#some fun expressions this time around
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Unexpected Guests Chapter Ten, Act Two: Page 3
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The gang have made it into the brother's house, but even with a blaster keeping watch, it seems they won't get a moment of peace after all...
The battle begins anew next time, on Oct. 5th!
#undertale#undertale comic#unexpected guests comic#some fun expressions this time around#i'm free of drawing cars but now interiors are my enemy XD#don't worry the blaster is ok--i know better than to just. kill it offscreen. but i also know people would worry if i didn't say something
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another horrifically high effort joke animation for everyone! 😁 hello guys
deleted scene from turbo dating simulator
ORIGINAL ANIMATION THIS WAS BASED ON (by casteranimatez on tiktok!!)
bonus higher res pictures hehehe ... the background is kind of ugly but i wasnt too worried about it because the messiness was going to be obscured in the final product LOL !!! ignore how the kart has no internal details or handles or anything i Did Not Want to Draw any more
ibispaint premium come back to me baby i miss you...TONE CURVE COME BAAACK
#turbo#turbo wir#wreck it ralph#turbo wreck it ralph#animation#my art#sometimes i get an idea and then i dedicate some kind of force beyond my comprehension into making it#i learned how to use alight motion because of this which is something ive wanted to get around to for some time now ^_^#yay#shitpost#this was also somewhat of a style test + expression test bc i have a hard time drawing diff facial expressions w/o changing the--#--characters entire appearance#im still learning!!! im still learning!!#ok this was actually so much fun to make i want to try something like this again sometime#THANK YOU TURBO FOR REVIVING MY ARTISTIC MOTIVATION I LOVE U 💏💋💋💋💋💋#AAAUGHHH ignore the bad cropping I tried my best#SILLY TIME
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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more about og tue timeline twins danny and dan/jamie
very touchy with each other. you might even say. ccclingy. its to be expected, they're two halves of a whole after all and all they've got of each other. worryingly co-dependent. do not separate. ever.
Danny was really weak and sick after the initial separation, and was for a while after. Jamie knew internally that if Danny died, he'd take the whole world with it. He was the one sole caretaker for him while he got better -- not for lack of trying on Vlad's part, but without his ghost powers he was nothing more than a feeble (albeit handsomely rich) man, and James looked ready to bite his head off if he got within ten feet of either of them.
Vlad is intimately aware that James (or Danny, if he tried) could snap his spine in half like a twig, and is uncomfortably aware of his own lack of ghost half now. It makes him feel self-conscious and exposed, so he never fully returns back to "cocky and self-assured billionaire Vlad Masters". Making deals with other brands feels a lot harder now that he can no longer possess them anymore.
Speaking of, he very quickly has to come up with a cover story as to why there's now a James Daniel Fenton to the public, when no records whatsoever of him existing existed prior. Lots of forging false government documents on his end. James and Danny do not help because it's his fault this happened in the first place.
(Regardless of whether or not Danny actually willingly chose to rip out his ghost half/humanity in canon is true, or if that was Vlad Masters speaking out of his ass, a large part of the blame still falls on Masters.)
(As his primary caretaker and guardian, it's his responsibility to ensure the health and safety of his charge, and since Danny was in clear emotional duress at the time, it can be argued that he was not in the mental state to make such a decision. And, allegedly, couldn't do it on his own which is why he asked Vlad for help.)
I chose "James" as Dan's name since it's a popular fanon middle name for Danny, and since he's half of Danny, it felt like it just made sense lol. Also because of the ensuing comedy of the two of them introducing themselves as "James Daniel Fenton" and "Daniel James Fenton". It's got the same energy as "danny with a y" and "danny with an i" and it's the exact kind of name bullshit you expect parents to give their twins.
I don't have their exact personalities down, but something I am actively writing into this au's bible is that I think Danny should be the quiet and (ig technically) meaner one. There's a lot to go into about interpretations for ghosts, halfas, and the incident itself, but TL:DW; Danny is technically soulless, or at the very least missing half of his soul (altho Jamie is too just in a different direction).
Pair that with the trauma of losing his family in front of him + having his ghost half ripped out + all the trauma he would've sustained as a hero, and he's not doing too hot mentally! i think if the twins met good timeline!Danny, Danny would've mistaken Danny for Dan and Jamie for the original half.
He comes off to others as pretty apathetic and indifferent to a borderline terrifyingly calm degree. He doesn't go out of his way to insult people, but he also doesn't care enough to consider the other party's feelings so he doesn't filter himself, which makes him come off as rude. The only times he looks truly comfortable is when he's near Jamie or talking to him.
His standoffish, ice prince demeanor makes Jamie look like a saint in comparison. When really he's not all that much better? He's more outwardly emotional than Danny, whether that be positive or negative, but at the end of the day he doesn't trust or care about anyone else any more than Danny does, and he's got a bit of a sadistic streak. Danny reigns him in when he starts becoming too destructive.
(Which I think makes sense. Danny asked Vlad to rip out his ghost half specifically so he could stop feeling his human emotions. Dan, despite his monotone voice, does exhibit emotions. He's smug when he asks Valerie if he likes his ghostly wail, sardonic when he reunites with Sam and Tucker, annoyed, shocked at Danny's ghostly wail, etc. He enjoys wreaking destruction and chaos.)
(If Danny had survived his encounter with Dan and if Vlad was successful, then I imagine he'd be rather apathetic to his other half as a whole. That'd be interesting.)
Overall though they're both hurt, bitter, and distrustful of the world around them, with abandonment issues a mile wide. They can get better and they can heal, but it takes time and patience and proper support.
On the DPxDC side of things, they do genuinely hold some kind of respect or regard for Bruce. They also don't become vigilantes for a while. Neither of them are jumping at the bit to enter heroism again, not when it was heroism that killed their family in the first place.
In fact when they find out Bruce = Batman they think he's foolish for it. They think its a fool's errand, and they've been so spurned by their time as Phantom that for a few weeks, Jamie even refused to call Bruce anything but Sisyphus. Danny called him Tantalus, and the two of them had a faux-argument about which one was more accurate.
Bruce does, though, worm his way into both of their hearts, and that's like, the main reason they become vigilantes to join him. So that they could keep him safe and not because of any desire to return to the heroic life. Relearning to care and finding satisfaction in helping others was an unintentional side effect.
(Bruce is so very smug)
Essentially:
The Twins: this is our squishy and fragile adoptive father. If anything happened to him, we're becoming mass extinction events.
Bruce: Nnno.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danny phantom#the twins au#dan phantom#batman and his no-good terrifying little bodyguards. they're both like 5'2 and weigh 90lbs soaking wet and are capable of great violence#he can scruff them both with both hands. they're like two wet cats.#bruce: these are my children Daniel and James | the twins: *emanating little orphan tom riddle energy from behind him*#danny can experience emotions btw they're just dulled(??) to an extent. he doesn't feel them as intensely as Jamie does. in some cases#he knows he should be feeling SOME kind of emotion he just doesn't. being around Jamie helps amplify them. some kind of feedback thing#Jamie is a mischief maker. enjoys wreaking subtle chaos on other people especially people of his ire. laughs at other's misfortune.#neither of them are all that sympathetic when bruce takes them in. but they dO like. like~ him when he does. in some way. they prefer him#over vlad at least. by the time they become vigilantes they genuinely care about him. if not as family then at the very least as a friend.#which means. congrats bruce! you've unlocked the [ viciously protective sons ] perk! have fun with your mini ragnaroks :)#cannot express enough that the twins DO like and respect bruce. there's a genuine care and mutual friendship/relationship there.#yeah they dont need bruce's permission (technically) to be vigilantes but with the way they're set up why WOULD they lmao.#they have no incentive to return to the hero life and in fact comma have the incentive to do the exact opposite and avoid it.#so i give them believable incentive >:]#batdad aus go brrrrrrrr#referring to dan as a 'mass extinction event' is my new favorite way to refer to him <33 bc its technically true
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Happy Three Year Anniversary 🥹💚🌺
It’s my three year anniversary since I first started writing fanfics on tumblr. I think back about the first time I published fanfics on here and everyone I met along the way because of that one moment of time.
When I took that step to allow myself to express/be myself and publish something I wrote. It led to meeting so many wonderful people here and irl and I am forever grateful to myself and to all of you.
I am forever grateful for all the encouragement you all give me and I can’t say it enough. Be it comments, asks, reblogs, likes, tagging or what have you.
Everyday is fun and brings a smile to my face. I look forward to the future because of it.
So really, thank you everyone. I’m so happy to have met and interacted with you and hope to continue to do so ☺️💚🌺
#Hana announces#I always feel a bit shy posting stuff like this but I really am grateful and wanted to express myself#I’ve been on tumblr longer than three years but only just started writing again after more than a decade and realized my anniv for my first#fanfic was coming and#been feeling very nostalgic lately and very grateful for everything and all I have met#I have been having so much fun the last several years#its that joy i can hold onto always despite the hard times#thank you again 💞💞💚💚#will probably change some stuff around on my masterlist and profile#and edit mt pin post too#to make it more succinct#but that will be weekend Hana worries
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through heavy , heavy tears : hawkeyes first instinct is to be KIND he’s so much less guarded than trapper and even bj when first meeting people ( even ones he probably won’t like ) he always treats them with respect . i’m going to be physically ill
#i have a headcanon that people were kind of really mean to hawkeye as a kid and this little detail about him reinforces it#he very much gives like . i was weird and left out as a kid but people love me now and i never want to be like those people who left me out#i feel like you see it most heavily with radar but he also does this thing when he steps back when he realizes he’s actually hurt someone’s#feelings .#idk like#he’s not kind ALL the time . like he obviously jokes around a LOT and some of those jokes can be pretty mean and even then sometimes he has#trouble apologizing#but at the same time ( most of the time ) if he realizes something has gone too far he’ll do what he can to express that he didn’t mean it i#in his own hawkeye way#i’m thinking about in ‘ for want of a boot ‘ when trapper calls radar short and radar gets upset about it and hawk’s like#‘ hey you know he’s only joking ‘ in that soft voice#or in ‘ house arrest ‘ when radar gets the platform shoes and hawkeye was like ‘ i was out of line for making fun of you ‘#those are the instances that come to mind but there’s a TON more#idk i just really love that detail about him#that he’s willing to step back and recognize when a joke’s maybe gone too far#he even does it with frank and charles#mash#mashposting#m*a*s*h#mash 4077#hawkeye pierce#hawkeye
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i have gotten like nothing done cause i'm too busy taking pictures of her
#i mean i did manage to build a house and a well so far#(it's the one on the hill)#my neighbor is a bear so that's fun#i'm obsessed with how this game looks#i do wish your character would do like some idle animations and facial expressions#there are emotes but they cancel every time i try to get into photomode#if anyone knows a work around that lmk#medieval dynasty#video games#my screenshots
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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some doodles i did earlier today/late last night
#sero doodles#sonic oc#i made chronos in sonic pulse rp on roblox heheh#just having fun playing around in it for the first time#chronos the jackal#kunzite the bat#also just some sonic expressions#+ my cowboy infinite#i wanna work on my sonic cowboy au a bit more#cuz i have some ideas.#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic fanart#sth#sth fanart#infinite the jackal#anyway yeah :) just some pencil sketches i did when my wrist wasn't hurting
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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I also made a card for him (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#Damned#DAX#Don't look at me lol#I considered making one from my bad batch of printouts but nah I have other uses for them still :P#Besides I get to use full colour here! And he deserves it ♥#DAX's cute expressions through Dex's cute face <3#A lot of the details initially started as guesswork but I feel a teensy bit more confident in them now that I've done some looking around ♪#Heights are still undefined tho lol! Max is 5'9'' and Dexter looks to be at least a good few inches taller than he is so#It's pointed at that Dex is ~6 years older than Max - I put him at 8 years older but I'm happy to move their ages closer in my mind <3#More than that I'm happy to have been so close! :D#It's most likely that he's actually 30 by this point but if Max took a two year rather than a four year college course fjdslafd#My thoughts around DAX's age have shifted a little as well bringing in the consideration that VUX have longer lifespans than humans :0#What does 10 years age difference look like when that's proportionally less for VUX than humans!#Speculation for another time lol#I probably could've added more names in his ''Knows'' section but I stuck with the ones I've seen drawings of haha#He probably wouldn't know DOX...#If I'd thought about it for a moment I would've drawn his eyes reverse-open-closed - I like the idea of him and ZEX mirroring each other <3#Well they can both switch hehe#No matter how many of these I make it's so fun to fill out the Personality section hehe - single-word descriptors are very fun!#Seeing how many simple words I can think of to describe someone hehe <3 With minimal overlap and considering connotation! It's fun!!#I love DAX <3 And I love Dex haha it's the same with Max/ZEX! I love them all ♪♫
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I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds
#rat rambles#stars posting#I wanna make a thing for odile's parallel scene to the bathroom scene were sif forgets odile's name#but it takes place in the traps room by the wood carving tools which isn't the worst room to have to draw ig but I still dont want to#I could just take the lazy route and just sketch the scene so I can get it out of my head and I probably will#but at the same time I also should draw more stuff with backgrounds even if it makes me want to throw up and cry#but yeah the scene is basically just odile having a derealization moment while thinking abt the wooden odile carving sif made for her#just her looking at it and feeling nothing and trying to look ahead at siffrin expecting to be reminded of what it's supposed to make her#feel and just being met with the same emptyness in her chest as she can barely even recognize the person in front of her until they look#back at her and their expression shifts into a extremely concerned one#does that make sense? idk if Im explaining it well but I hope it makes sense#but yeah smth smth them becoming less real to eachother overtime much to the horror of both#also unrelated but I need to start rotating loop in this au in my head more theres so much to work with here#I have some vague ideas and thoughts but I have been too odile brained to properly elaborate on those in my head#Im honestly just glad Ive finally made an au that I can actually get invested in fleshing out#I havent rly found a good headspace to rly play around with the main cast but this is actually giving me smth to chew on#usually most thoughts I have abt isat just lead to me thinking abt my ocs lol#regardless Im having fun with this au and I hope that I can bring myself to commit to it#also Ive been trying to think of a decent name for this au and Im half tempted to call it from the top or smth but I feel like Im tempted#to call like every story I make that so Im on the fense abt it#especially since thats what Ive been planning on calling the prologue for spiraling upwards#not that I cant just do both but I wanna see if I can think of any alternatives
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kindergala? more like: lou singlehandedly revives the kindergarten tumblr rp community part 2 electric boogaloo /lh /silly
#🖋️ ––– ・゚★。・:*:・゚☆ 001. Misc.#actually maybe this is the 3rd time if u count the months of hiatus we had before getting back to it with new blogs and then stopping again#∠( ツ 」∠)_ idk why ppl keep indulging my rp brainrot like this sometimes but tysm for keeping the streak going :'D#also genuinely tho thank you everyone for being so excited for the kindergala and making this so much more fun than it would've been alone#like!!! the energy and response to this event so far has been outstanding!!!!!! and i am so grateful fr!! :'''3#i love the designs everyone's been making. i love the plans for interactions. i love the art and writing. i love the designs from ppl who#aren't participating but want to design something fun and cool anyway!!! (ps that is 100% valid and completely in line with the spirit of#kindergala!! this is a creativity exercise event as well for sure!!!!)#i know that it would still be fun even if it was just me and very few of my friends. but it's gotten a lot bigger than i thought it would#and i am so so happy abt that and happy that you are all enjoying yourselves and interacting with each other within the community like this#there are some shy ppl i've noticed! but it really seems like ppl are less shy about interacting than the 1st time around!!#and if you are shy: pls remember plenty of other people are too. but they joined this event to interact with other kg fans just like you#and it would probably make them happy if you reached out!! just like you'd probably be happy to have someone reach out to you too#and if you're scared about not knowing who to interact with. my inbox and dms are always open. i give you express permission to interact :D#i'm over on my displacedbias blog!! :3#also if anyone is feeling negative about this or like things need some improvement during the event-- feel free to talk to me abt feedback!#or if you just need to talk to someone in general. very much not a therapist but i will help to the best of my ability :')
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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