#some non-platonic attraction for more than one gender

[moonmoonthecrabking]

how did i realise i was bi both so quickly and so slowly

[skys-archive]

I think in honor of pride month and also in general forever we should stop trying fit queer people into the identities we think they should call themselves.

And I know no one is going to see this because no one ever does but I'm going to talk about it anyway because this is important.

Bisexual doesn't mean you don't date trans people, it doesn't mean you like men and women, it doesn't mean you can't have a preference. Someone can identify as polysexual or bisexual or omnisexual and have no preference and you don't get to say that that means they're pansexual. Because no, if they don't identify as pansexual then they're not pansexual.

Transmasc doesn't mean you use he/him pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a man. Transfem doesn't mean you use she/her pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a woman. You can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or any gender that isn't binary and not use they/them pronouns. You can use any of those labels and still identify as a man or a woman. You can use different pronouns than is typically used for your birth sex and not consider yourself transgender. People can be gender non conforming and not he trans. People can be trans and not gender non conforming.

A trans man can be fem. A trans woman can be masc. Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people are people, they deserve way more attention than a way to one up transphobes. Intersex people face discrimination and body altering surgeries without their consent and then are only ever talked about to say "some cis women have penises" or "some people have an extra x chromosome" and then we never talk about the struggle they face as part of the queer community.

Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aces like sex, some aces are repulsed, some aces only experience sexual attraction to one person or once in their life, some aces need a deep emotional bond, some aces their attraction changes. Some aros change identities. Some aros are repulsed by romance unless it's a fictional character. Some aros have romantic feelings until they get to know someone. Some aros crave a romantic relationship but never have romantic feelings. You don't get to say someone isn't asexual or aromantic enough.

Asexuality and aromanticism is having a unique relationship with romance or sexual feelings and impulses. Someone who is transgender has a unique experience with gender. You don't get to decide that they don't have a unique experience. But guess what? You don't get to decide if they do either. Someone can have a unique experience and still not identify as asexual aromantic or transgender. You can cross dress and still fully feel like a man. You can use he/him pronouns as a cis women. You can have trauma around sex and not identify as asexual. You can never have a romantic relationship and not identify as aromantic.

You can have "contradicting" labels. I don't know as many of these because I don't personally identify as any but please fell welcome to add in reblogs. There are trans men lesbians and gay women. There are sex loving asexuals. I know there are others I just genuinely am not educated enough.

YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE SOMEONES LABELS

ANYONE CAN EITHER IDENTIFY OR NOT IDENTIFY AS QUEER

Please feel welcome to add anything in reblogs. I'm sure there's things I've missed. I haven't talked about neopronouns I haven't talked enough about "contradicting" labels. I haven't talked about queer platonic relationships or kink or polyamory or enough about intersex people or pronouns vs gender. There's so much important things but at the end of the day it's just so important to not choose other people's labels.

[rusty-lustful-fireflies]

My addition to nandermo queerbait debate; aka why does it feel like queerbaiting

I feel like a lot of arguing could be cut down here if we agreed on what a definition of queerbait is. Cause you see, by the official definition it's about hinting at character's sexualities being anything but straight. At this light wwdits does not queerbait cause everybody's queer. Hence nandermo can be only shipbaiting.

However I feel like it's not a definition that is commonly used by the public. And I think we should consider what would count as one. I must admit, to me, until recently when I've done my proper research digging, it seemed it goes as something of the following:

1. When media producers set up a dynamic in which they hint at romantic/erotic/really any not platonic development between same sex characters (different but gender queer would count too if mainstream media bothered with such representation) without any wish to ever actually follow through with it, using it as a marketing tool instead, to attract larger, maybe more committed audience, mostly thanks to queer community.

They basically set up plotlines mirroring those in romances and follow them for some time. Very often they also do step 2

2. After said media gains a large following of people invested in queer romance the romantic development of characters mostly dies down, writing opting out for status quo platonic dynamic, systematically interrupted with emotionally loaded ,,canon evidence" ambiguous, grand gesture scenes instead, to keep the audience believing in chances of non-platonic development till the end.

And my point with formulating that unofficial amateur definition is:

Even though we weren't queerbaited this time, at least by official definition, because of the ,,they are canonically queer" difference, as the audience of wwdits we went through the exact same process we did during any queerbaiting in history. Supernatural did that, Sherlock did that and so on. Plus I believe most of supernatural fans really hoped for canon destiel more than castiel confirmed pansexual, so the relationship aspect is what gets attributed to queerbaiting more.

Queer characters aren't exactly uncommon in the cinema, especially comedy, so much as they commonly aren't treated seriously, with development, arcs and yeah romances of their own. (Although we could use some quantity too in my humble opinion)

In the end, it doesn't matter if we were queerbaited or just shipbaited, cause no matter how we call it the effect stays the same. As always we hoped for them to be together. As many times before, we thought so based on purposeful writing decisions made to set up this effect, yet get gashlited that we created it in our silly homo minds which can not perceive friendship.

btw, you can disagree with me 100% on that, by all means have a different opinion, but please if you wish to tell me about it, stay polite while doing so.

[xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx]

Dykepunk

- an identity i created which combines gender and sexuality relating to femininity, womanhood, lesbianism and the punk subculture.

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2 flag designs i made (inspired by the voidpunk flag design):

symbol design which combines the double venus symbol (⚢) and the non-binary symbol (🜬) to indicate the combination of both gender identity and sexuality:

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Example: "they're a dykepunk" "we're dykepunks"

Gender identities: non-binary, transmasc, transfem, unlabelled, genderfluid, agender, queer, etc

Pronouns: any, she, they, he, neopronouns, nounself pronouns

Attracted to: non-men, women, non-binary

Attraction type: romantic, sexual, platonic, any (can also be aro and/or ace spec) (can be polyamorous or monogamous)

Related themes and identities: lesbian, sapphic, lunarian, voidpunk, punk subculture, rejecting society, inclusivity

Date of origin: Sept 2024

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Details & Info:

Dykepunk is a label which combines sexuality and gender related to a connection to femininity, girl/womanhood, an attraction to women/non-men and a connection to the punk subculture, especially feminist punk like "riot grrrl".

There is a rejection of femininity during childhood or adolescence due to sexism or trauma and a reconnection to femininity and acceptance of feminine gender presentation during early adulthood.

The slur "dyke" is reclaimed due to connection to lesbianism and often a rejection from society due to some form of trauma or discrimination (e.g. bullying, hate crime, rejection from community/family).

Gender identity is seen as a social construct and used as a fun and interesting way of expressing individuality rather than "fitting in" with society's expectation of gender presentation. This identity comes under the transgender (and non-binary) umbrella but gender dysphoria is not required.

Dykepunks are often rejected from the lesbian community especially if they use masculine pronouns (he/him/they/them) or present their gender in more masculine ways, e.g. taking testosterone, having top surgery etc. This identity does not specifically exclude these masculine identities/expressions. The connection to "femininity" is a feeling rather than a look; an individual can "look masculine" and still have these connections to femininity and lesbianism. This label is inclusive and can be used by any individual who feels a connection to this identity in any way.

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Inspirations: punk, riot grrrl, activism, feminism, Bikini Kill, Barbara Hammer, lesbian history, the effects of discrimination and trauma on one's identity / attraction to others.

I created this identity as i felt that my gender identity and sexuality are one thing together, combined - i feel that they come hand in hand and other labels separated the two, making it hard for me to find a label that represented me, or even a community that felt accepting.

anyone who relates to this can use this label, the flag(s) and the symbol i created except i do NOT want TERFs to claim this label.

if you repost my flags/icons i would appreciate being credited but this isn't necessary! <3

[thelostgirl21]

A celebration of Joey Batey offering TV show writers a pure masterclass on how to write a queer character with a queer audience in mind.

Can I just say how much respect and appreciation I have for Joey, that he went above and beyond in term of queer representation, by bringing some much needed attention towards people on the aromantic spectrum, and making gender a complete romantic/sexual (and even queerplatonic) non-issue?

I mean, imagine that you are part of a show with a young and powerful canonically bisexual lead, Ciri, who is at an age where people might start exploring their own sexuality, slowly figuring out who and what they like, etc.

And suddenly, you're offered to also be playing another queer lead character, with a male love interest - while knowing it will be the very first time that the audience will be officially introduced to the idea of Jaskier being queer...

And, instead of going with the more familiar, and often expected:

"A man that's always been with women before, now finds himself romantically and sexually attracted to a man, and starts questioning his own sexual identity..." coming out story...

You find yourself with a unique opportunity to go a bit further, to explore more specific and lesser known LGBTQ+ themes, and to delightfully surprise your queer audience!

You can take a full dive into the wonderful world of Queerdom, by exploring a different - yet just as equally important and significant - coming out story!

i.e.

"A usually aromantic person, that has always experienced squishes, smushes, and possibly meshes before, finds himself experiencing a (sapio)romantic crush for the very first time, and starts questioning his romantic identity..."

Of course, a lot of people in the audience will probably miss this.

The monosexuals that have been conditioned to believe that gender must always play a role in how one experiences romantic and sexual human attraction - will likely be paying more attention to how Jaskier is showing an interest in a man.

People that are used to equating "falling in love" with "romantic attraction", might miss the significance and importance of Vespula specifically using the word crush to refer to Jaskier's current attraction towards Radovid.

People that typically see non-gender-related orientations as "mere preferences", or have simply never heard of them, might miss how Jaskier goes on and on about how "emotionally intelligent and insightful Radovid is" , with a look of vulnerability and wonder, putting emphasis on how different he feels about him.

People that were taught to see emotional relationships according to the "platonic vs romantic" binary - with a strict idea of what each means and implies - may not be familiar with what queerplatonic relationships are, and will interpret Jaskier saying that he loves Geralt "platonically" as meaning that he's not as deeply and strongly in love with him as one might usually expect a romantic partner to be.

They'll be unaware that there are committed life partners out there - that would go to the end of the world for each other and perhaps even share sexual intimacy together - that don't have any romantic feelings for each other whatsoever.

Romance does not mean "being in love", romance means "being in love in a romantic way".

And it is not the only way.

To aromantics and greyromantics - and even to romantic people that also have the capacity to fall in love in non-romantic ways, such as yours truly - queerplatonic and alterous relationships aren't "lesser than" romantic ones, they are different.

And Radovid... is different.

Radovid is no better, nor worse, than a hammer...

But he's a spoon.

He's a romantic connection that is completely new, exciting and intriguing to explore for Jaskier!

According to Joey Batey, as a sapioromantic panromantic pansexual, Jaskier finds himself developing a strong sapioromantic and sapiosexual connection with Radovid.

Jaskier is representing people that aren't romantically or sexually affected by a partner's gender in the way that they experience sexual atttraction, and people that experience a lot of tertiary attraction when falling in love, while very seldom ever being able to love others in a romantic way (sapioromantics / greyromantics... ).

Jaskier is a queer character that was truly created with a queer audience in mind!

He was created so that all of us that don't see or experience love according to the platonic vs romantic binary.

All of us that are hyperaware of those other forms of attraction (tertiary, aesthetic, sensual, etc.) that one can experience for another human being.

All of us that don't see or experience romance or sexuality as something that ties into their partner's gender.

Could finally see themselves in a character on screen.

Of course, you still need characters that experience their sexuality while feeling like the gender of their romantic and sexual partners matters - including those that love all genders... Desperately so!

First, because all members of the queer community matter and are equally as important and valuable. Rejoicing over Batey diving into lesser known and familiar representation doesn't mean that familiar and better known representation should not be encouraged and celebrated as well!

This is not a "there should be less gay character on TV to make room for more aromantics and asexuals instead" post.

This is a "we need queer identities people are less familiar with in addition to proper gay, lesbian and bisexual representation" post.

And second, because you still need characters that don't stray too much from the platonic v.s. romantic binary, too - and the usual social conventions tied to romance and sexuality - so that non-queer audiences can more easily connect, and empathize with, the queer community.

Because, when the existence of bisexuality already is something that monosexual people often have a hard time understanding, acknowledging, or even believing in...

Well, going:"By the way, I'll have you know that you can totally want to have sex with, live, and raise children with someone you've got platonic feelings for, too!"

You might accidentally lose them.

And if you try to explain that some people are unable to romantically connect with anyone, unless they get specifically attracted to their intellect (often combined with their aesthetic looks)!

That's likely going to be even worse!

And this is where Batey's pure genius comes to light.

Because he's just shown that you can find a beautiful and organic way to explore queerness more in depth - totally stepping away from the usual relationship conventions and specifically addressing your queer audience - simply by using a vocabulary that said queer audience will understand and connect with.

You can make it clear that the character is on the greyromantic spectrum, by having Vespula state that she's never ever seen him with a crush before!

You can put the emphasis on him being more specifically sapioromantic, by having him dreamily go on about how Jaskier perceives Radovid's intellect.

And, if Batey is to be believed - and he's been exploring the idea of Jaskier being queer since the very beginning of the show (without any clear response from the writers or producers regarding Jaskier's sexuality) - then, by making it clear that he loves Geralt platonically in Season 3, he's also allowing us to revisit all the scenes between Jaskier and Geralt from Season 1, while enjoying them through an aromantic lense.

Someone on the aromantic spectrum watching that scene might thus find themselves deeply connecting with the strong platonic squish (although it could also be a mesh) that Jaskier immediately experienced the very first time he saw Geralt...

You can see Jaskier as specifically believing himself to be Geralt's best friend in the whole wide world, and instinctively reading into Geralt allowing him to physically/sensually touch him (rubbing chamomile onto his lovely bottom) as him possibly desiring a queerplatonic connection with him also.

And, the scene where he's suggesting to Geralt that they could get away for a while, head to the coast together...

Where he mentions that life is too short not to do what pleases you, and admits that he's trying to work on what pleases him...

Look, the fact is that there's always been aromantic and greyromantic people experiencing tertiary forms of love and attractions for other people long before we had any words to put on those emotions, desires and needs.

So, it's rather easy to see Jaskier as someone that is experiencing a powerful alterous attraction for his best friend, and realizing that what pleases him the most, is the idea of them sharing a queerplatonic or alterous relationship together...

It makes sense to interpret what Jaskier is saying as him trying to express and articulate the love he feels for Geralt the best he can - implying that Geralt is what pleases him - while trying to ask Geralt if he also feels the same way...

Sadly, Geralt doesn't quite get it; likely because he's also romantically and sexually attracted to Yennefer and, when he loses her, instinctively throws all his own hurt and heartbreak at Jaskier - blaming him for everything that (he believes) lead to that loss!

And just because the break up Jaskier experienced wasn't a romantic one doesn't make it any less devastating.

Poor loving bard was making plans for them to continue to travel and enjoy their time together as the platonic boyfriends he believed them to be, and Geralt told him that all Jaskier had to offer him was a giant pile of shit that he kept shoveling his way!

There's been a lot of alterous and/or queeplatonic subtext since Season 1 (that could also read as romantic, but should never be used as evidence or proof of romance if we were talking about a real life partnership).

And, while I do acknowledge that queerbaiting has been messing with our ability to perceive and appreciate those relationships as such, I do think that, canonically establishing Jaskier as a sapioromantic, at the very least, clearly addresses the reasons why Jaskier was behaving in such an amorous way with Geralt without being romantically in love with him.

For once, instead of mocking the queer audience for "having mistakenly read two same-gender close friends as being romantically attracted to each other" (while doing as much as they can to suggest romance to keep them hooked!), they are canonically establishing Jaskier as a sapioromantic, with him experiencing his first romantic crush with Radovid.

The show's dialogue is telling people on the aromantic spectrum that "Yes, Jaskier is one of you. He gets squishes, meshes, lushes, and can desire a queerplatonic relationship with a best friend he's got strong platonic feelings for also."

You can speak to your queer audience, without fully risking alienating your non-queer audience, by simply using clues, and a language that your queer audience understands.

And I will forever be grateful to Joey Batey for having understood it, and having so skillfully managed it.

As someone who is ambiamorous, panalterous, panromantic, demisexual, and pansexual, all the nuances and details he brought to Jaskier's queerness was a pure delight, and spoke to me in a way that no TV show character has ever spoken to me before (except, perhaps, in "Sense8", but the whole show itself was about what it meant to love and be human, with main characters sharing a supernatural psychic bond making them more likely to open themselves to all the queer forms of love... whereas shows like "The Witcher" is of a more mainstream fantasy show).

I wish I had a way to contact him to tell him thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for breaking gender boundaries, and "platonic vs romantic" boundaries with Jaskier, and offering us a character that is one of the purest, most beautiful, and most perfectly balanced love song to queerness that one could have written and sung about!

Jaskier is a queer representation groundbreaking masterpiece on a show such as this.

That representation is as intelligent, insightful, and sharp as Prince Radovid himself.

And Extraordinarily Things said more about Jaskier's feelings, issues, and vulnerabilities than any piece of dialogue ever could have, and had me weeping my eyes out by the time Jaskier sang about how he finally felt like he was enough...

Well done Joey, you absolutely brilliant and deeply empathetic real-life bard and poet, well done...

[peskytimeswithscar]

ok it's headcanon time for.... grian!!!!

in regards to identity i view him as being aro-spec, while i could find a specific label i feel like c!grian wouldn't care much into finding that label, i think he'd prefer to just identify as being on the spectrum but he wouldn't really put in the time or effort into researching it

he also is asexual!! however im just asexual myself so all my blorbos must be asexual bc it feels. weird if not

and he's gay!!! gay man, gay gay homo (but actually this is mainly just because of yhs where he says hes "no im into dudes", plus i just cannot see c!grian with a woman that man is gay)

i also see him as being on the asensual (sensual attraction is the desire to touch others in a non-sexual way, e.g. cuddling, kissing, etc) spectrum !! mainly demi-asenflux because i feel like he would only like touch from people he's close + sometimes really doesn't want to be touched, but sometimes/alot of the time he really wants to and is the clingiest

he also gives off vibes of being on the aplatonic spectrum but i cannot think of anything in specific, maybe demiplatonic and cupioplatonic? i just feel like smth is up w this man's platonic orientation,, he def wants to have friends and is willing to do so but he only really feels platonic attraction whenever he's actually close to a person

i could probably go more into detail but those are the primary ones in my head for his sexuality so lets (finally) go onto GENDER!!!!

this man is definitely transgenderism!!! he identifies as a trans-man tho i do feel like his standards of being a man definitely differ to society's, he's most definitely gender non-conforming and he mainly wears androgynous or feminine clothing most of the time (though he only really wears skirts or dresses if hes cross-dressing as ariana griande)

he also probably is somewhere on the non-binary spectrum he just doesn't really identify with it

i feel like he primarily uses it/he pronouns? he definitely feels less than human due to his watcher roots so it got used to being called it/its, he also only is called she/her when he's cross-dressing as ariana griande, and if i had to give him some neoprns i feel like he'd enjoy chirp/chirp's? or some sort of parrot themed neopronouns

i also think he wouldn't get top surgery! it's easier for him not to since he only gets dysphoric over the shape they cause (which can easily be solved via a binder) instead of the actual chest itself

ok gender part over now it's time for some other headcanons

this man is definitely 100% neurodivergent, i feel like in particular he has adhd (this man cannot finish the back of his bases and gets distracted off tasks like a dog seeing a squrriel) and autism!!! i feel like he sometimes goes non-verbal (though i feel, as a parrot hybrid, when he's non-verbal he just ends up copying what other people are saying to him, so maybe that could be considered semi-verbal?), i think he would stim ALOT using his wings, he's happy and suddenly u have feathers everywhere because he flapped them alongside his hands

i think he would also have really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria, he definitely dislikes getting rejected from things which leads to him bottling alot of things up and causing plenty of the scarian miscommunication we're all too familiar with

he also stims with bird noises alot! he likes to chirp and squawk when he's happy, tho that may also just be because he's a parrot hybrid

he definitely changes hyperfixations like the wind, one week he likes this one thing and another he likes this other thing, and i feel like he would only really have 1 or 2 special interests that actually stick around (one of them likely being architecture/building, the other probably being birds and such)

he tends to have a very changing routine and schedule due to his adhd HOWEVER he has some routines (mainly with scar in them, who prefers to have very set routines cause that man also has autism) which never change or both of them get stressed out (e.g. morning/night routine, a routine that started in the desert and then followed them onto hermitcraft - they both get very stressed out on the life series since it disrupts their routines)

this was.... alot more text than i was expecting to write but anyway!!! expect a scar one at some point

[mooseyspooky]

I simply love love love your page (as a huge Smiths & especially Marrissey fan) and wanted to ask some questions I hope you don't mind me asking! ♡

○ Sorry if this is overasked, but do you think that the truth about Morrissey and Johnny will ever be revealed? Apparently, Johnny said there is more about the band's breakup than we currently know, and we'll find out at the end or something, whatever that means, lol? Also, Bernard's comment on a member (who we can all probably presume to be Mozzer) 'traumatised' Johnny is strange too...

○ Why do you think Johnny's style changed so much (looking at you Electronic lol) following the split? He was much more...gender non-conforming-ish in terms of hair/makeup/etc. in The Smiths and was comfortable emulating the more feminine looks of his favourite girl groups but suddenly went full on urban masc in Electronic. I know personal styles change, especially when you go from band to band (and perhaps it was kinda agreed with Bernard for the group's aesthetic), but it makes me wonder if he maybe wanted to distance himself from that era - the era where he may have had something a little more than friendship with Morrissey...

○ And finally (Apologies for this being so verbose), my partner and I were discussing Marrissey today and came up with the following theory and as huge fans of your blog we had to ask your opinion lol: Morrissey and Johnny were mutually attracted/into each other, but in different ways (at least in the beginning) - whilst Johnny was more casual with his approach, Morrissey saw him as the love of his life and was possibly led on. We both believe that something definitely happened between them, whether that be a chaste kiss or something more, and this effectively 'confirmed' Johnny's feelings for Moz. However, Johnny, who we both think is bisexual but didn't want to be public about it, had a realisation of 'Oh no if I take this/act on it further then the press will no doubt find out' which led Morrissey to believe that, if taking the lyrics into account as possible evidence, Johnny's 'mentality' needed to catch up to his 'biology' i.e. he needed to stop acting a certain way with Moz whilst maintaining the notion that he wasn't that way inclined in any way. We have tons and tons of theories but there are things we're both very certain about: Marrissey happened in some way, shape or form, Moz was and still might be in love with Marr, Johnny is definitely not straight (I mean we're both especially skeptical about his relationships with other men, the strangely family/friend-less rushed wedding & of course him growing up around queer folk) & lots of Smiths songs were written with Johnny in mind.

Thank you ♡

No, thank you! You're too sweet. This ask made me so happy 🤧

I'm mixed about the truth needing to be "revealed." My best friend Jeevey has talked about this concept a lot better than me - but at a certain point there's no need to reveal anything. Moz is very reserved about his lovers and his sex life. He doesn't even like to admit to being bisexual, despite writing a whole song about it (I Can Have Both). Johnny is even more tight lipped, but just by his actions and words alone we know he's very likely bisexual and in an open marriage with Angie (or in a relationship where she looks the other way when he's sexually and emotionally intimate with others). We know that Johnny and Moz were intimate, and even if, by some crazy chance, they didn't become physical with one another - they absolutely were in some type of relationship that went way beyond a normal, appropriate, platonic friendship. We know this through countless songs, pictures, videos, interviews, and books. Moz one day saying "yes, Johnny and I had sex" really doesn't change that, in my opinion.

Johnny's change in appearance in the 90s is interesting, isn't it? I think about it a lot. I mentioned in my previous ask that it was a surface level change at best, because him and Barney were fucking on the down low and aggressively flirting with one another in every interview, but there is definitely something to it. Because after Boomslang, Johnny got more femme again. He grew his hair back out, wore much tighter clothes. He had that mesh, floral shirt a few years ago. His blonde streak. His silver nail polish. Him wearing eyeliner again. So it's clear he naturally trends towards gender non-conforming. But it may very well have been to distance himself, yeah. Because he was constantly being accused of breaking up the Smiths, of abandoning Moz, of ruining his career...Johnny is so finicky about his hair that him shaving it all off in 1989 was a big deal. And that only lasted to late 1996, early 1997. Then he grew it all back. So there's this 5 year period of him seemingly trying to find who he is again after the breakup. And yet in the middle of all that he's driving Moz out to the moors and writing him lovesick letters, telling him he's so sorry and he didn't explain why he left. It definitely seems to reflect that Johnny sort of lost himself. But I know that Electronic did get a lot of influence from Italo disco/Eurobeat music, and I think that more mobster/gangster style was part of that.

Oh my gosh, I have never heard that line from I Want the One I Can't Have phrased so well - with Johnny's mentality needing to catch up with his biology. And it's so easy to think that title is Moz pining for Johnny, but it's just as applicable from Johnny's side of things, isn't it? Because of how incapable he was of accepting his sexual attraction to Moz. God. I am definitely stealing that for a fic. And yes. You're so right about all of these points. His physical need and desires for Moz was so blatant ("because you let yours flail into public view"), but his insistence that he was definitely not into men because of Angie - yes. I can see that, 100%. He lost a lot of those reservations with Bernard, they made more sexual advances with one another all the time, but in those earlier years with Moz I can imagine that Johnny was struggling to accept how deep his need for Moz was. Fantastic points all around. And god, Moz is still so in love (Darling, I hug a pillow in absence of you. Why can't you just give me some physical love?). Johnny is still gone on him, too, no matter how bitchy he gets about Moz' supposed political viewpoints. They'll never be over one another.

[teathyme4thedevil]

Obey Me! Demon Brother’s Reaction to an Aromantic Asexual MC:

•

*This MC, Thyme, is an AMAB Aromantic Asexual Agender person who is poly with all of the brothers in a QPR. They act as if it’s romantic and Thyme acts platonically, this is their dynamic and it works.

** Non smut mentions of mastrubation and arousal on the brothers end. No smut!

Lucifer: He wouldn’t mind at all, given that he hardly ever feels sexual or romantic attraction himself. He holds no judgement or scorn for Thyme. Only some mild disappointment, once he finds himself romantically and sexually attracted to them, that their boundaries prevent him from making them feel as good as they make him feel. He’s the most affectionately reserved amongst all the brothers, which matches Thyme’s speed well.

- Very occasionally mastrubates to thoughts of Thyme (with permission). Can become aroused when being touched intimately. Rarely acts upon it.

- Acts like an emotionally distant partner when in public, but is very sweet and loyal in private.

Mammon: At first he doesn’t understand. How can someone not fall in love or want sex? You’re 100% kidding? Right?? Eventually, with the combined efforts of Thyme and Asmo (mostly Asmo, given that Thyme was too embarrassed to say much), they educate him on the terminology and he kind of gets it. Enough to respect Thymes boundaries, and to negotiate a partnership between the two of them where they’re both comfortable. He already has everything they could give him, he’s fine if it’s minus sex. “Ah well, you like what you like and you don’t what you don’t. Don’t let anyone stop ya from being yourself, even if it’s me!”

- Still mastrubates, especially to thoughts of Thyme, (with permission).

- Treats Thyme like he’s their boyfriend with no expectations for reciprocity.

Leviathan: Is more familiar with the human concepts of the LGBTQ community due to watching so much Yuri anime, but similar to Mammon is Allo af and needed a primer on AroAce basics. The knowledge that Thyme doesn’t feel attracted to ANYONE actually satisfies his intense jealousy issues, even if you aren’t attracted to him, at least you’re not attracted to anyone else! Used to being a “gross otaku virgin” for millennia anyways, being in a partnership with Thyme wasn’t much different sexually speaking. He’d just jerk off to mental images of them in private (with permission) and be a loving partner the rest of the time. GG EZ!

- Honestly jerks off pretty often, he can’t help it, he thinks Thyme’s hot!

- Acts more like a best friend than anything most of the time, but likes to mark them in public to satiate his envy.

Satan: Ever since he was “born” he’d never felt any romantic or sexual feelings for anyone. Not until Thyme came into his life at least. That’s when stirrings of romantic feelings began to swim in his mind, heart and soul. He’s more than fine not having sexual relations with Thyme, finding the act unpleasant anyways. He’ll stick to reading about it in his romance novellas and leave it there. Overall, probably the best match up.

- Has never and will never touch himself. Feels no need to.

- Big boyfriend energy. Loves one-on-one dates and holding hands and kissing foreheads.

Asmodeus: For many, many years thought of himself as Aromantic. Oh yeah, this guy knows his terms. Hanging out with the crowds he does, he’s up to date with queer human terminology. He was the one to help explain Thyme’s gender identity to the other brothers after all. But when it comes to them, those heart pounding, dry mouthed, sweaty handed moments happen all too often for him to consider himself anything other than Demiromantic. In fact, he falls so in love with Thyme that he find himself no longer turned on by anyone else, not for a lack of trying, exclusively becoming attracted to them. They work it out eventually, developing a similar dynamic that Thyme has with Levi.

- Despite trying not to, once he falls for Thyme, he finds himself Thymesexual. He becomes disgusted with himself for attempting to continue his casual flings once he discovers he loves Thyme more than he loves himself.

- Girlfriend energy if we’re being honest here. Loves slumber parties and dress ups and drinking from the same mug in cafes. Craves acknowledgment and intimacy.

Beelzebub: He’s had crushes in the past, with little blips of sexual attraction, but nothing like what Thyme stirs up inside of him. Beel has never reacted so strongly to someone before, so when Asmo explained to him that Thyme was incapable of returning his affections, he at first was hurt. Did they not like him? Was he too much? Was he too little? Where did he go wrong?! It took a few comparisons to food to have him understand the situation but once he did, he didn’t know why he freaked out in the first place. Honestly? Nothing was going to change between them and he was already happy with their current relationship dynamics anyways. Things were pretty great actually.

- Mastrubates when pent up or can’t sleep. Half of the time thinks of nothing, half of the time it’s Thyme.

- Big brother energy for the most part, but loves tender kisses and weirdly enough, licking them.

Belphegor: Didn’t know what he was capable of until he met Thyme. Romantically, sexually, homicidally…Affected by a rare genetic condition amongst demons, turning him basically into the worlds worst Yandere when first seeing Thyme, he wanted anything Thyme was willing to give. Even if it meant that he would never be able to act out on his new and unexplored sexuality in anything other than fantasies. As long as Thyme stays with him, he’d do anything for them, even stay celibate if they so wished.

- New to sexual feelings and, unlike Satan, will act upon them in private.

- Very casual in public but hyper affectionate in private or in front of his brothers. Show off.

[cobrastrikes421]

LGBTQ art

Bisexual fact:

Overall, 4% of U.S. adults say they identify as bisexual, according to an August 2023 survey by the Center. Younger adults are more likely than older Americans to describe themselves as bisexual. the term bisexual was used in Dutch for the first time in 1877, to refer to a hermaphrodite who had their sexual career as both a heterosexual woman and a heterosexual man. Later, the term bisexuality is used to represent both the double sexual-object choice and androgyny.

Aromantic fact:

Aromantic people can also form non-romantic relationships of all types, as well as being able to enjoy sexual relationships. They may also choose to have children, and studies indicate that aromantic individuals are no less likely to have children than alloromantic individuals. One of the earliest uses of the modern term "aromantic" dates back to 2005. The early online community around aromanticism formed on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), an online community around asexuality, and social media platforms such as tumblr.

Progress fact:

a reinterpretation of multiple iterations of the pride flag. The original 'rainbow flag' was created by Gilbert Baker in 1978 to celebrate members of the gay and lesbian political movement. It comprised eight coloured stripes stacked on top of each other to evoke a rainbow, a symbol of hope. Daniel Quasar (xe/xyr pronouns) is the creator of the Progress Pride flag, a combination of the original Pride flag by Gilbert Baker, the Trans Pride flag by Monica Helms in 1999, the More Color, More Pride flag introduced by Amber Hikes in 2017, and a black stripe from the Victory Over AIDS flag, inspired by Sergeant Leonard Matlovich, to represent those lost during the AIDS crisis. This flag design “forces the viewer to confront

Aro/ace fact:

Aromantic asexual people are colloquially known as "aro-ace" or "aroace". Aromantic individuals are also able to experience platonic love and may have committed friendships, and some form intimate non-romantic partnerships called "queerplatonic relationships". the early 2000s as a way for individuals to explore and understand their experiences of limited or absent sexual and romantic attractions.

Agender fact:

agender" was actually on the Internet! It was born in the year 2000, on an Internet forum called UseNet. In a chat room discussion entitled alt. messianic, a user posted the following: “God is amorphous, agender, so image can't be a physical or gender or sexual thing.” Agender is a term used by individuals who do not identify with any specific gender or who experience a lack of gender altogether. Agender people have a sense that their gender identity is completely neutral, or does not exist at all. They may use words like "genderless" and "gender free" to describe themselves.

Trigender fact:

In Ancient Greece, Phrygia, and the Roman Republic and Empire, Cybele and Attis were worshiped by galli priests (documented from around 200 BCE to around 300 CE) who wore feminine clothes, referred to themselves as women, and often castrated themselves, and have therefore been seen as early transgender figures. The exact origin of the term "trigender" is unknown, but it has been mentioned as early as 1998. The prefix tri- means three, so "trigender" literally means "three gender".

Gay fact:

2400 BCE, are speculated to have been gay based on a representation of them embracing nose-to-nose in their shared tomb, though critics say that they were likely brothers. In 1978 Harvey Milk became the first openly gay man elected to public office in the United States, and the first openly gay or lesbian person to be elected to public office in California, when he won a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. "The green (Community) and teal (Joy) in the flag represent Nature. I thought this was important because love between men is often seen as “unnatural” in the eyes of society and in religion. Furthermore, gay men have historically used green flowers and plants (Carnations, hyacinths, etc.) to symbolize our love, reinforcing our connection with Nature. The white stripe is adopted from the Trans Pride flag because trans, nb, and GNC men are often erased or talked over and need explicit representation.

Pansexual fact:

the hybrid words pansexual and pansexualism were first attested in 1914 (spelled pan-sexualism), coined by opponents of Sigmund Freud to denote the idea "that the sex instinct plays the primary part in all human activity, mental and physical". created to differentiate between the bisexuality flag, which also has three horizontal bars. It was created on the internet sometime around 2010, and has gained popularity since then. The Pansexual symbol combines the male, female, and transgender symbols into one, new, P-shaped symbol representing pansexuality.

Demigirl fact:

The earliest demigirl flag was created on April 15th, 2014 by Tumblr user kyriefortune. The second demigirl flag was created on August 24th, 2015 by pride-flags based on Willow's demiguy flag. Another flag was posted on the same day by pride-flags also based on Willow's demiguy flag. A gender identity term for someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally. transgender pride-flag, retaining the central white & pink stripes representing enbies & women, but with 4 added horizontal stripes of different shades of grey to signify a disconnect and/or uncertainty associated with this gender-identity.

Hope you all had a great pride month. Can’t wait to do more of them.

What pride art should I do next year?

[twistyprefect]

happy pride 🌈

here are some pride headcanons :)

i included everyone because i had ideas for everyone!

i actually included all of my identities here as well in one or more characters B)

Disclaimer: these are my personal headcanons. i will not argue with people about them. i'm not implying they are canon and while they inform how i write about certain characters, i will not try and tell someone they're 'wrong' for disagreeing with me.

Heartslabyul

Riddle: Aroflux , Aflux

[Aroflux - romantic orientation where someone's level of feeling romantic feelings fluctuate, but almost always stays on the Aromantic spectrum]

[Aflux - sexual orientation where someone's level of feeling sexual feelings fluctuate, but almost always stays on the Asexual spectrum]

Trey: Biromantic, Greysexual

[Biromantic - romantic orientation where someone feels romantic attraction to two or more genders, sometimes with a preference for one gender over others]

[Greysexual - an asexual spectrum sexual orientation where someone feels some level of sexual attraction, but it is less intense, frequent, etc. than allosexual sexual attraction]

Cater: Panromantic, Pansexual, Demiboy

[Panromantic and Pansexual - romantic/sexual orientation where someone feels romantically and sexually attraction for all genders, with no preference for one gender over another]

[Demiboy - a nonbinary gender identity where someone feels some level of attachment to masculinity, but also is not entirely male]

Ace: Biromantic, Bisexual

[Biromantic - romantic/sexual orientation where someone feels romantic and sexual attraction to two or more genders, sometimes with a preference for one gender over others]

Deuce: Panromantic, Demisexual

[Demisexual - an aseuxal sexual orientation where someone only feels sexual attraction to people they have already formed a close romantic, platonic, or sexual relationship with]

Savanaclaw

Leona: Demiromantic, Demisexual

[Demiromantic - an aromantic orientation where someone only develops romantic attraction to people they have already formed a close platonic, sexual, or otherwise intimate relationship with]

Ruggie: Panromantic, Demisexual, Transgender (Binary Trans Man)

[Transgender: a gender identity where someone identifies as a gender they were not assigned at birth; this includes both binary and nonbinary genders.]

[Binary Trans Man: a transgender man, someone who identifies as a binary male but was not born a binary male]

Jack: Panromantic, Asexual

[Asexual: a sexual orientation where someone feels little to no sexual attraction to anyone. Asexual people may still engage in romantic and/or sexual relationships, regardless of not feeling sexual attraction.]

Octavinelle

Azul: Demiromantic, Demisexual

Jade: Demiromantic, Bisexual, Polyamorous

[Polyamorous: someone who engages in ethically non-monogamous relationships, i.e relationships where more than two people are involved in some way]

Floyd: Panromantic, Aflux, Polyamorous

Scarabia

Kalim: Omniromantic, Omnisexual, Polyamorous

[Omniromantic, Omnisexual - a romantic/sexual orientation where someone feels romantic and sexual attraction to all genders, and may have a preference for one gender over others]

Jamil: Biromantic, Demisexual

Pomefiore

Vil: Aroflux, Pansexual, Genderfluid

[Genderfluid - a nonbinary gender identity where someone's gender fluctuates and changes, either throughout the day or in general]

Rook: Aromantic, Pansexual

[Aromantic - a romantic orientation where someone feels little to no romantic attraction to anyone. Aromantic people may still engage in romantic and/or sexual relationships, regardless of not feeling romantic attraction.]

Epel: Biromantic, Demisexual, Demigender

[Demigender - a nonbinary gender identity where someone only feels a partial attachment to gender in general, and may or may not identify with one or more genders partially rather than entirely]

Ignihyde

Idia: Demiromantic, Asexual, Agender

[Agender - a nonbinary gender identity where someone feels no or little attachment to gender, or an attachment to having no gender specifically]

Ortho: Aromantic, Asexual, Agender, Queerplatonic

[Queerplatonic - a platonic form of attraction or relationship with others, more intense than a normal friendship but not romantic in nature. People in queerplatonic relationships may have or adopt kids together, live together, get married, go on dates, etc.]

Diasomnia

Malleus: Polyromantic, Polysexual, Nonbinary

[Polyromantic & Polysexual - a romantic/sexual orientation where someone feels romantic and sexual attraction to multiple genders. Polysexual and/or polyromantic people may or may not also identify as bisexual, pansexual, or omnisexual.]

[Nonbinary - a gender identity where someone identifies as a gender that is not strictly on or related to the male-female binary. Someone who is nonbinary may or may not identify as one or multiple genders, and may or may not present androgynously]

Lilia: Panromantic, Pansexual, Polyamorous, Pangender

[Pangender - a nonbinary gender where someone identifies as all genders, or all genders of a specific variety i.e all nonbinary genders, or all xenogenders]

Silver: Aroflux, Aflux, Agender

Sebek: Demiromantic, Pansexual, Bigender

[Bigender - a nonbinary gender where someone identifies as both or between two genders. These genders may be binary or nonbinary, and may or may not 'contradict' one another.]

[skylerorionx]

Asexual Awareness Week (for some reason it’s “asexual” and not “asexuality”) is 22-28 October. So near the end of the week, here’s the first of two posts for a not-quick introduction to what asexuality is, and also what it isn’t. Next post here.

Also, if I am wrong, add it in the comments.

Image text below:

(1) 

It’s asexual awareness week, so it’s time for a crash course into asexuality. Part one of two cause I have a lot to say. 

—

(2) 

Asexuality means a lack of sexual attraction. 

A- is a prefix meaning “not” or “without,” so the definition of asexual is quite literally “not sexual.” 

It does not mean a lack of willingness to have sex, a lack of romantic attraction, or an inability to love. It is also not synonymous with celibacy, and, like many things queer, exists on a spectrum. 

Asexual is often shortened to “ace.” 

— 

(3)

To understand asexuality, first I’m gonna need you to unlearn some presumptions you might have about attraction in general. 

1. There are multiple types of attraction: sexual, romantic, sensual, platonic, aesthetic, and queerplatonic, among others. We tend to bundle sexual and romantic together but we shouldn’t because… 

2. Some people experience some types of attraction but not others. 

3. Some people experience one type of attraction more or less intensely than another type, or just compared to how someone else experiences that same type of attraction. 

It’s rather simple once you wrap your mind around it. 

—

(4)

Also… Not everyone is sexually attracted to the same gender(s) of people as they are romantically attracted to. That is called “varioriented.” The term “split attraction model” can also be used here or for the other points. There’s also a term “sensualarian” meaning the lines between types of attraction are blurred. …I’m not really gonna talk about these things cause I’ve probably confused the allos enough so if you wanna know more, just google it or ask me.

— 

(5) 

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. Yes, there is a spectrum from hetero to homo — it’s called the Kinsey Scale — but there’s also a spectrum for the intensity of attraction, a scale from asexual to its opposite, zedsexual / allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction). It’s called the “asexual spectrum,” “ace spectrum,” or “a-spectrum”. It’s often used as the Y axis alongside the X axis Kinsey Scale. 

[asexual — zedsexual]

Someone can exist at a specific point or fluctuate within an area. (In addition to being a specific point on this spectrum, the word “asexuality” can also be a general term for anyone who exists on the left side of this spectrum. Also you — yes, you, the person reading this — also exist on this spectrum whether you’re ace or zed.)

—

(6)

Side note about the word “zedsexual”: Like a lot of things, “asexual” (the word) was invented to describe a group of people who are different from the norm, but referring to the “normal people” as such would imply asexual people are abnormal, which they aren’t, so someone invented the word “allosexual” to mean someone who does experience sexual attraction. The problem with the prefix “allo-“ is that it technically means “attraction to others” and its opposite is “auto-,” meaning “attraction to the self,” which is not what asexuality is. Because we often think of things as opposites, someone else thought to replace the word allosexual with “zedsexual” because “zed” (the non-American pronunciation of the letter “z”) is at the opposite end of the alphabet. Still, most people say allosexual. They usually know it technically has a weird origin but it’s the word that stuck, and they’re not being mean, it’s just the more common word. I use both zed- and allo-.

—

(7) 

Here are some common labels for people within the ace-spectrum but not fully at the asexual end: 

Cupiosexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction but still desires a sexual relationship.

Demisexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction until a deep emotional connection is made. example, not feeling sexual attraction until falling in love. 

Freysexual: someone who feels sexual attraction towards people with whom they are not deeply connected, and loses the feeling as connection happens; sometimes called “reverse demi-”. 

Greysexual: someone who experiences sexual attraction infrequently, rarely, or weakly. 

—

(8) 

Lithosexual / Akiosexual: someone who experiences sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated

Quoisexual: someone who does not know if their feelings are sexual, romantic, platonic, something else, or nothing at all; someone who feels as if the concept of romantic/sexual/whatever attraction is inapplicable or nonsensical to them.

Aegosexual / autochorissexual is another common label, that’s more of a bonus label and less of a spot on the spectrum. It means someone who experiences a disconnection between attraction and arousal, which is the fancy way of saying an asexual who wanks. 

Why does someone experience these kinds of sexual attraction? Well, this is a two-part post so read the next post! 

—

(9)

More on the next post. Got questions? Just ask me, I have all the answers. 

Also, I know to actually sound like I know what I’m talking about, I need sources, so: 

Slightly uncreditable but first-person sources: 

Me

My existence on Tumblr for twelve years

AVEN and people’s stories there

“Proper” sources: 

“ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex” by Angela Chan

“The ABCs of LGBT+” by Ash Hardell (published under their old first name and “maiden” name)

“Boston Marriages: Romantic but Asexual Relationships among Contemporary Lesbians” edited by Esther D. Rothblum and Kathleen A. Brehony

“The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality” by Julie Sondra Decker

[alice-jem]

Personally I find the chemistry between Luz and Hunter obvious and if the show was created even 5-10 years ago no one would have much of a problem with Hunter and Luz shippers. It would’ve been what everyone expected to be endgame. Sure, I love lumity, it’s a cute sapphic high school romance. But narratively, there’s a case to be made for lunter while lumity is more just to be cute. Plus Luz is bisexual so any argument about erasing her sexuality doesn’t make sense. Plus it’s not like fandom is on the same level as the actual tv show like if a group of people want to imagine Luz and Hunter dating that does absolutely nothing to take away from the canon sapphic romance! I don’t have anywhere I feel like I can express this without getting literalky DOGPILED by Twitter teenagers who think the end all be all of queer liberation is making cartoon teenagers kiss.

I somewhat heard that type of rant that I've been interested to discuss before.. But I think it's better if Hunter has been introduced first than Amity tho. To make Hunter as a Male Lead. Yet the romance plot of TOH didn't go on that route. Because (ugh, another straight couple in Disney)

Unfortunately, everything has been already set by arranging Willow and Hunter as a pair instead Hunter is compatible to be paired with Luz because, Luz is with Amity now and both had feelings for each other before Hunter came. So I can understand what they're trying to defend the sapphic canon ship because THEY NEED LGBTQA+ REP, so if there is a straight couple in their favorite cartoon/show, the fans will gone RIOT and they will forced to make the straight couple to stay friends or platonic then shove it to everyone's throats. But their annoyance of not wanting Luz (who is a CANON BI) had a chance to NON CANONICALLY be together with a GUY who has 10x potential chemistry than Lumity. (I also love Lumity too from enemies to friends to lovers). The thing is, Willow shows to become the heroine for Hunter yet still GoldenLuz/Lunter scenes has more sparks even tho they're jumping to make a side couple (Huntlow) alongside with Raine and Eda (Raeda).

And the biggest and shittiest agenda they've got in the TOH fandom is to make these two characters (Luz and Hunter) as sibling-coded into their dynamic which is a HEADCANON. But FOR THEM IT'S A FACT because of the quarrel, all that banter and starting to helping and protecting each other away from danger/harm. And yet they theorize that when we look at Lunter, it's like there are both young Philip and Caleb.

So the issue of Lunter is because the TOH fandom can easily took it down or banish the ideas and options about Luz and Hunter to become a non-canon ship especially boy x girl ships in general media where the main protagonist is a BISEXUAL/GAY/LESBIAN or part of the LGBT rep. Some of them are a bit oversensitive by the "non-canon" ships might be ruined their canon gay/sapphic ship. Like only you can ship this MC with their same gender and NOTHING ELSE. I tried to keep away from the shipping discourse because the majority wants Lunter to see as siblings, and then they will despise somebody in every fiber of their being who ships Luz and Hunter where they are both BI for each other. Like who are they to have a right to demand a person who just wanna ship without their validation? Toxic TOH fans ain't had a right to accuse somebody because they LIKE a ship that they DON'T like. Yet also the Lunter shippers didn't wish for Lunter to be canon as well. Because they can ship them without a problem canon or not-canon as long as they don't attack nor cause such any harm to others. Yet these antis has so many claims to prove that their ship Lunter is wrong and there's nothing to support of shipping them romantically. So they will non-stop accusing Lunter shippers based on their ship which i migt turned out to become 'problematic' by many.

Luz and her bisexuality is the purest rep where she likes and attracted to guys and girls. Yet when they keep telling to such people that it will erase her sapphic love between her and Amity if Luz is going to be with Hunter in the long run.. That doesn't mean Luz isn't Bisexual anymore. How can these people pushing the hatred towards Lunter where they haven't heard the word "multishipping?" So every shipper has options which good ships to be shipped with this character. They never acknowledged poly ships too so, it's too late to speak up to toxic anti Lunters out there. Stubborn as hell lol. As a Bisexual, people must understand that they cannot ruined their Bisexuality by liking or dating a guy!

[aroaceconfessions]

(rant about how frustrating it is to not be believed as an aspec and queer person:)

it's so hard explaining to non-aspec people that the platonic and alterous attraction I'm feeling is NOT romantic!!!

like look, I know what romantic attraction feels like. I'm a romance-averse arospec, so I get genuinely physically repulsed when I get a crush. and I only get (romantic) crushes on ONE gender. I know exactly what it feels like.

so I KNOW I only feel platonically and sometimes alterously for my squishes.

even if I wasn't sure, why do non-aspec people INSIST on, for lack of a better word, mansplaining our own feelings to us?

like okay I know there's this stereotype of queer ppl being "delusional", "extra", "making a big deal out of nothing" and to that I say fuck off.

because we have it harder than you. we are even more confused than you are. you will never understand the turmoil it is to endlessly question yourself in this manner, only to be surrounded by hate and rejection.

if someone wants to figure themselves out to the tiniest detail, LET THEM. some of us are neurodivergent. some of us are neurotypical but still want and need need that peace of mind.

aspec people fight fucking hard enough trying to figure themselves out, only to not be believed when it comes to our own feelings. I did not spend fucking years questioning myself to be told that I'm wrong by people who have amatonormative views.

I'm just so fucking sick of it. I spent all that time mustering up the courage to tell people just for this. we deserve better than this.

Submitted April 11, 2023

[gettothedancing]

Friendship is so underrated

I’ve been having such a great time hanging out with my new friends from work. It took me a long time to learn how to be a good friend, and to find people who were willing to be good friends back. The two people I’ve been getting to know are a girl from Kenya and a boy from Brazil. It’s also just nice to hang out with coworkers close to my age, since many people I work with are in their forties or older.

I mentioned in my last read-more post that I have a crush on my coworker, the Brazilian guy I just mentioned. He knows that I am dating someone from EHarmony (as in, we’ve had two dates and scheduled a third). Yesterday, he came to me and said, “I really want to go to this restaurant with you, since it would be awkward to go alone. But I don’t want to get in the middle of your relationship.”

See, he just got divorced, and his ex-wife was at least emotionally cheating with someone from work, if not actually cheating. So he’s very aware of the need for proper boundaries. I immediately told him, “It’s fine! I already told him about you and he is okay with us hanging out.” I started dating EH-guy around the same time that I started hanging out more with Brazil-guy.

I wish I could just transfer my crush on Brazil-guy to EH-guy. Because EH-guy is very nice! And cute. But we just don’t know each other that well yet. 

At the moment, I’m just trying to ignore the crush and never act on it. We keep boundaries up; we rarely touch each other, and if we do it’s in safe/platonic ways. But it’s harder to ignore just how much better suited Brazil-guy and I are to each other than this EH-guy is. We share the same religion, we have similar though not identical political views, we’re avid non-fiction readers, we’re passionate about our shared profession and what in it needs to change, and we’ve both lost our same-gender parent and been recently dumped. We have so much to talk about that it’s hard to find a stopping point, but silence is also comfortable. Even though English is his third language, I find it easy to understand him, and he’s a wonderful listener.

If he weren’t going through so much right now, and didn’t seem to need a friend so much, I would be trying harder to distance myself from him. I know this extra time with him will only prolong my feelings. But I am being very strict with myself about it. No daydreaming, no touching, and any thought that tends to romance I sharply cut off.

I kind of wish he would indicate an absolute disinterest in me. It might make that strictness easier. I feel that I’ve gotten prettier due to body recomp, better habits, etc. But that doesn’t mean he is or ever will be attracted to me. That’s not how attraction works. I can quietly hope for it, but I would also be so concerned if he wanted to date anyone right now. Like they JUST filed the paperwork. He’s struggling with the idea of being single again. At least he still has the cat and his work friends. We will help him move to a new place for a fresh start next month. Sadly, he’s also transferring roles at work, so we won’t be able to chat there. But maybe this will mean we can hang out more outside of work?

The thing is, I love this friendship. I have never had many friends at one time. It took me some time to make friends since moving here a few years ago. And even though he’s almost everything I’ve been looking for in a husband, I refuse to jeopardize this friendship or make him uncomfortable. I’m trying to live in the moment and focus on non-romantic goals. It’s possible that in a few months or a year, my friend will be interested in dating again, and he might consider me as an option. But I can’t bet on it, nor should I treat our friendship as a waiting stage for that not-so-likely future. 

All I can do is keep working to be good and glorify God. It’s important to bring my desires to God, so that He can purify them and remove those that do not accord to His will. That which it is not right for us to receive, God does not grant. “Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds.” (S&H p. 1:11)

[uncanny-tranny]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

This is a copy-pasta (the link leads to a person who recieved this word-for-word, content warning for suicide baiting), and understandably, I really doubt that the sender is asking in good faith to spark discussion about the nuances of human sexuality, which is a shame because as a trans person, I have a ton of different and maybe even contradictory perspectives.

It's a shame because I really do think conversations about human sexuality are fascinating. There's so much that goes into a person's sexuality, and it isn't just based on this "animalistic" sexual drive. It is so much more. It's about how you visualize your life with a partner/partners. It's why a gay man can be gay without ever having any non-platonic experience with a man - because he can see himself partnered to a fellow man. It's why a gay man can look at a woman and find her beautiful in many ways. I digress for the sake of brevity, but again, it's a shame this isn't being asked in good faith. If anybody wants to talk about the complexities of human sexuality, feel free to. It's a fascinating topic, and there isn't a universal answer - we've been trying for thousands of years to find The One Answer about this, and we haven't found something that adequately explains every little minutiae of humanity.

[slothspamsstuff]

Okaaay....this is just my headcanon but but but here's a thread on each Batfam member's sexual orientation (some of them might be unpopular opinion but it's my opinion so...)

- Bruce Wayne is bi, he might have been bi-curious at one point if he is not 🥹 playboy, charming, flirtatious and rich, he's everyone's dream. And I don't think the Bat himself is in denial of his sexuality, in fact, though lowkey, he might just be casually talking about his flings to Alfred if he didn't consider feelings a scary thing.

- Please forgive me for saying this but Dick Grayson feels like a straight guy who's very comfortable with his sexuality that he doesn't mind the gay jokes and he himself would make non-homophobic queer jokes towards his friends (regardless of their sexuality).

- Jason Todd is either bi or straight, because of that Judd Winick interview and because he's giving major bi friend vibes (trust me I'm bi), who leans towards dating girls but he might have been too jaded or fearful of commitment to be in a relationship so he's still single til this day. But he might also be similar to Dick, he might be a straight guy who is constantly attracting queer friends and is ok with that. Maybe he just has a smart mouth and wants to tease or provoke other guys to the point that it seemed queer as a hetero man, like how guys irl do? I dunno, but he could either be bi or straight, he gives off both vibes to me honestly lol. I can’t decide on this one.

- Tim Drake, similar to canon storylines, bisexual, need I say more? Though I'd like to see them build Tim and Bernard more cuz Bernard is a bit too similar to Steph now, and Tim and Kon also have a very interesting dynamic so I am very conflicted. I like the fact that even though they've broken up, him and Steph are still friends. I really appreciate healthy relationships like that (i...if of course you look past the fact that he might have wanted to unalive her dad).

- Stephanie Brown feels like she could be pansexual, she's chill and she doesn't mind being in a relationship with someone of the same gender, of the opposite gender or genderfluids or trans. But to get the most accurate impression of her, I will spend my time reading Batgirls. For now, her vibes scream pansexuality to me.

- Damian Wayne is straight, but he is just not into relationships. Though I also like his dynamic with Jon, I can't see them as more than friends (but you're welcome to ship them, it's actually a cute ship but bc they're literally children so I just can't see anything more than platonic). I know the Asexual Damian trope is also very popular but to me, he seems like a straight guy who, like Jason, is not into relationships due to the nature of his worklife.

- Barbara Gordon feels like she could be straight or bi, that's up to intereptation, but for the most part to me, she seems to be straight, I mean she loves a guy named Dick so...and her interactions with BoP members seem very platonic to me. But other headcanons are also cool, please enlighten me.

- Duke Thomas is straight, he's like that one YA romance novel live action main character, an awkward teenager except he's a metahuman and also a vigilante. Yes, he's sassy and funny and nice, I know, but his vibe doesn't scream queer to me.

- Cassandra Cain is bisexual because of her interactions with Tim and Steph in the comics. She's the quiet bisexual friend/lover that everyone is comfortable with. And I love, love that about her. Yes, Cass seems to be the downright not heterosexual, hell, she might have been more into girls than guys.

- Kate Kane is 100% a lesbian, this is not a headcanon. She's so gay that nothing about her is straight, not even her name.

- Ok, weird one but I think Alfred Pennyworth might also be bisexual, he could have banged the queen as an agent in his younger years then started dating the prince a year later. Or he could be demisexual, who knows, maybe he loved someone when he was younger, then something happened and he can't find himself being in another relationship with anyone else, and also younger Bruce only had him so he didn't have time for dating.

Sorry, idk much about Harper so I can't say fo sho.

Edit: my take on Cassandra Cain before anyone comes at me with their extremist anti batcest bs again (and unless you're here for Bruce and Damian as a couple, I don't even think batcest is a word that should exist) and here. Don't go looking for dramas, be polite to other people please. Just because you don't ship it doesn't mean you should act like an asshole about it. Their interaction happened in canon and I simply stated the fact with pictures from the actual comics, I don't ship them as a couple because well, I just....don't? But it's not like I'd care or I'd be grossed out if anyone ships them because well, a ship doesn't harm anyone nor does it affect my life, but going for harassment and being aggressive about what other people like, that has nothing to do with you or your life... you're the weird one and maybe you should touch grass or get some real life friends to talk to because that's just sad.