#something could in fact keep them down
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Routine And Terror
Read on AO3 here
Fandom: Thunderbirds
Tagging: @dragonoffantasyandreality @thundergeek59 @janetm74 @katblu42 @liseylou @amistrio @uniwolfcorn @idontknowreallywhy (Please ask if you would like to get alerts when I update or post new stories.)
Thundertober Day 14: Submarine
When Gordon was in WASP, he commanded a deep-sea bathyscaphe for a year. This is the story of how that adventure ended, and what it could mean for the aquanaut service.
Continuity: TOS
A/n: References to Stingray abound! ^^ I just couldn't resist… >:3
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Wake up. Shower. Breakfast. Give orders. Lunch. Give more orders. Dinner. Sleep.
Wake up. Shower. Breakfast. Give orders. Lunch. Give more orders. Dinner. Sleep.
Wake up. Shower. Breakfast. Give orders. Lunch. Give more orders. Dinner. Sleep.
The days were always the same. An everlasting blur of events that Lieutenant Gordon Tracy struggled through just to be able to say he was doing his duty as the Commander of the deep sea bathyscaphe he and his crew were currently on. His year was almost up, just a couple of weeks were left now.
He felt as though the routine was slowly killing him from the inside out, taking his joy and free spirit the longer he sat in his command chair. Gordon loved the sea. More than the average person, and perhaps more than he probably should. But even he was beginning to feel stuck here. He sighed, grateful that all but the night crew were in their cabins, and pulled out a photo he’d taken with his family at Alan’s 16th birthday party. His only younger brother’s face beamed up at him, their three elder brothers looking up in fondness and reassurance.
If there was one thing he loved more than the dark blue waters of the ocean, it was his family. He missed them dearly, and the absence drove him to near insanity. But at the same time thoughts of them, of his father and his brothers, kept him sane. It was an odd paradox, but one Gordon found himself clinging onto.
He clung onto his father and grandmother’s love, both of them tough but fair. He clung onto Scott’s brotherly concern and Virgil’s melodies. He clung onto John’s tales of the great tapestry of stars and planets and Alan’s dreams of glory on the racetrack. Most of all, he clung onto the promise that he’d made to all of them. The promise that he’d come home. And that was what kept him going. Throughout all of this, it came down to them.
The harsh ringing in the corner of his cabin caught him off-guard, almost making him jump and fall out of the bunk. Wondering who could be ringing at this time of night, Gordon clicked select on the video phone. The face of one of his subordinates looked back at him. Gordon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s wrong, Cadet Peters?” He frowned. “Your shift has been over for two hours. Get to bed.”
The cadet gritted her teeth nervously. “We have a problem, Lieutenant…” Gordon raised an eyebrow, prompting the woman to continue. “We have a breach in the port side of the hull.” Her superior lurched, bursting out of his cabin and into the corridor, heading for the bridge. Gordon thanked their lucky stars that the sub was nowhere near crush depth, having only just dived again after gathering supplies from the land above. The sea wouldn’t crush them, but it would still be their death if they didn’t act fast.
“Lieutenant on the bridge!” He heard as he burst through the double steel doors that separated the submarine's nerve centre from the main corridors.
He quickly barked orders. “Jonas! Give me a damage report!”
Jonas was happy to oblige. “Port side of our hull is badly damaged; near the engine bay. We’re leaking water.”
Another officer yelled. “If we don’t fix this soon we’ll be dead in the water.”
The chaos of the bridge only got larger and louder. “All right!” Gordon yelled out. To his surprise, they all listened without much argument. “Let’s not lose our heads, or we really will be stuck.” He turned to Peters, who’d only just come in. “Cadet, radio the engine bay and tell them to cut all power.” She nodded, rushing off to complete her assigned task. “Jonas. Surface. I don’t care what you have to do to accomplish it, but surface.” He looked at the other officer who had yelled before. “Prepare the lifeboats and be prepared to evacuate once we reach the surface. The rest of you, get ready to run. I need to let Marineville HQ know what’s going on.”
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‘How was this even possible…?’ Gordon asked over and over again in his head once he and his crew were safe and sound on dry land. It shouldn’t have been possible; that bathyscape had withstood even the toughest of rocks and the roughest of waters during the testing phase. But even then, he supposed there were a lot of things about the sea that humanity knew nothing about, and perhaps never would. It had been one of the reasons he’d agreed to take the position as commander-in-chief of the vessel after all.
A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. “You okay, Gords?” His younger brother strode into the room, sitting next to him on the bed.
“I’m okay, Al.” Gordon grinned impishly. “I’m still here, aren’t I?” His mind flashed to the day they’d returned to Marineville with the help of a naval ship, weary and tired from days adrift at sea, but otherwise unharmed. The bathyscaphe had sunk, taking all the research they’d made with it. And so close to the end of its trial period, too. Commander Shore hadn’t been happy about the loss, but had acknowledged Gordon’s quick thinking and decision making skills to get everyone out alive. Thanks to him, they hadn’t lost a single aquanaut. “I’m just thinking about how that sub could’ve gotten damaged. We were in open water; no rocks in sight. Weather was optimal. And yet there was a massive hole in the side of the hull.” Alan frowned doubtfully. “Don’t give me that, we all saw it.”
His brother paused before asking the question. “Could you have been attacked?”
“Maybe.” Gordon hummed. “But I doubt it. Our sonar didn’t pick up anything like another submersible… Guess it’s about time to switch to that new hydrophone technology the boffins have been bragging about.” He mused, huffing, and flopped backwards onto his bed. The thought that someone, or something, had attacked them sent shivers down his spine.
The two brothers sat in silence for a good few minutes, just enjoying each other's company for a brief moment. “We were really worried when we heard what had happened from Marineville, you know. For two days, none of us had any idea if you were safe…”
“Let me guess,” Gordon started, “don’t do it again?” Alan nodded furiously, and his brother shook his head in turn. “You know it doesn’t just work like that, Al. Not after what happened to Scott in Bereznik.” His eyes drooped apologetically at the words. Everyone hated remembering that time period, and they all made sure to never even say the name of the country in front of their eldest brother. “Military life is dangerous.”
Alan sighed. “I know. I just wish none of us had to deal with it…”
Gordon sat up from his position and wrapped an arm around his brother, pulling the aspiring motorist into a hug. “Hey, it’ll work out. We’ll all be okay. You know nothing can keep us down for long.”
#thunderfam#thunderbirds#thunderbirds 1965#thunderbirds fanfiction#gordon tracy#alan tracy#sky writes stuff#references to gerry andersons stingray#thundertober#thundertober 2023#set before gordon's hydrofoil crash#something could in fact keep them down#not for long though#just like gordon promised
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I've seen the headcanon that Lucanis' mother, Caterina's perfect heir, was actually similar to Illario in some ways. That she was calculating, ruthless, ambitious, obedient... all the things Caterina overlooks in Illario because Caterina sees her favourite daughter's deep brown eyes and quiet, controlled demeanor and careful planning in Lucanis.
But I am also attached to the idea that the opposite is true too. That Illario's mother shared similarities with Lucanis; that she was empathetic and stubborn, with a slight rebellious streak. But she was always outgoing and charming, was more impulsive with her emotions, and was always sharper with her tongue than with a sword, so Caterina only sees her in Illario.
I just love the idea that Caterina can't look beyond the surface and see who her grandsons really are because on some level she can't see past the ghosts reflected in their eyes. She can't see that the quiet brown eyed boy is is more of the gentle hearted rebel, and the one with blue eyes and a shining, fake smile is the ruthless leader who would do anything she asked.
#Illario Dellamorte#Lucanis Dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#I wish we knew anything about their families#Illario's name means happy. You could (and I choose to) read that as meaning his parents' main wish for him was happiness.#What does that say about them as people?#What does it mean that a Dellamorte once looked at their newborn and their only thought was 'I hope he's happy'#I have been thinking about the Dellamortes all morning at work#Lucanis' mother the favourite child the quiet one who learned to turn off her emotions and would do anything to keep her status as favourit#Vs loud emotional Illario's mother the less favourite because she was rebellious and stubborn and tried to be her own person#(as much as she could)#(Also imagining Lucanis' mother sneaking into her younger sister's room at night after she's punished and tending to her#the way Lucanis and Illario will do years later)#I like the idea of Illario's mother being a bit of a rebel because I think a lot of people look at Illario and think disobedient rebel#despite the fact that I think objectively Illario is the more obedient one#he has disobedient rebel energy but in canon he's a follower who doesn't even consider breaking the rules unless it's Lucanis' idea#(until he has Lucanis killed but you could argue even that is him following Crow rules it's just him being who Caterina raised him to be)#I really want to know what's up with their families though. Lucanis is the horse Caterina is betting on. Lucanis' mother was the first of#her children to die. What makes her so sure Lucanis is the best option? Is it just that Lucanis is less like her and she knows she failed?#Is there something about Illario that makes her see him an ineligible? I want to interview her.#anyways I have to go back to work now hopefully this all makes sense I don't have time to proofread anything oops this is how much I ramble#when I don't have the time to go back and edit it down and take out all my irrelevant thoughts
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something bad did indeed happen to that man. spent abt 25 minutes trying to find a better picture of that one (1) offical piece with his eyes open that wasnt compressed or tiny
#library of ruina#yan library of ruina#getting comfortable doodling some objects and mannequin shapes for very obvious reasons. i read the keypage story and now it has a grip on#my brain. wanting to go ahead and plan it out and then draw the mangled memory and nightmare that replays behind the eyelids in the darknes#it was cool to see the reason confirmed from my speculation. twas indeed another reason of blocking out present pain with closing of eyes#considering they made angela have a plot important reason for doing so it would only make sense for another to have a reason for it as well#well. after having a prominent part inside the thumb/index story line. its just going to be yapping about yan now i think#let me add a spoiler tag i suppose? vauge but just incase i dont want to be an asshole. even if most already have played rhe game#library of ruina spoilers#lor spoilers#i really liked the typewritter effect over the voice after distortion. especially so when the effect finishes before the actual garbled voi#does. it makes it feel as if it were being read out after it being written down rather than of own words or volition. along with the text#upon the screen during the fight being just prescripts rather than anything relating to the man himself like the other instances with such#text had been. paired w the name of distorted yan being untranslated to keep the intent of the name being unreadable or not understandable#more into the idea of stripping away of the self or any sense of a self. not personal and not even him anymore. the following of a goal for#the goal for it is given and there isnt any hope of having the ability to not do such a thing. people yearn for a reason and something to d#and for it to be given to them to not hold responsibility nor have to do their own choices anymore. once a crushing weight weighs down#inside the face of an absolute cruelty that is perpetuated and that crushed the dreams or even desires having them be but nothing how can#one move on? it was really nice to see at the end of the fight. its easier to just say such things than to actually do them. even if the ac#ions dont even feel as if they are ones own or that there isnt any say in the matter having to endure all the pain for seemingly nothing it#still is pain. that feeling inside is still real. it still happened. regardless of the circumstances that brought them about#the thumb/index or just fingers seem to be an exaggerated to the extreme showcase of how the colletivist mindset in an unhealthy manner#could be exhibited. the thumb with its hierarchy and absoluteness and the demand for respect along with its strict layers of showing who is#below and who is above. the ability to have power over those underneath . the participation inside of it and the already brought up yearnin#to be apart of a group and to have a title and position inside of a group and of power and even a desire like from pete to join one iirc#the index being of the cruel perpetuating cycle of pain people inflict upon one another a behavior beaten and upkept by the systems as they#drift and desire to live. which causes them to partcipate in that cycle out of necessity. cruel acts upon another in order to live and seei#a need to go ahead and do such things for if they dont they die and another will just do the same to them. social sciences talk and rolands#talks abt how the city opperates reinforce that fact. the index and prescripts are really just a show inside that extreme manner and in a#more literal sense of that. it was really cool to read it..
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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han solo wants what atton rand has
#AND THATS A FACT#guys pls play kotor 2 and see my vision#atton deserves a romance questline with as much depth and length as astarion’s fr#and also an option to be an evil power couple#i will fund the kotor remakes and kotor 3 myself if i have to#its the way i didn’t even know he existed when i started playing#but then i fell in love#like he’s an extremely close second to anakin#‘they can’t hurt you bc you’ll be right here with me playing pazaak’ AND THEN THAT BEING BASICALLY THE LAST THING HE SAYS#obsidian partner with larian studios and bring kotor back and my life is yours#i deadass wrote fic about my mc and atton after playing#star wars#knights of the old republic#i havent played the restored content mod but even then its like……. i need something more#a fictional star wars situationship really had me crying bc i wanted a better ending#kotor 2 is so interesting bc i loved it#but whats great about it sometimes reinforces whats bad about it#that being the cut content and the sometimes apparent lack of substance in spots#i shouldn’t have been an infant when kotor 2 was made i shouldve been in the writers room#i need him i need him i need him#‘you have a husband?’ oooooooooooooooooooh#i just think seeing the kotor games with the graphics of something like jedi survivor would be insane#fav#i could talk about this game forever i beat both of them in the span of like about 2 weeks i was obsessed#my nerd ass loves star wars sm#like lets keep going back in time i rlly dont care about the ‘modern’ star wars era#and theres an easter egg line where atton calls you an angel even though he says hes joking#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#genuinely down bad#📜.scrolls
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ive been staring at the naqtube channel page just doing analysis thoughts in my head for like 15 minutes and ive just been hit with the realization that Damn this is not normal. normal people dont do this. either the mental illness or the mild sickness is doing something to me right now.
#[cosmic heroes of dubious alignment]#IM NOT EVEN WRITING ANYTHING DOWN. IM JUST BRUTEFORCING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.#uhmmmmmm anyways. im trying to think of potential themes naq might have#and its like wow i am not good at recognizing themes bc im dense as bricks sometimes but i swear theres a repeating pattern of .. roles?#the expectation and breaking of stereotypical roles to be more specific#like listen to me here. obviously theres the line ive pointed out b4 with the 'theyre fighting evil/theyre [..] evil' line;#the lines in the unused takes video that paint n&q as less than morally good in /some/ sort of way;#queen buzzbeamer's whole deal as ive said ad nauseam; a more recent example i feel like would be part of the binary translated from hazard:#'this is who i am and who i will ever be'. accepting your role.#but also on a more meta sort of way with the games themselves. the female mcs getting more focus than the male mcs-#-in a time period where most video game mcs were male and the female characters were one-note is something noteworthy to me.#the fact that nebula is CONSISTENTLY framed bigger/more prominently in almost every piece of official art we see.#her name is first in the title. naq was conceptualized as a concept with her only first. shes always also featured in ads alongside quasar.#the only ad that features quasar prominently is the jumparound ad which alludes to it possibly being a request from sony#-and thus would want to play it more 'mainstream'.#by itself this doesnt stand out bc it could always be just the creators wanting some hashtag women in their unfiction series#which i would be fine with if that was the case. we love women. HOWEVER#its the fact that naq2 (from what we know so far) ACTIVELY TRIES TO BACKPEDAL ON THIS. which makes me think its INTENTIONAL.#both nova and nebula have seemingly been sidelined in naq2 with their screentimes reduced. nova reduced to a 'supporting character' and -#nebula into a possibly offscreen kidnappee. QUASAR takes their spotlights in naq2.#...maybe a way of 'making back lost sales' from naq1? pivoting too hard into the stereotypical from the unusual...#because obviously thats whats scaring away your customers. not the white room scandal. totally not.#'..ok is this leading up to anything mara. whats your conclusion statement' idunno man.#i just think its an interesting tidbit that keeps popping up. i am not a coherent theory guy#i am a pointing out things and throwing them at the wall to see what sticks guy.#there is also the very real chance that im completely wrong abt naq2 bc we still dont know a lot about it sooo. shrug.
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Also you 🤝me
Doing Bad Things Happen Bingo looking at Rise and cackling wickedly…..now to make them their own separate thing or write more CC brainrot
always the option to mix it up a little !!! i'll probably be writing a little cc if i get an idea for something really good with my bthb but im probably going to focus mooostly on original prompts so mess around. do what your heart desires!!!
#ask#my brain races in circles for ages until i get a Zing#and that is what makes me write the good shit#and i literally could not tell you what makes it happen it just kinda. pop#WHERE DID I GET THE CANARIES FROM BRUH#fun fact for CU i was originally planning on doing a curse that affected all of them#to draw a line between donnie and his family like#its a kind of affliction that can be mitigated with physical touch#for the rest of them it barely means anything. its so easy to handle#so they dont even consider donnie at all at first until its too late#and they werent even told it COULD get that bad because why would they be???#i couldnt find a structure for it so i changed it to venom instead howeverrr#i am very invested in the idea of doing some whump for all of them like that#like idk pollen that heightens paranoia severely or something#and splinter has to confront the ways his neglect has affected his children definitely by the ways they act#OH THE ZING HAPPENED#splinter pov ....#raph fight leo flight mikey freeze donnie fawn...... chat im cooking. CHAT IM COOKING#eyeing the self loathing prompt#like mikey cant do anything but cry and cling to his family#and raph is super protective and trying to herd them and keep them AWAY from splinter out of distrust#and leo flees because he's ashamed of being distress and they cant see him like that#while donnie obsessively cleans and checks stock#and splinter thinks he's being reliable 'as ever' until he breaks down over something so simple#like not enough food and its the day before grocery day#CHAT IM COOKING#omfg
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I mean it's a poll about which you prefer not which is objectively better. Windwaker could be the best game ever made and tbh I'd still vote oot. Sorry
And yet, OoT isn't that great even coming from a dude obsessed with it 😭 Sorry
#the hyper fixation that fucking sucks 💖#cant even do a perosnal prefrence my personal prefrence is OoT and YET#I CANT DEFEND IT AGAINST WIND WAKER HAHDGSHSGS WIND WAKER IS JUST A BETTER FUNNER MORE WELL WRITTEN GAME#and i get why people keep asking for it on the switch for like...convinence reasons but i wish people would just emulate it or watch a#playthrough SOMETHING like#god if i wasnt hit with the oot/mm beam it may have been tp or wind eaker#WIND WAKER FUCK#actually fun fact i was obsessed with Tp Link for a few years of my lifr before going RIGHT BACK TO TIME LINK#the ages of 11-13 was tp nation#AND BEFORE AND AFTER WAS ALL OOT LIKE HELP MEEEEEE#THAT BITCH HAS ME IN AN INESCAPABLE CHOKE HOLD#OH MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME ANON WHO wants me dead i assume i see that little sorry of yours but i need to get back on the tablet i have been#doing this custom paint work for stuff and#wait am i just#im just rambaling in the tags aint i#you know what personal prefrance is oot sweeps evey game except MM TP WW and BotW for the most part like im#i like them games a lot more for various reasons but#the comfort game 💖 the hyper fixation that fucking sucks 💖💖💖💖💖#god if i could do a full break down of oot zeph and moon and myles made fun of me for n64 reasons if you bitches are reasing this gimmie an#angry orchard and 100mg gummy WATCH ME WORK
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It's crazy how the incest stuff negates any support system Cathy has. like technically she has someone offering her an out from her abusive husband but choosing that also means choosing this other terrible thing. like. she's trying to get as far away from the past abuse as she can (while still holding onto so much anger) but she's escaping into new abuse (connected to holding onto anger???) and trusting. deciding. believing that it will aid her in achieving her goals, and then she can go from there. this belief of indestructibility bc what does she have if not that??? how could she stand to keep going while stuck between these options if she didn't separate herself entirely from them. the only people offering her escapes are just asking if she'd please come get abused by them instead of the current guy and every option is still better than how she was raised
#fita#She doesn't know she could have other options if she changed her goals. or. she doesn't want the other options bc What would it be for then#what would've been the point of all that time training in the attic. so much of her passion from dance comes from the fact that dancing was#one of the only things she could do in the attic and the time they spent up there had to be Worth Something. but in trying to create a life#from the foundation laid in the attic she's putting down a bunch of rotten support beams and they are going to collapse.#shes living as an echo. that whole time period of her life is defining the rest even if she's defining it by the good parts#like. goal that was set as a way to cope with abuse and set in a vacuum of total abuse. and then she Just Kept Going. and everyone is#telling her she's going to run off a cliff but she doesn't believe them because they've all done the same stuff to her. no that's not right#that's part of it but it's also so much that she believes all abuse will lead to something good. penance and deserving and making time wort#it. she believes that this abuse will lead to something that jusitifies it because she's dedicating her life to justifying the earlier abus#^which is also just a thing all the dance teachers are telling her. that she can't stop or leave now bc she has to make all this hard work#and suffering worth it. which is also the logic their mother used to keep them in the attic
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fellas the book 7 update…. *crying*
(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)
#sandy blabbles#twst#Book 7 spoilers#dude ace loves his friends sm#His happiness including yuu’s own happiness—where they get to go back to their home but also still be able to stay in twst; still get to ha#Hang out and be friends. Never having to say goodbye.#I just…heart shackle my beloved they could never make me hate you#It really shows how much Ace truly loves his friends and how he doesn’t WANT to part with them; say goodbye and sever his ties with them#Its actually rlly similar to Malleus’s whole OB thing; both of them fear the imminent parting of their loved ones#I think it’s really noteworthy that Ace’s happiness gets predicated on Yuu’s happiness FIRST#I think in reality deep down he FOESNT want Yuu to go back home; because it’s likely that their way back home is a one way trip.#It’s not like graduating and going back home. In this case Yuu is gone. Period. They existed in TWST in one moment and the next they cease#However he also knows that them staying in TWST would only be painful; they had a life before NRC and to make them say goodbye to that fore#Is something he also doesn’t want to do; the fact that one of the core false memories the dream is built upon is YUU’S HAPPY EXPRESSION at#Crowley finding a way for them back home is…*chef’s kiss* so ofc the ideal solution for him is to let them travel between world’s; that way#The both of them can be happy; Yuu can go back home but still be with Ace and their friends. Dude I’m just so fucking touched—Ace has#Infamously bad emotional communication yet he cares and loves sm. Yes he’s an ass yes he’s a jerk yes he’s a selfish teen boy; but he’s *ou#Asshole. Who will have our back as we do his; who will be happy with as he is with Heartshackle. When you get down to it Ace is sentimental#Whereas Malleus’ solution has involved him selfishly restraining the ppl he loves in an effort not to lose them; and ending up alone i#Ace’s UM defo coming in Book 7 (or 8; him getting his UM during a confrontation with Malleus would be very fitting)#It’s almost poetic how traitor ace theory is simultaneously torn away but also…not with his dream.#The fact remains that he cares for Yuu and doesn’t want them to go; those feelings which are core to the theory ARE there. But at the same#Time he’s not selfish enough to do that to Yuu…sure there IS the question of how he would treat the situation in reality rather than the#Ideal dream but I think that by the end of book 7 any lingering feelings he might have of keeping Yuu in twst; even to their detriment will#Fall in the face of malleus who is emblematic of such desires. Book 7 will end in Ace wholeheartedly working with us to find Yuu a way back#Home. Because if that’s what will bring them happiness; even if it’s a happiness Ace will not have been a part of for long or much longer#Then he will do it. Even if parting is painful having the people he loves be in pain for the rest of their lives (ie Yuu being trapped) is#Far far FAR more painful then parting ever could be. Because for as much as Ace bullies and pursues being a cool kid#He will never be able to stop caring and loving his dear friend#(Also couldn’t fit this in but the fact that he was able to be so rational while delululu when resisting waking up is SO on point
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Ok but sometimes the most infuriating political stance a person can have is point blank refusing to discuss social issues with you when you bring it up because they "don't want to get political". Don't open the tags unless you want to read a rant
#my random stuff#vaguepost#vent post#like... babes. how do i explain EVERY DAMN THING YOU DO can be considered political by some metric#YES that includes your silence#also the fact that they will happily talk about being a socialist and fuck the tories and everything#but then if i ever want to discuss something that doesn't directly affect them they will literally just shut me down#like i know our normal friendship consists of sunshine and rainbows and silliness#but I'd fucking appreciate if you didn't ruin that friendship by refusing to agree with me about things that should be a no brainer#I can't even discuss fucking JK ROWLING with them!! because their sibling loves harry potter and they always say “it's just a kids series”#and “let them have their nostalgia”#OH I'M SORRY.#DOES YOUR FUCKING NOSTALGIA MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN MY LITERAL SURVIVAL AND HEALTH???#like. I'm sorry but there's more important things here#babygirl i don't know how to explain to you#that if a political party said they were going to kill all lefties people BUT give all right handed people unlimited access to horror films#you would vote for them wouldn't you?#even though I'm left handed you'd say “of course i support left handedness how can you even question that”#<- shit metaphor. i know.#but i could point out “yeah they want to kill me” and they'd say “I just don't know enough about it to discuss this; sorry”#like??? if you don't know enough#maybe. fucking?? educate yourself??? by having discussions about it???#PLEASE pull your head out the sand sweetie#saying you care is just empty fucking words#i shouldn't be saying this; they're one of my oldest friends but GOD.#if you can't even agree with me about jkr being a fucking holocaust denier we're going to keep having problems
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when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself
#whump meme#~my stuff~#my brain hates me sometimes lmao#i just want a story where two characters are stuck in a broken down car in the middle of winter and having an argument#which leads to one stomping outside in some petty attempt to 'find help' while the other person doesn't realize#what is happening at first. they think their friend is just taking a quick second to catch their thoughts. not the best idea in a snow stor#but the other option is them tearing each others heads off so a little separation is fine. but then their friend starts walking away#and keeps going. so now they have to chase after them to corral them back into the car#because yeah its broken but its still somewhat warm unlike this suicide mission you are attempting!!#and then theres a big blow up because they have kinda been the shit-stirrer so their friend just is#im fixing it!! im being not annoying/useless/something related to whatever they were arguing about!!#so now they get slapped in the face with the fact that they've been taking out their bad day/week on their friend#who was simply being themself and trying to cheer them up/be nice#and when they eventually get back in the car the friend now feels like shit because they not only wasted heat from the car#but they also dragged their friend outside just bcuz they were being a brat so didn't they just prove the other person's point?#so now the two are just in a guilt huddle apologizing for being idiots as they inevitably wait for their rescue#bonus points if the rescue involves their rescuers trying to separate them and the other person just *refuses* to let their friend go#because they have a need to keep the first person warm after feeling like they essentially forced them out into the cold#is that too much to ask?? (i could turn this into an A talks to B scenario... also thinking about my OCs but when am i not lol)
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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More sketchy employee profile images. Mostly made to be able to replace the picrew I had in the template I made since I can draw. I did end up just putting it as back and white though but the color is just nice to have. I'm STILL trying to tweak the template since it is very finicky and there is an example of what it looks down below if you're interested. It is a lot. It will happen. I am just not the quickest
There are typos and inconsistencies I missed but in general it should be fine...
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#I ALMOST POSTED THIS WITH NO TAGS dude. dude. that or they got eaten which is also a high possibility#a bit lengthy with a lot of text qs well if it is decided to be looked upon. as said before it full of maybe inconsistencies and typos#the reason i keep stalling making it public is because its in GOOGLE DOCS. GOOGLE DOCS!!! and unoptimized for phone viewing so ahh... eh...#there was going to be a later part for notes but it would be around the later days so... cant reallt happen#mostly after cheseds core suppression due to ryn and him having contradictory views up to that point. ryn putting way too much effort into#their job while at that point chesed kind of gave up in a way. not going to ramble too muhc abt that its oc things but the dynamic of that#was something i wanted to talk about a bit.. that and the death of angelina but that happens LATE and near the final days#and communication is down with the rest#i wanted to make more boxes and categories but also for the ease of use i limited it. that and attempting to fit them into pages seemed lik#hell. honestly. eekk!! not up for that. included both for the sake of showcasing. i didnt finish the last ones which was going to be a#showing of an employee with not as many permissions due to ryn and angelina actually both being captains. will do that when i do showcase#and give out the actual template along with other things like images for 'transfer' like another branch#'dismissed' 'resigned' 'deceased' 'mia' which would be for things like backwards clock and wellcheers#there was so much math needed.... it was just adding and checking numbers for a timeline but still..... ew..... that and employee team shit#tried to have it somewhat believable a bit. kind of semi believable to go yeah this could be smthn that is in the corp#employee numbers were based off red shoes entry!! it had been different before but i read it in game since i got it and was like. OHH wait#.... i feel rather embarrassed to post this actually. excited but also embarrassed. likely the idea of showing something i ended up#putting hours into . its probably that. plus the fact its for original creations.... i hope itll be of use some day
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FINALLY finished my outline for prodigal son it’s going to end up way longer than i planned </3
#there’s so much i’m trying to get across without making it ridiculously long#i’m like. trying to make it clear that malc isn’t the driving force here#because he’s a bit older than jamie and jamie’s only eighteen and pretty sheltered so it could seem dodgy#and don't get me wrong i'm not going to NOT write something just because it's objectively shady especially for ttoi#but it’s not like malcolm swoops in and initiates everything. that wouldn't fit the characters#jamie’s a determined wee shit and he’s fucking relentless when he wants to be#it’s more a case of malcolm caving and agreeing to let him into His World as it were#and jamie’s always had this anger and this rebellious streak that leaves him susceptible to doing shady shit#he’s not a kid he’s making his own decisions malc’s just here for the ride#and also like. jamie SEEMS like he’s losing his faith at points but it’s actually getting stronger#i don’t want it to seem like he’s given up god for the sake of following malcolm#he’s just making peace with the fact that his god and the christian god don’t align too well#it's kind of like. malcolm is partly helping him be more honest and brave and do some good in the world#but he's also partly (mostly unknowingly) being a genuinely bad influence too#but all the bad shit jamie's going to end up doing comes from himself. it was already there#because i see jamie and malc as huge enablers for each other. it's their whole thing#and i think it's interesting to show them in my fic being (for the time) very radical and rebellious#and it stems from a genuine desire to a) do good in the world and help people and b) break themselves out of the working class bubble#but by the time they reach canon that has manifested into something quite horrible#their rebellion and radicalism is now used to do bad things that don't even justify the end goal anymore#and now they've broken out the working class bubble they're just playing into the toxic westminster mindset#because that's the only way you survive in the game (or at least in malcolm's case. he ends up with no spine)#because he's willing to abandon his principles if it keeps him and the party in power#and at some point down the line the good intentions get lost to his own ego and need for control#anyway i'm normal#ttoi
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i love talking to Religious People but i dont love it so i called my mom earlier and my brother stopped by and to both of them i talked about my 8am religious thing and i was like - well, the UU thing sounded *fun* - it kind of felt like that was cheating - and my brother (practicing dirtbag catholic electrician who goes to mass and sits there having intrusive thoughts about the crusades) goes "yeah, well, it's not supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be reflective" . ok mister 500 years ago i would have chopped peoples heads off. first of all probably not they didn't send tater farmers on those kinds of things . second of all my mother goes "not supposed to be fun? where'd you get that idea?" like.........why didn't YOU get that idea? like. you grew up in the same religion i did and you don't have weird issues about it. unfair
#my dad's weird issues are the same as mine#except that instead of seeing them as a reason that perhaps catholicism is not good. he doubles down and sees church as Work#like church for him is a responsibility that proves he has initiative and is not a lazy shirker#for me the fact that i have these guilty thoughts at all is proof that i need to be very far away from that shit#like. i actively want to try and experience someone else's spiritual fun in a way that clicks with me#everyone i know believes SOMEthing and i don't. but i want to see if there's a way i could make it work without that#dad's answer would be to just keep going to mass until it does work (hasn't happened yet for either of us but that won't stop him)#mom's answer would be to pick and choose the elements of one of the world's strictest ritual faiths (a thing they tell you not to do)#my answer? i dont know yet#but i do know it's not the one i grew up with
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