#something new I’ll try this year
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pov that strange boy is back at the border
these models are so lietpol to me
#lietpol#hws lithuania#hws poland#hetalia#hetalia fanart#tolys laurinaitis#feliks łukasiewicz#thank god for auto tagging cuz there’s no fucking way I’d ever be able to remember how to spell pols name#I saw these models on Pinterest years ago and went they look familiar���#me whenever I see a blonde and a brunette with fuckass bobs: omg lietpol!#a nonprussia post how rare#still goin thru burnout so I’m trying something new to combat#sorry Gil I’ll draw your bussy another time 😔#digital art#my art#strange boy is Russia btw#I like to think that they were at least the same height when they were younger if not at least pol being taller by an inch#cuz I think it’d be funny if Tolys just shot up halfway through making Feliks go >:T#he’d probably make a rule against him getting taller lol
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i did something crazy (actually played the sims)
#like no i didn’t go in to work on story or post stuff I PLAYED…#i made a sim to try the new pack out with finally because i had a craving for some gameplay#and on this blog we honor those cravings rare as they are#honestly.. it was kind of nice.. i feel burnt out creatively so doing something mindless injected me with serotonin#did i have to restrain myself from making over every sim mine interacted with.. yes of course#ahhh how do people play and not want to remake everything#that’s why i only actually play like a couple times a year 😭#anyway it was nice. i’ll probs hop on again later
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idk if i’m just THAT tired of feeling awful and dealing with so much life stuff lately but i’ve decided that actually i’m going to like myself and allow myself to have a nice day this time thanks
#it’ll be okay it’ll be okay it’ll be okay#it’s OKAY to have a fun day today#😪😪#i dont like events#they stress me out and i never know how to react to them#BUT#im gonna try something new and be fine about it all this time😤#and i am absolutely 100% NOT going to be bothered by the Relative Situations™️ today i REFUSE😤#they are not worth me stressing about today#sorry i had to manifest somewhere#there’s like The Thing today and i’m going to try to be SO brave and happy about it for the first time in like six years#and i am ironically very worried and stressed about that lol#and not confident about how well i’ll succeed but i’m going to TRY and that’s what’s important#pls ignore me hyping myself up at 2 am lol#had to get it out so i could go to sleep😤
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you ever think about the fact that they stayed in the past for several days longer than they needed to and it’s very much implied that swaine was the one holding them back. bc I do
#twirls my hair in my fingers maybe I’m planning on writing a fic centered on swaine and young marcassin during those several days#very staunchly behind the idea that swaine likely didn’t know when the emperor died bc he’d already left hamelin#and there was no one to break the news to him. so the guilt of leaving marcassin alone on that day absolutely eats him alive inside#bc even now that he knows. he has to leave him again. marcassin is going to be alone for those 15 years whether he likes it or not.#swaine trying to comfort marcassin in the past while also burying his own grief while also fully aware that he has to leave him again#marcassin is aware that swaine is his brother bc. I mean he was there when the emperor called swaine his son#but is politely trying to ignore it#idk. I have fun here#this is just a quick concept doodle but. maybe I’ll draw something more elaborate for it#ni no kuni#ni no kuni swaine#ni no kuni marcassin
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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so,,, bad news guys.
broke my apple pencil.
im going to mess with it a bit more but i basically broke the top of it and it’s not responding at all.
there’s no way i’m getting a replacement anytime soon so i’ll probably be working with just my fingertip from here on out- which is definitely far from ideal.
here’s to hoping i can figure something out but there might not be any digital art for a little while, or any good art anyways. we will see.
#sorry to start 2024 on a bad note haha#im kind of upset and sad at the moment but i’ll try and figure something out#i just don’t have any way to get another one right now so i don’t know where to go from here#but we stay silly nonetheless#happy new year#ciftrchats
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I think I am a simple skincare girlie. The basics. A splash of water in the morning toner moisturiser serum girlie. A lush angel’s on bare skin gentle cleanser serum moisturiser at night girlie. I wanted the cleanser and ampoules and serums and toners to work and glow me up but alas. I am too fragile and too delicate a tree to be using heavy growth fertiliser.
#the angels on bare skin savvveeeddd me once it’ll save me again#it sucks cause I spent money on skincare and it didn’t work and broke me out#a fresh 20somethung year old with cystic acne from trying to do something new and right#back to the basics as the legend twice once said#I’ll update if my skin gets better !!!#miko.online
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starting shadowing at a vet clinic tomorrow!!!
#i am very excited#they took a while to get back to me but now i should be all set#it’s a community spay and neuter clinic so i should get to observe surgeries which will be cool#hopefully this will also function as something to help me get an entry level veterinary job in the next year or so#i’m gonna aim to try to get that either later this year or next summer#i’m retaking organic chemistry in the fall so i think i wanna put off also adjusting to a new job while taking the hardest class ive ever#done so a veterinary job may end up as a next spring/summer goal which is fine especially since i’ll be getting some experience this summer#a job is less of a priority#and i have a barista job for as long as i need it so having work isn’t an issue
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I think definitely one of the things I want to keep in mind for next year is that I don’t want to have FOMO bother me so much 😭😭😭
#it’s something I struggle with and while I do think I’ve gotten better with it over the years#my brain still tries to convince me that I’ll never be included in a group of people if I don’t go to this one event they’re having#maybe that’s just the fear of being left out and not sharing the fun experience the other people had#I think that’s why I struggle with making friends who already have established friend groups or like clubs and stuff#because being the new person always felt isolating or that I wasn’t part of the whole group 😭#but idk I’m trying to not let it determine my worth as a person and friend 😭 working on it at least#my posts
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#rant time#ok you know what im literally done bc if you’re going to act like my friend only when it’s convenient for you you’re not my friend!!!#like!!! hello??? do you realize how not ok it is to treat people that way??? to make comments that lift them up and make them feel like#they’re your best friend and then ignore them for the next two weeks or whatever??#seriously stop being so fake!!! you should’ve just been a mature person and told me that you don’t want to be my friend anymore instead of#whatever this is#like just tell me if i did something wrong to you and we can move on#because do you understand how terrible it makes me feel every time i’m in a class with you and all of your friends and you act like you’ve#never seen my face in your life??? and i’m just sitting there alone when years ago you would always sit by me when i was sitting alone#because you said you hated when people sat alone#yeah right ok girl i believe you!!!#of course you don’t understand that because you’ve never felt that way#you just ditch your friends every one or two years because there’s new people you like better#well guess what??? if you keep being a crappy friend those people will never be your real friends#like seriously who are you actually friends with??? you’re so fake!!! you constantly talk crap about all of your new friends!!! and then#the second they’re in the room with you you act like they’re your best friend for life#like no they’re not!!! not when you’ve said stuff like how mean and braggy they are and how you don’t want them to get leads over me!!!#well guess what if you want to ditch friends who are actually good people then you’re stuck with mean and braggy people so deal with it#and it’s not just me!!! i feel like you’ve treated everyone like this and it’s so not ok#so anyway i know I’ll say all this and then the next time you try to talk to me i’ll keep acting like it’s fine#but just so you know i think you’re the fakest friend I’ve ever had and i hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine#sorry for the rant lol#lav speaks
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T shirt that says I still have social issues and trauma from things that happened over a decade ago
#captain’s log#I am getting back in to therapy to process things dw#I just find myself in these spaces and spiraling#because of how much I want to be friends with people or want people to like me#to think I’m fine and normal even or worthwhile but that feeling of wanting to be friends or needing to somehow#in the nebulous space of interaction irl or social media try to cut through and#communicate my personality my worth and my desire for friendship all while risking rejecting#rejection* feels impossible and is within itself very triggering#especially because I get stuck in these spaces of always feeling stupid ugly and like an 11 year old kid who doesn’t understand#but just feels like somethings WRONG with them and keeps saying the wrong things when he tries to make people like him#and that assumed wrongness which begates assumed rejection only makes the spiral worse#hi I will be okay I am fine I am just like. struggling and wanting to not feel weird or stupid or annoying#my last two work environments have been incredibly unprofessional and toxic which I think has triggered all of this#several people I worked with in both places have compared it to high school so I think there’s that#also I’ve made some fantastic and really cool new friends and I feel so frightened of rejection and so unworthy of friendship#also if I ever don’t respond to people it is because I panic and shutdown! haha sorry about that#I’m starting EDMR again this fall so hopefully I will see a turn around#I also think my anti-depressants have stopped working. also thinking about taking my psych up on the referral for Ketemine#anyway sorry I’ll be fine I’m going to wake Will up now so I’m not alone jdkdkskssksksks also eat something
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I think about polymer clay and a little pang goes through my heart
#ghost posts#i used to sculpt ALL THE TIME#miniatures for dolls mostly but I would make figurines too#i loved it so much and stopped when my work station got dismantled and also major depression for years#depression is fortunately not as bad as it once was#but workstation is still..ehhhhh#i want to make a space that I can work and try again#even if it’s something small. build the little towns I used to make again or something#maybe redo the little wonky car I made when I was in my teens#see if I will get back into it or if it’s something to lay to rest#i loved saving up $5 and buying a couple of new colors as a kid lol#i made things super small bc I couldn’t afford much material#it was a fun challenge to make things itty bitty#one guy used a magnifying glass to look at a piece I made#it would be cool to be able to do that again#but I’ll accept it if I can’t
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Whelp, I am officially overworked since last week. Had a breakdown, couldn’t think, felt empty as hell. But, here I am getting there.
#mistress blabbling#a lot of shit happend but i am doing everything that i can#on doctors orders i have to stay home and not work at all#which is something i am still trying to come to terms with#and my boss is a sweetheart though but it’s not just from this job#i had so many jobs in a short time and everytime i had to proof my ass again and again#new people#and i am just completely drained#i just hated it so much having to leave a job because they get rid of you when they have a year that’s not going well for them#i haven’t slept so good in a long time#i just want a stable life is that too much to ask?#i’ll see what the future brings#one step and then another#so i am just gonna chill and i’ll see what 2024 is gonna bring me
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wakefulness comes with a ✨price✨
#still can’t believe my bro actually rented a car just to drag me out of bed… granted it was on my dime but. smh#he’s a decent driver though. napping in the backseat was quite comfortable#still can’t believe my family tbh lmao. i told them many times that all i wanted to do today was to sleep#b u t they had somehow latched on to a passing remark i made like over a month or so ago about wanting to eat burgers from a certain place…#‘it only comes once a year; you can sleep after you leave your job on friday—’ they said… so welp.#man. at least i got good food and a few new plushies out of it. so it wasn’t all that bad… i think#either way i’m truly grateful to my mother and bro for everything. don’t tell them though; it’s embarrassing#u m. anyway. i guess i’ll finally have time to resume idol sengen after i’ve caught up on sleep?#i’m gonna try to zoom through the next 2 vols before mona’s album comes out s o. well. um. i’ll do my very best!!!!!#remind me to make the masterpost thing free for rbing once im done with it bc. y e a h.#anyways!! gn!! i gotta go fill up some forms or something before i forget lol. have a great week ahead!!!#l o r d i just realised i forgot to off rbs again aaaaaaa my memory is getting worse with age frrrrrr
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hanaaa ☹️ i want to write a series and i have the perfect idea but i'm scared that i won't finish it. i want to make it a long series but i've only ever written short stories. can you help me out oh great writer goddess? 🙌
araaaa ☹️ you’re so cute. this is so valid! committing to a series, especially a long series, is so difficult. i think the only piece of advice i can give you is to take your time! the best work always comes from attention and love, so make sure you really like the idea you have. draft an outline for the series and for the chapters and then get started! there’s no time crunch, regardless of people saying “when’s the next chapter?” and “how often are you updating?” ignore them. this is your story, and you get to set the pace.
even if you get started and write a few chapters, and then suddenly you can’t write anything else, that’s okay. i promise it is. creativity comes and goes and you aren’t a bad writer for abandoning the series.
i think you should definitely start the series! even if you don’t finish it, your wonderful writing will be out in the world and i know so many people will love it. besides, it’s always nice to try something new! that way, no one can fault for you not trying.
#i want to wrap you in a blanket and kiss your forehead#ara i promise that whatever you do write#will be amazing#take your time and pace yourself and i’m sure you can write however many chapters you want#i have sorta abandoned a series on my other blog and it’s been almost two years#since the last update#i just can’t find the motivation to write it#so i haven’t#when it comes#and it will come#that’s when i’ll write it#so don’t feel bad#try something new! if it doesn’t work out then oh well 🤲🏽#love you!#i’m sure your idea is absolutely magnificent#arabella!#enha!asks
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so I accidentally watched like 5 episodes of Chicago PD while in Florida (while killing time) and so I was like ‘oh I like SVU, maybe this won’t be bad, seems like a good cop becoming corrupt story’ and nope. Nope. cannot do it. every other episode you’ve got two teams of 10 people each shooting up a city block with AKs on a typical Tuesday at noon for one drug dealer. they walk out dressed like they’re about to invade Kuwait as average detectives. based on this show, the city is always one bad afternoon from turning into mad max. and the writing is just bad for a procedural. like I live here. there are not gang shootouts in river north next to some of the most expensive restaurants in the city/country. the Michelin reviewers were not dodging bullets like it’s the matrix. not to mention these cops stop traffic violations all the time……..unrealistic.
#look I know SVU is fake and copaganda but in the reality the show they are right like 99% of the time#beyond a reasonable doubt right#and I was like oh a show that’s actually filmed here#and with a show about a cop corrupted by power#but it turns out the guy who would make former commander burges blush is the good guy#the guy murders a bunch of people and covers it up?!#I’ll try Chicago med since I love ER but my guess is it will also be bad#all Chicago shows are either really good and feel very local but then others are like:#ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY OF MODERN DAY CHICAGO#EVERY DAY THE AVERAGE CHICAGOAN IS SHOT AT AT LEAST 4 TIMES!!!!#look we do have crime and violence here#but we’re not even the worst city in the Midwest (looking at you St. Louis)#(and tbh our gang unit was disbanded due to corruption so that should tell you something)#I saw someone try to defend this show by saying The Chicago Outfit still ruled the city lmfao#Al Capone’s ghost is out here ruling our city lmfao#never mind that that was 100 years ago lmfao#anyway#thoughts? thoughts
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