#financial abuse is abuse too!

[buckybarnesss]

So, I'm rewatching LotR a lot these days and during The Two Towers, Denethor (Boromir's dad) is super dismissive of Faramir, insults him and his abilities, and pushes Boromir to go and try to bring the Ring back to Gondor. It's clear he's abusive, in the way that they avoid looking him directly in the eyes and how neither want him around. They're visibly uncomfortable and upset, even though they do try to tell him to fuck off.

And I'm like, wow, if these movies came out today, there would be too many people on this website who see this behaviour and say "You know, Denethor's not actively hitting them, so he's clearly not abusive!!"

I was expecting racists to come crawling out of the woodwork. I was not expecting people to see blatantly abusive behaviour and say "That's not that bad, let's see Sally's bruises."

all my homies hate denethor. how he treats his sons is a very clear golden-child and scapegoat dynamic. such blatant favoritism is abusive too.

it's been, uh, interesting to see the reaction to the changes to gabe. in the books i found him to be an over the top abusive step dad trope. he's like a greasy car sales man. i was always reminded of danny devito's mr wormwood from the 1996 adaptation of matilda.

i read the percy jackson books when i was 20 and was always personally deeply uncomfortable with the underlying "stay with your abuser for your kid" that was simmering under the sally and gabe relationship in the books.

it made me uncomfortable because i had lived it. my parents separated mere weeks after i had turned 18 and my mother has explicitly told me one of the reasons she hadn't divorced my father sooner was because of me.

that shit does stuff to you as a person. kids are smart but they also internalize things and it's not always the right things.

sally doesn't need to suffer to keep percy safe. suffering for righteousness or martyrdom smacks of puritanical ideology that's very pervasive in the america consciousness.

what i saw on screen with gabe and sally was an intimately familiar abusive and dysfunctional relationship. i appreciated the changes as to me it appeared that in the 20 years since rick had written the lightening thief he had reflected on what he wanted to polish and change from the book.

i think the changes to gabe's storyline also might be connected into how medusa seems to be getting a more sympathetic storyline.

gabe is still an abusive shitty person and he doesn't have to physically harm sally to be that way and who knows maybe he still is. physical abuse doesn't have to happen all the time. it can be infrequent too.

some of the comments i've read online have felt very "sally isn't beat enough and cowering so gabe isn't abusive." or "sally was able to stand up to him so he's not abusive" but off the top of my head:

gabe was shown as being a lay about with unreliable income leeching off sally financially yet still refers to the apartment as "his" house. this says he sees her money and assets as his.

he answers sally's phone which indicates a lack of boundaries and privacy for sally. he even indicates that he answers "whatever" is ringing in "his" house.

he's aggressively argumentative with the super, sally and percy.

he insults percy's intelligence and applauds the idea that percy physically assaulted another child.

sally has to negotiate use of the car to have time away from the home.

i'm sorry if this isn't abusive enough to some people i guess.

[aronarchy]

Why we don’t like it when children hit us back

To all the children who have ever been told to “respect” someone that hated them.

March 21, 2023

Even those of us that are disturbed by the thought of how widespread corporal punishment still is in all ranks of society are uncomfortable at the idea of a child defending themself using violence against their oppressors and abusers. A child who hits back proves that the adults “were right all along,” that their violence was justified. Even as they would cheer an adult victim for defending themself fiercely.

Even those “child rights advocates” imagine the right child victim as one who takes it without ever stopping to love “its” owners. Tear-stained and afraid, the child is too innocent to be hit in a guilt-free manner. No one likes to imagine the Brat as Victim—the child who does, according to adultist logic, deserve being hit, because they follow their desires, because they walk the world with their head high, because they talk back, because they are loud, because they are unapologetically here, and resistant to being cast in the role of guest of a world that is just not made for them.

If we are against corporal punishment, the brat is our gotcha, the proof that it is actually not that much of an injustice. The brat unsettles us, so much that the “bad seed” is a stock character in horror, a genre that is much permeated by the adult gaze (defined as “the way children are viewed, represented and portrayed by adults; and finally society’s conception of children and the way this is perpetuated within institutions, and inherent in all interactions with children”), where the adult fear for the subversion of the structures that keep children under control is very much represented.

It might be very well true that the Brat has something unnatural and sinister about them in this world, as they are at constant war with everything that has ever been created, since everything that has been created has been built with the purpose of subjugating them. This is why it feels unnatural to watch a child hitting back instead of cowering. We feel like it’s not right. We feel like history is staring back at us, and all the horror we felt at any rebel and wayward child who has ever lived, we are feeling right now for that reject of the construct of “childhood innocence.” The child who hits back is at such clash with our construction of childhood because we defined violence in all of its forms as the province of the adult, especially the adult in authority.

The adult has an explicit sanction by the state to do violence to the child, while the child has both a social and legal prohibition to even think of defending themself with their fists. Legislation such as “parent-child tort immunity” makes this clear. The adult’s designed place is as the one who hits, and has a right and even an encouragement to do so, the one who acts, as the person. The child’s designed place is as the one who gets hit, and has an obligation to accept that, as the one who suffers acts, as the object. When a child forcibly breaks out of their place, they are reversing the supposed “natural order” in a radical way.

This is why, for the youth liberationist, there should be nothing more beautiful to witness that the child who snaps. We have an unique horror for parricide, and a terrible indifference at the 450 children murdered every year by their parents in just the USA, without even mentioning all the indirect suicides caused by parental abuse. As a Psychology Today article about so-called “parricide” puts it:

Unlike adults who kill their parents, teenagers become parricide offenders when conditions in the home are intolerable but their alternatives are limited. Unlike adults, kids cannot simply leave. The law has made it a crime for young people to run away. Juveniles who commit parricide usually do consider running away, but many do not know any place where they can seek refuge. Those who do run are generally picked up and returned home, or go back on their own: Surviving on the streets is hardly a realistic alternative for youths with meager financial resources, limited education, and few skills.

By far, the severely abused child is the most frequently encountered type of offender. According to Paul Mones, a Los Angeles attorney who specializes in defending adolescent parricide offenders, more than 90 percent have been abused by their parents. In-depth portraits of such youths have frequently shown that they killed because they could no longer tolerate conditions at home. These children were psychologically abused by one or both parents and often suffered physical, sexual, and verbal abuse as well—and witnessed it given to others in the household. They did not typically have histories of severe mental illness or of serious and extensive delinquent behavior. They were not criminally sophisticated. For them, the killings represented an act of desperation—the only way out of a family situation they could no longer endure.

- Heide, Why Kids Kill Parents, 1992.

Despite these being the most frequent conditions of “parricide,” it still brings unique disgust to think about it for most people. The sympathy extended to murdering parents is never extended even to the most desperate child, who chose to kill to not be killed. They chose to stop enduring silently, and that was their greatest crime; that is the crime of the child who hits back. Hell, children aren’t even supposed to talk back. They are not supposed to be anything but grateful for the miserable pieces of space that adults carve out in a world hostile to children for them to live following adult rules. It isn’t rare for children to notice the adult monopoly on violence and force when they interact with figures like teachers, and the way they use words like “respect.” In fact, this social dynamic has been noticed quite often:

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

(https://soycrates.tumblr.com/post/115633137923/stimmyabby-sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean)

But it has received almost no condemnation in the public eye. No voices have raised to contrast the adult monopoly on violence towards child bodies and child minds. No voices have raised to praise the child who hits back. Because they do deserve praise. Because the child who sets their foot down and says this belongs to me, even when it’s something like their own body that they are claiming, is committing one of the most serious crimes against adult society, who wants them dispossessed.

Sources:

“The Adult Gaze: a tool of control and oppression,” https://livingwithoutschool.com/2021/07/29/the-adult-gaze-a-tool-of-control-and-oppression

“Filicide,” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filicide

[agnesmontague]

idk how to put this more smartly but theres a weird trend among online leftists who have circled right back around to this quasi-religious hatred of all material need and its just. sorry but needing money to stay alive isn't... greed. you're not selling out by doing an ad read esp if it's something you're doing as a job. even if the job is artistic in nature

anticapitalism is the main tenet here for sure but at the same time it helps to.., idk. not act like we spiritually need to start forfeiting all mortal goods bc it's the one path towards nirvana or something. every once in a while i notice people reinventing asceticism in the name of praxis and it's very Sigma Grindset but with a lefty hat

[arctic-hands]

My parents were shit to me as a kid but I'm like one hundred percent sure they never read my diaries, at least because I would have been in a hell of a lot more trouble if they had

Anyway I don't care how stellar your record as a parent is or how you're justifying this invasion, if you read your kid's diary without their consent you're an automatic piece of shit and your child has every right to never trust you again

[junespriince]

Aita?

Boss won't fire me, but is actively trying to kill me more than the speed force is.

Me, the Flash (29yo m) have been not only forced by my boss, Buttman(old as dirt, m) to keep the job my uncle had but to also expect me to not slack in my other jobs outside of this one.

I've lost so much in this unfortunate, and down right inhumane treatment because I'm a speedster and "balance needs to be kept, the justice league needs a speedster, Flash. It's basics universe lore that was given to you as a child." Like, I know jackass, you made me memorize it if I wanted to go on young justice league missions, a school inside of child labor this man was a monster then as he is now.

He won't take the time to learn I'm not like my uncle before me, he treats me like I'm a child because me and Cy, (28, m) are the youngest in the league right now!

I have loss my time dealing with this bullshit, my job before I moved in with my hubby I had to moved to my boss terf because it's cheaper (I wonder why.), my patience for putting up this clearly unhealthy and unjust treatment towards me (dating your boss son is technically a bad business practices, BUT I WASN'T WORKING FOR HIM TO BEGIN WITH, I was dating my old boss, duh, an even horrible practice but I like my men in power what can I say.), and my temper for dealing with a horrible and stubborn man, broadman I know you're reading this, this is why you have a hard time connecting with your kids, if i was your kid I'd runaway too with my handsome best friend.

Anyways, today he had a mission that was stupid. His plans got me almost killed and when I brought it up to him, he had the nerve to say to me "well if you stopped talking on your phone during the debrief, you would have survived it better." First of all, I listen and follow his plan to the T, all my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed, his plan just sucked and I know knew it did because he told auntie Wonder Woman about it and agreed it sucked, and also I WAS TEXTING YOUR SON MY HUBBY THAT I WAS GONNA BE LATE FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY YOU TRIED TO KILL ME ON! So I let him have it. I told him this: "I don't understand this beef we have, it's been years and you were there for our wedding happy to see him happy, so why do you hate me? It's not for any reason I hate you for. You fired your son took HIS Mantle away, fight him over a little thing what wasn't a big deal at the time to him getting angry you replaced him with another kid entirely because you suck at communicating he assumes he failed you somewhere down the line after years of undermining him, you and fans from that comic issue got side kid killed, that started ANOTHER riff because you didn't tell him and when he found out he tried to kill the joker which you stopped and saved the man who murdered your, at the time, youngest child while all you did was mope around and felt sorry for yourself, add another year of shit before now finally fixing your relationship with him and all you got on me is being there for your son and not being the most nicest to you. Grow up."

A few of our teammates told me I was an asshole for saying that to him, Wonder Woman and Green Arrow gave me a pat on the back and some lunch, and when I told this to my husband after finally getting back barely to make up for a crappy anniversary that I probably shouldn't have gotten onto him like that, but I don't see it.

So, reddit, with an unbiased option (I have seen the merch and ao3 tags, I know how much you freaks love this man. Or Superman, which sir, he dated your wife to get back at you years ago the fuck you took up for him for? Get a back bone.) am I the asshole?

Edit: I just think bastardman is homophobic.

Batman's edit: I'm not homophobic, my son could have done better than you is all.

Edit, edit: this is why Selina leaves you at the alter.

Batman's edit edit: this is why your parents beat you.

Edit edit edit: I'd tell you to suck my dick, but I don't want to fuel the freaks of ao3 to write us more, would rather have Kyle kiss me before this.

Batman 4x edit: come to the e meeting room. Now.

Edit 4x: fuck off old man, you can't tell me what to do.

Oracle: children, in my office, now.

Batman: yes ma'am...

Wally: yes ma'am...

[leverage-ot3]

sorry to keep personal posting but my day fucking SUCKED and ended with me dropping one of my brand new earrings from a set that I just finished cleaning down the drain, took the sink apart and still couldn’t find it 🙃

if y’all feel like asking a leverage/misc question for thoughts or headcanons I’d love to answer them in the morning! or even if you just want to say something about your day- I just like hearing from you guys 💖

[heterorealism]

(via (50) Pinterest)

[valengory1234]

I think sometimes we need to remember a books context

[goldkirk]

I hope former NAXes (and former supernumeraries and numeraries, but mostly the naxes) get to fuck Opus Dei up all over the world more and more as more things come to light and more evidence is presented because it’s beyond deserved.

You Argentinian NAXes are brave as hell. You’re gonna be remembered as major heroes for refusing to break apart or give up even though the process got interminably long and majorly stacked against you for quite a while and you’re never gonna see this post but I hope you get to live the long, happy, free from human trafficking and labor exploitation and mental and emotional abuse lives you always always deserved. It’s magical that the reveal behind the Oz curtain really started coming from those of you who were most ignored and abused.

[idle-bug]

[elythegardeningbard]

Sometimes it's good to be reminded of your own freedom

[ableedingpromise]

God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

[hallwyeoo]

One thing that never fails to piss me off is how media with straight characters who are in objectively unhealthy relationships is generally enjoyed without judgement, but the second that queer people have media with power imbalances or toxicity or or or it’s a whole fucking THING and we’re disgusting deviants for enjoying it.

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

btw not to be a disabled poor piss baby but the way ppl (SPECIALLY americans) treat struggling to recall things deemed common sense that you learned in school/straight up not knowing them as some personal moral failure is fucking weird lmao.every education system has a problem w failing disabled kids that cant follow along typical learning by just letting them fall behind w zero ways to catch up n my country has an issue w teenagers dropping out to support their families so they dont starve to death so it just rlyyy doesnt sit right w me when ppl claim if you cant remember some random fuck middle school class fact youre an idiot that doesnt remember bc you dont want to.i dont know how to explain to you all if a CHILD is being failed by adults to be taught smth its literally not their fault specially when in nearly all cases its bc of outside factors (i mentioned disability n poverty here but lets not forget stuff like abused kids being unable to focus due to stress or bc they lack a safe environment to study at home, for example)

idk ig my point is not everyone had a great home life w a stable financial situation n zero genetic conditions that let them get head pats from adults for being good at memorizing books, n its weird af to want to be superior than ppl who didnt have those bc its literally not our fault that as CHILDREN we were failed by adults n nowadays only managed (at BEST scenario, remember lots of ppl nowadays still cant even read bc they didnt even get the chance to do elementary) to remember actual essential basics that let us get by n not high school physics trivia.also if all those things r suuuuch big common sense idk why yall want to feel better than us for knowing them, by your own reasoning theyre completely worthless knowledge everyone has, no point in showing off you know smth like that, but ig at the end of the day its all abt feeling special for having success handed to you in a silver plate compared to the losers not born as lucky

[ruthlesslistener]

listen I am about as pro-abortion as anyone can be, but aborting a baby just because they have Down's Syndrome should be fucking illegal. If you're someone who actively wants and is trying for a child, then you should be mentally, financially, and emotionally willing to provide for that child for the rest of your life if something goes wrong- because that is what being a good parent takes, and many many things can go wrong. Down's Syndrome is not at all close to the worst thing that can happen to a baby, and people with it can grow up to be happy, healthy, content adults- they just need a little bit of extra help and a different approach to raising them. If you just want a 'normal' child so that you can boot them out of your house when they turn 18 and have them around to take care of you when you're older, then you don't actually want children, you want an investment. A doll, not a family member. Not a person.

[milimeters-morales]

thinking of my silly little au and how loneliness affects you long term and how that loneliness isn’t always obvious or intentional and how the cycle continues and they’re still lonely