#some of you guys don’t even make sense
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
So when shipping characters in kingdom hearts fandom are good on venvan but not soroku?😓
WHAT UP WITH THAT!?😡
NA I’m on soroku FOREVER!!!!❤️
#kingdom hearts#kh#kh roxas#kh sora#kh ventus#kh vanitas#sora#roxas#ventus#vanitas#kh ven#venvan#soroku#ventus x vanitas#sora x roxas#kh2#kh3#kh ddd#some of you guys don’t even make sense#rokuso#rokusora#soroxas
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
So god created us in his image, right? And that’s cool and all but what if it turns out god, like, hates his own image??? What then????
#Yeah okay#I don’t even like this as much anymore#But whatever#He makes me insaneeeeer#literally nuts#Bg text is just a snippet from paradise lost because I thought it would look neat and like. Idk biblical symbolism ig#Whateverrrrrrr#How do you think he feels abt humans having red blood. Like.#Okay I know that with Jack he was really big on it#Like excited#But Jack was just some other guy who happened to have red blood#He created us and he created us wrong#And it just so happens we also have his fucked up awful mutant blood color?#Yeah okay sure#It’s gotta feel like one last slap in the face in the cosmic joke that is his existence#It is inescapable!!! You flow through their very being!!! You are a cancerous presence that has invaded their very veins!!!!#You are the force that keeps them alive as well as the thing that kills them in the end!#Does this make any sense actually. Let me know#Anyway yeah that’s all#Byeeeee#i might draw more Erivris later but idkkkkkkk#My ipad is getting replaced soon so I won’t have to steal my brother’s to draw anymore#So hopefully more art then#okayyyy bye 4real this time#homestuck#homestuck fanart#karkat vantas#homestuck karkat#art#digital art
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
Going to make a rare comment on politics. When Padme Amidala said it was all a result of a failure to listen? I think she was right.
#the more you don’t listen the farther the other side gets pushed to extremism#because no one’s listening#and I mean this regardless of who the ‘other side’ is for you#probably they have very bad even evil opinions on some things!#but no matter the side the thing is people always think they are chasing something *good*#but isolated from other goods it gets warped! it gets lost even!#and I think fundamentally what you need is to figure out the *actual* good thing the person on the bad side is seeking#and listen to them about it! dialogue! help the actual good thing they are lacking be identified and spoken!#if you listen!! there won’t be such desperate pushback such clawing such extreme swings#and again. I mean this for both sides no matter who the bad guys are to you#it doesn’t make sense to do! it’s a little crazy! listen to someone who stands for what you hate?#it’s sooo much easier for all the reasons to just hate and fight them#but i don’t know that that will get us anywhere#maybe we need to try something radical! like listening
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Someone draw Toritsuka in this ASAP
#btw I want to post on tumblr#but i don’t know how you guys write you thoughs in a way that makes sense#and i'm scared that i'm gonna commit some tumblr faux pass that i don’t even know about#any tips?#toritsuka reita#saiki k#the disastrous life of saiki k#tdlosk#loser agenda
261 notes
·
View notes
Text
apologies for yosukeposting and especially incoherently but slowboiling in my brain whatever the hell was going on w him in kanji’s dungeon. guy who slingshots between some kinda fraught observation that this is so much worse for kanji because it’s happening in front of an audience (over like. freaking out about it), furiously asserting that he’s heterosexual, insinuating danger but then also being the one who volunteers to take kanji home afterwards.
It’s sooooooooooooooo.
#I’m naurt.#conveying it well.#but there’s some kinda something about which elements prickle his unease#exposure to the wider community#the topic of sexuality that falls outside of what is normative being introduced AT ALL#but he’s. not scared of kanji. he never has been tbh#I don’t think he would volunteered to take him home and essentially make sure he got there safely if he was#imo it’s more that like. kanji doesn’t reject the shadow’s assertions where yosuke would#and there isn’t a world in his sixteen (?) year old brain where you SHOULDNT do that lmao#if you’re a guy you like girls and you don’t get hugged when you’re sobbing your heart out etc etc#a guy’s a guy and when that doesn’t mean what he thinks it has to mean anymore that’s deeply uncomfortable for him to unpack#it brings to the forefront his own doubts and insecurities#and kanji accepts that in himself where Yosuke can’t I don’t think#doesn’t question a lot of time and builds his identity around it#but he can’t erase the questions people like kanji and naoto raise because like. it’s intimately relevant to HIM lmao#and it’s how he understands a core part of himself#even if that’s built on sand#congrats! you’ve discovered the patriarchal and heteronormative hegemony!#tunes talks persona#I think it goes largely unspoken and deliberately avoided with him but what kanji wrestles w in regards to conciling his sense of identity#to wider society is like. that’s him too lmao
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Op… you make a lot of interesting claims in this post. To get the facts straight before I go on a rant… 1) George claims that Rhaegar was a love struck prince 2) the books don’t mention anything about any marriages being annulled/anyone being set aside 3) seems like Dorne has no issue with Rhaegar and 4) Ned literally never thinks anything bad about Rhaegar… but thinks ill of Robert.
First off, a man trapped in a duty bound marriage and finding love outside that marriage is completely different from a whoremonger shouting about his love while visiting brothels whenever he could. And guess what… Ned straight up thinks that Rhaegar didn’t seem like someone who’d visit brothels. Robert and Rhaegar couldn’t be any more different.
And when did Lyanna want to be wild and free? When is it ever said that Rhaegar locked her in the tower of joy and that Lyanna was a prisoner?
Ned never even alludes to there being any truth in any of these claims. What we do know is that Lyanna greatly resembles Arya in looks and personality… and Arya wants to be a high septon and kings counselor, meaning Arya wants to have a position of power and not be reduced to a baby making machine. Going off of that… it seems like Lyanna didn’t want to be “wild and free,” she just wanted to be treated with respect. The only reason Arya is even treated like she’s wild is because she doesn’t conform to the Westerosi standards for highborn women.
And of course she’d feel miserable when she heard Aerys killed her brother and father. Aerys. Not Rhaegar. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she felt guilt about what happened, but in the end it was Aerys who brutally killed them. And then Rhaegar goes to protect his family and dies, and then Rhaegar’s family is brutally killed and then Lyanna dies. George did claim that the greatest love stories are the tragedies (i may be misremembering but i know he said something along the lines of that lmao).
Op, you claim that Rhaelyas love would’ve died after getting news of the Starks deaths, and then you try to suggest that Rhaegar may have been keeping Lyanna isolated from news in Dorne… like please pick a story to go with! And Rhaelyas love dying or Lyanna not being kept updated on what was going on outside of Dorne just doesn’t seem to be true. When reading Neds chapters, it seems like Lyanna was fully aware of what happened to Rhaegar’s children and Elia… as Lyanna pleaded with Ned like how Sansa pleaded with Ned to not kill Lady (hope i’m not misremembering here lol). And Rhaegar dying with a woman’s name on his lips (likely Lyanna’s name) and Lyanna clutching a winter rose (this may just be symbolism for baby Jon tbh) until she passed away seems to contradict your belief that their love died.
Also, where are you getting the “Rhaegar would suggest to set aside his kids and wife to marry Lyanna” from? The show? You mention how Lyanna would not be okay with this, and I agree that Lyanna would never be fine with setting Elia and Elia’s children aside. But even thinking that Rhaegar would ever even suggest setting aside Elia and his children is bonkers. Like seriously… there was so much tension between Aerys and Rhaegar that the Royal court was said to have begun looking like the situation before the Dance of the Dragons. And Dorne was Rhaegar’s greatest support! Why would it make any sense for him to annul his marriage with Elia? And please remember that during the sack Rhaenys hid under her fathers bed. The text supports him loving his kids/his child who wasn’t a baby seeking to be protected by him so why would he endanger them and their positions? (and no, disappearing with Lyanna for awhile isn’t him endangering his family. Aerys was the one who endangered his family (hot take brandon was the one who endangered the starks like wth was he thinking???). and tbh it seems like Aerys knew exactly where to find Rhaegar so did Rhaegar and Lyanna even disappear? or were they just keeping their location a secret from the rebels? the rebels who ended up killing Rhaegar’s family?)
I will say that how op first started to characterize Lyanna is something I agree with, her being principled, noble, honorable, and just with a sensitive side seems to be true, but then op goes on to continue to claim that Lyanna was wild and that she had little regard as to how other people perceived her. There’s no reason for us to believe that she didn’t care about what others thought of her or that she was wild and wanted freedom more than anything, it just seems like she dared to tread away from what was expected of Westerosi highborn women and that she didn’t want to be married to Robert. And guess what… Robert ended up being an abuser! *gasp* Lyanna dear… you clocked Robert right away.
And seriously… how does any of what op mentioned back up their claim that Lyanna would never resign herself to the position of a mistress? Is being a mistress/paramour really that bad? Does it truly seem like Lyanna would look down on those women? Her mini me Arya doesn’t look down on the courtesans of Braavos who occupy a similar position as mistresses in society. And it seems like plenty of noblewomen have been mistresses in the past and they are still as respected as a woman can be in Westerosi society. Missy Blackwood and Elaena Targaryen are right there. And Op, if Lyanna was Rhaegar’s mistress, why would you think that Lyanna couldn’t have been happy? Are we going to doubt Ellarias happiness and her love of Oberyn because they weren’t married? Should I doubt Rhaenyra and Harwins happiness because Rhaenyra was married to Laenor? Rhaegar and Elias marriage was not a love match. And if Rhaegar and Lyanna did marry… ever wonder if polygamy was introduced as a Valyrian practice by George to hint at Rhaegar taking a second wife? Should I now doubt Rhaenys and Aegons happiness and love because Rhaenys was Aegons second wife?
Now can we please stop acting like two people married due to duty have any reason to love each other? Nedcat seems to be an exception in Westeros. Lyanna and Rhaegar falling in love isn’t ruining Elia and Rhaegar’s marriage when love wasn’t there in the first place.
haha my whole post is a bit messy i just wanted to get my thoughts out :)
fuckkkk i want to tag more (my tags are a mess lmao no i’ve not gone through them and no they will not make any sense)
#robert was a brute#when did lyanna seem disgusted by roberts bastards?#seems like she was just disgusted by roberts behavior of claiming to love her while visiting brothels#say it with me folks: there’s not a single mention of rhaegar loving elia their marriage was for duty#so no rhaegar is not like robert bc rhaegar found love outside of his marriage of duty#robert treated lyanna like an object and never even saw/loved the real her#lyanna clocked that and later fell in love with a man who loved the real her#aka the knight of the laughing tree#yeah the text hasn’t truly confirmed anything yet but at least my version of events isn’t contradicted by the books#omg ppl need to stop acting like being a mistress is some morally corrupt position god damn#nedcat you will always be famous#but jon snow will always be even more famous#bc he’s rhaelyas love child#rip rhaegar lyanna and elia i’ll save you guys from tumblr bad takes#i love that george makes it clear that marriages of duty can be nasty affairs#and tumblr desides to demonize characters who dared to find love instead of criticizing the system of selling daughters off like broodmares#like bruh i would be sooo happy to learn if elia had a paramour on the side#i’m looking at you elia x ashara shippers#tho i don’t think that they had a romantic relationship i do find it hilarious that ppl who claim rhaegar is horrible and endangered his#…family turn around and applaud elia for potentially doing the same…#couldn’t be me tho i pretend that rhaelya and their children are perfectly happy and that elia found love as well#as i think rhaelya were well in their rights to go against the system that tried making them miserable and i hope elia did the same#these tags are a mess and kinda don’t make sense lmao#rhaegar targaryen you will always be famous#asoiaf fandom critical#rip boar you will be missed#robert deserved worse#ppl need to stop acting like rhaelya is homewrecking when george himself calls elia and rhaegar’s marriage complex#jon will learn that his parents were in love and he’ll learn good shit about them and he’ll think good thoughts about them#and then this fandom will go insane and jon will start being hated like dany for daring to love his parents
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok yk what. now that i’ve had some time to process nghy canon, considering the current pacing of gen retcon, i think their next step is as ✨clear as day✨
i really like seeing them happy together, but i truly do think that they should divorce and either live the rest of their lives as single besties; partners in hero/heroine-isms, but better off as just friends, or go their separate ways for a bit and get back together when they’re a little older and wiser, staying together for good this time around, as each other’s first and last boyfriend/girlfriend
#‘haven’t you had quite enough of pushing your divorce agendas??? like with lxl????’ no. never.#idk i think part of their charm was nagisa’s patience and genuine earnest love for hiyori#and hiyori’s determination to achieve her goals of becoming a true heroine in every sense of the word…#but the current pacing is kinda… um. i really love how nghy is now truly canon ofc. but… it feels too rushed?#like they’re just checking off a box on a ‘relationships to go’ checklist?#and nagisa’s sudden second confession? in a throwaway line? what was that all about man… when did that even happen? excuse?#i think it’d have been more meaningful if hiyori was the one to confess without any prompting (to lead to their relationship)…#and. uh. don’t take this the wrong way but… noontea seemed a little peer pressure-y to me.#it kinda felt like juri and chizu were pressuring hiyori into getting a bf… it’s been eating away at me ever since i tried to tl it. but.#…idk. point is. i think a relationship built on those foundations (peer pressure/fomo and a suddenly persistent guy(???)) is doomed to fail#and so i think nghy should divorce. maybe they’ll reconnect romantically in a few years#(fulfilling nagisa’s agreement to be hiyori’s ‘last bf’ as well as having been her ‘first bf’ during their first try at a relationship)#or they could just be besties till the end of time; having been each other’s hero and heroine once upon a time#ik hw doesn’t do breakups of their main couples (not since nakimushi kareshi eons ago i think…)#but i think they should give it another go for nghy. maybe it’d make their love story a little more compelling#and maybe we could all unite under the cheers of hoping that ng and hy get back together in the future as more mature adults…?#idk i just. think the ‘right person; wrong time’ trope could work for nghy#like how it went in sukiuso/heroika with nagisa’s failed confession#even then they were the right person for each other; it just wasn’t the right time for them to date (personal goals/long distance/etc)#so maybe. this time ‘round even though they’ve started dating circumstances could still pop up here and there and maybe…?#…but idk~~~~~~~~ maybe it’s just the 5am thoughts or something that’s finally putting my incoherent trains of thoughts into words…#point is!!!!!! the current pacing is awkward!!!!!!!!! nghy deserve better!!!!!!! and their love story needs to be treated with more care!!!!#idk are hw trying to speedrun nghy for h10w bc nghy’s. like. a mix of different features of their previous couples#which would make ‘em the perfect couple to bring h10w together(???) or something???#but idk. im still really really happy the nghy is canon but. there are some mixed feelings here and there too…#idk dudes this has gotten way too long for its own good so ig i’ll stop here…#live laugh love nghy canon but… i still think they should break up for *at least* a year or so to reasses their relationship#sorry nghy… it’s for your own good i swear… i truly want you to be happy together!!!! i really do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m taking over the ‘big dvd binder’ at work where have to basically keep track of all the movies we get in our database and im excited but i hope she doesn’t expect me to work on it today. lmfao
#maybe i’ll be in the mood on the 28th#ugh why did i agree to that again jk im gonna be bored by then#it doesn’t seem that hard#the part timer who just quit was the one doing it and she had her own method it seems easy enough idk#trying to make sense of what she left me#i’m excited bc i love moviesss#i don’t think my manager even realizes how much of a movie nerd i am she was just like ur doing this#and i was like ok yay ^_^#oh and patrons can look at it#it's helpful bc some guys do come in like 'do you have westerns/certain director's movies?' lol#personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s just sorta hitting me that we know like almost nothing about what the fuck majima was doing in 5 when he was supposed to be dead??? like???? he was in on katsuya/mirei’s plan and caught onto what was going on really early and whatnot but. what the hell was he DOING for all that time. he just shows up at kurosawa’s at some point with zero explanation how or under what pretext or anything. how did he fake his death in the first place? how did he get it announced on the radio and put in the news despite there being no body or anything to prove that he died?? I have so many questions about his side of the story it’s insane how much was brushed off bdhffdjdjdjsjdnd
#I could go on#especially about his and saejima’s last fight/argument(?) because I’m still REALLY unsure how much of that was true and how much majima#(and saejima but mostly majima) was lying/acting for kurosawa and his men to buy time. because majima’s way smarter than people give him#credit for and quickwitted as hell- I seriously doubt he didn’t have a plan and some of the shit he said was too absurd to be true imo (him#having written the expulsion letter. calling saejima weak based on the batting cage fight. etc)#and I think he was trusting that saejima knows him well enough to know how absurd some of that was and pick up on the act he’s going for and#play along. I mean it worked out didn’t it? bought them enough time for shinada and co. to fight baba and keep haruka safe and all that#anywho that’s the only thing that makes sense to me but. would’ve been nice for them to have made that clear and given majima and saejima#a more genuine heartfelt reunion#and don’t even get me started on kazumaji not getting a damn reunion. that’s a topic for another post#majima was just sorta neglected at least considering his importance in the plot and all. he should’ve talked to haruka too imo. and katsuya#and. you get it.#yet again he was left to clean up the tojo clan’s mess and just expected to deal with it while his two closest companions go to prison#(AGAIN) and daigo’s recovering from a bad wound (AGAIN) and so on. this guy does not get enough goddamn credit#rambling#y5#yakuza 5 spoilers
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.
which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.
and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.
and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3
in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.
it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.
#spn oc#don’t mind this i’m rambling about nothing i felt nostalgic about her (<- my oc)#there was also an explanation in the mix for why amara was called amara in this au too despite. you know. not being a baby.#and it was like. a vessel’s desperate attempt to separate itself from the thing inside it by naming it something other than itself.#like a last moment of self-preservation. the opposite of lucifer using nick’s face and us all agreeing to think of it as his. you know?#and amara means beauty.#it’s a very human need. to name things. and the thing is that humanity itself is antithetical to what amara is. in this au.#not because of any inherent quality of it. but because it was not made with her in mind.#i keep bringing up lucifer but he’s such a good comparison case of what thirteen year old me was trying to construct here#and what i can better explain now that im. not thirteen. but its that. lucifer has beef with humans because they have common ground.#the only reason he can hate them is because they’re recognizable to him. terrible little cockroaches. but something he understands.#amara as i conceived of her could not hate or love or understand humanity. or the world. or anything as we know it. because it was not made#to be seen by her. it was made with the express purpose of her never encountering it.#when i was thirteen i wanted her to be so much more alien than she was. unfortunately this is supernatural and supernatural deals in#Just Some Guy forever and ever <3#but it was my story so i made her fucked up and weird and beyond comprehension.#except. of course. when forced to bend into a shape that makes her Not her.#i don’t think proper envesseling would have been a process either her or the oc survived. not because they’d die but because they’d get.#stuck? i think? that was what the intent was. that they’d get melted together like plastic toys.#chuck had a nice smooth envesseling in this au because these toys are made for him.#and angels need consent and angels get bleedover from their vessels because the toys are shared with them but they’re closer to being toys#themselves too.#i’ve rambled enough honestly no one cares about this but me aksjfkjfks#what was i talking about. right! the naming!#the naming of amara is a nail in her coffin because she is named and it is so human to be named and to be perceived and to be shaped by that#perception. even without malicious intent. even to be looked at as destruction itself and be named beauty.#in the same way you kill what something could be by learning what it is. the way a unicorn dies when you discover how rhinos were drawn.#does that make sense? that’s what kills her. bit by bit.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don’t really like yurifying m/f ships for a number of reasons but when i say harijun is yuri i’m so damn serious about that… whenever i remember that’s not canon i physically recoil like seojun is NOT a guy 😭 that’s a he/him butch AND HIM AND HARIN ARE LES4LES please don’t make me sick……….. he literally came out ok😭 Stop etop they’re so butchfemme please god
#i don’t like making m/f ships yuri mostly because i find people who do that Annoying#mostly cause they’d never ship two canon women#usually they’re just trying to get some cool person points or not have FOMO when clearly they’re just a heterojoshi or a fujo#and don’t actually care for women#just like your damn ship… i’m so sick of people doing like tfem t.sukasa to ship w m.inori or smth#(<- implied to be lesbian is she not?? like why are we bringing this canon man into that???)#(just like. you guys would rather die than ship women wouldn’t you)#(cause idk. hc what you want be free i’m willing to listen! at a certain point it feels more like you wanna ship that without backlash tho.#maybe i’m just crazy and reaching but i’ve observed it throughout the years and it really irritates me as himejo number one)#so anyway harijun is really yuri and i will never joke.. I HAVE GENUINE REASON TO SAY THIS TOO#what do u even do when u become a girls replacement child because you happen to look like her 😭 what#that’s why hyemin’s parents adopted him like goodnight#anyway so#🧸#i could always elaborate on both of these too btw i know this doesn’t really make sense maybe#but yeah
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am editing the new happenstance chapter & honestly poor jin she just want to watch five nights at freddy’s & no one will let her this is literally the meanest & cruelest I’ve ever been to a character I feel so bad
#happenstance#someone watch this movie with her#you guys. I really like this chapter. some parts are heavily heavily taken from sunny but I really feel like I made the jokes work#like I thought a lot about which jokes would make sense & work with these characters#& how to bring it all together#I put so much thought into it y’all don’t even know there are essays about humor & where it stems from in my tumblr drafts#i rewatched the sunny episode so many times . not that that’s a chore
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.
Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑
God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…
#this is a lot of text#not really a casual read#ok ok… I can’t sit outside forever#gonna go back inside and I dunno make a hot chocolatey drink. grab some snacks#TRY to feel good even though I don’t#YES will probably get a little high#hoping that the combo of sugar. salt. and thc will give me the sleepy tools to just pass out for awhile#just a few more hours! please!#omg I was so pissed when I woke up and thought I’d slept for awhile but realized I hadn’t#’ what do you mean the last text I sent was only two hours ago? ‘#seriously. I thought I fell asleep around 11 pm but it was closer to 1am.#stupid sexy ativan. messing with my sense of time#it really wasn’t that big of a dose! I was basically a little buzzed for an hour or so each time#but the doctor was nice and straightforward with me. I just dunno tho. I’m a big guy with a history of anxiety. .5mg is weaksauce#god I’m getting anxious just sitting here thinking about trying to sleep again#it’s feeding on itself. I’m trying to rationalize this but it’s just this feedback loop.#is this my life now? I’m outside. I feel so alone. I feel like I could die any moment. in a sword of Damocles way. it’s there and waiting.#ok sitting outside isn’t helping#after 4am and yes I see cars driving by. I hear the occasional siren. but I still feel alone in the world#please tell me life goes on? please tell me we’re not really at the end here.#I always feel like I’m staring at our final days. that we’re all barely here. fucking ghost planet. waiting to die.#there’s war and hate and everything is expensive and I can’t.. I’m not a part of this world. I’m too poor and sickly and so it all seems…#like we’re on our last leg. like the final days of a fire sale. this body feels fit for the grave. this world is the grave.#I’m scared#ok like I said sitting out here isn’t helping. Ian. please stop.#yes. yes. ok. snacks and drinks and distracting tv. let’s try this again.#sorry this is a lot#I spent the last 20 minutes writing these tags and getting progressively more anxious 😬#you can ignore this#text
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Had THE funniest dream last night
#i was roommates with this couple who for some reason decided they were going to bone directly outside the house#like on the front porch more or less#except they were really worried about being seen? so i was kind of keeping a lookout for them#pretty much as soon as they.. began; a legolas cosplayer appeared complete with a camera crew#OH THAT WAS THE THING! my roommates were filming themselves but it was just on a mounted tripod#so i just opened the window and said ‘uhhh do you guys have a camera crew?’ and they looked around and screamed#had to run inside naked from the waist down. i was laughing and laughing#for some reason my next move was to post about this on tumblr but it got no notes and i was impatient so i posted about it on facebook#and TONS of people liked it immediately and then were sharing it and long story short it went viral#and there were random people in the comments saying like ‘oh this is so obviously fake’ and ‘why does she sound so unconcerned?’#because why would i be concerned?? gay sex is legal.. having it where other people can see isn’t exactly legal but they got inside quickly#and the legolas cosplayer and his camera crew didn’t exactly seem traumatised. they just looked confused if anything#also i’d written it in kind of a sarcastic and funny tone to be entertaining because it was honestly an absurd situation#why i would’ve posted this to FACEBOOK where most of my friends are my elderly relatives; ex-coworkers and high school people i don’t know#anyway that was my dream. two guys i vaguely know had four-second sex on my front porch; saw a legolas cosplayer; screamed and ran inside#OH and the other part of my dream was one of my mutuals on here (who i have only spoken to via prev tags) for some reason had my mobile#number and kept trying to call me#i had them in my phone just as their tumblr url even though they have a name and i know it? and for some reason i kept panicking#and rejecting the call and then coming up with spurious reasons for doing so#even though this person was extremely chill about it and was like ‘oh we can just talk another time!’#it made NO sense. i would absolutely speak to this person on the phone if i got the chance#but also why would i give them my number? and why would they be calling me from the states??#anyway. if you need me i’m going to make breakfast and go to pilates#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
succ/brba crossover, where jesse and greg meet because greg goes to score drugs for kendall. then, he starts going to score pot for himself, bc jesse is nicer than a lot of other dealers, even if greg thinks he’s weird, and vice versa, but also, he’s a relaxing change of pace from the roys, and feels more akin to his old life, when he wants to go outside of himself and all the stress of his job and current life. he never has any idea what jesse gets up to, and neither does jesse of greg. one day, jesse disappears… and greg has to find a new dealer, and starts to forget about the weird fucking guy he used to smoke pot with sometimes.
#they also fuck nasty#yeah yeah the timelines and geography don’t match up#stop ruining my beautiful world <3#could also be greg spends some time in new mexico pre canon and he met jesse then#and one day he tells tom about a guy who used to deal him pot and they were sort of friends until he disappeared#could also be slightly pre brba canon or at least early into the canon#greg would have been about 17/18 in 2008 right?#if he’s supposed to be between 27 and 30#i always lean more towards 27 but if succ passes at least 2 years then he’s closer to 30 then#do i have to write this now?#is succ even set in 2018? bc it never really says and you can kinda twist shit bc the timeline makes no fucking sense so i can honestly say#anything and it’s not necessarily false#either way tho#it’s only a silly crossover and we can pretend and ignore if things aren’t correct <3#also they both have it in common that they have 4 and 5 seasons respectively but only take place over the span of two years like#that’s crazy#jesse in s1 is the same age i am now#well he turns 25 in and amongst the pilot and i’m not yet 25 but same thing#and is barely 26 at the end of the show#he’s so young!!#which kinda makes everything worse#bc obviously the thing about jesse is he may be a grown man but he’s also secretly soft and childish in his ways#and 26 isn’t old in any way#like he’s a child in my eyes#i always think he’s younger#like 19/20#he tells walt high school was a long time ago but i would also say that even if i’d just got out of high school imaoooo#anyways he and greg are both my baby boys is the point of this post imaooooo#gwen rambles#gwenposting
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes i still think about deleting that joke post about fenris and his insane post nut clarity. people got so weird about it
#but i do get frustrated to this day that people think i’m just making fun of a guy remembering a traumatic incident#when thats explicitly not what happens. he REMEMBERS the trauma#its ALL he knows. he’s upset because he remembered stuff BEFORE the lyrium. like glimpses of his family#its why his sisters name sounds familiar when she says it. did you guys just miss all this it’s literally just outright said#and i still think its objectively a funny way to write this. sex is potent and powerful and it makes sense#but also. you gotta admit… busting a nut and having your amnesia cured is kinda funny#but people got so weird. people i don’t even know that i’ve never talked too!!#like who are you! why do you have some mysterious issue with me.
5 notes
·
View notes