#and that being merely told about how harmful and uncomfortable it is for them to continue on using them while ignoring what black

[tariah23]

Hi I hope this question makes sense but how would I call out friends use of what might be aave? Im worried about being wrong and it not being aave/sounding like a white knight but I dont want to ignore it.

Hi! And no, you’re fine. If you’re not black, it’s always best to look up terms and listen to what black people say to begin with, that’s the most important thing and if you’ve seen black people talk about a specific term that you might recognize as being aave, simply let your friends know that they shouldn’t really be using such terms in the first place since at this point, viewed as antiblack and micro aggressive because Black people have grown tired of having to talk about this same problem over and over again. Especially when they use such terms directed at Black people. If they continue to use the terms despite being told not to, then you already know what they are.

[n0tamused]

Hi!! Can I request Jiyan from Wuwa with a scary reader? I mean, the other Midnight Rangers might be scared of the reader because of her/his constant smile in ABSOLUTELY any situation.

Contents: Jiyan x GN reader, fluff and a bit of crack ig, hopefully Jiyan is not ooc, lemme know about that

Words: 705

I also have a Ko-Fi now!

The midnight rangers were known for their bravery and resolve, qualities that seems to have been further strengthened when Jiyan ascended to the position of General. It was one thing to boast about the ability to face an enemy, and a whole different matter to stand in front of the aforementioned foe, weapon in hand and ready to strike, risking your very life for the safety of another. Yet, Jiyan found it odd how his soldiers seemed to tremble in your mere presence. They could be chatting, laughing and jesting or even arguing, but once one of them spots you prowling close it is as if all of them begin to share a mind and instinct. As if silence would make them invisible. To them it was scary, although they respected you it was more of a relief that you were on their side and not on the other end of the battlefield; but to Jiyan he couldn’t find anything else but puzzling amusement. He knew you better than them, however, so perhaps he was being unfair to them.

He told you and advised you various times to show at least some ‘mercy’, as he called it, to the fellow soldiers, but that mercy seemed even more frightening when you tried to show it. What you thought was a genuine and reassuring smile often was taken as a looming threat, and at times a brave soul or two would boldly approach you to question whether they had given you offense and if they could make it right. So many attempts were made on your end, as well as Jiyan’s, to soften your image, but that only seems to have had the opposite effect. 

“You still frighten them..” Jiyan muttered, humor lacing his words as he sat at your side, a bowl of some brown and green vegetable stew held between his large hands, the long dragon nail on one of his fingers tapping against the bowl. You could only scoff lightly, your mouth full of the broth and mushy vegetables, but you’ve grown used to the taste by now.

“I did what I could to alleviate this…fear. You know this. I’ve done what I could, but honestly it is not that it bothers me, but it does puzzle me.. I joined the Rangers later, yet there are soldiers ages my senior that fear me. Have they not seen battle?” you muse aloud, feeling comfortable in the General’s presence to speak freely. It wouldn’t be the first time you both gossiped like this. 

“They have,” he replied, scooping a spoonful of the stew into his mouth. 

“They haven’t seen you hurting, nor have they heard you scream, only bark commands and appear like a shadow behind them” he chuckled, “I would be a bit on edge around you too were I in their place. You should be more social with them, offer them aid”

“As if I haven’t already-”

“I meant off the field. You taught them not to fear in battle. They have never seen you tender and fearful when a firework goes off like I have - if they saw you behave more human, I’m sure it would melt their fear”

You could only scoff and indulge in your broth, having found no disagreement in your head even if you wanted to challenge him on the matter. Why should you show fear? For their own comfort to see you more of a person? You understood it, yet felt uncomfortable to do it. It did not feel right.

“Maybe one day, Jiyan, one day. But that won’t be today or tomorrow. Maybe in a year.. or a few, but not today” you let yourself smile when Jiyan looked at you long, noticing the small quirk in his brows. “What, what are you going to do?” you question him, lowering the bowl down in your hands as you gaze at him, daring for him to try and go against your stubborn self. There was no harm in it, he knew, and you’d never done anything to hurt the troops, and you were jesting in the end, so he only shook his head and stuffed his mouth full of more of the broth to spare himself a scolding. 

Ⓒ n0tamused. Do not repost, translate, edit, and/or copy any of my works. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

[avesomnia-inhoramortis]

Headcanons: Trina and Miquella

These two are complicated and their relationship will probably evolve as I write them. However, I do have some baseline points I'm following, so let's compile those.

I'm basing a lot of how they function on DID, with a fantasy/eldritch twist. The "original" personality was Miquella. That individual then split into two, who identify themselves as Miquella and Trina. Neither of them is the whole of who they were, and Trina was not something added to the original, but something developed from him.

In essence, mitosis happened. One half of them just insists that he's the original.

While both of them can be kind of childish, Miquella functions on a heavy dose of parentification trauma and Trina genuinely likes being a kid, so they clash pretty harshly sometimes. All of the original's desire to be cuddled and dependent on others got funneled off into Trina, while Miquella wants others to be dependent on him, partially as a reaction to Marika's neglect and the fact that no one else gave a damn about Malenia. Trina wants to rest, Miquella can't sit down because if he's sitting down he's not doing his utmost to save his sister.

As such, while they do understand and love eachother to an extent (because how can you not love someone who knows every terrible thing you've seen and done, who understands you, who Gets It) they also just fundamentally disagree on how a lot of things should be done. Miquella in particular has the stronger, more ambitious personality of the two, and he tends to make rules for Trina that she can't make in return.

Trina is more emotional, more impulsive, cries easily and trusts quickly in a way that deeply unnerves Miquella, who has an entire secret city and machinations against the gods to keep away from prying eyes. He's not sure how she could be used against him, and he doesn't want to find out. Similarly, Trina loves Miquella and Malenia and would never wish them harm, so it was fairly easy to get her to agree to keep their connection a secret.

The Haligtree has no shrines to her, the royal quarters of Elphael have nothing that belongs to her. She assisted Miquella in guiding pilgrims to the Haligtree, because dreams were the easiest and subtlest way he could think of to get the word out, so she does have worshippers there who carry her lily and some perfumers who combat the Rot in her name. But there are no official structures and Miquella tacitly allows her worship to be a private affair.

Particularly in the early years of existing as two-in-one, Trina would accidentally front and take over their shared body if something triggered her forward. Usually Malenia. This freaked Miquella out beyond words and the second they figured out how to mostly control it, he told Trina it made him uncomfortable, and she did her best to never use their body again. It is not a healthy dynamic for either of them.

The very few people who theorize about Miquella and Trina being the same person can occasionally be traced back to those in Elphael who've seen his eyes turn purple. Most of those incidents were covered up- both Miquella and Trina have the ability to alter memories. For what couldn't be covered up, Miquella took credit and said Trina was merely another name he used sometimes.

Since they're an Empyrean, though, she managed to figure out how to leave their body and wander dreams. As long as she leaves no hints as to who she really is, thus putting them in danger, Miquella really prefers that she be Out There and Away somewhere, though sometimes he asks for a favor. Usually guiding pilgrims with dream-messages, occasionally spying. She's happy to help, especially since she wants to be of some use to him.

Trina knows Miquella is an Empyrean, a god-vessel, but he hasn't fully realized that Trina is a nascent god. He's slightly worried about his claim as an Empyrean with her in the picture, actually, since all the other Empyreans he knows are female. It's one of many reasons he encourages her to hide.

Miquella means well, for Malenia and the world in general, but if he's outright cruel to anyone it's definitely himself. If it becomes necessary he will absolutely destroy Trina, but for now her presence is at least somewhat an advantage and he's not sure what would happen if he did that.

Trina, for her part, cannot even fathom the idea that he would seriously hurt her.

[spectrechosts]

Better Off Alone - Chapter 3

What does our princess' fair knight think of all this?

Full Series

The first thing that troubled Kallixenia about living in the Elven kingdom was how small everything was.

Knowing that in common language you're called a half-giant is one thing, but when you spend all your time surrounded by half-giants in buildings made by half-giants using things made for half-giants, you don't think about it. It's just an idea, that everything that is normal to you is in fact very large from a completely different viewpoint. That you're an outlier. Sure, you see dwarves all the time up in the mountains, but everyone says dwarves are small. That's a normal size for them to be.

Apparently when other people called them small, they only somewhat meant it.

It wasn't unbearable, she didn't have to slouch to fit indoors like she did in dwarven buildings, but it was still weird. She stuck out of crowds, everything felt delicate in her hands, her feet hung off her bed.

She had gone from a world where some things were giant and some things were small, to one where everything was normal and she wasn't.

But this was merely uncomfortable. It was the second thing that would be her undoing.

The second thing, of course, being that she was becoming personally entangled with her charge.

She hadn't known much about Princess Lunaeris when she was called upon to guard her. Only some… unkind rumors about the type of girl she was. All anyone knew was that she rarely left the castle and the king was having trouble finding someone to marry her, but people loved to speculate.

None of that mattered to her. She would carry out her duty, even if that was to guard some kind of… unpleasant spinster witch.

This was all wrong, of course. She was perfectly pleasant, she was not to Kallixenia's knowledge a witch, and a spinster was right out; She was a year older than the princess and if she was meant to be married by now nobody had told her.

No, Lunaeris was an adorable, clever, unhappy girl.

It was 'unhappy' that did her in. Anyone could deal with being bound to someone they found attractive, take a cold bath and recite your prayers and don't think about it, but Kallixenia couldn't just not help someone who was hurting.

She had noticed, rather quickly, the gap between Lunaeris the princess and Lunaeris the person. There was a Lunaeris who did as she was told, who upheld her duties to the kingdom, who politely nodded along to everything the king said with a practiced smile. The other, she had only seen hints of at first. The meandering responses to the king's summons, the weary exhalations when leaving his company, the polite but insistent prodding at any constraint placed upon her. There was something bothering the princess that either no one else saw or no one else wanted to see.

So Kallixenia overstepped. She found out what was wrong, and she offered her help, and now she was ruined. She had met the real Lunaeris, the one that only she saw, the one who raged against her fate with a zeal that made the knight believe she could actually change it. They were co-conspirators now, they shared something between just the two of them and it drew their hearts inexorably together.

"Kaallieee~"

The Princess had become unfittingly friendly in the weeks since their talk in her room, and now they were going on a trip, together, alone, and that friendliness felt dangerous. She was sworn to ensure no harm befell the princess. Backing off now would leave her alone in her misery, which had obviously been killing her inside. Allowing the Princess closer was naive at best. She had no business consorting with a princess, and even if she did it was a distraction she couldn't afford. She had to remain vigilant.

"Princess."

Nothing good comes from getting friendly with your charge. Kallixenia was the Princess' sword and shield, not her friend, certainly not anything more that she was daydreaming about off-duty.

"Psh, I have a name, Kallie. It's just us out here! No need to be all stuffy." Lunaeris teased.

Kallixenia didn't like to swear, but she was screwed. The King would have her executed and then her remains would be sent back home to be put on display in the temple as a warning to all the adepts of what happens when you fail to remain disciplined in your duty. Good paladins who don't pry don't end up in these emotional minefields.

"…Tell me more about this journey we're on, Princess." She deflected.

"There isn't much to tell, my knight." Lunaeris said, rolling her eyes. "We keep riding until a little past nightfall, when we'll arrive at my teacher's tower. I will demonstrate trivial parlor tricks, the old coot will clap for me as if I am an excitable toddler, we sleep there and return in the morning."

This explanation was significantly more bitter than the one Kallixenia had gotten at the palace.

"You are dissatisfied with his teachings?" She asked, unable to stop herself from becoming involved in problems it wasn't her job to solve.

"I am above his teachings." The Princess scoffed. "A child could perform the spells he has me practicing, and I know because I was that child. More than a decade of study and he still thinks that anything more would fry my delicate princess brain."

"I see. But you have to keep going?"

"I don't have to, but it's not as if I'm busy. Besides, ancient wizards like him practically shit arcane knowledge-"

"Princess!"

"-and so I learn what I can from these visits." The Princess tilted her head and grinned mischievously. "Does it bother you when I swear, my knight?"

"Of- Of course not, Princess." The knight said. It didn't bother her per se, and she knew that the Princess would hate to be scolded about impropriety.

But it was quite scandalous.

"Goood." The princess cooed. "I would hate to behave improperly around my knight."

Kallixenia disliked how she kept emphasizing that. Had she upset her?

"I-"

"FUCK!" Shouted the Princess, causing birds to flee the trees around them.

"Wh- Princess!"

"SHIT ASS DAMN!!"

It was truly astonishing how loudly such a tiny woman could shout obscenities.

"Princess, someone will hear-"

"PISS COCKS CUNT BITCH!!!"

"Princess Lunaeris!" Kallixenia hissed, her face beet red.

"Hm? Yes Kallie?" Lunaeris said, as if nothing at all had happened.

"If you're quite satisfied, my lady, I would advise against continuing to advertise our presence to the entire forest."

"Your lady?" She said, cocking an eyebrow.

Kallixenia groaned.

"Princess I will refrain from telling you how to speak, I ask that you extend to me the same kindness."

"Hmmmm."

"Please understand that the consequences for impropriety on my part could be severe. If I must get on the King's bad side, let it be for something more important than this, Princess."

"I suppose I can understand that." The Princess relented. "Although, I'm quite interested in what else you think we're going to do that would piss off my father."

"I… can't think of anything in particular, Princess." The paladin lied.

"I can! Would you like to hear?"

She was thankfully cut off when an arrow thunked into the trunk of a tree beside them.

Above them. Too high. Meant to miss.

"My, dangerous thing that. Could've hurt-"

The two of them were off like a shot before the man stepping out of the woods could finish his threat.

Kallixenia had made it quite clear that in the event they were attacked, the Princess was to run. The woods along the road were too dense to traverse on horseback, they would simply outpace them and be out of danger shortly. The Princess' light steed was faster than her bulky warhorse, she was gaining distance-

Until she was stopped short by a rope suddenly pulled taut across the road. The Princess was thrown off her horse's back as it crumpled to the ground. One of her 'parlor tricks' was apparently to catch herself before hitting the ground, thank the gods, but the horse was less lucky.

Kallixenia spurred her own horse to jump the rope, than leapt off its back. It kept galloping without her as she landed and unsheathed her sword in one smooth motion.

She would have to fight.

"Well that's just rude!" Came another voice from the treeline. "Man back there was talkin' to you. Now look what's happened, isn't that a sad sight. Poor, poor Princess."

There was the man emerging from the trees now, the one talking before, the archer that had fired the warning shot, plus an unknown amount of others. The Princess was on the ground stroking her steed's mane as it squealed in agony. They had made it maybe 100 meters away from the initial ambush, the bandits would remain split for mere moments, she had to act now.

The man speaking to them drew a dagger from his belt and walked into the road.

"Now I'm gonna tell you the same thing 'e would've-"

The knight's wings propelled her forward far faster than he could react. She brought the haft of her bastard sword up and drove the point through him, sinking the blade deep into his chest. She planted her boot on his ribcage and wrenched the sword free, a spurt of blood spattering the ground in front of him as she retreated to stand over the Princess.

"Princess we have to move, if there are more archers-"

A glint in the trees. She spun to put her shield between it and the princess, extending her wing to protect her from the other side. Arrows clinked off the barrier in quick succession.

"I cannot dispatch the archers and protect you from them."

"Lower your shield." The Princess ordered.

"Princess-"

"Do it!"

The paladin did as commanded, and the elf gathered power in her palm and summoned a bolt of fire that streaked into the trees and exploded in a searing blast.

"Parlor tricks, Princess?" She said, dumbfounded, as the flaming forms of two brigands fell from their perch.

"Like I said, I learn what I can." Lunaeris said smugly. "Other side."

Kallixenia retracted her wing, and the Princess fired another flaming bolt into woods, catching another archer.

The initial ambusher, who had been approaching them with his own dagger drawn, seemed to think better of it and disappear back into the woods. Kallixenia stood over the Princess with her shield and wing out until several moments had passed with no further movement.

"We shouldn't linger." She said, sheathing her sword and whistling for her steed. "Can you mend your horse's leg?"

Lunaeris dug into her saddlebag and drew out a potion, then poured it gently into her steed's mouth. The creature rose to its feet slowly and took a few cautious steps.

"She should be fine." Said the Princess. "But I'd rather not push her. May I ride with you?"

"…Of course, Princess."

The knight's steed trotted up to her, and she patted it on the head gently.

"Oh!" Squeaked Lunaeris. "You're hurt!"

"I am?"

The Princess rushed up to her and took hold of the wing she had used as a shield. An arrow had pierced it, and was stuck halfway through.

"Oh!" She said, surprised. "I-I hadn't even noticed. Let me just-"

She grabbed the point of the arrow and yanked it through, grunting in pain.

"Kallie!"

"It's okay, Princess. Watch."

Lunaeris watched as the hole in Kallixenia's wing was knitted in with a soft glow, which faded out to reveal the wing was as good as new.

"See? I'm fine, I'm okay." The half-giant reassured her.

"Oh." The Princess said, stunned. She ran her fingers across where the wound had been, gently brushing the soft feathers. It felt… nice. Kallixenia didn't want her to stop.

Her cheeks reddened and she cleared her throat.

"We should get going." She said, climbing onto her horse and offering her hand to help Lunaeris up.

"Y-Yes, of course."

The Princess took her hand and pulled herself up, sitting in front of her knight.

Ah.

That was of course the right move. With her seated in front they could both see ahead and she would be able to protect her much more easily.

It was only a problem because Kallixenia was an awful, awful excuse for a paladin. The Princess relaxed into her chest as they got moving again, and her heart raced. She wanted to hold her tight and never let go, she was just so small and cute and she smelled like flowers and-

"We fight well together, I think." Said the Princess, idly. "We should do it more often!"

"We most certainly should not!" Kallixenia protested. "My duty is to keep you safe, Princess!"

"I felt very safe." Lunaeris purred. "You really are quite impressive, do you know that?"

The knight's neck tingled with embarrassment. "I'm merely fulfilling my duty, Princess." She said.

"I mean it!" She continued. "Running that bandit through like it was nothing, shielding me with your own body, you were amazing!"

"T-Truly, I-" Stammered the knight, flushed at the praise.

The Princess wrapped her arms around one of Kallixenia's wide biceps, and her face went a deep crimson.

"A girl could get used to that kind of treatment, you know?" She murmured, nuzzling into her arm.

The paladin didn't know what to do. Flirting with the princess was obviously unacceptable, but what do you do when the princess is-

Well, she-

She was flirting! There was no avoiding it! Nobody warns you about the Princess being the one flirting, it's all about how you have to be professional and disciplined!

And who was she to- to tell a Princess not to do something? That would be, it would be insubordinate.

She wouldn't flirt back, of course, that would be unacceptable, but-

But she could just-

Accept? The, the compliments, and-

And that was fine, on her part, right?

She would never, she could never dream to-

But accepting a compliment was just polite conversation! She wasn't-

And-

And who would even know?

"You… are truly too kind, Princess. I'm happy to be of service."

The rest of their journey was uneventful, and Lunaeris remained attached to her arm until they reached their destination.

~

The Princess' mentor was perhaps even older and more decrepit than she had made him sound, and seeing as he was both an elf and a powerful wizard, he must have been unimaginably more ancient still than he appeared.

He watched intently as Lunaeris performed an array of minor spells; She effortlessly brought every candle in the room to life with a wave of her hand, repaired a broken chair leg with a gesture, dispelled dust from the bookshelves, animated a broom to-

She was cleaning the library. He was making the Princess clean his library. Kallixenia could strangle the old fart.

"Very good Princess!" The wizard exclaimed, clapping condescendingly as the princess had said he would.

"Do you think so, teacher?" Lunaeris said, wide eyed and sickeningly sweet.

He really must have thought quite little of her to be convinced by this facade. Kallixenia found herself disliking this wizard greatly.

"Oh yes, you're showing quite a grasp on the fundamentals, keep practicing those spells and I'll make a fine apprentice of you yet!" Her teacher said. "Now, it's getting quite late and you've had a long journey, why don't you retire to your chambers and we can continue in the morning?"

"Of course, goodnight teacher." The Princess said, curtsying and excusing herself from the scene.

"As for you-"

The tiny old man was right next to Kallixenia in the blink of an eye, and she jumped and gripped the pommel of her sword tightly.

"-The guards quarters are down that hall. You can take your pick, she usually brings a whole retinue with her. I hope you didn't have any trouble on the road, just the two of you?"

The knight relaxed her grip.

"We were ambushed by thieves, but we're fine." She said.

"Thieves! My, they seem to be everywhere nowadays. I keep finding things missing around here, I have half a mind to hire guards of my own!"

"I'll be sure to keep an eye out. Goodnight sir." Kallixenia said, and with that the wizard vanished.

She picked out a room and stashed her gear, settling into bed with her sword held tightly to her chest. The events of the day weighed on her.

It had been nice, it had been so nice, to be wanted, to be held, but it wasn't right. Was it?

She had to put a stop to it. She was her guard, it wasn't her place, it would interfere with her duties.

She was her sword and shield, nothing else. No matter what she wanted, no matter what the Princess wanted.

Next time they spoke she would put her foot down.

Even if it hurt.

~

Kallixenia awoke to a noise from down the hall.

She got out of bed and stalked as silently as she could to the library doors. Someone was in there, she could hear them.

She burst through the door, sword drawn, and spotted the thief perusing the bookshelves.

She sheathed her blade and crossed her arms.

"Princess." She said, annoyance slipping through her mask of professionalism.

"Yes, my loyal knight?" The Princess said, plucking a book from the shelves and stashing it in her pack.

"You're the one stealing from the wizard."

"I'm borrowing from the wizard. It's a library, you're meant to borrow."

"He's under the impression someone's stealing from him."

"I bring the books back when I'm done, ask him in the morning what he thinks has gone missing and I promise you he'll miraculously find it right where it should be. Hell, I bet I never even took half of it, the senile old bastard just forgot where it was."

The Princess struggled to reach a tome on a high shelf, and against her better judgement Kallixenia grabbed it for her.

"Ooh, watch the paladin steal." She taunted, and her knight huffed.

"Bound to you above all else, Princess. You know that."

"Bound to protect me, not steal for me. Somebody's going above and beyond the call of duty."

"…About that, Princess-"

"Not that I mind or anything!" Lunaeris interrupted. "It's nice having someone who, who cares about me beyond it just being their duty to care. Before you came along it felt like I was a title and nothing else."

She paused, and her long ears drooped.

"Nobody likes Lunaeris, they like the concept of a princess. It's… I know my problems must seem so petty, but you'd never believe how lonely it can feel." She shook her head, and turned to Kallixenia with a smile back on her face. "Anyway, what was it you were going to say?"

"It's, uh. I-"

She couldn't do it. She wanted to be a good paladin, truly, but this wasn't for the sake of her own selfish desires!

The gods would understand if she got just a little close with the Princess.

Just to ease her burdens.

"-I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it, Princess. I do not wish to overstep."

"Of course!" The Princess replied, a tiny smirk on her lips. "I wouldn't mind you overstepping a bit more, if you so desired."

Kallixenia swallowed hard.

She was so, so, so screwed.

[sojourners-melancholy]

something i’ve noticed recently when watching rgu is that everyone has their own way of perpetuating the systems that hurts them, regardless of whether or not they hate the system itself. specifically wanna talk abt utena here.

throughout the show, the audience is constantly told that the student council’s main goal is to “break the world’s shell” in order to “revolutionize the world.” but what is that really? what is the system that prevents them from “truly being born?”

patriarchy. the answer is patriarchy, aka the world’s shell. and while it might’ve been needed in the past in order to survive, it’s not only not needed now, but will effectively be its end if the world chooses to remain the same.

so why the duels? why the fancy swords and the rose bride? why is all the fighting centered around themes and ideals of masculinity? simple. no one’s got it yet.

no one actually knows what touga means when he refers to the shell, touga doesn’t even really know what he’s saying himself. that’s why it’s so cryptic. of course, the student council definitely understands that there is a specific hurdle keeping them achieving self-actualization, but they don’t exactly know what that is. as a result, they end up aimlessly fighting duels with each other and trying to achieve that perfect ideal of masculinity instead. it’s a lot like how a lot of people (used to?) think that achieving the american dream was the way to escape the exhaustiveness and monotony of capitalism. or how red-pill right-wing podcasters think that becoming a billionaire is the way to “escape the matrix.” but it’s not. if anything, it’s just another way to perpetuate the system.

so where does utena factor into all this? lets go back the beginning.

utena was introduced as tomboyish girl; someone trying to chase the ideals of masculinity, not through achieving femininity, but through becoming a figure of masculinity, a “prince” if you will. so even though she’s not adhering to the expected gender norms per se, she is still trying to fit herself into the system of patriarchy via masculinity.

regardless of her feeling uncomfortable with the dueling/rose bride system, utena still participates in duels by using the sword of dios, the imagined ideal of masculinity, to fight and defeat her opponents in the duels. she still continues to perpetuate the system of patriarchy that she has seen anthy, nanami, wakaba, as well as all the members in the student council, get hurt by. ofc, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t fight back against the dueling/rose bride system; utena still actively tries to view anthy as a person and not just a trophy to be won, another cog in the system.

and ofc this is the same with everyone else as well. i just wanted to make a post specifically about utena bc as the protag, the audience expects her to be different, to have done no wrong (in a sense) because she is noticeably different and as a result is seen as the hero. but rgu isn’t a story about a do-gooder trying to defeat the forces of evil. it’s about someone being pushed to realize the horrors of living in such a pervasive and oppressive system. it’s about someone being trapped in a never ending cycle of hurt and pain that they feel like they have no choice but to perpetuate it in order to break out of it. it’s about realizing that no matter which ideal of gender you choose to abide by, you will eventually be harmed by it in the end.

and utena finally realizes this in the finale. after failing to match that ideal of masculinity that she’s chased for so long, after being backstabbed by the only other person who could’ve understood her struggles as her complete opposite (in regards to the system). she cannot fulfill the role of a prince. no one can.

because in truth, true masculinity—in regards to princehood—is dead. dead in the sense that it’s unattainable, that it is only a mere concept, that it isn’t needed anymore. there is nothing that exists to keep it alive. and in return, it will also bring death to everyone who chooses to abide by its principles.

[orecana]

Their hopeless fate

Na jaemin x male reader x lee jeno

Warning: mentions of torture, slight angst, mentions of bullying (jeno and jaemin), character deaths (not these three), slight horror.

Hello everyone! I'm back with another fic. Once again I hope you guys like this fic as well and thank you to anyone who read and support my stories. Love you all!

this fic contains boy's love and polyamorous relationship (multiple partners relationships) if you are uncomfortable with that, please see yourself out I won't hesitate to block or report you if I see any harmful words directed towards me or my works which I don't appreciate.

They were the most well known in the city.

Being born from the most wealthiest families, jaemin and jeno were what you would call egotistic rich kids. They would mock others that are below them. They would go as far as threatening them if they don't do what they are told to do.

They always wanted to go and face the unknown so they only need to ask their families so that they will allow them to go. Their families did allow them but on one condition that they bring a priest from the temple to help them.

Jeno and jaemin were mad. They didn't need some priest or priestess from the temple to help them. They can handle their own.

But when they got out of their homes equipped with their gears to start their adventures, they were met with a boy similar to their age waiting at the front gate.

Y/n l/n was his name and he was the priest that was supposed to accompany them.

Jeno looked at him and notice his quite normal clothing. His face grimaced. "Was he supposed to travel with a commoner?"

Jaemin on the other hand was fuming on the inside. How dare such a mere apprentice priest accompany them, his parents have lost their minds!

Still nothing could be changed so they let him go with them.

Y/n was shy, that's what they picked up from their 15 minutes walk outside the city gates. He doesn't talk to them until he is spoken to and even then he will only mutter a word or two, which also annoyed jeno because he doesn't like it when people ignore him.

Jaemin was getting impatient. He heard that the forest was surrounded by monsters but then where are they? They've been walking around the forest for the past 30 minutes.

He was about to scream in anger when y/n stops in his tracks.

They're here...

Suddenly wolves and slimes came out of the bushes in front of them and attacked.

Luckily, jeno got in front just in time to shield them from the attacks while jaemin uses his claymore to kill all of the wolves in their way.

Y/n tries to help them by healing their injuries and inflict debuffs on the wolves and slimes such as moving slower or rendering them blind.

Soon enough, they managed to defeat the large amount of monsters in the area. Y/n decided to check both of the older boys just to make sure they don't have any injuries. once he was finished and they have rested well enough, they move forward.

But just as they move through the forest into the mystical woodland, they were stopped by the elves. They told the crew that the area is contaminated by evil at the moment and that traveler should go away and find safety.

Jeno and jaemin however find this to be a way to make their adventure more exciting and decide to help the elves vanquish the evil.

The elves looked skeptical, wondering if these two humans are strong or not until they see Y/n.

While normal life forms can't see it, but other life forms can. Y/n was wearing shorts with knee high socks that holds very powerful daggers. The aura that it carries made the elves know that these humans are trustworthy and decides to let them go forward.

The three humans follow the elves to a clearing which holds the elf leader. He was absolutely pretty as an elf. Jeno and jaemin were practically head over heels over the elf leader and tries to bluntly flirt with him. Huang renjun, which was his name was not amused and demanded that they go deal with the unnatural causes at once.

However because the woodland needed the power of renjun in order to stabilize it, he journeyed with them to the source of contamination. The handsome duo still tried to win the elf's heart, but he just show no interest in them. Y/n had to pull them back to stop them from embarrassing themselves.

They did find it, but in a sad way...

It was in one of the elf folks specifically renjun's sick mother. It was very heartbreaking for renjun to end his own mother's life. Y/n did try his best to cleanse the evil and restore her life back but it was no use.

After the peace have been restored to the mystical woodland, renjun secretly give a blessing to all three of them, to make sure they are safe. He also rejected jeno and jaemin's confession, saying that their fated partner is not him. They all look at y/n who was playing in a flower meadow with the younger elves. Y/n was really gifted with beauty.

They both pouts while walking back to the city, tired of their little adventure. They had fun and Y/n was also a helpful boy despite being so quiet and timid. When they reached the city, everyone had their eyes on them. They sweat at this, had something happened?

Y/n looks back and forth from the people to jeno and jaemin, finding out that they weren't looking at those two. They were looking at him. He looks down as the memories fills him. He broke the oath, that's why they're looking at him like that.

I'm sorry jeno.... Jaemin...

They barely have time to react before Y/n pulls them out of the city as the mobs of people follows them with weapons. Knowing that he no longer have to keep the priest act, he took out his daggers and starts throwing them at the mob, effectively killing them.

Quick! This way!

He pulls them into a hidden cave in the woods before covering their breaths.

Jeno: you better explain to us why we're being hunted down?!

Y/n: I really wanted to tell you guys but I couldn't find myself to.

Jaemin: just tell us what happened you little shit?

Y/n: they wanted to kill you! Are you happy?! They wanted me to subdue you guys and bring you back to the city so that they can execute you guys!

Both men were stunned by the revelations. They didn't knew that the city wanted them dead.

Jeno: wait what about our parents?

Y/n: they're even worse. They wanted to make you scream, torture you and skin you alive before executing you. Said that they hired me to get rid of them because the gods forbid people who have sinned.

Jaemin: they said that they accepted us, does that mean their love... Was fake all along?

Y/n: we can get pay back you know? You only need to hold my hand and let the power consume you..

Jeno and jaemin look at each other, their lives before, the happiness of always being on the top. None of that mattered anymore now that they know, their entire lives were a lie.

They look at each other and nod. They look at y/n who smile was like the radiant sun. They remembered what renjun said and smiled.

They hold y/n hands before jeno kisses y/n. They melted into the kiss as jaemin takes a turn, devouring y/n lip. The power inside them grows as the passionate make out continues causing the area around then to crumble.

Renjun feel the crumble and only smile.

Humans are truly foolish, I just feel sorry for them.

The trio went back into the city, only this time the mobs and people were afraid. The power of darkness inside each of them had granted them tremendous strength, able to destroy the whole city. They looked at the remains of the city before looking at each other. They smile at each other before sharing kisses together and venture forward once more into the unknown.

This story was then made into a legend for every town and city to know.

Any who does bad things or sinful things will be dead the next day. The last thing that the victims saw was the shiny tip of a dagger that quickly slash through their hearts.

[buckybarnesss]

So, I'm rewatching LotR a lot these days and during The Two Towers, Denethor (Boromir's dad) is super dismissive of Faramir, insults him and his abilities, and pushes Boromir to go and try to bring the Ring back to Gondor. It's clear he's abusive, in the way that they avoid looking him directly in the eyes and how neither want him around. They're visibly uncomfortable and upset, even though they do try to tell him to fuck off.

And I'm like, wow, if these movies came out today, there would be too many people on this website who see this behaviour and say "You know, Denethor's not actively hitting them, so he's clearly not abusive!!"

I was expecting racists to come crawling out of the woodwork. I was not expecting people to see blatantly abusive behaviour and say "That's not that bad, let's see Sally's bruises."

all my homies hate denethor. how he treats his sons is a very clear golden-child and scapegoat dynamic. such blatant favoritism is abusive too.

it's been, uh, interesting to see the reaction to the changes to gabe. in the books i found him to be an over the top abusive step dad trope. he's like a greasy car sales man. i was always reminded of danny devito's mr wormwood from the 1996 adaptation of matilda.

i read the percy jackson books when i was 20 and was always personally deeply uncomfortable with the underlying "stay with your abuser for your kid" that was simmering under the sally and gabe relationship in the books.

it made me uncomfortable because i had lived it. my parents separated mere weeks after i had turned 18 and my mother has explicitly told me one of the reasons she hadn't divorced my father sooner was because of me.

that shit does stuff to you as a person. kids are smart but they also internalize things and it's not always the right things.

sally doesn't need to suffer to keep percy safe. suffering for righteousness or martyrdom smacks of puritanical ideology that's very pervasive in the america consciousness.

what i saw on screen with gabe and sally was an intimately familiar abusive and dysfunctional relationship. i appreciated the changes as to me it appeared that in the 20 years since rick had written the lightening thief he had reflected on what he wanted to polish and change from the book.

i think the changes to gabe's storyline also might be connected into how medusa seems to be getting a more sympathetic storyline.

gabe is still an abusive shitty person and he doesn't have to physically harm sally to be that way and who knows maybe he still is. physical abuse doesn't have to happen all the time. it can be infrequent too.

some of the comments i've read online have felt very "sally isn't beat enough and cowering so gabe isn't abusive." or "sally was able to stand up to him so he's not abusive" but off the top of my head:

gabe was shown as being a lay about with unreliable income leeching off sally financially yet still refers to the apartment as "his" house. this says he sees her money and assets as his.

he answers sally's phone which indicates a lack of boundaries and privacy for sally. he even indicates that he answers "whatever" is ringing in "his" house.

he's aggressively argumentative with the super, sally and percy.

he insults percy's intelligence and applauds the idea that percy physically assaulted another child.

sally has to negotiate use of the car to have time away from the home.

i'm sorry if this isn't abusive enough to some people i guess.

[hmshermitcraft]

For the theme False was moderately sure that the town she had moved in was cursed in some way or maybe the townsfolk were really paranoid. False would routinely see them walking quickly, not looking at each other, keeping hushed voices, wearing weird cloaks, and more. But False didn't really get any hint to what was actually happening until her crush, Gem, got deathly sick and wanting to help her (and maybe win her heart) False began to search for cures in the town for Gem. False didn't really make much progress until someone told her that there was something that can help Gem but False could only find it in the abandoned part of the town False was well equipped to search the ruins and defend herself when she went but nothing would've prepared her to see this eldritch looking monster with an incorporeal form wearing a hood wandering the ruins. The monster had seen her and seemingly started to toy with False before attacking False. After a long fight False had won, when she had plunged her blade into the monster the blade phased through the monster and the metal immediately rusted and broken off When False looked up from her confusion she now saw a (very beautiful looking) young woman standing in front of her with a curious look on her face. False would've thought that she was going crazy and would've told the cute girl to run and hide if she didn't notice that the girl was wearing the same cloak that the monster wore Pearl was this 'girl's' name and when False asked how and why did she do that Pearl merely responded that "Magic exists". False was really confused (and a bit flustered) when Pearl had started to poke and touch her curiously, as if Pearl hadn't seen a person like False before she asked if humans didn't have magic before. False shook off her feelings and asked Pearl if she could heal Gem which Pearl said yes and agreed to so yay! The bad news is that False now had a crush on Gem, a regular human, and Pearl, who can apparently turn into a mini eldritch horror on a whim and has heavily implied herself to be one of many manifestations or omens of death or is just a really deranged and powerful witch

Much to False's... Exasperation, let's say, Pearl for some reason decided now was the time to stick around. She's not been around humans for a while (False points out attacking them doesn't give the best impression. Pearl giggles.) She thinks it'll be interesting to see how much they've changed!

False sits by Gem's side, uncomfortable with Pearl being there alone. She... Kinda lies to Gem a bit, saying that Pearl is a healer from outside the town. Within a few days, she starts seeing Gem's condition improve. She goes from being unable to even sit up by herself, to changing clothes.

False relaxes more around Pearl at that point. Despite their first meeting, if Pearl intended to harm either of them, she'd probably have done it whilst Gem was weakest. She decides to indulge Pearl, showing her the aspects of human life she's been interested in.

People eye them warily, crossing the road or refusing to look at them at all. False learns to ignore it. Sure, Pearl isn't human, and she's kind of... Eerie. But she's pretty friendly! Just unfamiliar with human customs.

Once Gem is well enough, she starts to join them on their outings. She uses a wheelchair as her strength grows, excitedly showing Pearl around her favourite places.

False is... Surprised when she doesn't feel jealous. No, watching Pearl and Gem interact, she realises she feels fond. Watching them interact gives her the same butterflies thinking about them individually does!

So, now she needs to confess to her crush and an eldritch being. Who might not even know what dating is. She's really done it this time.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

People like anon don't search your blog beyond what other people told them because they wouldn't risk seeing you like anything other than a "bad guy". You make them uncomfortable by sharing how things are and by forcing them to rethink what they were taught, so you must be the "bad guy", right? They'd rather guilt rip and harass a Greek for speaking up against centuries old cultural appropriation rather than admit they looove their imperialist comfy cloud of misinformation.

Exactly! Isn't it sooo strange that the hate anons are never there when I post about different cultures and interactions between people, and minorities of all types in Greece? Or maybe they never look at one post if that means their delusion of being "the good guy" will shatter.

What am I supposed to do when people lie about posts that are right there??? 🤦‍♀️Put a huge neon sign about the things I've spoken about? It's crazy at this point, that they will make stuff up just to spread hate. The phrenology thing really got me cause I... don't analyze heads? I don't remember ever doing that?

They must get uncomfortable when there's no evidence to support what they were taught. Mere historical facts, on their own, make them feel insecure. They're lashing out at me, the person who presents the facts.

No evidence of Zeus being portrayed as "Black"? -> Racist.

Pointing out that Inanna and Ishtar and Aphrodite were never seen as interchangeable? -> Racist.

Pointing out that archaeological and linguistic evidence points out to Andromeda being Near Eastern (still a poc in their book but apparently not poc "enough"??) and not "Black"? -> Racist.

No evidence of ancient Greek areas being as diverse as modern Chicago? -> Racist.

I'd like to say to these people: Just because things are not as you pictured them, it doesn't mean that there's racism there. Sometimes... you are just wrong. Or you have been taught wrong. And the actual problem there is that lying is happening. Sometimes things... are not about you and your pov. Don't force a foreign culture into fitting your pov because other cultures are not here to serve you.

Perhaps, for some reason, people think that I point out misinformation so people cannot use this misinformation to counter racists. As if there are no real and accurate historical facts, or even common sense, to use against racists. You don't have to lie about Zeus and Cleopatra and Aphrodite in order to make your point. By spreading misinformation about Greek figures you take part in a long harmful trend of people doing that.

Finally, I was never opposed to conversation. If someone has other facts that contradict mine, we can do some back and forth. I might counter with other facts, they might counter with new facts, etc etc. But so far I haven't seen any of these hate-anons give any real things that I can read, study, or counter. I've said multiple times that if there was evidence to really counter what we know so far, I would choose the side of evidence.

I personally wouldn't gain anything by refusing evidence. I am always on the side of what is more accurate since I want things to be passed on as they were intended. I don't want povs like "American modern feminist lens" to teach Greeks what their culture is. We have history for that. And when I don't know about something, I might present ancient povs and accounts but in the end, if they're not enough for me to say something with certainty, I'll just say "I don't know".

Eitherway... Thank you anon for the uplifting message 💙

[t0kidal]

Return From Origins Part 4

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(Ok! Time for serious talk, serious talk only here.)

Part 3 ; Masterlist

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After relocating to Kalego’s office:

“You knew that those who returned to origins have decided to devote their lives to destruction beyond all reasoning and whatever the hell they want with no regards for their rank and the rank of others as well as their own safety and the well being of others! Why! How could you make that decision! Are you out of your mind!?”

“… I returned to origins because I couldn’t stand living by the laws of people who left me behind. And that those laws, both social and legal, allowed those who were merely physically stronger than me to cause me harm or challenge me…”

“And what about us? Opera, Shichiro, Me? Were we not enough for you? Were we not there for you to help when you needed us?!”

“You were, You were enough for me... but that’s the worst part... that I chose to throw that tantrum despite that. Maybe in an effort to prove my own strength and determine my own capabilities because I couldn’t stand leeching onto the three of you.”

“... You left… turned your back on demon society.”

“I left so that I wouldn’t hurt anyone at Babyls...”

“Yes, and instead you chose to terrorize some obscure village in turn.”

“BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T MEAN AS MUCH TO ME!”

“...”

After a long pause...

“... What made you come back?”

“I was bored... and I noticed over time… that things started to change… I started to miss what I had…”

“... sigh”

He was torn. But you knew that he would choose his duty over this waning relationship, after all both of you might only say "we went to school together" and nothing more. You really did miss them... but perhaps because you weren’t strong enough to forgive your clan for disappearing, you weren’t able to keep the demons who were there for you later in life. 

“I’m not a forgiving demon… Shichiro told me you were on probation of some kind, so as Babyls’ guard dog, consider the fact that I’m watching you. Pull anything out of line or put any of the students here in danger and I will put. you. down.”

“Understood. I wouldn’t have it any other way, Kalego.”

He pauses at his name, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Ah, before I forget, I have a son now.”

“WHAAAT!?”

~~~

As expected, when betrayed, that dog won’t forgive easily. But hopefully, with time, you could learn to trust each other again.

For now, it’s all about Iruma-

Something bumps into you as you made your way back to the library.

“I-I’m so sorry, Ms.-!!”

Your eyes lock, and the nameless student freezes in fear. 

‘Hm? Are they actually frozen?’ 

That’s not the best quality to have when trying to survive in the netherworld...

“E-EEP! I’MSORRY IT WON’THAPPEN AGAIN!” they quickly yell and run off.

‘At least they were polite about it...’ 

But this does raise the question on what to do about your eyes... 

Contacts would be the most secure than glasses... though generally uncomfortable.

Such musings followed you back to the library where you continued to think whilst organizing some of the books there.

Perhaps... a veil? Most of the time only demons of high society wore those... and while they were held as a status symbol as well as a fashion piece there was a kind of... allure to them that you thought wouldn’t suit your current state of wild hair and body build from life in the wilderness.

Maybe if you had stayed.

“Y/n-chan~!”

Ah, the principal.

“Hello, Sullivan.”

“Hm~ I just thought I’d stop by and give you a little something that should help you during your time here~”

He presents a simple, metal, blind mask. Nothing too ornate save for gentle inked etchings. (hhhhhh spent so long looking for a reference, it’s just “fatui mask” from genshin or whatever you want to imagine there.)

Your concerns with having your vision inhibited are eased as you retained full vision, must’ve been due to some magic...

“It suits you~!”

“Thank you again, Sullivan... for everything really.”

“It was no problem~!”

“I have a question though... what exactly do you get out of me being part of your clan? You and I both know that as... well... myself, it doesn’t reflect well.”

“On the contrary~! I think having you around would be good for Iruma! And I get to have a lovely daughter! Though she is a little rough around the edges! Not to mention, this is an opportunity to see if the harm caused by the Netherworld’s shortcomings could be redeemed...” 

His voice takes on a more serious tone. You had heard that he was around to witness the demon king’s disappearance... perhaps the backlash from such could be partially to blame for your own mistakes, but that isn’t entirely true. For now, for the sake of those who come after (who will do better), it’s best to suck up and ensure they don’t go astray.

“Wait, did you say daughter?”

“Well what else would you be?”

“Uh... some kind of proxy... or something...”

“Now now, because if Iruma is my grandson, and you’re his mom it’s only logical that you’re my daughter~! You are his mom yes~?” he peers at you from behind his spectacles. 

“I’m... yes, I’m his mom...” saying it aloud sounded condemning... not that you minded though.

“And don’t worry~! Opera and I will be there to help him grow!”

“That’s... a relief... I actually wanted to talk to you about his education.”

“Of Course!”

You spent the rest of your evening like that, till it was time to return to your son at least, talking about methods to teach him how to survive.

You knew it would be a little risky but you really wanted to teach him survival as soon as possible. Sullivan, reasonably hesitant on the matter, eventually relented on the grounds that either Opera or him would supervise. 

Mostly because your idea of survival training would be to live like a wild hell beast again. But, you both agreed that that could wait till Iruma was a little older than infancy.

~~~

You’re back with Iruma again. 

He’s staring at you, a little fatter now, but that was for the better.

Perfect for belly raspberries and chubby cheek kissies. 

How could you even describe this feeling.

“gaa!”

“Yes, yes, you’re so lovely and cute Iruma~”

Unconditional love. It felt like a warm beam of sun on a clear autumn day. It felt like being encompassed in a little den, like the hell deer and their little fauns or the dire bear and her cubs. It felt like hope, and anticipation for the days ahead that you two would get to share. It was like a whole other welcoming world you were familiar with but completely foreign to. 

“My little Iruma~ I love you.”

Yes, the words ‘I love you’ might never be spoken to anyone else other than this little bundle of joy, this complete adoration and devotion to another in such a way that you would flip the world upside down if only to protect your son.

Your Son. Your beautiful baby boy.

Should his biological parents even dare to approach him after leaving behind such a gift of life and love you weren’t sure what you’d do. 

Probably go ape shit.

“Iruma~ Mamamamama. You... you have so much room to grow...”

That afternoon nothing could be heard but a bit of baby talk and whispered wonders of the love of a mother for her child. It filled the room, it floated on the air like a blessing, it traveled through the cracks under the door and into the cracks in your heart and sealed them shut.

Every moment in your life couldn’t compare to the opportunity handed to you, to love and be loved like there was no other. You’d hope that everyone might be able to feel like this one day.

~~~

(Thank you for waiting! I was thinking about how I should go forward with writing this piece in addition to The Alef. I wanted clean writing but clean writing, as I realized backreading everything, felt... a little sterile and didn’t capture the right essence I wanted for each moment portrayed in the story.

Hopefully it’ll be a smooth transition to a more flexible writing style.)

[pisceanvixen]

Anger, healing, & everything in between

I've always told myself and others that healing isn't linear. There's no one correct way to heal from past traumas and abuse. In a sense, it tends to come in stages...much like the workings of grief. It's kind of like you're grieving the person you were before you started healing yourself. And that comes with everything. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

The one thing I do understand the most about healing is that you're actually growing into the new you. You're forever changing and growing into the person that you're meant to be. However, that also means letting go of past tendencies and people who make your growth stagnant.

In this third pregnancy, I've learned to finally let go of those who didn't suit me or my well being. I've stopped communicating with individuals who only really provided me with a one way friendship. I stayed friends with people because they were exes (in attempt to keep the peace, but who am I kidding? Ex-girlfriends absolutely despise me & their jealousy speaks volumes), girlfriends of close friends, or just friends with my husband. But my connections with those people shouldn't feel like a weight, right? I explained to Avery how I felt and how uncomfortable and disrespectful these people have been to me. He understood and he didn't question it. And I've never had to question his loyalty and respect for me. So, we both just simply deleted these people off of our Instagram or explained to some that we will no longer be communicating with them.

Then this leads me to anger. Now, that I'm pregnant again...weed has not been in my life. I've been having to deal with an immense amount of new and returning feelings. During my pregnancy with my daughter, I felt a mixture of sadness, excitement, and happiness. The sadness was mainly because I was pregnant during 2020. The events of COVID and constant social injustices made me feel so much more then I already felt. My mother always told me that I care too deeply, mainly because I'm a highly sensitive being (to which my daughter is as well). So, I feel the sadness and anger of others so intently and deeply, that it genuinely hurts me too. However, I always felt such kindness being pregnant at that time. As hard as it was to believe there was any good in humanity, I saw it. I felt it, too.

But with this pregnancy, I feel nothing but rage, contempt, and anger. I was starting to worry because I felt that all this anger was so unhealthy and stressful, especially for the baby. However, I learned. that anger was apart of the healing process. I spent so much time being sad and feeling like I deserved what happened to me. I felt like I blamed myself for a lot of things that weren't even in my line of control. And now, I'm angry. I'm angry that I was mistreated. I am angry because I deserved better. I am angry because I wish I could go back in time and hug the old me; tell my old self that it wasn't my fault. That it was okay to feel sad, but not okay to harm myself in ways that I did.

Anger is your friend. It protects you because it knows you deserve better then what you received. It's helping you realize that what happened to you wasn't okay and it was never right. People think that anger isn't a part of healing... but it is. It's not a lifestyle, but a mere stepping stone into the next stage of your life. It's a part of your grief...to the person you once were. And once I've let my anger take its course, I realized that I can finally start to repair the damages and unlearn the unhealthy habits I've taken place in before.

Don't get me wrong though, just because I'm healing doesn't mean I won't kick your ass if necessary. I just want people to know that's obviously my last resort to disrespect.

And please, if you're reading this then understand that anger is a human feeling. You're not any less of an adult because you get upset over someone disrespecting you. You're not childish just because you yelled at a man for disrespecting your boundaries at a bar. I'm not inciting violence, I'm saying that you should allow yourself to feel those feelings fully and wholeheartedly so that you can finally move on. Pent up anger that's just been pushed aside or hidden under the shitty advice of "oh don't be so angry" or "move on" comments will just lead to worse consequences for yourself.

Be human. Feel your damn feelings and grow into the best possible version of yourself.

[linklethehistorian]

Total Eclipse (1995) — A Movie Review by linklethehistorian (Post 2/4)

(Continuation of review placed under the cut for length and spoilers; proceed at your own risk.)

The Good

Casting & Acting

Okay, so let’s start out by addressing the first (and arguably also one of the very most important) decisions of this film: the casting for its major characters, and how well each of those chosen actors do their parts.

In my many ventures around the internet, I have seen quite a bit of criticism and doubt aimed towards the acting skills of the movie’s main stars — and especially the casting choice for Arthur Rimbaud, in particular (the role of which River Phoenix originally intended to try to obtain, before his tragic death lead to it ultimately being given to Leonardo DiCaprio) — but despite this incredibly harsh attitude that some have taken, I need to make it very clear that I truly don’t believe any of the film’s numerous issues lie with them or their skills at all.

Considering the material they were given to work with, the lines they had to say, and the individuals doubtlessly directing their actions every now and again, I honestly feel that they all did a simply stellar job at being exactly what they were told to be, in a wholly convincing and authentic manner.

David Thewlis, with the aid of good makeup and an excellent set of acting skills, is effortlessly able to pull off the role of Paul Verlaine in the way that Total Eclipse endeavors to present him — both in appearance and personality, and the same can very much be said of the as-of-then young, up-and-coming Leonardo DiCaprio, with his role as Arthur Rimbaud.

Certainly, the two characters are often extremely melodramatic and over-the-top with their actions, and, as many point out, both absurdly unlikeable and largely unsympathetic to boot, but this is not the fault of the two actors portraying them — it is the fault of the writing that makes them out to be this way; Thewlis and DiCaprio are merely doing their jobs, and doing them very well, I dare say.

To David’s great credit, it is impossible not to be genuinely disturbed by the sheer sense of authenticity whenever his character descends into violence; particularly horrifyingly real are those parts in which he drunkenly abuses his wife and child, and the penultimate scene in which he fires his gun upon Rimbaud to prevent him from walking out of his life — both of which, as a victim of abuse myself, I find to present the cycle of abuse in such highly realistic and uncomfortable ways that it often sends my system into true fight or flight mode. It is extremely difficult for me to watch, and yet, exactly because of that, I find myself nevertheless filled with a deep sense of appreciation for the work that he has done in portraying it so well.

His versatility in seamlessly transitioning between moods in fairly rapid succession when necessary is also something to which I would also like to offer some measure of strong praise — not just for those two aforementioned scenes, but especially in them, as well; the lashing out in a fit of rage with or without any measure of provocation and then immediately turning around to apologizing, while crying and/or turning the degradation and threats of harm upon himself, is something he manages to perform very well as Paul.

Furthermore, while ordinarily I would not think this to be very flattering to say about someone, I also find him to just make for an exceedingly fine drunkard in general; I have seen many different portrayals of drunken people throughout various forms of media, but I honestly have to say that even among all of them, I find his performance to be the very most convincing.

As for Leonardo DiCaprio, it seems he may not be everyone’s preferred actor for the part of Rimbaud, but I think it’s extremely unfair of certain people to use their preference for another star who is no longer with us — and who never even got to be properly cast for the part — to put down DiCaprio’s performance by comparison to what their imagination tells them River Phoenix’s would have been.

All things considered, I find that he performs very admirably in his effort to portray Total Eclipse’s interpretation of the youthful 19th century poet. Not only is his soft, youthful, unassuming appearance a near perfect approximation of Arthur’s so-often-called ‘angelic’ charm, but his frankly staggering amount of talent in the delivery of his lines does an excellent service to the script he was given.

Yes, as many have pointed out, there are a good few times when he seems to possess an almost total lack of emotion in his words — or at the very least, a heavy detachedness between himself and the concepts and thoughts he expresses, but this is intentional; it is how the movie itself wants Rimbaud to come off — as a cynical, cold-hearted, apathetic, sadistic, arrogant, obnoxious little edgelord brat who has basically no room in his non-existent heart for kindness or sympathy towards others. 

The only times at which the young genius (and hence, DiCaprio) is ever allowed to show strong emotion in this film (with the exception of one singular scene I will be talking about later) is when he speaks of or reacts to things that impact himself in a negative way, but when he does, it becomes very apparent that the actor is more than capable of doing it — if only afforded the chance.

As I have stated earlier in this section, it is indeed true that much of Leonardo’s actions and the few strong emotions he does express throughout the movie can come off as rather melodramatic, but on that note, I would like to remind everyone that, genius or not, Arthur is still just a teenager who throughout most if not all of this movie is likely experiencing many of the ups and downs that usually come with the types of changes his body is still undergoing; it would be much less realistic if DiCaprio was to make sure that in every single line, the boy came off as nothing except perfectly put together and constantly mature.

While not all teens are this way and this trait is not necessarily confined to teens only, it is true that many teens can be melodramatic in their younger years, and just in general, from what we do know of Rimbaud, this particular facet of his personality is not necessarily an inaccurate depiction; we know that he felt very strongly about his beliefs, convictions, and aspirations, and having gone through many extreme situations in his life — many more, I should say, than this film will ever begin to tell you or depict — as he did, it is hardly out of the realm of possibility that he had many moments in his life where his angst and overall high emotions were very apparent to the world.

And yes, although I will later have very much to say about the absolutely sadistic way that Arthur is so often written to be in this film, it should nevertheless be stated that the ability of his actor to make him appear so incredibly merciless and borderline sociopathic in his words and actions is something that I do laud — at least in the sense that it is clearly an incredible performance of exactly what the script calls for him to do; there were many moments in this that I found genuinely uncomfortable to watch because of it, and given that it is what the writing intended, I can only put that down as a good thing on Leonardo’s part.

Oh, and speaking of things which are uncomfortable, I have indeed seen far more than a few complaints from various viewers claiming that the apparent age difference of the two lead characters and/or the actors who portray them due to their physical appearance makes it difficult to watch and is therefore a terrible casting choice, but…well, we will get into that more when we talk about the good parts of this film’s Mature Content and Overall Historical Accuracy.

As for Romane Bohringer, who plays Verlaine’s battered and yet still-hopeful wife, Mathilde, I only give her the greatest of praise for her performance; it is clear that the film intends her to be the most likable and sympathetic character in this story, and she performs that role exceedingly well. Her struggles to believe in and change her abusive husband for so long are nothing if not relatable to those of us who have been through similar experiences, and her sweet performance makes the scenes all the more heartbreaking when they happen.

With skills as good as hers, it is only a shame we did not get to see her a bit more often than we did, but given the story’s direction, I suppose that was mostly inevitable.

The woman who plays Mathilde’s mother, Denise Chalem, is also quite sweet and likable, which to our known knowledge — at least as regards her approach to Mathilde and, at times, Paul —  she typically was; likewise, Andrzej Seweryn, the man playing Mathilde’s father, was also very serviceable in his acting, for the brief times that we see him.

The rest of the cast I would not say particularly stand out by any means, but they are all at least decent, and I cannot say I have anything negative to note about them or their performances that I would say is in any way their fault.

Writing & Script

Despite the overall writing and script being…not the best for many reasons I’ll discuss later, there are actually a lot of lines in this movie that I found to be pretty quotable and/or thought provoking, and a few scenes or partial scenes I genuinely did enjoy to some extent unironically, for one reason or another.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll probably just later include a link to a compilation to most of those lines and scenes [here (link TBD)] when I have the time and opportunity to upload them, as it’s not as if there’s a lot of great value to be said about most of them that I won’t have already mentioned elsewhere in this review.

While at the time of writing this, I have not yet thrown the compilation together, I am almost certain that within it, I will have included the end of the sixth scene, in which Paul quotes Foolish Virgin, the Infernal Spouse for what is probably the third time throughout this film as he watches Arthur walk off down the street after the teen gives his monologue about love, thinking to himself that there never was a man who wanted to ‘escape reality’ so much as Rimbaud and questioning why that was.

Really, although I do adore the delivery of this particular line from Thewlis and the visual imagery surrounding it and that is why I am sure I will have listed it as one of the better moments in the movie, I have to be honest that I’m not sure I can properly appreciate the actual context of it or the implications it holds within said context, though that is mostly something to be saved for discussion in the “bad” section of this review, rather than here. 

Nevertheless, being the fan of that particular piece of Arthur’s that I am, I do appreciate so many references and excerpts from it being included in the film (even if it does lead one to wonder at times if the writers had only ever read just two or three of his poems total, as this, the Sleeper in the Valley, and L’Eternity are really the only major ones I can recall being quoted or referenced throughout the entirety of Total Eclipse.)

I probably won’t have included this in the compilation because I don’t really find any of these scenes to be all that great or exciting on the whole, but it does bear saying that I did very much appreciate their decision to show Arthur’s bond with his siblings, however brief the scenes may have been; the dynamic he and Isabelle in particular seem to share as brother and sister throughout this mostly seems very sweet, although I’m somewhat unclear on how accurate that is to reality, given that historically, we seem to know very little about her role in his life except that she was with him on his deathbed, and sided with her mother after his death in wanting to destroy some of his works; the only bonds we know he had for certain with his siblings were with his brother Frederic in his childhood and seemingly his other sister, Vitalie, given how much he mourned her very premature and tragic death later in life.

Relatedly to the topic, I’m also pleasantly surprised that in scene 24, Frederic is for once shown to be the one more disturbing the Rimbaud family dinner than Arthur himself, given this film’s penchant for otherwise making him the center of every problem that exists at any given moment; a small reprieve though it may be, it is, regardless, a nice one.

A lot of the rest of these scenes that had parts or lines I enjoyed are even more of a mixed bag in regards to having both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ moments; for example, I have some very…strong feelings about scene 27 — where Paul and Arthur are drinking at a bar, supposedly a few days after Verlaine abused his wife — on the whole, but even so, I did find a lot of the dialogue here between the two poets to be very good in theory even if not always in context, and quite telling in regards to the older man’s weaknesses, too. 

Likewise, I think that some of these lines that Arthur says here and in a few other scenes in rebuttal of Paul’s actions towards both Mathilde and Arthur himself are quite hard hitting, honest, and realistic in the same painful and disturbing way that a lot of Paul’s acts of abuse are, regardless of whether or not these are all historically backed; in particular, I found the part in which Rimbaud reacts incredulously to Verlaine’s claims of faithfulness and then asks with a smile what he means by that to be very human, believable, powerful, and gut-wrenching, even among all of the other very good examples that exist.

My personal feelings about the murky nature of this moment aside, I also think the choice to have Arthur examine Paul’s ring within this same part just before stabbing him with the knife was an excellent — if extreme —  way of portraying his thoughts and attitude towards Paul’s constant hypocrisy.

Although I don’t feel it is done quite nearly enough in this film to make for a remotely believable building grounds of a relationship, one thing I definitely do applaud overall was the choice to include the more light-hearted traveling montage after Verlaine decides to begin traveling with his affair partner, as I believe that it serves to highlight the very important fact that their relationship — like nearly all abusive dynamics that have ever existed — was not all pain and suffering, all of the time. By showing some moments which, without the context of the rest of their relationship, could almost be considered ‘cute’ or heartwarming, you appropriately embody the way and the reason why many abusive relationships form to begin with: because, however few or many there may be in a given scenario, there are those moments in which everything seems perfect and happy, and which draw you in to believing that things can be good and that they can change for the better.

Beyond that, the two other moments that I enjoyed in an unironic manner and think bear a brief mention are the well-acted partial reading of an actual letter Arthur wrote to Paul after he abandoned him in London, and, prior to that, the set of lines in scene 42 where Paul essentially asks Arthur to also be willing to go to jail for him so that he can have a chance of reconciling with his wife, which I feel further highlights the utter selfishness and downright absurdity the Parisian man displayed when it came to his indecisiveness over choosing a partner.

Ah, but that’s not exactly all the good there is to be had in Total Eclipse; no, as with a decent chunk of other movies that could be categorized as ‘bad’ on any major level, there are some very good bits of ironic enjoyment to be found in this film, too. 

Indeed, if you’re a fan of movie moments that can make you absolutely cringe or laugh from the sheer absurdity, then I’m very confident you’ll find some parts of this silver-screen disaster absolutely hilarious.

Starting off strong with its flexing of its level of cringeworthy absurdity, this movie makes it clear just from scene 3 onwards that it has a certain love for its main characters pointlessly mimicking animals by having Arthur bark at Paul as they pass each other at the train station, and — oh, did you think that was just a bizarre one-time gag? Don’t be ridiculous! Scene 8 exists solely to prove you wrong about that, as it shows the young genius approach a set of dog statues on the mantle of a fireplace in Mathilde’s parents’ home, only to pick one up and relentlessly pant and bark at it while staring in a mirror for a whole 27 seconds, before he finally smashes it in the fireplace. Why does this happen, you ask? Because it can, I suppose.

Oh, but the fun isn’t over just yet! If you thought the writers were content with just barking alone, rest assured that they were not biased only towards one simple animal; they also made sure, in checking off their strange wishlist of unusual things to make Leonardo DiCaprio do while pretending to be a deceased poet, to have a scene in which he crawls around on his hands and knees on the grass in a field amidst many goats, bleating and pretending to hike his leg to his fellow actor, who also gets in on the goaty action. There is not a single doubt in my mind that the brief moment in which they start cracking up while acting out this scene is their genuine laughter, given just how absurd and unbelievable all of this truly is; the makers of the film ought to consider themselves absurdly lucky that they were able to convince DiCaprio to do all of this before he reached the height of his fame, lest they have to pay him more compensation for the absolute embarrassment of these scenes.

This scene has absolutely ruined my ability to look at a goat the same ever again, and that is most certainly devastating news, considering that there are at least three scenes that seem to include them for whatever bizarre reason — whether they are just walking around in the background or actually interacting with the cast in some very unnecessary way.

Other great-but-sadly-not-so-animal-related weird and mortifying moments in this movie include a half-dressed DiCaprio doing a shoulder blade dance, several instances of awkward and/or wildly out of place poetry quoting and monologuing purely for the sake of a reference, even where it clearly does not fit into the dialogue properly or otherwise feels nothing like a human conversation, moments where the editors simply give up and awkwardly transition or cut to the next scene mid-dialogue, and one of my personal favorites: a particular instance in which the audio is so poor and Thewlis spoke so softly that a line which one would assume was meant to be of fair importance is actually now entirely unintelligible.

I have tried rewatching scene 41 at least fifty times by now trying to figure out what Paul claims to be his greatest fear in response to Arthur’s question, and even asked another of their opinion, and yet still I and the person I asked can only come to this one hilarious yet certainly wrong conclusion: that Verlaine’s answer is, “I wouldn’t like to mislay my balls.”

A strange yet certainly understandable concern, I suppose, under the circumstances; though I dare say the argument could be made that perhaps he already did, since he certainly doesn’t seem to have any when it comes to decision making.

Yes, while I would never say that the greater bulk of Total Eclipse or its subject matter is anywhere near amusing in any sense, it is undeniable all of the little moments like the above are indeed goldmines for accidental comedy.

Costumes & Scenery

While I wouldn’t really consider myself a fashion expert by any stretch of the imagination and thus can’t 100% attest to the authenticity of the entire wardrobe for all of the characters used throughout the film, at least from what I do know of the fashion trends of the era and the outfits worn by the actual people that are being portrayed in the movie, I definitely do feel that the costumes used here are all very appropriate and genuine overall (though I do have one minor nitpick I will discuss later).

The more extreme makeup used in this film, as well, is very good and exceedingly convincing, and I must have it said, both giving props to the casting and the costuming at once, that the way Thewlis is done up for his scenes as the much older version of Verlaine is so strikingly accurate to the real existing photos of the actual poet at that age that it is uncanny and, in a way, almost eerie.

As for the sets and the filming locations chosen, they are all excellently selected and tailored to fit in well with the time period in question.

I’m not certain if this particular comment should be categorized best under “costumes and scenery” or “editing and filming”, but either way, I also think it bears saying that although I have read the odd complaint about the choice to make the film look so unbelievably dreary in its palette at every single moment, I personally find it to be a well-suited decision in the case of this particular movie.

Yes, I understand the argument that cinematically, it can get tiring from time to time seeing anything pre-1900s (and sometimes early 1900s as well) being presented through a dreary lens, as though the world were devoid of all color back then, but I think that in this particular case, the symbolism of the gloomy design goes far beyond just that of representing it as an older time period; the very nature of the subject itself — both the story it is telling in its writing and the actual events themselves — is incredibly dark and bleak, and I think given that fact, they couldn’t have chosen a better pallette if they’d tried.

Music & Sound Effects

Okay, this is something that truly deserves much more positive attention than it gets.

Although there may be a lot of things that I could speak very poorly of about this film, the soundtrack is absolutely not one of them; the music — done by Jan A.P. Kaczmarek — is easily one of the best things about this movie, and in my eyes, an incredibly underrated masterpiece.

It is honestly difficult for me to put my true feelings on the matter into words, but I suppose it will just have to do to say that many of the tracks heard within just have this lovely, nostalgic, enigmatic feeling to them that, when married with the already wonderful costuming and the film’s intentionally dreary color scheme, lend themselves very well into the intended aesthetics of the various scenes and blend completely perfectly into the late Victorian time period in which this story is set, as well.

Indeed, at times I would even dare to say that the music is sadly much better at capturing and evoking the proper emotion of a given scene than the writing, filming, or directing is, and it is also very pleasant and easy on the ears when listened to outside of the movie, too.

As far as the other sound effects go, well, I have the odd complaint or two that I’ll mention later, but overall, they’re just very serviceable — nothing particularly groundbreaking or remarkable, but not really below par, either. There’s simply not much good or bad to be said about most of them at all; they’re purely quite average and decent, in an unnoteworthy sort of way.

Editing & Filming

Well…the camera is steady in most scenes. It’s usually aimed at the character that’s speaking — most of the time, at least.

And like I said, the color palette of everything is well-suited for the movie, if that counts in this section.

‘Mature’ Content

Well, I am pretty damn asexual, so I can’t really comment too much on the value of the sexual content here from the perspective of someone who is watching those scenes looking for “sexiness”, but I suppose if you’re here to see any of the three lead actors in various states of undress, there is a fair lot of that here to be had, and then some — what with it being labeled an erotic film and all.

Purely from a narrative perspective, I do think there is some value in a few of the more sexually charged (and/or nude) scenes here, as well, as some of them do lend themselves admirably to historical accuracy.

In the case of scene 34, for example — where Verlaine reunites with his wife at the hotel in Brussels — we are given further establishment of a primary character motivation behind Paul’s actions not only by the continued exposition of his interest purely in his wife’s body alone, but also by the very powerful discussion and argument between himself and his affair partner that is later prompted by said thing when the teenage boy discovers his elder lover in the room and Verlaine gladly tells him of how Mathilde knew to undress herself before meeting him.

Naturally, as I began to state a bit earlier in the “Casting and Acting” subsection, I have of course seen multiple complaints from viewers which stated that seeing the rather mature looking Thewlis paired with the teen-passing DiCaprio in erotic, suggestive, or even just plain romantic scenes felt deeply uncomfortable at best, or even that they could not stomach the content and considered quitting watching as a result; however, whilst all of that is an extremely valid feeling to have and I very much agree with the sentiment that it often feels rather disturbing to watch, I still have to push back against the insinuation that this was in any way an incorrect decision regarding casting.

Anyone who knows anything about — or has even so much as merely seen photos of — Paul Verlaine and Arthur Rimbaud, should easily be able to recognize and appreciate that this is nothing more than an attempt at a very accurate depiction of the two men, and, in fact, if anything, is perhaps still not extreme enough.

Arthur, at the mere sixteen that he was when he and Paul first met in person, naturally had a very youthful appearance, and Verlaine, already at a mature 27 years old as it was, also happened to already look easily twice his own actual age; the way that they are depicted in this movie by their respective actors is thus by no means an exaggeration of how they actually appeared in real life, and if that makes you uncomfortable, then good! It probably should. At least at the time of filming this movie, Leonardo DiCaprio was a full grown adult; up until near the very last year of his relationship with Paul, Arthur was so young that, according to the age ratings of his own country, he wouldn’t even have been able to watch this movie without adult supervision.

Let that sink in for a moment: Arthur was so young when he and Paul were together that, throughout most of their relationship, he wouldn’t even be allowed to watch the film about said relationship on his own had it existed at the time.

Honestly, as someone who is more than well-versed in all of the actual events this movie is claiming to portray, the mere idea that someone might be walking into Total Eclipse with even the slightest expectation of ‘comfort’ is beyond my ken; even if it had been completely accurate to its source material and the true events in every way as it so claims (which it most certainly was not), it would still just be even more absurd to think that you are in for a pleasant and heartwarming experience on any level.

Total Eclipse is uncomfortable, yes; even taking the age differences and the physically apparent age differences out of the picture entirely for a moment, there are still many heavily disturbing elements and moments to this movie that could potentially be considered very mature topics, and regarding that other content that might be considered ‘mature’ but is not necessarily sexual in nature, as I have also said before, this film does not pull any punches when it comes to them. The sheer feeling of authenticity behind the acting of these various types of violence and forms of abuse portrayed throughout this story is — especially from the perspective of someone who has been through similar — greatly disconcerting at best.

However, that — even if nothing else can be said for the film in terms of its writing, directing, or overall accuracy — is exactly as it should be; from its very conception, due to its subject matter, Total Eclipse was born to be uncomfortable, and if it had not been, then that too would have just been one of its failures rather than something deserving of praise.

Indeed, if you are just looking for good, genuinely disturbing content, a lot of shock value, and/or if you just want to be made uncomfortable in general, you will almost certainly be able to get your fix of that sort of thing by watching this film, for that is something Total Eclipse is not only built upon but also exceptionally good at providing.

Overall Historical Accuracy

Well, if we’re being truly honest here, there’s far more I can think of to say that isn’t good or accurate than that is, but that doesn’t mean the film is without any good points when it comes to historical accuracy.

As I’ve taken to pointing out already throughout this section, for one thing, we have some very excellent and authentic feeling sets and filming locations, as well as wonderful costuming and makeup — with some of the outfits and makeup looks being greatly true to the overall appearance and certain known wardrobe pieces of the genuine historical figures being represented. 

For another, the casting choices for Arthur and Paul, especially in the realm of their physical visages, were as close as one could reasonably hope to get to having carbon copies of them, without sacrificing any skill along the way — and with much consideration towards what was (sometimes rather unfortunately) asked of them in the script, the amount of talent expressed in their portrayals is through the roof, as well.

By the same token, Romane’s interpretation of Mathilde, insofar as the writing allowed, was excellent, and the same can be said of the actors who played her parents.

And then, of course, there is the overall uncomfortable nature of the movie itself, which, even if not done or channeled into all of the correct places or ways all of the time, is still well within the spirit of the troubling true events insofar as that any interpretation or retelling of this tale absolutely should leave its viewers deeply unsettled; it should be raw, it should be dark, and it should be horrific — and all of that, it certainly was.

There’s also a fair bit of poetry quoting and referencing done in here, as well as the reading out of one of Rimbaud’s actual letters, and a few other small real life references scattered here and there — such as having Arthur refer to his mother as “Mouth of Darkness” in one scene, so if just having some historical references here is enough to fill your quota, regardless of if they’re actually well done or the rest of the plot is accurate, then I guess you’d be decently satisfied with this.

Other

Hmmm, let’s see…are there other good things about this movie? Well, yes, actually; it has an end — eventually, at least! That means that no matter how much you can feel your soul is withering away inside your husk as you watch this film, a part of you can still survive knowing that although it may feel like an eternity is passing you by, there will ultimately be a reprieve and you can breathe a sigh of relief when those credits finally roll.

…I’m just kidding — somewhat; it’s not actually that bad, probably. 

I mean, despite the fact that every single time the movie ends, I wonder what in the Hell I just did with two hours of my life and vow to never do it again, I’ve still watched it like 40+ times by this point, so…it can’t be all that irredeemable, right? Something has to be keeping me coming back to this movie and making me sit through it every time like a deer in the headlights. Morbid curiosity, maybe — or all of those good points I’ve mentioned above. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m a hopeless Rimbaud fan that will consume anything as long as he’s involved in it for at least five seconds, and this just happens to be the most easily consumable piece of media that isn’t his own works. Take your pick. 

I’d like to say it’s so bad it’s good, but I’m not sure I’d go that far with it — both because I don’t think the movie itself really lends itself well overall to comedy, and because I don’t think it’s fair on the actors, musical artists, makeup artists, and set and costume designers to insult the film that much, as again, their performances and work on Total Eclipse were far too good to lump them into such a category.

Either way, I can definitely say there are things I’ve enjoyed less than this movie, if nothing else (for example, The Addams Family 2, or Final Fantasy Type-0).

[Click here for Part 0: Preamble]

[Click here for Part 2: The Bad]

[Click here for Part 3: The Takeaway]

[justmoreocs-writing]

A/N: Quick warning, this drabble has mentions of violence, blood and injury in it.

Eddie Munson did not consider himself brave. In fact, he’d be one of the first to admit that he was a coward, preferring to run from danger instead of towards it. He thought most people tended to err on the side of self-preservation; that if faced with something that could possibly cause them harm, they’d run. After all, it made sense to avoid anything dangerous. He was slowly beginning to realise that not everybody thought that way; that some people seemed to actively run towards danger, even if only to help others. Mostly, he was learning that from people he cared about, and that terrified him.

The drama room door was pushed open, pulling Eddie’s attention away from his latest campaign notes and towards the unexpected arrival.

His initial reaction was excitement. For years, he’d been inviting Belle to Hellfire meetings and she’d always declined but promised to join. The truth behind her eyes had been the only reason he kept asking, kept extending that invitation when others might have simply given up. She was a few hours early, but that didn’t matter.

Excitement was swiftly replaced with dread when he noticed the cut on her lip, the slight bruising of her cheek; somehow he knew the colouring was nothing to do with the drama room lights.

‘Shit, sorry,’ she said, hastily turning to leave. ‘I thought –’

‘What happened?’ Eddie wasn’t sure exactly when he’d stood up, when he’d made his way across the room, but he gently reached for her wrist before she could open the door.

‘Nothing,’ Belle said, offering him a small smile that was shattered by a wince.

Eddie gently put a finger under her chin, guiding her face into better light. His insides twisted uncomfortably as he inhaled sharply. Her eye was slightly red, and he could have sworn there was a graze amongst the bruising of her cheek.

‘Honestly,’ she said, gently encircling his wrist with her own hand, ‘it’s nothing.’

‘That’s not nothing, Belle,’ Eddie whispered, voice hoarse as his thumb traced the air just above her cut lip. ‘Shit.’

Belle heaved a deep breath, carefully avoided his eye as she spoke. ‘I got in a fight,’ she mumbled.

‘With a brick?’ Eddie could hear the panic behind his own voice. Of all the people to fight with, who would pick Claribel Barrow? Some coward, he guessed, but why? And “fight” implied she’d retaliated in some way. He didn’t doubt she had, but he couldn’t make himself look at her knuckles to fund out.

She chuckled softly, but it did nothing to alleviate Eddie’s concern. ‘A biker?’

Eddie’s eyes widened as she finally dragged her attention back to him. ‘A biker?’ he echoed weakly.

‘He was being a prick,’ she said, almost flippantly.

‘So – so you told him that?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Belle!’

‘What?’ she asked innocently. Her reaction very almost made Eddie backtrack.

He finally dropped his hand from her face and started to bite his nails as he paced the space just in front of her. What was he meant to do? Something inside him wanted to go fight the biker, or at the very least throw a few hard truths his way. But self-preservation reminded him of what an awful idea that was. That, and the fact if he got busted for fighting, he could wave goodbye to any chance of receiving his diploma. He’d be more like his father than he truly wanted to admit to.

‘The other guy looks worse,’ Belle offered uncertainly.

Eddie froze, slowly focused back on Belle who was absently pressing the bruising skin of her cheek and flinching. She was trying to lighten the mood, he knew, but he didn’t want that.

‘Did you even think before you opened your mouth?’

‘Rich coming from you,’ she snapped bitterly.

‘I don’t get into fights!’

Belle merely shrugged. Sometimes, he worried that she actively went looking for trouble rather than simply stumbling upon it.

Eddie heaved a deep breath.

‘He made a comment about me not knowing how to handle my bike,’ she admitted, addressing the floor. ‘I told him where to shove his advice, which he didn’t appreciate.’

‘So he hit you?’

Belle mumbled something before sighing and looking back up at him. He was used to seeing her with a small smile on her face, used to seeing her being the cheerful young woman who always offered kindness even when faced with cruelty. But the look he saw now was harder than any he’d seen before. There was a boldness about it, a challenge lurking there, that made him realise the nickname “Tink” might have been more fitting than he’d originally thought.

‘He reached for my bike, I batted his hand away, he lashed out.’ There was a detachment to her voice that only concerned Eddie more. ‘So I retaliated.’

‘You can’t just do shit like that, Claribel.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘Claribel now is it, Edward?’

Eddie forced himself to take another calming breath. He’d always known that Belle could handle herself, he’d just never expected her to go to this kind of extreme. ‘What if he’d had a weapon? What if… Why did he stop?’

Belle gently chewed on her lip, the side that wasn’t injured. ‘One of his friends caught his arm to stop him; another group came over to talk to him.’ She shrugged. ‘I kind of thought then was time to make a swift exit.’

‘And what if they hadn’t?’ Eddie’s fear spiked again and he closed the distance between them in a few steps. He’d already lost Belle once when she disappeared from Hawkins; he wasn’t sure he could cope with that again. 

‘But they did, and I’m here now,’ she said simply. ‘And anyway, now he might at least think twice before he offers unsolicited advice – or anything else for that matter.’

Her glare was icy, and Eddie knew that he probably should have backed down from this. They were going in circles. She couldn’t see what the problem was with her actions, only that they might have helped somebody else in the future. She couldn’t see the bruising, or the grazes. He knew that he should probably encourage her to clean the injuries, call the police, maybe even head home if she refused the hospital. But this time he simply couldn’t let it go.

‘I don’t care. You should’ve walked away.’

Belle quirked an eyebrow at him. ‘You don’t care that he might think twice before being a prick now? What if I had just walked away? What if he simply moved onto somebody else? Hurt them because –’

‘He hurt you, Belle!’

She jutted her chin a little, the picture of defiance. ‘And he got taught a lesson for that. Anyway, what does it matter? It’ll heal. People have had worse and nobody –’

‘Because I love you.’

Belle’s rambling stopped abruptly. She blinked slowly. Once. Twice. Eddie could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. It wasn’t exactly how he’d envisioned finally letting those words out – far from it, in fact – but he’d needed to get those words off his chest.

‘You love me?’ Belle asked, voice tentative as if repeating those words might make him take them back.

Eddie nodded, not quite trusting himself to say anything. It had taken him almost two years and seeing her again to realise that whatever he felt for her was something more than a passing crush. It was more than melting at the barest hint of kindness shown to him. He’d been worried when she disappeared; worried that something awful had happened to her like it had to Will Byers, to Barbara Holland; like seemed to happen to people in Hawkins.

A small smile danced on her lips. ‘That’s good.’

She raised to her tiptoes, a hand placed on his shoulder for balance. Eddie bowed his head, allowing their lips to meet for a brief kiss before she flinched away. Her fingers flew to her lips, to the cut.

‘I love you too, Eddie,’ she admitted, glaring at her fingers as if they were to blame for the probable stinging that had cut the kiss short.

Eddie thought he might burst with joy. He wanted to hold her close, to make sure that she didn’t run into danger without thinking. But right now he couldn’t think of what that admittance might entail.

‘Come on, Cinderella,’ he said, offering his hand out to her with a sweeping bow. ‘Let’s get that face looked at.’

She took his hand with a gentle grip and he laced their fingers together. He just hoped the next time he got to kiss her, she wouldn’t flinch. 

[orlamount]

Asking AI

I asked ai what it thought each songs lyric's were about. All of these songs are very emotional and thought-provoking, very human feelings and i was really interested if ai could understand the feelings we were attempting to convey in our words. To my surprise, the ai actually had a really good understanding of the lyrics granted we write mostly in metaphors.

Song 1 Ai Response:

These lyrics convey a powerful message about the struggle with pain and wounds that seem impossible to heal, but also about finding solace and resilience in the midst of adversity. Here's an interpretation:

"When you realize cutting, sideways like a knife" suggests a sudden awareness of self-harm or destructive behavior that exacerbates emotional wounds.

"Your wounds won’t heal this time" emphasizes the gravity of the pain, implying that the wounds are particularly deep or enduring.

"Live inside the open air, we’re living, not surviving here" conveys a sense of freedom and vitality despite facing challenges. It suggests a determination to thrive rather than merely exist.

"Waves crash like a mother's hug" symbolizes both the force of nature's challenges (the crashing waves) and the comforting embrace of maternal love. Despite the turbulence of life, there is still a sense of warmth and protection.

"We’re living, not surviving here" reaffirms the idea of embracing life fully, despite its difficulties. It suggests a mindset of resilience and determination to find joy and purpose amidst adversity.

Overall, these lyrics speak to the human experience of facing pain and adversity, but also finding strength, solace, and meaning in the journey of life.

My Response:

This analysis is not 100% accurate

Song 2 Ai Response:

These lyrics seem to express frustration and disappointment in a relationship or situation that has been going on for an extended period without resolution. Here's a breakdown:

"Long, so long" - Repeated twice at the beginning, this emphasizes the passage of time and the prolonged nature of the situation being described.

"Fiftieth eye roll back" - This line suggests a repetitive pattern of dismissive or uninterested behavior from the other person, possibly indicating a lack of communication or understanding.

"I told you a week ago I want my time back" - The speaker feels their time has been wasted and expresses a desire to reclaim it, indicating dissatisfaction with how things have been progressing (or not progressing).

"So, I want my money back" - This line introduces a financial aspect, suggesting that the speaker feels they have invested resources (possibly emotional or financial) into the situation without receiving sufficient return.

"You don't wanna speak, so sick of that" - Indicates frustration with the other person's lack of communication or engagement in resolving the issue.

The repetition of "so long" at the end reinforces the feeling of prolonged frustration and the desire for resolution or closure.

Overall, these lyrics convey a sense of disillusionment and impatience with a stagnant or unfulfilling situation, whether it be a relationship or another aspect of life. The speaker desires change or closure but feels stuck in a cycle of disappointment and frustration.

Song 3 Ai Response:

These lyrics evoke themes of loneliness, longing, and a sense of disconnectedness despite being part of the same world or community as everyone else. Here's a breakdown:

"Sharing the same sky as everybody else" suggests a sense of commonality or shared experience with others, but there's still a feeling of isolation or being apart from them.

"Haunting the intimate, dust on the sheets" implies a haunting or lingering presence in intimate spaces, perhaps representing unresolved emotions or memories.

"You know I’d rather be nowhere with them than somewhere without" reflects a preference for being physically present with others, even if it's uncomfortable or difficult, rather than being alone.

"I’m still here, I’m bleeding" indicates enduring pain or suffering, possibly emotional or psychological, despite still being present in the world.

"It all caves in, we miss just being" suggests a collapse or breakdown of something significant, accompanied by a longing for simpler times or a return to a state of being before the difficulties arose.

Overall, the lyrics convey a sense of internal struggle, longing for connection, and the pain of feeling disconnected despite being surrounded by others.

Song 4 Ai Response:

These lyrics evoke a sense of deep connection and intimacy between two individuals who share a profound understanding of each other's pain and experiences. Here's an interpretation:

"It’s just how it was, I can't put it into words" - The speaker is acknowledging the complexity and depth of their connection with the other person, suggesting that it defies easy explanation or description.

"You fall into me" - This line conveys a sense of trust and reliance, as the other person seeks comfort or support from the speaker.

"Lend me your flesh and bone, receiver of trauma, who knows you best" - These lines suggest a mutual exchange of vulnerability and shared experiences of pain or hardship. The speaker is both offering and seeking solace from the other person, who understands them intimately.

"So stay on the line, please stay with me" - The repetition of this plea emphasizes the speaker's desire for the other person to remain present and connected. It suggests a fear of losing that connection or support.

Overall, these lyrics paint a picture of a deep and meaningful relationship characterized by mutual understanding, support, and shared experiences of pain. The speaker seeks comfort and reassurance from the other person, emphasizing the importance of their presence in their life.

[spicedwatermel0n]

is it alright if you tag current events?? i'm more than happy and relieved people are spreading awareness and help, just some folks are super discomforted by said events (NOT saying that they dont deserve a voice, they have more than every right and need for one /srs). if you dont mind, please and thank you. /nm /g

I'm sorry but, you're supposed to be triggered and uncomfortable by it lmao. The fact that you're merely uncomfortable with it is privileged as fuck because there's people who are scared for their lives rn and fighting to survive. You're supposed to feel angry. You're supposed to feel disheartened. What's happening isn't normal and you shouldn't be desensitized to the fact that it's happening. I refuse to tag it unless I'm told to tag it by someone of 🇵🇸 heritage due to them experiencing it first hand, especially because tagging it will only make people ignore it. You have the privilege of being safe in your house, they don't. If it's bothering you to the point of harmful thoughts, take a bit of a break and take care of your mental health. But tagging because people are merely UNCOMFORTABLE (something that you should be feeling) is how they get ignored.

I don't want to sound mean, but... Come on. You think I'm happy with this? You think this stuff doesn't make me and everyone else uncomfortable too? I'm a white American, I'm just about as privileged as you can get in this situation, but I refuse to let my privilege get in the way of voicing support for those hurting just because some people are UNCOMFORTABLE. This isn't like a phobia of spiders, or a trigger to blood. This is something going on right now that if we hide behind warnings, will never be taken seriously and will be watered down.

I will gladly trigger anything else, and I don't plan on reblogging pictures or videos of deceased or injured 🇵🇸 people because it feels wrong to, but I will not hold back from reblogging detailed stuff about what's going on. Discomfort is a privilege in this scenario.

[thesundowncrew]

Samhain found it difficult maintaining eye contact with Maude and Arthur now that they looked like they'd seen ghosts (or saw him as one and that always made him uncomfortable somewhat). At least he could enjoy Nettie's enthusiasm and reactions, which he found utterly adorable. He noticed how she lit up at the mention of Nightshade and smiled approvingly when she answered Maude about the fae.

But it was definitely not the answer Maude was looking for. Understandably, Maude being a human witch meant she was more likely exposed to the nastier side of mythos - the kinds that only took pleasure in disturbing humans and causing chaos whenever they crossed over from the Otherworld. Samhain felt a bit sad as he knew many good-natured fae and mythos who'd never want to harm humans but they were relatively few considering their numbers. It was because they were never interested in humans, or upsetting the balance, that they never sought them out or interacted with them so it made sense that most humans wouldn't know about that side of them.

Similarly, it was why most humans didn't know about Samhain's existence either. He restricted his interactions within the Humanworld because they could cause complications. But once in a while, he would make an exception. Now he just had to make sure he didn't regret making it.

He scanned the people in the room, taking into account all he knew about them. What he had learned and what he could infer from the day he set foot in the inn. He realized he had been too careless with his words and tried to make amends. "Ah'm all right, ma'm. Ah appreciate yer concern.." He took off his flower crown and set it on the table beside his plate.

"Do you remember the job ah mentioned ah had before coming here?" he asked Maude, still smiling warmly. "Mediating is one o'the many skills ah'm known for... and fae-folk are not the only ones who ask for my services. Mythos. Humans. Sometimes witches like yourself. Sometimes ah'm called to settle disputes, to find solutions to a problem. Sometimes ah'm merely called as a witness, a guest, or to locate something that's been lost."

"My real job however, my role," Samhain spoke calmly, with an expression that made him look wiser beyond his years. Suddenly he wasn't just some young man with an affinity for magick and peculiarity for old books and river stones. He was something else entirely, green eyes gleaming with the flicker of candlelight. "Is to maintain the balance between this world an' the Otherworld. An' that role requires me to meet all kinds of people, not just fae-folk. True, we don't always get along but no one said the job was easy or simple."

"Ah'm aware it can be difficult to believe.. But whether you believe me or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is.." he said, looking up at Maude. Then Arthur. Then at Nettie, smiling sweetly. "What matters is that you understand ah mean you no harm. An' that ah was being sincere when I told you if ah found any information that would help you, ah would share it. An' if it was within my power, ah would help you if you asked."

Samhain’s little audience stayed silent and attentive as he spoke. Arthur ate quietly at first, but as the story went on, he found himself unable to focus on anything aside from listening. Nettie, who rarely sat still longer than a few seconds, stayed still the whole time, enthralled. Her eyes shone with interest, and a soft gasp of delight escaped her at the mention of Nightshade. The more she learned about Samhain’s kitty companion, the more Nettie adored her.

By the time Samhain finished, Arthur and Maude had both gone pale, while Nettie looked thrilled. Fairies had always fascinated her. Finally, she could learn about them from someone who didn’t dodge telling her anything. Samhain even invited her to ask more. She nodded, countless questions already brimming at her lips, but someone else spoke first.

“They asked… if you wanted a seat in their court?” Maude’s voice came out quiet. Her hands rested on the table, fingers curled so tightly that her nails dug into her palms. Fairies may not care about the ‘why,’ but for Maude, this question rang in her mind the loudest. She frowned at Samhain, her brow creased in confusion. “Why would they do that?”

“Because they can,” Nettie answered promptly, eager to show she’d paid attention. She glanced at Samhain hopefully to see if she was correct.

Maude shook her head. “No, that’s— that’s not… that doesn’t make sense.” Her plate was still half-full, but her appetite had abandoned her. Tightness twisted in her stomach. She folded her arms over her chest and tried to keep her voice level. “You make it sound like you’ve talked with them a lot, but you can’t simply… have a casual chat with them. They take things and people just to break them. Because they can.”

Her words wavered. A blotchy flush had crept across her cheeks. Nettie’s joy sputtered out as though splashed with cold water. She stared at Maude, wide-eyed. Arthur opened his mouth to lighten the subject, but before he could speak, Maude inhaled and gave him a thin smile of reassurance. “I’m sorry. I’m fine.” She focused on Samhain again, her voice softening. “I don’t mean to sound like I don’t believe you. But still, I— I don’t understand how you’re just… alright, after meeting them.” A falter, and concern flickered in her gaze, a sudden fear that she’d missed something hurting him. “… Are you alright?”