#solomon’s cooking

[aballadforbarbatos]

inspired by a hetalia piece of mine i found yesterday. this is actually lowkey kinda long i didn’t mean to do that

mc eating solomon’s cooking

you are hungry.

you KNEW you shouldn’t have turned down satan’s offer of lunch at hell’s kitchen but you were so exhausted and you mistakenly thought there would be food in the kitchen

you should’ve known better. smh.

someone needs to go shopping because there is only a stick of butter and an identified plastic container with something purple inside

not you tho you’re dirt poor. flat broke, even. pockets empty, wallet lined with dust

your stomach growls. your eyes dart between the unidentifiable substance and the stick of butter. the idea of eating butter makes you physically gag, so you turn to the container

the container has a note with “solomon’s” attached to it, and then a bigger note in belphie’s handwriting next to it

why are you clarifying it’s yours. everyone knows. nobody is taking it. WHY IS IT IN OUR FRIDGE

you’ve never actually had solomon’s cooking before

yeah there was that dinner where the pair of you cooked different dishes from the human world, but everyone was voicing their disapproval before you could try it, so you just didn’t.

it IS solomon’s though, so you decide to have a little. just a little. he won’t even notice that someone’s been into it.

pulling the container out of the fridge, you scoop a little bit into a bowl. it’s not quite as watery as you expected- in fact, it reminds you a little of mud. a deep purple mud with stuff inside.

hey, this is capsicum (bell pepper)! where’d he get this from? okay, now you have to try it- finding such difficult ingredients must mean it’s worth eating, right? right???

do you heat it up or just eat it cold… you decide you’re in the mood for a hot meal and open the microwave, shoving the substance inside

(“uh actually the house of lamentation doesn’t have a microwave” if u don’t think they’d get one because mc mentioned it once in a conversation you’re severely wrong)

pulling it out and now it’s bubbling. but like the bubbles are so slow in popping the surface because of how thick the purple stuff is

you lift your spoon. are you having second thoughts? coward behaviour. truly a wimp. you can jump in front of lucifer on a rampage but you behave like this in front of food? cowering before what could vaguely be described as soup?

apprehensively, you put the spoon in your mouth and swallow. if you spit it out you might stain the carpet

“oh.”

a pause.

“oh, what the fuck?!”

this is GOOD.

you slurp down the rest, now rather mad. everyone else was going on about how it was the worst thing they’d ever had, and you’d just believed them?! you are NEVER making that mistake again,

you moan embarrassingly loud. thank god nobody else is left in the house because how would you explain to them that solomon’s cooking is so amazing that you are involuntarily making noises

if it was just one person, you’d think they were just lying so they could have more for themselves. but it was everyone, which is probably why you were so convinced in the first place

lesson learnt; demons and angels have weak tastebuds, because you’re going back to the kitchen for seconds.

as the microwave heats up the bowl, your D.D.D. buzzes. it’s lucifer asking about your activities- you tell him you’re having a snack before studying

he says he didn’t know there was any food left in the house

you decide to ignore this last message because the microwave beeps and you go back to scarfing it down, sating your stomach and silencing its growls

“shit.”

“he won’t even notice it’s been eaten,” - you, about half an hour ago

IT’S ALL GONE?? HOW HAVE YOU EATEN THE WHOLE THING AND NOT EVEN NOTICED??

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO SOLOMON??

well you ate it all, so the least you can do is clean it, you suppose…

later that night, when everyone is back, and someone has gone shopping, solomon comes sauntering through the door and opens the fridge

“wh- who ate my soup? did you guys feed my cooking to the rats again?”

satan doesn’t look up from his book. “yeah, like anyone would eat YOUR cooking.”

you sink a little into your chair, suddenly becoming very interested in devilgram

“mc might tolerate your petty little comments, satan, but none of that changes the fact that there is no soup in this container that i specifically put in here. look, belphie even wrote a note!”

mc might- you stifle a laugh as your favourite cat fan scowls. asmo and mammon are not quite as successful as you. belphie stirs from his sleep, and mumbles something like “get it out of our fridge…”

solomon sighs. “i’m not mad, i just wanna know. mc?”

you don’t answer. maybe he’ll move on? yes? yes?

“hellooo? mc?”

no. okay, out with the truth then

“i ate it! i’m sorry, solomon! i got really hungry and there was seriously like no food left in the house, so it was between a stick of butter and your cooking, and i thought i’d take a risk, and i only wanted a little bit but it was so good and i accidentally ate the whole thing-”

you can feel your eyes welling up with tears at the thought of solomon getting mad- or even worse, being disappointed- at you. you cross your fingers and hope that he forgives you,

you totally miss the horrified and disgusted looks from the brothers. even belphie has properly woken up at this point to stare at you in disbelief

“well, mc, if that isn’t one of the most romantic things i’ve ever been told,”

what.exe

container forgotten, he comes around to your spot on the couch. puts a hand on your cheek and just pretends the others are not there

staring into his eyes helps you to drown out mammon, who knows how he’s doing it

uses his thumb to brush away your tears, there’s a small smirk on his face but would he really be solomon without it

he kisses you quickly and gently

when i tell you. the room goes into absolute UPROAR

mammon rips him away from you, that boy is dragging him away to who knows where in the house. belphie and satan are following, you suspect solomon is going to be taught a lesson he won’t forget

“if i cook more for you, i can have more kisses, right?” he calls out- mammon’s frown grows deeper

“okay!” you call back, your cheeks warm and a giddy smile on your face that simply just won’t go away

[7pink-prin-cess7]

MC and Solomon recording a tiktok to that medieval cover of hips don't lie with the caption being something like "distracting the palace guards so a fellow sorcerer can sneak into the royal library and gain access to forbidden knowledge" in old English

[r0t-t1ngxeyy]

[MC being curious, asking Levi about pacts]

Mc:What do you mean demons can't have pacts with other demons?

Levi: Yeah.. that's the case lol.

Mc: What about Solomon?

Levi: He's not a demon though??

Mc:

Mc: he's not?

Levi: he might be

[dailyraphael]

HELLO GOD.... MAYBE A LITTLE... SOLORAPH CRUMBS?? I'm starving but microscopic pieces r okay with me too

day 54!

this is how they get together in my brain

[simeons-hips]

“fuck it we ball” vs “aight let’s head out”

[karma-haven]

"Wanna see a magic trick?"

[l3viat8an]

hello to the five Solomon stans that follow me :3

[astaroth1357]

More Culinary Wizard MC Shenanigans:

*against all better judgment, someone invited Solomon to dinner and he managed to sneak his way into the kitchen with MC by distracting Mammon (the guard) with loose change. After the main meal has been plated and the brothers have taken their seats, he comes out carrying a tray of mini-sandwiches with a big ol'smile on his face*

Solomon, the human who ruins any dish he touches: Hold on, everyone! I made appetizers!

The Brothers: 😨

MC, the human who can make anything taste wonderful: I helped!

The Brothers: .....

Mammon: Family Meeting!!

*the brothers get up and huddle together in the corner, whispering*

Belphie: I'm not eating that.

Beel: But MC helped this time...

Lucifer: It could be edible.

Levi: They haven't made a bad meal, yet...

Satan: But is it worth the risk?

Mammon: How do we even tell'em if we don't wanna eat it?

Asmo: What if it makes them mad and they stop cooking for us all together...???

Brothers: .....

*after coming to a consensus to not upset MC by hurting Solomon's feelings, they go back to their seats where Solomon has already put one of his sandwiches on their plates*

Solomon: Go on, don't be shy!

*the brothers all eye each other and pick up the sandwiches in unison. A silent stare down occurs with no one wanting to go first until Mammon finally snaps and takes a bite. The others gasp and the room is silent*

Mammon: *looks straight ahead, frozen*

Levi: M-Mammon...?

Mammon: *does an experimental chew, then a couple more*

Asmo: What’s going on? Is it bad??

Mammon: *swallows... and takes a second bite, earning another collective gasp*

Lucifer: Mammon, say something!!

Mammon: It's... *feels tears welling up in his eyes*

Mammon: ... okay.

*the brothers stare down at their own sandwiches and each take their own bites. It is a perfectly average sandwich, mediocre even. Nothing special about aside from one thing: it's edible*

*cue seven grown demons finishing their plates while barely holding back tears of relief*

MC: See, Solomon? They love it!!

Solomon: *extremely proud of himself, probably marking this day on his calendar later*

Solomon: This must be my best recipe yet! 😁

This "recipe" is PB&J.

[12am-motivation]

i am back from the dead once again to bring to your attention

SWOLOMON

[spark-river]

Simeon: Solomon, what did you do?

Solomon: Nothing, why?

Simeon: There's a restraining order from... the House of Lamentation?

Solomon: But I wanted to bring them my cookies! Then we'll have to eat them all alone...

Simeon:

Simeon: Here's a restraining order from Luke and I.

[irishmammonagenda]

"Solomon." You glare at the sorcerer in question, arms crossed against your chest. "Solomon what the actual fuck is this?"

Solomon just gives you one of his signature closed-eyed smiles and turns away, moving to fix the growing problem in his lab with a calmness you didn't exactly like.

"It'll be fine MC, that's just Alkalis for you."

You watch in abject horror as the massive wad of potassium floats around the surface of the big bowl of water, massive lilac flames sprouting from the exothermic nature of the reaction. You step back, even with safety goggles you worried Solomon would still find a way to turn you blind. You turn away as the 'experiment' comes to a stop.

It wasn't even an experiment. That rat bastard of a sorcerer just had too much extra potassium and wanted to get rid of it.

"Solomon-" You hiss. "That was not cool."

"Yeah it was. Those flames were quite lovely, wouldn't you agree?" The ivory-haired man says relaxedly, bringing his arms over his head and stretching, his shrit riding up just enough that you catch a glimpse of a fraction of one of the Sorcerer's Society symbols he has tattooed on his hip by his T-bone. Solomon yawns before smiling, although it's more of a smirk. "It would truly be beautiful if fire was purple instead of orange in the usual sense. Don't you think so, MC?"

"I mean...maybe, but that doesn't excuse you doing dumb chemistry things because you ran out of magic materials!"

"Uhhh....yes it does."

"Nuhuh."

"Yuhuh."

"Nuhuh Sol, you're wrong."

"How?"

"Because this is stupid." You huff, on edge seeing as you thought that massive wad of potassium would end your life.

Solomon laughs, arms sneakily wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him. "Chemistry...is a big part of alchemy, my dear. Which, you guessed it, is used in magic."

You squirm in his hold, pouting. "Doesn't mean you have to try to kill me."

"Yes it does." Solomon replies playfully, "Besides, chemistry can be fun, for example, water of crystalisation is water that is chemically bonded into crystal form."

You deadpan. "That is the most boring shit-"

"Don't swear in the lab you bastard. It makes Jeremy sad."

"Jeremy the venus flytrap?" You raise an eyebrow, Solomon swats you on the arm, though not hard, never hard, he couldn't risk hurting his darling apprentice, now could he?

"He's from Neptune, actually."

Solomon takes advantage of your confusion to give you a gentle, yet sneaky kiss on the lips. Which effectively shut off your brain power for an hour or so.

Worst magic/chemistry/alchemy teacher/tutor ever.

[devildomwriter]

“Problematic”

When the Prince of demons is surprised how problematic you are 😂

[shootingstarrfish]

i love the contrast between how the game wants you to view Solomon (sussy baka man who is very terrible i promise i swear hes horrible you shouldnt trust him okay trust me hes the worst)

and then how Solomon acts in Nightbringer (will live in the past where everyone hates him/isnt as close to him just to protect you and just wants to be a househusband and will go to war against powerful demons for you despite his powers being weakened and literally just wants you to be safe)

[nocreativityfornames]

Not them getting together to take revenge on Mephisto

[solomiracle]

Nightbringer 24-11

Not to be a Solomon stan during Asmo's arc, but goddamn dude...

For context, Asmo's being taken over by his sin of lust, which has clouded his mind and made his charm ability stronger than before. He's now charming his brothers to act like his servants, and this is Solomon's reaction to it after being asked by MC for help. While he does care, he's clearly having fun right now.

This happens after Satan and Belphie whisper to MC to run, lest they fall under Asmo's charm as well. His lust and vanity has made him so blind that he's started to turn on MC.

And this is Solomon's reaction.

The second MC is insulted, Solomon takes things seriously. We already knew this, but combined with the iconic "And you think I'm not?" scene with Belphie in Lesson 11, Solomon won't stand to see his apprentice harmed in any way.

[leniisreallycool]

Everyone's all like "oh Solomon is canonically a bad cook!" The infinitely funnier option is that he actually is a good cook and every just overreacts because it's a weird mix of human world food and Devildom food. Man's been around for thousands of years you think he'd subject himself to shitty food for that long without learning to cook

"Oh but he says recipes are suggestions!" How do you think new dishes are created. Solomon is probably responsible for half the different types of human world food