#something that made me realise i actually do really like them
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Love Potion (reader x Zoro)
Summary: You and Zoro share a quiet night out drinking, both secretly harbouring feelings for each other. That’s until you order a cocktail with a striking name, claiming to make people speak up about their feelings…
female reader in mind
I think it’s a fluff or something (??) Nothing not really explicit anyway. Might write a smut continuation in 50 years though because why not 😌💅🏻✨
🍸🍹It was supposed to be just a night out as friends.
Everyone on the ship could see there was something more between you, but neither of you would admit that. Especially not Zoro — he could barely handle his feelings, let alone actually speak them out loud.
You picked up the menu, flipping through it casually until a certain drink caught your eye: Love Potion. The description boasted about making people spill their true feelings, claiming the cocktail had some "special" effect.
You snorted and nudged Zoro with your elbow. “Look at this,” you laughed. “A drink that makes you confess your feelings.”
Zoro’s expression twisted in amusement. “What a load of crap” he chuckled. “Any alcohol does that… If you’re a loser who doesn’t know how to drink. Which is clearly not me” He folded his arms, with a cocky smile on his face. “Oh, that’s indeed an achievement” you giggled.
“I’m tough. I don’t need to get wasted to talk about how I feel.”
You smiled at him. “They do look nice though, I think I will give it a go, would you like one too?”
“I don’t mind as long as it’s alcohol” he shrugged, leaning back with that confident, careless ease of his. That was classic Zoro; he would drink anything if it had a good kick. So, you ordered the so-called Love Potion, more as a joke than anything else.
When the drinks arrived, you took a cautious sip, but Zoro, in typical fashion, downed his in one go.
“You didn’t mention it would be sweet” Zoro gave you a grimace of disgust.
“It’s called a Love Potion, what did you expect?” You laughed, shaking your head.
As you were slowly sipping on your drink, you felt a subtle warmth start to spread through you, though Zoro’s reaction was even more surprising.
“Hey, (Y/N)…” He reached over, a strange glint in his eye as he locked onto you. “Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?”
You blinked, taken aback. “What? No, you haven’t…”
“I mean it,” he continued, his voice was clear. “When I first met you, it was your strength. You never backed down. Always threw yourself into the fight with no fear. Then I… started to notice other things.”
He leaned closer, his eyes wandering over your face and then down your body. “Like how hot you are” he murmured, his voice rough, almost reverent.
You blinked, caught off guard. “Where’s that coming from?”
“Just saying the truth, that’s all” he replied with a smirk.
But he wasn’t done. His hands, usually so steady with his swords, rested on your shoulders, and he was suddenly right there, his lips grazing your neck in a way that made your whole body shiver. His breath was warm, his mouth soft yet unrelenting, as he kissed down the side of your neck.
"Strong and pretty, what’s more to wish for?" he whispered to your ear, giving you chills. His hand brushing along your arm in a way that sent sparks through you. "Your courage… it’s one of the first things I noticed. But it’s more than that now" His voice grew husky. “I’d never been interested in any woman that way before.”
Your heart pounded, and the warmth from the drink seemed to blend with the heat of his words. Emboldened, you took a longer sip from your own glass, feeling that strange drink work its way through you until it gave you the courage to admit something you'd kept hidden for so long.
“When you took Luffy’s pain,” you began softly, “when you stood there after fighting Kuma without saying a word. I realised how far you’d go for Luffy, for all of us. I was in awe of your loyalty, strength… I was in awe of you, Zoro. I wanted to be someone who could stand by your side… and, I think I fell for you then.” Your words hung in the air, your face flushing with a mixture of nerves and adrenaline.
As you finished your drink, you reached out, pressing a hand to his chest. “And, I mean… have you looked at yourself?” you whispered, your voice carrying a flirtatious edge as you let your fingers slide along his defined muscles. “How could I not be into you?”
And without another word, he took your hand, pulling you toward the exit.
You never thought a drink could change everything—but in that moment, as you both tumbled onto his bed, you knew you wouldn’t be turning back.
And neither would he.
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Old Tricks - P3
A/N: Now I can’t stop writing…
Pairing: Tony Stark x F! Reader
Warnings: 18+ themes, fluff.
Find Part 1 & Part 2 here ;)
.
Your husband was missing. Again.
And right after promising that he wouldn’t be late for movie night.
Movie nights. Something you had designated every once in a while complete with buttery popcorn and candy and lots of fluffy pillows and blankets.
Sighing, you finished your glass of wine while his lay untouched and made your way downstairs where he was probably killing his back over some invention.
As suspected, there he was, deep in conversation with his virtual best friend, FRIDAY. You hadn’t decided whether to let this go or go up to him and remind him of what he’d missed. It didn’t hurt you because you had lived with the man long enough to understand he never did it on purpose.
Curiosity had gotten the better of you when you squinted to see what he was up to, watching your husband scroll through pictures that resembled…sex toys?
“Let’s keep the face plate easily retractable too, the wife has a thing for neck kisses and so do I.”
Tony murmured, mostly to himself but he made amendments to the project in front of him, fingers gliding over the keyboard to put his words into actuality. He had lost track of time but only because it was directed towards a little present he had been working on, for you.
Unknown to him, you were standing back within earshot, watching him work with a mixture of shock and amusement on your face.
“I mean, I know Y/N loves coming on my fingers just as much. Maybe we could tweak the suit? Add additional modes on the vibrators too.”
Sure, boss.
Blush crept up your cheeks as his words fell on your ears, it was as if he was discussing any other modification to be done to his Iron Man suits. You tiptoed inside, not wanting to announce your presence just yet as Tony Stark - the successor of Stark Industries, genius inventor, world-renown superhero and philanthropist continued his back and forth with the AI.
You watched as prototypes holograms of his suit showed up, the alterations he spoke about highlighted along with detailed description of its features. The man ran his fingers through his hair, leaving them a glorious mess before walked around the table as if to get a whole 360 view.
Clearing your throat finally, you stifled a laugh as your husband jumped with a hand over his heart.
“Jesus Christ! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
Chuckling, you wrapped your arms around the man and reached up to give him a soft kiss. He sighed and hugged you, rubbing your back gently.
“You know among the things I presumed you do down here, I never imagined I’d catch you doing this. I also didn’t realise we had branched out to Adults Toys R Us.” You giggled when Tony playfully slapped your butt, joining in your laughter.
“It was supposed to be a surprise and a silly little gift. For the countless dates I’ve missed, I’m sorry.” He stared at his feet, scratching the back of his neck almost nervously.
“So you’re making me an apology sex toy? You continue to amaze me, Mr. Stark.” You murmured, making him look up at you again before pressing your lips to his lightly.
The man truly was unbelievable.
“What did I miss?” He asked earnestly, guilt evidently reflecting in his brown eyes.
“Our movie night. But it’s okay, I won’t hold it against you. Especially not if promise to reveal what all of this is about.”
Chuckling lowly, Tony planted his head on your shoulder, letting out a tired sigh and a purr the moment your fingers ran through his hair, comforting him.
“Am I going to get a demo or what?” You turned towards his work station while still keeping your arms around him.
“Nope. It’s still a work in progress.” Tony shrugged, swiftly shutting down his work.
“Oh come on, Tony! At least tell me something about it, what does it look like, how do I use it—”
“Oh no, you’re not going to use it. I am.”
You frowned, coaxing him to continue, now that he’d really got your interest piqued. It wasn’t surprising that he would design something like this without involving an element of ‘him’ in it.
“You’re giving me a present that’s meant to be used by you? Hmm, I’m not so sure if I want it now..” you teased, welcoming Tony as he slotted himself between your legs, caging you in by placing both his arms on either side.
“Oh you want it, alright. I’ve made sure it’s everything you’d wished for and more.”
“Hmm.. I would like some more details before I decide how I feel about this present.” Your arms naturally found their way behind his neck, excitement already building deep within as your little banter continued.
“Well?”
“Let’s just say all of your suit kink prayers have been answered, Mrs. Stark.”
No smut just yet 🤭
#tony stark x reader#tony stark fanfiction#tony stark fluff#tony stark imagine#tony stark drabble#tony stark x you#tony stark smut#the stark squad#mostly marvel musings#marvel fanfiction#tony stark
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I know you really want to call but trust me don’t
Tagging: @kmc1989 @dolphs-darling @watermeezer @queenslandlover-93 @redpool
Companion piece to:
Her Name Was Lola - You meet Mitch's wife.
Pause - Mitch doesn't realise you're not coping.
Mitch spends his nights at the casino, his phone tucked into his back pocket waiting for your call. It’s been weeks since he last heard from you, he’s trying to give you a little space but it’s hard, not talking to you every day, not seeing you. The only reason he knows you’re alright is because your blowing up on social media under #SunnyDelights. He’s seen the videos of you pouring your heart out, singing the most heart wrenching songs he’s ever heard and he knows that every single one of them is about him.
“She’s not coming back.” Lola tells him as she sits at his bar drinking a dirty martini and Mitch thinks she might just be right.
“That’s what you wanted isn’t it?” He remarks as he pours himself a double from the top shelf. “Sunny gone so you can have me all to myself.”
“Oh honey she made it easy.” Lola smiles as she sips from her glass, his class ring glinting in the light. “All I had to do was flash this thing around to get her panties in a bunch.”
“There’s something fundamentally wrong with you.” Mitch tells her as he toys with the shot glass. “For you to get this much pleasure out of someone else’s pain. It’s fucked up.”
“I’m not the one who made this mess.” She reminds him, shrugging her shoulders haplessly. “I’m just watching the dumpster fire burn.”
He realises then in that moment what a complete asshole he’s been. Lola, she’s never gonna give him a divorce, she would rather sit back and wait for a pay day, one that’s never going to come because that’s the one thing Mitch actually did listen to you about. The cash she’s asking for, it’s already gone, he reinvested it in the car dealership because he’s trying to build a future for the two of you, one where you don’t have to worry about sleeping in shitty motel rooms when you’re on tour.
“There’s no money here for you.” He tells her, his gaze fixating on hers. “So you may as well finish up that martini and get the fuck out before I throw you out.”
“Snapping at me won’t bring her back.” Lola says as she drains her glass. “I doubt anything will now that she realises she’s better off without you.”
“What the fuck did I do to you?” He asks her, slamming his palms upon the surface of the bar. “What did I do that made you want to come all the way over here and fuck up my life so badly huh?”
“It’s what you didn’t do.” Lola tells him, leaning in close so their lips are almost touching. “You didn’t stay.”
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Hi
So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.
So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶
wow. Thanks for sharing your struggles I'm sure it wasn't easy.
I really want to say that we all ARE Master Manifestors. Either consciously or unconsciously. It is amazing how you found your powers earlier but also I want you to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of because "Good or bad" doesn't exist to I AM. They are just Human made concepts.
I AM is I AM.
It is being. It is the vessel that comprehends, desires and thru I AM, it gets what it want.
I would suggest you to go back meditating and just focus on the day, your thoughts and journal them and do some introspection.
Every time you have a negative thought, observe them and ask why you have that. Is it the vessel's fear or your fear? (short ans: It's your vessel's)
So as we know the creation is already done. I AM exists anywhere, It is our decision to choose what we want. I know having that power might go good or cause anxiety but the truth is that it is so freeing.
Think of the times when you manifested and the fulfilment. Feel that feeling again.
Free yourself, you aren't gonna 'manifest' anything bad to yourself truly because you are the god of your reality and god doesn't worry for being a god.
And if you still have worries, Loa is basically Law of assumptions so just assume that every time a negative thought pops, your new story manifest quicker. BE CRAZY. It's your reality<3
(btw your thoughts or your mindset getting worse are just affirmations, you can ditch the old story any moment now)
#affirm and persist#barbs111claims#consciousness#loa blog#loablr#neville goddard#live in the end#non duality#lester levenson#awareness#reality shifting#anti shifters dni#shiftblr#shifting blog
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good times
#sorry 3rd Art Post of the day. ALSO THE REASON ive been thinking about winnerloser is i kid you not bc of that gif of them i reblogged a-#-bit ago. like the way loser smiles and laughs at winner in that one Eiffel Tower flashblack just Activsted something inside of me#something that made me realise i actually do really like them#battle for dream island#bfdi#bfb#tpot#bfdi loser#bfb loser#bfdi winner#bfb winner#tpot winner#winnerloser#odieart
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike
#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found!#yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3#not because hes nervous#im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this#pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO#i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally#anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye#i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless#WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony#can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND#think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand#we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved'#ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!!#i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do#i just keep doing whatever i feel like#i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it#mha#my art#yoichi shigaraki#one for all#my hero academia#first ofa user#shigaraki yoichi#mha yoichi#tiny yoichi#tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes#ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!!#i had an art moment though#HALLEJUHAH#art gods had my back fr
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I drew Paris not smiling within Helen's proximity for once because he's focusing (something something they're lost in each other's eyes).
Inspired by that one greek vase where they're practically touching nose to nose
also you get a close up because you clicked on the read more :) <3
#paris of troy#helen of sparta#paris and helen#greek myth art#I really like this sketch so maybe at some point I'll do something with it.#me: I want to make some thematically poignant art with these characters. maybe some short comics to explore those ideas.#also me: *proceeds to draw more fluffy art instead* them 🥺🥺🥺 wh what if they embraced each other? and looked at each other??#see what happens is every time I see paris slander on here I make more positive paris art to counterbalance it. out of spite 😤#be the change you want to see in the world or something like that. mwah soft paris and helen affection be upon ye 💜#headcanon: I can imagine them nuzzling their noses together + helen doing that little head turn courtship thing swans do w/ their partner 🥺#also. I debated whether to leave (whats left of) the delta tattoo in this piece but I ultimately decided to keep it.#he's made an attempt at removing it himself :') sorry to drop an angst bombshell in the middle of all the fluff it wasn't intentional#makes me realise I've never actually drawn him with his right arm exposed huh. anyways headcanon body markings be upon ye too.#capri_art
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Sorry what’s up w the Ethan slater stuff? I know him only from your posts / SpongeBob stuff
HI HELLO please buckle in
yep -- the same guy from the spongebob musical, and my posts abut the spongebob musical.
he blew up completely and now the general public knows him as 'ariana grande's new boyfriend' - their relationship seems to have started off the back of co-starring in the upcoming wicked musical film adaptation.
it's just been like. a monkey's paw curling sort of a way for him to get catapulted to fame, as i had always really enjoyed him as a performer (as spongebob, yes, but also in the other roles i'd seen him in,) and my biggest hope back around 2017 was that he would continue in and be really successful in theatre, get a lot of broadway roles, maybe take on some existing parts i thought he'd really suit, like seymour in little shop or ogie in waitress.......... but instead he booked the role of boq from wicked in a massive hollywood film production instead, where he met ariana grande. THE ariana grande.
and then yeah. at some point, he and grande broke up with their respective partners, (slater leaving both his wife AND newborn son) jumped into a new relationship, and now the whole wider internet knows who he is but certainly not for the right reasons.
there's been speculation regarding whether or not grande and slater had cheated on their previous partners before their relationship began with various sources coming out of the woodwork saying "yes they did" and others saying "no they didn't" -- humans are all perfectly capable of making stuff up, the media especially, so i simply don't know who to trust and i admit it had completely shattered my whole good impression of him - PLUS it gave the wider internet an absolutely awful first impression of him, resulting in, yeah, the (frankly, unflattering, sometimes downright cruel) memes of him popping up on twitter and, as i discovered yesterday, in non-theatre youtubers' videos who would literally never have heard of him if not for the slater-grande romance 🥲
FULL COVERAGE of the situation as it was happening can all be found on the lovely @notasimpleslater's blog under the tag 'ozgate' if you want to delve deeper!
#loren talks#ethan slater#months later let's call this my actual full response/reaction lol#i think at the time this was going down at the end of 2023 i was sort of just Freaking Out like my blood was boiling lol#i was parasocially furious with both of them#ofc now i do realise i'd put him on something of a pedestal#having seen his cute posts about his then wife an former childhood sweetheart plus posts welcoming his new son#AND having watched a youtube mini-series he'd made with his then-brother-in-law. i was SO invested and then.#i was like OH. he really DESTROYED his family huh.#but ofc! every situation is nuanced. we don't know what went on behind the scenes#wrg to his relationship. or what grande's was like with her ex-husband#since everything came to light there's been articles stating that slater wants to work with his ex-wife to share custody of their child#and that he's been spotted backstage WITH his son at spamalot on broadway (his current production)#so it sugggests he's not trying to be an Absent Father#which tracks with some of his own artwork as he and nick blaemire DID write a whole musical about the strained relationship between#a father and son and i just feel like. that suggests something about his personal character. and makes me HOPE he'd want to#be a present and loving parent regardless of circumstance.#anyways.#it's simply not my business BUT. seeing his face#popping up every now and again#it does just. feel extremely weird haha#there's a part of me that's like oh but that's musical spongebob my bestie what's he doing here#as for ariana i really have never had a strong opinion of her#but i have to say hearing her songs out and about these days...... :') i could do without it
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every so often i have my "am i the problem?" moments and then i refer to my legitimately and unironically itemized list of why i cut certain people off and remember that i gave them numerous chances and frankly plenty of undeserved time to correct their behaviour and treat me with the same respect i gave them and im like nvm. im fine. its just unfortunate that so much of that shit imploded in such a short amount of time.
#moving really did change me as a person and to be honest with you i like myself way more now#i feel like the friendships i DO still have are a lot more honest and authentic and equal#like we can actually communicate and someone can tell me if ive done something wrong and vice versa#but its a little jarring to realise so many of my friendships depended on me being a doormat#and when The Change happened (which is to say the fucked up traumatic events that made me stop putting everyone else above me)#it made me fundamentally incompatible with a lot of people in my life and that sucks. legitimately its fucking awful.#it made me realise a lot of my friendships were built on top of geyser systems. like it was just a matter of time before i snapped#and when i did snap i wasnt even cruel. i wasnt even mean. i was direct and honest and that was punished.#so tbh all of them can drop dead. the best thing about having brain problems is i can just switch off an attachment#txt
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sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg
#i was justttttt thinking that aw it's so sad that navratri music is playling everywhere and i don't have friends to go with#like last year atleast i had tuition sorta friends but now ive isolated them too it sucks#but i was like well it's okay ill do it when i grow up celebrate every festival i didn't get to in my house because we just never do#and then she calls and she's like let's go this club jahan every year famous hota hai full celebration#and i was like ehh i don't want to i don't even know how to play and ill have to convince dad for raat can't we just#go to a cafe or something dopahar mein uske liye i don't even need permission#and she even agreed but she sounded sad and disappointed about it so i was like well fuck it you want to go club na#and she was like yeahhh so i was like aagh okay and i asked and we're going tomorrow!!!!!#and it's so ridiculous like i just say i don't want to go but it's actually so exciting to go someplace other than a cafe!!!!#and i was complaining to her ki okay ill go but i won't dress up and five mins later me and mumma are making full outfit with dupatta#style decided jewellery she has saved for years that are specifically navratri types and she's like we'll get my blouse altered it's fine#you know being sick has really given me perspective on my parents#im not going to hate my mom anymore i never used to growing up i always thought she was brave but helpless#but a stupid day in 12th i realised when we were talking that technically she COULF get divorced she just#doesn't want to because she'll be alone and she thinks we're growing up and leaving anyway so why should she let go of financial#stability for us. which is wild to me because girl you can't buy anything you want without his permission so i don't understand what's the#point if he's rich or poor but whatever whatever she's been raised this way etc etc#but anyway being sick really made me realise who the real monster is😭 all dad did was shout horribly at me all the time#and was like don't you dare take meds they're fake this is all just junk food stop eating it and you'll be fine. when i was literally#having 103 FEVER.#and mom was the one who was making me different drinks juices cutting up fruits staying with me as i get my blood drawn#checking my fever sote jaagte#like wow i literally wouldn't have gotten better if it wasn't for her and i couldn't believe how attentive and nice she was being#like yes i understand she just thinks this is her duty she's just playing her role a mother a housewife but still#idk i just realized that okay atleast she's good at being a mother dad isn't even that why am i feeling good about him when his love#not even love his politeness is so fucking conditional#and mom healed me even tho i told her about clubbing and drinking lots of alcohol she's kinda against it because she's seen#horrible things in life family yucky men but still she understands ans trusts my sister mostly and know we just do it for fun and she#wasn't even mad!!!!!!! like wow ooay#moms love is actually not conditional for the first time in my life i felt like if i fall maybe she could be there to catch me and dad wld
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pausing your regularly scheduled drama to announce that camp tensions are finally relaxing ~
#hey look theyre getting better!#noya is more determined to try n pull herself together especially after seeing how hard ali is trying to do that#plus the fact that theyre actually on their way to denerim now has her in higher spirits too#(shes absolutely gonna not like what she finds there but she doesnt know that yet <3)#and for renan seeing the determination and camaraderie in the different places theyve been in#has both made them really realise that the threat is Real and kindled an Actual drive to try their best to stop the blight#there is def still drama and tension lol but everyones startin to get on better (or at least be civil with one another) so thats something!#oc: noya tabris#oc: var'renan mahariel#my ocs#morrigan#leliana#dao#my art#so far noya gets on better w alistair and leliana bc they respond better to yknow. being talked to in general lmao#but also to questions n stuff. cos noya is the type to push questions instead of dropping them#which makes her unpopular w morrigan tho#opposite for renan lol; ali still finds it hard to connect w her and renan and leli have a mutual distrust#morri is so much fun tho lmao i love how their convos basically go#'*quesion*' - 'why should i tell you??' - 'ok nvm then' - 'excuse me i never said i /dont/ wanna tell >:('#aaanyway enough rambling lolol#brain buzzing w blorbo thoughts what else is new xD
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i feel kinda crazy bc whenever i was a teenager i created this sorta imaginary older big sister who had moved out of the house so in my head i could live w her whenever i wanted bc she had survived it all and was independent and she would also just comfort me in a big sisterly way whenever something bad or upsetting happened and recently ive been going back to that at my big age 😭 and its kinda sad and also just wish fulfillment and also kinda scary bc i really used to think that by my age i'd have everything sorted but i really don't and i know that's normal and nobodies twenties are perfect but some people also have good relationships w their fathers which is crazy just to think about sooo
#is this readable? i hope not ❤️#i typed up some of my feelings about this in a word doc and just realised like damn i basically have an imaginary friend as an adult#i really am crazy lol#i just feel lonely within my family atm. bc my brother is younger than me so he could never really do anything to help#and i feel like i cant really trust my mam the same anymore..even tho i still love her a lot#and i'm trying to improve my relationship w my dad bc im realising what a hard life he had and that he's not like an irredeemable Bad Perso#and sometimes he'll look at me a certain way or apologise for something small that he would never have apologised for a couple of years ago#and i feel like im going crazy like is he becoming a better person or..? and i feel bad bc im not really doing the same#or maybe i am. sometimes i think im unfair to him considering how he is now but i also cant really reconcile what he is now w/ how he#was then. and then he'll suddenly say something to me in a certain tone of voice or with a certain sharpness and i'll go back to how a felt#as a teenager :/ i rlly dont know what to do about it but i think its because i dont really have anyone to talk to about it#i mean i sort of do. but i also dont actually know how much of it actually happened and how much of it i just made up#but having worked w teenagers yeah they can be little shits but i also cant imagine treating any of them the way my dad treated me#just bc theyre annoying or have an attitude or are a little mean or whatever#like theres actually a lot of ppl i could talk to but also how do you even bring something like this up#how do i say 'oh and i invented an older sister as a coping mechanism and sometimes i still talk to her in my head' without sounding crazy#its 2am here i need to go to bed i have work in the morning 😭 day and night and next day ruined bc my dad spoke to me slightly funny
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i feel weird and self conscious about my art again. sigh
the entire post ended up in thw tags ohb my god
#imptxt#ill talk about it more here#i do actually really like my art overall#i love my artstyle a lot it's so fun! lineless art awesome yay ^_^#i also really like the fact that i can very easily make super experimental art without feeling. bad or something.#BUT#i started drawing later than a lot of other people i guess. i haven't drawn since i was born i started drawing on aj when i was 9/10#and i didn't ever use references when i was younger which has made me incredibly. anxious about using them now :(. doesn't help that i am-#genuinely scared of using human refs because. i feel like they're staring at me#ive been seeing a lot art by people who are the same age as me or younger recently which is. technically a lot better than me currently#like. skills wise or whatever#and the ideas ive been having in my head have also become a lot more. out of my comfort zone/abilities#which is making me feel like i have to improve but. i don't really feel like it at the same time. i just want to have fun#but. i also want my art to be more interesting and dynamic anf just. Cool i want to have cooler art.#i haven't really used any tutorials but. None of them are really just. suitable for me from what i can tell??? idk man. different artstyles#to the one i have.#it's. it sucks.#i hate it.#sigh#ive also been feeling more guilty about yhe art i post recently???#idk. it feels repetitive and i don't want that. sigh.#i also wanna draw backgrounds man i love backgrounds but they're difficult#nothing is stopping me from doing that tbh. i just. have been very focused on drawing characters and ive been lazy with them#thankfully background refs aren't difficult for me to use.#ouuuhggvgg art js a Fuck why do i do it#(it's so fun hats why)#helllk wajt i just realised the reason why this is happening is because the thing im reading has fucking banger art#You Fucker. whatever you're forgiven god your art is so goals hs.#maybe i can. hm#AART YAY!!!!
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more bullshit
#this is such a good way to spend my time Im so fucking busyyyy#this also actually made me realise that its the second time ive drawn denmark as patrick/christian bale and its like. well its true but im#insane also#ive been wanting to do the fernanfloo meme for 50 years though because that most litearlly is already his outfit#but well anyways i got to give him a spiffy alternative fancy outfit that im kind of obsessed with#it may be that he doesnt have his stupid headband for 5 minutes or the bullet wound swagger but well i like him#litearlly no body is going to understand the context of the first meme until like. 6 volumes of my comic come out im crazy#well whatever. its for me ok.#i should have been working on my berserk drawing but instead.#my ranting#do you guys understand how long it took me to find the christian bale image without the goth bugs bunny i wanted to kill myself#then all i had to do was google ''christian bale so cunty'' and the second image on google was the fucking post...like goddd#''why is denmark in heaven'' well because the inbetween is all clouds so the backgrounds always are white please pleaspelaplseplease#i know i backed myself into a cornerrr thereee but pleaseee#Pleaseee#with that logic he should also be wearing completely white clothes unless theyre his normal outfit but i figured that would look Really Wei#Weird so i didnt do it#im aware no one cares and im inflicting these rules upon myself ok well the illness#...which is why i also tried to fit kyles binder beneath the dress which he would never wear bc of the dysphoria but i figured ok well. idk#the binder was built into the dress or something idk idk dont think about it too hard#''dont think about it too hard'' is the hardest thing 4 me. well i will think about it soo hard unfrotuantely#its 5 am#my art#kyle batillo#denmark newman#kar#it feels really weird to draw the 2 of them without ilya there. its like going to a hotel without the cuck chair.#like wheres my beautiful third wheel scowling in the background#cady will you tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back OK SORRY i should rewatch meangirls. for the millionth time#sad you cant see his giant gauges bc hair is covering but just remmeber theyre there k drew them.....
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we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
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