#maybe that’s just the fear of being left out and not sharing the fun experience the other people had

[roseofcards90]

I think definitely one of the things I want to keep in mind for next year is that I don’t want to have FOMO bother me so much 😭😭😭

[vnti-vntiety-recs]

LEARNING CURVES (M)

★  PAIRING: 00 line x Reader (ft.Mark)

☆ WORD COUNT: 23k

★ GENRE(S): Pure Smut

☆ SUMMARY: After a negative sexual encounter in high school, fear and reluctance hold you back from exploring new experiences. However, a friend offers advice that shifts your perspective, suggesting that perhaps all you need is some practice to improve and feel more confident in trying new things outside of your comfort zone. You would need a lot of practice.

★ ☆ WARNINGS: Multiple sexual acts, unprotected sex, orgy, cursing, choking. Literally just sex.☆★ NOTES: I had some fun writing this, shout out to my friend for literally living this life. You made dreams come true.

You loved being able to catch up with your friends; it was rare you got to see them nowadays with your conflicting schedules and new adult responsibilities. By now, you were all grown up, having traded in your sibling-shared rooms for an open loft and independence. You lived alone, and while at times it can feel lonely, you really enjoyed the time to yourself. Spending time alone would allow you to learn more about yourself.

Today, after debriefing with your friends about their sex lives, you discovered that yours is about as dry as the Nevada desert. 

Your friends occupy the living room space of your new loft. You had been in your new home for about a month when they decided to come over for a housewarming party. With Jisung's tall, lean frame stretched out on the couch, everyone else had to make room on the floor. Being a lightweight. He ended up knocking out before anyone else. Your friends Chenle, Yang Yang, Yuna, and Mia surround you on the floor. Your not sure how the conversation got started, but everyone was recounting embarrassing sexcapades from the past. 

“And then he fell asleep on top of me after finishing. He was practically crushing me; I thought I was gonna die,” Yuna laughs hysterically at the memory. 

The idea of your friend experiencing that makes you shudder. Your other friends laugh along easily. The empty alcohol bottles that decorate your carpet and countertops can only indicate one thing: everyone was off their ass drunk. There was easy conversation, unceasing laughter, and smiles so big they hurt your cheeks. 

The stories continue on, and you’re enjoying the time you get to spend together. Yanyang tells you about some girl he went home with after class one day and how she could only get off if he was wearing a cat headband. 

“So you pretended to be her kitten the whole time?” Mia asked with a laugh. You could tell she was getting a kick from the mental image of Yangyang purring like a kitten.

“It was hot, actually!” He protests.

"Well, I thought this story was supposed to be embarrassing? You’re in to petplay, big whoop?” You chime in.

"Well, it only got weird when she started calling me Mr. Whiskers,” he groans out of anguish at the memory.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but you were practically weeping at this point. “MR.WHISKERS??”

“There's no way! Tell me you left!” Chenle adds,

“I had to see it through” Yang Yang shakes his head before shrugging. “What about you, miss lonely? Any stories? Don't think we haven't noticed how quiet you are” Yang Yang targets you.

You feel a chill down your spine, like a bucket of ice water was just dumped over you. Although they were more of the second-hand variety, your friends did have some embarrassing stories. They weren't the ones that embarrassed themselves, and that intimidated you a little from telling your own story. Yours had been so embarrassing that you refused to try anything sexual since then. You felt like they wouldn't understand.

"Well, I haven’t really done much.” You say. You wanted to avoid the conversation.

“Oh come on, what about Doyoung? You two didn’t do anything?” Yuna asks.

“No, Well, not really” You could feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment. This was why you didnt want to talk about it. Your lack of sexual experience was probably the reason he broke up with you.

“I've only ever given head, and it was really bad,” you finally admit.

"Well, come on. It was your first time; you can’t beat yourself up about it,” Yuna encourages.

It was back in high school; you had been dating Doyoung for a few months, and you were both ready to take the next step in the relationship. You were too afraid to go too far, so you offered to just give him head. 

You should have known better than to try to sneak away at school, but you were young and foolish. Things took a turn for the worse after you and Doyoung slipped into a supply closet in between classes.

You were both really inexperienced and only knew sex from porn. You were overly cocky in your abilities, and so was he. When you first put him in your mouth, you didn't mind your teeth at all. You used too much saliva, making everything too messy. He couldn't get hard at all, so it was hard to stroke it, and so you were just awkwardly flailing your wrist on his length. He wasn't that big, and you thought that maybe if you took him farther down your throat, he would feel better. Big mistake. 

You swore it barely touched the back of your throat, but you had just finished lunch like 30 minutes prior, and honestly, the unfamiliar taste of his precum was making your stomach turn a little. The next thing you know, your throwing up on his shoes.

“And then the janitor walked in, and he had to help clean up my throw up” You finish your story, hands cringing at your sides.

Your friends had listened intently through the whole story without interrupting once. You finally look up from your lap to scam their reactions.

Chenle was biting his lip, holding back a laugh for his dear life. Yuna was trying her hardest to look serious as she nodded her head in understanding, but you could see the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall from how hard she wanted to laugh. Yangyang and Mia were fully turned around; all you could see was their shoulders shaking.

“THIS IS SERIOUS!” you whine in aggravation. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The previous silent laughter turned to full-blown cackling. They were so loud, it made Jisung stir on the sofa.

You pout and cross your arms, trying to shrink yourself away. Thinking back on it after all these years, it was funny now, but it had really taken a toll on your self-confidence. You couldn't even get Doyoung hard, and after he broke up with you, you found it hard to try again. You had dated a few other guys here and there, but the moment they tried to get more physical, you got cold feet. You were a virgin, but if you wanted to be technical, you lost your virginity to a fence in the 5th grade while trying to climb a fence. You had slipped and fallen hard on the fence. You didn't realize it at the time, but the blood in your underwear that day was caused by your hymen breaking, not a deep cut from the fence you couldn't find. 

Your friends finally calm down after they see you not laughing along. "Hey, we're sorry,” Mia apologizes “Does it still bother you?”

"Yes,” you say

"Jeez, its been years; you really haven’t had any better experience than that?” Chenle says

“You always know exactly what to say,” you say dryly. 

“What he meant to say was you were young and that was a long time ago; you shouldnt beat yourself up about it.” Mia glares at Chenle.

“I guess,” you shrug unimpressed 

"Well, practice makes perfect so your not gonna get better if you do nothing,” chenle says

This time, you shoot him a glare at his brutal honesty.

That's how you find yourself downloading Tinder. You had thought about it over the next few days. Your friends were all grown up and living their best lives, and you were still stuck on something that happened in your freshman year of high school. Years had passed, and you needed to move on. Maybe Lele was right? Maybe all you needed was to go out and keep falling until you could stand up on your own. Clearly, they had had their fair share of embarrassing stories, and it had helped them grow. You had a lot of growing to do if you were going to make up for the last few years.

You make your profile very simple. You add a few cute photos; nothing risky because you’re still afraid you might run into one of your friends on the app, and you would just die if they found your account. 

You add the description of “just looking for fun” and hope you can cast your net wide enough to catch someone promising.

You swipe for about half an hour until you get tired. You had a lot of planning to do. Chenle probably didn't mean it literally, but that's how you were going to take it. 

You knew nothing about being intimate or physical with someone, but you were quite bookish. Instead of love and companionship, you were drawn towards studies and literature.

If there was something you didn't know, you would just crack it open and study its insides. That is how you would approach this; you would treat it as an equation that, with a little bit of study, you could solve. 

Practice makes perfect...

Practicing math makes you a mathematician

Practicing science makes you a scientist

Practicing law makes you a lawyer

So technically speaking, if we follow the trend,  if we recognize the pattern...

Practicing sex makes you a sexist? 

Ok no, but you get the point. With practice, you should improve.

Your phone dings, and you smile at the message you got “What kind of fun are you looking for?”

Renjun was his name, and you had made plans to meet with him this weekend. In between classes and work, you made time to prepare yourself to meet Renjun. You had spoken to him briefly through text. You had told him that you were inexperienced and were only comfortable with giving head. He told you not to worry and that he was more than okay with that.  

First things first: you had to deal with your first bully if you wanted to move past your past and loosen its hold on you. The thing that made you insecure, the thing that kept you up at night, you had to overcome.

THE BLOWJOB

You had prepared for this day all week. You read article after article of different techniques to try. You had gone through a whole 18 pack of popsicles, and by the 10th one, you had finally managed not to gag when you reached the last color. You couldn't quite pat yourself on the back yet; you weren't sure if you were getting better or if you had just frozen your tonsils. Today, you would find out, though.

You nervously clutch your phone as you shoot him a text letting him know you were outside. He buzzes you in, and you make your way up to apartment 0323 on the third floor. When he opens the door, you can't help but return his smile. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but this cover was really pretty. 

Renjun just had a welcoming aura that made you feel comfortable. When you come inside, he asks if you want anything to drink, and he shows you where his bathroom is in case you need it, making you feel at home. After he does a short walk through, he leads you back to the living room, and you both sit on his couch.

“This is a really nice place,” you comment, awkwardly unsure of what to say “Do you have roommates?” His apartment was very large; you noticed it was on the nicer side of town, and you saw at least 4 bedrooms.

“Yeah, but I kicked them out tonight,” he says before eyeing you up and down “I want to take my time with you” 

Your skin instantly heated up at his bold words. The kind man who had smiled and welcomed you into his house might have been a fox.

“I've only ever done this once before, and I'm not really sure if I’ll be any good,” you say, unable to hold his eye contact. 

“Its ok baby; I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” he says softly “You wanna sit closer so I can see your pretty face?” He says it gently. 

You scoot closer so that your thighs are touching. “There's my girl,” he says, and you can feel your heart rate pick up at the praise. He doesn’t look away from you once; his piercing stare makes you feel shy.

Your eyes are glued to your hands, folded politely in your lap, and when he reaches out to intertwine his with yours, you wonder if he can feel the way your hands tremble in his grasp.

“Are you scared? Why are you shaking baby?” he asks sweetly, using his other hand to caress your cheek soothingly. “Don’t be afraid, baby we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do” He strokes your face for a bit longer before lightly gripping your chin and pulling you to finally face him “Do you want to do this, baby? Let me hear your pretty voice”

His compliments twist at your heart again, and it feels like you’re under his spell. He spoke to you in a way that was sweet like honey; it made you want to comply with everything he asked of you. 

He smiles at the dopey look on your face when he calls you pretty “You like it when I talk to you like that? Hmm pretty?” Still not brave enough to take a full sip from you without your permission, he pecks the corner of your mouth. "You have to answer me, or we can't have fun." 

You nod lazily, and you try to chase his lips when he pulls away. 

he pulls back "words," and his eyes look glazed over as he stares at your lips.

“Yes, I want this,” you whisper breathlessly 

He kisses you gently, barely allowing you to savor his taste, before he pulls away again. “Let's take it slow, ok? I got you; just follow my lead,” he says, inches away from your mouth. You nod impatiently and surge forward again, claiming his lips against yours. 

You were really eager; you didn't realize how touch-starved you were until tonight. You were pressed heavily against his side as you worked your lips over his. It was a very sloppy kiss, but you loved every second of it. His lips were so soft, you couldn't help but groan against them. 

You felt a rough hand against your sternum until it traced up towards your neck. His finger tips barely grazed the skin of your neck. He caressed you there for a moment before his grip turned firm, and he pushed you back just enough to get your attention. You whine in disappointment, and he kisses the pout on your lips.

“I said slow, baby I’m not going anywhere,” he says softly. He tries to keep things light so you don't become discouraged. “You taste so good; I want to savor it,” he soothes with praise.

He spoke in a way that made your stomach do backflips. You nod and take a deep breath. You wait patiently for him to lean in and allow him to take the lead. He kisses you slowly and sensually. You can fully understand what he meant earlier when he said he wanted to savor it. There was something about his slow, almost lazy kisses that had you gripping his thigh. He slips his tongue inside your mouth and strokes against yours. You gently suck on his tongue, matching his energy. When he pulls away, you have trouble catching your breath. 

“like that, ok? you try now” 

You lean in and kiss him, copying all the things he did to you before pulling away.

Your eyes were completely glazed over at this point. Your body was loose, all tension from before evaporating. His kisses were like liquor.

“Good baby,” he says.

You were ready for more, so you sank off the couch until you were situated between his legs. He doesn't say a word while you buckle his belt, holding your eye contact as you discard it to the side. He helps you by pulling his pants down his thighs before pulling himself out of his briefs. He stood in front of you completely hard, and your heart feels light. 

You did it! He was hard, and all you did was kiss. first obstacle overcome! You smile dopely at him, and he returns the look with a soft smile before caressing your cheek. 

“What are you so happy for, baby? Want it that bad?” He says this, stroking himself languidly.

With your new-found confidence, you shoo his hand away and grip the base.

step one… firm grip

step two… pump and suck

or was it suck then pump?

You tried to remember the articles you had read, but it was like your brain was short-circuiting.

“Relax, baby, don't think about it.” He pats the top of your head soothingly “Open your mouth,” he guides. You do as he says and wait for the next command, “stick your tongue out”

You stick out your tongue and slap the length lightly against your fat tongue before pulling it off and licking from the base to the tip again.

You lick at the underside of his tip before kissing it. “Is this ok?” you ask shakily. From the way his breath picks up slightly, you suppose your off to a good start.

"Baby, you are doing so good for me. "Just like I taught you, take it slow," he says, panting a little. 

You give him a nod, then glance back at his lovely pink tip. You suck on the tip experimentally, being extra cautious of your teeth. When you pulled up, you massaged the head with your tongue. You get comfortable, and soon your ready to take more. You slip down further on his length and stroke what you cannot fit in your mouth. His cock had a slight curve to it, and you were hesitant to go deeper. You didn't account for that with the straight popsicles you would suck. You stay within your comfort zone and work him as best you can. You start twisting your wrist at his base, and when you come up for air, you drag your hand up, chasing your mouth, to twist your wrist at his tip. This causes him to let out a moan.

“Just like that, baby, you’re doing so good” 

The praise goes to your head, and before you can second-guess yourself, you suck one of his balls gently into your mouth. the way his hips jerk up suddenly scares you. you think you did something wrong but he immediately encouraged you. 

“Keep your eyes on me, baby; im close” 

You kiss your way back up the shaft until you take it back into your mouth. you moan around his length and he shudders. 

“That's right, baby, almost there,” he says, his voice thick with arousal. You feel his hand at the back of your neck as it gently guides you up and down. “do you trust me?” he asks

You nod subtly, trying not to scrape him with your teeth. “Breathe in deep,” he tells you as he lifts you off his length.

You take a deep breath, and you know what is coming. You practiced for this. You were ready.

He guides you back down his length. Slowly sinking you down, forcing you to take more of him as he hits the back of your throat. Your eyes tear up immediately, and your hands move to grip at his thighs. Your nose is tucked into his abdomen as you deep-throat him. 

Yes! You were doing it! This wasnt so-

You cough violently after a few seconds of having him down your throat, and he pulls you up immediately. You catch your breath, trying to contain your harsh coughing fit. Renjun is stroking himself in front of you, and you open your mouth again, letting him stroke over your tongue. 

Without warning, he finishes all over your lips and face. You lick at your lips, tasting the mess. It tasted salty and bitter

It was a long day; you didn't have any courses today, but you'd just finished a lengthy shift and wanted to relax. Soft music fills your home while you give yourself the princess treatment. You really needed to relax, so you lit a few candles. 

When you get home, you take a hot bath. You had filled the tub with bubbles, which reached your neck as you sank down into it. 

Only when there was a knock did you realize there was a body in the doorway. You nearly leap out of your skin, only to discover it was Chenle. 

“What are you doing in my house” you heave in a breath, trying to calm your heart.

With a playful hop onto your countertop, he mocks you, "Spare key." You feel at ease in his company despite being nude; Chenle was more like a brother to you. The bubbles were pretty dense, so you doubted he could see anything. “Had to do a welfare check; you werent texting back in the groupchat”

“I've been busy,” you say hesitantly. You hadnt told your friends about your escapades. You were too nervous, and you definitely knew they wouldn't like the idea of you meeting up with strangers in the middle of the night.

“Your hiding something,” he said, narrowing his eyes at you

"Well, I am in the middle of taking a bath,” you joke.

“Not what I mean,” he says, rolling his eyes “what have you been up to, you sneak”

You gave a deep, heavy sigh. Lele was the kind of person who would dig until he found the truth, so it was best to just tell him. You spare the two of you the hassle.

“I took your advice.”

“My advice?”

“Yeah, on practicing... you said I should practice if I wanted to get better.”

“I was wondering why you had three twelve packs of bombpops in your freezer” Lele tilted his head with a nod.

“So I did, and... I hooked up with someone” You sink further into the tub until only your eyes are visible above the bubbles.

“Tell me everything; I want every detail.” A Cheshire grin spreads across his face as he smiles at you, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Honestly, you have been dying to talk to someone about this. You tell him how you met Renjun through Tinder, how sweet he was, and how comfortable he made you. Chenle is leaning forward, nodding along with everything you say, fully immersed in your story. It wasn't until you finished that he let out a shocked chuckle.

"Wow, baby bird has finally left the nest,” he jokes, “so whats next? You're going to keep seeing this guy?”

You liked Renjun, but you weren't ready for a relationship just yet, especially after only swallowing his dick. You aren't done with your expirations yet. You still had to find your other test subjects. You reasoned that including a variable would help you assess how much you were progressing and if you were truly improving. Renjun was nice, but it was almost time for someone new.

“Maybe. I dont know. Im not really ready for a relationship”

“Are you just looking for something fun?”

Precisely

Although he told you a thousand times that you did an amazing job, you still weren't satisfied. You could hardly take him down your throat. You would need more practice if you were going to be able to take on something bigger one day. 

You had been training your gag reflex lately; this would decide if you were ready to move on to the next stage. You had looked up somewhere that practicing on a banana might get you used to the natural curve of a penis, but when it broke off into your throat and you almost choked on it, you decided to play it safe and stick to your ice pops. At least those would melt before you choked and died. You could stand proud the next time you see Renjun. 

He buzzed you up like last time, and your steps were a little lighter as you bound up his stairs for the second time.

“Hey pretty, are you ready for another lesson?”

This time, as he brings you in, he takes you directly to his bedroom. You get a little nervous; you weren't ready for that yet.  He notices your tense shoulder and laughs softly. “Calm down; we’re not doing anything like that. I just wanted you to be comfortable,” he explains

You relax and follow him as he crawls into his bed. His room was very... Renjun, or at least what you thought Renjun to be like. Ambient mood lighting casts a gentle golden glow throughout his space. He was very clean and ordered, and his room had an overall calm and cozy vibe to it. 

He got comfortable against his headboard, and as you positioned yourself in between his legs on your stomach. His bed sheets smelled like fresh laundry, and it was like you were lying on a cloud. You prop yourself up on your elbows and begin working. You are grateful that things with Renjun were strictly business. You hated small talk, and this dynamic would make things less awkward in the long run. You reach forward and are about to pull him out of his shorts when he stops your wrists short. 

“You gotta work me up, baby, not yet,” he explains. 

Slow, steady, and sensual. That's how Renjun liked to move. You were getting better at understanding him. He liked it slow, and he liked it when you teased him.

You trailed your hand up and down his thighs; he was only in some sleep shorts, so you teasingly trailed your hand under the fabric and stroked high on his skin. You pushed up the other leg of his shorts as you laid hot kisses against the skin there. You kissed up his thigh and over his bulge that was starting to strain against his shorts. He was bare under, and just the thought alone had your mouth watering. You had to remind yourself to take it slow.

You trail your hand even higher under the fabric of his shorts until you softly grip his length. You kiss him through the fabric as you softly stroke his hard cock. It was right in front of you, and he was refusing you. You had to squeeze your thighs together as you pictured the way you would finally get to shove his cock down your throat. Your grip tightens at the thought, and his soft moans that now flow from his lips tell you that he's ready for more.

You finally slip him out of his shorts and take him into your mouth. You rest the tip against your tongue as you lazily lick him up. You hold his eye contact as you take more and more of him into your mouth. You hum around him in pleasure as his face twists in pleasure. 

"Fuck, mmm so pretty. so fucking pretty with your mouth full,” he moans "I could watch you all day, just like that baby, just like that”

You could feel that familiar sense clouding your head; you were sinking again. Your thoughts traveled to that special place, and his words alone made you feel drunk. 

Fuck going slow; you needed him down your throat. You pull up to take a deep breath in through your nose and sink down on him again. You take all of him and settle at his base. You look up at him from your position, and you can see his mouth drop open in a silent moan.

He heaves a breath and grips the sheets as you slurp loudly on your way up. You work at his base with a tight fist before sinking back down again. You repeat the motion a few times before you feel his hands collecting your hair up into a ponytail. He uses the makeshift ponytail as a handle to guide you up and down his length. The next time you come down, he holds you still for a few seconds, and you can feel his hips shyly cant up, fucking your throat. You cough hard and smack at his thigh for air. He draws you up, and your wet, tearful eyes meet his. However, a fox returned the stare. The fox he had hidden beneath his sheep's skin was finally showing his teeth. 

“Back down, baby, we're going to make you learn tonight,” he says “Open your mouth”

You obey, and he grips your jaw with one hand while the other brushes his length on your lips before lowering you flush against his pelvis. “Come on, take it. Its all yours pretty,” he grunts, fucking your face until he feels your throat tighten again and he pulls you up. “Breathe, come on, baby we got to get that throat fucked out”

And your down again. He pulls you up and holds your head in place as he thrusts shallowly into your mouth and over your tongue. “Hands off, I got you," was another command.

You snake one of your hands down your front as he uses your throat for his own pleasure. He was so deep down your throat that you never wanted him to pull out. You circle your clit a few times as you get lost in your own pleasure.

“Almost there, look at me,” he cries as his hips begin to stutter so close to release. He brings you down again, and his thighs shake. He was about to pull you up, no doubt to finish on your face, but you refused to pull off. You force him to cum deep down your throat.

You pull off swallowing quickly before you start coughing again. You help him ride it out with a few weak pumps of his cock. You watch him catch his breath as he looks at you with nothing but disbelief in his eyes. 

“How was that? Was that okay? Was I going to fast-”

He sits up and pushes you back onto the bed. He kisses you deeply and moans at the lingering taste of himself on your tongue.

“How about I show you?” He kisses down your body over your clothes until hes settled between your legs. “Let me show you how that felt, please. Let me make you feel good,” he begs

The look he gives you makes you ruin your panties all over again. You had never had anyone touch you like that before but you trusted him.

“Show me”

You conquered the blowjob and then the blowjob conquered you. After passing out in his room, you snuck out the next morning before his roommates woke up. You didn't plan on seeing him again after this and that left you feeling a bit down. There was no time to dwell on it, though. It made you wonder if Renjun was correct in saying you were moving too fast, since after two positive experiences, you were already thinking about exploring further.

Who would be your next target?

RIDING

Renjun was right. Renjun was 100% right. You needed to slow down. 

You wanted to move things along; you were eager to learn more about your own body, so you opted to start small. Well, as little as a 7-inch dildo could be. Although you had never used a toy like this before, you were no stranger to an orgasm. You definitely made yourself come before but you used some shoddy vibrator you got when you were 18 from the back of some edgey store in the mall that had a small adult section. 

You had ordered this toy offline and didn't think it would be as big as it was until you got it in the mail. It wasn't super grithy but the stretch still scared you. Maybe you should have listened to the online forums and started small with 4 inches but at the time, 4 inches didn't sound like a lot. That was less than a five-dollar footlong at subway and you were always still hungry after eating one of those. No matter how much lube you used, no matter how aroused you were, you couldn't take it. You will have to try again later.

You had effectively scared yourself back into a corner. You decided to take a break from your “studies” and focus on school and work. Maybe you just weren't ready to leave your comfort zone yet.

Your life returns to normal for a bit; you work, come home, then sleep. You wake up early for class, go to work, then come home and sleep. You wake up early for class, go out with your friends, come home, and then sleep. It was a constant rinse and repeat of the same things. You had hobbies but none of them were as interesting as the one thing plaguing your mind recently. 

You needed dick, bad.

Against your better judgement, you eventually hit Renjun up again and you guys meet up a few more times. He'd come over to your house the last few times because he complained about not being able to get his roommates out of the house. You loved pleasing Renjun and he loved pleasing you but his tongue and fingers weren't enough for your greedy pussy anymore. You needed more.

You lay in bed one night after Renjun left, having finished another session with you and even though he had made you cum your pussy was still throbbing for more. You knew if you had asked, he would have given it to you, but you wanted to investigate on your own and conduct your own research before diving headfirst into something like that. 

You reach down into your soaked panties and rub at your clit lazily. You squeeze your legs together as your pussy clamps down around nothing. You try to mimic the way Renjun had his fingers shoved knuckles deep in you earlier; you trace at your slit and work in a finger curling it the same way he did. It wasn't enough. You add another one and work yourself up, pumping your fingers pathetically inside and grinding the palm of your hand against your clit. It still wasn't enough, and even adding a third finger still didn't satisfy you. You needed something bigger. You shudder at the thought but pull your fingers out of your dripping cunt. You reach under your bed for your box and set it on your bed before pulling out your new toy. 

“Take it slow; just like I taught you,” you repeat his words to yourself.

You line the toy up to your entrance and coat it in your juices. Your about to push it inside when you decide to play it safe and add more lube. Now that the toy is fully coated, you can get comfortable on your back and ease it inside. Your a lot more relaxed this time than when you first tried. Renjun had already made you cum earlier, and you thank him for his services. You slid the tip in and took more and more until it was at least 2/3 inside. You didn't particularly like the rubbery feel of the dildo; you bet Renjun would feel better nuzzled deep inside you. You imagine him inside of you and its like your body opens up and your able to take the rest. 

You kick your legs open further, spreading them wider. You don't move for a few seconds, getting used to something being this deep inside of you. You found it hard to pull the toy out, your insatiable core clamping down tight onto it. Your able to find a small, shallow rhythm, barely able to pull it out, your back arching as you fuck yourself. You wriggle as you shove the toy in farther—suddenly, seven inches was not enough. Deeper, that is what you wanted. You would need to find something bigger. You grow close but you can't quite take yourself over the edge. You reached down with your free hand and rubbed at your clit. Your essence coats the toy as you topple over and spill all over it. Your bones are tired and you pray that you can wake up on time in the morning. You drag yourself to the bathroom, clean yourself up, and know that when you finally crawl into bed, you will sleep through all of your alarms.

You spend the following few days getting to know your body. You eventually part with your old toy and get a new vibrator—you choose a wand. Toys are expensive; you had no idea till you went shopping for them. There were a ton of beautiful ones. You ordered a gorgeous pink glass one, for which you were really excited. 

The sensation of having something tucked away deep inside you had grown on you, but you still craved more. You could never get over the fact that you were fucking a toy, no matter how lifelike it seemed. You were getting off to plastic when you had already had the real thing at your fingertips once. You were ready for more.

Swiping. You swiped all day long, but no one genuinely intriguing drew your attention. You came to the realization that Renjun was a true blessing. Just as you were about to give up, a promising-looking message appeared on your phone. 

The most gorgeous lips you had ever seen were the first thing you noticed. You knew right away that you needed them all over your body; they looked so soft. Although his profile picture was basic, it did not matter because his face was the main attraction. He had very dear-like features and you noticed the moles that dotted his tan skin. Haechan was definitely someone you wanted to get to know.

“I think theres something wrong with my phone”

“???”

“Your number’s not in it”

"Cornball, your getting blocked.”

“Give me a chance!”

His face demanded that you at least give him a chance to speak, and you did. After talking to him for a minute longer, he was charming. You noticed his quick wit and that immediately drew you to him. He was different from Renjun. He was cocky but not in an arrogant way. He had confidence and thats exactly what you needed. You needed someone to talk you through it and teach you how they liked it and haechan seemed like the guy. You give him the same speech you gave Renjun, about you being inexperienced and looking for someone to learn from. Someone to study. You tell him what you want to improve on, and he texts back shortly after

“I’ll have you riding like a pro in no time, trust me”

You trusted him.

He was late and you were growing impatient. You were waiting patiently in your living room for a text from haechan. He was supposed to be coming over tonight; normally, you prefer going to them because you really dont like letting strangers know where you live but it turns out he went to the same university as you so that made you feel a tad bit better. You had dressed in something simple but effective: your favorite lace camI and matching silk shorts. You even took the time to prep yourself before he got there. On the bright side, if he didn't show up, you could finally try out the pink glass dildo that came in the mail a few days ago. A knock at the door shakes you from your thoughts. 

Although you were just complaining, now that he's here, you start to get a bit nervous. This was the first time you would be having penetrative sex with anyone. You shuffle over to the door in your house shoes and look through your peep hole. Messy black hair was peeking out from under a hoodie as the figure in front of your door scrolled through their phone. You tentatively open your door, not taking the chain off until you can clearly see his face. He looks up at the sound of the door opening and sends you a grin.

“I don’t bite”

“Thats exactly what someone who bites would say”

“Then you would be right”

You shut the door and take the chain off the hook before opening it fully again and letting him in.

He eyes you up and down, drinking in your figure. You do the same and under the light of your living room, you see him in all his glory. You send a quick prayer up to the tinder gods for blessing you again. He was dressed in grey sweats with a black hoodie pulled over his head but boy was he handsome. You take a daring step forward and push the hoodie off his head before wrapping your arms around his neck. Long black bangs fall into his eyes and the way he pears down at you through them has your legs feeling weak already.

“You gonna be mine for tonight?” he asks sultry 

“Just for tonight?” he licks his lips at that.

“Your right, gotta teach you how to fuck me.”

“That could take a while,” you tease.

“Use me for how ever long you need, I’m all yours,” he says 

You pull him down, claiming his lips with yours. You pull his hoodie up and he pulls it the rest of the way off before his hands are creeping up your sides.

In all the ways Renjun poured over you, slow and thick, engulfing you whole like honey, Haechan was brisk and jagged, pulling you every which way rapidly like a river as he flowed through you.

You tried to use what Renjun taught you but that wasn't going to fly with Haechan. You had to learn to adapt to Haechan. He didn't like it slow; he liked to move at a quick pace. If you pull away, he is on you, chasing your lips for another taste. If you stumble back, he's gripping you tight and pulling you closer. Haechan had almost a desperate kind of love. 

You’re finally able to peel off of him and catch your breath and he wastes no time in moving down your body to your neck, kissing and leaving marks for you to find in the morning. His hands slide down your back and grip your ass. He kneads your plush ass before pulling you closer, your front flush to his. He had backed you up into a wall at this point and you suddenly felt him nudge his leg between yours.

"Are you ready for your first lesson?” He says that as he moves one hand back to your hip, he uses his grip to pull you over his thigh. He grinds you down into the muscle and you shudder at the feeling. ”Just like that baby, that's it.”

You follow his lead and weakly grind your hips into his thick thighs. You could feel everything between the thin fabric of your silk shorts, the fabric dampening at the front and the cold press of the cloth against your clit makes you shiver. 

“Like you mean it, come on,” he coos

You pout but grind down harder. You were looking for that praise that Renjun gave you so easily; Haechan was going to make you work for it. 

“There we go bear, just like that, thats my girl,” he says, helping you along until you whine for more. You needed more; you loved his thighs but you brought him here to learn how to ride a dick. 

"Ready for you to bite," you declare, rolling your hips with assurance. 

He tilts his head with a scoff, tongue in cheek. "Suddenly, you can handle it?”

You reach out and pull him to your lips again to shut him up. He continues to grind you down until a patch of your wetness forms against his thigh, until your hips tire and your legs shake. 

He can feel your movements grow weaker and he nudges your forehead with his when you drop your head. 

“Not so tough are we baby? Gotta work on that stamina,” he grins devishly. you send him a fleeting glare. Oh, he was going to work you out. “fix your face; you asked for this, you wanna learn; you better listen” 

You want to argue back but all you can do is slump against his thigh and throw your head back against the wall to catch your breath. Haechan pulls away from you and has to catch you before your legs give out from under you. He leads you over to your couch and sits down. legs spread wide, sitting you on his lap. You straddle his waist and your thighs cramp up.

You groan out and move off to spread your legs out over his thighs, sitting on the couch instead. He snickers at you but works the kink out of your thighs.

"Are you ready to listen now?” he asks and you nod shamfully. “It may look easy but it takes a lot of stamina to ride. You gotta pace yourself, baby.” 

You nod and let out a yawn. He had already tired you out and you hadn't even started. 

“Don't tap out on me yet; come on just a little more and I'll let you rest,” he urges you back on top of him after properly easing out the tension on your thighs. You reluctantly get back on top and relax into his hold. With a mischievous grin, he sits you squarely on top of his bulge.

“If you can hold out long enough to make me cum, next time I'll let you ride it,” he says, kissing your lips before leaning back against the couch, waiting for your next move. You whine and try to lean forward against his chest. You were tired and if you were going to do this, you needed a clutch but he could see right through you. 

“Nu-uh, sit up; you got this.” 

You send him a frown but you start to move your hips none the less. You find a rhythm and pace yourself like he instructed. His hands rest on your hips uselessly, making you do all the work. You brace one hand on his shoulder and the other on his knee as you roll your hips into his. He felt so good pressed up against your center. His eyes were hidden behind his bangs and the sight of him leaning up against the sofa, his head resting confidently on the back of the couch, while a lazy smile played at his lips was making you dizzy. You swivel your hips and his breath picks up. You think he's close with the way he grips your hips loosely now. He's biting his lip, urging you to ride faster and push past the pace you set for yourself. He bounces you in his lap shallowly as he fucks up into you. 

He has to be so close. He has to be because your thighs are starting to feel that familiar but unfamiliar burn as you lose your momentum again. 

“Don't stop, fuck,” he groans. 

He was close; you could see it in the way his back arched off the couch slightly, his breath hitched and his eyebrows pinched, but he didn't finish because you collapsed before he could.

Your breathing is heavy. your heaving chest from exhaustion against his heaving chest from exasperation. You had just unknowingly edged him. 

“I cant, please,” you cry.

He strokes your back soothingly “You did great today, baby. We have all the time in the world for you to get it right,” he reassures.

and you feel better because he was right

You didn't expect Haechan to take his job so seriously. He was committed to having you ride like a pro by the end of the month at the latest. He sent you exercises to help you build stamina and strength while on top. You did your own research as well and found some good stretches to try because you did not want to cramp up again. You did plenty of at-home exercises and you were feeling really good about your improvements. 

You didn't expect the large package that arrived at your door one evening. You surely don't remember ordering anything and when you pull it inside and open the box, your pleasantly surprised. Inside the box sat a teddy bear. The box could barely contain the bear and when you struggled to pull it out, you understood why. The bear was at least 5 feet tall when you laid it out. Deep inside the bottom of the box lies a single card.

For practice <3

       —sunny boy

You roll your eyes and dial “sunny boy.”  The phone rings and then a voice answers. “Did you get your present?”

“You cant be serious; this thing must have cost a fortune! I appreciate the enthusiasm but you really dont have to do this”

“Friends help friends”

“Do you not get pussy or something?” 

“Wierd way of saying thanks but your welcome. Besides, I promised you I’d have you riding in no time,” he says over the line, “FaceTime me; I need to judge your progress”

“Sure you do, pervert”

You send over the FaceTime request and soon you’re looking at the top half of Haechan's face in what you assume to be his bedroom? Aside from his forhead being lit by his phone's light, it was too dark for you to see anything.

“Let me see your pretty face,” you coo

He whines and shifts the camera down more. He was so pretty and you would never get tired of looking at his face. You wish he would stop hiding from you. 

“Enough talking, let's see what you got” Straight forward as always. Oh,  how you adore him.

"Ok, hold up” You put him in your pocket as you haul the giant teddy to your room and drag it up into your bed. You spend the next few minutes setting up your phone and getting the right angle. You were wearing boy shorts and a tank top, which was nearly identical to what you had on when you first met him. 

You suddenly feel shy under the gaze of the camera. You had the front camera facing you so you could still see haechans face and you mounted the teddy and you imagined it was him there under you. You hold his gaze through the lens as you grind down into the toy firmly. You roll your hips sharply and suck in a breath. He watches you intently; you see him rustling about on the screen; you could only imagine what he was doing.

You never thought you could be the dominant type, but when you rode, something clicked, and you loved it. You loved being in control. It felt good to be in charge every once in a while. It was all about you when you were riding.

Your hands travel up the teddy until they wrap around the bear's neck. You held it down in place as you rode it, taking it slow, saving your energy like he taught you. There was no rush when you rode; you controlled the pace. You could hear Haechans muffled moans through the phone and it made your ride a little rougher. Your eyes glaze over as you picture your hands around his pretty neck. You wonder if he would make those pretty noises for you or if he would hide them. Your hips don't stop for a second and you whine at the lack of heat against your skin. Nothing was more satisfying than feeling Haechan's warm body against yours and inhaling his scent. The thought alone had you sticking to your shorts. 

“Show me what your doing,” You dont know what overcame you; you could barely recognize the person who spoke those words, even though they came out of your mouth.

A delicious moan tumbles from his lips as he angles his camera down to show his hand working furiously over himself. He angles it so far down that his face is no longer visible, and you instantly miss the sight of his plump lips trapped between his teeth. “Let me see you, baby. All of you”

He tilts the camera back up and the dazed look he sends you has you clenching around nothing. The way his hips thrust into his palm pathetically has you curling over the stuffed animal as you fuck into it repeatedly. Haechan's head falls back as his mouth hangs open in heavy breaths. He finishes over himself with a shudder. You watch him, sitting up a little straighter and slowing down your hips as you catch your breath.

“How was that?” you ask with a smirk

“5 stars”

You were in a good mood, and nothing could stop the excited skip in your step as you walked. Even your friends took notice of your happy demeanor; they didn’t know what had gotten into you but they hoped it was dick. Well, Lele knew and honestly, you were surprised he hadn't gone mouthing off to the others. 

You are out running errands with Yuna when you get a call from him. You pick up the call in the middle of the grocery store, following behind Yuna and her buggy. 

“Are you ready to hear the best news of your life?” he starts when you answer

You put him on speaker, nudging Yuna to pay attention. She raises a brow, asking who it is without saying a word. "Lele,” you mouth.

“I'm scared,” you finally reply to him. You were in the pet supplies aisle and luckily no one was around. You never knew what could come out of this man's mouth.

“I got you a date with that cute cashier; turns out he's Jisung’s cousin!” 

Yuna sends you a shocked look. She grabs the phone from you excitedly “are you talking about the guy who checked us out last week at that thrift store?” she gushes

You and a couple of your friends went thrifting last week, and when it came time to pay, the cutest guy was there to cash you out. You remember looking at his name tag and remembering his name was Mark. Your friends swore he was checking you out, but you ignored them all. The poor guy was probably just trying to do his job, so you left without asking for his phone number.

“Yuna? Are you guys out right now? No invite, wow,” you hear him pouting on the other line

“You want to help Yuna put up twenty bags of groceries? Be my guest,” you complain. 

Yuna hated going shopping alone, and choosing who to drag out shopping with her next was like playing Russian roulette. 

“Dont change the subject!”

“What? but you did—”

“I gave mark your number and he said he was going to text you so be on the look out!”

You want to be happy. Mark was really cute and he looked so sweet but you still had a hard time connecting with people like that. Before you could answer, Yuna beat you too it.

“Dont worry, I'll be on the look out”

Chenle says something about being late and that he would call later for updates before ending the call. Just when you were giving him props, you should have known he was up to something.

"So, mark huh?” Yuna coos

“I dont know, Yuna, its been awhile since Ive been on a date; i’m really not looking for a relationship right now,” you groan. Your head was spinning with the news. You had a thousand things going through your mind. More stress was not what you needed. You definitely didn't have any time for anyone right now with your studies (not the academic kind) going on.

“Oh please, this iexactlyly what you need! Who said anything about a relationship? Why not just have some fun?”

Funny, it was like those words that started all of this.

You and Mark have been texting on and off for a few days now. He was one of the most down-to-earth people you had ever met, and you had even visited him at work, feigning looking for some scrap fabric for a project for class. You guys had gone on that date that he promised and ever since then, you have grown close with Mark. You wanted to grow closer to him so close that his body was on top of yours. 

You weren't ready yet, though; you still had a few things you wanted to learn. You did end up going on a few more dates with him and one night after a few drinks, things got a little handsy. Nothing explicit happened and ultimately you told him you weren't looking for anything serious at the time. He took it surprisingly well and you two have been chill since. He has broached the topic of friends with benefits with you and you had told him you would be down but you haven't brought it up since. You need more time. When you finally have Mark, you want to give him everything and more. You need everything to be perfect.

You would not mess this up, not again.

Haechan was coming over and you were excited that you could finally take him for a test run. You would think you were training for a marathon rather than sex the way he was training you. Unlike last time, he got there perfectly on time. You had made sure to stretch before hand and when he walked through your door, you could barely get a “hi” in before he was picking you up and wrapping your legs around him.

“I've been waiting for you,” he mumbles, his lips pressed against yours. He kicks your door closed and pins you up against it. 

“Let me make it worth your while then,” you call back and wrap your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair. 

Haechan's kisses make you feel like you were drowning; he stole your breath like water replaces air in your lungs. It was like how waves rocked you peacefully in their embrace until you realized you needed to come up for air. You never wanted to come up for air.

Soon you were on your back, spread out in your bed with him on top of you. His hands were everywhere and he finally took pity on you and pulled away, letting fresh air fill your burning lungs. His kisses move to your neck as skilled hands undress you. You were getting lost in his touch and when you felt your mind slip into that place you sometimes went, that submissive headspace, you knew you had to snap out of it. Tonight was supposed to be your rodeo, not his. You were almost completely naked, save for your panties and he was still fully clothed. You raise yourself onto your elbows, watching him as he kisses you down your body. He kisses your navel before peeking up at you. You grab hold of his hair, pulling him back up to reconnect your lips. You use your lips to distract him before you push him down and flip your positions. 

You straddle his waist and brace yourself on his chest. You smile in victory but all Haechan does is adjust the pillow behind his head before resting his hands beneath it. That stubborn smirk—let's see how long it takes you to whip that grin off his face.

“Im ready when you are sweetheart” 

The first roll off your hips speaks for itself. Slow and firm. You wanted to make him feel it. You can feel him pressing heavily through the fabric of his sweats and you can feel yourself clenching at the thought of him filling you up later. You grind your clothed pussy against him, gripping his shirt in your fist as you work your hips over top of him. The smirk falters a bit as he huffs out a breathy sigh. He's good at taking what you give him; he just lies there and lets you use him, just like you used the stuffed animal he gave you. 

“How am I doing so far?”

“So good,” he says off-handedly, more focused on the way your hips move. You smiled; it was time to give him more.

You slid off of him and he groans at the loss of heat. You help him out of his clothes and he lies before you naked. Your eyes examine his body and you moan at the sight of him. His dick was almost as pretty as his face. You had enough waiting; you wanted him inside. You mount his hips again and line him up with your entrance, coating the tip in your slick. 

“Keep your hands right there; I don't need your help.” You instruct him to keep his hands gripped in the sheets. You wanted to show him you could ride it all by yourself. 

“Fuck me,” he moans impatiently, his hips pushing up slightly, trying to slip through your folds.

"Are you sure there are no other tips you want to give me?” you tease

“I'm trying to give you mine if you would sit down,” he groans.

You grab the base of his length and sink down on top of him. You were so wet, he slipped in easily. You were flush against him—hips against hips. You had to take a few moments to collect your thoughts. He felt so good inside of you. You had never felt so full before; no toy could ever match the feeling of having Haechan stuffed inside of you. You were going to use him until he broke. You steady yourself over his chest again and lift your hips slowly, savoring the drag of him against your walls. You look into his eyes and his brows furrow at the feeling. You drop back down on him harshly. Your thighs tingled in the pleasure but they didn't burn; the exercises had paid off. You set a brutal pace on top of him as you use him. You had practically forgotten he was even there for a second until his loud moans filled the room. You had grabbed a hold of his cheeks, pushing his face into the pillow. You felt an upkick at your hips and you looked down to see his hips thrusting up into yours. You caught his rhythm and matched his pace, giving him everything he gave you in return. You let up on him and gave him space to breathe. His hands are at your waist the next moment and he's gripping tight, helping you fuck onto him. 

“Don't stop, please. Let me do this; I need it,” he begs before his feet are planted on the bed and he's using all his force to pound into you from below. Your mouth drops open and you have to brace yourself on his chest again so you don't fall off. Your hands slip up a little farther and they encompass his neck beautifully. He lay under you, moans tumbling out of his mouth, his hair messy on his forehead, his tan skin damp with sweat and when your hands grip his neck, you think the image it creates against him should be a painting. 

Your eyes daze and your mind slips but this time you don't go to that place that makes you want to give everything up to your last breath. This place is different. This place makes you feel bold and makes you want to take and take until Haechan trembles. This place makes you feel powerful. 

“Fu-fuck baby, please,” he gasps, his eyes rolling to the back of his head breathlessly “Give it to me; fucking use me. Hurt me,” he whimpers the last part. You completely snapped. You don't know who you are; you don't know what this headspace is but it craves the tears that fall down Haechan's face pathetically. 

“Hold still,” you say, pushing at his knees and motioning for him to lay back down flat. You wanted complete control. Your grip tightens and your hips roll sharply over his. So deep, everything feels so much; you feel everything at once and you’re certain your soaking Haechan’s lap. Only now do your thighs burn but now the ache adds to the pleasure. Your so focused on your own pleasure that your grip loosens and as the air rushes back into Haechan's lungs, he feels a high like no other and his orgasm crashes into him. His thighs shake and he orgasms deep inside of you. After a few more harsh flicks of your hips, you cum hard, sending a shiver down your spine. 

You had previously discussed it because he would be the first person you would have inside of you. You had already been on birth control for some time and you had both been checked. You wanted to stay protected. Your not sure if he took your virginity or if you took his with how dazed he looked under you.  

"Look who couldn't handle it” you brag smugly.

“Of course, your amazing. I taught you.”

“So you like being used? You smile, lying down next to him to catch your breath “intersting”

“Don't push your luck; I'll still fuck you better. Make you forget your name.” you core clenches at the thought and you remind yourself to take him up on that eventually

You pack your things, signaling the end of your English lecture. You exit the class with a yawn, having almost fallen asleep during the last half of the class. your walking across campus when you hear a voice call your name. You see Mark a few yards behind you. It turns out Mark also attended your college but only part time so you rarely saw him on campus. You return his smile and you are about to walk over to him when you see another figure moving towards you. 

Renjun? you hadnt seen him in awhile; you had been keeping it casual with him. He goes here too?? Just when you think it can't get any worse, Haechan rounds a corner and spots you too. You had ghosted him after the last time you two hooked up. you did not want to confront him right now. 

There is absolutely no way you just ran into all your hoes at the same time. 

You turn around and flee the scene before anyone can approach you further. You’re speed-walking in the opposite direction now when you run into Chenle and Yuna. “Ask questions later for now, run!” you say, pulling them along.

You don't stop dragging them until you make it to your car. Safe and sound inside, you lock the door and catch your breath. “What the hell was that about you? You looked like you saw a ghost” Chenle tries to calm his breathing, adjusting his signiture shades back into place.

“Was it Mark? I thought I saw him over there. Did something happen between you two?” Yuna asks, letting the passenger seat fall back to lay down and settle her own breaths.

You wish there was something going on between you and Mark, but nothing has happened since the last time you saw him.

“No, not mark, it was something else…or someones else” 

“someones?” she questions

You hated keeping things from your friends; you hadn't meant to keep it from them for this long but you had gotten so caught up in everything that you barely had the time to catch them up to speed. You explain everything. From Renjun to Haechan and to the new guy you recently found, Jaemin. You had moved study subjects already and you felt a little bad for ghosting Haechan like you did after all the effort he put into teaching you but with Mark as your end goal, you were really impatient to get to him.

The car is silent for a few moments, mainly from Yuna’s shock, before she finally decides to speak up. “How in the world did you go from being scared of the thought of dick to getting more dick than me?” 

“That's what your worried about!” 

“If you don’t want them, give them to me”

“YUNA!”

“Joking! I’m joking”

You feel a weight lifted from your shoulders now that you were able to tell Yuna how your life has really been going and what you’ve really been doing. Honeslty, you were getting really sick of replying with “nothing” anytime anyone would ask.

“Wait, why aren't you surprised” Yuna asks Chenle suspiciously.

oh my—

“You did not tell him before me!” Yuna narrows her eyes at you.

“She definitely did,” Chenle smiles. 

“You traitor!” 

“You know how he is! He practically threatened my family,” you say in defense.

You had no tint on your windows so to any onlookers, it probably looked like you guys were having a really heated argument. Everyone was talking at once and fingers were being pointed. The three of you continue to bicker until you hear a knock at your window and the car goes silent as everyone turns to look out the window.

Mark is standing outside your car nervously. “Is everything okay?” His muffled voice barely carries into the car. You roll your window down with a forced smile. This was perfect.

“How can I help you, officer?” You joke.

“I’m sorry, you just ran off earlier and I just wanted to, like, make sure you were ok.” he says, scratching at his face nervously.

“We’ll let you two talk,” Yuna says with a fake smile. Her and Chenle exit the car but not before she sends you a glare that says this isn't over.

After they left, you offered Mark a seat in your car. “Im sorry, I didn't like... interrupt. Did I?” he says awkwardly.

“Oh no, your fine. I’m sorry for earlier; I just realized I had forgotten something in my car. I needed it for my next class” You lie.

“Okay, thats good to hear. I thought you were like avoiding me for a second,” he laughs. “Your really cool and I don’t want what I said about being friends with benefits to ruin our relationship. We dont have to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable ” 

“That's not it at all! I really like you, mark I've just been a little...busy lately. I like the idea of being friends with benefits. Just give me some more time. I can’t really explain now,” you say. 

Out of all the conversations you wanted to avoid, this was definitely the one you wanted to avoid the most. You had no idea how to navigate this conversation. You wanted Mark so badly that it was driving you crazy but you just needed time. You were so close to the finish line that you couldn’t give up now.

“That’s cool, I get it.” He gives you a nod of understanding and he gets ready to leave, moving to open the door with a quick bye, probably needing to get to his next class. You wanted to leave him with something. You had to do something to hold you both over so you didn’t stop the next words that came out of your mouth.

“Before you go, can I have a kiss?” you ask sweetly. Mark just smiles at you and shakes his head fondly before leaning in and sealing your lips with his. 

THE HANDJOB

It was probably a little too late in the game for you to be trying this but somehow your quick pecks turned into heavy petting. Now you had Mark’s dick in your hands. Mark was kissing hotly into your nouth as you stroked him slowly. You twist your hand at the base of his cock, focusing most of your attention there. After a few moments, you feel Mark’s hips shift and buck into your grasp. His hand joins yours and guides your hand higher.

“Don't tease. Please, I need you,” he breathes into your mouth.

When you sucked dick, your hand typically pumped the base. You would concentrate your attention on the areas that your mouth couldn’t reach. Without your mouth focused on the tip, you would have to make up for the lack of contact. You appreciate the information; every moment is a learning opportunity for you. Even now, you were able to gather data for your research.  

You follow his lead and stroke the length of his length, twisting your wrist when you get to his tip. Mark's head falls back and rests against the headrest of the car. You pray no one's eyes wander to your small sedan because, from the faces Mark was pulling, they would no doubt know what was going on. 

Mark's face scrunches up in pleasure and after a few more firm strokes over his cock, he cums. His seed pours messily over your fist. By the end of it, your arm was a little tired but it was definitely worth it.

He gives you a shy smile and apologizes. You reach over with your clean hand and get some napkins from your glove compartment. You assure him one last time that you definitely want to be more than just friends with him and that you will let him know when you’re ready. He left the car with a smile and your glad to have taken care of that because you were late to go meet Jaemin. There was still more you wanted to learn. There were more things you needed to experiment with.

SIZE 

You had actually met Jaemin at a cafe. He sat at the table in front of you, glasses pushed up on his nose as he typed away at his computer. His white hair made him stand out and gave him a soft, rabbit-like appearance but there was something about his face that made him look devastly charming and boyish but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. He quickly stops typing and you notice that he is staring back at you. He sends you a smile and you return it awkwardly. 

Fumbling the bag—I repeat, you are FUMBLING the bag.

You try your best to avoid his gaze again until you finish your own classwork and collect your things. Your leaving the cafe when you notice him in your peripheral vision, trying to get your attention. You thought he was going to tell you off for staring like some creep but he handed you his number instead. Fast forward; now you have a dick appointment.

After some talking and explaining, you give him your usual spiel. You were supposed to meet up with him today right after class but a few setbacks made you late. You finally arrive at the location he had specified, and you are immediately perplexed.

This was Renjun's apartment.

You walk up the familiar steps and hesitantly knock on the door. Your so used to Renjun opening the door that when Jaemin opens it, your slightly taken aback. What the hell was going on?

“Hey, come on in,” he says as you stand there stiff as a board. You shake yourself out of it and step through the door. 

“I'm sorry I was late. Something came up,” you apologize.

“Its fine, my roomates are going to be out for the night so we have the house to ourselves for awhile,” he smiles at you. Just looking at that dazzling smile makes you forget about your internal dilemma.

You would worry about that later; tonight it was just you and this handsome stranger you met.

He leads you to his bedroom and you can't help but notice his room is directly across from Renjuns. You would definitely need a list of his roommates because you refused to find yourself in this situation again. The thought slips from your mind as Jaemin pulls you into his room and shuts the door. 

“Are you okay, angel? You look a little shaken up?” he asks attentively.

"No, its ok, im just stressed about classes. I’m hoping you could help me relax?” you lie smoothly.

He gives you a sly smile and you hold your breath as he leans down to whisper in your ear. “You wont be able to think straight when I’m done with you”

You suck in a breath and your body completely opens up to him as his hands tentatively trail up your waist. He strokes your sides teasingly as he kisses the sides of your mouth before trailing his lips down your neck. His touch was light and soft, like you were a porcelain doll. You try to reach up and hold on to him but he just pulls away slightly and shakes his head.

"Nu-uh, baby hands to yourself until I say otherwise,” he corrects you.

You pout and open your mouth to protest but he grabs your face and holds you in his grasp. “Big girls don’t talk back. Fix your face,” he commands

You swallow nervously and nod your head. He kisses your lips once “Thats my girl”

He took his time mapping out your body with his hands. He was in no rush at all and you had to bite your tongue to hold back your whines. His hands gripped your ass, squeezed your hips, traced your spine and palmed your chest. He examined you with the same curiosity that a child does with a new toy or a scientist does with a new test subject. The tables had been turned. You weren't the one with the magnifying glass now; he was. 

He helped you out of your clothes and you stood in front of him in only your underwear. He turns you away from him before pulling you back against him, your back to his chest. He hooks his chin over your shoulder and you can feel him bulging against his sweatpants. He was huge and the smirk you felt against your neck told you he knew how to use it. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought and when his hands return to your skin, you let out a moan. His hands spread out over your stomach; they were cold to the touch. You arch against him, pushing your hips backwards into his. He sucks in a breath and grips your hips. He holds them firmly before he pushes his clothed length into your ass, grinding against you from behind with a groan. You feel your panties soak up the feeling. You weren't sure if you could take something that big but you would sure put up a fight trying.

One hand travels down over your panties stroking you through the fabric. He coos at you as he feels how wet you are. He pats against the seat of your panites and sure enough, you’re wet enough that your panties make a soft, wet noise upon contact. 

“Is that for me, angel? "Are gonna drip down my cock when I split you open?” he asks with a lazy smile. The things that came out of his mouth never matched the look on his face. He would say the most toe-curling thing so casually with a smile that you would think he was telling you about the weather. Your chest is heaving at this point. You had never played like this before. Was this what he meant when he said he was a dom? 

“Answer me when I'm talking to you, baby. You wanna be my good girl, right?” You whine and nod pathetically. You would do anything for his praise. “Then speak up” 

“Its all yours,” you say breathlessly, hoping that's what he wanted to hear. 

He dips his hand past the waistband of your panties and circles your clit while his other hand holds firmly onto your hips. You throw your head back against his shoulder. He strokes over your slit teasingly before slipping two fingers inside, one after another. Your hips immediately buck up against his palm, or at least they try to but he has you pinned effectively against his hips.

“Dont fucking move; dont fucking make a sound. Just take it,” he rummbles in your ear “Take it”

His knuckles-deep and all you can do is bend yourself forward, trying to escape his grasp but he follows and fucks into you faster. You cry out, your thighs shaking as he curls an arm under your shoulder, using his leverage to pull you back against his firm chest. “Come on baby, if you can’t handle this, you won’t be able to take me,” he says sweetly. 

He hooked his fingers cruelly and you collapsed against him, orgasm whracking through your body. He held your trembling form up like it was nothing. He picks you up and throws you on the bed. You were still in shock as you lay there, catching your breath, your legs still shivering. He held your eye contact form where he stood at the foot of the bed and grabbed the back of his shirt before pulling it over his head swiftly. As he stood in front of you, you saw him for what he really was: he was no rabbit, he was a demon, and you were a fool. He didn't treat you like a porcelain doll; that was just the calm before the storm.

He puts one knee on the bed, starting off towards you and you subconsciously scoot backwards. He sends you that devilish smile and grabs your ankle, pulling you back down the bed until your thighs bracket his hips. 

“Where you running to, angel?” he says

You try to close your legs around him; the press of his hips against yours is already to much.

“Open your legs,” he says patiently. You shake your head defiantly, even though the command makes you even wetter.

He runs a hand through his hair and breathes an exhausted sigh. He pries your legs open, pinning them down as he leans forward over you. He uses a hand to grip your face and pushes his hips deep into yours, pinning them down from squirming. “I don’t like playing with brats so your either going to listen the first time I tell you to do something or I’m going to have to break you in,” he warns.

Your heart was beating out of your chest at his words. This was definitely not the same guy with the nerdy glasses you met in a cafe.

You nod your head in understanding. 

“Use your big girl words,” he says with a peck of your lips.

“Yes sir,” you say. A pleased smile dances on his lips.

“You learn fast,” he praises. That you do.

He captures your lips in the first real kiss of the night and you moan into his mouth as his tongue snakes its way past your lips. You roll your hips up into his and he allows it as he shoves his tongue down your throat. The kiss was messy and lazy. You pull back to plead, “Please, I need to touch you. Please let me touch you” 

He waits a moment, like hes thinking about it but he nods and pulls you back into another heated kiss. Being with Jaemin was extremely intimate; he worshiped your body as if it were his only purpose in life. His kisses were dangerous and claiming. He marked your body like you belonged to him and tonight you did.

You rake your hands down his spine, nails digging into his skin as your back arches against him. It was too much yet not enough at the same time. “I need you,” you beg.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve been good for you.”

“Thats right, baby, you have been really good,” he nuzzles at your neck affectialanty “but I need you to be sure”

“Im positive, I want you”

Jaemin kisses you assuringly and pulls down the sweatpants that still clung to his hips. He must not have been wearing any underwear because the heavy sound of his length slapping against his abdomen fills the room. 

Your eyes trail down his body until they reach the sight in between his legs. You take in the leaking tip of his pretty pink cock and the veins that adorn the sides. That thing was supposed to fit inside you. Never in a million years would you have imagined that death by dick could be an option in your life.

“Don't worry baby, we’ll make it fit,” he says. He grips the base of his cock and strokes it a few times before lining it up over the top of your belly. It nudged over your navel tauntingly. "I'm going to fill you up until I get here." he says, tapping the length of his cock on your stomach.

No amount of study could have prepared you for this. You came up completely blank on the idea of how this would even possibly fit. He notices the nervous look on your face and kisses your forehead. “Relax, I got you.” 

The tension in your shoulders relaxes a little at the comment. Jaemin seemed like he knew what he was doing. You trusted him enough. 

He gives you a moment to collect your thoughts as he pulls away from you, going to retrieve a condom from his bedside table. You take the moment to steady your beating heart and prepare yourself. When he comes back to you, he has  a bottle of lube and a condom already wrapped around his cock. 

“Are you ready?” he asks finally

"Yes,” you breath nervously.

He uncaps the lube and takes your hand, pouring some in your palm and then some over his length. He guides your hand to his length and you stroke the cold substance over him. You coat him in the lube and your grateful for the quick lesson you had with Mark earlier. You know just how to twist your wrist to get a reaction out of him. He groans softly and lets you have your fun before he pulls your hand away. He lines his cockhead up to your entrance and traces through your folds, nudging at your clit in the process. You moan impatiently. He sends you a frigid look through the fringe of his white bangs, instantly putting you in your place.

You pout but wait patiently as he eases his tip through your folds. Ok, this was fine. This was good. He fucks you with his tip pulling out before pushing his way back in. He fists his cock, coating it in the slick that drips from your cunt. You relax under his ministrations, completely letting him take the lead as he works you up with just the head of his dick. You can tell he must be holding back and you appreciate it.

He continues like this for a while before slyly slipping more and more inside of you each time. You’re at the two-thirds mark before you notice the stretch. You face pinching up in pain and your hands immediately find purchase on his hips, a plea for mercy. Jaemin stills inside of you and takes your hands into his own. His touch was delicate and he brought your hands to his lips. He kisses your fingertips before he kisses your palm. He was giving you whiplash with how gentle yet rough he could be sometimes. He kisses down your arm and up your shoulder. He presses kisses into your neck and over your lips. When he finally pulls away,looking down at you with a smile, you realize that somewhere between his barrage of kisses, he slipped the rest of the way inside. 

“Look at you, wasn’t that easy”

You just stare back up at him in shock. That was not as bad as you thought it would be; you could still feel a slight lingering discomfort from the stretch but that was soon melting away. 

He kisses the confused wrinkle in your brow “just relax baby. Now that the hard part is over, leave the rest up to me”

He pulls his hips back and works them forward experimentally. You shift at the stretch but you handle it well. He massages your thighs as he thrusts into you at a lazy pace, taking it easy and giving you enough time to fully accommodate his length. He hit so deeply inside that you could hardly catch a breath. Your body was hyperaware of every drag against your core and every nuge against your cervix and it craved more. You wrap your legs tight around his waist as you urge him to give you more.

Jaemin ignores your pleas and continues the rythme that he has created so far. You roll your hips, impatiently clawing down his chest in retaliation. 

“I'm trying to stay nice angel. Take what I give you” What he was giving you wasnt enough and if he thought you were dumb enough to not notice him holding himself back, he was wrong. 

“Don’t fuck me like that”

“Careful angel”

“I can handle it”

"Behave,” he says, gripping your face. He pulls out until only his tip remains and thrusts back in harshly. You scream in pleasure at the snap of his hips. That was what you were looking for; you needed to be broken in. If you wanted to get what you wanted, you needed to disobey.

“Fuck you,” you spit

“Watch your mouth,” one final warning.

“Fuck.You,” you say slowly, making sure he hears every syllable.

Something takes over him. You can see it through the dark gaze in his eyes. Rough hands pull you halfway off the bed, suspended hips held tight in his grasp as he pounds into you. You can’t even scream; your voice is caught in your throat as he uses the grip he has on your hips to slam you onto his cock. Each brutal thrust of his hips sounds off with a harsh clap of skin. Your back arches dangerously off the bed and you almost slip the rest of the way off if it weren't for one of his hands pushing down on your sternum, pinning you to the bed. 

“Is this what you want? You wanted it so fucking bad.”

He pulls out and your body compulses at the lack of contact. Your being manhandled off the bed, legs almost giving out from under you but Jaemin swiftly turns you, bending you over before pushing you flat on your stomach. He kicks your legs open further, opening you up for him before he finds your entrance again. You are grateful for this position because when the tears fall from your eyes and your saliva soaks his sheets, you dont have to worry about him seeing how pathetic you look. You hide your face in the sheets, crying out in pleasure. Your body cant keep up and overstimulation kicks in. You’re vibrating, literally, as you tremble in your spot under him.

His body leans over your back and you feel the heat of his body press into you as he continues to pound you into the mattress. His hand slips under you and circles your clit gently, knowing its already too much for you and just wanting to add a little extra to take you over the edge. You can't help the scream that bubbles out of your throat as you cum hard. Everything is black for a little bit and when you finally come to, all you can feel is your own wetness and release sticking to your thighs. Your empty and when you turn to look over your shoulder, Jaemin is stroking over your ass and soon that too is covered in cum.

You could hardly hold your head up anymore as it fell back down limply on the bed. You feel a rag clean you up but you refuse to open your eyes. You hear the sounds of a bath being run, and the next thing you know, your sitting in Jaemin's lap in the tub as he cleans the two of you. Your head laying lazily on his shoulder as he soaped you up and wiped you down. You know he lays you down in his sheets and when your head hits the pillow, you fall asleep. 

When you wake up, the sun shines in your eyes as you roll on your side groggily. Your body was sore all over and you felt like you had died and come back to life. Maybe you should have stretched before testing Jaemin's patience. Speaking of which, you notice the oversized shirt adorning your body as you shift to get out of bed. You look around and notice your clothes have been neatly folded on his dresser. You stand and it takes every fiber in your body not to wince every time you take a step. You can still feel his phantom touch as the events of the night before replay in your mind. It was so worth it. You finally make it over to your clothes and notice the note sitting on top of them.

Had to leave for class. Grab breakfast on the way out ;)

One word kept replaying in your head. out. Somehow, you had to navigate your way out of this godforsaken wolves den without running into Renjun or any of his other roomates. You hoped and hoped that they didn’t make it back yet or that they had some class to go to, but when you hold your breath and press your ear up against the door, you can hear a few muffled voices. You could make out the voices of two people; one was Renjun for sure and the other was familiar but you couldn’t put your finger on it. 

You were so fucked

You contemplate scaling the window but after looking at the 3-story drop, you decide against it. You try to wait it out, gambling on them just going back to their rooms but it sounds like they started up a videogame in the living room. Your pacing Jaemin’s room, completely forgetting about the ache between your legs. Your about to finally pull Jaemin’s shirt from over your head and put your own clothes back on when you have an idea. You pull open his closet and snag one of his hoodies off of a hanger. You find a pair of matching sweats in one of his drawers and tug those on as well. They didn't fit your frame well but that worked in your favor, with the baggy fabric helping to hide your shape. You pull up the hood and grab your things. If you move fast enough, they shouldn't be able to recognize you; they would no doubt see you, but at least they would just lump you in with any other random girl Jaemin brought home.

1…2…3

You pull open the door and peek your head out into the hall. The coast was clear; you held on tight to the sweatpants slowly falling off your hips and booked it to the front door. You pass the kitchen on your way out and your stomach almost growls at the food Jaemin had left out for you. You have half the mind to swoop in and snatch it but you keep trucking. You pass the living room in a heart beat. You quickly unlock the door, letting yourself out. The last thing you heard before the door closed behind you was, “What the fuck was that? Did you just see that?”

STAMINA

Maybe this was your karma. You had evaded Mark for another week and Chenle wouldn’t let you hear the end of how much Mark had looked like a “kicked puppy.”. You liked Mark, and you really did want to get closer to him in more ways than one, but that was why you had to do this. The last guy you really liked up and left you because you didn’t know how to suck dick... and threw up on him, but thats besides the point. The point is that you didn't want to lose Mark; you were scared to lose Mark, even over something as trivial as this. So you went back on the hunt.

The tinder gods were not looking down on you anymore because every match that came back just didn't make the cut. There were so many weirdos on the app that you were surprised you even got as far as you did. You would have to do the search by foot.

You would scout the courtyards and hallways in between classes, hoping to find your next target, but it was difficult to find what you were looking for. You were searching for stamina, not something that could be seen with the naked eye. Haechan's training helped you a lot, but you were looking for the kind of stamina that would carry you through multiple rounds. You needed someone to practice cum control with. 

It was hot outside, and you were exhausted. You were almost late for your last class when someone ran into you. "Sorry, excuse me," the girl replied before scurrying away again. 

"Wait!” you call out to her. She had dropped something—a keychain—from her gym bag. “You dropped this,” you say. She turns around and jogs back over. 

She quickly thanks you for the keychain and says, "Sorry, I’m in a hurry. I didn’t mean to bump into you. I’m late for track." She then jogs over to the track and field facility. Your about to brush off the interaction when an idea suddenly comes to your head.

Who has more stamina than a long-distance track star?

You find a seat in the stands and observe the combined practices of the men's and women's track teams. You watched as they stretched and did warm ups and you finally found him. In his track suit, he was tall and slender. Although his waist was delicate, it only accentuated his broad shoulders and well-defined biceps. His short, dark hair was cropped close and clung to his forehead from perspiration.

"Jeno, You’re up on the 200-yard dash," yells one of the coaches. and all of a sudden, your mystery man is making his way to the starting blocks. So his name was Jeno. 

You head down the stands, happy with your findings, when you hear someone talking about a party that will take place after today's track meet. You didn't know how but you would find a way to that party. Luckily for you, you knew someone who happened to know just about everyone.

“Please Jisung, I need to get into that party!” you beg your friend.

“Then go by yourself,” your friend huffs in annoyance.

You have been friends with Jisung for awhile now. Jisung just had the type of personality that allowed him to fit into any friend group. Everyone adored him. You had to be a nobody if you didn't know Park Jisung. Even though his reputation precedes him, he's actually really laid-back and easy to talk to.

“I don’t know anyone there!” you whine from your seat perched up on his desk in his dorm room. 

“Then why do you even want to go” Chenle interjects from his spot on his bed as he scrolls through his phone, playing videos out loud obnoxiously like an old man. 

“Its for science,” you state.

“Funny, because thats what im trying to study for,” jisung says sarcastically, “I need to finish my assignments. I dont have time to go out” 

A beat of silence passes while you contemplate your next bargaining chip. “I'll do it for you”

Jisungs head snaps up from his textbook “Uh?”

“Come on, I’m like a genius. I’ll finish it for you if you come with me tonight,” you bargain

“This science you speak of doesn't have anything to do with your little outings, does it” Chenle says. He didn't have to specify which outings for you to get it.

“What outings?” Jisung peeks over at his roommate.

“Deal or no deal?” You hurry and try to change the subject; you didn't need poor Jisung to find out you were fucking around to eventually fuck his cousin. Everything leading up to that would probably just end up confusing him.

Pushing back from his desk and letting you take over, he said, "Knock yourself out." You knew those years of drowning your self in your studies to get over heart break would not be in vain

You arrive at a house a little ways off campus. The party was already raging and you were a little upset that you didn’t come to get absolutely wasted. Jisung parked his car on an off-street and walked beside you as you approached the house. 

“I might disappear for a little bit tonight but don’t leave without me,” you advise him. 

He bemoans, "Make sure you keep your ringer on; you never answer." He hated it when people split up from him at parties, but he was prepared. Chenle told him that you were trying to meet someone tonight.

Once inside, you waste no time in finding the kitchen. You weren't planning on getting wasted, but you at least needed a little liquid courage if you were going to talk to the Greek god you saw earlier. You and Jisung knock a few shots back until you start to feel the buzz. You stick to his side as he introduces you to a few of his friends, and you engage in small talk until you finally see Jeno walk through the front door.

Jeno had finally shown up and he looked even more delectable outside of his track uniform. He was wearing an open flannel over a dark shirt, adorned with a silver necklace. He wore some light-washed jeans that had a few rips and holes in them. He was like he jumped straight out of a boyfriend pin board. You felt a little creepy watching him over the rim of your red solo cup. You finish off your drink and part ways with your small group. Hes walking into the kitchen and you follow behind him. 

“Hey, your Jeno, right?” you call out to him. He looks up from the drink he's pouring and sends you a friendly smile. You don’t miss the way his eyes look you up and down.

“Whats up?” he replies, taking a swig from the mixture he poured.

“I watched your track practice today; did you run the 200? Your really good,” you say honestly

“Thank you; do you run too?” he asks, keeping the conversation flowing.

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was your impatience but you can’t find it in you to care about easing your way into the question. “I don’t actually, but i’m actually doing a study on endurance and stamina I was hoping you could help me with that” 

“Oh yea? What class is the project for?”

“No class, just my own personal studies”

“On endurance and stamina?”

“Yes”

It takes a moment for the gears in his head to start spinning

“Oh…oh!”

"I can give you my number; just text me if you’re interested," you say, pulling out a piece of paper with your phone number on it. You had written it down earlier, knowing that a pen would be impossible to find at a college party. 

He takes it from you and stares you down for a moment, his heavily lidded eyes raking over your frame again. "I'll let you know." You don't need to look to know that he's staring at your ass when you turn to walk away. 

He texts you before the night is even over but you don't respond until the morning. You let him know the exact details of the “stamina training” you had in mind and he agreed to your terms and conditions. You plan to hook up the following day; this was the last thing you needed to perfect, and you were excited. That day had come in no time and now you were fresh out of the shower, waiting for the fateful knock on your door. 

You had no time to prepare for this session, and you honestly didn’t know how to. How does one develop a resistance to pleasure, and how does one avoid the one thing you seek when satisfying oneself? Hopefully Jeno had the answers, and if he didn't, hopefully he helped you find them. 

Your fixing your hair and making sure everything is laid neatly when you hear a faint knock on your door. You look at yourself one last time in the mirror before going to open your front door. Jeno stands infront of your door with a small smile and you let him in. At this point, you were used to the awkward small talk and embarrassing attempts at flirting. You wasted no time in pulling him towards you. His hands instantly find your waist. You’re so close, you notice the cute mole he has under his eye. He stares back at you, his eyes round like puppy dogs. You pull him back into a slow kiss. Today there was no rush; it was all about resistance.

Once you get your fill of his lips, you pull away again and lead him to your bedroom. You kick your door closed and pull him down on top of you on your bed. “No matter how much I beg, dont let me cum,” you warn him

“Who says I was going to let you cum?” he teases back before he meets your lips again.

You smiled into the kiss; you were going to like this one. You wondered what type of role he would play when darkness wrapped around you both in its cool, sensual embrace. Would he let  you take control like you did with Haechan? Would he be as strict as Jaemin, keeping you in your place or would he be laid back like Renjun? Guiding you and willing to relent some of the control to you if you ask. His firm body pins you down under him, and he kisses you hotly before ghosting his lips down your neck teasingly. His hands snake their way up your shirt and he explores the skin exposed there before pushing it up and over your chest. He lays sweet kisses over the top of your breast, not yet ready to part with the image of you wrapped in the lace that was your bra. Your impatient so you sit up on your elbows to help him get you out of your shirt. You pull your shirt over your head, and you scoot a little out of his embrace to pull down your shorts. Jeno takes the hint and strips himself bare, except for his briefs. When your done, he pulls you back under him and gets you settled again. You can feel him pressing hot against your skin. You had barely just met him, but something about the way Jeno kissed you and touched you—the way he paid attention to your body—was so intimate. The little sounds you would make when he nips at your skin. The way you bite your lips when he licks your sweat-prickled  skin unabashedly. He watches it all, doing his own little research to learn just what you like. You weren't sure at first, but Jeno was a lover boy. Even though you weren’t his, he would love you like you were. 

Hes already slipping his hands into your underwear and the moans that slip out of your lips are sinful. He rubs your clit in soothing circles, spreading your juices so he can slip inside and open you up. His other hand slips behind your back and finally removes your bra so he can suckle on your nipples and massage your chest.

“Fuck Jen, I need more, please,” you whine

“You better be able to take what you ask for,” He warns.

He finally slips 2 fingers inside of you and begins to pump them leisurely. You grip the hair at the back of his neck and pull him back to your lips. You needed to drown out the sounds you were about to make when you felt his thick fingers stretch you out. His hands were warm; they warmed your entire body as they worked in tandem to bring you high. Deeply curled fingers had your back arching as you moaned in to his open mouth. He swallowed down all your sounds as he huffed his own into your mouth. He was grinding down shallowly into one of your thighs as he lay on top of you. The length of him rubbing against you gave you a good idea of what you would be working with tonight and you were happy for your lessons with Jaemin because Jeno was definitely going to split you in two. That thought alone had your thighs clamping against his wrist and your hands gripping on to him, anywhere you could reach.

“You there, baby? Fight through it. You got it. Come on,” he said, speaking with a soft bass in his voice.

“Im gonna cum,” you choke out every part of your body, lighting up with pleasure that you can't snuff out.

His fingers slow but they don't stop completely. He lets up, willing you to calm down. You feel your orgasm slowly slip away and the feeling that was left afterwards was something close to desperation. Your legs are spread wide as you roll your hips up onto his fingers, urging him deeper. You pull him impossible closer to your body. His fingers pick up their pace again and it feels like you have grown 100 times more sensitive because this time it takes little to no time for the waves that crash against you and lap at your stomach to finally drown you out. Jeno can feel the way you tense up in his hold and he pulls away completely this time.

“No, please, this is driving me crazy,” you cry

“Come on, baby your doing so good,” he says, kissing your pout 

Your body is still tingling with the traces of your lost orgasm but you manage to calm down as Jeno passes his hands against your skin soothingly. Stroking your sides and stomach lazily until you settle. 

“What if we try something else?” he suggests after another minute of gazing at you.

“Like what?” 

"Well, if you find it difficult to hold back your orgasm, why not just let it go?”

“I'm not following. Doesn’t that defeat the whole point?” you quirk a brow at him

“Im saying what if you build your endurance to last multiple rounds. Find a way to keep going through multiple orgasms.

The thought turned your entire view upside down. You had never thought of it that way. You weigh the options in your head. The burning desire and desperation that edging leaves you with or the overwhelming sensations that overstimulation was sure to make you writhe with. Maybe this question was best asked when you weren’t horny and wound up from an orgasm denial because all you could think about was cuming. 

“Lets try that”

Jeno kisses down your body until he lays between your legs. He shifts one leg over his shoulder and kisses your clit softly while holding eye contact. Your hips already twitch with need. “Hands behind your back” was his whispered command.

You fold your arms, bending each at the elbow, neatly behind your back. You rest against them as you breathe deeply through your nose. Jeno licks a flat strip against your folds. Your folds were already soaked, practically dripping onto the sheets and he just cleaned it all up. He licks a pointed strip now through your folds, parting them on his way up  until hes teasing at your clit again, He wraps his lips against it and suckles gently. He slips his fingers back inside as he gets lost in making out with your pussy. It takes every fibre in your being to hold still; you needed to focus on lasting as long as you could. You decided you would scum but you at least wanted to see how long you could last. Jeno just hums against you, lost in his own thoughts and his own world. His eyes were closed now but his eyebrows were furrowed up like he was concentrating.

He parts his fingers inside of you, stretching them out to make room for his tongue, He licks inside of you over and over and you truly do go crazy. Your thighs attempt to clamp close, but Jeno’s free arm pins one of them open, forcing his face back into your heat. He fucks his fingers ruthlessly now, determined to throw you over into the current, and he does. Your orgasm leaves you feeling sleepy and heavy. The only thing that brings you back down to earth is Jeno’s slick mouth sliding into place over yours as he kisses you deeply. 

“3 times. Can you handle that? 3 times?” he asks

You take his words into consideration; you feel yourself throbbing, but you think you could manage two more rounds. You send him a nod and he kisses you again as he shoves off the last piece of his clothing. You can feel him stroke against your slick folds, teasing the head of his cock inside before pulling back out to slap it against your wetness. 

“You ready?” 

You nod and he pushes inside of you. You were right; he was splitting you open. Once he was sitting all the way inside, you let out a small whimper, and he instantly soothed you.

“You’re ok. I'm gonna make you feel really good,” he shushes into your ear as he caresses you.

His voice is so soft and smooth that you relax against his hold. You wrap your arms around his neck and peck his lips before sending him a nod. You couldn't bring up enough energy to speak. You barely had enough to cum again but you would fight through the drowsiness.

“Let me know if you want to stop, ok?” he offers gently before pulling his hips back slowly to thrust deep inside of you again. 

It was like he was hypnotizing you—the way his hips moved as he fucked you, the way his slim waist looked with your legs wrapped around it, the way his arms flexed when he went a little harder. You could get used to being under Jeno. You would take however many rounds he gave you. If it meant you could prolong this sensation, you would endure each and every one of them. You loved the way he filled you up and split you open over and over again as he pounded into you. You loved his noises you had to strain to listen for, you loved the way his face would scrunch up in pleasure when you clamped down tight around him. 

Your bodies compliment each other's movements as you chase his hips with your own. You were wound up too tight; you needed release. His hands snake down between your legs and circle your clit skillfully. You cum again, this time around his length. He fucks you through it and settles deep inside of you, holding still until your breathing evens again. You didn't know how he did it. He hadn't come once since you started, which must have taken an ungodly amount of will. You knew you wouldn't be able to do that, at least not for a long time. You would have to settle for fighting through the overstimulation for now. You weakly thrust your hips up again, signaling for him to start again.

“Last one baby, I think I'll be a little more selfish this time,” he says before pressing a kiss into your shoulder.

You don't get to ask what he means before he manhandles you into the next position. He lips your hips before swiftly placing a pillow underneath you, angling your hips up. He grips your thighs, forcing them off of his hips and pressing them deep into your chest, your knees bracing your head. He shoves back in deep, fucking you into the mattress in a mating press. He didn't care if you could cum again because he was going to rip it from you. Puppydog eyes no longer stare back at you; they hadn't since he laid you down on the mattress, but this time something else swims behind his eyes. It was pure hunger, like that of a wolf. You realized that, although he was good at holding back, once the gate was open, nothing could stop what rushed through. It was like the final leg of a race, where you see the finish line and sprint for it. He was pent up, and he was going to let you have it. 

Over and over again, his hips pounded harshly into yours. They were sure to bruise by morning, joining the others that probably adorn your body from all your other late-night activities. He hadn't mentioned them but you knew he had noticed because he focused most of his kisses there, like he wanted to paint over the others work.

Empty, there was nothing going on inside your head. Just his name repeating on loop until it filled up your thoughts so much that it had no choice but to spill from your lips. His own pathetic moans fill the air as he thrusts, getting sloppy, less sharp and less precise, and he finishes deep inside of you. You’re almost there and you’re grateful that he fights through his own overstimulation to keep fucking into you lazily. You cum around him and your body goes limp against your sheets. 

“You were able to keep up with me; you were amazing,” he says around his heavy breathing. You just look over to him and smile, far too exhausted to speak

When you wake up the next morning, you are not expecting to see jeno still lying next to you. You were sure you made it clear to him this wouldnt be a long-term thing. You shake him awake and he stirs in this sleep before cracking an eye open. He looks at you, then rolls over like you were bothering him.

"Jen, get up. You have to go,” you say, shaking his shoulder again

"Hngm,” he groans, pulling more of your cover over him.

You just stare at him incredulously. You slap his shoulder hard and he finally sits up fully. He looks more alert now as he takes in your appearance and then the time on the bedside table.

“Fuck! Im going to be late for practice,” is all he says before rushing to grab his clothes and phone off your nightstand. 

You just watch him in amusement as he scrambles around the room. He's halfway through the door before he stops in his tracks. He turns around and strides back to you before leaning over to plant a sweet kiss on your lips. This kiss was short, but you sensed something in it. He pulled away and stepped out the door fully this time, saying a quick goodbye. Jeno was a track star; he’d make it. As you hear your front door close with a heavy slam, one thought runs through your head.

Jeno the track star, and Jeno, the lover boy, was attached to you. In what ways, you didn’t know, but you could not find out.

Navigating across your college campus was already difficult when you had to regularly avoid crowds of students. Now that you were practically a wanted fugitive, it was even harder to slip between the halls and walk from class to class.

Jeno had texted you a few times since he left your house that one day. Haechan never stopped asking around for you, Renjun was pretty cool about everything so it was only a little awkward when you passed him in the halls, and Jaemin...  Boy, if Jaemin got his hands on you, it was so over.

There was only one person you wanted to see and that was Mark. He was the only one who hadn't tried to hit you up. It was like he had vanished from the face of the earth. You had practically begged Jisung for any updates but even he hadn't seen him around. It wasn't until you walked into the library one day and saw Mark cuddle up with some girl that your questions were answered. You were devastated. You had spent so much time trying to be perfect for him and he had used that time to move on to another girl. You couldn't exactly blame him; you had been blowing him off for awhile in favor of your "studies.”. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You hated life. Life always has a sick way of turning you on your head. What was this all for without Mark? Not to say you went on this whole sexual exploration just for him but he was the end goal. He was the final boss. It was like putting in hours on a videogame just to have it shut down before you could save. Yes, you play it for fun, but you also play for the sense of accomplishment that comes with completing it and winning. 

What was that saying? Play stupid games,win stupid prizes? 

You were out sipping smoothies and pouring your heart out to your friend group. You told them everything. Some were more shocked than others.

“You were trying to fuck my cousin!?” Jisung says this in horror as he almost chokes on his smoothie.

“Sorry, Jisung, I cant explain that one” You send him an apologetic smile.

“I just knew something was up! You had that glowy look,” your friend Yangyang says 

“Yeah, that post-sex glow!” Mia chimes in

“Will you two quiet down?” You shush them; you did not need the entire establishment knowing you “glow” after sex, making it sound like you had some type of radioactive pussy.

“I cant believe you fucked them; thats bold even for you,” jisung adds

“I dont need your judgment, jisung”

“No, im not judging; its just that they all-”

“Can we please drop it, I dont want to talk about this anymore; people are starting to stare” The old couple that sat across from your table sneaked glances at you and your friends. 

"Well, if you want to get over Mark, you should get under someone else,” chenle says

“Its your advice that got me here in the first place,” you remind him as you finish your smooth sucking down the last drop. 

You needed to just spend some time alone, collect yourself and get over mark. Honestly, your kind of happy that this happened sooner rather than later, before you developed more intimate feelings for him. You had already been on your way down that path and it had scared you a little. Maybe this was for the best since you weren't yet ready to face your feelings.

You were supposed to be the reasonable friend. You were supposed to be the friend who told everyone else when they were making stupid decisions, but now that you were making dumb decisions, there was no one there to stop you. You shouldn't listen to Chenle, especially not after the first time but it was like there was a devil-shaped Chenle on your shoulder, egging you on.

You texted Renjun; it has been weeks since you last spoke to him and you hoped there were no hurt feelings between you. You had told him you wanted to meet up and that you had a lot of things on your mind that you wanted to forget, even if just for one night. He said he wasn't upset about you ghosting him; he said that was what the app was all about and that if you ever needed a distraction, you were always welcome over.

You were so grateful to Renjun; he always made you feel safe and welcome. You were thankful that he was your first sexual encounter after your past failed attempts.

You know the way to his house like the back of your hand at this point. You were excited to see Renjun again. You hoped that you could build a relationship outside of just sex; he seemed like a really cool dude. You knock on the door, and it swings open a second later. 

It wasn't Renjun.

“Sorry, my roomates were just leaving,” the man you were here to meet says, popping up from behind Haechan, who had answered the door.  The blood drained from your face. "Haechan, let her in”

Haechan doesn't take his eyes off of you once. When he eventually shifts to the side to let you through the door, you expect him to walk out, but he simply closes it behind you.

You walk into the living room, and 2 other pairs of eyes lock onto you. Confused looks were exchanged between everyone in the room except Renjun, who still had no idea what was going on.

“These are my roomates, Jeno and Jaemin, oh and thats Haechan” Jeno and Jaemin were sitting on the couch in the living room, dressed to go out and Haechan was still standing in the small walkway that led from the living room to the front door.

“We know each other,” haechan says. Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun all give him a confused look after he makes the comment.

“So do we,” Jeno and Jaemin say in unison before quickly looking at each other, even more confused.

“I actually forgot I think I have an assignment due, I need to turn it in before 12 so I think I'll leave,” you say with a sheepish, akward smile.

You turn to run away but Haechan blocks your path. “Where are you running to babe? You’ve been avoiding me for weeks I think we should have a little chat.

“I really need to turn in that assignment” You try again

“Sit down, princess,” jaemins stern voice calls from the couch, He moves over and pats the space next to him. 

Fuck.

“Wait, don't tell me,” Renjun says, finally putting all the pieces together. “Did we all fuck her?”

“Yes! I fucked all of you,” you grumble as you plop down on the couch sandwiched between Jeno and Jaemin. You were caught either way, so you might as well fess up. You can't bring yourself to look at Jeno; you knew there would be hurt in his eyes. “In my defense, I had no idea you were all roomates”

“No judgment over here love. I just wish you would have come to me instead of Renjun if you wanted to fuck tonight,” haechan smirked

You cross your arms against your chest and huff. its not like you were in trouble; you were all grown consenting adults but it sure felt like you were.

“That's what you were gonna do, right? Use everything I taught you to go fuck him?” Jaemin says, his piercing stare seeing right through you.

You were annoyed, you hated being on the hot seat, you had come here to escape your worries and not be confronted by 4/5ths of them. Maybe that is why you lash out a little. “Yes, Jaemin, I'm going to fuck your roomate and make him scream loud enough for the rest of you to hear” 

“And where did you learn how to do that?”

“From you, of course” 

The room grows silent and that annoys you more. You couldn't understand why no one was ripping you out of your clothes yet. “Is someone going to fuck me, or do I have to find someone else to do it” 

“Are you ok with Renjun sharing you?” haechan suggests

“I think I can handle it; can you” you say to the room.

“Wouldnt be the first time we shared,” jaemin says

You finally turn to face jeno. He looks at you, then at your lips, and finally speaks. “I want you… I need you so bad” You had a feeling his words had a deeper meaning than that

You didnt have time to worry about him; you already had so much on your mind but you did spare him the slightest mercy and lean into him first. You kiss him, pulling him into a heated kiss and you can feel warm hands under your shirt as Jaemin kisses your neck. Suddenly, you were being pulled away from the kiss and hauled off the couch. Renjun stood in front of you and said, “lets go to my room; I have the most space”  

The trail of clothes that is left behind in the hallway was the only evidence you left behind as the door to Renjuns room closed behind you. You crawl into the bed, and Jaemin crawls in behind you. Renjun takes it upon himself to have you first. He claims your lips in a kiss before he trails his hot mouth down your body. He sucks at your chest before continuing down. Jaemin grabs a hold of them from behind, massaging them in Renjun's wake. Haechan props himself up beside you and kisses you, his hand drawing mindless circles against the skin at your stomach as Renjun caresses your thighs as he prys them open. He lays between them and for once, he doesn't wait. He dives in, immeditaly pressing his hot tongue all over you, spreading your juices as he sucks and licks at your cunt. Your hips fuck up on to his tongue and into his face, and he doesn't stop you. He doesn't stop you when you grab ahold of his hair to grind against his face messily. From beside you, Haechan sits up, dick pressing against your lips and urging you to open your mouth. You do your best to suck him off, lazily closing your mouth around him, too focused on how Renjun feels between your legs than about properly sucking him off. Jaemin strokes your hair away from your face, gripping it in a makeshift ponytail for you as he watches you suck off Haechan. You can feel him pressing up against your lower back, and you can't help the new wave of slick that gushes out at the thought of him feeling you up again. You had missed him—all of them, really. The thought pulls your mind back to Jeno, who sat silently on your other side. You reach out blindly until you feel for him. He takes your hand in his and guides it down his body. His hand covers yours as you palm him through his boxers. Soft groans leave his mouth, and you manage to pull him from his confines. You grip firmly and stroke him as best you can from your angle. He seems to appreciate it because, in no time, he's fucking up into your fist.

You feel Haechan tense in your mouth and you think he's going to spill but he pulls out instead. He takes up camp next to Renjun, forcing the other to scoot over. They both lap at your fold messily and you don't miss the way their tongues swirl together, tasting each other. You are ripped away from the beautiful sight between your legs when Jaemin grips your hair and makes you take Jeno into your mouth next. He guides your movements, pulling you up and down the jenos cock, making it hit the back of your throat. Your training really paid off because you only gag slightly until you are in control of the reflex again.

Fingers slip between your folds; your not sure who they belong to, but their curving deep, fucking into you ruthlessly. The way they sissor you open has you moaning around Jeno, causing his hips to stutter. You feel a pair of lips sucking cruelly on your clit and you come undone violently. Jeno cums deep down your throat, making you choke a little. He pulls out, laying limply next to you. You don’t miss the way his eyes shine at you.

The grasp in your hair forces your head back and you turn over your shoulder to kiss Jaemin. You were positive he could taste Jeno on your tongue but that didn't stop him from shoving his wet muscle down your throat and chasing the taste. Sometime during your distracted haze, Renjun pushes inside of you and you moan into your kiss with Jaemin. Renjun fucks you fast and deep. Hold on tight to your hips. Haechan busies himself with your chest, sucking on your nipples before pulling back to steal you away from Jaemin's kisses. Haechan kisses you messily, just like the way he ate you out and swallowed your moans. Renjun's pace turns sloppy and he finishes against your stomach. With how neat and tidy he likes to keep his things, you were surprised at how messy he could get in the heat of the moment. He pulls out and flops down beside you. Haechan quickly takes his place and you thank Jeno for his help in preparing you for this moment. 

Haechan pushes inside of you easily, your greedy pussy completely swallowing him whole. He wastes no time in driving into you over and over again. He used your body to get off, pressing quick circles into your clit. You swipe some of Renjun’s cum off your stomach and shove your soiled finger into Haechan’s mouth. Your fingers rest against his tongue as he licks them clean with a groan. You slip your hand free, smearing some of his spit across his mouth in the process. You didn’t know what it was about Haechan,  but he just got you so worked up. Maybe it was how nasty he was, licking up another man's cum, and how he would probably lick you clean after this. You couln'tt stop your hips as they bucked up into his. You chase your highs and you use each other. After a few quick thrusts, you're cuming all over his length and leaking onto the covers, adding even more fluid to the mess. Haechan doesn’t pull out. He comes deep inside you, stuffing you full before he pulls out to watch it drip from your hole.

“Get on your hands and knees for me, baby,” Jaemin whispers in your ear. He had waited patiently for everyone else to get done with you because he wanted your full attention. Jaemin was going to show you that he was all you needed. 

You don't even get a chance to move before he moves you into position himself. He takes one of the pillows from the head of the bed and instructs you to lay your head on it. You think hes being nice, worried about your neck cramping, until he says, “bite it” 

He wouldn't go easy on you this time, not with how pent-up he has been. A hand grips your head, shoving your face into the pillow as he slips inside. This time, there is zero resistance. With all the slick spilling out of your hole, he was able to lube up before slipping inside.

“Fuck, look at that. Taking it so well,” Jeno says from his spot on the bed. A few moans follow and you assume they are all touching themselves at the sight. 

Jaemin forces your head up and makes you look at Renjun, Haechan, and Jeno, all beating their dicks. “You think they can fuck you like I do? No ones got you like I do baby and i’m gonna prove it” 

Your pushed back into the pillow, your screams muffled as he snaps his hips into your ass. Crude clapping fills the room as your skin makes contact from his long, deep strokes. Your moans are instead replaced with Haechan's as they fill the room alongside Renjun and Jenos. Jaemin doesn't let up, grabbing one of your arms and pinning it to your back. Renjun's pillow was soaked with your tears as you cried in pleasure at the way Jaemin fucked you. Your thighs grow weak and you can’t hold yourself up anymore but that's ok because Jaemin's strong grip keeps you up as he holds you in place, pounding into you from behind. 

“Fuck, im gonna cum” Haechan moans

You’re about to as well when your thighs start to tremble and your body starts to thrash as you try to escape the onslaught of pleasure. 

“Stay right there, princess. You got it,” Jaemin grunts into your ear. His chest is pressed against your back, and his biceps curl around your throat, pulling you away from the pillow and successfully trapping you in a chokehold. You scream out load finally, and your orgasm wracks through you. Your tight grip on Jaemin's cock has him cumming deep inside of you with a groan.

Everyone was exhausted and sprawled across Renjun's bed. Renjun, followed by Haechan, Jeno, You, and Jaemin. That was how you were all laid out. Someone went to grab a towel and whipped you clean before wrapping strong arms around you. Through your drowsiness, you looked up to see Jeno nuzzled into your side, embracing you. You had resolved most of your problems except for one. 

You shake the thought from your head—not tonight. Tonight, you would just be his and enjoy this moment. You would face him in the morning. You didn't know him well but maybe you could change that. 

a/n: I hope you enjoyed reading this. There will be no Part 2 anytime soon or maybe even ever. Maybe a spin-off could happen but probably far down the road in the future. This is literally just porn with no plot. I seriously have no idea where I would take this story. Comment and leave feedback if you want to; it is always appreciated. 

a/n: Fun fact i actually did lose my virginity to a fence, it is completely possible to break your hymen  through injury. That shit hurt so bad lmaooo. Some of these events in the fic are pulled from real life. See if you can guess which ones lol.

[ginnsbaker]

Bulletproof

Summary: You're the only Avenger who sleeps in a cell. | Series Masterlist

Word count: 2.9k+ | Tags: Mild Angst, Fluff, Sharing A Bed, Enemies to Lovers

Ship: Wanda Maximoff x Gender Neutral Reader

Requested by anon:

could i maybe request wanda x r where the whole team kinda mistreats them and wanda is especially bad. & r saving wanda on a mission, with this: wanda: “How'd you know you were bulletproof?" r: "I didn't. I just knew that you weren't."

Author's note: Thank you to the anon who requested this :) Not sure if this is exactly how you wanted it, but I had fun writing the battle (my first time!) Hope you don't mind I took some liberties ;) Takes place before Civil War.

--

“You don’t have to be so mean to them,” Natasha tells her. 

Wanda's eyes narrow as she continues to fixate on you, her glare seemingly willing the daggers to find their mark. You can sense the energy of her powers tingling in the air, but she maintains control, stopping the daggers just short of their target.

“They need to know what they’re up against,” Wanda retorts, her accent slipping through in a rare moment. “If they’re going to be one of us, they have to prove themselves.”

Natasha moves to stand between you and Wanda, her body language calm but assertive. “They will, in time. But not like this.”

You can feel your heart pounding, but you refuse to let Wanda see any fear in your eyes. Your choice to leave your former life and join this team wasn't made lightly, and you won't be intimidated.

“I'm right here,” you say, stepping forward. “And I'm not going anywhere. If you want to test me, do it properly.”

Wanda smirks, and the daggers drop to the floor, clattering loudly in the silence. “Impressive,” she says, almost as an afterthought.

Steve Rogers, observing from the sidelines, steps in to defuse the situation. His authoritative presence commands respect, and his voice is steady and even. “That's enough for today. We're a team, and we need to start acting like one.”

He looks at you, his eyes filled with understanding but also a hint of caution. “However,” he continues, his tone shifting, “You'll still be sleeping in the cells.”

Your heart plummets, each word from Steve feeling like a blade to your chest. Being sent back to that room, devoid of windows, with only a tiny bed and a comforter too thin to ward off the chill, feels like a betrayal every time. You've spent nights there, shivering and reflecting on your decision to join this team, yet still, you find yourself confined.

���After several months of captivity, even cooking your dinner, you still don't trust me?” you ask, trying to keep the hurt out of your voice.

Steve's expression softens, but his resolve remains firm. “It's not about trust,” he says quietly, his voice carrying a weight of experience and pain. “We've been crossed so many times before, mostly by former HYDRA agents.”

Like you, he doesn’t need to say.

You understand the logic, but it doesn't make the reality any easier to swallow. The sense of being an outsider, the cold isolation of the cells—it wears on you.

Wanda, who had been silent up to this point, suddenly speaks up. “Maybe you should just leave then. If it's so unbearable, why stay?”

The room goes quiet. 

A thousand retorts spring to your mind, but you swallow them down, unwilling to escalate the situation further. The temptation to throw back that it's rich coming from her, considering she's also a former footsoldier of HYDRA, is strong, but you bite your tongue. 

You look at her, stunned by the bluntness of her suggestion, but also recognizing the challenge in her eyes. 

Her words strike deeper than she may realize. Leaving isn't an option you've entertained, mainly because there's nowhere for you to go. No one left in your life to turn to. This makeshift “family” despite their reservation and distance, is all you have.

-

The days that follow are marked by a subtle but relentless isolation. 

In the training room, Wanda's partnership becomes more aggressive than usual. Her powers lash out without warning, her critiques sharp and cutting. You hold your own, but the lack of camaraderie is palpable. Each comment she makes stings, and with every barb, you feel more and more alone.

At meal times, the rest of the Avengers seem to be in their own world, deep in conversation, sharing stories, laughing. You sit at the end of the table, your presence barely acknowledged, a shadow among them. Your attempts to join in are met with curt replies or indifference. You try to brush it off, believing that you should be used to rejection by now. But no matter how much you tell yourself that you're accustomed to it, that you've developed a thick skin, the pain is still there, raw and fresh.

Mission briefings are no better. Your opinions and insights are consistently overlooked. You contribute where you can, but your ideas are dismissed without consideration. You are a tool, a means to an end, not a part of the team. The realization gnaws at you, festering in the pit of your stomach.

Casual encounters with the team become equally disheartening. Tony passes you in the hallway without so much as a glance. Natasha avoids eye contact. Bruce mumbles something noncommittal when you try to engage him in conversation. Steve's assignments are devoid of the warmth or encouragement he shows to everyone else.

Your cell becomes a constant reminder of your status, metaphor for how the entire team treats you. 

You’re both just a weapon and a first-aid kit at their disposal.

Wanda is relentless, her words sharp and her gaze cold. You have no idea why she treats you worse than any of them, why her manner towards you has turned so hostile. You don't understand why you get under her skin without even trying, why she seems to target you with a venom that feels deeply personal.

You were expecting that Wanda would be the one to understand what it feels like to be an outsider, given that you both share a common history as former HYDRA agents. 

As the days turn into weeks, the isolation wears you down. The walls of your cell seem to close in, and a growing determination to prove yourself begins to take hold. 

You'll show them all that you're more than just a disposable weapon.

But underlying that determination is a gnawing doubt, a fear that no matter what you do, it will never be enough to earn their respect, their trust, or their friendship. It's a lonely road, and for the first time, you begin to wonder if Wanda's earlier suggestion might hold some truth.

Perhaps it would be easier to leave.

-

It’s not like you know the extent of your abilities, but they bring you along the most dangerous missions for one thing:

Your healing ability.

On top of your martial arts training, you provide a sense of security to your teammates, knowing that you'll be there to heal them if they get hurt.

Now, you find yourself on one such mission, infiltrating a den of underground supers. These aren't ordinary criminals; they're mercenaries hired to carry out the dirty work of high-ranking government officials. It's a treacherous job, one filled with unknown risks, and you've been paired with Wanda for the operation.

As you and Wanda are attempting to escape, things take a turn for the worse. You find yourselves cornered in an alley, your escape route cut off by a group of armed thugs and a few individuals displaying unnerving superpowers.

Wanda takes on those with special abilities, her eyes glowing red as she unleashes her powers in a flurry of attacks. You, on the other hand, focus on the armed assailants, wielding two-handed pistols with expert precision. Bullets fly, and bodies fall as you both fight for your lives.

But in the midst of the chaos, you notice something that sends a chill down your spine. Snipers, perched on a nearby rooftop, taking aim at Wanda. Even with your healing abilities, you know that a precise shot to the head would be fatal.

“Wanda, get down!” you shout, but she's too engrossed in her battle to hear you. Your mind races, knowing that you have only seconds to act. 

Without a second thought, you turn and run towards Wanda, your body moving on pure instinct. Bullets whiz by your ear, but you keep going, your focus solely on reaching her before it's too late.

You leap into the air, positioning yourself between Wanda and the snipers just as they pull the trigger. 

You hear the distant release of the bullet, muted but deadly.

The world seems to slow down as you brace for the impact, only to feel the bullets bounce off your skin.

You land, unscathed, your mind reeling from the realization that you're bulletproof. But there's no time to dwell on it.

Wanda looks at you, her eyes wide with shock but also gratitude. “How did you–”

“No time!” you cut her off, urging her to keep fighting. “We have to get out of here!”

Wanda's eyes flare with a vivid scarlet as she zeroes in on the snipers in the vicinity. With a flourish of her hands, she uses her powers to locate each of their positions. A pulse of energy emanates from her fingertips, reaching out to the snipers' weapons, and within moments, the firearms disintegrate into dust, leaving the men defenseless.

Seeing an opening, you reach for Wanda's arm, your grip firm but not rough. There's no time to waste, and you start pulling her towards the exit, half running, half dragging her to safety. Her breath is warm on your neck, her body close to yours, as you weave through the maze of alleyways, your heart pounding in your chest.

Once you're at a safe distance, Wanda turns to you. “How'd you know you were bulletproof?”

“I didn't,” you admit, still in disbelief, and much to Wanda’s horror that you almost got yourself killed for her sake. “I just knew you weren't. And if those bullets got to you, I wouldn't be able to heal someone who's already dead.”

Wanda stares at you, her eyes searching your face as if she's trying to see something… deeper. Her lips part, like she wants to say something more, something that's just on the tip of her tongue but won't come out.

That's when you realize that you're still holding her arm, your bodies so close that you can feel her heartbeat. A flush of embarrassment washes over you as you become aware of the intimate proximity. Wanda clears her throat, a delicate, almost shy sound, and you immediately let go of her arm.

The silence that follows your sudden step back is heavy and awkward. You can't help but glance at the spot where your hand had been moments ago, still feeling the ghostly sensation of her arm beneath your fingers.

You look at Wanda, and she's looking back at you, her eyes wide and filled with something you can't quite name. 

And then, without warning, Wanda starts to laugh.

It's a soft, bubbling sound at first, almost as if she's surprised by it herself. Her laughter grows, becoming louder and more contagious, and you can't help but stare at her, your mouth agape, wondering if she's lost her mind.

“What's so funny?” you finally manage to ask.

Wanda wipes a tear from her eye, still chuckling. “I was just thinking,” she says, her nose scrunching, something you haven’t seen on her and you find it quite… adorable. “You're like a shield now. As effective as Steve's vibranium one, maybe even more so.”

The absurdity of the statement causes you to finally join in her laugh, and your heart seems to flutter at the sound of Wanda's glee.

“I don't know about that,” you say, trying to sound modest but unable to keep the smile off your face. “Steve's shield has a bit more style.”

“Oh, I don't know,” Wanda teases, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “There's something quite stylish about being bulletproof. And practical too.”

Was that a compliment?

You shake your head, still smiling, your previous awkwardness forgotten. You're not only pleased at the first light banter you've shared with a teammate but also smiling at something else, something that stirs deep inside you and that you're not quite ready to confront.

Your crush on Wanda Maximoff.

-

The toll of the day's event is weighing down on you and Wanda, but like every mission, you're required to report the details of the mission–successful or not. Your muscles are sore, your mind is weary, but the mission was a success, and you can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment.

Arriving back at the Avengers compound, you follow Wanda into the debriefing room where Steve is waiting. Wanda explains what happened, how you discovered your newfound ability, and saved her life. Her voice is filled with respect and something more, something warmer, as she recounts your bravery.

Steve's face lights up with pride. “You both did well today. I'm proud of how you handled yourselves out there.”

You exchange a glance with Wanda, waiting for something more, perhaps some acknowledgment of your change in status within the team, or even an upgrade to your sleeping quarters. But instead, Steve simply nods, his face turning serious. “Dismissed.”

Wanda's face falls, and you feel a sharp pang of disappointment. You start to retreat towards your cell, the cold, windowless room that's been your home for months, but Wanda's voice stops you in your tracks.

“Wait a minute, Steve,” she protests. “After all that's happened, after all Y/N has done for us, don't you think it's time for a change? A real room, perhaps?”

Steve looks between you and Wanda. You hold your breath, hoping for a reprieve from the isolation you've been feeling.

Finally, Steve sighs, his face softening. “Wanda, if it were up to me, Y/N would have their own room already. But it's not that simple,” he explains, his voice strained. “I still need to place an official request with Tony. He's the one who approves these things.”

You can hear the frustration in Steve's voice, and you realize that he's fighting for you, in his own way.

“Fine,” Wanda says, crossing her arms. “But this needs to be done quickly, Steve. It's not right.”

“I agree. I'll talk to Tony first thing tomorrow.”

As you turn to leave and retreat back to your cell, Wanda's hand on your arm stops you, and you look back at her, surprised by the action.

“Come with me,” she says. Without another word, she leads you towards her quarters. 

Your heart quickens at her words, and you follow her, trying to process what's happening. 

Is she really inviting you to stay in her room?

Once inside her quarters, the reality of the situation sinks in, and a nervous tension takes hold. Her room is filled with personal touches–little trinkets, photographs, her clothes all over the place–that provide glimpses into a life you've only seen from a distance. You feel like an intruder, momentarily paralyzed as you take in the intimacy of her space.

Wanda seems to pick up on your hesitation, her eyes narrowing as she studies you. A smirk plays on her lips as she teases, “Don't look so terrified. I won't bite.”

You chuckle at her remark. “Well, that's a relief.”

Wanda's eyes sparkle with amusement, and she moves further into the room, gesturing for you to follow. “Make yourself at home,” she says. She then goes to the closet and begins to pull out a spare pillow and blanket. “You'll be staying here with me until we sort out a room for you,” she says.

“Thanks, Wanda,” you say softly.

Without further comment, you move to make your bed on the floor, your movements deliberate and slow as you try to give her space and respect her privacy.

“What are you doing?” Wanda asks, her eyes widening as she realizes your intention.

“I'm just getting ready to sleep,” you explain, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I'm quite tired.”

“No, what are you doing on the floor?” she clarifies, a hint of disbelief in her voice. “You're sharing the bed with me.”

“I wouldn't want to impose,” you say, though the offer is tempting.

“You're not imposing,” Wanda assures you, her eyes sincere. “You've earned a proper bed, and I trust you.”

The word 'trust' hits you like a wave, and you feel tears pricking at the back of your eyes. 

Blinking them back, your voice cracks a little as you reply, “Thank you, Wanda. That means more to me than you know.”

“Good night, Y/N,” Wanda whispers, turning on her side to face you.

“Good night, Wanda,” you say, just as softly.

You both settle on the bed, and with a flick of her wrist, Wanda uses her powers to switch off the light.

The softness of Wanda's bed is worlds away from the harsh, unforgiving mattress in your cell. You find yourself sinking into the plush comfort, every muscle in your body releasing the tension from the dangerous mission earlier. The scent of Wanda on the pillows only adds to the incomparable comfort they provide. The difference is staggering, and it contributes to you falling asleep much more quickly than you have in a long time.

In the middle of the night, you're stirred awake by the feeling of Wanda rolling closer to you. Her arm finds its way over your stomach, and her soft snores fill the room. Being ever alert, the small action wakes you, but as soon as you realize it's just Wanda, a smile forms on your face.

You lie there for a moment, taking in the warmth and the gentle pressure of her hand. A soft blush creeps up your cheeks as you place your hand over hers to keep it there.

You've become more than just teammates.

You've become friends.

And maybe, just maybe, something more.

[alotofpockets]

The unexpected gift | Alessia Russo

Pairing: Alessia Russo x Reader

Summary: Meeting Alessia at a bar while she's out celebrating her birthday.

A/n: In honour of Lessi's birthday :)

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 1.5k

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You were looking around the busy bar, trying to find the friends you had arrived with. Only one of them was still sharing the table with you. “Have you seen the rest?” Emma shakes her head, “I saw Lexi leaving with some guy like fifteen minutes ago, and the last time I saw Mandy, she was making out with a girl on the dance floor.” You laugh, “Maybe we should go and find some people too.” You see your friend looking over your shoulder, “I think I found just the right person.” Her face lights up, so you look over your shoulder to see who she’s looking at. You immediately knew who she was talking about, “Em she's totally your type. You should go for it!” You encourage her. “You'll be alright on your own?” You've probably never nodded faster in your life, “Go shoot your shot!” 

Now it was just you. First, another drink, you thought as you got up and headed to the bar. You had never been one to just step up to a girl and shoot your shot, so you were going to need some more liquid courage. What you hadn’t expected was for a girl to literally fall into your arms.

You quickly react and catch her before she falls down completely. “Oh my god, I am so sorry.” The girl starts apologising profusely, her words barely registering as you’re immediately lost in her piercing blue eyes. “It's okay, but you could've just said hi, you know?” The girl visibly relaxes at your joke. “Hi.” She says with a big smile on her face. You went from being mesmerised by her eyes to being mesmerised by her smile. The girl was absolutely stunning, and you thanked the universe that you were the one she fell into. “Hey,” you send her a smile back, “what brings you out tonight?” 

“I’m actually here celebrating my birthday with some of my friends. What about you?” At that the girl in front of you seemed to remember that it wasn’t just the two of you in the room. “That’s so fun, happy birthday! I’m here with a couple of friends too, except they all left to go make out with strangers.” You joke.

Before the blonde could respond, a hand fell onto her shoulder, “Oi Lessi, what’s taking so long?” Lessi, you smile now knowing her name. She nudges her head your way, hoping that her friend would leave her alone. “Oh, I see.” She says with a smirk, as she sees her friend's cheeks flush. The girl looks your way. “What are you drinking?” You give her your drink of choice and thank her before continuing your conversation, “So, Lessi is it?” She holds out her hand, “Alessia actually.” You shake her hand, “Y/n.” You realise you hadn’t let go of her hand yet, so you slowly retract it. “You should join me and my friends.” She said with a smile you couldn’t say no to even if you wanted to. So, when Alessia’s friend presses a drink into your hands, you find yourself following the two to the other side of the bar. 

“Sorry for the wait, but don’t fear Katie is here with the drinks! Also, this is y/n, she’ll be joining us.” You wave to the group as a bunch of hello’s are thrown your way. Since the group was large enough to entertain themselves, Alessia guided you over to a free spot at the table, so you could continue your conversation. “You’ve got quite the group of people here with you.” You comment, looking out over the twenty something girls surrounding you. “Oh yes, I play football, and these are all my teammates. Since we’re such a big group when we all go somewhere, I like to just invite them out instead of having to host this many people at home.” 

She tells you all about football, and her experience playing in the euro’s after you asked for it. You found it adorable that she was so passionate about her sport. You hadn’t even realised an hour had gone by since you had sat down, until one of her friends stood in front of you. “Less, come on, we want to go to the next bar.” The girl was looking at her expectantly, and looked to be very excited for their next step of the night. “You promised us karaoke, now let’s go.” Alessia looks between the two of you, “Okay Beth, calm down. We’ll go to the karaoke bar, tell the girls to get ready, and I’ll be right there.” 

Once Beth turns around you hear her loudly announce to the group that you’re going to the next bar, you smile at her enthusiasm showing so clearly. “She’s really into karaoke, huh?” Alessia laughs, “I think she just enjoys watching everyone embarrass themselves, honestly. Would you want to come with us? I don’t want our time to end yet.” You loved the idea of spending more time with Alessia, so you agreed. “I’m not singing though.” 

You quickly text your friends where you’re going as you were grabbing your coat, before you join Alessia’s friends outside. Alessia wasn’t there yet, so you make small talk with Lia, Vic, and Leah. A few minutes later you saw Alessia approaching, but before she reached you, she tripped over her own feet. Luckily Leah was quick to catch her this time. “That twice now, seems like you really needed some fresh air.” You laugh. “Trust me it’s not just the alcohol, she’s naturally clumsy.” Vic says, earning herself a playful shove from Alessia. 

The karaoke bar was busy, so it took a while before any of the girls got to sing, but the atmosphere in the bar was great. You were dancing and singing along to the music along with the rest of the girls.

Beth, Jen, and Steph, were the first ones up on the stage, performing their rendition of ABBA’s Dancing Queen, they fully let go and belted the lyrics to the audience, and they sang it back just as loud.

As the night went on, you found yourself getting closer and closer to Alessia. Until eventually, her arms were around your waist, while you were swinging to the music together.

You didn’t want the night to end, but the bar was slowly emptying out, and you knew it was going to close soon. “Alright, last song everybody. This is Sweet Caroline performed by the Arsenal Women's team.” The DJ announced. The girls made their way to the stage, and before you had time to resist, you got dragged along with them. 

Blending into the group, you let go and sing along with the words to the song.

Hands, touching hands

Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline pam pam pam

Good times never seemed so good

You had to admit that that was a lot of fun. 

Once everyone was out of the bar, Alessia took you aside, trying to get away from the loudness of her friends. “I had a lot of fun tonight, thank you for inviting me to join your birthday celebration.” Her smile grows, “Of course, I am so glad that I did. Thank you for a great night. Actually I was wondering if I could see you again sometime, like take you out on a date." She started fiddling with the rings on her fingers, suddenly becoming nervous. So, you take her hand in yours, “I would love to." Her nerves faded away just as quickly as they had appeared. “Yeah? That’s great. Let me get your number.” You put your numbers in each other’s phones. 

“Thanks again for a great night.” Alessia said, taking your hand in hers again. “Likewise, birthday girl.” You’re about to move back to the rest of the group when you get an idea, and turn to Alessia again. “I haven’t given you a birthday gift yet.” Alessia laughs, “I mean I didn’t really give you any notice.” You smile at her quick joke. “That’s okay, I’m great at improvising.” You take a step closer to her, and lean in to kiss her. 

Her lips are soft on yours, and you taste the sweetness of the cocktails she’s been drinking on them. You break the kiss with flushed cheeks from the wolf whistles and cheers coming from the group behind you. So, you lean in to whisper into her ear, “Happy birthday.” 

Your house was only a couple blocks away, but Alessia insisted on you joining her in her Uber, making the driver take an extra stop. “Text me when you get home?” You ask as you get out, and she nods, “I will.” 

When she was alone in the Uber, Alessia starts reminiscing on her birthday. She had a great time with her teammates, and got a lot of great presents. Thought, the unexpected gift of meeting you, was her favourite gift of all.

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[lionhanie]

moving to busan (kim leehan)

where you move to a new city and fall in love with a boy on the beach 

surfer!leehan x gn!reader (non-idol au)

this work is my contribution to @onedoornet 's summer event! ^_^ check it out here!!! ♡

word count: 5.5k

genre + warnings: fluff!!! maybe a tad of angst o_O, written in all lowercase!, mentions of depression + feelings of unbelonging (??), leehan is referred to by his real name (donghyun), ft. side characters taesan and woonhak

a/n: me when i had to watch surfing videos to write this LMAO sorry if its inaccurate…….. i can't even swim! LOLLLL. i def channeled some of my own feelings into this, so it was rlly fun to write. i'd even go as far to say this is my Most Favorite piece yet :,)

reblogs ↺ + feedback always appreciated!

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you didn’t know what home felt like. which felt odd to say, given that you were extremely fortunate to grow up the way that you did– a roof above your head, food on the dinner table, and a family to share it with. the older you got, the more it felt like you needed to leave. there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with your life; sure, you had your fair share of rough patches here and there, but it was never anything too severe. despite that, you felt suffocated. it was hard to wake up in the same bed you’ve used for lord knows how long, going outside to walk the same paths you’ve walked on thousands of times, all to see the same faces everyday. this was all you knew.

moving to busan was something you never expected yourself to do. the decision was made more on a whim than anything else; immediately upon graduating, you decided to pack your bags and move to a new city, feeling like a stranger wandering alone in the foreign streets. there wasn’t much to pack, anyways. you were committed to truly leaving everything behind and starting fresh, bringing only one suitcase and a backpack for your essentials. 

you grew up in a smaller town, about five hours away from where you were now. there, you were used to the quaint homes belonging to the families you'd grown up with. the kind crossing guard by the middle school you used to attend still worked there years after you graduated, now bearing wrinkles by her eyes, but still possessing the same sweet smile she would always give you while helping you cross the street. everything you needed was a quick bike ride away. the area was quiet, comfortable, familiar. and yet, you left. 

you’d gotten to a point where you grew sick of the familiarity. to live life in one place forever scared you. it was best described as a fear of being stuck– like a stagnant body of water, peacefully undisturbed but painfully boring, to say the least. a fear of missing out on all the things you could be doing if you just lived somewhere else. anywhere more exciting than the town you knew like the back of your hand. you yearned for something else, something different. 

moving to busan meant doing things you never got the chance to do back at home. growing up, you quickly realized that being in a small town meant that you couldn’t do the same things that kids in bigger cities could do. all you had were necessities– a supermarket, doctor’s office, run-of-the-mill shops lining a dirt road in the core of the area. it was enough, sure, but you were hungry for more. on the other hand, busan was full of unique experiences waiting for you. some being as simple as trying new cuisines at restaurants you’d only dreamt of seeing in your hometown, or attending various local festivals held in the area for tourists and residents alike. 

it was crazy to think that life could be so different, even a few hours away from your childhood home. to most, giving up everything you once knew is a terrifying thought. to you, it was a wish you made to yourself when you blew out the candles on your birthday cake. you marveled at the way it’s been nearly two months since you first settled in and there’s still an endless list of things you’ve yet to try! it felt more like a dream, than anything. life has never been so bright– especially after years of feeling dull in a town you now dreaded returning to.  

moving to busan meant finally meeting new people. it was a breath of fresh air, really. the apartment complex you lived in was on the corner of a busy area, giving you access to a wide range of personalities each time you stepped out the building. you were lucky enough to get a part-time job at a newly opened cafe a couple blocks away, where you quickly became friends with your coworkers: taesan (who didn’t like coffee in the first place) and woonhak (who spent more time talking to the customers than actually making drinks).

you would’ve been content if those were the only two people you managed to befriend in the big city. they were full of life– a never ending source of laughter and stories from their respective hometowns, making your shifts go by significantly faster when you were scheduled together, much to your disappointment.

this is exactly what you had in mind the first time you thought about leaving. it was exhilarating. being someone completely new to the area meant that you could be whatever you wanted to be. there were no expectations from those around you; nobody knew who you were prior to moving. it was a freedom you feared you would never experience if you stayed back home– the smallest changes in your appearance would be the talk of the town, especially with the way history ran deep between the residents. in busan, it was a relief to be a stranger. 

moving to busan meant being by the water every chance you could get. you’re glad you moved right around the time spring started. the weather was perfect; just warm enough, not too hot. in your free time, you find yourself walking along the shore. it was only a short distance from your apartment, being only a fifteen-minute walk away from the sea. as a kid, you’d only visited it once. to you, the water was so terrifyingly beautiful. one would think they know what it has to offer on its surface, but the truths lie deeper than one could ever imagine. the very bottom of the sea could hold the most precious treasure in the world or the most dangerous creatures unbeknownst to man– the possibilities were endless. it’s a shame that you didn’t get to indulge in your interest more when you were younger, but you weren’t complaining now that the beach was practically in your backyard. 

sometimes you find yourself alone, sitting in the sand on an old blanket of yours. it’s normally right around dinner time, where most people have left the beach and the sun begins to fall from the sky. you could sit there for hours, listening to nothing but the waves crashing against the sand while you wait for the mix of colors from the sunset to paint the sky. you try to find a new place to relax every time you come to the water. much like how you felt about your hometown, it didn’t feel right to return to the same spot each time. 

on one of your routine visits to the beach, you met a boy, whose story felt oddly familiar to you. much like your own upbringing, he’s been in the same place his whole life. this is where your timelines falter– it’s clear he has zero intentions of leaving the city he grew up in. to him, this is the only definition of home he could imagine. you were almost jealous. you yearned to know what it meant to truly enjoy being in the same place for so long. maybe it was commitment issues, or maybe it was just a never-ending desire to know more– to experience everything life had to offer. for donghyun, he seemed just fine being here forever. 

the first time you saw him was by chance. today, you decided to go see the water after work. it was rare you worked the mid-shift, which coincidentally ended around the time you would normally find yourself sitting in the sand. “are you doing anything after work today, Y/N?” taesan asks, watching you take off your apron and fold it neatly before placing it into your bag. 

“i think i'll go to the beach today.” you smile at the thought, having quickly found comfort in the location.

“wow, i'm jealous,” woonhak pouts at you from behind the register. “can’t believe you’re leaving taesan and i to close all by ourselves today!” 

you playfully roll your eyes at the boy. “you should blame our boss, not me. if we’re all off one day, i promise we’ll all go together!” your coworkers wave goodbye to you as you walk out of the front entrance, happy to see that it was still somewhat bright outside. you normally left long after the sun had set, when most of the neighboring stores were closing as well. 

the walk there was always pleasant. you liked exploring different routes, seeking out all possible ways to get to the same destination. it’s hard to keep the excitement bubbling within you contained when the vast expanse of sand first comes into view. there were still groups of people scattered across the area, but because it wasn’t exactly “beach season” yet, it wasn’t too populated. you hadn’t brought your usual blanket with you; coming here was a spontaneous decision. instead, you decided to lay out your apron close enough to the water to smell the salty air but just out of reach of the waves rippling against the shoreline. 

you plant yourself onto your makeshift beach towel, the sand feeling soft below you, still warm from the sun’s touch. looking into the distance, you’re entranced by the movements of the sea. it was healing, the rhythmic push-and-pull of the waves leaving a white foam in its path, bubbling and full of life. the calls of seagulls from above you, soaring around peacefully.

you wish you knew what it could feel like to fly like that, to feel the air beneath your wings. complete freedom. a small figure comes into your view, pulling your gaze away from the birds. someone’s surfing? it’s a little cold to be doing that right now. even so, the boy didn’t seem to mind. standing on the surfboard, his face was filled with pure joy as he rode the water beneath him. the closer he got, you were able to hear his fun-filled cheers more clearly. complete freedom. 

he was awfully good at what he was doing, unphased even if the tide seemed to pick up a bit more than expected. right now, the stranger looked completely in tune with the water; as if they were one and the same. his movements were graceful, despite how difficult it must be to keep balance. 

the wave soon dies down, crashing against the sand as it always does. your eyes observe the way he laughs to no one but himself as he walks through the shallow parts of the water. drops of water fall from his hair as he shakes his head, board held securely beneath his arm. the wetsuit is tight against his skin; his figure is lean and toned, presumably from all the surfing he does. 

he’s not too far away from you now, catching his breath as he sits in the sand parallel to you. the surfboard sits idly against the sand as he looks out into the horizon, seeking his next adventure. it’s not long before he gets up and approaches the water once more, sensing a big one coming up. you didn’t know much about how this worked, having only seen it in movies or tv shows, never in-person like this. 

the man lays stomach-down onto his board, determined as he paddles deeper into the unknown. he’s dismissive of the smaller ripples against him, not nearly powerful enough to get a good ride. it’s impressive how he seems to control the water, rather than the other way around. it’s clear that he loves what he’s doing. you decide you love it too, completely mesmerized by the way he maneuvers through the tide. he disappears briefly as a larger wave washes over him, but he’s quick to rise above it, emerging on the other side and pushing further into the sea. you watch as the water begins to crest close to him. this is the one. 

if you weren’t paying enough attention, you would’ve missed the way the stranger effortlessly springs to his feet, knees bent slightly when he first mounts the board. he shuffles slightly, adjusting his stance for better balance. almost in tune with the water, he skillfully navigates the wave, letting the water bring him back to the shore once more.

the sun was behind him now, a beautiful arrangement of pinks and oranges flooding the sky, making the picture perfect. you almost couldn’t believe you had the pleasure of seeing it in real time, the whole scene looking like a frame out of a movie. there it was again, an expression of bliss as he enjoys the ride, arms stretched out in the air by his sides as the board is pushed back to the shore once more. even when he falls off the board as the momentum slows down, the grin on his face never dies. 

despite your attentiveness, you don’t comprehend the way the handsome man was heading your way, being led by the tide. much like before, he’s chuckling to himself as the high from the ride slowly dies down. his hand runs through his damp locks after wiping the salty water from his face. now, he’s walking directly towards you, eyes shaped like crescents with the way he was cheesing so hard. your heartbeat speeds up. you turn around, finding that there was no one else around. his smile is reserved for you. 

the board is held close to his body as he leaves the water, his footsteps leaving indents in the damp sand behind him as he settles a couple feet away from you. there’s a soft plop as he drops the surfboard on the ground, taking a seat next to it. 

“do you want to try?” his eyes flick over towards the water before they’re back on you. 

“huh?” you’re baffled at the way you were observing him from afar only a couple minutes prior, and now he’s striking up a conversation. 

“you’ve been watching me for a while, no?” he tilts his head, lips curling into a small smile. his accent is thick, more obvious than some of the others you’ve heard in your short time there. he must be from around here. 

“was i that obvious?” you joke, playing with a handful of sand by your feet. 

the stranger laughs in response. “there’s barely anyone else here right now, at least around this time of year. you think i wouldn’t feel a set of pretty eyes on me while i surfed?” your cheeks heat up at the comment, feeling a bit flustered at the sudden praise. he’s properly facing you now, hand outstretched in your direction. “nice to meet you, not-so-secret admirer. my name is kim donghyun.” 

his hand is still wet, drops of water touching your own as you reach out to shake it. “i’m L/N Y/N. it’s nice to meet you too, donghyun.” 

“is that an apron you’re sitting on?” he points out, moving to fiddle with one of its strings resting in the sand. 

“pfft, yeah. forgot to bring my blanket today.” you explain, laughing at your forgetfulness. “i just got off work.” 

“you come here often, then?” his hair was completely soaked still, droplets falling from it and landing beside him. 

“i guess you could say that. i only moved here a couple weeks ago.”

“you picked the perfect city. i love it here.” the sun was almost completely out of view now, having slowly disappeared into the horizon. it was beautiful out. you breathe in the salty air as you watch the stray clouds floating by. 

“yeah, i think so too. busan has been treating me well.” 

“god, i’m starving,” he gets up abruptly, brushing his hands together to remove the sand clinging to them. you expect him to pick up his board and walk off, turning him into nothing more than an oddly-sweet beach interaction. “i know a good gukbap place nearby. coming with?” he extends a hand out to you again, waiting for you to accept his invitation. why not? 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚☀️⛱️🌊

moving to busan meant enjoying summer for the first time in years. as a kid, you used to dread this time of year. most of your friends looked forward to school finally ending, but to you, this just meant you truly had nothing to do with your spare time. your days were spent walking down the worn down paths listening to music, or sitting in your backyard reading one of the many books in your collection. this was the closest thing you had to “escaping” from your reality. 

now, you had an entire city to explore. you were eager, but you wanted to take your time doing so. the last thing you would want is to get tired of busan, even if you arrived just a couple months ago. you didn’t see your excitement wearing down any time soon. 

“there’s my favorite barista!” donghyun’s smiling at you in front of the register, where you’d been standing for the past couple hours. once you told him you were working at one of the local cafes, he quickly became a regular (only when you were on schedule, of course). 

“you’re not getting anything today?” he shakes his head no, making you chuckle. he actually never bought anything when he was there, rather showing up just to talk to you in your free time. you tap a few buttons on the screen, starting your thirty minute break and walking out to the main floor of the shop, the surfer following closely behind.  

“do you want to go to the beach with me later?” donghyun rests his head against his hand as he looks at you from across the table. “i’m going surfing again.” it’s sweet the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about his beloved hobby. 

“wow, i would’ve never guessed!” you respond sarcastically, earning a giggle from him as he shrugs. “i’m closing today though. guess you won’t have an audience today.” 

he pouts back at you, sniffling as he wipes away non-existent tears. “who else am i going to show off to then?” ever since the day you met, you found yourself seeing donghyun more often than you initially expected. you thought that he’d just be a friend you’d find in the waters every so often. not that it was an issue, no– rather, you found yourself perking up every time he walked through the doors. it’s something woonhak quickly picked up on when working with you, often nudging you with his elbow suggestively every time donghyun showed up. 

“i’m off tomorrow, though.” you’re looking at your shifts on your phone. “if you’re free, maybe we can-”

“yes.” he answers immediately, catching you off guard.

“you’re not going to let me finish my sentences now?” you can’t hold back the grin on your face at how forward he was. “what if i asked you to go fishing in the middle of the night or something?”

“...i’d still say yes. that sounds fun, actually. we could totally do that if you want to!” every word that came out his mouth was so incredibly endearing, even if he wasn’t trying. 

…and that’s how you found yourself next to him at midnight, only a couple hours after you got off work, sitting in two fold-up beach chairs on the dock. “i’d question why you have all this fishing gear, but i should’ve expected as much from you, donghyun.” 

“hey, isn’t this nice though? there’s no one else here at this time.” he looks proud as he rests the fishing rod on the wooden guard rail, line casted in the water. “isn’t it kind of romantic?” 

your cheeks heat up at his implications. if it weren’t for the warm lantern placed between you two, he would’ve missed the blush on your face. “i was joking when i said we should do this, you know.” 

“oh, was it? i was serious, though.” you can tell he’s telling the truth with the way he looks at you with a serious gaze. 

“yeah, i know that now.” you didn’t mind being dragged around to his odd antics. weird, yeah, but you can’t deny the fact that you enjoyed every second of his company. he enjoyed yours as well. “i find it funny to think you find this to be romantic.”

“why wouldn’t i? you’re here with me, after all.” with that, you realize that you see donghyun as more than just a boy you met on the beach. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚🍁🎃🍂 

moving to busan meant having someone to walk with once the autumn leaves started coming in. it was always nice to see the trees begin to change color, but you always wondered what it would be like to see the transition on a bigger scale– and busan gave you the perfect chance to do just that. now that you finally got to experience the fall wonder somewhere new, you weren’t sure if you could ever go back to the life you once lived.

days like this were common, where you’d walk through the streets that donghyun grew up in. usually it was just you two, but today, he suggested you come with him as he walked his dog. naturally, you accept; it was hard to deny a cute boy with an equally cute dog in his arms. you hold onto the leash, smiling at the way koni would stop every couple minutes to sniff something on the ground. 

as you walk a bit further, you stumble across a large crowd of people surrounding various street vendors, curiosity piqued within you. “ah, is it already time for the jagalchi festival? how could i forget!” donghyun marvels at his poor memory, he hadn’t realized it’s already been seven months since you entered his life. time seemed to go by quicker with you by his side. 

“festival? this happens every year?” your steps slow down, koni gently tugging on the leash to keep walking towards the bustling area. 

“yeah, it’s basically like a huge fish market that runs for a couple days. tons of people come from around the country to see it, actually. the local fishermen show off all the catches from the season, so you know it’s the freshest you can get… and there’s performances too! you have to see it now that you’re a busan resident!” 

donghyun takes your hand in his, leading you towards the festival. banners were put up all over the area, welcoming in visitors from near and far into the heart of busan. colorful lanterns adorned the sides of each vendor’s stall, enveloping the area in a comfortable glow. there were people of all ages in attendance, smiling and laughing amongst each other as they explored everything the market had to offer– this was something you would’ve never experienced back at home. 

the two of you come to a stop at one of the less crowded sellers. its owner, a kind looking old man, was standing proud at the buckets of fish laid out on the ground in front of him. “should we raise a fish together?”

“donghyun, these fish are dead.” 

he rolls his eyes at you playfully. “duh, i know that. i mean like, going to the store and getting a new friend for my tank at home.” 

“wouldn’t that just mean you’re raising it on your own? i don’t have any space for a fish tank at my place.” you think back to your apartment, which now felt like a space you could truly call your own. you were proud to think that you finally felt like you were where you belonged, even if you’ve only been here for a short time. 

“that’s fine! what matters to me is that we bought it together! obviously i’d give you visiting rights to our child.” how could you reject him when his eyes light up at the mention of getting a pet with you? 

“woah, our child? we must be serious now.” your comment is nothing more than a joke, but he’s silent as he thinks about what he wants to say. he gives the hand he’s holding a slight squeeze. 

“can i be your boyfriend, Y/N?” 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚❄️⛄🧣

moving to busan meant finding a new type of warmth amidst the cold winter. back at home, winters felt especially difficult. you were prone to the adverse effects of seasonal depression when this time of year came around. the days weren’t as long, sun setting much earlier than it did in the summer, leaving you with nothing but darkness. just getting out of bed felt like a hassle– there was nothing to look forward to in such a boring town. everything was just… so bland. you were in a constant state of irritation, the smallest things ticking you off and leaving you frustration for no specific reason. 

this winter, you found it hard to believe those old feelings haven’t come back yet. not when you had someone like donghyun at your side. if you found it hard to get out of bed, he’d be there to drag you out with him, humming to himself as you made breakfast together in your tiny kitchen. if you felt like crying, he’d be waiting next to you, box of tissues in hand as he wiped away your tears.

winter usually felt like being dragged deeper into the ocean, unable to swim– but now, donghyun was there to bring you back to the surface, safe and sound. each day spent with him felt like healing; as if nothing bad could ever happen to you knowing that there was someone who looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

“do you ever miss your hometown, Y/N?” you were laying in your boyfriend’s arms in his childhood bedroom. his prized fish tank sat on his dresser, where the fish you bought together swam happily amongst its friends. there were photos of him as a kid framed on his walls– him at his middle school graduation smiling proudly between his parents, him holding koni as a puppy, him crying beside his older sister on the playground– each one giving you a glimpse of the life he lived before he met you. “i can’t imagine throwing everything away and leaving like you did.”

“well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. i don’t think i was happy there, though.” donghyun knew he wanted nothing more than to give you a home you felt comfortable going back to. a place where you could feel true happiness in. he’s mindlessly running his hands through your hair from behind you as he listens. “i can’t say i miss it just yet. maybe i’ll visit sometime soon, just not now.” 

“does that mean you’re happy here? in busan, i mean.”

“yeah, i’m happy,” you take a moment to reflect on the way your life completely changed upon leaving the town you once knew; how a stranger on the beach brought color into your colorless world. sunsets spent eating ice cream on a hot day at the beach, meals shared at his favorite local restaurants, and nights much like this one, being embraced by the man you love, as you talk until the sun rises. “i knew things would be better somewhere else, but i’d never imagine meeting someone like you so soon. you make me feel like i should look at things a little differently at home.” 

“if you ever decide to go back there, can i come with you?” he rests his head on your shoulder, cheek touching yours. 

“hm? i mean, if you want to. there’s not much to see there. i don’t think you’d have as much fun there as you do here.” you offer, thinking about how disappointed he’d be upon seeing that there truly was nothing to do there compared to busan. 

“i want to see it. i don’t care if you think it’s boring,” he’s sincere with his words, you can tell he means everything he’s saying when it comes to you. “we can rewrite all your bad memories together. it makes me sad to think you look back at the town you grew up in without fondness.” 

“it’s going to be at least a year until i want to see that place again,” you grab his hand, large fingers enveloping yours. “but i’d like that a lot, donghyun.” 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚💐💗🌸

and by the time spring rolls around once more, and it’s finally been one year since you moved to busan, you think you finally understand what it means to feel at home. you never got the chance to visit the temples last year, just barely missing cherry blossom season when you first unloaded your boxes in your empty apartment. from then, you promised yourself you’d save it for the best time of year, when the blossoms were in full bloom, baby pink petals on display and falling along with the occasional breeze. 

you’ve never known what it felt like to be loved wholeheartedly, but you’re certain this is it, as you walk hand in hand with donghyun through a path of cherry blossom trees. with him, you found that every day felt like a scene out of a drama. exiting through the temple’s entrance, you return back to the streets you were now familiar with. there’s a small creamery hidden between a restaurant and convenience store, and you find yourself sitting at a table outside, ice cream slowly melting in their cups in front of you. 

“i wish i was cooler when i asked to be your boyfriend. i think about that a lot,” donghyun plays with your fingers across the table before intertwining them with his own. “in all honesty, i was thinking about it for a long time before that day.”

“really?” this was news to you. you knew you had more than platonic feelings for donghyun that night at the dock, but you were surprised to hear he felt the same way as early as you did. it warmed your heart to think he fell in love as quickly as he did. 

“yeah. i wanted to do something cool, like surprising you at work with a big bouquet of flowers, or making you your favorite food and hiding a note in it. just anything more interesting than popping the question at a damn fish stall.”

you burst out laughing at the thought of finding a piece of paper in your meal. “it was perfect to me, though. i’m more shocked at the fact you saw me like that for so long, donghyun.” you feel shy suddenly, reminiscing on the way your heart would speed up everytime he walked into the cafe, or when he would walk you back to your apartment after spending the day in the water together.

“i knew you’d be someone important to me the day i noticed you watching me on the beach. i don’t know why, though. maybe it’s just because people don’t really bat an eye when they see me surfing.” 

“it was hard not to. i’ve never seen anyone so carefree. i guess i was just jealous of the fact that someone could look like that.” you can’t believe it’s already been a year since you first saw him on the beach. it was almost as if the sea brought the two of you together when the wave he was riding pushed him straight to you. 

“i think you look like that when you’re with me,” donghyun’s smiling at his realization. “when i’m with you, it feels like i’m riding a wave that never dies. i’d give up surfing if it meant i could have you by my side forever.” the confession shocks you, knowing how much he loved spending hours at the beach every day, chasing the high he got when he was on his surfboard. you wanted to cry; to think that someone would let go of something that meant the world to them just for you. donghyun thinks he could cry too– to think that he had found you, a person who changed his world in a matter of months, by a stroke of fate. 

to donghyun, you moving to busan meant making you a part of his definition of “home”. 

taglist: @onedoornet @minwrlds @dongminz (my OG beta readers BTW. <3) @serejae @loserlvrss

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@woorcve @brachioswrld

© lionhanie 2024 ; all rights reserved!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I was given oral herpes by someone who didn't feel the need to disclose that they got cold sores before we had a one-time little dalliance.

I might've gone for it anyways. I'm self destructive. But I guess the lack of being able to choose whether to take the risk, it's left me feeling pretty bitter about the experience.

And I'm left feeling like a biohazard. I haven't really been able to explain to my friends yet why I'm suddenly extremely cagey about sharing my drinks and food. And all my favorite sexual activities are off the table forever. I know, dental dams, condoms, but half the fun of oral sex and making out is, you know, the taste, the heat, the absolute control. I was good at it.

It feels especially embarrassing since I'm ace and the whole reason I hooked up with the person was kind of... I don't know, fear that if I didn't, then we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe, was it wrong for them not to disclose something like that? Considering how common it is? I feel obligated to disclose myself but maybe I'm just weird for that.

Thanks for doing what you do here.

Kind regards,

Asexual for Ethical Reasons Now I Guess

hi anon,

I don't often apologize for needing time to get to anons, because I really need people to have reasonable expectations about the amount of time I'm willing to commit to my inbox, but I am sorry for not getting to this one sooner. it's a topic that's very important to me, and I can tell you're dealing with a lot of hurt.

first off: I'm very sorry someone wasn't totally honest with you. that's never a good feeling, and especially in the context of sex it's a huge betrayal of trust. it's deeply unfair to you, and I hope you're able to recover from that.

having said that: you are not a biohazard. you're a person with an incredibly common virus. the World Health Organization estimates that somewhere around 80% of people worldwide have herpes (and that's a rough estimate, since they use different age ranges for HSV-1 and HSV-2). skip to the factual part of this tiktok at 00:10 seconds. herpes has been with us since before we were human; there's nothing disgusting or even unusual about having herpes.

herpes is different from most STIs in that it is lifelong, but that doesn't make you an unfuckable pariah. it makes you someone who may sometimes have open sores, and should give partners a heads up about your virus to avoid putting anyone in the same situation you're in. while you're at it, let them know that most people with herpes live asymptomatic and uncomplicated lives. many people never even know they have it!

I understand that spending the rest of your life with a viral buddy doesn't sound super fun right now, but I promise that as viruses go you can do WAY worse.

personally I've always felt the best way to get comfortable with something is to learn more about it. why not let clinical sexologist Dr. Doe talk to you about her own herpes, and how to be conscientious about minimizing the risk of sharing herpes with others?

or listen to writer Ella Dawson talk about learning to cope with the exact stigma you're currently struggling with?

or listen to Dr. Sydnee Smirl McElroy explain why herpes bears such a heavy stigma for such a mild virus in the first place?

you're not a biohazard, and neither is anyone else with an STI. that's a terrible way to think about yourself and others.

you're under no obligation to stop being sexually active if you don't want to be.

please don't feel that you have to have sex with anyone out of a sense of obligation anymore, but also please don't feel that herpes is a punishment. sickness isn't something that happens to people because they're bad or deserve, sickness happens to people because people get sick.

take care 💜

[agatharkn3ss]

Witch references: Lorelei

As I continue having fun with finding the little references hidden all across Agatha's episodes, I keep finding lots of allusions to stories of alleged witches and women persecutions. They are just too delicious not to share and I wonder if there are any similarities we can draw between these stories and what we are seeing in the show.

In this post I will focus on the legend of Lorelei. I found her reference in episode 2, when Agatha enters her living room. There is a prominent painting on the wall to the left.

After some editing and searching I finally found it! The painting is called "The Lorelei" by Albert Pinkham Ryder.

The painting is based on a poem by Heinrich Heine:

"The Lorelei"

What is it that fills me with sadness And weighs down my spirits like lead? An old story that drives me to madness For I can’t get it out of my head.

Through the gorge, a deep river is flowing; The air cools, soon day will be done; Westwards, the cliff-tops are glowing In the rays of the setting sun.

And then, if you lift your eyes higher. You can pick out a figure up there: Her jewels are shining like fire, And she’s combing her long golden hair.

Her combing is slow and erotic, And so is the flow of her song: The melody’s strangely hypnotic, And her voice is compellingly strong.

The man at the helm gives a shiver As fear strikes his heart like a stone. He’s now blind to the rocks in the river; She transfixes his eyes with her own.

That then is the story’s sad ending. And the helmsman’s as well, I’d surmise; And if anyone’s case needs defending It is the Lorelei’s.

In her legend, Lorelei was accused of being a witch, because men lost their heads because of her. But even the priest was not immune to her charms, so he did not send her to death, but to the monastery. On the way to the monastery, accompanied three knights, she came to a rock above the river Rhine. She begged permission from her companions to look down on the river once more, to see where her beloved who had left her had gone. She threw herself from the rock into the deep, and her three companions jumped after her The cliff has forever retained the echo of its name.

So in folklore, Lorelei became an evil seductress who lives on a large rock above the Rhine River. Much like the sirens of Greek mythology, she beguiles sailors with her singing, luring their ships to destruction.

Lorelei's story is an example of a woman being persecuted for her looks, then turned into a femme fatale character, to suggest she was evil all along.

If you think about it, the archetype of "femme fatale" fits the definition of a witch to the dot - "a beautiful, and seductive woman whose charms ensnare her lovers, often leading them into compromising, deadly traps. Her ability to enchant, entice and hypnotize her victim with a spell was in the earliest stories seen as verging on supernatural; hence, the femme fatale today is still often described as having a power akin to an enchantress, seductress, witch, having power over men. Femmes fatales are typically villainous, or at least morally ambiguous, and always associated with a sense of mystification, and unease."

I will leave it to you for your own interpretations - this could be just an homage to the women's tragic stories throughout the ages. Or maybe Agatha relates to the story because of her own experience. Or that maybe the story has some truth to it and Agatha actually has some connections with the events. It could even be a nod to the character of Rio. Who knows?...

[jellybeanium124]

Do you legitimately think men don't harass women in bathrooms? Like genuinely? Cause I can tell you right now, my middle and high school had shared bathrooms and the boys absolutely fucking harassed the girls all the fucking time.

To make fun of them when they heard period product wrappers and to make sex jokes.

I'd love to live in your world where people avoid eye contact in bathrooms 100% of the time, but alas, some of us live in the real world.

You not having a shitty experience with a predator or an abuser doesn't mean others have never experiences such.

I'm sorry that happened to you and I am aware this thing happens sometimes.

on an unrelated note, trans women are women. they aren't men. and they are much, much more likely (MUCH MORE!!!!!!!) to be assaulted than do the assaulting.

on a third unrelated note, you can go into whatever bathroom you want because there are no bathroom police. I (cis woman) have gone into multi-stalled men's bathrooms multiple times and nothing happened. I did not cross dress in order to do it. I didn't have to! because there are no bathroom police. I especially did not have to go thru the mega-hassle of getting T or doing any other sort of medical transition. I walked in there, boobs boobing, hair long, no make-up, and did my business and left. crazy how you can just like, walk thru doorways, huh. that's always the thing that gets me about your arguments. you can go into whatever bathroom you want, and so can everyone else, and the only thing stopping you are societal rules we impose on ourselves. there is no potty police. no bathroom brigade. no privy vigilantes. no can commanders. no facility fighters.

on a fourth unrelated note (brought to you by innuendo studios), you are falling for the conservative framework where bad things either happen, or they don't. school shootings happen or they don't. people either die from preventable illnesses or they don't. sexual assaults either happen or they don't. therefore there's no point to doing anything about it because you can't regulate evil. or, really, you can't regulate all evil. there is no world where every single assault, shooting, death from preventable illness, or whatever doesn't happen. you are leaving absolutely no room for scale. if one woman gets assaulted in the bathroom, then assaults happen and we all need to fear the penis!!!! when that's just not the world we live in. penises are not evil contraptions of the devil constantly trying to penetrate you. most people, regardless of gender, do not give a shit about you. most people mind their own damn business. nobody is out to get you. men are not constantly thinking about preying on you. they're probably thinking about football. or work. or music. or their kids. or shopping they need to do. or about their blorbos. or about plans this saturday they're looking forward to. or a million billion things that have absolutely nothing to do with you, some stranger they will never see again.

I'm not saying we should all go walk down strange dark alleyways at night hugging the wall but like... I am really genuinely sorry if you spend all your time afraid and angry. I've perused terf blogs on occasion. all y'all are afraid and angry all the time. and sure, that's just a tumblr blog. idk what you do offline. but anyways, you don't have to be afraid and angry all the time. you shouldn't be in a community that constantly affirms your worst fears in order to keep you afraid and angry. terfs prey on hurt, confused, scared women and tell them "yes, all men are evil!" and "yes, you are valuable just for being a woman!" and suck them into this ideology of hate (ironically this sentence is also a borrowed observation from the alt-right playbook, and maybe the fact that your movement does the same thing to you as the alt-right does to vulnerable, hurt, confused, and scared cishet white men should be a red flag but idk).

maybe that just sounds patronizing. but I mean it. you really don't have to be afraid and angry all the time.

but if you send me any more asks especially if they're nastier you're getting blocked.

[freesia-writes]

Chapter 1: Family Dinner

Enjoy a riveting tale of romance, suspense, adventure, and self-discovery as Hunter finds his path after the events of TBB. With engaging imagery, emotional depth, comic relief, and some fun twists and turns, the story will take you on a delightful ride with our beloved Sergeant, leaving you satisfied as he finds his happily ever after… eventually. 😉 Rated PG-13 for some mild suspense, suggestive talk, alcohol and drug use, and adult themes. Banner and dividers by @pinkiemme Master List here

BEFORE WE DIVE IN... Now that we’re past the finale, I’d like to make this fit in as well with that as possible. But I also want to enjoy it. ;) So here’s where this lies… Tech was found alive and well (living in a hut in the forest on Tantiss? lol) and came with the boys after they BLEW IT ALL UP. Omega is living with them as well, for now, because they all thought it was wise to give her a break and some semblance of “normal life” while the rebellion continued to build. She might seem a little less like a full soldier here and more like a typical teenager on the brink of adulthood, and that might be a bit of a shift from her development throughout season 3, but I think it’s still reasonable to think that some of the typical adolescent stuff might come up once she was immersed into a more typical adolescent setting. Maybe not, but again… it’s just for the plot. ;) 

I’m changing the setting for a variety of reasons, but they left Pabu out of fear that the Empire might still have it on their radar. You’ll learn more about the island of Xylo in a couple chapters. Crosshair didn’t lose a hand, but he’s still got some lingering effects from his time on Tantiss. Echo opted to spend a year with the Batch before rejoining the rebellion. The events of this fic may seem relatively domestic after all that the Batch endured, but I really just wanted to have a warm and fuzzy story with family, humor, love, and some plot twists. Ultimately, the purpose here is to enjoy a romance adventure with Hunter, so please forgive any plot holes and just enjoy the ride. ;)

Chapter 1: Family Dinner (Word Count: 2.5k) Fanart by @nika6q

The balmy sea breeze ruffled the tablecloth and made the string lights dance merrily above the jovial scene below as the clinking of silverware on plates punctuated the steady hubbub of conversation that rose and fell with the emotion of what was being shared. Some overly-optimistic sea birds hovered above on a swell, fastidiously watching for any dropped crumbs before swooping gracefully into another updraft. Crosshair was looking at them down the edge of his finger, which he had shaped into a gun with the help of his thumb, and his focused squint was interrupted by a smack on his arm. He flashed his partner a wry grin as they chuckled, shaking their head at his “murder noodle antics”, as they’d come to call it. 

“Stop traumatizing the wildlife and eat your fish,” they laughed.

“This looks an awful lot like traumatized wildlife too, you know,” Crosshair answered, picking at the fillet with a fork. “I mean, what horrors did this thing have to endure at the end of Wrecker’s line?”

“I’m starting to feel like traumatized wildlife,” his partner jabbed, grinning ear to ear as they took a bite of their brightly-flavored steamed vegetables. 

“If it decreases any potential reservations you may yet hold,” Tech interjected, “As far as neuroscience has yet been able to distinguish, this particular genus of sea creatures do not possess the pain receptors necessary for the experience of pain with which humanoid species are familiar.”

“Thanks, Julia Child,” Crosshair muttered, a hint of fondness flickering beneath the dry humor.

“If you are metaphorically comparing me to the infamously accomplished chef of the Core Worlds, it is hardly an insult, Crosshair. You are losing your edge.” Tech’s savage burn was delivered at a slightly louder volume than usual, and Wrecker’s boisterous laugh immediately broke through. The massive clone pointed a gleeful finger at Crosshair as he finished his bite between hearty chuckles.

“That one’s gotta hurt!” Wrecker exclaimed, pulling his hand back as Phee smacked it away. 

“You tryin to resurrect the grumpiness? Come on, big guy. Think it through,” Phee said playfully, arching a sharp eyebrow at Wrecker, whose unabashed grin remained unfazed despite her mockingly stern correction. “Or I’m gonna kick you out of our house.”

Omega giggled, sharing a glance with Hunter across the table, who gave her a half-smile and wink before turning back to Echo, who was filling him in on the newest developments at his Defense Training Academy.

“I didn’t think it would fill up so quickly,” Echo mused, tearing apart the large fish filet on his plate with his fork. “I guess the Empire’s got everyone spooked, even out here. But it’s a good thing, I think… They’ll be ready to fight if it ever comes to that, but Maker willing, it won’t.”

“They’re doing the same on Pabu,” Phee chipped in, leaning forward to nod at Echo. “Shep’s got a whole daily regimen of exercise, strategy, and drills for any possible scenario he can think of. You should talk to him; he could use your military expertise.’

“I’d be interested to hear what he’s doing,” Echo nodded in return. “Maybe we could make a trip that way sometime soon.”

“Can I come?!” Omega said brightly, tugging Echo’s arm from her seat beside him. “I’d love to see Lyana. I wish we’d been able to stay there.” 

“Me too, kid,” Hunter said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair after resting his wooden utensils on his plate. “But you know trouble follows us wherever we go. It’s better for them this way. Besides, Xylo is pretty much the same–”

“Aside from an entirely different subset of ecosystems and a much larger diversity in flora and fauna due to the greater size of the island, yes… Xylo is similar to Pabu in that… they are both islands,” Tech interjected, wavering at the end as he caught sight of Phee's fondly arched eyebrow directed at him.

“I know,” Omega said, “It’s just hard making friends wherever we go and having to leave them… Jek and Shaeeah, Hera, Lyana… But everyone at school is really nice so far too.” She was so sweet, so earnest, always trying to look on the bright side while still being true to her feelings… Hunter’s heart warmed in his chest as he listened to her thoughts. 

“Yeah, how’s that going?” Wrecker asked. He was the best uncle, ever-vigilant about her experiences on the island of Xylo since they’d made a decent attempt to integrate into society. It had been the better half of a year already, and they felt as though things were just now settling into some faint hint of an established life. 

“I love it!” Omega exclaimed enthusiastically, causing infectious smiles to appear on several of her family members’ faces. “It was the best year for me to join – it sounds like everything before this was all just academic units, but now they’re getting to really live it out and see what they want to do in life!”

“Academic units are highly useful building blocks for success in individual endeavors, Omega,” Tech reminded her. “Or for saving one’s life when careening toward the earth at fatal speeds in cargo containers…” he smirked, enjoying his own dry humor for a moment before falling silent. Phee was the only one who caught the slight flash of a frown at the corners of his lips and the way he subconsciously rubbed his thigh – echoes of the pain of the past. 

“I know, Tech, but I’ve been studying everything, and now it’s time to actually do stuff! The forestry section just wrapped up, and this week I get to start shadowing Madame Dreyfus – she’s a seamstress who dyes her own fabrics! I heard that if I do well, she might let me make my own outfit for the Advancement Ceremony at the end of the year!”

“I’m sure you’ll do great, kid,” Phee said confidently, smiling warmly above the table while her hand joined Tech’s beneath, gently placing it on top of his where it rested on his thigh. 

“Maybe you could make Wrecker something to wear so he has more than two shirts,” Crosshair suggested, squinting at his brawny brother, who rolled his eyes, unfazed, and brushed a few crumbs off his open-chested brown tunic.

“Maybe you could make Crosshair some pants that aren’t so kriffing tight so he’s not acting like he’s got a wad of fabric up his–”

“Language, Echo,” Hunter growled, and Omega wasn’t the only one who enjoyed a hearty chuckle.

“You know I hear worse than that at school,” she giggled, eyes sparkling with delight as Echo gave her a wink. 

“I know…” came Hunter’s answering grumble, and Omega reached across beneath the table to give his leg a little tap with her foot, watching his face soften as their eyes met.

“Anyway,” Echo continued, “With the number of sign-ups at the DTA, we’re going to need some other instructors and guides soon. I don’t suppose any of you are interested in donating some of your time and expertise to whip these locals into shape?”

“DTA?” Crosshair’s partner whispered.

“Defense Training Academy,” he murmured back, rubbing an idle hand up and down their muscular arm. “It’s what the cool kids call it.”

“Then I will definitely not call it that,” they snickered, and Crosshair smirked as he turned back to Echo.

“They’re gonna need more time before they can handle anything I’ve got to teach them,” he said. “But I’d pay good money to be able to watch them fight Wrecker for sport. Er, practice.”

“That’d be fun!” Wrecker laughed, smacking his closed fist with his other hand. “Gonna have to wait though. I’m swamped with projects after the last mudslide. Everyone wants things added or changed to their rebuilt homes so it’s all takin a lot longer.”

“They’re keepin you busy, huh?” Phee asked, knowing that Wrecker loved every minute of it. He’d never had the opportunity to put his skills to use outside of his service to the Republic, and she’d been privy to many a conversation filled with his enthusiasm for craftsmanship. It helped that he was able to lift and move most everything by himself, too.

“Yeah! Now if I could just get Hunter to stop freaking out the locals when he’s out huntin,” Wrecker said, narrowing his eyes at the Sergeant, who smirked and shrugged.

“Look, the whole island is open access. It’s not illegal. Besides, I think they’d be complaining a lot more if their favorite meats weren’t available at my shop anymore…”

“That’s for sure!” Omega chipped in, wearing a wry smile. It struck Hunter in that moment just how much she had changed in the short time they’d known her. Especially since the Tantiss rescue, where they’d successfully extracted her along with Tech and Crosshair before blowing up the entire facility and everything in it, her face had gotten more angular, her hair longer. She was wildly intelligent and had an enthusiasm and warmth that was unmatched, but as she’d grown, they’d had their share of conflicts. Hunter couldn’t relate, having had his entire life planned out for him as soon as he’d reached “adulthood” with his rapidly-accelerated aging, but there were endless nuances to a young woman that he was having to figure out as they went along. Sometimes he forgot how much she was aware of – she’d been so sheltered from certain realms of civilian life, but having nestled into life on the island, she’d become much more connected and “up with the times”, so to speak. She continued, a glimmer in her eye now, “I heard some office ladies talking about you the other day!”

“Yeah?” Hunter asked, squinting at the mischief on her face.

“Yeah,” she echoed, idly rolling the last piece of sushi on her plate. “One of them said she loved your butcher shop and that you’ve got the best meat on the island,” Omega said slowly, face straight as a board. “The other one said she couldn’t agree more, and a third one said she hasn’t been to the shop but would love to have your meat in her mouth.”

Echo choked on his drink, Crosshair’s toothpick fell out of his mouth, and Wrecker exploded into a guffaw that sent the sea birds tumbling through the air before quickly regaining their graceful hovering. Hunter pressed his lips together, focusing his gaze on Tech’s completely impassive face to try to stabilize himself before replying.

“You’ll have to point out the third one next time I take you to school,” Phee said quietly, nothing but innocence painted across her features. 

“Seemed like an odd way to say it,” Omega muttered, twisting her mouth to the side, and Hunter genuinely couldn’t tell if she was pulling his leg or not. 

“You will find that there are many nuances to speech specific to geographical and cultural areas that might make one phrase sound entirely different than it would in another place. I would not worry about it. The point is that we should congratulate Hunter on his successful business,” Tech suggested, speaking loudly over Wrecker’s continued laughter.

“Yeah,” Echo agreed. “He sure is satisfying his customers…”

“Apparently not all of them,” Crosshair prodded, and his partner elbowed him again.

“Moving on,” Hunter said emphatically, “Wrecker, when can you fix the chimney? Winter will be here soon and I can only keep it so warm with that draft…”

“Yeah yeah,” Wrecker said, waving him off amid residual chortles. “I’ll come by this week.”

“Taungsday?” Hunter pressed.

“Mmm, Centaxday maybe. Taungsday is the “Grand Re-Opening” at the tiki bar. They got new freshers! Supposed to be all fancy now.”

“Anything would be fancy compared to the pits they had,” Tech sniffed. “While wildly inconvenient for relieving oneself during a raucous night of imbibing, they could have been permanent fixtures in the cultural museum considering how primitive and dated they were.”

“I’m sure the locals would be thrilled at that exhibit,” Phee affirmed, rising to her feet to begin clearing the table. The Primeday tradition of dinner at Tech and Phee’s had been one of the first things everyone had agreed on, and in the months since they’d arrived on Xylo, it had been the grounding activity each week that allowed them to feel a sense of belonging and routine. 

Everyone got up to help clean up except for Wrecker and Hunter, who lingered behind to finish their drinks. Tech had not only developed an interest in cooking, but had also discovered quite the knack for mixing drinks. He couldn’t stand the local tiki bar down on the beach, insisting that their proportions were all wrong and they were using nothing but cheap garbage to try to make as much profit as possible. However, considering the beautiful waterfront location and the fact that it seemed to be the main gathering place for the entire town, no one seemed to mind quite as much as Tech. 

“Headin out early tomorrow?” Wrecker asked, swirling the liquid in his wood cup.

“Mhm,” Hunter answered, mimicking the movement before taking a sip. “The Kod’yok are migrating and the locals love their flank steaks. You good to walk with Omega?” 

“You betcha, although she’s getting old enough that she probably doesn’t need it anymore, ya know…” 

“I know, but let’s let her be the one to suggest that, eh? I don’t want her feeling thrown out on her own in a new place. Plus, we can never be too safe.”

Wrecker sighed. He’d been able to let go more quickly of the paranoia that still seemed to rest on Hunter’s shoulders, although he was aware of the crippling responsibility the Sergeant felt for all that had transpired, from Crosshair being separated from the squad back on Kamino to the rescue attempt that had cost Tech his life, or so they thought. Recovering the rest of the team had been a harrowing fiasco, but they’d emerged victorious… barely. 

They’d found a planet in the middle of nowhere, uncharted in most of the records Tech was able to find, and it had been a welcome respite from the increasing turmoil across the galaxy that accompanied the spread of the Empire. Xylo was similar to Pabu in its feeling of safety and anonymity, unknown by virtually anyone outside the island, and there were a handful of other similar islands scattered across the rest of the planet, most of which was covered by water. Xylo was the largest island on the nameless planet and had so far been a good place for everyone to settle.

It was late by the time everyone had finished their cleaning and conversations, and Hunter was the last to leave, thanking Phee again for her usual hospitality as she disappeared around the corner with a wave. Tech saw him out, pausing on the doorstep to fiddle with one of his pouches.

“I finished this today,” he said, handing a small bag to Hunter. “It will function excellently anywhere on the planet. I can assemble others if you feel a need, but I believe our existing comm devices suffice.”

“Thanks, Tech. One is good for now. I appreciate it.” And with that, they went their separate ways.

~ Master List ~ Next Chapter

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[yuuuume]

nsfw alphabet

letters : A, B, C, D, E, F, G, K, L, M, O, V

character : shinji hirako

requested : yes (some)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Shinji is a gentleman so he offers to help clean you up. If you two are serious lovers he is also a provider of cuddles, kisses, and pillow talk before he falls asleep. He likes to make sure you’re taken care of but don’t be fooled, that little shit can and will pass out. Sometimes you just fuck the energy out of him! Pussy/Dick put his annoying ass to sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His tongue. Even without the piercing, Shinji is skilled and it’s something to fear because if you ask him for head then he’ll give it to you but you’d better have a safe word because overstimulation looks good on you, very good. Shinji loves your stomach. It’s an odd place if you think about it but sometimes when he’s overcome with a need to breed, he can’t help but kiss your stomach and let you know he’s gonna give you a baby.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Likes when you take his load inside. It’s not a request of his, but Shinji often thinks about it. He also finds cumming inside you very sexy but also romantic. It feels personal and he loves to share a connection like that if you are serious lovers. Prefers to his cum to be on your chest or tongue for blowjobs, doesn’t expect you to swallow though, he’s tried it before and his baby juice ain’t all that.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has definitely jerked it to your undergarments. Sometimes if he’s feeling desperate and has nothing else left to remember you by, they are his go-to.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Shinji is very experienced. And no, I’m not jealous. (Ok kinda but don’t tell him) He knows exactly what to do and can make anyone cum, especially with that tongue piercing of his. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style. He likes to be able to penetrate deep, and enjoys your moaning when he can force you to look at yourself in the mirror, says you’re his favorite thing to look at. He always looks good like that, chest glimmering with beaded sweat, hair askew, and brown eyes filled with lust as he pounds into your sweet hole. Yeah, he has a lot of fun with this position.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Shinji can be goofy if he wants to, anything in an effort to get you comfortable. If either makes a mistake he will play it off with a shitty joke and get back to the task at hand. For the most part he leans toward serious and is a huge tease. He wants to get you to tell him how good he feels inside of you, how you need his kisses, everything. If he is extremely comfortable with you, he’ll laugh at your queefs or any other random noise that happens to come up during the dirty and crack a joke or two. His comfort is key to being less serious during the deed.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Creampies, Overstimulation, Brat Taming

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The comfort of home will do but there’s times where he fantasizes about you coming to his office for a quickie or just straight up having you on his desk while he fucks the shit out of you. He won’t lie, it’s really fucking hot, but his common sense often kicks into gear, leaving the thought to be just another dirty fantasy of his. Other than that, public places aren’t his cup of tea but if you push him, he might give in. You never know when a wild Lisa Yadomaru will pop up, or worse, Momo. He’s seen her demoness side, being caught fucking in broad daylight like a degenerate would probably be the end for him and his partner.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Shinji loves when someone isn’t ready to fall to their knees for him. He loves the chase, witty remarks, maybe it’s a primal sort of thing despite having outgrown his human life. Attitude is to die for in his book and he’d be damned if he didn’t get to reduce you to moans and cries of pleasure. He LOVES when you dress up. You’re lookin amazing and he knows it’s all for him, let the man get a taste, yeah? He’s dying to have some of you if you reject and make him wait. If you tease him with dirty talk it’ll throw him off the edge sometimes. He likes it when you can be just as verbal as him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This motherfucker has had a lot of time to sharpen his oral skills, his tongue is terrifying ok. Shinji is timid when it comes to his amab partners but trust, he will try his best to take you down his throat, just let him warm up. Careful with the hair though, that’s his pride and joy. If anything, be a doll and hold it for him while he’s down there servicing you. The metal of his piercing is an unforgettable feeling for both amab and afab though, so no one’s missing out on. He loves fingering you as well although he might get a hand cramp but he toughs it out for your sake because he knows how amazing an orgasm is. Whether it’s lapping at your clit or sucking your tip, he’s fixated on one goal.

Getting a blowjob is greatly appreciated by him. You’ll hear him moan and groan a lot so if you’re into that, then we just breached his system. He tries to not be so rough on you but all that love you’re giving is too much, let him push your head a bit, jerk his hips? That’s just how he gets when he’s about to cum so excuse his behavior. Kisses you after he cums. A real chef isn’t afraid of his own cooking.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Shinji is a heavy breather and grunter. He even says sweet little things like "Yer takin' me so well, darlin'" with that trademark smirk of his. He makes an effort to not be so loud considering he lived with the other Visored for so long. Pardon me for my informality, but bro is a master of the silent jerk. Capable of busting a nut in the quietest way possible but he'll be loud for you if it gets you off. Loves hearing you so much and knows all the ways that elicit anything from a gasp to a scream.

do not steal or repost my works anywhere

© yuuuume

[starsworldd]

𝟠𝕥𝕙, 𝟡𝕥𝕙, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝟙𝟘𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 (𝕡𝕥.𝟚)

- listen to domino 1 by iamsagsssssss!! out on all platforms now

- before i continue i just want to say thanks for all the support so far. this is souper fun for me and im considering in the future maybe opening up to do readings (but only for cheap because i need experience)

leo rising:

pisces 8th house - someone who may have struggled with acceptance, compassion, and imagination. maybe they struggled with isolation too, maybe they feared it? or it caused them great trouble. had trouble accessing their creative side and accessing this may have been a pivotal moment in their life. someone who felt lost.

aries 9th house - from accessing their creativity, they discover themselves and the world through being their most authentic self. being true to themselves and having confidence in themsleves is what helped them out of their dark times. they learn from their past struggles and experiences by just going for it ;)

taurus 10th house - they find comfort in establishing themselves in the world. now that they’ve found their authentic selves (aries 9th house) they want to establish themselves as someone who provides stability for others. feeling lost and isolated left them ungrounded (pisces 8th house) but with these struggles they’ve learned how to make their own stable ground.

virgo rising:

aries 8th house - may have felt ashamed for expressing confidence or a dgaf attitude. very well could have had trouble accessing a definitive, confident expression. this was something that caused them great distress as an essential part of their ego may have been hard to obtain for them

taurus 9th house - they find solutions by establishing their values and their morals. building their resources for themselves. how will they spend their “resources”? resources being their primal, ego energy. everybody is born with it, but for these rising signs their self-discovery lies in building a foundation for themselves

gemini 10th house - knowledge. they communicate this learning experience to others. they communicate how they found their peace of mind, and establish themselves as someone who has the capacity to learn from themselves and others, which inspires others to do the same. they went from someone who was ashamed of feeling their own power to someone who expresses their own power through forms of communication (gemini 10th)

libra rising:

taurus 8th house - their morals or values may have been put to shame by others, or they’re ashamed of what they value. maybe what they find to be valuable is viewed as superficial by others, as an example. may have had trouble leading a comfortable life as they may be going through changes with their support systems (support systems regarding the self if that makes sense) constantly throughout life. someone who struggles to feel comfort.

gemini 9th house - communication with others unlocks their doors. learning from others, telling their own stories about their struggles is what helps them the most out of this hardship. this is key to their self-discovery. maybe they find that they have a knack for writing or verbal communication, which helps them express their struggles relating to comfort.

cancer 10th house - because they share their struggles through their writing and media, they’re known to be a sensitive soft person. they’re legacy involves being able to be vulnerable through the help of their learning, verbal, and written experiences. they help others and are a safe haven for others. they went from someone who lacks stability (taurus 8th house) to someone who provides stability for others (cancer 10th house)

scorpio rising:

gemini 8th house - had trouble communicating with others because their ideas and thoughts were put down by others. school may have been really difficult for them. indicates someone who may have been afriad to communicate with others in some shape or form? maybe they didn’t fully express their intellect.

cancer 9th house - because they didn’t fully express their intellect and ideas, becoming emotional about it is what helped them :p no but feeling their emotions is what helped them the most. feeling their sensitivity, struggles, nostalgia is something that they did to aid them in learning from the experiences.

leo 10th house - they establish themselves as a creative and outspoken individual. they use their emotions and sensitivity to channel it into creativity and art, and use this reputation to encourage others to not be ashamed of expressing themselves. they went from someone who was ashamed of sharing their ideas and intellect (gemini 8th house) to someone who became well known for their ideas and intellect (leo 10th)

hope you enjoyed!

[augusgus]

therapist (m.)

Being called the Doctor does not usually include enjoying your patients' suffering. Dottore couldn't care less about this, however.

pairing: dottore x reader

tags: fear kink, male masturbation, trauma talk (trauma not specified), corruption kink, dacryphilia, power imbalance, a slight bit of dub-con, it's dottore what do you expect

a/n: I swear i'm normal about him,

Dottore wasn't one to entertain wailing or stupidity. He had much too little patience for that and he'd be the first to admit it.

So how he had ended up with the door to his study opening, revealing the next miserable idiot trotting in, went above and beyond him - something something community service something something going overboard on his last mission.

Frankly, he couldn't care less about the reasons but he was in a rather irritated mood.

He didn't bother looking up when the nuisance closed the door with a quiet thud, he had never found pleasure in feigning interest in something pesky anyway. Footsteps slowly came closer, faltering for a moment, before almost reluctantly approaching his desk where they waited.

He wasn't hurried and it was only when he had the last of his notes diligently jotted down with spidery handwriting, that he deigned to acknowledge the person in front.

Fear was something all his little patients today seemed to have in common. Fear of him, to be precise, and that shred of amusement was more or less the only thing that kept him from losing his mind amidst all the coddling he was expected to do.

You weren't any better, the distance you kept to his desk bigger than absolutely necessary as you eyed him warily. You tried to mask your scared expression and, evidently, you failed. The only difference was, the fear made you look rather... delectable.

He gave you a sharp smile. "Sit," he ordered.

There was no chair in front of his desk and you scampered to get one from the far end of the room before lowering yourself on it.

He could see you shaking when he fixed you with his gaze - not that you could see his eyes anyway, where would be the fun in that, but you certainly felt it. The icy prickling against your skin that made your hair stand on end.

"Concluding from your composure, I assume you want to leave this room just as quickly as I want to end this.. little charade of playing therapist," he drawled at last, deliberately interlacing his fingers with each other.

"I... yes, Lord Harbinger. I mean! No! I wouldn't dare-" The look of surprise on your face quickly became one of terror but Dottore simply waved you off.

Even if he couldn't deny the spark of pleasure he felt at the power he had over you.

"I assure you I'd feel more offended if you overstayed your welcome. Now, clearly you have something of immense importance that you want to share with me. Do begin."

You were silent for a moment, trying to find the words to start - and you had to understand, Dottore was really trying to be patient with you, but you were making it quite difficult for him and yourself. If he threatened to experiment on you a little, maybe to cut you open, make you ingest strange concoctions, would that make you talk faster?

As it turned out, that wasn't necessary. Slowly, words left your mouth as you gathered the courage to speak your mind. Certainly, a most dramatic story. He was sure.

Not that he was listening.

But you didn't notice. It was as if a dam had broken, tears beginning to pool in your eyes. The relief to finally tell someone about everything that had taken place, even if that someone happened to be the feared Second Harbinger, it made you want to trust him with your vulnerable state.

"Hmm..." The sound was thoughtful yet non-committal as he wrote down an annotation. Pretending to be paying attention, his mind was focused on the pain in your eyes instead. The forlornness. The desperation in your voice. He felt his pants grow tight.

Usually he had himself under better control than this. But how could he be expected to not get aroused by your suffering if you were looking this pathetic. How could he be expected to keep his hand on the table instead of letting it wander down to palm himself over his bulge, if the sounds you made clearly begged him to do so?

Ah, perhaps he should make you reenact your trauma with the false promise that he'd treat you, make you associate the feeling of hurt with him. Have him be the cause of your tears and then make you watch him jerk off to your sobbing. That would most certainly prove to be very delightful.

You were still talking, opening your poor little heart, painfully oblivious to the groan that caught in Dottore's throat when his gloved fingers finally wrapped around his cock. He was hard already, precum staining the dark fabric.

Oh, how would you react if he'd lean over the table right now, grab you by the neck and make you kiss him. Have your tears and spit smear over your face as he'd bite down on your lip and suck your tongue into his mouth. Surely you'd cry even harder if he pushed you on your knees, pressing your messy cheek against his clothed bulge as he'd have you tell him all about your little fears and anxieties, caressing your hair as he'd whisper hushed promises about how he was going to play on every single one of them - because, really, how else could you ever hope to overcome weak little you - before making you beg for the honour of sucking his cock.

When he came, it was to the quivering of your lips and the quiet sobs filling the room. His expression didn't change, the arrogant smile on his face as calm as ever as he wiped the cum off his gloves, still pretending to listen to your ramblings.

When you eventually made to leave, you were weak on your legs - the emotional turmoil having taken its toll on you. A whispered "thank you" - and didn't that feel strange, thanking the very person you were once so very reluctant to encounter - before turning to make your way to the door. But Dottore waved you back.

"I'm not yet finished with my examination of your condition. Show me your tongue."

Confused, you complied, opening your mouth as he grabbed you by the chin to angle your face upwards. With his thumb he pressed down on your tongue and for a moment he felt tempted to let a glob of spit fall right down your throat, knowing that you'd have no choice but to swallow.

"Indeed, as I expected," he mused, savouring each word, "you appear to be... healthy otherwise."

He'd content himself with leaving the taste of his cum on your lips. For now.

[aidenlydia]

I have seen that you are very open about supporting trans people and that your pronouns are they/them. How were you able to understand that you were trans? (If you are.) I've honestly felt so confused lately and don't have anyone I can ask about this. I love your ftm ghost art. I think it is amazing. I just don't know what to do or how I'll ever be able to figure out myself. Totally not your job but was curious if you had advice.

Not sure how helpful this will be, because my trans experience is deeply interlinked with my Dissociative Identity Disorder and Autism, so I'm sorry if this is a bit confusing.

What is Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder - Terms and Definitions

Autism and Gender

The reason why I go by they/them is because we're literally multiple people. Our two Hosts Aiden and Lydia (aka the alters interacting most with the world outside of our own head) are a man and a woman. We spend all our time together, sharing a body and the control over it.

We used to go by he/she, but people would only view us as a girl because of our body, so we switched to they/them. It makes more sense and feels better to be acknowledged together instead of Aiden being left out all the damn time.

Now bear with me here.

Though Lydia is a cis women, she grew up never belonging anywhere because we're autistic, so she feels like an imposter and a fraud when trying to connect to her feminity. Most days we barely feel human at all because we've been othered all our life. But she still views herself as a woman - motherhood in particular is a big important part of her.

Aiden is a trans man, but he doesn't mind our feminine body and doesn't plan on getting surgery ever. Testosterone maybe, but even that isn't super important to him at the moment. To him knowing he's a man is enough, passing isn't a priority at all. And because all of our Littles are girls he's rather protective of their body - any kind of medical procedure would cause a lot of fear in them.

He realized he's trans because he preferred a male name for himself, short hair and male clothing. It happened very quickly because exploring gender has never been an issue for us, it's fun and simply felt comfortable.

We do have two Agender Alters, but they don't come out in our regular daily life. They don't feel like anything really, they're deeply connected to nature and just want to exist as genderless beings, so they prefer not taking control of our body. It feels peaceful not being put into a box or defined by gender expectations and whatever other bullshit the world comes up with.

In the past we used to have another trans male Host, but he was suffering deeply from gender dysphoria. He couldn't stand the sight of our body or existing in it and became very self destructive about it. Until one day he just stopped coming out and hasn't been back since.

Before I even realized I had DID, gender wasn't really a concept to me. Same with names, it just didn't make sense to me why someone couldn't just change their name if they didn't like the one their parents gave them for whatever reason. I think of people as people, not boys and girls. Sure there are physical differences, but the meanings/genderroles we attributed to them are completely made up.

Folks love nagging me about how I draw my Ghost, but the truth is he can walk around looking like a cis girl and still be a man, I truly dgaf. So what if he's smaller and more delicate looking next to that big bear of a captain, that doesn't make him any less of a man.

The best advice I can give is you don't need to label yourself if you don't want to. You can experiment and just see what feels good. Maybe you'll find a label or make a plan along the way, but don't feel pressured to.

Common things people do is try out a different name, change their pronouns, create and play as video game characters of the opposite gender/sex (or gender non-conforming in general), listen to trans playlists/musicians, shop clothes/stuff in the other section (including underwear or things like jewelry ect), read books or watch movies about different kinds of trans characters, watch video essays about trans topics, create OCs or sonas, look at trans art and watch/read about other people's trans journeys.

Of course there are "what's my gender identity" tests you can take too, idk how helpful those are but I guess they can give you a bit more insight and maybe make you ask questions that you haven't asked yourself before.

Lastly here's a list of gender identities and definitions that might be beneficial to have a look at, as well as my trans resource list I put together last month about what can be done to change your gender in various ways

[doomspiral]

Doom's Movie Rec List

Some of these are bangers, some of these are the worst thing I have ever seen in my life, but I think they are all worth watching and enjoying one way or another. Sometimes the enjoyment is cringe and sometimes its staring at a wall for three hours. <3

The seventh seal (1957)

Classic chess game with Death film, I presume the entire thing is Bergman staring into the soul of the viewer in dead silence until you can read his mind.

The cabinet of Dr. Caligary (1920)

Strange, lurching, I watched this in German without knowing enough to keep up and I believe my confusion added to the experience.

Atomic blonde (2017)

This is my favorite movie. This is the one that I can't stop rewriting in my fics. I can't get the "lies" soliloquy out of my mind. My soul is tied to this fillum. Hot insane woman does a lot of violence, kisses women, beats up a guy who truly deserves it. Iron Curtain Spy Nonsense.

Hackers (1994)

Am I depressing you? Good, watch Hackers to experience child-like wonder and also see a grown man skateboard down a foggy street in the middle of the night to harass the homosexual teenagers (and slim shady) he's beefing with.

The core (2003)

This is not a good movie. But there is a little freak in there named "Rat" who I am obsessed with.

Angel's egg (1985)

This is the kind of movie where you have to not try to figure out what's going on and instead let it take you by the hands, just experience it, just keep your mouth shut and your mind at rest and you can consider the implications afterward when its safe.

Princess mononoke (1997)

I watched this as a child and saw those beasts dissolve into bloody worms and apparently that left a lasting mark on my brain.

Nausicaä of the valley of wind (1984)

I actually read the manga for this one but this is a movie rec list, so please go watch this for the death and rebirth vibes, and some mild foeyay yuri.

Invasion of the body snatchers (1978)

Horror movie that's odd and disturbing and clearly betraying some better dead than red fears, worth it for the horrible despicable freakish noise the guy makes at the end while pointing at the viewer.

Strange days (1995)

Please read up on this before watching it, it revolves around a fictional, then-futuristic critique of the adult film industry, HEAVY focus on the capitalistic dehumanization and devaluing of human life.

Underworld (2003)

Bad asses in leather fighting monsters. Core memory.

Blade (1998)

Bad asses in leather fighting monsters but maybe you need a break from how white this whole movie list is overall. That's okay, I see you, this vampire flick fucks severe.

Fright night (1985, 2011)

The first movie is pretty campy (fun) but the remake dug into my actual stressors and fears and scared the lights from my eyes for a day or two. Welcome... to FrrrighT NighT.

Dracula (1931, 1992)

First movie is a classic, this is thee one with the guy crawling around like a lizard and there's armadillos for no reason. The 90's version has no business being as deranged as it is and for this it is a core personality trait movie.

Fast&furious: Tokyo drift (2006)

Not sure I would say this is peak cinema but it's a racing movie that falls in line with the F&F tradition of being clearly in love with the entire premise, location, and cast. Rent free.

Drive (2011)

I like this movie because it is not about the guy getting the girl, it is about doing the right thing every single time because that's what it takes to be a real human bean. being. whichever. I was so obnoxious about this movie when I watched it with my now-ex gf that I wish I could siphon the memory of it out of her brain, because I kept pointing at actors I knew.

Green room (2015)

This is the best punk parable I can think of. Litany against not reading the room, litany against being the hero when there's no one to save, litany against thinking shared trauma is gonna get you any pussy.

Lords of chaos (2018)

I'm obsessed with the band Mayhem there is no other explanation.

There will be blood (2007)

WILD WEST TOXIC YAOI. I'm not apologizing for this summary and I'm not elaborating.

Butch Cassidy and the sundance kid (1969)

I don't know. I watched this in the wee hours of the morning with my best friend and actually cried about it. Doomed criminals and a famous final stand.

Saw (2004)

I used to watch Saw movies when I lived in the trailer park while hiding from my family in a neighbor's place so I don't know if these movies are good or if I needed to watch tortureporn to relax bcs the roof leaked on my bed when it rained? But I think everyone should at least watch the first movie or how are you going to play any games?

Chernobyl diaries (2012)

I walked out of this movie shaking head to toe and couldn't think about anything else for months. I don't think I'd be as scared now but I can't say if that's because I'm not 16 anymore. Warning against going into a dangerous situation with a guy you met off Craigslist.

Constantine (2005)

Demon hoards, evil angels, catholic bullshit, 9/10.

The neverending story (1984)

Well after all that let's reinstate some whimsy into our souls again bcs this is the Jim Henson Power Hour. This one is just a solid entry point into "puppets are fun and practical effects are my best friend".

The dark crystal (1982)

My babysitters put this on for me as a bed-time story when I was five (5) years old and I do not believe I slept, I think they regretted this and had to tell my parents what they did. But now I will never stop making Skeksis noises at people I love.

Labyrinth (1986)

Y'know the phenomenon of alt teens and preteens dating young adult men who are total and complete losers, including actual band members? It's not that this pre-dates any of that, but I believe it does a good job representing it through the lens of a modern fairy tale. Like when you watch this you have to realize this is wish fulfillment for people who want to be Sarah because their age-gap goth boyfriend in the real world is a manipulative disappointment.

Pacific rim (2013)

Love letter to the mecha and kaiju genre(s). Makes no sense, compels me though.

Eurotrip (2004)

This is the movie "Scotty doesn't know" is from. Some high schoolers fuck off to Europe and have the most misadventure possible. It's somehow exactly the kind of cringe humor you would expect from the 00's without being cruel or overly disgusting. I used to watch a lot of really bad 00's comedies and this is a good one I promise. Scussie.

Hamlet (1996)

Personality point, I think this is the best version on film because the guy actually looks like how I envisioned Hamlet. Ignore your girl! Avenge your dad!

Advantageous (2015)

This movie goes in on the connection between race and class in a sci-fi future where you can change the former through predatory, dangerous cosmetic surgery.

Gravity (2013)

This is my go-to movie when I need to sob like a sick little baby. Space travel as a metaphor for motherhood, spaceships as the womb, scientists are the babies who left their babies back on earth. It's about what you give up in the name of fulfilling your human urge for the unknown.

All clear on the western front (2022)

Thee anti-war fillum. Very well done. I never recovered from one of the final scenes to the point I wrote a final paper on it. Without spoiling it, the Ending gave me the feeling of when you're a kid and you want to go play, but you're grounded and you fall asleep listening to your friends outside in the street. I hope this sentence ruins your life if you watch this movie.

Inglorious basterds (2009)

They lock some nazis in a theatre and set them on fire, good cinema.

Shadow dancer (2012)

Domhnall Gleeson in one of his classically pathetic twink roles but its about British imperial violence and Irish reactionary violence.

Logan (2017)

Good art film, a story about dementia, legacies, and why putting children in cages is fucking evil.

The batman (2022)

Weird art film, next question.

Joker (2019)

I do not care about the opinions of straight men who watch things uncritically, this is a good movie because of the depictions of poverty in the US. I don't believe this needed to be about the DC Joker this should have been a standalone art film about a mime.

Dragonheart (1996)

Medieval era dragon nonsense, I will never be convinced this is a bad movie.

Sleeping beauty (1959)

Personality trait was rooting for the dragon.

Snow dogs (2002)

I'm not defending this one it stands on its own, please watch this movie if you wanna see Cuba Gooding Jr. bite a husky's ear so it'll stop ruining his life.

Luck of the irish (2001)

This movie is genuinely so bad I have considered it some kind of hate crime since the day it came out, because I watched this the day it was a direct-to-TV movie. I think I was too young to feel insulted but I was deeply, deeply bemused.

Black swan (2010)

There is a woman inside her and she is trying to crash the plane. Can I get away with calling this foe-yay yuri also? I'm going to.

I, tonya (2017)

Sufjan Stevens' song "Tonya Harding in Eb major" makes me so unreasonably emotional, so one day I watched this movie and then the film of the 1988 Calgary Olympics in the living room while all of my housemates had to sneak around in the dark. This is just a solid movie about ambition, betrayal, abuse, tragedy, and having to get over it and move on because you're not dead yet.

Phantom of the opera (2004)

Whatever was going on in Labyrinth, this is the adult version. Weird man in a sewer possessing a soprano. I think there's some gender happening here but it gets a little lost under the love(?) triangle.

A knights tale (2001)

Just go watch some more medieval nonsense, it's good for you, its fun.

White chicks (2004)

I'm not defending this choice, it's a good movie. "You were thinking it" "Yeah but you said it" there are some phrases you could use to see if I had been replaced with a body double and this is one of them.

Heathers (1988)

Ouughhgh ough oh. Personality trait. Watched this because I kept listening to the musical soundtrack, love both but agree the themes are much tighter in the movie. This is just a fun schlock to tell teens life is stupid and difficult and bad things will happen, so don't abandon your friends.

Priscilla queen of the desert (1994)

Classic homo fillum, if you wonder why I write Gilbert Like That it's partially because of the mean little fruit from this movie. It's about the Aussie drag scene and who belongs in the queer community.

300 (2006)

I'm not sure that I would call this a "good" movie, but it's a classic as far as I'm concerned. This is the "THIS IS SPARTA" movie.

The foreigner (2017)

I actually don't remember the plot of this one too solidly but the suspense and action were solid, and I enjoyed the setup. Good for if you wanna be really pissed off for two hours.

Conan the barbarian (1982)

Look at me. Look into my eyes. You're going to watch this movie. You're going to think about the wheel of pain and you're going to go wow, this is so stupid. Don't look away I'm not done. You're going to watch this movie and then you're going to get a couple of paper towel tubes and find someone to beat the shit out of each other with the tubes.

Law abiding citizen (2009)

I don't know I think watching this movie changed my brain chemistry in very special ways. Guy fucking loses it and becomes a problem for his local community by kidnapping and torturing people who killed his family. Cathartic and vile.

Black dog (1998)

:D DO YOU WANNA WATCH AN ACTION MOVIE ABOUT AN 18-WHEELER?

The hunt for red october (1990)

Almost forgot this one. Lithuanian Submariner off the shits, goes rogue, I'm not sure what accent Sean Connery is going for, I get the impression he just showed up to gigs and did whatever he wanted.

[acermp100]

IT'S WAWA WEEK

And I've been working on shorts for over 10 days now! Excited to share~

----------

25/3 – Friends: ZOO

Based on my many fun but fraught visits.

Seri learns the power of FRANDSHIP Shou tries to pet a crocodile Ritsu experiences churros They are at a zoo with American food don't question it ANTS

General Audience. No trigger warnings. Depictions of disassociation and anxiety/sensory issues. Some minor Seri/Rei. Capybara.

-----------------------

Serizawa stood in the middle of the walkway. Throngs of people flowed past- left, right, strollers, backpacks, balloons- all moving with their own purpose. That was the problem of a crowd. Being surrounded by so many yet still left completely alone, even if one’s anxieties preyed on that ever present fear that everyone is watching, everyone is judging. His fingers tensed at his sides before balling into fists. Just focus on one thing. That tree looks nice. It didn’t work. Bits of conversations bled into one another until all he could hear was chaotic noise as he took a slow, strained inhale.

“Oi, Katsuya.”

Everything snapped back into place. What was once churning and bleating returned to laughter and normal voices. A little kid ran past him asking an older sibling for ice cream. Serizawa blinked a few times until his eyes focused on a hand waving in front of his face.

Reigen gestured to the gate past the courtyard. “You’re holding on to all their tickets, buddy.”

Purpose swelled in to replace nervousness. Serizawa looked up to see the four middle schoolers gathered at the large, glassed off map near the entrance. Teru was pointing to one of the exhibits as Mob laughed, with Ritsu and Shou hanging back to avoid looking too excited. It had all started with wanting to take the Kageyama brothers out to the zoo for a small trip while their parents were out of town. Shou found out and invited himself and of course Mob was going to ask Teru to come as well.  

“You alright?” Reigen tilted his head. “Kinda went a bit-“ He widened his eyes. “Starey back there.”

“S-sorry. I’m fine.”

Serizawa steadied his fingers and unzipped the small pack at his waist before starting to rummage for the pre bought tickets. Got to save money so Reigen set them up as a school trip, among other things. He didn’t even know there were discounts for the son of a wife of a veteran.

The fanny pack had been picked out by Teru when the group went shopping together last week. Serizawa made sure to pack only the essentials. Inside the bright, green, reflective, and waterproof fabric were a mini first aid kit, some hard candies, nylon rope, a small utility knife, compact flair gun, translation book, and a magnesium fire starter with two pens and a pad of paper. And of course the tickets.

“Here they are!”

His voice came out a bit too loud but Reigen didn’t seem to notice, or maybe didn’t care. He could never tell. The tickets were held at arm’s length as Reigen took and inspected them.

“You know, I’m glad you decided to come, Serizawa” A flick of his wrist, Reigen gesturing even with tickets in hand. “You’ve really improved these last few months. Taking night classes and handling society and all it throws at you. I mean the train we took here was wall to wall people.” He paused, meeting Serizawa’s eyes. “But I know one can’t just magically be fine with all of that. So let me know if you need a break, alright?”

“Of course, Reigen-san!”

Reigen blinked back, leaning into his raised hand.

“Oh, right. Casual outing, not work.”

“Right. Just like going to class!” Reigen turned. “Let’s catch up with the kids.”

No, it wasn’t just like going to class. There he took the same train, walked down the same road, saw the same people, smelled the same smells. He had built that up all on his own: forcing himself to go until every detail was memorized. Predictable. Safe. Even the shopping trip had been short enough for him to handle at a small store that lay on his normal rout to work. Serizawa could feel his heart beat ever faster.

A small pack of kids ran by screaming. Music played from various speakers. The smell of fried food mixed with a musky, earthly scent. New sounds from every side conflicted with the various signs, decorations, and posters his eyes tried to read all of them at the same time. Even his clothing, though comfortable and casual for the day, left him feeling itchy.

“Serizawa-san.”   

He suddenly found himself at an exhibit in front of a glass wall looking over a recreated wetland. On land a few reptiles were lounging on broad leafed plants with fish under the water line. Mob was at his side glancing up at him without a hint of judgment in his eyes.

“Shishou says he wants to gather everyone up for a snack before we head into the rainforest building.”

“Oh.” Gears turned then started to grind. “Oh! Where- where is everyone?” Serizawa started to pull at his own hair, looking back and forth. “I was supposed to be watching and- Reigne-san- I should have-”

“It’s fine.” Mob turned his head to peer down the little trail to another section. “My brother and the others are feeding the crocodiles.”

Serizawa’s heart skipped a beat as he frantically stared ahead. “WHAT.”

Mob’s voice remained steady, but he punctuated his words with a short laugh. “Don’t worry. I don’t think a crocodile could take them on. Plus there’s zoo keepers monitoring the entire thing.”

Lowering his arms, Serizawa tried to catch his breath. A few of the fish swam by, their forms distorted from both the surface of the water and thick glass window. Four conversations, no five. Parents talking over kids. Loud footsteps on the wooden planks that lined the ground. All that with the constant, wet smell of algae.

“The first time I went to the zoo, Ritsu had just mastered walking.” Mob looked out over the water continuing in his monotone. “My parents had the stroller for him, but he still wanted to do it all himself. I barely got to see any animals because I was so worried about him.”

Serizawa looked into the enclosure as well. It’s fine. Everyone is fine. You’re fine. His fingers were still clenched, tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth.

“After when we were heading back, my mom took me aside and said she was proud of me for watching over my little brother so well. But-” A glance up at Serizawa. “She said there’s no need to do everything all by myself. We are a family, we have friends.”

A long exhale. Everything melted away accept for Mob’s voice. Serizawa could now feel the auras of all the others: Shou, Teru, even Reigen, and senses their emotions. Calm, happy. It’s fine.

“Do you mind getting your brother and your friend?”  Serizawa cracked a smile. “I’ll wrangle up Shou.”

A bit later they now all sat around the classic outdoor table made of rubber covered metal that formed a crude mesh so the employees didn’t have to worry too much about weather or cleaning. Serizawa recalled sitting at one when he was little with his mom as they waited for some fast food. That one had an umbrella though. Don’t need one now: not with the clear weather and good company.

“Hey, I was only gonna touch one.” Shou pointed a ketchup dipped fry at the others. “When else will I have a chance to pet a crocodile?”

Teru looked up from his burger. “Maybe try when the zoo keepers are not right there?”

“Not my fault you were too chicken.” Shou grinned back.

A scoff. Teru leaned back and crossed his arms. “What about Ritsu? He was standing back with the all the rest.”

“I was trying to get a good angle for a photo.” Ritsu didn’t look up from his food as he answered.

Reigen and Mob had gone back in line for more food. They returned triumphant with more fried, unhealthy goodness.

“Alight, got some desert. Mob said he’s never had a churro so here we are.”

Reigen set a cardboard tray in the middle and sat down; eagerly eyeing the double decker burger he had been forced to leave behind.

A smile from Serizawa, lost in thought as he listened to the kids talk about their day so far.

“So Serizawa.” Reigen was speaking from a half full mouth, pointing with his burger in hand. “You enjoying your order?”

“Oh! Yes!” Serizawa stiffened before grinning back. “Though I thought a corndog was going to be something different.”

“Right? I remember getting one as a kid when some American fair came to town.” Another bite, some of the sauce dribbling down Reigen’s chin. “Still tasty. I swear they make this stuff to be addicting.”

The burger was nearly gone now. Still so many sounds and smells. Serizawa took some breaths and focused on the conversation happening in the moment.

“Do they have wolves here?” Teru was gazing out down the path toward other habitats. They were mainly small mammals and birds. “I hope they don’t keep them in little enclosures.”

“No, it’s a big area in the back with trees and little dens they put into the walls.” Mob took a bite of his churro and suddenly forgot what he was saying.

“Yeah, this place is kinda famous for it.” Shou chimed in. “That and the lions.”

“Lions?” Teru’s face lit up.

“Wait.” Setting down his soft drink, Shou raised an eyebrow at Teru. “Have you never been here before?”

“Um.” Teru started to tug at his shirt, looking away. “No? I mean it’s not like my parents took me. And um- I guess-“

“The schools never have field trips here anymore.” Mob met Teru’s eyes and gave a nod of his head. “They claim it’s too expensive. But you’re here now.”

“Yeah.” Teru’s face softened. “It was worth the wait.”

Serizawa had kept back, not wanting to interrupt, but now invasive thoughts were flooding in. School, his failure, the bullies, just wanting to hide in his room forever. He closed his eyes for a moment before letting the toxic memories into the light.

“I’ve never been here either.” The kids all looked over at him. He had to glance over at Reigen to get enough strength to continue “Th-the schools back then took trips here all the time. I was pretty excited to go. Wouldn’t be stuck in some stuffy classroom or hallway for once. But well-“ He was gripping the stick of his corn dog so hard it broke in his hand. “There was an incident with some bullies the week before and- um- and-“

“Ugh they always do that.” Reigen gave Serizawa a pat on the back. “Even my teachers did: punish both the bullies and the victim. As if taking away fun activities and privileges would help.”

“Hey, kids are cruel man. Spesh with anything different.” Shou nodded at Serizawa. “Sorry you weren’t able to find a good bunch until now. The night class people seem pretty chill.”

Serizawa’s muscles relaxed. “Yeah, it’s nice to not always have to worry.”

“Being your true self is hard around the wrong people.” Added Teru. “But bullying has gotten a bit better, what with the student councils and all that. They get more power and police each other.”

“Oh yeah my brother was doing something with that.” Mob stole one of Teru’s onion rings with no resistance. “What do you think, niisan?”

Ritsu had said very little, and even less now. It was not due to the current subject, however.

“Pfff.” Shou nudged Ritsu with an elbow. “You here in the same reality with us, dude?”

He was looking down at his food, hands holding up his head with a distant stare. Serizawa grew worried.

“Um, are you alright?”

A sigh. “This is the most unhealthy, horrible thing I have ever eaten.” Ritsu spoke in a low, serious tone. “I’m probably going to get sick after we get home.” His head sunk lower. “But I can’t stop eating it. Why is it so good?”

“Ah.” Shou held up one of the churros. “The existential crisis of fried dough covered in sugar.” He playfully dangled in front of Ristu. “Truly a conundrum.”

Everyone gave a friendly laugh, even Serizawa. His experience with food had been quite limited until recently, relating easily to the bliss of trying something delicious even if it was bad for you.

The noise was still getting to him even after they ate. So many random and chaotic ones mixing together. Serizawa would calm down for a moment before a small kid would scream right next to him. In between there was the music and smells. He followed the kids along into the building hoping that would be better. Nope. Now all the noise was contained in an enclosed space leaving him feeling claustrophobic. He focused on his friends enjoying the animals.

Mob had lagged behind, what with the last area being dedicated to frogs. Not wanting to get separated, Serizawa hung back as well. A group of adults pushing strollers went by. Each were loudly complaining about the cleanliness of the place, and in their own little bubble, they nearly ran over Mob’s foot. One of them turned and gave a cruel sneer. Mob shrank back, holding his arm and looking at the floor. The same group almost bumped into Serizawa as well.

He wanted to help but one of the babies starting crying, causing the others to join in. His limbs froze, muscles knotting. The room spun for a moment and he looked up to check on Mob. He was having the same reaction, backing away and breathing harder, his shoulders tense.

“Hey, there’s a cool ant display ahead!” Teru had walked up and taken Mob’s hand. “Wanna watch them carry little leaves and stuff? They have all these clear pipes you can see them travel through.”

Serizawa smiled as they walked by, Mob now calm. Maybe he could get the same relief. The babies continued to cry while he stared at his footsteps, ignoring the mini crowds in front of every glassed enclosed snake, lizard, and spider they passed.

“What’s on your mind, Serizawa?”

Another sudden jolt as he was forced out of his head. They had made it out of the building but that just meant even more differences to deal with. Serizawa blinked before turning to see Reigen at his side. He found himself standing in front of a ground enclosure where the animals wandered around in an open air pit behind a fence.

“You seem really focused. Never seen one before?”

He wanted to say something but failed to conjure up anything concrete, instead turning his head toward the enclosure. Inside sat a few large, furry mammals. Their fur was brown with big eyes and snouts

“It’s a capybara.” Reigen brought up a hand. “They are the largest of the rat family and in some areas are actually classified as fish to avoid religious traditions of food consumption.”

Serizawa leaned a bit to the side as Reigen gestured, looking past to see an information sign with the same words his boss was stating at this very moment. He couldn’t help but grin.

“They seem very calm.” Serizawa shifted his gaze to meet Reigen’s eyes. “And rather cute.”

“Ha ha. Yeah.” A blush formed on Reigen’s cheeks. “I guess they are.”

A large crowd wandered past them, some breaking off to yell and point at the capybaras. Why can’t he just be in the moment? Why does he tense up every single time? It’s not like he was doing it on purpose. Serizawa let out a grumbling exhale while wrapping his arms around himself. But one of his hands was stopped.

“Hey, you need anything?” Reigen gave a light squeeze to Serizawa’s hand. “I did say you could ask if you needed.”

Serizawa inhaled, no longer hearing the random noises, immune now to attempting to read every sign, only smelling the cheap body spray Reigen used every day. Tears welled in his eyes but he forced them back.

“I- I can’t do this. It’s too much.” The first words came out shaky but he managed to keep them calmer and low now. “The kids are enjoying this so much, so I can’t just go home when they need me. But- but I can’t- there’s so much here and I can’t seem to focus and-“

During the desperate rambling, little pebbles started to rise and float around Serizawa, as well as Reigen’s ball cap.

“Hey.” Reigen had a hand on Serizawa’s shoulder now, looking straight at him, face serious but kind. “I used to work here you know.”

Breathing fast, Serizawa concentrated on his boss’s words.

“I thought I was going to get to play with animals and stuff. Nope!” Fingers up, gesturing out toward the other half of the zoo. “It was all shit. Picking up shit. All day.”

Serizawa had stopped crying and was lost in a state of confusion and admiration.

“Still, I had to finish my summer out so I just tried to push through.” Reigen continued. “That definitely did not work. But I did learn one thing: there’s this café that barely anyone goes to. Families all want fried food and animal toys and stuff, but this place just has tea.” He stopped flinging his hands around and held one out for Serizawa to take. “Wanna take a break and go there? The kids will be fine on their own for a bit.”

Instead of taking the offered hand, Serizawa wrapped his arms around Reigen and pulled him into a hug.

“Yes! I’d like that.” Serizawa mumbled into his boss’s shoulder until he realized what he was doing and released his hold, stepping back and fumbling his arms in front of him. “I mean, if that’s ok with you, Reigen-san.”

His boss nodded back, still recovering with his hair messily sticking out from his ball cap. “Sure thing, big guy.”

[sludgevomit]

Hello Sir, i am so thankful that you have let me be one of your toys i have been having an ongoing fantasy for the last few days and i thought i could share it with you.

I imagine im at the club with my girlfriends and just drink and dance until i see a visibly much older man looking at me. I decide to have some fun and go up to him and start flirting. At some point i go to the bathroom and leave my drink with him because hes just some guy he isnt gonna do anything right? When i come back i finish my drink and i start to feel a little bit dizzy, i look around for my girlfriends but i suppose they left without me. I tell the man im not feeling well and he says that maybe ive just had too much to drink. Thats the last thing i remember before everything just goes black.

When i wake up i feel myself being naked, strapped to a table and being in some kind of an operational sort of room with all kinds of medical supplies on a little table next to me. I see the man next to me wearing a face mask, gloves and a doctor attire, i try to scream but theres something in my mouth preventing me from making a noise. I look around and see a huge screen on the other side of the room with an ongoing open chat room and a live video of someone. I slowly realise that someone is me and theres multiple cameras all over the room filming me from every possible angle. The man welcomes the viewers and says that now that I am awake the requests may start. I watch in horror as i read the comments: “Cut her fingers off and stuff them in her tight virgin cunt”, “Cut her open and fill her bratty mouth with her own guts”, “ Just cut her whole pathetic pussy off and use it as a fleshlight”. I watch in horror as the man carefully starts reading all of the comments and considering each one of them . Ultimately he decides to start off with something easy. He cuts one of my fingers off while i try to scream and slowly inserts it into my virgin cunt, then another one, and another one, and another one until i have only two fingers left on each of my hand. Theres blood everywhere, i fight not to pass out from all of the blood ive lost and try to keep my eyes open in fear of what he will do next. When he decides hes satisfied he says goodbye to the viewers and closes to chat room. He takes all of my bloody fingers out of my cunt and i let out a sigh of relief thinking its over. But then he takes a look at my pussy and says that i might make a half decent breeding slut and starts unfastening his belt. I watch in fear as he takes his huge cock out of his pants and starts thrusting into my tight virgin cunt until he unloads his cum into my fertile pussy.

He takes me off the table and carries me to another dark room where he chains me to a wall, nearly passed out and leaves me there. I might try to fight later on but then again is there really point when he has given me the opportunity to be a useless breeding slut for him. I close my eyes hoping that i dont die from the bloodloss only so i can experience the pleasure of satisfying him again.

-🔦

A very vivid fantasy indeed. I presume that you imagine Sir to be the one doing all of these depraved acts upon you, mm? Do you believe that you would be able to hold up to Sir and his clients standards?