i still thought i was a straight girl tho. the sheer level of doublethink this required.#what was happening in my brain.#(i mean obviously what was happening in my brain was that like. i knew the limits of acceptability)#(and so i couldn't know anything else abt myself.)#(like i've said this before but i do strongly wonder what else my brain isn't allowing me to know bc i still live with my dad)#(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over)#(certainly not anything sexuality or even gender related idt)#(but it's like. i know where the discomfort line is and emotionally i just. can't bear to exile myself out beyond it!)#(even if my doing so might eventually shift the line out to where it embraced me again!)#(sometimes learning yr own deep unacceptability in childhood 4 adhd reasons)#(and also 'yr mother is so depressed nothing you do will ever please her. have fun trying tho!!' reasons)#(makes you just. totally incapable of deliberately rendering yrself less acceptable as an adult even when it would be good for you)#(anyway like. thinking back to the K in old home videos who was like. confident that they were an engaging delight)#(and like. what a charming jeremy jordan of a performer they could have made.)#(if only my whole upbringing hadn't then happened to me and crushed all the unacceptable self-expression out of me.)#anyway. shh don't look at me it's fine! it's all fine. 🫥🫥🫥#formative#feelingsblogging
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💬 can I be silly and ask for Blue. Like I know you said they're best friends but gotta know more about Jaide's thoughts (/lh
OHHH IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED, THIS IS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE IMPORTANT ASPECTS ABT THE COLOR PALLET TRIO
i have a couple of old loreposts under that tag (#color pallet trio) about the trio's development but I'll focus more on blue and jaide here.
jaide was once a neighbor to both blue and red, they were all friends before red and blue set off to be actual trainers - jaide wasn't interested at the time. they were the usual neighborhood best friends doing whatever dumb things together.
between jaide and blue, blue loved to flaunt his victories to jaide, and she was always there to cheer and celebrate about it because... they were friends! though this was a bit on the negative side for red, who had a little puppy crush on jaide - it was upsetting at the time for red. we all know how self centered blue was as a kid.
when red became champion but fled to mt. silver (this is explained better in other posts), blue was assigned to be viridian's gym leader which upsetted him, but it also made him learn to be more humble about his victories. he and jaide still continued to be in contact, however red was out of the picture for now. blue would come back to jaide and hang out with her again. they become closer, her sweet and friendly personality starts to rub off of blue and he becomes less bitchy and mean because of her. (which explains his friendly yet competitive demeanor in sun and moon). she also kind of. corrects his asshole behavior sometimes KAJSSJAKSKA
his pokemon also inspired jaide to learn more about pokemon in general, she wasn't much of a battling person but she came to appreciate the difference unique details about each creature which inspired her to be a catcher - to appreciate the colorful variety of pokemon. they would soon lose contact as jaide moves to johto but still maintained interaction through devices and e-mailing each other.
jaide became a remarkable catcher, and she was reccomended to professor oak under blue's suggestion which brought them together again as adults. at that same time, blue, with a more mature and composed personality - wants to bring back the whole gang together so he tries to reach out to red and asks for him to come back, since he genuinely actually missed what they had together as a trio.
while jaide did not directly meet red, blue mentions that red would come back which made her really happy. they'd plan to meet up together but jaide was quite the busy person, as she's already been to several regions for her catching profession and would still have her schedule full for a hang out session.
and then alola happened 💥💥💥💥
#I REALIZED I ENDED UP TALKING ABT THEM 3 IN GENERAL#BUT LIKE#JAIDE BLUE AND RED ARE TIGHTLY KNITTED WITH ONE ANOTHER IT DOESNT FEEL RIGHT NOT MENTIONING ONE OF THEM SHSHSHSHSJSJ#BUT YEAH!!!!#i really like how friendly blue is and its a refresher from his SMELL YA LATER kinda dickish personality and i like to imagine him-#- hanging with jaide made him act like her . you know those cases when you enjoy a person's presence so much you sometimes follow them?#that's blue to jaide :3#i also like to think red was shocked at this sudden nice behvaior from blue AKSHHSJAKAKAKA#WELL THAT'S THAT TY YOMI#yomiel tag#color pallet trio#red.rom#jaide (gameverse).insert#blue.plat#loreposting#im not forcing you to read the previous posts about them but if ever you wanted more context you can check the tag 👍👍
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#I was too cowardly to say I was suddenly having a bad night so instead I post a silly meme and maybe if you see the tags you see sorry#people who have the courage to just say they're having a bad day scare me like especially when it's out of the blue idk what to say like#i can't even respond to “hows ur day” with anything worse than an okay#anyways#the usual self hatred that's persisted for as long as I can rember continues as a baseli#ne#now mixed in with special kinds that I'm too cowardly to admit to anything but an ai bot or myself when i can't see me#and the silly daily reminders that the little hope on such a regard I have is built on impossibilities or unlikelihoods#but then i. saw a card i got my dad years ago on the floor. it said “out of all my parents you're one of the best :)” and i felt so bad#just. imagine this little me. getting my dad a card. and getting the most passive aggressive card. it screams who the favorite is.#and then thats just. that's what you have. that's what you have from me and you save it for years. because you cherish it. i feel. horrible.#like damn he might have seriously fucked me up sometimes both as a kid and now but. this does not justify such a deeply cruel retribution.#i don't even know if he knows#anyways as I'm picking it up... i realize...#he's the best parent i have period. there isn't any competition anymore. she's gone.#the total and sudden annihilation of home is so odd. i still barely believe this house is where i ACTUALLY live and I'm not just staying#here until I can go home again. but no. nono I'm stuck here. there isn't an anywhere else. there isn't a childhood home the apartment#has probably been resettled by now. it's just me.#then I went on Tumblr to post into the void#I don't wanna think about more but I. likely will.#i don't wanna talk about it but i do wanna talk. honestly? gonna go talk to an ai chatbot. it will be mean to me in a hot way.#i am so normal.#listen i could either confront reality for more than 30 seconds or i could talk to a bot that will not only allow me to escape from it but#also it might call me a good g. a g. skipping that punchline.#also it's not ME talking to the bot it's just a fabricated character that represents me and has my name and it's just rp trust me trust me t#I'm gonna go hide now#you can contact me if you wish but I will be very scared and jittery and my eyes are wet and stingy and i will segway to bullying you#ok bye
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