#some might think because i spent extra time working on grammar stuff for this it means i cant be struggling

[autisticlee]

everyone wants me to be "more independent" (parents, therapist, case manager, friends, even strangers on the internet) but the thing is...I don't WANT to be. I force myself to do everything alone and hate asking for help because I was taught i'm a burden for doing so. I stay alone most of my time and do everything alone. no one offers help and if I need to ask, it's hard to get anyone to actually help. so I feel super independent already.

but not necessarily by choice. it was forced onto me. I was never ready. I was forced to act like am adult at a young age because...I don't know. I was "tall" for my age? i'm not sure. but I felt I was forced to grow up faster than other kids my age and before I was ready.

people in my life don't want to accept of believe it, but I struggle a lot. I have always. I never got the help or support I needed despite it being VERY obvious that I can't live a "normal" abled life they expect from me and tried to force me into. no one will accept that. being autistic and adhd and having a dissociative disorder and cptsd, and the list goes on, makes me get overwhelmed and confused super easily. I forget things, I lose track of time and myself, executive dysfunction is a permanent feature, I don't understand things very well most of the time, etc. but because I refuse to ask for help since i've always been expected not to, I either fail through everything or struggle to try doing it myself. leads to even more overwhelm than i have naturally, makes my physical ailments flare up all the time, and makes me burn out constantly to the point I can't do anything at all for months or even years and get even more behind, causing me to waste large chunks of my life away.

when it reaches that point, I can't do what's expected of me at all (which is most of the time to be honest. my "abled" days are extremely limited, like a few days out of the year if i'm lucky) I can't pretend i'm capable anymore. people feel the need to lecture me about not being "lazy" and "expecting everyone to do things for me" because I wont do the things they expect, even if I don't ask them for help. if I do ask for help, I get ignored or told to do it myself. some things need done for survival, so I just unwillingly put my already burnt out and exhausted self into a dissociative state in order to survive the constant pain and exhaustion.

lately i'm trying to ask for help more, but of course, everyone pushes back and tells me I "need to learn to do things myself/be more independent," as expected. my therapist and case manager say it's their jobs to help me "gain independence."

but, the thing is, I can't do that. I can't be constantly independent. not in the way i'm expected. i'm independent in that I spend 99% of my life alone in my room doing stuff on my own (sleeping, watching things, video games, drawing). i'm independent in that I struggle to ask for help from anyone and instead sit silently in confusion and pain and struggle until I fail or someone offers help on their own. the more I try to be the expected "independent," the more I burn out and struggle and waste my life away....but it's so hard to get people to understand that. I have to sacrifice SO MUCH of my wellbeing to even pretend to have their expected level of independence. it doesn't feel worth it. what I need is specific help and support that's not offered for adults who are expected to be independent. and it's so hard to explain that to anyone!

sometimes I need someone to do things with me by letting me follow them and copy what they do. I need someone to lead me and do things for me when i'm too overwhelmed and confused. sometimes I need someone to speak my words for me because I cant speak them. sometimes I need someone to be my human alarm clock and make sure I do things on time. sometimes I need someone to remind me of the same things over and over. sometimes I need someone to help me by making food or washing my hair.

I don't want to be babied and treated like a child. I want someone to do the things I tell them to do or help me figure out what i'm struggling with because I don't always even know i'm struggling or why. I don't need to "learn how to stop struggling and how to do it alone" because i've been trying that and it makes me struggle more because it's overwhelming and exhausting! I just need some help with things so don't keep reaching this constant 100% uptime of burnout! my brain and body cant take living in constant, unending burnout due to daily demands of living as a disabled person!

[istherewifiinhell]

okay. okay. if anyone is in for. "a good time" (why they put that in scare quotes? SHH). mirage issue 15. found anyway you read comics online and broke ;}. which came out after 16 dont worry about it. has a letters section. to set the scene. this is after eastman and laird have a soft separation and dont work together on books like they used to. this after (first seasons of) the show is out. and its after each of there "solo" debuts (each has a different inker and the mirage studios letterer), and after the first main book with a 'guest' artist soloing the issue.

suffice to say. fans never change. tho its funny you used to have to pay postage to say it. its. everything you could possible imagine it to be. what is this crap? you guys cant work apart? whys the plot not going HOW I THINK IT OUGHT. its soft baby shit and you guys are sell outs. etcetcetc. incredible stuff. self parody really.

made even funnier that the section also includes one of theeeee most prototypical concerned parent letters. those foul turtle comics! think of the children. which. imma include some of lairds response too cause i think its interesting to hear from. one of the guys who's. maybe most had that levied at him. like. ever?

(extra graph breaks mine) On the values of the turtles:

On think of the children:

... If you had read all of our books, you would have seen that we try to use the "off-screen" approach wherever possible, keeping the actual act of violence outside of the panel. Also, if you had taken the time to read all of our books, I'm sure you would have seen that we do not have the Turtles going out looking for trouble, fighting for the sake of fighting, being bullies, or using excessive force; just as we also do not have them cursing continuously (if at all, really) or using slang or poorly structured language excessively in fact, the Turtles by and large speak with correct grammar and syntax, and only speak otherwise when under stress or responding to excitement.

If you had spent the extra effort to really read our books, you would have also seen that the values that we promote through the Turtles' words and actions are positive ones, including respect for the rights of the individual; reverence for the wisdom that comes with age; and recognition of the value of a caring family life, among others. Yes, the Turtles aren't perfect characters - they lose their tempers, they squabble, they insult one another. But they also help others in need, and try to do the right thing, and care for each other. And isn't that they way it is in real life? Why shouldn't our comic book reflect that?

d'ya think he's mad?

I'm always concerned when I hear people fussing and fuming over sex and violence in the media; when they imply that merely being exposed to either or both will turn any child into a sociopath or psychopath. That, put quite simply, is crap. It flies in the face of all common sense: Of all the millions and millions of us who were exposed to thousands of hours of sleaze and violence on the tube and in books and magazines, how many of us turned out to be violent cases?

Think about it. There is no simple "cause and effect" relationship. What truly matters is the way the parent or parents of each child bring that child up… and that is scary to some who would rather not make the effort needed to teach their children to lead good and just lives, and finding a convenient scapegoat (comic books, movies, TV, etc.) is much more appealing, as it offers an easy cover for their own failings.

on comics as a medium:

you know what yeah i think he might have had enough.

But I would like to try to get you to see that your view of comics as a strictly children's medium is way off base. It is not now, and never has been. Think about it- just because there are large, hardcover illustrated children's books, do you expect all large, hardcover, illustrated books to be for children? Of course not; and the same holds true for all media, including comic books.

Comics can be for young kids… but they can also be for teenagers… and they can be for adults. In fact, they can be for all ages, and that is the way we approach the Turtle books. We believe they are suitable for all ages, and do not require some kind of label to protect innocent young children from their contents.

In closing, I would like to touch on one of your statements, that "At best these comics should not be printed…". I have to ask you, do you really believe that? Because if you do… well, I'll just say that I am grateful for the fact that you are not an omnipotent being, because I would hate to live in the kind of creatively constipated, simple-minded, and facistic world you would surely create.

"At best these comics should not be printed…" - have you no conception of what a mind-bogglingly insensitive and dictatorial statement that is? It's as if I were to say to you, "At best Bonnie Winter should never be allowed to speak her mind." Does that sound like the "land of the free, home of the brave" to you?

It doesn't to me.

[vendetta-if]

December 2022 Progress Update

For the past two weeks, I've been working really, really hard on Chapter 4 (one of the reasons I've not been too active on Tumblr lately, and I probably still wouldn't until Chapter 4 is done 😅). As of the time writing this update post, the word count is 23.6K words.

The talk with Yvette took quite a long time to write and it is indeed pretty long. Almost 12K of 23.6K words are dedicated to the talk with her. It's not only long, it also has a lot—and I mean a lot—of variations in responses depending on what your MC feels about her.

The last time MC decided on their feelings on Yvette, it was ten years ago during the comic book store incident. Now, your MC will be given an option to change what they think about her ten years later, before their very first conversation with her in their entire life so far.

The four different feelings MC can have on her are:

Hate Hate is straightforward; your MC still hates and is bitter about what she did and her neglect (not visiting MC for a decade).

Love-hate This is a more complicated feeling and I think it's a pretty good addition that makes MC feels a bit more unstable and add a bit more layers of complexity. Your MC still kinda hates her, but also yearns for her affection and mourns for the missing connection and relationship with her, and these feelings in turn feed into MC's hatred, anger, and bitterness against her.

Apathy/Indifference Pretty straightforward as well; your MC just doesn't really care about her and considers her a stranger.

Pity MC feels bad and pity for her and can sympathize with her plights. This might be the most positive feeling MC can have regarding Yvette, the second one being love-hate.

I spent a lot of time writing four different reactions and inner thoughts for MC based on these feelings they have about her. I hope I'll be able to showcase one of the variations in the Sneak Peek of the talk I'm planning to release tomorrow 😄

Also, in this chapter, you'll finally be meeting Skylar and Santana for the first time. Right now, I'm in the middle of writing the talk between MC and Skylar. After that, it'll be time to focus on Santana's talk instead.

These talks also take a long of time to write because I have foolishly decided to give six different options of responses every time MC talks with any of the ROs, half for different romantic responses and half for non-romantic ones 😭

I also did a lot of tweaking on the previous chapters (grammar & typo fixes, coding fixes, and adding some stuff).

First, by popular demand, MC can now choose their clothing style to be the same with Uncle Luka's style. The style is called "all-black".

Second, I tweaked and added some stuff with the Police Commissioner because it seems I missed the mark in trying to portray him as a grey character. Now, his involvement with the Nemesis Project will be more explicitly pointed out in the narrative than just implied subtly previously. Also, his other bad qualities, such as nepotism and hypocrisy.

Third, I tweaked MC's reactions when executing the commissioner—I think it's either your MC turns away and not wanting to witness the execution or your MC and Ash looking at the execution together in awe 😆 Now, instead of Merciful MC looking away and Ruthless MC spectating the execution, it'll depend more on your MC's choice in Chapter 2 regarding the mission (Ready to kill, reluctant to kill innocent, or don't want to kill).

Well, that's all I have to report for the month. As always, I just want to say thank you for all your support and enthusiasm for my story 🥰. I might not be able to answer a lot of asks in the coming days because I'll be hyper-focused on finishing Chapter 4 as quick as possible 😅

If you guys are interested in supporting me, getting some extra side contents on the side, including an early access for this upcoming chapter, please check out my Patreon!

[Patreon Link]

[warmaidensrevenge]

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Pairing: Steddie x Plus!size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Hey there. I would like to thank you all that asked to be tagged in this new fic. It really makes me happy that people like my stuff. I know it's hard to read or when I mess up on grammar. But I really appreciate that you guys still like it. Thank you. Anywho, here's my next installment. As always feedback is greatly appreciated.

Warnings: 18+ Smut, sexual situations, oral, masturbation, anal, language, pet names, angst, fluff, after care, and not proof read and no word count.

Eddie's pet names: pretty girl and angel.

Steve's pet names: sweetheart and baby girl.

Summary: How you ended up with not 1 but 2 boyfriends is beyond you. Why Eddie and Steve are into your thickness is strange but, they make you feel like a queen.

Part 3

The morning after you and Steve were being as quiet as you could making breakfast. Eddie was out. You had accidentally dropped a pan and he didn't even move. He looked so cute sprawled out over the pull out. The moment you and Steve got up he spread eagled covering the entire mattress.

You and Steve moved through the kitchen like you had lived together. When you mixed the batter for pancakes,Steve would put his hand on the small of your back cracking eggs with one hand. You really liked him touching you. It was just heaven.

Eddie finally woke up to the smell of bacon. His hair was disheveled as he sat up. You gave Steve a kiss on the cheek and went to hug Eddie.

" Morning sleepy head."

" Morning pretty girl."

Steve smiled at you two. " Morning Munson."

"Harrington."

"Hope you're hungry." You said nestled in Eddie's arms.

" Starving. You know...a guy could get used to having you two here."

You giggled and got up holding out your hand for him. " Well maybe we can do this again."

"Tonight?" Steve asked.

" Sure. If that's okay with you Eddie?"

Eddie took your hand and pulled you in a hug again. " You guys can stay here whenever you want."

...

Steve took you back to Liz's making sure that Billy wasn't still there while Eddie went to work. You sat in the car with him for a while.

You picked at your nails a bit nervous. " I really liked what happened last night."

For some odd reason you actually felt embarrassed by what happened. Not by anything they did but because it might have happened too fast.

" I liked it too. But umm are you okay sweetheart?" Steve put his hand on your thigh.

" Yeah. I'm fine. I just think that maybe...we can slow things down a bit."

Steve knew it was too much too fast. " If you don't want to stay the night tonight. That's okay."

"No I do. But maybe we hold off on that part for a while."

" Anything you want. We can watch a movie or play games or something."

You smiled. " I would like that."

He gave you a hug and a kiss. He watched you wave him goodbye and went inside. A part of him felt sad to see you go. Actually kinda heart broken. He had an amazing time last night and he thought you did too. But since you wanted to slow things down. That's what they had to do.

...

" Hey. What's up with you?"

You spent the day with Liz. You went to the mall to buy some new outfits. Planning on future days with the boys.

You guys had just got done shopping and headed to the food court. Liz was being extra quiet today.

She gave you a big smile. " So I have a surprise."

You gave her a side eye. "Okay."

She was looking over your shoulder. You turned around and saw a guy in an army uniform. Your heart sank. You looked back at Liz and she was crying.

" He called this morning."

"Liz?" Tears started streaming down your face.

" Go babes."

You nodded getting up and ran to him.

" Zeke!"

You jumped into his arms and he lifted you spinning you around.

He put you down after two full spins and you sobbed into his chest.

" Hey lil sis."

" I-I. W-what?"

He laughed. " I had a break. And I wanted to see you."

You guys held one another. It's been 3 years since you saw your big brother. He was stationed overseas and you barely got to talk to him.

Liz came and gave him a hug too. " I told you she would cry."

Zeke gave her a grin. " Yeah well she's a cry baby so..."

" I am not" you said pushing him slightly.

"oh yes you are." Zeke teased pushing you back.

" Damnit. I missed you so much." You hugged him again. " How long are you staying?"

" 2 weeks. I'm gonna head over to Erin's and see our nephew. You gonna come?"

" Yeah duh."

You guys had lunch together and you were about to leave with Zeke when you told Liz to let the guys know that you wouldn't be coming over tonight. She said she would and you left.

...

" Steve, honey."

" Hey Liz."

" So y/n told me to tell you that she won't be able to make it tonight."

Steve heard her giggling and heard a guys voice.

" Did something happen?" He asked.

" Oh no. She's fine...stop it Billy."

Steve clenched his jaw and he gripped the phone harder. " Is she there right now?"

Liz giggled again. " No. She went home."

" Hey Harrington."

Steve gritted his teeth when he heard Billy.

" Steve baby. I got to go. But I'll have y/n call you."

Liz hung up before he could say anything.

" FUCK!"

He had so many thoughts. But the most important one was you going home. Why? Was what happened really that bad for you to just leave?

Steve went to work contemplating driving an hour to see what the hell. You were supposed to be the one. And he felt like complete shit for letting yesterday happen.

Robin had immediately noticed he was upset when he picked her up. She had known all about Steve and Eddie's weird preferences. But she really didn't care. She just wanted her friends to be happy and after Steve's date with you she knew he was. She liked you from the moment she met you. You were giving off really good vibes. She actually thought you were really pretty too. She liked your big smile.

" I'm sure there is a logical explanation for why she just left." Robin tried to reassure him.

" I'm sure there is but why wouldn't she call and say something?"

" I don't know. Just wait for her to call you. If you or Munson randomly show up at her house, you're really gonna push her away."

Steve shook his head. " Eddie's gonna be pissed."

...

Your brother left and you went back to Hawkins. You were really worried about how the guys were gonna react. You had talked to them that night and Eddie didn't sound to happy. And Steve sounded sad. You had called them every night you were gone. You had hoped they wouldn't lose interest when you weren't just a 5 minute drive away.

You missed them. Missed their smiles. Their voices, their kisses. You came to the realization that you didn't want to go slow. You wanted them. All of them. That's what you planned on saying when you drove to Eddie's trailer that evening. You had planned a surprise for them. To say you were sorry for being away for so long.

When you pulled up, they were both outside waiting for you. Eddie jogged to your side to open the door. Steve held out his hand to help you out. The second you were out you wrapped your arms around Steve's neck and kissed him.

Steve was surprised. He had anticipated a kiss on the cheek. But not a full blown make out session.

You kissed him for a good minute before turning to go to Eddie.

" Don't be upset with me Eddie spaghetti."

" I'm not pretty girl. I just miss-"

You kissed him softly. All the times you've kissed him it had been lustful and needy. This time you wanted to show him that you cared how he felt about you leaving in such a rush and that you had missed him just as much.

" What was that for pretty girl?"

" I missed you too." You looked over to Steve. " Both of you."

" We missed you too sweetheart."

You guys walked inside together holding hands. They both sat down and pulled you to sit between them.

" Sweetheart we need to talk." Steve said turning his body to face you.

" Umm hold on. I think I know what this is about. But may I say something first?"

Eddie and Steve exchanged looks.

" Go ahead Angel."

You looked at Eddie. " Thank you."

You got up and faced them and took a deep breath.

" I umm. I've been thinking these past two weeks and I know that how I left wasn't the best way to go. And I really am sorry if I scared you" you looked back and forth from Eddie to Steve. " I just really need both of you to know. At first I was scared and shy. I said I wanted to go slow. But...the past weeks all I could think about was if you were ok. And how badly I need to feel your hands on me. How much I ached for both pairs of lips. How much I missed being in your guy's arms....I really want this. I just need to know that I didn't do anything that changed the way you feel about me."

They both leaned on their elbows and set them on their knees at the same time. Steve spoke first.

" Baby girl, you didn't do anything wrong. We get it. Your brother was here. We just ask that next time something happens, if you could let one of us know so that we can be sure you're safe."

" Yeah pretty girl. I speak for both of us when I say that we missed you just as much. And we really want this too. No. Our feelings haven't changed. Like Steve said. We just need to communicate."

You nodded. " So for the sake of communication. I would really like to make it up to you."

" You don't have-"

You held up your hand to stop Steve from talking.

" I do. 2 weeks without seeing each other. Canceling our sleep over. Having Liz deliver a message that I should have."

You kicked off your shoes and pulled off your shirt and your shorts revealing a black sheer nightie. Your nipples could be seen through the lace top. The straps of the matching black thong dug into your wide hips. You took out your scrunchie and shook your hair so that it could fall down on the side of your face.

The second they saw your nipples they both sat back and watched you strip. Eddie adjusted his junk while Steve brought one of his ankles to rest on his knee.

" Do-do you like it?" You asked shyly.

"Yeah." They said in unison.

You half smiled and walked over to straddle Steve. He put his foot down and held onto your ass. Slightly massaging it. Before you kissed Steve you pulled Eddie closer. You switched back and forth between them. Grinding on Steve.

When you felt how hard Steve was, you climbed off of him and kneeled down.

" Sweetheart you don't-"

You looked up and pouted. " I want to show you guys how much I missed you. And please don't worry. I want this."

Eddie brushed your hair back behind your ear. " Okay pretty girl."

He kissed you and gave you a pillow for your knees.

" Please pull down your pants." You said moving to kneel on the pillow.

This was a hard decision. Which one to take first? You had thought Eddie first since you have been more physical with Steve than him. But Steve made the decision for you. He reached for your head and you just went to him. You held his cock at the base with your left hand and held your right hand up for Eddie to spit. And he did so. You closed your eyes and lick one slow strip on the underside of Steve's shaft, swirling your tongue at the tip. While simultaneously stroking Eddie's length. Groans left their mouths. You looked up and Eddie was looking at you and Steve had his head thrown back.

Eddie watched as your lips wrap around Steve. You jerking him off felt so good. But he wanted your mouth. He reached down and started rubbing your clit.

You hummed when he did that. You hadn't taken Steve all the way. You were making sure he liked what you were doing. You slowly took him inch by inch. He bucked his hips as soon as your nose was pressed up against his pubes. This causing tears in your eyes. All you could hear was Steve's groans as you hollowed out your checks releasing him. A string of saliva hung from your mouth to him. You slurped it up giving him a kiss on the tip. You pushed Eddie back and lifted a bit so you could reach him. You sucked on his balls while making eye contact with him. You could feel Eddie shiver when you let go with a satisfying pop. You pumped Steve as you took Eddie into your mouth. His cock was easier to get in but not by much. Eddie's hand went for your hair and helped you find a pace he liked. The lewd sounds filled the air. You bobbed faster moving your head a little as you did. You let go to catch your breath thanking whatever higher power there was you didn't have a bad gag reflex.

You moved back to Steve, aching for him to hit the back of your throat. And oh did he. Eddie held your head to guide you. Your core was clenching and you could feel your wetness pooling. After a few times of switching back and forth, Steve got to his feet and picked you up.

" I'll buy you another one." He said.

You were confused for just a second when he ripped off the nightie and thong. Tossing it on the back of the couch. You yelped as he did so. That's when he saw you fully. The last time had been dark. But this time the lights were on. He looked at Eddie who gave him a worried look. They both saw the scars. Steve saw the ones in the front and Eddie saw the ones on your back and bottom. For a second they wanted to stop. But you got on your knees and started sucking off Steve again. Eddie came and kneeled down next to you.

He whispered in your ear. " Sit on my face pretty girl."

You felt your core tremble. But before you got to protest Eddie was laying down and pulled at your thigh so that you were almost straddling his face.

" Oh fuck Angel. You're so wet."

You had to pull away from Steve for a second to look down at Eddie.

He could tell you were scared. " Don't worry. I'll be fine...I promise."

With that Eddie started to lap around your clit. You moaned softly and went back to Steve. You were already about to cum after just a minute. You moved your hips fucking Eddie's tongue that slipped inside you.

Steve pushed you back and jerked off until he came on your chest. His warm sticky cum shot out and coated your nipples. As he did that you scooped up a little and licked his love off your fingers. You felt Eddie's arm moving. You turned to see him pleasuring himself and you couldn't have that. Steve bent down to kiss you and then you shimmied down Eddie's body. His cock brushed up against your cunt. His face glistening with your juices.

Eddie just lost his mind. Did you really just say that?

Before you kissed him you whispered. " Cum in my mouth."

You moved down and took him into your mouth while Steve went behind you spreading your legs apart. You whined when he began fingering you.

" That's my girl... Fuck you feel so good." Steve cooed in your ear

Eddie was close and he was gonna warn you but he came before he could.

His cum squirted deep in your throat. Your release came along with his. You slowly lifted your head and Eddie flinched. He watched you lick him clean.

He was at loss for words. That was the best head he had ever gotten. And Steve would agree if he had said it out loud.

You laid down completely exhausted. Your lips were bright red and swollen. Both joined you and held you while they smothered you with kisses.

"Eddie. Can I take a shower?"

" Aww you're gonna leave us?"

You giggled. " I'm sorry."

He kissed all over your face. "of course you can."

Steve helped you up and embraced you. " I'll miss you."

You lifted to your toes and pecked his lips.

" Go clean up sweetheart."

You nodded and Eddie led you to the bathroom and turned on the water for you. He went to get you a towel and left it on the counter. Before you got in you gave him a sweet smile. When you turned Eddie saw the scars again and his heart sank.

" Harrington."

He went back out and grabbed his pants pulling them up.

" Yeah man....I don't know what to do. She just...she had them everywhere."

" Do we ask?" Eddie said sitting on the couch.

Steve sat next to him. " I want to. But I don't want her to feel uncomfortable."

" Ahh fuck!" Eddie buried his face in his hands.

" You think she did that to herself?" Steve asked.

Eddie looked at him. "No. Someone did that to her. I have scars like that on my ass from my dad beating me with a switch."

" A switch?"

" Yeah...a small tree branch...but she has a lot of them....I can't believe we didn't see them before."

They both look down the hallway.

" We can't ask her. She was just so happy a second ago. We can't ruin that for her."

Eddie wiped his tears away. " Yeah. I guess we just wait."

Steve put a hand on his shoulder. " It's ok. She's safe here with us. We will do our best to make sure she doesn't get hurt again."

Eddie nodded. " I want her to stay here man."

...

You spent the next week with both of them. Since Liz was pursuing something with Billy, you decided to keep your distance. Staying with Eddie. Nothing really happened that week besides cuddling. They would go to work and you would go and explore the little town.

" Oh what do we have here? The Count of Monte Cristo, Fahrenheit 451, Dune, Jane Eyre, oh and The Great Gatsby."

You wanted to go to the library and check out a few books. Being with the guys had really put a halt in your hobbies. So you went in and started looking around. Within minutes you had an arm full of books. You went to check them out and the little old lady behind the desk smiled.

You smiled at her and noticed the help wanted sign.

" Is that position still open?"

She looked at you and then back to the books. " Yes dear. Would you be interested?"

" Yes. I would."

She pulled open her drawer and handed you an application. " You can fill it out here."

She handed you a pen. " Thank you."

Sure you hadn't planned on working this summer but with Liz being busy and the boys working, you needed something to fill the time.

Once you were finished she hired you right on the spot. You thanked her and she scheduled you to work the next day. You smiled happily and went to the park and began reading Fahrenheit 451.

You were there for hours. So engrossed in the book. When you looked at your watch it was just about time for Eddie to get off work. So you headed back to his trailer.

He was already there outside smoking when you pulled up. His furrow brow relaxed when he saw you coming. He jogged to you to help with the books.

" Hey Angel. How was your day?"

You kissed him." It was good. Thought I would do some light reading."

" This is what you call light reading?" He said lifting the books.

You smiled. " I told you I like to read."

" Yeah you did."

You were sitting on his bed with your back against the headboard reading and he had his head in your lap. Eddie loved being so close to you. He loved how soft and warm you were. You were playing with his hair in-between turning pages. While he was happily writing out a campaign. An hour passed when Eddie went to get some snacks.

Steve wasn't going to be back for a little while so spending some alone time with Eddie was nice. You felt like you had neglected him. Why you felt like that was weird. Ever since you met you had talked to him a lot and it felt like all you guys did was cuddle and make out. But when Steve would come over. You would be in his arms more often than not. Ever since the drive-in you were attached to his hip.

You and Steve had a serious conversation one night while Eddie was sleeping. Steve was working on some homework and you were helping him. You were in college too but unlike Steve. You actually took the summer off. He had to write a paper on one of Shakespeare's plays and he picked Othello. He was having a bit of a hard time trying to read the play. Lucky for him you were a sucker for all things Shakespeare. So you were translating the 'art thou' and 'For noughts'.

The story brought up some issues that Steve wasn't really prepared for. He started talking about how he was so jealous when Nancy started dating Johnathan. Not too different from the jealousy in the play. But he was happy with how he got over it. Then the subject changed into how his parents ignore him. How he always felt unwanted. You both moved to the couch and you had him rest on your tummy while you scratched his head. You finally brought up how you got your scars. You had made him promise not to tell Eddie. You wanted to be the one who said it.

That's what you had planned to do today. You had noticed the looks they gave each other that night when you came back. The way Eddie looked so sad whenever you changed in front of him. You knew he was worried about them. But Eddie had other plans.

When he came back you closed the book and focused on him. He had made you guys some sandwiches. He handed you the plate so he could go get the chips he forgot.

It was getting really hot in his room. So you put the plate down, opened the window and took off your leggings. Leaving you in just a shirt and panties. You sat back down and used your plush thighs as a table.

Eddie came back with chips and drinks. He grinned when he saw what you did. He put everything down and took off his shirt. He gave you a smirk before taking the plate away.

You watched him use the scrunchie he stole to put up his hair. You knew exactly what he wanted. But the thought of Steve crept up.

" Eddie... What about Steve?"

" He owes me. He made you cum 3 times....I only got 2 pretty girl."

Eddie took off his rings and he was ready. He pulled at your ankles bringing you to lay down. He lifted your shirt and kissed your belly down to your hips. When you felt his fingers go under the elastic of your panties. He gave you a look as if he was silently asking if it was okay. You smiled and nodded while lifting your hips.

Eddie took them off with such ease. Like he'd been doing it for years. He stuffed them into his back pocket after. He moved so that he was in plain view of your perfect pink pussy. Even though he knew how wet you got for him and Steve. It still amazed him seeing you practically dripping just for him.

He slid his fingers through your folds coating them before pushing one in.

" Mmmm."

" Yeah? You like that pretty girl?"

"Uh huh"

Eddie smiled. " That's my girl."

Watching you and hearing you was the best thing in the world to him. Your hips swirling and bucking. How your tummy scrunched. How you gently pull at your nipples under your shirt. He was in heaven when he was with you. And your juices were the love spell you coaxed him with.

You made a sweet little cry when he put another finger in. He went deliciously slow at first. Then you pleaded for him to go faster.

" So needy Angel." He murmured while sucking on your now swollen clit.

You pushed him away and sat up. " pants."

Eddie grinned and got up. You helped with his buckle and stripped him naked. Your straddle him rubbing your sex with his. Kissing him in the process. A thing laying of sweat covered both your bare bodies.

" Eddie...I want you. I want you so bad."

" I-i...fuu.." he was so close to cumming.

" Please Eddie." You panted

" We-we can't." He groaned while you rocked your hips faster.

You felt yourself teetering on the edge. You wanted to feel him inside you.

" Just the tip Eddie. Please just the tip." You begged.

Eddie could never say no to you. Just the way you were. So nice and smart and so God damn beautiful. He would give you the world if you asked him.

He put his arm around your waist. The other dug deep into the flesh of your hips that he was sure he was gonna leave bruises. You got to your knees and aligned him to your entrance. You were just about to sink down when you guys heard Steve's car.

"Shit! Steve!" You said getting off of him.

You looked around for your panties and tossed Eddie his pants.

" Damnit where are my-"

Eddie handed them to you. " I was gonna keep them."

You smiled and snatched them. You quickly put them on and got back into bed. Opening your book. Eddie sat on the other side by your feet and started massaging them grinning.

" Geez it's hot in here." Steve's voice called down from the hall.

Steve went to the room. " Munson we need to get your AC fixed."

" Yeah I'll get right on that." He said slowly getting up so that Steve couldn't see his erection.

" Hey sweetheart."

You looked up from the book when Eddie got up.

" Hey. Have a good day at work?"

Steve came and sat by you. Hugging and giving you a peck on the cheek.

" Yeah. Busy."

You grinned.." It is really hot. I'm gonna shower. "

" Yeah okay. Afterwards we can go get food. Then ice cream?"

You nodded and kissed him.

You went down the hall and Eddie was waiting for you. You held out your pinky and Eddie smirked taking it with his.

" I swear. Next time. I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." He whispered.

You chewed the inside of your cheek. " Maybe."

...

The next day you went to the library. You were shown how to check out and check in books. A few hours had passed and just a handful of people came in.

Days later, it was like that. The guys would come and have lunch with you. And you would restock the shelves.

" Hey sweetheart."

Late one night you had to lock up when Steve came. Lately you had been feeling like you were spending way too much time with Eddie than him. So tonight you were gonna have a cute little date. You actually had planned it to be in the library. You went to the store on your lunch break and picked up a party tray of cheese and crackers with turkey and ham. You bought some grapes and a small tray of veggies. You had a table and two lounge chairs with a game of Uno sitting there.

You went to him and gave him a warm long hug. " Hi Hun."

You led him to the table and sat next to each other. While holding hands you guys ate and you talked about your day.

" Hey! You can't put two +2 cards on each other."

Steve laughed. "oh yes I can."

You huffed drawing 4 cards. "You cheater"

He chuckled and pecked your cheek. You turned to him and pouted.

" Don't make that face baby girl. "

You stuck your tongue out at him. " You suck."

After the game you guys sat there for a while. You were sulking because you lost.

" Y/n?"

You looked at him. He hasn't used your name since you guys met.

" Huh?"

" Come here."

He pulled you up so that you could sit in his lap. You instantly went to not put your full weight on him.

" Stop that. You're not heavy."

You felt embarrassed and looked away.

" Look at me sweetheart."

You did.

" I want you to sit on my lap. Stop worrying about your weight. "

" I'm sorry. It's just-"

He placed a quick soft kiss on your lips. " I wanted to ask you...will you be my girlfriend?"

You were rather shocked at the question. Then you realized that he nor Eddie had asked you to be their girlfriend. You kinda just thought that was a given since all that happened.

You smiled. " Yes. I'll be your girlfriend."

He grinned that beautiful grin that made your knees weak. When you guys started to make out somehow you ended up without pants and panties.

You melted into his touch when he picked you up and sat you down at the table. He got to his knees and started fingering and licking your sopping cunt. This was definitely not what you had planned for tonight. But you weren't about to tell him to stop.

You came twice before he got up and took off his shirt and jeans.

" I know we shouldn't do this without Eddie. But I really need to feel you." He said before he captured your lips with his.

Then he started kissing your neck. You moaned. You wanted him too but for some reason you wanted Eddie to be the first to make love to you. So you had maybe the stupidest idea.

" Steve...I...I. Fuck...would you be okay with anal?"

He leaned back. "Anal? Have you-"

"Well... No but, I want you to be my first."

" It hurts." He said looking so worried.

You kissed him with such tenderness.

" Just go slow."

You hopped off the table and bent over it.

Steve kissed your back and spread your feet apart. He couldn't believe this was really happening. He collected you slick and rubbed it all over. Making sure to lube his cock enough.

" Okay. Just relax." He said just above a whisper.

You took a few deep breaths to try to. When you felt his tip going in you winced and covered your mouth to hold back a scream.

" It's...it's okay -okay. Relax. Relax baby."

Steve was having a really hard time keeping himself together. It took everything he had to not force himself into you.

His words made you feel better. But your body shook as he went deeper. He was just so damn big. It felt like he was splitting you in two. It really hurt at first and you started to cramp. But Steve's hands and words were comforting.

Steve shuddered as he went in, stopping as soon as his pelvis was flush with your ass. He sighed and stiffened as your walls felt like they were sucking him in.

You continued to breathe shallow breaths as he began moving in and out. You gripped the end of the table as Steve held tightly to your hips.

Steve was chasing his high and started going faster and harder. No longer able to hold back your moans, they grew so loud that it echoed throughout the empty library.

It wasn't long before you felt that familiar sensation. But this was a first. You never came this way and you were really glad it was Steve who was doing this. This was it. You had to admit it. You knew you felt it for a while now. But just the way he was being so gentle and all the time you spent together. You loved him. You were utterly and completely in love with Steve Harrington.

Two amazing climaxes after, you laid there on the table. Your legs were jello and you were completely cock drunk.

" I'm gonna clean up and lock the door. I'll be right back."

Steve helped you put on your bottoms and carried you out to his car.

So strong for a skinny guy.

Your bottom hurt so he put down his red sweater so you could sit on it.

You nodded and rested your head on the arm rest. You didn't know how long he was gone for, but before you knew it he was carrying you into his house.

He took you into the bathroom and started a bath. He helped you undress again and got you in the tub. You were entirely sore and tired. He washed you up and brought you some pajamas. He had bought a large flannel and a pack of cotton panties just for you. Hoping that one day you would spend the night with him. Once you were all clean and dressed you had the energy to walk again. You went to his room and laid down.

" I'm gonna call Eddie and tell him you're gonna spend the night here."

" Okay." You whispered

' Get some rest sweetheart."

" Steve... I love you."

His heart skipped a beat. Looking at you staring at him with loving eyes made him feel just so damn happy.

" I love you too y/n."

" Eww."

" What?"

"My name is either sweetheart or baby girl."

He chuckled. " Okay sweetheart. I love you too."

He laid with you and gave you a kiss on the top of your head. He held you until you were sound asleep.

" I love you so much sweetheart. And I always will."

...

The next few days you recuperated. You went to Eddie's after work most days. Just to spend some time with him. He seemed off lately so you wanted to know what was going on.

It was the middle of the week when Steve had to go out of town with his family so you spent the day with Eddie. You didn't know that Steve told him about the other night. Eddie was pissed off. He wanted to be the one who had you first. He tried not to take it out on you so he wrote it in a song. When you came from work he was in his room.

" Hey Eddie spaghetti." You said plopping next to him.

" Hey." His voice was cold.

" Eddie? What's going on with you? Did I do something wrong?"

Eddie huffed and tossed his notepad on the bed and laid down.

He sighed. " Why did you sleep with Steve?"

" Eddie...what is it?"

" I-I-"

He shook his head. " I just thought it was gonna be me."

Your brows knitted together. " I don't understand?"

" It was supposed to be me!"

You jumped and felt the prickle of tears. " I don't know what to say. I -I thought this is what you wanted."

" It is... it's just. I thought we had something."

" We do."

" Well obviously not!"

Eddie huffed again.

That hurt you more than it should have. But what broke your heart was that for the first time, Eddie was upset with you.

" So you're angry because I slept with my boyfriend?"

" No. Why are you doing this? Is it just all about sex with you?"

He didn't say anything.

You got up and were on the verge of tears.

" Where are you going?" Eddie said sitting up.

" I can't be here right now. Not when you're acting like this. I thought we had something too. But I guess all you wanted was what was between my legs."

" You're being stupid!"

"No Eddie. I'm not. If you wanted me you could have had me. In the van that night, after the campaign, even that day when Steve came from work. You had so many chances and you didn't. You know I was closer to you than I was with Steve. I thought it was going to be you. I still want it to be you. But you never asked me to be your girlfriend. And you agreed to share me."

"But you had sex with Steve!"

" Well I am y/n!"

" He is my boyfriend!" You said stomping your foot."

If Eddie wasn't pissed, he would have grabbed you and kissed the hell out of you for being so cute.

You sniffled "You can't be mad about this. You shouldn't be mad about this."

You were silent for a minute. You wiped away your tears and Eddie felt like such an asshole. You were right he did agree to this. But knowing that you were with someone else hurt him.

" You know I doubted this relationship. I didn't want it from the beginning. And if I had to choose only one of you. I would have chosen you. But now... I love Steve too."

You love me? He thought. You loved me before you fell in love with Steve?

" But seeing is that you can't handle this. Then I guess this is over." You let out a sad little laugh. " I really thought it was gonna be me who couldn't handle it. But I guess I've been wrong about a lot of things. Including how I thought you loved me too."

...

With that said you left. Eddie didn't want you to go. But he hurt you. He made you cry. Something he swore to never do. Yes he knew a real relationship was going to be hard. But, he didn't expect to feel this way for you. And it's not that he minded sharing you. If he had to, he was happy that it was with Steve. It's just that he was being selfish. Wanting you all to himself.

He sat there with tears in his eyes. " I do love you."

You hadn't seen Eddie for days. And you stop taking his and Steve's phone calls. You knew this was going to be ugly. But you didn't expect to love both of them. But if you loved both of them was it actually real? True love is meant with one person right?

For days you moped around figuring out how to break up with Steve. The summer was coming to an end anyways. So the feelings you had grown to know and accept would be easier to forget when you had some distance.

When Steve came back he had an argument with Eddie about what he said to you. He understood why Eddie acted like that. If the roles were reversed he would be just as upset. But the issue really wasn't that Steve got to sleep with you first but how Eddie felt abandoned by you. You hadn't told him about how you got the scars. You didn't spend that much time with him. And Eddie's own insecurities from his childhood came out. He felt like yet again he wasn't important enough to be chosen. His mom chose drugs instead of him, his dad chose crime instead of him, and his uncle chose work instead of him. Now you. Even though Steve knew that that wasn't what you did, but Eddie felt like that.

It was a Saturday night when Liz convinced you to go to a party. Needing a drink you decide to go. Liz picked out your outfit that consisted of a red and black plaid skirt and a long sleeve black shirt with fishnet stockings and black boots. Sure it wasn't something you would feel comfortable wearing but you really didn't give it a second thought. All that clouded your mind was the boys.

They both tried to see you and call you. But you never came to the door or Liz would say you were in the showered or something. Eddie really screwed things up and all he wanted to do was hold you again. To kiss you and tell you he was sorry.

...

You hated not being with them. Hated not seeing them or talking to them. Not kissing them or waking up without them. But Eddie made you feel like an object more than a partner and it hurt. It hurt you so much because you loved him. Loved the way he looked at you. Loved how silly and playful he could be. You loved everything about him except his anger. But what were you supposed to do?

...

" Munson, c'mon. She's gonna be there. Liz said she is."

Eddie threw himself on the couch. " Why would she go to a party? She hates shit like that."

" She will be there. And if you want to fix this. You have to go."

Eddie contemplated the situation. He wanted to talk to you and see you. But not at some stupid loud party that he couldn't hear you.

" Harrington, just....just give her a hug from me."

" This is a mistake Eddie. If you don't fix this. She will leave both of us."

" I can't do that man. You know I can't just go and tell her how I feel. I'm not like you."

" This is stupid. Are you really gonna risk losing her because you can't tell her you love her too?"

" She wants us. What part of that don't you understand?"

" You can still have her. If that's what you want. I don't want to stand in the way of you two being together."

...

"Fine. But you have to do the talking." Eddie got up and grabbed his keys and leather jacket.

At the party they found Liz but they didn't find you. They looked everywhere but you weren't anywhere. That was because you were on the roof. You really didn't like parties and all they had was hard liquor. So you didn't partake in the festivities. You were about to go back and grab Liz to leave but then you saw Eddie's van. As badly as you wanted to see him you just stayed where you were. It was starting to get cold and you thought of getting a blanket. So you climbed back through the window you climbed out of and searched for an extra blanket. That's when you heard someone clear their throat.

When you turned around Billy was closing the door.

" Uhh nope this is not happening. Get out!"

Billy just laughed and locked the door. He tried to get closer to you but you kept on moving.

" No. I'm serious. Get out or I'll scream."

" What? You don't think your boyfriends would approve?" He sneered

You looked at him confused.

" Oh yeah. I know. Liz told me everything. Are you sure they're satisfying you. They can't be if you need two of them." He smirked

Eddie was checking the rooms when he heard you. He went for the knob but it was locked. He started banging on the door.

"I-I I'm not kidding. Please just leave me alone."

...

" Y/n?!"

He heard a scream and some grunts.

"Y/N!"

"Ed-"

Eddie kicked open the door. All he saw was tears in your eyes, your shirt and stockings ripped and your hair in disarray. Billy was on the ground holding on to his dick. That's when he charged. You tried to stop him by standing in front of him but he shoved you away.

"STEVE!" You screamed.

Eddie was pounding the shit out of him. He had every intention of killing Billy for hurting you. You tried pulling him off again but he pushed you so that you fell to the ground.

" Eddie please." You cried. " STEVE!"

Steve finally came with Liz on his tail.

" Shit! Eddie!"

Liz helped you up and cupped your face. " Y/n? What happened?"

Steve was able to pull Eddie off and held him down.

" MUNSON! LISTEN TO ME. CALM DOWN!"

Billy was laughing and spitting up blood.

Eddie was breathing hard and he tried to get Steve to let him go but then he saw you in tears.

His voice was small and sad. " Pretty girl?"

" Steve..." You sniffled.

He let go of Eddie and went to hold you.

" Liz. If you do not keep that son of a bitch away from my girl. I swear to God! I will kill him."

Steve's tone scared Liz.

" What the fuck did you do to my best friend?!" She said while kicking Billy. " Don't you dare come near me or her again."

Billy got to his feet and pushed Liz out of the way. All you heard was his laugh until it faded down the hall.

Eddie sat there watching Steve comfort you. How the hell could you choose Steve when he was just defending your honor? Did you really not want to be with him? He was so angry.

When you looked at him you saw all his hurt. When he stormed out all you wanted to do was chase him. You looked up to Steve.

" Go. He needs you."

You nodded. " Make sure Liz gets home."

" Okay. Love you sweetheart."

" I love you too."

...

When Eddie got home he cried. Why did he keep on hurting you? And why did you keep on choosing Steve? Why can't someone for once choose him?

He heard breaks squealing that broke his pity party. He looked out the blinds and saw you. He went for the door and you just stood there.

" What? Where's your boyfriend?"

You walked up the few steps to face him. Eddie wanted to kiss you. He wanted to pull you in and tell you how much he loved you.

" He's right there." You said pointed to him. " I understand that it might be hard for you to believe that I want you and you probably would never ask me out so I'm doing it for you."

" Eddie, I want to be with you. I need you to believe me when I say I want us to be together."

" Why?"

" Because you make me happy. You make me laugh and you make me feel safe. Eddie I love you. And I'm not leaving until-"

He was done. Done not touching you. Done not seeing you and not hearing your laugh. He kissed you with everything he had. The only time he broke the kiss was to make sure he wasn't hurting you.

" I love you too."

You met his forehead with yours. " Be my guy Eddie spaghetti."

He smiled. " Of course angel. As long as you promise to be my girl."

...

" I've always been your girl... you've had me all along."

@salenorona23 @sillypurplemurple @tessab154 @bethanysnow @ibathealone @erinsingalong @stardustmunson @impossibelle

[diabolikpersonals]

I'm here to "bless" you with more Shuuma scenarios, so what if Shu accidentally made Yuma real sad maybe even cry (like they're were arguing and Yuma got a bit too frustrated or Shu accidentally said something that hurt Yuma a bit too much *gasp* maybe accidentally said something bad about his scars, Idk why would he do that but sometimes things just slip) now Shu has a sad Yuma and three mad Mukamis after him. What will he do? Since we all know that he really isn't the best at apologizing or it might take him a lot of time and all his pride away. Will he just drop his all pride apoligize (I mean he would do that for Yuma, right?), comfort Yuma and still get AT LEAST THE Death talk from the Mukamis OR will he pull it off as he usually does and not apologize but get attacked by the three mad Mukamis and make Yuma REALLY sad *gasp again* maybe even a bit insecure? ("what if I'm just not good enough to apologize from" or "He actually meant what he said/did he feels that way and maybe he is right) DISCUSS..

(also sorry if there are grammar mistakes English is not my first language)

OHHH shu apologizing to yuma??? anon you've picked a great topic!!!

you've touched on stuff that's happened in canon so if anybody is curious, I recommend yuma's LE route and the shu vs yuma cd! for all your "shu makes yuma upset and then tries his best to apologize" needs :) yuma even cries!

this is a very relevant thing that happens to shu and yuma frequently! shu, in his mind, has had a lot to feel apologetic for. he spends a lot of time feeling deeply guilty, but it's not really as simple as apologizing most of the time. for one thing, shu often feels that he can make up for the suffering he caused yuma by avoiding him (so he can't hurt yuma again!!) or torturing himself (he attracts yuma's hatred on purpose, because he thinks he deserves it!!). of course, we know these aren't good apologies, and yuma knows that too! I think yuma's tried to rid shu of these habits, but that's not so easy either

I'll point to some healthier apology attempts from shu, too, so you know that he really means it and he's trying: in LE, he does his best to revive the flowers in Eden's garden for yuma. and in the shu vs yuma cd, he tries to apologize using words! this only doesn't work because yuma cuts him off before he can finish.

...which is why there's an extra layer of difficulty to apologizing! yuma often just doesn't want to hear it!

I think there's complicated reasons for this. yuma is really frustrated by how guilty shu feels, in a way. yuma feels as if he's a new person now—Yuma Mukami rather than edgar—and he'd rather that shu recognize him as Yuma Mukami. this means letting go of the past and all the guilt in it, which is difficult for shu to do (I mean, he spent hundreds of years being guilty!!). at our current point in the dialovers story, yuma's already forgiven all that stuff anyway, so he says.

the good news is that yuma tends to just forgive people on his own. you'd be so surprised. I'm especially thinking of shu's LE route when reiji made this big deal of atoning for the horrible things he did to yuma and yuma's like "what the fuck are u talking about, I already forgave u for that" LMAO

OKAY........now that I'm done talking about canon...............

in the scenario ur describing, I think if shu made yuma cry, he'd start by giving him lots of space. I said that nicely, but really what I mean is that he'd avoid him. and go mope in bed forever. then he'd get hella yelled at by the rest of the mukamis, like "DUDE go talk to our brother right now!!!!!" but shu would rather, um, find something he can do rather than something he can say.

when shu's finally ready to make the big brave step of apologizing rather than running away, I think yuma would wave it off. change the subject quick. act like nothing happened. it's less awkward like that, right? it's embarrassing that he cried anyway, so forget it.

but I really like ur idea!! that even if yuma goes "eh, I'm over it" he's actually, deep down, still feeling hurt and insecure!!!! and right now they're in the middle of this misunderstanding where, like, shu can't apologize and yuma can't accept an apology!

in the end, I want to have faith in shu and believe that he'll get to the heart of the problem. he'll address the actual hurt that he caused yuma instead of just avoiding him, and he'll put real effort into something that will appropriately make up for it. and it'll be something that yuma has no choice but to accept. (I'll point to the "making flowers bloom" scene in LE, since it was so beautiful and so fitting :'D)

...then I think yuma will cry again ^^ but not out of sadness or hurt this time. he just didn't realize how badly he needed this. it's not always good to just brush things off when you've been hurt. then when he says "I forgive you" it means way more.

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[well-in-all-honesty-i]

TW: Suicide

OKAY SO- I wanted to talk about Mafuyu and Yuki’s relationship and why it ended the way it did. I should preface this by saying that the majority of this, although somewhat supported by canon, is my own personal headcanon and speculation. I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people who I believe Yuki to be similar to, but I am not 100% accurate or well versed and this is mostly just from what I’ve gotten from those situations. Also, a lot of questionable grammar-I type like I speak, which doesn't translate well haha.

So I want to chunk this into 3 big pieces because I enjoy organizing things: Yuki’s childhood, how that affected his personality as a young adult, and how both of these lead to his eventual death.

Starting off with his childhood:

This one is heavy speculation (as most of this is-but this bit is particularly so) since there isn’t much canon to support this-or provide a lot of insight. But, what little we do know is that 1) Yuki’s father wasn’t present in his life-probably even before Mafuyu’s father had been jailed-and that, 2) Yuki and his father shared the same bull-headedness (?) and pride that Saeko believes led to his death.

I personally believe that Yuki’s father was someone who might have struggled with some sort of mental illness, as well as has had a problem with alcohol abuse. I also imagine that he probably disappeared or passed-either due to some sort of alcohol-related problem or suicide.

Saeko, from how she is characterized in the story, seems to be a very strong-willed and assertive person. In the aftermath of Yuki’s death, she's relatively composed and seems to have almost expected this to happen, although maybe not in the specific way it did. [Ex: When she tells Mafuyu that Yuki was always the type of person to die in a chicken race (a competition of pride, of sorts, that usually ends badly) and when she mentions him being similar to his father in that sense.]

In the flashbacks in the anime, when Mafuyu tells Yuki that his father beats him when he talks, Yuki’s response of ‘You know, a real father doesn’t do that.’ doesn’t sound like something a small child’s first response would be. It’s a bit of a reach-but considering that, as well as how prompt the response from his mother seemed to be (when Mafuyu’s father was jailed-not much time seems to have passed, and since both of their mothers are present, I've always assumed that Yuki's mother found out through her son and acted accordingly.),- it would make sense that Yuki might have some prior experience with this. Especially if his mother had gone through something similar-she probably would’ve warned him very strongly against the ideal his father had set, making Yuki want to be very far from that.

Speaking of which-I assume that Yuki probably had a very rough-if short-lived-relationship with his father when he was around. Given the stuff above, his father was probably someone who was emotionally volatile and tended to lose control when upset. If he had an alcohol problem, he might’ve caused a financial strain that fell onto Saeko as well.

Since his father was out of the picture and Saeko herself wasn't around as much as Yuki might've needed, it would have made him both very independent from his parents and adults in general, while also heavily reliant on Mafuyu (Hiiragi quotes both Mafuyu and Yuki to have been latchkey kids who found comfort in each other), both of which twist into the situation he found himself in later in life.

Leading into his teen years:

Yuki, as a young adult, is very independent-he works multiple jobs to pay for the expenses of being in a band, makes a point to avoid drinking, and is very affectionate towards Mafuyu. I'm not too sure about the reasoning behind why the four friends chose the high schools they did, but if Yuki's mother didn't directly influence that decision it's likely it was a choice made in direct relation to their band.

There's also very little interference from any adults in Yuki's life-namely, his mother. As someone who was probably very busy working as a single mother to support the two of them, her mentality was just to support him monetarily and let Mafuyu provide the emotional support in her place.

I think she also assumed her attempts wouldn't have been well received-most people noted how close Yuki and Mafuyu were and seemed to always assume that they had each other handled and that nobody had to worry about either of them because of it. In every way, it was simply easier to show Yuki she cared by not interfering and letting him hold the reigns of his own life.

A big indicator of this idea for me what when Saeko talked about how Yuki ordered his own ramen, the type he liked. It's a small thing, but it started me to read because it highlighted the amount of input his mother had on his life; which was very little. I don't know if he even used her money or chose to use the extra from his jobs to pay for it, but either way, it sort of put their relationship into perspective.

The impact it had:

Yuki probably had a lot of resentment towards his father, or, at the very least, a desire to turn out different. And oftentimes when a person is very strongly trying to avoid turning out like someone, they ignore or avoid acknowledging the similarities, rather than accepting and working on them to properly change. Without a strong parental/adult figure in his life, he wouldn't have considered insight beyond his own experiences. He's characterized to be moody and domineering, and Mafuyu is too soft-spoken to have brought up most issues until it reached its boiling point.

I believe Yuki might have had Borderline Personality Disorder to a mild extent. Some symptoms of BPD are mood swings, impulsivity, impaired social relationships, and a distorted self-image. They usually have thoughts of suicide or self-harming tendencies. When they feel insecure in relationships, in which they’re usually very, very invested, they tend to lash out or do rash things to keep them close.

Based on my relationships with the borderline people in my life, I've noticed that they usually bounce between having great confidence in themselves, to being incredibly insecure. It's hard to explain specifically, but they walk a fine line of being insecure and also maintaining a painfully strong ego, which makes them react very strongly when provoked, intentionally or not. Yuki and Mafuyu have a different type of relationship than I do with those people in my life which, for the two of them, means that Mafuyu probably had to provide lots of emotional support for Yuki, while also under the mild threat of Yuki coming to harm by his own actions.

Being with someone with these tendencies who is also unaware of them is very draining, especially for someone as mild and soft-spoken as Mafuyu is. Yuki tended to lead their relationship and was probably very noticeable when upset-and for someone who might not be used to speaking up or someone who has low self-confidence, it is difficult to bring up things. It doesn't feel safe if you don't know exactly how it would be received. Especially if they are the person you are closest to, it can be anxiety-inducing to try and bring up problems that don't seem to be incredibly important or unavoidable.

So, long story short-Yuki was closed off to receiving any kind of proper advice or criticism that would've saved him. Another symptom of BPD, as mentioned before, is suicidal ideation. So, if all these things are combined, it's a lot easier to see how he, surrounded by only his thoughts and ideas, would make the choice to take his own life when provoked.

It wasn't specifically that Mafuyu had caused his death, but more that he just sent him over the edge he had been teetering on for a long while. He was like his father in the sense that they had the same flaws that just came from different places. Yuki's pride came from the flip side of his insecurities and his own early independence, and his mental health issues as a whole are probably hereditary. The specificities of his death, where Yuki drinks after avoiding alcohol for his entire life, feels like he failed in his effort to avoid being like his father. He was different as a person but in the end, their flaws aligned and brought them to their end in parallels to each other.

Calling back to what his mom said-it doesn't feel unexpected. It is shocking, but not a surprise. Yuki was fiercely independent and wanted to learn and do new things, all on his own-including his own death and whatever follows after.

[I wrote this a while back and didn’t really like how most of it was speculation and hard to prove-but decided to post it anyway because I spent too much time on it lol.

Like I said before, most of this is just my head canons, but I hope it made sense! Feel free to add on with your stuff/arguments/headcanons :)]

[wonjaekook]

beneath the daylight moon

CHAPTER 3.

Read Chapter 2 here!

“Why do we sometimes see the moon, even during the daytime?”

Jaehyun didn’t know, nor did he care to notice that such a thing existed; it was a mystery to him, but you were a bigger enigma.

Jaehyun lowered his phone from his ear, nearly dropping it as he stared at the man opposite him. You and Jaehyun both spoke up at the same time, two voices raised in unison to ask the same thing. A name, which in this case served as a question of its own.

  “Johnny?”

It took Jaehyun a moment to process that you had just said his best friend’s name and he had to muster all the self-control that he could manage to not to turn and look at you in shock. Instead, he swallowed hard, continuing to stare at Johnny. He rose from the bench slowly, but quickly hurried over, a short laugh leaving his throat as he embraced him.

“When you asked for my address, I thought you were going to send me a package or something,” Jaehyun said through a grin, giving his friend a solid smack on the shoulder as they part, “not this.”

“Getting into the building was the hard part. I could’ve just gotten your address from Mark. Thankfully, your grandma was home to buzz me in. I think she loves me already.” Johnny’s familiar grin was like a piece of home. One would think that Jaehyun had gotten used to moving around, as he’d done so his entire life, but being in a new place was always somewhat strange. It was nice to see his friend again.

“Of course she does,” he said, unable to hide the happiness in his voice. “Are you here for business or for pleasure, then?”

“Why not both?” As Johnny started to talk more, Jaehyun remembered you. He did his best to resist looking over his shoulder at the place where he left you, but shifted on his feet impatiently as time went on. “...so, I hope your weekend is free so we can check the place out.”

Jaehyun nodded somewhat absentmindedly. “Yeah, sure, I’m free.”

“Since I’m here, do you want to do something now? Unless I interrupted you here?” Johnny’s eyes were warm, a soft caramel brown that shined with obliviousness.

“I can finish this up tomorrow afternoon.” He said it loudly enough that he hoped you heard. Though he didn’t leave off with much more to say to you, he felt like the conversation wasn’t even close to over. That’s how it always goes with you - something left unsaid, unfinished. One of the two of you always has to leave and, this time, it’s him. “I’ll make you something good for dinner as a welcome back meal.”

“I thought you’d never offer.” Johnny turned back towards the entrance to the roof, then stopped a moment later and faced outwards again, taking in the view. “By the way… it’s really nice up here.”

Jaehyun turned as well, following the general sweep of Johnny’s gaze, except really looking towards where he stood talking with you a few minutes ago. To his disappointment, but no great surprise, you were gone. “Thanks. I guess it is.”

In your room, you’re alone. After feeling Jaehyun’s touch, a warmth you were no longer accustomed to feeling, your contactless existence felt even more hollow. You’ll meet with him tomorrow, you decided, if not just to brush your hand against his once more. Also, because you have to talk about him. About visiting your body. And about Johnny.

Johnny... he’s back. He’s here. The notion terrified you and excited you at the same time. If your sister sees him…

You supposed you’re not the only ghost around these parts anymore.

After talking with you today and then having spent time with Johnny, one of the warmest presences in his life, Jaehyun lied in bed at the end of the night feeling far more relaxed than he had for quite a few days. That is, until he dug out the piece of paper your sister had given him. With his phone in one hand and the paper with her number scrawled on it in the other, he hesitated. The message was fully typed out, just a “Hey, this is Jaehyun from down the hall. Could you send me what hospital and room number Y/N is in?” but he couldn’t send it. He preoccupied himself with double-triple-quadruple checking that he typed her number in correctly, read his message over and over again for grammar and spelling mistakes, dwelled on other ways he could phrase it.

He thought about the look in your eyes on the rooftop. Though you had asked him to go, that lack of conviction on your face was what was making this message take fifteen minutes to send instead of just one. He usually thought of himself as an optimist, though now his mind was in a jumble, trying to figure what would really be the best thing to do. His thoughts spiralled in and out of doubt, wondering if you truly wanted him to do this, wondering if this will even work. Wondering, once again, if history was repeating itself.

Then, he remembered some wise words from his grandmother. ‘If you can try, you should. It may just be worth it.’ Though she probably hadn’t meant that saying for something like this, they were the last push he needed. He pressed send.

You watched from the hallway between your room and your sister’s as her phone lit up. Her hair was arranged in its usual nighttime style and she was just about to crawl under the covers of her bed when her eyes caught on the received text message. The small, pleasant smile that graced her worn face made you mirror her look. You could only hope that the news makes her sleep well tonight.

The text that Jaehyun was greeted with, about five minutes after he sent his own, was very straightforward. It contained the exact information he had asked for, including the address of the hospital, and ended with a ‘I don’t know how you know her, but thank you for caring.’

That night, his dreams were soundless, sightless, but filled with a kind of warmth that he couldn’t describe with words. It wasn’t at all a nightmare, but he still woke up with a heavy feeling in his chest.

This time around, Jaehyun didn’t avoid meeting you. If anything, he stretched the definition of ‘afternoon’ to be far earlier than most people think of it. He arrived on the roof at 11:30 in the morning and, at first, shuffled around the area, absentmindedly staring at different pots and gardening fixtures that he’d installed up here as he wished that time would move faster. After about fifteen minutes were spent unproductively, he decided that he might as well make use of his time. He spent another hour and a half heaving the bags of fertilizer that he brought up previously to where he needed them, packed it into the planters, and pulled weeds. The manual labor made him work up a sweat. Though he had gotten into the habit of bringing his own towel to wipe it away, a part of him still wished he had your handkerchief. His thoughts briefly wandered to you again - how you had handed him the item, what it means to you - and that seemed to be enough to summon you.

From the doorway to the stairs, you stood watching him for a moment. He wiped away sweat, shined in the sun, still glistened slightly despite the hat that he had started wearing, and crouched in front of a planter so that he could get a better look at the nothing that appeared to be growing in it. He didn’t notice you at first because your footsteps were soundless.

“That’s where you planted them, right? The Four O’clocks?” You saw his muscles tense in surprise, though that was the most reaction you got for sneaking up on him. Still, an apology left your mouth. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “Don’t apologize, I just didn’t notice you until now.” His eyes shifted back to the planter in front of him. “And, yeah. They haven’t popped up yet for some reason, though. I’ll have to do more research.”

He stood, brushed his gloves against each other to get some of the extra dirt off, and removed them, stepping over towards where he had left some of his other stuff. As he walked, you trailed along next to him, watching the way a drop of sweat slid down from his hairline into his shirt. It had been a long time since you’d felt temperature - neither a cold breeze nor the sun’s warmth had touched your skin. You weren’t sure if you missed it or not. The only time you had really felt any heat were the times you touched-

The times you touched Jaehyun.

Something inside of you twinged with both pain and hope. If fate existed, he must be a sign of something good to come in your future, right? The key to all of this. Though just yesterday both of you realized that neither one of you had the answer to what was happening to you, you felt like all you could do was cling to even the smallest bit of feeling that he was returning to your life.

“I texted your sister.” He said, snapping you out of your thoughts. A small towel was in one of his hands, which he had clearly used to wipe away sweat while you were trapped in your thoughts. There was a small smile on his lips that you quickly mirrored.

“I know.” Slowly, you reached for his hands, taking one of them in your own, his palm gently held between yours. The warmth seemed to seep into your very being. You swore you could even feel the slight slick of sweat on his palms. “Jaehyun, thank you.”

He tilted his head and his smile became puzzled. “I haven’t even visited you yet.”

“Even just contacting my sister meant the world to her. And that means even more to me.” You tentatively released his hand, the feeling of aliveness quickly leaving your body. “When are you going to go?”

“I was thinking tomorrow.” The immediacy struck you. Tomorrow was so… soon. When you had forgotten your doubts for the last little while, they returned again.

“Tomorrow… tomorrow is good,” you forced yourself to say. The determination on his face told you more about him - once he’s set his mind on something, it’s hard to get him to diverge from that path. He was dead set on helping you.

Silence flowed between you for a moment, only the distant rushing of traffic from the small city below infiltrated the bubble of the rooftop. Jaehyun broke eye contact with you, his tongue flicking out as he nervously wetted his lips. “How do you know Johnny?”

You took a deep breath, like you would if you were trying to ease your nervousness when you were in your own body. “It’s not so much that I know him. It’s more my sister.” You stepped towards the railing at the edge of the building, looking out at the city and the blue sky above. It was far too early for a daytime moon, being a bit past noon. “They were a thing in high school. People really thought they would end up together forever, but college got in the way of that. Now, she’s with that… that piece of human trash that calls himself her boyfriend.” Though your tone had started off pleasant, wistful, remembering a softer past, it quickly turned bitter. Being stuck in the state you were in, you had spent more than enough time wandering aimlessly around your apartment, watching him do nothing all day, watching him waste time and resources. A part of you really believed that her current boyfriend was just a placeholder for the hole that Johnny left when he went away, but you didn’t tell Jaehyun that. It might be better just to leave your hypotheses to yourself for now.

Since you were staring out, speaking to the city air instead of facing Jaehyun, you couldn’t gauge his reaction. The more of your explanation he heard, the more surprise showed in his eyes. After you finished speaking, you took a moment, glared down at the city below, and then composed yourself and turned back around to look at him. He stepped forward, joining you against the railing. “That… explains a lot.” There was a strange smile on his face, like he was finally understanding something. “Johnny never really dated seriously in university. Always seemed kind of hung up on someone from the past. He never named her to me, in all the years I’ve known him.”

“You know him from college, then?”

He nodded. “Yeah. He’s my best friend. Small world, isn’t it?” You realized the particular irony of the statement to your situation, as you couldn’t leave this building, never mind the town, and let out a snort of laughter. “I guess that explains why he suggested we start the restaurant here.”

You stood in silence again, staring out at the rooftop garden instead of at the street below this time. Though some parts of the garden were still rough around the edges, it no longer looked like the roof was abandoned. The area teemed with new life, tiny splotches of green disrupting the brown of the soil and fertilizer as most everything that he’d planted had started growing by now. Everything except the Four O’clocks. “Jaehyun?” He looked towards you, humming in acknowledgment. “Even if visiting my body doesn’t help, I’m still glad that I met you.”

“If only it was under better circumstances,” he agrees. His eyes fell on the wall that led to where the mural was. “Hey, when you wake up, do you want to finish that mural? I think it would really tie this place together. I’ll even buy the paint for it.”

You looked in the same direction as him, the image of the unfinished painting clear in your head. Right now, you really had no desire to do anything with it, but you supposed that Jaehyun made a good point. “I guess. It would be nice to have a brush in my hand again.”

The sound of a car honking loudly from below shattered the tender moment, startling both of you. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out, glancing at the incoming message from Johnny.

‘Where do you want to go for lunch?’

“Shit.” He pushed off of the railing, standing up straight. “I forgot that I’m meeting up with Johnny and Mark in an hour.” He started to gather his stuff from the top of the crate where he had left it before glancing over and catching your eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow? You won’t run away again?”

You shook your head. “See you tomorrow, Jaehyun.”

When he walked to the roof exit, he turned around to look at you again. You were seated on the old crate that he first saw you on, in those same dark denim overall shorts with the paint splashes and white tee. Like you could sense him staring at you, you turned slightly. As you did so, your image seemed to waver slightly, as if the sunlight was moving through your opaque being; a strange mirage in the afternoon air. He blinked and you appeared normal again, so he raised a hand in a final farewell for the day. After you returned the gesture, he disappeared into the stairwell.

For the rest of the day, he intermittently thought of you. Johnny and Mark largely kept him distracted, helping him plan some of the items he’ll have on the menu of his restaurant, what the interior could look like, what to name it. As they drove around after lunch, the conversation shifted.

“Dude,” Mark said, “I heard that Ten is also in town right now. You should visit him.”

“I haven’t seen him in years.” Johnny said, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “It would be nice to catch up.”

Jaehyun chimed in at that. “Ten from high school?”

“Yeah. I’m kind of surprised that you remember me talking about him.”

“Do you still talk to anyone else from back then?” There was a slight insistence to Jaehyun’s voice that perplexed Johnny. Jaehyun knew he probably shouldn’t have been pushing this hard, especially since his best friend never opened up to him about it before, but he couldn’t help it. “There’s this girl who lives on my floor who seems about your age.”

“Are you trying to get me to hook you up with someone? It’s about time.”

“No,” Jaehyun said firmly, his eyebrows furrowed. “And you know I wouldn’t have a problem with that if I wanted to talk to a girl.”

“Tell that to your ex. If I hadn’t pushed you to talk to her-”

“I don’t want to talk about her.” There was a snap to Jaehyun’s tone that he usually didn’t use and it cut off the conversation quickly. Mark shifted uncomfortably in his seat, checking his phone. Jaehyun almost decided to drop the topic entirely, but he felt like he owed it to you to ask. “The girl from my floor is named S/N L/N.”

The tapping of his fingers against the wheel stopped. Slowly, Johnny’s grip tightened. Normally, Johnny was in complete control of his emotions. Now, he didn’t seem angry, but it clearly evoked something in him when Jaehyun said your sister’s name. “Yeah. I know her.”

Mark nudged Jaehyun, raising his eyebrows in an attempt to communicate with him nonverbally. Jaehyun ignored the signal. “Were you close?”

Johnny shrugged, forcing himself to relax slightly as he drove. “You could say that.”

No one spoke for a while, until a familiar, nostalgic song played on the radio, reigniting the conversation. Jaehyun planned on leaving the conversation at that, inviting the two over for dinner. As afternoon turned to evening, they returned to his apartment complex. When he stepped out of the car, he couldn't resist looking up. The roof seemed like such a long way from here. He shook his head slightly to clear it and led his friends to his apartment. The elevator ride was short and empty of anyone but them, with Mark gushing about eating his food again. When the doors opened to his floor, he got out and nearly walked right past her. Johnny didn’t, though.

As soon as he exited the elevator, his friend saw her. Jaehyun stopped walking when he saw that Johnny wasn't with him and Mark. Johnny was having some sort of staredown with your sister. She had the same bag on her shoulder that she did the last time Jaehyun saw her, though the sunglasses were missing this time, leaving her expressions largely unguarded.

She seemed to swallow heavily, taken aback by this ghost from the past. “John.”

“S/N.” All Jaehyun and Mark could do was watch. They stared at each other for a moment longer before Johnny once again forced himself to relax a bit and offered her a small smile. “Jaehyun was telling me about how you live on the same floor.” “What are you doing back here?” She said, cutting right to the chase. She seemed far more outwardly unhappy to see him than he did to see her.

“Visiting. Probably going to move back soon, though.” He was watching, carefully assessing her reaction. He stood tall, his hands in his pockets, casual. She appeared much more stiff, weighed down more by life than he had been in the years since they’d seen each other.

“I thought you wanted to get out of this town?” There was a certain bitterness to her voice that was very personal. Almost resentful.

“You still remember that?”

“How could I forget?”

Jaehyun and Mark glanced at each other, wondering if they should do something. At those words, though, Johnny’s smile brightened slightly. “I’m glad I’m unforgettable.”

“This isn’t about you anymore.” Johnny’s face fell slightly at that, eliminating the slight cheer that he had just gained. “I have to go.” As she reached the elevator, she turned back to them, looking Jaehyun in the eyes. Her eyes were piercing, though they didn’t seem to hold any malice, only confusion. “You’re really strange, Jaehyun.”

It crossed Jaehyun’s mind that he might have started something far beyond his depth or control. After the elevator doors closed with her behind them, Johnny turned back towards him and Mark. “Dinner?”

As he cooked, Jaehyun watched the sun set outside the window adjacent to the kitchen section of the apartment. From here, he couldn’t see if the moon was out yet, but he thought about it and he thought about you. He wondered if you were thinking about him, too.

The way you thought about Jaehyun was with the sort of desperation someone who was hanging onto the edge of a cliff thought about a rope. Right now, he was your lifeline for more reasons than one. In your dark room, the emptiness felt suffocating. You lied sideways on your bed, staring at the ceiling, untaken by the sleep you no longer require. Back when you were alive, you might have taken the time to paint him, capture the way he had made you feel in the short time you’ve known him and the few conversations you’ve had with him. Then, you would have opened your sketchbook and flipped through the drawings from better days, ignored the darker sketches of more recent times.

You wondered if your sister had flipped through those drawings since it happened, seen the last picture you created. It was a self-portrait of sorts, though your eyes were filled with black and your limbs were strung up like a marionette. Out of control in your own life, close to being soulless. You didn’t know nor remember what had possessed you to draw it and you wished you had finished with something brighter. It didn’t matter anyways - the book was stuck on your shelf with some of your other things, out of reach of your touchless world. What did matter was what’s going to happen tomorrow.

The more you thought about it, the more the doubts bounced around in the transparent space of wherever you would call your mind now, the more Jaehyun visiting your body in the hospital seemed like a terrible idea. It has been a long time that you’ve been like this and it’ll probably be an even longer time if you somehow wake up. You weren’t sure you were ready to be exhausted like that again.

You thought about your sister and her hunched figure over the dimly lit coffee table at night, the bills piling up, each dollar that leaves her bank account only adding a single grain of sand to the hourglass of the life she’s built here. She never really talked finances with you, but you knew it was never easy. You covered rent, but she tried to keep all of her other bills away from you. You dreaded more than wondered what would happen should that hourglass finally become empty. How much time does this life have left?

It only took you a moment to leave your room and reach her. She was exactly where you pictured her, though she wasn’t staring at the bills, trying to crunch numbers anymore. Her gaze was on her lump of a boyfriend asleep on the couch. “S/N,” you couldn’t help but whisper, “just leave him. Go to bed.”

For a heartbeat, it almost seemed like she heard you, or was at least about to pay herself a courtesy, as she rose from her place at the table and walked the short distance to the hallway adjoining the living area to the bedrooms. Then, she stopped, stared at the ground, and turned slightly, laying a hand on his shoulder. He began to stir as she spoke. “Honey…” the word rang bitter in your ears, “come to bed.”

The look he gave her through bleary eyes showed a type of spiritual rotting that had its roots deep in his core. “Bitch, I was asleep. Can’t you leave me in peace for one night?”

“You’ll sleep better in bed than on the couch…” The meekness with which she spoke had you curling your hands into tight fists, your nails digging into your palms. Both she and you knew that no matter what she did, she would always be wrong in his eyes. Always. If she hadn’t woken him, he would’ve gotten angry in the morning instead, bemoaning how she hadn’t woken him and gotten him to sleep on the bed instead. You’d seen that exact argument happen before. You couldn’t say how many times you’d seen this exact scene, too.

He grunted, slowly getting up. “Is that so?” He tilted his head, cracking his neck in something of a stretch. “You think you know better than me?”

“No,” she flinched as he raised a hand, “I’m sorry.”

The grin that filled his face wasn’t bright. It was crooked, sick, and it made you want to vomit when you knew you weren’t even capable of doing so. Back when they first started dating, he was much better at hiding the pleasure he takes in “besting” her, but now he didn’t even try. As he walked past her, he bumped her shoulder with his arm, making her draw herself in, attempting to minimize the space she took up. After he was gone, more safely away from her in their bedroom, she sank down onto the couch, wrapping her arms around her torso. She stared at the scattered bottles and trash on the small side table next to the soft. It took about a minute before she leaned forward, resting her face in her hands, slow tears falling down her cheeks. You couldn’t bear to look at her like this. Back when you were in your own body, you never knew she cried like this. When you couldn’t stand to watch the fighting without doing anything anymore, you would just lock yourself in your room and pray no one got hurt. Every bit of it, you regretted. You should’ve stood up to him more, stood by your sister, shared her pain. Regret was a bitter taste.

“Y/N,” you heard from her, a quiet plea into the night, “I’m sorry. Please come back.”

You’d heard her cry out for you before, but this time it hurt even more than usual. Your hands were still curled in fists and, after the feelings of regret and helplessness and pure rage boiled over, you lashed out, like you could hit one of the bottles on the table. The silence shattered as your hand made contact with the object, sending it clattering onto the wood surface of the side table, then rolling onto the floor. Your sister’s head snapped up, her eyes following the bottle. The last round of tears fell as she blinked rapidly and scrubbed at her eyes, trying to figure out what caused the bottle to move. She finally got up uneasily, now just dabbing gently at her eyes, before she picked up the bottle to dispose of it.

As she started to warily clean up the rest of the trash, you stared at your hands. There was no way…

It was late by the time your sister joined her boyfriend in bed and it was only slightly later when Jaehyun settled down to sleep. Johnny hadn’t spoken about Stella for the rest of the night and Jaehyun hadn’t asked. He agreed to meet him in two days to check out locations for the restaurant, and that was that. In some ways, he was grateful. The more he involved himself in this situation, the more he felt like everything was spiraling out of control. But, in the opposite way, he wished something more had changed. He just hoped that visiting your body will lead him to something better.

It took a little while, but he eventually fell asleep.

He didn’t remember arriving in the hospital, just opening the door to your room. Your hair was longer than it was when he saw you on the roof and you appeared almost skeletal, your cheekbones hollow and eye sockets sunken in deeper than they should be. Hadn’t the doctors been taking care of you?

When he leaned over, taking your hand, your eyes immediately flickered open, as if you’d been waiting for him. He blinked and you transformed, your skin glowing with life and hair full and luscious. “Jaehyun, you saved me.”

Your voice came out as a warble, confusing and bird-like. Not at all how you sounded when he talked to you before. He tried to speak, but you cut him off. “Y/N-” “You saved me, you saved me.” You repeated, the mantra becoming a sort of chant as you stared at him, unblinking. The fingers on the hand that he was still grasping began to turn into talons, sharp and digging into his skin. “You saved me, you saved me, you saved me.”

He awakened in a cold sweat and bolted into an upright sitting position. The city birds that hung out outside his window were chirping, faintly reminding him of the way your dream-self had sounded. He shivered and pressed his face into his hands. Why did he keep having nightmares about you?

The sunlight streaming through the window was a small comfort, reminding him that things were fine. He considered going back to sleep, but figured that if his body wanted him to get up, he might as well. From what he saw on the hospital website, visiting hours didn’t start for a little while, so he had time to get ready and do some work on the garden before he left. The physical labor took his mind off of things for a while, but the car ride to the hospital certainly didn’t. His car felt far too empty and quiet even with one of his favorite playlists on. He considered himself lucky that the drive was short, though most of the medical traffic for the more rural nearby towns flowed to this hospital because it’s the nearest city, small as it is. The parking garage felt miserable, drab and lifeless, and the inside of the hospital itself felt no different. Stark white, sterile except the dirt streaks on the tiles from visitors’ feet, walls largely undecorated save for large signs warning about various diseases.

The lady at the front desk didn’t ask too many questions when he signed in and said your name. She simply gave him a visitor pass and let him through, scrawling down his name in a sign-in book. Your room was on the fourth floor, so he made his way to the elevator, passing by a few people who appeared far more tired than he did. They’d clearly spent a lot of time here. Some had red eyes from crying, some were simply hunched over, staring at nothing. The elevator was empty and stayed that way for the entirety of his short ride. On the fourth floor, there were fewer people, these strangers milling and sitting about. One guy, maybe around his age, was seated on a bench, staring at an apple that Jaehyun assumed he had placed down next to him. He glanced at the strange boy but kept walking, eventually standing in front of the door that he had been directed to by both the check-in lady and your sister.

The doorknob turned easily, though the door creaked as he pushed it, showing signs of age that the hospital had tried to simply paint over. He let himself in and closed the door behind him, finally turning around and allowing himself to look at your body.

Thankfully, you weren’t as skeletal as he feared you would be. He almost laughed at how different the room arrangement was from his dream as well, the relief making him relax slightly. Your body looked to be in quite good shape despite the amount of time that you’d been in a coma. Patches of your hair were clearly shorter than the rest, where he assumed you had to have some sort of surgery, though signs of said operation were no longer quite visible. IVs were stuck in your skin, providing you with the fluids that you needed to stay alive. Whatever this version of alive was. Your skin didn’t have quite the same sheen to it that it did when he talked to you, but you looked largely the same, like you were asleep. It was almost strange for him to see you in different clothes than your usual paint-stained overalls and white tee, the blue and white hospital gown seeming unnatural. He had only ever seen you in the warm outside lighting of the rooftop, so seeing you under this white fluorescent lighting was almost a strain to his eyes. The thought crossed his mind that you looked far better surrounded by green and brown and blue than you did by all of this white.

“Hi, Y/N,” he said quietly, walking closer to your body. There was an empty vase at your bedside, so he opened his bag, revealing the flowers that he had purchased on the way here. It was a pretty standard arrangement of pink roses and baby’s breath, but it brightened the room immensely. “It’s kind of strange to see you here. I hope these help. I would have brought you flowers from the roof, but they aren’t ready yet. Sorry.”

He didn’t know what he was looking for as he talked. Maybe a flicker of your eyelids, a twitch of your fingers. The air conditioning kicked on suddenly and the blast of chilly air made a few locks of your hair shift ever so slightly, almost tricking him into thinking that you moved on your own. After waiting for a moment, he finally reached for your hand. Your skin was colder here than it was when he touched you before. Your hand slotted into his nicely, but it was limp, unresponsive. A few minutes of nothing passed, time he spent just looking at you and repeating ‘please wake up’ in his head, before he quietly tucked your hand back under the covers of your bed.

“I hope you wake up soon,” he said, “so we can properly meet.”

As he exited the room, he kept his head down, mindlessly walking back to where he remembered the elevator being. The hallway was straight and long and, with his lack of attention, he ended up slamming into someone’s shoulder relatively hard. Both he and the other person staggered slightly, stopping in their tracks.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking,” he said quickly, glancing sideways at the boy he had run into. He was the same guy he had seen sitting on the bench before, staring at the apple next to him. The look on his face was an extreme reaction, pure shock covering his features. Jaehyun cringed to himself. “Hey, I really didn’t mean-”

“You can see me. You can touch me.” The guy interrupted him, raising a hand to point at him. “It’s been so long since anyone’s been able to do that!” Oh shit.

“Look,” Jaehyun said quickly, panic immediately filling him, “I’m not trying to become some sort of ghost-whisperer. I’m already trying to help someone and I can’t handle more and more of you.”

“No, listen-” As Jaehyun tried to turn around, pretend like this never happened, the boy grabbed his arm, his fingers sharp as they dug into his skin slightly. “I saw you go into that girl’s room. From the sounds of it, you didn’t get what you wanted. I can help you.”

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at that. “If you can help me, why are you still like this?”

“I can help you. And her.” Jaehyun’s eyes shifted towards the door that he had just left behind, then back to the boy gripping his arm. “But I need your help first.”

[break-slash]

Puzzleship JP & KR Fancomic Recommendation List

UPDATE (19-12-2020): Added two more artists and two more titles on the Japanese lists!

I don’t consider myself as someone very tidy and organized, but I just like making lists of the things I love, somehow. Hence this post. I haven’t been in the fandom for long but I thought I’d share some of my favorites primarily from two sites: pixiv and postype. Most of the postype ones are behind paywall, and I will mark them differently.

Some of my favorites come from the same artists, so I’ll also link their pixiv profile on top of my favorite work of them.

(I actually bookmarked a lot and picking them isn’t an easy task, so I will update this step by step. If you see only a link of an artist, that’s the reason, but I can guarantee you will love their works! Feel free to recommend me yours through reblogs or DM as well!)

Japanese

Artist: CYHGM

She is a Chinese and is more active on Weibo (she posted tons of puzzleship there, but my Mandarin is beyond rusty so I could only cry in despair lmao), but she has two fancomics that I absolutely adore of. Those two mentioned fancomics are:

The Past and The Future. You can check my translation for this one here. It tells about Atem who gets transported to 3000 years later before his coronation, and that’s where he met post-canon!Yugi. Just... everything about this comic is so wonderful. I teared up at the last page, not gonna lie ;_;

The Pharaoh and The Fairy: An Ancient Egypt-slash-fantasy AU featuring the S0/TOEI casts. The fairy Yugi was saved by Atem, and it’s an obligatory for fairies to grant their savior’s wishes. However, Atem doesn’t exactly have something he wants of, and this confuses Yugi on how he should repay him back. Pure undiluted sugar, and fairy!Yugi is just so cute.

Artist: Fushitas

Arguably one of the most popular Puzzleship fanartists in the JP fandom (look at their number of followers on Twitter, man), but maybe it’s also due to the fact they were in AoT fandom too. They’re mostly active on Twitter, and if you also watch Zexal, they draw tons of Yuma-centric pairings too. They have released lots of books, and their prices on the reseller sites are... well, let’s just say, unbelievable. Just to show how famous they are. 

From everlasting to everlasting: Set after DSOD. A mysterious figure appears in front of Atem, claiming to be his queen. Everyone in the after life somehow acknowledges this person, which makes him even more confused because he’s the only one unaware of this. On the living realm, Yugi who is on the way to his home got hit by a truck (isekai much??) and when he woke up, he suddenly plays the role of Atem’s queen. I’ve always adored Fushitas’ drawing, and this is no exception. The story is pretty simple, but is still good! The ending of this comic is everything I’ve always wanted from the canon lol. 

The King’s Guest: Ancient Egypt AU. The councils are starting to get worried because Atem shows no interest in marrying someone, so Shimon opens up a “chance” sort of for civilians to become “someone for the Pharaoh to talk with”. The civilian Yugi takes this chance right off the bat, and stuff happens? This one is just so sweet and the misunderstanding later in the story kinda cracks me up. I really love the way they build the two’s chemistry in here.

Artist: usi 

They only draw two puzzleship fancomics, but both are so good and explores the themes I’ve loved from the pairing.

The Lotus’ Devil: Set post-canon with a flashback. It tells about Yugi’s regret in the past where he wanted to show Atem a small pool supposed to be full of lotus flower only to arrive seeing them not blooming. Fast forward to the post-canon, he found out that there’s actually a monster residing on that pool. I really, really loved the ending scene of this one.

Who’s The Detestable, Fortunate Guy Here: I think this is set sometime in the canon story, although the exact timing is unclear. It’s a short comic of Yugi asking Atem to pretend to be his date and go on a “dating practice”. A very pleasant hurt-and-comfort kind of story, and who doesn’t love a story of them dating anyways? :”D

Artist: Houzuki Anzu

She doesn’t draw much YGO, but she has some Arc-V and 5D’s fanarts too if you watch the series! 

Hourglass: Sets after the Memory World arc. Yugi keeps hearing a strange sound inside his mind, and he finds out there’s a huge hourglass standing there, guarded by the will of Millenium Puzzle. Apparently, the hourglass is linked to Atem’s remaining time in the living realm? Anyways, the ending of this comic might look like a cliffhanger, but I personally think it isn’t. I love the theme this comic picks to explore and the way it is presented.

Present: Same setting with Hourglass, but this one focuses more on Atem sorting out his feelings about the Ceremonial Duel and what he has learned from Yugi in general. It’s a very nice extra detail that the canon slightly lacks of, and I just love... bittersweet stuff in general haha.

Artist: Chiriko

Are you the type who wants puzzleship to be full of happiness and fluff and nothing else? Well, she has a number of comics to fill that need! I actually love all of her works, but if I have to pick, these two are my favorite:

...Don’t Ever Leave Me Again: A short story about Yugi having a nightmare of where he was stuck in the fire accident at Otogi’s store. Well... this isn’t a fluff sort of, but it’s... a happy ending still? /shot

[Untitled]: A dialogue-less comic, but this is the sort of post-canon what-if that I really, really like. Atem stroking Yugi’s face while sleeping is just... so soft man....

Artist: Komori Nea

Their art style was one of those that’s very noticeable and has a certain charm on it. They are pretty active on Twitter, and even draws puzzle comics once in a while that haven’t been uploaded to pixiv (which is why I recommend you to check their twitter gallery too haha)

The Soul Stays Awake: Post!DSOD. Atem comes back from afterlife in hoping that Yugi would be as happy as he is, but months after, Atem’s existence still hasn’t been registered on Yugi’s life just yet. Another post!DSOD take that I like which involves the fear of another farewell and uncertainty, but this is a good hurt-and-comfort. I swear, it’ll hurt you just... for a while. :”)

The Attack’s Aim: Set during the canon series. A short comic mostly portraying Yugi’s hidden strength but also the tenacity of duelist that is not only targeted toward the opponent, but also to Atem, without the person actually noticing it. The last page of this one is so... soft and gentle I had to put it into this list.

Artist: caf

Often draw with S0/TOEI style, characters and characterization in mind. Their coloring in illustrations is so soft, plus artists who specialize in S0/TOEI style can’t be found so easily. Their comic style is not a manga-like one and they write the dialogues with handwriting, but if you can read hiragana and write and understand how kanji works (so you can write it on translation machine), their comics are easy to understand!

magenta: S0/TOEI AU where Yugi and Atem are two separate person. A short comic of Yugi lying under the rain as Atem searches for his whereabouts. I really love the way they portray the rain and the atmosphere surrounding the scene. Or maybe I’m just biased with rains in general, ahahaha.

Yuugi and Mao’s Stay Home: Same AU as above. Our two boys has to face the same shit we do IRL in this comic, which is quarantine. Atem offers to cook something for Yugi since he can’t eat outside. You love seeing Yugi eating stuff? This is a perfect comic for y’all. 

Artist: Kkyut

Artist: Kayu(i)

Others:

Gemini: As Atem comes back to the living world, Yugi faces the dilemma of having being separated by “his other self” physically and mentally. A short comic, but the lines the artist used are so... beautiful. Like, the way they describe Yugi’s loneliness?? Just hits the park so much. 

Until The Hourglass Runs Out: Set after the Memory World Arc. As their farewell day goes closer, Yugi decides to give Atem a full control of his body at school so he could spend his time with Jounouchi and the gang more. However, things don’t go as smooth as Yugi had expected. If you like that little teeny weeny pain before the Ceremonial Duel, this comic perfectly suits the taste. 

see you sometime: Post-canon. Mahaad offers Atem a chance to meet Yugi in the living realm one more time, but with several conditions. Firstly, he could only stay for a day at maximum. Secondly, Yugi won’t be able to remember who he spent his time with after Atem hangs out with him. Thirdly, Yugi will not be able to “recognize” this Atem; he will only be registered in Yugi’s mind as a new classmate. A bittersweet comic in whole, but seeing the two having fun like a normal teenager would just makes me grin.

After The Rain: A dialogue-less comic, so everyone would be able to read this right away. A short comic of the two, but still very cute and wholesome!

The Tropics of Horus: Post!DSOD, Atem has to chase Kisara who lingers around Kaiba’s soul and he needs Yugi’s help to bring Kisara back to afterlife, but he has his own ulterior motive. This manga is so dialogue-heavy and might be hard to dissect especially if you don’t understand JP grammar and context, but the time spent trying to understand the meaning behind every words will be worth it. That much I guarantee. Just... everything about this comic, and how Atem’s “ulterior motive” connects to our boys’ adventure in canon series are so well planned. You can also purchase the R18 version in a form of the book here (toranoana)

Christmas Day: S0/TOEI puzzleship hint (dark puzzle???). There’s something in store for Yugi in Christmas, but this one might surprise Yugi a lot. It’s not that the prompt of “Atem gets separated from Yugi temporarily” is uncommon, but it is still a sweet one and makes you smile throughout the pages. 

Korean

All titles mentioned here are not free unless mentioned otherwise. Also I don’t understand Korean except being able to read Yugi and Atem’s name, so my story interpretation might be wrong. If you understand Korean, I’d really love for you input! ;_; 

You can check out on how to buy comics from postype here

Yugi’s 2020 Birthday Anthology: Rain and After End

This is an anthology consisting of four titles, but they share the same (or similar) setting where Atem is reincarnated, but he doesn’t remember his past (or has not yet, depending on how the story portrays it). Some are age-gap (adult!Yugi and high school student!Atem), so you might want to consider that if it’s not your cup of tea.

To Like Someone is to...: Age-gap setting. Mostly tells about how Yugi deals with his feeling as the reincarnated Atem in front of him turns out to have a feeling on him. I like how the story’s conclusion is that Yugi will sort it out slowly while also teasing Atem how he’s “too early” to date Yugi w.

In A Circle: A story about how the two met through an online chess game. Iirc Yugi works in a game company and Atem is sort of a famous e-sports player in this setting. There’s a lot of dialogue in this one and the app sometimes can’t process them very well, but I liked what I can understand from it! not very convincing is it haha i’m sorry i shouldn’t have done this

Familiarity: Age-gap setting, where Yugi becomes Atem’s caretaker. The comic mostly focuses on how Atem notices how kind (or too kind) Yugi is sometimes, but there are times where he feels distant. The plot where Atem gets into a fight with the other kid in his school because the kid mocks Yugi, and how Yugi just... accepts it even when Atem doesn’t want to say his reason of punching the kid is just.... god... I love this kind of age-gap setting like this I guess ;_;

Touchdown: Age-gap setting, but Atem is older in here (university student). The two goes to Atem’s university festival and they think about their own feeling when they got separated. On their way to drop Atem off, he confesses to Yugi, but Yugi is still unsure on his overlapping feeling between the reincarnated Atem and the Atem he knows. Make sure you play Motohiro Hata’s Rain and Aimer’s After Rain during the car scene to make the “rain” mood works even better :”)

Others:

Try For Point: A continuation of Touchdown, where Atem (like, the one from the past) visits Yugi in his dream and helps Yugi in sorting out is his feeling toward his reincarnated self. Atem’s advice is so sweet and there’s one certain line from this comic that I remember very deeply - there’s a part where he says, “If you don’t pull out the card, you won’t know what card it is, right?” to help Yugi clearing out his hesitancy ;w; at this point, I curse myself for not being able to understand Korean

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Friendly Encounters- Chapter Six

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: A friend challenges you to go out of your comfort zone and talk to one of the cute boys at the café. However, after attempting to flirt with one of them, they reveal that they are in a relationship with each other. It’s fine, though, because you’re all friends now!

𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒: Romance

𝑅𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔: Smut, Fluff, Angst

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Graphic Depictions of sex, Mature Language, Angst is Yoongi-centered

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 5k+

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔: Jimin x Yoongi x Reader

Masterlist

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                                      ____________________

Yoongi watches, with his dick in his hand as Jimin wrecks you. Over and over again, your blue haired boyfriend pounds into you, as you continuously convulse around his massive girthy dick. He’s feeding you well. 

“Jimin...I c-can’t anymore.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m almost there...come on babygirl, don’t give up on me now.” You shut your eyes, panting heavily as your final orgasm hits you in a euphoric wave of pleasure, making your muscles tense and you gasp as his dick twitches inside of you from all your clenching.

“Sorry...Yoongi...couldn’t take you too.” Your older boyfriend shakes his head, kissing your forehead lightly as Jimin recovers, pulling out of your sensitive body slowly. 

“Don’t be. Seeing you two enjoy yourselves was reward enough.” Yoongi leaves a tender kiss on his boyfriend’s lips before departing to his room. “Take care of her, alright? And wash up, your mom should be home soon.” Yoongi gives you both a stern talking-to before departing with his clothes in hand. 

“You okay?” Jimin asks while wiping you down with a washcloth. You nod, sitting up on the bed as your boyfriend brings you a warm towelette for your face. He had an extra one on hand. “Think you can walk?” You shake your head, limping as he helps you up. “Here, get on my back.” You don’t think much of it, as you both saw each other naked and took your relationship to the next level all in one night. 

“You’re the best boyfriend ever. Hah...A hot bath was exactly what I needed.” Jimin smiles at you as you lather your body with soapy bubbles. 

“Thanks. You know...you’re pretty cool yourself. Able to take me like a pro. Wow, that was some expert level stuff right the-”

“Shut up.” You splash him with water, laughing as you both have a water fight. After you finish bathing (with a lot of water ending up outside the tub, much to your inconvenience), you just end up cuddling with Jimin in your room. Your more bubbly boyfriend texts your older, introverted partner that he’ll be spending the night with you.

You’re not very surprised when Yoongi replies with the response that he is completely okay with it, since he spent a night with Jimin and left you in the dust. You also understand it, they’ve been together for so long that it probably feels weird to adjust now that a third person is a part of the relationship.

You’ve felt like you’re out of place, like the awkward puzzle piece that has the right shape and fits but it just doesn’t fit quite right. Obviously, you won’t express your concern to the gorgeous specimen of a boyfriend in front of you, because you’re worried about upsetting him. 

His reaction is predictable though, since you’ve grown used to the barista by your side. He would probably just kiss you and hold you tight, claiming that if he let you go you would fly away like a butterfly, or maybe he would just tell you all of the things you want to hear and more. You’re already deeply in love with him, might as well just get everything out in the open.

Then there’s Yoongi. Your kind, sweet, gummy-smiling boyfriend. You initially thought he was annoyed with your friendship and closeness to Jimin, but he ended up expressing the opposite, and in the end your bond was strengthened even more. You’re afraid of disappointing him, or even worse, making him cry. You know his “tough guy” act is just that. The real Yoongi is frail but you’ve only caught glimpses of his vulnerable side. From everything you’ve seen so far, you can tell he still hasn’t opened up to you. You’re afraid of jeopardizing your relationship and possibly losing one-or two of your boyfriends in one go. 

One wrong move and it can possibly be the end of your dream-like romance. You sigh, falling back into Jimin’s arms with one of your hands covering your eyelids and the other on your hip. Your boyfriend just grabs your hips and helps you settle into a comfortable position on the bed. He spoons you, and you’re mostly grateful as the warmth envelops you and lulls you to sleep relatively quickly.

Morning comes early, your alarm waking you up earlier than you expected. You groan, rolling over and finding your boyfriend still asleep and snoring lightly. Jimin looks cute even when he’s sleeping. You try taking care of your appearance, since you want to at least be remembered for dressing well during your last year of high school, but at the same time you dress for yourself. And your boyfriends. When you go downstairs in your short black miniskirt and denim jacket covering your sky blue tee, Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you but most of the time stays quiet. Before you decide to hug him.

When he smells your expensive perfume, he asks, “Going somewhere after school?” You shake your head.

“I was thinking I could head to the café in the evening. I have a lot of busy work. I doubt any of the teachers even know what they’re teaching anymore,” You shake your head, before shuffling through your backpack and then pulling out your phone charger. Finally, after three and a half days of searching you’ve found your old friend! “Ah-ha! I knew I put it in here. Finally, now I can charge my phone during the 3rd period.” 

Yoongi watches you scramble around to make breakfast as fast as you can before asking you another question, “Do you want a ride?” Curse your dirty mind for reading that the wrong way!

The car ride is long, and awkward. You and Yoongi had all this pent-up sexual tension possibly from the moment you met, and now that you’ve both seen each other naked, done other nasty things together as a couple and such, the only thing left to do is to fuck.

That’s right, you both just need to let out your feelings, when you’re alone. Like you did with Jimin before Yoongi joined, or rather, watched. You were spending sufficient time alone with each of your boyfriends, but as of late, you need to get down and dirty with Yoongi. As fast as possible, before things get any weirder.

“Thanks.” You say before getting out of the car.

“Hey, um, I know after yesterday things are different but can I please ask you to pretend like it didn’t happen? I was clearly not myself. I’d rather that we do things naturally and let everything happen when they’re supposed to. I apologize if you felt forced to do stuff in any way.”

You almost cry at how gentle he sounds. He talks to you like you’re a princess, literally the kindest man you’ve crossed. Your heart flutters just from hearing him speak, like your eyes have been opened for the first time.

“No, not at all!” You clutch your backpack strap, biting your lips in anxiousness. “I wanted to. I actually hope I can do it with both of you someday. Like actually..the three of us in one bed.” You trail off, realizing what it is that you truly want.

“You okay? You zoned out there for a second.” You nod, smacking yourself internally for spacing out with Yoongi.

“I’ll see you after school, bye.” You share a quick kiss before you run to your first period class.

For some reason, your friends seem busy. No one is eager to talk to you about their lives or even stop for a second to listen to you talk about yours. You understand it, though. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with. You’re sure all the other girls your age are worrying about bigger stuff than boy problems, like possibly being pregnant, or scared that they don’t have enough credits to graduate. 

You stay glued to your phone most of the day, as Jimin sends you heart emojis and lengthy passages about how he loves you. He just had to message you during English class, during which your teacher caught you on your phone, and she picked up your phone and when she read your text, it brought her to tears, resulting in her asking you if she could read it out loud to the class. 

You insisted it was from your boyfriend and how it was for your eyes only, but she said it demonstrated how simple sentences work well in writing when used correctly and that his use of grammar and vocabulary was that of a college graduate, or at least a professional writer.

She read it aloud, with emotion, and feeling. It made your heart swell up in joy, as you heard his voice through hers. The message behind his words.

“Oh, how you make my heart ache, and in the end it only longs for you. How could a person affect me so much? Come home and hold me, my love, I promise you won’t want to leave,” She finishes reading the long text and after you get your phone back, you bury it deep inside your backpack. 

My teacher calls you to her desk after class, and she tells you to cherish your boy with your whole heart, as it’s evident enough that no couple would be crazy enough to send love poems to each other unless they were truly fond of the other. There was no way you wouldn’t treasure him; You already loved him. And Yoongi. You love them both.

                                     ༻• Later That Day •༺ 

“Tell me what’s happening in front of my eyes isn’t really happening right now.” You huff at your blue-haired prince.

“Oh no, you’ve got it right. He’s really doing it.” He drinks his sweet tea with more vigour, sucking the straw harshly.

“This is pathetic. What does he think he can accomplish by upsetting his partners?” Jimin shrugs at your rhetorical question. Honestly, if you had a whip right now, you wouldn’t mind using it on Yoongi.

He actually has the balls to flirt with a regular female customer, a girl you actually caught making goo-goo eyes at him and trying to get his number every time she orders something. He’s not even shrugging her off anymore, but instead encouraging it. Jimin slams his hands down on the table, as he wipes a spot near you, glaring daggers at his boyfriend.

“Okay, I think I really wanna punish him now.” You were joking before, but the flirting has gotten out of hand as of late. He’s been doing this for two weeks already.

“Good, as it should be. Training continues in your room at 6:00 sharp. Be there and be ready, there’s a lot we have to cover before you dip your toe in the dom puddle.” You raise an eyebrow at his terminology. You knew what a dom was, but didn’t think he was serious. There’s no way that you’d actually take control in the bedroom, right?

Images of Jimin naked and whining beneath you flash in your mind, as you imagine all the different ways you could make him a mess. You’ve heard what Yoongi does to him, but imagining what you could do-that could go anywhere.

“Why do we have to wait?” You find yourself growing bolder as you lean forward, innocently sucking the metal straw that Jimin provided to you earlier when you ordered the mango smoothie.

“What are you suggesting, kitten?” You laugh at his nickname, before narrowing your eyes at your incredibly sexy boyfriend.

“Bathroom.” You continue sucking the straw, innocently sipping your drink before getting up and walking to the restroom. 

After 5 minutes of waiting, you hear the door open, and heavy footsteps. They were much too heavy to be a woman, for sure.

“Baby!” He hisses right outside of your stall, signaling you to grab him and pull him in.

“I checked. It’s empty. No one can disturb us anyways, not unless they see two pairs of feet underneath.”

“Oh, I have an easy solution to that,” He folds his arms across his chest. “Kneel,” You listen to him, happy to follow his orders like a mindless kitten. “Go ahead, suck.” He has his phone in one hand, recording you as you take him into your mouth.

“Remember who’s boss, baby? You said I’d learn how to be a dom.” He groans lightly as you suck his length, slightly squeezing his testes as well with your free hands.

“Alright. Show me what you’ve got.” His eyes are clouded with lust as he watches you swallow his precum, but you do eventually get you fill, instead opting to let his semen spill to the floor.

“Should I just prep you right here? Finger that beautiful asshole so that Yoongi can fuck you later?” Jimin groans at the thought, and you do too, imagining how his cock would bounce in your face as your older boyfriend fucked him carnally. “Ohhh, look at you taking my fingers. So, so, pretty Jiminie. Hear that? This is what good dick sounds like.” Your panties are drenched, you’re leaking through. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say you were on your period.

“F-fuck me good Y/N.” You smirk, pinching his scrotum, making him shriek in urgency.

“Sorry, bad boys don’t get to cum.” You continue rubbing his shaft, a sloshing sound resounding through the bathroom walls as you give him a moist handjob. He tries his best to stay quiet, with a few whimpers escaping his lips.

“Please, Y/N. I need to cum, please I can’t hold in!” He whines wantonly as you continue pumping his dick, letting his erection peak to the highest point before rubbing him out during his climax. He gets so loud that he has to cover his own mouth with his small hands.

You go on for several minutes after that, or what feels like an eternity, laughing maniacally as Jimin squirts and cums for you. You just did that! You made him feel so good he came.

After you let his cum spill to the floor, you stand up, tucking his dick back into his pants before licking your fingers clean of the savory juices Jimin left behind.

You both wash your hands in the sink and leave the bathroom in turns, so it won’t raise any suspicion.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Jimin gives you a quick peck on the cheek before running off to the counter to grab another order.

“So, I’m guessing you guys spent his entire break together?” Jin asks, wiping your table for the hundredth time again.

“Yes, Jin. We were just talking about the birds.” Jin glares at you, obviously not believing your lie.

“And the bees, I assume?” You clap your hands together, laughing as you sip your mango juice. “It’s no laughing matter for a girl your age. You’re already with two men who are closer to my age than your age. And I’m 27!” You roll your eyes, ignoring him as you get your daily lecture again.

“Jin, you know Jimin and Yoongi are only like 3 or 4 years older than me. And I’m already more mature than lots of girls my age. You can also save the bedroom talk, I know my limits and what I’m comfortable with. I know it’s not the most conventional agreement, but I feel safe with both of them. They treat me like a princess even though I don’t deserve it.” You tell him with a small smile on your face.

“Hm, you really love them, don’t you?” You nod, humming as Jin walks away. “While you’re here, why don’t you help out with these boxes? Just move them to the alleyway. They’re all rotten fruit.” You cringe at that, as Jin hands you a stack of two huge boxes.

“Alright. But if I get mugged I’ll sue you.” You get around to the alleyway, surprised to see that there’s no one there and you actually had a moment of peace without incident.

You weren’t expecting anything anyways, as you know this town is very safe and there’s not much criminal activity happening in this neck of the woods. You were too focused on everything going on in your mind, so in case there was an actual threat, you wouldn’t be too phased.

“Done, now when do I get paid?” You dust your hands, looking up at your boyfriends’ boss. Jin just gives you his signature smile and blows a kiss at you before turning to his office.

“Look, how about I just let you drink for free? For a month?” You nod, folding your arms as you notice the picture on Jin’s desk, a family photo of Jin with a woman. 

“Sounds good, hey who’s this?” You ask, pointing at the frame.

“That was my wife. She passed away three years ago…” You suddenly feel like a jerk.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m gonna get going now, it was nice seeing you again, Jin.” You smile sadly at the man before leaving your boys to wrap up with their work. They’ll be taking a leave for a week anyways, so they’re just trying to make this week count.

You know that’s probably why Yoongi was being so friendly with most of the female customers. You hadn’t seen him flirt with any other men apart from Jimin, but he did talk to a lot of girls. Then again, the girls probably approached him themselves. 

You try pushing the thoughts out of your head, as you know your ultimate goal is to have angry sex with Yoongi over the fact that he’d been flirting with other people in front of you and Jimin. You channel the anger through your body, as Jimin later presents himself to you that evening, with thoughts of only awakening the lustful dominant inside of you. 

“Here are my prized positions, please take good care of me, kitten.” You shake your head, smirking at him as he gives you his box of toys to use on him.

“Want me to ride you, baby?” You ask him as he groans in pain, his bulge painfully tightening in his pants. You can see the area around his pants, the tiny wet spot around his tip. 

“I’d love that, kitten,” You shed your clothes, before working on Jimin’s pants first. After the pants come off, you work on his shirt. Both articles of clothing go flying to the ground before the final layer, which is his boxers. The precum stringing from the head of his cock glisten as you gather a good portion of it onto your fingers before slathering it on your stomach. You lick the remaining juices from your fingers before placing both of your legs on either side of him. Jimin is excited. His dick seems to inflate a little as you sit down on him. “Look at you, being ruined by my cock. You aren’t gonna let it control you today, are you kitten?” You shake your head, panting slightly as you struggle to focus on what you were doing.

“I own this cock, got it? This cock is mine!” You finally start moving, making Jimin groan beneath you as he appreciates how much your boobs bounce in his face and how he can see everything as you move on top of him.

“Oh gosh, I’m gonna cum.” You gasp before quickly climbing off him and you resorted to using your mouth to finish the job.

“Um, why did you just stop when you were close?” Jimin asks. You gesture to his unprotected penis.

“You weren’t wearing a condom. I couldn’t let you cum in me and risk getting preggers. I watched Glee, I know all of the downsides.” Your boyfriend just huffs impatiently.

“I could’ve pulled out, but it seems that now I came once but you haven’t cum at all.”

“Jim, who’s in charge?” Your boyfriend is taken aback by the new name you gave him. He just sighs before turning his head to you and looking at you directly in the eyes.

“You are.”

“Great, glad we’re on the same page. Get on your stomach, babe. I wanna peg you.”

“What?!” Jimin’s eyes widen as you grab the lube from your desk drawer.

“Do you not want to do it tonight? I need to practice so Yoongi can-wait, are you telling me that you’re a top?” He blushes before running his hands through his pretty blue hair.

“We’re switches. Although, when we’re alone, hyung is more dominant in nature.” You gasp in awe as Jimin reveals this new information to you.

“That’s great, we’ll make him beg by the end of next week, I’m sure of it. But Jim, I do have a plan for how we go about it…” You quietly adjust the straps of your harness before slathering the dildo with lube. This is softer, so the texture feels like skin.

“Oh gosh, Y/N!” You hum as Jimin makes all kinds of cute noises, mostly from suffocation and feeling smothered. You take a break in between because Jimin declares it ‘too much,’ and after getting a drink of water you presume to prep him gently, so you don’t tear him apart.

Before you know it, just from the stimulation of your fingers on the base of his cock and the fingers in his hole, your man is coming undone, moaning, whining, cursing, begging-all of those things while you pump him with your right hand, as fast as possible. Seeing Jimin come on his stomach was the hottest thing you’ve seen in a long time. You really needed to see that.

“Kitten, wanna cum with me? You made me cum so many times already…” You nod, your face red from excitement. The lewd thoughts just make it worse.

“Jiminie, can we...69?” You ask shyly, but your boyfriend is more than happy to oblige.

“Sure, baby.”

                                            ༻• Night •༺ 

Yoongi gets home late only because Jin had some trouble with the cash register. He wasn’t feeling well as of late, but there was no explanation for his unexplained sadness. He had everything he needed in life, along with two amazing partners. So why was he feeling this way? He knows it’s normal for people to feel down sometimes. 

It’s hard for people to be happy all the time, especially when there’s a lot of stress in the environment. Now Yoongi has to prepare to deal with the “break-up” since you and Jimin will share the honor of being in an arranged marriage. Well, it’s more like a trick love-marriage. If your father catches you in bed with the wrong man, there’s no telling what he could do from there.

Yoongi just needs you and Jimin to get married to save you both. Jimin gets to reconnect with his parents who cast their son out because he got a boyfriend, and you would be free from awkward marriage dinners with strangers. Oh, and your father would leave you alone because he’d consider you as “Jimin’s property.” 

He knows the type of person he is. He’s dealt with the same type of parents many times over. His family wasn’t even willing to accept him even though he told them he wasn’t completely gay but didn’t agree to being labeled “straight” either.

Now look at you all, everyone is happy together and that’s the way Yoongi wants it to be. Even if he has to be in the background. For your happiness, he would do anything. For you and Jimin.

As he’s about to open the door, a text from your mother catches him off-guard. She was texting that she gets to come home earlier today, so she can spend time with you three and get to know your boyfriends better. Uh-oh, this is bad.

He shuts the door behind him before running upstairs, to look for you and Jimin. Yoongi bursts down the door with force only to find you and Jimin NOT watching iCarly together on Netflix.

“Oh God, I’m sorry!” He shields his eyes, turning around so you could cover up a little bit. Nothing he hasn’t seen before, but he didn’t want to be a pervert. Even though you’d be fine with him looking. He still wants to ask for consent. 

You change quickly, Jimin still panting and recovering from his last orgasm. He almost passed out from how good you were with your tongue.

“You can look, you know?” You and Jimin day in sync. The two of you share a look that Yoongi knew was the type of look reserved for two special people. You’ve already bonded, without him. It’s a good thing, even if it kills Yoongi that he's trying to earn extra money so in case you and Jimin do get caught with the plan, you would have a safety net to catch you when you fall and help you up. 

Yoongi didn’t inform you or Jimin of this, but recently, he’s been opting for extra hours just to save up money. He’s also been spending some of that money on new equipment to make his producing process a bit easier, but apart from that, he has a large amount of money in his bank account. At least, it’s big in his eyes. He never had much, but now he finally has a reason to do more with his life. 

You and Jimin constantly inspire him to make songs all the time, and without realizing it, you’ve changed him for the better.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. But that’s not why I’m here, your mom is coming home, and she wants to spend time with us, since we’re your boyfriends!” Yoongi panics and you find it endearing how the man you once thought to be cold and unkind to now be so comfortable around you that he speaks his mind.

“Thank goodness you walked in when you did, Jimin was about to pass out on top of me.” 

“Wait, you bottom for her?” You look back at Jimin to see his reaction. He gawks at his blond boyfriend in shock.

“Yeah, I mean haven’t you seen how she gets when she’s dominant? It’s sexy as hell.” You can’t understand what they’re saying anymore because they are speaking in Korean.

“Oh, I see. Wait until the roles are reversed, I’m sure our kitten will be mewling for you to stop once she feels your lips.” Jimin glances over at you quickly before looking back at his boyfriend.

“Hyung, in case you haven’t noticed, we’ve already done plenty alone.” Your prince-like boyfriend combs his hair to one side, making you giggle as you see Yoongi turn bright pink like a piglet.

“I can see that. Kitten, are you up for a date when we go up to the cabin?” You bite your lip, glancing nervously towards Jimin as he gets dressed with his back to you and looking at Yoongi as he waits patiently for your answer. You were planning to spend time with the two of them, but you know that maintaining the individual relationships with your partners are just as important as the group dynamic. You’ve also been naturally closer with Jimin, as he was your best friend first.

Yoongi deserves a break, and you know that he’s probably noticed that you and Jimin have been spending a lot more time together while he’s been working hard. The vacation is actually for Yoongi, but he doesn’t know that, yet.

“Sure. When do you want to go out?” You ask.

“Hmmm, what about tomorrow? I get off work around 4 tomorrow, so we’ll have a lot of time to spend after that.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” You both share a small smile before Jimin interrupts the moment with applause.

“Great! While you guys do that, I’ll be out learning choreography. I need to keep up with my peers from the institute.”

“Wait, you went to a dance school?” Jimin gasps at the realization that he never told you about his dance classes during high school.

“Yep, I was at the top of my class,” Jimin quickly changes the subject. “Anyways, enough about me, you guys need to plan for your date!” He quickly runs out into the hallway, in his boxer shorts with the rest of his clothes in hand, as you uncover yourself and give Yoongi a quick peek before scrambling to find some clean clothes that don’t smell like sex.

“Boys, I assume you know what this meeting is about?” Your mom clasps her hands together on her lap as she basically murders your boyfriends with her eyes.

“I know it’s a weird arrangement, but we both really like your daughter.” Yoongi is the first to speak up, and you find it sweet that he can open up to your mother, since he wasn’t the most socially adept back when you first met him. You assume that’s because you changed him, you and Jimin made him crawl out of his shell and explore the world a bit more. This was mostly good but bad at the same time because he was much better at communicating, and instead of scowling at people or giving them a blank stare, he actually smiles a lot more and makes more eye contact.

Maybe that’s just the jealousy talking, but you genuinely feel that it’s better for Yoongi, in the long run.

“I’ve known you guys for six months now, and in judging you personally, I can tell that you both have excellent characters. You will make her happy, and hopefully someday you three can be more serious.”

“Hey mom, I needed to ask you something about that.” Your boyfriends glance at you anxiously as you ask your mom. “When is dad coming home?” You bite your bottom lip as you do when you get nervous.

“Hmmm, he said he would be gone for half a year. He’ll be back by October, why?” You scratch your head.

“Can’t a girl wonder when her daddy’ll come home?” You don’t even bother looking at your boyfriends as you can tell exactly what their expressions are.

Once your mother is done interrogating your partners, Jimin creeps down the hallway and sneaks into your room.

“Where’s Yoongi?” You ask, as he kisses your collarbone.

“Asleep.” You stop him.

“Look, we left him out earlier so I feel kinda bad. I don’t think we should do any more stuff tonight. We can continue tomorrow.” Jimin’s a gentleman, so he wouldn’t push your boundaries. He just backs away from you and he flops down on your bed.

“You think I’m good...right?”

“What?” Jimin’s sudden words throw you off guard.

“I’m not bad at sex, am I?” 

“Jimin, where did you get that idea? Of course you’re amazing in bed, I’m just not in the mood tonight. Besides, my mom’s home.” You sit down next to him, stroking his right arm.

“Thanks. Sometimes I feel like I need validation. My confidence isn’t all what I chalked it up to be.” You just let out a long sigh. You can relate to him, in what happened with Jungkook and Jasmine. Your friendship actually made you lose trust in those closest to you. You were partially afraid of opening up to Jimin in the beginning too, but after you cried it out with him, you felt even closer to him than the people you knew practically your entire life.

Jimin is just easy to get along with, and you know that’s partially the reason why you were able to open up to him so quickly. Considering, yes you were only about three months into your romantic relationship, you needed someone to latch onto. Jimin was still the best friend you ever had, and you learned quickly that this was what a healthy friendship was like. 

Unlike Jungkook and Jasmine, Jimin would listen to you, and he’d give you advice about your problems. In turn, you listened to him, just as you had with your past friends. There was something different from the other interactions you had, because it was a take and give type situation. 

You weren’t just taking, though. You were applying yourself, and improving who you were as a person. This is what a friendship should be like. Even though you’re dating, it feels comfortable and familiar. You’ve learned not to depend on people as much, only when you need to. Unlike anything you’ve seen in the past, the dynamics of Jimin and Yoongi’s relationship is so free, they don’t pester the other to tell them everything.

Secrets are important in a relationship; That’s another thing you’ve picked up. Obviously you aren’t going to lie, but you feel like you have a safety net.

“Sorry. It’s just hard to always live up to society’s expectations of me.” Everything clicks for you with Jimin’s words. You quickly stand up, blood rushing to your head as you do, making you fall back just as fast. Jimin catches you, luckily, and lowers you down onto the mattress.

“We’re not getting married.” You put your foot down, catching your boyfriend off guard.

“Wh-what do you mean?” You simply stare up at your boyfriend, eyes filled with hope.

[superlinguo]

Linguistics Jobs: Interview with a Transcriptionist

When we started Lingthusiasm, I knew that transcripts had to be an essential part of the show. They’re so useful for people who can’t listen, people who would refer to read, and for when I want a quick reminder of what we covered in an interview (they’re also very handy for training a bot to take over the show). A few of us wrangled transcripts for a while, but it’s been an absolute delight having Sarah Dopierala on the team, turning our spoken words into written words.

Sarah and I were at SOAS at the same time, and Sarah was in the same MA program as last month’s interviewee, Exhibition Content Manager Emily Gref. In fact, it was Emily who put us back in touch when we were on the look out for a new transcriptionist. I guess then there’s an extra lesson from this month’s interview; the longer you’re around as a linguist, and the more connections you make, the more interesting pathways your career can take you on (The Helsinki Bus Station Theory for linguists)

You can find out more about Sarah’s research and her transcription work on her website, or follow her on Twitter (@SDopierala).

What did you study at university?

I went to the University of Pittsburgh for undergrad and studied linguistics as my major, with a minor in Japanese. It was a very well-rounded education. I studied many of the “core” topics such as phonetics (where I learned the International Phonetic Alphabet, or IPA), phonology, morphology, syntax, and semantics. I also got to study applied linguistics (which as I remember was an interesting class that overviewed many areas of linguistic application including forensic linguistics and even language documentation, among many others) and had a semester on historical linguistics. One of the most unique classes I took though -- which I don’t remember the name of now -- had to do with conlanging and natural language processing. Super cool. Besides linguistics I, of course, had my Japanese language courses and, since it was a liberal arts education, classes on a variety of other subjects including acting classes, art classes, and a physics class. It was good times.

For my master’s degree, I went to SOAS, University of London for an MA in Language Documentation and Description. This was a more specialized degree and a shorter program (1 calendar year) so my subjects were all linguistics related. For instance, I had classes on syntax (specifically looking at Lexical Functional Grammar), field methods, descriptive linguistics, and applied documentation (I think it was called) where we spent a lot of time discussing practical matters of doing research with people -- ethics, research methods, etc. I did get to do a lot of neat curriculum-adjacent things as well. I was a member of the Sylheti Language Project. We hosted a Sylheti language conference as well as published a Sylheti storybook. I got to attend other conferences as well to practice explaining my eventual dissertation topic -- converbs in Sylheti.

As of now, I’ve been accepted to the University of Frankfurt to do a PhD in comparative linguistics, still focusing on converbs only this time in Northwest Caucasian languages. Funding has been something of an adventure, but I remain hopeful! Besides, linguistics is never too far away. What is your job?

My current job is as a transcriptionist. I freelance making transcripts from audio recordings as my day-to-day, money-making job. Sometimes, I freelance through contracting companies. However, I prefer to work for myself and transcribe podcasts -- especially about linguistics! You may have seen my work via the Vocal Fries Podcast, Conlangery, and Lingthusiasm.

To build my transcription skills I took an online transcription course through Transcribe Anywhere. It took a certain investment of time and money, but you come out of there knowing your stuff and with a network of other transcriptionists to help you. I’m still learning a lot about running my own business (since I suppose that’s what freelancing ultimately is), but I feel confident, and it helps that I’m not completely alone.

As a freelancer, my daily schedule is hardly ever the same and I do tend to break it up even more with travel. That’s what I like about it though. I can do the job no matter where I go. As long as I get the job done well and in a timely manner, I can set my own schedule. It definitely takes a certain level of self-discipline to keep a freelancing schedule, that’s for sure.

How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

There are a couple of ways linguistics training helps me with transcription work -- or perhaps even transcription helps me with my linguistics work. My first introduction to transcription was during my master’s degree. As a documentary linguist in training, I made audio recordings with a Sylheti speaker and, in order to further analyze and archive my findings, I had to transcribe them. The difference of course was the goal. For transcribing podcasts and other material in English, the goal is generally to create a well-formatted document following written English conventions. However, transcribing an audio file for linguistic analysis, in general, focuses more on accurately representing the sounds of the language in IPA without reference to prescriptive ideas of what sort of written representation is “well-formatted.” For now, I’m focusing on readable English language documents but, in the future, I will return to transcription for linguistic analysis. I think my approach to that type of transcription will be enriched by this work.

The two types of transcription complement each other. When transcribing linguistics podcasts, I often use IPA to distinguish between different English pronunciations or even to represent non-English words. Just like I use knowledge of linguistic concepts to analyze linguistic data, I call upon quite a bit of that knowledge when I transcribe podcasts as well to not only identify certain terms but to follow the conversation. Understanding the content of the conversation reduces the amount of times I mishear, stop, rewind, listen again, and certainly reduces the time I spend researching unfamiliar topics. When I don’t understand the content of an audio file, I have a hard time predicting what people will say or what they might say. Being able to predict, to a certain extent, what someone might say plays a huge part in transcription and in general language processing as well. Transcribing these podcasts has also been a great way for me to keep up thinking about linguistics, keep up with what’s happening in the field, and keep feeling like I’m part of the community even if I’m not currently “doing linguistics” as my everyday job. 😊

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

I think I’ve been quite lucky in the advice I’ve received over the years, here are two things that have really stuck with me:

 “If you can, study in a different department than your undergrad or masters.”

I have found that working in several different departments has not only helped me grow as a researcher, but it has made me more appreciative of the things I learned in previous departments. There are ideas I may not have been introduced to if I had stayed in one place and many people I would not have met as well. My pool of friends and colleagues has definitely been enriched by getting out of my comfort zone.

“What job do you want to get?”

My undergraduate supervisor asked me this question when I told her about my topic for a PhD thesis. She was of course very supportive of my academic pursuits, but I think this is the first time someone asked me this question in a way that was practical rather than condescending (since not everyone instantly appreciates the worth of linguistic knowledge). I’m so grateful that she did because, up until that point, I pretty much took for granted that I would get a tenure-track job at a great university and do descriptive and documentary research for the rest of forever. Don’t get me wrong, that would be amazing. However, this question made me think. It opened me up to the precarity of academia, the non-guarantee of a well-paying university job, the non-guarantee of any university job for that matter. While I will still reach for that dream researcher position, I am now much more open to other opportunities and other ways of doing what I love.

Any other thoughts or comments?

I’m not (yet) able to completely support myself financially just from transcribing. Like many other freelancing careers, it’s taken quite a bit of time to get myself out there. I do receive help and support from other places. Because of this, I have had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time learning the trade, reaching out to potential clients, figuring out best practices, etc., while also pursuing my academic dreams, which take their share of time and effort. Perhaps not everybody has this luxury, and I want to acknowledge that as a factor for anyone inspired to consider transcription as a potential career path. However, with some patience, I know that it is very possible to make a comfortable living as a freelance transcriptionist. In fact, I hope that someday transcription can be a main source of income for me as well. In fact, it’s one of my potential “non-tenure” jobs -- especially if it means I can still be close to linguistics! 😉

Recently:

Interview with an Exhibition Content Manager

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Check out the Linguist Jobs Master List and the Linguist Jobs tag for even more interviews

[lonelypond]

Au Yeah August: Cafe Quarantine, Part I

NicoMaki, Love Live, 9.1K, 1/2

Summary: Nishikino Maki is working at the Nishikino Hospital's coffeeshop to learn customer service from her boss, Yazawa Nico. Then coronavirus shuts down the coffeeshop and they decide to quarantine together in the Nishikino mansion.

Cafe Quarantine, Part I

The small 24 hour coffee shop in the lobby of Nishikino Central Hospital was silent tonight, the lights lowered for a calming, post midnight atmosphere, everything serene until a loud groan echoed throughout the lobby.

“I’m in hell.”

Sure Nishikino Maki could do math, but math with her sexy spitfire “boss” present, whose glances lingered and practically licked? Nope. Inventory attempts were failing, boxes were falling, Maki was faltering.

“Throw the binary in the trash, along with that apron you just burned a spot through.” Yazawa Nico’s voice snapped.

“What?” Maki muttered through her fingers.

“That apron’s ruined. And no binary choices, no hell, no heaven, no good, no bad, no straight…”

Maki could get into no straight.

Nico continued, being unable to read Maki’s mind or face, “no crooked, no up, no down, and…” huge inhale, “don’t even get me started on black and white.”

Maki raised her head from the facepalm pose to stare, “What the fuck?”

“No binaries. Supports the oppressors. You know…” Nico winked, “the idle rich.”

Maki huffed and pointed the scanner in a random direction, “I am not idle.”

Nico stepped up to the counter, leaning forward until the scanner connected with her chest, “One Nico Ni, number one cafinista in the universe. And that’s not where Nico’s bar code tattoo is.”

Maki’s eyebrows scrunched at the same time as her mouth opened in shock, “You have a bar code tattoo?”

Nico rolled her eyes and grabbed the scanner, “Nico likes the morning shift better.”

Maki glanced at the wall. 2:07. “It’s morning.”

Nico shook her head, “Before your parents decided you needed customer service training, Nico had the morning shift. But you can’t be trusted with actual customers yet.”

“Yes I can.”

Nico put the scanner on the counter, “I had three complaints yesterday, one of them from a woman crying after you yelled ‘make up your mind, ditzy you’.”

“I didn’t say ‘ditzy.’”

“What did you say,”

Maki frowned, trying to remember, “Make up your mind, didn’t you…”

“Nico would have failed high school hwith grammar like that.”

“She cut off my sentence.”

Nico sighed, grabbed a cupcake, pulled down her mask, and sat at a table, pointing across from her. Maki sat. “Your parents think you’ll make a better doctor if you learn some empathy and basic courtesy.”

Maki kicked the table, not disturbing Nico at all, “How does pushing addictive substances on hyper caffeinated rude and rushing zombies teach me empathy?”

“How much coffee do you drink a day?”

Maki mumbled, her arms crossed over her torso, perpendicular to Nico’s glance.

“People might be inclined to forgive some awkwarrdness,” Nico licked icing off her finger, “I mean you’re super hot, so some of them probably aren’t listening…”

“What?!?!?!?!” Maki spun, angrily facing Nico, “how is that not sexual harassment?”

“Do you want Nico to say you’re plain?”

“Discussing my appearance at all is the problem.”

Nico leaned back and closed her eyes, licking some icing off her lips. Maki grimaced. This is why she was in hell. Nico. Tossing compliments like they meant nothing while doing extremely provocative things that shouldn’t register on Maki at all, because Nico was just her annoying, very temporary boss.

“Why do my parents like you so much?” Maki whined.

Nico laughed, “You think making me supervise you, o queen of cold, means your parents like me?”

“Ha. Funny.”

“Nico is good at her job, charming, and always helpful. Maybe they want you to be more like Nico.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t want to be more like Nico. I don’t want to be anything like Nico. I don’t want to be here.”

“So go home. Nico was all set to have a doctor-patient role playing session so that once you go back to college and med school you’ll be able to talk to people without freezing or flaming up…”

Maki had stalled on role playing, “You wanted to play doctor?”

“No, Nico wants to open the coolest jazz cafe in Chicago, once coronavirus gets cured.”

“I like jazz.”

Nico sighed and pulled up her mask, “So leave big tips after you…” Nico’s arms swept out in an gesture that embraced the whole of the building. Nico’s demonstrativeness was one of the things Maki liked about her, there was no mistaking what she meant. “But Nico’s break is over. Go home. It’s a slow night. Nico will see you next week.”

Maki frowned. There was a lot to inventory. But she was all fumbling and grumping and Nico’s voice had started to tighten. And Maki didn’t want Nico yelling at her like so many of the customers did.

“I get a lot of things right.”

Nico nodded.

Maki slumped. “Can’t you teach THEM empathy?”

Nico patted Maki on the head, “Nico tries.”

###

Back on Monday. Nico had Maki cleaning every spare minute. There was an entire cleaning staff, with teams specifically assigned to the cafe, but Nico hadn’t been happy with their work for weeks. So Maki was wearing the apron she’d burned, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and was scrubbing metal racks while Nico flirted with customers. Amazing how much charm Nico could glow with in even 30 seconds of interaction. No one seemed to mind the slowness and the six foot gaps when Nico was the goal. Maki grumbled as she scrubbed. Med school was going to be easy after Yazawa school.

“Hey, Maki.” Nico called out. Maki spun. Nico pointed to the nose region of her mask. Maki breathed out and she felt fabric shifting. Hers was slipping. Damn. She put the rack down to dry and adjusted her mask. The behind the ears got painful so she’d found a style with a toggle and had her parents order them for the cafe. Nico had insisted they say “SMILE.”

“Hi, Dr. Nishikino!” Nico said brightly.

Maki turned to see her father walking in. He deliberately locked the door behind him. Maki could tell he was worried.

“What’s wrong, Papa?”

“The cleaners who work in here have tested positive. We’re going to close it for a week of deep cleaning. And all the employees need to self quarantine. We’ll also offer testing.”

“Ha!” Nico snorted, “Nico told you it wasn’t clean enough.”

“Is that really what matters?” Maki’s thoughts had started to race through had she had any symptoms, had Nico been almost coughing, was either of them running a fever.

“No, what really matters is that Nico might have taken the virus home to her siblings. And my mom. That would be bad...so bad...Nico’s going to have to stay away...and…Cocoro will have to cook and...Nico’s place is so tiny....”

Maki's suggestion was quick. “Stay at our house. We have extra rooms. I’m as likely to have been exposed as you.”

“So we give each other more germs?”

“All the space will help. Masks will cut down transmission possibilities. As will surface cleaning. And opening windows for ventilation.” Dr. Nishikino said, “As long as you both stay asymptomatic….although your mother and I aren’t really there much, Maki.”

“I know.”

Nico was surprised by the down note in Maki’s voice, but D. Nishikino just nodded as if it were a familiar one.

Nico was pacing, talking to herself, “Cocoro can cook a few things, Mama will be okay, if Nico thinks quarantining might be trouble, Cocoa will be so bad at it...uuugggh” Nico stomped, “Okay, but Nico cooks.”

“Sure.” Maki brightened at that demand.

“Good. That’s settled.” Dr. Nishikino pulled out his phone, “I’ll have the car drive you there and if you text me a list of food you need, I’ll have it delivered. And if you develop any symptoms, let me know at once.”

“Thanks, Papa.”

He smiled as he unlocked the door, “Just be careful, girls. I’ll call you, Maki.”

Maki waved. Nico was still pacing.

“What am I going to tell the kids…”

###

Maki heard a muttered “I’m in hell” and spun to be greeted by a Nico sparkle smile and the gesture.

“Nico Nico Nice place. Suits Nico.” Nico closed the door behind her. “Where does Nico stash her stuff?” Nico bounced her custom camo pink messenger bag on her hip.

“Um…” Maki hadn’t really been thinking about practical things. She’d spent the car ride over trying not to kick anything or fidget too much. No conversation. Anything she thought about saying involved the coronovirus survival percentages her parents had recently been obsessed with so she just hummed. Nico always had something to say, at least for the three months Maki had been working with her. Yes, for Christmas this year, Maki’s parents had decided to give her a demon boss while she took a sabbatical to decide on her degree path.

“It’d probably be easier if we were on a different floor than my parents, if we actually have it. Better for isolation.”

“Nico just needs wifi, her laptop, phone, and a Bluetooth speaker system. And your kitchen.”

Maki’s phone pinged, her father answering that where to sleep question.

P: Your mother and I are going to stay in a hotel suite near the hospital for a couple of weeks at least. We need to plan for a surge. The staff will be in to clean three times a day.

Maki sighed. “They’re going to stay near the hospital. They think there’ll be a surge. So you can just take the room down the hall from mine.”

“Thanks.” Nico sounded subdued, it was odd to hear her like that. “Is it really bad?”

“Well, you’ve been following the news, right?”

Nico shrugged, “A little. I know China and Italy are bad.”

“My parents have to plan for the worst case scenario so they’ve been paying careful attention.” Maki sighed, and turned into the media room, “Me being exposed…”

“Parents get extra worried.” Nico tossed her bag on an empty chair and stretched out her legs.

It was a much more complicated situation than that, Maki knew, with her father probably recalculating everything if the virus had gotten as close to their relatively safe social bubble as Maki. But Nico sounded sympathetic so Maki didn’t correct her.

“What are you making me for breakfast?” Maki

“A nap.” Nico stretched back with a huge yawn.

Maki laughed, “Good idea.”

“Always listen to Nico.”

“Can’t commit to that.”

“You will.”

“C’mon.” Maki grabbed Nico’s bag, “Let’s head upstairs.”

###

10 a.m. Four hours was a pretty decent nap. And nowhere to go for a couple of weeks. Maki grinned. Lots of time for piano. And whomping Rin in MarioKart. Thank you, online gaming. Was Nico awake yet? Maki glanced, the door to the room she’d given Nico was closed so no clue there. Maki could at least start coffee. There’d been donuts on the list so that was a breakfast start if the driver had come back.

Singing and talking were coming from the kitchen, as well as other noises. Maki stopped in the doorway, watching Nico chop and dance along the length of the counter as she carried on a conversation.

“So the rude smart doctor needs you to teach her how to cook?” A young voice sounded confused.

“That’s right. Dr. Maki can’t cope without Nico.”

“What happened to the last chef?”

Nico stepped back, arms crossed, and tilted her head toward the phone. Maki couldn’t see her expression, “Nico doesn’t ask.”

“Smart thinking, sis. This way the Nishikinos won’t make you disappear.”

“You got it.” Nico waved a cleaver at her phone. Maki assumed there was a “Nico has everything under control” wink involved. Then what the other voice had said actually registered.

“We’re not some kind of crime family. We own a hospital. It’s been in the family for more than a century. We save lives.”

Nico jumped, the knife falling to the counter, “Maki!”

“Hi, Dr. Maki. Nico’s going to fix you. You’re so lucky.”

Maki came up behind Nico and glanced down, a miniature Nico was smiling up at her and waving

“Hello.”

“Maki, this is my sister Cocoro. Cocoro, Nico has to finish Maki’s breakfast.”

“Don’t let her yell at you, Sis.”

“Nico’s got this. Don’t worry. Talk to you soon.” Nico closed out the call and spun to confront Maki. “Hey, it’s rude to eavesdrop.”

“I didn’t know I was walking into a call.”

Nico leaned back against the counter, “Well, if you walk into another call, don’t mention quarantine. I don’t want to worry my siblings.”

“But…”

“No buts.” Nico didn’t even let Maki finish her thought, let alone her sentence, “I told Mama, she’s going to keep them mostly at home, Nico didn't visit last weekend, it’s Spring break anyway, everything will be fine.”

Maki waited.

“So if you talk to my siblings, Nico is teaching you to cook.”

“What if…”

“We are not getting sick.” Nico turned and picked up the knife, pointing to a pile of minced white chunks, “Garlic, your new best friend. Every meal.”

Maki scratched her neck, “Shouldn’t you actually teach me to cook. Just in case…”

“Yeah…” Nico’s face jumped through all the phases of thoughtful, “Cocoro might quiz you. Okay, Nico will come up with a few simple things...I’m assuming by your inability to properly warm up cookies, you have no kitchen skills.”

Nico remembered every little incident, even from Maki’s very first week, when she’d been on the afternoon shift, the line of customers had gone out the door and everything she touched had shattered, imploded, or sprayed whipped cream over Nico’s apron. “The oven was broken.”

“Nico was almost broken, trying to cope with Maki’s trail of destruction, like Tokyo after…”

“Please don’t.” Maki raised a hand, interrupting what she was sure was a Godzilla reference. While definitely a Godzilla fan, Maki was not awake enough for a pre breakfast recanting of her inabilities. “What are you making?”

“Omurice, although no leftovers so instant rice. Do you want hot sauce?”

“Anything tomato will do.”

“Good. Nico doesn’t like spicy so this way we can share.” Nico grabbed a nearby bowl and whisked the eggs. “What do your parents eat?”

Maki shrugged, “Fast things. Breakfast sandwiches. They’re usually gone when I wake up.”

“Well sure, you work the night shift. You probably go home and go right to bed like Nico, then see people when you wake up.”

Maki opened the refrigerator, not replying to Nico. Fresh squeezed orange juice. She took the carafe out, “Want juice?”

“Yes. And you can set out plates wherever you want to eat.”

“Okay.”

“Nico will find you.”

Maki perched on a stool, pouring juice into two glasses, “Here’s fine.”

Nico glanced over her shoulder, “Makes it easy. Nico doesn’t have to look.”

“So do you see your siblings often?”

“Spend weekends there sometimes. Nico’s not dating anyone so…” Nico wiggled the spatula to the right, Maki not able to read her expression.

“Me neither.”

Nico whistled and waved the spatula to encompass the kitchen, “Somebody’s missing out.”

“Kitchens are usually a third date thing.”

Nico laughed, “Morning after, right?”

Maki considered, realized, and blushed…”no, uh….I didn’t mean that...three’s just a number I picked...I didn’t….”

“Calm down, Maki. Nico is teasing, makes the food taste better.”

“Doesn’t.” Maki muttered, still blushing.

WIth a flourish, Nico flipped the omelette on the platter and spun, presenting it with a wink and a sparkle, “Taste it and see.”

Nico had expected more enthusiasm. Maki was spinning her fork and almost pushing the omlettle.

“Something wrong?”

“You shouldn’t call me Dr. Maki.”

“But you’re going to be a doctor, right.”

“I guess.”

“So what’s the problem. Cocoro’s not going to ask you to take out her appendix.”

Maki stabbed the food, her stubborn glance confronting Nico’s curious one, “”Doctor is a title you earn.”

“You’re smart, you’ll get there.”

“That isn’t the…” Frustration darkened Maki’s eyes as she shook herself and ate a forkful of breakfast. “Thanks. This is…” She paused, swallowed, and took an ever quickening series of bites, “amazing.”

“Nico is number one at everything she does.”

Maki hoped that wasn’t true about catching novel coronaviruses.

###

Maki and Nico were in the music room. Nico had poked her head in there and insisted Maki play some jazz records on the cabinet sized record player. Looked retro, but all the best tech. Maki had opened the windows for ventilation and Nico was lounging on a chaise, singing along with Carla Cook. Maki had chosen the piano bench, but not to play. She faced Nico, not the keyboard.

“So why a jazz club?”

Nico tapped her fingers along with the beat, humming, then swung into her answer, “Nico decides things, NO AUDITIONS, classy, good story for Nico to sell, rich people like jazz and will buy expensive things, Chicago native, hint of blues...Nico’s a people person, the best cook you’ll meet, and the number one ‘interpreter of a lyric.” Nico feels what the audience feels…”

“Didn’t they say that about Carmen Macrae?”

“Dee Dee Bridgewater, Ella Fitzgerald, probably Sinatra, if you like that type,” Nico paused to glance at Maki who raised an eyebrow, “Sarah Vaughn, Meloney Collins, Diana Krall, Nancy Wil...”

“Okay, I got it. Nico knows jazz.”

“Nico knows singers.”

“So how’d you end up managing my parents’ coffeeshop?”

Nico sat up, “It’s a good gig. Nico’s saving lots of money. Always make the bonuses. Well,” And Nico glared, “at least until nepotism kicked Nico out of ‘exceeded expectations’.”

“Surely my parents aren’t blaming you for my…”

“Nah, nah, don’t worry. Nico’s a master negotiator. Your dad’s promised to help me when I’m ready to step out on my own. I’m learning a lot about running a business, inventory, managing difficult employees.”

Maki ignored the tweak. “If it’s your jazz cafe and you’re planning to perform, wouldn’t you hire people for the practical things?”

“If you can’t do it yourself, how are you going to hire the right person?”

“So do you get any practice performing?”

“Open mic nights mostly, weekly TWIG lives. Nico was pretty serious in college, sang with a concert band, chorus in a few musicals, helped out a jazz trio a few times, but they broke up when the drummer took a studio musician gig in LA.”

Maki was watching as Nico’s eyes sparkled, obviously remembering some of her experiences onstage.

“We had to play through a Wisconsin blizzard one Halloween, five hours, no power, just a huge fireplace in this ski lodge until they plowed people out and got them to their buses. Nico slept for three days after that, under a HUGE pile of blankets.”

“You sang for five hours?”

Nico leaned forward, her grin the most natural Maki had seen and the most luminous, “Led singalongs for a lot of it. 90’s boy bands always a hit.”

“So not always jazz…”

Nico raised a finger to her lips, winking as she air kissed. “Shush.”

Maki forgot what her question had been.

“Oooh, this is a fun one…” Nico bounced up, “Tulip or turnip…”

“Sounds like a bad recipe.”

Nico waved Maki off with two fingers and continued to sing, “Sapphire or sawdust, champagne or just home brew, tell me tell me tell me, dreamface, what am I to you? Rosebud or rhubarb, diamond or doorknob, filet or plain beef stew, tell me tell me tell me, dreamface, what am I to you?”

Nico stopped, ruby eyes demanding a reaction from Maki, who began to feel feverish. Probably not a virus though. Just needed a little more air to move through the windows, cool things off.

“Am I Dreamface now?” Maki drawled.

Silence for too long and Maki started twirling a strand of hair by her ear, then Nico doubled over with a huge laugh that echoed, even in the open room, “Sure, Ms. Modesty, you can be Dreamface.”

“So what would you be?”

“Bankroll.” Nico echoed a word as Carla Cook continued.

“Pragmatic.”

Nico started going through albums. “So are we just going to listen to jazz for two weeks.”

“Sure.”

“That was way eager.”

“But you like jazz.” Maki left the “and I like jazz” unspoken.

“Jazz isn’t the only thing Nico likes. Nico didn’t even like jazz at first. Nico likes sunshine and movies and K-pop and K-dramas and Nintendo and talking to her friends and cooking for her family and dancing and cute girls and…”

Maki would have listed jazz, long bubble baths, taking flower photos, and staring at the stars, but that just sounded like cliched, boring please date me desperation that would be laughed off any dating app.

“Hey, Dreamface, Nico asked what you like. Besides jazz.”

“Tomatoes.”

“Tomahto.”

“Either will do.”

Nico giggled.

Maki, suddenly bold, decided to share the thought that had just thudded into her head. “Let’s make a Quarantine Cafe.”

Nico tilted her head, “Explain.”

“You sing,” Maki turned to the piano, “I play, we stream on TWIG…”

“And Nico gets so many new fans…”

“Yeah.” Maki found her enthusiasm fading at that thought, but Nico was spinning around the room.

“This is a great space. The acoustics are amazing, Nico will find the perfect spot for lighting….don’t have the right clothes, but maybe Eli could bring my things over, yeah, we could definitely start something…”

“Eli?”

“College friend. We took dance classes together. She’s great. Her wife’s so nosy it’s in her name, but Eli’s a sweetheart. Let me text her.” Nico pulled out her phone, typing quickly.

Maki decided it was time to switch albums, no lyrics, just Ahmad Jamal and his piano.

“Eli’s in. She’ll drop a few things off when she gets off work so we can start tonight…” Nico paused, “if you want.”

Maki turned, leaning back against the cabinet, flexing her fingers. “I’ll check my schedule.”

With a laugh, Nico sat on the couch, patting the seat next to her, “Tell Nico what you like to play.”

###

“You’re a loser!” Rin shouted in headset as King Boo sped by Cat Peach.

“Just crossed the finished line, how is that a loss?”

“You had to shell me. You can’t win without shelling. You suck on turns.”

“I do fine.”

“You never brake.”

“You never beat me.”

“Play me with no shells.”

“You got it. Pick the course.” Maki flicked through screens. She and Nico had developed afternoon habits. Nico would sit at one end of the media room and video chat with everyone she had ever met anywhere and Maki would be at the other end of the room, playing Switch games with Rin. Maki hadn’t heard Nico say anything for awhile though so she turned around. Nico was lying back, staring at the ceiling, rubbing her forehead. Maki whispered, “Hang on, Rin. Gotta check on something.”

“Ooohh, Maki’s scared.”

“I am not. Go get a drink. I’ll be back.”

Maki slipped her headset off her ears, and went halfway to Nico, “Nico? Were we too loud?”

“No. Nico just has a headache.”

Maki tensed, “That’s a symptom, take your temperature, are you feverish, do you need…”

Nico sat up, almost smiling, “Calm down, not a doctor, Nico is fine. I just haven’t been sleeping well.” She looked around, “This place is too big.”

“You are too tiny.”

Nico frowned, blinking slowly, her face suddenly drawn and tired, “Nico is perfect and cute and adorable and not up to teaching lessons about how not to be rude right now.”

Maki shoved her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt, “I can race Rin some other day. Do you need something?”

Nico stood, wincing a little, her response sounded automated. “Nah, you kids are fine. Nico’s going to take a nap.”

“I’m not a kid.”

Nico just shrugged and shuffled to the door, looking smaller. Maki fought the urge to galumph after her. Knocking Nico down because of worry would have been a fail.

“If you order a pizza or something for dinner, save Nico some slices.”

"Okay.” Maki tried for cheerful and just hit loud.

Nico waved, “Win your race for Nico.”

Maki put her headset back on, “Rin?”

“Ready, loser?”

“Nico’s sick.” Maki heard the panic in her voice and hoped Nico was already up the stairs.

Rin whistled, “That’s bad, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Talk to Papa.”

“Good idea.”

“Yeah.”

“Text me if you need anything. Kayo-chin and I’ll drop it off.”

“Thanks, Rin.

“Don’t let the Rona getcha.”

“I’ll shell it.”

Rin’s laugh was infectious as the call cut, although Maki added undertones of nervous to hers.

### Nico had looked pale when she’d joined Maki in their #1QuarantineCafe livestreaming set up in the music room, the microphone set in front of the open windows, but as soon as Nico hit record, it was all pep and personality.

“Anybody remember the 50 Shades Of Grey soundtrack?” Nico asked the audience. “So many songs that deserved a better movie.”

True. Maki thought.

“Nico’s going to sing two for you tonight, that Maki and I worked super hard on. So forget Sinatra and Annie Lennox, and definitely forget Mr. Grey and let Nico enthrall you.”

Maki snorted. Nico had been having fun at breakfast running through all the synonyms for magic, but vetoed Maki’s “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” suggestion, which is how they got on to songs better than the play they’re written for, which is how they got to soundtracks and Fifty Shades of Grey” since Nico also vetoed the Madonna songs from Dick Tracy. And Nico would have totally killed “Sooner Or Later.” Maybe another night.

Maki must have heard her cue and started playing automatically because when she came out of her segue, Nico was halfway through.

“I put a spell on you Because you're mine You're mine

I love ya I love you I love you I love you anyhow And I don't care If you don't want me I'm yours right now

You hear me I put a spell on you Because you're mine”

And then Nico was leaning on the piano. And Maki made the mistake of making eye contact and froze. Nico’s face was layers of expressions, masks sliding on and off one after the other, over a foundation of pale, amused, tired. Mischievous flamed to flirty, flashed to fathomless, smooth sped into spellbinding, charisma crashed through charm, and then curious connected and Maki could speak, stretching her arms across the keyboard.

“Nope. Piano. Mine.”

Nico chuckled, “Not really what Nico was aiming for, goof.” Then the aggressive charm flipped back on for their audience, “And now that we have Maki’s attention again, we’ll give you another track, one so many famous people have done, but Nico will do it better.” As Nico headed back to “center stage,” she tossed a smirk back at Maki, “try not to get so distracted. Nico can give you a private show later.”

Maki blushed and focused on the keys, the frisson down her back making her want to actually bolt. What she really had to concentrate on was NOT listening to the lyrics.

"Those fingers in my hair That sly come-hither stare That strips my conscience bare It's witchcraft And I've got no defense for it The heat is too intense for it What good would common sense for it do?"

"Yeah, that." Maki thought.

###

Nico crashed on the couch as song as she turned off the video.

“Nico?” Maki put the fallboard in place.

“Nico’s fine.”

“Don’t believe you.”

“Did Nico teach you how to make tea yet?”

“I already knew how to.”

“Make Nico tea. Something…”

“I’ll make you the tea I make when I’m getting a cold.”

“Works for Nico, if you don’t get the colds. Is it tasty?”

“Little minty. Kinda bitter.”

Nico clucked. “Bring Nico a cookie too.”

“Okay.”

Time to text Papa. Maki wondered if their tests had come back yet. Surely Papa would have said. Nico had worked all weekend so more potential exposure. Hydration. Maki would bring water. And check Nico for a fever and…

Maki shook herself and sat at the kitchen table, head in hands. What if Nico wasn’t all right?

###

Nico was napping. She'd been keeping to her room. Maki had called Rin, who had jumped at a chance to kick around a soccer ball in the backyard. No hands, masks, no tackling, but at least Maki would be out in the sun instead of waiting for Nico to wake up or her father to call. And then he walked into the backyard.

“Papa.”

“Hey, Dr. Nishikino!” Rin waved and started to juggle the soccer ball.

“Hi Rin. Good to see you being careful.”

Rin saluted, losing her rhythm and chasing after the ball.

“So, positive test, right.” Maki reached down and pulled up her sock.

“Nico, yes; you, no. We should move her to the guest house.”

Maki had already had this conversation in her head, “No. She’ll be lonely. She already misses her family. I’ll be careful, Papa.”

“Has she been wearing a mask?”

“Yes.”

“Is her family quarantining?”

Maki nodded, “But Nico was too busy last weekend to see them anyway.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“Has she contacted everyone she interacted with?”

Maki was tired of all these practical questions, like Nico was some impersonal puzzle, “Yes, Papa. We did everything on your list.”

Maki’s father raised his hands, “I’m sure you did, Maki. I just want to keep as many people as possible safe.”

“So do we.”

A long pause, “How is Nico?”

Maki kicked her heel into the grass, “Headachy, tired, feverish sometimes, doesn’t want to eat, no cough.”

“Good. We’ll hope it’s a minor case. But make sure she stays isolated. She should see a turnaround in the next few days. If she doesn’t...”

Maki didn’t want to talk about that. Of course Nico was going to get better. “How’s Mama?”

“Busy, lots of meetings. Making me listen to operas.”

“Rossini?”

“Wagner.”

“Oh.” Everyone was worried, Maki thought.

“We’re proud of you. You’re staying calm.”

He hadn’t seen her up all night, pacing in the hallway, frantically trying not to open Nico’s door to check for breathing or suddenly wide awake wondering if the slight scratch in her own throat was going to lead to endless, racking coughing,

“You always do.”

“It’s what doctors need to do, especially in situations like this. So we can help people.”

Maki nodded, and waved to Rin, who was waiting for a cue and kicked the ball in her direction.

Dr. Nishikino recognized he’d lost his daughter’s attention, “Well, I have to get back to the hospital. Give Nico my best. We reassigned those cleaners outside the hospital. I should have taken her complaints more seriously.”

“Give Nico my best.” After suggesting Nico move to the guest house. And ignoring her concerns about the cleaners. If he’d actually listened, Nico might not be sick. Nico who had this irresistible energy, a spark that made Maki almost cheerful to be spending hours working in her company, was now a Nico who dragged herself from bedroom to kitchen or media room. And crying. Nico shouldn’t be crying. Nico shouldn’t be sick. Maki shouldn’t be feeling this worried, this useless. But instead of accelerating her medical training, to feel less useless, she just wanted to spend more time playing piano for Nico, to make Nico smile, like Nico wanted to make their audience smile.

“Talk to you tonight. 9 o’clock.”

“Yes, Papa.”

He left with a wave, and Maki flumped into one of the lounge chairs, Rin flumping next to her.

“So…”

“Nico’s got it.”

“You’re fine?”

“So far.”

“Did he want to take you off somewhere?”

“Wanted to put Nico in the guest house. He knows I won’t leave the piano.”

“You said no.”

“I said no.”

“That’s nice.”

“She misses her family. She was crying yesterday. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Hug her.”

Maki turned to look at Rin. “Don’t be stupid.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.” Maki threw her hands out, “And I’m useless.”

“You’re here.” Rin reached out a hand and squeezed Maki’s bicep, “It matters, Maki. You know it does.”

“Thanks.”

“We forgot to bring out drinks.”

“You forgot to bring out drinks.”

“It’s your house.”

“You want a serving of Rona?” Maki teased.

“Ha! I’ll out run it.”

“You outrun everything.”

“But Kayo-chin.”

“Smart.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to get her to do 5Ks but she won’t.”

“Don’t blame her.” Maki was starting to get cold, even in her hoodie. March wasn’t really outdoor weather, but she was enjoying just hanging out with Rin.

And then Rin did the Rin thing.

“So you going to tell Nico about your crush on your hot boss?”

Maki slapped at Rin. Rin giggled.

###

“Fever.” Nico grumped, her mask covering most of her face. She sat at the kitchen table. The windows were open and Maki was staying more than 10 feet away.

“Tea?”

“Yeah. The elderberry stuff?” Nico asked.

Maki glanced at the box, “That and a bunch of other stuff.” “Put in a little honey.” Doorbell rang. Maki left the electric kettle to do its job and went to answer. No one there, but a big box. Addressed to Nico. With hearts and bunnies scrawled in marker everywhere. Maki took it to the kitchen. Nico had pouring her own tea. “Better leave before I pull down the mask and drink.”

“Yeah.” Maki put the box on the table. “It’s for you.”

“Really!” Nico spun with a smile, then winced, “ah, maybe Nico needs to take things slower.”

Maki took the step back from where she’d reached out to catch Nico.

“Looks like someone had fun decorating the box.” “Oh, that would be all of them. Hey, wash your hands after touching this. If you’re going to catch the coronovirus, catch it from Nico, not being careless.” “Is that supposed to cheer me up?”

Nico shrugged, cutting the box open with her tea spoon. Maki washed her hands, watching Nico, who was giggling and happy as she pulled out containers and cards. “Nico’s favorite cookies, thanks Mama. And Cocoro made Nico some muffins for breakfast. Cocoa probably put extra berries in them...and what’s this…” Nico pulled out a large card, “This is for you, Maki.” She slid it across the table. Maki saw her name on it and lots of music notes and hearts.

“They’ve been watching you play piano for Nico.”

Scrawled in children’s handwriting were “Thanks for taking care of our Sis,” “Hi,” “Don’t get sick” and more carefully written, “I hope Nico has helped you learned to cook well enough that you can survive while she gets better.” “I’m not a child.” Maki growled.

Nico snorted, “What did Cocoro say.” “Never mind.” Maki took the card, “Better have your tea.” “What are you going to do?” “Practice piano for tonight….” “And…” Nico went through the optimal handwashing sequence. “You’re not my big sister.”

Nico laughed, “Nico might manage one song tonight.”

Maki hesitated in the doorway, “You should rest.” “You’re not Nico’s doctor.”

Maki’s jaw clenched. Then she started to speak a few times, breathed out fiercely enough to flare her nostrils, and stomped away. 

###

Nico believed in theme weeks so they were still on songs better than the shows they were in. Which meant Pal Joey.

Nico managed to sing, barely getting to the end of “The Lady Is A Tramp.” It didn’t sparkle.

Maki played a very gentle “I Didn’t Know What Time It Was” as Nico snored on the couch.

Then the song was over and it was Maki alone with the camera. Twisting a curl, she glanced at Nico, but no help there. Even alone by herself, the mood was elegiac. She shook herself, flexed her fingers, and started singing the song that had been looping in her head.

"If they asked me, I could write a book

About the way you walk and whisper and look

I could write a preface on how we met

So the world would never forget

And the simple secret of the plot

Is just to tell them that I love you a lot

Then the world discovers as my book ends

How to make two lovers of friends”

Maki looked straight into the camera, raised a finger to her lips, winked, and shushed the audience.

### 

Nico was feverish and obviously sleeping through all of the day. Maki had managed to get her to sip some soup.  

So Maki had her phone out.

M: She needs to sleep. What do I do about the Café?

R: Play something.

M: What?

Hanayo frequently “eavesdropped” on their text conversations.

H: Keep the theme going. Songs better than the plays or movies they're in.  M: With what? 

R: Kayo-chin’s looking up stuff.

M: Does she want a job?

R: Looking up stuff?

M: Handling the social media.

H: ＼(★^∀^★)／

H: The Bodyguard. 

M: No. I was trying to talk Nico into Madonna and Dick Tracy the other day. I’ll do something from that. Right feel. I can wear my fedora.

R: We should have a double feature night. Dick Tracy and Who’s That Girl. Kayo-chin wants a mountain lion. H: Just text me the TWIG password.

R: Can you sing “always get my man” with a...straight face (∩╹□╹∩) Won’t Nico get the wrong idea.

In her head, Maki could hear Rin giggling until she couldn’t breathe.

Maki spoke as she typed, “Shut it, Rin.”

“Maki?”

Maki yelped and jumped, her phone flying out of her hand.

Nico laughed, then coughed and couldn’t stop. Maki froze, her phone lying forgotten as she stared at Nico.

Cough finally quieted, Nico grimaced, then winked at Maki, but it was a wan substitute for her usual flirting, “So what’s the verdict, Doc? Got a cure or am I gonna die?” Maki couldn’t handle the surge of anger and sadness at Nico’s question, the two huge forces that grappled on her like riptides and started to tear her in opposite directions. And the tears, why were there tears? There must be a lot of tears, Maki could feel them running down her face, sliding into the side of her nose, blurring her vision so she didn’t have to see the shock and exhaustion on Nico’s face above the mask. 

Maki ran out of the room, to her bedroom, to a pillow, to hide her face, to soak her scaredness and sorrow into something, to scream out frustration. 

###

Maki must have fallen asleep at some point. Achey too. She raised a hand to her forehead. No fever. Probably just dehydrated from all the crying. And hungry. Maki rolled out of bed. First, wash face, then change into pajamas. It was still dark out. Then grab cereal and curl up and watch She Ra until she fell asleep again. Serious plan. Don’t think about anything.

Maki stared into the refrigerator, deciding between chocolate milk and milk. The most serious question she wanted to deal with today. Chocolate, along with some super cinnamony cereal with a hint of apple. Yep. That was a breakfast win. Grabbing the milk, Maki turned to get her bowl and there was Nico in the door. Maki jumped again, the milk hit the ground, Maki’s slippers were a fashionable new chocolate brown, and Maki couldn’t hold back a whine.

“Aw c’mon. Why?”

Nico snickered, but carefully. “Does this only happen in the kitchen? Cause it’s too adorable to hide in just one room.” “Be quiet.” Maki picked up the carton, grabbed paper towels, raised them as a shield when Nico stepped forward, “I’ve got this. Why are you up anyway?” Nico breathed out, a dry, raspy sound, “Nico is too dry.”

“Oh, I’ve got a Thermos somewhere. You can take tea back to your room with you.”

Nico’s mask had sparkling strawberries not nearly as bright as her eyes scattered all over striped pink fabric, It was so very Nico. Maki’s mask was functional, hospital issue.

“Where did you get that mask?” 

“Mama sent some cute ones, along with fabric and elastic in the care package. She’s got the girls making them for the neighbors. Does Maki want Nico to make her a cute mask?”

Maki shrugged, “Maybe when you’re not exhausted.”

“Hey, Maki?” Nico's question was so quiet it amped Maki's uneasieness.  “Yeah?” Maki was making the mess a little messier, but eventually absorption would work. Physics always won, right?

“Why do you freak out whenever Nico mentions doctors?”

Maki froze. 

“Are you allergic?” Nico was trying to keep the conversation light, but Maki could tell her tiny, too frail interrogator was fading.

“Kind of.” “Maki.” A demand for more. Maki finished cleaning in a blur of motion, then stood, “My parents are glad to be medical professionals, continuing our family tradition, they love what they do, it’s all they do…” Maki tossed the sodden towels in the sink and sighed, “That’s a lot sometimes.”

“Yeah.” 

“Now I’m going to go watch cartoons and eat cereal. You should, in my I-spend-so-much-time-adjacent-to-doctors-I-know-EVERYTHING opinion, go to bed. Immediately.”

“My little brother is probably up watching cartoons.” “Cotaro is a wise man and will grow up well.” Maki declared with a nod, tucking the cereal under her arm, and picking up her bowl, spoon, and milk, stopping before she stepped into the Nico bubble they’d gotten used to keeping between them.  “May I?”

Nico stepped out the way, with as grand a flourish as she could manage, grabbing the back of a chair when her legs wobbled, but not until Maki was safely down the hall.

###

Nico was still sleeping. Day Seven of the Quarantine Cafe. Hanayo had kept insisting that finishing Nico’s theme week was important. And teasing the next one on TWIG. Maki had spent most of her afternoon, after a brief mid morning nap, arranging two of Madonna’s songs from Dick Tracy into piano arrangements. 

Now Hanayo was on a video feed arguing with her. 

“It’s about branding, Maki. Nico’s been wearing cocktail dresses, you’ve got gowns, wear one.”

Maki froze. She had propped her phone up on a shelf inside her walk in closet. “I don’t want to.”

“Pretend you’re in a movie, Maki.” Rin chirped.

“That’s a great idea, baby. Rin’s right, pretend you’re in a movie. Channel your inner Madonna.” “I don’t have an inner Madonna.” “Channel your inner Pearl.” Rin crowded next to Hanayo. “She wore a suit.” Maki twirled a curl, biting her lip, “I’ve got a tux.”

Hanayo kept pressing. “Wear a gown, like Adora, Maki. Nico will see it when she gets better, but for you it’ll just be playing dress up alone.”

A gown like Adora. Maki had a white and silver gown that she’d bought for some New Year’s Gala and hadn’t had the courage to wear. Nico was feverish, sweating through clothes and now just muttering things that made no sense whenever Maki cautiously cracked the door open to check on her so she probably wasn’t going to be awake for the livestream.

“Like a movie set, Maki.” Rin rolled away from the camera. “Like a movie set.” Maki set her shoulders, “I can do that.”

“That’s great, Maki.” “I recorded ‘Sooner Or Later” so I can just sing.” “Good.”

“Yeah, Maki, don’t think, sing. You can do it.”

“You can do it.”

“I can do it.” And that wasn’t just an empty echo of her two best friend’s confidence boosting. Maki could do it. She could see the scene in her head, just like a movie. And Nico would see it later, maybe like it a little, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Maki was positive about the music going well. That confidence made the thought of boldness easier.

“Sooner or later you're going to be mine

Sooner or later you're going to be fine

Baby, it's time that you face it

I always get my gal

Sooner or later you're going to decide

Sooner or later there's nowhere to hide

Baby, it's time, so why waste it in chatter?

Let's settle the matter

Baby, you're mine on a platter

I always get my gal

But if you insist, babe, the challenge delights me

The more you resist, babe, the more it excites me

And no one I've kissed, babe, ever fights me again

If you're on my list, it's just a question of when

When I get a yen, then baby, Amen

I'm counting to ten, and then

I'm going to love you like nothing you've known

I'm going to love you, and you all alone

Sooner is better than later but lover

I'll hover, I'll plan

This time I'm not only getting, I'm holding my gal”

Maki finished with a wink, said “see you tomorrow” into the lens, and reached to turn off the camera.

Nico’s voice, at a third of its normal volume, sounded behind her.

“That was…”

Maki whirled, “Why are you here?” “Is Nico under house arrest?” “Yes.” It was a shout, a panic shout, an attack of embarassment. 

“Nico is surprised you didn’t go full be gay, do crime and s and m by singing ‘Hanky Panky.” Full flaring blush, Maki reached for a throw, wrapping up, trying not to notice too obviously that Nico looked disappointed. Nico also looked gray. “You said you’d never heard of Dick Tracy.”

“Nico got bored sometime between shivering and  hallucinating and looked it up.”

“You’re hallucinating?”

Nico grimaced, “Maybe right now. It’s hard to tell.”

“No, this is real.” “Good. Because Nico likes this part.” But there was an odd tone in her voice and she suddenly leaned forward, coughing taking over and shaking her tiny frame. Maki instinctively reached out, but Nico batted away her advance, forcing out words, “Don’t get near me.”

“But you....” “Keep away.” Nico hissed, falling into a chair as the coughing continued. 

Maki opened the windows, sorry she didn’t have a mask handy.

“I’ll get a mask.” “Yeah, we need to keep spares handy.”

“I’ll be right back.”

When Maki returned, Nico was curled up in a ball.

“You’re probably shedding less virus now than before you had symptoms.” “Did your doctor parents tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“Did they tell you how long Nico was going to feel like Godzilla’s tail was on her chest?” “No.”

“You should leave.” “No.”

Nico rolled her eyes, and coughed into the couch.

“I’ll tell the staff to clean thoroughly in here.”

Nico raised her thumb, but refused to turn over. 

It wasn’t silence, was Nico...crying? “Nico?”

“Nothing tastes right.”

“It messes with your sense of smell.” Nico flipped, “DON”T BE A DOCTOR, NOW!”

The NOW echoed for a moment. Maki was briefly glad that Nico had that much air in her.

“Sorry.”

Nico turned away again, definitely crying.

“What’s wrong, Nico, what do you need are you in pain do I have to take you to the hospital should I call…” “Stop.” It was soft, but Nico meant it.

“But you’re cry…” “Nico is scared okay. This is scary. Nico wakes up at night and…” Now silence. Maki had had panic moments too, some of them triggered by the sound of Nico coughing down the hall. So she imagined the panic moments for Nico, who was actually coughing, would be worse.

“I’m sorry, Nico.” “‘S not your fault.” “You’ll be fine, Nico. You’re going to get better. I know you will.” Maki sat in the window, throw falling off her shoulders, staring at the moon.

“Thanks for letting me stay here,  Maki.” Maki smiled, “No reason for us both to be lonely and scared in two different places.” A pause, “So Nico is doing Maki a huge favor.” “Sure.” Nico’s eyes couldn’t stay focused on one spot, Maki felt like Nico was memorizing the details of her dress. “Nico always takes care of pretty ladies.” “Sounds a little pervy.”

“Shut up. Nico was paying you a compliment.”

“Compliments usually start with “Wow, Maki, you’re…”

Nico inhaled deeply and Maki held her breath, but no coughing.

“Wow, Maki, you’re a pain in Nico’s…” Maki laughed, “I’m going to heat you up some food. I’ll leave it outside the door here. Or by your room, if you want. If you have enough energy for this, you have enough to eat.” “But Maki....” “Nope. You’re eating.” “Make it sweet.” “I’ll think about it.”

###

Korean again, really loud. Maki wasn’t sure if Nico was awake or asleep. But Maki was sure that Nico was addicted to multiple Korean dramas. Nico had texted her the list when Maki got curious about why Nico had created a portal to Seoul in the Nishikino’s guest bedroom. There were half a dozen, all with very convoluted plots, mostly involving rude, spoiled, handsome, rich heirs to corporations and the women they refused to admit they were crushing on and let their mother-in-laws harass. At least most of them were hard workers, not propagating the ‘idle rich’ slander. Although, Maki did have a few distant cousins who started partying in high school and hadn’t stopped, even after children. 

She flopped on her bed and texted Rin.

M: Why does she keep watching these stupid Korean dramas with these stupid pretty boys.

R: R U jelling? M: No, I just want to know if the coronavirus damaged her brain.

R: Maki, don’t lie.

M: Rin, don’t nag.

R: Maybe her mom watches them…

M: Hadn’t thought of that.

R: Or maybe… M:  What? She wants a rich, pretty FICTIONAL Korean boy to marry her?

R: (*＇Д＇)ﾉｼ)ﾟﾛﾟ) M: ◔_◔

R: Or maybe…

M: (¬_¬)

R: SHE CAUGHT A REALLY SCARY DISEASE AND WANTS TO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT.

M: oh

M: She’s been crying.

M: I don’t know what to do. R: Play music for her.

M: She’s in the guest room. R: TAKE YOUR MIDI KEYBOARD AND RECORD SOMETHING.

R: ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤˋ⁻̫ˊ)—̳͟͞͞o

M: oh

R: (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

R: You got this. Don’t be scared.

M: Thanks.

M: Good night.

R: Get some sleep. I’m bringing donuts in the morning ~(=^‥^)_旦~

M: (•’╻’• ۶)۶

R: (≧ω≦)ゞ

###

The next couple of days for Maki were a blur of really random text conversations, SheRa, and music.

N: Nico’s really bored.

M: It’s 4 a.m. try sleeping.

N: 4 a.m. means coughing so Nico’s sitting up.

M: Need tea?

N: Nico’s fine. Today was better.

M: Good.

N: What do you do when you’re bored?

M: Play music, play video games, listen to music….

N: No talking to cute girls? M: At 4 in the morning, no.

N: You used to be working at 4 in the morning, like Nico.

M: So you were talking to cute girls.

N: Nico still is ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

M: Was it really a better day? N: Yes.

M: Are you really watching ALL those Korean dramas or is it just background noise?

N: Nico takes fashion notes. Want to see? M: No.

N: Nico’s watching an old one, Tomorrow’s Cantabile, to get better at piano players.

M: Tired of rich, pretty boys already?

N: Oh, Maki, Nico watches the ones where they have sexy, snarky friends who are girls.

M: So what’s Tomorrow’s Cantabile? N: Bunch of weird, music geniuses at college and one pretty boy pianist with emotional scars. You might like it. The music is beautiful. M: You never watch that one when I’m upstairs. All I hear is pop stuff.

N: Do you listen at Nico’s door?

M: Go to sleep Nico.

N: You too.

M: (-_-) zzz

N: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 Maki woke up to Nico’s ringtone.

N: Why did you give your friend the password?

M: When people talk about “K-Pop hacker-stans” on TWIG, they mean Hanayo.

N: So she didn't really need Nico’s password ; )

M: Isn’t it our password? N: Maki wants ownership? Okay, 70-30, Nico is always the tie breaker.

M: 70-30, me. My house, my piano, my idea…

N: But Nico’s dream. And Nico’s dreamy. I bet you’re dreaming about Nico.

Well, yeah, about Nico unconscious and being swept away in a flood of donuts, coffee, and Korean zombies. Rin really deserved to be kicked for suggesting Maki learn about Korean culture by watching Train to Busan.

N: Nico can do 60-40. And let you pick the next theme.

M: We already did. 

N: Shouldn’t you have told Nico? M: You can sing?

N: Nico is better.

M: ( ¬_¬)

N: I’ve got six hours.

M: You can’t have a fever.

N: I know. What’s the theme, Maaa-ki?

M: *drumroll*

M: Coffee.

N: Jerk.

M: (⊙_◎)

N: You’re trying to get Nico back to work.

M: There’s not going to be any work to go back to for awhile. N: Your dad’s going to keep it going for the doctors. So Nico’s good.

Maki frowned. Papa hadn’t said anything about that to her. She’d have to talk to him. 

### 

6 hours, no texts, no Nico. Maki was looking at herself in the full length mirror in the closet. Tonight, she’d chosen a black dress with slashes of lilac across the torso. She’d gotten many compliments at last year’s Halloween fundraiser. She was going to skip the delicate lilac butterfly mask. Hanayo, of course, wanted to see the look. Maki told her she’d have to wait. Rin laughed.  But Maki was glad Hanayo had pushed her into dressing up. Maki adjusted where the waist sat, smiling at herself. It added an extra thrill, plus she’d seen, last night, that as tired as Nico was, she’d still been paying attention to every detail of Maki’s gown. And there had been all the text exchanges, with a new level of flirty. 

Maki inhaled. She was confident about the instrumental version of “The Coffee Song.” She liked how sprightly it was. But then the mood switch to “Black Coffee.” Hanayo had sent her texts with comments and emails 1Café Quarantine had received. People who were worried about Nico, young men and women who appreciated the mix of upbeat and melancholy, older audience members who were enjoying songs they remembered hearing, a couple of huge Dick Tracy fans who asked if Maki had seen Ishtar. There were even a few musicians who wanted to jump in on the livestream and collaborate. Nico’s dream was working, even without a physical location or selling “expensive drinks to rich people.”

Time to stream. Maybe tomorrow, she’d invite somebody in so that duets could happen again. Hanayo probably already had someone in mind. She was also working on a logo. Maki’s cheer up Nico suggestion was a snowball gathering momentum on a downhill jaunt. 

Sitting at the piano, Maki crossed her legs, straightened her posture, and smiled. Just talk to Nico. Nico will eventually watch this. Maki shivered. Wrong thought, that almost made it worse. Okay, channel that thrill, that love, that draw that music had, just let the song flow.

“Hello, welcome to tonight’s Café Quarantine.”

A/N: Well, the wife requested a coffeeshop AU this @auyeahaugust so I was thinking about how different the coffeeshop experience is now, thanks to Covid-19, and started writing this monster of a fic that just took over everything. Some liberties have been taken with isolation protocol. And the story has reached intermission, but don't worry, Nico's on the upswing.How you?

[lingthusiasm]

Transcript Episode 42: What makes a language “easy”? It’s a hard question

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 42: What makes a language “easy”? It’s a hard question . It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 42 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today, we’re getting enthusiastic about how there’s no such thing as the easiest or hardest language. First, this is a reminder that we’re giving out a grant for a linguistics communication project. If you have an idea of something that you want to communicate about linguistics and $500.00 would help you do it, you can go to lingcomm.org – that’s two Ms as in “communication” – to find out details about applying for that grant. Applications are due June 1st any time zone in the world.

Lauren: We’re funding one grant, which is very exciting, but if we make our next patron goal by the end of April, we will be able to give out three LingComm grants instead of one!

Gretchen: Plus, if you join Patreon by the end of April, you can get a sticker or a mug sent to you at higher tiers. There’s an extra incentive for you and to also help this grant happen.

Lauren: We’re also very excited to be able to announce that we’re giving out an additional sponsored LingComm grant thanks to a research grant from Claire Bowern, which will be a grant specifically related to minoritised languages and linguistics communication.

Gretchen: If you have an idea for a linguistics communication project that’s specifically related to minoritised languages, you have extra incentive to apply. The general LingComm grants are open to projects on any aspect of linguistics including minoritised languages. This one is specifically directed to that. We may be giving out up to four grants if we both hit our funding goal and with this new one. It’s very exciting times.

Lauren: I’m very excited to have more linguistics in my life, Gretchen.

Gretchen: I’m very excited to see all the cool projects that people come up with.

[Music]

Gretchen: Do people ever ask you, Lauren, “As a linguist, what’s the easiest language I should be learning?” or “What’s the hardest language I should be learning?”

Lauren: I see this crop up quite a lot with people crunching the numbers on how much effort they’re gonna need to invest in learning a language based on its difficulty. It’s a really difficult question to unpack. I feel like people just want an answer. They just want you to say, “Oh, of all the 7,000 languages, it’s just this one. That’s the answer.” Definitive.

Gretchen: I feel like they want, “This one – you could learn it in a month. You don’t have to put any effort in. Then, you’ll be completely fluent and there will be no effort required. It’ll be like learning how to boil and egg” or something.

Lauren: Instead of a definitive answer from me, they just get, “Well, this is a fascinating question.”

Gretchen: The answer that I always give is – it’s kind of trite, but it works in a short context – is that it’s like asking where is the furthest away because my answer to that furthest away question is gonna be very different, maybe, from your answer because I’m in Montreal and you’re in Melbourne, and we have different starting points.

Lauren: Yeah. For what counts as furthest away, for sure.

Gretchen: Well, I dunno, Alpha Centauri is pretty far away from both of us. I don’t know if the difference between Montreal and Melbourne really stacks up when you start talking about light years. That being said, if we stay on the globe, we’re definitely far away from different points. I think the same thing goes for languages. Depending on what you already speak, you can find different languages easier or harder to learn because they’re some things you already know, or you take for granted.

Lauren: Also, Gretchen, one of the things I love about language is that it operates on all these different levels. A lot of the comparisons that you see among languages are based on their lexical similarity, so how similar the words are in those languages. You could have languages with very different words and have to learn completely new words but the language that you’re learning might have features of grammar that are very familiar to you in your language, even if it’s from a completely different family. Or it might have –

Gretchen: Sounds that are really familiar to you that are easy for you to produce or something because you already know how to make them.

Lauren: You could have a language like English and then a language which has words which are technically lexically really similar. You have words that are technically really similar, but the language has undergone a sound change that makes it actually more cognitive effort for you to learn than a language with completely different words.

Gretchen: I find it easier to get vocabulary for free going between Romance languages because more of the sound changes that have happened between vocabulary items there have to do with vowels, it feels like. Whereas, going between Germanic languages, the things that have changed between words there tend to be consonants. It feels like the differences are more opaque, even though you can reconstruct similarities in terms of vocabulary for both places.

Lauren: When you’re just shuffling to a neighbour language, there’s the tendency to just assume you can guess your way through the vocabulary, which can sometimes lead to just as many problems communicatively as just requiring yourself to learn new vocabulary for a language.

Gretchen: The other thing is, is vocabulary is actually something that adults are really good at learning because we learn new words our entire lives. The average adult learns about one new word a day on average for your entire life. This doesn’t stop anywhere. There’s no point where you stop learning new words. This goes for the entire lifespan. Adults are really good at assimilating new vocabulary items and being like, “Oh, here’s a new word. Here’s another new word. Here’s another new word.” Adults have an easier time with this, potentially, than learning new sounds or learning new bits of grammar.

Lauren: I can totally believe this. It takes me a really long time to get my head around a grammatical variation and borrowing a new bit of – always feels like a really conscious effort. Whereas, if I see a new word, like little shiny things, I just immediately appropriate.

Gretchen: Right! You probably learned a new word pretty regularly. If you pick up a new hobby – I’ve started watching The Great Pottery Throw Down and I’ve been picking up all of this pottery-related vocabulary that I didn’t have before.

Lauren: You must be definitely exceeding a word a day – like a word an episode in that.

Gretchen: I’ve learned “slip” and “throwing” that have these technical meanings and “raku,” which is this firing technique. Here’s all this pottery-related vocabulary that I didn’t have a week or two ago. Yeah. Adults are really good at picking up new vocabulary. It’s not that much more difficult to pick up new vocabulary in a different language. It’s a similar sort of thing. Here are some new words. I can just learn them.

Lauren: You know who’s really slow at picking up vocabulary? A six-month-old. Like, three months later, still often no words. Would fail a vocabulary test.

Gretchen: This is the interesting thing because a lot of times you get this perception, “Oh, well, kids, they’re so good at learning language.” And yet, by a lot of metrics, kids get exposed to language for a whole year before they say one word.

Lauren: I know I’m being very unfair on the kids. They’re doing a lot of processing and their brain is literally being built as they’re being exposed to language but, if we were giving out vocabulary tests –

Gretchen: They still have to figure out they have a body and stuff. They have to figure out they have a tongue. They have to figure out they have hands. They have to learn how to do a lot of this stuff.

Lauren: Adults have so many advantages.

Gretchen: Adults can go to a one-hour language class or spend ten minutes on a language learning app, and they come away with a couple words. That’s way faster than the kids are doing. This gets us into this bigger question of, when it comes to “Is a language hard or is it easy?” there’s a big difference between kid preferences and adult preferences. The things that adults think are hard, like learning sounds that you’re not familiar with, kids are born with the ability – assuming that they have normal hearing – they’re born with the ability to differentiate between any sound that’s relevant for any of the world’s languages. They actually lose that ability as they get older. If you wanna try to regain it, you have to do a lot more conscious effort and training to get it back. They have this advantage when it comes to learning sounds even though they’re spending all this time and not learning any words. They’re learning how to distinguish between sounds.

Lauren: We talked in the episode on phonology about the kids who spent the early months of their life in Korea and then, even though they retained no Korean, still those sounds were able to be – the phonology was being activated when they did studies with them years later and they’d been adopted to countries and spoke English and had not been exposed to Korean anymore. It’s just so embedded in those early months of language acquisition.

Gretchen: Their brains still light up. I think adults may be able to eventually get some sounds. I know there’re some sounds that I’ve learned how to produce at a bit of an older age, but it can be a lot harder. Another thing that adults often have more difficulty with is learning specific kinds of bits of grammar. Adults are really good at learning, okay, here’s another word, here’s this word for this grammatical thing, here’s a word that makes something into a question. An adult’s like, “Great! I learned the question word. Here’s ‘ma,’” which is the question particle in Mandarin, which I’m gonna definitely say with the wrong tone because I missed my critical period for tones, “Here’s this question particle. It makes a statement into a question. Great. I’ve learned this.” This is an easy concept for an adult. Whereas, kids seem to be keener on learning more grammar, more little bits of words that stick onto each other and provide this extra redundancy because the task that kids have to do is different from the task that adults have to do. Adults are already familiar with the concept of what a word is. When you’re being introduced to new words in a second language, you’re often being introduced to them one at a time. Like, “Here’s the word for ‘dog.’ Here’s the word for ‘cat.’ Here’s the word for ‘table.’” The problem that kids have is they don’t even have any concept of what a word is at all. They’re not super keen on learning words. They have to figure out this different problem which is segmenting the speech stream into meaningful units at all. For kids, it’s super helpful to have as much redundancy and repetition and extra things going on in that speech stream. For example, one of the things that second language learners often complain about when learning another language is, “Why do you have things like agreement in a language?” If the noun is feminine, why does the adjective also have to be feminine? If I say, “The big table,” why does “big” and “table” – why do they have to have the same ending to agree with each other? Because that’s one extra thing for the adult to keep track of.

Lauren: Whereas, kids learning in less of a classroom situation are just like, “Oh, my gosh! Thank goodness! That makes it so much easier for me. I want more agreement. I want more of this dense stuff.”

Gretchen: Kids love this stuff because it helps them figure out what the relevant stuff is going on in the whole stream of speech. We don’t actually talk in words. I know that seems very counter-intuitive, right? We talk in just a whole bunch of sounds that just come out and you have to figure out where one word starts and where another word ends. If you have all of these prefixes or suffixes on your words, beginnings and ending bits, then the kid can say, “Ah! I know this must be the beginning of a new word because it’s got a prefix on it” or “I know this must be the end of a word because it’s got a suffix.” If your nouns and your adjectives all end in A or something so that they agree with each other, the kid can be like, “Ah-ha! I’ve found the boundaries between these words because I have a bunch of stuff ending in A and it’s gonna be easier for me.”

Lauren: I am delighted to know that I get to add another parameter when people are like, “Which language is the most difficult?” I’ll be like, “Well, we can also factor in whether you’re a child or an adult.”

Gretchen: This is the thing. There’s this perception of like, “Oh, why is this language even doing this if it’s so difficult?” Well, it’s doing it because every language fundamentally has to be learnable by children if you want it to get passed onto another generation. Kids love this stuff. There’s a couple interesting studies looking at language structure in relation to social structure. Looking at, especially, differences between languages that are spoken in larger communities where a lot of the speakers don’t already know each other and where you have speakers joining the speech community as adults who are learning this language as a second language versus languages that are spoken in smaller communities where people tend to already know each other and where virtually everybody in the speech community learns the language as a child.

Lauren: Right. That’s the social structures. Then, you combine that with what we’ve just learned about children preferring more bits of words, more morphology, more complex grammatical stuff, and adults not preferring this as much.

Gretchen: You can see where we’re going with this, right?

Lauren: I feel like this has implications for the relationship between the structure of the language and the cultural context in which it’s spoken.

Gretchen: There’s this study by Gary Lupyan and Rick Dale from 2010 and it’s called, “Language Structure Is Partly Determined by Social Structure,” which is a very concise title. They did an analysis of over 2,000 languages using demographic sources and the World Atlas of Language Structures. They noticed that languages that are spoken in smaller communities where you don’t have adult learners – all the learners are child learners – tend to have more morphological stuff going on. They’ve got more prefixes and suffixes and endings on words and inflection things and agreement and all of that sort of stuff that adult learners feel is complicated, but the kids like it.

Lauren: For example, we have languages like Murrinhpatha in Australia, which has really rich morphology which, because speakers are more likely to acquire this language as children or be exposed to this language as children, has been more likely to have this rich morphology compared to a language like English or maybe like Mandarin where, because they’re large languages that are used by people who speak them as children but people who acquire them as adults and have done for many centuries, this may be some way related to the fact that they are less rich in this grammatical information.

Gretchen: You can look at this even within Germanic languages. English has more individual words that do grammatical things than it does stuff on bits of words that are attached to each other that do grammatical things even compared to other Germanic languages. The time period when this happened – English lost a lot of its grammatical inflection – was when you had a lot of second language learners who were originally speaking Norse or were originally speaking Norman French in the middle ages. You had a lot of people learning English as a second language who were originally speaking Norse or were originally speaking Norman French and that was also around the period when you had a lot of endings in English that were being dropped off. Maybe part of the reason was that the second language speakers didn’t like learning all of the endings.

Lauren: I guess, as always with these big data crunching studies, you’ll always find languages that go against the flow that are like Finnish and very grammatically rich but also still languages of large nations and languages that don’t have this complexity of the grammatical system that are spoken in small communities. That’s why you look at large samples of multiple thousands of languages and look at the tendencies rather than individual languages.

Gretchen: There are things that can stop that too. One of their examples was Russian, which was learned by a lot of second language speakers, but there was this tradition in Russian of teaching the grammar very overtly, so a lot of the prefixes and suffixes that might’ve been lost otherwise got kept around because they were being taught very explicitly. You get another piece of this puzzle of what makes a language easy or difficult or what makes a language complex or not is that there’s another study from 2018, which is called, “Simpler Grammar, Larger Vocabulary: How Population Size Affects Language.” They find that languages in smaller communities that have a lot of stuff going on with the morphosyntax – with the prefixes and the suffixes and affixes and stuff like that – also tend to have smaller vocabularies. Whereas, languages that have less going on with the morphosyntax and are spoken in larger communities, also tend to have larger vocabularies. There may also be some sort of trade off in terms of vocabulary size which, again, might not surprise us because adults are good at learning words.

Lauren: I think this also goes to the juggling the different layers of language in this discussion of difficulty is that if a language tends to be very complex in one area, it may be less complex in others to offset that because all languages more or less convey the same amount of information in more or less the same amount of communication. It’s not like there’s one language where people can say the same thing in 10 seconds that it takes speakers of other languages to say in a whole minute consistently. There might be some ways that some languages are more efficient, but there’s no language that is, like, the most efficient on every level.

Gretchen: Exactly. There’s a lot of trade off that a language makes. Ultimately, a language has to be speakable by humans – we know that humans have essentially the same sorts of brains – and that it has to be learnable by child, and adults are often able to learn a language as well, and it has to accomplish the types of things that humans need to do. I think it’s also interesting to think, “Can anything be done about this tendency that adults have” – okay, well, if adults are good at words, can anything be done about adults having more difficulty with learning new sounds or having more difficulty with learning new grammatical constructions? There’s one interesting study about sounds in particular from 2002. They had adults sit down in front of a computer with headphones, and they were played two different sounds that they weren’t good at distinguishing between based on their first language – or based on any languages they already spoke. They had them press a button for which one is which sound. As expected, the adults were really bad at this because it was a sound that they didn’t know how to distinguish. An hour later, after doing this tortuous experiment, they were sill bad at it.

Lauren: Shock. Horror.

Gretchen: Then, they had them re-do this experiment, or it was a different group. It was the same task of they had to press a button for which sound it was. But this time, they gave them immediate feedback after every single button press for whether they’d gotten it right or gotten it wrong. Now, within an hour, the adults actually got pretty good. They got up to 80% accuracy rather than 50/50, even in unfamiliar words. In a similar study, they began even pronouncing these sounds better because they just got all this training. I came across this a number of years ago and I was like, “Gosh darn it, why can’t I download an app on my phone that does this for me for any pair of sounds?”

Lauren: They should’ve just packaged up their experiment and started selling it to people as a language learning –

Gretchen: Right? Why doesn’t this exist? Because if I’m trying to learn this distinction, I just need something that gives me this feedback. If I could invest an hour into doing this, and then now I’m able to hear the difference between a retroflex T and a non-retroflex T, this would be really useful for me. I don’t know why this doesn’t exist. Somebody get on that. Free app idea. There is hope for adults, maybe, if we can figure out the right tasks for them to really target the specific types of things.

Lauren: Like having an app like that that would prompt you and make you feel motivated ties into what is a massive area of literature within language acquisition studies, which is the area of motivation which, obviously, many things I like about linguistics, but one of the things I really like is that you think you’re studying language and how it works, and then you get to read a whole bunch about the linguistics and psychology of motivation in language learning because it’s a whole field into itself. Obviously, it has a big implication because if you can understand how motivation works in acquiring languages, you can look at what makes a language easier or harder to learn not in terms of the language itself but in terms of how much a person can bring to learning it.

Gretchen: This is the basic idea that, like, if I’m really excited to learn French, and I wanna learn it, and I have French friends who I wanna talk to, then I’m gonna be more likely to learn it faster than somebody else who isn’t excited to be in a French class or doesn’t have any French people they wanna talk to – isn’t excited to do that. This seems like it might be kind of self-fulfilling. If I’m excited to learn a language, I’m gonna go out and find more exposure for it. I’m gonna go find music to listen to in it, or I’m gonna go watch movies in it, because I’m excited about it. But there’s other factors beyond that, right?

Lauren: Yeah. One of the distinctions that I really like is Bonny Norton’s discussion of the relationship between motivation and investment. Motivation is all those things you talked about in terms of how integrated the language is in my experiences, my attitude towards the learning situation, any anxieties that I have around learning, but also it looks at investment as part of, “Do I feel like this learning experience is aligning with my identity as a person who wants to learn this language?” not just in terms of the language learning part but as your whole identity. If you are in a classroom situation where the teacher actually draws on other parts of your life and your experience to make that classroom a welcome experience for you as a whole person, that’s gonna help you, irrespective of your motivation. You could be the most motivated person in the world to learn – I think about Latin and why people don’t like learning Latin a lot of the time is because they can come thinking that they have all this motivation to learn Latin, and then they get to the classroom, and there’s all the stereotypes about you just sit there and have to learn verb conjugations and there’s no interest in the classroom in connecting that with anything else you’re interested in.

Gretchen: Or this idea of like, “Oh, you need to read about Caesar’s wars,” and if you don’t care about Caesar’s wars, then you’re like, “Well, why am I even doing this?” Is that the idea there?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: An interesting case study about this – I’ve been playing with languages through Duolingo, as you do these days, and I was looking at Dutch. Because of that, I’ve started following some Dutch linguists on Twitter, and it was really great because they’d be posting about linguistics, which is obviously a thing that I care about and I find interesting, but in Dutch. I wanted to find out what they were saying because here’s this topic that I care about and I can find out stuff that’s going on, or I can guess what they’re saying because I already know things about linguistics and be like, “Oh, they’re probably talking about this thing because I have this certain background.” Whereas, if I was trying to take the generic advice of, “Oh, follow some Dutch local news channel that’s gonna talk about,” I dunno, “transportation policy in Amsterdam,” or something, like, I just don’t know if I care about transportation policy in Amsterdam the same sort of way.

Lauren: You are much less invested, I would say.

Gretchen: Right. Much less invested in like, “Are they gonna put another bike lane in?” than I am in like, “What’s this person saying about linguistics?”

Lauren: You see this with students in classrooms when they’re given projects that allow them to bring other skills in alongside just the language learning. If they’re allowed to bring other elements of their life or their identity into the language learning experience. I think this goes really to the heart of some really interesting non-classroom-based language learning contexts for second language learners, especially in the minority language and language revitalisation context. In fact, the classroom in itself can be so isolating in terms of people’s identity and, therefore, their investment that, for a lot of language learning contexts, classrooms are actually not always helpful.

Gretchen: I’m thinking about this in terms of learning languages in the classroom. When I was in high school and I was learning French, and I was learning German, and so of course I was interested in learning all of the grammatical stuff and learning the languages in the grammatical tradition really aligned with how I saw myself. I wanted to learn all of that stuff. But definitely not everybody who learns a language wants to learn it for grammatical reasons or wants to learn it to become a linguist. Some people wanna talk with their grandmother, and the language learning classroom isn’t necessarily conducive to that.

Lauren: This is super relevant to the language revitalisation context. I remember you talked with Ake Nicholas about this.

Gretchen: Yeah. I did an interview with Ake Nicholas for Lingthusiasm previously about language learning in language revitalisation contexts. One of the things that she talked about was having students make videos and tell stories about aspects of pop culture that they were already invested in rather than telling them that they had to learn about the traditional stories in order to access the language. She said, “Let’s meet them where they are with the pop culture and have them do that in the language as well, not just” – you have this double barrier of you need to learn the folklore and you need to learn the language at the same time. Maybe the language can eventually be a gateway to the folklore but, for the moment, you can also use it to talk about globalised pop culture – Disney movies, or Dumbledore, Harry Potter, or these kinds of things as well. You can use it to talk about multiple domains and let’s find a domain that the students are already interested in.

Lauren: I really appreciate Ake’s commitment to thinking about the students’ whole identity as speakers, or heritage speakers of this language, as well as people who consume pop culture.

Gretchen: It’s nice to say that those things don’t have to be in contention with each other.

Lauren: Even beyond the classroom, you have language learning situations in what are known as either master-apprentice language learning programs or language nests which really focus on communication. They’re less focused on overt grammar teaching. It’s a space where you have more experienced speakers of the language spending time with people who are trying to learn the language in really supportive, and open, and encouraging ways that really focus on identity-based interactions as well. They’re often really grounded in just spending time together.

Gretchen: One of the examples that really stuck with me when I was reading Leanne Hinton’s book describing the master-apprentice program, which I think is called, “How to Keep Your Language Alive,” I read it a number of years ago, and she was talking about activities that the mentor and apprentice can do with each other. Sometimes, they’re called “mentor-apprentice.” In the Canadian context, they’re not super keen on “master” as a word, which –

Lauren: Fair enough.

Gretchen: It’s from the idea of like a master shoemaker or something, but I can see why people might not like it as well. You have the mentor doing something like everyday tasks – doing laundry or chopping wood or cooking something – and the apprentice is going along with those tasks, and you’re talking about the tasks as you’re doing them. Partly, it gives you concrete objects so, if you’re doing laundry, you can be talking about what the different items of clothing are called or what the different colours are if you have to sort them for the laundry. If you’re cooking, you can be talking about the different names of the foods. You have this very concrete setting which the language learning classroom often has this de-contextualised thing of maybe you have pictures of what you’re talking about but you don’t necessarily have a lot of physical objects to talk about, so you can’t recover the meanings of things from contexts as much. You have this context. You can do some of the chores you need to get done, which helps people fit it into their everyday lives as well. When they do training for these programs, sometimes you’ll get people from a whole bunch of different languages coming together to do training for the mentor-apprentice programs in general, and they’ll often say, “Let’s start out by learning a couple key phrases like, ‘What’s this?’ and ‘Give me that,’ and ‘Pick it up,’ or ‘Give me this,’ or ‘Give me that’” – different types of things that you can use in a lot of different contexts to get your way into the language and to give someone simple instructions – “Put this here” or something like that. Then, you can build that up into “Put the shirt in the washing machine” or something like that. You can build that up into more complicated things, but they learn a few basic phrases that are really useful for actually doing something together. It’s an interesting way of fitting language learning into everyday life a little bit more, making it less de-contextualised, because the classroom is not an ideal environment for learning a language. A lot of people spend years in a classroom learning a language only to discover that when they go out on a street somewhere and they try to talk in the language, they don’t have the basic vocabulary you need on the street. You don’t know how to say, “Excuse me” or something like that when you’re passing someone on the street because you never had to learn that in the classroom, but you do know how to say, “Can I sharpen my pencil?” which I’ve never needed to say since I left the classroom. It does give you this artificial vocabulary. If your motivations aren’t aligned with the classroom already, you can find it even harder to have motivation to learn a language.

Lauren: I always love how my motivation tanks in a week in a classroom where the textbook doesn’t align with a thing I feel like I’ll ever do. It’s just like, “Well, I’m never gonna go shopping for a suit or go to the opera. Okay. Sure.” Even though a lot of the vocabulary and the grammar is relevant, it doesn’t, I guess, align with my identity.

Gretchen: When I was learning languages in school, I was always asking the teachers or the professors, “How do I say ‘linguist’ in this?” because they’d say, “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” or something and I’d be like, “Linguist!” This was always a word that I remember in many different languages that I learned because it was this very important word for me. Whereas, something like, “Okay, am I gonna become a race car driver?” or something, like, “No. I don’t care about the parts of a car in English. Why do I care about them in another language?” I think there’s also, as English speakers, we’re often coming into language learning from this classroom-based perspective or this dictionary-based perspective of like, “Oh, I need to look up all the words for this.” There’s also the case of learning languages where you don’t necessarily have a language in common already, or you don’t necessarily have a dictionary that you can go look things up in, or you don’t necessarily have a textbook that you can look things up in. The mentor-apprentice program was one of the things that’s designed to work in the circumstances where you don’t necessarily follow a curriculum, you follow a life and you start talking about the things in a life. Another case of that is what’s called, “monolingual fieldwork.” When linguists are trying to figure out the grammar of a new language or how a new language works, one type of fieldwork that happens is you have bilingual fieldwork where you have a speaker that already speaks a language you have in common, whether that’s English or Spanish or Chinese or Arabic or another one of the big languages in the world. A linguist can learn that in a conventional way and then come in and work with bilingual speakers. In a monolingual context – and this was especially more common before globalisation was quite as much of a thing – you have a linguist who’s asking somebody about a language without sharing any language in common. There’s an interesting demonstration of this on YouTube with the language Hmong where you have a linguist who’s – both people actually do speak English because this was in the US that I saw this demonstration. I was there when the video was recorded. But the linguist decides to speak a different language that the Hmong speaker doesn’t have, and the Hmong speaker has been previously instructed like, “Only speak Hmong,” and you can communicate quite a bit. The linguist had some props, like a stick and a rock and stuff like that. People are generally pretty good at understanding, “This person’s trying to communicate with me. Let me try to do my best effort to communicate back with them.” You can do things like point to the stick or point to the rock, or drop the stick or drop the rock, or break the stick in half, and you can get, “Okay. The speaker’s saying something,” and we’re not completely sure exactly what it means, but we can figure out, “Okay. Let’s write this down. Then, if we keep asking” – so if you get the word for “stick” or “the stick” or “one stick,” you’re not quite sure what one it is. Then, you get a word for “rock” or “one rock” or “the rock” or something like that, and then you have, “I dropped the stick,” “I dropped the rock,” or it might just mean, “drop the stick” or “drop the rock,” you can figure out which part means “drop” because it’s the part that doesn’t mean the thing you already identified as “stick.”

Lauren: The important thing about monolingual field methods is that it is obviously useful in a context where you don’t have a language in common but, as a way of introducing yourself to the structure of a new language, it can be good because it can stop translation and accommodation effects happening. If you are working in a language that is a second language for both of you, you may be interpreting what each other are saying through those languages. There’s a lot of encouragement to use these field methods to avoid those translation effects. It can be effective in that way.

Gretchen: You don’t necessarily wanna make assumptions, or you might be – the language that you have as a common language might not have a lot of structural properties in common with a language that you’re interested in, so you may be missing some of the structure if you’re just translating it straightforwardly into some other language. It can help avoid those assumptions and it can also get you in the habit of speaking as much of this other language as possible rather than falling back on this language you have in common because you’re both more fluent in it together. It can get you in the habit of learning how to speak faster.

Lauren: When I was in Nepal, this happened with me a bit because I have Nepali in common with the Yolmo speakers and the Shuba speakers that I work with. We would fall back on that a bit because the great thing about monolingual field methods is that it is a really great way to elicit data and it is really great if – you get so much more insight and you obviously have a far richer experience if you spend your time talking to people in their first language. But the difficulty there, in terms of being a language documenter and a language learner, is that you can document things and write them down a far quicker rate than your brain can integrate and process them. Even if you have figured out, “Ah, this is how they do plurals” without ever asking them overtly – you can be like, “Ah, this is how plurals get done” – but then actually embedding that in your spoken competency can lag way behind. There’re some things that I have spent hundreds and thousands of words writing about and observing, and I am still really bad at using. This is the disjuncture as a language documenter and a language learner that I experience.

Gretchen: One big factor for motivation for language learning is, “Oh, no! I won’t be able to eat if I can’t find out some way of conveying to people that I need to eat” or these other types of basic life events that are important. If you keep yourself in this monolingual environment, then you have to figure out how to talk because you have to figure out how to convey, “I need to eat now” or something like this.

Lauren: As someone doing language documentation, my motivations are, “Right. I have three more weeks and I still have to figure out how relative clauses act in the negative if there’s also a conditional there.”

Gretchen: Right. It may be more efficient to be like, “Okay. Why don’t I just present you with some examples in this language that we both speak, and we can get more directly there rather than have to come up the scenario in the language itself.”

Lauren: Yes. But I still love monolingual methods and I still love trying to ground myself in that. If you have watched Arrival, it’s very much – they were trying to broker this kind of monolingual method to an extent there. Disappointingly, there is a blog post on the NASA website that says that they think this face-to-face monolingual fieldwork context type activity will probably be the least likely scenario when we encounter extra-terrestrial life. You just have to keep refining those skills for Earth-bound languages for now.

Gretchen: I mean, I dunno, the Arrival movie did a pretty good job of demonstrating how you could use monolingual fieldwork to communicate with aliens. I think NASA should be investing some money into this. The flip side of getting better at language learning skills at a metalevel is also that people who are fluent in a language already can get better at providing comprehensible input for people who are still learning the language. That’s a whole additional skill that is part of this meta-skills when it comes to learning a language.

Lauren: Certainly. I think regardless of whether a language is considered more difficult to learn or less difficult to learn or has more complex structures in some ways or less complex structures in other ways, I think just even – I think sometimes we can get so concerned about the difficulty of any language learning that we just forget that any amount of language learning is still good. Anything that fosters any amount of communication is still a completely valuable and enriching experience.

Gretchen: There’s this really great quote from Kato Lomb’s Polyglot: How I Learn Languages that expresses this really well, which says, “We should learn languages because languages are the only thing worth knowing even poorly. If someone knows how to play the violin only a little, he will find that the painful minutes he causes are not in proportion to the possible joy he gains from his playing. Solely in the world of language is the amateur of value. Well-intentioned sentences full of mistakes can still build bridges between people. Asking in broken Italian which train we are supposed to board at the Venice railway station is far from useless. Indeed, it is better to do that than to remain uncertain and silent and end up back in Budapest rather than in Milan.” I think we can get too hung up about this question of what’s easy and what’s hard. The effort itself is still really useful even when it is hard.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm, and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, IPA ties, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. You can help support the LingComm grant and get special limited-edition Lingthusiast stickers and mugs by going to patreon.com/lingthusiasm. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet.

Lauren: I tweet and blog as Superlinguo. To listen to bonus episodes, join our Discord chatroom, help keep the show ad-free, and support the LingComm grants, go to patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Recent bonus topics include teaching linguistics, robot Lingthusiasm, and future English. Can’t afford to pledge? That is okay, too. We really appreciate if you could recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life.

Gretchen: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our senior producer is Claire Gawne, our editorial producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by The Triangles.

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

Just like any other night

Kanene’s Notes: Sugar! /0/

Spice! \0\

And everything nice! \0/  

To create the perfect fluff

But Kanene accidentally (unless...)

Added an extra ingredients to the concoction--

Angst!!

*Explosion*

*Evil crackling*

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! Good Omens belongs to the incredible Neil Gaiman and  Terry Pratchett; Aaaand the characters of this fic (and AU) themselves belongs to @10yrsyart

* Read here to know the AU Ducks and Dolphins and click here to see everything cannon about the D+D. It’s  f a n t a s t i c! Reaaad!  ^w^)s2

* I didn’t really asked a permission by myself, but this post kind of give permission to write about the AU? (I really hope so xDDD), so, if you also want to write about them please don’t be ashamed ! (And give credits, pleaaaase! :D)

* Something around 1.200 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* This is not cannon. This idea just came because everytime I thought in a fluff, plots of Az cheering up Crow were all that appeared, soooo I tried to challenge me a little and make the opposite. I hope I managed to demonstrate even a little bit of their personality (and don’t have misunderstanding them) well!

* Fanfic em português brasileiro daqui á pouco Thankys for reading, my lollipops! I hope you enjoy this day! Hug a demon, hug an angel and don’t forget to drink water!! Byeioo!~

                                     [~*~]

Aziraphale is calm, stoic, precise, bold, moralistic, firm, direct and ruthless if necessary. He is also sincere, generous, comprehensive, limpid and kind. He is as a pillar, a base. Something concrete, someone who you can lean on for support, trust, belief.

He knows very well how separate his work from his personal life. His feelings from his mind. He is rational, leaded primary by his brain and not-

And n-not-

(Come on. Control your breath. Control yourself. One… two…three…)

In any way, under absolutely no circumstances by his feeli-

(Focus. Focus on something, something, some- a book! Take one of the books. Right. Very well. Focus!)

…

Damn.

His breath came out a little weaker, shaking. He tightened his grip in the fabric of his pants, closing his blue eyes and trying to focus on his own heartbeat, which seemed to reverberate in his dry throat,  attempting to correct his breathing with its.

Inhaled and exhaled. Inhaled and exhaled. Rested his head against the couch, sinking a little deeper into it. Some part of himself was thankful that it was already night, which meant the bookstore were closed and there was no danger of an incident.

There was no danger.

He settled back a little more on the furniture, held the book again, with a little firmer grip than needed as he readjusted it to a more comfortable position where there would be no danger in his thick, warm tears researching its pages, eventually falling and blurring the words of its lovely sentences.

At least it was night, a night just like any other night bathered in a weather of every other nights where there would be no incidents.

“Angel…?”

… Damn.

Crow approached closer to the upright, perfect posed form, seeking his eyes and staring deeply into them, their gold glittering in the night pitch. Az didn’t tried to hide these vulnerable moments, at least not anymore, but neither did he showed them when they became present. His voice came out a little faltering, yet in the calm and characteristic tune he always had.

“Crow, dear, I thought you were already sleeping.”

“I just woke up for a cup of tea.”

They both knew this was a lie, still none of them really mentioned such information when the one with dark hair as the ebony of the night, a night just as any other one, removed the book of his carefully manicured hands and held them for a moment, intertwining their fingers as he got closer enough to finally entwining him in a hug. He loosened the hold for a brief second, only to position the angel’s head on his shoulder, and then tightly hug him again. It was as he was trying to  show that nothing, on Earth, Hell or Heaven, would be able to hurt the angel without going over him, first.

It might seemed as any other previous hug, if it wasn’t for the fabric of his pajamas getting gradually wetter and the slight shivers and sniffles that slipped from the mouth of the one with blonde, almost white, hair. His cry was silently, and for a light of moment, Crow remembered his own cry, which could be described as any other, just a bit louder and with rumpled clothes.

He shook lightly his head, focusing in the present, in the possibilities, the sentences and words that would be said after the storm. His mind felt lethargic and yet running in full speed almost at the same time. Crow combed Az’s hair and gave small, but big in meaning, pecks in his neck without even noticing.

The time itself lost meaning in this piece of time.

A hand tapped softly his back and his head slightly lifted. It was the signal to break the touch, and it was promptly obeyed.

“Do you want to talk about this?” His voice was a special whisper, packed, designated and delivered to just only one being in the entire universe.

“There is nothing to be said.” Even with everything, his voice still lacked major flaws or slips. It was made of a calm, sad nature. “It is just…” And the owner of hundreds of books, reader for thousands years and maestro of words ended up losing himself in them.

‘It’s just…’  Crow wondered if even the humans, at some point of their existence, could understand all the feelings and sensations between the lines that this phrase could possess.

Probably.

Everyone does, in some way or another, doesn’t it?

The black-haired never paid much attention to time, especially after such thing already fulfilled its basic function of lead him as far as possible from that particular century. However, this day, he almost could see the sand of hourglass pouring grain-by-grain as he let the angel running his fingers through his hair, pressing his back on the blonde’s sweater and stroking the back of the other’s hand with his thumb. His warmth and presence were the necessary reminders that Az needed to focus on the here, in the Bookstore rocked by this ordinary night, and now, with the best company he could ever wish to be.

A piece more of time was spent. Maybe two, three, and perhaps a little more.

…

“We should go out.”

“What are you rambling about, Crow love? We always go out.”

“No. I mean… for something different! Not just a lunch.”

“A day to just wander, you mean?”

“Maybe.” Shrugged, pondering, his tongue absently wriggling in the ar. Az tightened a bit more the touch, feeling lighter as allowed his mind travel and dance between some possibilities for the future meaning of this conversation. “We should make a picnic!”

“A picnic?’

“Yes! In any place, nearby or far away! We could take the food or milacre it there. I can give you a ride.”

His head turned, his heart floating and expanding when he saw that the trail of tears had faded from his husband’s face, and now the red was also beginning to gradually leave his skin.

Az pondered for a few minutes, eyes gleamming.

“I don’t think I’ve ever married at a picnic before.” Smiled, and part of his soul melted with the beauty in the other’s happy expression, along with the smile that also was painted in the demon’s face, he was absolutely sure.

“Let me tempt you, then.” Crow hissed, carrying on their internal joke, since they, after their last wedding-lunch, decided that from now on there would be no more dates, only weddings.

Az raised an eyebrow, giving him a playful disbelief look. Their foreheads met. The angel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a light, which came neither from the stars, cars, poles and nor the living room lamp, little by little filling his being.

“I love you, Aziraphale.” Their eyes met.

“I love you too, my husband.”

Perhaps they had spent some time like this, in silence, enjoying themselves. Perhaps they had slowly moved away right after the talk, holding hands, a warm feeling in their chest. Who really knows? It is a moment only for them, so let it be.

“The preparations should be started, then!” The one with blue limpid eyes, now up, excitedly leaded to the kitchen. “Milacre a massive amount of food certainly would alert your side just as mine, so, I believe the best option we got is cook by our own.”

Crow scowled, which evolved to as annoyed expression as received the lightly incisive and inquisitive look from the other, puffing up his cheeks and deviating the glare as he dispirited followed his steps into the other room.

“Fffffffine.” Gave up of the dream to sleep that night. However, deep inside, he knew worth it just to watch the blonde-haired angel calmly, excited walking his eyes and fingers through the Recipe Books were under his care. Urg. The sacrifices that must be made. “But I’m not using a patterned apron!”

And the cars drove through the streets, the stars hardly glowed in the sky and the worlds kept not an even bit silent during that sunless hours, just as any other night of any other day. Nevertheless, on that store, more specifically a Bookstore, at that moment and for those two, maybe this wasn’t a common night anymore, and would definitely lead to a day not even a little ordinary, either.

A recipe book was open, some bright smiles (maybe trying to help the stars?) too.

“Sure, my dear. I would never…” replied Az, trying to decide which color would most highlight Crow’s duck patterned pajamas.

[anarcoqueer1994]

Request: TJ and Cyrus find out bench swings exist

So this was a cute idea. I am so sorry ahead of time for grammar mistakes bc me and sleep aren't on the same page.

One Year Together

TJ paced his room anxiously, while Marty and Jonah sat on his bed, listening to the taller boy ramble. "It has to be perfect, you know? Like this is a big deal. As of this Saturday…"

Marty cuts him off "As of this Saturday, you and Cyrus have been together for a whole year. Dude, we know. You have told us at least 100 times. Plus you forget, Buffy and I share the same anniversary so I definitely know how important Saturday is."

"Sorry, I know I keep talking about it, I just want him to have the best time."

"Teej" Jonah speaks up, "Literally Cyrus loves everything you do. I don't think you should worry so much about it."

"Easier said than done. What if my plan doesn't work out? I want it to be sickeningly sweet and romantic." TJ flops down on the chair near his bed. He gets this day-dreamy look on his face. "Can you imagine? We grab lunch at The Spoon, and then I surprise him with tickets to that traveling dinosaur exhibit that is coming this weekend. It's going to have these lifelike models of dinosaur robots who's heads move and stuff placed around the entire thing.We would walk around it together and I would listen to him talk about each one in such detail. God he is so smart." TJ gushes before continuing on. "After a while I would pull out a homemade chocolate chocolate chip muffin and give it to him. Then when we leave, I would take him to the park and we could swing together. And then just as the sun starts to set, I would say it. I will tell Cyrus I love him."

By this point, both of his friends are giving TJ weird looks. Jonah subconsciously rolls his eyes. He still doesn't get the point of all this romance stuff. 

Marty asks "Since when is TJ Kippen  a planner? Aren't you more of a wing it and see what happens kind of guy?" 

"I mean usually but I don't know, man. I just want to do this right for Cyrus."

"Just relax okay? Whatever is meant to happen will happen. "

"Is that right?" TJ asks sarcastically "So are you telling  me you have nothing special planned for Saturday with Buffy?"

"I didn't say that. We are actually going to rewatch White Fang and order take out. So yeah, I have plans but I am not stressed about them. I know Buffy likes me or we wouldn't still be together. Just like you should know that Cyrus likes you and he will probably love whatever you do."

TJ knows objectively that Marty is right. Cyrus cares about him. He shows him that everyday in the little things he does. Cyrus, since he has met him, has always been on his side. He has been the one to believe in him even when he hasn't believed in himself. But that is the exact reason this Saturday has to go right. Cyrus deserves it. Plus, he has never said I love you to him before but he does love him and he wants Cyrus to know.

So despite his friends' advice he keeps worrying. In fact he spends everyday until his anniversary worrying  and working out everything that could go wrong.

The night before the big day, TJ hardly sleeps. He is too excited? or maybe nervous? Maybe both. Anyhow he gets up really early. A little later  Amber finds him in front of his bedroom mirror trying to style his hair just right.

"You know he likes your hair better when you don't put all that gel in." Amber replies from the doorway.

"How do you know? He has never said that to me." TJ says defensively.

"No but Andi told me that he literally spent 20 minutes raving about "how cute your hair was when it was super fluffy" in their group chat. "

"Crap. Really?" TJ says panicking.

"Yea but don't worry. I'll help you out."

Twenty minutes later they have the extra gel rinsed out of his hair and Amber is helping him pick out the perfect outfit. They go with a teal shirt and a nice pair of jeans. Not too dressy, but he still looked nice. When they are finally satisfied by how he looks, Amber gives him a big hug.

"What was that for?" He asks when she pulls away.

"I just want you to know it is going to be okay. " She smiles at her little brother. "Cyrus is going to like whatever you do."

"Everyone keeps saying that but what if he doesn't. What if because of some horrible twist of fate, tonight he realizes that I am not good enough for him?"

"That is not going to happen. Now, go. You told Cyrus you would he at his house 5 minutes ago."  

TJ glances at the time on his phone. "Shoot!" he practically runs out the door while sending Cyrus a text.

-Be right there, I'm so sorry.-

Not too long after, he arrives at Cyrus' front door. He nervously knocks on the door. He tries to remind himself to breathe but somehow even after a year of dating, Cyrus had this effect on him. He blushes at the thought. 

When Cyrus answers the door, he gives TJ one of the biggest smiles he has ever seen. Cyrus steps out onto the porch. "Hey Cy," he chokes out. "Happy Anniversary." He steps closer to the other boy, resting his arms on his waist, while Cyrus responded by placing his arms over either one of TJ's shoulders.

In a soft voice the brunette responds "Happy Anniversary...Thelonious."

TJ throws his head back in feigned annoyance. "Oh way to kill the mood."

Cyrus pouts playfully. "I guess we'll just have to call this whole date off."

"I mean I am already here, we might as well still go, but only because I don't want to waste these tickets." He takes one of his hands and digs through his pocket before pulling out tickets to the dinosaur exhibit. 

When he sees Cyrus' eyes light up, he can't  help but smile at him like a dope. God he was whipped.

"Really TJ?! We are going? I thought tickets sold out months ago!"

"They did but I was one of the first people to order. I've been planning this for a while."

"You are so sweet…oh that reminds me." He pulls free from TJ and runs back into the house. He returns moments later with a small box wrapped in shiny blue paper. "For you."

TJ takes the box and delicately unwraps it. Cyrus obviously put a lot of time into wrapping it. He pulls off the lid to find a small note that says "Thank you for being the "somer" to my "sault." Around the words are little doodles of a smiling sun and a salt shaker. Under the note it a bracelet that looks handmade. It is simple, it just uses the little plastic beads. Some are white with letters on it. They spell out "Not so scary basketball guy." Surrounding the letter beads are other beads in a simple rainbow pattern. 

Cyrus shifts awkwardly watches TJ opening the gift. "You don't have to wear it. I know it is kind of lame."

"Are you kidding me? This is a great bracelet. I love this bracelet." TJ says truthfully before sliding it on. 

"Really?" Cyrus says nervously. 

"Really." TJ affirms before pulling Cyrus in for a hug. "I really love y...the bracelet."

Thankfully Cyrus doesn't seem to have noticed his almost slip up.

************

Before long, the two boys are off, making their way to the diner before heading to see the dinosaurs. The boys go in and sit in a little booth in the corner. The waitress comes and to take their order. Knowing what his boyfriend wants, TJ orders.

"Two orders of babytaters and a strawberry milkshake with a strawberry milkshake with two straws please."

The waitress smiles "Sorry hun deep  our fryers down for cleaning, and milkshake maker isn't working. We are having a guy look at it this afternoon. Can I get you guys something else?"

TJ looks at Cyrus. Cyrus says "Just a coke and a piece of pie then."

"I'll take the same." TJ is a little annoyed as the waitress walks off. He wanted this to go perfect and that included getting Cyrus' favorite meal. Cyrus sees the look on TJ's face.

"Is everything okay, Teej?" 

"Yea, I just feel bad that you couldn't get the food you wanted."

"Eh so what? I'm still on a date with the cutest guy in town."

TJ blushes "Thanks, Underdog." What he doesn't say out loud is that he could say the same thing.

After they eat their food, they make their way to the dinosaur exhibit. As they walk up to the building, they see a lot of people leaving. There are a couple fire trucks outside. TJ looks around confused. He stops a woman heading to her car. "Hey can you tell me what's going on?"

"One of the dinosaurs short circuited and caught fire. It set off the sprinklers, which damaged some more of the exhibit. They are evacuating everyone."

TJ's face drops. He thanks the woman for her help and turns to Cyrus. "I am so sorry about the exhibit."

"It is okay! You couldn't have possibly known this word happen." TJ still look sa so sad so Cyrus tries to give him his brightest smile. "TJ, I promise it is okay!"

TJ gives a small smile in return. "I guess we can still go to the park."

"Yeah, the park sounds great." 

So they walk hand in hand over to the park. As they walk though, something hits TJ. Right now would be the time to give Cyrus the homemade chocolate chocolate chip muffin he worked so hard on yesterday. Except in his rush to leave early, he forgot it on the kitchen counter. He tries to hide more disappointment from his face.

What happens next though, causes him to snap. When they walk up to the park, the entrance is closed. The ground around it looks flooded and there are some workers trying to figure some stuff out. You see, it had been a weird winter. The temperatures kept changing between freezing and just slightly chilli all season. That meant that the water kept rapidly freezing and melting again, leading to a water pipe bursting. The foreman says in passing "Sorry kids, the park is closed until we can get this cleaned up."

With that, TJ threw his hands into the air and turned and walked away. Cyrus went after him.

"TJ wait, don't go!" He calls out

Of course TJ couldn't just ignore him so he freezes in his spot. Cyrus walks up around him only to see frustrated tears forming in the jocks eyes.

He puts his hand on TJ's shoulder. "Teej is this over the park? I don't care if we can't swing, I just want to be with you."

"You keep saying that but this date was a disaster! I had it all planned out! But first I was late picking you up. Then the Spoon didn't have babytaters. And the dinosaur exhibit literally went up in flames. I forgot the stupid muffin at home, and finally we get to the park, the last sliver of hope for this date and we can't even go in. There isn't even a bench nearby for us to sit at.

Cyrus wraps his arm around TJ. TJ continues into Cyrus' shoulder. "I wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted to do all the things that are our things. The swings, muffins, the Spoon together, maybe a bench. I just wanted us to be able to do that together."

Cyrus pulls back so he can look TJ in the face. "TJ I love all those things but they don't define us. I love them because they remind me of you. We give them meaning but not vice-versa. We would still be TJ and Cyrus without them. We make other things our things. Anything we want."

TJ doesn't  know how Cyrus does it but somehow he manages to make all the things that were bothering him melt away.

TJ smiles at shorter boy and says "I have an idea." Without another word, he pulls the other boy down the street, with Cyrus happily letting it happen. They stop in front of a house a few streets over.

Cyrus scrunches his eyebrows together. "Is this Marty's house?" All the lights are off.

"Yea but don't worry. His parents are out of town this weekend and he is at Buffy's."

"TJ we are not breaking in there, are we?"

"No." TJ laughs. Of course not. We are just going on the porch."

"Why? What for?" Cyrus asks defensively.

"You'll see, just trust me." TJ smiles.

Cyrus, for his part, let's TJ lead him again, though this time a little more reluctantly.

When they climb the stairs and head to the corner of the long porch, TJ's eyes light up. Cyrus loves the way his green eyes sparkle when he is happy. Except he doesn't know why the boy is so happy, because TJ is just looking at a porch swing.

As if answering the unspoken question,  TJ says "Don't you get it? It is a swing, like the swings we say at the first time we ever talked. But It is also a bench, like the one from Andi's party. The party that happened a year ago today. It is like two of our things wrapped into one."

Cyrus can't help but gleam back at TJ. It always amazes him how clever his boyfriend could be. "We should sit." Is all he can manage to get out.

TJ sits down with the shorter boy following suit, resting his head on TJ's shoulder as the latter wraps his arm around Cyrus. From where they are sitting, they can see the sun starting to set. TJ thinks the better view though was looking down at his boyfriend. He will never understand why he got so lucky, but he did. Cyrus meant everything to him. TJ places a little kiss on the top of Cyrus' head.

 Then without thinking he says "I love you..

" It is almost too quiet to hear. TJ's breathe catches in his throat when he realizes what he said. 

The next few seconds pass excruciatingly slowly before Cyrus say "I love you too, Teej." 

(Also Idk may fuck around and do a Muffy one for the same period of time)

@abg-blah @luzawithoutu @thebisexualweirdo @suzzysangster @galaxy-flowergirl @iloveboyz27

[facets-and-rainbows]

Volume 11 question corner (historical restoration)

Welp, one of my posts [here] got flagged DESPITE BEING ENTIRELY TEXT but it’s a reblog from a deactivated OP asking for a translation and CANNOT BE SAVED, so I’m gonna repost it here for posterity. Enjoy this quaint ancient translation of some volume 11 extras.

December 8, 2013

todo-john-august-cat:

BEGGING FOR JAPANESE-SPEAKERS OR JAPANESE-KNOWERS

to translate at least one interesting fact from the info lists. (maybe Lightning’s class and meister type if there is it)

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please (Q,Q)

desktop-warrior:

Here’s what I got from Google Translate, combined with my very rudimentary knowledge of Japanese grammar. Don’t quote me on this. It’ll likely be quite inaccurate.

Interesting facts for Angel: - “Joke is not through” - I’m assuming this means that others’ jokes at his expense don’t get through to him, or he takes it all in good fun. Or, HIS jokes don’t make sense to others. - “Demon sword Caliburn enslavement” - Also a tricksy one; from the wording of it, I’m assuming it means he’s ‘enslaved’ Caliburn. - Feminist. No joke. - “No mercy to those identified as enem[ies].” Duh! :D

Interesting facts for Lightning: - Cynic - “How it is called Lightning, which was quite strong enslavement familiar.” From what I gather, this means that Lightning got his nickname from a powerful familiar demon he uses. Which means he’s a Tamer, and we might get to see him in action soon, hopefully. :D - Something about either hating not showering for a week (quite long, if you ask me), or not minding that he doesn’t shower that long and he does so quite commonly. I guess that goes with his scruffy appearance. - “Weak and cleaning.” Probably means he’s slovenly, which wouldn’t surprise me.

Now, for Lightning’s Meisters: it looks like he has all five of them, not surprising for an Arc Knight, but it looks like he got one of them (Tamer) twice. Again, don’t quote me because I’m guessing here based on images of the Exorcist ranks list I found online.

And, ah, if I could ask for a teeny favour, if you can: does Godaiin also get a character profile in Volume 11? I really like his character, so would you be able to upload his profile if he has one? If he doesn’t, or if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine.

todo-john-august-cat:

omg, what a clever people on internets ! thank You so much

unfortunately in the 11th volume there are only two profiles, BUT Goddain appeared in characters card (idk what it’s proper name) for the first time

[broken image link, used to be a pic of that page]

(I’m not good in tumblr :( is this picture clickable and downloadable?)

desktop-warrior:

Oh, haha, there was nothing ‘clever’ about what I did! I’ve enabled my keyboard to be able to type Japanese characters. So I copied out the facts and then put them through Google Translate. I took a first-year Japanese course in university, so I understand mostly how Japanese grammar works. I looked at the results and interpreted them in the way that made the most sense to me. You can talk to anyone who knows a little more Japanese and they would’ve done a much better job than I did. :D Nonetheless, you’re welcome.

And thank YOU for uploading that character card! What I wanted to know most of all was Godaiin’s first name, which I do now.

facets-and-rainbows:

Your translations seem pretty darn accurate as far as I can tell : ) “Joke not through” means that Angel doesn’t get jokes. I had to look up フェミニスト in like three dictionaries before I was convinced that it still meant “feminist” in Japanese, but he is indeed a feminist against all expectation. “Enslave” is a strong word; maybe “employ”? “Lightning” is apparently a title given to some sort of master Tamer/Aria (I think?). I don’t know what the second “Tamer” meister is. I don’t think it’s been mentioned before. He’s bad at cleaning and bathing, like you said.

I have volume 11 here, so I guess I might as well paraphrase the fan question corner thing they’re doing. It’s got some neat little facts.

-Angel’s middle initial is A, not O. The times when it was O were typos. -Angel is half English and half French. He and Lightning are canonically multilingual (Angel claims to have dabbled in 8 languages!). They are actually literally speaking Japanese in their scenes. Not just for the reader’s convenience. We’re just gonna go with the explanation that all the foreign exorcists are good with languages because it is, in Lightning’s words, “cooler that way.” -Rin sleeps with his eyes open. A lot. It creeps Yukio right out. -The sandwich Shiemi eats in Chapter 46 is made of herbs from her garden. It was “bitter, but good for you. Probably.” -Paku is doing fine in regular school despite seeing demons all the time, thanks for asking. -You can get TO cram school with magic keys, but you have to take the long way back unless you have a key for your next destination. -Rin is the easiest character for Katou-sensei to draw. Angel is hardest because hair is hard. Lightning is also kind of hard because she’s not used to him yet. She can’t pick a favorite character because she’s spent years of her life developing and identifying with each and every one. -Mephisto is impressed that you noticed how his fingernails only look pointy when he’s not wearing gloves. But you shouldn’t worry too much about it. He’s a shapeshifter and he can do whatever he wants. -If you want to know what class everyone is in in regular school, you’re gonna have to figure it out yourself from the school festival scenes. The information is there. -As previously covered, Godaiin’s given name is Sei. He apologizes for it. -Yes, Amaimon’s face was smoking when he came out of the cuckoo clock in volume 10, just like it was when he went into the cuckoo clock in volume 4. Yes, this is because time is meaningless inside the cuckoo clock. -Caliburn, Angel’s sword, is a trans woman in the manga despite being a cis woman in the anime. It doesn’t matter to Angel whether his sword is a man or a woman. But don’t get your hopes up, Caliburn, he probably didn’t mean that in QUITE the way you think he meant it. Angel’s kind of dense. -You have to recite a demon’s Fatal Verse word for word. Unless you’re really good. Like, Lightning good. Then you can freestyle abbreviate it. -Mephisto will neither confirm nor deny that he is the Mephistopheles from Goethe’s Faust. -If you can’t see demons, can you see Rin’s tail etc? The answer is SURPRISINGLY COMPLICATED. Rin says regular people can’t see the flames. They CAN see the ears, fangs, and tail, but no one seems to mention it. They don’t notice much. Then Mephisto talks about perception and the human brain and inattentional blindness for long enough that he has to be cut off. -How’d you like the cross-dressing, guys? Rin: It was funny! Suguro: I feel like I lost a part of myself that day. I don’t want to do it again. Konekomaru: Agrees with Suguro. Shima: I thought I was really cute but not as cute as real girls lol. Yukio: It was part of the mission. -If the twins are complete opposites, how is Yukio’s cooking? Is it edible? Well, he doesn’t really cook much at all. It’s totally not because he cut himself as a child and is afraid of chopping stuff NO IT’S NOT SHUT UP RIN. -Yes, twelve-year-old fan, it is okay if your original story copies Blue Exorcist a lot. But once you become a manga author yourself, you’ll need to branch out. You’ll understand when you’re older.