#somehow theories of personality is more interesting to me simply because i actually cannot understand how it's applicable to anything ever

[strxnged]

positive psyc is rough

[pharrell-the-formation]

The long-awaited (by me) “Underground Blossom” was released today. I played, enjoyed it and want to write down some of my thoughts regarding everything shown there.

🔴 If it’s not already obvious, achtung: there are spoilers everywhere, so continue to read at our own risk! 🔴

🦜It seems that Harvey actually remained enlightened for much longer than people in fandom previously assumed. UB doesn’t shy away from metaphors, but the fact that Harvey actually replaced Laura’s parent and somehow successfully handled responsibilities of caring for a human child, as well as the fact that other, non-important children also saw the parrot precisely as an anthropomorphic bird in a suit, quite directly illustrates that this guy all this time, throughout the girl’s growing up, really was like that, and not just a normal pet parrot. I believe in this version of a story: Harvey the Hotel worker, Harvey the confidant of Mr. Owl, Harvey the Eilander family killer did not die and was not reborn, descending along the wheel of Samsara to the level of an animal. Enlightened ones simply know how to temporarily change their form to an animal-like one, and this is precisely what he did, perhaps in order to hide from the same embittered escaped corrupt souls or for some other reason. Mr Crow did something similar in “Cube Escape: Paradox,” if my memory serves me right, turning into the more familiar for us form of a crow. This would explain why Vanderboom depicted our anthropomorphic protagonist in one of her drawings as a pet parrot in a cage. And also the fact that he retains his completely human mind in animal form (demonstrated when solving puzzles in “Harvey’s box”) can be explained this way.

💧I still adhere to the idea, that Rose in this game was not really eager to resurrect Albert. This idea is rather based on my personal preferences, because Rose, who renounced her father, appeals to me as a character much more, so here I ask you not to treat this exact point as a full-fledged theory regarding canon events. Let's discard my old partially-hypothesis-partially-AU about “The past within” and “Underground blossom” being different timelines (like something similar that has already been shown before - in the Bob’s fate, where in some games he dies or commits suicide, and in “The White Door” forgets Laura and begins to live a normal life). It is clearly not the case; now it is more than clear that one game is directly connected to the other. However, here's what could happen: Miss Vanderboom receives a letter from recently deceased Albert, along with a mission to bring him back to life. Initially, she is interested in this and actively works on the task, but at some point something clicks in her and the understanding comes that it is better to leave a possibly dangerous person where he cannot harm anyone. Perhaps getting closer to her cousins ​​had an impact. So, Rose no longer wants to carry out this ritual, and this automatically calls everything into question, because even though she in the Past may have completed her part of the work, now, without her desire in the Present, she from the Future may not complete hers. A paradox. Albert's soul, of course, did not appreciate the joke and wants to make sure that his daughter does what she should, whether she wants it or not. When Harvey begins to visit to her, she already understands perfectly well that her father will not give up so easily. She understands that he will most likely try to harm her or her daughter. She understands that she may have to make very serious sacrifices so that Laura, the most precious thing she has left, does not suffer at the hands of her grandfather - and disappears from her life. Afterall, She will be better off with Harvey.

🌳 I'm still sticking to my Naraka theory. Rose somehow managed to preserve her humanity even in this form, and she thanks her old friend for all the help, and by giving her beloved daughter a piece of her soul - the petals - she helps her start living from scratch, now not suffering from psychological problems so much. I don’t know how literally the final level should be taken and how much the girl’s return to life depended on the mother (after all, in “Seasons” everything was presented kind of differently), but I think you can perceive it as you like.

To sum it up, I just want to say that “Undergroung Blossom” left me feeling incredibly warm and.. cozy? An impression that I honestly never expected from a game in this series, full of darkness, suffering and all sorts of devilry. Despite the fact that there are such things too, the theme of family and sincere care for someone dear to you runs like a red thread throughout the entire story. And all this is consolidated with such a bright ending, after which even Rose’s terrible posthumous fate is ultimately not viewed as critically as before, which... I can’t. It’s wholesome. As wholesome as Rusty lake game can be.

[metvmorqhoses]

How do you see Voldemort and Nagini's dynamic? Some people say he cared more about her than Bella but that has always indicated superficial understanding to me. Pure drivel. His reactions at both their deaths alone prove how much stronger his fondness was for Bella, despite Nagini being a Horcrux, not to mention the rest of their scenes.

You know, the dynamic between Voldemort and Nagini has always truly intrigued me. Their relationship has a true potential for complexity and meaning, to the point I’m sure it must have been born in depth. I can say this even while virtually knowing nothing about it. You can just sense its nature here and there, between the lines, suspended from silence to silence, as many of the various truths concerning Voldemort often are.

The possibilities regarding this dynamic are just endless and potentially so fascinating - if people would only stop being so impossibly absurd about it.

Speaking of which, and as much as I’m interested in this relationship and its possible wide ramifications, I absolutely cannot stand the custom widespread fashion of desperately trying to throw Bellatrix in the equation, an equation she absolutely does not belong to, and only with the aim of debasing her.

It drives me absolutely mad.

The implication that Voldemort cared more about his pet snake than Bellatrix is, of course, pure nonsense. Yet, if the said nonsense is actually genuine misreading of Voldemort’s rather normal actions or if it’s of a more “biased” nature, that is surely up to interpretation.

As far as I’m concerned, people are at best naively mistaking the damning-free displays of rather patronizing affection Voldemort bestowed upon Nagini (the pet which carried a part of himself) with the carefully conceived, always quite suggestive (and way different in nature!) acts of fondness he reserved to Bella only (amongst the entire human race), many times almost as if despite himself and possibly not even quite realizing it - or at worst they are purposely choosing the interpretation that serves their own personal agenda better.

And in my experience it’s sadly always the latter.

The thing that really irks me, beyond personal opinions or beliefs, is that the entirety of those "theories" regarding Nagini always seem to be devised to somehow threaten Bellatrix and the special place she held in Voldemort’s... heart?, instead of coming from genuine literary analysis or curiosity towards certain obscure aspects of the story.

The only true interest every single hp sub-fandom seem to share is the obnoxious goal of lessening Bellatrix - one of the strongest and most complex characters of the series, not to mention the strongest and most complex female character in there -, while at the same time shaping every single ridiculous love interest of Voldemort (be that Harry, Hermione or original character) specifically after her, sometimes even consciously and/or explicitly drawing parallels.

Even while theorizing Bellatrix being secretly a horcrux, thing that may sound at first pretty deep and even "romantic", people are somehow implicitly diminishing her unframable importance to Voldemort, while at the same time denying him his own right to complexity, because of course he could only egoistically (do find me a real relationship with no egoism involved, even between parents and children, I'll wait) "care" for a vessel of a torn piece of his own disgusting soul, right?

This not only tells me people lack understanding and taste, but it also shows me that pretty much everyone deep down to some degree does sense Bellamort's value, to the point of it probably becoming intolerable in the face of their non-canon subpar ships. How can these two monstrous people have something so inexplicable, intense and special going on? How can we deny it? How can we copy it?

Quite simply, they feel the need to bash what they cannot understand but inadvertently feel the superiority of.

To this add the fact that Bella is too much of an "unconventionally" powerful woman not to be automatically hated by society even as a fictional character, pared with the holier-than-thou exaggerated importance Rowling gave Dumbledore's opinions (because he states himself they are just that, opinions and deductions - and as much as I love Dumbledore as a character precisely because of this perfectly masked villainy, I'm astonished by the way characters and readers alike merrily ignored his duplicity, toxicity and hypocrisy, blindly believing everything such a person was literally selling for the truth), and here you have the perfect storm.

So yes, the Nagini debate is in my opinion part of this widespread sad phenomenon, the "Voldemort cannot feel (but Tom could and only for the characters I want to!)" crusade paired with the "Bella would have never been the object of it anyway" reassuring propaganda.

People are not so much interested in how much Voldemort cared for Nagini nor the nature of their relationship, as in stating that he didn't care about Bella to the point of his equally unemotional, once human and now evil snake was more important to him than the one sentimental relationship of his existence (and only because said pet was a horcrux).

Putting Bella at Nagini's level or under it in this way strips her of her value, her power and the deep meaning of what she and Voldemort shared, easily making her less than a woman and quite akin to some sort of faithful adoring slave or fellow pet of whom even a magical snake is nonetheless superior (of course unless we are talking about people who believe Nagini to be the romantic interest here lol in that case we are just wildly venturing into ooc and non canon and I won’t even bother to try to make them see sense - as long as they are aware it’s an au, they can ship whatever brings them joy).

Not only I find all this absolutely squalid, but I’m even quite astonished people find it a valid argument against Bellamort even in the most general declination of the issue. Nagini is a pet.

(Nagini is obviously not a normal pet, nor I think Voldemort saw her as one would an average animal, but she is nevertheless very akin to one in his eyes, so I’m using the term as I would use it for my own cat, considering him his own valuable, intelligent person but nonetheless an extension of me).

With this I don’t want absolutely to imply animal companions cannot be adored more than human people, because I think it’s absolutely the case and especially when we talk about a person like Voldemort and his views towards humanity as a whole, but, honestly, to what absurd minds a pet and a love interest are mutually exclusive or even belonging in the same argument?

How can you dream of disproving someone’s feelings for a person bringing up an animal - and a horcrux? Even if Voldemort cared about Nagini, because he did and probably for more than one valid reason, what the hell does Bellatrix have to do with it? You don’t see the fandom comparing Ginny to Edwige or Ron to Crookshanks or Hermione to fucking rat Peter Pettigrew (to whom Ron bestowed oceans of affection while being an outward dick to Hermione by the way lol), stating that if the heroes doted on their pets than they didn’t give a fuck about humans.

If we follow this logic, I bet every pet in existence was more lavished with open affection than the actual people their humans cared about. Why? Because it’s socially acceptable and without consequence to show affection to pets, while if you show as little as a smile to another human being surely it is immediately perceived as damning.

Could the incarnation of evil send kisses to Bella over the fucking DE meeting table? Of course not (he actually threw her sexual innuendos over the said table, but I digress). Could he whisper sweet nothings to a gigantic snake everyone was terrorized of while ordering her to tear someone apart? Absolutely yes. It’s non-damning and absolutely socially appropriate, as much as caressing a cat while sitting on a tall armchair looking very villainous is socially cool lol

I am using silly examples to disprove silly theories and even in this case I think my point is quite blatant.

I understand people like to use the horcrux argument to link Voldemort’s care to his egoistical needs and being done with it, finally framing his grey areas in comforting bi-dimensional black.

It’s obvious Nagini was precious because she was an horcrux, in the sense it was imperative nothing happened to her, but if people are still convinced Voldemort sentimentally, genuinely cared about his own soul, more specifically its pieces, and that Nagini was on the other end of that affection, gosh if they are all in for a shock.

We are talking about pieces of a torn soul. We are talking about someone who did this to himself.

Voldemort horcruxes are precious because they are instrumental to his immortality, to prevent him the final indignity of death, not because he thinks his soul has intrinsic value.

As every narcissist he fucking loathes himself. He mutilated himself since tender age. He had always believed himself imperfect and marred, no matter how he tried to make up for it with exceptionality and power. Just as someone who feels psychologically dirty constantly tries to wash themselves, Voldemort shrouded himself in mythical heirlooms, titles and formidable magic to embellish the rotting corpse he had always felt he was.

To him, putting a piece of himself in something or someone else is not a honor to the receiver, I dare say much more a curse. This doesn’t mean he didn’t search for the best vessels to contain himself, always following the previously stated way of thinking. But certainly he would have never put a shred of himself in anything he truly cared about (hence why Bella couldn’t possibly be a horcrux, hence why Delphi was an accident, hence why he wanted to annihilate Harry - himself - with so much hatred).

The process of thought towards Nagini wasn’t “I found someone worthy of having a piece of me in them”, it was more “I found someone suitable to carry a piece of the burden of my immortality for me”. And Nagini, being the only living horcrux besides Harry (who wasn’t chosen and who wasn’t entirely a true horcrux), must have been perfect and therefore “special” for some logistical reason.

It would be interesting to know why. Was Nagini immortal for starters? Because I would imagine you would not make a temporary horcrux, even if we are talking about a lifespan of hundreds of years, right? Also, was Nagini aware of her former humanity? Was she such a potent magical creature she could somehow be constantly reborn (horoboros-like - also a nice dark parallelism to Dumbledore’s phoenix)? Was this why her venom had life-sustenance properties and could keep Voldemort alive and even in a temporary body (by the way “milking” a snake is a scientific term to indicate the act of collecting its venom, just saying for the zoophilists Nagimorts in the back). So many questions and so many options.

What makes his “affection” towards Nagini so interesting to me though, besides those obvious technical reasons, it’s the simple fact that Nagini was a talking part of himself that he actually seemed to get along with, and to the point of even developing for her some sort of fondness. I can totally see him punishing and disagreeing with Nagini and I quite enjoy seeing her acting as his voice of reason in fanfics, but the fact stands. He eventually grew to like her as he liked rare worthy people in different degrees - Snape, the Lestranges, Bella, etc.

We know very little about their relationship, so I can only say how I would have written their dynamic playing out, but in my mind Voldemort regarded Nagini as a very special and rather... accomplished creature.

I don’t view Nagini as a cursed desperate human being who is progressively more and more trapped in a snake’s body, eventually for good - the victim of a terrible and dehumanizing blood curse, as probably the movies implied. I view her as a powerful witch who has always felt more snake than woman since she was born and who embraced her own metamorphosis as some ascetic form of becoming, morphing into a magical snake both physically and, much more importantly, psychologically. She retains the superior intelligence of a witch, but there’s nothing human in her anymore, nor her mind nor her soul.

Does it ring a bell?

I think Voldemort would have adored such a creature as a companion (a pet yes, but in the sense I for example view my cat as my pet, almost a relative of a different kind, someone loyal, worthy, amusing, definitely not a human but perhaps even more valuable because of it). He would have even admired her change, seen it as an improvement, something he himself wanted to achieve, the self-sufficient perfection of the most intelligent of snakes. This dynamic totally makes sense, it leaves much space for depth and complexity and moreover it’s beyond in character for Voldemort.

It’s only my vaguely books-supported opinion, but I think Voldemort loved animals as much as he despised people. Animals, especially snakes, were his first and only “friends” as a child. He could possess their minds and make them do things. He admired their natural, guilt-free cruel instincts. While half-dead, he constantly inhabited animals and chose the wilderness as his hiding place. I view him as definitely one of those people who prefer the company of animals than of humans, but maybe it’s just me.

To conclude, because once again I accidentally wrote an essay, I totally believe Voldemort was “fond” of Nagini for her own spirit and nature, despite her major importance as a horcrux, and I recognize that scream at her death could have been as much for her as a person than for witnessing the last piece of his soul destroyed, but still I think that what Voldemort felt for Bella stands on a total different level and is completely different in nature and depth.

The reaction at Bella’s death tells it all, really. It’s incomparable to what he did when Nagini was killed. While Nagini was a loyal and I’m sure intimate non-human companion, she carried in her the object of Voldemort’s every fear, regret, hatred and I’m sure it definitely showed many times in their relationship - while Bella was, known to him or not, the symbol of his every hope, dream and even of his impossible salvation.

[whitehotharlots]

A movement that cannot be criticized cannot achieve positive goals

The hardest part of talking about malignant trends on the broad left is that, well, you’re not allowed to talk about them. It’s no exaggeration to say that criticism has become fully conflated with violence. If you attempt to engage critically with a left-liberal writer--regardless of how thorough and respectful you may be, and regardless of how powerful, public, or insulated the subject of the criticism--you will be accused of dismissing and erasing the writer, of inciting violence against the writer, and of committing some form of genocide against whichever identity groups the writer belongs to.

Conversely, if you don’t provide specifics, you’ll be accused of making stuff up. The same people who claim it’s an act of aggression to ask for proof when they make claims of victimization turn into immense pedants the moment they encounter a heterodox opinion. 

Unsurprisingly, a discourse milieu in which critical analysis is forbidden is a prime breeding ground for unsustainable (and even horrific) behavioral standards. Never mind improving the world that exists outside their sphere of influence... these people are perpetually on the brink of destroying their allies, their institutions, and themselves.

Today I dug into an especially profane case that highlights both of these points. It’s a matter of public record, so I hopefully won’t get accused of “doxing” anyone for discussing it. It’s also the sort of story where if someone cares about it, they’ll have an opinion of it within a second or two of reading a headline describing what happened. This means it’ll only be of interest to the sort of cranks who read this blog. My goal here isn’t to express outrage or advocate for one side or other--although it is outrageous, and you won’t have to try too hard to see which side I favor. Instead, I’m going to try to move beyond that, to use this instance as a broader cautionary tale in regards to the more horrific tendencies of the identitarian left, and to begin formulating some means of resistance. 

In other words, this might get boring. Even more so than usual. 

The story involves a court case, documented here, in which a young man named Kieran Bhattacharya is suing the University of Virginia Medical School. Mr. Bhattacharya (a white supremacist name if I’ve ever heard one) was subjected to formal censure, repeated psychological evaluations, suspension, and eventual expulsion. This all happened because he raised some concerns after a White Fragility-inspired panel on microaggressions.

This is one of those cases where both sides are going to assume there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface and, like I said, are going to be disinclined toward actually reading the available evidence. Thankfully, the court brief is fairly exhaustive and--importantly--the account provided in the brief has received the approval of both plaintiff and defendant. To stress, everyone involved in this case agrees, legally, that the account provided herein is an accurate picture of what happened. Additionally, we also have audio of the initial microaggression seminar (Mr. Bhattacharya’s comments start at around the 28:30 mark), as well as of the pursuant committee meeting that ended in his expulsion. 

Here is the initial exchange, as documented by the brief:

Bhattacharya: Hello. Thank you for your presentation. I had a few questions just to clarify your definition of microaggressions. Is it a requirement, to be a victim of microaggression, that you are a member of a marginalized group? 

Adams: Very good question. And no. And no— 

Bhattacharya: But in the definition, it just said you have to be a member of a marginalized group—in the definition you just provided in the last slide. So that’s contradictory. 

Adams: What I had there is kind of the generalized definition. In fact, I extend it beyond that. As you see, I extend it to any marginalized group, and sometimes it’s not a marginalized group. There are examples that you would think maybe not fit, such as body size, height, [or] weight. And if that is how you would like to see me expand it, yes, indeed, that’s how I do. 

Bhattacharya: Yeah, follow-up question. Exactly how do you define marginalized and who is a marginalized group? Where does that go? I mean, it seems extremely nonspecific.

 Adams: And—that’s intentional. That’s intentional to make it more nonspecific . . . . 

After the initial exchange, Bhattacharya challenged Adams’s definition of microaggression. He argued against the notion that “the person who is receiving the microaggressions somehow knows the intention of the person who made it,” and he expressed concern that “a microaggression is entirely dependent on how the person who’s receiving it is reacting.” Id. He continued his critique of Adams’s work, saying, “The evidence that you provided—and you said you’ve studied this for years—which is just one anecdotal case—I mean do you have, did you study anything else about microaggressions that you know in the last few years?” Id. After Adams responded to Bhattacharya’s third question, he asked an additional series of questions: “So, again, what is the basis for which you’re going to tell someone that they’ve committed a microaggression? . . . Where are you getting this basis from? How are you studying this, and collecting evidence on this, and making presentations on it?”

You can listen to the audio if you like. There’s nothing there, in my opinion, that is not captured accurately in the written description. Bhattacharya does not yell or raise his voice. He sounds skeptical, but in no way violent or threatening. Nor does Adams, the presenter, signal that she is experiencing anything that approaches fear or trauma. 

Immediately after the event, a professor who helped organize the discussion filed a “Professionalism Concern Card”--a cute academic euphemism for a disciplinary write up--against Bhattacharya, alleging he had displayed a troubling lack of respect for differences (the irony here probably does not need to be explicated).

Soon after that--literally still the same day of the panel--Bhattacharya received an email from faculty asking him to “share his thoughts” so as to help him “understand and be able to cope with unintended consequences of conversations.” The tone of the email is polite and professional, but the text hints toward an attempt at entrapment. You’ll see this a lot in woke spaces--invitations to come to an understanding with one another that are, in actuality, attempts to get a person to say something cancellable.

Bhattacharya took the bait, and, well… 

During Bhattacharya and Peterson’s one-hour meeting, Peterson “barely mentioned” Bhattacharya’s questions and comments at the panel discussion. Dkt. 33 ¶ 73. Instead, Peterson attempted to determine Bhattacharya’s “views on various social and political issues—including sexual assault, affirmative action, and the election of President Trump.” 

At this point, the kid was fucked. He soon after had an uneventful-seeming meeting with a dean. Two weeks after that, a separate panel found him guilty of “patterns of unprofessional behavior and egregious violations of professionalism” and strongly encouraged him to seek psychological counseling. 

Pre-Trump, Bhattacharya still probably would have been fine if he had just kept his head down, gone to a couple therapy sessions, and maybe issued an empty apology. Since 2016, however, the rules have changed. An accusation is now absolute proof of guilt and no amount of ablution can save someone in a vulnerable position. 

Eleven days after receiving the ostensible suggestion that he receive counseling, Bhattacharya was informed that he would not be permitted to return to classes until he had been evaluated. A day after that--before even having the opportunity to seek the mandated counseling--he was given a mere 3 hours notice before having to attend another disciplinary committee meeting. 

This meeting found that Bhattacharya’s continuing behaviors were proof that he posed an imminent danger to the campus community, although the committee did not bother to explain what those behaviors entailed. His behavior was simply noted as “unusual” and this was proof that “Any patient that walked into the room with [Bhattacharya] would be scared.” The following day, Bhattacharya was forcibly removed from campus and told he could not return until he had been screened. He was, subsequently, not allowed to receive sanctioned screening, because of his status of having been removed from campus after being deemed a security risk.

Again, none of what I have described is an exaggeration. None of these details are even being contested. 

Now for my own conjecture: the problem isn’t that anyone genuinely believes Bhattacharya poses a threat to anyone’s safety. The problem is that he attempted to question the ideological firmaments of contemporary anti-racist training. These firmaments are protected with aggressive viciousness precisely because they cannot withstand scrutiny. Had Bhattacharya merely scoffed at them, or even if he had been outright condescending and dismissive, he probably would not have received such a severe punishment. The problem was that he was right, and his accusers knew it.

Understanding speech in the manner prescribed by the peddlers of microaggression theory cannot possibly be codified in a way that won't result in arbitrary punishment. Bhattacharya’s experience demonstrates that with horrific irony. 

The assertion here is that the intention of a speech act should have no bearing on how we adjudicate the morality of that speech act--such a point was made repeatedly in the initial discussion, and stressed once again after Bhattacharya’s concerns have been raised. This standard contradicts how we've processed the morality of speech for centuries, but that's what people are very explicitly demanding.

How is this workable, when literally any statement could, conceivably, be considered offensive by at least one individual? This, I feel, was the point Bhattacharya reaching toward. If you were to say, I dunno, "I love trees" to a group of 1000 people, 999 of them could regard that statement as benign. But what if one person takes offense to it? What if they work in the lumber industry, or they were molested by guy in a Smokey the Bear costume? What if that person then files a report accusing the tree lover of offensive speech? Will the speaker be disciplined? Or will the powers that be take intention and effect into account?

Of course, we're not going to criminalize all speech in this way. Like all extreme and broad-reaching disciplinary standards, this one will only be selectively evoked in order to punish people with heterodox opinions and/or those whose presence threatens the status quo. Someone who says something much more incendiary, like "all men are rapists" or "white people shouldn't get social security" would not receive a reprimand regardless of how much offense their statements caused, because they're saying something that's acceptable in our current milieu. And right now, the least acceptable speech is that which shines a light on the manifest flaws and hypocrisies of corporate anti racism. 

Back to my hypothetical example, if the tree-loving speaker was on good terms with everyone, the complaint would most likely be ignored. But if he had said or done other things that for whatever reason displeased the people in charge, the specious accusation could still ruin him. What's worse, the person who filed the allegation of offense might not have even actually taken offense at the statement--they were just looking for a way to get rid of him.

Bhattacharya was attempting to voice legitimate criticisms about a political movement whose suggestions are functionally unworkable and that, even if it were implemented fully and uncritically, does not contain even a hypothetical explanation in regards to how its goals would result in improved racial equality/equity. Because of that, he was cynically labeled dangerous and expelled from a public university. 

You'd think a group that obsesses over power differentials and their own marginalization would have some grasp of this. Regardless of which side you fall into with this particular culture war, it should fucking terrify you that a movement that’s been tasked with addressing pressing social problems is designed in such a way that any substantial criticism is met with aggressive punishment. 

There’s no way you can win if this is you is how conduct yourself. This is why we’re losing. This is why even if you get all the censorship and deplatforming you can ever dream of, even if every major bank and multinational corporatation professes fealty to your movement, you will still lose. Because there’s no way you can win. 

[shreddedleopard]

Twelve-million more reasons Historia and Levi are part of the Endgame. With Pictures.

You can read the first post I made on this here:

10 reasons it would make narrative sense for Levi and Historia’s character arcs to end together.

(This is the mega-evolved version.)

Okay, I’m going to put this out there now, and before you judge me, please just read the posts. You don’t have to agree. This is just an idea. But it makes a stupid amount of sense, at least to me. So here's your fair warning (and now I'm being bold): If you don’t want to potentially be spoiled, Do Not Read On.

Here’s the Theory:

Historia Reiss will give birth to a half-Ackerman child, and together with Levi, from the ashes and ruins of the world Eren destroyed, they will welcome the dawn of a new age for humanity, where Ymir’s curse and the power of the Titans is extinct.

I know. I sound like some crazy, Rivahisu nut. Granted, I am, but I’m not mad enough to make a claim like this without a shit-ton of evidence, because it’s such a damn twist it feels like it can’t be true. But just humour me.

Here’s the theory, then we’ll look at why it makes sense and how it might have been foreshadowed. Please note: I have less clue how this will tie in to Eremika endgame, so I haven’t mentioned this as much, but obviously that will be the other very important side of this coin.

10 months ago (In Japan, full term pregnancy is counted as 10 months), at the banquet celebrating completion of the new railroad, Levi and Historia, having had 3 and a bit years to bond over their shared experiences and become close, may have gotten carried away together and shared one night of being a bit more than friends. She’s well into her 18th year at this point, just to clear that up. This resulted in Historia getting pregnant. Okay just stay with me; I know. I know. I sound crazy. But hear me out. So this pregnancy, contrary to the belief of the MPs and rest of the damn world, was the complete opposite of planned. Historia tells Levi, and Levi immediately panics. Because, to steal Kenny’s famous line, Levi thinks to himself ‘I can’t be some kid’s dad.’

 Levi does what he always does best, and shuts down into business mode, telling Historia she will need to cover it up somehow. Historia does as he asks, probably reluctantly, because she really has developed very deep feelings for him during the timeskip, and finds some farm hand to take the blame, likely saying she made a silly mistake with some random and the father doesn’t want anything to do with the child, and so she needs a father for the child not to be illegitimate. Which is her worst nightmare, because of course, that’s what she was. Levi watches the exchange hidden in that famous hood, feeling very conflicted, because although he cares about her, he thinks it best if no one knows that it was him that got the Queen pregnant, and of course, he’s duty bound, with a vow to fulfil, so he has no time to be worrying about a family. (Silly Levi!) 

How ironic this conversation would be if this theory were true. Remember, Historia was completely willing to eat Zeke if needed. Instead, she got pregnant, unplanned, nothing to do with any plot or selfish wishes, just the result of a spontaneous act of love by two people who’ve grown to care for one another a lot. ANYWAY.

Because we know Levi actually has a good heart, he feels immensely guilty for all of this; he's just a product of his upbringing and thinks he doesn’t know the first thing about families, so it's better for all involved if he not be. See where this is going? The old cursed history repeating? Making the same mistakes as our parents? Plus, Levi is bound by his duty. He is incredibly important to the military still, and he cannot just abandon this for any of his own selfish wishes. He’s supposed to be the one to vanquish the beast titan. 

Cue ten months of Historia looking hella depressed and hopeless, and Levi being even more of an asshole than usual to everyone, and not really wanting to say too much at all, as well as making some terrible workplace decisions (lol) poor boy be distracted.

Look at his face 😭

Yes Levi. A month. Which means Historia is now due and you’re still stuck with beardy, without a solution and pretty soon no reason for the MPs not to turn the mother of your child into a Titan.

That’s what that face is. I thought he looked a bit weird first time I read these panels 🤔 He didn’t know about the wine. We see that later. Anyway, I keep getting distracted, stop. I’ll come back to this.

But fear not; Levi will have a choice to make. 

So this is where it gets a bit more iffy for me, because I'm not sure how it would work, so this could be a way off, BUT. I believe it will come to light that the combination of Royal and Ackerman genes will somehow cancel out a person’s ability to turn into a titan and connection through paths, thus making them truly ‘free.’

The founding titan has the ability to change Eldian physiology, according to what Zeke learned from professor Xavier. 

EDIT: Okay so here’s where I’ve had to tweak this a bit in light of there latest chapter. So we just had Zeke in PATHS. With none other than our second resident genius, and as proclaimed by Eren, the saviour of humanity: Armin. What do our boys have a conversation about? Reproduction and the importance of the small moments in life - it’s these little moments which matter, regardless of the desire or need to recreate. Interesting how both the leaf and baseball link back to what their ideas of ‘family’ became. If Historia and Levi were to be in the same scenario in PATHS, what would their items be? What truly means family to them both? 

Perhaps Armin and Zeke realise what is needed to lift the curse of the titans - maybe a blueprint for genes which can cancel out the connection to PATHS and the founder? If only they had a child with a new type of Royal-Ackerman DNA which might fit the bill ... 

Here’s Levi’s moment. He, with Historia, has created such a child - completely by accident, because of one of those ‘moments’ that both Armin and Zeke mention - moments that are simply just about enjoying what you have with no sense of how it might relate to anything bigger - a real rarity for both of them, considering their roles and constantly being asked to think about the good of humanity as a whole. What a beautiful irony, that in the moment they chose to be selfish and, to use freckled Ymir’s own words, really live for themselves, they set a chain reaction in motion that would ultimately save humanity. 

Where does this leave Eren and Mikasa? Good question. I believe Eren will die once the curse is removed, because tragically he is the character that has been forced to choose humanity over his own personal relationships. As Isayama has said before, Eren is a victim of the story. Mikasa will be the last thing he sees, hence the original dream at the start of the manga, where he wakes up crying. Something like this. But probably a lot better. Yeah.

Out of the ashes of the old world, a new one will be built, but through Historia’s kindness and love, and Levi’s guilt and understanding of what was sacrificed in the past, society will not repeat the same mistakes. The final panel could be Jean holding his child, perhaps with Mikasa, if she ever manages to get over losing Eren. That would be vague enough so that Isayama was able to show it to us already without spoiling much. Or maybe Jean’s dead and it’s not him at all. I don’t know. 😭

Right. Okay. So now you’re going, sweet story, but uh, there’s no way Levi could be the father. He’s so much older. Isayama wouldn't write a moment of romance like that. Not with him and Historia. YOU’RE JUST CRAZY.

Well this is where it get’s interesting. LET ME SHOW YOU. It’s foreshadowed literally everywhere. Right under our noses.

There is so much symbolism.

Dedicate your heart to what? has been Levi’s question recently. What are they all fighting for? What is he fighting for? How will he give meaning to his dead comrades sacrifices? Is killing Zeke really the extent of it? Is vengeance the true meaning of their sacrifices? Or is it something a lot more hopeful?

The answer is shown to us in the opening credits. And the ending credits. Several times. 

Levi says so himself - he keeps messing fulfilling the vow up - why? Why is he so worried about killing Zeke? 

Eren has the same questions to consider. Which PATH is the right one to take - revenge and violence with the rumbling, or love ... with Mikasa. We are literally shown what their choices will be in two virtually identically designed panels, which I’ll show you. Tragically, Eren’s choice is taken from him. He is a victim to the story - he must chose the path that saves humanity. Levi and Eren have been bound together through the theme of choices, and taking the ones which leave you with the least regrets, throughout this entire manga.

The upcoming anime episodes literally plot out the timeline of Levi and Historia’s changing attitude to one another, and then Historia’s pregnancy, it’s just so cleverly subtle. Isayama even tells us when/ during what event her child was probably conceived by just dropping dates in from other, seemingly unrelated plot lines.

Zeke gives pointed comments to Levi constantly - every other line of his is either a different jab at Levi about Historia’s pregnancy, a veiled question, or a reminder that he’s under the pressure of a 10 month time limit to do something about him, or Historia will have to eat him once she’s given birth. We start to see Levi unravel because of this, and make mistakes over and over.

It’s in official art. It’s in the soundtrack. Its in music videos. There’s interviews from Isayama that, when read in light of these ideas, suddenly take on a whole new meaning.

Isayama even trolls us. He’s laughing in our faces, the madman. Like, gotchu 🤣 suckers. While we’re all on Reddit and Twitter like, ‘Levi’s character has become so stagnated! He’s making such poor choices or not giving anything to the plot at all. All that’s left for him now is to give up and die! Be at peace, your story is over.’ OOF. Or, ‘Historia has just been forgotten! She’s become such a pointless character. Isayama just got bored with her and sidelined her.’

I’m going to try and write stuff up in the rough categories below, but these might change. I’ll link them when I’m done, and then pin this post. I’m a bit of a rambler so heads up - this may take a while 😅

There’s also a ton of people I have to mention who have contributed to this - I didn’t spot it by myself. I’ll tag them in the finished post too.

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 1

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 2

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 3

Ackerman-Royal Bloodline and Levi’s Choice Pt. 1

Levi’s Choice Pt. 2

Suns, Moons and Songs

Akatsuki No Requiem - Right theory, Wrong guy

The Farmer and The Cattle Farming Goddess, or WHAT’S IN A NAME.

Mistakes of our parents and breaking the cycle

Memories from the future & Levi’s Guilt

Watch this space. And hold on to your pants. If I’m right, I’m getting very drunk.

[oumakokichi]

Hello This is kinda weird put I remember reading a good write-up on Miu that like Toko and Mikan she has low self esteem and never really had any friends so she literally doesn't know how to interact with people Plus she's in a situation were she can get killed in any SECOND so add these factors and I think that somewhat explains her lack of empathy and her just constantly being on edge She's in a situation were anyone she gets close to can end her life What do you think about this? Thanks

Hi anon, I don’t think it’s weird at all! Miu is actually one of my favorite ndrv3 characters; I love her to pieces and I agree with this analysis a lot! I believe she gets a lot of flack for being a female character who’s crass and rude and not very empathetic, despite people often idolizing or making excuses for male characters with many of the same traits.

To this day I still somehow see misinformation spread about Miu and used to call her things she isn’t, including blatantly untrue claims like “she forced herself on Kiibo” (which, I cannot make it more explicitly clear how much she does not do this). I’m not saying anyone has to love Miu or consider her their favorite character, I just think she gets an unfair deal sometimes.

It’s been a long time since I got to write a more in-depth analysis of her, so I’ll share more of my thoughts under the cut! Watch out for spoilers as always.

Miu having low self-esteem isn’t just a headcanon or a fan theory; it’s pretty much canon. Despite constantly acting arrogant, loud, and abrasive, Miu is absolutely desperate for validation and attention from others. For as haughty as she likes to act, she backs down almost immediately whenever someone so much as snaps or glares at her, clearly afraid that she’s somehow said the wrong thing or made someone mad at her.

In my opinion, she’s completely unaware of how she comes across to others. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and has no filter whatsoever, and this combined with her desire to be respected and praised for her talents means she’s very difficult to get along with.

I’m not making excuses for her actions; I still think some of the things she says about other members of the group are pretty terrible, and I do, to some extent, simply think she’s not really the type to empathize with others. But I do think part of it is that she’s just completely unaware of how she sounds or comes across to others. She has no understanding of social cues, or what it means to “tone it down” in order to better fit in with other people.

Obviously, it’s not like the other characters are at fault for getting fed up with Miu sometimes or not wanting to spend time with her. Like I said, she’s incredibly loud and abrasive and nearly impossible to please, especially as she’s quick to make fun of others or get mad if she thinks they’re wasting her time. But it’s somewhat… sad, in a way, to see how desperately she does want someone to spend time with her and acknowledge all her positive traits, like being an “amazing gorgeous girl-genius.” She really does strike me as someone who has probably been alone most of her life, and her inability to understand social cues or realize how she sounds to other people means that she never learns from her mistakes or gets any better.

This is part of the reason I actually really love her interactions with both Kiibo and Kaede.

I find it touching that she and Kiibo have such a consistently good dynamic even in the middle of the killing game. In the same way that Kiibo is one of the only characters openly sad after Miu’s death in chapter 4, Miu is perhaps the only character who doesn’t really look down on Kiibo for being a robot; instead, she thinks he’s the coolest person she’s ever met precisely because he’s a robot. And I think there’s a lot to be said too about how both of them are characters that really struggle with understanding social cues or fitting in with a group.

Meanwhile, Miu’s FTEs with Kaede are perhaps the closest we ever really see her get to making a friend or getting included with the rest of the group. I absolutely love how much Kaede refuses to back down whenever Miu is saying something horrible or mean or gross, and how she always puts her foot down whenever she crosses a line. When Miu tries to “compare chest sizes,” Kaede just flat-out punches her for it, leaving Miu baffled and confused, but also with a better understanding of personal boundaries.

Kaede always feels like she’s trying her hardest not so much to put up with Miu, but to understand why she acts the way she does, and puts a lot of thought into what she could do or say that would make Miu want to become more of a team player or open up to people more. The rare moments where Kaede praises Miu and Miu becomes genuinely flustered and taken aback are further proof of how much Miu really wants validation and has no idea how to go about asking for it without coming across like a total weirdo, so I have a big soft spot both for those first few FTEs with Miu, as well as some of their interactions together in the Talent Development Plan.

It’s also interesting that you should mention Miu’s fear of being killed at any point in the killing game as a big reason for why she acts the way she does. I bring up the fact that Ouma has very clear signs of paranoia and a fundamental inability to trust others a lot in my meta—and Miu is no different. In fact, the biggest reason chapter 4 plays out the way it does is because both of them are incredibly paranoid and mistrustful, terrified of getting killed, and this causes what could have been (and was, for a time) a very powerful alliance between them to completely fall apart into pieces.

If I had to draw parallels between Miu and another character, it wouldn’t be any of the other “pervert” characters in DR, or even any of the other inventors/programmers. It would be with Maizono.

Chapter 4 of ndrv3 is, in my opinion, actually incredibly similar to dr1 chapter 1: both Miu and Maizono ultimately make the decision to try and kill someone out of sheer desperation to confirm the state of the outside world with their own two eyes, and both of them ultimately have their own plan turned against them and are killed in the end. Where Maizono’s strongest driving force for wanting to get out no matter the cost is sparked by the sight of her own motive video, Miu’s is sparked by the fear that the outside world may be a total wasteland, and the knowledge that she could actually do a considerable amount of good with her talent.

It’s absolutely correct to say that Miu didn’t trust anyone else. She and Ouma both collaborated together for a time—we don’t know how long exactly, but it’s clear that they were at least working together for a while given the sheer number of inventions that Ouma commissioned from her and provided designs for. The fact remains that the two of them were this close to putting together a plan to take down the exisals so they could escape with everyone else… but again, sadly, both of them were far too paranoid for this plan to ever actually work.

Miu’s biggest problem with the plan as Ouma proposes it is that she simply doesn’t trust anyone else. All the clever inventions and plans in the world won’t pull through if even one person decides to double-cross them or simply put self-interest first. And it’s worth noting that she’s kind of right here, considering Tsumugi was very much still part of the group at this point in time and absolutely would’ve sabotaged their plan using any means possible. So in an interesting turn of events, Miu decides to put her self-interests first and commit a murder in order to escape, because she suspects everyone else of wanting to do exactly the same thing.

Overall, Miu is a deeply flawed individual. She’s loud and rude, demanding and hostile, incapable of recognizing her own mistakes, and deeply paranoid and mistrustful of others. But all of these things are very much the reason I love her. Again, she’s not for everyone. No one has to like her.

But I find it interesting that other male characters who have the same or arguably worse flaws (flaws usually stemming from misogyny, including Souda stalking and harassing Sonia for the entirety of sdr2 with no change in his behavior, or Teruteru who straight up threatens sexual assault both in sdr2 and dr3) often have tons of people willing to defend them and somehow justify their actions, while Miu gets painted as irredeemably bad or has her moments with Kiibo completely skewed out of context.

In any case, these are my thoughts on Miu’s character. I hope I was able to make myself clear! I don’t think that she’s a “poor misunderstood baby” or anything like that by any means, but I do think she’s incredibly interesting and complex, both because of her flaws and because of how undeniably useful her talent was to the group. For someone who was so adamantly against being a team player, it’s amazing how much Miu’s inventions are vital to saving everyone’s lives in most of the game’s trials. Thank you for the fun question, anon!

[helpimstuckhere]

PART II

+chapter 22 analysis

(and don’t worry you don’t need to read anything else to understand part II:D)

good humans, greetings:) since latest chapter was translated, as promised here’s the part II of my previous post. i listened to Just a Ride by Rishloo on the loop while writing this and i completely recommend it! please feel free to comment and give me feedback, it always broadens my horizons to interact with you people :D first, let’s talk about the latest chapter, which i’m glad i waited for. such a short chapter wears quite the weight.

if i were to dissect chapter 22, there would be three main parts

1-hibino and yamato

hibino not letting yamato kiss him made me quite happy for the guy, since self respect somehow doesn’t seem to exist in many of the other works in the same genre. and also, him calling yamato uncool wasn’t really uncalled for considering the situation. i actually didn’t think much of it until the same thought was repeated two more times, then it became a full-on attack lmao. (i think jackverglas also pointed this out!) mostly to show yuiji finding that uncoolness likable and not disappointing like hibino seems to believe it is. the panel below might be the most obvious example of that, the way yamato says hibino isn’t happy with yamato’s true self and answering “it’s fine” when nacchan asks if that’s actually okay with him seemed truly heartbreaking to me. someone that could make you happy, nacchan said. that’s someone who likes you as you are and in this situation, hibino sadly doesn’t fit the criteria.

but rather than that the main purpose behind the first couple of pages were to create conflict. yamato, who’s in love with the idea of love in general is now desperate to the point he falls into the pit of so called modern day romance. he’s quickly trying to separate his romantic feelings from yuiji, forcefully trying to switch them onto somebody else, anybody else but yuiji to be exact. yamato’s side of the story is thus concluded and the responsibility for their relationship seems to fall on yuiji for now. while yuiji figures himself out, his ticking time with yamato should also be one of the reasons that makes him move. after all conflict itself is created to make progress. where there are problems, there are also changes.

2- nacchan and yamato

here’s nacchan being an absolute angel:

this time nacchan’s feelings for yamato seemed to lose their control over her. she was able to properly support him as a friend and didn’t seem disheartened by the news. maybe her romantic feelings toward him are slowly withering but of course that’s far from certain considering her personality. nacchan is nice to the point of naivety at times. right now, she knows the whole situation the best. from yamato’s feelings towards yuiji to why he decided to work things out with hibino, she sees clear as day that yamato’s going through a lot. nacchan seems to support yamato’s idea, probably thinking he doesn’t really have a chance with yuiji. so that could also be why nacchan’s romantic feelings doesn’t seem so obvious, since she’s concerned with yamato’s issues before all. she’s the type to put others before herself after all, but still isn’t yuiji supposed to be the same when it comes to yamato?

then, for an example here’s how different yuiji and nacchan’s reactions are to the ‘good news’ yamato had to offer. if nacchan is the one who’s in love with yamato why do their reactions seem to be so drastically different in the opposite way around?

these pictures kinda speak for themselves so i’m shutting my trap and leaving it up to your interpretations lmao

3- mayu and yuiji

the last part’s purpose was to close the door to yuiji’s past relationship with mayu and to open a new one heading to his future. their relationship is officially concluded for sure this time, as them being friends (which deserves an enthusiastic yes. yes to a healthy relationship!)

in the panel above, mayu talks about something yuiji has been worrying about for a while. she adresses an issue that maybe happened a while ago, and maybe it wasn’t talked about after their arc. but it’s an issue that exists regardless. in yuiji’s mind, they didn’t have a clean break-up at all, did they? when they were breaking up, the sentence that hit me the most was “i’m slowly hating the idea of love itself”. a way of thinking that’s simply enough to make one avoid romance in general, especially for a person like yuiji. this concern of his was never addressed after his arc with mayu (until now) but that doesn’t mean it ceased to exist. it simply wasn’t too obvious since yuiji’s focus was mostly on yamato’s hassles and to be fair, it’s been a while since we last witnessed his thoughts at all. this is why i loved how with mayu’s reappearance, those old books were reopened. a tiny detail maybe, but it made the whole story come together while also giving it a new life. her advice is also quite meaningful within itself. the best way to solve a problem is to directly go to the cause of it, but in this case, the cause, mayu came to him. not to make everything harder but to actually help him solve his inner issues that he had after their relationship. in that regard, her words hold the most power. and what she chose to say was that every person is different and thus every relationship also differentiate from one another. one bad experience doesn’t mean shit if in the end, he manages to find the person who’s right for him. but who is this ‘right person’ guy and do we know him?

so um, well we’ve been played in this part... i’m sure there are some posts as to what has been said here, i avoided those to come up with an opinion of my own. but still, there’s no clear-cut idea that comes to mind.

there are 3 criteria she stated

1-like someone who you can really like

2-you think things through to the point you over analyze so loving you is a bit hard (find someone who can love that side of you)

3-since you think things through, ......... i hope you can find someone like this

it’s most probable that she didn’t randomly mention something that didn’t have anything to do with her previous statements and thus those sentences play an important role. to explain where i’m coming from i’ll first focus on the first two conditions. the thing is, both of them are pretty straightforward about pointing to yamato. “like someone who you can really like” gives me flashbacks to the 8495 “i like you” lines we’ve got in the first 22 chapters. yuiji quite clearly enjoys yamato’s presence, his existence eases his mind and the way he’s open about his feelings makes yamato unproblematic for yuiji even though he’s basically ‘problems’ with legs and an ability to speak. “you tend to over analyze so loving you can be a bit hard” not much to say about this when that over analyzing part of yuiji is what yamato needed the most. to be fair, considering yamato likes calm and quiet types, there doesn’t seem to be one thing that he actually dislikes about yuiji’s personality. can’t say the same about his face though lmao. not the small and cute type at all...

for plot purposes the third condition is probably also related to yamato, and it should be more straightforward to the point it had to be concealed for now. it either a. makes yuiji understand his feelings for yamato or b. makes yuiji want to do something about his feelings that he’s already aware of and both of them results in yuiji finally starting to move. after all, while the first part of chapter 22 was to create conflict, the last part is to make progress using that conflict.

as for what she actually said, a lot of theories could be formed but i feel like whatever i say would be quite baseless no matter how hard i try. still, i’m pretty sure that’s what people expect to see the most so let me try my best for you guys. i cannot physically come up with more than two theories though... be aware that i’m diving into this blind and with no previous planning whatsoever so expect some bullshit lol

1

so for this one to actually work we need to make a lot of assumptions. the biggest one being, “yuiji isn’t sure about his feelings yet but he noticed the slight changes in yamato.” then we could make it work just barely. what mayu basically said was “since you think things through you should like someone who you really like” and “i really think you think things through. that’s why ..... i hope you can meet someone like that.” he should find someone who he really likes because he thinks things through, so shouldn’t he also find someone who really likes him for the same reason. something along the lines of “since you’re this way, you need someone who really likes you as well. i hope you can find someone like that.”

as to how i reached this conclusion, as i said the sentence should be an obvious hint at yamato in my opinion. if we make the assumption of yuiji being aware of yamato’s feelings, their conversation as a whole leads them to yamato. the guy who yuiji really likes, the guy that accepts him and really likes him as well. also hearing this from mayu plays quite an important role. it’s something big enough to make yuiji, who already has feelings for the guy, think a relationship with yamato is possible. knowing the way yuiji is, i’d say someone liking him is enough for him to consider that person as a love interest. he isn’t a hopeless romantic like yamato after all. that person being a male complicates things for sure, but with yamato’s existance around him the idea of two guys being in love probably doesn’t seem so unordinary to him anymore. that would also explain why that line was censored by the school bell. since it would directly hint at yamato’s feelings being known to yuiji. which is an info that should be confidential at this point????? i’m definitely spouting nonsense am i not lmao. i could probably point out around 7 things that doesn’t really make sense but i’ll just ignore my inner turmoil and focus on the positive for once in my life

so i do think yuiji knowing about yamato’s feelings is quite possible. i can’t really imagine him ever making a move without being sure of the other sides feelings towards him as of yet, or even noticing his own feelings to be exact. also with the way things are, yamato doesn’t seem to be the one who makes the final move. this is why i thought this theory (barely) made sense. with mayu as well, yuiji’s main focus was the feelings being mutual. “she liked me and i liked her so we just casually started going out.” the pronoun changing of course makes things more complicated but in the end of the day it doesn’t mean shit. what stops it from being “he liked me and i liked him so we just casually started going out.”?

2

and this theory completely depends on the translation lol. after mayu said [redacted] she also added “i’m not in a position to say this. given how you thought our relationship became a hassle”. when i first saw that blank space this was the first thing that came to my mind: “someone who you really like as a friend before a lover, i hope you find someone like that.” as i stated before, this is also something that directly points at yamato, as the close friend figure who yuiji feels really comfortable around. but a friend figure who could also develop feelings for him. and also, it would explain why mayu thought it wasn’t her place to say what she said. because even though they were friends first, their relationship still didn’t work out. but it wasn’t only yuiji’s fault, she continues, it was her fault too. that could be to reassure yuiji, after all they were friends too, maybe just not as close as they thought they were.

this is kind of a reach as well. she’s probably saying “it isn’t my place to say” purely because they’re ex-lovers but hey i’m absolutely stuck and i had two clues in mind lmao. and that was me considering the bell to not go on for too long (this isn’t a sports anime where they fly in air while scoring and somehow have a monologue for a whole episode lol) so my logic said she could only squeeze in a single sentence that was an absolute headshot. if i somehow manage to regain my dead braincells, i’ll be sure to come up with something else that actually makes sense:D

YUIJI

“i wish i were a guy. then yamato could fall for me.” after a pause, with such a sad expression too, yuiji refuses. most times, things that aren’t said mean much more than the ones that are. what kind of sentence fills that silence, i keep asking myself. is it him, thinking it’s inconsiderate to talk in such a way after all yamato went through? did the possibility of yamato actually having feelings for him strike after nacchan pointed it out?

or is it because he himself is now questioning what he’s feeling for a guy friend, that he refuses after a pause?

for a while there’s been one thing i was sure of and one that i wasn’t so certain about. i’m almost sure yuiji likes yamato and i wasn’t certain if he knew this himself. as i mentioned before, i was suspicious of him already noticing his feelings when in chapter 21, his general reaction to the whole confession was just out of the ordinary and the behavior he’s shown afterwards is way touchier than the usual though i still think i’m over analyzing that part lol. the fact that he’s got a whole conversation in this chapter to make him start moving, yamato deciding to give hibino a chance for sure and us not seeing yuiji’s thoughts at all for a while now only seem to support the fact that he knows. and also, unless mikeda causes a major shitshow that suddenly enlightens yamato to go and confess, that responsibility also seems to fall on yuiji’s shoulders as of now. that guy doesn’t seem like the type to confess two minutes after he figures out his feelings though. at this point i think he knows that his feelings seem to be different from before but he just isn’t sure about what he should do about it.

being interested in both genders, especially in a more conservative country usually leads up to a heterosexual lifestyle. many, including me, chooses the easier way out. when you can lead a so called ‘normal’ life where you’re accepted by the ones that are around you, choosing otherwise is just a hassle. but then again the heart wants what it wants. acceptance doesn’t guarantee happiness but a relationship with love doesn’t guarantee it either, at that point you measure your circumstances and decide for yourself. and that’s what i think is going through yuiji’s mind right now. yuiji seems to be interested in what makes a person rather than their gender. he wasn’t really able to differentiate between the two genders from way before, treating both women and men the same, which mayu didn’t like. he’s someone who questions if a straight guy could accept dating another guy (which means that isn’t exactly a straight guy lmao). just the prejudice causing him to accept that as a possibility while still wanting to remain ‘straight’.

i think yuiji knows a lot more than we think he does. that’s what i’ll stick with.

and as for the less serious part of this post

let me over analyze to my heart’s content lmao

here’s yuiji’s reactions to yamato being yamato over the chapters. in the first occurrence he’s simply surprised, at this point he isn’t blushing and only is taken aback a bit. while in the second stiuation he’s blushing a little but he’s still uncomfortable and leans back trying to get away. as for the last one, rather than being taken aback and changing his postion, he instinctively touches his cheek while blushing. more than uncomfortable he seems surprised even though yamato’s action is way more daring than before.

here’s yuiji single-handedly defeating inner homophobia, not having very straight thoughts, going thorough quite the excessive feelings that make him want to take revenge in yamato’s place and deciding to go watch gay porn the day he notices the existence of a gay guy for reasons unknown... what a guy lol

and so that concludes it, this post had too broad of a topic and to not make it too long a lot of things were cut (it clearly didn’t work) next time i’ll be more specific with my themes lmao

thank you so much for reading this far, take good care of yourselves and as always feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions! love you all :)!

[peaceoutofthepieces]

you were my crown

I managed to actually do that little scene for the royalty au :) I don’t know anything about how any of this stuff works so I literally just made everything up please don’t think I in any way tried to be accurate I’m talking out of my ass here.

I don’t know if anything will ever actually come of this, but this is an idea of what it would look like :)

~^~

Jens hates sitting in for Court. It’s less about the ‘criminals’ and more about the royals, the endless lines of knights and Lords and servants, eager to witness another fool. Jens doesn’t care much for fools, but he cares even less to laugh at them. He cares least for his formal attire, the sharp slacks and too-tight tunic, laced up by maids unable to even look him in the eye. They don’t even seem necessary. He’s overheating in his jacket, delicately buttoned up to the throat, the collar digging into his skin. He’d tried leaving the top hanging open, and it had hardly taken a second for his mother to give him a sharp glance, nodding to a maid that had hastily run to button it back up. Now he sits and suffocates and waits for whatever poor soul is being charged to make their way to the throne.

Jens straightens subtly in his chair, placed to the right side of his mother’s throne, and meets the boy’s eyes for half a second. Until his mother opens her mouth and orders a sharp, “Kneel.”

Before the boy can comply, one of the guards that had escorted him sets a heavy hand on his shoulder and forces him down, falling onto the stone floor in a manner that leaves Jens’s own knees aching in sympathy. The boy simply catches his breath and holds his chin high, looking straight at them and through, his jaw clenched. Jens drums his fingers on his knee in interest.

The same guard gives his head a forceful shove. “Speak your name to the Court.”

The boy takes a breath as some of his masqueraded confidence seems to slip. “Lucas. Lucas Van der Heijden.”

Jens licks his lips, cataloguing the sound of his voice, the way his mouth parts for an instant before the actual sound escapes. The name rumbles deeply around the room and seeps into the walls, encased in the brick in case it’s soon to be lost. Jens’s job is to watch, to note, and to only give judgement if asked. It often doesn’t take him long to form conclusions.

His conclusion of Lucas Van der Heijden is that he seems, at once, nothing and everything like a criminal.

He’s young, and clean cut, though his clothes are a tad too tight and an inch too short on his ankles, fraying at the hems. There’s a smudge of dirt on his cheek, a familiar sandy mixture that Jens has seen on all hostages of the castle cells. There’s an innocence to his youth and a diligence to his posture. His eyes hold a pleading light and a resolute film. Whatever his crime in regards to the Crown, he holds a loyalty to someone.

“State his crimes,” the Queen requests.

The opposite guard stares straight ahead as he speaks up. “Thievery and dishonor to the Court, Your Majesty.”

Jens can barely hold back a snort. He relaxes slightly. There’s rarely a severe punishment for a loaf of bread. The scene before him suddenly makes more sense.

His mother’s tone, however, is unusually steely. “Thievery of what?”

“Sir Viktor’s sword, Your Majesty.”

Jens blinks. A rumble of interest spreads through the Court. Lucas’s jaw tightens and he gives a minuscule shake of his head, so much so that Jens is sure he’s the only one who notices.

The Queen seems equally intrigued. “And what, boy, do you want with a sword?”

“I didn’t steal it.” Lucas speaks through gritted teeth, but his gaze doesn’t waver. “I’ve never even seen the sword before.”

“It was found under his bed, Your Majesty, free of its sheath. Sir Viktor had been missing it for a full day before organising a search.”

Jens barely resists rolling his eyes. If Viktor had been missing it that long, he’s almost in need of a punishment himself. He’s known Viktor for only over a year, becoming acquainted with him long after he’d already met his brother, Senne. Senne’s loyalty and honour, that Jens has become easily familiar with during the man’s service in his personal guard, did not seem to emanate as clearly from his brother. Jens has had few pleasures of his presence, and pinned his discomfort down to this unfamiliarity. As he sees Lucas’s expression tighten further, however, there’s something that doesn’t sit quite right with him.

The feeling only strengthens as the Queen raises her head and stares Lucas down. “You’d do best to not add dishonesty to your list, Mr Van der Heijden. The proof sits against you. If you claim not to have stolen it, how do you suppose it ended up with you?”

Lucas swallows. For a tiny second, his gaze flits over to the crowd on his left. Jens follows his gaze and sees nothing that stands out. “I didn’t steal anything,” he repeats. “I’m an artist. I have no reason for a sword.”

“And yet,” the Queen says lightly, “there was one so close to you. Are you able to explain that?”

Jens comes to the realisation too late, after noticing the hard lines of his mother’s frown and the steel underlining the easiness of her voice. This isn’t a trial—this is merely the sentencing.

“Someone else must have placed it there,” Lucas says, just as light, with just as much steel underneath.

“I’m sorry, Mr Van der Heijden, truly, but the evidence against you is not something I can simply dismiss as a wrong guess. Do you have proof, of anyone else who may have had access to your quarters? Even so much as a theory.”

“It’s not hard,” Lucas laughs slightly, “to access my quarters. From the way your guards stormed my home yesterday without so much as a knock as a notice, that seems fairly clear.”

Jens raises his brows as the Queen lowers hers. “You’d do well not to speak out of turn, boy. Evidently, my guards had every right to rip your home to shreds if they so pleased.”

Jens looks at her in surprise. He knows his mother holds a firm and stern rule, but she has never shown herself to be cruel. Jens would never have expected her to so openly disregard the rights and welfare of her people. He supposes Lucas is good at pushing buttons, and he’s somehow managed to hit a number of her’s through their short interaction. Jens glances over Lucas again, his curls scattered and shoulders straight, and feels a stab of worry in his stomach.

Help yourself, Jens silently urges. Try to win her over. Don’t make it worse.

“Forgive me, Your Majesty.” Lucas seems to force the words out, dragging them from himself as if he was being made to pull his own teeth. “My mother—I take care of her. I worried that she would have been harmed in the fray.”

Jens watches his own mother soften slightly before regaining her resolve. “While that’s admirable of you, it doesn’t truly explain your resistance. Your lies, Mr Van der Heijden, may only lead to further searches of your home in an attempt to confirm either your guilt or your innocence. Would you not, in that case, rather save your mother the trouble?”

Jens swivels his gaze back to Lucas, watching the low blow hit, cataloguing the way the boy’s own resolve crumbles.

Then he straightens, undeterred by the hand still tightly clasped on his shoulder. “My mother has no involvement, because neither do I. I’m not lying. I stole nothing.”

The Queen regards him for another long moment, as does Jens. Then she releases a heavy sigh. “I was hoping that your cooperation would provide an option for leniency. A true explanation may have lightened your sentence, but the proof against you is overwhelming. I cannot believe that you are free of intent to threaten the Crown, due to the unusual action of your crime. I fear I have no choice.” She stands from her throne and steps down from the dais, looming over Lucas in her heavy red robes and shimmering crown. “Lucas Van der Heijden, for the charges of thievery and dishonor to the throne, I find you guilty and sentence you to death.”

The murmur this time is of a much more extensive volume, but it isn’t quite enough to drown out Jens’s incredulous burst of laughter.

All eyes turn to him, and he feels his shoulders stiffen. Lucas’s gaze is most prominent, evidently confused, with eyes wide and disbelieving. His mother’s are equally surprised, though underlaid with anger. Jens does his best to ignore his discomfort under the attention and keep a princely smile on his face. “Since when do we sentence death without proof? For a kidnapping of a sword that wasn’t put to use, no less.”

The murmur that he’d silenced picks up again, and his mother raises an unimpressed brow at him. “The proof has been presented to you as it has been presented to me. Are you aware of evidence we are not?”

“I’m aware that there is a possibility, however slim, that he is telling the truth. Even if he had stolen it and intended to put it to use, the sword has been retrieved. He presents no real immediate threat. If anything, I believe he would have committed the crime as a scared boy with family he wishes to protect. Surely that is something any of us can understand. He may be deserving of punishment, yes, but death?”

The room has fallen into utter silence. Jens doesn’t dare look at any of the Court members, but he chances a glance at Lucas. The other boy is staring back at him, with all surprise now wiped from his face. He wears a carefully constructed blank expression, that doesn’t break as Jens looks back at him.

Jens doesn’t know why he feels such a strong urge to save him. But now that he’s started, he can’t bring his own argument to an end.

“So what else do you suggest?” His mother asks this at length, unwillingly. He shouldn’t have spoken out. It wasn’t his place. It isn’t good for her, he knows, to have her rule questioned in public by her own son. But he’d argued without thinking, looking at Lucas and feeling an inexplicable need to stand up for him.

To protect.

“It’s his loyalty in question, is it not?” Jens raises a brow and waits for her nod. “So let him prove it. I’m sure someone youthful and strong could have a place serving the Court.”

The murmur picks up again. Jens resists the urge to roll his eyes.

His mother stares at him. “Your suggestion is to allow him a position in the castle?”

“He couldn’t be placed under more watch,” Jens says simply. “I would rather taste someone’s loyalty and perhaps gain a better bond than let a life go to waste.”

This murmur sounds somewhat agreeable, though it is silenced the second the Queen raises her hand. “There are no positions in the Court up for offer, and I cannot possibly gift a thief the sword he’d stolen.”

Jens doesn’t even think before he says it. “I don’t have a personal servant.”

There is, surprisingly, no murmur. The room is eerily quiet as Jens and his mother stare each other down and Lucas flits his gaze between them. It’s not a lie, and is perhaps even the reason he’s doing this. He’s tired of fussy maids lacing his shirts and buttoning his coats and buckling his cuffs. His sisters both have maid-servants, while Jens is left with an array of strangers carrying out various duties, never even able to become familiar with faces as they avoid contact and conversation at all costs. He does his best to be amicable with the castle staff, to form relationships, to form bonds. But aside from the few close friends he sees only on occasion (sons of various Lords in various agreements with his mother), and a few chosen guards, Jens spends most of his time alone.

He wouldn’t mind someone like Lucas by his side. Someone his age, who isn’t afraid to look him in the eye.

“You wish to risk letting a criminal become your personal servant? You would trust him to be so close to you?”

Jens lets his mother stare disapprovingly at him before shifting his gaze to Lucas. They consider each other, concrete met with intrigue, before Jens gives a simple shrug. “I would. It’s my risk to take, and I believe there isn’t much risk to it. If I am wrong, then I should get what’s coming to me.”

A few of the guards give a quiet titter in acceptance, and he watches as his mother looks at a spot in the crowd, before nodding her acceptance. She looks down upon Lucas. “Very well. You will have a guard assigned to you that will accompany you on any outings, alone or with the Prince. While you are in his service, there will, as always, be guards stationed at his door and extra security provided throughout the castle. It is only as a sign of trust towards my son that you are being given leniency. You should be grateful to him that you are leaving here with your life.” She looks to the guard on his left, the one that had spoken calmly to them without laying a finger on Lucas. “Assign him a room in the Prince’s quarters. Remain with him until the new measures are fully put in place. You are dismissed,” she tells the room at large.

Lucas listens to her silently, and remains wordless as the guard at his right yanks him to his feet. Jens watches on until his mother speaks up again.

“Jens, you are to accompany him now. If he is not to be trusted from the beginning then he is not to be trusted. You are also dismissed,” she says. “Though you will be meeting me again later to discuss this decision further.”

Jens bites back a sigh and rises to his feet. The intrigue spiraling up in him is quickly turning to elation. He feels that he had been entirely right to speak up and to continue to stand as his ground.

As he makes his way down the dais and is met with Lucas’s stony gaze, however, he considers that this may not be as simple as he thought.

[xaidyl]

You could explain individual stuff! I find these explanations very fascinating, actually! OwO

okay! lets do this (this may be a very long post with lots of my random opinions but we’ll go with it) (and also please bear in mind these are jokey and in no real way a representation of these real people with real actual lives.)

***spoilers for most D20 seasons with this cast***

1.The babysitting 

Actual parent:Brennan 

From my experience DMing, you are effectively a parent to the players. He would also be an excellent dad

Wine aunt: Siobhan

Siobhan gives me vibes of someone who would take a bottle of wine to go babysit, then sit and tell the kids stuff about cults that they weren’t meant to hear. She would definitely teach the kids swear words, and they would love their cool auntie 

Great at babysitting: Lou

Part of the key to babysitting is being relatable to the kids, but also self assured enough to get them to behave. the person who holds that key is Lou Wilson. He also has played dad-energy characters, and that is the kind of vibes that you look for in a babysitter. 

Mediocre at babysitting: Murph

This scenario needs some theatre of the mind. Imagine Murph, he’s read all the babysitting books, he knows everything he could need to know, he lives with Emily Axeford. He’s more than prepared for this task. He tries so hard. The kids love him. The kids also walk all over him. They don’t get to bed in time. He wanted to do a good job. He tried so hard to do a good job. Yet somehow, luck is against him. 

The house is on fire, God is dead: Emily

Fig. Sofia. Jet. All three of these characters would set a house on fire without hesitation, and not one fears God. What does this have to do with Emily’s babysitting ability? Well, all these characters are teaching us to be chaotic beings, just like Emily. We are the children, and D20 is our babysitter. Emily would only replicate the same thing in this babysitting scenario. 

The children: Zac and Ally

I believe it was episode 9 of the unsleeping city. Neither Zac nor Ally were involved in the scene in question. Siobhan makes a reference to Eliza Doolittle, to which Zac makes a Dr Doolittle joke. Beardsley then shouts ‘I can see my dick’, a reference to a different film. This is fairly normal behaviour, and would not make either of them children in this scenario, had they not continued to hysterically laugh for the next ten minutes or so. Sat at opposite sides of the table. I think Zac starts crying at some point. They are absolute children, and also both have strong baby energy. Neither babysit, they are the ones that need babysitting. 

2. Can they be killed?

Cannot be killed: Brennan

The man is a God. Enough said. Also I’m pretty sure your body would reject your soul before it allows you to kill him. 

Can only be killed by one thing: Siobhan

You would be tricked into thinking Siobhan would be easy to kill- her constitution score is so low, after all. However, you would be wrong. The low constitution score has only made her stronger. More aware. What is the one thing that can kill her, though? Nobody knows, she’s only told those she truly trusts. It could be the most rare poison in the world. Or it could just be Mike Trapp. He (allegedly) has previous.

Can be killed but it won’t last: Emily

It is not anything to do with Emily that her death won’t last. In fact, Emily would be pretty easy to kill. However, if you kill her, Murph will do everything in his power to bring her back. He travels to the end of the earth, and then Emily Axeford is back and gets her new death date in a fancy gothic necklace.

Can be killed but at what cost?: Lou

What cost? The cost to the world. The world would be significantly worse off. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. It’s not worth it.

Can be killed but it’s not worth it: Murph

It’s not worth killing Murph because you would have precisely 0.7 seconds before you were killed by Emily. There is no way you can profit from this scenario, you would be dead before you even realise you’ve been successful. 

Can be killed and it would be pretty funny: Zac

I feel like we don’t discus the correlation between Zac Oyama characters and dying enough. Gorgug was the first D20 death. Lapain was the first D20 perma death. Ricky just like had a weapon that causes him to die. If you killed Zac, it would just be funny because its happened so much. Sorry Zac.

Can be killed but why would you, you monster?!?!: Ally

We’ve already discussed this. Beardsley is Baby. Leave them alone. 

Please kill them they suck: Box of Doom

I dont trust them

3. The fitness gram pacer test

this is definitely the most controversial of the charts, but there’s three of things you need to understand about my reasoning.

1. Zac is fast at running  

This has been seen a couple of times, namely: adventuring party, where Zac tried to tease Brennan about showing off how fast he his at running, but it turns out it was just Zac speaking his mind, and he is the one who always shows off at how fast he is at running. Also, the video on Siobhan’s instagram of Zac jumping over that table. 

He is also very bad a squats. Why would you be bad at squats? Bad knees. Why would you get bad knees? Running without sufficient warm up. Why would you skip warm up? Because you are very focussed on being able to run fast. 

2. Zac is willing to defend his title of running fast

The way he accused Brennan on adventuring party, he knew what he was doing. Sabotage. Brennan may also be able to run fast, but Zac would prevent him from getting a good score. How? He has his ways. Zac is a good boy, but not when it comes to running fast.

3. I felt bad

I had to give Zac at least one good one :)

Anyways onto the other choices:

Actually tried and got a low score: Brennan, Murph, Siobhan

We’ve already spoken about how Zac sabotaged Brennan to be the best at running. Murph is here because he would try really hard but something unlucky would happen. His shoelaces come untied. He accidentally gets caught in the Zac/Brennan feud. 

Siobhan started off with the intention to try, but after Lou, Emily and Ally had all done, she realised they were in fact much more interesting than the fighting going on. She walks out mid lap 

Didn’t try, got a low score, doesn’t give a shit: Lou and Emily

Its important to understand that both Lou and Emily are capable of getting a high score, they are just better than the whole thing. Why is their DnD group doing a pacer test? Why did Zac suspiciously force them to do this whole thing? 

The difference between them is Lou knows the feud is stupid and has like actual work to do? He sits and auditions for some other big film. He still watches over his laptop. 

Emily however, simply wants to watch the world burn.

Despite their different approaches to the situation, they both have a bet going on who’s going to be the fastest runner.

Ran one singular lap and finished: Ally

Ally Beardsley shows up at the track wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt that is impracticable to run in. They have a llama with them. At no point do they explain this. They walk round the track once, drink their water from a plant pot, then spend the rest of the time cheering on the others with words that don’t quite make sense. 

4. Storming Area 51

They cant stop us all: Zac and Brennan

Neither mean it maliciously, but both believe entirely in what they are saying. 

Brennan is definitely the guy to go mad over a conspiracy theory. He made all the crown of candy NPCs. He is basically betraying himself. He knows not to trust anyone. He doesn’t trust area 51. The next season of dimension 20 is this as a subliminal messages all the way through. 

Zac says it accidentally. He’s making a character for the charity livestream. He’s still got a hundred hours of character making left. He’s done so many bad squats. Unintentionally, he makes a character that forces all the zesbians to storm area 51. 

Have fun getting shot, dumbasses: Lou

The rest of the cast are being weird again. Lou is equally as capable of being weird, but sometimes they need to chill. It starts with Emily talking about diner ice. It finishes with Brennan wearing a foil hat at all times. 

You guys stop, someones actually gonna do it: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy.

Actually shows up: Emily and Siobhan

They ride a motorcycle there together. They wouldn’t have gone alone, but as a duo they are an unstoppable pair. Emily wants to break into a government facility. Siobhan desperately want to be in the real life x-files.

One of the Aliens: Ally

Emily and Siobhan open a door at area 51. Behind it is Ally Beardsley. They are wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt. They have a llama standing behind them. This is not explained at any point. They drink from a flower pot and eat a quesadilla that appears out of nowhere. 

5. Stabbing 

Would never stab anyone: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy

Would stab in retaliation: Lou, Murph, Zac

Lets be honest, the entirety of a crown of candy so far has been these three taking stabs (or metaphorical ‘where is your bulb now’ stabs) as retaliation for a stab another one of these three had done.

Yells “I won’t hesitate bitch” first: Ally and Siobhan

I can’t really explain this one much more other than i’m pretty sure both these people have said this phrase at least once in their life.

Would stab as a warning: Emily

This would be promptly followed by Murph getting her to stop stabbing. Or, depending on the situation, encouraging her to keep stabbing.

6. The water fountain

Fills up a bottle and drinks from it: Lou and Siobhan

This is the normal way to drink from the water fountain. They were also both very concerned at watching Beardsley’s various different drinking apparatuses in adventuring party. 

Bought 4 water bottles so this wouldn’t happen: Murph

He is prepared. Something probably still goes wrong, but at least he’s got three water bottles left. 

Drinks straight from the tap: Brennan

Brennan is a busy guy. The tap is there, it’s convenient, he needs to get back to planning. There’s so many campaigns, so many characters, so many voices. 

Dehydrates: Zac

Honestly I’m not sure if this man would drink water if nobody told him so

Drinks from a puddle: Ally

like they drink from a vase with a flower, a puddle really isn’t that much of a stretch.

Licks the tap: Emily

She just wants to see the world burn. Also, she knows Brennan drinks straight from the tap. She has to get payback somehow. 

7. A child starts crying

Makes the child laugh: Lou

We’ve already discussed how Lou has dad energy. I feel like he’s know exactly what to say and how to act to get the child to stop crying. This is less stupid than the rest of my explanations, but I always love how expressive Lou is when he plays dnd. I’m not sure whether its the way he holds himself or the way he gestures, but I’m pretty sure if I was a crying child, I would stop crying if Lou Wilson told me a joke in that very soothing point.

Tries to play with the child: Siobhan and Ally

These two kinda give me older/younger sibling vibes. As a team I recon they could create a game that would calm this child down. Also Ally knows techniques to help adults calm down, they could probably implement these ideas into a game for children.

Gives detailed instructions: Murph

His knowledge comes from the books he has read to learn how to babysit, and the one time he babysat. His explanation is rather frantic however, mostly because he is trying to defend Emily in his answer.

Cries with the child: Zac

He’s sad because all his friends are speaking to this child an nobody noticed how fast he just ran.

He’s also baby, as we’ve said previously, so he probably relates to the child somewhat

The reason the child is crying: Emily and Brennan

The child just watched episode 9 of a crown of candy. 

[safflora]

What’s the deal with Historia? (Post chapter 122)

One of the Hot Topics I’ve seen lately has been the identity of the father of Historia’s baby. I have mostly ignored this question in favor of focusing more on trying to discern Eren’s motives and goals and thinking up overly speculative theories on Titan lore. What is interesting to me, however, is the related concern over what the current situation means for Historia’s (and Eren’s) character development. So much time and care has gone into developing Historia, I just cannot fathom that Isayama would be undoing that now. I have too much faith in him as a writer for that. I feel he’s earned it. But now I have a theory that might explain where he is going with all this:

I think Historia may have received some memories of the first Ymir and the origin of this world under titan rule. I think, perhaps, this is what we saw in those memory shards just before Eren entered Paths: Historia, moved to tears (weren’t we all!) by what she has learned, recounting it to Eren. From that point, she and Eren have been working together to free Ymir and free the world from the titans. Here’s what I’ve got:

1. Eren and Historia have a close relationship, but the specifics of it have been intentionally obfuscated.

First of all, we’ve seen a special relationship develop between Eren and Historia. Ever since their conversation after Reiner and Bertholdt’s escape with our Ymir, that’s been clear. We know they’ve spent a lot of time together. Enough to make Mikasa jealous. Enough for Jean to remark on their “holding hands”. I’ve suspected that they’re in on something together, and now we’re starting to get clearer signs of what that could be. But aside from these hints, we haven’t gotten to see them actually interact much. Eren and Historia have a close relationship, but the specifics of it have been intentionally obfuscated. Why? The same reason we haven’t been allowed to see much of Eren’s thought process. It must be because their relationship is important to the big endgame plan that we’re meant to agonize over until it’s finally revealed.

2. It may be possible that all this contact has revealed important memories/visions to Historia as well. I think the source of these memories could be the Founder Ymir.

This is well illustrated in this post by Momtaku. We know that contact with Eren has revealed her own hidden memories in the past, and there is reason to believe that could have continued. The memories revealed to Eren have become increasingly complex as time has gone on and more information has been uncovered. Could the same be true for her? It may be possible that all this contact has revealed important memories/visions to Historia as well. In the past, this was easier to explain. She was simply having her own hidden memories uncovered. It’s not like she is connected to a titan and able to see past or future holders’ memories. But I believe she may also be able to receive others’ memories. We saw hints of this at the moment she killed her father, and in the anime when she read Ymir’s letter. Could she now be receiving them from another source? I think so. I think the source of these memories could be the Founder Ymir.

3. The Founder Ymir does have a will that she can and does exercise to some extent through Paths.

It’s implied in chapter 122 that Ymir is the one who sent visions to Eren as a child. Eren says as much when he asks her if she is the one who led him all the way there to Paths, as if he could sense he had been led in some way. At this point in the story, I don’t think we have time for another bait and switch here. I think we’re being told this actually is the case. The titles of Chapters 1 and 122 seem to me to confirm this. What this means is that the Founder Ymir does have a will that she can and does exercise to some extent through Paths. I’d speculated in chapter 115 when Zeke was resurrected by Ymir that she was pulling some strings. I got away from that idea a bit after chapter 120 when it seemed that Zeke’s royal blood had forced her to save him per his dying wish. Now I think my first idea is more probable. What Zeke was remembering in his dying moments was the conversation in which Eren tells us his intention is to end 2,000 years of titan rule, which is what Ymir seems to want as well. It is also clear in this memory that contact with Zeke is necessary for this to happen. So Ymir intervenes. She is leading Eren to her.

4. It appears that Founder Ymir can see something of the natures of her people and selects who to interact with. Historia’s primary motivation in life is to help people exactly like Founder Ymir.

She singled out Eren. This may have something to do with the nature and history of the Attack Titan and its relationship to Ymir (which I may explore more later), though her first messages reached him before he possessed it. It may also be that he just has a spirit that values freedom over all else, abhors the enslavement of others, and never gives up a fight (the result of having a father who possessed the AT?). Either way, it appears that Founder Ymir can see something of the natures of her people and selects who to interact with.

She may also have some connection to our Ymir, being the only other character we’ve seen who was able to see Paths. Lots of people have outlined the parallels between Founder Ymir and 104th Ymir. If Founder Ymir can watch her subjects and has some understanding of their spirits, I can certainly imagine her feeling some sort of kinship with 104th Ymir, allowing her to be conscious of Paths for a time. How fitting that our Ymir was so instrumental in Historia’s personal development, helping her find the strength to determine her own path in life. A path which is defined by her desire to rescue others who are made to believe they are worthless… In fact, Historia’s primary motivation in life is to help people exactly like Founder Ymir.

If Ymir knows this, wouldn’t Historia be the perfect person to reveal her story to? No matter who, no matter where, Historia will come to her rescue.

Taking another, completely different angle, her name is Historia, y’all. Did Isayama name her that because she is the one to receive the truth of the History of the World? (The World being the condition of being under titan rule, the thing Eren and Ymir wish to destroy, not the actual, literal physical world and all the people in it. Come on now, folks.)

5. Historia and Eren are working toward the end of freeing Ymir and thereby freeing the world of titans. Historia is co-mastermind of this whole thing.

If we follow this line of thinking and take for now that Ymir likely revealed her story to Historia, I’m going to make another leap and conjecture that the distressed Historia we saw in the memory shard in Chapter 120 is her telling Eren what she has learned. I mean, that’s pretty much what I looked like after reading 122.

If this is true, she is the one who has motivated Eren to get to where he is now. They have a shared goal. Historia and Eren are working toward the end of freeing Ymir and thereby freeing the world of titans. Their natures, their stories, make them uniquely situated to be motivated to do this and to achieve this goal together. They have been in cahoots all this time! Historia has not been controlled and manipulated by the forces around her as it appears. She is where she intended to be. Historia is co-mastermind of this whole thing. She is a true Queen.

Now, this all raises some questions:

- At what point did this occur? It could be soon after the award ceremony. It could have been years later, the event that prompted Eren to go over to Marley, meet with Zeke, and steal the War Hammer. It could have happened in stages in those intervening years. We just don’t know enough right now.

- How should we interpret Eren’s reaction to seeing Ymir in Paths for the first time? He’s purposefully been made hard to read in all the recent chapters, so this is difficult. He does seem to be somewhat surprised. As for why, we can only speculate. I think there was still a lot left unknown to Eren and Historia about the specifics of how this plan would work. Eren knows that his goal is to contact Ymir somehow and that it requires getting to Paths, but he doesn’t seem to be prepared for anything beyond that. He doesn’t know what it’ll be like there or what she’ll be like. Maybe he’s surprised that she’s a rag-clad little girl and not some glorious goddess. Maybe he expected the grown Ymir, old enough to have had three daughters. Maybe it’s not a look of surprise at all. It could be the look of someone who has realized how close he’s come to his goal, that the moment is finally upon him. (Is he smiling or upset about the “scenery”? Is the dress white and gold or black and blue?)

This “always here all alone” comment feels to me like an odd first remark about her presence. It feels like he already knows something about her.

- What is the point of Historia’s pregnancy? Who is the father (and does it matter)? Shoot, y’all, I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of people saying that her baby will be Ymir reincarnated. Maybe? I don’t hate that idea. I just feel like I don’t know enough to figure out how that all works. Is it just a symbol of being Freely Born Into the New World™?

(お前は自由...だ? can’t quite make out that last one --> you are free)

Maybe, but I hope there’s a more concrete purpose. Is it merely the natural result of all the ~contact~ that Historia and Eren have had? I will make no claims and offer no opinions.

- Why does Historia look so upset? Well, one explanation is that the world is kinda falling apart and a lot of people are going to die and also she’s been made even more keenly aware of the depth of the evil that can exist in people. That seems pretty likely to me. She could be worried about how things are going to turn out. As I’ve stated, I don’t think they know all the details of this plan. There’s the possibility of failure. She might just be upset that all she can do right now is sit around and wait to see how things turn out without lending a hand to the efforts of her loved ones.

She might just be annoyed at this guy hovering over her. The worst case scenario is that the pregnancy was never part of her plan and that she’s actually upset about it. Please no! Thankfully I think there are enough plausible alternative explanations that I can avoid despairing over this for now.

- Why does this have to be a secret from everyone? The single most frustrating question to me right now. The only thing I can come up with at the moment is that they felt it would be impossible to convey sufficiently the need for the actions they had to take without inciting opposition earlier than was ideal. I’m not really satisfied with this and very much hope there is a better explanation.

So. Simply put, I think there is reason to believe that Historia is going to end up being one of the most important, badass, and well-crafted characters in this story. I have faith in Yams. Could be I’ve just got to be drunk on that to keep carrying on right now, but I’ll take it.

[micahammon]

All the walls are crumbling because they were never real

I’m moving into belief. I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand the nature of life and identify the construction of right and wrong, truth and illusion. It’s a fascinating process and I know I’ll never be done with it, and that’s exciting and makes life interesting. But I feel like I’ve come to a point in my process of discovery something like scientists did when they discovered quantum physics. 

In Newtonian physics everything has a cause and effect. There exists a linear relationship between action and consequence. That is true and will continue to be so forever. But Newtonian physics cannot describe everything that happens in the material world. When the scale of matter becomes really small, on the level of atoms, Newtonian physics no longer succeeds as a theory. Atoms are governed by different laws, and quantum theory, as bizarre and unintuitive as it is, continues to be proven true.

Physical reality is made up of two theories which have yet to be reconciled. Although they appear to be incompatible, compatible they must be. The physical world and everything we see with the naked eye is built on the foundation of the irrational and the impossible. The particles which we are made of can move within and without time, be in two places at the same time, and seemingly violate the universal speed limit--the speed of light. Particles can be physical matter which take up space in the physical world, and at the same time, be a wave--like a radio wave if you will. Somehow reality is built upon this impossibility.

"Reality is far fetched. The truth is always a long shot."

As modern humans, we are in a precarious place. A detached place. Our roots are no longer in the soil of the earth which gives us life. We are living in the world of biological theory, political theory, economic theory, etc.--which all function very well and have allowed us to advance incredibly once understood and applied. What is the logical conclusion from this process?

We learn natural laws that we might better understand spiritual laws.

I remember in the first computer science class I took at university, my teacher drew a picture on the board, something like the following...

And then he asked the question, “What’s missing?”. He answered his own question by saying “antimatter”. Then he filled in the “antimatter” absent from view, something like this...

Note: I’m a bad artist but I tried to draw the inverse of what was originally visible. 

So what’s the logical conclusion of reality? Reality is a paradox. There’s always a catch.

Note: The teacher then went on to name laughter as an example of something behaving like antimatter. In this regard, we can theorize that antimatter comes in to play where we have inflection points. That’s useful to think about in the context of the choices we make, day by day.

Note 2: Antimatter, which cannot be seen, “refers to sub-atomic particles [that] have properties opposite those of normal matter.” It’s useful to note that this is in the quantum world, where perhaps, we could say that everything there is existing simultaneously.

I think the first paradox was in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth. They were also commanded not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The problem which may not be obvious depending on your brand of Christianity is that Adam and Eve apparently could not keep both commandments at the same time. They were in a state of innocence and could not procreate without first creating the fall through eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. 

I’ve heard it said that what may appear to be contradictory to us is not to God, and that somehow He can balance two conditions in perfect harmony which appear mutually exclusive. I don’t know how God could do it in the example of the Garden of Eden, but I do think we should learn to try it in other areas.

I am nothing. I am everything.

Helaman 12:7 O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.

John 10:34 Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your law, ‘I said, “You are gods”’?

Through the course of a day we may need to remind ourselves of either of these quotes. What’s important is that we have to choose to put the concept into use in order to humble or inspire ourselves as needed. We have to draw up the belief then let it guide.

All truth is paradox.

My brother once responded to the above statement by saying that the paradox of truth serves as the fuel for free agency. That is an extremely instructive comment, which makes me think of Einstein’s dissatisfaction with the then emerging theory of quantum physics. When Einstein analyzed and documented the workings of the universe, he did so from the perspective of trying to understand the mind of God. He disbelieved the theory of quantum mechanics presented by Niels Bohr; the same theory that today continues to be scientifically verifiable. What he objected to was that in this explanation of the universe, the natural world became a lot more random. It seemed to diminish the role of the Master Designer. Einstein’s famous quote was “God does not play dice (with the universe)”.

I sometimes think that quantum physics only appears mysterious and random to us because we cannot see the complete picture, we are only seeing the effects of things in the physical world and perhaps there are other counterparts like antimatter that we can’t see (but can detect) and even beyond that, other counterparts we can’t even detect with clever testing.

On the other hand, there is beauty in accepting the concept of an “uncreate Reality” that can represent the quantum state. We in the Newtonian state have become the created Reality which “shows forth in our beings the uncreate Reality.” That is to say, our physical world and our physical selves are manifestations of the uncreated reality. 

Alma 30:44 ...all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator...

What we see here in this world is a manifestation of God and the uncreate Reality beyond. Said in different words we have the following:

“For the Source of All Life created the worlds by dividing Its Unmanifest Unity into the manifesting Duality, and we that are created show forth in our beings the uncreate Reality. Each living soul has its roots in the Unmanifest and draws thence its life, and by going back to the Unmanifest we find fulness of life.“

The uncreated reality represents a primordial place from which the physical world is drawn into being from. This place we could liken to the quantum state. I make this comparison because when we can understand a concept in the real world, it helps us to have the faith or belief to put it into practice for our own benefit.

To address Einstein’s concerns, quantum mechanics may actually be evidence of God’s will to give us more free agency by providing an uncreate Reality with which we can interact. For one, It provides some “randomness” whereby everything that happens is not simply a predestined linear result of cause and effect--thereby, we cannot blame every thing that happens as a direct consequence of God’s original first act of creation (whereby He would have known the exact consequences of every single thing to ever happen, and the only intrigue in all of it would be our discovery of the result). Secondly, and more importantly, the interconnection of the quantum and Newtonian world can become for us a primordial wellspring from which we too can create. I am suggesting that it is belief and faith which allows us to materialize things in the physical world. Even as God himself does. 

Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God...

Lastly, the context of reality, or truth being a paradox further bolsters free agency because it provides choice, even as it did for our first parents. The choices you choose to make are based on what you first choose to believe. In the paradox, you are able to believe whichever aspect you choose to focus on because it also has basis in reality.

I don’t speak of the choice between good and evil, but rather the choice between beliefs. Belief is a tool you can use to do good or harmful things.

I think it’s important to iterate that prerogative is a part of free agency and choice. 

Doctrine and Covenants 58:27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.

We know we should do many good things of our own free will and choice but those choices will naturally be more oriented to our own dispositions. The challenge is not to confuse limiting beliefs about ourselves with what is our true nature and disposition. In fact, what I am getting at is that we should use faith and belief to overcome our limitings habits, beliefs and worldview.

I reckon that beliefs become powerful as they connect to internal desire. Since that is the case, it is instructive to follow the path of our own personal orientation and if there are lessons to be learned, we will learn them much, much faster if we are making the choice for ourselves rather than merely trying to follow someone else’s instruction. That’s because belief is the thing that supercharges our experience.

With belief in play we can properly channel the “why” to our actions and attendant effects in the real world. If we err, the “why” will be there to make clear the error of our ways. Notwithstanding, in the middle of all of this is God’s intervention to steer us from unneeded error if we stray off course, and which can be greatly aided by our responsiveness to His Spirit. 

Let’s introduce something which is not a paradox but tends to be polemic.

Brigham Young said that “we live far beneath our privileges” because we fail to seek and receive the guidance the Lord wants to give us in our spiritual and temporal affairs.

This instruction is meant to help us lay claim to what might be ours but it can also paralyze us if we don’t engage with the belief that we will actually receive it. Successfully gaining access to guidance from the Lord is usually based on the belief and faith we put into it. The important thing is that we need to use belief to create the reality and then it follows that we will receive the guidance. However, we also have to put belief and faith into a great many other things of which we proceed with in lieu of guidance because...

Doctrine and Covenants 58:26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things...

We must build and develop our ability to seek and understand guidance from the Lord but most times His guidance works like a signpost as we navigate. It helps us stay on course but there are a million decisions we must make for ourselves along the way by “using [our] best judgement”. 

In my experience the contrast between God having a personal prerogative and objective in the management of choices and not having a prerogative is plainly evident in the line between church affairs and private affairs. When it comes to the administration of callings and duties within the Church I have witnessed an extremely high level of involvement from the Lord. If you pay attention you can see that He is almost constantly involved and directing. The Lord really, really cares about His work. 

As soon as you move away from the realm of the administration of His Church, guidance is much more sparse. It truly feels like our personal lives are meant to be a learning experience through trial and error--a sort of experimentation. It does help us develop our own capabilities bit by bit. When you think about it, that really makes more sense anyways. Perhaps it also allows us to make mistakes without the additional condemnation we might receive if we had access to more from beyond the veil. 

On the other hand, as I consider what will happen in the future as the world is thrown into turmoil and we all begin the work of building Zion I reckon that the line between church affairs and private affairs will become almost indecipherable--and I know that there will be an abundance of guidance as such in order to complete God’s work. There is something to be said for living like that already, here and now.

Gospel of Thomas 22: When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female...

The world is separating from a longstanding known reality. Social systems are being dismantled with an intention to reengineer them. Truth and science have become weaponized. We are dependent on technology more and more. Algorithms and big data will rule our lives. Breakages will occur. Power grids will be threatened. IT infrastructure will be compromised. Natural resources will become scarce. There will be natural disasters. Financial systems will collapse. Some of these things will be unplanned, others intentional.

I’ve always thought it so peculiar the human creature existing on this planet. All the animals on the earth have been endowed with instincts which directly provision their survival. Many young animals are taught survival skills during infancy, that is true, but even if they lose their mother, their instincts will guide them the rest of the way.

Humans on the other hand are nearly helpless without the knowledge passed on from generation to generation. At this point we’ve already lost our connection to mother earth. In our quest to master nature we have also sought to remove ourselves from nature--mother nature and also what we might call human nature.   

As the walls crumble around us and the very ground is swept from under our feet, our only choice is to evolve and learn to fly.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Faith and belief will enable many to do things which we previously knew to be impossible in the Newtonian world. To evolve means to move beyond the structures (spiritual and otherwise) we have upheld for sake of dogma. Those structures will be shaken. God’s work will not fail but we are to learn not to look beyond the mark. Ultimately, to evolve will result in having our natures changed into that resembling God as we learn to create/do through faith and belief. 

For those whose trust remains in the shifting sands of the world’s social, economic, political and even scientific structures--they will be left without root and branch to stand on. 

We’ll have to act for ourselves rather than be acted upon.  We have to use faith and belief to power those actions or else it will be hollow inside and our hearts will ultimately fail us.

Luke 21:26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth...

Let’s go back to the world of very small particles...

If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed...

Matthew 17:19-20 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out? And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

I’ve always thought it so curious that basically the whole point of our existence on this earth is to learn to exercise faith and belief. Before we can really do anything, the important first step is starting with a real belief that we can do the thing we set out to do. When we supercharge our actions with belief, the universe responds. 

I posit that we on this earth are here to learn to become co-creators with God--creating through faith just as God does.

Sometimes we are able to energize belief through our belief in others, but it’s not always enough, as I believe was the case with the disciples of Jesus referenced in the example above and Oliver Cowdery desiring to participate in translating the Book of Mormon. 

Doctrine and Covenants 9:11 Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;

Let it be noted that this was free agency in action, since it wasn’t in the original design of God that Oliver Cowdry participate in the translation, but it would have been permitted if he had faith enough.

Because God wanted Joseph to translate, He gave him extra strength to be able to do it.

Doctrine and Covenants 9:11 For, do you not behold that I have given unto my servant Joseph sufficient strength, whereby it is made up?

To aid with the translation of the Book of Mormon Joseph received special seer stones called the Urim and Thummim. What’s curious is that Joseph often used his own seer stone rather than strictly relying on the Urim and Thummim. Eventually Joseph had enough faith to do without seer stones altogether as he continued to receive revelations. I believe that the Urim and Thummim were there to build his belief and make up for his strength until he was able to fully energize belief in himself, his ability.

Believe that you have received it, and it will be yours

One thing that hurts belief is by having a narrow view based on the here and now. When we think of how things are supposed to happen in the Newtonian world we limit the power of the supernatural quantum, timeless uncreate Reality which is boundless. We have to allow for the uncreate Reality, unintuitive non-Newtonian world to intercede. We connect to this state though the particle of belief.

As long as I believe in myself I find I can do certain things. If I ceased to believe in myself, I think I should just crumble into dust, like an unwrapped mummy.

I have said all of this in order to say this, we need to use belief daily in order to shape our lives in the way that we truly wish them to be. Our lives have ended up the way they are precisely because of the beliefs we have engaged about ourselves, others and the nature of reality. If you say that you belief that life can be grand and beautiful but you spend your days dejected and depressed, then you aren’t engaging the grand and beautiful beliefs. Whether we like it or not, beliefs are constantly directing our lives. 

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything either as a blessing or a curse.”

There are indeed blessings and curses in our lives but we cannot ascribe our current condition to merely a result of those two things. In addition, we need to enlarge the gratitude we feel for the blessings and overlook where possible the curses. Feeling gratitude will enlarge our beliefs and strengthen the conduit between us and the Divine.

When we engage in belief in order to shape and direct our lives we cannot merely state a belief and then forget about it. We have to return to the belief day after day.

I have been reading about 45 books a year for the last 5 years. I set a goal on a website which helps track my progress and keeps me motivated. The first year I started the reading challenge I set my goal as 100 books for the year. I didn’t have experience and I didn’t really know what that meant though. It was an idle, pie in the sky wish. I didn’t return to the goal frequently. I forgot about it most of the year and I finished with 33 books that year.

That reminds me of Oliver Cowdry’s wish to participate in the translation of the Book of Mormon. If he had more experience or at least consistent belief he could have succeeded. The same was true of me. Experience does help, in so far as it helps to reduce fear since we have better bearings on the task before us. Perhaps fear is like antimatter.

That’s the tricky thing with belief and faith. If we have enough faith we could actually move mountains. But most of us probably don’t have enough belief to make that happen. But we could and that promise is available for us, but perhaps we misunderstand something about belief. 

Mark 11:23-24 (NIV) Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

The NIV translation makes more clear something which has caught on with new age spirituality, like in books such as The Secret, and others which profess the power of manifesting in our lives by using the so-called law of attraction.

New age spirituality has brought us the power of meditation and living mindfully, which have slowly come into mainstream Christianity and that includes the LDS church. 

And indeed, meditation and mindfulness are key parts of nurturing belief as I am prescribing. The current problem we have with incubating belief is that, as mentioned above, we already have many beliefs which are like weeds choking out the good belief that we want to use to empower our lives. We live barely cognizant of the incessant, mind-numbing chatter going on about our heads. You can consider all the thoughts that jump into our minds as competing beliefs. It’s a battlefield for our minds and our empowering beliefs may fall casualty if we don’t learn to quiet the mind and focus. That enables us to act for ourselves rather than to be acted upon.

The first thing we need to do with the mind is wash it, clean it up, not only once or twice a day as we do for the body but in all our waking moments.

Similarly...

Doctrine & Covenants 121:45 let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly...

A way which helps me practice a chosen belief is to do an experiment of thought. What I mean is that on a given day I may tell myself that I am doing an experiment of thinking that day and that helps me to suspend disbelief as I am merely there to analyze and watch the results of what happens, rather than to prove veracity or to gauge the level of real belief. I did one experiment of imagining each person as I would my own self.

Mark 12:31 love thy neighbor as thyself

I really did feel something wonderful that day.

That’s one reason I say that...

life works best when undertaken as an experiment 

Sometimes if we put too much pressure on the act itself, we enlarge the importance of a thing beyond what it truly is. We have to maintain calm levity and not worry about the result; to laugh instead of get caught up in an act’s undue significance. In this way we can shake off a thousand mistakes of ego and bad humor which sabotage us.

the fatal flaw is that average men take themselves too seriously

The balance has been described this way...

Thus a man of knowledge endeavors, and sweats, and puffs, and if one looks at him he is just like any ordinary man, except that the folly of his life is under control. [He regards] nothing as being more important than anything else.  A man of knowledge [can thusly] choose any act, and act it out as if it matters to him. 

So to apply all of this in a practical way let me tell you my plans. I am making and setting goals, big lofty goals. I am aiming for 5 years to enter more fully into the vision I see for my life. I will meditate and pray each day and return again and again to the beliefs--multiple times each day in fact--which I think are necessary to empower me to achieve my goals. I don’t know exactly how things will happen, but I do believe in the scriptures referenced, including the very words of Jesus Christ. I consider it already done because I have picked up the rod, which at the far end connects to the result. The point of access where I grip the rod is belief.

Update Apr 22, 2021: This video supports my view of free will and quantum mechanics. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMb00lz-IfE

[randomrainman]

american conservatism and the minds of people: a black man’s perspective.

Hi, it is I.

I often think long and hard about the mind states of the people around me, and my inevitable conclusion is that the vast majority of people are monumentally and irrevocably fucking stupid.  As it turns out, people have a really hard time letting go of things with which they have grown familiar or fond, and therein lies the basic principle of conservative thought.  

“But aren’t some things okay to keep?”

Well, obviously, not everything needs to be thrown out in order for improvement to occur.  In the Army, we have things labelled “sustains” and “improves”.  The two terms are pretty self-explanatory (as are most things in the military): sustains are the things that work, and the improves are the things you either completely nix or need to, erm, improve.  Of course, this begs a question: as it relates to a society of living, (mostly) breathing human beings, how does this apply?

"Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water,” it is commonly said.  I am not entirely sure who was throwing away bathing children, but that’s a discussion for a different time.  The baby in this idiomatic expression is whatever it is we are supposed to be maintaining.  Let’s start with an example: police.

Obviously, it is entirely infeasible to literally abolish police.  We absolutely need the police force as an institution, and good and effective policing is a pillar to a modern, functional society.  However, we can abolish unprofessional, unnecessarily violent, racist, or otherwise unbecoming behaviour from police departments, and also demonstrate that such things are intolerable and met with appropriate punishments every time these rules are broken.  NWA didn’t make “Fuck The Police” because they wanted to express interest in having thoroughly arresting cop sex; it exists because they don’t trust the police.

Above: An Autistic Swedish dude spitting shockingly accurate commentary-by-proxy about American society. Flames!

Due possibly in part to dubiously worded slogans such as “defund the police”, modern conservatives balk at the thought of changing anything of significance about how policing in many communities in the United States is conducted, even going as far as to label the reform for which we call as an attack on the very idea of police.

That said, historically, the very pillars of police forces in the United States have their foundations in slavery and post-slavery racist institutions, which means that, while much has changed on the surface, the way police implement policy reflects structural and societal racism.  As a result, simply attacking individual instances of misconduct will almost always fail to elicit any meaningful progress, which is why some do seek to dismantle police departments (an option I cannot fathom as being realistic, especially not in the short term). 

The lack of a centralised police organisation from which to implement policy certainly does not help, and while some police departments, to include the Department of Justice itself, have introduced implicit bias training, it would appear that change was difficult to measure. Additionally, many police departments have not addressed the more overt problem of explicit racism in law enforcement, which is a nigh-impossible thing to tackle expeditiously without a top-down structure to deal with it. It has improved steadily overall, however, but not without significant disapproval...

Pictured: “disapproval”.  A civil rights demonstrator is attacked by a police dog in Birmingham, Ala., in 1963. (Photo credit: AP)

The Origins

As I noted earlier, there is plenty of shit people want to keep, and most for relatively understandable reasons -- after all, those things provide a sense of familiarity.  “It’s always been this way -- why change it?” they ask.  One needs only to look at our, um, flowery history to see countless examples of things that required change...

The transatlantic slave trade transported up to 12 million forcibly enslaved Africans to the Americas, many of whom arrived in what is now the United States.  As unspeakably horrifying as the actual journey was, this was only the beginning of the tribulations that would befall the slaves and their descendants in the future.

While Europeans played a large part in introducing the idea of race-based caste systems into colonised lands, the American brand of discrimination is different in the fact that the idea that Blacks and Native Americans were genetically inferior to whites was endemic to our inception, and thus, formed the basis of the things enshrined into American democracy.

Photo credit: Alexander Gardner / Wikimedia Commons

Abraham Lincoln entered the chat.

Naturally, having someone even so much as threaten the idea of racial dominance after literal fucking centuries of treating Black people as property did not sit well with the slave-owning populace (even if Lincoln’s motives were not exactly altruistic).  While the Southern states did in fact operate an agrarian economy heavily dependent on chattel slavery, it was that notion of superiority combined with societal comfort they felt that ultimately catalysed the secession of the Southern states from the Union...

Pictured: Civil War reenactors (from the Confederate side) simulate the Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest battle in US history.  Also, why the fuck is Civil War reenactment a popular thing to do? It’s deeply weird. (Photo credit: MPRNews.org)

...and then they decided to have the deadliest fucking war in American history over that comfort.  Spoiler alert: the Confederates lost both the war and their precious bullshit institution of slavery -- but even after the Emancipation Proclamation was issued, many Southern slave owners did not even pass the news of freedom to their slaves for months.

In keeping with the preservationist and racist mindset which occupied most Southerners’ brains, any attempt to integrate Black people into society during the Reconstruction period was stymied at every turn.  To them, despite Black people being de jure full citizens in accordance with the Civil Rights Act of 1866, we were still subhuman.  Due to Jim Crow laws, Ku Klux Klan terrorism, and other assorted nonsense, we made virtually no progress toward equality until the Civil Rights Movement and resulting laws such as the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, and the Fair Housing Act of 1968.

“Well, you got what you wanted!  YOU’RE EQUAL!  Quit yer bitchin’!”

Ah, if only things worked that way in real life.  As previously noted, even if things are codified into law as changes, there are still people who try really hard to keep everything exactly the fucking same, so it does not end up happening in practice.  Things such as residual effects of redlining and continuing disproportionate and excessive imprisonment of minorities, amongst other issues, still affect people in the present day. In other areas, people exploit loopholes in order to lawfully discriminate against others they might deem “undeserving”.

Lots of things, especially when it comes to role of minorities in society, have historical precedents.  When arguing said precedents with conservative types, the conversation almost always leads to one of several (predictable) conclusions: the person believes that 1) negative historical events (e.g., slavery, Native American genocide, etc.) were not that bad; 2) those things did not happen at all; or 3) those things were bad, but somehow do not affect modern society.

Obviously, all three are emphatically wrong.  This is why typical conservative behaviour, even in this modern era in which information sharing is instantaneous, does not surprise me: often, the rhetoric is not rooted in reality, and often resorts to appeals to emotions to elicit a knee-jerk response.  This is not to say that this does not occur on liberal ends of the spectrum, but modern conservative rhetoric is rooted primarily in unjustified fear of change and anti-intellectualism.

Pictured: A screenshot I took of someone on a pro-President Biden post desperately trying to be oppressed.

This kind of shit is utterly exhausting.  Neoconservatism, in a nutshell, is people literally inventing problems and subsequently getting angry at their own creations.  It is the equivalent of setting up a bear trap, immediately stepping in it, and wondering why the fuck you’re stuck in said bear trap and your foot doesn’t work anymore. During the Obama administration, the only thing I would witness is people insisting (without any evidence, of course) that President Obama was the Antichrist and that he would usher in the New World Order and take everyone’s guns.  All zero of those things happened, of course, but when Donald Trump assumed the presidency, the rhetoric completely reversed, and he was named “God’s chosen" by evangelical figures, despite him having broken perhaps all of the Old Testament’s Ten Commandments.  Of course, as you can see with the above screenshot, clearly, they have returned to the Obama bitching method, but diminished, partially because President Biden is also an old, white male, and they don’t need to ask where he was born.

Pictured: what happens when you fuel millions of self-victimising people with QAnon conspiracy theories and possibly loads of Bang energy drinks.  Photo credit: ABC News

The hypocrisy is absolutely palpable amongst these types of people, and if I tried to sit here and continued to provide examples of conservative figures contradicting themselves, I would die either of old age or myocardial infarction, whichever happened first. The difference in the reaction to Black Lives Matter protests versus the storming of the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021 makes the double standard quite transparent: justice and equality, while technically codified into law, are clearly are not administered equally in modern-day America.  We’re still not like the others.

Our brand of conservatism, by and large, is the enemy of those two very important American ideals.

|the kid|

[ohnotoomanyfandoms]

I feel like cassie is working hard to make us understand that hey! Matthew is actually in love with cordelia!! Believe me! And I don't really how to interpret it, or even if it's real my true, but 🤷‍♀️ what do you think?

Introducing the Jordelia Help Desk!

I agree, Anon. She’s making sure we don’t forget, she’s putting a big neon sign on it every day she answers fan questions so we keep obsessing over it, and it can’t be about fueling the ship war, when she’s been known to condemn those for years. Then why? I think it’s a red herring. She’s calmly misleading us when she’s preparing something that’s much more complex plot-wise. 

I do believe Matthew isn’t truly in love with Cordelia. I think Grace might’ve somehow put a spell on him to make him believe he’s in love with Cordelia (not through the Gracelet, though, that’s on James). Way before James and Daisy announced their engagement, Grace saw that James was slipping away from her grasp because of Cordelia, but she was still planning to get James back. With Cordelia out of the way things would’ve been easier and smoother for Grace. I think she was hoping Matthew would seduce Cordelia - either away from James by making her love Matthew back, or simply into disgrace and out of society. 

I’m getting hate on Twitter for this theory, but hey - Grace has been known to play with people’s feelings and manipulate them to her benefit. This is very much canon. She has kept James under a spell and bound him to her for years. In Chain of Gold, she kissed Matthew for no apparent reason - unless she had a plan. Could that have been when she did what she did? I don’t know. Matthew clearly was intrigued by Cordelia before that point, but not in love with her. His desperation at the end of the book is not realistic. 

Also - side note here - how did Grace convince Charles to break his engagement with Ariadne and make him propose to her right after? There’s something very sketchy going on there with Charles’s abrupt decision. He might not be interested in women, but he is interested in the family he marries into. Ari is the Inquisitor’s daughter, a very advantageous match for him, and on a personal level, also not interested in him as a man; it was the perfect match for Charles. Grace is the daughter of a disgraced madwoman. I cannot believe Charles was in his right state of mind when he broke his engagement to Ariadne - which had been going on for years and had the blessing of both sets of parents - especially considering the circumstances he did it, abruptly and while she was in a coma. Who believes Charlies, who’s obsessed with status and propriety and avoiding scandal, would willingly choose to do that? Grace made him do it, somehow. I don’t think it’s necessarily about making men fall in love with her, and it has nothing to do with gender or sexuality, but more about convincing people of something, a fact, a feeling, and making them believe it is real. A strong glamour? An actual magic spell? I don’t know. 

Grace is causing all this. I have seen theories about Grace being half-faerie and/or possessing some sort of magic - in addition to cooperating with warlocks and demons at Tatiana’s behest for years - and I can’t say I’m not partial to those. Cassie is building a lot of mystery around her biological parents, and it has to lead somewhere. 

I might be wrong on multiple aspects, but this is what I believe. What do you think? I am confident all these mysteries will be answered in Chain of Iron.

[morepopcornplease]

about what the fandom is arguing that Lena and Kara are married can you give me more details? Can Lena not use the fifth amendment alone? I'm confused

sort’ve already answered here, but i’ll take a stab again.

first, a primary: i DO NOT CARE whether or not the writers have a full understanding of legal process. anyone who looks to TV as their guide to legal procedure is an idiot. writers are here to construct an emotionally satisfying narrative. 

if strangers insist on telling me that this is not how REAL legal proceedings go, then i’d also remind them that:

the line of questioning “what’s Supergirl’s identity?” is objectionable: irrelevant to the case.

the reason for the line of questioning “people deserve to know who’s arresting them” is objectionable: Supergirl did not arrest Lillian Luthor, the police (that Lena called) arrested her. 

Lena would surely have been counseled by her lawyer to plead ignorance as to Supergirl’s identity, which actually affords Lena more protection than the 5th Amendment here.

Lena could have just said “her name’s Zor-El,” a completely accurate statement, without actually revealing Kara’s secret identity at all.

but this is fiction. the emotional and narrative point to this scene was for Lena to reveal:

she knew Supergirl’s identity, 

she was not going to give it up, even under oath, 

the public has to know that Lena knows, in order for 

Lockwood/Liberty to have good foundational reason to kidnap Lena.

but if we wanna look at this scene legally, well, alright:

in the USA, witnesses can invoke 5th Amendment privilege, specifically to avoid self-incrimination. the 5th Amendment protects: “No person...shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself.”

what i think some objectioners forget is that invoking the 5th is NOT a bullet-proof defense in court. let us assume that none of my above legal objections were raised in court, and the question was admissable. would her invocation stand in court? i don’t think so.

“The Fifth Amendment does not provide a blanket right to refuse to answer questions [in civil court]. It is up to the judge to determine whether the privilege is properly invoked and that means that some investigative questioning must be allowed.”

“In civil actions . . . the issue then shifts to whether the claimant is confronted by substantial and real, and not merely trifling or imaginary, hazards of incrimination.”

“If after careful inquiry and consideration of all the circumstances of the case, the judge is perfectly clear that the witness is mistaken and that the answer cannot possibly have a tendency to incriminate, then the judge can compel the witness to answer the question.”

“Failure to answer at that point will subject the witness to possible contempt of court, which, ironically enough, may involve assessment of jail time.”

source for all quotes

if we assume that the judge (somehow) determined that the lawyer’s question was completely relevant to the case of Lillian Luthor, then Lena’s invocation of the Fifth would not, should not stand. Lena would be in contempt of court, or would at least simply be pressured to answer the question directly.

now, why did my brain jump from “i plead the fifth” to “spousal privilege”?

well, because in established legal fiction (here “legal fiction” does not mean “fiction vs reality” but rather a rule that courts have agreed upon as established in order to achieve justice.) your spouse is legally recognized as part of the definition of “yourself” and so, if unwilling, your spouse cannot be legally forced to testify against you:

"[Marital privilege] sprang from two canons of medieval jurisprudence: first, the rule that an accused was not permitted to testify in his own behalf because of his interest in the proceeding; second, the concept that husband and wife were one, and that since the woman had no recognized separate legal existence, the husband was that one. From those two now long-abandoned doctrines, it followed that what was inadmissible from the lips of the defendant-husband was also inadmissible from his wife."� (Trammel v. United States (1980) 445 U.S. 40, 44; see also People v. Sinohui (2002) 28 Cal.4th 205.)

See: Davis v. Dinwoody, 100 Eng. Rep. 1241 (1792); Winham v. Chetwynd, 1 Burrows 414 (K.B. 1757).

See also J. WIGMORE, supra note 1, § 2228, at 215 (when the common law binds a man and his wife together as one, no individual shall part them).

the idea almost certainly originates from this Bible quote

and while the Supreme Court quote may lead you to believe that this rule is now defunct, NOPE, it still exists!!

The Supreme Court has recognized two privileges that arise from the marital relationship. The first permits a witness to refuse to testify against his or her spouse. This is the testimonial privilege. The witness spouse alone holds the privilege and may choose to waive it.

The second privilege, called the marital communications privilege, provides that “[c]ommunications between the spouses, privately made, are generally assumed to have been intended to be confidential, and hence they are privileged . . . .”

Marital Privilege Law and Legal Definition

with that said, there are logic holes to poke in my own joke too!!!!

some things i got wrong:

“I plead the Fifth” are not the legal words to directly invoke spousal privilege. the correct words are “I assert my spousal privilege” or “I assert my marital communications privilege.” words are DEEPLY important in legal procedure.

I thought that these privileges also applied to common law marriages. They do not. 

How the heck are you gonna prove your marriage when the identity of one party of that marriage is the thing in question???? (i didnt get this one wrong so much as i just dreamed up an AU where Maggie and Winn falsified a marriage certificate for them)

to sum up: i made a dumb fun joke because it was my first reaction to Lena invoking the Fifth. i simply wanted to share my dumb fun legal conspiracy theory with folks here, for the plot-bunnies that might spring forth. 

it was my first reaction, and i guffawed, and i shared my joke. that’s really all there is to it. people treating it like a writer’s conspiracy, or trying to use it as excuse to say the writers are dumb, are really missing the point: having dumb fun with a “what if???” plot bunny of mine.

[snugglyporos]

Poro head canons though. What is their height/size? From infancy to a mature poro. And what happens to older Poros? Do they age at all, and do they become less active like humans and other species?

Well, from what we see in pictures about poros in terms of size, a full size poro is about halfway up a person’s shin? seems like it so like, a foot tall maybe? Seems to be about as wide. baby poros are tiny too based on the art of them. So I imagine they’re like kittens. Not literally cotton ball sized, but close? 

In general, my theory is that poros don’t really ‘age.’ In fact, a poro fluft seems to always be about the same number of poros, which would mean that poros seem to just appear until there are enough poros. In truth I imagine this is because poros create new poros by being so filled with love that two poros snuggle together, their excess wool forms a ball, and the excess love fills the ball and it becomes a poro. 

Its better than feeding them until they explode into more poros, which to me would mean the world would be overrun by poros in little over a month. 

Thus, a fluft of poros, if I’m correct that it’s like, fifty to a hundred poros or so, given poros are kinda like sheep or goats like that, then the poros just naturally end up with certain ratios. Thus in a fluft there might be about ten to twenty baby poros. 

As I said, I don’t think poros age. I think that at some point the baby poro thinks that it should probably be a regular poro at this point, and then it becomes one, and that’s that really. We know poros are also very curious and have spread out across the world. So I imagine that when two poros meet somewhere, a fluft is created. Likely with local flavor based on the environment. 

Obviously, this begs the question! What about Woolbur? Isn’t he an old poro? 

Well, yes and no. 

See, my headcanon is that what poros believe to be true becomes true, because poros were created to keep the void in check, and keep the great old one under the Freljord ice there. If poros were created out of all the good left in the Freljord as a counterbalance, then logically poros have to somehow be able to survive in a climate that is apparently made of solid ice all year long. Also, poros wander around the Howling Abyss asking gods and monsters for snax and are seemingly immune to any and all forms of damage and magic. 

My theory about this is that poros do not believe that anything wants to hurt a poro, because poros are 1/3rd innocence and 1/3rd kindness. Thus, if nothing wants to hurt a poro, then nothing is trying to, and thus because nothing is trying to, nothing can. This is also in line with Riot’s one answered question about eating poros, where apparently even if you could cut one into a steak or something, as soon as you ate it, it would regenerate into a fully grown poro inside of you, and it would be unharmed. 

What does this have to do with old poros? Well poros are a very basic creature sentience wise. Poros do not seem to have concepts like government or religion or farming or cooking or even fire. They are slightly smarter animals, essentially. But poros can reason. And poros can learn. And we know that the poro king was a poro that traveled far and wide, learned from the world, and came back, becoming the poro king. 

Except poros have no idea what a king is. So their idea is from what they saw humans have. Thus, the poro king is the most poro-y poro, the way a human king is the most human-y human. Has a crown and boots and a cape and a mustache, because clearly all kings have these things. Is logical to poros!

Woolbur after all, is a wizard. What do poros know about wizards? Well, wizards are magical! Can make plants grow and stuff! Are also all old and shaggy! And mumble a lot! All of these things are clearly things that all wizards have. Thus, Woolbur is an old shaggy wizard poro. 

I’ve never said if Woolbur is actually old or not. Mostly because poros do not seem to have a concept of age. After all, if poros cannot die, then aging and reproducing turns them into a cancerous concept that would overrun the world. And that’s not how poros are. 

But my headcanon for Woolbur was always that he, like the poro king, adventured to see the world, and learned magic somewhere, my joke was he learned it from giant poros aka sheep, because in mythology giants always have magic, and a giant poro is a sheep basically. 

So he’s already someone who’s older by human standards. That he now looks and acts old is probably by his own volition and understanding of being a wizard; he found a bunch of wizards, they were all old when they knew things, so logically he must be old too. But had he come back and said ‘i’m a wizard and wizards are just normal’ the poros probably would have believed it. 

So he might not really be old. He might just be shaggy and mumbly and seem old because that’s what poros think wizards are. 

Again, it’s hard to have a concept of age without death, and poros cannot die. So if poros cannot die, then logically they cannot age beyond when they decide they’re not baby poros anymore. Note that means a baby poro might be a baby poro forever if it thought it should be. 

Of course, on some level, this would mean poros are some of the oldest creatures on earth in general, having been around since the void showed up originally. 

There’s also the matter of what ‘poros believing things to be true makes them true’ means for other people. 

For example, my headcanon is that Braum is immortal. Why? Because Braum is the only human with an official title given to him by the poros. He is ‘Friend of the Poros.’ Note that again, that’s in present tense. When the poros collectively think of Braum, they go ‘is friend of poros!’ Meaning that at all times Braum exists in the now. It also explains how Santa Braum exists. 

But this means that Braum is more than just a mighty defender, it means that he’s an immortal guy with a door and a big heart that became literally immortal by befriending poros. 

There’s also some speculation that poros are related to the watchers, given that they sorta look like them? and thus would be related to Bard somehow, one of the strongest beings in the world. 

But I believe that what makes the difference is that poros are innocent, and thus can believe fantastical things without questioning the logic of them, thus making them magically powerful enough to effect reality on the level of literally stopping the void. 

You could also say that a similar existence is true for the Poro Herder, a mysterious individual who seems to have befriended the poros as a part of a fluft, and for all we know is an immortal sage who lives with the sheep puffs. 

Also interesting of note, if poros cannot die, then how can there be ghost poros? Logically, my theory is that poros somehow ended up on the shadow isles. Once there, they realized ghosts looked kind of like humans, but were greenish. So logically, poros should look different too! and now there are purple poros. 

It’s also canon that poros have the power to change people around them; Thresh for example, one of the cruelest, most evil beings in the Shadow Isles, is made docile and caring in the presence of poros. Velkoz speculates that exposure to them makes people stupid; in truth poro’s innocence and kindness spreads to others around them. Thus can a being like Thresh be made kind despite being one of the cruelest beings in existence. 

Of course, this fits with the fact that poros, as a species, were seemingly made by the gods to offset the void, which is literally chaos and violence and hatred and the like based on the champions that come out of it. Thus, the creatures made to offset it would have to be equally powerfully attuned in the other direction. This would make them akin to like, neutral good avatars or snuggle elementals. 

It also means that any god or evil creature on earth cannot really hope to match poros. One of the jokes with Veigar is his attempts to do evil with poros just makes more poros. They are, simply put, incorruptible. You cannot make an evil poro, because a poro by definition is good. It would be like making a car that didn’t drive or a phone that didn’t call anyone. It defies the very idea of what the thing is. 

Of course, my theory on this is that evil gods actually approved of the creation of poros and use them to taunt their followers; evil gods after all would logically be opposed to the void, which wants to destroy everything, including the evil gods of the world, so logically poros become an easy way to torment the void. you don’t tell the poros that’s what you are doing with them of course, but that’s how it shakes out.

Another headcanon I have is that poros do sorta have a ‘god’ of their own. But it’s not a ‘god’ in the traditional sense, because poros have no concept of religion or faith the way humans understand it. The closest thing I can relate it to is like how elves in a lot of mythology venerate nature? Like nature isn’t a god it’s just a thing they believe in spiritually? 

Poros don’t know what a god is any more than they know what a king is. Thus, if their understanding of a king is the most x of x, then their understanding of a god is roughly the same, just even more x and also in the sky or something. 

Which has made me joke before that the Great Poro is literally just a massive poro residing in his own elemental plane of snuggles, which defies all logic but none of the other gods want to tell it or the poros that, because it’s not really hurting anyone and now the gods have a poro of their own too! The poros don’t worship it, and have no idea of what religion even is, but if there are somehow giant humans in the sky or somewhere else, then maybe there must be poros there too! 

This is also how moon poros came to be, because poros figured that A. snow is white, B. the moon is white, so thus the moon must have snow, and thus there must be poros there too! And now there are. 

As a result of this, there are also lots of other kinds of poros, such as the Pumpkin poros that I have on the blog in fall, because pumpkins are sorta poro shaped. Also sea poros, because the sea is big, and thus poros must be in there too. It’s unclear if they are the result of poros going there and then adapting, or if they spontaneously appeared. I figure it’s best left vague. 

Anyway, that’s a lot of headcanons and thoughts by me on poros, because I’ve been writing poros for almost four years I think and at this time the poros have their own backstory I’ve crafted out of random ideas and jokes along the way. hope this is useful as an answer!

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “It Honestly Depends”

@insertunoriginalusername gave me he prompt for this idea, I pretty much sat with it as I was working, so they should honestly get most of the credit for this one. Sorry if this one doesn't seem up to scratch, I got really used to writing the exciting Out of Warp Arc in my novel style, and now I have to get used to writing some of the older ones again. Hope you like it anyway :)

“Alright everyone, Quiet down…… I SAID QUIET! Down….” That’s better.

The large semicircular auditorium grew quiet as the assembled students finally ceased their chatter and took their seats, hundreds of legs clattered against the floor, carapace shifted, and mandibles tapped as the students leaned forward in anticipation.

There were hundreds of them with thousands of eyes all staring forward expectantly in anticipation of what was to come. The, small Tesraki professor stood at the front of the room and adjusted his translating device with a thin hand, “Were you all able to purchase the required packet for this moths lessons.”

The room shifted around them with a murmur.

They had, this was a book they actually wanted to read, information they were interested in learning.

“Good.” The professor said, looking around at the assembled students with a critical eye. Most of these students had been previously trained in universities and programs across the cosmos. Some of them had been educated in the old ways of their planets, but as the Galactic Assembly grew larger, and more accessible, more and more students were turning their attention to knowledge gained off world. However, settings like the current one they were in right now, was designed specifically for a high turnover of information. It was up to the students to do with it as they could.

Generally speaking, they would need to be diligent and quick in their studies to complete this course and go into the ensuing fields. Many of them wished to be diplomats, politicians, and cultural scientists, studying other races across the cosmos. This meant learning as much as they could about all existing races and their culture before being allowed into the field.

This week, they were learning about the humans…. Everyone wanted to learn about humans. And, of course, with this species, it wasn’t enough to learn just about their culture. Without the context of the human homeworld, there was no freezable way to understand the human’s culture. Unlike other unites, this unit included, biology, geography, chemistry, and neuroscience, all in order to explain human behavior and cultural customs.

The packet they had been ordered to purchase was an extension of the current texts, and was supposed to contain all the primary research and information currently possessed about humans. Despite more than a few years of involvement with the Galactic Assembly, primary resources on humans and their cultural customs were few and far between. That meant, in short, that the field was open to whoever was willing to take advantage of it. This generation would have an entirely new species open to them, they were to become the primary experts on these strange creatures, the newest diplomats, and some of the greatest historians. Of course, as peace talks with the Drev continued, there would be discussion about them in the future, but with even less information the future was less than certain.

The reading had been more than interesting, but the person who wrote it was clearly not a social scientist or a historian. He was simply a bystander, and most of his observations held clear bias, misunderstanding, and great amounts of confusion. He was a surgeon after all, and not a social scientist. He was also a Vrul, and they weren’t known for their great ability to understand others and their motivation.

Trauma Surgeon Krill of the Vrul had been a member aboard a human ship for more than a year at this point, and his papers were making waves in the scientific community. There was no group of scientists, no discipline that wasn’t interested in what he had to say, even if the information was inaccurate.

Furthermore, the Captain aboard his ship represented the primary source of what they understood about humans. His biological map was the standard for textbooks, academia, diagrams and medical biology. Most of the images they had for their medical information came from that same human, though Krill had included some more images in with his primary sources, and these included estimations on possible human color pallets which was honestly more fascinating than it should have been.

The professor waved to quiet them one more time before continuing, “I know, I know, you are all very excited about today’s speaker, but I must ask you to remain calm and remember to take your turns when asking questions, we cannot have this devolve into pandemonium.” No one said a word, wishing their teacher would just shut up and introduce their speaker already. The teacher looked around at the faces of his students and then sighed, he knew they weren’t going to be able to pay attention until then so, “Alright, since you all seem so eager, let me go ahead introduce today’s speaker.” The teacher shuffled around at the podium for a moment before beginning, “A galaxy renowned trauma surgeon, Dr Krill of the Vrul has spent the most documented tie with a human crew in the known galaxy immersing himself completely in their culture and their habits without returning to his own species for more than a few days at a time. At this current moment, he is the galaxy’s leading researcher on humans, and the author of your packets, if you did not make the connection, so please, help me give a warm welcome to Dr. Krill.”

The room burst into an amalgamation of applause, or the alien equivalent, as a small, many legged form scuttled up to the podium. At the front of the auditorium, a few students couldn’t help but notice the way that the Dr. Moved, in quick short bursts dispersed through long luxurious and stalking movements, unusual for his particular body type. The Vrul didn’t behave like that.

He stopped at the podium two front appendages resting against the lectern with a thoughtful expression, “I am very flattered to have been brought here today to speak with you, but I am afraid my opinions and knowledge will tend to be rather biased in this area of research. You see, when I joined the human crew I had no intention of being this important to the scientific community, and much of the reports that I have written stem from my own understanding and baser knowledge. I think it is important for you all to understand that I do not have all the answers, and am a Surgeon and not a social scientist. Take whatever I say with a grain of salt as is only logical.”

He shifted his body weight from one set of feet to the other, “The first think you must be aware of…. They spend about 10% of their time doing dumb shit, and then they spend the other 90% of their time doing even dumber shit.” He held up a hand to the crowd, “yeah, I know, sounds biased right, but you must hear me out. I have this evolutionary theory, that humans are crazy and have no sense of self preservation, so they evolved to be as indestructible as they are because that was the only way nature could keep their dumbasses alive. I saw this with all the affection in my soul of course, I…. have grown rather fond of the humans.” He stepped away from the podium and began walking up and down the front of the room.

“Humans aren’t known to be good at any one thing. Your species, whatever it may be, has at least one advantage over humans, yet I can tell you that humans will find a way to be better somehow, by cheating. Take for instance, my own species. The Vrul are known for their absolute and completely infallible logic. Well, humans don’t need logic, they defy it with absolutely everything they do. And when logic says that only logic will lead to the correct answer, you end up at that answer only to find a human has already reached it through some completely incomprehensible roundabout thinking. They build the most amazing technology simply because they have no comprehension of what is and is not possible. Everyone in the galaxy knows that  Rundi cannot be outrun, and at short distances, this is even true for a human, but at long distances they can not only outrun a Rundi, but they can probably, set up tea and biscuits for him at the finish line and iron most of his laundry while he is waiting. Humans have no sense of when something is enough, they don’t understand when to stop. For instance the Rundi never developed a way to move faster, why would they need to? Well, the humans don’t get this, they are always trying to go faster and for longer distances at a time, using the least amount of work possible.  I am going to tell you something you aren’t going to like…...”

The class leaned forward in their curiosity, “You are never going to understand the humans. No matter what you do, you will think you know, and then something will happen and you will realize everything you thought you knew was a lie. So I have decided, that I cannot finish this lecture.” There was an immediate murmur around the room as the students protested angrily to his words. They had been looking forward to this. Instead, the Vrul held up a hand to stop them, in such a decisive manner that they were still into thir seats, “I think you will appreciate what I have for you much better. I brought with me a real expert on human culture.”

That must have been a cue as there was a sudden shuffling of footsteps, and the entire room turned to see…. A human, walking down the isle of the room. They all gasped and shifted in their seats in excitement, they knew this human, they knew this human. He paused at the front of the class next to Dr. Krill and leaned himself again the lectern nonchalantly his predatory eyes sweeping across the room in small jerking movements…. The human eye did not move particularly smoothly.

“So, what do you want to know?” The room shifted uncomfortably wondering if the human had heard what the doctor had said about him earlier.

“He’s overreacting you know, Humans don’t do stupid stuff just out of nowhere, well, not generally…. Not all the time anyway…. I mean sometimes we do, but usually we’re drunk, or well… sometimes we aren’t…. … you know what, never mind He’s right, we do a lot of stupid shit, but I think he’s mostly been biased by me. There are plenty of humans that don’t do stupid stuff. I do, all the time, not going to deny that. Questions?”

The room was quiet for a moment and then a student raised a hand, “How do humans greet each other?”

“Oh, that’s easy, you say hi…. Or hello I suppose.” The human tapped his chin, “Well you know, it honestly depends. You can hug someone, or wave at them, or salute, or tip your hat (that one is sort of weird though, or you can high five or fist bump or tackle them or pat them on the back, or a variation or a secret handshake, oh yeah or a regular handshake…. Or there are other greetings, most of them we don’t use, but you can use them and people will understand Yo what’s up, and its variations. I suppose you can also just nod to them though it depends on who they are you use an upward nod if you respect them or a lower nod if you are a little unsure…..” He paused looking around the room at the slack faces and wide eyes, “Um, you know what, disregard that. Say Hello, and offer a hand for a handshake, that will do for pretty much any human.”

There was another moment of quiet before another one of the students raised their hand, “How does one avoid upsetting a human, or insulting them I guess.”

The human sat back against the lectern and frowned, “Um, well that is a massive ass can of worms isn’t it. Well first things first, don’t openly insult or call them names, unless you are friends with them, and then the more vicious the names you call them the better, don’t insult family members, generally most humans are more upset with you insulting people they like. Don’t insult things they like, I suppose unless you are teasing and you have developed a report and they trust you enough to know that you aren’t being a jerk. Um, here don’t talk about income, religion, race, sexuality, political beliefs, money, raising children, the UNSC, the economy. In certain places you need to make sure your shoes are off before you enter a house, don’t point your feet at anyone, and don’t give anyone a rude gesture, so no middle fingers, and sometimes a thumbs up isn’t a good idea.” Again the entire room had gone slack jawed, those who had been taking notes had stopped taking notes, “The captain sighed, why are your questions so damn hard…. Um ok, hard and fast rule is not to talk about religion, politics, or money, don’t openly insult someone to their face, and don’t insult their family. Otherwise you just need to gage a person based on how they are personally, if they are a decent person they will forgive you the first time around because you didn’t know. If they get offended even though you couldn’t have known then they are trash and avoid them."

To the side of the room Dr. Krill had his arms crossed, and a surprisingly human expression crossing his face. No one in the room would have known, but it was likely the expression of someone very, very smug. Now he wasn’t the only one who had to deal with the absolute stupidity of humans and their annoyingness.

The room shifted, hands came up and then went back down, Captain Vir watched in rather sheepish amusement as the students struggled trying to find the easiest question they could think of, and then finally there was a hand.

“How do you know if a human likes you?”

The captain tapped his fingers on his arms, “Hmm, I suppose you won’t.” The class stared on, “I mean sometimes you will and sometimes you won’t. Humans pretend to like each other all the time and then talk behind each other’s backs. I suppose if someone saves your life that’s a good bet that they like you, but then again that may not be true, some people are really moral and will save people they dislike. Perhaps if the human comes to hang out with you, but also if you are in a group they may not like you and they just tolerate you being there for the other people. Some people are better at faking than others. If you are talking to a human and they give you very short curt answers and they don’t make eye contact or stop what they are doing, than maybe they don’t like you, but if they seek YOU out to hang out and seem to do it often, than they probably like you. Oh, you know what, a good indicator is if the human tells you something secret or personal about themselves, they wouldn’t do that for someone they distrust or dislike. Although, don’t feel bad if someone you think you like doesn’t do this, some people are just really private, shy and have problems trusting others completely.”…. “Honestly, now that I think about it, this one isn’t such an easy answer either, you sort of have to gage it person to person.

Around the auditorium, the entire room gave a deep sigh and rested back into their chairs, this was going to be a long evening. Honestly, did they REALLY want to go into this field?

Humans were so complicated after all.