#some days the brain just is bad. it be like that sometimes.
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i need a lando x brazilian!reader for sao paulo gp!!
persistence - ln4
summary: lando has the biggest crush on a brazilian model and he won’t give up until she gives him a chance
folkie radio: HAPPY LANDO DAY !! for some reason, my lando fics are always my least fave but i needed to post something for his bdayyyy, i hope you like this
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
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yourinstagram i ❤️ LA
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username1 THE FACE CARDDD
username2 if i looked like that i wouldn’t let anyone give me crap
username3 IT GIRL
alexademie Loved seeing you 😍
username4 brazilian women >>>
iamrebeccad 😍
username5 WHAT IS LANDO NORRIS DOING IN THE LIKES 😭
username6 lando i see you what are you up to
carlossainz55 Hermosa !
↳ username1 sometimes i forget she’s actually friends with carlos
↳ username2 ouuu maybe this is why lando is in the likes
↳ yourinstagram miss you carlitosss
madisonbeer pelase come more often loml 💘
↳ yourinstagram you should comento brazil miss!
username7 LINDA
username8 can’t believe we’re from the same country but i don’t look like this
alexandrasaintmleux ❤️🔥❤️🔥 you beautyyy
↳ username2 IT GIRLS FR
landonorris Pretty girl 😍
↳ username1 LANDO HELLO?
↳ username2 HES SO BOLD
↳ username3 yn not even replying 😭
liked by carlossainz55, alex_albon and 1,027,638 others
landonorris memories from my last time in brazil 📸
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username1 LANDOOOO
username2 HELLO SIR WTF
username3 what was the reason for this thirst trap NOT COMPLAINING THO 😭
charles_leclerc Who let the dogs out?
↳ username1 HELP MEEEEE
username4 lando norris what are you up to
username5 I WANT TO LICK HIM
mclaren Good start of the week 🙌
username6 confess lando who are you trying to charm
username7 HES SUCH A MAN
danielricciardo I’m looking respectfully
↳ username2 HE GETS IT
username8 lando posting a thirst trap from BRAZIL and not so randomly commenting on a brazilian model’s post LANDO I SEE WHAT YOU DO
carlossainz55 😂😂😂
username9 BE SERIOUS
f1gossip We’ll get to the bottom of this 👀
username10 i need to know how his brain works
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texts between carlos and lando
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landonorris sent you a message request
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liked by landonorris, lilyrosedepp and 798,499 others
yourinstagram somebody come get this man… i think he got lost in my dms
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username1 IT GIRL
username2 how bad i wish i was her
username3 the amount of random celebs that probably slide into her dms 😭
lizzobeeating those lyrics 🤌🤌
username4 SPILL DEETS
username5 expose them bestie expose them
sabrinacarpenter i’m still laughing
↳ brunamarquezine me too
↳ yourinstagram we all 🤫
username6 i need her bandana asap
username7 MESSY QUEEN
alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍 my style inspo !
↳ yourinstagram miss YOU are my style inspo we need to meet asap ❤️🔥
↳ username1 AHHH THIS CROSSOVER
carlossainz55 Forgive him… he’s just a boy
↳ iamrebeccad 😂😂
↳ username2 HUH WHATS THIS ABOUT???
↳ yourinstagram keep him humble carlitos
landonorris stunning 🤤
↳ username1 NOT THIS AGAIN
↳ username2 plot twist hes the man who got lost in her dms
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lando.jpg i’ll take that as a compliment
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username1 LANDOOOOO
username2 he remember the password for this account
username3 WHAT DOES HE MEAN 😭
charles_leclerc 😂😂😂😂
daniel3.jpg mate im sure that’s not how it works…
↳ lando.jpg did i ask?
↳ username1 HUH LET ME IN
username4 WHAT IS HE ON ABOUT
username5 who’s attention is he trying to get with this post
username6 lando has been moving weirdly lately
carlossainz55 EMBARRASING
↳ charles_leclerc Please make him understand
↳ georgerussell63 😂😂😂😂
↳ username2 WHAT IS THIS
↳ username3 I NEED TO BE PART OF THEIR INSIDE JOKES
↳ username4 I HATE THEM
↳ lando.jpg can’t hear the haters
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and 609,638 others
yourinstagram monaco i am in you ✨
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username1 FACE CARDDDD
username2 the queen in monaco ? slay
username3 i know a certain mclaren driver will like to hear about this information
gigihadid 😍😍
madisonbeer MY GIRLFRIEND 👩❤️💋👩
username4 SCREAMING
username5 her genes are really blessed
↳ username1 ofc she’s a brazilian
brunamarquezine Linda 💘💘
username6 don’t let lando norris find out
username7 LANDO X YN?? is this what i’m getting from this comments ??
↳ username2 more like lando thirsts over her but she ignores him
carlossainz55 No way! We should meet up
↳ yourinstagram i was about to text youuu carlitos
↳ username2 LOVE THEM
jacobelordi 😍
↳ username1 dream couple fr
alexandrasaintmleux FINALLY 🙌🙌
↳ yourinstagram can’t wait to see youuuu gorgeous sass won’t know what hit them
↳ username3 OMFG IT GIRLS MEETING
landonorris 🤤🤤😍
↳ username1 DUDE GIVE IT UP
↳ username2 LANDO PLEASE
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the grid but only the cool ones groupchat
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f1gossip Lando was at Sass Cafe in Monaco tonight. Any theories of who the girl might be? 👀
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username1 MESSY LANDO
username2 he’s sooo 😭
username3 i need lando to look at me like that
username4 that happening to me could save me
username5 just fell to my knees
username6 isn’t that yn the brazilian model??
↳ username1 WAIT
↳ username2 you have a point
↳ username3 NO WAY 😩
↳ username4 wait a damn minute that’s her
↳ username5 WHY IS LANDO LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAY
username6 ooohhh i see 👀👀
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yourinstagram has added to their stories
replies:
iamrebeccad I have major fomo right now 🥲
↳ yourinstagram YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN THERE
madisonbeer 😍😍😍
anokyai monaco loves you ✨✨
alexandrasaintmleux my new bff 💘💘
↳ yourinstagram i literally love you so much
landonorris miss you already 😍
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the grid but only the cool ones groupchat
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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 612,976 others
yourinstagram first time watching race cars 🏎️ good luck tomorrow to my dear friend carlitosss
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username1 OMGGGGG
username2 SHE WAS AT QUALI ?? SLAY
username3 wag energy
arianagrande 😍😍😍
username4 lando norris was found yelling
username5 THE FACT THAT SHES LANDO’S CRUSH THO
scuderiaferarri ❤️
username6 LANDO X YN FINALLY???
username7 she fits right in she should date lando
username8 WE NEED THE QUEEN AT THE SÃO PAULO GP
username9 the only girl that matters
alexandrasaintmleux Linda 😍😍✨
↳ yourinstagram eu te amo !
brunamarquezine 💘😍🙌
username10 BET LANDO FREAKED OUT
username11 okay but carlos looks so good
carlossainz55 Te quiero!
↳ yourinstagram 🥰🥰
iamrebeccad ❤️❤️❤️
landonorris the most gorgeous girl in the paddock
↳ username1 THERE HE IS
↳ username2 the fact that she has never ever acknowledged any of his comments has me dying
↳ username3 he has BALLS
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landonorris sent you a message request
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f1gossip Landinho is in full summer break swing ! The driver was spotted in São Paulo tonight 👀
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username1 LANDINHOOO IS BACK
username2 UMMM AM I READING THIS RIGHT
username3 he did not....
username4 yn just give this boy a chance we all know you keep him hanging
username5 WE WON
username6 he speaks portuguese and all now
username7 this man istg
username8 suddenly brazil is his favorite country in the world
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landonorris sent you a message request
yourinstagram started following landonorris
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f1gossip Lando was spotted out and about in São Paulo tonight, but if you look closely, you might notice he's carrying a purse and a phone with a Rhode case. Was Landinho in a date with someone? 👀
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username1 LORD
username2 CUT THE CAMERAS
username3 lando dating a brazilian woman ?? UM YES
username4 IM SUDDENLY BLIND
username5 if it's not yn then we don't want it
username6 I NEED CONFIRMATION THAT HE WAS WITH YN
username7 oh to have lando norris carrying my purse and phone for me
username8 that's a MAN
username9 GOING INSANE
yourinstagram has added to their stories
replies:
madisonbeer girl you're so messy but ily
↳ yourinstagram nice case right? 😙
alexandrasaintmleux Are we finally twinning in the paddock?
↳ yourinstagram we'll seeeeeeee
carlossainz55 Excuse me?
↳ yourinstagram hi carlitos
↳ carlossainz55 You really gave that muppet a chance?
↳ yourinstagram what can i say, he's persistent
landonorris Linda 😍😍
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liked by landonorris, bellahadid and 1,287,399 others
yourinstagram i heard something about race cars in são paulo?
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username1 STUNNING
username2 that's not face card that's face economy
alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍🙌
username3 LANDO THIS IS YOUR CHANCE
username4 future wag?
username5 COME ON LANDO SHOOT YOUR SHOT ONE LAST TIME
username6 if the rumors about her and lando are real....
madisonbeer my queen actually 💋
username7 THIS IS WAG MATERIAL
username8 how funny woud it be if she starts dating another driver when lando has been begging since forever
username9 LINDA
userame10 and when the queen graces interlagos with her presence
landonorris 😍😍😍
↳ username1 LANDOOOO
↳ username2 i respect him
↳ username3 you better win that mf race
liked by username1, username2 and 4,088 others
f1gossip Our eyes are not fooling us, Brazil's national treasure is at the Interlagos circuit paddock with Lando Norris right now
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username1 OMFGGGG
username2 yall don't know the lore
username3 he actually did it....
username4 LANDO NORRIS I NEVER DOUBTED YOU
username5 i used to pray for times like these
username6 HES SOOOOOOOO
username7 lando norris the man that you are
liked by landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,098,765 others
yourinstagram i told him we could hard launch only if he scored a podium in my country and he didn't so you'll never know who's this fine man 😙
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username1 STOOOOOPPP
username2 MESSY
username3 girl we know that's lando you fell for his charms
sabrinacarpenter 👀👀👀
username4 LANDO NORRIS YOU CHAMP
iamrebeccad 😂😂😂
username5 never doubting little lando norris again
brunamarquezine NO WAY
username6 im so lost whats going on
username7 from not getting a follow back to this LANDOOOO
carlossainz55 Ay dios mio 🤦♂️
↳ yourinstagram we love you carlitossss
↳ username1 i bet he refused to be lando's wingman so many times
bellahadid we have some catch up to do
username8 plot twist this is not lando
username9 THIS PICTURE IS SO HOT
username10 most iconic couple already
landonorris i wonder who that fine man could be
↳ username1 LANDO YOU DO THE HARD LAUNCH
↳ username2 i bet he's living
landonorris o mais linda 😍😍
↳ username3 LANDINHOOO
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landonorris lost the podium but won something else. obrigado 🇧🇷
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username1 OMFG
username2 THIS MAN ISTG
username3 lando norris you're one little menace
charles_leclerc FINALLY
↳ georgerussell63 After years of being rejected
↳ danielricciardo Look at our boy go 🙌
↳ username1 HEEEELPP THEY ALL KNEW
maxverstappen1 You owe me...
↳ username2 I NEED THE LOREEE
mclaren 🧡
username4 THIS IS TOO ICONIC
username5 okay she's gorgeous
username6 persistence is key i guess
username7 HEEELP HE JUST COULDN'T WAIT
username8 lando dating a brazilian is such a win
yourinstagram you're a cutieeee i guess
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris fanfiction#lando norris smau#lando norris fic#f1 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 imagine#ln4 fanfiction#ln4 x reader#lando norris blurb#f1 smau#formula 1 fanfiction#formula 1 x reader#harrysfolklore#lando norris fluff
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Imagine best friend Mattheo being absolutely obsessed with his innocent little Hufflepuff bsf but she just can’t tell. Everyone else knows, and it is quite obvious, but she just can’t think someone like him would want someone like her. But when she jokingly says she’s gonna get Cedric to take her virginity he decides it’s time he came clean.
Possibly with some soft smut if you are comfortable with it of course
bsf mattheo riddle x hufflepuff reader
hopefully this matches your request <3 i’ll most likely make a part 2 for this because.. you’ll see ;) 3.5k words
you lived a rather simple uncomplicated life, attending hogwarts as a hufflepuff with no interest in anyone’s drama. though you kept to yourself most times you tried to be nice to all your peers maintaining your classic hufflepuff demeanor, despite this there was one thing that was different about you.
you see, you didn’t see or understand why people don’t like other houses just because of “house rivalry” especially the students who weren’t even participating in any sports or point winning. and with this over your years though you had few friends you had one best friend who at first seemed rather impossible to be friends with.. mattheo riddle.
when you two met you were a fourth year and him a fifth, coincidentally you were going on to a few friends about your annoyance with people automatically assuming the worst of slytherin even though you yourself weren’t in their house or nearly like one. mattheo overheard this heated- adorable voice coming from behind him and he walked towards you carefully.
he sat down in front of you beside your friend as she gawked faces towards you at his presence. “you don’t think we’re too mean, huh?” he questioned small laugh leaving his lips. “i just think that some people are misunderstood and just because some wizards turned out bad doesn’t mean all of them in your house are” you looked at him answering his question with ease
he smirked in amusement and leaned a little closer to you “hm, hufflepuff eh? what year are you puff?” he sat back examining you and you didn’t fail to notice that nickname he slipped in “fifth year but i have an early birthday which is annoying because i could technically be out sooner” you sighed ignoring his staring.
“well, seeing as it’s ravenclaw against gryffindor do you wanna watch the quidditch game with me i know the best view” he stood up and held his hand out for you, you look towards your friends and they’re both nodding their heads for you to go so you did.
from that point on you and mattheo had been best friends, sadly he was in his seventh year and now you in your sixth nothing much had changed in your life. living vicariously through mattheo and his stories about slytherin parties and how you should go to one with him before it’s too late, he’d tell you about his sexual adventures and your jaw would drop everytime.
you yourself also confided in him though with much less interesting things, telling him how you feel unlikeable by guys sometimes because they never try to get or talk to you, or how you feel lonely because you’ve never had a a boyfriend before. hed always help soothe the thoughts away, telling you that it’s only your brain making those things up , “listen y/n, anyone who doesn’t love you is fucking insane”.
𓆙
talking to your friend zarah who’d been there since day one you always told her what you told matt, for the most part. “i just don’t get why nobody is interested in me zar, like am i genuinely that ugly” you plopped onto your bed sighing dramatically. “you’re not ugly and if you think no guys want you you’re blind i know one in particular that really, really wants you” she giggled.
you looked at her with a confused expression “i must be missing something because i have no idea who you’re talking about” you awaited her response and she just rolled her eyes and sighed “girl your practically boyfriend of a best friend you do everything with” she gave you a duh look and you just laughed. you genuinely couldn’t believe she’d even think he’d like you especially with all the girls he’d been with, “you’re hilarious, we both know he doesn’t want me he wants all the girls he tells me about” you started to compose yourself but zarah’s expression didn’t change.
“you literally must be blind y/n do you need glasses? or should i say puff? let’s talk about how that man hasn’t stopped calling you that pet name since you’ve met.. he’s in love” she rolled her eyes raising her hands in the air. “i still don’t think he wants me so there’s no convincing me” you shrugged her off and she groaned getting up and leaving your shared dorm.
𓆙
“puff you gotta come to this party, slytherin won agains gryffindor i just know this is gonna be the party you want to go to pleaseee” mattheo put his hands on your shoulders shaking you “fiinee” you attempted to answer between shakes before he let you go “if i would’ve known it was that easy i would’ve done that years ago” he rolled his eyes.
“anyways it’s tonight at like 8 so i’ll just get you from your dorm at like 7 do you think they’ll let me in? actually what’s the password?” he didn’t give you time to finish any of your sentences before you just gave him the password “butterscotch” you whispered, in response mattheo laughed “fucking butterscotch merlin that’s hilarious” you looked up at him and rolled your eyes walking away.
“i’ll see you at 7 puff” he yelled across the hall and you just gave a thumbs up and continued walking. you honestly were quite nervous seeing as you’ve never necessarily been to a party before, you’ve made small appearances at hufflepuff parties but you’ve heard they don’t even compare to slytherin.
making your way into your dorm you spot zarah and you pull her up from the common room couch “i finally said yes to a party need help now” you quickly mumbled and she quickened her pace “when does it start girl i need the info right this second come on you’re talking too long for me” she rushed and you blurted it all out “8pm he’s getting me at 7 he has the password he will be at the dorm” closing the door behind you two you both stopped to catch your breath
“sooo is it a dateee” she shimmied her arm on you winking “i already told you he doesn’t like me!!” you replied to her relentlessness. “ugh whatever we need to get you ready girl it’s already six” she pushed you onto your shared vanity chair and pulled out all of your makeup and a few things of hers, “creative control?” she asked smirking at you “mm fine but not too much” you agreed “we’ll see” she giggled.
after around 30 minutes she finished your makeup and she showed you the finished product, looking at yourself in the mirror you thought how you never would’ve put on red lipstick yet you feel really good in it. she gave you a small smokey eye and a small winged liner and you felt you looked more aggressive then you were, but you kinda loved it.
“it’s so much but so pretty” you admired yourself and the makeup she put on you slowly getting used to the feeling of fake eyelashes on your eyes. “i’m so glad you love it, but we need to find an outfit like three hours ago” she joked and rushed to your closets “i actually have the perfect dress in mind if you’re feeling the want to rep slytherin green” she raised her eyebrows up at you in a suggestive matter “sure why not” you shrugged
she handed you a velvet body con forest green dress that you were sure was going to be extremely short and you mean in every place. she held it up onto you “this will be perfect. get it on come on” she rushed you into the bathroom and you began putting it on “this is sooo tight” you called out as you struggled “oh i forgot it was a corset back wait i need to help you can i come in” she yelled through the door
“yeah come on i need this thing one me already” you struggled more as she walked in and immediately began to help you loosening the strings of the dress and pulling it down onto you “there we go now suck in like your life depends on it” she said half jokingly and began retightening the corset back. with every pull it felt like your chest was spilling out more and more and your ribs were shrinking “okay merlin that’s enough before i can’t breathe” you huffed and she stopped tying it off in a bow
“stop you look so hot y/n i bet matt will be drooling” she teased and you just rolled your eyes “what do we do with my hair” you looked at her with horror as you only had ten minutes before he should arrive. you quickly began curling your hair not really caring if it was messy just giving it some body and just as you were spraying perfume on there was a knock on your door.
zarah looked at you and whispered “answer it go go now” she pointed to the door like she was afraid to touch it herself and you walked over opening it to see mattheo in an all black button down with the top few buttons undone and black dress looking pants yet somehow he didn’t look overdressed. he didn’t say anything for a minute he was just staring at you looking up and down in awe “holy fuck y/n who did your makeup you look woah” he put his finger on your chin moving your head around examining your makeup
“zarah isn’t it pretty” you smiled and he removed his hand and replied “yeah you are, now let’s go” he grabbed your hand and you looked behind you waving bye to zarah “he’s so in love with you” she whispered before the door slammed closed.
𓆙
once you got the the party you noticed there were already many slytherins already pregaming and mattheo brought you two to them, “let’s get some alcohol in you little puff” he winked and poured you a shot of who knows what, you smelled the foul drink and it made your nose burn “come on do ittt” he cheered on and you held your nose throwing the shot back gagging at the taste. “how do people enjoy that” you made a face at him “like this” he replied taking two shots himself, “now catch up” he winked pouring you yet another
“if i didn’t know any better id say you’re trying to get me drunk matt” you laughed and he looked at you amused “obviously that’s what im trying to do it’s a party” he put the shot glass to your lips and you parted them taking the burning substance down your throat, “eugh that didn’t get any better the second time” you shook your head in disgust. “hm, let me make you an actual drink” he grabbed a clear liquor and a red juice mixing them together adding more alcohol than your past two shots and handed it to you
“matt this smells foul” you looked up at him, “just try it trust me the slytherins have the masking drink down” he winked and you reluctantly took a sip, and to your surprise all you tasted was juice. after taking another few sips you quick began drinking it and mattheo pulled the cup from your lips “slow down there this shits dangerous you’ll get so drunk you won’t be able to walk straight” he chuckled. “it’s not my fault they made it taste like juice” you shrugged still sipping.
“hey mattheo have your little hufflepuff take some shots with us” enzo threw his arm around your shoulders and mattheo pushed them off almost immediately “no she doesn’t need any shots” he spoke “you didn’t even ask me” you protested, granted you didn’t necessarily want to take any shots you just didn’t like being talked for. “oo are you sure you’re not slytherin you got an attitude” enzo laughed handing you a shot and you looked at mattheo who rolled his eyes as you took the shot.
throwing the shot back the burning sensation took over your throat and you could feel it rushing down your throat. you coughed a bit and chugged your drink for comfort “puff you’re going to get shitfaced slow down” matt fully took your cup this time and you were already feeling it. giggling looking up at him “okay now who was going to tell me party’s are fun” you continued giggling.
the music started playing and the slytherin common room was now getting more and more packed. you saw fifth year students and up in here, even a few ravenclaw and hufflepuffs your recognized. to your surprise in the corner of the party you spotted cedric diggory talking to a group of girls holding a drink.
pansy noticed your head being stuck in a certain direction and followed your eyes “oh em gee, someone’s got their eyes on a certain hufflepuff” she winked shoving her shoulder at your “shhhhh he’s just nice to look at” you giggled at her and she giggled along “you two would be soo cute” she added dragging you back to the drinks
“let’s take some shots!” she exclaimed handing you two , you took them smiling and shot them back with her, a woo leaving her mouth. “here chaser, chaser!” she shouted handing you another drink this time what looked like a lot of the punch, downing it all she laughed “girl we’re gonna be gone”. looking around you were seeing doubles of everything but didn’t want the night to already end.
“so, are you a virgin?” pansy shouted over the music making your already alcohol flushed face even redder “pansy!! you can’t just ask that!!” you shouted back flustered at the intrusive question, “i’m only curious girl” she giggled and gave you begging eyes “come onnnn” she shook you till you gave in “fine yes i am but don’t tell anyone!” you replied back as lowly as you could over the music
“who would you lose it to?” she giggled “i lost mine to blaise hehe sshhhh” she winked, considering she just told you her secret you felt obligated and just looked around “i mean i guess cedric” you giggled as she pointed at him after your response. before she could say anything else you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist and drag you off. trying to kick your way out was useless and they brought you to an empty dorm.
through all of this you couldn’t tell who it was kicking and screaming for them to let you go till you heard mattheos voice “puff calm down it’s just me” he sighed putting you down on what you now assumed was his bed “why did you bring me in here that was so scary” you huffed trying to gain your composure. “diggory?” he scoffed not answering your question.
you looked at him confused as to what he was on about “what do you mean? what about cedric” you cocked your head to the side in confusion “you lost your virginity to him??” he questioned stepping closer to you looking rather.. pissed. you just laughed in response “me? lose my virginity to cedric?.. you’re funny” yeah you fantasized about it but it certainly wouldn’t happen.
“what were you talking to pansy about then??” he looked at you unconvinced, “she asked if i lost it and i said no, but id let him take it.-“ you shrugged “besides you know i tell you everything matt i’ve never even had a boyfriend let alone a guy be interested in my virginity” you sighed laying back onto the bed now feeling upset.
you heard mattheo sigh and you picked your head up to look at him, his eyes stared back at you in silence before breaking it “believe me there’s a lot of guys who want to get in your pants” he rubbed his fists and you gave him a confused expression yet again “what are you on about matt?” you were getting sober just from all of this extra mystery.
he walked over to the bed sitting beside you, “listen when we met you were just.. blooming completely and i would be lying if i didn’t say i first went up to you because of your looks.. well overtime you know we became friends and i noticed other guys staring in ways they shouldn’t have been so i had to teach them a lesson.” he looked at you and yo didn’t know how to respond to something like that.
“what exactly are you saying matt?” you didnt understand what he was poking at, did matt mean to say he basically likes you? were you reading too much into this? “look y/n, no one else in this school fucking deserves you. hell i don’t deserve you but i know i can treat you how you need. don’t ask me what took so long to confess to you y/n, but do you feel even remotely the same?” he let it all out quick and fast, and your mouth dropped.
“you want.. me?” you looked at him in disbelief and he just smiled “that’s what that whole speech was about, yeah” he chuckled nervously awaiting your reply “why?” you sighed still slightly unconvinced “have you fucking seen yourself puff? you’re so undeniably gorgeous, i don’t know how i hold myself back from you everyday” he leaned in closer to you making this all seem more real. without thinking you allowed yourself to lean into him, faces and lips meeting for the most magical first kiss you could’ve ever imagined.
“you’re so fucking beautiful y/n” he grabbed your face pulling you closer to him till you straddled over his lap sitting down continuing the now makeout. “this is so much better than.. imagined” you huffed through the kisses. you could already feel mattheos member growing beneath you and you never thought you’d be the one experiencing this from your best friend.
you’d be lying if you didn’t admit to a fantasy or two about him in the past but this was already one thousand times better than ever imagined. mattheos lips kissed their way down your neck leaving small marks tiny moans leaving your mouth, “i need to hear more of that, y/n, let me eat you out.. please i need a taste” he continued his kisses along your neck bringing them back to your lips “i’ve never- mm yes” you replied as his fingers began making circles over your underwear.
“you sound so good fuck” he groaned pulling you off of him and getting off the bed, “you’re sure of this?” he questioned one last time and you just nodded impatiently awaiting his next move. next thing you knew he was yanking you to the edge of his bed and slowly removing your pants and underwear looking up at you from below. “holy fuck puff.. you’re fucking soaking” he breathed out over your pussy sending tingles down your spine.
without warning his mouth met your untouched area and you felt things never imaginable. his tongue made its way around your bulging clit, flicking it up and down and making his way to your entrance sucking and licking “you taste so good holy fuck” he huffed going right back in not even looking up at you, “can i put two fingers” he spoke from your pussy and you couldn’t even properly answer “mm y-yes” you replied between your moans.
you felt his slender fingers teasing your entrance and he slowly began inching one in and out teasingly, “mattheo-“ you huffed and he chuckled shoving both fingers in, loud moan escaping your mouth and this new feeling. he did a few different moments trying to figure out what makes you moan the most, soon his tongue was sucking expertly on your clit as his fingers twisters and curled inside of you.
“matt i want to.. try” you moaned at this pleasure wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you now. “mm but you’re not ready yet puff” he continued devouring your pussy simply divulging in it as if he’d never eaten anything before. his pace on everything quickened and you were already near your own orgasm, “if you don’t s-stop i’m gonna cum” you moaned loudly trying to control yourself.
“let go for me sweetheart” he sucked harder on your clit, the nickname and action forcing your orgasm to flood over you harder than you’ve ever been able to make yourself experience. your body was shaking and you couldn’t hold your reactions back, mattheo slowly licked your gushing area clean before standing up “mm now i think you’ll be ready soon” he smirked leaning down over you, grabbing your chin and giving you a kiss.
#slytherin boys#harry potter#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter smut#harrypotterboys#harry potter reader insert#smut#fanfic#draco malfoy#tom riddle#mattheo fluff#mattheo x y/n#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo smut#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle smut#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle angst#mattheo riddle scenarios#angst#slow burn#mattheo riddle blurb#mattheoxreader#mattheo x you#hufflepuff#hufflepuff x slytherin#slytherin boys x you#slytherin boys react#slytherin boys smut#slytherin boys x reader
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hey so this has been rotting in my brain since yesterday and I'm going crazy so I need some outside perspective
im a buddie shipper and 100% believe they are perfect for each other, but sometimes it feels like buck is a better to friend to eddie than vice versa? like buck is there for eddie all the time and often goes above and beyond for him, buck gave eddie carla, was there for him during eddie/shannon troubles (s2 christmas ep), showed up to his probie ceremony in his cast, took care of him and chris during shooting, built chris a skateboard, literally saved him in the shooting, always gives him advice on relationships (told him to prioritise his happiness over chris during ana), showed him charlie at horse therapy, was there for him with his panic attacks, and then his eventual breakdown (repairing his wall), he was there at the diaz household when eddie went to texas, helped chris when eddie was at therpay, always babysists, was with eddie when the kim fiasco went down, never judged but gave good advice, he was there when chris left and even after (eg s8 chris bday zoom party)
if we compare this with the times eddie supports buck its not nearly as extensive, or oftentime his help/time comes with strings attached, eg tsunami (gave buck chris to cheer him up, but also got free childcare (twice)), with the poker (used his maths powers, but also helped cheer him up), he was just missing mostly from buck sperm donor storyline, he did help buck with donor baby trauma and all his relationship traumas, the thing is that whenever hes there for buck its often buck instigating it, he always akss for advice/help, its very rare that eddie does something completetly selfless for buck unprompted, whereas we have so many examples of buck doing that for eddie,
it rly funny when eddie complains of buck always thinking of himself/being selfish when hes consitently THE character who cares for others more than himself, im not saying buck is a perfect uwu little baby (the lawsuit for example, but even in this case the way it panned out buck took 100% of the blame, and no one even tried to understand where he was coming from except maybe Hen), or that eddie is the devil, i just want to acknowledge that buck similar to his childhood is always giving but never getting that same energy back, and that does make him a tragic character, because even in adulthood when he does have a found family he still sometimes faces the problems he did as a child, the show should actually acknowledge that buck is so used to being treated like shit he kinda takes it from everyone, and when they do get together maybe they have a conversation about this idk, sorry for the long ass rant and feel free to maybe add some counterpoints of eddie helping buck unconditionally, but this is all i could think of
Oh no no NO no NOOOO no NO no no no NO No NOOOOOOO no NO Nonny, just NO. 🤦♀️😬🤦♀️😬🤦♀️
Don’t drop this in my ask box Nonny. You need to back waaaaaaay up with this. You need to get rid of this bad take, because it’s absolute garbage. 😖
It seems to me that you fundamentally do not understand Eddie Diaz and how much he KNOWS and GETS Evan Buckley.
So buckle up Nonny, I’m about to take you on a walk down Eddie Diaz-lane:
Buck doesn’t need someone to feel sorry for him or to indulge him. Buck needs someone to tell him that enough is enough. That’s where Eddie comes in. He is the one who steps in and tells Buck to stop spiralling, because that’s canonically what he does. Remember how Maddie had Buck’s friends and family check up on him in shifts after the lightning strike? Eddie was the only one who said no. Why? Not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew exactly what Buck needed and it wasn’t to be pampered, but to be understood. And lo an behold, who shows up on Eddie’s doorstep at the end of the day? Buck. Ready to commit murder because he is tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him. And Eddie is the only one who knew Buck enough to know this wouldn’t end well. He knows exactly what makes Buck tick.
He knows what Buck needs or doesn’t need. He knows that Buck sometimes gets into his own head a little too much and that is when he acts and does something small and inconspicuous that will resolve the situation.
Often times Buck only sees the worst sides of a problem and he becomes blind to the good things in life. That’s when Eddie steps in and puts him firmly back on the ground again, reminding him that he is loved by his friends and family and he’ll be okay.
Do you remember whose voice Buck heard when he disassociated in the scene with Gerrard? Eddie’s was most prominent. Why? Because he knows he can always count on Eddie to get him out of his spirals. Eddie understands him on a fundamental level. Throughout the whole time that Gerrard was the Captain of the 118, Buck was struggling while Eddie kept his cool. We saw him hovering near Buck a lot of the time, trying to give him some advice, but mostly he offered him silent support.
It’s at these difficult times when Eddie comes in and NO Nonny, this does not come with any strings attached. Yes, Eddie barged in and told Buck to take care of Chris before the tsunami, but not to get free child care. That was just an excuse, a little white lie. No, this was because he knew that Buck was wallowing in self-pity and he wanted to get him out of that pit. He told him that Chris never ever feels sorry for himself and that Buck should take that as an example. And it's exactly what Buck needed as well. Bringing Chris was a very clever diversion to get Buck out of the house and start living again. (Of course then they got caught in a tsunami, but that’s not the point here.)
The poker date had NOTHING to do with Eddie wanting to USE Buck’s math powers. I assure you, Buck is a grown man. If he hadn’t wanted to go on that poker date he wouldn’t have gone and if he hadn’t wanted to stay there, he could have just gotten up and left. Eddie wouldn’t have held it against him either, because that’s the kind of friend he is… selfless. In that episode we see that Eddie was bang on again. Buck thrived during that poker game. He had fun being the best and Eddie indulged him, keeping a close eye on him at all times. He knew exactly how to get Buck out of his funk and his spiral of self-pity.
When has Eddie ever been selfish in all of these scenarios? I’ll tell you… NEVER.
Another example: After Eddie got shot, Buck sat in that hospital chair, telling Eddie it should have been him that was shot. Eddie immediately said: OH HELL NO! He then revealed he had put in his will that Chris would go to Buck if anything ever happened to Eddie. And not just to the benefit of Chris, because we all know that boy would thrive with a caretaker like Buck, but also for Buck himself. Eddie knows that if anything were to happen to him, there wouldn’t be anyone there who understands him enough to get him out of that slump and that spiral of blaming himself. So he gave Buck a task and a goal, something to do to keep him focused and sharp. Buck would never give into self-blame if he had to take care of Chris.
Eddie has consistently been shown to be willing to step in to Buck’s messes, sitting down next to him and listening to his plight. The hospital talk after Chimney got stabbed and Buck decided it was a great idea to illegally get into Chim’s phone? Eddie sat next to him and really listened, told him that he understood, but that he was still in the wrong. Buck needed to hear that, as he was increasingly getting more and more anxious about Maddie. He needed the voice of reason.
The balcony talk, after Chim had given Buck the black eye, where Eddie reassured him that Chimney would forgive him. Sure, he did it with a joke, but again that was what was needed. That joke provided some levity to the situation. Something Buck absolutely appreciated in that moment.
Even that last scene in 8x06. Eddie had just danced in joy (and in his underwear), the bell rings and who's there? Buck, looking miserable. Eddie could have turned him away, unwilling to deal with his obvious bad mood. Instead he just welcomed him in and no words needed to be spoken. His quiet acceptance was enough to let Buck know that he would be there for him, no matter what.
Point is, Eddie Diaz KNOWS Evan Buckley to the core and there isn’t anything he isn’t willing to do for him. Nothing he has ever done for Buck came with strings attached.
And as for Buck helping Eddie out and doing all of the things you listed? That’s just the way Buck loves. He loves completely and wholly. Once you are a part of his family, he will go above and beyond for you, no questions asked. He goes to bat for Eddie again and again. Him and Chris are two of the most important people in his life and Buck loves to give selflessly to the people he loves.
So taking care of Chris, babysitting him? That’s not a hardship for him. He does it with love and joy. Showing up for Eddie with his leg in a cast? Eddie never asked him to do that. He decided to do this because of love. Helping Eddie out during and after the breakdown? He willingly stepped into Eddie’s mess because that is the way Buck loves.
I could go on and on about this, but I’ll end it here.
Bottom line is this Nonny…
NO! Eddie doesn’t wait until Buck comes to him to ask for help. He gives him some time, yes. But then, when he sees him struggling? That’s when he steps in to help him out, to care for him, to love him the way Buck deserves to be loved. The only selfishness Eddie indulges in is that he WANTS and NEEDS to see Buck happy again. Because seeing Buck happy? That is what makes Eddie happy.
So NO, he has never treated Buck like shit and he never will. Neither has anyone else on the 118 by the way. Buck was treated like shit by his parents, that’s true, but the moment he stepped into the 118 he found his family. And they always treat him with the respect and love he deserves.
I’m not going to get too deep into the lawsuit arc, because I think both Buck and the 118 made some mistakes there, but in the end they got through it, which is what a good family does. Eddie was a little prickly in the beginning sure, but he had good reason for that. Buck had hung out all of his dirty laundry to that stupid lawyer. But they got through it and their bond became even stronger. At the end of that arc I do feel like everyone in the 118 understood Buck a little better than before. So did Eddie.
So NO. They don’t need to have some kind of conversation about this ‘imaginary’ problem you think they have Nonny. They do however, need to sit down and have a conversation about what they want out of life and how to go on from there. Them having been friends for so long, the switch to become more than friends is huge. They definitely need to talk about that and about Chris’s part in that as well. Whatever decision they make and take in life, Chris will be a part of it.
*deep breath*
Okay, I feel like I got out of my system what I needed to get out.
Listen Nonny, I appreciate you taking the time to drop something in my ask box and asking for some outside perspective, but in the future? Maybe keep these very bad and wrong takes about Eddie Diaz out of my ask box and just post them on your own blog? I’m sure you’ll find people out there who will agree with you, but I am decidedly NOT that person.
Thank you kindly. 😌
#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#911 abc#bad and wrong garbage takes on Eddie Diaz#Eddie Diaz is MY person#I understand him on a deeper level#He is like me in so many ways#He is my comfort character and he deserves all the happiness in the world#I'm legit so annoyed right now#I've been seeing so many bad takes on Eddie lately#It's exhausting#leave the man alone#nonnies galore
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DATV Spoiler Free Review
I beat Veilguard a couple days ago and have had some time to let it settle in my brain. So, without getting into the nitty gritty and more spoilery things, here are my overall feelings on the game.
The Great:
The world itself. The scenery. It was really gorgeous and felt fully alive in a way that none of the previous games have quite managed. Since it wasn't as open world as DAI nor as narrow in scope as DA2 (nor as old as DAO lol), it felt more vital. Definitely a place where the advances in graphics helped, I'm sure.
The Good:
The companions. I wouldn't say any of them blew me away but they all at least ranged from enjoyable to very good. I definitely had my quibbles here and there but I think they were all pretty solid. As such, though I've only done one romance, I'll suppose they're all good. A bit... sparse in my experience and from what I've been hearing, but nice enough.
Overall, I also think the story was pretty good. Like much in this game, nothing that blew me away, but solidly compelling.
Also, mechanically, the gameplay and the glamour system. It still doesn't feel like DA to me but it was enjoyable once I got used to it. It works well with how I play games. And it was nice to just set looks for myself and my companions and not worry about stats vs appearance.
Rook. I have some definite Complaints, and so this point is probably closer to the good to mid range, but they did a pretty good job with letting you pull in your faction stuff. I'm prevented from saying great because it feels like, even with what are supposed to be rougher dialogue choices, you're limited to being mildly pleasant.
The Mid:
The music. This is tragic to me because every previous game had some really standout songs and DAI especially was such a solid soundtrack. I love soundtrack music. Also because Hans Zimmer! I love Hans Zimmer. But the entire thing felt very generic epic fantasy to me. It wasn't bad but it didn't feel good. The only times I ended up moved by the music was when they lifted DAI songs.
The lack of imports. It wasn't the end of the world but did make some cameos feel really off. And for all the talk of making what few things were imported matter, that really didn't feel like the case at all (unless you were in a specific subset of players). I didn't care too much, but it was just enough to make things feel weird, especially with characters like Harding who are so attached to previous stuff.
The Bad:
The world felt so sanitized. I have no issue getting rid of real life bigotry that makes so sense in the context of the world. For example, the sexism in DAO especially made no sense. That said, there was a lot of in world nastiness that is just... gone. The game does a lot of telling us the elves have it bad but doesn't show it. No one bats an eye at a Tevinter mage running about outside of Tevinter. No one cares about a Qunari in occupied Treviso. I suppose it's not the worst thing in the world but it feels weird, especially when it's so central to Solas' motivations.
This sanitization carried on through pretty much everything. All of the factions are presented as good and heroic, even the ones that are historically pretty shady. Your companions are all pleasant and palatable. They have the occasional minor squabble but even when they almost have actual beef, it's solved super easily. You might get some disapproval for decisions but companions never seem to much care or hold it against you, even on really big things. I don't need DA2 levels of interparty drama but, boy did I want a bit more tooth sometimes.
The Awful:
I can't get into it without spoilers but it did a Thing that Bioware sometimes likes to do that I absolutely loathe. This is definitely personal but it ruined some of my desire to replay.
Overall:
I'd give the game a 7/10 or maybe 6/10, depending on how I'm feeling. It was enjoyable for the most part but it had so many things that felt like splinters. Lots of little things that stuck under my skin and bothered me. Would I recommend it? Genuinely depends on the person.
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by Suzanne King
The sometimes debilitating illness infects a third of people who come down with a case of COVID. Scientists and doctors are scrambling to understand and treat it.
Salam Kabbani wears a smile, and many of her sentences trail into laughter.
That tends to mask the fact that she got COVID-19 three years ago — and never got better.
The 34-year-old Overland Park pharmacist is one of 17 million Americans battling long COVID, an amorphous constellation of symptoms that scientists are only beginning to understand and most doctors are struggling to treat.
Kabbani faced months unable to work. For days at a time, she could barely get out of bed. Just taking a shower exhausts her. She gets dizzy with no notice. Her brain gets foggy. And if she pushes herself even a tiny bit too far, her body simply wilts and she is forced to climb into bed.
“The number of people that are like, ‘Oh, but you look fine,’” Kabbani said, a laugh bubbling to the surface. “Well, yeah, you know, I’m not hemorrhaging from my eyeballs. But I am very much disabled.”
With only 13.5% of adults opting to get the most recent COVID vaccine, a growing number of health care experts and patient advocates are sounding an alarm. The only sure way to avoid getting long COVID, which is believed to affect a third of people infected with the SARS-CoV-2 virus, is to avoid getting COVID.
An up-to-date vaccine, which some people skipped last year, too, is the best way to do that. But public health officials said they face strong headwinds in their efforts to share that message.
Pandemic fatigue and “anti-vax propaganda,” said Dr. George Turabelidze, Missouri’s state epidemiologist, stand in the way. Now Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a known vaccine skeptic, is expected to get a substantial role in Donald Trump’s new administration.
But people shouldn’t be lulled into thinking that COVID will be just like a cold, Turabelidze said.
“Some people — even with mild COVID,” he said, “develop long COVID.”
And long COVID, said Jenna Hopkins, an occupational therapist at University Health, “is ruining people’s lives.”
The U.S. Census Bureau’s most recent household pulse survey found 18.6% of Missouri adults and 16.5% of Kansas adults said they have experienced long-COVID symptoms. Nationally, close to 45 million of the country’s 250 million adults said they have had long COVID at some point.
The illness can take hold of anyone who comes down with COVID, no matter their age, gender or overall health. It can linger for months or years. It can be relatively mild or completely disabling.
And while the severity of an initial COVID infection doesn’t seem to influence whether someone gets long COVID, the number of times a person comes down with COVID could be a factor. In other words, every time you get the virus is another chance to end up with stubborn health problems.
“It gets really ugly very quickly,” said Arijit Chakravarty, a COVID researcher in Massachusetts, “because what it means is that if you wait long enough, everyone is at risk of getting it.”
In bed for a year If Kelly Meiners could scream from the rooftops to warn people to protect themselves against the virus, she would.
The 49-year-old college professor and marathon runner came down with a relatively minor case of COVID in 2021. She stayed home from the office, even though her symptoms felt like nothing more than a bad cold.
That quickly changed in the weeks after her initial infection cleared up.
“Over the next year, I lay in bed,” said Meiners, who chaired the physical therapy department at Rockhurst University. “I had no idea what was going on with me. I felt I was severely drugged and drunk. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I couldn’t think straight.”
In an effort to fend off debilitating migraines and persistent seizures, Meiners spent most of her time in a dark room, wearing noise-canceling headphones and dark glasses. She couldn’t hold a pen or a fork. She could no longer read or walk.
And when she went to a doctor in Kansas City, she was told that it was all in her head, that she should exercise. As an athlete, Meiners wanted nothing more. So her husband bought a recumbent bike. She strapped herself in and pushed herself until the seizures began.
She was told exercise would make her better. Now she understands it only made her worse.
Finally, a year after falling ill, a friend of a friend got Meiners an appointment at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. The doctor there immediately knew what was wrong.
“I just cried,” she said. “It wasn’t because there were so many things wrong with me. It was because they finally believed me.”
Finding someone to help Unfortunately, long-COVID patients often have a difficult time finding someone who can help them. And someone who will believe they are sick.
Doctors didn’t learn about COVID in medical school — let alone long COVID. And they work in a system where they need to document their care for insurance purposes. Long COVID is so new and varied in the ways it shows up, it barely has an agreed-upon clinical definition.
So it’s no wonder some doctors are sending patients away without care or telling them their symptoms are in their heads.
“I don’t think it’s coming from a place of malice,” Kabbani said. “It’s truly just a lack of awareness and understanding and being burned out.”
Now that Kabbani’s health is improved, she spends the extra energy trying to help educate the world about the disease. She has written a book about her own journey, and she and Hopkins, the University Health occupational therapist, are creating a podcast.
Kabbani, who works as an infectious disease pharmacist at Olathe Health, is speaking at continuing medical education events, trying to bring information about long COVID directly to doctors and nurses.
“What I hope to drive home to these providers,” she said, “is that the symptoms are very strange, and they fluctuate. That’s why it may seem like it’s absolutely in their heads. But it’s absolutely not.”
Research theories about long COVID This summer, long COVID earned a consensus case definition from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine. Someone has the chronic condition, according to the new definition, when health problems are present for at least three months after a COVID infection.
Those problems can affect one or more organ systems, according to the definition, as “a continuous, relapsing and remitting or progressive disease state.” And a person can meet the definition by having just one or multiple symptoms, from the list of 200 included in the definition.
“If people just had lung problems,” said Dr. Adnan I. Qureshi, a professor of neurology in the University of Missouri School of Medicine, “it would be much easier to study.”
The National Institutes of Health launched a nationwide research program in 2021 with a $1.15 billion investment. In February, the agency announced it would spend another $515 million over the next four years.
The program includes dozens of studies and drug trials across the country, including studies at the University of Kansas Health System and Children’s Mercy Hospital.
U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont has introduced legislation that would invest another $1 billion a year for a decade in research, provider education and public education.
Scientists have several theories about how long COVID strikes, and they are starting to believe that there may be more than one answer.
For example, in some cases, the immune system, which has been activated by the initial viral infection, simply doesn’t turn off once the virus is gone. That means a person’s own immune system can damage the body.
Another theory is that when someone has long COVID it could be because they still have traces of the virus in their body.
Another possibility, scientists said, is that the virus damages the circulatory system, which could explain why symptoms are so varied and in so many organs.
Pacing to survive Doctors are finding that some patients get better over time without treatment. But others need to manage symptoms.
When patients come to see him at University Health’s Center for COVID Recovery, Wesley Strouts, a nurse practitioner who specializes in internal medicine, looks for the symptoms he can treat that will provide some relief. Sometimes he finds different diagnoses to explain what’s happening. Often, he refers patients to Hopkins, the occupational therapist who has built a specialty out of helping patients manage symptoms.
For many patients, Hopkins said, the best approach is to follow “pacing protocols.”
“Sometimes the treatment is the cure,” she said. “When people are able to manage their symptoms … sometimes their symptoms will start to dissipate as long as they are continuing to be very careful to avoid triggering activities.”
For Amanda Finley, 47, who first came down with long COVID after a 2020 bout with the virus, pacing looks like this: Work. Uber home. Straight to bed. Often her weekends must be entirely devoted to sleeping so she can face another work week.
It’s better than the alternative Finley knew in 2021 when she was living in a tent at Weston Bend State Park because she couldn’t work and had no money for rent. The Independence woman couldn’t see her 11-year-old son for months.
But even when Finley had energy for nothing else, she stayed connected with other people dealing with the illness. Early in her diagnosis, she formed a Facebook group for COVID long haulers that today has 16,000 members around the world.
It helps her know she’s not alone. And it could be a tool in science’s effort to solve mysteries surrounding the illness. Finley tries to put researchers in touch with the people in the group.
“The patients are the experts with long COVID,” she said. “We’re the ones going through the jungle with a machete making the path.”
Telling her story Since her long-COVID symptoms began, Meiners has missed graduations, kids heading off to college, holidays, family vacations and almost every other part of her life.
She just passed the third anniversary of her initial COVID infection, and she still spends 90% of her day on the sofa or in bed. Meiners needs an electric wheelchair to navigate her Leawood home, but with the help of more than 20 prescriptions and pacing strategies to avoid flare-ups, she can have moments with her husband and three kids.
And Meiners has found a small amount of peace in making art, something she’d never tried before this. Her paintings, which tell her long-COVID story, are on display at the Lenexa City Center Library. They have been shown in galleries around the city.
It may not be screaming from the rooftops, Meiners said. But, right now, it’s the best she can do.
#mask up#covid#pandemic#public health#wear a mask#covid 19#wear a respirator#still coviding#coronavirus#sars cov 2#long covid
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The Bad Batch
Here's a little theory for you to mull over; I sincerely wonder whether I am alone in thinking this. I could also be heavily exhausted over and influenced by the papers I had to polish off for some of my college courses, or perhaps motivated by the fact that I am re-watching The Bad Batch because most modern shows these days, in my opinion, disappoint. At any rate, here it is.
Why do we like the Bad Batch so much? What makes them relatable and/or realistic?
Upon meeting Omega, most of the Bad Batch behave in a very dad-like manner. This is not surprising, no. Plenty of memes and incorrect quotes have stemmed from this simple observation. They don't have all the answers and they don't know what to do with Omega half the time. That's the thing about dads... usually, they're just "winging it" and trying to do their best. Moms come with a built-in instinct to nurture. Dads come with a built-in instinct to protect and lead. Sometimes, dads aren't quite sure what to do with a crying infant or a struggling teenager.
Let's not forget... Hunter and the others are soldiers. That isn't to say they can't be kind or gentle; even the toughest men have their weak points. As a military brat, though, I have noticed that such a profession can mold a man, and at times they forget to "turn off" their seriousness when at home after having dealt with extremely hard situations. I really appreciate that the producers of this show didn't change Hunter and the others just to make them more approachable from Omega's standpoint. If they do change, it's gradual.
Do Hunter and the others think about the consequences of bringing Omega into their lives? *eyeballs toothpick man* With exceptions, of course. Well, until season three. The answer? Absolutely not. They believe they have the strength and ability to keep her safe, as most dads would. They believe they will always have that strength and ability. Let me break it down for you and give you a look into the brain of a dad:
Dad: *involved in a dangerous situation*
Dad: I can do that.
Dad: *remembers their child is with them*
Dad: Oh. Well, I guess becomes a life lesson. I've got you, kid. Just... don't tell your mom.
Dad: *keeps an eye out for anything suspicious*
Kid: *perfectly content*
I've heard it said that dads don't say "I love you" but show they love you. I personally have experienced both, but given the seriousness of most dads... I can see how that would be the case. At the very least, their actions speak louder than words. The Bad Batch are very much this way towards Omega. They put their lives on the line. They want to make her happy. Wrecker assembles a spot for Omega to call her own on the Marauder. Tech grabs her before an explosion can reach them. Echo has hugged Omega the most. Hunter is usually within three feet of Omega at all times.
The subtle gestures of kindness captivated all our hearts, I know.
Why?
It's Star Wars, a fictional universe. It's not complete fiction, though. Hunter and the others represent a specific kind of love. Fathers may be cautious and unsure at first, but eventually they want the kid by their side for everything. We've all seen the videos of dads using infants as pretend machine guns or making them dance, the kid's neck rolling lazily. Gently, of course. If they can't protect the kid from everything, they use themselves as a shield, which extends to good mothers, too, though that's not what this post is about.
Hunter and the others may be soldiers, but they embody the very spirit of fatherhood. This was such a wonderful theme to see develop despite the grittiness and action.
Phew, I feel like there was more I wanted to say, but I'm tired, so you're spared from more rambling.
#the bad batch#tbb#tbb spoilers#star wars#star wars tbb#fatherhood#fatherhood in star wars#star wars dads#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb tech#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#star wars the bad batch#I hope many of y'all have experienced a love like this#this show is so precious if you really think about it#they may be soldiers but they have hearts of gold and quite frankly we need more of that in shows#bring back fictional families that love each other#I'm so glad Crosshair came around eventually#Hunter is the ultimate dad like they're all ultimate dads but Hunter is special#“touch her and you're a dead man” like let's not forget Echo said this literally after only having known Omega for a short time
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Adjusting
(Part 4 of Adventures of the Batfamily)
Jason’s making toast after patrol, so around midnight. He grabs a butterknife and starts poking at the butter while waiting for his toast to finish. Once his toast is done, he pulls it out and starts putting butter on it. Someone grabs his shoulder, startling Jason. He has the knife at their throat in an instant on reflex. Dick looks surprised and concerned, his hand still on Jason’s shoulder.
Jason lowers the knife and sighs. “Don’t sneak up on me.”
He grabs the toast and heads upstairs without another word. He eats the toast while gathering clothes so he can shower. After showering, Jason starts reading. He looks up at the clock after reading for a while. Three in the morning and he’s nowhere near tired.
Sometimes I wish that I was willing to get medicated for my terrible insomnia.
“Jason!” Jason hears Bruce cry out, like he’s in pain.
He reacts before he even has time to think about it. He drops his book and rushes to Bruce’s room, pushing the door fully open. Bruce is still in bed, shaking like a leaf. Jason walks over and Bruce opens his eyes.
“Jason?” Bruce asks.
“Hey,” Jason says hesitantly.
“My baby.” Bruce pulls him into a rib crushing hug.
What the actual hell is happening right now?
“You okay, Bruce?” Jason asks.
“Yes. You’re back, I’m fine,” Bruce says slowly, then lets Jason go.
Jason notices Tim in the doorway. “You handled that better than Dick did the first time he saw it.”
“I feel like my brain shut off,” Jason says.
“That may be why you reacted better, but you still did,” Tim replies with a shrug. “You need anything, Bruce?”
“No, I’m okay. You two should go back to sleep,” Bruce answers.
“Come on. We can talk in the hallway.”
Jason walks outside with Tim.
“Is he okay?” Jason asks.
Tim shrugs. “He has nightmares. Some are about your death, others are about other traumatic things that have happened. He’s got PTSD, so it’s not surprising. He’ll be okay if you don’t go running. I try to get there within a reasonable time, but it’s not necessary to run. Unless he’s yelling, he won’t wake up before you get there.”
Jason nods. “You sure are calm about this.”
“Yeah, I’ve been dealing with this since I started as Robin. He used to wake up and think that I was you. Usually, that didn’t end well. Since Dick came back into his life and Damian showed up, it hasn’t been so bad. It doesn’t happen as frequently. Alfred will take care of it sometimes.”
“Speaking of the murder baby, where is he?”
“He’s at Jon’s house,” Tim answers. “Bruce lets him go over for sleepovers as long as Superman isn’t there that night.”
“Beef with Superman?”
“Kinda. Supes isn’t really great to the kids in his life. Kon and Jon. Bruce just doesn’t want to give Damian an opportunity to kill Superman.”
“Huh, probably not a bad call.”
“I think I’m gonna go back to bed though,” Tim says. “I’ve got therapy and if I seem too tired, I’ll get grilled about my sleeping habits again.”
“ ‘Night, Tim,” Jason says.
“Goodnight, Jason. Try not to think about that too much. He’s fine.”
Jason watches Tim walk back to his room, then walks back to his own room. He picks his phone up to check the time and notices that Dick texted him, but chooses to ignore it for the moment.
I’ll respond to him later, once I’ve gotten some sleep.
He climbs into bed and stays awake thinking about the events of the last hour for another hour before he falls asleep.
Later that day around 4:30 pm
Dick walks into the cafe and looks around. His eyes fall on Barbara and he smiles. He walks over and pulls the chair around so he can sit directly next to her.
“Hey,” she says.
He leans his head against her and she pats his shoulder.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I… I triggered Jason’s trauma and he’s been avoiding me since,” Dick answers.
“How long has it been?”
“I visited last night for dinner and it happened then.”
“Maybe try going to talk to him once we’re done here.”
“But can’t I just stay with you?”
“No. I’m doing girl’s night with Stephanie and some others.”
“Damn it.”
Barbara starts running her hand through Dick’s hair. He allows himself to stay like that for a couple minutes, then sits up.
“I don’t want to ruin the mood of our date anymore.”
“Well, I’m always willing to listen and give wonderful advice.”
Dick sighs. “What would I do without you?”
“Melt. Like the Wicked Witch.”
The two laugh, then get to talking about their lives and Dick’s job in Blüdhaven. Dick looks at his watch after a while.
“Ah, I gotta go. I’m expected at dinner in like an hour and I have to talk to Jason. Do you want me to get you another drink before I leave?”
“Yes, please. I want one for the road.”
After getting Barbara another drink, the two kiss then head their separate ways.
Tim walks out of the therapy office and Stephanie’s waiting.
“Hey,” Stephanie says.
“Hey,” Tim echoes, then yawns.
“Long night?”
“Long morning. I’ll be glad for coffee.”
The two start walking towards their usual coffee shop.
“Which person?” Stephanie asks.
“Bruce,” Tim answers. “I talked to Jason for a bit, but Bruce woke me up.”
They walk in silence for a bit, focusing more on the road than conversation. Once they get to the coffee shop and order, they take a seat.
“So how was therapy?”
“It was therapy. I can tell with one hundred percent certainty, Bruce and the others could benefit from it.”
Stephanie nods. The barista calls out Tim’s name, so the two go and get their coffees. They chat for a while about school, work, and all the other little things. Tim’s grateful to have Stephanie to talk to about all the craziness in his life.
“So, how’s everyone been dealing with Jason being back? He’s been back for like a month and a half, right?”
Tim nods.
“Everyone’s taking it as well as they can. Damian acts like he may have met him before with how casual he is with Jason. I’m not really sure what’s going on there. Dick’s been doing surprisingly well considering he decked Jason the first time he saw him after he found out. Bruce seems hesitantly thrilled. Like he’s worried if he acts too excited, that Jason will disappear again. Alfred’s pretty normal considering everything. Seems a little happier when Jason shows up to meals, but is otherwise normal. I’m dealing with it fine. I dealt with all the ‘he tried to kill me’ stuff pretty quickly considering everyone’s attempted it. It’d be weirder if I got a new brother, and he didn’t try to kill me.”
“Well, at least everyone’s adjusting. Barbara was worried you guys wouldn’t be able to adjust properly.”
“Probably something Dick said then. He’s… He’s got a lot of guilt when it comes to Jason, so it isn’t helping. Speaking of which, are you gonna be able to come over for dinner?”
“No, I’ve got girl’s night,” Stephanie answers.
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot that was today,” Tim replies.
Stephanie laughs. “I’ll come help mediate family dinner tomorrow.”
Tim sighs. “No need to mediate. It’ll just be us kids outside of Dick tomorrow.”
Stephanie raises an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe you will need to mediate. That may turn into a thing.”
Stephanie nods. “I need to go though. I have to get home, get ready, and then get to the place. So much traveling.”
“I can drive you if you want,” Tim says.
“Nah, it’s okay,” Stephanie replies, “but you behave yourself.”
“No promises.”
The two hug, then head in opposite directions back home.
Dick knocks on Jason’s bedroom door. “Hey, Jason?”
Jason looks up. “Yeah?”
“Can I talk to you?”
“Why couldn’t you?”
“I thought you were angry with me.”
“About last night?”
Dick nods.
“No. I’m not mad about that, Dickhead. I trigger my own trauma and I know what triggers me. Come here.”
Dick walks into the room and sits down next to Jason.
“You’re stupid, I hope you know that,” Jason says.
“Only sometimes,” Dick replies. “I brought you cookies.”
“Wow, you felt really guilty. You never used to do this kind of shit unless you felt horrible.”
Dick sighs and looks at his hands, which are placed in his lap. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For? I just said that I even trigger my trauma sometimes.”
“I know it looks like I just like our other siblings better because I treat them differently than I treated you, but that isn’t the case.”
Jason leans back, putting his weight on his hands. “Yeah, it does feel like that. I begged you to spend time with me and you refused. Damian barely has to ask for you to come driving thirty minutes to take him anywhere. You’ve shown up for Tim whenever he’s asked. I watched you guys for so long and you never once denied them unless you absolutely had to.”
“I know, but what happened with you is why I spend so much time with them. You left this gaping hole in my life and I hated the way that everything happened. Yeah, I originally spent so much time with them out of guilt, but I love them. I lost so much and while Bruce fixed some of that, it didn’t fix the rest of it. I’m sorry that things happened the way they did.”
Jason moves his arms so he drops onto his bed. “We’re screwed up, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.”
Dick puts the box of cookies on the nightstand.
“Eh. I forgive you, I guess,” Jason says.
“Thanks,” Dick replies. “I promise that I’ll do better now.”
“You’d better. I’m not begging you to do shit with me.”
Dick nods. The two sit in comfortable silence for a while. Jason keeps poking Dick, which he ignores entirely. Dick’s phone dings, so he picks it up.
“Alfred wants to know what we want for dinner,” Dick says.
“Umm… I don’t care as long as I don’t have to cook it,” Jason says.
“I’m gonna tell him that you’re indecisive.”
“Well, he’ll take that at face value so I don’t care. Can you do something for me?”
Dick turns back to look at Jason. “That depends on what it is.”
“Can you hold me accountable? I know I don’t completely agree with you guys, but just make sure that I don’t go overboard.”
“So you’re asking me for help on hero work?”
Jason nods.
“I’ll do it. You just have to promise me that if I say you’re going overboard, that you take a good look at what you’re doing. If you can’t, then my judgment overrules however you feel about it.”
“You got it, boss.”
Dick’s phone dings again, so he looks at it.
Tim: We’re having pizza. Tell Jason thank you.
“Not really sure why, but Tim told me to tell you that he’s thankful,” Dick says.
“We’re having pizza then,” Jason replies.
Tim: Also, come down. We’re setting the table for dinner and Bruce got back.
“Come on. We’re setting the table and annoying our father by saying hello all at the same time.”
Dick and Jason head downstairs where Tim and Damian are setting the table.
“Hey, Dami. When did you get back?” Dick asks, ruffling his hair.
“This afternoon,” Damian answers.
“How did I miss you?”
“How did you miss me?” Damian asks, not looking at Dick as he keeps setting out napkins.
Dick shrugs.
“I was in my room with my animals and you went straight into Todd’s room when you came in.”
“That tracks.”
Once the pizza gets there, everyone settles down at the table to eat. The first ten minutes are mostly in silence. Finally, Bruce breaks the silence.
“How was everyone’s day?” Bruce asks.
“Mine was fine,” Jason answers. “I just stayed at home all day.”
“Fine,” Tim answers with a shrug. “Stephanie’s doing well too.”
“I just had a date, so not a lot to report,” Dick answers.
“You know what? I do have something,” Jason says. “Dick’s so dramatic. I forgot to respond to his text and he thought I was angry with him.”
“It’s more complicated than that and you know it,” Dick replies, pointing his fork at Jason.
“Don’t threaten your brother with your fork,” Bruce says.
Dick puts his fork down, but still glares at Jason. Jason’s smiling.
“This argument is stupid,” Damian says. “You already knew that Grayson was sensitive, it’s not new for him.”
“I don’t know whether to be offended or not.”
“Damian’s just being honest,” Tim replies with a shrug.
“You guys are so mean,” Dick says, not serious at all.
He smiles as he watches Jason and Tim bicker about something while Damian’s conversing with Bruce. They’ll get through this, all of them.
#whumptober2024#whumptober#no.31#asking for help#therapy#making amends#batman#batfamily#batfam#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#tim drake#damian wayne#barbara gordon#stephanie brown#dick x barbara#emotional angst#angst#whump#emotional hurt/comfort#feels
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Lily Orchard is very politically opportunistic and her posts on Palestine show how blatant this is. She presents herself as militantly anti-fascist and anti-hate, she claims to hate centrists who try to give fascists a space to speak (instead implying she'd be willing to use violence to stop them). But like, as soon as it comes to electoral topics, she aggressively, AGGRESSIGELY insists that the liberal centrist parties are the only viable option. Like, the guys she pretends to hate. To the point where she's victim blaming activists for Democrats losing the election and telling people not to listen to activists when they call for a boycott against the liberal centrists who are upholding the right for fascists to speak and politically act. She pretends to be a leftist, but it's blatantly performative, the reality is that she is centre right and she seems to hate herself for it. Kind of sad, honestly.
I've said something before here that Lily and I grew up in similar environments? Well, I honestly think that has something to do with it.
I grew up in a very right-wing household in a very right-wing community that like, I knew I knew from a very young age I wasn't ever going to be accepted in. Assigned Reject at Birth. You know, it's one of the many ways religious and right-wing spaces just tare apart interpersonal connections important to the human psyche. That makes a wound in people. I won't go into detail, but my home life was bad to begin with. Being queer just made it that much worse.
Before moving away for college, I very much believed I was the most left-wing any human being on this earth could possibly be. I thought I was going to be met with open arms and the unconditional human acceptance I had always wanted, even though I wasn't fully cognitively aware of that.
I wasn't. And I feel people were even less forgiving of my lack of leftist literacy because I was a queer AFAB and concluded there was no excuse for me to be as ignorant as I was.
Now, I know the discussion of the social policing and virtue grandstanding gets flattened of any nuance online so the right can use it against the left, so I want to make sure I'm clear with what I'm about to say. No, the left should not be tolerant of bigotry. No, not every right-wing nut job can be deradicalized by hand-holding them through their own come to Jesus moment. Nor is anyone owed that emotional energy from you. But when you were raised right-wing, even if you grew to resent it, a person needs time to be deprogrammed. And, I know this might upset people to hear, but you won't understand how much of a privilege it is to be raised in a more liberal household unless you weren't. People who were can sometimes be, what I feel is unreasonably hostile to those of us who don't know any better because we haven't had the chance to learn.
It also just so happens I started college in 2015, right when gamergate went down. And it was an art school. Really, it was a uniquely not very ideal environment to rid myself of right-wing brain worms. And in a very real way, it retraumatized me getting rejected for not having the sociopolitical context to understand everything I was expected to. I'm not blaming anyone in particular for that-- that is more an unfortunate symptom of the anti-social rot the right causes, but it wasn't a good time. I think some people could have been kinder, and to this day I do my best to be charitable with meeting people where they're at myself. And I do think there is a problem in the left, especially online, failing to read between the lines and respond appropriately-- especially when it comes to vocabulary choice. You know, sometimes people use dogwhistles without the proper context to understand they are dogwhistling, sometimes people are just genuinely misinformed and lack the language to ask the questions they have, and vocabulary does shape perception. Right-wing ideology only can survive on the basis of rigid, strict, conceptually or literally divine hierarchy. Right-wing language is shaped on the premise of that hierarchy. The reason why a lot of social progress doesn't make sense to right-wingers and is almost impossible to communicate properly in right-wing language is because it disregards the premise of that hierarchy. Right-wingers don't literally live in a separate reality, but they kind of functionally do. Mentally. For people who are more on the right, but open minded enough to genuinely learn and want to, it's better to use as their language as much as possible to explain to them things that can ease them out of the premise of that mental trap of explicit social hierarchy in a gentler fashion.
With all that said, the root cause was still that right-wing upbringing.
I feel I have more than enough reason to very confidently say Lily went through a very similar experience to me. A shitty childhood for a lot of reasons, but one of them for sure being a queer person in an extremely right-wing household. She has a hypersensitivity to feeling shame and will go to extreme measures to avoid it, she feels isolated and desperate for acceptance in an extremely unhealthy way. In one regard she was knee-capped significantly in her ability to function socially that I wasn't, in that her parents decided she was a simpleton when she was very young, basically wrote her off and conditioned her to never take accountability. Though being overly critical of children is equally harmful (though in different ways), dismissing a child of all agency because you think they're too stupid to handle it can result in a lot more damage to everyone around them aswell as themselves and is a form of emotional neglect.
Online I think she searched out for a community that would accept her, and when that did not work out for her, when she experienced that retraumatization again of rejection . . . She took some very interesting lessons away from that. The wrong ones.
And, glass houses, it took me a whole journey aswell to get where I am. But I was conditioned to internalize social rejection, for better or worse. Lily was not. She is aggressively, profoundly, depressingly incapable of self-reflection, in healthy or in unhealthy amounts-- and even though that's not wholly her fault, she's a big girl now, and she's the only one left to accept responsibility for that. As someone myself who feels deeply angry at the ways I was psychologically damaged, I'm speaking as someone who has accepted that dwelling on how unfair it is that I have to be held accountable for that isn't going to improve my situation.
Believe it or not, I don't think Lily is inherently stupid. I think she was treated like she was stupid since she was young, and has put a lot of energy into pantomiming intellectualism instead of actually learning stuff. Again, glass houses, I also learned how to pretend I am smarter than I actually am out of an extreme aversion to shame-- but I can tell I have more actual knowledge, interest and curiosity to learn than Lily does.
I don't think Lily has any interest in learning about left-wing politics, and I don't think she has actually deprogrammed herself from the right-wing environment she was raised in. She has no motivation to care, and likely still is deeply bitter about the social rejection she's experienced in left-wing spaces. However, she has a lot of social capital to gain by PRETENDING she is.
And pretending is enough for the people she courts in her audience.
#lily orchard#lily orchard critical#anti lily orchard#lily peet#lily orchard stuff#lorch posting#youtube#liquid orcard#eldritch lily#usa politics#canada politics#politics
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Me looking at other art online: wow this is great, I wanna make art like that
Me in an art class: stop comparing yourself to the other students, even if what you're drawing was objectively bad, it's okay to be bad at it ESPECIALLY ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS YA DOOFUS
#tmi#especially since I haven't drawn much at all lately. maybe like one sketch a month since september#so like. i'm rusty anyway. but even if i wasn't it's fine. it's a class#i'm here to get better at drawing i need to not judge what i do in class so damn much#today is just a bad brain day. even though i went to be early last night. i took my meds#some days the brain just is bad. it be like that sometimes.#it's okay if i'm not at my best. i'll be fine. life will move on.
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Hershel is actually the only character I've ever projected my dpdr onto. Idk, it fits him really well imo. Des' PTSD gives him uncontrollable fits of anger, Layton's makes him dissociate.
For those uninitiated:
#professor layton#hershel layton#desmond sycamore#jean descole#bronev bros#like I feel when you throw either into a traumatic situation at this point#des gets very proactive - FIGHT out of fight flight freeze - and channels all of his stress and fear into aggression#if he gets triggered you will KNOW because he will react very badly. and it's often embarassing for him but he's also pretty defensive#meanwhile you genuinely can't know with Layton because people attribute it to him being unflappable#something DEEPLY upsetting happens to him and he's weirdly on top of things and seems to be coping super well. but he's also kind of spacey#and doesn't seem to grasp the enormity of what he's experiencing or how fucked up it is or how he maybe SHOULD be reacting#and at some point probly he has to admit to someone that for a long time now his brain sometimes just shuts off and he stops feeling himself#the world kind of breaks down around him and becomes surreal and he's always tried to hide it so he doesn't upset anyone#it started with big things but sometimes happens in response to small#on bad days it can even be a child crying/screaming or certain names#emmy can give him a big hug#rambling over lol
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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something about a red chapped nose is so kissable
#snz blog#snz kink#snzblr#i love an adorable red nose#especially when you can tell from the state of someone’s nose how they’ve been#like someone’s nose being so red and you just know they’re coming down with something or they’ve had a bad allergy day#something about it is so cute#also my brain for some reason thought of nose care like after care but for snzfuckers#like let me induce you and after we’ll do nose care#LMAO sometimes i just have thoughts#i can’t stop thinking about that picture of renee rap ughhhh
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everyone in my school loves to scream as louyd as they can on purpose to hurt me just because they can
#I'm lying if it isn't clear#but god fuck does it feel like this sometimes#my heart is beating so fast and I feel so sick some girl decided to just start screaming as loud as possible for some reason#it was. excited screams but it was so loud it was so so loud and I immediately flinched and grabbed my head and started breathing hard#its so Painful its like someone is scratching me or scaring me withreally frightening stuff#I fucking hate being autistic sometimes man#OKAY TO REBLOG BY THE WAY. if you have felt like this#listen to my gibberish boy#they all turned to look at me too I saw out of the corner of my eye#its so upsetting here they changed the rules so that the only quiet classroom is now the designated eating spot#for 25+ people#its a small classroom#its really really bad and the school isn't fixing it or doing anything about it and every day is hell because#lunch and break are the only times I can recover from class#and now I Don't Have That#I am on the edge of breaking the fuck down I hate this#my brain is WEVIL#<- meant to say evil but wevil is funnier. my brain is WEEVIL you guys. bug
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself
#whump meme#~my stuff~#my brain hates me sometimes lmao#i just want a story where two characters are stuck in a broken down car in the middle of winter and having an argument#which leads to one stomping outside in some petty attempt to 'find help' while the other person doesn't realize#what is happening at first. they think their friend is just taking a quick second to catch their thoughts. not the best idea in a snow stor#but the other option is them tearing each others heads off so a little separation is fine. but then their friend starts walking away#and keeps going. so now they have to chase after them to corral them back into the car#because yeah its broken but its still somewhat warm unlike this suicide mission you are attempting!!#and then theres a big blow up because they have kinda been the shit-stirrer so their friend just is#im fixing it!! im being not annoying/useless/something related to whatever they were arguing about!!#so now they get slapped in the face with the fact that they've been taking out their bad day/week on their friend#who was simply being themself and trying to cheer them up/be nice#and when they eventually get back in the car the friend now feels like shit because they not only wasted heat from the car#but they also dragged their friend outside just bcuz they were being a brat so didn't they just prove the other person's point?#so now the two are just in a guilt huddle apologizing for being idiots as they inevitably wait for their rescue#bonus points if the rescue involves their rescuers trying to separate them and the other person just *refuses* to let their friend go#because they have a need to keep the first person warm after feeling like they essentially forced them out into the cold#is that too much to ask?? (i could turn this into an A talks to B scenario... also thinking about my OCs but when am i not lol)
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