#something that he wishes to have but cant get

[coffeegnomee]

genuinely i think alot of kaboodle's actions on lifesteal can be explained by her scripted lore background. the world of scripted lore is fraught with the idea that "lore" is just... being miserable. it was something that made it difficult for me to get into ksmp (though i did eventually enjoy it), because it felt just so awful all the time. pointless arguments didn't tug at my heartstrings, it made me frustrated. but that's besides the point

i think maybe one of the reasons she takes everything way harder than she should and exaggerates relationships and disagreements is perhaps because she is drawing in past experience to be a good entertainer, in the way she is familiar with. which is so fair! we are formed by our backgrounds. it does unfortunately make it difficult to watch her if you're accustomed to the more ""live action"" sort of format lifesteal is usually in, where people seperate their characters from themselves a little less. but she has a good size audience that seems to fw it, so i dunno

that's just my take on the overuse of the word "betrayal" and such

agree but disagree. yes scripted is usually just being miserable but zam is just miserable all the time and his lore actually makes sense and is very entertaining to watch and he also separates himself from his character (to a degree). but when he is miserable he is consistently miserable while also doing some fun things to distract from the misery or making some impact on the server like cleaning up spawn while being miserable to chat. kab just sits around and talks and does fuck all. sorry. hating. a lot of hating below.

and it's annoying because she is miserable but then will go be fighting her inner demons of destruction, but then won't destroy because she doesn't want to be mean and she cares so much, but then she plans to destroy anyway but then she doesn't do it and doesn't have any consistency in any motivation or characterization and she's all over the place. every hour her emotional state is different and there's absolutely no effort at a throughline and everything before is just thrown out the window.

And it pisses me off that she does come from scripting because surely her characters on ksmp had some throughline and consistency.

and yet her inconsistency on ls does make sense bc in scripted you can plan and succeed with every plan you make when you are literally scripting the outcome.

but on lifesteal you can plan for something cool and fun and it can be taken away in an instant by the very same people you were trying to impress and that is hard and will send anyone into being tilted.

and trying to decide how to react to that is wildly difficult and i dont really envy them having to figure out what to do, but i do wish she would DO something. but that's also unfair because she is doing something, she's rebuilding. but while rebuilding she's going between wanting 4c to help her while also trying to convince him to betray his team while also trying to convince him to give her a heart without a fight while also planning to kill him while also reminding herself she has to be nice to him. so she's just using him. just say it with your full chest. you never cared about him and you just want someone else to do the work to get your own selfish self-pity plan back on the server.

you want to complain and then have someone swoop in and save you. and you dont want to make any effort to actually care about that person.

it's miserably sad and annoying to watch because lifesteal is about caring about people, and she goes on and on an on about caring *so much* but she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. and she lies to herself and and chat and insists that she cares.

and yes that's a rather consistent characterization to through at ls!kab but damn if it doesn't read like that at all and she went from genuinely apologizing to 4c to just using him flat out and reminding herself that she needs to use him and cant just kill him.

maybe its just that she's vilely unlikable. maybe that's the point in her scripted mind. make a hatable character. and yet her actions also speak to desperately trying to make a likable character whom youre sympathetic to, she tries desperately to guilt trip and pull at the heartstings about how shes just been betrayed so many times and life is so hard for her and shes so weak and how could you be mean to someone so pathetic and wounded.

but she's not likable at all. she doesnt care about a single other soul or what they care about. the second they put a boundary up she wants to run and leave, which, fair enough, actually a cool characterization of trauma but like also so abusive-coded. but in the end she chose to not abandon bacon as far as we can tell, but i can tell you give it two seconds and that thought will come back and she'll decide to betray him anyway. because nothing is consistent and nothing she says has any long term value. she just goes on the past five minutes to decide what she will do.

she's just so fake and that fakeness can be attributed to the character, but it only feels even more fake because she insists it's a character and not her as she turns around and does something that makes more sense for her to do as herself than the character. she is being two people existing on the same account, swapping out whenever necessary. but that's stupid. take responsibility for your actions and your emotions. stop blaming others.

and yes. it all goes back to how painfully different scripted mcrp is from unscripted.

and i know for damn sure that this will not be like this next season because she will learn from this season. or she doesn't. and that's what's so frustrating. the possibility that she never learns why lifesteal is lifesteal.

the possibility that she keeps writing asshole abusive characters that just get more abusive because of her own internal mental problems that lay unresolved and shoved under the rug like they aren't part of the character even though they are part of herself. she refuses to look at herself and acts like if just just acts hard enough they won't affect anything. they effect everything. you can't run from yourself when you are making unscripted content.

and yes. i am being really mean about someone who clearly has a lot of baggage. yes i am being mean about someone who is abusive as a defense mechanism and hates boundaries because of fear of being alone and all these things that are basically the bully being bullied at home type beat.

but she embraces none of it. doesn't even see any of it. thinks she has written a cute story with kazam, a cute ship that may be a little messed up but is at it's core cute.

it's fucking abusive and shit. it makes my skin crawl. zam is screaming to be let out of it and she thinks it's sunshine and roses. she is, to use the word literally, delusional about her actions. she thinks they are one thing when they are anything besides that.

but we do have one success story. and the trend goes that every lifestealer learns what lifesteal is by their second or third season. they all eventually get it. vi chose to do a very distinct character vs streamer in s4 and he crashed and burned to a degree unfathomable. and he learned from it. and he now says that was his favorite story he ever told. he see's how he's grown as a person because of it.

there is only hope in the future when it comes to kaboodle. lifesteal genuinely changes you and makes you grow. not because you choose to grow, but because it forces it out of you.

but in this moment im just constantly a ball of rage and constantly sent into sadness every time i watch. and she keeps interacting with my mains so im not going to just miss the story, and the progression is already happening, the kablantis shock is a genuinely lifesteal trauma moment for kab and is already changing her in good ways. this is the story, this is part of watching lifesteal. the meta conflict is what makes this server painfully unique. this difficult encounter with players that piss you off. because people in life are like this. people can suck and hurt each other and don't look at their internal mental state, they shove things under the rug and think they're fine and cause sorrow and pain when life gets difficult. that's life. encountering it as story really helps understand the people around you. to be more compassionate, be able to see when theyre hurting and chose to be kind anyway. to learn how to feel the negative emotions and process them and not run from them yourself. or learn how to stick up for yourself and put up your own boundaries and learn that you can. to figure out who you are. it's the best. and the worst. and leaves me hating until i realize it is interesting even though i hate it.

[cupcake669]

I really like the "slutty hippy cult leader Viktor" agenda we have going on in the fanarts buuuut i have another idea for your consideration:

oblivious Viktor + "going insane" Jayce + ecchi anime style shenaningans

I am talking about Jayce falling head first into Viktor's chest, getting stuck together in cramped spaces, Viktor's robes slipping from time to time...and let's not forget his exposed sides and back.

In this fever dream of mine, Jayce joins the compound trying to save the world but gets crazier by the minute because his partner is just so damn pretty and Viktor is entirely unaware of it!

Everyday is a new kind of torture for Jayce. And listen, its not like his attraction towards Viktor is new, oh no, he has been fighting with the demons of bisexuality and unrequitted love for ages and he was doing okeyish. But now Viktor is showing TOO MUCH SKIN (thinks Jayce, like a sheltered victorian who sees ankles for the first time) and even worse: everyone gets to look at it too! Viktor's cult is basically his fanclub and Jayce is their number 1 hater.

Meanwhile Viktor is just happy he has Jayce by his side. He loves him ofc, but there is no way Jayce would like him back. Yes, he might be healthy now, but Jayce doesnt like men (he aint winning prizes for that one) and his body is altered, not human anymore. It's functional and exceptional is some ways, but not attractive in the slightest. Which is fine, because he doesnt need that of course! Why would he? He had time to accept his forever fruitless love towards Jayce, no need to get sentimental about it now!

And yet...strange situations keep happening between the two of them. Everytime they get close Jayce gets visibly uncomfortable. Sometimes he thinks that he can sense Jayce looking at him, but when he looks back Jayce averts his eyes. Is it guilt? Is it disgust? Oh that could be...especially because Jayce used to touch him a lot, in a friendly way mind you, but still. Now he tries to avoid touching Viktor as much as possible. Viktor thinks its natural, he shouldnt expect anything else. But still...everytime they touch by chance, he wishes that it would never end. Its a selfish, unreasonable desire, something he should have left behind with his old, human body... but he just cant help it.

And so they are in a strange limbo, the two of them. Pretending everything is fine, healing others, bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders and having to dance around each other in a way they are not familiar with.

The accidents that bring them together keep increasing. Is the arcane reacting to Viktor's deepest desire or they just naturally gravitate towards the other? Maybe both, maybe neither. Maybe its just the will of an old, tired mage who needs a little bit of entertainment in his life.

[starrysan]

nouvelle vague

↳ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ? [12]

pairing: korea local!yunho x new to city!reader [smau]

masterlist || prev chap || next chap

third person pov

y/n was working at their desk when they were called into their bosses office. “you asked for me?” when say walking into the office and sitting down. “yes i did” the boss hums typing on her computer. she gestures for them to have a seat though they were already seated.

"you've been here a few months now, yes?" she asks. "yes I have" y/n replies. "im sorry.. did I do something wrong? I thought I reported everything in a timely mann-" y/n starts. "nothing like that" their boss assures them.

"you've been doing great. really incredibly" their boss continues. "its not confirmed but we may move you back to the Australia branch" she drops finally to which y/n freezes on the spot. "i.. im sorry what?" y/n makes sure they heard her correctly. "the employment isn't going as well there since to be honest we moved a lot of people abroad this quarter" their boss continues.

"I was told i'd be here for minimum a year its barely been 8 months" y/n says in disbelief. "I know.. im sorry" the boss replies though it honestly didn't seem that convincing. y/n leaves the office in defeat. it of course wasn't confirmed but the fact that it could happen made them freak out.

they tried texting yunho who wasn't responding again but he's busy they shouldn't bother him its fine. they texted chris for a bit, texted san as well. started getting worried about yunho since he wasn't responding and started freaking out about their job again. they panic FaceTimed chris who picked up immediately.

"everything ok?" chris asked through the phone to which he got a quick "no" from y/n. they re-explain everything their boss had told them "I miss you so much but I also love Korea so much now and I know nothings confirmed but im still scared" y/n rambles. "everythings going to all work out y/n don't worry" chris reassures them.

"I know.. im sorry I shouldn't be freaking out right now" y/n sighs. "don't apologize" chris hums. "I cant confirm what will happen of course but youre strong y/n it'll all work out and be okay" chris finishes. "thanks chris" y/n says.

the two hang up the call and y/n goes back to trying to test yunho with no success. he was at work for another couple hours but they thought he'd at least be able to look at his texts. maybe he was sick of them already.

they tried not to think that way but it only made the thoughts they had in the back of their head stronger. he didn't really like them did he? who were they kidding.. he was too busy for someone as high maintenance as they were. they should have known he'd get tired of them.

maybe he was ignoring them to send them a message without actually telling them. that had to be it? did they do something wrong? did they screw up that bad that he didn't even want to talk to them. all these thoughts rushed into their head till they got an abrupt phone call from mingi that broke them from their thoughts.

"hi mingi" they say picking up the call. "y/nnnnn" mingi says excitedly. "what's up? hope im not bothering you I know you have work right now" he giggles over the phone. to not let him know the anguish they were going through they pretended everything was completely fine. "hi mingi" they chuckle. "yeah im good what's up?"

"just wanted to call you its been a hot minute want to hang out later?" he asks, y/n hears yeosang's distant voice telling him not to bother them at work. "tell yeosang I say hello" y/n hums. "sang y/n says heyy" mingi practically yells. "hi y/n" yeosang chimes in.

y/n got off the phone in a bit of a better mood. mingi always had that charm of helping them feel better. they decide not to think about the potential doom of leaving Korea and head home for the night. they send one last text to yunho wishing him goodnight before crashing and falling asleep.

a notification chimes just as they're falling asleep, from yunho..

extras!

y/n overthinks a lot

mingi #1 y/n cheer upper!

ty for reading!

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[mimi-fy]

Why daisukes death was tragic (to jimmy atleast)

Daisuke is a ray of sunshine, hes a young boy from a relatively rich family. He is a pure boy, as the hibiscus flower represents beauty, and pink represents innocence, daisuke is innocent. The name of the game mouthwashing, referees to mouthwash and how you use it, you think its good for your teeth, but its not. It ruins your teeth slowly due to the sugar content. Just like jimmy. How jimmy thinks he’s fixing things but it just makes things worse in the longer run.

Like how he thinks it’s okay to send daisuke up to fix things, because daisuke is the only one who knows the insides of the ship. Daisuke was taught to follow his leaders when he was younger, and that can even go to the extreme if they taught him to follow his leaders even if it hurts to do anything to please their leaders. And daisuke always follows his leaders, he follows Swansea, and when he asks daisuke to drink daisuke is hesitant but does it anyway, because his leader told him too. When jimmy tells daisuke to go in the vent, daisuke objects but he follows because jimmy is now his leader, jimmy is the captain and Swansea is in no leader position. Captains orders, he tells daisuke. He knows he’ll follow and do his bidding for him. Daisukes death was tragic, because he was still young and had not yet lived a real life. When we get the dialogue about his life and how he was a slacker, jimmy shuts up and takes the mouthwash away from him. It’s possible that jimmy saw himself in daisuke that they both had problems and no aspirations in life, that they both followed their leaders. Jimmy could’ve followed his leaders but then he wanted to gain control as he could’ve been abused by his leaders wanting to be the one in control so jimmy could never be abused again but became the abuser. But daisuke was still young and doing all he could to try and be something unlike jimmy who has no life outside of the tulpar. He wanted to be something and have a place he worked so hard for it, unlike jimmy who doesnt work hard for things and uses other for his advantage to do the work instead (how he used daisuke). He sees the quick outcome of his actions, and jimmy in a line says ‘I’ll figure it out’ meaning he has no idea what hes doing and it’s a constant in the game. He tries to fix his mistakes, but it’s just mouthwash. He thinks hes fixing everything, but hes making it worse. That’s why the mouthwash in the game isn’t insignificant but important. Why jimmy tries to fix his wounds with mouthwash, but makes no other move. While daisuke is choking on his own blood no one dares to move him, while daisuke is dying he tries to be quiet mostly because his mothers used to complain that he was so chatty, that his leaders dont want him so loud, so as hes dying among his leaders (diasuke and swansea) he tries not to be a nuisance and stay quiet. He followed his leaders to death, and when Swansea ends his suffering by killing daisuke. So daisuke cant suffer from jimmy’s delusions calling him out. And when jimmy tells Swansea hell fix it, what jimmy said before but fucking it up that’s why Swansea tells him to fuck himself and he wishes he could’ve got daisuke the smallest chance off this rock, because he was still young and had a life ahead of him unlike everyone else. That he had a life outside of the tulpar unlike jimmy. That’s possibly why daisuke got much more guilt out of jimmy.

I kinda fucky-wuckied this one (pls check my account for my jimmy analysis!)

[smolcuriouskitten]

Rockelle could feel her vision blur from how bad the migrane was, so she slowly made her way to the couch and plops down with a soft whine leaving her mouth. Roxie was having a moment in her head and her brain felt like it would explode if she did anything else. Hearing David speak, she makes sure to listen to his words despite how much her head was throbbing.

"I do....That I cant answer. I know she has a job that requires her to kill but as for...Fuck ow...Who she does it for I dont know." She responds in a strained tone. "I would ask her but shes having a temper tantrum and shes...fuck...causing a migrane.." She said, pressing her hands to her face, tears running down her face. "Look...Just shut up for now...Im sorry, my head h-hurts way too much to talk." She strained with a whine.

She wondered how David would feel all the time with Hulk and if it was something he could control. She wished she could make Roxie stop but given how far along she was with being angry, she cant even concentrate enough magic to help herself. When Roxie finally stops, shes gonna get her ass kicked.

"I dont know her- I do- LOOK LONG STORY!" Rockelle yells back and yanks Roxie by the hair farther away from the house. "If you dont let me- FUCK OW!" Roxie screeches as shes pushed against a tree, promptly picked up by the collar by her counterpart. "Is this the assignment you were talking about Roxie?" Rockelle growls and Roxie tries to argue, which gets a shake from Rockelle and a push farther into the tree. Roxie winces, holding the other womans arm.

"Fuck! Yes yes it was! How was I supposed to know the bastard was your friend?!" Roxie protests and Rockelle huffs. "You live in my head. You see everything I see. You KNEW he was someone close to me and you go out to kill him?! If you needed money THAT badly I would rather you have stole it!" Rockelle barks in response, Roxie rolling her eyes. "Oh please, I do that for stress relief, the money is a bonus."

And with that, Rockelle puts Roxie back in time out. Aka back in her head. After a bit, Rockelle came back into the home, keeping her distance from Bruce. "Hey love...Shes gone. Look, I can explain. For the record, I am not going to hurt you, nor do I ever want too. That was my opposite...An evil version of me who lives in my head." She taps her head and takes her shoes off before coming in.

"I should have said something earlier but I had NO IDEA she would attempt to hurt you. That isnt fair to you." She said, pinching her forehead as a migrane started due to Roxie throwing things around and having a tantrum. "And we arent the same person. Kind of. She just lives in my head and throws bitch fits when she doesnt get her way. I keep her up here for a reason."

[simonisferal]

cannibal kabukimono, save me please..

[bunnieswithknives]

As much as I love angst I think it would be funny if he just didnt give af

[slavhew]

And I just have to tell you that I

Love you so much these days,

[luck-of-the-drawings]

EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?

[skunkes]

reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit

[triglycercule]

i love that the murder time trio all have dangerous little greetings. horror has his little hand drill thing. killer puts a knife up his sleeve and then does a little switcharoo. dust INSTINCTIVELY shoots whoever he sees with a bone. no greeting whatsoever. so just imagine how things go on a first meeting or whatever. immediately horror and killer have to dodge bones from dust and horror's like hey wtf man. mildly irritated but he just met these guys so he's willing to forgive. he's not gonna lose his cool in front of these two random ass guys even though one just tried to kill him. killer just has that dumbass smile on his face like always (but he was intrigued when dust did that. like who tries to kill someone on first sight?? he's curious now :3)

and then theyre all just standing together and staring for a moment and horror sticks out his hand. killer takes the bait but then he just points a knife to horror's stolen eye once he realizes that he got duped and his other hand is now currently being drilled into. dust didn't shake either of their hands because he could see the drill and tell that killer had something off about him in general. but he does give a tiny smile when he sees the state that the two r in rn with the drill and knife. it's an eensy bit funny in his eyes

least violent mtt interaction

[jajanvm-imbi]

Hey remember when I said that this was the most frustrating thing about being a Helluva Boss enjoyer?

Yeah I was wrong.

The most frustrating thing about being a Helluva Boss enjoyer is explicitly stating multiple times that I like show and then get called an anti and homophobic and media illiterate when I complain about the direction it has taken.

I LIKE the comedy

I LIKE the animation and artstyle

I LIKE the more serious plotlines like the government agents plot and the Cherubs plot

I LIKE the themes of friendship and found family

I even like most of the songs!

And ofc the voice cast slays every time

But just because your show has angst and tears and drama and sad music doesn't automatically make it "good".

Just because your characters are queer doesn't automatically make them good or well written characters

This fandom is so frustrating to deal with when you want to express your more nuanced takes of it

This is probably gonna be the last post I make about this subject and about Helluva Boss in general, this shit is too stupid to deal with

[astral-schools]

do you remember when we felt like the only two alive?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

i miss charles so bad why do they keep separating my already divorced parents.

I miss charles so bad why do they keep killing him

[thedeadthree]

THE SUN ON YOUR FACE ON YOUR SHOULDERS ITS GOLDEN MOUTH WHISPERING (SO IT SEEMS) YOU! YOU! YOU! — 𝐂𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐀 𝐕𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑. 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑟. (x)

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 (ask to be added or removed or interact 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞!): @griffin-wood, @queennymeria, @nightbloodbix, @anoras, @leviiackrman, @aezyrraeshh, @marivenah, @risingsh0t, @avallachs, @full---ofstarlight, @unholymilf, @statichvm, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @alltoowelltv, @lavampira, @adelaidedrubman, @grapecaseschoices, @shellibisshe, @carlosoliveiraa, @carrionsflower, @cloudofbutterflies92, @kyber-infinitygems, @pinkfey, @celticwoman, @florbelles, @shadowglens, @yharnams

[puke-ur-gutz]

i will cashapp $10 to the first person who can name 3 real life harmful things bob bryar did without accusing him of thought crime