#some of you need to read that then read it again then read it everyday until you understand what it means

[idyllicsam]

I was really attached to my grandfather before he passed. Like, lowkey, way more than I had ever loved or will love anyone. He was my everything. He was more of a father figure to me than my dad because my dad was always away for work.

So when I'd finally moved to another country, away from my grandfather, and it had been a year or so since he'd visited me there, I'd gotten sick of talking to him everyday. I was thirteen. You could say I didn't know any better when I really, and I mean really, fucking did.

So on new years' night, right before school reopened after winter break, when I was at home watching YouTube videos of five-minute-crafts, I heard my mom's voice break in the kitchen. It's a very vivid memory. It was like 11 at night, and it was honestly too late for me to be awake at all. My mom wanted me to sleep properly because I was an insomniac like my father.

But begrudgingly, with all the fear in my heart, I walked to the kitchen that overlooked the living room. My mother saw me, and she almost got scared. Then, she walked over to the couch where my dad was sitting, and plopped down next to him. Her nose was sniffing. Her eyes were red.

And then, when I called out to her. She wouldn't answer. She just wouldn't. So I went up to her, and she hid her phone screen. I pulled on her sleeve as hard as I could, asking her what was wrong. My voice kept getting louder and louder, until my dad handed me the phone.

I didn't dare to look at the screen. I couldn't. Not yet. Not until she said it was okay for me to do it. Then, my father said, "She needs to know. She's old enough."

So I looked. And my heart dropped. Because on the screen, was my grandfather's photo. Tubes attached to his body, eyes closed, the weakest I'd ever seen him be. He was in his early sixties. He wasn't even that old, and his organs were all failing for no apparent reason. I looked at my mother in horror, because she had known. And she hadn't told me.

For days, my grandfather was at the hospital ten thousand miles away in our home country, and my mother didn't bother to tell me.

I cried. I yelled. It was the loudest I'd ever cried. No child could've thrown a tantrum like that. I yelled, I screamed—snot was coming out of my nose and tears flowed like there was an unlimited supply.

I'd grown up too quickly until I was thirteen. Because when I saw my grandfather like that—a man I still love more than my own mother—I was five again. I was five, and I missed sitting on his shoulders while he bought me a lollipop from the corner store.

The next day, I went to school. And I didn't talk to anybody. That night, my grandfather passed. And not one single tear came out.

I questioned myself a lot that night. I couldn't sleep. Was I heartless for crying when he was alive, instead of now? Was I a stone cold bitch for avoiding talking to him on video calls?

And then, I still went to school the next day. Even though my mother said no. I went. Because there was no point of me sitting at home when he was ten thousand miles away—somewhere I couldn't reach him no matter how hard I tried.

I turned into a stoic clown for my family. I wouldn't let my mother cry, no matter how sad she was. I'd make shitty jokes, talk about stupid drama at school—again, I was twenty-five at thirteen.

For more than five years now, that's what I've been. I don't cry about him in front of my family. I even forgot his death anniversary this year, until the next day. On January third this year, I sat in my room, reading a book with the air-conditioner on when I realized, "Oh shit, my grandfather died yesterday six years ago."

And honestly, that's just what grief is. It doesn't go away with time. It stays. It gets rooted into you so much that you forget some of it. But it stays.

No one prepares you for how crippling grief is, last year my mom died of cancer. I watched her decline so rapidly that my brain couldn't understand who I was looking at by the time she passed. I couldn't understand who I was by the time she passed because I had to become a vessel who makes appointments, dresses, nurses, cooks and an entity who does not sleep. I did it all alone. The reality is that cancer eats away at everything, it lives on even after the patient dies. It ate away at every part of me, I couldn't get out of bed, I had sleep paralysis, I couldn't stop seeing her... like that. They asked me if she's my grandmother when they carried her out of the house. She was in her early 50s. Do you understand? In 3 months, she began to look like she was 80. Everyone wanted me to move on after a month, no one called anymore, not even a text. I thought I was alone when she was alive, but this was a new type of isolation. One that I barely survived. (thank you to my mutuals and tumblr for being an outlet)

It's been a year and 6 months, today I realized she's not the first thing I think of in the morning, or the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. I couldn't even call to do paperwork before, now I'm forgetting why it was even that difficult.

The sun's out, I think i'm going to get ice cream without feeling guilty that it's not something she can do anymore.

[cloversplace]

“Pony was being dramatic!” “Darry only hit him once!” “You’re telling me Darry never hit him before?” “Johnny gets hit everyday at home and doesn’t complain!”

Shush. Just, stop for a minute. I personally think that Pony’s reaction to getting slapped was justified, and it angers me a little sometimes when people chalk it down to just him being a brat. Ponyboy already thinks Darry doesn’t want him around, Darry’s constantly on Pony for every little thing, being hard on him to keep him from getting taken away. Hitting him is one thing that would get Pony taken away faster than anything else, in doing this, Darry’s accidentally sending Ponyboy a message: He doesn’t just not want him around, he wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible. 

“Oh but Darry probably hit him a lot when they were kids!” EXACTLY. When. They. Were. KIDS. Darry 100% slugged Pony a couple times bc he was being a little shit, but Darry’s stuck halfway between being a father and a brother. He’s not just Pony’s brother anymore, he’s his guardian. Pony explicitly says that no one in his family hit each other, including their parents. Pony says Darry looks exactly like their dad, in that moment, Pony can’t imagine his father hitting him. If his parents had still been alive and his father had hit him instead of Darry, Pony would’ve had the same reaction. Pony’s in shock, when someone is hurt they go into fight or flight, Pony is a track star, and also kinda scrawny. (no offense Pony) He’s gonna choose to run instead of try to fight back. Because in his mind, if Darry hit him once, who’s to say he isn’t gonna do it again?

Now onto Johnny, yes Johnny has it way, way worse at home than Pony does. But he’s also used to it, it’s sad, but true. Johnny’s used to being hit by his parents, Pony isn’t. The first hits are always the worst. We see that in Tex and The Outsiders. There’s no doubt in my mind that Johnny acted like Pony did when he was younger, when he wasn’t so used to his parents hitting him. If Darry continued to hit Pony, Pony would eventually start to act like Johnny. Learn to take it. I also don’t think that Johnny was mad/annoyed with Pony for acting like he did. Maybe Johnny was a little jealous when Pony used to complain that Darry hated him. But that was before Darry hit him, Johnny’s probably a little mad at Darry too, being honest. Darry’s supposed to be the one holding them together. The one refuge most greasers on the East side have. Johnny probably knew deep down that Darry was scared and most likely felt bad and won’t do it again. But you still don’t hit people when you’re scared. Johnny has never been hit out of fear, every time his parents beat on him it’s out of anger. You hit out of anger, you fight back out of fear. 

So no, Pony didn’t deserve to be slapped. He wasn’t asking for it. They lost their parents less than a year ago. Darry is 20 years old for fuck’s sake! I bet some of you reading this right now are either older than that or only a year or two younger. 20 is arguably still a kid, and 20 should not be the age to take on two jobs, maintaining a house, and taking care of two teenagers, plus 4 other teens and oh, I don’t know, almost everyone in eastern Tulsa? That’s too much to ask of anyone. Even if Pony was being a little shit (which he usually is, but in the argument that night I would say Darry kind of instigated it more, at least in the book/movie) that still doesn’t mean he deserved the hit, or shove, in the movie’s case. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, I really needed to just put that out there. I’m seeing so many people ratting on Pony for the way he acted, especially comparing him to the way Johnny is treated at home. Which isn’t fair in my opinion. Thank u for listening! 💜

@natur3sf1rstgr33n @magefelixir @staygoldspiiderrah @marciavalance @sonnysimagination@polishravagingasexual @dairyfairyy @curtis-brothers-hug @penguinstuff @colequette@therealtwobit67 @far-away-from-tulsa @strxwberry-julius @fawning4leif @im14andivebeen14foramonth @chipperdipperr @stayruby @averagefandomist @johnnycademyschmookie @maxiebearz @totoroboiii

[marsian-tango]

Yandere Cowboy

Ah, the countryside…

It’s such a contrast to the messy and hectic scenery of your city—flickering lights from the streets, which shine manages to cover the inside of your bedroom, even with the curtains drawn; loud voices that echo against the quiet of the neighborhood at night; the constant fear of getting robbed while you’re walking home from the grocery store, or at the bus station, or while you’re taking a nice stroll in the park.

You chose to live in the city. It inspired you at the time. It made you feel like a complete star, living in a cosmopolitan environment, breathing the air filled with potential and dreams, sending new chapters and drafts to your editorial almost everyday. You wanted this, so why does it seem so annoying now?

Maybe it’s because you drank a little bit too much tonight, but the idea of leaving your entire life behind and starting again doesn’t seem so bad all of the sudden…

Imagine. A pretty farm, lots of animals, creating a new routine, meeting new people, expanding your horizons. It’s perfect! Plus, you can still do your job, this shouldn’t be an impediment. In fact, this is gonna get you the inspiration that you’ve been lacking lately!

Oh, a whole new life waiting ahead of you. The intoxicating calmness and the pretty landscapes are bound to make you feel right at home. You just know it.

It’s been two months since you arrived at this place. The Campbell farm. You’ve gotten pretty used to the whole country life—if you may say so yourself.

You walk through the farm after eating breakfast, heading to the barn like you usually do. Waving and cooing at the animals that you passed by, making sure to bathe in praise every cute animal that you see.

You take in the morning sight, the one that always takes your breath away, no matter how many times you see it. It remains just as beautiful every single time you look at it.

Lush green plains covering the landscape, as well as fields with different kinds of vegetables and cereals, and a few small creeks here and there that seem to shine in an ethereal glow when the sunlight hits it. The breeze caresses your face softly, bringing the faint smell of mud with it. It’s all just like the stories you always read, or the Hallmark movies you sometimes watch—the ones you take a guilty pleasure from.

It’s all a new routine, different from the one you had in the city. Wake up at 7:44—even if the Campbell ladies scold you for ‘waking up late’; collect the eggs from the chicken coop; make yourself breakfast; clean the chicken coop; feed the animals—except the cows, they may look cute and soft, but they haven’t warmed up to you yet; and lastly, find Flynn to see if he needs any help.

Ah, right. Flynn.

“Hey! How’s it goin’, sweetheart?” A deep voice resonates in the old barn, pulling a knowing smile from your face.

“Nothing much.” You say dismissively. “How are you? Anything I can help you with?”

Flynn Bennet. The golden boy of these lands. Son of a well respected landowner, who passed away when he was just a kid. Popular amongst the other landowners for his helpful nature and charming presence—and that’s exactly why he’s here, helping out at the Campbell’s farm out of the goodness of his heart.

“Oh, I’m doin’ just fine on my own, sweetheart.” He says as he lifts a square bale and puts it amongst others in a corner. He steps towards you, standing in front of you. “But I actually have some business in town, wanna come with?”  Your face lights up at his offer and you nod eagerly.

He chuckles, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to bring you closer as you two start walking to his truck. “Mhm, knew you’d agree.”

Ever since you got here, you’ve felt a sense of comfort every time Flynn’s around. He’s your only friend here apart from the owners of the farm after all. He’s just such a country sweetheart, and you don’t want to stereotype him…but he’s a living stereotype himself! He’s a true gentleman. He’s helpful, caring, respectful, handsome. You like being around him, and—in all honesty—who doesn’t?

He always seems to appear out of nowhere when you need him the most, or when you’re coincidentally looking for him. He’s just always so within reach. Every time you have a problem—as minuscule as it may be—he’s there. Like when the bathroom door got stuck after you came out of the shower, or when your curiosity got the best of you and you tried to hand feed the cows, or that time when you thought it’d be cool to ride a horse—without really knowing how to ride a horse. 

But that’s only what you perceive, isn’t it?

You don’t notice his lingering gaze tracing every curve of your body when you’re not looking. You don’t notice the way his polite smile seems to tense—like it always does when he’s lying—when he says that the Campbell’s asked him to do the laundry for them, but he only ever picks up your clothes. You don’t notice the heavy breathing coming from your wardrobe when you’re about to go to sleep.

To you, he’s your knight in shining armor, ready to help you whenever you need. But to the omniscient presence following your story? Well…it’s complicated.

“I don’t wanna sound like a jerk, but both look the same to me.” You deadpan, shrugging at him.

Flynn rolls his eyes. “C’mon, darlin’! They’re two completely different colors—oh, whatever. Just tell me which one you like best.” He slightly lifts the two hangers with the shirts, so you can see them better. The only aspect that helps you tell them apart is an almost imperceptible shade difference. You don’t seem to be a very helpful shopping-buddy.

Before you can give your answer, a sudden voice startles both of you.

“Well, look who we have here, if it ain’t the Golden Boy himself!” You turn your head to look at the stranger, which makes him drift his gaze to you. A smirk stretches across the stranger’s face before he acknowledges your presence. “And…a cute lil’ angel too.”

“Ah…” You laugh awkwardly, unaware of the hard glare Flynn was giving the man. “Uhm, you guys know each other?”

Flynn huffs under his breath as he sets the shirts he was holding on a nearby table. He hates being interrupted, and he especially despises being interrupted while he’s spending time with you. Don’t people know that intrusions like these are impolite? Ugh! He just wishes he could bang this guy’s head against the wall over, and over, and over, and—

“Boy, do we know each other, huh, Bennie?” The man chuckles, patting Flynn’s shoulder with a bit too much force, but Flynn’s broad body doesn’t flinch. “We’re like cousins, we went to school together!”

Flynn lets out a sigh, clenching his fist in exasperation until his knuckles turn white. “Yeah, good to see you, Harvey, but we’re actually a lil’ busy here—”

“Oh, don’t kick me out like this! I still need to get to know this lil’ sugarcube right here…” His eyes slowly wander down your body, his tongue running along his lower lip as he does so.

Your eyes widen slightly in response to his overwhelming—and kind of off putting—attention, making you turn to Flynn for support. His features soften as his gaze collides with yours, and he gives you a reassuring smile.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, Harvey,” You say politely, but unenthusiastically. “But Flynn’s right, we were actually about to leave, so…” You lie, feigning an apologetic look.

“Oh, well that’s quite alright! You see, I can tell you’re not from ‘round here, and I’ve heard that the Campbell’s got a little guest on their farm,” Harvey takes a step closer to you, invading your space, and making you back away until your back touches the wall behind you. “You don’t happen to be said guest, do ya’? Cause if you are, then I could—you know—drop by and…pay you a lil’ visit.” He smirks at you, and you grimace.

Next thing you know, Flynn’s pulling you to his chest, away from Harvey. You welcome his comforting touch with open arms, letting him hold you against him, and ignoring how tight his grip is on you. You pretend not to notice the sharp tension hanging in the air, and you also pretend not to notice how the man’s face turns from arrogance to something close to fear.

“We’ll be on our way now, Harvs. It was…nice seeing you.” His voice sounds just as easy going as it always does, but there’s something in the way he says it. Something…fake. Restrained. Controlled. As if he was holding back from saying something entirely different.

You two leave the shop without sparing him a single glance. Flynn’s grip on your arm remains tight, he seems to have forgotten to let go, but you don’t dare remind him. You’ve never seen him act like this, and it unnerves you.

You get in his truck, sitting in the passenger's seat, and he buckles your seatbelt for you before turning the car. Even in a state of wrath, he remains a gentleman.

The ride back to the farm is quiet, disturbingly so. You choose to leave him be and let him cool off instead of questioning his behavior—no matter how intrigued you are. Throughout the whole journey home, you stay in your head, daydreaming about everything and anything.

And while you wonder if the cupcake that you left in the fridge disappeared, was stolen, or you simply ate it and don’t remember—Flynn is scheming.

Lost in his head, his mind going 100 miles per hour, he plans how he’ll punish that bastard for shamelessly harassing you in front of him. He plans how he’ll make that vermin pay for even attempting to woo you. He plans where he’ll hide the body. He plans if he’ll even leave a body.

He’ll gauge his eyes. He’ll skin him alive. He’ll chop off every limb of his body. He’ll make sure to give him a slow and agonizingly painful death.

Flynn Bennet has never killed anyone. Why would he? He’s the Golden Boy after all, the knight in shining armor, the prince charming. But now that he has you. Lovely, sweet, innocent, god-sent you. What is he supposed to do?! Let that parasite…live? NO!

C’mon! ‘Sugarcube’? CREEP ALERT!

Someone as precious as you shouldn't have to deal with morons like that.

He needs to protect you! You’re from the city, you don’t know how disgusting these people can be—how nauseating they are! They’ll try to take advantage of your naivety and hurt you!

Not him though. He’s the exception, he’s the only one you can trust.

Sure—he may or may not sniff your dirty clothes until he falls asleep, and he may or may not watch you while you change…and sleep…and shower…and just overall exist—but that’s just a bad habit! He’ll quit once you become his, he swears!

He will take great care of you. The second you become his, you’ll never have to worry ever again.

He’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry about a thing. He’ll make sure to romance you how it’s supposed to, like a true gentleman. Trust him. His mother and older sister have taught him how to treat a darling like you.

So, just you wait. You just keep writing your stories, playing with the animals, getting to know yourself. He’ll take care of the rest.

After all, what better way to live the country life than with a cowboy by your side?

I did it! I finally did it! I finished what i was supposed to finish a month ago! Are you guys proud of me? I know you're not, you must be heavily disappointed, especially the person who requested this. I'm sorry. But I did it, at last, the prophecy has been fulfilled and I can finally write whatever I want guiltless... I know it's not very good nor very long, but at least it's here (Which is the bare minimum, I'm sorry) I love you all, I hope everyone is having a good day or night. Remember to point out any mistakes that you see. Ps. @c4cyk4 I'm really sorry, my sweet N4N4, I owe you. I shouldn't have taken this long. I love you, don't leave me, wifey <3

[bybobbysbeard]

Fine Gold

Day 11 for @bucktommyfluffebruary: double date read on ao3 read other days here

Karen gestured expansively, her horribly bright cocktail sloshing dangerously. “So I said, the rotational energy is going to overcome the momentum and you’re not going to land where you’re expecting to. And he laughed at me. Like, what, I developed the thrusters so I don’t understand how a gyroscopic inertial works? It was my trajectory he was screwing up!” She smacks the table with her free hand. The little skewer of pineapple in her drink wobbles around the glass. “It was infuriating!” 

Tommy laughs, tipping his head back to hit the padded booth.

“Tommy! Stop laughing at me! I need another mechanically-inclined mind at this table. Buck’s too ADHD to hold a scientific conversation when he’s drinking and I can literally see my wife’s eyes glazing over.” She flaps a hand at Hen, slouched against her and watching the dancefloor.

Hen waves her nearly empty beer glass in Karen’s face. “Hey now, I am plenty scientific. Just not about aerospace engineering.”

“Yeah, cut your wife some slack Karen, it’s not like she’s a doctor or anything.”

Hen gasps, mock offended. “Et tu, Brute? The betrayal. And after I invited you and Buck out to our favorite bar.” She grabs for the pineapple skewer, dodging Karen’s block and biting off a chunk spitefully. She takes a sip of her beer and makes a face.

He laughs again. “Bet that tasted great.”

“Oh shut-up Kinard. I thought spending more time with Buck was supposed to make you less of an asshole. Where’s your better-half gone anyways?”

Tommy leans forward, trying to see the bar. “I’m not sure, I thought he was getting another pitcher. I can’t see him from here.” He’s just about to get to his feet when Karen pipes up.

“Uh oh.”

“Uh oh? What’s ‘uh oh’?”

Hen follows Karen’s gaze and sighs, heartfelt. “Your boy’s dazzling the regulars again.”

“For the love of God… excuse me.” He clambers to his feet, draining the last of his beer, and turning towards the bar. Hen’s right. Evan’s holding court, animatedly describing something with one hand while he holds the requested pitcher of beer in the other. At least four people of various genders are pressed close around him, a snapshot of Sweetwaters’ eclectic clientele.

This is the third time this has happened tonight. Evan is a natural flirt, moreso when he’s not even trying. Add in the fact that he’s glowing with happiness, and a little bit drunk, and he’s basically irresistible. Like a 6’2” puppy. Tommy can’t really blame them for getting sucked into Evan’s orbit. Hell, it happens to him everyday. It doesn't hurt that his boyfriend looks phenomenal, lit by the glow of hundreds of string lights hanging above the bar. Of course, Evan always looks good, even half-asleep and covered in drool, or after a 48 and covered in soot, but there’s something special tonight. 

His pastel-blue button-up shows off his tanned arms and his dark slacks fit his incredible legs, incredibly well. The white sneakers were a choice, but Tommy can admit they work with the look. Two pitchers of beer have left a light flush on his cheeks, and his curls have passed artfully tousled to nearly reach sex-hair levels of chaos. His lips are pink, pink, pink, spread around a wide grin and he’s making devastating eye contact with his audience. He makes some motion, probably reenacting a rescue, and throws his arm up above his head. Even from here, Tommy can see his cuffed sleeve straining at the seam. 

One of the women actually swoons back half a step. Okay, this is getting ridiculous.  

There’s a gold chain hanging loosely around Evan’s neck. It rests just below the hollow of his throat. The lights from the bar catch it and throw little caustics up against the smooth skin of his jaw. A heavily tattooed man at the bar, tall and lean with glossy waves of blond hair, leans forward. He rests a proprietary hand on Evan’s forearm and smiles charmingly. Evan looks startled, but still happy, glancing down at the hand on his arm. 

Possessiveness churns in Tommy’s stomach.

Three hours ago Evan had sat, completely naked and still damp from the shower, on the foot of their bed. He had sighed and pouted, and complained they were going to be late, but Tommy had been adamant. He knew the bar they were going to, and he was self-aware enough to know how tonight was probably going to go for him.

He hadn’t been joking all those months ago when he told Evan he could get jealous too. 

So, sue him. He wanted a visible claim on Evan. Not a hickey, though he was sure he was going to be leaving those on the delicate skin of Evan’s neck before the night was over. But something subtler. Something he could look at when he saw other men fawning over his boyfriend, trying to catch Evan’s attention, wanting him. Something to remind himself the only one Evan wanted was Tommy. 

Evan had perked up when he opened the slim, blue velvet box, and had audibly gasped when he dangled the fine gold chain in front of him. He had ducked his head when Tommy stepped close, carefully draping it around his neck and fastening it, before spinning the clasp to the back. He had hummed, watching as Evan’s eyes drifted closed as his fingers danced over the chain. One hand had gone to Evan’s jaw, tipping his head up and to the side so Tommy could see the gold against his skin. He had traced the cool metal with his fingers, over and over again until it was warm from their shared body heat and Evan was squirming and straining against him. Then, he patted his boyfriend on the cheek, and told him to get dressed or they really would be late. 

Evan had swore at him, and threw a pair of balled up socks at his head.

Tommy was paying for his earlier teasing now. He’s not sure how much is Evan getting his revenge, and how much is just his naturally adorable self. His boyfriend can sometimes come across as guileless about social cues, but he’s got a bratty streak a mile wide. Either way, Tommy is suffering. Hen had taken one look at his face the first time Evan had gotten ‘distracted’ by someone at the bar, and nearly laughed herself sick. 

Tommy walks up as the tattooed guy sways even more into Evan’s space, letting go of his arm to get a phone out. Evan is nodding at something he’s saying, but his eyes trip over to Tommy when he gets close enough. There’s a light there, catching in his blue eyes; some sparkling mischief that lets Tommy know that this encounter, at least, is Evan playing with him. The stranger’s eyes also move over to him, and he leans back on his stool, clutching his phone and straightening up. He gives Tommy a slow once over. Brown eyes dart between the two of them.

Tommy lays a hand on the small of Evan’s back, leaning in to press a quick kiss to the rounded muscle of his shoulder. “Was wondering where you got to with the beer, baby.”

“Oh sorry, I was just talking tattoos with Jordan here.” Evan turns his head towards Tommy, close enough to kiss but not reaching out. His eyes drift down to his lips.

“Is that so?” He murmurs into the space between them. His eyes flick back up to ‘Jordan’ and he lets his expression go flat.

Jordan straightens even further. He looks kind of bizarre, perched on a bar stool with his back ramrod straight. When he speaks, his voice is loud, blusterous. “Yeah man, Buck’s got some nice ink.” And then, more confrontational, “What about you?”

Tommy turns to face him, lips curling up into a smirk. “No tattoos here. I’m more into piercings.”

He can hear Evan gulp beside him. 

Jordan’s nostrils flare. Tommy smirks wider, letting his teeth show. Evan squeaks out some excuse, turning away from the bar and hugging the pitcher of beer to his chest. He flutters his free hand over Tommy’s back as he herds him back towards the table. Over his shoulder he throws a distracted, “Nice to meet you.”

Tommy chuckles as Evan harries him, Hen and Karen looking up as they get close. Evan’s blushing, making his blue eyes stand out even more. He thumps the pitcher down, sitting down and scooching into the back of the semi-circle bench seat, looking up fervently at Tommy. He sits down too, laying a hand heavily on Evan’s thigh. Hen’s shaking her head as she pours herself another beer, and Karen slurps noisily at her straw.

“I expect this kind of behaviour from you, Buck, but Tommy, if you get us kicked out I will never forgive you.”

“No harm done, Evan was just making friends.” He slides his hand higher on Evan’s thigh just to see him freeze and choke on a breath, before trying to hide it behind his empty beer glass. Hen rolls her eyes and takes a long drink of her beer. 

Karen giggles at them, fishing the last ice cube out of her glass and crunching it, with obvious satisfaction. The music changes, something poppy and upbeat, and a cheer goes up from the dancefloor. “Ooh!” She grabs Hen’s hand. “Let’s dance! You guys coming?” She looks at Buck for an answer. 

“I–I’m okay right now.” He looks to Tommy, who shakes his head, lifting his palm off of Evan’s thigh and reaching for the pitcher. “We can watch your stuff though.”

She pins him with a knowing look and his blush darkens. Hen and Karen shuffle out of their side of the booth and step away, melting into the swarming crowd. Tommy pours them both fresh beers and takes a long sip. The song swells. The lights change too, dimming around the tables and strobing pink and purple over the dancefloor. Tommy slips a hand around Evan’s waist and pulls him close. He brushes a kiss over a smooth cheek and Evan melts against him.

“Were you trying to make me jealous, sweetheart?” He speaks right into Evan’s ear, staying close to be heard over the music.

Evan nods, breathlessly, and turns until his cheek brushes Tommy’s and he can feel hot breath on his ear. “Yeah, I m–mean, yes. Yes, I was.”

Tommy hums curiously. “How’d that work out for you?”

Evan groans. “God, you’re so hot. When you’re jealous, when you’re being a bitch, when you’re laughing at me.” He swallows, and a hand drifts to Tommy’s chest, fiddling with the buttons of his black shirt. “Can we get out of here?”

Tommy doesn’t answer, instead pressing a kiss to the side of Evan’s neck. The hand on his chest wanders higher, warm fingers reaching his collar and brushing across bare skin. He bites down on a tendon, lightly, and Evan makes a sweet little noise. Tommy worries at it with his teeth until Evan squirms, his other hand sliding up to Tommy's neck. He hauls his boyfriend closer by the arm around his waist, his other hand landing on the sticky table top. Shaky fingers drift over the bolt of his jaw and find an earlobe, tracing over the thick silver hoops he's wearing. 

The hand on his chest turns purposeful. Evan unerringly finds his nipple through the two shirts he’s got on, searching for one of the little barbells he recently started wearing again. It’s not surprising behavior; Evan’s obsessed with his piercings. He tugs on the metal bar, twists it carefully. Heat pools in Tommy’s belly. 

He licks the abused skin under his mouth, pressing another light kiss to the blooming bruise before backing off. Evan’s hands on his body keep him close, but it's far enough. His boyfriend looks debauched. His eyes are blown black, a thin ring of blue around big, fat pupils. His mouth is red and open, an indent in his lower lip from where he was biting to keep quiet. 

Tommy grabs his glass and takes a deep drink. He sets it down with a sound that he can’t hear over the pounding music and Evan’s heavy breaths. His hand is damp with condensation. He loops a finger through the fine gold chain around Evan’s neck and gives it a gentle tug. He bites his lip again, half muffling the little moan that tries to escape. Blue eyes are fixed on Tommy. 

“Let me finish my beer, and then we’ll say goodbye.”

[sophieinwonderland]

Dissociative self-harm...

I want to talk about something that I call dissociative self-harm, our experiences, and how we got here. This may be triggering for some, but this isn't complaining and I consider it a positive story overall.

First, for background... My host was overweight as a child, coming from a family of other people who are overweight and learning unhealthy habits from them. When he was a teenager, he had read an article about how exercise could be addictive and his first thought was that if he exercised regularly enough then he would develop an addiction to it and then it would be easier to maintain.

So walking everyday became the norm, focusing on the positive feelings from the endorphin release. Given that we get antsy whenever we don't walk, I would consider this a success. Although maybe intentionally inducing an exercise addiction isn't great for everyone. And my host is probably one of those people it wasn't great for.

After some years of this, he also started biting when stressed. I don't know when this started or what originally brought it on. But I think that it was tied to the exercise addiction because pain from both the exercising and self-harm can end up causing an endorphin release that relieves emotional stress. Except while the exercise part was positive, this new habit was not.

It would end up leaving calluses, bruises, and teeth marks on the body. I don't think that any permanent damage has been done, but it is a possibility that would concerning if it continued.

The problem with this biting is that it became automatic when stressed.

Once I came into existence, I got him to stop by making him imagine that he was biting me. Because hurting the body hurts everyone in it. And that worked for a long time. At least a year or longer with minimal or no incidents.

It started again

A while back, we started biting while stressed again. (The election in particular wasygood for us.) Only now, it was happening while I was stressed too.

But when it's happened with me, it also doesn't really feel like I'm the one biting. It's almost like the body is doing it on its own... Or that something else is.

It feels very similar to how my host might feel when I suddenly possess an arm to poke his nose.

Because of this, I had hypothesized for a while that this might be something dissociative in nature. That's why it feels like we lose control whenever this happens.

While I have consider this for a while, it was the ask I got recently that described their automatic headbanging self-harm that finally gave me the push I needed to pull the trigger on an experiment I had considered for a while.

If this was some non-headmate part, I understood why it was doing what it was. It was a stress relief that it felt we needed when we got overwhelmed. That is something that I think is important to keep in mind, is that whatever it was, it was doing what it was for us.

So when it happened again, and we ended up biting our hand hard... I tried speaking to it. I said something, softly, along the lines of "please don't do this. You're hurting our body. We don't need this." And then I brought the hand up to our mouth and softly kissed it where it had been bitten, trying to show love to whatever was causing the harm.

And I think that I could kind of feel it responding. It's hard to explain the emotions I felt back other than a tenderness and maybe regret? I'm really not sure. Especially now that a couple days have passed

But what I do know is that it stopped, or at least slowed down. The urge mostly disappeared. And when it came back and we did end up biting again, it was lighter. Not enough to actually leave any marks or cause harm. And we seem to be able to catch ourselves more easily and quicker when it happens so we can stop it sooner.

I have been sending a mental "thank you" to whatever this part is for being gentler when this has happened since. And I've been feeling appreciation back from it in return.

Full disclosure: I have no idea how much of this is actually real. There's a part of me that wonders if I'm just accidentally making a tulpa that believes it's based on our harmful urges... But I also can't argue with the results. Because while trying as hard as we could to control ourselves didn't stop it, THOS has, and that's pretty awesome!

The big reason I'm putting this out here

I don't like talking about our own problems in our real life on here. I probably would never have mentioned this if I didn't think that it could be helpful to others. And if I wasn't curious if anyone has had similar experiences to this, because I want to understand it better.

If anyone has struggled with similar issues with this type of automatic self-harm and have tried talking with it as if it's separate from you, I'd like to hear what happened.

And if people are suffering from automatic and possibly dissociative self-harm, and have tried other methods to try to stop it, then maybe showing kindness to it and asking it to stop could be something else to try. I figure the worst that could happen is that it doesn't work.

Thanks for reading.

[randomfoggytiger]

Collector's Edition: Mulder, Scully, and Season 8 Healing

Here's my heart. *plop* You now hold it in your hands.

I kept this list a little tortured but not dark. A little angst, but on the mend. A little "oh no" leading to an inevitable "oh yes." A little bit of "Does Mulder know he's the father?" and "Mulder assumed anyway" to keep things hoppin'.

So! Let's read some post Three Words healing, shall we?

**Note**: Honorary mention goes to Jenna Tooms's Season 9 AU “An Acceptable Level of Happiness” , which tackles a lot of Mulder's lingering PTSD from Scully's perspective (scars are mentioned.)

Loose chronological order below~

pinebluffvariant's

Allo

She almost wishes she was showing already, so words would be unnecessary. We’re having a baby, Mulder, her body would sing, we made this, you and I. I’m so happy you’re here. She checks with his speech therapist: he has no comprehension or processing issues. She’ll tell him soon. They'll deal with all of it, anything the world throws their way, the nightmares and the daydreams and the everyday.

AU-- Post Requiem Mulder is returned two months later, aphasic but on the mend.

On Re-Entry

Scully sits with one hand on her growing belly and looks him square in the eye. She is beautiful. She is frightening. She feeds him vanilla pudding and he tries to make a joke about it, tries to wink and rasp to her that this flavor is his second favorite in the world, after her. She closes her eyes against her tears and tips her head up. She licks her lips and shakes her head and nods and exhales loudly. She picks up the spoon again.

Once, he tries to reach out to her. 

Three Words Mulder feels stonewalled after each attempt to reach out to Scully.

@ghostbustermelanieking/skuls's

oregon forest

 Mulder doesn’t leave her side at the hospital. It might seem like a given, but Scully knows that it is certainly not, so she is grateful that they are more or less humored. (She assumes it has something to do with Skinner, who keeps looking at them with haunted, guilty eyes. Some clue to how he’s fared since their disappearance.)

AU-- Requiem Mulder and Scully are abducted together.

ashes and dust and here

Scully leaves to find the doctor and Mulder stays in the chair, makes no move towards the stack of clothes in the corner. Maybe he should've tried to go with her; he hates to be alone. His memories rush in like running water, invading the corners of his skull with a piercing sharpness. The ship, the pain. He touches his cheek gingerly, the place where they pinned him, the scars on his chest, but that only grounds him further in the flashbacks. He stares numbly at the wall until he hears Scully behind him, saying, “Mulder, you okay?”

Post Deadalive Mulder is shoved back into his old life-- or into a new life where stimulus, response, repeat seems to be his holding pattern. (And once that mountain is climbed, we get a lil' bit of family fluff.)

s8's roadrunners AU/cold desert nights

She tells him on the bus. After Doggett is finished cutting the slug out of her, because she’s shouting that it needs to be cut out and Mulder wants to do it but he can’t. His hands are shaking too badly. So he holds hers, lets her squeeze the life out of them as she screams, as the cultists pound on the bus, as Doggett pulls out the slug and shoots it. The cultists are dismayed. Mulder can see the flashing lights through the dusty window of the bus. As Doggett runs outside to deal with it all, Scully collapses woozily against his chest. He presses a quivering hand over the bloody wound at the back of her neck, and he realizes only then that she is sobbing.

AU-- Roadrunners Mulder is returned in time to help Doggett rescue Scully.

11!!

He hears footsteps on the other side, and the door unlocks. It swings open to reveal Scully on the other side, dressed in pajamas and visibly pregnant. She has a polite smile on her face, and then it melts away, replaced by shock as she pales rapidly. A hand presses over her stomach. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out.

AU-- Deadalive Mulder is resurrected... without Scully's knowledge.

Idk if you’re taking prompts now

Mulder sighs, his head hanging forward. He takes a deep, shaky breath before saying in a rush, “I haven’t heard from you.”

She looks at him in astonishment. She can feel her nose burning like she’s going to cry. “I… I wanted to give you some space, Mulder,” she murmurs. “I wanted to give both of us some space…”

“I know, but I…” He suddenly looks lost. Incredibly lost, standing in her front hall, his eyes wide, his skin pale. “I… thought I’d hear from you,” he says in a small voice.

Post Three Words Scully drives Mulder back to his apartment, determined to let him have space to sort out his priorities.

MSR 10?

Mulder knocks on the door instead of using his key. It takes several knocks to wake her up. He can hear her shuffling around in the apartment, muttering just a minute sleepily. She swings the door open, and her eyes immediately widen in something that can only be described as horror.

“I needed someone,” he stammers. “And... you were the only one I thought of.”

She is sagging against the doorframe, hand pressed against her extended abdomen, her eyes still widened... no, that’s not horror, it’s confusion. She is staring at him like he’s a ghost. He winces at the terminology. “Scully, it’s me,” he says desperately. 

Scully hopes that Mulder will drift back to her (and he does.)

scully sold her apartment after mulder’s “death.”/staying

He takes a few unsteady breaths, wiping a tear away. “How long is it since you’ve been home, Scully?” he asks softly.

It’s not because he wants her to leave. It’s not that at all. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to deal with this. It’s just that he can’t breathe. And she shouldn’t have to deal with this, not after everything. She should go home and rest.

She doesn’t say anything at first, and he starts to worry. He thumbs a tear out of his eyes and turns towards her, to see the look of astonishment on her face. He is instantly sorry. 

AU-- Three Words Scully is now living in Mulder's apartment.

snow in april (chapter 1 of 8)/snow in april

He reached out, touching her hip and motioned her closer. She crawled on the bed beside him, leaning into his side, and he put his head on her shoulder. “I'm sorry,” she said to his scalp. “It's just…”

“It's okay,” he whispered, touching her wrist. “Don't leave.”

They scooted down on the bed and Scully pulled the thin blanket over them. Mulder hadn't been able to get warm all night, but with her curled around him he was warmer than he'd been in months.

Her swelled abdomen was pressed against his side and he could feel a tiny foot behind it. He knew that at some point they'd have to talk about the baby, but at the moment all he could come up with was, “The baby's kicking.”

She smiled into the side of his neck. “It's been doing that more lately,” she said. “I think it's you.”

Post Three Words Mulder drives them to the mountains, where he and Scully are unable to leave a very dangerous town.

"You're sure it's not twins in there?"

He was staring at her abdomen with a wide-eyed fascination, hand curling around the baby’s foot; she smiled, smoothing a hand over his hair tenderly, and he rested his cheek on her stomach. 

Season 8 Mulder and Scully enjoy some domesticity at last.

@sigritandtheelves/DarlaBlack's

Ground

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said finally, eyes locked firmly on their feet, on his boots, still scuffed with Oregon mud.

“What?” he asked.

“I… I’m not sure how,” she began, careful with each word, “but it seems that sometime last year, something changed for me. Physically.” She chanced a quick look at him, found only concern and question. He pulled her hand into both of his and squeezed her fingers, offering encouragement. “Whatever infertility I experienced after my abduction… Mulder, it’s gone. I am most certainly not infertile anymore.”

His eyes narrowed at her words, considering them carefully, and then widened as he realized their import—she could almost see his heart beating, could almost hear it over the rattling of the air conditioner. “Scully,” he said. He swallowed. “How do you know?”

AU-- Pre-TINH Scully (and friends) team up to rescue Mulder and live her and her family's life on her terms.

My Life Is in the Falling Leaf

She clung to him as he was piled on the stretcher and maneuvered into the ambulance. His body was healing before her eyes, the scars and wounds disappearing into the ether.... He held her palm against his lips and kissed it. She would not let her fingers leave his body, nor her eyes his face. He read the torment she had suffered, there in her eyes, but had not yet remembered his own. He could answer no questions yet about what had been done to him.

“How long?” His voice was a low susurration that trembled her insides. He fingered the longish strands of her hair, trying to guess by its growth. Her face, too, seemed rounder.

AU-- TINH Mulder is healed in time.

This Last Moment

Months later, when his hand is warm again, but not yet his heart, she wonders if he can see the glue, if he knows that there are pieces missing. She thinks they are both cold and ungrateful. Gratitude requires acceptance, and she is not quite sure if this is real. 

Three Words Scully struggles with Mulder's distant return.

cookies (Ao3)

He’s in the grocery store and he’s not sure what to do. There’s no food in his apartment, which doesn’t feel like home anyway. He picks up a loaf of bread, six eggs, a jar of peanut butter. This is food that people eat, right? He buys waffles.

Post Three Words Mulder buys cookies, alone.

Paresthesia

She rubs his back and the audacity of her comfort breaks him again. He can’t help it, he turns to her, buries his face in her sweater.... “It’s okay,” she whispers, but he can’t stop shaking. Her fingers move through his hair, and he feels her sigh with the contact. “Oh, Mulder,” she says, voice thick with something. His arms come around her waist as best they can. She holds him tight, and they stay like that for long minutes, his face against her belly, her arms around his shoulders and over his back, moving up and down and into his hair. The pain ebbs finally, and in its place flows something once familiar—something that soothes, that holds them together. Love, maybe. This is his Scully, he thinks. He can do this.

Post Three Words Mulder lives in a state of disconnected trauma; and finally, when face with his irrational resentment, crumbles.

(III) Three Iterations of a Birth (and Death) (Ao3)

Before she fell asleep she ran a finger down the center scar of his chest and whispered, “You said stay,” then kissed the thickened skin of it. “But Mulder you need to stay.” Her eyes were two small pricks of light in the darkened room that spoke to him of a deep uncertainty, of real fear.

He gathered her whole self to him in both arms... and said, “I know.” He held his lips to the crown of her head and whispered, “Scully I’m not going anywhere.”

AU-- Post Alone Mulder and Scully finally have "the talk."

Headcanon: Scully’s first Mother’s Day

It’s late—after midnight when she stirs and turns to him. Scully lays her palm along his jaw and shifts her head closer on the pillow. They watch each other and a smile grows on her lips.

Pre-Essence Mulder makes sure Scully gets celebrated.

@myownsuperintendent's “No Secrets”/No Secrets

Mulder feels fine now, really he does, but Scully doesn’t seem to want to listen.  “You need to rest,” she says, ushering him towards his room as they walk into the apartment.  “You’ve been through a lot.”  And he knows where she’s coming from—he remembers after her abduction, the way she had to insist on being back in the field again and even then he wasn’t quite sure about it, and there wasn’t even as much between them in those days.   But resting is the last thing he wants to do right now, when there’s so much else he could be doing.

AU-- TINH Scully finds Mulder dumped in a field, heals his brain disease, and tells him about the baby.

dee_ayy's Burdened

The sight of her continued to shock me, the size of her pregnant stomach visible proof of the length of my absence, and that she had gone on without me. It was yet another thing on the ever-growing list of things I could not, did not want to address or deal with right now. I wouldn't let myself. I'd taken note, and not said a word. And neither had she.

Post Deadalive Mulder overhears the nurses' talk before Scully can properly fill him in.

Kleptomania

“Uh, Scully, where are all my clothes?”

She could feel her cheeks burn as she realized that she had never brought them back from her apartment. She had fully intended on keeping them there after they had buried him, obviously not anticipating any of what had transpired over the past few days. She could feel his gaze on her as she put her head in her hands and mumbled something.

“What?” he asked, not hearing a word she said. She sighed and looked up at him.

“I think we need to make a trip to my apartment,” she said quietly. He raised an eyebrow and tried to hide a smirk.

Three Words Scully and Mulder drive to her place to retrieve his stuff; and while there, the frost begins to thaw.

@baronessblixen/BaronessBlixen's

Three Conversations

“Can I come in or am I persona non grata?” How she’s missed his bad, boring jokes that still always manage to make her smile.

“Come in.”

“Should I have called? I should have called.” He just stands there, his arms hanging limp at his sides as if he has forgotten what do with them. Yesterday morning when he was still at the hospital, Scully returned from yet another bathroom break (courtesy of the baby playing football with her bladder) and found him examining his arms, turning them touching his skin as if it were his first time feeling it under his fingertips.

Three Words Scully and Mulder fumble around their pain and miscommunication back to each other.

Set in “Three Words”./Fictober 2020 - Chapter 14

“See you tomorrow?” she asks, hating how needy she sounds. But she is. Her hands are balled into fists and her nails dig into her skin. She knows Mulder is in there, her Mulder. Stitched together, with the scars to prove it, he’s still healing. There are still echoes of terror in his eyes, darker than she’s ever seen them. Still, underneath all this, there’s the man she loves.

“Huh?” He turns to her, somewhat confused, searching for her eyes. Has he not been listening to her at all? Another wave of hurt washes over her, leaving her dizzy. She should sit down, but she doesn’t want Mulder to make the wrong assumptions.

Three Words Scully nearly faints from her overwhelming emotions.

#64 on the Drabble list please 😊

He stands by the window, still, a mere decoration. When she dreamed of him returning, she never imagined him to be like this. It feels like losing him all over again, all the time. Her own patience is slipping, the baby - his, theirs - is playing football with her bladder; restless like his father.

“Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything," she pleads and sighs in defeat. She wants to yell, too, scream at him to snap out of this and just talk to her. "Mulder, I-"

"It's mine."

Post Three Words Mulder is awed that the baby is his.

Pieces Of Us (Ao3)

“Mulder, I understand you’re confused. I understand that you need to find yourself again. But I can’t help you if you won’t let me. If all you want to do is risk your life day in and day out… I know now what life without you is like. I can’t- I won’t watch you throw yours away.”

“That’s not- Scully, I want to be here. I want to work through it. I just don’t know how.” It’s the truth. A weight falls off him as soon as the words are out. It’s not much, but it’s a beginning. He’s made his choice; it’s life, it’s Scully. He’ll follow her lead.

Post Three Words Scully is surprised to see Mulder at her doorstep, with her earring.

Small Miracles (Ao3)

When he became aware of Scully's protruding stomach and its implications, it dawned on him how much he had missed. Dates and months meant nothing to him, but the growing sapling inside of Scully felt tangible. When he saw her months ago - and in many ways it feels like it was mere days ago - her stomach was toned and flat. Her hair was shorter, her face more angular. Now everything about her is soft. So soft that he's been afraid to touch her, even though everything in him screams out for her.

Post Three Words Mulder is angry at the changes in his life... until his neighbor goes into labor.

Scully calling Mulder and asking him (or implying that she want him) to come over/ A Reassuring Touch

“Please don’t make me guess, Scully,” he breathes into the phone with his eyes closed. Her pain, even with all these miles between them, is his pain, too.

“I woke up and I thought… I was afraid, Mulder. Afraid it was all just a dream. I thought… what if none of this is real? What if you’re not really alive? What if I only dreamed it? Dreamed you? I had to call you. I had to make sure, Mulder.” Her last words almost drown in her tears; he hears them drip drop onto the receiver, feels wetness on his own cheeks.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can, Scully.”

“Mulder, you don’t have to-”

“I want to, Scully. I want to be there.” 

Post Three Words Mulder gets a late night phone call from Scully.

Don't Prompts: 14. Don't hide it/Prompts & Drabbles - Chapter 55

The first time Mulder touches Scully’s pregnant stomach it’s an accident. As much as he can’t pretend that she’s with child, his mind blocks out the challenges this fact provides. They’re in his kitchen. Nothing has changed here except the level of cleanliness. He opens a cupboard to get a glass. His mouth is dry and in desperate need of water. Scully is telling him something; she sputters words he can’t comprehend. He hasn’t told her, doesn’t know how, but he’s happy she’s here. He’s happy to be hearing her voice.

Post Three Words Mulder finally reaches out after Scully's bump accidentally knocks into him.

doctorhelena's Something In Between

Scully bit her lip and willed herself not to imagine again what would have happened if Skinner hadn't taken a leap of faith. Mulder was insistent. "What would I have mutated into if you hadn't stopped it - how many of those people are out there? People who already have identities, but who won't be reported missing by their family and friends, because they’re already dead. People who can infiltrate themselves easily into society and nobody will ever know the difference. This is huge, Scully. And I don't -" he cut off, watching her face. His eyes were alive.

"How can you-" she asked. "Mulder, how can you just - you were almost -" She couldn't talk. Her throat had closed up again. She couldn't even breathe.

Mulder lifted his laptop off of the couch and placed it on the floor, then moved over to where it had been sitting, taking her in his arms. "Shhh, Scully, I'm here." She could feel him breathing into her hair, but she still couldn't speak. She shuddered. He ran the palm of his hand across her shoulder blades, and there was still an unfamiliar formality in the way he touched her.

Post Three Words Scully, Mulder, and Doggett look into other open-grave cases while she navigates her partner's narrowing distance and her own bubbling feelings. (I particularly love the dive-bombing robins.)

Diana Alexander's Distant and Strange

"Were you afraid of me, then?"

"No, Scully, not you. It's more these memories I have. I can't explain it, but the memories between here and there are distant and strange, and I'm can't tell the difference between reality and the fantasy my mind made up to placate me."

Post Three Words Mulder doesn't know what is real, what is PTSD, or how he can meet Scully halfway.

amorfati3215/Amorfati32’s (FFN)

I have a prompt if you could write it?

“I was nauseous and dizzy in Oregon, don’t you remember?” From the look on Mulder’s face, he did. “It wasn’t the cancer back then, and this baby isn’t the result of any IVF.” Mulders eyes followed as her hands moved to her stomach. “I was six weeks pregnant in Oregon. The symptoms were all there but it didn’t even register because I thought it was impossible, I thought it couldn’t happen.”

“But it did.”

Post Three Words Scully helps Mulder stabilize after she realizes he doesn't know.

In Utero: Missin Scene Challenge (Ao3)

He hesitates for a moment, thoughts of doubt filling his mind again.

But then he sees her sigh heavily and let out a whimper, as if afraid. A tear silently falls down her left cheek, escaping her closed eye, and her grip on her abdomen tightens. In an instant, he is gently crawling into the bed behind her. He feels her sink into him as the mattress dips with his added weight. He rests his left hand over hers, the one that’s protecting the life inside of her. She starts at his touch, gasping as her eyes go wide. He removes his hand, hovering closely so that he still feels the warmth radiating from her skin, but enough to lose the physical contact that leaves him slightly empty.

Post Three Words Mulder has to know: is the baby his?

@cecilysass/eecily_sass/Cecily Sasserbaum's All the Dead Mulders (Ao3)

Surprised, he waits as she leans over to touch his face. He’s taken aback. She hasn’t touched him much since the hospital.

Her expression is intent and serious, and she lets her fingers run over the stubbly contours of his cheeks and jaw, which have so recently been cratered by the scars of death. Her fingers wind up stroking his hair gently, gently.

She doesn’t say a word, but her lip begins to tremble.

Mulder just remains still, letting her do what she needs to. It’s probably the least he can do. Besides, he can’t deny it. Something in her touch is nudging him closer, bringing to life another emotion.

Post Three Words Mulder steals Scully's car to visit his grave. While there, the magnitude of the changes in his life begin to sink in.

Tesla's (Gossamer) After the Ship

Mulder sat on his couch, television on, and looked at his hands. Same hands. Except for the tiny round scars between his first and second fingers on each hand. He supposed no one would really know if it were he, unless Scully could snap on the Latex and get out the Skil- saw.

"Brr-rrr----rrrrummmmm------" he said to the fish, thinking of Scully in a morgue.

Post Three Words Mulder's disconnect is so jarringly severe that he fears he's a clone, turning to the Lone Gunmen and Frank Black and everyone but Scully in shame.

gwinne/Gwinne's Breathe (Ao3)

She noted the energy it took for him to do the calculations in his head, a simple equation that would have been effortless before Oregon. "So you were pregnant. That day in Oregon, you were pregnant."

"Yes."

"I don't. . . I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, Mulder. We'll have plenty of time to talk. Why don't you get some rest?" When she leaned over to kiss him, he swiped his knuckles across her abdomen.

"I wouldn't have gone, Scully, if I'd known about him."

Post Three Words Scully is giving Mulder space, processing her own grief through mindfulness exercises.

@o6666666's (Ao3) 31 for the I love you prompts

“Mulder—what? Are you alright?” She steps aside to let him in immediately, maneuvering around her belly to hover close, inspecting him.

“I’m fine,” he says. “I’m good.” Then he remembers the implication of his deal with Skinner: he’s not here for him, but Scully doesn’t have to know that. “I just... I missed your company, Scully.”

Her bottom lip twists. He sees her in Minneapolis with a scrape on her chin, at the bottom of the stairs. She is so guileless, looking at him like that: You missed me? For real?

Post Three Words Skinner pushes Mulder to go check in with Scully.

@wexleresque/hellsteeth's as above, so below (Ao3)

Exhaustion from the past week tugs at her despite her anxiety, and Scully reluctantly returns to her own personal nightmare. It begins as it always does. She’s alone in the darkness and deafening silence. Then, a new element is introduced to torture her. The sound of Mulder’s voice, muffled by the lining of the casket, calls her name over and over again.

Please, she begs her own mind silently, I can’t take hearing that. Not right now.

The voice becomes louder and more insistent until she wakes to Mulder’s hot breath in her ear and his arms on her shoulders, shaking her slightly. She sucks in a breath that pulls her fully back to the physical world and opens her eyes. Mulder looks down at her, eyes wide with worry and faded scars accentuated gruesomely by her lamp.

Post Three Words Scully has dreamed about being buried alive since Mulder was put into the ground.

Obfusc8er's One Man's Journey

I lay my hand lightly on her shoulder as she turns away, and she stops suddenly. I fail to summon the words to express what I feel, so I simply pull her close. Part of me balks at the idea of embracing Scully with arms that have known anything other than life, as if my touch alone might be sufficient to siphon away her vitality, the fire I cannot resist. She latches her arms around me tightly, though. Inextricably. No one would believe her strength, I muse. She is underestimated all too often. Who else would deny death the unquestioning acquiescence it demands in order to reclaim a misguided visitor?

Post Three Words Mulder is desperate to keep Scully around, which slowly opens a conversation between them.

@amplifyme/wonderland/Lydia Bower's Light Don't Sleep

The night Scully brought Mulder home from the hospital, after he'd eaten and headed for the shower, she timed him. Fifteen minutes passed before she went to check on him, finding him in the bathroom, studying his reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror. Wearing faded Levis that barely clung to his narrow hips, he was busy fingering the nasty scar bisecting his sternum. It took him a few seconds to notice her; long enough for Scully to see his uncertainty.

"Oh... hey," he said, addressing her reflection. "I was just thinking that battle scars lose some of their macho appeal when you can't remember how you got them."

Post Three Words Mulder is mixed up with what was and wasn't real, and quickly dissolves the disconnect between he and Scully as they settle in for the night-- finally, together.

Christina Shuy's Wishes, Roses, and Valentines 07 - Time to Heal

"Just... glad to be here with you, that's all." He sounded very afraid, and very sad.

AU-- Post Three Words Scully wakes to find her partner in tears.

Buckingham's The Laws of Coming and Going

He isn't ready for this, Mulder tells himself. He isn't ready to talk about the baby, or how he might fit in to the big baby picture. Somehow his memories of Scully are so much easier to cling to than Scully herself.

As usual she takes the heat off him, cramping up on her sofa and fading to the color of the moon. He doesn't have time to think or feel, just react. Clinging to her hand in the ambulance, he feels anything but numb.

Later, when he finds out that she'll be fine, that the baby is fine too, Mulder lays his hand on her belly for the first time. It dawns on him finally that there is an actual human being inside her, growing even as they stand there chatting about Doggett and his lost son. This kid will need Scully absolutely and completely. The world will change once again, probably before Mulder even has his feet firmly situated in this one.

Post Three Words Mulder sneaks off to visit his grave; and slowly works through his recklessness and distance as the clock ticks down to the big event.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

there are 8394 fanfic tropes i need to read after mulder comes back fuckkkkkkk

i wanna see a good reaction to the pregnancy

i wanna see mulder finally admitting he has ptsd and telling scully about it and about what he remembers

i wanna see scully kissing his scars

i wanna see mulder being more empathetic about what scully has been through bc he knows if the roles were reversed he would have fucking lost it

i need all of it!!!!

[notedchampagne]

last thought before i sleep i Do fear that reading nothing but fanfiction for 4 years when i was 14-18 severely stunted my brain. this is not to say that fanfiction is bad: theres fanfics that are extremely well written, which are markers of any good authors out there- but since it relies so heavily on building off of a foundation and reforming the same work over and over they tend to follow a certain flow and pattern in plot, the way characters interact, the way dialogue and action intersect, etc etc. ive been trying to read more books now but i still find it easier to read through fanfic because instinctively, i know what to expect going forward because of my existing knowledge of the characters and the fanon. you have to wash out your brain and prepare to engage anew when youre reading a new book, which takes more effort the longer youre away from it. but thats just me and i can write a fucking paper on the ways fic marketing has its own popular checks and standards as well

[thisismeracing]

Since when did we start charging money on patreon for fanfics 😭😭😭😭 is this for real😭

hi, love. I haven't seen that many people doing the Patreon thing when it comes to fanfic, but it's pretty common for people who draw for example to set up a Patreon. I believe that everyone who does, just like myself, needs the money. I wouldn't be doing it if i didn't need to. I figured the Patreon setup was the best idea since it's not really that common for people to tip writers, we've been struggling with getting reblogs and comments, so you can imagine.

Right now, I'm applying and doing tests to get an internship, which still won't be enough because I'm also trying to apply for a master's. So, yeah, I'm really thankful for everyone who tipped me on ko-fi and subscribed to my Patreon, last month my savings were over, and the Patreon money was what helped me pay for some medical stuff I needed (Idk if you saw the whole mick schumacher's sick club, but yeah — huge thank you for everyone who subscribed/donated btw).

We often see fic writers as little robots who don't eat, drink, or sleep. We request stuff, and expect an instant reply, and when we get the content we don't even go back to the page to tell the writer our thoughts. We don't reblog, nor leave comments, but still, we expect them to keep writing and keep sharing everything as if it didn't take hours, sometimes days to come up with a 1k piece polished to what we think readers will like best. I hope I don't sound rude, I'm just trying to make a point because I'm tired of seeing writers deactivating, tired of seeing my friends getting writer's block and then people still demanding things.

On top of that, I'm still posting a lot here, from smau to blubs and long fic requests (and I won't even talk about how some pieces aren't even getting a hundred notes, which always makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, if my writing is bad, or if there's anything that I could do to make the reader's experience more enjoyable), and it takes a lot of time, it's even harder to balance the two profiles now, but still, I keep sharing some of my work for free. so please, please, don't make me feel bad about needing money. thanks ❤️.

[scallisaac]

.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

similar to the greentext stuff - i was visiting with my neighbors and their grandkids were around, and I said to this eight year old, "Hey, you wanna know something cool? I was playing the game when the Endermen came out." and his eyes went wide, like this kid looked like i told him i landed on the moon. His grandma thought it was really funny, and she said she has no idea what i'm talking about, but her grandbabies do, and that's incredible to her.

oh that's fun lmao, when minecraft & that update's existed for more than your whole life, and yknow being that young and like Next Year fr is this huge time scale away, a couple of years is a quarter of your life thus far and like maybe nigh half of the part of your life you actually have longterm memories for....i was checking out this dev's blog's archives about a:tdd's release in 2010 & in one entry they compared the implicitly Roughly concurrent release of Minecraft and i was like hey whoah. forever primarily being a game i've Heard Of more than any more direct exposure so i had no precise sense of [before minecraft release] [after minecraft release] Year 0 there but it's like for sure back in thee day when minecraft was a new thing, huh

[sunsetsover]

started reading the eclipse novel and it's hitting me with absolute bangers right out of the gate

[2cupids]

warnings. popular!reader, oral (m. receiving), tittyfucking, tiny bit of degradation, cüm eating. mdni (17+).

wc. 1.9k… read part 1 here!

weeks had passed and a new semester had begun since that encounter with nerd!choso and it was a nearly forgotten memory in your head.

but for choso?

he thought about it everyday. it was like a driving force that helped him push through each day and he could only dream of getting so lucky again.

so the moment he saw you walking towards him as class was being dismissed, your ridiculously short skirt swaying as you moved, he knew his prayers had been answered.

“you busy? i need you to write that research paper for me.” you ask nonchalantly as you swipe the wand of your lipgloss across your bottom lip, reapplying it.

choso’s in a trance as he watches you put your gloss on your pretty lips. you were so alluring, so gorgeous. seconds pass and still no answer. you sigh and roll your eyes, looking down at choso and making contact with his bright eyes as he stares at you.

“well?” you furrow your eyebrows as your patience grows shorter and the nerdy boy has yet to answer. choso’s heart flutters at your harsh tone and he swallows the lump in his throat before he finally answers.

“n-no, i’m not busy. i could have it done by saturday.”

your hardened expression instantly softens at his words and you give him one of your sweet smiles. “good. i’ll pick it up on sunday.”

as you turn to walk away, choso stops you. “wait! um.. wh-what do i get for helping you?” choso asks quietly, averting his eyes down to look at your legs. he can’t look you in the eyes.

you turn to him, eyeing him up and down. “and who the hell are you to ask me that?” you smirk at him, but your tone is condescending. you’re offended he would even ask that. “you don’t need to worry about that, i’ll figure out it. just get my paper done.”

and with that, you’re walking up the stairs of the lecture hall and exiting the classroom. choso sits there for a moment, replaying what just happened and taking a moment to collect himself. he finally stands up and adjusts his pants, pulling his hoodie down to cover his boner before he leaves.

the days seem to pass by much slower than he would’ve liked until the long awaited day finally rolls around. choso’s mind is flooded with the multiple different scenarios that could play out, but hell, he would take anything you give him. and that’s only if you decide to pay him back for his kindness again this time.

he’s lost in thought when there’s a knock at his door and he rushes to open it, letting you in. his hands immediately reach for the paper and you quickly skim through it, slipping it inside your bag and setting it down on his desk.

“what should i do with you?..” you cross your arms and let your eyes trail down his figure before letting them rest on his face again. “i could make you put your mouth to use. i want my pussy ate, but i know someone like you doesn’t know how to eat it. and i don’t feel like teaching you either. just go sit on the bed.”

you wonder what you can do and that’s when an idea comes to you. you walk over to him and kneel down in front of him. “so where’s your bottle of lube?”

choso’s taken back. how did you know he even had some? probably just a lucky guess, but then again you are much more experienced than him. “i..um.. it’s in the desk drawer over there. the first one.”

a faint smirk plays on your lips as you roll your eyes and stand up to go get the lube. you pull your top off and throw it on the floor, revealing the lacy pattern of your bra underneath as you sit back on your knees in front of choso again. your eyes catch sight of choso’s face and you laugh, it doesn’t take much to get him worked up. being the tease you are, you give your boobs a nice squeeze. why not give him a little show?

your hands rub his thighs, slowly making their way up to unbuckle his belt and take off his pants. choso eagerly lifts his hips to let you pull his pants and boxers down his legs, and it’s laughable how excited he is.

you take his cock in your hand, quietly admiring the length and girth. it’s almost like he grew from the last time you saw him. you always heard about how nerds like him were packing, but you just thought it was a joke.. that was til choso proved you wrong of course.

his clear arousal leaks from the head of his dick and you can’t pull yourself to look away. without another thought, you lean forward and stick your tongue out, licking the precum that slid down his shaft and up towards the tip, swiping your tongue across the opening, collecting the salty liquid straight from the source. your pretty lips wrap around it and your cheeks hollow slightly while you circle your tongue around his tip.

choso groans and instinctively bucks his hips up. never did he think the guys he saw in porn were exaggerating when he watched a girl give them head, but he never expected it to feel so good. or maybe it just feels so good because the pretty girl he’s crushing on is the one who’s on her knees doing it to him.

you pull off his cock and lick the corners of your mouth as you eye the glistening head of his dick. your hands reach back and undo the clasps of your bra, letting your heavy breasts free as you pull the bra straps down.

choso’s eyes are locked on your every move and his lips part slightly as he watches you reveal your breasts to him. he’s never seen something so beautiful in his life.

“… so pretty.” he whispers more to himself, but it’s loud enough for you to hear.

the corner of your lips curl yet again as you glance up at him. “of course they are, dummy.”

you toss your bra onto the bed and reach for the bottle of lubricant, spreading the lube along his dick before taking one breast in each hand and nestling choso’s cock in between your chest.

choso nearly melts from the warmth that your boobs bring, then you start moving them up and down his length and it feels like heaven.

like the first encounter with you did. a pretty girl with her tits wrapped around his cock.. damn. not to mention the occasional moments when your tongue comes out and flicks over the opening. he can’t help but feel truly blessed.

you can’t miss the way choso’s face twists in pleasure with each drag of your breasts up and down his length even if you wanted to. the soft pants and groans that leave his parted lips have caused a sticky mess in between your legs, making your panties latch onto your wet cunt.

it’s not a surprise to you that choso busts quick, someone like him obviously would. his face is a dead giveaway, and so are his mannerisms and how his knuckles are white from gripping his comforter. he came fast the last time and in a way you find it oddly charming how quickly this nerd cums. what does surprise you though, is when he opens his mouth and starts to beg.

“please… please. can i t-touch them?” he whimpers, the desperation in his voice is clear. “i-i won’t ask for anything else.. just please.”

he looks down through his heavy eyelids, silently pleading with you, and you’ve got to admit that it’s hot. you bite your lip and make a small noise of approval, stopping what you’re doing and reaching for his hands to put them on your breasts.

his large hands squeeze the soft flesh, really feeling and savoring what it’s like to have a nice pair of tits beneath his palms before his hips jerk as he holds your boobs, fucking your chest.

“ohhh.” choso whines, “can i please cum? need... need your permission.” he doesn’t care how vulnerable he sounds, he just wants to hear you give him your approval.

and here you are again, finding yourself so turned on by his words that they’ve got your pussy clenching. you can’t let on that you’re having a change of heart towards him though, so you scoff. “what the fuck are you asking me for you fucking freak? of course you can.”

leaning back on your hands slightly so you have a better view, you watch choso start to come undone right in front of you. his eyes are squeezed shut and his mouth hangs open, letting the whiniest sounds tumble out of his mouth that you’ve ever heard from a man. you can feel his trembling body come to pause as he halts his movements, a second later your tits are covered in his hot cum.

his limp body continues to lay against the bed and when he opens his eyes again, he finds you still on your knees in front of him. one of your hands is holding your chest while you pick up some of his cum on your finger with your other hand, sucking it into your mouth.

you feel his eyes on you and you repeat the action with a grin. his heart skips a beat and he fears you might be the death of him, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

after getting off the floor and back on your feet you grab a few tissues and wipe your face and tits before you make a random, split second decision. “keep the bra.”

choso almost chokes when he hears you say that. he opens his mouth to protest but he decides against it, knowing that whatever sharp response you say will get him hard again. you rummage around your bag before you pull out the spare bra you always carry. after all, a girl like you never knows what trouble she might get herself into.

choso watches you fix your appearance in the mirror and you catch his eye in the reflection, holding his gaze. “you know.. you’d look fine as hell if you got rid of those things.”

what ‘things’ do you mean?

choso is very obviously confused and you walk over to him with a smirk, yanking his glasses off his face and waving them in front of him. “these things, dumbass.”

you move closer to him and stand in between his legs, running a hand through his thick, dark locks. “you might actually be able to pick up bitches then.”

for some reason, you find yourself standing there staring at him for longer than you’d like to. you eventually let go of his hair and sigh, taking a step back and walking over to grab your bag, preparing to leave.

“what a shame.” you say quietly as you open the door to leave, and you truly do think it is a shame.

you’ll never admit it out loud, but maybe, just maybe, you’re starting to find that stupid little loser cute.

taglist — @cheezemanz @tojicvmslut

cleo’s note — i know some people are probably gonna ask for a part 3, but idk if i’ll keep this going so don’t get your hopes up 🥲. thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated!

[xochosoxo]

husband!gojo ✮| headcannons

gojoxfem!reader

MDNI -> warnings: afab reader (but anyone can read yk), sfw&nsfw, arranged marriage, slight angst, comfort, pet names, flufflufffluff!, cunnilingus, gojo is pussy whipped, fingering, creamycreamycreamiest creampies, reader calls gojo daddy!, tummypushing

a/n: i had a dream abt this with some random guy and when i woke up i was so disappointed :(( LOL angwah heres some quick gojo headcannons bc i truly miss him and im so lonely.

husband!gojo who you married per each family’s request, making your marriage an arranged one.

husband!gojo who hated the idea of being tied down.

husband!gojo who couldnt wait for the ceremony to end, however when he watched you walk down the aisle, looking so innocent, he felt a tug at his heartstrings.

husband!gojo who didnt know what to do when on your honeymoon. he didnt know whether or not to interact with you or to keep his distance like he promised himself. he decides for the latter.

husband!gojo who enjoys coming to work everyday after his honeymoon because his cute little wife always delivers his lunch to him despite not asking you to.

husband!gojo who starts to soften even more when he sees that you wait for him to come home from work. youre usually sleeping on the couch. he gently scoops you up in his arms and takes you to bed.

husband!gojo who sees that you start getting tired of the routine after a while. making his lunches, waiting for him to come home late. you stop delivering his lunches personally, opting to just give it to him before he leaves in the morning. he doesnt see you when he comes home either.

husband!gojo who makes sure to wash up before slipping into bed with you, wrapping his arms around you . he missed you.

husband!gojo who feels you wake the next morning, obviously confused to see his arms around you. he sighs before bringing you closer to his chest.

husband!gojo who whispers apologies and sweet nothings in your ear as you settle yourself into him with suspicion.

he strokes your head as he says. “im sorry. i know you didnt want this marriage either. im sorry that youve been doing all this alone. i promise ill be here for you. just tell me what you need and i will do everything to help you. youve changed me y/n.”

you look at him, with creased eyebrows, obviously still not trusting him fully.

“ill give you time.” husband!gojo sighs as he lets go of you to get ready for work. you still make him lunch that day.

husband!gojo who comes home and doesnt see you on the couch. he understands that he needs to wait for your response but there is a small part of him that is wondering whether or not you have left.

husband!gojo who sighs in relief when he opens the door to your shared bedroom, seeing you all dolled up in a pretty pj set, sitting comfy on the bed.

husband!gojo who smiles when he sees your face brighten in delight. you walk up to him.

husband!gojo who is surprised when you wrap your arms around him and kiss him with your soft lips. he groans into the kiss, regretting the fact the he never kissed you after the wedding.

husband!gojo who melts to your touch as your bring him to the bed. you remove his jacket and tie as your straddle him, kissing him more harshly.

husband!gojo who makes sure youre okay with with what’s going to happen next. he kisses you again when you say yes.

husband!gojo who takes his sweet time with you. stripping you from your garments,leaving you bare infront of him. he sinks his long fingers into your sopping cunt, your head lolling back in pleasure.

husband!gojo who’s eyes roll back when he finally tastes you. youre addcitive. he laps up your juices, swirling his tongue on your clit. you cum twice on your husband’s tongue, his hands holding your legs apart so they wont close. his fingers continues to scissor you until youre screaming.

husband!gojo who fucks you in missionary position, making sure to watch your face as your react to the pleasure hes giving you.

husband!gojo who cums inside of you only to turn that cum into a creamy mess around your pussy as he pounds into you some more. he can feel his creampie dripping out of you and down his balls.

husband!gojo who enjoys how loud youve become. moaning obscenities and calling him daddy. he wants to fuck you till your dumb!

“fuck princess, youre so fucking messy. fuc—nghh..” he tries to speak but your pussy is squeezing him too well he can barely get words out.

“please daddy!! i need—aghh.. i need you! dont stopp—ahh…” you groan as you have your fourth orgasm of night.

husband!gojo who watches hearts form in your eyes when he cums inside of you for the final time. you can feel his warmth trickling into your womb.

husband!gojo who pulls out and watches his loads flood out of you. he presses on your stomach, watching as more cum gushes out of you.

husband!gojo who brings a warm towel to wipe up the cream around your sex. you moan as he does so, still recovering from all of your orgasms.

husband!gojo who wraps you up into his arms once again, praising you for how well you did.

“you did so good love..” he says stroking your back.

husband!gojo who reminds you that he has fallen in love with you and will do anything and everything in his power to make sure that you are comfortable in this marriage with him.

husband!gojo who knows the two of you will be okay when you peck him on the lips and tell him that you love him.

[rukkiya]

didn’t mean a thing

˚✧ ﾟneuvillette x reader, wriothesley x reader (separate) ˚✧ ﾟ

(they say something mean to reader when reader tries to surprise them)

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

neuvillette

The chief of justice often feels the pressure of his role. Lately the cases have been weighing heavy on him, more so than usual.

The amount of unattended cases and trials to come up only makes the judge more anxious, more stressed, and worst of all more irritable.

He hasn’t been taking care of himself, often prioritizing his job over his health and it breaks your heart. You’ve caught him taking naps in his office when you’d stop by to visit so you thought of making him something to help him during his times when he sleeps.

You're a local seamstress, but you have a good hand for crocheting as well. You often make small crochet plushies for the orphans and melusines so you thought a small pillow would work wonders for nevi when he takes naps in his office.

The iudex is sat at his desk reading over one of the many cases piled up next to him. His migraine forms as he sighs, taking a sip of cool water in hopes to somewhat ease it.

He hears a soft knock at his door and ignores it at first. The people he works with know not to bother the chief when he has this much work to do. but the knock is heard again making him sigh, putting the documents down.

“Come in.” He calls out, seeing your head peek in, a soft smile already playing on your lips.

“Hello love!” you beam, you love visiting your husband at work. You don’t get to see him home too often, you take any chance you get to drop by.

“Hello,” he greets back, mouth forming a straight line. “Is something the matter?” He asks, wasting no time.

“No, I just wanted to drop off something for you.” You smile, feeling how off he was right away. He must be so drained you think, trying to dismiss the uninterested tone in his voice.

You pull a small bag from behind your back and walk up to him, holding it out for him to grab.

His face remains neutral and you feel small under his gaze, regretting interrupting his work.

It’s strange though, he usually always welcomes you with a warm smile, ushering you in to spend time with him. Today was different.

He begrudgingly moves his chair back and eyes the bag.

What’s so important that you have to interrupt his work?

He grabs the bag from you and you pull your hand back as he peeks in, moving the wrapping paper aside.

His hand comes up to the bridge of his nose when he sees a small pillow with blue and white lace trimming at the edges in the bag.

He doesn't know what he expected and he doesn’t understand why he feels so bothered but he can’t help it.

“Is this all?” He asks, putting the wrapping paper back on top, handing you the bag back like it was something that made him upset.

“I made it for you. You often take breaks and sleep in your office so I thought-“

“That’s the problem you know.” He cuts you off before you can finish, making you step back a bit.

“You think, what you do will make things better for people or you know what people need.” He brushes off the small gift like nothing.

“I just wanted you to get proper rest, you look tired. I know you haven’t been getting much sleep because of all the cases and-“

“And you’re the one stopping me from finishing them right now, right? I don’t need you always checking up or stopping by when you feel like it. Some of us take our jobs seriously. It’s suffocating having you stop by everyday. I need space and time to do my own job alone. Thank you very much.” He’s almost out of breath by the end of it, his eyes narrow at you, you feel what the verdicts of the cases feel when he judges them.

You don’t know what to say. You feel small under his gaze and he doesn’t even flinch, after all he’s said he stands his ground.

“Forgive me for worrying in the slightest, it won’t happen again.” Your voice falls flat, you dig your nails in your palm to stop the sting in your eyes as you turn to leave.

Reaching the door you half expect him to stop you, apologize or something but it never happens. You step outside and feel your tears drop, lowering your head from gazes around you.

You head to your home with a heavy heart. You feel utterly stupid. You should’ve seen the signs, you knew he was on edge because of work and you walked right into it like a spider's web.

You reach your house feeling drained. You slowly make your way to your room to continue working on small plushies for the orphans to take your mind off the harsh words you hear earlier. Throwing the small pillow you made into the trash before you get to work. He doesn’t want it and neither do you.

Neuvillette lets out a content sigh. He’s done his work, more than half of the cases he’s reviewed and he feels better. Enough to call it a day and head home somewhat earlier than normal. Maybe he can catch a meal with you, something he hasn’t done in ages.

He opens the door to your shared home and takes note of how quiet it is. Is it usually this quiet when you’re alone?

The living room was dim, the only source of light was flooding the from the cracks of your shared bedroom.

He hangs his coat and makes his way to your shared bedroom. He wants nothing more than to spend time with you.

You hear your bedroom door creak but don’t bother to turn around, already knowing who it was. You made a promise to yourself to stop being overbearing with him, he told you it’s suffocating, you never want him to feel that way with you.

He feels his lips tug upwards a bit at the sight of you. You were stitching some plushies, your work always so beautiful and delicate.

“Hello my love.” He speaks softly, he knows he acted out of place earlier but he wants to make it up to you. He knows you only care, that just the kind of sweet genuine person you are.

“Hello.” You welcome him barely above whisper, not looking up at him. You lay in bed crocheting a small plushie.

“Are you going to drop those off at the orphanage tomorrow?” He asks, heart filling with utter adoration at the sight of you making your beautiful plushies.

“Yes.” You answer, nodding your head as you cut the end of the yarn off.

“Would you like me to assist you?” He asks, you feel like it’s a trick question. After all he has told you today he asks this?

“No need. You have work, I can go with Navia.” You decline, he stands there for a second before clearing his throat.

“Why of course, please send my regards when you stop by.” He asks and you nod.

What’s wrong? You’ve never declined his offers of helping you. Were you not feeling well?

“I’m going to wash up dear, afterwards I’ll make us something to eat.” His voice is much softer than earlier. You don’t understand what he wants anymore. It’s confusing.

While Neuvillette was showering you warmed up his portion of the dinner you made, setting it up on his bedside table. You were hurt by his words but you still want him to eat.

After preparing his meal on his bedside table, you grab your pillow and an extra blanket heading to the living room couch. As much as his words hurt you, you still want to hold him, talk to him and have him close but he doesn’t want that. He made it more than clear in his office.

After Neuvillette’s shower, he’s greeted with a meal on his nightstand. He looks around the room and notices you're not in bed anymore. He catches sight of your plushie on your nightstand and thinks you went to use the other restroom.

He gets changed and smiles at the meal you made for him. Always helping him when he knows you work just as hard as he does, if not even harder than he does. You’re passionate about your work and he adores that side of you.

He buttons up his shirt and sits in bed, looking at the clock. It's been over 15 minutes since he’s gotten out. Why weren't you back in bed?

He stands and walks over to your side of the bed where the plushie lays on the nightstand. From the corner of his eye a blue and white lace trimming catches his attention and he looks down at the small bin next to your side of the bed.

He reaches in and pulls out the small pillow you had brought to his office earlier that day, he feels his heart sink. Remembering his harsh words and how he gave it back to you without a second thought. He feels guilty.

You threw this beautiful pillow away because of his foolish outburst. He feels like a fool for talking to you in such a way. Your guarded attitude made more sense now that he realizes it.

He clutches the small pillow in his hold and looks to your side of the bed, noticing your pillow missing.

His legs move on their own, opening your room door greeted with the dark living room only a candle being your source of light.

He can see you laying on the couch and he feels his eyes burn.

As he nears you he hears you crying and his heart tugs at the sound.

He wouldn’t dare let you sleep alone, ever.

He says nothing as he turns to you and you quickly turn away to hide your tears.

He kneels down a bit. Arms circling under your legs and head, picking you up with ease as he grabs your pillow before making his way back to your room.

You feel more tears spill. What was all this? What does he want?

He stops in the room after closing the door behind him. The only sound to be hard was your sniffling before you heard rain, rain droplets hitting your window.

He holds you closer, tighter in his hold.

“My love, I’m terribly sorry for my words that have caused you to feel the need to distance yourself. I’m sorry I disregarded your gift for me. I will cherish it forever.” He whispers, his legs moving once again making his way to your side of the bed.

He softly lays you down before standing again, you see the pillow you thee away on your nightstand and feel more tears spill.

He turns, he knows he should give you space, give you time alone and as much as he wants to hold you he has to respect your boundaries.

Before he can get too far he feels a hug in his wrist, he feels his own tears spill.

Your heart, which is too kind and forgiving, knows him too well. He truly doesn’t deserve you.

“Please don’t leave.” You whisper, he only nods, who’s he to say no? After all he’s done today he’d be a fool.

He climbs into bed, arms immediately grabbing you, laying you on top of him as the rain outside gets louder.

“My love, I apologize for my actions. Please find it in your heart to forgive a fool like me, not right now but when you can.” He can only whisper, if he speaks any louder he’s scared he’ll cry more.

You nod your head as it lays on his chest “yes my love, I do.” you hug him, if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be here right now you tell yourself. The fact that he’s here right now shows so much.

You hear his heartbeat steady and the rain outside subside. Knowing he’s calmed down, feeling your eyes grow heavy. Neuvillette holds you closer, making a promise to himself and you to never act out of place like that again. Not with you, who’s so caring and giving he’ll cherish you forever along with the pillow you made for him today.

wriothesley

The duke is in charge of many things, running the fortress of meropide is one. Dealing with troublesome inmates to make sure they know their place and meetings that consist of various things for him to arrange.

Wriothesley was making his way back from a meeting with Neuvillette. He has asked him about an inmate, asking him to bring him up for further questioning, giving him the inmates name and number before he left.

Neuvillette had given him a small paper with the number and name. Wriothesly had memorized it just after a few glances at the small paper. But during his busy day out he has misplaced it. And as the day went on he was worried he’d forget.

He didn’t want to trouble Neuvillette with another meeting to give him the number again so he’s been repeating it while making his way to his office.

You decided to bring Wrio some food and tea. Upon arriving at his office you found it empty and decided to surprise him for when he comes back. Sitting on the small couch by his desk, setting up his meal for when he comes.

You often have one or two days out of the month where you catch up and eat lunch together in his office. It's one of the ways that you get to see him more besides when he comes home to sleep.

No one dared to stop the duke as he made his way to his office, the look on his face alone was screaming don’t approach me right now.

You hear his office door open and hear his footsteps echoing up the staircase, you stand up and wait by the edge of the stairs happy to see him.

He doesn’t even look your way when he reaches the top, instead he brushes past you. Mumbling some numbers under his breath.

“Wrio.” You call out softly, making him whip his head back. He didn’t even notice you were here, let alone see you standing right by him.

“What’re you doing here?” He asks, it comes out harsher than he intends.

“I brought you food! We haven’t had lunch in a while, I made your favorite too. It’s been sometime since we’ve sat down and had a home cooked meal.” You beam, smiling at him and pointing to his desk behind him where you set up the food.

“That’s great, but right now isn’t the time.” He brushes you off. Walking to the cabinet where all the inmates' files are repeating the number in his head still.

“I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you tend to look over your health because of work. This can help you focus on your work more! I even brought your favorite tea to go with it.” You walk to his desk and pour the hot tea into his favorite cup.

“Just take a second and eat, take care of yourself and-“

“Do you ever stop?” He feels his grip on the cabinet tighten as he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

You stop talking and look over at him.

“I’m sorr-“

“I have an office to do my work, for peace and quiet as I do so. No one has the right to waltz in here and think they can have a tea party and talk their heads off while I work.” He slowly turns to you.

You only swallow, not knowing how to respond.

“You know I have more important things to do than have a meal with you. You talk so much, too much sometimes and you don’t know when to stop and it’s bothersome. Learn how to stop at times and not bother people when they’re working, yeah?” He scolds, roughly shoving the cabinet closed.

You look down at the desk, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes.

You feel like you’re glued to the floor. You can’t move.

“I’d like to get back to work, I don’t have time for all this. I’d be best if you went back to work as well.” He sits at his desk with a file and you feel your eyes sting.

Leaving the food on his desk and grabbing your bag. Walking downstairs and away from his office that felt suffocating, you should’ve just minded your business.

You walk out of his office, closing the door softly as his words ring in your head.

Seigwinne sees you, walking up but stopping In his tracks when she sees your solemn expression. She’s studied humans enough to know that the emotion you were feeling was sadness.

You make your way home, stepping inside and locking the door as you feel the first tear run down your face.

You know how much you talk, you know many people don’t like it but Wriothesley never said anything about it. He’s always listened to you, saying it helps him relax. During work he’s often doing the talking so hearing you talk, it brings him peace. He also loves your voice.

When did he start getting annoyed? Has it been a while? What if he’s been tired of hearing me this whole time? You question yourself. Coming to the conclusion that you need to stop. Stop talking so much and taking up his time. It’s for the better.

When Wriothesley ends the meeting with the inmate he finally feels some tension release from his shoulders. He’s been running around all day and he hasn’t had time to sit in peace.

From the time on the clock he sees it reaching seven pm and decides to call it a day. He’s done the most important task already. He can attend other matters tomorrow.

As he cleans up his desk he notices the food and tea, remembering you stopped by earlier to chat with him. Remembering what a jerk he was and how he told you to leave.

He sighs when he notices what you made. You have a habit of putting others' priorities before yours and he feels bad for how he responded. He packs up the food to take it back home, to reheat and eat with you like you wanted.

When he arrives home, he notices how quiet it was inside. He pushes the door open and is met with a small lamp in the kitchen and spots you sitting on the couch, book in hand.

“I’m home darling.” He calls out, seeing you turn to him, giving him a small smile then turning back to your book.

His eyebrows draw together, he loves coming home and seeing you. Always so excited and giddy asking him about his day and telling him about yours but you didn’t even respond to him.

“I brought the food you made back home, I wanted to reheat it and eat with you. We haven’t spent time with each other in a while.” He speaks up, pulling his tie down a-bit as he still sees you reading your book.

Why weren’t you responding? He thinks, you’re never this quiet.

“Have you eaten?” He pushes, trying to get something out of you, anything.

“Not hungry.” You answer, simple and quick. Not even looking away from your book this time.

He feels nervous. He feels something off.

“I’ll heat it up, if you want some please eat.” He sighs, the tension is heavy but nothing happens. He knows something’s off with you.

In silence the duke eats alone on the table, sending you glances as you continue to turn the pages of your book. Not indulging him in your ranting he’s come to grow ‘annoyed of’. He made it clear earlier.

“The food is delicious, thank you for making this.” He tires again, this time you look up. He smiles a bit but you do something that makes him believe something is off, you only send him a thumbs up in return.

He finishes his half and saves you yours for when you get hungry, putting it away and making his way to you.

“Y/n darling. Is something the matter?” He asks, making his way closer to you. Seeing you shift uncomfortably from where you sit.

“Nope.” You shake your head, not daring to look at him. You can feel him coming closer.

He kneels down, inspecting you. The corners of your eyes were a bit red, but nothing else seemed off. Were you feeling sick?

His hand reaches up to feel your forehead but you move away.

“I’m not sick.” You speak up as you dodge his touch. He feels his hand freeze.

“Use your words, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you talking to me?” He asks, placing hands next to both sides of your legs caging you in.

“I’m not one of your inmates, don’t order me to do things.” You speak up, still not daring to look up at him, you can feel his piercing eyes on you.

He’s taken aback at your response.

“I’m not ordering you y/n, I’m just worried.” He sighs, pulling your book down to get you to look at him.

“I said I’m fine, can I get back to reading?” You glance up at him. Trying your best to not let anything slip though. You don’t want him to see how much his words hurt you.

He decides to stop, for now. He knows something’s wrong. You’re too stubborn to tell him though.

He walks into your shared bedroom and into the bathroom to shower, racking his brain to think of what possibly could have made you so upset. The whole time he spends in there he can’t think of why you’re refusing to respond properly.

It’s already later when he gets out, the steam from the bathroom becoming visible when he opens the door.

He sees you in bed and he can help but feel at ease. You came to bed at least. He walks over to the closet eyes you as he does, a small smile making its way onto his lips at the sight of how you look.

He starts changing and notices you’re faced away from him. He quietly steps around and sees you hugging a pillow and he feels this heavy feeling in his chest again.

Did he do something?

He lays down next to you, you feel the bed dip and try your hardest to not turn around. You’d probably hug him and start talking and annoy him again. He probably doesn't want that.

You feel like such a fool. All day his words have been affecting you. You’re too scared to speak again.

You hug the pillow closer to you and feel your eyes burn once again. Hearing those words from him hurt more than anything. You don’t want to show him how much it hurts you though. He doesn’t need to know. He said what he said and what’s done is done.

He lays there for a bit, the tension still surrounding you. He’s unsure of what to do. He wants to hold you, pull you in but what if you move again.

That’s when he hears it, the small sound of sniffing. He freezes. His heart drops making him stand.

You feel the bed move and hear him stand, you think the worst. Maybe he’s leaving because he’s annoyed. He doesn’t want to deal with this. You don’t know why you’re crying but it won’t stop. He just told you something that bothered him and you took it too personally. You’re both hurt and upset and you don’t understand why.

It’s quiet for a few seconds but then you feel a firm hand gently grab your arm, lifting you off the bed effortlessly.

You try to hide your face but Wriothesley has had enough of this.

“Hey hey, look at me.” He softly calls out.

You try to hold it in but you feel more tears run down. Placing your hands on his chest and pushing him away but his sturdy frame doesn’t budge.

“I’m fine, j-just tired.” You try to sound convincing despite your voice cracking. Struggling against his hold, pushing him a bit harder to move.

You resist in his hold and he feels his heart break even more.

“Y/n what’s wrong?” He grabs your hands, stopping your struggle and you look down, not wanting to look at him.

“Nothing, I’ve talked enough today. I don’t want to anymore.” You try to sound convincing, trying to pull your arms out of his grasp.

He’s taken aback, talked too much? You haven’t even talked at all. Where is this even coming from- oh.

oh

He stills, eyes boring into your head as you avoid his gaze.

“I didn’t mean it earlier y/n. I didn’t mean anything I said earlier. It doesn’t excuse if I was mad or busy telling you that wasn't something I ever meant. I love hearing you talk. I love your voice. Don’t ever think that I want you to stop.” He explains, knowing he was the reason for it all now. What a jerk he’s been.

He drops his head, resting it on yours. He waits a bit seeing if you’d pull away but you don’t. “Darling, I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart I am. I miss hearing you talk. The house is eerily quieter without your beautiful voice and laughter echoing through these halls.” He speaks softly, hearing a small sob escape your lips.

You move back a bit, looking up at him and taking a breath. “But you told me- I don’t want to annoy you.” You hiccup, finally letting more tears fall. It’s been eating you alive. It hurts. It hurts so bad because someone you love told you.

“No no, you’d never, and you never ever had. Do you understand?” He makes it clear, seeing your pretty eyes filled with tears he grabs your face.

Your behavior makes sense now, how could he have been so mean to you? He truly is such a fool.

His hands slowly lift to your face, testing the waters to see if you’d pull away, but you don’t pull back. “Please talk to me. Don’t hold back or hide your voice dear. Scold me, tell me what I did wrong.” He pleads, the look in his eyes desperate.

You nod, wiping your tears when he brings your head to his chest hugging you close. “Please forgive me.” He repeats, squeezing you tighter when you let out a small ‘yes’.

He holds you close, and though you said you forgive him. He can’t take you for granted, not when you’re the best thing to ever come into his dull life. So he repeats it over and over, until you both fall asleep.

_________________

authors note: hello my lovelies HIIIIII!!! (/^▽^)/ it’s been a while but I come with a gift ANGST!! hehe neuvi and Wrio are such sweet men this was kind of a rough one but them with them seems so AMAZING! I hope you all had a lovely holiday and you’re all taking care! Hope I enjoy yet another angst with comfort! take care loves, bagel miss u all mwahhh <33 ^~^! (DISCLAIMER!! this was not edited or looked over, apologies for any misspelled words or incorrect grammar!!)

[ftmbigbro]

(Contains: free use, dehumanisation)

Section Two, Part 1/3: How to fix a bratty tboy!

Is your tboy talking back to you? Won't he do as he is told? Don't worry, there are a few different ways to fix him! He'll be thanking you for pounding his holes again in no time! In this section we will be going over some easy recommended ways to discipline your boy.

Spanking

In part one of this section, you can read about spanking. Spanking is one of the most proven and efficient ways to punish your tboy. We recommend spanking your boy at least once a week for maintenance, even if he is generally well-behaved. Spankings can be done in front of other people for humiliation. Try inviting your friends over to watch his punishments! Maybe even to use him after! (see Section Two, Part 2/3 on Overstimulation and Continues Use for more on this). When dealing with a bratty tboy, an implement should be used. Try having the implement be something the boy interacts with in his everyday life, such as a hairbrush or a wooden spoon, that way he will be reminded to behave when he sees it. Alternatively, if you wish to use a paddle or a whip on him, try having it displayed in the house as a warning of what is to come.

Before a spanking, the tboy should always have his bottom and pussy completely bared. Don't be afraid to use force to pull his pants and underwear down if needed. If he attempts to cover his pussy with his hand, slap it away and give him a hard swat on his clit, he is your property, he should not hesitate to expose himself for you.

Now, you have several options for how to place him for his spanking. Over the knee, over the armrest of a chair or sofa or over a table are all popular and valid positions, however beware that some boys might attempt to grind their naughty little pussies against anything during the spanking. If you see this happen, turn your tboy around so that he is on his back with his legs spread and continue the spanking directly on his cunt. Other positions for spankings include standing, lying flat on the bed, bent over the bed, or kneeling on bed or sofa. Note that prioritising humiliating the boy is encouraged. Make sure his pussy is exposed and spread.

Now that the boy has been positioned, the actual spanking begins. Make sure you don't hold back. The punishment should fit the crime, of course, but don't be distracted by begging, crying or kicking. In fact, the most obedient boys will just take the punishment without making a scene, so this is a sign you should be hitting harder. Make sure both buttcheeks and the upper thighs have a nice rosey colour before you move on to spanking his cunt. Front-spankings are just as important as bottom-spankings and should be administered with the same force. His pussy will likely be dripping at the attention, this is a good sign, it shows that he is ready for use after you finish the punishment. Make sure to spank both his hole, clit and mount, as well as the soft folds. When it's swollen and red and your boy is leaking and sniffling, he should be fixed and ready to behave for you. If not, continue with the guidance of part 2 of this section.

After a spanking, it is recommended to give your tboy some time to think about his actions, either stood in a corner or standing positioned with his ass and pussy on display. However if you do wish to use him immediately after the punishment, he will likely be very obedient and his pussy will be wet and tight and ready for you to pound.

[sinfulspencer]

Flashed

Prompt: It’s too hot to wear clothes at home, so Reader walks around in her underwear. Spencer loses his train of thoughts at the sight.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Rating: mature (18+)

Warnings: light dom/sub dynamic (Dom!Spencer, Sub!Reader if you squint), dirty talking, hair pulling, light impact play, breeding kink, unprotected sex 

Words: 5.0k

A.N.: Horny Spencer. That’s it. Also, this is the first official Spencer Reid fic I have written since last year. It felt so good to write for him again. Written this with a prompt from the Summer Sunshine challenge by @imagining-in-the-margins. Thank you to @reidselle and @drgenius-reid for beta-reading this fic!

MASTERLIST. REQUEST GUIDELINES. TAGLIST FORM.

When Spencer asked you to move in with him at the end of the year, he was ready to face every challenge that life would throw at him. The first fights over laundry, the first fight over whoever almost set the house on fire, the first fights over the person that was supposed to remake the bed before going to work, the first fights over whoever left the TV on before going to bed… 

He was prepared for everything.

Spencer learned to cook (he wasn’t good at it, but he knew how to turn on the stove and boil some water, at least). He learned how to do laundry. He learned how to clean the floors without you falling on your own ass because he forgot to tell you that the ground was wet. 

But Spencer wasn’t ready for the summer. 

You moved in with him during the fall season, when it was still cold outside, and it was time to drink hot chocolate in front of the fireplace. You moved in with him when you were still wearing a winter jacket, leather boots and a scarf around your neck. You moved in when the wind was so cold that you could barely keep the window slightly opened in the bathroom after taking a shower to let the steam go out. 

Spencer wasn’t fucking ready for summer.

The hot weather was already taking a toll on his poor body and he hated it. Spencer despised the high temperatures because they made him sweat like a pig and he hated, more than anything, the feel of sweat under his armpits or behind his knees. 

Normally, before you moved in, Spencer would spend the whole time at home completely naked or wearing only underwear. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but it happened quite a lot. 

What was the problem, then?

Spencer used to walk around in his apartment in his underwear when he was alone, but you’re doing it while he’s in the house. He knew you paced around the house that way because you felt comfortable, but still. He was a stupid man, with hormones that rushed through his body like crazy.

You walked around your shared apartment with nothing on but a pair of panties that Spencer always wanted to rip off you and a stupid bra that made your breasts look even more delicious. 

And the sight had started to take a toll on Spencer for the worst. He was constantly horny, making it difficult for him to focus on simple tasks such as cleaning the whole apartment or doing laundry. 

He woke up one day and you already were parading yourself in your underwear, which made his morning wood even more difficult to take care of. He came home that same night and you were still in your underwear, which led him to forget he was supposed to grab some dinner with Luke because he ended up taking you against the bedroom door.

Spencer didn’t want you to wear clothes if you were too hot, but he also needed to learn how to keep his hands to himself whenever he saw an inch of your naked skin. He felt like a teenager, always eager to touch and ravish what belonged to him.

When Spencer tried to explain the situation to Luke, his colleague laughed right in his face. At first, Spencer was offended. 

‘Why are you complaining about seeing your girlfriend’s tits? You should be happy she feels comfortable around you.’

And Spencer was happy; he truly was. He was proud to know he made you feel good about yourself and allowed you to walk around the house almost naked, but he also felt like an idiot for getting a boner whenever he thought about coming home and knowing he’d find you dressed like that. 

Or better, undressed. 

That night, Spencer couldn’t wait to get home and tell you that he had a birthday party to attend next week. It was Penelope’s birthday and, as every year for the past ten, she had an entire day planned for her and her friends from work. There would be a huge pool party in a small agritourism she rented for the day, followed by a barbecue and a whole garden to explore. 

Spencer was excited to bring you there. 

You had been dating for over a year now and you couldn’t meet his co-workers and friends because you always had meetings to attend, or shifts that were incompatible with the nights the team hung out all together. 

“Y/N?” Spencer called out when he entered his apartment. 

The lights in the kitchen were on and he could hear you humming to a song blasting from the speakers. 

He dropped his bag on the floor and followed the sound of your voice, only to find you in nothing but your underwear. Again. You had your back turned and were swaying your hips to the rhythm of the music, making Spencer smile at the sight. Though the music was loud and almost hurt his ears, he was willing to tolerate the loud volume if it meant he could observe you in your element for hours on end. 

He was so enamoured with you even though you weren’t doing anything in particular. He fell harder for you everyday just watching you exist, breathe and live on your own.

But of course, the romantic thoughts in his head abruptly stopped when you felt his presence in the room and you screamed.

“Fuck! What the fuck, Spencer?!”

He didn’t want to laugh at your terrified expression, but a chuckle fell from his lips. 

“Did I scare you?”

You roll your eyes, dropping your apron on the counter. “No. I screamed because I was learning how to fry scream. Fuck yes, you scared me.”

Spencer walked to the other side of the kitchen counter and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a tight hug. You smelled like apples and he could see them in the corner of his eyes, all peeled up. 

“How was work? Did you get your stuff done?” you asked

Spencer nodded his head, kissing your temple without losing his grip on you. “Yes. I’m exhausted, though. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could relax and enjoy some time with you.”

You leaned forward, caressing his soft curls. “I bet you’re tired. You’ve been awake since five in the morning.”

As Spencer left the kitchen to get changed, he heard the music turning back on and he smiled. Your footsteps echoed in the room, and he smiled because he knew you were dancing to your favourite songs again. But still, there was a big problem that needed to be solved at that instant. 

You were still in your underwear and of course, he had noticed that. How couldn’t he? 

Spencer saw you for less than three minutes and yet, the bulge in his trousers made it difficult for him to think straight. He didn’t know how it was possible for you to turn him on that much, but you did and it was starting to make things harder for him.

If Spencer brought you to Penelope's birthday party, you were definitely going to wear a bikini. And a bikini is basically the same thing as your underwear… which meant one thing.

“Oh no.”

“Are you talking to me?”

Spencer turned around, attempting to cover the issue between his thighs with the jacket he brought to work that morning. 

“Uh, no love. No, I was just thinking about… something.”

“Care to share?” you asked with an innocent smile.

Spencer knew that smile was actually innocent; you had no ill intentions, but his brain was starting to play games with him. He was so turned on that Spencer thought every little microexpression on your face and every move you made were just actions to tease him and work him up. 

They were not. Or maybe they were.

“Sorry, uh… Yeah. Penelope invited me to her birthday party this Saturday.”

Your face enlightened at his words. “Oh! That’s so nice!”

“She asked me to bring you, too.” 

“I don’t like the tone you just used. If you don’t want to bring me, that’s…”

Spencer widened his eyes, realising that his words might’ve sounded rude. “No! I’m excited to let you meet all of my friends and co-workers, truly.”

“Then, what is it? I know there’s something that bothers you.”

You sat on the bed with your legs crossed, waiting for Spencer to continue but, he didn’t dare to move. If he placed his jacket on the bed, you would’ve noticed the painful tent in his trousers. If he didn’t move, you would’ve asked him why he wasn’t taking off his clothes and putting on more comfortable ones.

Too many thoughts were running wild through Spencer’s brain and it was difficult for him to gather them all, cast aside the naughty ones and focus on the more normal ones. 

It was tough not to stare at the curves of your breasts and how he could see the shadow of your nipples hidden behind the fabric of your bra. He has spent so many hours just licking and sucking your skin around your breasts, that he can still taste you on his tongue if he focuses hard enough. 

“Penelope has rented a whole place for all of us.”

You hummed, tilting your head. “Sounds really nice. Is there a swimming pool involved? Is that why you’re worried?”

Spencer bit his bottom lip, forcing himself not to stare at the way your hair fell over your shoulders and covered the laces of your bra. A few days ago, he used his teeth to remove that same bra. It was a struggle not to think about that night, and he pathetically failed.

“I’m sure the place she rented is clean and…”

As you started to speak and comfort Spencer over his fear of germs, his mind wandered elsewhere. You moved to the centre of the bed to be closer to him and laid on it, with your arms behind your head and your body all stretched out. 

Your bra barely covered your full breasts and your thighs were much more visible, with all the little bruises still peppering your skin. The same bruises he caused two days before. The same bruises you begged him to create on. 

Spencer’s brain was starting to get even foggier. 

“Are you even listening to me, love?” 

You snapped your fingers in front of his face and Spencer dropped the jacket on the floor, quickly bending over to pick it up. Of course, he was listening to you, but he was just… thinking about something else while you were talking. 

“Hm.”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Spencer turned away from you and looked down, frowning. His bulge was still there and getting more painful, but how in the world was he going to face you and ask you if you could help him out? He knew you would, in a heartbeat, but he felt miserable. 

How could he ask you to stop walking around his place in nothing but your underwear when he wanted to worship your body every hour of every day? How could he deny himself the sight of your stunning body? 

His eyes went straight to your breasts and of course, you noticed it. 

“Spencer!”

“Hm? What’s up?”

“My God.” - you started to say, sitting up on the bed - “You’re distracted! You can’t even finish a sentence or listen to me.”

Spencer hummed again, forcing his eyes to stay on your face. Unfortunately, they slipped down to your breasts once again - but that time, Spencer didn’t deny it. How could he? He had been so obvious since he arrived home, but you thought to yourself that maybe you were imagining things.

Or you were too horny, but you weren’t. He was. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“You’ve been staring at my breasts since you saw me in the kitchen.” you stated

Spencer sighed, turning his back on you again. “I’m sorry. They’re distracting.”

“Look at me, love.”

He lingered for a few seconds, covering his face with both hands. He didn’t want to turn around because he knew you would’ve teased him for hours on end, but it truly wasn’t his fault. It was his brain that tricked him into staring at your boobs and remembering all the things he did to you the night before and all the other days. 

It wasn’t his fault he had an eidetic memory and he could replay all your moments of intimacy together each time he wanted. How you looked when he kissed your neck, how you moaned when his tongue swirled around your nipples…

“You can look at them whenever you want, you know.” - you tapped his shoulder, kneeling behind him on the bed - “I’m your girlfriend, aren’t I?”

“That’s not the point, Y/N.” - Spencer replied, forcing himself to turn around - “You’re so distracting, I can barely think when you’re there… dressed up like that.”

You raised your brows. “Do you want me to change?”

“No!” - he exclaimed, before clearing his throat - “I mean… maybe. I don’t know, but I can’t keep getting hard because you’re half-naked.”

“What’s wrong with being attracted to me, love?” you asked with your arms crossed.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, you know, but it’s hard to be around you when all I think about is how I want to just…” - he took a deep breath before shaking his head - “I need to behave, I’m sorry.”

There was a moment of silence where you pondered over his words. He seemed so miserable and all because he was so attracted to you that he could barely think, that he could barely remember that he had other things to do other than you. 

That felt incredibly hot. 

Leaning forward, you placed a hand on his hip. “I want to hear what you’re thinking about right now.”

Spencer shook his head, covering your hand with his. “It’s too early.”

“It’s never too early to make love to your partner, Spencer.”

You were right, he knew that, but he also knew that if he kissed you and took you right there, he would’ve spent the whole night just trying to do it over and over until you were too tired to move or to keep your eyes open. 

Spencer sighed and looked down at you. “You drive me crazy.”

“And what’s the harm in that, love?” you asked innocently 

He moved his hands under your neck and forced you to look at him, gripping your chin with his fingertips. You went quiet, trying to decipher the expression on his face, though the tight grip was already a good hint of what he was thinking about.  

“No harm.”

“Exactly, so… What’s stopping you?”

Spencer knew nothing was stopping him from pressing your body onto the mattress and pounding into you. He had every right to do so because he knew you wanted it as much as he did, but still. There was an issue to fix and he refused to let his hormones get in the way, once again. 

But maybe just this time, Spencer thought.

You leaned your head against his palm, and closed your eyes when his fingers brushed over your cheek. He could look at you for hours, admiring how you basked in the sweetness of his touch that you found so comforting. 

“Nothing’s stopping me.”

You sighed, running your hands over his chest. “Good.”

Spencer unbuckled his belt and the metal clanking of it falling onto the floor brought an eager smile to your lips. Of course you smiled, because you were about to get exactly what you wanted since he came home. 

Little minx, Spencer thought. 

“You don’t need to hold back from what you truly desire, Spencer.” 

He drank up your words like they were the sweetest honey and he sighed. You were right; he didn’t need to stop himself from putting his hands over you if you wanted to be touched as well, but still.

“If you want to rip my underwear off me, you can do it.” - you muttered, slowly opening the buttons of his shirt - “If you want to fuck me like this, while I’m almost naked and you’re still dressed, you can do it.”

Spencer watched as your skilled fingers pushed his shirt off his shoulder and sighed, because there was nothing else he could do or say at that moment. You had him wrapped around your tiny finger and you knew it, which was why he loved you so much. You could’ve snapped your fingers and he would’ve dropped to his knees for you. 

“I just.. I just need to have you. At all times.”

“You can.” - you replied with no hesitation, only firmness in your voice - “I am here for your pleasure. Always.”

Spencer released a long sigh. “I know. I’m so lucky.”

Pushing his trousers down his legs to reveal his soft skin, you looked up at him with your lips turned into a wicked grin. You could see the emotions rapidly changing behind those eyes: lust, frustration, love, annoyance and desire. That was exactly what you wanted: you craved to drive Spencer crazy and you needed him to lose his mind over you. 

It made you feel powerful.

“You’re so pretty when you’re desperate for me.” you said 

Spencer leaned into your touch when you reached out for his face. “So are you, princess.”

But the tender moment was gone as fast it came, because there was no time to be nice to one another. Spencer wanted to wreck you and you wanted him to do as he pleased; you wanted the pleasure to consume him, and so it did.

Spencer kissed you for the first time since he came home and, of course, he had no time to be nice. His tongue pushed into your mouth without warning, but you let it as you laid down on the bed with the man on top of you. The kiss expressed all the frustration that had built within him ever since he came home and found you in the kitchen, wiggling your ass to the music and singing at the top of your lungs. 

His teeth dug into the soft flesh of your bottom lip and you whined, almost tasting blood on your tongue. 

“Let me be rough tonight.”

You grabbed him by the chin, staring right into those honey-coloured eyes. “Perhaps I was not clear with my words a moment ago, Spencer. I want you to do whatever you want to me.”

Spencer groaned at your words and pushed any rational thought out of his mind, allowing the frustration and profound desire felt for you to drive him. His pupils were blown wide with unbridled lust making you shiver, bringing the heat between your thighs where you so desperately wanted to be touched. 

Spencer kissed your mouth before moving down to your throat, attacking it with bites and gentle licks that made you whimper. 

“I’m going to ravish you tonight, my princess.” - Spencer whispered to your ear, running his hands all over your breasts - “And you’re going to take my cock like the good girl I know you are for me, yeah?”

“Yes. Yes, love.”

He moved his hands to your face, kissing the tip of your nose. “Hands and knees.”

You scrambled to turn around, struggling to move as his arms didn’t give you as much space as you needed. Spencer, ever so helpful, pulled your hips up when you managed to roll on your tummy. 

“Good girl, that’s it.”

You could feel his cock against your ass when he leaned forward to bite your shoulder and you moaned, closing your eyes. His nails dug into the soft flesh of your back, dragging your panties down your thighs before throwing them on the floor. 

Spencer’s mouth wandered down your neck, leaving a trace of kisses that started from your right shoulder and went down to your ass. He nibbled at the soft skin right below it before biting down, hard enough to draw blood. You yelped at the feeling, but didn’t complain as your hands scratched the blanket. 

Spencer pulled away for a second and traced the small wound with the tip of his index, earning a hiss from you. It hurt, but you wanted it to hurt - you promised you’d bleed for him, and bleed you did. 

“Good girl. So pretty for me.” - Spencer whispered, but you were more focused on the sound of a bottle of lube being opened - “I’m sorry, I’m so impatient to have you. I wish we could take this slow, but I can’t.”

“It’s okay, I know you’re desperate.” - you mumbled, moaning softly when his fingers breached your entrance - “It’s fucking cold.”

He chuckled at your reaction, smearing the lube all over your already wet slit. “Oops”

When you were ready, Spencer found no resistance as he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside of you. He watched the way your walls welcomed him in and revelled in the sweetness of your whimpers and whines when you felt him. Spencer waited, watching you as you struggled to stay still for him. 

“Please, just… Get inside, for fuck’s sake.”

“Oh? Wanna take it all at once, my princess?” - Spencer asked, running his left hand through your hair - “Are you desperate for my cock? Then, fucking have it.”

In one hard thrust, Spencer bottomed out inside of you and you fell on the bed with your face in the pillow. You trembled when you finally felt every inch of his cock inside of you and you thought you were ready to fall off the edge in less than a minute. 

You were desperate for him every single time you had the chance to make love to him.

“Take it, princess. You wanted it and now you have it.”

Spencer watched you as you arched your back, tightening your grip on the bed sheets. A chorus of curses and moans flows from your lips as you try to get back on your knees, but his thrusts are too quick and harsh to let you get in position. So, again, you fell down with your face in the pillow. 

The pleasure quickly expanded through your body as Spencer never slowed down the pace of his thrusts, basking in the gentle sounds of your moans. His right hand travelled down to reach your ass, and before you felt it, you heard it - there was a brief moment of silence, followed by a loud smack and then a deep heat diffusing over your skin. 

It had been so long since he spanked you, but with that position, you couldn’t blame him.

The sensation heightened the pleasure within you. 

“Oh, fuck!”

Spencer moved both his hands on each side of your head and leaned forward, keeping his thrusts quick and regular. You could feel his body tense each time you tried to push back into him, to fuck yourself onto his cock. 

You were already close, desperate to ride that delicious end. 

“Please, more.” - you cried out again - “Please, I’m close.”

“Don’t you dare.” - he bit your earlobe - “Don’t you fucking dare come on my cock now.”

You whined at his order, not sure how you would be able to hold it and be a good girl for him. It wasn’t easy to hold an orgasm, especially if Spencer never stopped fucking into you with all the energy he had in his body. You were so close, you were right there but Spencer stopped his movements - and suddenly, you felt a warm tear slip down your cheek.

A single tear of frustration. 

Spencer forced you on your back, pushing you onto the mattress before sliding his cock back inside of you. 

“I want to see your pretty face when you come, princess.” - Spencer whispered, lifting your right leg and wrapping it around his own waist - “I want you to look at me as you come undone on my cock.”

His pace is as rough as before and you felt more tears spill from your eyes. Your hands quickly went behind his neck as you rolled your hips, a pathetic attempt at fucking yourself back onto his cock to feel more and more. 

You couldn’t form a coherent sentence. The only word that fell from your lips was a strained ‘yes’ that echoed in the room, encouraging Spencer to go harder and faster, to tear you down piece by piece.

And he looked fucking stunning as he did so. 

His lean body, his muscles were tense, a single strand of hair falling over his forehead and his tongue poking out in concentration… You wanted to get those details tattooed on your brain, on your body, every-fucking-where. 

“Such a good girl for me, huh? My pretty princess.” - Spencer whispered, looking down at you - “Always welcoming me with nothing on, knowing how crazy that makes me.”

Your lips opened slightly, more whimpers flowing from them. 

“Do you know how difficult it is to get out of here and not remember all the times I’ve fucked you against the door?” he said, his voice rough.

You shook your head, not sure if you understood what he said. 

“Fuck, you make me so horny. I fucking love your body.” - he mumbled, pressing his forehead to yours - “I always think about it and then I see dressed like that… It’s like you’re always begging me to bend you over and fuck your pretty cunt.”

You’ve always loved his dirty mouth, but that day it felt deliciously perfect. His thrusts were rough and faltering, which meant he was close to his orgasm too - you almost forgot you were close, totally enamoured by him and the way he spoke about you.  

“My slutty princess.”

You nodded with a smile, drunk on your lust for him. “All yours to use and destroy.”

You felt the pleasure built up again right behind your belly button and you knew you were close again. Spencer must’ve noticed it because he kept his pace quick, never changing the angle because he felt you clench hard around him each time he bottomed out. Your thighs were shaking around his waist and he could feel your heartbeat quickening under his fingertips. 

“My good girl.” - he mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment - “I can feel you’re close. Do you want to come on my cock, princess?”

He didn’t need a verbal answer, because soon your cries of pleasure were enough. You widened your eyes and threw your head back onto the pillow, crying out his name over and over as your nails dug into his shoulders. He could feel his skin breaking under your nails but he didn’t care. 

Spencer was too enamoured with you to realise how painful your grip was. 

“That’s it, gorgeous. You did so well.” he rewarded you with a kiss on the lips 

You barely felt it, drunk on the pleasure that he fed you. Your whole body was shuddering as Spencer helped you ride out your orgasm, but the more he thrusted, the more pain you felt stabbing you. You didn’t complain, though. 

You wanted it, you needed it and so did he. 

“Does this pretty princess want my cum deep inside of her, hm?” Spencer asked

You weren’t sure he heard you, but you managed to choke out: “Yes. Please, please, fucking do it. Please.”

A few thrusts later, Spencer granted you your wish. His warmth flooded you from the inside as he watched the way his body become one with yours, shivering with pleasure. His right hand pressed down hard below your belly button and you winced, feeling his seed run deep if that was even possible. 

It felt so incredibly good you could almost come again. 

“Ah, that felt fucking perfect.”

You closed your arms around his neck and caged him against your body, so that he wouldn’t be able to run away. Not that he wanted to, of course, but. 

Spencer didn’t move for at least five good minutes, struggling to catch his own breath while you stared at the bedroom ceiling with a grin on your face. You were deeply satisfied with yourself and you were sure Spencer was content, as well - though the conversation between you wasn’t over. 

You knew that not putting on clothes would’ve distracted him and maybe that was exactly why you never put them on when he was around in your shared apartment. It was fun to see him struggling between staring at your breasts or at your thighs, or forgetting that he had to hang out with his colleagues because he was too busy burying his face in your cunt or fucking you against a window. 

It felt good to be desired, and it felt even better knowing that it was the only thing Spencer was able to think about when he was away from you. 

“You have to stop walking around our place naked.”

You put a hand on his chest, gently pushing him upward. Spencer was still lying between your legs, but he was staring at you. 

“Naked? I am always wearing my underwear.” you stated 

Spencer bumped the tip of his nose against yours. “Which is dangerously distracting, Y/N.”

“Oh, you’re using my name in a conversation.”

“I’m being serious, princess. I can’t get a boner whenever I’m near you.” - he explained, pressing a kiss on your jaw - “Believe me, I appreciate the sight but… My brain needs some rest. And so does my penis.”

“Okay, alright. I’ll do my best to keep my clothes on.” - I decided to give in - “After six weeks of pure hell, I think you deserve a break.”

Spencer kissed your cheek, before biting it softly. “I appreciate it, my princess.”

“But that doesn’t mean I won’t do it occasionally just to drive you crazy.” you warned him 

“Oh, I’m fine with that.” - he said, rolling off your body - “But give me a heads up before doing it, okay? I wouldn’t want to come home with Luke and find you in your underwear.”

“Well… it could be fun. Maybe he’d like to join…”

Spencer covered your mouth with his’ before you could finish your sentence, but the kiss was interrupted by your loud laugh echoing through the walls. 

“Alright, Luke will never see me like this.” - you gave him a peck on the lips, pushing him off you before he could spread your legs again - “This sight is for your eyes only.”

TAGLIST @blvebanisters @koukatsuki @moesdraft

BROKEN TAGS @alelaeljfj @donttrustlove